1 00:00:05,213 --> 00:00:08,382 And that's why, no matter what Mommy says... 2 00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:12,511 we really were on a break. Yes, we were. 3 00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:16,974 Yes, we were. Heh. Come here, gorgeous. 4 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:21,437 Look at you. You are the cutest little baby ever. 5 00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:25,441 You're just a little-bitty baby, you know that? But you've got... 6 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,609 You've got big, beautiful eyes. 7 00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:31,905 Yes, you do. And a... And a big, round belly. 8 00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:35,576 Big baby butt. 9 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,663 I like big butts. 10 00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:43,375 I like big butts and I cannot lie 11 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,294 You other brothers can't deny 12 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,421 When a girl walks in With an itty-bitty waist 13 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,465 And a round thing in your face You get... 14 00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:57,431 Oh, my God, Emma. You're laughing. 15 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,517 Oh, my God. You've never done that before, have you? 16 00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:04,271 You've never done that before. Daddy made you laugh, huh? 17 00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:07,232 Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot. 18 00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:11,361 What? What? You wanna hear some more? Um... 19 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:16,325 My anaconda don't want none Unless you got buns, hun 20 00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:21,997 I'm a terrible father. Oh. 21 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,090 - Hey. - Hey, listen. 22 00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:16,135 - What do you know about investments? - How come? 23 00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:20,222 I'm starting to make good money on the show, and I should do something with it. 24 00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:24,560 - What do you do with your money now? - It's taped to the back of my toilet tank. 25 00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:28,772 I didn't say that. It's in a bank guarded by robots. 26 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,235 - Do you have any ideas? - Uh, this guy at work got me excited... 27 00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:36,613 about going in on an emu farm. That'd be kind of cool, huh? 28 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:40,450 Pitching in on the weekends, helping to plant the emus. 29 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,706 Joe, emus are birds. You raise them for meat. 30 00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,207 Yeah. Right! 31 00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:51,920 People eat birds. Bird meat. 32 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:55,591 Do they just fly into your mouth? Or you go in a restaurant and say: 33 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,886 "Excuse me, I'll have a bucket of fried bird." Ha-ha-ha. 34 00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:02,264 Or maybe just a wing. Or a... 35 00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:05,184 Mm-hm. Ahem. 36 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,811 You should consider something a little less risky. 37 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,397 I think real estate is your best investment. 38 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:14,735 The Fed just lowered the rates, and the interest on your mortgage is deductible. 39 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:18,488 That's right. I know some stuff. 40 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,282 Real estate, huh? Hmm. 41 00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:23,118 Oh! And you know who's selling a great apartment? Richard! 42 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:27,206 Oh, and you know whose knowledge of her ex-boyfriend is shocking? Monica! 43 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,750 My dad told me. They play golf together. 44 00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:32,085 Oh! Well, maybe I'll join them sometime. 45 00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:34,755 I just hope the club doesn't slip out of my hand... 46 00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:37,382 and beat the mustache off his face. 47 00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:48,727 Hi! You have to help me pick a dress. I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight. 48 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:51,855 Wow, the boyfriend's parents. Big step. 49 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:56,860 - Really? That hadn't occurred to me. - They'll love you. Just be yourself. 50 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,738 They live on the Upper East Side on Park Avenue. 51 00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,449 - Oh, yeah, she can't be herself. Ugh. 52 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,702 Okay, so, all right, which dress? 53 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:13,752 - You can say neither. Oh, God. Neither. 54 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,755 I'm sorry. We'll take you shopping. It'll be fine. 55 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:20,509 You are in such good hands, and I am so good with meeting parents. 56 00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,720 With the father, you wanna flirt a little, but not in a gross way. 57 00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:24,930 Uh-huh. 58 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,558 Just kind of like, "Mr. Pinzer, I can see where Wallace gets his good looks." 59 00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:33,146 - You went out with Wallace Pinzer? - Oh, he took the SATs for me. 60 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:39,111 - I knew you didn't get a 1400! - Yeah, well, duh! I mean... 61 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,780 So now, what about with Mike's mom? 62 00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,490 Oh! Well, with the mother... 63 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,410 just constantly tell her how amazing her son is. 64 00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:50,122 Take it from me. Moms love me. Ross' mom one time actually said... 65 00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:52,499 I am like the daughter that she never had. 66 00:04:56,254 --> 00:05:01,633 - She said what? - She's like the daughter she never had. 67 00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:03,010 Listen. 68 00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:14,021 - Hi. - Hi. 69 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,815 I just got Phoebe all dressed to meet Mike's parents. 70 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,401 She's so nervous. It's so sweet. 71 00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:21,737 Guess what. I made Emma laugh today. 72 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,531 You what? And I missed it... 73 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:28,493 because I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie? 74 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,831 Yeah, and it was, uh, like, uh, a real little person laugh too. 75 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,375 - Oh! - It was like, um: 76 00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:44,009 Only not creepy. 77 00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,385 Yeah. 78 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:48,805 - What did you do to make her laugh? - I, um... 79 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,641 Well, I sang. Actually... 80 00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,394 I rapped, um, heh... 81 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,063 "Baby Got Back." 82 00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,900 You what? 83 00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:03,362 You sang to our baby daughter... 84 00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:06,031 a song about a guy who likes to have sex... 85 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,283 with women with giant asses? 86 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,203 You know what, if you think about it... 87 00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:15,957 it actually promotes a healthy, uh, body image... 88 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,502 because even big butts... 89 00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:22,089 or, uh, "juicy doubles" are... - Oh. 90 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,221 Please don't take her away from me. 91 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:38,188 Oh, hi, come on in. I'm Catherine, the listing agent. 92 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,898 Hi, I'm Joey. This is Chandler. 93 00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:43,819 So how come Richard's selling the place? Went bankrupt? 94 00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:47,781 Medical malpractice? Choked on his own mustache? 95 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:52,411 He's buying a much bigger place. It's got a great view of Central Park... 96 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,704 That's enough out of you. 97 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,624 Uh, is there anything we should know about the place? 98 00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:02,295 All the appliances are included. There's a lot of light, a new kitchen. 99 00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:05,465 I think you guys would be very happy here. 100 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:11,179 Ha. No, no, no. - Ha-ha-ha. 101 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,475 No, we're not together. We're definitely not a couple. 102 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:18,687 - Oh, okay. Sorry. That's all right. 103 00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:21,982 Wow, you, uh, seemed pretty insulted by that. 104 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,818 What, I'm not good enough for you? 105 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,946 We are not gonna have this conversation again. 106 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:33,076 Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? 107 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:36,872 Pretentious art. This huge, macho couch. 108 00:07:37,081 --> 00:07:39,040 When we know all he does is sit around... 109 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:43,003 crying about losing Monica to a real man. Ha, ha. 110 00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:46,339 - You don't think he's here, do you? - I don't know. 111 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:51,303 It's a nice place, but I gotta say, I don't know if I see myself living here. 112 00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:52,888 Well, let me see. 113 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,023 Yeah, I can see it. 114 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:07,235 Look at these videos. I mean, who does he think he is? 115 00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:10,947 Magnum Force, Dirty Harry, Cool Hand Luke. 116 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,908 - Oh, my God. - What? 117 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,869 There's a tape here with Monica's name on it. 118 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:19,748 Ooh. A tape with a girl's name on it. It's probably a sex tape. 119 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,210 Wait a minute. 120 00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:25,754 This says "Monica." 121 00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:30,258 And this is Richard's apartment. 122 00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:33,553 Get there faster! 123 00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,948 Wow. You look... 124 00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:54,991 like my mom. 125 00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:59,246 I'm wearing pantyhose. 126 00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:02,582 - Great! Come on in. - Okay. 127 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:05,085 - Ha-ha-ha. Hi. - Hi. 128 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,128 Oh. Thank you. 129 00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:08,547 Oh. Heh. 130 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:11,925 - Oh, my God. You're rich. - No, my parents are rich. 131 00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:15,595 So? They gotta die someday. Hello! 132 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,389 Mom, Dad, this is Phoebe. 133 00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:20,267 Phoebe, these are my parents, Theodore and Bitsy. 134 00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:22,978 Theodore, Bitsy... 135 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:26,356 what a delight. Ha-ha-ha. 136 00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:30,652 - It's so nice to finally meet you. - And you. 137 00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:33,238 Your home is lovely. 138 00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:37,242 Thank you. I'll give you a tour later. It's actually three floors. 139 00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:39,327 Holy crap! 140 00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:43,915 Oh. Why don't you come meet our friends? 141 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,542 Try and stop me. 142 00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:48,044 Hey. What are you doing? 143 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:50,088 Getting your parents to like me. 144 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:52,716 I'm sure they will, but you don't have to do this. 145 00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,509 I want them to get to know Phoebe, not: 146 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:55,885 "Phoebe." 147 00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:58,847 - You've got it. - All right. 148 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,849 - It's hard to stop. - Mm. 149 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,476 Well, come on. 150 00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:07,147 Phoebe, these are our friends Tom and Sue Engel. 151 00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:10,317 Phoebe, come sit. Tell us a little bit about yourself. 152 00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:11,526 Mm-hm. 153 00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,862 - So where are you from? - Um, okay. 154 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:17,532 Well, all right. Um, originally, I'm from upstate... 155 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,994 but, um, then my mom killed herself, and my stepdad went to prison. 156 00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:23,622 So I moved to the city... 157 00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,833 where, um, I lived in a burned-out Buick LeSabre for a while. 158 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,543 Which was okay. That was okay. 159 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,712 Until, um, I got hepatitis, you know... 160 00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:34,841 because this pimp spit in my mouth and... 161 00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,636 But I got over it. 162 00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:42,265 And, um, anyway, now I'm a, um, freelance massage therapist... 163 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:47,395 um, which isn't always steady money, but at least I don't pay taxes. 164 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:57,072 So where does everyone summer? 165 00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:08,500 - Oh, God, this is not going well. - No, you're doing fine. Really. 166 00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:12,212 - Why don't you go talk to my dad? - Okay, okay, okay. 167 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:15,006 - Still sure about me being myself? - Absolutely. 168 00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,634 Though maybe just a little less "pimp spit." 169 00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:19,010 Okay. 170 00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:27,519 So, Theodore, I, uh, can see where Mike gets his good looks from. 171 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,938 Oh. Well... 172 00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:34,859 - You must work out all the time. - Oh, not all the time. I do the best I can. 173 00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:37,862 - Yeah, I bet. Look out! - Oh! Ow. 174 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:41,408 - Oh, my God. Are you okay? - Unh! I recently had surgery. 175 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,660 - I'm so sorry. - No, I'll be fine. 176 00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:47,288 - I just should check the stitches. - I really am sorry. 177 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:50,417 How could you know? Why wouldn't you punch me in the stomach? 178 00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:54,045 Um... 179 00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:55,922 Did you just hit my dad? 180 00:11:57,049 --> 00:12:01,094 Yes. I'm sorry. I've never met a boyfriend's parents before. 181 00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:03,930 But, I mean, you have met humans before, right? 182 00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,349 Why don't you go talk to my mom? 183 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,936 Okay, yeah, your mom. She looks nice. I can talk to her. 184 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:14,399 You do that, and I'm gonna go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding. 185 00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:19,696 Oh, Bitsy? Um, uh, listen, I wanted to thank you again... 186 00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,114 for having me here tonight. 187 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,532 Well, not at all. 188 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:26,286 Also, um, I just want you to know what a wonderful man your son is. 189 00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:30,957 - Thank you. I think so too. - It's a testament to how he was raised. 190 00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,210 Especially to you, because he's very respectful of women. 191 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:38,840 - Is he really? - He is so considerate of my feelings. 192 00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:43,428 You know, I think you'd also like to know that he is a very gentle lover. 193 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,142 Excuse me? 194 00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:52,896 No, don't get me wrong. No, not in like a sissy way. 195 00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:54,731 When he gets going... 196 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:59,277 he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave. 197 00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:04,407 That's... my boy. 198 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,415 Awesome. 199 00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:19,923 I'm not gonna watch it. I don't need to watch it. 200 00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:23,134 I mean, what good could possibly come from watching it? 201 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,721 Well, we know I'm gonna watch it. 202 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:31,601 - Hey, dude, what's up? - Don't judge me! I'm only human! 203 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,895 Did you take that tape? 204 00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:37,607 I had to! Imagine you were married and you found a tape of your wife... 205 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:41,361 in another guy's apartment. Wouldn't you need to know what was on it? 206 00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:44,113 I don't know. Who am I married to? 207 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,367 Some girl. 208 00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:48,910 She hot? 209 00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,997 - Yeah. - How did she get me to settle down? 210 00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:55,959 All right, I'm gonna watch it. 211 00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,420 I mean, it's probably not even what I think it is. 212 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:03,216 Even if it is, it can't possibly be as bad as what I'm picturing in my head. 213 00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:05,218 Ha, ha. Can it? 214 00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:10,265 See, in my experience, if a girl says yes to being taped... 215 00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:13,017 she doesn't say no to much else, I'll tell you. 216 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,647 - Then you have to watch it for me. - Whoa! What? 217 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,525 Just for a few seconds so I can know what it is. Please? 218 00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:25,196 All right, fine. But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame! 219 00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:34,998 - Why am I hearing cheering? - It's okay. It's just a football game. 220 00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:39,502 - It's just football? - You were all worried for nothing. 221 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,379 It's football! It's just football! 222 00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:44,924 This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football! 223 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,510 I think it may be customary to get a beer! 224 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,055 What the? 225 00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:56,144 - What are you doing? - You don't wanna see what I just saw! 226 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,606 What are you guys doing? 227 00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:02,775 Oh, my God! Is that Richard? 228 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:10,366 Okay, uh, please laugh for Mommy. Please? 229 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,826 Please laugh for Mommy. 230 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,666 Not funny, huh? 231 00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,752 Well, so is it... 232 00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:25,173 only offensive novelty rap? 233 00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:29,010 Or maybe just, you know, rap in general. Because Mommy can rap. 234 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:32,472 My name is Mommy 235 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,265 And I'm here to say 236 00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:35,516 That all the babies are... 237 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:37,393 Oh, I can't rap. 238 00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:44,901 All right, sweetheart. This is only because I love you so much. 239 00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:49,697 And I know that you're not gonna tell anybody. 240 00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:58,998 I like 241 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:02,752 Big butts and I cannot lie 242 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:07,465 You other brothers can't deny 243 00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,052 When a girl walks in With an itty-bitty waist 244 00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:12,804 And a round thing in your face 245 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,391 Yes, yes, yes. Yes! Ha! 246 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:17,642 Oh. 247 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:20,269 I like big butts and I cannot lie 248 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,522 You other brothers can't deny 249 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,274 Oh, Emma, you're laughing! Oh, you are! 250 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:28,653 You really do like big butts, don't you? 251 00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:33,700 Oh, you beautiful little weirdo. 252 00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,118 Oh. 253 00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:38,204 - Hey. - Oh, you missed it! She was laughing! 254 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,706 - Oh, it was amazing. - Oh. 255 00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:43,501 It was amazing. It was the most beautiful, beautiful sound. 256 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,336 Oh, I know, isn't it? 257 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,631 Oh, what did you do to get her to laugh? 258 00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:52,844 Oh, you know, I just... A couple of things I tried. Different... 259 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,722 Just sang a little "The ltsy-Bitsy Spider." 260 00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:59,600 You sang "Baby Got Back," didn't you? 261 00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:04,272 Nothing else worked! That girl is all about the ass! 262 00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,191 And then it goes back to the chorus. 263 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,360 Smelly cat, smelly cat 264 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:12,030 It's not your fault 265 00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,866 Resolve. And that's the end of the song. 266 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,745 I realize you hadn't asked to hear it... 267 00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:22,707 but, um, no one had spoken in 17 minutes. 268 00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:28,796 Uh, Phoebe writes lots of songs. What was that one you sang the other night? 269 00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:30,673 Oh, "Pervert Parade"? 270 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:32,800 No. 271 00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:36,679 - Oh! "Ode to a Pubic Hair"? - Stop. 272 00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:42,769 Oh, God. Is that veal? 273 00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,188 Mom, I thought I told you, Phoebe's a vegetarian. 274 00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:46,522 Oh. 275 00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:50,568 No, that's okay. That's okay. I mean, I am a vegetarian... 276 00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:54,405 except for veal. Yeah. No. Veal I love. Heh. 277 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:59,243 - Phoebe, you don't have to eat that. - Any baby animals. Kittens, fish babies. 278 00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:02,038 But, you know, especially veal. 279 00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:06,334 You know, and this nice vein of fat running through it. 280 00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:23,726 - Mm. Yummy. Ha-ha-ha. 281 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,447 So... 282 00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:37,990 What do you think? 283 00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:44,455 So you stole that tape from Richard's apartment? 284 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:48,459 Listen to the judgment from the porn star! 285 00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:53,172 That tape was never meant to be seen by... 286 00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,592 Joey, I would feel more comfortable if this conversation were in private. 287 00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,179 Ha, ha, Monica, look, I don't think you and I have any secrets anymore. 288 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,144 Not ready to joke about it yet? See you later. 289 00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:10,439 Why in the world would you take this tape? And why would you watch it? 290 00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:12,942 Because that's who I am. Okay? 291 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:17,196 I'm sure a man like Richard could see a tape like that and not be bothered. 292 00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,240 It'd just be another saucy anecdote... 293 00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:23,828 for him to share at his men's club over brandy and mustaches. 294 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:28,249 Is all of this about you not being able to grow a mustache? 295 00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:32,253 This is about you and Richard. He's clearly not over you. 296 00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:35,173 He keeps a tape so he can look at it whenever he wants. 297 00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:39,093 Isn't that sad? Can't you see how pathetic that is? 298 00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,762 Don't be jealous. You should feel bad for him. 299 00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:44,807 Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard, he... 300 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,185 I can grow a mustache. 301 00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:53,316 This is not our problem. We have each other. That's all that matters. 302 00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:58,613 But I just keep picturing you rolling around with him, with your... 303 00:19:58,822 --> 00:20:00,656 cowboy boots in the air. 304 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:06,537 Cowboy boots? I've never worn cowboy boots in my whole life. 305 00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:09,081 Oh, good, good. Play more because I wanna see how it ends. 306 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,961 - That's not me! - What? 307 00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:18,758 That's not you! Life is good again! 308 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:22,220 Ride 'em, cowgirl! 309 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:26,224 That bastard taped over me! 310 00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:30,311 Is that a problem? 311 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:35,024 It's just so insulting. Spring for a new blank tape, doctor! 312 00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:39,362 I can't imagine what he sees in her. 313 00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:42,490 She actually makes me miss that pill-popping ex-wife of his. 314 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,370 - Hello, dear. - Hey. 315 00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:50,248 - What's going on? - We were just chitchatting. 316 00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:53,417 - How's your friend? - A little better. 317 00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:58,214 Do you know who's moving back into town? Tom and Sue's daughter, Jen. 318 00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:02,969 You remember her, Michael. She's lovely, well-behaved and single. 319 00:21:03,178 --> 00:21:07,223 - I'm not interested. - Oh, please, darling, let's be honest. 320 00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:10,559 You can have all the sailor fun you want with that one. 321 00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:13,688 - But let's be real. - All right, stop. 322 00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:18,359 All Phoebe has done is try and get you to like her. Maybe it's not clear... 323 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:19,735 but she did her best. 324 00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:25,241 - She's a little different than you are. - Michael, a pimp spit in her mouth. 325 00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:30,371 So what? If I can get past that, it shouldn't bother you. 326 00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:33,833 You don't have to like her. Just accept the fact that I do. 327 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,335 If you can't even be civil to the woman I love... 328 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:39,755 - The woman you what? - Yeah, the woman you what? 329 00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:44,468 The woman I love. 330 00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:50,349 I love you. 331 00:21:52,185 --> 00:21:56,731 Something I shouldn't say for the first time, in front of my parents... 332 00:21:56,940 --> 00:21:59,317 and Tom and Sue. 333 00:21:59,526 --> 00:22:03,321 Who are, by the way, the most sinfully boring people I've ever met in my life. 334 00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,452 - I love you too. - You do? 335 00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:11,329 Yeah. Ha, ha. 336 00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:13,080 How great is this? 337 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,377 - Wanna get out of here? - Okay. 338 00:22:18,587 --> 00:22:23,049 - Mom, Dad. Thanks for dinner. - I had a great time. 339 00:22:23,258 --> 00:22:25,718 It was really top-drawer. 340 00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:27,428 And here's something rich. 341 00:22:27,637 --> 00:22:31,015 Thirteen bathrooms in this place, I threw up in the coat closet. 342 00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:33,434 Ta-ta! 343 00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:40,649 She's sweat, wet 344 00:22:40,817 --> 00:22:42,318 Got it going like a turbo 'Vette 345 00:22:42,486 --> 00:22:43,819 - So, fellas! - Yeah? 346 00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:45,112 - Fellas! - Yeah? 347 00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:47,406 - Has your girlfriend got the butt? - Hell, yeah 348 00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:48,574 - So shake it - Shake it 349 00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:49,909 - Shake it - Shake it 350 00:22:50,118 --> 00:22:51,619 Shake that nasty butt 351 00:22:51,828 --> 00:22:52,995 Baby got back 352 00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:55,122 One more time from the top! 353 00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:58,417 I like big butts And I cannot lie 354 00:22:58,585 --> 00:22:59,794 You other brothers... 355 00:23:02,756 --> 00:23:05,633 Rachel, please! That is so inappropriate!