HEY.
MONICA?
WHAT TIME IS IT?
AH, 9:00.
BUT IT'S DARK OUT.
WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS SLEEP TILL NOON, SILLY.
THIS IS WHAT 9:00 LOOKS LIKE.
I GUESS I'LL GET WASHED UP THEN.
WATCH THAT SUN RISE.
I'M REALLY GETTING TIRED OF SNEAKING AROUND ALL THE TIME.
I KNOW. ME TOO.
HEY, WHAT IF WE WENT AWAY FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND?
YOU KNOW, HAD NO INTERRUPTIONS.
AND WE COULD BE NAKED THE ENTIRE TIME.
ALL WEEKEND?
THAT'S A WHOLE LOT OF NAKED.
YEAH, I COULD SAY THAT I HAVE A CONFERENCE
AND YOU CAN SAY YOU HAVE A CHEF THING.
OH, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO THIS CULINARY FAIR
THAT THEY HAVE IN JERSEY.
OKAY, YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT, THOUGH.
LET'S GO.
WAIT, WHAT ABOUT JOEY?
GUESS WHAT I'M DOING THIS WEEKEND?
THIS CULINARY FAIR IN JERSEY.
HOW WEIRD.
CHANDLER JUST TOLD US HE'S GOT A CONFERENCE THERE.
OH, WELL, THAT'S FUNNY.
SEEMS LIKE CHANDLER'S CONFERENCE
COULD HAVE BEEN IN CONNECTICUT OR VERMONT.
I'M NOT IN CHARGE OF WHERE THE CONFERENCE IS HELD.
DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO THINK IT'S A FAKE CONFERENCE?
IT'S A REAL CONFERENCE.
HEY. IS RACHEL HERE? I'VE GOT TO TALK TO HER.
NO, SHE'S OUT SHOPPING.
DAMN.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I TOLD EMILY TO COME
AND I JUST NEED TO, YOU KNOW, TALK TO RACHEL ABOUT IT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
SO, WHEN EMILY COMES
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SEE RACHEL ANYMORE?
WELL, LOOK. I'M JUST TRYING TO FOCUS
ON THE "I GET TO SEE MY WIFE" PART, ALL RIGHT.
AND NOT THE PART THAT MAKES ME DO THIS.
SO YOU GUYS ARE NEVER GOING
TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER?
HOW IS THAT GOING TO WORK?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
I MEAN, BUT I ASSURE YOU, I WILL FIGURE IT OUT.
DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT'S GOING TO WORK.
HI, GUYS.
HI. HEY.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WE'RE FLIPPING MONICA'S MATTRESS.
SO I'M THINKING BASICALLY, WE PICK IT UP AND THEN WE FLIP IT.
THAT'S BETTER THAN MY WAY.
OH, OKAY. HEY, GUYS. WOULD YOU FLIP MINE TOO?
OH, LOOK. A LETTER FROM MY MOM.
SO, RACH…
YOU KNOW HOW EMILY IS COMING, RIGHT?
OH, YEAH. I KNOW.
CAN YOU HEAR ANYTHING?
OH, YES. SOMEBODY JUST SAID, "CAN YOU HEAR ANYTHING?"
HEY, JOEY'S ASS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WELL, REMEMBER WHEN THEY GOT INTO THAT BIG FIGHT
AND BROKE UP AND WE WERE ALL STUCK IN HERE ALL NIGHT
WITH NO FOOD OR ANYTHING?
WELL, WHEN ROSS SAID RACHEL AT THE WEDDING
I FIGURE IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN, YOU KNOW.
SO I HID THIS IN HERE.
OOH. CANDY BARS, CROSSWORD PUZZLES.
OOH, MAD LIBS, MINE.
CONDOMS?
HEY, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LONG WE'RE GOING TO BE IN HERE.
WE MAY HAVE TO REPOPULATE THE EARTH.
AND CONDOMS ARE THE WAY TO DO THAT?
ANYWAY, IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO THIS.
THE LAST TIME I TALKED TO EMILY…
OH, MY GOD! OUR DOG DIED.
WHAT?
OH, MY GOD. LAPOOH, OUR DOG.
LAPOOH'S STILL ALIVE?
OH, IT SAYS HE WAS HIT BY AN ICE CREAM TRUCK.
AND DRAGGED FOR NINE… TEEN BLOCKS.
OH, MY GOD.
SWEETIE, WE HEARD YOU CRYING.
PLEASE DON'T CRY.
IT'S LAPOOH.
I KNOW, IT'S LAPOOH RIGHT NOW, BUT IT WILL GET BETTER.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. WE'RE HERE.
OOH, CHOCOLATES ON THE PILLOWS. OH, I LOVE THAT.
OH, YOU SHOULD LIVE WITH JOEY. ROLLOS EVERYWHERE.
OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
OH, YES.
GET IN HERE. THERE'S A HIGH-SPEED CAR CHASE ON.
WE'RE SWITCHING ROOMS.
OH, DEAR GOD. THEY GAVE US GLASSES.
NO, THEY GAVE US GLASSES WITH LIPSTICK ON THEM.
I MEAN… IF THEY DIDN'T CHANGE THE GLASSES
WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE THEY DIDN'T CHANGE.
OH, COME ON, SWEETIE.
I JUST WANT THIS WEEKEND TO BE PERFECT, OKAY.
WE CAN CHANGE ROOMS, CAN'T WE?
OKAY, BUT LET'S DO IT NOW
BECAUSE CHOPPER 5 JUST LOST ITS FEED.
HEY, SO, AH, YOU KNOW HOW THERE WAS SOMETHING
I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT?
OH, YEAH.
WELL, YOU KNOW HOW I'M TRYING TO WORK THINGS OUT WITH EMILY?
WELL, THERE'S THIS ONE THING.
OKAY…
HERE GOES.
I MADE A PROMISE THAT…
OH, HEY.
WHAT?
YOUR NOSE IS BLEEDING. OH, GOD.
OH, NOT AGAIN.
THIS HAPPENED WHEN MY GRANDFATHER DIED.
IT'S…
I'M SORRY.
OH, GROSS.
OKAY, SO I'M SORRY. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
UH…
SORRY.
I, UH…
I CAN'T SEE YOU ANYMORE.
I KNOW, IT'S RIDICULOUS.
I CAN'T SEE YOU EITHER.
I THINK YOU'LL FIND THIS ROOM MORE TO YOUR LIKING.
OKAY, GREAT.
THEY SAY HE'S ONLY GOT HALF A TANK LEFT.
HALF A TANK. WE STILL GOT A LOT OF HIGH-SPEED CHASING TO DO.
WE'RE SWITCHING ROOMS AGAIN.
WHAT? WHY?
THIS IS A GARDEN VIEW ROOM AND WE PAID FOR AN OCEAN VIEW ROOM.
OUR LAST OCEAN VIEW ROOM WAS UNACCEPTABLE TO YOU.
EXCUSE ME.
UM, CAN I TALK TO YOU OVER HERE FOR JUST A SECOND?
UH-HUH.
CHANDLER?
YEAH.
OKAY, LOOK.
THESE CLOWNS ARE TRYING TO TAKE US FOR A RIDE
AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET THEM.
NOW, WE'RE NOT A COUPLE OF SUCKERS.
I HEAR YA, MUGSY.
BUT LOOK, ALL THESE ROOMS ARE FINE, OKAY.
CAN YOU JUST PICK ONE SO I CAN WATCH THE…
HAVE A PERFECT MAGICAL WEEKEND TOGETHER WITH YOU?
OKAY, THIS ONE I LIKE.
NOTHING.
NOTHING, IT'S OVER.
DAMN IT. THIS IS REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING.
CAN WE TURN THE TV OFF?
DO WE REALLY WANT TO SPEND THE ENTIRE WEEKEND LIKE THIS?
OH, I'M SORRY. AM I GETTING IN THE WAY
OF ALL THE ROOM-SWITCHING FUN?
DON'T BLAME ME FOR RUINING TONIGHT.
WHO SHOULD I BLAME?
THE NICE BELLMAN WHO DRAGGED OUR LUGGAGE
TO TEN DIFFERENT ROOMS?
HOW ABOUT THE IDIOT
WHO THOUGHT HE COULD DRIVE FROM ALBANY TO CANADA
ON HALF A TANK OF GAS?
DO NOT SPEAK ILL OF THE DEAD.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SPENDING A ROMANTIC WEEKEND TOGETHER.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH A LITTLE TELEVISION.
WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?
GEEZ, RELAX, MOM.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I SAID, GEEZ, RELAX, MONNN.
HEY.
WHAT'S UP?
RACHEL, I'VE BEEN WANTING
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING FOR A WHILE NOW
AND I REALLY… I JUST HAVE TO GET IT OUT.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S UP?
OKAY…
YOU KNOW HOW YOU TOLD ME
I SHOULD DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FIX MY MARRIAGE?
YEAH. I TOLD YOU TO GIVE EMILY WHATEVER SHE WANTS.
AND WHILE THAT WAS GOOD ADVICE
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT WHAT SHE WANTS…
YEAH?
IS FOR ME NOT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE.
WELL, THAT'S CRAZY. YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HER?
OH, MY GOD.
YOU'VE ALREADY AGREED TO THIS, HAVEN'T YOU?
IT'S AWFUL, I KNOW.
I… I MEAN, I FEEL TERRIBLE
BUT I HAVE TO DO THIS IF I WANT MY MARRIAGE TO WORK.
AND I DO.
I HAVE TO MAKE THIS MARRIAGE WORK.
I HAVE TO.
BUT THE GOOD THING IS
WE CAN STILL SEE EACH OTHER UNTIL SHE GETS HERE.
OH!
OH, LUCKY ME!
OH, MY GOD, THAT IS GOOD NEWS, ROSS.
I THINK THAT'S THE BEST NEWS
I'VE HEARD SINCE LAPOOH DIED.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A NIGHTMARE THIS HAS BEEN.
THIS IS SO HARD.
OH, YEAH, REALLY. IS IT, ROSS?
YEAH, OKAY.
WELL, LET ME JUST MAKE THIS A LITTLE EASIER FOR YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STORMING OUT.
RACHEL, THIS IS YOUR APARTMENT.
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S HOW MAD I AM.
DAMN ROLLOS!
HEY, YOU'RE BACK. HEY.
HOW WAS YOUR CONFERENCE?
IT WAS TERRIBLE.
I FOUGHT WITH MY COLLEAGUES THE ENTIRE TIME.
ARE YOU KIDDING WITH THIS?
SO YOUR WEEKEND WAS A TOTAL BUST?
UH, NO. I SAW DONALD TRUMP WAITING FOR AN ELEVATOR.
OH.
HI.
HEY, YOU'RE BACK, TOO.
YEAH. CHANDLER, CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR JUST A SECOND?
HOW WAS YOUR CHEF THING?
IT WAS AWFUL.
GUESS SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T APPRECIATE REALLY GOOD FOOD.
WELL, MAYBE IT WAS THE KIND OF FOOD
THAT TASTED GOOD AT FIRST
BUT THEN MADE EVERYBODY VOMIT AND HAVE DIARRHEA.
CHANDLER?
MONICA?
OKAY. I'D LIKE TO KNOW HOW MUCH THE ROOM WAS
'CAUSE I WANT TO PAY MY HALF.
OKAY, FINE. $300.
$300?
YEAH. JUST THINK OF IT AS $25 PER ROOM.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS WOOFING ABOUT?
CHANDLER STOLE A 20 FROM MY PURSE.
NO!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT
I CONSTANTLY FIND MYSELF WITHOUT 20s
AND YOU ALWAYS HAVE LOTS.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON HER FACE.
I DON'T WANT RACHEL TO HATE ME.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
DO YOU WANT MY ADVICE?
YES, PLEASE.
YOU WON'T LIKE IT.
THAT'S OKAY.
YOU GOT MARRIED TOO FAST.
THAT'S NOT ADVICE.
I TOLD YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM.
MAN, IF ANYONE ASKED ME TO GIVE UP ANY OF YOU
I DON'T THINK I COULD DO IT.
ME, NEITHER.
MAYBE I COULD DO IT.
HI. HI, RACH.
LOOK, I KNOW YOU GUYS HEARD ABOUT THE WHOLE THING
WITH ME AND ROSS
BUT, YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN OBSESSING ABOUT IT ALL DAY
AND I WOULD JUST LOVE NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT, ALL RIGHT?
UH, I DON'T KNOW IF THIS FALLS UNDER THAT CATEGORY
BUT, UH, ROSS IS RIGHT BACK THERE.
THAT'S NOT ROSS.
OH, NO. NOT THAT GUY.
HE DOES LOOK LIKE HIM, THOUGH.
OKAY. ROSS IS IN THE BATHROOM.
OH, MY GOD.
IT'S HAPPENING.
IT'S ALREADY STARTED.
I'M KIP.
YOU'RE NOT KIP.
DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO KIP IS?
WHO CARES?
YOU'RE RACHEL.
WHO'S KIP?
KIP, MY OLD ROOMMATE.
WE ALL USED TO HANG OUT TOGETHER?
OH, THAT POOR BASTARD.
SEE? YOU TOLD ME THE STORY.
HE AND MONICA DATED.
WHEN THEY BROKE UP
THEY COULDN'T EVEN BE IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER
AND YOU ALL PROMISED YOU WOULD STAY HIS FRIEND
AND WHAT HAPPENED?
HE GOT PHASED OUT.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE PHASED OUT.
WELL, OF COURSE, I AM.
IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN TO ROSS.
HE'S YOUR BROTHER.
HE'S YOUR OLD COLLEGE ROOMMATE.
IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME
BEFORE SOMEONE HAD TO LEAVE THE GROUP.
I ALWAYS ASSUMED IT WOULD BE PHOEBE.
UH!
COME ON. YOU LIVE FAR AWAY, YOU'RE NOT RELATED
YOU LIFT RIGHT OUT.
HEY.
HEY, MR. BING.
THAT HOTEL YOU STAYED AT CALLED.
SAID SOMEONE LEFT AN EYELASH CURLER IN YOUR ROOM.
YES, THAT WAS MINE.
'CAUSE I FIGURED
YOU HOOKED UP WITH SOME GIRL AND SHE LEFT IT.
YES, THAT WOULD HAVE MADE MORE SENSE.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE I KNOW YOU ANYMORE, MAN.
ALL RIGHT? LOOK
I'M JUST GOING TO ASK YOU THIS ONE TIME, ALL RIGHT?
WHATEVER YOU SAY, I'LL BELIEVE YOU.
WERE YOU OR WERE YOU NOT ON A GAY CRUISE?
PHOEBE?
I'M SORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE LIFTING-OUT THING.
LOOK, YOU GOT TO COME WITH ME.
COME WHERE?
WHEREVER I GO.
COME ON.
YOU AND ME… WE'LL START A NEW GROUP.
WE'RE THE BEST ONES.
OKAY, BUT TRY TO GET JOEY, TOO.
PHEEBS, DO YOU MIND
IF I SPEAK TO RACHEL ALONE FOR A SEC?
OH, SURE. YEAH.
BYE, ROSS…
FOREVER.
HI.
HI. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
ISN'T THIS AGAINST THE RULES?
I TALKED TO MONICA.
LOOK, I'M THE ONE WHO MADE THE CHOICE.
I'M THE ONE WHO'S MAKING THINGS CHANGE
SO I SHOULD BE THE ONE TO, YOU KNOW, STEP BACK.
OH, ROSS…
NO. NO, IT'S OKAY, REALLY.
THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE
WHO JUST SEE THEIR SISTERS AT THANKSGIVING
AND JUST SEE THEIR COLLEGE ROOMMATES AT REUNIONS
AND JUST SEE JOEY AT BURGER KING.
SO, IS THAT BETTER?
NO, IT'S NOT BETTER.
I STILL DON'T GET TO SEE YOU.
WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU DO, RACH?
IF YOU WERE ME, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
WELL, FOR STARTERS
I WOULD HAVE SAID THE RIGHT NAME AT MY WEDDING.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.
I KNOW.
I AM SO SORRY.
I KNOW THAT, TOO.
HEY, RACH?
SORRY TO INTERRUPT, BUT PHOEBE SAID
YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT A TRIP OR SOMETHING.
HEY.
HI.
I JUST CAME OVER TO DROP OFF… NOTHING.
SO, THAT WEEKEND KIND OF SUCKED, HUH?
YEAH, IT DID.
SO I GUESS THIS IS OVER.
WHAT?
WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU AND ME.
IT HAD TO END SOMETIME.
WHY, EXACTLY?
BECAUSE OF THE WEEKEND.
WE HAD A FIGHT.
CHANDLER, THAT'S CRAZY.
IF YOU GIVE UP EVERY TIME
YOU HAVE A FIGHT WITH SOMEONE
YOU'D NEVER BE WITH ANYONE LONGER THAN…
OH!
SO, THIS ISN'T OVER?
YOU ARE SO CUTE.
NO, NO.
IT WAS A FIGHT.
YOU DEAL WITH IT AND YOU MOVE ON.
IT'S NOTHING TO FREAK OUT ABOUT.
REALLY? OKAY. GREAT.
AW…
WELCOME TO AN ADULT RELATIONSHIP.
WE'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP?
I'M AFRAID SO.
OKAY.
HEY.
OH, HEY, MONICA.
I HEARD YOU SAW DONALD TRUMP
AT YOUR CONVENTION.
YEAH. SAW HIM WAITING FOR AN ELEVATOR.
HEY, RACH, CAN I BORROW
YOUR EYELASH CURLER? I LOST MINE.
IT'S IN THE BATHROOM.
OH!
JOEY, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
OOH! OH!
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW.
OH! OH! OH!
OH…!
YES.
YOU AND, AND YOU?
YES, BUT YOU CANNOT TELL ANYONE.
NO ONE KNOWS.
HOW? WHEN?
IT HAPPENED IN LONDON.
IN LONDON!
THE REASON WE DIDN'T TELL ANYONE
WAS 'CAUSE WE DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT.
BUT IT IS A BIG DEAL.
I HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE!
YOU CAN'T.
PLEASE, PLEASE. WE JUST DON'T WANT
TO DEAL WITH TELLING EVERYONE, OKAY?
JUST PROMISE YOU WON'T TELL.
ALL RIGHT!
MAN, THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
I MEAN, IT'S GREAT!
BUT…
I KNOW, IT'S GREAT.
I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT.
WE'RE SO STUPID.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?
THEY'RE TRYING TO TAKE JOEY.
"THE POPULAR PHOEBE IN TENNIS IS THE 'OVERHAND PHOEBE'
"AND IF YOU WIN, YOU MUST SLAP
YOUR OPPONENT ON THE PHOEBE AND SAY, 'MY PHOEBE.'"
THAT'S CUTE.
WE REALLY ALL ENJOYED IT, BUT YOU KNOW IT DOESN'T COUNT.
COUNT FOR WHAT?
JUST COUNT IN OUR HEADS AS GOOD MAD LIBS.
I'M DONE. IT'S OVER.
NO, WAIT. WAIT, GUYS, IF WE FOLLOW THE RULES
IT'S STILL FUN AND IT MEANS SOMETHING.
I'M GOING TO TAKE OFF.
GUYS, RULES ARE GOOD.
RULES HELP CONTROL THE FUN.