1 00:00:01,433 --> 00:00:03,393 OH, LOOK AT THAT. TIME'S UP. MY TURN. 2 00:00:05,186 --> 00:00:06,855 THAT WAS A HALF AN HOUR? 3 00:00:06,938 --> 00:00:08,106 IT'S YOUR TIMER. 4 00:00:10,567 --> 00:00:11,818 ALL RIGHT. 5 00:00:11,901 --> 00:00:14,071 YOU KNOW, I DON'T LIKE TO BRAG ABOUT IT 6 00:00:14,154 --> 00:00:16,281 BUT I GIVE, LIKE, THE BEST MASSAGES. 7 00:00:16,364 --> 00:00:20,035 ALL RIGHT. THEN MASSAGE ME UP RIGHT NICE. 8 00:00:20,118 --> 00:00:23,872 AH! AH! AH! 9 00:00:23,955 --> 00:00:25,623 IT'S SO GOOD, ISN'T IT? 10 00:00:25,706 --> 00:00:28,085 IT'S SO GOOD, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE TO DESERVE IT. 11 00:00:28,168 --> 00:00:29,586 OH, GOD. 12 00:00:29,669 --> 00:00:31,796 SAY GOOD-BYE TO SORE MUSCLES. 13 00:00:31,879 --> 00:00:33,590 GOOD-BYE, MUSCLES. 14 00:01:23,764 --> 00:01:27,352 I'M TELLING YOU, SHE GIVES THE WORST MASSAGES EVER, OKAY? 15 00:01:27,435 --> 00:01:30,439 IT WAS LIKE SHE WAS TORTURING ME FOR INFORMATION 16 00:01:30,522 --> 00:01:32,441 AND I WANTED TO GIVE IT UP. 17 00:01:32,524 --> 00:01:35,026 I JUST… I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS. 18 00:01:35,109 --> 00:01:37,195 LOOK, CHANDLER, IF IT REALLY HURTS THAT BAD 19 00:01:37,278 --> 00:01:38,822 YOU SHOULD JUST TELL HER. 20 00:01:38,905 --> 00:01:40,532 LOOK. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE 21 00:01:40,615 --> 00:01:42,117 I'M IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP, OKAY? 22 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:43,577 I'M NOT GOING TO SCREW THAT UP 23 00:01:43,660 --> 00:01:45,203 BY, YOU KNOW, TELLING THE TRUTH. 24 00:01:45,286 --> 00:01:47,372 HEY. 25 00:01:47,455 --> 00:01:48,873 WHOA, DUDE, LOOK OUT. 26 00:01:48,956 --> 00:01:51,293 DUDE, YOU ALMOST CRUSHED MY HAT. 27 00:01:51,376 --> 00:01:52,669 I'M-I'M SORRY. 28 00:01:52,752 --> 00:01:55,547 AND THE BUNNY GOT AWAY. 29 00:02:03,888 --> 00:02:07,392 THIS WOULD BE THE PLACE WHERE YOU EXPLAIN THE HAT. 30 00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:09,478 OH, YEAH. 31 00:02:09,561 --> 00:02:11,522 THERE'S THIS PLAY, RIGHT? 32 00:02:11,605 --> 00:02:14,732 AND I'M UP FOR THE PART OF THIS REAL COOL, LIKE, SUAVE, INTERNATIONAL GUY… 33 00:02:14,815 --> 00:02:16,234 A REAL CLOTHESHORSE. 34 00:02:16,317 --> 00:02:18,153 SO I FIGURE EVERYONE AT THE AUDITION 35 00:02:18,236 --> 00:02:20,531 IS GOING TO BE WEARING THIS KIND OF, YOU KNOW 36 00:02:20,614 --> 00:02:22,157 ULTRA-HIP, HIGH FASHION STUFF. 37 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,159 AND YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE THEM ALL DISAPPEAR. 38 00:02:24,242 --> 00:02:25,827 YEAH. LIKE YOU COULD FIND SOMETHING 39 00:02:25,910 --> 00:02:27,287 AS SOPHISTICATED AS THIS. 40 00:02:30,039 --> 00:02:32,459 DONE. 41 00:02:32,542 --> 00:02:33,835 JOEY, IF YOU WANT TO LOOK GOOD 42 00:02:33,918 --> 00:02:35,712 WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME DOWN TO THE STORE. 43 00:02:35,795 --> 00:02:37,005 I'LL HELP YOU OUT. 44 00:02:37,088 --> 00:02:38,674 OH, GREAT. THANKS, RACH. 45 00:02:38,757 --> 00:02:40,425 SURE. GOD, PLEASE TAKE THOSE OFF. 46 00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:41,800 ALL RIGHT. 47 00:02:43,219 --> 00:02:45,430 HEY, PHEEBS, HOW'S IT GOING? 48 00:02:45,513 --> 00:02:46,431 HEY. 49 00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:47,807 WELL, ONLY OKAY 50 00:02:47,890 --> 00:02:49,851 'CAUSE I JUST GOT BACK FROM THE HOSPITAL. 51 00:02:49,934 --> 00:02:51,978 IS EVERYTHING OKAY? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 52 00:02:52,061 --> 00:02:55,190 I'M FINE. I'M OKAY, BUT MY GRANDMA SORT OF DIED. 53 00:02:55,273 --> 00:02:56,650 OH, PHEEBS, SORRY. 54 00:02:56,733 --> 00:02:58,860 IT'S OKAY. 55 00:02:58,943 --> 00:03:00,612 I MEAN, SHE HAD A REALLY INCREDIBLE LIFE 56 00:03:00,695 --> 00:03:03,198 AND IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEVER GOING TO SEE HER AGAIN, YOU KNOW. 57 00:03:03,281 --> 00:03:04,449 SHE'S GOING TO VISIT. 58 00:03:06,701 --> 00:03:07,827 WELL, MAYBE… 59 00:03:07,910 --> 00:03:09,162 MAYBE SHE'S WITH US RIGHT NOW. 60 00:03:09,245 --> 00:03:10,372 YEAH, RIGHT. 61 00:03:10,455 --> 00:03:12,332 HER FIRST DAY ON A NEW SPIRITUAL PLANE 62 00:03:12,415 --> 00:03:14,792 AND SHE'S GOING TO COME TO THE COFFEEHOUSE. 63 00:03:14,875 --> 00:03:16,378 YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS, I JUST SAW 64 00:03:16,461 --> 00:03:18,546 TWO PEOPLE HAVING SEX IN A CAR RIGHT OUTSIDE. 65 00:03:20,923 --> 00:03:23,885 UH, PHEEBS' GRANDMOTHER JUST DIED. 66 00:03:23,968 --> 00:03:25,387 OH. OH, MY GOD. 67 00:03:25,470 --> 00:03:26,680 I'M SO SORRY. 68 00:03:26,763 --> 00:03:27,681 IT'S OKAY. 69 00:03:27,764 --> 00:03:29,391 ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 70 00:03:29,474 --> 00:03:31,727 IT'S KIND OF COOL, 'CAUSE IT'S, LIKE… 71 00:03:31,810 --> 00:03:34,396 YOU KNOW, ONE LIFE ENDS AND ANOTHER BEGINS. 72 00:03:34,479 --> 00:03:37,148 NOT THE WAY THEY'RE DOING IT. 73 00:03:38,650 --> 00:03:40,068 WHAT… WHAT HAPPENED? 74 00:03:40,151 --> 00:03:41,903 I'M SORRY. HOW DID SHE DIE? 75 00:03:41,986 --> 00:03:43,947 WELL, OKAY. WE WERE IN THE MARKET 76 00:03:44,030 --> 00:03:46,824 AND SHE BENT DOWN TO GET SOME YOGURT 77 00:03:46,907 --> 00:03:49,869 AND SHE JUST NEVER CAME BACK UP AGAIN. 78 00:03:49,952 --> 00:03:51,413 PHEEBS, I'M SO SORRY. 79 00:03:51,496 --> 00:03:52,581 IT WAS REALLY SWEET. 80 00:03:52,664 --> 00:03:54,082 THE LAST THING SHE SAID TO ME 81 00:03:54,165 --> 00:03:56,126 WAS, "OKAY, DEAR, YOU GO GET THE EGGS 82 00:03:56,209 --> 00:03:58,086 "AND I'M GOING TO GET THE YOGURT 83 00:03:58,169 --> 00:04:00,589 AND WE'LL MEET AT THE CHECKOUT COUNTER." 84 00:04:00,672 --> 00:04:01,798 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 85 00:04:01,881 --> 00:04:04,133 WE WILL MEET AT THE CHECKOUT COUNTER. 86 00:04:10,473 --> 00:04:12,309 JOEY, YOU KNOW THAT SINCE YOU'RE RETURNING 87 00:04:12,392 --> 00:04:13,851 ALL THIS STUFF AFTER THE AUDITION 88 00:04:13,934 --> 00:04:16,438 YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WEAR UNDERWEAR. 89 00:04:16,521 --> 00:04:20,400 ALL RIGHT. WELL, YOU BETTER SHOW ME SOME OF THAT, TOO, THEN. 90 00:04:20,483 --> 00:04:23,152 OKAY. IT'S MISSING SOMETHING. 91 00:04:24,278 --> 00:04:25,071 OH, I KNOW. 92 00:04:25,154 --> 00:04:26,489 UM, OKAY. 93 00:04:31,703 --> 00:04:32,996 REALLY? A PURSE? 94 00:04:33,079 --> 00:04:34,706 IT'S NOT A PURSE. 95 00:04:34,789 --> 00:04:36,708 IT'S A SHOULDER BAG. 96 00:04:36,791 --> 00:04:39,294 LOOKS LIKE A WOMAN'S PURSE. 97 00:04:39,377 --> 00:04:40,796 NO, JOEY. LOOK, TRUST ME. 98 00:04:40,879 --> 00:04:42,631 I'M TELLING YOU, ALL OF THE MEN 99 00:04:42,714 --> 00:04:44,633 ARE CARRYING THEM IN THE SPRING CATALOG. 100 00:04:44,716 --> 00:04:46,802 LOOK. SEE? LOOK. MEN… CARRYING THE BAG. 101 00:04:46,885 --> 00:04:48,637 SEE? LOOK. 102 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,638 WOMEN CARRYING THE BAG. 103 00:04:57,854 --> 00:05:00,732 BUT IT IS ODD HOW A WOMAN'S PURSE 104 00:05:00,815 --> 00:05:03,610 LOOKS SO GOOD ON ME, A MAN. 105 00:05:03,693 --> 00:05:05,069 EXACTLY. 106 00:05:05,152 --> 00:05:06,404 UNISEX. 107 00:05:06,487 --> 00:05:07,656 MAYBE YOU NEED SEX. 108 00:05:07,739 --> 00:05:09,490 I HAD SEX A COUPLE DAYS AGO. 109 00:05:10,909 --> 00:05:13,077 NO, NO, JOEY. 110 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:14,830 "U-N-I" SEX. 111 00:05:14,913 --> 00:05:17,957 WELL, I AIN'T GONNA SAY "NO" TO THAT. 112 00:05:26,925 --> 00:05:28,176 WHO IS IT? 113 00:05:28,259 --> 00:05:29,511 IT'S PHOEBE. 114 00:05:29,594 --> 00:05:30,886 OH, GREAT. 115 00:05:30,969 --> 00:05:33,849 OH, YOU. 116 00:05:33,932 --> 00:05:35,559 UM, WHAT'S UP? 117 00:05:35,642 --> 00:05:39,354 UM, WELL, I… SORT OF HAVE SOME BAD NEWS. 118 00:05:39,437 --> 00:05:41,105 CAN I COME IN? 119 00:05:41,188 --> 00:05:43,733 UM, YEAH. NO, THANKS. 120 00:05:44,776 --> 00:05:47,028 UM… WELL… UM… 121 00:05:47,111 --> 00:05:49,364 GRANDMA DIED TODAY. 122 00:05:49,447 --> 00:05:51,700 WOW. 123 00:05:51,783 --> 00:05:54,703 DIDN'T SHE DIE, LIKE, FIVE YEARS AGO? 124 00:05:54,786 --> 00:05:57,330 NO, SHE JUST DIED TODAY. 125 00:05:57,413 --> 00:05:59,249 UM, OKAY. WE'RE HAVING 126 00:05:59,332 --> 00:06:01,042 A MEMORIAL SERVICE TOMORROW. 127 00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:03,961 OKAY. I KNOW I WENT TO THAT ALREADY. 128 00:06:04,044 --> 00:06:05,714 NO, YOU DIDN'T. 129 00:06:05,797 --> 00:06:07,507 THEN WHO'S BEEN DEAD FOR FIVE YEARS? 130 00:06:07,590 --> 00:06:08,924 WELL, LOTS OF PEOPLE. 131 00:06:09,007 --> 00:06:11,261 LOOK. ARE YOU COMING 132 00:06:11,344 --> 00:06:13,471 TO THE MEMORIAL SERVICE OR NOT? 133 00:06:13,554 --> 00:06:15,181 UM, NO. 134 00:06:15,264 --> 00:06:17,100 SEE, I ALREADY THOUGHT 135 00:06:17,183 --> 00:06:18,309 SHE WAS DEAD 136 00:06:18,392 --> 00:06:20,520 SO I'VE KIND OF MADE MY PEACE WITH IT. 137 00:06:22,020 --> 00:06:24,482 AND PLUS, I'M GOING TO A CONCERT TOMORROW, SO… 138 00:06:24,565 --> 00:06:25,734 I'D INVITE YOU 139 00:06:25,817 --> 00:06:27,777 BUT I ONLY HAVE TWO TICKETS LEFT. 140 00:06:29,153 --> 00:06:30,488 FINE. 141 00:06:30,571 --> 00:06:31,947 OKAY. ENJOY YOUR CONCERT. 142 00:06:32,030 --> 00:06:33,658 THANKS. ENJOY YOUR FUNERAL. 143 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:37,412 HEY. 144 00:06:37,495 --> 00:06:38,830 HEY. 145 00:06:45,252 --> 00:06:48,381 WOW. YOU LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR SON, MRS. TRIBBIANI. 146 00:06:48,464 --> 00:06:50,174 WHAT? 147 00:06:50,257 --> 00:06:52,677 ARE YOU REFERRING TO MY MAN'S BAG? 148 00:06:54,094 --> 00:06:55,889 AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT JUST LOOKED GOOD 149 00:06:55,972 --> 00:06:57,808 BUT IT'S PRACTICAL, TOO. CHECK IT OUT. 150 00:06:57,891 --> 00:06:59,851 IT'S GOT COMPARTMENTS FOR ALL YOUR STUFF… 151 00:06:59,934 --> 00:07:02,061 YOUR WALLET, YOUR KEYS, YOUR ADDRESS BOOK… 152 00:07:02,144 --> 00:07:03,187 YOUR MAKEUP. 153 00:07:05,231 --> 00:07:06,524 WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE BAG? 154 00:07:06,607 --> 00:07:08,025 YOUR AUDITION'S NOT TILL TOMORROW. 155 00:07:08,108 --> 00:07:10,821 YEAH, BUT SANDWICH TIME IS RIGHT NOW. 156 00:07:10,904 --> 00:07:13,156 JOEY, YOU KNOW YOU GET ANY MUSTARD ON THAT BAG 157 00:07:13,239 --> 00:07:14,198 YOU CAN'T RETURN IT. 158 00:07:14,281 --> 00:07:15,867 WHY WOULD I RETURN THIS? 159 00:07:15,950 --> 00:07:17,285 I LOVE THIS BAG. 160 00:07:17,368 --> 00:07:19,370 ALL RIGHT. THEN YOU OWE ME $350. 161 00:07:19,453 --> 00:07:20,789 FINE. 162 00:07:20,872 --> 00:07:24,334 DO YOU TAKE VASA OR MOOSTERCARD? 163 00:07:24,417 --> 00:07:26,377 JOEY… 164 00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:28,045 ALL RIGHT. RELAX. LOOK. I'LL PAY YOU 165 00:07:28,128 --> 00:07:29,714 WITH THE MONEY FROM THE ACTING JOB 166 00:07:29,797 --> 00:07:31,758 I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO GET THANKS TO YOU. 167 00:07:31,841 --> 00:07:33,467 WHAT'S THE PART? AUNTIE MAME? 168 00:07:34,969 --> 00:07:36,262 DON'T LISTEN TO THEM. 169 00:07:36,345 --> 00:07:37,472 I THINK IT'S SEXY. 170 00:07:37,555 --> 00:07:40,099 "YOU AND I" SEXY? 171 00:07:46,898 --> 00:07:48,358 OH, HELLO, MRS. PINELLO. 172 00:07:48,441 --> 00:07:50,151 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. 173 00:07:50,234 --> 00:07:52,486 OKAY. HERE'S YOUR 3-D GLASSES. 174 00:07:54,864 --> 00:07:57,825 AND REVEREND PONG WILL TELL YOU WHEN TO PUT THEM ON. 175 00:08:01,328 --> 00:08:02,747 HI, SWEETIE. 176 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,040 HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP? 177 00:08:04,123 --> 00:08:05,249 FINE. 178 00:08:05,332 --> 00:08:06,918 HEY, PHEEBS. 179 00:08:07,001 --> 00:08:08,753 I'M SO SORRY. 180 00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,338 HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 181 00:08:10,421 --> 00:08:13,049 MY GRANDMA HAD THE EXACT SAME BAG. 182 00:08:13,132 --> 00:08:15,176 HERE. I BROUGHT YOU SOME FLOWERS. 183 00:08:15,259 --> 00:08:16,928 OH, THANKS. 184 00:08:17,011 --> 00:08:18,262 YEAH. PULLING FLOWERS OUT OF IT 185 00:08:18,345 --> 00:08:20,139 MAKES THE BAG LOOK A LOT MORE MASCULINE. 186 00:08:21,474 --> 00:08:22,934 OH, I'M SORRY. 187 00:08:23,017 --> 00:08:25,395 EXCUSE ME. IS THIS THE MEMORIAL? 188 00:08:25,478 --> 00:08:26,730 YEAH. WELCOME. 189 00:08:26,813 --> 00:08:27,731 HELLO. 190 00:08:27,814 --> 00:08:29,065 HERE'S YOUR 3-D GLASSES. 191 00:08:29,148 --> 00:08:31,109 OH… ALL RIGHT. 192 00:08:32,151 --> 00:08:34,946 SO, HOW DID YOU KNOW FRANCES? 193 00:08:35,029 --> 00:08:36,197 WELL, ACTUALLY… 194 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:39,034 I HADN'T SEEN HER FOR YEARS, BUT, UM… 195 00:08:39,117 --> 00:08:42,787 WELL, I WAS PRETTY TIGHT WITH HER AND HER DAUGHTER. 196 00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:44,163 REALLY? WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 197 00:08:44,246 --> 00:08:45,372 FRANK BUFFAY. 198 00:08:48,042 --> 00:08:50,127 YOU KNOW WHAT? STRIKE THAT. 199 00:08:50,210 --> 00:08:52,505 MY NAME… ACTUALLY, IS-IS JOE. 200 00:08:52,588 --> 00:08:53,798 UM… 201 00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:55,466 JOE… UH, HILL. 202 00:08:55,549 --> 00:08:56,593 YOU'RE FRANK BUFFAY? 203 00:08:56,676 --> 00:08:57,928 SHH! NO! 204 00:08:58,011 --> 00:08:59,136 JOE HILL! 205 00:08:59,219 --> 00:09:01,514 BUT YOU JUST SAID… 206 00:09:01,597 --> 00:09:02,849 YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOT TO GO 207 00:09:02,932 --> 00:09:04,600 AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. 208 00:09:06,435 --> 00:09:07,687 BUT… 209 00:09:07,770 --> 00:09:08,855 OH, MY GOD. 210 00:09:08,938 --> 00:09:10,023 WHAT? 211 00:09:10,106 --> 00:09:11,274 WHAT, HONEY? 212 00:09:11,357 --> 00:09:12,859 THAT WAS MY DAD. 213 00:09:12,942 --> 00:09:14,485 OH, MY GOD. 214 00:09:14,568 --> 00:09:16,905 HEY, YOU GUYS, CHECK IT OUT, CHECK IT OUT. 215 00:09:16,988 --> 00:09:18,990 IT'S LIKE IT'S COMING RIGHT AT ME. 216 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:26,998 DID YOU CATCH HIM? 217 00:09:27,081 --> 00:09:27,999 UH-HUH. 218 00:09:28,082 --> 00:09:29,166 WHAT DID HE SAY? 219 00:09:29,249 --> 00:09:32,003 HE SAID, "NICE TO MEET YOU, GLENDA." 220 00:09:32,086 --> 00:09:35,381 WELL, OBVIOUSLY, I COULDN'T GIVE HIM MY REAL NAME. 221 00:09:35,464 --> 00:09:36,716 WHY? WHY NOT? 222 00:09:36,799 --> 00:09:38,342 YOU SAW THE WAY HE RAN OUT OF HERE. 223 00:09:38,425 --> 00:09:39,719 YOU THINK HE'D STICK AROUND 224 00:09:39,802 --> 00:09:41,387 AND TALK TO THE DAUGHTER HE ABANDONED? 225 00:09:41,470 --> 00:09:43,389 WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM? 226 00:09:43,472 --> 00:09:46,517 I TOLD HIM I WAS THE EXECUTOR PERSON OF FRANCES'S WILL 227 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,561 AND THAT I NEEDED TO TALK TO HIM 228 00:09:48,644 --> 00:09:51,772 SO I'M GOING TO MEET HIM AT THE COFFEEHOUSE LATER. 229 00:09:53,232 --> 00:09:54,442 ALL RIGHT. 230 00:09:54,525 --> 00:09:56,527 WELL, I JUST CAN'T THINK ABOUT THAT NOW. 231 00:09:56,610 --> 00:09:58,905 I-I JUST WANT TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO MY GRANDMA. 232 00:09:58,988 --> 00:10:00,573 OKAY. LET'S GO SAY GOOD-BYE. 233 00:10:12,459 --> 00:10:13,377 HEY. 234 00:10:13,460 --> 00:10:15,797 I'M OFF TO MY AUDITION. 235 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,423 HOW DO I LOOK? 236 00:10:17,506 --> 00:10:18,800 I THINK YOU LOOK GREAT. 237 00:10:18,883 --> 00:10:20,677 JOEY, THAT BAG IS GOING TO GET YOU THAT PART. 238 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,095 AND A DATE WITH A MAN. 239 00:10:23,721 --> 00:10:24,639 YOU KNOW WHAT? 240 00:10:24,722 --> 00:10:26,182 MAKE FUN ALL YOU WANT. 241 00:10:26,265 --> 00:10:28,059 THIS IS A GREAT BAG, OKAY? 242 00:10:28,142 --> 00:10:30,561 AND IT'S AS HANDY AS IT IS BECOMING. 243 00:10:30,644 --> 00:10:33,523 NOW, JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING 244 00:10:33,606 --> 00:10:35,817 DOESN'T MAKE IT WRONG, ALL RIGHT? 245 00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:38,319 SO, FROM NOW ON, YOU GUYS ARE GOING 246 00:10:38,402 --> 00:10:41,405 TO HAVE TO GET USED TO THE FACT THAT JOEY COMES WITH A BAG. 247 00:10:43,074 --> 00:10:45,201 I BETTER GO, TOO. I GOT TO GO MEET MY DAD. 248 00:10:45,284 --> 00:10:47,203 PHEEBS, ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HIM WHO YOU ARE? 249 00:10:47,286 --> 00:10:50,289 NO, NOT AT FIRST, 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO FREAK HIM OUT. 250 00:10:50,372 --> 00:10:52,167 BUT AREN'T YOU PISSED AT HIM? 251 00:10:52,250 --> 00:10:54,169 I MEAN, THIS GUY ABANDONED YOU. 252 00:10:54,252 --> 00:10:56,171 I GOT TO TELL YOU, IF IT WERE ME 253 00:10:56,254 --> 00:10:58,840 THIS GUY WOULD BE IN SOME SERIOUS PHYSICAL DANGER. 254 00:10:58,923 --> 00:11:01,342 I-I-I'D WALK IN THERE… 255 00:11:01,425 --> 00:11:07,807 I'D BE, LIKE, "YO, DAD! YOU AND ME OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW!" 256 00:11:07,890 --> 00:11:10,060 I KIND OF SCARED MYSELF. 257 00:11:10,143 --> 00:11:14,981 WELL, AT LEAST YOU SCARED SOMEONE. 258 00:11:15,064 --> 00:11:16,357 YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY. 259 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:18,151 YOU'D THINK I'D BE ANGRY. 260 00:11:18,234 --> 00:11:21,236 I MEAN, YOU'D THINK I'D WANT TO RIP HIS TINY LITTLE HEAD OFF. 261 00:11:21,319 --> 00:11:24,615 FORTUNATELY, I'M PAST IT, SO… 262 00:11:24,698 --> 00:11:26,826 PHOEBE, YOU DO SEEM A LITTLE TENSE. 263 00:11:26,909 --> 00:11:28,119 HERE. LET ME HELP YOU. 264 00:11:28,202 --> 00:11:29,162 ALL RIGHT. 265 00:11:29,245 --> 00:11:30,163 GET OFF! 266 00:11:30,246 --> 00:11:32,207 OW! OH, STOP IT! 267 00:11:32,290 --> 00:11:34,333 WHY? WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO ME? 268 00:11:34,416 --> 00:11:36,335 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 269 00:11:36,418 --> 00:11:38,838 AS A MASSEUSE AND A HUMAN 270 00:11:38,921 --> 00:11:43,051 I'M BEGGING YOU, NEVER DO THAT TO ANYONE. 271 00:11:43,134 --> 00:11:45,761 I GIVE GOOD MASSAGES. 272 00:11:47,180 --> 00:11:49,557 I USED TO GIVE THEM TO RACHEL ALL THE TIME 273 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,142 BEFORE SHE GOT ALLERGIC. 274 00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:54,478 AND CHANDLER… 275 00:11:54,561 --> 00:11:55,938 HE LOVES THEM. WATCH. 276 00:11:58,149 --> 00:11:59,234 HE DOES NOT LIKE IT. 277 00:11:59,317 --> 00:12:00,651 HE HATES IT. HE'S IN PAIN. 278 00:12:00,734 --> 00:12:01,903 NO, HE'S NOT. 279 00:12:01,986 --> 00:12:03,404 YES, HE IS. 280 00:12:03,487 --> 00:12:04,614 WHAT? 281 00:12:04,697 --> 00:12:07,241 I'M SORRY, BUT… OW! OW! OW! 282 00:12:11,745 --> 00:12:13,414 HAVE YOU BEEN LYING TO ME? 283 00:12:13,497 --> 00:12:15,374 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO THAT. 284 00:12:15,457 --> 00:12:17,627 MAYBE HE JUST DIDN'T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS. 285 00:12:17,710 --> 00:12:20,629 BUT THE MINUTE WE START TO LIE TO EACH OTHER… 286 00:12:24,175 --> 00:12:25,509 AND BY "WE" 287 00:12:25,592 --> 00:12:27,887 I MEAN SOCIETY… 288 00:12:30,264 --> 00:12:33,017 ANY TIME YOU'RE READY, JOEY. 289 00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,727 "WELL, YOU MUST BE NEW HERE. 290 00:12:34,810 --> 00:12:36,938 MAYBE WE GET A TABLE AND I BUY YOU A DRINK." 291 00:12:37,021 --> 00:12:38,355 I'M SORRY. 292 00:12:38,438 --> 00:12:40,817 COULD YOU… COULD YOU TRY IT WITHOUT THE PURSE? 293 00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:43,861 YEAH. SURE. 294 00:12:47,865 --> 00:12:50,451 "WELL, YOU MUST BE NEW HERE. 295 00:12:50,534 --> 00:12:52,078 "MAYBE WE SIT… 296 00:12:52,161 --> 00:12:54,122 I'M SORRY. CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? 297 00:12:54,205 --> 00:12:55,330 SURE. WHAT? 298 00:12:55,413 --> 00:12:58,168 WELL, FIRST, IT'S NOT A PURSE. 299 00:12:58,251 --> 00:13:01,212 OKAY. ANY TIME. 300 00:13:01,295 --> 00:13:04,007 I MEAN, IF YOU'RE THINKING IT'S A WOMAN'S BAG, IT'S NOT. 301 00:13:04,090 --> 00:13:06,092 IT'S A MAN'S BAG. 302 00:13:06,175 --> 00:13:10,054 OKAY, AND GO. 303 00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:13,224 LET ME SHOW YOU THE CATALOG. 304 00:13:13,307 --> 00:13:15,018 LOOK. SEE? HUH? 305 00:13:15,101 --> 00:13:16,769 IT'S THE LATEST THING. 306 00:13:16,852 --> 00:13:18,313 EVERYONE'S 307 00:13:18,396 --> 00:13:19,480 MEN, WOMEN, CHILDREN. 308 00:13:19,563 --> 00:13:20,898 EVERYONE'S CARRYING THEM. 309 00:13:20,981 --> 00:13:22,650 DO YOU SELL THESE BAGS? 310 00:13:22,733 --> 00:13:25,862 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 311 00:13:25,945 --> 00:13:28,614 THESE BABIES SELL THEMSELVES. 312 00:13:28,697 --> 00:13:29,740 OKAY. THANK YOU. 313 00:13:29,823 --> 00:13:31,117 THAT WAS GREAT. 314 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,036 YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T EVEN READ ANYTHING. 315 00:13:33,119 --> 00:13:35,412 I THINK WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH. 316 00:13:35,495 --> 00:13:38,749 OKAY. ALL RIGHT. I'LL SEE YOU. 317 00:13:38,832 --> 00:13:41,335 WE GOT IT, WE GOT IT. 318 00:13:42,544 --> 00:13:44,339 HEY, IS RACHEL HERE? 319 00:13:44,422 --> 00:13:45,673 NO. 320 00:13:45,756 --> 00:13:47,884 LISTEN, I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE 321 00:13:47,967 --> 00:13:49,219 ABOUT THIS AFTERNOON 322 00:13:49,302 --> 00:13:51,679 AND THE WHOLE MASSAGE THING, YOU KNOW? 323 00:13:51,762 --> 00:13:53,472 I-I REALLY LIKE THEM. 324 00:13:53,555 --> 00:13:56,017 PLEASE, STOP. 325 00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:57,727 WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HONEST 326 00:13:57,810 --> 00:13:58,769 WITH EACH OTHER. 327 00:13:58,852 --> 00:14:00,730 I JUST WISH YOU COULD TELL ME. 328 00:14:00,813 --> 00:14:03,441 "I DON'T LIKE YOUR MASSAGES." 329 00:14:07,361 --> 00:14:11,699 I DON'T LIKE YOUR MASSAGES. 330 00:14:11,782 --> 00:14:15,161 SEE? IT'S NO BIG DEAL. 331 00:14:15,244 --> 00:14:16,287 OKAY, BUT NOW, SEE? 332 00:14:16,370 --> 00:14:17,372 YOU'RE CRYING. 333 00:14:17,455 --> 00:14:18,873 I'M NOT CRYING ABOUT THAT. 334 00:14:18,956 --> 00:14:20,375 I'M CRYING ABOUT SOMETHING 335 00:14:20,458 --> 00:14:21,709 THAT HAPPENED AT WORK. 336 00:14:21,792 --> 00:14:23,044 WHAT? 337 00:14:23,127 --> 00:14:25,380 MY BOYFRIEND SAID HE DIDN'T LIKE MY MASSAGES! 338 00:14:25,463 --> 00:14:27,423 IT'S OKAY. 339 00:14:27,506 --> 00:14:30,093 YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THE BEST AT EVERYTHING. 340 00:14:30,176 --> 00:14:31,969 OH, MY GOD! 341 00:14:32,052 --> 00:14:34,722 YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL! 342 00:14:34,805 --> 00:14:39,769 OKAY. YOU GIVE THE WORST MASSAGES IN THE WORLD. 343 00:14:39,852 --> 00:14:42,063 I'M CRYING HERE! 344 00:14:42,146 --> 00:14:43,106 WELL, ALL RIGHT. 345 00:14:43,189 --> 00:14:44,357 HEAR ME OUT, OKAY? 346 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,776 YOU GIVE THE BEST BAD MASSAGES, OKAY? 347 00:14:46,859 --> 00:14:49,904 IF ANYBODY WAS LOOKING FOR THE BEST BAD MASSAGE 348 00:14:49,987 --> 00:14:52,240 AND THEY WERE THINKING TO THEMSELVES 349 00:14:52,323 --> 00:14:53,950 "WHO'S THE BEST AT THAT?" 350 00:14:54,033 --> 00:14:55,742 THEY'D HAVE TO GO TO YOU. 351 00:14:58,745 --> 00:15:01,665 HUH. 352 00:15:01,748 --> 00:15:04,252 SO, YOU'RE SAYING THAT, LIKE, UM… 353 00:15:04,335 --> 00:15:07,838 IF THERE WAS AN AWARD FOR THE BEST BAD MASSAGE… 354 00:15:07,921 --> 00:15:09,882 WELL, WHO WOULD GET THAT? 355 00:15:09,965 --> 00:15:11,301 OH, IT WOULD BE YOU. 356 00:15:11,384 --> 00:15:12,468 YOU, MONICA 357 00:15:12,551 --> 00:15:15,138 AND YOU'D GET ALL THE VOTES. 358 00:15:15,221 --> 00:15:18,724 SO, MAYBE THEY COULD, UM, CALL THE AWARD "THE MONICA"? 359 00:15:18,807 --> 00:15:22,103 ABSOLUTELY. 360 00:15:22,186 --> 00:15:24,939 OKAY. 361 00:15:25,022 --> 00:15:25,982 I SUCK. 362 00:15:26,065 --> 00:15:27,107 YEAH. 363 00:15:33,364 --> 00:15:35,491 THANK YOU FOR MEETING WITH ME. 364 00:15:35,574 --> 00:15:37,118 THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT. 365 00:15:37,201 --> 00:15:40,788 COME SIT. 366 00:15:40,871 --> 00:15:43,207 SIT. 367 00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:45,918 SIT! 368 00:15:46,001 --> 00:15:47,128 UM, ALL RIGHTY. 369 00:15:47,211 --> 00:15:49,505 UM, BEFORE WE GET STARTED, I'D JUST… 370 00:15:49,588 --> 00:15:50,714 I NEED YOU TO STATE 371 00:15:50,797 --> 00:15:52,175 FOR THE, YOU KNOW, OFFICIAL RECORD 372 00:15:52,258 --> 00:15:53,926 THAT YOU ARE, IN FACT, FRANK BUFFAY. 373 00:15:54,009 --> 00:15:56,137 OH, YES. YES, YES, I AM. MM-HMM. 374 00:15:56,220 --> 00:15:57,472 OKAY. 375 00:15:57,555 --> 00:15:58,806 SO… 376 00:15:58,889 --> 00:16:00,808 WHAT DID FRANCES LEAVE ME? 377 00:16:00,891 --> 00:16:02,226 HUH? 378 00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:03,811 THAT'S WHY YOU WANTED ME TO COME, RIGHT? 379 00:16:03,894 --> 00:16:05,396 OH, YES. 380 00:16:05,479 --> 00:16:07,564 YES. YEAH. NO, SHE DID. 381 00:16:07,647 --> 00:16:09,400 SHE LEFT YOU, UM… 382 00:16:09,483 --> 00:16:11,819 THIS LIPSTICK. 383 00:16:11,902 --> 00:16:14,738 OH… HUH. 384 00:16:14,821 --> 00:16:16,657 THAT'S… 385 00:16:16,740 --> 00:16:20,036 OH, IT'S USED. 386 00:16:20,119 --> 00:16:23,664 UH, COOL. 387 00:16:23,747 --> 00:16:27,084 OKAY. I HAVE JUST A FEW QUESTIONS TO ASK 388 00:16:27,167 --> 00:16:30,504 SO I'M GOING TO GET OUT MY OFFICIAL FORMS. 389 00:16:33,673 --> 00:16:35,843 OKAY. SO, QUESTION ONE: 390 00:16:35,926 --> 00:16:38,929 YOU WERE MARRIED TO FRANCES'S DAUGHTER, LILY. 391 00:16:39,012 --> 00:16:40,431 IS THAT CORRECT? 392 00:16:40,514 --> 00:16:42,641 YES. YES, I WAS. 393 00:16:42,724 --> 00:16:44,935 OKAY. UM, QUESTION TWO: 394 00:16:45,018 --> 00:16:50,024 UM, "DID THAT MARRIAGE END, MEDIUM 395 00:16:50,107 --> 00:16:56,322 IN THE TOTAL ABANDONMENT OF HER AND HER TWO CHILDREN?" 396 00:16:56,405 --> 00:16:58,366 IT REALLY SAYS THAT? 397 00:16:58,449 --> 00:17:00,868 YEAH. SEE? 398 00:17:00,951 --> 00:17:04,121 WELL, I GUESS THAT I WOULD HAVE TO SAY "C." 399 00:17:04,204 --> 00:17:05,206 HMM. OKAY. 400 00:17:05,289 --> 00:17:07,375 TOTAL ABANDONMENT, MM-HMM. 401 00:17:07,458 --> 00:17:10,669 OKAY. "REASONS FOR ABANDONMENT." 402 00:17:10,752 --> 00:17:16,175 UM, "A: TOP SECRET AMNESIA 403 00:17:16,258 --> 00:17:22,181 YOU'RE JUST A SELFISH, IRRESPONSIBLE, BAD, BAD MAN?" 404 00:17:22,264 --> 00:17:25,184 YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK I WANT THE LIPSTICK THAT MUCH 405 00:17:25,267 --> 00:17:28,396 BUT, UH… OH, WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR 406 00:17:28,479 --> 00:17:32,191 AND, UM, WOULD YOU GIVE HER DAUGHTER LILY 407 00:17:32,274 --> 00:17:34,318 THAT, PLEASE? 408 00:17:34,401 --> 00:17:35,319 WHAT? 409 00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:36,404 LILY. WHEN YOU SEE LILY 410 00:17:36,487 --> 00:17:37,863 WOULD YOU GIVE HER THAT NOTE 411 00:17:37,946 --> 00:17:40,408 BECAUSE I WANTED TO TALK TO HER AT THE MEMORIAL. 412 00:17:40,491 --> 00:17:44,036 WELL, I PICTURED HER GETTING MAD AT ME THE WAY YOU GOT MAD AT ME 413 00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:46,663 AND I CHICKENED OUT, SO I WROTE HER THAT NOTE. 414 00:17:46,746 --> 00:17:48,583 WOULD YOU GIVE IT TO HER, PLEASE? 415 00:17:48,666 --> 00:17:51,419 YOU-YOU-YOU CAME TO SEE LILY? 416 00:17:51,502 --> 00:17:53,546 YEAH, YEAH. WHY? 417 00:17:53,629 --> 00:17:55,672 LILY'S DEAD. 418 00:17:55,755 --> 00:17:59,093 SHE WHAT? 419 00:17:59,176 --> 00:18:00,928 SHE'S DEAD. 420 00:18:01,011 --> 00:18:02,179 ARE YOU SURE? 421 00:18:02,262 --> 00:18:03,431 WELL, IF SHE ISN'T 422 00:18:03,514 --> 00:18:05,558 CREMATING HER WAS BIG MISTAKE. 423 00:18:05,641 --> 00:18:08,269 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. 424 00:18:08,352 --> 00:18:10,104 I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 425 00:18:10,187 --> 00:18:12,731 HOW, HOW…? OH, MY GOD. 426 00:18:12,814 --> 00:18:14,733 HOW-HOW LONG AGO? 427 00:18:14,816 --> 00:18:16,402 17 YEARS AGO. 428 00:18:16,485 --> 00:18:18,112 OH… 429 00:18:18,195 --> 00:18:21,281 WHAT-WHAT ABOUT THE GIRLS? 430 00:18:23,909 --> 00:18:29,165 WELL, URSULA IS A WAITRESS AND SHE LIVES IN SOHO 431 00:18:29,248 --> 00:18:32,460 AND PHOEBE… 432 00:18:32,543 --> 00:18:35,837 IS ON THIS COUCH. 433 00:18:42,636 --> 00:18:44,930 YEP. LIPSTICK AND A DAUGHTER. 434 00:18:45,013 --> 00:18:46,641 BIG DAY FOR YOU, HUH? 435 00:18:46,724 --> 00:18:49,852 PHOEBE, I-I-I, UM… 436 00:18:49,935 --> 00:18:52,313 WHOOPS. 437 00:18:52,396 --> 00:18:54,607 IT'S JUST… I-I-I DON'T KNOW 438 00:18:54,690 --> 00:18:56,567 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 439 00:18:56,650 --> 00:18:58,277 I JUST 440 00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:01,780 CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER. 441 00:19:01,863 --> 00:19:03,199 YOU'RE SO PRETTY. 442 00:19:03,282 --> 00:19:07,161 YES. WELL, THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE. 443 00:19:07,244 --> 00:19:11,332 SO, WOULD IT-WOULD IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER 444 00:19:11,415 --> 00:19:15,670 IF I SAID THAT I WAS VERY, VERY SORRY I LEFT? 445 00:19:15,753 --> 00:19:16,753 YOU KNOW WHAT? 446 00:19:16,836 --> 00:19:18,755 IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU SAY. 447 00:19:18,838 --> 00:19:21,634 IT'S NOT GOING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE ANYWAY 448 00:19:21,717 --> 00:19:22,968 SO YOU CAN JUST GO. 449 00:19:23,051 --> 00:19:27,348 ALL RIGHT. WELL, YOU KNOW, IN MY DEFENSE 450 00:19:27,431 --> 00:19:29,766 I WAS A LOUSY FATHER. 451 00:19:29,849 --> 00:19:31,686 THAT'S YOUR DEFENSE? 452 00:19:31,769 --> 00:19:32,728 YES, IT IS. 453 00:19:32,811 --> 00:19:34,104 I BURNED THE FORMULA 454 00:19:34,187 --> 00:19:36,524 AND I PUT YOUR DIAPERS ON BACKWARDS. 455 00:19:36,607 --> 00:19:39,610 I MEAN, I MADE UP A SONG TO SING YOU TO SLEEP 456 00:19:39,693 --> 00:19:41,778 BUT THAT MADE YOU CRY EVEN MORE. 457 00:19:41,861 --> 00:19:43,364 YOU MAKE UP SONGS? 458 00:19:43,447 --> 00:19:44,448 WELL, NO. 459 00:19:44,531 --> 00:19:45,824 JUST THAT ONE. 460 00:19:45,907 --> 00:19:47,201 IT WAS STUPID. 461 00:19:47,284 --> 00:19:48,327 LET'S SEE. 462 00:19:48,410 --> 00:19:49,912 HOW DID IT GO? 463 00:19:49,995 --> 00:19:51,872 UM… YEAH. OKAY. 464 00:20:03,842 --> 00:20:05,385 WELL, YEAH. 465 00:20:20,859 --> 00:20:22,069 I JUST… 466 00:20:22,152 --> 00:20:27,157 I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS SO, UM… 467 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,659 WELL, I AM. 468 00:20:34,164 --> 00:20:36,041 NOT YET, NO. 469 00:20:42,214 --> 00:20:44,091 HEY, MAN, HOW'D THE AUDITION GO? 470 00:20:44,174 --> 00:20:45,926 ESTELLE SAID I DIDN'T GET IT. 471 00:20:46,009 --> 00:20:47,052 WHAT? WHY? 472 00:20:47,135 --> 00:20:49,430 JOEY, YOU WERE SO READY FOR IT. 473 00:20:49,513 --> 00:20:51,140 YEAH. I THOUGHT SO, TOO 474 00:20:51,223 --> 00:20:53,934 BUT SHE SAID THE CASTING PEOPLE HAD SOME PROBLEMS WITH ME. 475 00:20:54,017 --> 00:20:55,352 WHAT KIND OF PROBLEMS? 476 00:20:55,435 --> 00:20:57,521 WELL, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, THEY, UH… 477 00:20:57,604 --> 00:20:59,523 THEY HAD A PROBLEM WITH THE BAG. 478 00:20:59,606 --> 00:21:00,941 OH, MY GOD. 479 00:21:01,024 --> 00:21:02,109 NO… 480 00:21:02,192 --> 00:21:03,235 HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 481 00:21:03,318 --> 00:21:04,779 IT WAS A STUPID PLAY, ANYWAY. 482 00:21:04,862 --> 00:21:07,448 JOEY, I THINK IT'S TIME TO GIVE UP THE BAG. 483 00:21:07,531 --> 00:21:10,451 I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP THE BAG. 484 00:21:10,534 --> 00:21:13,370 I DON'T HAVE TO GIVE UP THE BAG, DO I, RACH? 485 00:21:16,039 --> 00:21:19,126 YOU THINK I SHOULD GIVE UP THE BAG. 486 00:21:19,209 --> 00:21:20,544 WAIT, JOEY. I'M SORRY. 487 00:21:20,627 --> 00:21:22,630 AS TERRIFIC AS I THINK YOU ARE WITH IT… 488 00:21:22,713 --> 00:21:23,881 OH, HEY. 489 00:21:25,841 --> 00:21:27,259 I JUST DON'T KNOW 490 00:21:27,342 --> 00:21:30,763 IF THE WORLD IS READY FOR YOU AND YOUR BAG. 491 00:21:32,972 --> 00:21:34,809 I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HEARING THIS. 492 00:21:34,892 --> 00:21:36,811 WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. 493 00:21:36,894 --> 00:21:39,313 I'M NOT SAYING YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE A BAG. 494 00:21:39,396 --> 00:21:42,817 I JUST… IT'S JUST THAT THERE ARE OTHER BAGS, YOU KNOW 495 00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:45,986 THAT ARE MAYBE A LITTLE LESS, UM… CONTROVERSIAL. 496 00:21:46,069 --> 00:21:49,657 YEAH. UM, THEY'RE CALLED WALLETS.