SEE? MEATS AND DAIRY.
FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
EXPIRED PRODUCTS.
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
BECAUSE I AM BORED OUT OF MY MIND.
I'VE ALREADY BEEN TO THE BANK
THE POST OFFICE AND THE DRY CLEANERS.
DUDE, YOU JUST DESCRIBED SEVEN DAYS' WORTH OF STUFF.
YOU GOT TO SPREAD IT OUT A LITTLE, YOU KNOW?
HAVEN'T YOU EVER BEEN UNEMPLOYED?
HEY, I AM NOT UNEMPLOYED.
I'M ON SABBATICAL.
HEY, DON'T GET RELIGIOUS ON ME, OKAY?
A GUY IN YOUR POSITION
NEEDS TO BE A LITTLE BETTER AT RELAXING
YOU KNOW?
WHY DO YOU THINK WE HAVE
THE COMFORTABLE CHAIRS, HUH?
COME HERE. SIT DOWN.
READY?
WATCH.
AH!
AND THEN…
OH, YEAH! HUH?
SO WHAT? WE JUST SIT?
OH, NO, NO.
WE'RE NOT GOING TO JUST SIT.
WATCH.
Hello. Chandler Bing.
HELLO, MR. BING.
I LOVE YOU.
Whoever this is, stop calling me.
It's been six months.
It's not funny.
BUT I LOVE YOU.
Leave me alone.
For the love of God, leave me alone!
AND THAT'S WEDNESDAY. AHH.
HEY, YOU GUYS, GUESS WHAT.
THE BRITISH ARE COMING?
OH, YOU AND YOUR WAYS.
SINCE IT'S CHRISTMASTIME, I'M GOING TO BE
ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE COLLECTING DONATIONS.
YEAH. I ALREADY HAVE MY BELL
AND LATER ON, I GET MY BUCKET.
YEAH. YEAH.
I'M GOING TO BE OUT THERE SPREADING JOY TO THE PEOPLE.
I MEAN, LAST YEAR, I SPREAD A LITTLE JOY
BUT NOT REALLY ENOUGH
SO THIS YEAR, I'M GOING TO DO THE WHOLE CITY.
YOU KNOW, I KNEW A GIRL IN HIGH SCHOOL
THAT DID THAT.
SHE WAS VERY POPULAR.
SO, PHEEBS, WHERE ARE YOU DOING ALL YOUR BELL RINGING?
THEY GAVE ME A GREAT SPOT RIGHT BY MACY'S.
YEAH, THEY HARDLY EVER GIVE SUCH A GOOD CORNER TO A ROOKIE
BUT I'M THE ONLY ONE
WHO CAN SAY "MERRY CHRISTMAS" IN 25 LANGUAGES.
I LIED.
OH, MY GOD.
OKAY, YOU GUYS, HERE'S DANNY. WATCH.
JUST WATCH THIS.
SEE?
STILL PRETENDING HE'S NOT INTERESTED.
OKAY, HE'S COMING OVER.
JUST PRETEND LIKE WE DON'T KNOW HIM.
WE'VE FORGOTTEN WHO HE IS.
HEY, GUYS.
HEY, DANNY.
OH, DANNY, HEY.
WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?
OH, GOD.
DANNY, YOU KNOW RACHEL.
SHE'S NICE.
SHE'S NOT BAD TO LOOK AT, RIGHT?
THANKS, MON.
WELL, OF COURSE.
DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH HER?
MONICA!
ABSOLUTELY.
IS FRIDAY OKAY?
FRIDAY IS PERFECT. SHE CAN'T WAIT.
ON THE DATE, I WILL BE ABLE
TO TALK TO HER DIRECTLY, RIGHT?
OKAY, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
DON'T ANSWER ME.
I HAVE A DATE WITH DANNY.
HOW COULD I NOT GET THE PART?
THE PLAY WAS ABOUT A 29-YEAR-OLD
ITALIAN ACTOR FROM QUEENS.
WELL, TALIA SHIRE SUDDENLY BECAME AVAILABLE.
SHE'S A WOMAN.
WHAT CAN I SAY?
SHE NAILED IT.
OKAY. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?
WELL, YOU'RE JUST GOING TO SAY NO AGAIN
BUT GAY PORN?
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
FELIZ NAVIDAD!
ALLO AND MERRY CHRISTMAS.
OH, THANK YOU, SIR.
HERE'S SOME JOY.
PHOEBE! HEY!
I JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW IT'S GOING.
WELL, IT'S GOING OKAY.
WELL, GOOD. HERE, LET ME HELP YOU OUT.
OH, THANKS. YEAH.
WOW.
IS THAT A NEW SUEDE JACKET?
IT LOOKS REALLY EXPENSIVE.
YEAH… I GUESS.
JUST GET YOUR NAILS DONE?
YES, PHOEBE, BUT THIS IS ALL I HAVE, OKAY?
OKAY. THANKS.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS.
HERE'S YOUR JOY.
THANK YOU.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS.
WAIT. YOU CAN'T TAKE THE MONEY OUT.
I'M MAKING CHANGE.
I NEED CHANGE FOR THE BUS.
BUT CAN'T YOU LEAVE THE DOLLAR?
THIS MONEY'S FOR THE POOR.
I'M POOR. I GOT TO TAKE THE BUS.
OKAY. SEASON'S GREETINGS AND EVERYTHING, BUT STILL…
BITE ME, BLONDIE.
OH!
WOW.
OH, I'M GOING TO GIVE HIM SOMETHING BESIDES JOY.
JUST…
THAT PART WAS PERFECT FOR ME.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T GET IT.
I'M SORRY, MAN.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO?
YOU SHOULD MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN FOR YOURSELF, YOU KNOW?
LIKE, LIKE WRITE A PLAY.
WRITE A MOVIE, HUH?
WHAT ABOUT THOSE GOOD WILL HUNTING GUYS?
COME ON, ROSS
BE REALISTIC, YOU KNOW?
IF I DID WRITE SOMETHING
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES I COULD GET THOSE GUYS TO STAR IN IT?
WAIT A SECOND.
I COULD STAR IN IT.
OR THAT.
I CAN'T WRITE, YOU KNOW.
I'M AN ACTOR.
I DON'T HAVE THE DISCIPLINE THAT IT TAKES, YOU KNOW?
I CAN'T DO IT.
I'LL HELP YOU.
YEAH. I'LL MAKE UP A SCHEDULE
AND MAKE SURE YOU STICK TO IT.
PLUS IT WILL GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO.
YOU'D DO THAT FOR ME?
YEAH.
THANKS.
ALL RIGHT. WE'LL START OFF SLOW.
THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO TONIGHT
IS COME UP WITH THE NAME OF YOUR MAIN CHARACTER.
DONE.
AND IT CAN'T BE JOEY.
IT'S NOT.
OR JOSEPH.
OH.
HI.
WHAT'S UP?
I JUST SAW DANNY GETTING ON THE SUBWAY WITH A GIRL
AND HE HAD HIS ARM AROUND HER.
I'M SORRY.
WELL, YOU SHOULD BE.
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
YOU MEDDLED IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.
YOU HAD NO RELATIONSHIP.
NO, BUT I WAS DOING MY THING
AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING ACCORDING TO THE PLAN.
OH, GOD, STOP WITH THE PLAN.
SO WHAT? SO WHAT IF YOU SAW HIM WITH A GIRL.
WHO CARES? IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
LOOK, YOU'RE GOING
TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH DANNY
AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE SO CHARMING
HE'S GOING TO FORGET ABOUT THAT STUPID SUBWAY GIRL.
SHE WAS KIND OF STUPID.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. I'M JUST GOING TO GO ON THE DATE.
I'M JUST GOING TO GO ON THE DATE.
THAT IS THE NEW PLAN.
HURRY! HURRY!
HEY, HOW DO YOU SPELL SUSPICIOUS?
WHY?
BECAUSE I THINK THIS CHARACTER IS GOING
TO BE SUSPICIOUS ABOUT STUFF.
YES!
CHANDLER BING, SEVEN, CHANDLER BING, ZERO.
YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY WITH THAT.
OKAY. I'LL STOP.
DON'T STOP.
MOVE THE BALL FURTHER AWAY.
ROSS COULD MAKE THAT SHOT.
WELL, YOU SUCK, BUT AT LEAST YOU SUCK AT A MAN'S GAME NOW.
YOU WANT TO PLAY?
CHANDLER, I CAN'T BE PLAYING GAMES.
ROSS IS GOING TO BE HOME SOON
AND I HAVE TO WRITE FIVE WHOLE PAGES
IF I'M GOING TO STICK TO HIS SCHEDULE.
PLAY FOR THE NEXT 30 MINUTES
AND YOU CAN WRITE UNTIL HE GETS HOME.
ALL RIGHT.
BUT LISTEN, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE CRANK IT UP A NOTCH?
I'M INTRIGUED.
ALL RIGHT. ALL WE NEED IS A LITTLE LIGHTER FLUID.
OKAY, BUT BE CAREFUL, OKAY?
BECAUSE I WANT TO GET
OUR SECURITY DEPOSIT BACK.
YEAH, I THINK WE SAID GOOD-BYE TO THAT
WHEN WE INVENTED HAMMER DARTS.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
DO YOU REMEMBER WHICH PART IS NOT SPACKLED?
YEAH, RIGHT HERE.
OH, THANK YOU.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS.
NO, THAT'S TRASH, YOUNG LADY.
NO. YOU CAN'T…
HEY, STOP THAT YOUNG LADY!
SHE DONATED TRASH!
HEY!
THE CHARITY'S ON FIRE!
HELP! OH, GOOD.
THANK YOU. I NEED THAT.
WOO! WHAT IS THIS?
IT'S 9:00 IN THE MORNING.
ALL RIGHT.
"A ROOM.
"A MAN ENTERS.
HE LOOKS SUSPICIOUS."
THAT'S IT?
JOEY, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE FIVE PAGES DONE BY NOW
INCLUDING AN EXCITING INCIDENT.
WHAT IS ALL THIS?
"THE OFFICIAL RULE BOOK OF FIREBALL."
YEAH, THAT'S THE GAME WE WERE PLAYING.
OH, YEAH, GREAT. SEE, YOU TAKE A TENNIS BALL
A BOWL AND LIGHTER FLUID…
OOPS.
THIS IS HELPING YOUR CAREER?
I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO BE AN ACTOR.
NOT THE CREATOR OF "CRAZY LAWSUIT GAME."
YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'LL GET BACK TO WORK.
AND SHAME ON YOU.
YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER.
JOEY NEEDS TO WORK.
NOW, COME ON.
HEY.
UH-UH. YOU CAN HAVE THIS BACK
WHEN THE FIVE PAGES ARE DONE, HUH?
AH!
I HAD A REALLY NICE TIME TONIGHT.
SO DID I.
I'M REALLY GLAD MONICA ASKED US OUT.
I'D LOVE TO ASK YOU IN, BUT, UH…
MY SISTER'S VISITING
AND I THINK SHE'S ASLEEP ON THE COUCH.
YOUR SISTER?
YOUR SISTER'S ASLEEP ON THE COUCH?
OH, I SAW YOU WITH HER ON THE SUBWAY
AND NOW SHE'S ASLEEP ON THE COUCH.
OH, GOD!
OH, I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU.
HEY, GREAT, YOU'RE UP.
RACHEL, THIS IS MY SISTER, KRISTA.
KRISTA, THIS IS RACHEL.
HI. NICE TO MEET YOU.
I WISH YOU TOLD ME WE WERE HAVING COMPANY.
I'D HAVE FIXED MYSELF UP.
LIKE IT WOULD HELP.
YOU ARE SO BAD.
YOU ARE.
YOU ARE!
YOU ARE SO DEAD.
I'M GOING TO GET YOU.
COME HERE! COME HERE!
UM, VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.
NOBODY… NOBODY RESPECTS THE BUCKET.
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT PEOPLE PUT IN HERE.
OKAY. DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A GARBAGE CAN TO YOU?
NO.
DOES IT LOOK LIKE AN ASHTRAY?
NO.
DOES IT LOOK LIKE A URINAL?
EWW!
PHEEBS, YOU GOING TO GO BACK OUT THERE?
WELL, YEAH.
BUT I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE ANY MORE CRAP, OKAY?
NO MORE MRS. NICE BUCKET.
GOOD FOR YOU. YOU'RE TOUGH.
YOU LIVED ON THE STREET.
I'M GOING TO GO BACK TO BEING STREET PHOEBE.
YEAH.
OH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I CAN'T GO TOTALLY BACK
BECAUSE STREET PHOEBE REALLY WOULDN'T BE FRIENDS
WITH YOU GUYS.
HI. UM, CAN I ASK YOU GUYS SOMETHING?
SURE.
UM, I DON'T HAVE ANY BROTHERS, SO I DON'T KNOW
BUT DID YOU GUYS WRESTLE?
OH, YEAH.
ALL THE TIME.
IN FACT, I WAS UNDEFEATED.
WELL, YOU WEIGHED 200 POUNDS.
STILL, I WAS QUICK AS A CAT.
WELL, I MET DANNY'S SISTER YESTERDAY…
UH, THAT WAS ACTUALLY THE GIRL ON THE SUBWAY…
AND, UH, YEAH, THEY WERE VERY, YOU KNOW…
WRESTLE-Y…
BUT I GUESS THAT'S NORMAL?
WE DON'T… WE DON'T WRESTLE NOW.
NOT SINCE I GOT TOO STRONG FOR YOU.
TOO STRONG FOR ME?
YEAH.
YOU WANT TO GO RIGHT NOW?
'CAUSE I'LL TAKE YOU RIGHT NOW, BUDDY.
YOU WANT TO GO?
OH, FINE.
READY?
WRESTLE.
OKAY, OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT?
UM, ACTUALLY, THAT'S GREAT.
THAT HELPS A LOT. THANKS.
GUYS, COME ON. LET'S GO. THE PUCK DROPS IN 20 MINUTES.
JOEY'S NOT GOING.
I DIDN'T FINISH MY FIVE PAGES.
WELL, WHY CAN'T YOU FINISH THEM TOMORROW?
BECAUSE TOMORROW HE'S REDOING YESTERDAY'S PAGES.
AND YESTERDAY'S PAGES DID NOT REFLECT MY BEST WORK.
WHY DON'T YOU CUT HIM A LITTLE SLACK, OKAY?
MAYBE IF HE RELAXES A LITTLE BIT, HE'LL GET SOME WORK DONE.
I THINK HE'S BEEN RELAXING ENOUGH
THANKS TO YOU AND FIREBALL.
DUDE, IF YOU THINK FIREBALL'S RELAXING
YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NEVER PLAYED.
THE ONLY REASON YOU ARE DOING THIS TO JOEY
IS BECAUSE YOU ARE BORED, OKAY?
IT'S NOT HIS FAULT YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED.
I AM NOT UNEMPLOYED.
I'M ON SABBATICAL.
COME ON, LOOK, GUYS. DON'T FIGHT.
AND THE REASON I'M DOING THIS IS BECAUSE I AM JOEY'S FRIEND
AND IF YOU WERE A GOOD FRIEND, YOU'D BE DOING THE SAME THING.
SO BEING A GOOD FRIEND MEANS ACTING LIKE A TOTAL JERK.
IF IT DOES, THEN YOU'RE AN AMAZING FRIEND OF MINE.
HEY, GUYS, HEY.
HOW ABOUT WE SETTLE THIS
OVER A FRIENDLY GAME OF FIREBALL? HUH?
I'LL GO UNHOOK THE SMOKE DETECTORS.
HOW ABOUT WE SETTLE THIS RIGHT NOW?
THERE. NOW NO ONE'S GOING TO THE GAME.
I PAID FOR THOSE TICKETS.
NO, YOU DIDN'T. YOU SAID YOU WOULD, BUT YOU NEVER DID.
OH, YEAH.
SO, WE FINALLY GET TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN
AND AIRHEAD HERE FORGETS THE CAMERA.
WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME ONE TIME.
WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN TO YOU?
DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
WE WERE JOGGING IN THE PARK
WE SAW THAT REALLY PRETTY BIRD
AND I WANTED TO TAKE A PICTURE
BUT I DIDN'T HAVE MY CAMERA.
OKAY. FIRST OF ALL, CHASING THE CHURRO GUY IS NOT JOGGING.
OH, THIS IS SO GOOD.
YOU HAVE GOT TO TRY IT.
THAT IS GOOD.
OH. DAMN. I GOT IT ON MY PANTS.
HERE. I'LL GET IT.
WE BETTER TAKE THESE OFF UPSTAIRS
OR THAT STAIN'S GOING TO SET.
I WANT TO WEAR THESE PANTS ON OUR DATE TONIGHT.
OH, GREAT.
OKAY. BYE.
OH, MY GOD…
THAT WAS UNBELIEVABLE.
OKAY, SEE? I TOLD YOU.
YEAH, WOW… SORRY, RACH.
I DON'T BELIEVE THEY'RE BROTHER AND SISTER.
THEY'RE BROTHER AND SISTER?
OH! WAIT A MINUTE. OPEN YOUR HAND.
LET ME TAKE A LOOK.
QUARTER, DIME, LINT.
NOT INTERESTED IN THAT.
WHAT'S THIS, A CANADIAN COIN?
GET OUT OF HERE!
OH, MY GOSH.
WHOA! NO DRINKS NEAR THE BUCKET.
SET IT DOWN OVER THERE
AND THEN YOU CAN MAKE A CONTRIBUTION.
AND YOU LEAVE THE "HURT BUNNY" LOOK OVER THERE, TOO.
OH, HI, BOB.
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT OF HERE!
UH, PHOEBE, WE'VE BEEN GETTING COMPLAINTS
AND, UH, WE'RE GOING TO MOVE YOU TO A LESS HIGH-PROFILE SPOT.
WHAT?
UH, GINGER'S GOING TO TAKE OVER THIS CORNER.
THAT CHICK CAN'T HANDLE MY CORNER.
LOOK, EITHER YOU LEAVE OR WE REMOVE YOU.
FINE.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL GIVE YOU ONE POINTER.
LOOK AT FOR THAT BITCH.
OH. HI, RACH. I THOUGHT WE SAID 7:00.
YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT? UH, LET'S SKIP IT.
WHAT? WHY?
UM… YOU AND YOUR SISTER SEEM TO HAVE A VERY SPECIAL BOND.
OH, GREAT. THAT SPECIAL BOND AGAIN.
WHY DO WOMEN HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM WITH THE FACT
THAT I'M CLOSE WITH MY SISTER?
WELL… OKAY, LOOK.
LISTEN… I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, BUT…
DO YOU HAVE BROTHERS?
NO. I HAVE TWO SISTERS.
ONE OF THEM ACTUALLY HAS A VERY MASCULINE ENERGY.
ARE YOU CLOSE WITH THEM?
NO, NO. THEY'RE NOT VERY NICE PEOPLE.
COME HERE.
LISTEN. I REALLY LIKE YOU, OKAY?
I THINK THIS COULD GO SOMEWHERE.
SO WHAT IF I'M CLOSE TO MY FAMILY?
YOU GOING TO LET THAT STAND IN THE WAY OF US?
WELL… I DON'T KNOW.
WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, YOU KNOW…
DANNY, HURRY UP. THE BATH'S GETTING COLD.
WHAT?
YEAH. I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
OH, HEY. THERE'S SOME KIDS PLAYING IN THE STREET.
YOU WANT TO GO DOWN THERE
GIVE THEM A PROJECT, RUIN THEIR DAY?
HEY, IF THEY HAVE A BALL
MAYBE YOU COULD STICK RAZOR BLADES IN IT
AND TEACH THEM A NEW GAME… "GOING TO NEED STITCHES" BALL.
HEY, GUYS. I WAS AT THE LIBRARY ALL MORNING
AND I ALREADY FINISHED MY FIVE PAGES FOR TODAY.
GREAT. NOW WE CAN GO TO THE RANGER GAME LAST NIGHT.
NO, DUDE. ROSS TORE UP THE TICKETS.
I GUESS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE SO MANY DISTRACTIONS
IT'S EASIER FOR YOU TO FOCUS, HUH?
YEAH, OR ALSO, WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE SOMEBODY
BREATHING DOWN YOUR NECK ALL THE LIVELONG DAY!
WELL… THAT'S FINE, BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS
I FINISHED IT AND I THINK IT'S REALLY GOOD
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD REALLY HELP ME
IS IF I COULD HEAR IT, SO WOULD YOU GUYS READ IT FOR ME?
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
IT'S A TYPICAL NEW YORK CITY APARTMENT…
TWO GUYS ARE HANGING OUT. ROSS?
HEY, MAN.
WHAT IS UP?
ABOUT YESTERDAY, I WAS REALLY WRONG.
I AM SORRY.
NO, IT WAS ME. I'M SORRY. I OVERREACTED.
MAYBE IT WAS BOTH OF US
BUT WE HAD OUR BEST FRIEND'S INTER…
BUT WE HAD OUR BEST FRIEND'S INTEREST AT HEART.
COULD I BE MORE SORRY?
I DON'T KNOW.
I AM ONE SORRY… POLONTOLOGIST…
ALL RIGHT, JOEY. WE-WE GET IT.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, TOO.
OH, NO. NO, NO. KEEP READING.
THE GOOD PART'S COMING UP. KEEP GOING.
I AM SORRY, CHANDLER.
I AM SORRY, ROSS.
A HANDSOME MAN ENTERS.
HEY… HOW'S IT GOING, GUYS?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU TWO ARE TALKING ABOUT
BUT I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY THANKS TO BOTH OF YOU.
YOU… YOU WOULDN'T LET ME GIVE UP ON MYSELF
AND YOU… WELL, YOU CO-CREATED FIREBALL.
THE END.
THIS TOOK YOU ALL DAY?
NO, NO. THIS ONLY TOOK FIVE MINUTES.
I SPENT THE REST OF THE DAY
COMING UP WITH NEW, ULTIMATE FIREBALL.
IT'S A TYPICAL
NEW YORK CITY APARTMENT.
TWO GIRLS ARE JUST HANGING OUT.
HI. HOW'RE YOU DOING, KELLY?
I'M DOING JUST FINE.
GOD, TIFFANY, YOU SMELL SO GREAT.
IT'S MY NEW PERFUME.
WHY DON'T YOU COME CLOSER
WHERE YOU CAN REALLY APPRECIATE IT?
OH, YOU KNOW, JOEY, YOU ARE SICK.
THIS IS DISGUSTING.
I'M NOT READING THIS.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. THE HANDSOME MAN WAS ABOUT TO ENTER!