SURE, NEIGHBOR.
COME ON IN.
SO, IS JANINE AROUND?
UH, NO, SHE'S AT DANCE CLASS.
CAN I SEE WHAT SHE DID WITH MY ROOM?
YEAH, BUT, HEY, DON'T GO THROUGH HER STUFF.
SHE GETS REALLY MAD.
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT IS THI…
IT'S LIKE A GUY NEVER LIVED IN HERE.
LOOK, YOU GOT TO BE CAREFUL.
THIS GIRL THING IS DANGEROUS.
IT'S SPREADING ALREADY.
IT IS?
YES, IS THIS YOUR PRETTY PINK PILLOW
ON THE COUCH?
NO.
IS THAT YOUR TINY LITTLE BOX
THAT'S TOO SMALL TO PUT ANYTHING IN?
NO.
NO. OKAY, THIS IS NOT GOOD.
YOU ARE A GUY, OKAY?
THIS IS A GUY'S PLACE.
IF YOU LET THIS GO, YOU'LL BE SITTING AROUND
WITH YOUR FINGERS SOAKING IN STUFF.
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'LL-I'LL-I'LL TALK TO HER.
YES, TALK TO HER… BE A MAN.
I'M A MAN. DEFEND YOURSELF.
CHANDLER, COME ON.
WE HAVE TO HEM THE NEW DUST RUFFLE.
BE RIGHT THERE, SWEETUMS.
OKAY.
A TOTALLY DIFFERENT SITUATION.
HEY, GUYS.
HEY, HOW WAS YOUR BREAKFAST WITH HILLARY? IT WAS OKAY.
SHE'S STILL KINDA DEPRESSED
BECAUSE SHE BROKE UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND.
WELL, IS THIS HILLARY YOUR HOT ASSISTANT CHEF HILLARY?
YEAH.
THE ONE THAT ALWAYS STARES AT ME
WHEN I COME IN?
NO, THE ONE WHO LOOKED AT YOU ONCE
BECAUSE YOU GOT IN HER WAY.
STILL, I COULD TELL SHE WAS INTO ME.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU SET US UP?
OOH, ARE YOU SETTING ROSS UP WITH SOMEONE?
DOES SHE HAVE A WEDDING DRESS?
HEY. HEY.
RACHEL? YEAH?
LISTEN, I'M, UM, MAKING UP FLYERS
TRYING TO GET NEW MASSAGE CLIENTS.
SO, CAN I COME TO BLOOMINGDALE'S AND USE THE COPY MACHINE?
WELL, SURE, BUT THEY MIGHT THINK IT'S KIND OF WEIRD
CONSIDERING I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE.
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT HAPPENED?
I-I GOT A JOB AT RALPH LAUREN.
WELL, THAT'S GREAT!
CONGRATULATIONS!
WOW!
A YEAR AGO.
YOU'VE LASTED A WHOLE YEAR.
GOOD FOR YOU.
OH.
BUT, PHEEBS, YOU-YOU CAN STILL USE
THE COPY MACHINE WHERE I ACTUALLY WORK.
BUT JUST COME BY AT LUNCH
SO THAT MY BOSS DOESN'T SEE YOU
'CAUSE KIM WILL JUST FREAK OUT
AND SHE ALREADY DOESN'T LIKE ME VERY MUCH.
I DON'T THINK MY BOSS LIKES ME, EITHER.
I DON'T THINK MINE LIKES ME, EITHER.
MAYBE IT'S A UNIVERSAL THING.
OR MAYBE… IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL HANGING AROUND HERE
AT 11:30 ON A WEDNESDAY.
YEAH, LET'S HEAD OFF TO WORK. WE SHOULD GO.
THANK YOU.
SURE.
NOW, YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS
BUT I WAS IN THE COPY ROOM, MAKING COPIES
AND RALPH LAUREN CAME IN.
OH, MY GOD.
DID YOU TALK TO HIM?
YEAH, A LITTLE.
HE SEEMS REALLY NICE.
GOOD KISSER.
WHAT?
YOU KISSED HIM? TOTALLY.
PHOEBE, ARE YOU SERIOUS?
YEAH. I WAS JUST IN THERE.
HE CAME IN, HE INTRODUCED HIMSELF
AND, THEN, NEXT THING I KNOW,
WE'RE MAKING OUT, YOU KNOW.
PHOEBE, I MEAN, YOU DO KNOW HE'S MARRIED?
NO. PHOEBE…
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO… ASK EVERY GUY I MAKE OUT WITH
IF HE'S MARRIED?
NO, YEAH, I SHOULD, I SHOULD.
HEY, JOEY.
HEY.
UH, CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND?
THIS, UH, KID IN THIS PICTURE.
DO YOU, UH, YOU KNOW THIS KID?
IS THAT LIKE A RELATIVE OR SOMETHING?
NO, I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I WAS AFRAID OF.
OKAY, UH… LOOK, JANINE,
I REALLY WANT YOU TO FEEL AT HOME HERE
BUT SOME OF THIS NEW STUFF, IT'S JUST… IT'S TOO GIRLIE.
OH.
LIKE WHAT?
LIKE THIS…
PICTURES OF CUTE BABIES WE DON'T KNOW.
WE-WE CAN'T HAVE THAT.
JOEY, IT'S ANNE GEDDES.
SHE'S A FAMOUS ARTIST.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW THIS BABY.
I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S A FAMOUS ARTIST OR NOT
YOU KNOW, AND…
I DON'T WANT TO BE A JERK
BUT YOU'RE-YOU'RE CHANGING TOO MUCH AROUND HERE.
WELL, I'M SORRY, I JUST THOUGHT I'D TRY
AND MAKE THE PLACE A LITTLE NICER.
YEAH, BUT IT'S-IT'S TOO MUCH STUFF.
YOU KNOW, LIKE YOU GOT THE CANDLES
AND THE FOOFY SCHMOOFER THING HERE
AND, THEN, OVER HERE
YOU GOT A PICTURE OF A WATERING CAN.
WELL, I JUST THOUGHT…
I'M SURE IT'S A FAMOUS WATERING CAN, OKAY,
BUT, COME ON…
AND WHAT IS WITH THE REALLY HOT STICK
IN THE BATHROOM?
IT'S A CURLING IRON.
OH.
WELL-WELL, THAT'S OKAY, THEN…
BUT, OKAY, MY TOWELS FOR INSTANCE, OKAY.
I COME INTO THE BATHROOM HERE
AND MY TOWEL IS NOT ON THE FLOOR WHERE I KEEP IT.
IT'S UP HERE, ON SOME HOOK
AND… SMELLS DIFFERENT.
IT'S CLEAN.
YEAH, WELL, IT FEELS DIFFERENT.
IT'S DRY.
ALL RIGHT, I CAN MAKE MY PEACE WITH THE CLEAN, DRY TOWELS…
AND, OKAY, ALSO WHAT IS WITH THESE CHIPS YOU BOUGHT?
NO, NO, NO. IT'S POTPOURRI.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SMELL IT.
WELL, THAT'S LIKE SUMMER IN A BOWL.
OH.
KIM, HI.
UH-HUH.
SO, YOU KNOW, I-I-I HANDED IN THAT MARKETING REPORT
AND I… AND I NEVER GOT TO HEAR WHAT YOU THOUGHT.
I DIDN'T READ IT.
AH.
SO, WOW, THE SPRING LINE…
IT'S REALLY GOING TO BE GREAT THIS YEAR, HUH?
YEAH.
SO, I HEAR, UH, RALPH LAUREN FOOLED AROUND
WITH SOMEONE IN THE COPY ROOM.
TELL ME EVERYTHING.
HEY, GUYS.
HEY.
WHAT'S UP?
YOU KNOW…
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TEETH?
I WHITENED THEM.
REALLY?
YEAH.
WH-WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WELL, I THINK I SHOULDN'T LOOK DIRECTLY AT THEM.
COME ON, SERIOUSLY.
ROSS, THEY'RE REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WHITE.
YEAH, WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOUR OLD… HUMAN TEETH?
OH, I-I DID LEAVE THE GEL ON A LITTLE LONGER THAN IT SAID TO.
HOW MUCH LONGER?
A-A-A DAY.
ROSS, YOU KNOW THAT TONIGHT IS YOUR DATE WITH HILLARY?
I KNOW. THAT'S WHY I DID IT.
COME ON, ARE THEY REALLY THAT BAD?
NO. NO, NO, NO, YOU'LL-YOU'LL BE FINE.
HILLARY'S BLIND, RIGHT?
SHE WILL BE AFTER TONIGHT.
YEAH.
OH, HEY, HEY, RACHE, UH
DO YOU NOTICE ANYTHING…
YEAH, YOUR TEETH? YES, I SAW THEM FROM OUTSIDE.
YOU GUYS ARE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS
BUT PHOEBE… MADE OUT…
WITH RALPH LAUREN.
WHAT? OH, MY GOD.
YEAH, I KNOW. SHE RAN INTO HIM AT MY OFFICE
AND THEY JUST… MADE OUT
AND THE CRAZIEST THING IS NOW MY BOSS LIKES ME
BECAUSE I TOLD HER ABOUT IT AND SHE SAID IT WAS
THE BEST GOSSIP SHE'D HEARD ALL YEAR.
I AM PROUD OF ALL MY FRIENDS TODAY.
MY GOD, RACHEL, I CAN'T BELIEVE
PHOEBE MADE OUT WITH RALPH LAUREN.
OH, I'M SO JEALOUS.
HI, I'M CHANDLER, YOUR LIVE-IN BOYFRIEND.
CHANDLER, PLEASE, COME ON.
LOOK AT HIM.
OH, I AM NO WOMAN, BUT THAT IS ONE TASTY DISH.
HEY.
HERE.
OOH, WHO'S THE SILVER FOX?
THAT-THAT IS YOUR MAKE-OUT BUDDY.
DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE HIM?
OH, WAIT.
OOH, PHOEBE, I LOVE YOU.
KISS ME, PLEASE.
THAT'S NOT RALPH LAUREN.
SOUNDS LIKE HIM, THOUGH.
WHAT?
YEAH, NO, RALPH'S…
DOESN'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THAT GUY.
HE'S-HE'S YOUNG
AND HE'S GOT LONG HAIR AND A BEARD AND A HACKY SACK.
OH, MY GOD, PHOEBE, THAT'S NOT RALPH LAUREN.
THAT'S KENNY THE COPY GUY.
WHAT?
OH, G… OH… AND I TOLD MY BOSS
THAT SOMEONE MADE OUT WITH RALPH LAUREN.
IF SHE FINDS OUT THAT I LIED TO HER
SHE IS GOING TO HATE ME EVEN MORE.
PHOEBE!
WHY WOULD THE COPY GUY
SAY THAT HE'S RALPH LAUREN?
TO GET YOU TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM.
OH.
OKAY, MAYBE THIS WILL MAKE
YOUR TEETH LOOK LESS WHITE.
NOPE. NOPE.
OKAY, SO, UH, COLORS THAT DON'T WORK ARE
BLUE, YELLOW, GREEN, RED
BLACK, WHITE, ORANGE AND PURPLE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.
THE DATE STARTS IN, LIKE, AN HOUR.
HEY, ROSS, MAYBE IF YOUR SKIN WAS LIGHTER
YOUR TEETH WOULDN'T LOOK SO BRIGHT.
OH, GREAT.
SO, I ALL NEED TO DO IS GET SOME NEW SKIN.
THANK YOU.
I'M JUST SAYING IF WE PUT
JUST A LITTLE BIT OF MAKEUP ON YOU…
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WE'RE NOT 13 ANYMORE.
ROSS, THIS IS THE ONLY THING LEFT
THAT HAS A SHOT AT WORKING.
BUT WON'T SHE NOTICE I HAVE MAKEUP ON?
PLEASE, HALF THE GUYS OUT THERE HAVE MAKEUP ON.
WHAT?
ALL RIGHT, HALF THE PEOPLE.
I MEAN… WILL YOU JUST TRY IT AND SEE?
NO, I AM NOT PUTTING ON MAKE-UP.
HELLO? OH, GOOD.
ROSS, COULD YOU PUT UP SOME OF THESE FLYERS FOR ME?
NO! DEMON! DEMON!
NOW OUR DRAWERS WILL SMELL NICE
AND WE DIDN'T WASTE THESE PANTYHOSE.
YES, GOD FORBID WE THROW OUT OLD UNDERWEAR.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M-I'M GOING TO… I'M GOING TO GO OVER TO JOEY'S.
WE'RE SUPPOSE TO ORGANIZE THE WRAPPING-PAPER DRAWER.
YES, BUT I FEEL LIKE I'VE REALLY GOTTEN IN TOUCH
WITH MY FEMININE SIDE ENOUGH TODAY, YOU KNOW.
IN FACT, I THINK WE'RE TWO SACHETS
AWAY FROM BECOMING A LESBIAN COUPLE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS HAS BEEN KIND OF A GIRLIE DAY.
YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY.
NAH, NAH, THAT'S OKAY.
I-I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO BE IN A GUY PLACE…
YOU KNOW, DO KIND OF, LIKE, A MAN THING.
YEAH. GO OVER TO JOEY'S.
GO OVER TO JOEY'S AND-AND DRINK SOME BEER
AND HAMMER UP SOME DRYWALL.
YOU KNOW, WHEN GUYS HANG OUT
THEY DON'T JUST DRINK BEER AND HAMMER UP DRYWALL.
WHEN GIRLS HANG OUT, WE DON'T HAVE PILLOW FIGHTS
IN OUR UNDERWEAR.
I'M SORRY.
WE DO.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I SAID THAT.
HEY, CHANDLER.
COME ON IN.
WE'RE KNITTING POT HOLDERS.
NO THANKS, JOSEPHINE.
HEY, ROSS, I WAS WONDERING IF…
OH, MY GOD!
WHERE ARE ALL THE MEN?
OH, HI, KIM.
HI, RACHEL.
REMEMBER THAT THING I TOLD YOU
THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY?
WELL, IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
YOU DIDN'T CANCEL THE FABRIC ORDER FROM TAIWAN?
OKAY, TWO THINGS DIDN'T HAPPEN.
BUT, NO, REMEMBER I TOLD YOU THAT SOMEONE MADE OUT WITH
RALPH LAUREN IN THE COPY ROOM?
WELL, IT TURNS OUT THAT'S NOT TRUE.
THAT'S NOT TRUE?
NO. OH, THAT'S INTERESTING
BECAUSE I CHECKED.
AND ONLY ONE KEY CARD WAS USED
TO ACCESS THE COPY MACHINE YESTERDAY DURING LUNCH
AND THAT KEY CARD BELONGED TO YOU, RACHEL.
OH, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO.
OH, GOD, YOU THINK I MADE OUT WITH HIM?
LISTEN TO ME.
IF YOU THINK SLEEPING WITH RALPH
IS GOING TO GET YOU MY JOB, YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN.
I DON'T WANT YOUR JOB. I DON'T!
THIS IS SUCH A MISTAKE.
I DID NOT MAKE OUT WITH HIM.
NOBODY MADE OUT WITH HIM.
I DID NOT USE MY KEY CARD YESTERDAY.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE MY KEY CARD.
HI, RALPH.
HI, KIM.
YEAH, NOTHING HAPPENED.
YOU COULD CUT THE SEXUAL TENSION IN HERE WITH A KNIFE.
AND AFTER THAT, WHAT COULD I DO EXCEPT BECOME A CHEF.
MM-HMM.
AND SOMEDAY SOON, I HOPE TO OPEN MY OWN RESTAURANT.
MMM.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A REALLY GREAT LISTENER.
MOST GUYS I GO OUT WITH, THEY JUST TALK AND TALK.
MM-HMM.
AFTER A WHILE, IT'S JUST, LIKE, SHUT YOUR MOUTH, YOU KNOW?
HMM-HMM!
I'VE PROBABLY BEEN TALKING TOO MUCH.
WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT YOU A LITTLE BIT?
MM-MMM.
COME ON, I WANT TO KNOW.
HMM-HMM-HMM.
OKAY.
I, UM, I'M FROM LONG ISLAND.
I CAME TO THE CITY FOR COLLEGE.
UM, I, UH, I HAVE A FIVE-YEAR-OLD SON.
AND IN MY SPARE TIME
I LIKE TO READ SPY NOVELS
BUT LET'S TALK MORE ABOUT YOU, HMM?
SO WHAT'S REALLY NEAT IS
IF YOU SEAR THE STEMS OF THE FLOWERS FIRST
IN A FRYING PAN,
YOU'RE ARRANGEMENT WILL LOOK FRESH MUCH LONGER.
OH, MY GOD, JOEY, THAT IS SUCH A GREAT TIP.
MONICA, CAN YOU EXCUSE US FOR A SECOND?
I NEED TO TALK TO THE GIRL WITH THE FLOWERS.
OKAY.
OH, JOEY, COME OVER LATER 'CAUSE I'M GOING TO TEACH YOU
HOW TO MAKE A BIRD FEEDER OUT OF JUST A PINECONE
AND SOME PEANUT BUTTER.
OH… I LOVE BIRDS.
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
WHAT?
YOU'RE ARRANGING FLOWERS!
YOU GOT DEAD FLOWERS!
YOU GOT TO A PICTURE OF A BABY DRESSED LIKE FLOWERS!
THIS IS NOT JOEY.
HEY, HEY, LOOK, I AM STILL JOEY, OKAY?
FLOWERS, THEY'RE JUST
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE NICE TO LOOK AT.
AND THAT HAPPENS TO BE A PICTURE BY A FAMOUS ARTIST
OF A FAMOUS BABY.
YOU'RE TURNING INTO A WOMAN.
NO, I'M NOT.
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?
THAT'S JUST MEAN.
NOW I'VE UPSET YOU?
WHAT DID I SAY?
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID
IT'S JUST THE WAY YOU SAID IT.
OH, MY GOD!
I'M A WOMAN!
SO NOW SHE THINKS THAT I MADE OUT WITH HIM
AND THAT I DID IT TO GET HER JOB.
WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH?
I DID.
BUT SHE DOESN'T THINK THAT ANYONE WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH
TO CONFUSE KENNY THE COPY GUY WITH RALPH LAUREN.
WELL, HEY, WHAT IF KENNY WERE THE REAL BRAINS
BEHIND THE WHOLE COMPANY, YOU KNOW?
WHAT IF KENNY HIRED THAT RALPH LAUREN GUY
TO BE THE PRETTY FRONT MAN, HUH?
DID SHE EVER THINK OF THAT?
YOU WERE WITH KENNY TODAY, WEREN'T YOU?
JUST FOR A SECOND.
OH… PHOEBE, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
WELL, THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO.
SLEEP WITH RALPH LAUREN.
I'M NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH RALPH LAUREN.
I MEAN, I COULD, BUT I WOULDN'T.
OH, SLEEP WITH KENNY.
THAT WOULDN'T HELP ME.
OH, YES, IT WOULD.
I'VE HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME TONIGHT. MMM.
YOU KNOW, I RARELY CONNECT WITH SOMEONE
THIS MUCH ON THE FIRST DATE.
HMM-MM, HMM-MM.
ME, NEITHER.
I'VE HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME, TOO, YOU KNOW.
ARE YOU GOING TO EAT THAT BREAD?
OH, I-I-I JUST LIKE THE SMELL.
…MMM.
YOU MAKE ME LAUGH.
HM-MMM.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MOVE OVER TO THE COUCH?
MM-HMM.
MAYBE I'LL JUST TURN DOWN THE LIGHTS A LITTLE.
HOW ABOUT ALL THE WAY?
OKAY.
WOW, COOL POSTER.
OR, SHOULD I SAY GROOVY POSTER?
SO, UH, WHERE WERE WE?
ARE THOSE YOUR TEETH?
OH, YOU CAN SEE THEM, HUH?
YES. THEY'RE INSANELY WHITE.
YEAH, I DID THAT FOR YOU.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ME?
YOU'VE GOT A BLACK LIGHT!
IT'S 1999!
OH, GOOD.
KIM, HI.
HI, RACHEL.
OH, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW RALPH LAUREN SHEETS?
WHAT AM I THINKING? OF COURSE YOU HAVE.
OKAY… OKAY, LOOK.
I'M SORRY THAT I LIED TO YOU BEFORE.
YOU WERE RIGHT.
RALPH AND I WERE AN ITEM, BUT WE'RE NOT ANYMORE.
OH, REALLY?
YEAH. HE DUMPED ME.
HE SAID, "RACHEL, I CAN'T DO THIS.
"EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE A VERY,
"VERY, VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
"I CAN'T DO THIS.
I'M MARRIED AND I'M SORRY."
AND THEN… I DON'T KNOW WHY…
BUT HE SAID, "AND YOU WILL NEVER GET PROMOTED
"ESPECIALLY NOT ABOVE KIM, WHO IS AN INTEGRAL COG
IN THE RALPH LAUREN MACHINE."
YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT…
HI, RALPH.
HI, KIM.
OH, MY GOD.
HE JUST GAVE YOU THE COLDEST LOOK I HAVE EVER SEEN.
IT'S LIKE HE HATES YOU.
THEN IT IS TRUE?
OF COURSE IT'S TRUE.
AND IT HURTS SO BAD.
OH, HONEY, COME HERE. OH, IT'LL BE OKAY.
IT'S JUST WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.
Y-Y-Y-YOU AND RALPH?
KENNY THE COPY BOY.
HEY!
HEY, UH…
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
ARE YOU UPSET?
I'M SORRY, BUT WE GOT TO GET RID
OF ALL THIS GIRLIE STUFF IN HERE.
I, UH, I GOT TO BE A MAN.
OKAY?
THE LIVING ROOM HAS TO REMAIN A GUY PLACE, OKAY?
THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT HAS TO BE.
WELL, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, I'LL JUST PUT IT ALL IN MY ROOM.
GOOD. GREAT… GREAT.
AND, UH, THANKS FOR BEING SO UNDERSTANDING.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS, YOU KNOW.
WELL, BUT YOU COULD, UH, PUT THE PICTURE
OF THE FAMOUS BABY IN MY ROOM.
I MEAN, IF YOU WANT TO.
OKAY.
AND, UH, MAYBE THE WATERING CAN THERE.
SURE.
AND A COUPLE OF THESE LITTLE TINY BOXES.
JOEY, DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT IT ALL IN YOUR ROOM?
OKAY.