Hey!
Learn how to drive, you jabroni!
I'll sue you to the bottom of the fucking Hudson!
It's so great to be back in New York.
- Yeah. - Rats!
- Rat! - Oh, where?
Ooh! Ooh!
We come bearing gifts.
- Oh. Wow. - Hi.
- I see that. - Hi, pretty.
Oh, look at that... look at that view.
That's gorgeous.
You know I can't accept bribes.
- Bribes? I don't see bribes. - Bribes?
Oh, no, this...
- I just have low blood sugar. - It's like a hostess-
I wanted to grab some fruit. No, I went to a bodega.
Uh...
Well, I... I heard that you were understandably
less than pleased that I announced
I was doing a show at your esteemed venue
before I had actually booked it.
And I just wanted to come in person and apologize
and say I cannot wait to work together.
You're right. I was very pissed off.
Because that is not how things work around here.
No. I... I'm sorry.
And if you had come to me,
I would have told you that
I don't think you're right for MSG.
I think you're right for Radio City.
I think you're right for Webster Hall.
Ha! I know this bitch didn't just say Webster Hall.
Oh, OK.
I can tell you're a whole deal.
She is, but we do feel very strongly that the Garden
is the best venue for someone of Deborah's stature.
Mm-kay.
The talk show was great,
but you don't have the comps.
You haven't toured in years.
You barely have any social media presence.
It's just... it's too much of a gamble.
I will sell out.
And even if I don't, what does it matter to you?
I mean, we will front the rental costs.
You'll be off the hook.
It's not just about the money.
If you are playing MSG,
you are the center of cultural conversation.
I mean, our venue is a major part
of New York City's history.
We can't just let anyone perform here.
I'm sorry... isn't there a live
true crime podcast playing tonight?
"Murder My Stupid Ass Please"
has over 90 million monthly listeners.
It is hosted by two of the most popular people in America.
They swayed the presidential election.
You know, I think you might be underestimating
Deborah's fans, because they are rabid.
They abducted me once.
I got free, but I didn't call the cops,
because they are so sweet.
My point is, they're enthusiastic,
and these tickets are gonna sell.
I just don't see it.
This won't be just a stand-up show.
This will be historic.
I'm taking down Bob Lipka and his censorship of me
and speaking truth to power.
This is bigger than just me.
I'm sorry, Deborah.
I am so sorry.
I... I should not have wasted your time
with this petty gifting business.
How do two shares of Berkshire Hathaway class A stock sound?
Thank you so much for coming by.
Absolutely. Thanks. Thank you.
We'll leave these with your assistant.
Thanks for your time.
Have a nice day, I guess.
That MSG booker is dumb.
And her leather jacket was stupid.
No, it was full-grain leather
in a sophisticated cut.
Fine, she's rich, cool,
and ruining our lives.
Look, we just need to reignite the base.
The Little Debbies would help me with anything.
Do you remember '93?
They started that hunger strike so I could get reinstated
as the spokesperson for SnackWell's?
Or when they crashed the Eileen Fisher website
the day your cashmere dusters dropped?
Yeah, exactly.
What about that autograph convention
in Vegas you passed on?
The Little Debbies will love that.
You are a genius! All right.
We get my biggest fans together in one place,
I shower them with love and affection,
and then we ask them to organize
a grassroots movement to get me Madison Square Garden.
- When is it? - Three weeks, the 21st.
That... that's Ava's birthday.
- It's fine. - Are there any other options?
- No. - No, no, no, I...
honestly, I don't care about my birthday.
I really don't.
You have to at least take the day off.
And hang out with who?
I only have one friend, remember?
What are you talking about?
You remember the last night in Singapore?
You said it was weird you were my only friend?
You probably don't remember. You were pretty drunk, girl.
It's fine. Don't worry.
I didn't survive growing up in Massachusetts
by letting a drunk person's insults affect me.
Seriously, you should do it.
So should I book it, or...
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Here, Jimmy, get the shot.
- Perfect. - Wha...
That's what we've been waiting for?
Yeah, for content.
- God! - You need to chill.
Uh, she wanted content.
Good morning, my favorite ladies and Damien.
So we've talked to the organizers,
slipped them a hundo, and guess what.
They moved Heather Locklear
to the other side of the building.
Good.
She's still my exact shade of blonde in '98.
And look, I know you want to be out by 3:00,
so I'm gonna talk to Billy Baldwin and see
if he'll give you his time slot in the photo studio.
Perfect, yeah, I don't want to be here too late.
OK. I'm gonna head to the table.
All right. See you over there.
And you.
Happy birthday, birthday girl.
Thank you. Oh!
- Tickling you. - Oh, thanks.
I know we normally get you a gift,
but we are a little low on funds this year.
- I'm sorry about that. - Don't even worry about it.
Oh, my God, I finished
your "Mall Girl" script last night.
- Ava, it is so good. - Mm-hmm.
- Oh! - Yeah, I laughed, I cried.
It's like, it's emotional and cinematic.
It's really special, and I can't wait to send it around.
Oh, my God. Amazing. Thank you.
I'm proud of you.
- Oh. - Coffee, birthday girl?
Wow. This is a really fancy tray.
Had it custom-made... heaters built in,
USB charging, patent pending.
You're a really good assistant.
You know, in Hollywood, it's not about good or bad.
It's about power.
Nice watch.
Oh, honey, I would love to sign this,
but I can't legally.
I love you guys.
Mwah!
There they are.
They're probably foaming at the mouth.
Hey, my Little Debbies!
Hi.
Hello.
Oh, wow!
The DV Industries Swiss Army knife.
It's got it all. It's got the tweezers.
It's got the brow spoolie.
I mean, come on, who could ask for more than that?
Very rare item.
Actually, it's widely available on the internet...
which you'd know if you were still active
on the DV message boards.
Um, how would you... how would you like me to...
Just your name, please.
OK.
It's great to see you.
Hey. How's it going?
Oddly icy.
Well, I just met the actor who gave Dawson a blowjob
on the boat in season three,
so I'm feeling starstruck and amazing.
One autograph.
Hi, there. Hi.
- Hi. - Oh, hey.
Sorry, I think the line starts back there.
Oh, no. I'm actually here for you.
I am a huge fan.
Of... of me?
Yeah.
I was obsessed with "Girl Town,"
and you always wrote the best episodes.
Oh, my God. I left college for that job.
I know.
And then I followed you on Twitter.
Even now, I'll just randomly look up
your old tweets sometimes.
Oh, no, don't do that.
Anyway, then I saw "My Bad"
because I heard that you'd worked on it.
Yeah.
I'd never even seen Deborah before.
I mean... It's kind of crazy how
you've changed the whole trajectory of her career.
She's mad lucky to have you.
I wish you said that
a little louder, but thank you.
Will you sign your "Times" magazine cover?
Yes, I... I've never...
never signed anything for anyone before.
Wow. This is amazing.
I really now understand why parasocial relationships
are replacing real ones.
But seriously, thank you
for all that you contribute to society.
Anytime.
I'll catch you around.
Yeah, I'll be around all day.
Coolie.
Coolie. Coolie.
I can't tell you how sorry I am.
Please. It's on me.
Thank you. Thanks.
Thanks for coming.
- Ticket. - Oh, Ezekiel.
How nice to see a familiar face.
What can I sign for you?
I've actually signed something for you.
It's my resignation letter as president
of the Deborah Vance Fan Club, Southwest Branch.
But Ezekiel, you... you've been a pillar
of the Little Debbie community for years!
I heard that Kathy Griffin is looking for an infusion
into her base, so I am taking my talents elsewhere.
OK. OK, what... what is going on?
What is the problem?
The problem is that you went Hollywood.
I did not go Hollywood!
Yes, you did.
You haven't sent out Deborah's Dos and Don'ts
in almost two years.
I don't know what to do and what not to do.
Sometimes I just sit in the dark.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
You discontinued your car insurance plan!
- And now I'm uninsured. - Yeah!
Oh, honey, you gotta have insurance.
And you discontinued the Deborah Vance red light mask.
I liked the burns! It eventually turned to tan.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
You won't admit you're a lizard!
Hey, get into a single-file line,
or you will be tased!
Do not fuck with me!
You should address the lizard thing.
It's gaining traction.
Who's next?
And you really don't mind switching with Deborah?
Oh, no, no, no. Not at all.
That rant she did against Lipka?
Gold, legend.
- Guy's a freaking animal. - Tell me about it.
Well, she always invites me to her Fourth of July party.
I never go, but the invite's always nice.
Well, you're gonna be on the list forever, man.
We appreciate you.
Never too big, Jimmy.
- Never too big. - My man. All right.
OK, now that's a guy I could be friends with... I love him.
Exactly what I like to hear from you, boss,
because I do not want to see you fall prey
to the male loneliness epidemic.
- No. - I know. It's terrible.
My Uncle Maury shot himself in the head.
It's Renee O'Connor.
Who's that?
From "Xena: Warrior Princess,"
the show... the show on The WB.
- Oh, TV show. - Yeah.
I haven't made it to TV yet.
I'm still making it through all the movies.
- She's Xena? - No, that's Gabrielle.
That's Xena's battle partner, her confidant.
- She's a traveling bard. - Well, you gotta go say hi.
Hell, no. I would be so nervous.
I... I would faint. No, I couldn't.
I mean, I've seen every episode multiple times.
I even still have a recurring dream
that I'm helping Xena save Prometheus
so that humans don't lose their capacity for healing and fire.
Jimmy, you're meeting her.
You'll regret it if you don't. Come on.
- You think? - I know so.
OK. OK.
God, I wish I had a beta blocker.
- Ah. - All right, let's go.
Whoo!
So are you working on anything else,
other than writing for Deborah?
Yeah, yeah, I actually just wrote a movie
about a girl who lives at the mall, so...
Oh! Such a good idea.
Got my tickets. I am "saur" sat.
You are so sweet.
Shit, wait, this is just occurring to me.
Are you gonna have to leave Deborah?
No, no. I mean,
especially not after what she did for me
- at "Late Night." - Mm.
So what's your, like, dream?
You know, I've always wanted to create my own show.
Oh.
I was voted Most Likely to Showrun
in my high school yearbook.
I mean, I did create the superlative, but still.
I really hope this isn't weird that I know this,
but, um, it's your birthday today, right?
Yeah. Yes, it is.
And you're turning 30, right?
- Yeah. - Poof!
Pretty big milestone.
Are you, like, freaking out about
where you're at in your life?
No, not... I mean, no,
not really, I don't think.
Should I? No. No! I'm not.
Well, I'd love to get you something for your birthday,
like a cupcake or...
You don't have to.
But if they have chocolate cake, I'd take chocolate icing.
Or if they have vanilla cake,
I still would want chocolate icing.
But if Funfetti is in the mix, of course...
They just have corn muffins.
Perfect.
- It's your day. - Whoo!
Why are you performing only at Madison Square Garden
and not Portsmouth, New Hampshire?
I mean, we are important too.
We built the Revolutionary War fleet.
And we so appreciate that.
You stopped doing your annual Christmas conference call.
Now, how we supposed to sync up on micro-theme?
You never published another book of Debokus,
and the regular sudokus are just too hard.
I'm mad you left QVC.
And I'm mad you didn't leave QVC earlier.
Work it out.
I miss Marcus.
Damien never sends us locks of your hair.
You didn't endorse a candidate
in the presidential election, so I didn't vote.
And now my kids won't talk to me.
I sent you two suspicious packages
and didn't even receive a cease-and-desist letter.
You used to care.
OK, that's it!
I need a break.
10-minute break.
These people are impossible to please.
I mean, my fans seem to think I owe them
every single moment of my life.
Think of it this way.
Today, you are being paid to be yelled at.
For some people, that's a kink.
Oh, yeah. This is classic Gabby, yeah.
Oh, she looks the exact same.
Did you know it was actually the fans
that saw Xena as a guest character on "Hercules,"
and they were so enthusiastic
that they actually helped get the spin-off series made?
Grassroots movements are always so inspiring.
That is, until they turn bloodthirsty.
- Next! - It's us.
- Here we go. Here we go. - We paid.
- Hi. I'm Renee. - Oh, I'm Renee...
- um, you're Renee. - Yeah, I'm Renee.
- You're Renee. - I am Renee.
- I'm Jimmy. - You're Jimmy.
- I am so starstruck. - It's OK.
I'm so sorry. This is weird because...
so, OK, I'm a manager in LA, so I never get starstruck.
But I... I think that you are such a talent, and...
Oh.
The series meant so much to me.
I was so lucky to be a part of that world.
Have you ever thought about doing a rewatch podcast?
You know, they're really big right now,
where you go through old episodes and discuss them?
I don't think enough people
want to hear me talk about that.
- Girl, shut up! - Are you kidding?
- We love the show! - No.
We've watched it all.
People would love that content.
Like, the Hope storyline, you know?
When did you realize your daughter was gonna be evil?
Was it from the beginning, or did it slowly dawn on you?
Well, her father was a wicked demigod,
so it kind of tipped it off for me.
Right.
Mysteriously impregnated at a demon ritual?
I was like, that's gonna come back.
- It did. - Yeah.
Do you mind if we get a photo?
Of course.
I'm sorry. I'm sweating. I'm...
It's OK.
- Yay. - Ah!
- Smile big! - Yay. Yay.
Bigger! Ah, cuties!
Not that big. Not that big.
Split the difference. Split the difference.
Maybe I should just start over and get all new fans.
I mean, there are people born every day, right?
I gotta tell you, I mean,
as someone who just got their first fan,
you really need to cherish these moments.
It's been 12 minutes, and I said 10.
Oh!
OK, hey, just try to keep it together.
All right?
No promises.
OK.
Hello. How can I do better for you?
Oh, no. I just wanted to say thank you.
Oh.
You're... you're welcome. For what?
Well, my mom and I have been, like,
huge fans of yours ever since "Live Free or Diet,"
and we came to Vegas, and we saw you at the Palmetto.
And then we were, like...
Literally quoting your jokes for 10 hours
the entire car ride home.
It was, like, the best weekend.
Oh, I'm so glad. Thank you.
Anyway, we made you something to say thank you.
It's you, Barry, and Cara.
Wow.
And we made this completely out of
natural seeds and grains.
29 types.
- Whew! - We were sorting yellow peas
for an entire winter just to nail
your light honey blonde.
It's gotten a little warped
because we made it three years ago,
but you haven't been to any of these, so we...
we couldn't get it to you, but here you go.
It's beautiful.
Is your mom here so I can thank her?
Oh, no.
She passed in May.
I'm... I'm so sorry, honey.
Thank you.
She would be so happy
that I was finally able to get this to you.
She really loved you.
Thank you.
I... I need a minute.
It... it's OK.
Damien, it's OK.
- Ugh. - Oh, man.
Oh, yeah. Been there.
It's carpal tunnel. You need one of these.
No. It's not that.
It's... this.
Ah.
Fan art so ugly, it moves you to tears?
Something like that.
I once had a guy paint a portrait of me
using a stamp pad and his anus.
It's framed in my bathroom.
No, it's not that it's ugly.
I mean, it is.
But it's just that this...
this woman and her mother
spent months of their lives making this.
Oh, yeah, but so what?
They love doing it.
They support us, we show up for them.
That's the frickin' deal, mama.
Well, that's the thing.
I haven't been showing up for them.
And they're very mad at me for it.
They'll forgive you.
I don't deserve it.
I just came here to exploit them
because I need their help.
Ah.
Well, just tell them what you need.
They want to feel like they're in a relationship with you
and that you need them more than anyone else,
and it sounds like you might.
The truth will set you free, baby doll.
That's all they want.
That, and a T-shirt
that only some people are allowed to get.
Um, Little... Little Debbies.
Uh... uh, I have news.
Madison Square Garden won't give me a date
because they say I'm not big enough to play it.
What?
So I came here to get you
to rally for me,
which is unfair,
because you're right.
I have neglected you.
And I am so sorry.
Hold on, they're saying
you're not big enough to play MSG?
Fuck that!
The Garden would be lucky to have you.
- Yeah! - Thank you.
Well, in time, I hope that I can regain your trust.
They don't get to tell you what you can and can't do!
- That's our job! - Yeah
You're the greatest comedian of all time.
- Yes! - Yeah!
So the Knicks can play MSG,
but not Deborah Vance?
- Misogynistic bullshit! - Yes!
I don't care if you are a lizard.
You deserve to play MSG!
As president of the Little Debbies
Tucson chapter, this will not stand.
Wait, sorry, sorry.
I thought you were my fan.
What are you talking about? That's Cindy.
She's a third-generation Little Debbie.
That's right.
I'm here for Deborah.
I just wanted to replace you and write for her,
you stupid bitch!
Oh, my God.
Well...
So you didn't like any of my tweets?
They're not jokes. They're thought poems!
OK.
Deborah, who do we talk to about this?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
AmandaWeinberg@ msg-entertainment.com,
1 Madison Square Garden Plaza, Suite 3H.
Deborah, we will get you that motherfucking venue.
That's a promise.
Yeah, well, if you can do that,
I'm making the tickets $20, so you all can come!
And you know what?
I'm bringing back Deborah Plus.
And you know what else?
This year's Christmas theme
is fuchsia and cherry...
the 1997 redux!
Deborah, Deborah, Deborah!
Good, actually... I didn't think it would be,
- but the macchiato... why? - Made me sick.
- Jimmy. - The macchiato is really good.
- Jimmy! Jimmy! - Oh, Renee.
- Hey. - Yeah.
You know, I want to thank you for your advice.
I reached out to Lucy,
and she loves the "Xena" rewatch podcast idea.
- Lucy Lawless knows my idea? - Yeah.
Well, you know, it's really nice
to talk about business with someone
who is familiar with my work.
I never had a rep pitch me any ideas,
much less actually watch the whole show.
- What? People... - Pathetic.
People are insane. People are sick.
People are sick. I don't get it.
- Sick people. - Pieces of shit.
I'm sure your roster is crowded, but, um,
would you ever consider representing me?
- Us? - Yes!
- Absolutely. - All right.
Well, then, I mean,
I probably should give you, you know,
10% of what I made today.
No, no, no, that's not necessary, but thank you.
Are you OK with hundreds?
- Uh... - Yes!
- Love them. I will take those. - We are. We are.
- Thank you. - Wow.
- No, this is... this is... - Could use the money.
OK, well, this was amazing.
Consider yourself a client of Schaefer & LuSaque.
Yeah, let me put you on an email
with Lucy and I next week?
When you're back in LA, we'll take you to dinner.
- You like Greek? - I love Greek.
I don't eat octopus, though, anymore.
- They're too intelligent. - That's right.
Erik Estrada looked amazing.
Surprise!
Oh, my God.
What a surprise.
This is crazy!
We love you, girl.
- Thank you. - Ah.
Happy birthday, love.
- Hi, Mom. - Happy birthday, honey.
Look who's here.
Oh, wow. Hi!
- Hi! - Jenny Reagan.
It's me. Yup, hey.
How are you? Nice to see you.
Hi. It's so nice to see you.
- Uh-huh. - It's been forever.
- Eighth grade graduation. - How could I forget?
Yeah, when Deborah called, I told her how inseparable
you two were and how it would mean the world to you
to be together on your 30th.
- So here we all are. - Absolutely.
- Yup, yup, yup. - How are you?
- Look at you two. - Amazing.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
I married Greg Holland.
Remember him?
Um...
He ran through a glass door.
His cousin drowned in the quarry.
Oh, yes, Greg!
He used to put girls in his hockey bag.
Him. Anyway,
we have four kids under six.
- Whoa! - Yep.
- Whoa! - Yep, all natural.
Oh, my... good for you.
Anyway, needless to say, I am thrilled to be here.
- Yeah, I bet. - Oh, I should tell you,
Mr. Murch just died.
Oh, that's so sad.
No, it's not.
He was a pedophile,
convicted multiple times over.
- Let's party! - OK!
Come on!
Oh...
Oh, my God!
And we got just a few of your favorite things.
The entire Jack in the Box menu.
Cranberry kombucha.
Oh, yes, cupcakes from a queer bakery.
Oh.
- And of course... - Oh, my God.
Bertucci's rolls
and Papa Gino Papa Melts?
I had them flown in this morning.
I missed these rolls.
The spray cleans the screen
while the brush wipes the crumbs from the keyboard.
Thank you so much.
- Please use it. - I will. Sorry.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we have one last surprise.
Please give a warm welcome to Jesse McCartney.
Yes, bitch!
This one goes out to the most special girl
in the world... you know who you are.
- It... it's me. - Happy birthday.
I wrote about this in my middle school journal,
and it's... it's coming true.
I know! I... I read your journals.
That's why... that's why he's here.
OK, I'm sleeping in late tomorrow.
You can ball your own cantaloupe.
- Good night. - Good night!
Well, you know what?
I... I'm gonna say good night now too.
I have a 4:15 a.m. flight
to Papeete to see my boyfriend
in the Senior World Windsurfing Competition.
I'm sorry, you have a boyfriend?
Well, I emailed you about him.
I emailed her.
Uh, no, I don't think you did.
Well, I'm seeing someone, Ava.
And it's become physical, the first since your father.
Well, depends what you count.
Oh, God.
- Uh, well, I love you. - OK.
- Bye. - Mwah.
- Mwah. Good night. - Love you.
Good night. Bye.
Awesome.
Well...
Oh, my God.
That was a successful party.
Yeah.
You had so many friends who showed up for you.
And that Jenny, you know,
the one who drank vodka
out of one of my really nice wine glasses?
Yes, Jenny Reagan, the girl I only befriended
so that I could play with her hermit crabs.
And then she stopped being my friend
when she got her period before me.
Oh, well...
- friend's a friend. - Yeah.
And you had a lot of them here.
Deborah,
did you only throw me this party 'cause you feel bad
about what you said on the boat in Singapore?
No.
I mean, it's your birthday!
You deserve a party, a birthday party.
Wow.
Did you ever hear of one of those?
Guilt looks good on you.
Deborah, you don't have to feel guilty about that.
You're not wrong.
You are my only friend.
What hurt me was that you said it was weird,
'cause I don't think it is.
You know, I think you're... you're the reason that I...
haven't been there for the Little Debbies.
You know, I... I used to spend so much time with my fans,
but it wasn't for them.
It was for me.
I... I mean, they were my friends.
Because I never really had any.
Yes, you did. You had friends.
You've always had friends. You have tons of friends.
No.
I was popular...
but I never had a... a best friend.
Well, I mean, you know, my...
my sister, you know, we know how that went.
So I just relied more and more on the Little Debbies,
and it was as much for me
as it was for them.
But then I met you.
And I didn't need them so much anymore.
Well, makes sense.
I'm your number one fan.
Hey. Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, you've got 50 minutes left on your birthday.
What do you want to do?
Hmm.
Oh.
And that's my new phone background.
Ooh! Someone's smoking the cheech.
P-U!
You're still here.
Oh, yeah.
I just fucked Jesse McCartney.
- What? - Yeah!
You cheated on Greg?
OK, you don't know our arrangement.
Wow, OK. Are you open?
No.
Hey, you mind if I rinse off in your swimming pool?
I don't want to get a UTI.
- Sure. - Wonderful.
Thank you.
Wow, lot of salt and pepper shakers.
Think you got enough?
- Sorry about that. - Oh, here.
- Try this. - Mm.
What is it?
It's my pumpkin yogurt bread batter.
I want to include a fat-free recipe
- in my newsletter tomorrow. - Mmm.
'Cause my Little Debbies are gonna need
all the energy they can get.
Absolutely.
I was gonna say get out of my head
because when he... when he took the OLSAT...
Katie's remains were never recovered from that creek.
Atticus!
Put your shoes on, honey! We're late!
This episode of "Murder My Stupid Ass Please"
is sponsored by Deb for MSG.
Go to change.org today and add your name to the petition.
Amanda?
Oh, good. This is all for you.
What?
Oh, my God, they found my home address.
No, I... I don't want anything to do with this.
Return to sender!
Except for the Old Navy.
I got three other bags.
I am being stalked and harassed!
Return to sender, gracias!
Hello?
Who's there?
Deb for MSG!
- There she is! - Get her!
Deb for MSG!
Out of my way!
Bitch!
Deb for MSG!
I understand many of you
have been waiting for me to speak on this.
So hear me now.
I am not a lizard.
And I know that is something a lizard would say.
However...
That was really, really believable, though.
- Yeah? Thanks. - Yeah.
- Loved it. - Hello?
The harassment has got to stop.
Still don't think it's a good idea,
but I'm giving you a date at the Garden.
Oh... oh, OK.
Wow. That... that's fantastic.
Yeah, great.
Thanks, Amanda.
We'll talk real soon.
We're going to MSG.
Yes!
When?
September 11.
9/11?
It was the only date available.
Great!
Here we go! Ow, that hurt!
God, it's like high-fiving the Hulk!
You're...
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