- Hey. - Hey. So, what do you think?
New haircut? Necklace? Dress? Boots? Boots!
Yes! They're a little more than I usually spend on boots. Um, or rent.
Oh, my God.
- I know. - I'll miss being able to afford food.
I'm sorry. They just looked so good. The saleswoman was like:
- "These are too expensive for you." - She had a point.
- Hey. - Hi. Oh, my God.
- Oh, Monica, those boots are amazing! - They're mine!
- Too bad we'll have to return them. - Return them? Shh! They're gonna hear you.
I'm not returning them.
I know they cost a lot, but I'll wear them all the time. You'll see!
Besides, I love the compliments.
Have you ever had something everyone wants?
- I have you. - Nice try. I'm keeping the boots.
That's right. I love you.
And I'm gonna play with you all the time.
How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?
- He's talking to the baby. - Oh! Okay.
Okay. When he said, "I can't wait to hear your first words"...
I thought, "There's a trick."
Okay, well I gotta go, you guys. I'll see you later.
- Okay. - All right.
Bye.
- Oh, hey, Rach. Um... - Hi.
Can you do me a favor? My sister knows you work at Ralph Lauren...
Forget it! No way. I'm not sending more clothes to prison.
- It is a waste. - No! Not her.
My youngest sister, Dina. She's interested in fashion.
She wants to talk to someone successful to give her some advice.
- I'll talk to my supervisor. - No, no. She wants to talk to you.
Really? Oh, my God. I'm successful.
- Would you meet with her? - I'd love to. Have her come by.
Great. You'll love her. She's the smartest of all the Tribbiani children.
- Yeah, you know the SATs? - Yeah.
She took them.
Hey, Ross, doesn't Ben go to Smithfield School?
Yeah. Why?
- Sting has a son that goes there. - I know. He's in Ben's class.
You knew and never said anything?
With all the stupid dinosaur stuff you tell us?
Fine, no more dinosaur stuff. Can I talk about fossils?
"Sting's son, 7." There's a picture.
What are you reading? "A Kidnapper's Guide to Manhattan Private Schools?"
It's New York Magazine, an article about the best schools in the city.
- So how well do you know Sting? - I haven't met him.
Uh-huh. That's too bad. I wanna go to his concert Friday, but it's sold out.
I know! Why don't you meet him and get tickets?
If you get two, I'll take you.
I'm picking Ben up tomorrow. Maybe he'll be there.
There you go. Ugh, you're so lucky. You might meet Sting tomorrow.
That's why you have kids.
- Hey, guys. - Hey.
Hi, Monica. Hi, boots.
See? I'm getting a lot of use out of them already.
They're very practical. You can wear them with dresses, skirts, pants...
Wear them with shorts on the corner and earn money to pay for them.
- Wow, they're beautiful. - They hurt so much.
- What? - The guy who made these...
hates feet and wants to see them die.
Give them to me. I haven't felt my feet in years.
I can't. I spent so much on them, and told Chandler I'd wear them all the time.
- I can't just give them away. - Then get your money back, return them.
I can't do that either.
The soles are scuffed up, and the insides are filled with my blood.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Hey, I, uh, just picked up Ben from school. - Oh.
I don't think you did a very thorough job.
I dropped him off at Carol's.
Anyway, I'm not gonna get those tickets.
Oh, no. Why not?
Well, it turns out Ben and Sting's son do not get along.
- How come? - Apparently, Sting's son made fun...
of the fact that Ben's moms are "les-be-nims."
Wait! If they don't get along, you should smooth things over.
- Make them be friends. - You can't force kids to be friends.
Sure you can. Give them some blocks. Put them in a playpen.
- Playpen? Ben's 7. - Your kid is 7?
He's really small.
- Please! Please get the tickets. - I'm sorry. I just can't do it.
- Yes, you can. Sting says so himself. - What?
Ross can!
Look, Pheeb, I'm sorry...
Ross can!
Phoebe?
Ross can get me the tickets!
Here she is. Future fashion superstar.
- Oh, Joey, I'm hardly... - My little sister, Dina!
- Right. Hi, Dina. Nice to meet you. - Hi.
Thanks for meeting me. Joey's told me so much about you.
This is exciting for her.
Well, I'll let you two fash...
ists get down to business.
Okay. All right, Dina.
Let's talk about the different areas of fashion...
you could get involved in.
Let's see. There's design. But you may need another degree for that.
Uh, there's sales, which is great. You get to travel.
I don't care about fashion! I'm pregnant.
And I know you are too, so you gotta help me.
And there's marketing.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
- What's wrong? - Oh, nothing. I'm just... I just was yawning.
Don't forget my office holiday party tonight.
We don't really have to go tonight, do we?
Sweetie, I know that you don't like my office parties.
- But you can wear your new boots. - Ha, ha.
See? Every cloud has a supple leather lining.
- I don't wanna wear the boots tonight. - Why not?
I'm worried your bosses might see them and think they pay you too much money.
Or your assistant will see them and want a raise.
Do you think I work at a boot-pricing company?
Anyway, I picked an outfit, and the boots don't go with it.
You said you paid all that money...
because those boots go with skirts, dresses and pants.
Fine, if you want me to wear the boots, I'll wear the boots.
In fact, I'll go in to my room now and try the outfit on.
- Okay. - Okay.
Ooh-wee! Ha, ha.
Christmas party in my boots!
Ha, ha, ow, ha, ha, ow.
I can't go in there. I can't tell him.
It'll be okay. He's been incredibly supportive of me.
And if he gets a little upset, that's what the meatball sub is for.
- Thank you. Okay.
Hey! It's my fashion girls!
- What's wrong? - Why don't you sit down?
Dina has something that she wants to tell you.
Oh. What's going on? Is it Mom?
Is she sick? Is it Dad's heart? Is that a sandwich?
- Joe, Mom and Dad are fine. - Is that a sandwich?
Joey, there's something that you should know. Dina?
- I'm pregnant. - What?
Now. Give him the sandwich. Give him the sandwich!
Obviously, this is a mistake. You can't be pregnant.
You have to have sex to get pregnant.
Joe, I tried to wait until I was 25, like you did.
- What? Dina... - Bub!
Sh...
I can't believe this! You're the good one. You went to college.
Both years!
- Who did this to you? - Bobby Corso. But he's a real nice guy.
I like him a lot. He's real funny.
You got pregnant for "funny"?
Dina, if he's funny, laugh!
- I'll be back in a while. Stay here! - Why?
I can't look at you right now.
- Wow. - I know.
Oh, there you are, Ben.
Aunt Phoebe, what are you doing here?
I heard you have a problem with a boy in your class.
And so I thought I'd just come down here...
I'd sit you both down, have a talk and make it all okay.
Now, um, the boy's name is Sting's son.
Jack? I hate him. He's a jerk.
Now, Ben, sometimes people may seem like jerks on the outside...
but they have famous fathers.
I have to go. My friend Doug is waiting for me.
Him you're friends with.
Excuse me, can I help you with something?
Yes. Yes you can. I'm looking for Jack's parents.
- Are you with a student? - Uh-huh. I'm with Ben.
- Are you one of Ben's mothers? - I am one of Ben's mothers.
I'm a lesbian.
It was difficult coming out to my parents.
Heh, well, hi. I'm Jenny Boon. I'm the new teacher here.
- Oh. - I've only met your partner, Carol.
- Ah! Okay, that would make me Susan. - Heh.
Right. Are you looking for Jack's parents to discuss...
the problems he's having with Ben? Yeah.
I think the parents should sit down together and converse.
Yeah, let's do that!
That sounds good. We should sit and talk.
Just me, my lover, Carol, and the Stings.
- How will I get in touch with them? - Their number's on the contact sheet.
Uh-huh. Um, could I get a copy of that? Carol threw it out. She lost ours.
She's such a scatterbrain. But, man, what a hot piece of ass.
- That wasn't bad. - I didn't know there'd be dancing.
That was a fun surprise!
- I don't see any, uh, cabs. We should walk. - No, we can't walk.
It's, like, 15 blocks to the subway. Let's go.
Do you think we can get to the subway if we climb through that manhole cover?
- What's going on? - I can't walk, okay? Okay?
- These boots were a huge mistake. - What?
You were right. I never should've bought them.
They're killing me, one toe at a time.
I was right. This is what it feels like to be right.
It's oddly unsettling.
How are will gonna get home? Maybe a piggyback ride?
- Hop on. - Okay, wait. Give me a second.
Let me just get my boots off first.
Ow.
Oh, God.
Honey, I know you're in pain right now, but I'm a little turned on.
Do you worry that you'll be walking and your baby will slip out?
What college was that, Dina?
Oh, my God! Bobby?
Hi, Dina. Good to see you.
- Joey, what are you doing? - Just what needs to be done.
- Dearly beloved, we're gathered here... - Ugh, Joey, this is crazy.
Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to God!
- Where were we? Do you take this man...? - No!
- Oh, you'll take him. - No I won't!
- Hey, you don't get a say. - Yes I do.
Ah, I heard "I do." We're halfway there. Okay, you.
All right, Joey, that is enough!
Listen, as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is, this is not legal.
They don't have a marriage license, they don't have witnesses...
and the groom only has on one shoe.
Yeah, he took the other one off and hit me with it.
What am I supposed to do?
You're supposed to realize they are adults and can make their own decisions.
No, they can't. They're stupid enough to get knocked up!
Hey!
Contraceptives are not always effective. Right?
- Yeah. We kind of didn't use any. - Oh, come on, kids, a little help here.
Wow! This place is incredible!
Sting's pen. That he gave to Phoebe.
Come on, secret passageway.
- Hi. - Hi.
- I'm Trudie. You must be Ben's mum. - Uh-huh.
Why else would I be here?
- Why don't you sit down? - Uh-huh.
I gather Jack and Ben haven't been getting along.
- Yeah. - I'm sure there are two sides to this.
But all I've heard is that Ben's a bit of a "poo-poo head."
Um, I'm sorry. Won't Jack's father be joining us?
I'm sorry, Jack's father's not available.
Mm-hm. Okay.
Well then could we reschedule for Friday night, perhaps at 8:00?
Oh, no, that wouldn't work. My husband's in concert.
Concert. Yeah. Mm. That just put us in quite a pickle.
Because I'm very busy before and after the concert...
and he's obviously busy during.
So you and I should talk about Jack and Ben now.
Unless... Unless, um...
Okay, I would be willing to go to the concert...
um, all the while thinking about the children of course.
- Are you here for tickets? - Ugh, thanks. Four would be great.
I'm not giving tickets to someone who'd use their son like this.
Oh, then you're in luck. Ben's not my son.
I've pressed a button triggering an alarm.
- Any minute now, the police will be here. - The Police? Here?
A reunion? Ooh!
Okay, 10 blocks down, five to go.
- Oh, wait! Stop! - Oh, I'm sorry. Do you need a break?
My boots in tan! Get closer so I can see the price.
I can see it from right here. It'll cost you one husband.
Okay, I think I can walk the rest of the way now. Just give me my boots.
- I don't have your boots. - I don't either. Where are they?
Why don't you check in one of my saddlebags...
while I chew on a bale of hay?
Okay. My God, we gotta go back and get them!
Are you seriously ever gonna wear the boots again?
Okay, I'll never wear them again. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
Know what? You can say goodbye to the tan ones.
- Okay. All right. Unh. - Okay.
Bye, boots. Wait! Half off!
Joey, because they're not getting married...
doesn't mean this is a disaster.
- Maybe they have a plan. - Oh. Oh! Okay, let's hear their plan.
What's the future look like for Dina and Bobby?
Well, I really have high hopes for my band.
You were right. He is funny.
Wait! I bet when you told people you wanted to act, they laughed at you.
Bobby, tell us a little about your band.
It's just me and my pal, Rooster. The band's name is Numbnuts.
Really?
Dina, if you're having a baby, you should be married.
Even if it is to Bobby. Dude, that's not a compliment.
- I knew you wouldn't be supportive. - What are you gonna do?
You're gonna have the baby and raise it by yourself, without a husband?
You can't be a single mother alone! You're gonna ruin your life!
- Excuse me. Am I ruining my life? - No, no, it's different for you.
You're strong and together.
You're not some dumb kid who doesn't know what she's doing.
- Excuse me? - One pregnant woman at a time, please!
I just want you to be okay.
Forcing her to marry Bobby is gonna make that happen?
Maybe.
Yeah. So, uh, what kind of music does Numbnuts...?
Ah, forget it! I can't!
Joey, I am scared to death about this.
But I think I can do it. I just need some help.
- And Bobby's gonna be here the whole time. - You bet I am.
To answer your earlier question, we're straight-up gangster rap.
Rachel's told me how much easier you've made this on her.
- Why can't you do that for me? - Because!
Because you're my baby sister!
And you're my big brother.
I mean, you're my favorite guy in the whole world.
I'm not even scared to tell Mom and Dad. I was scared of telling you.
I'd be scared of them, but all right.
I can't stand the thought of having this baby with you mad at me.
I want him to have his uncle.
Is my baby gonna have his Uncle Joey?
Of course he's gonna have his Uncle Joey.
We'll be all right. Even if we're not married, this baby is gonna be so loved.
- And not just by us. - That's right.
- By his uncle too. - And by you.
Okay, Bobby, come over here and let them have a little moment, okay?
Come here!
No, seriously, what's wrong with you?
You're gonna love me so much. I got Sting tickets!
Oh, my God, I do love you! How did you do it?
Well, let's just say:
Ross can!
Ohh!
- Where are the seats? - Middle balcony.
Would you say that that's more than 50 yards away...
from Sting, his wife, or a member of his family?
- Yeah. - Then that's not breaking the law!
I'm there!