IRONICALLY, MOST OF THE BOXES SEEM TO BE LABELED "CLOTHES."
AAH, I'M GOING TO MISS THAT BIG, OLD, SQUISHY BUTT.
AND WE'RE DONE WITH THE CHICKEN FRIED RICE.
HEY!
HEY, IF HE'S MOVING
MAYBE I SHOULD TRY TO GET HIS PLACE.
OH, GOOD IDEA. YES.
IT'LL BE SO COOL TO LIVE ACROSS FROM YOU GUYS.
YEAH, HEY, THEN WE COULD DO THAT TELEPHONE THING…
YOU KNOW, WELL, YOU HAVE A CAN
WE HAVE A CAN
AND IT'S CONNECTED BY A STRING.
OR WE COULD DO THE ACTUAL TELEPHONE THING.
OH, MY GOD, I LOVE THIS APARTMENT.
ISN'T IT PERFECT?
I CAN'T BELIEVE I NEVER REALIZED
HOW-HOW GREAT IT IS.
WELL, THAT IS BECAUSE
YOUR EYE IMMEDIATELY GOES TO THE BIG NAKED MAN.
IT'S AMAZING.
YOU'D BETTER HURRY UP
AND FILL OUT AN APPLICATION, OR I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU TO IT.
OH.
WELL, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS
BUT I'M GOING TO GO USE UGLY NAKED GUY'S BATHROOM.
YEAH.
OH, LOOK, THERE'S MONICA AND CHANDLER.
HEY!
HEY, YOU GUYS! HEY!
AAH!
AAH! AAH!
WHAT?
AAH! CHANDLER AND MONICA!
CHANDLER AND MONICA!
OH, MY GOD! AAH!
CHANDLER AND MONICA!
OH, MY GOD! OH!
OH, MY EYES!
MY EYES!
OH, PHOEBE!
PHOEBE… OW!
OKAY! IT'S OKAY!
IT'S OKAY!
NO, THEY'RE DOING IT!
I KNOW! I KNOW!
YOU KNOW?
YES, I KNOW AND JOEY KNOWS!
BUT ROSS DOESN'T KNOW!
SO YOU HAVE TO STOP SCREAMING!
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
OH! OH!
WHAT? WHAT?
NOTHING. OH, GOD, WE'RE JUST SO EXCITED
THAT YOU MIGHT GET THIS APARTMENT!
YEAH, IT LOOKS REALLY GOOD…
OH, MY GOD!
GET IN HERE!
COME ON!
YOU MEAN, WHENEVER MONICA AND CHANDLER
WERE, LIKE, YOU KNOW, "DOING LAUNDRY"
OR GOING "GROCERY SHOPPING…"
ALL THAT TIME MONICA SPENT ON THE PHONE
WITH "SAD LINDA FROM CAMP"?
DOING IT. DOING IT.
PHONE DOING IT.
OH!
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I MEAN, I THINK IT'S GREAT…
FOR HIM.
SHE MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO BETTER.
HEY, YOU GUYS.
JOEY, COME HERE!
PHOEBE JUST FOUND OUT
ABOUT MONICA AND CHANDLER.
YOU MEAN, HOW THEY'RE FRIENDS AND NOTHING MORE?
NO.
NO. JOEY, SHE KNOWS.
WE WERE AT UGLY NAKED GUY'S APARTMENT
AND WE SAW THEM DOING IT THROUGH THE WINDOW.
ACTUALLY, WE SAW THEM
DOING IT UP AGAINST THE WINDOW.
OKAY, SO NOW, THEY KNOW
YOU KNOW AND THEY DON'T KNOW THAT RACHEL KNOWS?
YES, BUT… YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO KNOWS WHAT.
NOW ENOUGH OF US KNOW
THAT WE COULD JUST TELL THEM WE KNOW.
NOW ALL THE LYING AND THE SECRETS
WILL FINALLY BE OVER.
OR WE C NOT TELL THEM WE KNOW
AND HAVE A LITTLE FUN OF OUR OWN.
WH-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
EVERY TIME THAT THEY SAY THEY'RE DOING LAUNDRY
WE'LL GIVE THEM A BUNCH
OF LAUNDRY TO DO.
OH… I-I WOULD ENJOY THAT.
NO, WAIT. WAIT.
YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE EVEN MORE FUN?
TELLING THEM.
YEAH, NO. I WANT TO DO PHOEBE'S THING.
NO, BUT I CAN'T…
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.
JUST DON'T TELL THEM THAT WE KNOW.
NO. I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE SECRETS.
I GOT YOUR SECRETS. I GOT THEIR SECRETS.
I GOT SECRETS OF MY OWN, YOU KNOW?
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SECRETS.
OH, YEAH?
WELL, YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT HUGGSY…
MY BEDTIME PENGUIN PAL.
SO… UM…
HOW-HOW ARE WE GOING TO MESS WITH THEM?
WELL, YOU COULD USE YOUR POSITION
YOU KNOW, AS THE ROOMMATE, AND THEN I WOULD USE
YOU KNOW, THE STRONGEST TOOL AT MY DISPOSAL…
MY SEXUALITY.
HELLO, CHILDREN.
HEY. HEY. HEY.
OKAY, WATCH… LEARN… AND DON'T EAT MY COOKIE.
HEY.
OOH, WOW, THAT JACKET LOOKS GREAT ON YOU.
REALLY?
YEAH. THE MATERIAL LOOKS SO SOFT…
OH, HELLO, MR. BICEP.
HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING OUT?
WELL, I TRY TO YOU KNOW, SQUEEZE THINGS.
ARE YOU OKAY?
WELL, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW…
I, OH, I CAN'T TELL YOU THIS.
PHOEBE, IT'S ME… YOU CAN TELL ME ANYTHING.
ACTUALLY, YOU'RE THE ONE PERSON
I CAN'T TELL THIS TO
AND THE ONE PERSON I WANT TO THE MOST.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I THINK IT'S JUST THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN WITH A GUY IN SO LONG
AND YOU KNOW HOW SOMETIMES YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
AND YOU JUST DON'T EVEN SEE THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE
IN FRONT OF YOU SIPPING COFFEE…
OH, NO, HAVE I SAID TOO MUCH?
WELL, JUST SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT…
I KNOW I WILL.
OOH…
YOU ARE SO CUTE.
HOW DID YOU GET TO BE SO CUTE?
WELL
MY GRANDFATHER WAS SWEDISH…
AND MY GRANDMOTHER WAS, ACTUALLY
A TINY, LITTLE BUNNY.
NOW YOU'RE EVEN CUTER.
YOU KNOW, THAT IS A POPULAR OPINION TODAY
I MUST SAY.
WHAT?
THE WEIRDEST THING HAPPENED AT THE COFFEE HOUSE.
I THINK PHOEBE WAS HITTING ON ME.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I'M TELLING YOU, I THINK PHOEBE
THINKS I'M FOXY.
IT'S NOT POSSIBLE.
OW.
I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST…
I MEAN, PHOEBE HAS JUST ALWAYS THOUGHT
YOU WERE CHARMING IN A SEXLESS KIND OF WAY.
OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, I-I CAN'T HEAR THAT ENOUGH.
I-I'M SORRY.
I JUST THINK THAT YOU MISUNDERSTOOD HER.
NO. I DIDN'T MISUNDERSTAND, OKAY?
SHE WAS ALL OVER ME.
SHE TOUCHED MY BICEP, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
THIS BICEP?
WELL, IT'S NOT FLEXED RIGHT NOW.
HEY, MON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?
YOU WANT TO COME SEE A MOVIE WITH US?
UH… YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY
I-I WAS GOING TO DO SOME LAUNDRY.
HEY, CHANDLER
YOU WANT TO DO IT WITH ME?
SURE, I'LL… DO IT WITH YOU. OKAY.
OKAY, GREAT. HOLD ON A SEC.
OH… HERE YOU GO.
YOU DON'T MIND, DO YOU?
THAT WOULD REALLY HELP ME OUT A LOT. THANKS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I-I DON'T THINK I HAVE ENOUGH QUARTERS.
OH, I HAVE QUARTERS.
OH!
HEY.
HEY, ROSS
ANY WORD ON THE APARTMENT YET?
I CALLED OVER THERE
AND UGLY NAKED GUY IS SUBLETTING IT HIMSELF
AND HE'S ALREADY HAD LIKE 100 APPLICANTS.
OH. OH, MAN.
I'VE GOT THE EDGE.
I KNOW IT'S NOT EXACTLY ETHICAL
BUT I SENT HIM A LITTLE BRIBE
TO TIP THE SCALES IN MY DIRECTION.
YEAH. CHECK IT OUT. YOU CAN PROBABLY
SEE IT FROM THE WINDOW.
OH, IS IT THAT PINBALL MACHINE
WITH THE BIG BOW ON IT?
NO.
THAT NEW MOUNTAIN BIKE?
NO.
WELL, WHAT DID YOU SEND?
A BASKET OF MINI MUFFINS.
BUT THERE'S A WHOLE TABLE OF MINI MUFFIN BASKETS
WHICH ONE DID YOU SEND?
THE SMALL ONE.
WHAT? YOU-YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT BASKET
WAS GOING TO GET YOU THE APARTMENT?
WELL… YEAH.
SOMEONE SENT US A BASKET AT WORK ONCE
AND PEOPLE WENT CRAZY OVER THOSE LITTLE MUFFINS.
IT WAS THE BEST DAY.
YOUR WORK MAKES ME SAD.
OH, MAN… I WANT THAT PLACE SO MUCH…
AND I WAS SO SURE THAT WAS GOING TO WORK.
THERE'S 12 BUCKS I'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN.
ALL RIGHT, WE'D BETTER GO
IF WE'RE GOING TO CATCH THAT MOVIE.
BYE.
BYE, CHANDLER.
I MISS YOU ALREADY.
DID YOU SEE THAT?
WITH THE INAPPROPRIATE AND THE PINCHING?
ACTUALLY, I DID.
OKAY, SO NOW DO YOU BELIEVE
THAT SHE'S ATTRACTED TO ME?
OH, MY GOD…
OH, MY GOD, SHE KNOWS ABOUT US!
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
PHOEBE KNOWS, AND SHE'S JUST TRYING TO FREAK US OUT.
THAT'S THE ONLY EXPLANATION FOR IT.
OKAY, BUT WHAT ABOUT MY PINCHABLE BUTT
AND MY BULGING BICEPS?
SHE KNOWS!
JOEY! YEAH?
PHOEBE KNOWS ABOUT US.
WELL, I DIDN'T TELL THEM.
"THEM"?
WHO'S "THEM"?
UH… PHOEBE AND JOEY.
JOEY.
AND RACHEL.
I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU
BUT THEY MADE ME PROMISE NOT TO.
OH, MAN!
I'M SORRY, BUT, HEY, IT'S OVER NOW, RIGHT?
'CAUSE YOU CAN TELL THEM YOU KNOW THEY KNOW
AND I CAN GO BACK TO KNOWING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
UNLESS…
NO, NOT UNLESS.
THIS MUST END NOW!
OH, MAN, THEY THINK THEY ARE SO SLICK
MESSING WITH US.
BUT SEE, THEY DON'T KNOW THAT WE KNOW
THAT THEY KNOW.
SO…
AH, YES.
THE MESSERS BECOME THE MESSEES!
OH, ROSS, HONEY, YOU GOT TO STOP TORTURING YOURSELF.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST FIND ANOTHER APARTMENT?
I'VE ALREADY LOOKED AT, LIKE
A THOUSAND APARTMENTS THIS MONTH
AND NONE OF THEM EVEN COMPARES TO THAT ONE.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO?
YOU SHOULD FIND OUT WHAT HIS HOBBIES ARE
AND THEN USE THAT TO BOND WITH HIM.
YEAH. LIKE IF I WANTED SOMETHING FROM JOEY
I WOULD STRIKE UP A CONVERSATION
ABOUT, SAY, UM, SANDWICHES…
OR, UH, OR MY UNDERWEAR.
I'M LISTENING.
SEE?
THAT IS A GREAT IDEA.
AND I KNOW UGLY NAKED GUY BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN WATCHING HIM
FOR, LIKE, FIVE YEARS SO THAT GIVES ME BACK MY EDGE.
LET'S SEE NOW.
HE HAD THE TRAMPOLINE.
HE BROKE THAT.
WELL, HE HAD GRAVITY BOOTS.
YEAH, HE BROKE THOSE, TOO.
SO HE LIKES TO BREAK STUFF.
OKAY, I'VE GOT TO GO PICK UP BEN
BUT I WILL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.
HEY, DIDN'T HE USED TO HAVE A CAT?
I WOULDN'T BRING THAT UP.
IT'D PROBABLY JUST BUM HIM OUT.
POOR CAT NEVER SAW THAT BIG BUTT COMING.
HELLO.
OH, YEAH. HEY, HOLD ON A SECOND.
SHE'S RIGHT HERE.
IT'S CHANDLER.
OH?
HELLO, YOU.
HELLO, PHOEBE, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL DAY.
HUH?
WELL, YOU KNOW
THAT THING YOU SAID BEFORE.
I'D BE LYING IF I SAID I WASN'T INTRIGUED.
REALLY?
Yeah, listen
JOEY'S NOT GOING TO BE HERE TONIGHT
SO WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER
AND I'LL LET YOU FEEL MY BICEP.
OR MAYBE MORE.
I'LL HAVE TO GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT.
OKAY, BYE.
OH, MY GOD. HE WANTS ME TO COME OVER
AND FEEL HIS BICEP AND MORE.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
NO.
I CANNOT BELIEVE HE WOULD DO THAT TO MON…
WA…
JOEY, DO THEY KNOW THAT WE KNOW?
NO.
JOEY?
THEY KNOW YOU KNOW.
OH! I KNEW IT!
OH! I CANNOT BELIEVE THOSE TWO!
THEY THOUGHT THAT THEY COULD MESS WITH US.
THEY'RE TRYING TO MESS WITH US?
THEY DON'T KNOW THAT WE KNOW THEY KNOW WE KNOW.
JOEY, YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING.
I COULDN'T IF I WANTED TO.
GOOD EVENING, SIR.
MY NAME IS ROSS GELLER.
I'M ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO APPLIED FOR THE APARTMENT
AND I REALIZE THAT
THE COMPETITION IS FIERCE, BUT…
I'M SORRY.
I-I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT YOU'RE NAKED AND…
I APPLAUD YOU.
MAN, I WISH I WAS NAKED.
I MEAN, THIS, THIS LOOKS SO GREAT.
THAT IS HOW GOD INTENDED IT.
LOOK AT THEM.
THEY'RE PANICKED.
OH, YEAH. THEY'LL TOTALLY BACK DOWN.
OH, YEAH.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
IF HE WANTS A DATE, HE'S GOING TO GET A DATE.
ALL RIGHT. I'M GOING TO GO IN.
OKAY. OKAY. BE SEXY.
PLEASE.
SO, CHANDLER, I'D LOVE TO COME BY TONIGHT.
REALLY?
OH, ABSOLUTELY.
SHOULD WE SAY AROUND 7:00?
YES.
GOOD.
I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD
TO YOU AND ME HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.
HEY, HEY. CHECK IT OUT. CHECK IT OUT.
UGLY NAKED GUY'S GOT A NAKED FRIEND.
OH, YEAH.
OH, MY GOD!
THAT'S OUR FRIEND!
IT'S NAKED ROSS!
IT IS ROSS! IT IS ROSS!
SHOW TIME!
OKAY, RACHEL
GET ME PERFUME. OKAY.
AND, JOEY, COULD YOU GET ME A BOTTLE OF WINE AND GLASSES?
OKAY.
IT'LL BE GREAT.
JUST MAKE HER THINK YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER.
IT'LL TOTALLY FREAK HER OUT.
OKAY, LISTEN, HOW FAR AM I GOING TO HAVE TO GO WITH HER?
RELAX. SHE'S GOING TO GIVE IN WAY BEFORE YOU DO.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
BECAUSE YOU'RE ON MY TEAM
AND MY TEAM ALWAYS WINS.
AT THIS?
JUST GO GET SOME.
GO!
OKAY, HONEY. NOW, I'M GOING TO TRY TO LISTEN FROM RIGHT HERE.
OKAY. OKAY?
OH, WAIT.
GOOD IDEA.
YEAH. OH, WAIT.
DON'T GIVE AWAY THE FARM.
OKAY.
PHOEBE.
CHANDLER.
COME ON IN.
I WAS GOING TO.
UM, I BROUGHT SOME WINE.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME?
SURE.
OH.
SO, HERE WE ARE.
NERVOUS?
ME? NO. YOU?
NO. I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN.
SO DO I.
I'M GOING TO PUT ON SOME MUSIC.
MAYBE, MAYBE I'LL DANCE FOR YOU.
YOU LOOK GOOD.
THANKS.
YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU SAY THINGS LIKE THAT
IT MAKES ME WANT
TO RIP THAT SWEATER VEST RIGHT OFF.
WELL, WHY DON'T WE MOVE THIS INTO THE BEDROOM?
REALLY?
OH, DO YOU NOT WANT TO?
NO, NO.
I JUST, YOU KNOW
FIRST, I WANT TO TAKE OFF ALL MY CLOTHES
AND HAVE YOU RUB LOTION ON ME.
WELL, THAT WOULD BE NICE.
I'LL GO GET THE LOTION.
THIS IS TOTALLY GETTING OUT OF HAND, OKAY?
SHE WANTS ME TO PUT LOTION ON HER!
SHE'S BLUFFING!
LOOK, SHE'S NOT BACKING DOWN.
H-H-HE'S NOT BACKING DOWN.
HE WENT TO GET LOTION.
OH, MAN, AREN'T YOU GUYS DONE YET?
I WANT TO SIT IN MY CHAIR.
JUST LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.
THE SOONER PHOEBE BREAKS CHANDLER
THE SOONER THIS IS ALL OVER AND OUT IN THE OPEN.
OOH, I LIKE THAT.
OH, OKAY, SHOW HIM YOUR BRA.
HE'S AFRAID OF BRAS.
CAN'T WORK 'EM.
JOEY!
WOW, YOU DIDN'T RIP OFF ANY BUTTONS.
NOT MY FIRST TIME.
YOU GO BACK OUT THERE
AND YOU SEDUCE HER TILL SHE CRACKS.
OKAY. GIVE ME A SECOND.
DID YOU CLEAN UP IN HERE?
OF COURSE.
OH, YOU'RE GOING?
NOT WITHOUT YOU, LOVER.
SO, THIS IS MY BRA.
IT'S VERY, VERY NICE.
WELL, COME HERE.
I'M VERY HAPPY WE'RE GOING TO HAVE ALL THE SEX.
YOU SHOULD BE.
I'M VERY BENDY.
I'M GOING TO KISS YOU NOW.
NOT IF I KISS YOU FIRST.
WELL, I GUESS THERE'S NOTHING LEFT FOR US TO DO BUT KISS.
HERE IT COMES.
OUR FIRST KISS.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY!
FINE! YOU WIN!
I CAN'T HAVE
SEX WITH YOU.
AND WHY NOT?
BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH MONICA.
YOU-YOU'RE WHAT?
LOVE HER!
THAT'S RIGHT! I LOVE HER!
I LOVE HER!
I LOVE YOU, MONICA.
I LOVE YOU, TOO, CHANDLER.
I JUST… I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE DOING IT.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE IN LOVE.
DUDE!
AND HATS OFF TO PHOEBE.
QUITE A COMPETITOR.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
AND MAY I SAY YOUR BREASTS ARE STILL SHOWING?
GOD.
ALL RIGHT.
SO, THAT'S IT.
IT'S OVER.
EVERYBODY KNOWS.
WELL, ACTUALLY, ROSS DOESN'T.
YES, AND WE'D APPRECIATE IT IF NO ONE TOLD HIM YET.
A NEW PLACE FOR A NEW ROSS.
I'LL HAVE YOU AND ALL THE GUYS FROM WORK OVER
ONCE IT'S, YOU KNOW, FURNISHED.
I MUST SAY, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU BACK ON YOUR FEET.
WELL, I AM THAT.
AND THAT WHOLE RAGE THING IS DEFINITELY BEHIND ME.
I WONDER IF IT'S TIME FOR YOU
TO REJOIN OUR TEAM AT THE MUSEUM.
OH, DONALD, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
I AM TOTALLY READY TO COME BACK TO WORK.
I… WHAT?
NO.
WHA…
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GET OFF MY SISTER!