1 00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:05,879 - Hey, guys. Hey. 2 00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:08,924 Honey, I got us that room at the Woodford Inn this weekend. 3 00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:12,928 That place in Vermont? You can take a hint. 4 00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,597 You can't go away this weekend. It's Emma's birthday. 5 00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:17,182 - Yeah. - We're having a party. 6 00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,351 Can't you have the party when we get back? 7 00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:22,563 - No. - No. It won't be her real birthday. 8 00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:27,985 Gee, if only she were 1 and had no idea what the hell a birthday was. 9 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,821 Come on, you guys, this is really important to us. 10 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:33,991 Sorry, but Chandler and I could really use a weekend away... 11 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:38,245 you know, to reconnect, emotionally. - There's this thing I really want us to do. 12 00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,289 I read about it in Maxim. 13 00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:44,460 Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day? 14 00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:46,420 Yeah, we want everyone to be there. 15 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:51,800 As much as I hate to delay your doing weird sex stuff to my little sister. 16 00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:54,595 And, I mean, you know, you guys, this is a big deal. 17 00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,889 I mean, how can we have her first birthday party... 18 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,891 without her aunt and her uncle? 19 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,186 All right, we'll stay. We can just drive up after the party. 20 00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:05,856 Fine. But if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party... 21 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,567 Believe me, that is not why we won't be doing that. 22 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,777 You know, Pheebs, when I was little, on my birthday... 23 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:55,114 my daddy would hide a present in every room of the house. 24 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:58,283 And then he would draw a treasure map to help me find them all. 25 00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:01,578 Aw, I love family traditions like that. 26 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,957 When Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday... 27 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:09,253 our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food. 28 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,423 - Hey, guys. Hi. 29 00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:16,635 - I brought the camera for Emma's video. - Oh, good! 30 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,304 We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma... 31 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:22,224 and we'll give it to her when she's 18. - Oh, cool. 32 00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,726 - Wow, it's like a time capsule. Yeah. 33 00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:28,397 Oh, just think, she's gonna be watching that video on a TV... 34 00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:31,233 that hasn't even been invented yet... 35 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:35,654 with friends who, right now, are just, like, babies. 36 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:39,700 And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built... 37 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,451 to escape the ant people. 38 00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,914 That's the hope. 39 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,335 - So is Emma awake yet? - No, it's still naptime. 40 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:52,212 - But she'll be up soon. - Where's Joey? 41 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,631 I said, it's still naptime. 42 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:59,052 - Hey, there's Uncle Joey. Hey. 43 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:02,139 Hey, say something to Emma on her 18th birthday. 44 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:07,060 - Eighteen, huh? - Joey, no! 45 00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:10,731 What? What? It's for her hot friends. 46 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,025 When they see this, you'll be 52. 47 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,486 And starting to think about settling down. 48 00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:19,990 Hey, Joey, will you please set this up for people to put Emma's presents on? 49 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,117 Love to. Yeah. 50 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:27,206 - We were supposed to bring presents? - Yeah. I wrote Emma a song. 51 00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,666 Oh, yeah. How was I supposed to know? 52 00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:33,212 - Joey, it's a birthday party. - Yeah, but for a 1 -year-old. 53 00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:37,925 What's the point? The other day she laughed for, like, an hour at a cup. 54 00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:41,929 Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it, dressed as a farmer. 55 00:03:42,096 --> 00:03:47,809 And he's standing next to this cow, and the cow says, "El-moo." 56 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:55,108 Man, that's a funny cup. 57 00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,112 Hey. 58 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,074 - Where's the birthday girl? - Oh, she's still napping. 59 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:06,787 She was probably up all night excited about the party she knows is happening. 60 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:11,250 I know you guys really want to get to Vermont, and this isn't a big deal to you. 61 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:15,379 But it really is to us, okay? Emma will never have a first birthday again. 62 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,756 You're right. We're sorry. 63 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:20,217 Let's wake up Emma and get the fun time started! 64 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:23,011 No, she didn't sleep well last night, so we can't wake her. 65 00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:25,514 Are you frigging kidding me, Green? 66 00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:32,062 Hi! Hey! 67 00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:35,482 I'm so glad you came. - I can't believe Emma's already 1. 68 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,901 I remember your first birthday. 69 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:41,029 Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. 70 00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:44,283 He pulled on his testicles so hard... 71 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:47,369 we had to take him to the emergency room. 72 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:53,458 There's something you didn't know about your dad. 73 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:57,546 Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Geller. Let me help you with that. 74 00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:00,924 - Thank you. - Oh, man, this is great, huh? 75 00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:04,636 The three of us together again. You know what would be fun? 76 00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:09,182 If we gave this present to Emma from all of us. 77 00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:12,644 Which one are you? 78 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:22,112 - I can't believe Emma's still asleep. - I know. What are we gonna do? 79 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,282 I've got a plan. I've got a plan. 80 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:29,870 I'm going to ram this platter really hard into your ribs. 81 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:34,374 You're gonna scream out, and that'll wake her up. 82 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:37,669 I'm not going to Vermont with this Monica. 83 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:40,756 Hey, Pheebs? You know what? 84 00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:42,799 I was thinking since you wrote a song... 85 00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:45,886 maybe I could do something for Emma using my talents. 86 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,680 So you're gonna hit on her? 87 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,393 - No, no, no. My talents as an actor. Oh. 88 00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,687 You know, I could, like, maybe... 89 00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:59,107 I could do a dramatic reading of one of her books. 90 00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:02,611 Or you could stick a fork in an apple. 91 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:06,365 - Hey, I think Emma might like it. - Oh, Emma might like what? 92 00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:09,034 - Uh, my present. - What did you get her? 93 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,037 - Actually, we prepared performances. - Separate performances. 94 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,373 But equally real. 95 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:16,541 That sounds like fun. 96 00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,251 You know what, actually? 97 00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:21,463 People are getting a little antsy waiting for Emma to wake up from her nap. 98 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,924 So would you mind performing them once now? 99 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,759 - Sure, yeah! - Okay. 100 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:29,513 Okay. All right. Everybody, let's get this party started, huh? 101 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,599 Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform a little something for us. 102 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,434 Oh, great. 103 00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:37,354 Aren't you gonna be embarrassed having nothing prepared? 104 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,982 I do it every week with three cameras pointed at me and a whole crew waiting. 105 00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,946 So, Joey, what are you gonna do for us? 106 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:50,367 I will be doing a dramatic reading of one of Emma's books. 107 00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:53,829 Oh, okay. Which one? 108 00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:56,706 Uh, well, it's one of her favorites. 109 00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:02,546 "Riding the Storm Out: Coping With Postpartum Depression." 110 00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,176 Love You Forever. 111 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:16,643 "Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly Books. Printed... 112 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,228 in Mexico. 113 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:27,696 Ahem. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him... 114 00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:32,909 back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. 115 00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:38,498 And while she held him, she sang, 'I'll love you forever. 116 00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:42,752 I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living... 117 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,881 my baby you'll be."' 118 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,300 "And while he rocked her, he sang: 119 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:53,555 'I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. 120 00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,807 As long as I'm living... 121 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:59,352 my baby you'll be."' 122 00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:02,981 Oh, wow! 123 00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:05,066 That was amazing. 124 00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:08,195 Thank you so much for that gift. 125 00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:12,240 I was not ready for this today. 126 00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:16,453 - Amazing. Amazing. Phoebe, I'm sorry. 127 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,289 - Phoebe has prepared something. That's right. 128 00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:23,376 I prepared a song for Emma, from my heart to hers. 129 00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:28,215 For there's no greater gift than the gift of music. 130 00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:33,512 Emma 131 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,515 Your name poses a dilemma 132 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,683 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma 133 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,727 Maybe the actor, Richard Crenna 134 00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:43,021 He played the commanding officer in Rambo. 135 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,982 Happy birthday, Emma 136 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:54,074 Is that it? 137 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,409 No, of course not. 138 00:08:56,577 --> 00:09:00,747 No, I've also, you know, prepared a reading. 139 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:04,918 Um, "Sex and the Single Mother." 140 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:10,090 - "Finding your G-spot." Oh, no, no, no! 141 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,427 Hello, Emma. Happy 18th birthday. 142 00:09:14,595 --> 00:09:17,764 Right now, that seems so far away, 17 years. 143 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:22,060 Yes. You'll be all grown up by then, and we'll be... 144 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:25,522 Well, your grandfather and I might not be here. 145 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,108 That's true. This message could be coming to you... 146 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,026 from beyond the grave, Emma. 147 00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:36,825 - After all, my parents died very young. - And my cholesterol's off the charts. 148 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:41,871 Remember, Emma, heart disease kills women too. 149 00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:46,042 Okay, cut! Great. Great. That was just... 150 00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:48,420 - Yeah. Oh, good. 151 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,089 Ross, uh, don't forget to get a shot of Emma's cake. 152 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,258 - It's in a box in the fridge. - Okay, sure. 153 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:57,554 You're gonna love this cake. I got it from a bakery in New Jersey, Carino's. 154 00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:01,016 Oh, my God, that place has the creamiest frosting. 155 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:03,476 I used to hitchhike there when I was a kid. 156 00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:09,065 Well, anyway, they make these great novelty cakes... 157 00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:13,695 in all different shapes. And if you give them a photo, they'll copy it in icing. 158 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:18,158 - Did you do a picture of Emma? - Yes. On a cake shaped like a bunny. 159 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:22,162 Uh, Rach? Does this bakery by any chance also bake... 160 00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:23,913 erotic cakes? 161 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,709 Say, for bachelorette parties? 162 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:31,087 Ross, what are you talking...? Oh, my God! 163 00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:33,632 They put my baby's face on a penis! 164 00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:39,596 Now it's a party! 165 00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:42,390 Wait, you guys, this isn't funny, all right? 166 00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:45,894 If I wanted this cake to be a disaster, I would have baked it myself! 167 00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:50,273 Uh... Is it okay that I still think it looks delicious? 168 00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:56,738 - Jack, look at this. - I know what you're thinking, Judy. 169 00:10:56,906 --> 00:11:00,158 The resemblance is uncanny. 170 00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:06,331 I am this close to tugging on my testicles again. 171 00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:11,419 No, no, this is not what I ordered, okay? 172 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:15,548 I went all the way to New Jersey so that I could have the perfect cake... 173 00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:19,678 for my daughter's birthday. And I need a bunny cake right now! 174 00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:23,723 Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby's face off the penis... 175 00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:26,559 so we could put it on the bunny. 176 00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:29,312 That is a weird sentence. 177 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:33,817 Oh, believe you me, I am going to bring this cake back. 178 00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:36,277 I don't even want it in my home. Don't touch it! 179 00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:38,488 I'm so confused! 180 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:43,118 Yes, I still want my daughter's picture, but on a bunny cake! 181 00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,829 Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts! 182 00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:47,831 To be fair, this one does have nuts. 183 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,339 Hey, Mon, it was nice of you to loan Rachel your car... 184 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:59,843 so she could get the cake. - It was nice of her to pull my hair... 185 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,636 till I dropped the key. 186 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,765 Well, while we're waiting, you could tape your message to Emma... 187 00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:09,477 for her 18th birthday, huh? Okay? 188 00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:12,313 Hi, Emma. It's the year 2020. 189 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,357 Are you still enjoying your nap? 190 00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:20,196 We're Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler, by the way. 191 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:21,698 You may not recognize us... 192 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:25,368 because we haven't spoken to your parents in 17 years. 193 00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:26,870 We used to be married. 194 00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:30,874 But then we missed a weekend away together, and things kind of unraveled... 195 00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:33,543 because of you. 196 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,920 Happy birthday. 197 00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,882 Ross, Rachel promised it would be over by now. 198 00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:41,551 We seriously have to go if we want to get to Vermont. 199 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:45,889 - The last train leaves in a half-hour. - And I have a massage client soon. 200 00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:48,641 You guys, just, please, a little bit longer. 201 00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:51,478 I promise, Rachel will be back with the cake any minute. 202 00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:55,231 Monica, remember the frosting, huh? 203 00:12:55,399 --> 00:12:57,734 All right, five more minutes. 204 00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,780 Hello? 205 00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,948 Oh, no, what happened? 206 00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,910 Okay, okay, where are you? 207 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:09,204 Okay, I'll be right there. 208 00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:10,955 Was that Emma? Is she up? 209 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,167 Rachel got pulled over for speeding. 210 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,795 She forgot her license. So I have to bring it to her. 211 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:22,008 - If you're leaving, I'm definitely going. - Wait, if anybody gets to go, it's us! 212 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,344 We've been complaining the longest! 213 00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:27,931 No, wait, you guys. No, you can't leave. 214 00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:30,517 Rachel already feels bad that the cake's messed up. 215 00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:33,812 How do you think she'll feel when she comes back and you're gone? 216 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:36,564 I don't know. You'll tell us on Monday. 217 00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:41,694 Joey, you're in charge, okay? You make sure nobody leaves. 218 00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:43,446 Got it! 219 00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:46,991 Hey! Where do you think you're going? 220 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:48,535 To the bathroom. 221 00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:50,745 Well, the rest of you get comfortable, okay... 222 00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,164 because we are gonna be here for a... 223 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:58,503 - Wait, there's a window in there. - Oh, no! He's not getting away that easy! 224 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:02,924 What are you doing? Get the hell out of here! 225 00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:12,308 Well, that one did not have Emma's face on it. 226 00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,185 - No, it did not. - No. 227 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,397 Well, we'd better get going. It's late. 228 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,399 Jack's not allowed to drive at night anymore. 229 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,109 He has trouble staying in his lane. 230 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:25,238 Last winter I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. 231 00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:27,782 The papers thought it was a hate crime. 232 00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,289 - Anyway, it was lovely seeing you. - Okay. 233 00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:36,624 Bye. Bye, dear. - Nighty-night. 234 00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:39,002 Nighty-night. Bye. 235 00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:41,796 - How could you just let them leave? Hey, hey. 236 00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:45,800 I'm not gonna mess with Jack. He's a great man. He fought for our country. 237 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:49,345 No, he didn't. He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea. 238 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:55,977 Well, that's it. He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in. Ha. 239 00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:59,731 You do know I can just turn them the other way around, right? 240 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,358 Oh, I forgot you used to live here. 241 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:10,199 - Hello? - Joey, it's Estelle. 242 00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:13,620 - Hey. - So how'd your audition go today? 243 00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:17,123 - What audition? - The one I told you about last week. 244 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,375 What? You never said anything about an audition. 245 00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:27,634 Let me start over. I just got a call about an audition. 246 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,470 I think you can still make it. 247 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:34,599 It's down at the Astor Theater, and you need to have a monologue prepared. 248 00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:37,560 A monologue? I don't have a... 249 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,816 I got it. Uh... 250 00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:46,069 So I'm gonna take off. 251 00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:48,905 - What? - What? Wait! You don't get to leave. 252 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:52,200 I've got a massage client waiting outside my door any minute. 253 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:55,328 And we paid for a room that we're supposed to be in right now! 254 00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:57,038 Well, okay, now... 255 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,624 only one of us has to stay with Emma. 256 00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:03,127 Okay, and as the person who realized that, I get to go. 257 00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:05,296 No, no, no. No. No. 258 00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:08,299 Let's figure out a fair way to decide who's staying. 259 00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,551 Oh, I got it. 260 00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:13,805 Okay, everyone pick a number from one to 10, all right? 261 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,474 Whoever gets the highest number gets to go first. 262 00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:21,104 - Okay, 10. - Okay, Monica picks 10. I call nine. 263 00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:22,605 Anyone else? 264 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,484 - No, let's just draw straws. Okay. 265 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,945 Or we could flip a coin and multiply the answer... 266 00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,698 - I'm begging you to stop. - Right. 267 00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:35,368 Okay, how about this? We got wind-up toys for Emma for her birthday. 268 00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:38,913 We can make them race, and whoever comes in last stays. 269 00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,332 Yeah, let's do that! 270 00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:44,419 That sounds more fun than the thing we were gonna do in Vermont! 271 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:48,464 - Okay, everybody, pick your toys! - Okay. I want the dolphin! 272 00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:51,759 - That's a bear. - I'm too excited! 273 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:55,304 Phoebe, you get the bear. Joey, you get the robot. 274 00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:57,515 - Oh, yeah. - And Chandler and I get the dog. 275 00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:02,103 And the race is going to go from here to here. 276 00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:05,481 Now, the one who comes in last stays! 277 00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:07,817 Okay, ladies and gentlemen, wind your toys. 278 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:12,238 - Okay. On your mark, get set, go! Go! Go! 279 00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:13,865 Come on, robot! 280 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:19,328 What are you barking at? 281 00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,586 Well, how is that gonna help? 282 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:30,798 I bought you! How did I forget that that's all you do? 283 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,301 Way to go, robot! 284 00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:36,137 Good job, Alan. 285 00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:38,890 - Hey, good race, you guys. - Yeah, see you later. 286 00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:41,100 No. No, no. Wait. 287 00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:42,685 We didn't lose. 288 00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:47,440 The rules clearly stated that the last one to cross the finish line was the loser. 289 00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:50,735 Well, our dog never crossed the finish line. So technically... 290 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:51,944 They left. 291 00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:01,412 There isn't time to go to the bakery. We're just gonna come home. 292 00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:04,040 Everybody left? 293 00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:09,712 All right. Well, just tell Emma that we'll be there as soon as we can. Bye. 294 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,091 - Rachel! - Oh, God, sorry! 295 00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:16,719 I can't believe they gave you a ticket. You're such a good driver. 296 00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:21,891 - Emma's awake. - Yeah? 297 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:23,643 I can't believe this. 298 00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:27,355 This is her first birthday, she's awake, we're not even there. 299 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:30,775 Everybody left. We still have this stupid obscene cake. 300 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:34,487 Hey, maybe I can fix that. You know, try to turn it into something else. 301 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:37,323 Oh, don't even bother. 302 00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:39,951 We've already ruined her first birthday. 303 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:44,330 And do you know how important these early experiences are, Ross? Very! 304 00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:47,500 According to the back cover of that book that you gave me. 305 00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:51,087 Rach, she's not gonna remember this. 306 00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:54,340 I guess. 307 00:18:55,217 --> 00:19:00,847 Oh, I just had such an idea of what this day would be like, you know? 308 00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:03,182 Emma laughing... 309 00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:07,436 and everybody gathered around her cake, singing "Happy Birthday." 310 00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:11,357 And then we would all... Hey, get out of the road, you stupid student driver! 311 00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,153 They have to learn. 312 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,532 - Hey. - What? 313 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,826 This is not bad. 314 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:26,789 Oh, my God. Look, you made it into a bunny. How did you do that? 315 00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:29,917 Well, I just made these two things cheeks. 316 00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:35,464 And then I split this to make ears. 317 00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:38,301 Well, I am very impressed. 318 00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,386 Some can sing, some can dance. 319 00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:44,015 I, apparently, can turn phallic cakes into woodland creatures. 320 00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:50,813 Now, another way to organize your stuffed animals is by size. 321 00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:54,066 I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica? 322 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:56,986 Game? 323 00:19:57,154 --> 00:20:01,532 Emma, do you even know it's your birthday today? You're 1. 324 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,410 One year old. That's little. 325 00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:09,498 That's my girl. 326 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,668 That's how old you are. 327 00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:16,297 Did I teach her that? Did I just impart wisdom? 328 00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,760 Aw, I want one. 329 00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:23,721 Me too. 330 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,063 There's no one around. Why don't we just take this one? 331 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,607 - And head to Canada. - I was kidding. 332 00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:36,275 I wasn't. Let's get going. 333 00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:41,030 - Hey, are Ross and Rachel back? - No, not yet. 334 00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:44,909 Good, I didn't miss the party. - What about your massage client? 335 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:50,039 I just felt so bad missing this. So I just slipped him a little something, you know. 336 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:53,376 As long as I'm back in five or six hours, it'll be all right. 337 00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:56,921 Okay. 338 00:20:57,089 --> 00:21:01,342 If Ross and Rachel ask, I've been here the whole time. The whole time. 339 00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:04,887 I've been here the whole time. 340 00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:09,475 Joey, we just saw you come in. You ran past us on the stairs. 341 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:14,522 I don't care that you left. I'm just glad that you're here. Thanks, you guys. 342 00:21:15,023 --> 00:21:17,400 Hey, guys, come on. You gotta see what Emma just did. 343 00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:19,902 What? - Emma, how old are you? 344 00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:21,862 How old are you today? 345 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:28,953 Oh, Emma, that's right. You're that many. 346 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,789 Oh, my God, our daughter's a genius. 347 00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:34,959 - This means... - No! No science camp! 348 00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:39,630 - Damn it! I'll put a candle on the cake. - Oh... 349 00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:45,594 Oh, and, Emma, look at your stuffed animals lined up so neatly. 350 00:21:45,929 --> 00:21:47,680 Thanks. 351 00:21:48,056 --> 00:21:51,183 Okay, here we go. 352 00:21:51,601 --> 00:21:55,521 Emma's first birthday cake. 353 00:21:56,815 --> 00:21:58,607 Go ahead, Emma, blow out the candle. 354 00:21:58,775 --> 00:22:01,319 Come on, Emma. You can do it. 355 00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:04,655 - What's wrong? Are you okay? - Oh, yeah, nothing. 356 00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:07,366 These are happy tears. Ha, ha. 357 00:22:07,534 --> 00:22:09,785 This is just what I wanted. 358 00:22:11,621 --> 00:22:13,164 Hey, you made it into a bunny. 359 00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:18,836 What is wrong with me? It looked more delicious when it was a penis. 360 00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:27,511 - Okay. Yeah. - Okay, you ready? 361 00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:31,265 - And record. - Okay. 362 00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:35,144 Hi, Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and... 363 00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:40,066 Go! Go! Come on! 364 00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:44,487 Go! Go, Alan! Run, you hairy bastard!