1 00:00:03,199 --> 00:00:05,994 Hey, you guys? What are you doing tomorrow night? 2 00:00:06,161 --> 00:00:09,414 Oh, well, let me see. I believe I'm... 3 00:00:09,581 --> 00:00:11,749 Yes, falling asleep in front of the TV. 4 00:00:12,834 --> 00:00:16,129 Well, my agent hooked me up with six tickets to a great play. 5 00:00:16,296 --> 00:00:17,922 I could fall asleep at a play. 6 00:00:19,090 --> 00:00:21,134 - What is it? - It's a one-woman play called: 7 00:00:21,301 --> 00:00:24,304 Why Don '2' You Like Me? A Bitter Woman's Journey Through Life. 8 00:00:24,471 --> 00:00:25,513 Ooh. 9 00:00:26,014 --> 00:00:28,683 - That sounds interesting. - That does sound interesting. 10 00:00:28,850 --> 00:00:32,145 To listen to a woman complain for two hours. I don't think it gets bet— 11 00:00:34,981 --> 00:00:38,318 I know! I know. We can drive. We can vote. We can work. 12 00:00:38,485 --> 00:00:40,987 What more do these broads want? 13 00:00:41,821 --> 00:00:44,324 Well, you guys will have a great time. I promise. 14 00:00:44,491 --> 00:00:46,242 What? How come you don't have to go? 15 00:00:46,409 --> 00:00:47,994 I wish I could, but I found out... 16 00:00:48,161 --> 00:00:51,664 that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go. 17 00:00:51,831 --> 00:00:54,459 But take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want. 18 00:00:54,667 --> 00:00:57,545 Ooh. Let's see. Who do I hate? 19 00:00:59,797 --> 00:01:01,174 Oh, sorry. 20 00:01:01,508 --> 00:01:02,967 - Oops, sorry. - Okay. 21 00:01:03,134 --> 00:01:04,719 - Okay. - Okay. Up you 90- 22 00:01:04,886 --> 00:01:07,096 Oh, gosh, okay! - All right. 23 00:01:16,731 --> 00:01:19,734 - Can I ask you a question? - Yeah. 24 00:01:19,901 --> 00:01:23,279 Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around... 25 00:01:23,446 --> 00:01:26,658 and not have it be a big deal? 26 00:01:28,076 --> 00:01:30,578 No, I don't think that ever works. Why? 27 00:01:31,621 --> 00:01:33,248 - No reason. - No, no. Rachel? 28 00:01:33,414 --> 00:01:35,416 - Yeah. - Who do you want to fool around with? 29 00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:38,044 Nobody! Forget it. 30 00:01:38,294 --> 00:01:39,337 Joey? 31 00:01:40,255 --> 00:01:41,881 Maybe. 32 00:01:43,049 --> 00:01:44,551 - You can't. - Why? 33 00:01:44,717 --> 00:01:45,927 Because. 34 00:01:49,430 --> 00:01:52,892 Okay, seriously, did not understand a word you just said. 35 00:01:53,935 --> 00:01:56,187 - In the hall. - Okay. 36 00:01:58,856 --> 00:02:00,733 - You wanna fool around with Joey? - Yeah. 37 00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:04,445 Ever since I had that dream about him, I can't get it out of my head. 38 00:02:04,612 --> 00:02:07,240 I mean, what's the big deal? People do it all the time. 39 00:02:07,407 --> 00:02:10,076 Who do you know that are friends that just fool around? 40 00:02:10,243 --> 00:02:14,497 Okay. Off the top of my head... Don and Janet. 41 00:02:14,664 --> 00:02:17,333 - Who are they? - I know them from work. 42 00:02:18,001 --> 00:02:20,295 - Both of them? - No, just one of them. 43 00:02:20,461 --> 00:02:22,255 Which one? 44 00:02:22,672 --> 00:02:25,341 I don't know. What were the names I just said? 45 00:02:25,508 --> 00:02:28,303 No, Rachel, things could get incredibly complicated. 46 00:02:28,469 --> 00:02:31,931 You're right. I won't do anything with Joey. I just thought it— 47 00:02:32,098 --> 00:02:36,936 Okay, so that's two cups of tarragon, a pound of baking soda and a red onion? 48 00:02:38,438 --> 00:02:40,106 What the hell are you cooking? 49 00:03:33,034 --> 00:03:34,160 - Hey. Hey. 50 00:03:34,327 --> 00:03:37,205 You guys won't believe what I have to do for work today. 51 00:03:37,372 --> 00:03:41,918 Yes, but, Ross, you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs. 52 00:03:43,002 --> 00:03:46,506 There are these two professors who are joining my department... 53 00:03:47,215 --> 00:03:50,718 and I have to meet them here and show them around campus. 54 00:03:50,885 --> 00:03:52,011 What's bad about that? 55 00:03:52,178 --> 00:03:54,889 I just know they'll be a couple of old windbags... 56 00:03:55,056 --> 00:03:58,601 wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches. 57 00:03:59,602 --> 00:04:00,687 Ross? 58 00:04:00,853 --> 00:04:03,523 What? These aren't suede. 59 00:04:07,151 --> 00:04:10,196 Excuse me. I'm looking for someone. 60 00:04:10,363 --> 00:04:13,408 You don't, by any chance, know a Ross Geller? 61 00:04:13,574 --> 00:04:14,617 No. 62 00:04:18,246 --> 00:04:21,457 Hi. Hi, I'm Ross Geller. 63 00:04:21,624 --> 00:04:25,128 - Oh, hi. I'm Professor Wheeler. - Oh. 64 00:04:25,586 --> 00:04:28,840 Oh, that's— That's— That's nice. 65 00:04:29,507 --> 00:04:30,842 It's good to meet you. 66 00:04:31,008 --> 00:04:33,886 Thank you so much for taking the time to show me around. 67 00:04:34,053 --> 00:04:35,888 No, it's no big deal. 68 00:04:36,055 --> 00:04:40,393 If I weren't doing this, I'd just, you know, be at the gym working out. 69 00:04:41,477 --> 00:04:42,729 Is he gonna introduce us? 70 00:04:42,895 --> 00:04:46,232 I think we're just blurry shapes to him now. 71 00:04:47,150 --> 00:04:49,402 By the way, I really enjoyed your paper... 72 00:04:49,569 --> 00:04:53,030 on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis. 73 00:04:53,197 --> 00:04:57,160 I wrote that in one night. 74 00:04:58,870 --> 00:05:01,414 Twenty bucks says they're married within the month. 75 00:05:02,415 --> 00:05:04,709 Well, we should probably get going. 76 00:05:05,626 --> 00:05:07,670 We've got a lot of ground to cover. 77 00:05:07,837 --> 00:05:10,548 Isn't another professor supposed to come with us? 78 00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:13,426 I don't think so. 79 00:05:13,801 --> 00:05:16,429 I'm pretty sure. A Professor Spafford from Cornell? 80 00:05:16,596 --> 00:05:19,682 Well, he's obviously late, and the rule in my class is: 81 00:05:19,849 --> 00:05:23,811 If you can't come on time, then don't come at all. 82 00:05:23,978 --> 00:05:27,148 An option that many of my students use. 83 00:05:28,024 --> 00:05:30,109 - Shall we? - We shouldn't wait for him? 84 00:05:30,276 --> 00:05:33,529 You know what, he's a big boy. I'm sure he'll find us, okay? 85 00:05:33,696 --> 00:05:36,073 - Professor Geller? - Oh, damn it! 86 00:05:46,751 --> 00:05:49,462 Hi, it's Jan Rogers. Can't wait for your party tonight. 87 00:05:49,629 --> 00:05:54,258 Listen, I forgot your address. Can you give me a call? Thanks. Bye. 88 00:05:55,676 --> 00:05:57,553 - Hey! - Hey! 89 00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:58,888 What's happening? 90 00:05:59,138 --> 00:06:03,351 It's a real shame you can't make it to that one-woman show tonight. 91 00:06:03,518 --> 00:06:06,562 I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day. 92 00:06:06,729 --> 00:06:10,441 - You know me, work comes first. - Oh, yeah, yeah. 93 00:06:11,943 --> 00:06:15,488 Hi, it's Jan Rogers. Can't wait for your party tonight. 94 00:06:17,281 --> 00:06:19,575 Stupid Jan Rogers! 95 00:06:20,576 --> 00:06:22,578 You are having a party tonight? 96 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,290 I'm kind of having a thing for the Days of our Lives people. 97 00:06:26,457 --> 00:06:27,834 You weren't gonna tell us? 98 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,419 How did you think you'd get away with that? 99 00:06:30,586 --> 00:06:32,421 I do it every year. 100 00:06:34,048 --> 00:06:36,092 You do that every year? 101 00:06:36,259 --> 00:06:38,427 I didn't have to tell you that! 102 00:06:38,761 --> 00:06:41,472 God, I'm stupider than Jan Rogers! 103 00:06:42,473 --> 00:06:45,685 That's why you got us tickets to that play, to get rid of us! 104 00:06:45,852 --> 00:06:46,936 Yeah. 105 00:06:47,103 --> 00:06:50,565 Last year is that why you sent us to that Medieval Times restaurant? 106 00:06:50,731 --> 00:06:51,941 Yeah. 107 00:06:52,817 --> 00:06:57,446 The year before that, you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory? 108 00:06:57,613 --> 00:06:59,782 I can't believe you guys went for that one. 109 00:06:59,949 --> 00:07:03,160 Why wouldn't you invite us to your parties? 110 00:07:03,411 --> 00:07:07,665 You're fine, okay? But everyone else acts like an idiot around famous people. 111 00:07:07,832 --> 00:07:10,710 Well, then, so just invite me. 112 00:07:11,294 --> 00:07:14,547 Please, I was trying to be nice. You're the worst one. 113 00:07:14,714 --> 00:07:18,718 Joey, come on! Please, please? Let me come. I will behave. I promise. 114 00:07:18,885 --> 00:07:22,388 - I will behave. Please, please, please. - Okay, fine. You can come. 115 00:07:22,555 --> 00:07:26,183 But don't tell anybody else. It's up on the roof at 8. 116 00:07:26,434 --> 00:07:27,935 A soap-opera roof party? 117 00:07:28,102 --> 00:07:31,772 I'm going to a soap-opera roof party! Uh, my God! Oh, my God! 118 00:07:34,442 --> 00:07:36,527 And it's out of my system. 119 00:07:42,158 --> 00:07:47,747 And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galépagos. 120 00:07:47,914 --> 00:07:52,126 There was a seafood buffet you wouldn't believe. 121 00:07:52,501 --> 00:07:57,423 There were clams and mussels and oysters... 122 00:07:57,590 --> 00:07:59,884 and cracked crab... 123 00:08:00,051 --> 00:08:02,219 and snow crab... 124 00:08:02,386 --> 00:08:04,889 and king crab. 125 00:08:05,056 --> 00:08:08,184 It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish. 126 00:08:09,769 --> 00:08:12,688 So where did you get your undergraduate degree? 127 00:08:12,855 --> 00:08:16,609 - And that's not all I'm allergic to. - Oh, it's not over. 128 00:08:16,776 --> 00:08:20,905 I'm also allergic to peanuts and cashews... 129 00:08:21,072 --> 00:08:23,240 and almonds and filberts— 130 00:08:23,407 --> 00:08:25,076 So basically all nuts! 131 00:08:25,368 --> 00:08:27,495 Interestingly, no. 132 00:08:28,329 --> 00:08:32,166 You're kind of playing it fast and loose with the word "interesting." 133 00:08:33,876 --> 00:08:37,546 If you'll excuse me, I'm going to use the restroom. 134 00:08:38,756 --> 00:08:40,383 Oh, my God! 135 00:08:40,549 --> 00:08:42,718 I've lost the will to live. 136 00:08:44,428 --> 00:08:45,930 - Let's ditch him. - What? 137 00:08:46,097 --> 00:08:48,808 While he's still in the bathroom. I am begging you. 138 00:08:48,975 --> 00:08:52,770 Okay. Okay, fine, but I just have one question for you. 139 00:08:52,937 --> 00:08:56,023 When we exit, should we walk or run... 140 00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:58,567 or prance or stroll—? 141 00:08:58,734 --> 00:09:03,572 Stop it! Stop it! He talks slow, but he might pee fast. Okay, let's move! 142 00:09:13,290 --> 00:09:15,543 Oh, hey, you guys, this is Charlie. 143 00:09:15,793 --> 00:09:18,629 Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica. 144 00:09:18,796 --> 00:09:21,966 Hi. - Charlie will be joining my department. 145 00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:24,301 - You're a paleontologist too? - Yeah. 146 00:09:24,635 --> 00:09:26,679 Oh, okay. Now, what do you think... 147 00:09:26,846 --> 00:09:31,183 of Renyard's new theory of species variegation in segmented arthropods? 148 00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:36,397 I think he's a little out there, but he does have some interesting ideas. 149 00:09:38,524 --> 00:09:41,402 Oh, I'm sorry. I have to take this. Excuse me. 150 00:09:41,694 --> 00:09:44,280 Renyard's theory of species variegation? 151 00:09:44,447 --> 00:09:49,618 I saw the article on your coffee table. I memorized the title to freak you out. 152 00:09:51,787 --> 00:09:53,456 So did you two have fun? 153 00:09:53,622 --> 00:09:56,083 Oh, my God. She's great. 154 00:09:56,250 --> 00:10:00,546 We have so much in common, and she's just cool, you know? And funny. 155 00:10:00,713 --> 00:10:04,425 And I don't know if you've noticed, but she's a hottie! 156 00:10:04,759 --> 00:10:05,801 Hi! 157 00:10:10,514 --> 00:10:11,766 - Hey. Hey. 158 00:10:11,932 --> 00:10:15,728 Hi, you guys. Listen, you know what, I'm not feeling really well... 159 00:10:15,895 --> 00:10:19,315 and I don't think I'm gonna get to go to the play. 160 00:10:19,482 --> 00:10:20,816 Really? What's wrong? 161 00:10:20,983 --> 00:10:23,194 I don't know. I think it's kind of serious. 162 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,822 You know, I was watching this thing on TV this morning... 163 00:10:26,989 --> 00:10:31,243 about Newcastle disease, and I think I might have it. 164 00:10:31,619 --> 00:10:34,121 Newcastle disease is a secretion-borne virus... 165 00:10:34,288 --> 00:10:37,041 that only affects chickens and other poultry. 166 00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:40,961 Okay, who's this? 167 00:10:41,504 --> 00:10:44,840 I'm sorry. Rachel, this is Charlie Wheeler. She's a colleague. 168 00:10:45,007 --> 00:10:46,926 Hi. Well, I would shake your hand... 169 00:10:47,093 --> 00:10:50,387 but I'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease. 170 00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:54,141 - Rachel, can I see you for a second? Sure. 171 00:10:59,355 --> 00:11:00,606 You're not sick. 172 00:11:00,940 --> 00:11:02,733 What? Yes, I am! 173 00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:05,361 Okay, then why are you all dressed up? 174 00:11:07,488 --> 00:11:11,408 When you're sick, you do whatever you can to make yourself feel better. 175 00:11:12,993 --> 00:11:16,288 You just want to stay home so you can make a move on Joey. 176 00:11:16,455 --> 00:11:19,250 No, I heard you before. That is so not what this is. 177 00:11:19,416 --> 00:11:21,669 Okay, then what is this? 178 00:11:22,336 --> 00:11:23,379 Okay. 179 00:11:24,463 --> 00:11:27,633 Joey is having a secret Days of our Lives party up on the roof. 180 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,344 And he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you. 181 00:11:30,761 --> 00:11:32,513 What? 182 00:11:33,347 --> 00:11:34,598 What? What's going on? 183 00:11:34,765 --> 00:11:38,394 Joey is having a secret Days of our Lives party up on the roof! 184 00:11:38,561 --> 00:11:42,982 He didn't want you to know about it, but I came over here to tell you. 185 00:11:43,566 --> 00:11:47,111 - You came to say you were sick. - All right, professor or detective? 186 00:11:48,195 --> 00:11:51,824 Wait, Joey's having a party, and he wasn't gonna invite us? 187 00:11:51,991 --> 00:11:55,578 He does it every year. That's why he's sending you to the play. 188 00:11:55,744 --> 00:11:59,957 That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory. 189 00:12:00,124 --> 00:12:02,376 And that horrible museum tour? 190 00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:04,503 No, I arranged that. 191 00:12:08,507 --> 00:12:11,302 Hey, you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun. 192 00:12:14,722 --> 00:12:16,432 We know about your party, Joey. 193 00:12:16,599 --> 00:12:20,102 - What party? - The game's over. Take off your robe. 194 00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:23,063 Okay, I mean... 195 00:12:23,689 --> 00:12:25,441 No! 196 00:12:25,608 --> 00:12:28,986 Close it up! Close it up! 197 00:12:30,988 --> 00:12:32,323 Nice to meet you. 198 00:12:42,374 --> 00:12:44,293 Hey, you made it! All right! 199 00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:46,670 Glad you could make it. Thanks for coming. 200 00:12:47,046 --> 00:12:50,007 - Oh, my God. Kyle Lowder! - Hi. 201 00:12:50,674 --> 00:12:52,426 I love you! 202 00:12:52,593 --> 00:12:56,263 Hey. That's why I didn't invite you. You have to calm down, all right? 203 00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:58,432 Just get yourself a drink or something. 204 00:12:58,599 --> 00:13:01,477 Oh, yeah, that's what you want. My inhibitions lowered. 205 00:13:01,685 --> 00:13:02,728 Hey. 206 00:13:02,895 --> 00:13:05,314 My God, can you believe we're surrounded by all this? 207 00:13:05,481 --> 00:13:07,024 I can barely control myself. 208 00:13:07,191 --> 00:13:09,818 You might want to remember that you're married. 209 00:13:09,985 --> 00:13:12,238 Where is Chandler anyway? 210 00:13:12,404 --> 00:13:13,989 Oh, my God! Chandler! 211 00:13:20,579 --> 00:13:23,332 Where the hell is everybody? 212 00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:28,170 Why Don '2' You Like Me? 213 00:13:32,132 --> 00:13:35,386 Chapter 1: My First Period. 214 00:13:39,974 --> 00:13:42,059 Hey, Joey said no autographs. 215 00:13:42,226 --> 00:13:44,353 But if she's getting one, I want one too! 216 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:48,649 "To Monica." And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love." 217 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:53,862 Okay, actually, Mon, Matthew was giving me his phone number. 218 00:13:54,029 --> 00:13:56,824 Oh, man! If I had known I was coming to this party... 219 00:13:56,991 --> 00:13:58,867 I never would've gotten married! 220 00:14:00,035 --> 00:14:02,121 - It was nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 221 00:14:02,288 --> 00:14:04,373 - Call me. - We will! 222 00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:09,169 - Look at you with all the guys! - Yeah. 223 00:14:09,336 --> 00:14:10,713 I guess you've forgotten Joey. 224 00:14:10,879 --> 00:14:13,674 Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten aboutJoey. 225 00:14:13,841 --> 00:14:16,218 And clearly, you've forgotten about Chandler. 226 00:14:17,219 --> 00:14:19,346 Please. Chandler's the love of my life. 227 00:14:19,513 --> 00:14:21,598 Oh, leather pants! Have mercy! 228 00:14:24,601 --> 00:14:28,564 So it's probably gonna be hard for you to leave Boston, huh? 229 00:14:28,731 --> 00:14:32,609 Actually, I'm kind of happy to be leaving. I just broke up with someone. 230 00:14:32,776 --> 00:14:35,029 Oh, so sad. 231 00:14:35,571 --> 00:14:38,282 Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard. 232 00:14:38,449 --> 00:14:42,536 Especially after working with a Nobel Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer. 233 00:14:42,953 --> 00:14:45,748 Actually, Albie is the guy I broke up with. 234 00:14:45,914 --> 00:14:49,043 - You dated Albert Wintermeyer? - Yeah. 235 00:14:49,209 --> 00:14:52,129 And you called him "Albie"? 236 00:14:52,963 --> 00:14:57,176 I mean, that's like calling Albert Einstein... 237 00:14:57,968 --> 00:14:59,011 Albie. 238 00:15:00,846 --> 00:15:03,057 Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man. 239 00:15:03,223 --> 00:15:05,392 You think? I mean, you dated the guy... 240 00:15:05,559 --> 00:15:09,021 who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10! 241 00:15:09,188 --> 00:15:13,525 Yes, and while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend... 242 00:15:13,692 --> 00:15:15,361 he had a lot of issues. 243 00:15:15,527 --> 00:15:17,404 Oh, like what? 244 00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:20,949 I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry. It's just that this must be... 245 00:15:21,116 --> 00:15:25,287 what regular people experience when they watch Access Hollywood. 246 00:15:25,746 --> 00:15:27,498 Okay, you want the dirt? 247 00:15:27,664 --> 00:15:29,792 Albie was seriously insecure. 248 00:15:29,958 --> 00:15:33,170 He was really intimidated by the guy I dated before him. 249 00:15:33,337 --> 00:15:36,757 Who's intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize? 250 00:15:36,924 --> 00:15:38,926 A guy who won two. 251 00:15:39,468 --> 00:15:40,761 Two? What—? 252 00:15:40,928 --> 00:15:43,889 Don't tell me you dated Benjamin Hobart? 253 00:15:44,056 --> 00:15:45,933 Yeah, for three years. 254 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:47,476 Oh, my God. 255 00:15:48,352 --> 00:15:52,648 Have you ever dated someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize? 256 00:15:54,149 --> 00:15:55,776 No. 257 00:15:56,568 --> 00:15:58,695 But there was my first boyfriend, Billy. 258 00:15:58,862 --> 00:16:01,198 Oh, yeah? No Nobel Prizes for him? 259 00:16:01,365 --> 00:16:04,660 No, but he did just win a MacArthur "genius grant." 260 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,663 What a loser. 261 00:16:09,248 --> 00:16:11,125 Some more wine? 262 00:16:15,295 --> 00:16:17,714 Hey, Ross. How's it going with Charlie? 263 00:16:17,881 --> 00:16:19,758 Oh, great. After I finish my wine... 264 00:16:19,925 --> 00:16:23,846 I'm gonna blow my average-sized brains out. 265 00:16:24,304 --> 00:16:25,597 What's the matter? 266 00:16:25,764 --> 00:16:30,394 She only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. 267 00:16:30,561 --> 00:16:33,355 Oh, my God, at the Chinese restaurant earlier today... 268 00:16:33,522 --> 00:16:37,860 I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretended to be a woolly mammoth. 269 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,279 I always loved that. 270 00:16:40,446 --> 00:16:43,949 Of course you would! Your brains are smaller than mine! 271 00:16:45,409 --> 00:16:48,120 I can't compete with the guys she goes out with. 272 00:16:48,287 --> 00:16:50,831 They're so out of my league. 273 00:16:51,331 --> 00:16:52,458 Oh, my God! 274 00:16:52,624 --> 00:16:54,585 - Worse? - Oh, much, much worse. 275 00:16:54,751 --> 00:16:58,922 I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians. 276 00:16:59,089 --> 00:17:00,215 "Can we walk?" 277 00:17:02,426 --> 00:17:04,720 - Oh, you like that? - No. 278 00:17:04,887 --> 00:17:06,138 What? 279 00:17:06,305 --> 00:17:09,641 Come on! I think that's funny! 280 00:17:10,309 --> 00:17:11,935 Woolly mammoth. 281 00:17:12,102 --> 00:17:13,812 L'I'S good! 282 00:17:15,939 --> 00:17:20,110 I bet you're thinking that now would be a great time for an intermission, huh? 283 00:17:20,277 --> 00:17:22,905 Oh, yes. God, yes. 284 00:17:23,489 --> 00:17:25,407 Well, you're not gonna get one! 285 00:17:25,574 --> 00:17:28,994 Because in life, there are no intermissions, people! 286 00:17:30,245 --> 00:17:34,041 Now, Chapter 7: Divorce is a Four-Letter Word! 287 00:17:35,876 --> 00:17:38,337 How could he leave me? 288 00:17:40,088 --> 00:17:42,758 I don't know. You seem lovely. 289 00:17:49,723 --> 00:17:53,977 Ross, this is one of my costars, Dirk. Dirk, this is my good friend Ross. 290 00:17:54,144 --> 00:17:56,563 - Nice to meet you. - So, what show are you on? 291 00:17:56,730 --> 00:18:00,108 I'm not an actor. I'm a professor of paleontology. 292 00:18:00,943 --> 00:18:02,694 - That's science. - Oh. 293 00:18:03,237 --> 00:18:05,989 Hey, well, listen, I play a scientist on Days. 294 00:18:06,156 --> 00:18:09,034 Yeah, my character just won a Nobel Prize. 295 00:18:10,953 --> 00:18:15,874 Dirk was wondering about the woman you brought and if you two are together? 296 00:18:16,083 --> 00:18:18,293 Oh. Well, no, but... 297 00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:22,381 I mean, she only goes out with really, really smart guys. 298 00:18:22,548 --> 00:18:25,676 Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs. 299 00:18:27,386 --> 00:18:28,971 I'd lead with that. 300 00:18:31,265 --> 00:18:34,059 That's it. Just sign right on the bra. 301 00:18:34,935 --> 00:18:35,978 Monica! 302 00:18:36,478 --> 00:18:39,690 Don't worry, Joe. I won't come next year! 303 00:18:43,735 --> 00:18:44,987 What the—? 304 00:18:45,153 --> 00:18:46,446 What do you got there? 305 00:18:46,613 --> 00:18:49,116 Just some boys gave me their phone numbers. 306 00:18:49,283 --> 00:18:51,535 - Oh, really? Let me see. - Oh. 307 00:18:52,327 --> 00:18:54,746 Damn, that's a lot of guys. 308 00:18:54,913 --> 00:18:57,207 Are you a little slutty? 309 00:18:58,959 --> 00:19:01,169 I think I am. 310 00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:04,381 Let me see if I approve of any of these clowns. 311 00:19:04,548 --> 00:19:06,800 - This guy wears a rug. - Well... 312 00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:09,386 This guy's Canadian. 313 00:19:09,886 --> 00:19:12,472 Oh, and this guy is in a cult, okay? 314 00:19:12,639 --> 00:19:17,394 It'll cost you $5000 to get to level three, and I don't feel any different. 315 00:19:18,979 --> 00:19:21,064 Pass. Pa— Oh, pass. Pass. 316 00:19:21,231 --> 00:19:24,443 - Why? What's wrong with these guys? - Well, nothing major. 317 00:19:24,610 --> 00:19:28,030 It's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you... 318 00:19:28,196 --> 00:19:30,407 and you deserve the best. 319 00:19:30,574 --> 00:19:32,826 Joey, you're so sweet. 320 00:19:32,993 --> 00:19:37,372 It's true, but it doesn't matter. I already know who you're going home with. 321 00:19:37,539 --> 00:19:39,249 Who? 322 00:19:42,794 --> 00:19:44,129 Me. 323 00:19:44,338 --> 00:19:45,922 What? 324 00:19:46,506 --> 00:19:48,258 Really? 325 00:19:48,592 --> 00:19:51,762 Yeah, because we live together. It's a joke! It's a joke. 326 00:19:51,928 --> 00:19:54,222 Right! That's funny! I get it! 327 00:19:54,389 --> 00:19:57,309 - Got you! - You're funny, Joey. 328 00:19:57,809 --> 00:19:59,561 Oh, my God. 329 00:20:05,609 --> 00:20:08,362 So how did you enjoy the play? 330 00:20:08,862 --> 00:20:13,742 Oh, my God. Honey, I am so, so, so, so sorry. 331 00:20:13,909 --> 00:20:14,951 You should be. 332 00:20:15,118 --> 00:20:19,331 You missed the most powerful three hours in the history of the theater. 333 00:20:19,498 --> 00:20:22,668 - You really liked it? - Oh, yeah. I mean, at first I hated it. 334 00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:27,047 But why wouldn't I? Because as a man, I've been trained not to listen! 335 00:20:30,008 --> 00:20:35,180 But after Chapter 16: Fat, Single and Ready to Mingle... 336 00:20:36,056 --> 00:20:38,183 I was uplifted. 337 00:20:39,267 --> 00:20:40,352 - Oh, really? - Oh, yeah. 338 00:20:40,519 --> 00:20:43,772 I had no idea the amazing journey you go through as a woman. 339 00:20:44,189 --> 00:20:47,901 Tell me— Tell me about your first period. 340 00:20:49,653 --> 00:20:50,904 No! 341 00:20:52,656 --> 00:20:54,282 Did somebody sign your bra? 342 00:20:54,449 --> 00:20:58,453 So I got it when I was 13. Very difficult. 343 00:20:59,663 --> 00:21:04,334 Hey, Ross? So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl? 344 00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:08,171 Are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel Prizes scare you off? 345 00:21:08,338 --> 00:21:10,674 What is that? Come on, a piece of paper? 346 00:21:10,841 --> 00:21:12,926 It's actually a million-dollar prize. 347 00:21:13,301 --> 00:21:15,262 Go, Charlie! 348 00:21:15,804 --> 00:21:18,181 But my point is... 349 00:21:18,348 --> 00:21:22,269 okay, so she dated them, but she also broke up with them. 350 00:21:22,436 --> 00:21:28,024 Maybe she's looking to, you know, slum it with some average Joe Ph.D. 351 00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:33,989 Yeah, maybe, and I do have my whole career in front of me. 352 00:21:34,156 --> 00:21:35,615 I mean... 353 00:21:35,782 --> 00:21:38,702 I could still win a Nobel Prize. 354 00:21:38,869 --> 00:21:44,708 Although the last two papers I've written were widely discredited. 355 00:21:46,543 --> 00:21:51,590 You're so much more than just brains. You are sweet and kind and funny. 356 00:21:51,882 --> 00:21:53,258 And sexy. 357 00:21:53,425 --> 00:21:56,553 Okay, well, give her a chance to see all that. 358 00:21:56,970 --> 00:21:58,889 Yeah. Yeah. You're right. 359 00:21:59,055 --> 00:22:01,600 - Thanks. I'm gonna go find her. - Good for you. 360 00:22:01,767 --> 00:22:06,688 Your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian Era was topnotch. 361 00:22:06,855 --> 00:22:08,857 Stop going through my stuff! 362 00:22:11,943 --> 00:22:13,195 - Hey. Hey. 363 00:22:13,361 --> 00:22:16,198 I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind. 364 00:22:16,364 --> 00:22:18,408 I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna kiss Joey. 365 00:22:18,575 --> 00:22:22,037 No! You can't! Friends hooking up is a bad idea. 366 00:22:22,204 --> 00:22:24,247 Please! What about you and Chandler? 367 00:22:24,414 --> 00:22:27,375 That's different. I was drunk and stupid. 368 00:22:27,542 --> 00:22:29,878 Well, hello? 369 00:22:30,796 --> 00:22:34,257 What about all the guys that you got the phone numbers from? 370 00:22:34,424 --> 00:22:37,010 - Why don't you just kiss one of them. - I could... 371 00:22:37,177 --> 00:22:40,722 but I don't want to. I want to kiss Joey. 372 00:22:41,389 --> 00:22:45,393 All right. I think it's a big mistake, but it's your decision. 373 00:22:50,148 --> 00:22:51,274 I'm gonna do it. 374 00:22:51,441 --> 00:22:54,361 - And I can't stop you? - No. 375 00:23:07,457 --> 00:23:10,710 Hey, Rach, have you seen Charlie anywhere? 376 00:23:16,466 --> 00:23:18,844 I'm smarter than him! 377 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,478 Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler. 378 00:23:28,645 --> 00:23:33,024 This was a really important experience for me. I wanted to share it with you. 379 00:23:33,191 --> 00:23:34,985 You're so wonderful. 380 00:23:36,319 --> 00:23:38,405 Why Don '2' You Like Me? 381 00:23:39,865 --> 00:23:43,285 Chapter 1: My First Period. 382 00:23:45,287 --> 00:23:48,790 I can't believe you guys bought that. Enjoy your slow death.