Should I get her a Tiffany cut, or a princess cut or a…
Ow! Paper cut!
Have you told anyone else?
No, I don't want to tell anybody. I don't want Monica to find out.
You told me.
Well, that's because I trust you, and we're best friends…
…and you walked in on me while I was looking at ring brochures.
Well, once again, not knocking pays off.
I only wish you hadn't been on the toilet.
Me too.
Hey. Hey.
- Chandler, wanna go to the coffeehouse? - Oh, all right.
Oh, perfect. We were just gonna see if you wanted to go.
Oh, well, we don't, because we got the other place.
How rude.
Oh, I'm sorry. You want a bite?
So how are things going with Paul?
- Good. - Huh.
- Although, you know, he's a private guy. - Mm-hm.
You know, I wish I could get him to open up a bit. Share some feelings.
That's easy. You just have to think of him as a jar of pickles that won't open.
So, what are you saying?
I should run him under hot water and bang his head against a table?
No, that's what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.
- Hi. - Hi.
- How are you? - Watch this.
- Hey, Paul. - Hi, Phoebe.
So how are things going with you?
Can't complain.
- Hey! - Hi.
- Great to… - Ross, good to see you too.
- Good. Bye. - You take care.
Hey, Pheebs, what was the deal with you and Chandler blowing us off before?
Ah, that was so weird, huh?
Phoebe, why did you do it?
I didn't do it. It was Chandler.
He's… He's mad at you.
- What? Why? - Oh, please. I think you know why.
I can't think of anything.
Come on, Ross. You're a paleontologist. Dig a little deeper.
Wait a minute, is it because Joey and I didn't invite him to that Knicks game…
…a couple weeks ago?
Do you think that's something that he'd be mad at you for?
- I guess it could. - Well, then I think that's it.
Well, if he's angry, he really shouldn't just cover it up.
I wish he'd just tell me the truth.
Well, if that's what you want…
…then you should run him under hot water and bang his head against the table.
Honey, I made a reservation at China Garden. Is that okay?
Yeah, that's great.
But first, wait, talk to me, talk to me. Tell me about your day.
It was fine.
Okay.
Hey, what are you thinking? What are you thinking right now?
That you are looking really fine in that dress.
Yeah, that's great, Paul. But, you know…
I want to know what… Wow, those are really great.
I just want to know…
…what is behind this strong, silent exterior?
You know, they say that still waters run deep…
…and I want to swim in yours.
Are you talking about having sex?
No, Paul.
I don't know anything about you.
You know, like your childhood. Tell me about your childhood.
Normal.
Okay, well, then how about puberty? Come on. That's always a painful time.
You know, your friends invite you to a slumber party…
…and stick your hand in warm water…
…while you're sleeping so that you pee in your sleeping bag.
No, that never happened to me.
Well, you're lucky you never met that bitch, Sharon Majeski.
Anyway…
The rest of your life, you know. Any regrets?
No.
All right, Paul. I'm not asking for a lot here.
Just give me something. Anything.
- Okay. - Okay.
- When I was 6 years old… - Mm-hm.
…I wanted a Big Wheel.
And instead, my parents got me this little…
…plastic chicken that you hop around on.
It was embarrassing. Kids made fun of me.
That was a pretty tough year.
- That's great. See? - Heh.
I already feel like I know you a little better. Thank you.
Okay, come on. Now we can go eat. Let's go.
It was horrible.
They called me "Chicken Boy."
In fifth grade, I got in a fight. Well, it wasn't really a fight.
Richard Danville bit me on the nose.
I fell down, still have a little scar right here. You can see it.
Yeah, yeah. I see the scar.
Listen, Paul, I think this is really great that…
…you know, you've shared your feelings.
It's really… It's beautiful.
But, um, what do you say we go share some food?
No, I couldn't eat now.
What are you talking about? You love their Kung Pao chicken.
Chicken?
- Chicken Boy! - I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that.
Well, this is the nine millionth ring store we've been to…
…and I can't find the perfect ring.
Ugly ring, ugly ring, ugly ring…
It's a beautiful selection.
Okay, so maybe you don't get her a ring.
Maybe you do something different, you know?
Maybe you get her an engagement bracelet. Or an engagement tiara.
Ooh! An engagement Revolutionary War musket.
You know, I'm so glad I picked you to help me with this.
- Huh? - Uh-huh.
Can't you imagine getting down on one knee…
…and handing her this gorgeous piece of weaponry?
Yeah, I'm gonna stick with the ring.
Oh, this one's nice. I like it this one.
Sir? Kind sir, can I see this one?
Wait a minute. This is the reason you brought me, okay?
I know how to haggle. So let me handle this from here on out.
Can I help you?
Yes, I would like to see that ring, please.
Or not. Whatever.
This ring is from the 1920s.
It's a one-and-a-half karat diamond with sapphires on either side.
Sir, could I ask you to, um…?
Could you hold out that ring and ask me to marry you?
Okay. Okay.
Will you marry me?
Oh, my God, that's it. That's the ring.
- How much is it? - Chandler, I will handle this.
How much is it?
Eight thousand six hundred.
We will give you $10.
- Are you interested in this ring? - Yes. Yes.
But I can only pay $8000.
- Okay. I can let it go for 8. - We stand firm at $10.
- How would you like to pay? - Uh, credit card.
Oh, no. No, no, but I lent my credit card to Joey.
Okay, I'll go get it. You guard the ring. Okay.
Listen, I'm sorry about before.
Do you have anything here for $10?
Uh, yes. I have these two rather beautiful…
…five-dollar bills.
I'll give you $1 for them.
Hey, remember how Chandler and Phoebe blew us off yesterday?
No.
- Remember, you were eating pizza? - Yeah.
Well, apparently Chandler's angry at us…
…for not getting him a ticket to that Knicks game a couple weeks ago.
What, we were supposed to just get him a ticket?
- That guy is always mooching off of us. - Yeah.
Anyway, I still think we should try to patch things up, you know?
Like, maybe we could get him tickets to another Knicks game and invite him.
Wow, that's a great idea. And I still have his credit card.
Here you go.
Hey, hey. I got this one. Here you go.
You know, I gotta tell you, sometimes I just don't get Chandler.
You know, me and him do stuff all the time without you…
…and you don't get all upset.
- All the time? - All the time.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Still crying? - Like a little girl.
I know, I know, I know. This is all my fault.
I wanted him to open up.
But God, I didn't know that I was gonna unleash…
…this weepy, clingy, moist monster.
You know, I only know of two sure-fire ways to shut a man up.
And one of them is sex.
- What's the other? - I Don't know.
I never had to use the other one.
I'm just saying, you know, if we're having sex, he's not talking.
Ah, that's right. You're the talker.
- Anyway, uh, great idea. - Yeah.
Um, I gotta go to the store. I told him that I would buy him some more tissues.
- Uh, we have some here. - No, you don't.
Okay. Um, I'd also like to try on the tiara.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
Wow, what do you think? Too much?
A tad.
Then take the tiara back…
…and let me hold the musket again.
Something's missing.
Let me see the ring that my friend picked out.
Where's the 1920s princess-cut ring?
I just sold it to that gentleman.
Oh, my God!
Wait, no!
Let me out! Now!
Rachel?
No.
- How are you, Paul? - Okay.
Chandler…
- …did your dad ever hug you? - No. Did he hug you?
No. No.
It's just that my dad never did.
I miss my dad.
Well, you can see my dad in Vegas kissing other dads.
- Hey, Chandler? - Yeah?
Would you…?
Would you hug me?
- I'm a little busy here, Paul. - That's exactly what my dad used to say.
Okay. A quick one. Come on, hug it out.
Hey. Hey.
There you go.
Okay.
- Five more seconds… - Okay.
- Joey! - What? Hey, what…?
Hi. Paul, is it?
- Do you have my credit card? - Yeah. It's in my…
In my pocket.
- My back pocket. Back pocket. - Thank God.
Listen, I got tickets to the Knicks tonight.
I can't go.
Come on, it'll be fun.
Me, you, Ross and… Paul, probably.
Chandler, I found the perfect ring.
Oh, that's pretty nice, but I'm gonna go with the one I picked first.
Oh, wake up, Chandler. The one you picked is gone. It's over.
What?
Some guy bought it. I'm sorry. I tried to stop him but they put me in jail.
- They put you in jail? - The little jail between the doors!
Phoebe, I asked you to guard the ring. I know. I'm sorry.
But, you know, this ring is better. And Monica never even saw the other ring.
Yeah. But when he proposed to me with the ring, I got goose bumps.
- Maybe it was the guy. - It was the ring.
- Hey, so was he excited about the tickets? - No. He blew us off.
- What? - I know.
I can't believe it.
Can I tell you something?
I'm a little mad at him now.
Can I tell you something?
Me too.
You know what? He didn't want to talk to us about being angry?
Well, maybe we don't talk to him at all.
Ooh.
- Freeze him out. - That's right.
- I like it. - Ah? We'll show him.
From now on, it's gonna be Joey and Ross, best friends.
Okay, we're gonna be the new Joey and Chandler. Ha, ha.
Hi, I'm back.
There's more to tell you. I've written it all down.
Oh, that's great.
No, actually, that's…
That's great. That's really great.
You know, I gotta tell you, writing, all that writing, it gets me, uh…
It gets me kind of hot.
Wait, wait. Listen to this:
Know what I wanted to be when I was that age?
A lover?
- A surfer. - Oh, yeah. A surfer?
- I wanted to be one with the waves… - Honey, hold on real quick.
Hold on a second. Let me just get a little more comfortable here.
Wait a second.
- This isn't too revealing, is it? - No.
Whatever happened to that little dude?
So full of dreams.
I don't care about the little dude.
I can't. I cannot listen to any more of this.
The only one who'd listen to this is a mental health professional.
And that's only because they get paid $100 an hour.
Do you know how much money I could've made listening to you?
Two thousand dollars.
And you know when I figured that out? While you were talking.
I can't believe you're trying to stifle me, when just 14 hours ago…
…we figured out that that's exactly what my mother was trying to do to me.
I'm sorry.
I don't mean… I didn't mean to stifle you.
This is all just a little overwhelming.
Oh, Rachel.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to overwhelm you.
It's just that when those gates open…
…it's hard to close them.
But they are closed now. Believe me.
I'm so glad. I'm so glad you shared.
And I'm glad that you're done.
So, what do you say we, um…
- I'd really like that. - Mm-hm.
That was so good.
Oh, oh, ugh.
- Hey. - I can't believe you talked me into…
…buying this stupid gumball-machine-looking ring.
It's not a stupid gumball-machine-looking ring. It's a beautiful ring.
No, it's not.
When I looked at the other ring…
…I could see Monica's face when I gave it to her…
…and I could see her saying yes.
When I look at this ring, all I see is a ring.
Unless I look at it really closely, and then I can see my own eye.
Look, this is the most important thing I'm gonna do in my life.
I want to make sure it's perfect.
Okay. There may be a way that we could get the other ring back.
Because I heard the guy tell the jeweler where he was gonna propose.
So maybe we could get him to trade rings or something.
I can't do that.
Well, you certainly can't give her that stupid gumball ring.
There he is.
Okay, and he hasn't proposed yet. She has no ring on her finger.
Wow, you're good. After this, we should solve crimes.
Yeah. Okay. Go get him.
Oh, okay.
Excuse me, sir. Could you come with me, please? You have a phone call.
- Who is it? - It is your office.
- Do you know who at my office? - John.
Oh, John. Great.
- There he is. - Hi. Hi. Okay.
Okay, there was a mix-up at the jewelry store.
The ring you're about to propose with was supposed to be held for me.
So I'm gonna need to have that back.
But in exchange, I'm willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring.
Wow, I would trade.
It is beautiful, but I'm gonna use this one. Now, if you'll excuse me.
No, no. See, this is my fiancée, and her heart was set on that ring.
You don't want to break her heart now, do you?
Yeah. Do you want to break a dying woman's heart?
You're dying?
Yeah, she's dying…
…of a cough, apparently.
It's my dying wish to have that ring. See, if I'm not buried with that ring…
…then my spirit will wander the netherworld…
Okay, that's enough, honey.
Oh, I don't know.
- Let me see the ring. - Great. Okay, here.
- All right, I'll do it. - Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
And you are about to marry a wonderful man.
Hey, I'm marrying a dead woman.
Guys?
I got something important to tell you.
Guys.
Guys?
I'm gonna ask Monica to marry me.
I think we gotta end the freeze-out.
Wait a minute. Is this for real?
Yeah. Check out the ring.
Oh, my God.
So you two are really serious?
Yeah, pretty much.
You're gonna get married? I mean…
We're gonna be brothers-in-law. Come here!
- And we're gonna be friends again. - Hey.
What?
- Water under the bridge. Forget it! - Okay.
I was gonna wait till it was official, you know, but I had to tell you guys…
…because you're my best friends.
- I think I'm gonna cry. - Oh. No more crying.
Please, I just dumped one crybaby. I'll dump you too.
I'm gonna ask Monica to marry me.
Oh, my God.
Oh, Chandler. You guys are gonna be so happy.
- I know. - Where's all the tissues?
Check out the ring.
Oh, nice. One-and-a-half karat, easy.
Hey. Hey, Pheebs.
Chandler's gonna ask Monica to marry him.
I know. I helped pick out the ring.
Oh.
You told her before you told us?
She walked in while I was looking at ring brochures.
You can understand that, right?
Guys?