Since we've been going out, I think
I've mentioned his name twice.
Okay. So, "Richard, Richard."
It's not Richard, okay?
It's this new guy and he's really good.
Well, I'm sorry. I'm not going to an eye doctor.
Oh, God. Here we go. What?
Anytime anything comes close to touching
her eye or anyone else's, she, like, freaks out.
Watch, watch..
Ross! Come on, that's, alright, fine.
Okay, I have a weird thing with my eye.
Can we just not talk about it, please?
Alright.
Hey, Rach. You know that great song? Um, "Me, Myself And Eye."
Oh! Monica! Come on.
Hey, does anybody wanna get some lunch?
All those in favor say "Eye"?
Ross! Stop it! Come on.
How much did I love "The King And Eye!"
Chandler, alright…
Me too, me too!
Just stop it! That's enough! Come on.
You okay there, man? Yeah. I got too excited.
Alright, I gotta go. I'm taking Ben to the park.
Oh, give him a kiss for me. Alright. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Later.
I am so sorry you got caught in the middle of that.
I didn't mean to be so "Out there"
but I am furious with him.
Wow. Um, calm down?
I'm trying. But, man, that guy can push my buttons!
Why are you so mad at him?
Look, I don't wanna talk about it, okay?
Well, it just seems like…
You want to be on my list too? Keep talking.
Has anyone seen my list by the way?
Uh, no, Pheebs. What's it look like?
Um, it's a piece of paper and it says, "Ross" on it.
I see.
Hey. 'Hey.'
I just got off the phone with Estelle. Guess what?
I got the lead in a movie!
You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing!
What's the movie about? Oh, uh..
It's called "Shutter Speed", it's really cool, yeah, um..
Well, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love
in like, a day, right? And then, she disappears.
But I find out where she lives and when I get there
this like, old lady answers the door and I say
"Where's Betsy?", right?
And she says, "Betsy's been dead for ten years."
Ooh-ooh, chilling! Yeah.
Oh, and the best part is
we're filming in the desert outside of Vegas!
You know what that means, buddy!
Yeah, I know what that means, buddy!
Road trip! Yeah, baby!
Yeah, we can rent a car!
I-I just have to be there by Tuesday.
Oh, wait! My grandmother's dead.
Well, uh, we can talk about that too, Pheebs.
No, no, her cab.
She probably won't be using it.
You can drive it to Las Vegas.
Alright. Thanks, Pheebs!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are we gonna do about my job?
Oh, um, not go!
Alright, great! Road trip, baby!
Is this okay with you? Ah, Chandler.
You don't have to ask for my permission.
You can go. Thank you.
Hey, Rach, come on!
We're gonna be late for the eye doctor appointment!
Alright. Let's get this over with.
Ugh!
Oh! No!
Look what I did.
Oh.
I mean, look at this mess!
I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up!
You know? I mean, we're gonna have to reschedule.
If you thought that this mess was going to bother me
you are wrong! Alright, let's go, Blinky.
Alright.
Urgh!
Chandler!
Oh, hey, Joey. Hey.
What's up?
I can't decide which route to take to Vegas.
Hey, you've traveled a lot, right?
Yeah, I've been around. Okay.
So, so which route should I take?
The northern route or-or the southern route?
Ooh, if you take the northern route
there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees.
Great! Problem solved!
But on the southern route, there's a chicken
that plays tic-tac-toe.
Well, back to square one.
Oh, I know a way that you can decide.
Alright, I'm gonna ask you a series of questions
and you answer as quickly as you can.
Yes!
Good. But wait.
Alright, here we go. Now, I want you to relax.
Take a deep breath.
Clear your mind. Which do you like better?
Peanut butter or egg whites? Peanut butter!
Which would you rather be?
A fireman or a swimmer? A swimmer.
Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?
Monica. Oh.
Huh, I always thought it would be Rachel.
No thinking! No thinking! Oh-oh.
Tie or ascot? Ascot.
North route or south route? North route.
Bam! There you go! Huh?
Wow! That was incredible! Beard of bees, here I come!
Hey.
Oh, this guy again.
Hey. Hey, man. What's up?
Uh, not much. You guys wanna see a movie tonight?
Sure. What do you wanna see? I don't know, um…
Oh-oh, I know how we can decide. Phoebe, show him your game!
Um, no thank you.
What's with her?
I don't know. But, hey, I know how we can decide.
Okay, I'm gonna ask you questions
and you answer real quick. Okay?
Okay. What do you like better?
Action or comedy? Action.
Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?
Dude, you are sick.
Oh, alright. I'm sorry.
I-I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.
Oh, my God. What does that thing do?
Uh, that's an eye-removal machine.
Alright, I'm outta here! I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Uh-oh. Hi, Rachel.
Hey. Mm-hmm. I'm Dr. Miller.
Monica told me you were a little nervous
but don't worry, everything's gonna be just fine.
So we're done then. Almost.
But first, we gotta start. Okay.
This is a glaucoma test. Uh-huh.
Sit down. Okay.
Put your chin here. Mm-hmm.
Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye.
Wh-what?
A small puff of air. Now, come on!
Here we go. Alright.
One, two, three.
Okay.
I'm sorry. Alright.
Just, I'm gonna stay in here this time. Okay.
Ready? Uh-huh.
One, two, three… I'm sorry.
You know what? I'm gonna hold her head.
Okay.
That's okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay.
One. Uh-huh.
Two. Oh!
I'm sorry.
You know what? You're young.
You probably don't have glaucoma.
Okay. So it was very, very nice to meet you, sir.
And you too… And, uh, ow! Hey!
What are you, are you crazy?
Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye.
I want you to take these drops three times a day
for a week and you'll be as good as new.
Yeah. No, I-I don't, I don't put things in my eye.
Okay then, I guess we'll see you back here in three months.
Great!
And I'll fit you for a glass eye.
Okay. Just give me the damn drops!
Dr. Miller?
P-E-C-F-D.
Very good, Monica.
You know where they are. I sure do.
And you don't get one!
You know, I-I gotta tell you, those eye drops are a miracle.
My eye is a 100 percent better.
They're still in my coat. Damn!
Hey. Hey. You ready to go?
Yeah, listen, how cold is it gonna be there?
Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough?
What? I love you.
Man, I wish Ross was coming with us.
You know? I'm gonna miss him. Thanks a lot.
I just got that jerk out of my mind!
Hey, so where are we staying?
Is the movie putting us up
in a big, uh, hotel suite?
Uh, no, not really.
It's an independent film you know?
So we don't have a real big budget.
I figured I'd just stay in your room.
I see, but once you get your first paycheck
you'll be springing for a big hotel suite, right?
I mean, lead in a movie, they must be paying you a lot?
Oh, yeah. Check this out.
For every dollar "Shutter Speed" makes
one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.
So you don't get paid unless the movie makes money?
Did you not hear the plot of the movie?
"She's been dead for ten years."
I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Hey. Hey!
I just wanna to say goodbye to you guys.
And to see if maybe you guys
would place a little bet for me, huh?
Twenty bucks on Black 15.
You got it! Alright.
Alright. Bye-bye now. Bye, you guys.
I gonna say good-bye at the car.
Okay.
Anyone wanna say good-bye to me at the car?
Oh, honey, I'll say good-bye to you at the car
if you don't mind the pus.
See ya!
Well, wait a minute. No, the pus is good!
It means it's healing! Oh, no.
Hey, Pheebs. Whatcha reading?
Pheebs?
Hello?
Phoebe?
Phoe-phoe-Phoebe!
Phoe, come on!
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there.
Pheebs, are you, are you mad at me or something?
'Cause if you are, please, tell me what it is I did.
Well, if you don't know, I can't help you.
Well, I don't know.
Well, I can't help you.
Okay. Well, whatever it is, I'm-I'm very, very sorry. Okay?
Apology accepted.
Okay. So we're, we're good?
Uh-huh.
Alright.
I'll, uh, I'll see you later, okay?
Bye, fatass.
Alright!
Phoebe, now, come on!
Will you please tell me what it is
that made you so mad at me!
I don't know! I don't remember!
Well, if you can't remember, can't we just forget about this?
Oh, no. I am mad at you. I know that much.
But I am sorry about the "Fatass" thing
'cause you actually have a very sweet little hiney.
Man, I'm getting pretty tired.
You might have to take over soon.
We've been driving for a half hour.
And you haven't looked at the road once.
Don't worry, it's out there.
Maybe I just need lunch. Yeah.
You want to eat? My treat.
Isn't that Ross' money?
Yeah, okay. Ross' treat.
So where do you want to eat? I don't know.
Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide.
Alright, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions
and then you have to answer real fast, okay?
So, uh, clear your mind.
Clear it right out. Clear it out. Clear.
Okay.
Okay, uh, would you rather be too wet or too dry?
Too dry.
Do you believe in ghosts, yes, or no?
No.
Is this movie gonna be my big break?
No.
What? Yes.
Dude, you said no. Well, I also said yes.
Well, you don't think this is going to be a big break for me?
No..
I don't believe this.
Look, Joe, I just, I just don't want you
to get your hopes up too high, you know?
What are you talking about? I'm the lead in a movie.
They're not even paying you.
This doesn't even sound like a real movie.
You know what? I don't need this, okay?
I don't know why you're dumping all over my big break.
'Cause, Joe, I don't think this is going to be your big break.
Is that why you're on this trip, huh?
To make me feel like a loser?
'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone.
Oh, you don't want me on the trip?
Well, not if you're going to be like this.
Well, I'll tell you what, the next time you ask me
a question like that, I'll lie.
Yeah, I don't want you on the trip.
Alright, fine, fine, why don't you pull over
I'll get out right now.
Fine.
Get out.
You're not actually supposed to stop on a bridge.
Get out! Alright!
'Wait, wait. There's no sidewalk!'
'Yeah, I'm gonna die here.'
Okay, are you mad at me because my hair gel smells?
No.
Are you angry with me because I said
"Your handwriting is child-like?"
No, that made me feel precious.
Oh, I know, um, is it
because he's always correcting people's grammar?
"Whom, whom." Sometimes it's who.
Yeah, sometimes it's..
Ooh, did you beat him at a board game?
He turns into such a baby when he starts to lose.
Oh, yeah, I'm the baby. Hey, stop it!
Hey.
Chandler, what are you doing here?
Joey kicked me out of the car on the George Washington Bridge.
Why? Why?
He went crazy, you know we were playing that game where
where you ask a question and you have to answer really fast.
Oh, that game should not be played without my supervision.
Well, I don't know what made him so mad, you know.
All I said was that, uh, I didn't think
this was going to be his big break.
That this movie wasn't going to do anything for him
and that, uh, you know, didn't sound like a real movie.
Okay, he should have pushed me off the bridge.
What's in the bag?
Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me
so I got you some gifts that I found on the side of the road.
Who wants the teddy bear with one leg?
I do!
Okay.
Not even close.
Okay, well, then you know what? Help me. I need help.
I can't do this. Alright, come on, let's do it.
Come on. Sit down. Alright. Alright.
Alright, put your head back.
Yes. Alright.
Okay. Now open your eyes.
Okay, they are.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Four.
Oh, my God, I was thinking four.
Really? Yes!
Alright, you know what, why don't we
start with a practice one, okay?
Okay. No drops.
Great! Okay, alright, on three.
One…two…three.
My pillow's all wet.
Well, well, you said it was practice.
Then why did you move? Because I knew you were lying.
Alright, come here. What are you doing?
Come on, get, just get.. Monica, stop it!
Oh, my God! Stop it!
I am going..
Turn it over! No!
I am going to get..
…get these drops in your eyes.
Oh, my God, you really are freakishly strong.
Monica, stop it!
Damn, it's empty!
Well, you know, if Joey and Chandler walked in right now
we could make a fortune.
Ooh, that is definitely Chandler, Joey or Ross..
…or, or Rachel.
Hello. It's Joey.
I'm so glad you called. Chandler told me what happened.
You know, he's really upset about it.
Not as upset as he's going to be when he finds out what I did
with his sweater-vests.
What did you do to his sweater-vests?
Let's just say there's a well dressed pack of dogs in Ohio.
Hey, Monica, listen, is, is Phoebe there?
I gotta ask her something about the car.
'Yeah, she's here. Hold on one second.'
Hey, dude. 'Hey, Pheebs.'
Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat.
Wha-what is it? Oh, that's my grandma.
And thanks, Joey, she's having a really great time.
Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him.
Okay, Joey, Chandler's here.
He was wondering if..
Okay, I guess he ran out of change.
You know, he won't even talk to me, how am I going to apologize
to him if he won't even talk to me?
Well, maybe you should send him something.
So when he gets to Las Vegas, he'll know that you're sorry.
That's a good idea, I wonder where I could
get a basket of porn?
Oh, no, don't, don't say I'm sorry with porn.
No?
You know, you should send him a carton of cigarettes.
'Cause that way, he can trade it for protection..
…no, that's prison.
Okay, Pheebs, I know how we're going to figure this out.
Okay, clear your mind
and answer the first thing that comes into your head, okay?
Mm-hmm.
What do you like better, flora or fauna?
Fauna. Who would you rather be?
Simon or Garfunkel? Garfunkel.
Why are you mad at me? You said I was boring.
Oh.
When did I say you were boring?
Oh, my God! I remember now! We were playing chess.
Phoebe, you and I have never played chess.
Oh, come on, yes, remember that time on the frozen lake
we were playing chess, you said I was boring
and then you took off your energy mask
and you were Cameron Diaz.
Okay, there's a chance this may have been a dream.
Hey. Stanley! Hey-hey!
Your leading man is here. Let's get to work.
Um, slight change of plans.
We've shut down. Wha-what?
Why? It's a money thing.
We don't have any.
You're kidding, right? No.
What?
It's probably just temporary, yeah.
We're hoping to get some more money soon.
So if you could just, uh, hang out.
What, hang out? How long?
I don't know, a week, maybe two.
The money will turn up.
People always want to invest in movies.
Hey, you're not rich, are you?
No. Well, worth a shot.
Look, Joey, let me know where you're staying, okay?
Hey, pal. Are you Joey Tribbiani?
Yeah. These got left for you.
Thanks.
"Congratulations on your big break."
Hello?
'Hey, Monica, it's Joey.' Hey, Joey.
Oh, you remember me even though you're a big star.
'Oh, come on, it'll be years before I forget you.'
Joey, what's it like on a movie set, huh?
Do you have a dressing room?
Do you have a chair with your name on it?
'Uh, well, yeah, yeah, I got all that going on, yeah.'
'Listen, uh, I want you to make sure you tell Chandler'
'that he couldn't have been more wrong.'
Uh-oh, I got to go, Monica. My, uh, my sushi's here.
Sorry about that. Thanks for waiting.
Okay.
Everybody smile.
Okay. Thanks a lot.
Enjoy your stay at Caesars. We hope it's toga-riffic.
Kill me. Kill me now.
Hey, Rach, can you pass me the "TV Guide"?
Yeah. Go!
What are you doing? Stop! Ow!
Oh, my God! Hold it open. Okay. Okay.
We'll see you in about three or four hours.