1 00:00:04,090 --> 00:00:05,592 - Madison Square Garden, 2 00:00:05,675 --> 00:00:10,430 please welcome to the stage Deborah Vance! 3 00:00:21,983 --> 00:00:23,276 - Hi. 4 00:00:23,359 --> 00:00:25,612 - Make me laugh, bitch. 5 00:00:25,695 --> 00:00:27,864 - You honky-ass ho! 6 00:00:27,947 --> 00:00:29,949 - We want our money back. 7 00:00:30,033 --> 00:00:33,244 - You're not funny. 8 00:00:44,172 --> 00:00:45,632 - Boo! 9 00:00:51,721 --> 00:00:52,930 Oh! Oh. 10 00:00:53,014 --> 00:00:56,142 Oh. Oh. 11 00:00:56,225 --> 00:00:57,644 I'm a DSA member! - God. 12 00:00:57,727 --> 00:00:59,270 - Jesus. What— - What's happening? 13 00:00:59,312 --> 00:01:01,064 Are you okay? - No, there's nobody here! 14 00:01:01,147 --> 00:01:02,649 - What's going on? You okay? 15 00:01:02,690 --> 00:01:04,817 - Uh, yeah, I think so. 16 00:01:04,901 --> 00:01:06,819 Ugh. Oh. 17 00:01:06,861 --> 00:01:08,279 Why do you have a bat? 18 00:01:08,363 --> 00:01:10,156 - I thought the proletariat was rising up 19 00:01:10,198 --> 00:01:11,824 and giving you what you deserved, 20 00:01:11,908 --> 00:01:14,369 and I was gonna decide what side I was on when I got here. 21 00:01:14,452 --> 00:01:16,454 - No, it was a dream. It was a nightmare. 22 00:01:16,537 --> 00:01:18,039 I was onstage. - Wait. 23 00:01:18,122 --> 00:01:19,999 I thought we weren't allowed to talk about our dreams. 24 00:01:20,083 --> 00:01:21,834 - No, there's a rule that you're not allowed 25 00:01:21,876 --> 00:01:23,169 to talk about your dreams. 26 00:01:23,211 --> 00:01:24,671 - Okay. - So there I was. 27 00:01:24,754 --> 00:01:26,881 I was at Madison Square Garden. I was on the stage. 28 00:01:26,964 --> 00:01:30,093 I looked down. I am completely naked. 29 00:01:30,176 --> 00:01:33,012 I-I look out in the audience, and everyone— 30 00:01:33,096 --> 00:01:34,806 everyone is my sister. 31 00:01:34,889 --> 00:01:36,307 And she kind of laughs. 32 00:01:36,391 --> 00:01:38,309 And then my teeth started falling out. 33 00:01:38,393 --> 00:01:39,352 I couldn't— 34 00:01:39,394 --> 00:01:41,104 - Okay, that's clearly an anxiety dream. 35 00:01:41,187 --> 00:01:43,022 You're just stressed about the Garden. 36 00:01:43,064 --> 00:01:45,024 It's okay. We just need to keep working on the material. 37 00:01:45,066 --> 00:01:46,526 - On the outfit, I know. - Your outfit? 38 00:01:46,567 --> 00:01:48,027 No, I said material. - I know. 39 00:01:48,069 --> 00:01:49,904 I need to start picking out fabrics. 40 00:01:49,987 --> 00:01:51,531 I got to talk to my stylist. 41 00:01:51,572 --> 00:01:53,825 I mean, that's why I was naked, you know, 42 00:01:53,908 --> 00:01:56,494 although I looked incredible. 43 00:01:56,577 --> 00:01:58,663 Okay, yeah. Whew. All right. 44 00:01:58,746 --> 00:02:01,958 I'm gonna call my stylist and put together some looks. 45 00:02:02,041 --> 00:02:04,293 All right. Good night. 46 00:02:04,377 --> 00:02:05,878 Jesus Christ. 47 00:02:05,962 --> 00:02:07,880 Okay, do you have any Klonopin up here? 48 00:02:07,922 --> 00:02:09,799 My heart is racing like a jackrabbit. 49 00:02:13,594 --> 00:02:16,305 - Incredible. 50 00:02:16,389 --> 00:02:18,099 Okay. 51 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:36,075 - Oh, fuck! Fuck! 52 00:02:36,117 --> 00:02:38,244 Ugh! 53 00:02:38,327 --> 00:02:40,621 Who the fuck taught you how to drive? 54 00:02:45,251 --> 00:02:47,170 What the fuck? 55 00:02:47,253 --> 00:02:48,755 Ow, fuck! 56 00:02:48,838 --> 00:02:51,424 My boba. 57 00:02:51,507 --> 00:02:52,425 Ugh. 58 00:02:52,508 --> 00:02:55,470 Oh, shit. 59 00:02:55,553 --> 00:02:57,972 Ow, ow, ow. 60 00:03:01,476 --> 00:03:02,435 Sorry. - Hello? 61 00:03:02,518 --> 00:03:03,770 - Hey, can you come pick me up? 62 00:03:03,853 --> 00:03:05,521 I'm at the Urgent Care in Diamond Point. 63 00:03:05,605 --> 00:03:06,689 - You okay? 64 00:03:06,773 --> 00:03:09,358 - Yeah, I'm fine. It's just a hairline fracture. 65 00:03:09,442 --> 00:03:12,195 I got hit by one of those self-driving cars. 66 00:03:12,278 --> 00:03:14,197 You know, we never got to vote on that. 67 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,617 They just started showing up. I would have voted no. 68 00:03:17,658 --> 00:03:19,243 Anyway, they, um— 69 00:03:19,327 --> 00:03:21,412 they asked if I could, uh, have someone pick me up 70 00:03:21,496 --> 00:03:23,289 in case I take the Vicodin they gave me, 71 00:03:23,331 --> 00:03:25,583 which I definitely already did, so... 72 00:03:25,666 --> 00:03:28,002 - Oh, honey, I can't. I-I'm... 73 00:03:28,085 --> 00:03:30,421 I'm—I'm at Miraval, in Arizona. 74 00:03:30,505 --> 00:03:31,756 In fact, I'm in a towel. 75 00:03:31,839 --> 00:03:33,090 I'm about to step into the sauna. 76 00:03:33,174 --> 00:03:34,634 - What? 77 00:03:34,717 --> 00:03:36,385 - Yeah, we're trying to poach their spa director 78 00:03:36,469 --> 00:03:37,762 for the new casino. 79 00:03:37,845 --> 00:03:39,764 So, you know, Damien and I made a quick trip. 80 00:03:39,847 --> 00:03:41,224 - Oh, okay. 81 00:03:41,307 --> 00:03:42,975 All right, never mind. 82 00:03:43,017 --> 00:03:44,477 - Hey, I could send DJ. 83 00:03:44,519 --> 00:03:46,312 But just a warning— she might take a while. 84 00:03:46,395 --> 00:03:48,147 You know, she's only comfortable making right turns. 85 00:03:48,231 --> 00:03:50,066 - It's okay. It's okay. 86 00:03:50,149 --> 00:03:52,819 I'm getting another call. I'll figure it out. Okay, bye. 87 00:03:52,860 --> 00:03:55,154 Merrill Markoe? What is up? 88 00:03:55,238 --> 00:03:56,489 - Are you in LA? 89 00:03:56,531 --> 00:03:57,949 - No. Uh, why? 90 00:03:57,990 --> 00:03:59,659 - I just saw Deborah run a red light 91 00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:01,452 in Beverly Hills about two minutes ago, 92 00:04:01,536 --> 00:04:03,162 and I was hoping maybe you were here. 93 00:04:03,246 --> 00:04:05,498 - Well, uh, D-Deborah's not in Beverly Hills. 94 00:04:05,581 --> 00:04:08,167 I literally just talked to her. She's in Arizona, so... 95 00:04:08,209 --> 00:04:09,669 - That was definitely her— 96 00:04:09,752 --> 00:04:11,337 blonde beehive hairdo, 97 00:04:11,420 --> 00:04:13,756 Rolls Royce with a Diva plate. - Huh. 98 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,800 - Listen, remember the last time I saw you, 99 00:04:15,842 --> 00:04:17,260 I loaned you my umbrella? 100 00:04:17,343 --> 00:04:19,428 Would you send it to me? But only DHL. 101 00:04:19,512 --> 00:04:20,680 I don't know what is going on 102 00:04:20,763 --> 00:04:22,473 with the post office at this point. 103 00:04:22,557 --> 00:04:24,350 And don't get me started on FedEx. 104 00:04:24,392 --> 00:04:26,477 - Copy that. No problem. I'll send it your way. 105 00:04:26,561 --> 00:04:28,229 Well, it's nice to hear from you. 106 00:04:28,312 --> 00:04:29,856 You good? - Not really. 107 00:04:29,939 --> 00:04:31,190 Bye. 108 00:04:33,109 --> 00:04:34,861 - Okay. 109 00:04:40,408 --> 00:04:43,202 Good morning. - Oh, hi. 110 00:04:43,286 --> 00:04:46,497 Oh, how's your arm? - Oh, it's fine. 111 00:04:46,581 --> 00:04:47,999 Uh, how was Miraval? 112 00:04:48,082 --> 00:04:49,333 - Oh! 113 00:04:49,417 --> 00:04:51,794 Orgasmic. - Really? Did you end up— 114 00:04:51,878 --> 00:04:53,713 - Deborah, Diana is here. - Oh, good. Good. 115 00:04:53,796 --> 00:04:55,423 Send her in. - Your psychic? 116 00:04:55,506 --> 00:04:57,258 - No, no. I had to bring in the big guns 117 00:04:57,341 --> 00:04:59,510 to help me decide what to wear at MSG. 118 00:04:59,594 --> 00:05:01,345 My stylists were a flop-a-rino. 119 00:05:01,429 --> 00:05:02,722 - Deb. 120 00:05:02,763 --> 00:05:04,223 Di. Oh! 121 00:05:04,265 --> 00:05:06,517 - Look at you. You look like a million bucks. 122 00:05:06,559 --> 00:05:07,602 Hey, Red. 123 00:05:07,685 --> 00:05:09,395 - Thank you so much for coming. 124 00:05:09,478 --> 00:05:12,398 - We're gonna get you a nice outfit, okay? 125 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,400 Aha! The Six of Cups. 126 00:05:14,442 --> 00:05:16,861 We are going into the past, Deb. 127 00:05:16,944 --> 00:05:18,321 - Vintage! 128 00:05:18,404 --> 00:05:20,740 Oh, I've been thinking new. It should be old. 129 00:05:20,781 --> 00:05:22,408 - Oh. 130 00:05:22,450 --> 00:05:24,076 - I'm getting a vision. 131 00:05:24,118 --> 00:05:25,244 - Here she goes. 132 00:05:25,286 --> 00:05:27,622 - You're wearing white, Deb. 133 00:05:27,705 --> 00:05:29,957 And you look like an angel. 134 00:05:30,041 --> 00:05:31,250 - White dress, okay. 135 00:05:31,292 --> 00:05:32,919 - Nope. Slacks. 136 00:05:34,295 --> 00:05:37,423 - And sparkles up the wazoo. 137 00:05:37,506 --> 00:05:38,883 - Oh, my God. 138 00:05:38,966 --> 00:05:41,844 Does it have a white chiffon beaded top? 139 00:05:45,306 --> 00:05:47,266 - Yes! - Oh, my God. 140 00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:50,937 That—that is Carol Burnett's look from her final show! 141 00:05:50,978 --> 00:05:52,355 This is perfect! 142 00:05:52,438 --> 00:05:54,357 I mean, not only is it a piece of comedy history, 143 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,317 I'll be referencing one of my heroes! 144 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,235 - Is it this? - That's it! 145 00:05:58,319 --> 00:06:00,947 - Eccolo! That is the exact thing I saw. 146 00:06:01,030 --> 00:06:02,573 Yes, yes! God, I'm good! 147 00:06:02,657 --> 00:06:04,325 - So you want me to track it down? 148 00:06:04,408 --> 00:06:05,910 - No, no need. 149 00:06:05,952 --> 00:06:09,330 All of Carol's looks were designed by Bob Mackie. 150 00:06:09,413 --> 00:06:10,748 - Chic. 151 00:06:10,831 --> 00:06:12,124 - Call Bob M! 152 00:06:14,126 --> 00:06:16,128 - Hello? - Bobby, it's Deb. 153 00:06:16,212 --> 00:06:17,588 Sorry for the cold call. 154 00:06:17,630 --> 00:06:19,799 I mean, you know how I'm doing the Garden later this year? 155 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:21,425 - Uh-huh. - Yeah, I need a jumpsuit. 156 00:06:21,509 --> 00:06:23,386 - Deb, if I do something for you, 157 00:06:23,469 --> 00:06:24,971 I got to do something for Cher. 158 00:06:25,054 --> 00:06:26,597 Then the next thing you know, 159 00:06:26,681 --> 00:06:28,683 Sabrina Carpenter is outside my door 160 00:06:28,766 --> 00:06:30,434 with a sewing machine and a gun. 161 00:06:30,518 --> 00:06:31,811 - I don't need a new design. 162 00:06:31,894 --> 00:06:33,813 Do you remember Carol's white look 163 00:06:33,854 --> 00:06:35,147 from her final episode? 164 00:06:35,231 --> 00:06:37,358 - Of course. I had it for years. 165 00:06:37,441 --> 00:06:40,152 But I donated it to a charity auction. 166 00:06:40,194 --> 00:06:41,821 - Do you remember who won it? 167 00:06:41,904 --> 00:06:44,073 - It was actually one of your fellow stand-up comics, 168 00:06:44,156 --> 00:06:45,658 but I shouldn't say who. 169 00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:46,951 - Rosie O'Donnell? - No. 170 00:06:47,034 --> 00:06:48,244 - Rita Rudner? - No. 171 00:06:48,327 --> 00:06:49,620 - Kelly Kilpatrick? 172 00:06:49,704 --> 00:06:51,998 - Mm, I couldn't say. 173 00:06:52,081 --> 00:06:54,000 Oh, yeah, I heard— 174 00:06:54,083 --> 00:06:57,169 - Kelly fucking Kilpatrick! 175 00:06:57,211 --> 00:06:59,005 That stupid bitch hates me. 176 00:06:59,046 --> 00:07:00,506 I've never known why. 177 00:07:00,548 --> 00:07:02,508 - Um, you were pretty mean to her 178 00:07:02,591 --> 00:07:04,176 after she came out at the VMAs. 179 00:07:04,218 --> 00:07:06,512 I believe the exact quote was, 180 00:07:06,595 --> 00:07:08,389 "She should go back into the closet 181 00:07:08,472 --> 00:07:09,849 and pick something else." 182 00:07:09,932 --> 00:07:12,643 - Okay, fine. 183 00:07:12,685 --> 00:07:15,855 Just, you know, that's probably where the weird energy started. 184 00:07:15,896 --> 00:07:17,815 I'll just have to win her over. 185 00:07:17,898 --> 00:07:19,108 Damien! 186 00:07:19,191 --> 00:07:22,111 Book my apology booth at Spago's! 187 00:07:22,194 --> 00:07:25,531 - Oh, by the way, I had a client who paid me in salami. 188 00:07:25,614 --> 00:07:27,491 Do you guys want some? 189 00:07:27,575 --> 00:07:30,745 I think it's pretty good. It smells good. 190 00:07:36,667 --> 00:07:41,047 - Hey, should we have mimosas and be bad? 191 00:07:41,130 --> 00:07:42,548 - What do you want, Deb? 192 00:07:42,631 --> 00:07:45,217 - I just wanted to— to—to clear the air. 193 00:07:45,259 --> 00:07:47,053 - From when you called my daytime show 194 00:07:47,094 --> 00:07:48,554 "Oprah for racists"? 195 00:07:48,596 --> 00:07:51,057 - I didn't say that. - Oh, you did. 196 00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:52,892 You also said, Kelly's show was like 197 00:07:52,975 --> 00:07:54,977 if the L-word stood for "lame." 198 00:07:55,061 --> 00:07:57,146 - Well, what I should've said was, 199 00:07:57,229 --> 00:08:00,775 you're like if the L-word stood for "lovely." 200 00:08:00,858 --> 00:08:02,902 - Uh-huh. 201 00:08:02,943 --> 00:08:04,278 So... 202 00:08:04,361 --> 00:08:06,906 you're doing the Garden. - Yeah. Yeah. 203 00:08:06,947 --> 00:08:09,366 - I hope they have enough wheelchair ramps for your fans. 204 00:08:10,701 --> 00:08:12,328 - Or just cut out the middleman, 205 00:08:12,411 --> 00:08:14,080 live stream it directly into hospices. 206 00:08:14,121 --> 00:08:17,249 Oh, Kelly, you... 207 00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:20,377 You—you still got it. 208 00:08:22,838 --> 00:08:23,923 - Deborah. 209 00:08:23,964 --> 00:08:25,341 So sorry to interrupt. 210 00:08:25,424 --> 00:08:26,717 I'm a huge fan. 211 00:08:26,801 --> 00:08:30,221 Uh, but someone left their phone in the car again. 212 00:08:30,304 --> 00:08:31,931 - I thought it was in my bag. 213 00:08:31,972 --> 00:08:33,390 Sorry. Kelly, this is Ava. 214 00:08:33,474 --> 00:08:35,559 Ava, Kelly. - Hi. Nice to meet you. 215 00:08:35,643 --> 00:08:37,228 I'm sure you get this all the time, 216 00:08:37,269 --> 00:08:39,105 but when you guest-starred as Lieutenant Levandra Pax 217 00:08:39,188 --> 00:08:40,898 on "Star Trek: The Next Generation," 218 00:08:40,981 --> 00:08:42,108 it was, like, the first time 219 00:08:42,191 --> 00:08:43,943 I actually saw myself on screen. 220 00:08:43,984 --> 00:08:45,945 - Well, that's not the first time I've heard that, 221 00:08:45,986 --> 00:08:47,238 but I-I thank you. 222 00:08:47,321 --> 00:08:48,614 Uh! 223 00:08:48,656 --> 00:08:49,949 Oh, my God, Deborah, is that coffee? 224 00:08:49,990 --> 00:08:51,617 - It's decaf. - Is it? 225 00:08:51,659 --> 00:08:53,619 - No. 226 00:08:53,702 --> 00:08:55,955 - You know if you have caffeine this late, you won't sleep. 227 00:08:55,996 --> 00:08:56,956 And if you don't sleep... 228 00:08:56,997 --> 00:08:58,415 - I don't sleep. 229 00:08:58,499 --> 00:09:00,126 She has been having the worst nightmares. 230 00:09:00,209 --> 00:09:02,586 And then I wake up, and I can't get back to sleep. 231 00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:04,130 And I get the night sweats anyway, 232 00:09:04,213 --> 00:09:06,382 but I've never been able to sleep completely nude, 233 00:09:06,465 --> 00:09:08,717 'cause, you know, pajama pants give me a really bad rash— 234 00:09:08,801 --> 00:09:09,969 - Honey, honey. 235 00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:12,138 We're about to eat. - Oh, sorry. 236 00:09:12,179 --> 00:09:14,056 Really nice to meet you. 237 00:09:23,649 --> 00:09:26,777 - What? - I should've known. 238 00:09:26,861 --> 00:09:29,572 I am so sorry. 239 00:09:29,655 --> 00:09:31,115 - That's okay. 240 00:09:31,198 --> 00:09:32,616 For—for? 241 00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:34,994 - No wonder you've been so bitter 242 00:09:35,035 --> 00:09:37,788 and frustrated and jealous all these years. 243 00:09:37,872 --> 00:09:39,790 It is so obvious. 244 00:09:39,874 --> 00:09:43,169 - What's so obvious? - That you're gay. 245 00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:44,879 - I'm... 246 00:09:48,465 --> 00:09:50,009 Gay. 247 00:09:50,092 --> 00:09:52,803 - Oh, Deb, I am so sorry that I didn't realize sooner. 248 00:09:52,887 --> 00:09:54,805 And you know what? That's on me. 249 00:09:54,889 --> 00:09:56,849 'Cause it must've been so hard for you, 250 00:09:56,891 --> 00:09:59,852 watching me live my truth out and proud. 251 00:09:59,894 --> 00:10:03,689 But, look, if you don't want to talk about it here, I get it. 252 00:10:03,772 --> 00:10:05,024 - Right. 253 00:10:05,107 --> 00:10:07,526 - Hey, what are you doing this weekend? 254 00:10:07,610 --> 00:10:10,696 - I-I-I-I don't know. Um, why? 255 00:10:10,779 --> 00:10:13,032 - Well, why don't you come up to our place in Montecito 256 00:10:13,073 --> 00:10:14,825 for the weekend and we'll catch up? 257 00:10:14,909 --> 00:10:16,994 Huh? We'll really talk. 258 00:10:17,077 --> 00:10:21,290 And bring your girlfriend. She is adorable. 259 00:10:21,373 --> 00:10:22,791 - Oh. 260 00:10:24,627 --> 00:10:26,837 We're there. 261 00:10:26,921 --> 00:10:29,632 Hey, let's get those mimosas. - Yeah. 262 00:10:29,715 --> 00:10:30,966 I need one. 263 00:10:33,093 --> 00:10:36,555 - By the way, who the wife? - Her name is Monica. 264 00:10:36,597 --> 00:10:37,932 She's younger. 265 00:10:38,015 --> 00:10:40,059 Uh, you'd think she was a gold digger, 266 00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:42,228 but, no, apparently, she has family money. 267 00:10:42,311 --> 00:10:43,896 - Tight. - Wonder Bread. 268 00:10:43,979 --> 00:10:47,399 - Oh. Cha-ching. 269 00:10:58,619 --> 00:11:01,247 Is that Damien again? - Yeah. 270 00:11:01,330 --> 00:11:03,207 - Okay, I'm not trying to be annoying, 271 00:11:03,249 --> 00:11:05,459 but I feel like you're hiding something from me. 272 00:11:05,542 --> 00:11:07,253 - I don't know what you're talking about. 273 00:11:07,336 --> 00:11:09,505 You're being paranoid. 274 00:11:09,588 --> 00:11:11,507 - Okay, well, Merrill Markoe said she saw you 275 00:11:11,590 --> 00:11:15,052 in Beverly Hills when you told me you were at Miraval, so... 276 00:11:15,135 --> 00:11:17,054 - Well, Merrill is confused. 277 00:11:17,137 --> 00:11:19,932 And I'm not being dishonest. - Okay. 278 00:11:19,974 --> 00:11:21,267 - Oh, by the way, 279 00:11:21,350 --> 00:11:23,894 Kelly Kilpatrick thinks I'm gay and you're my secret wife, 280 00:11:23,936 --> 00:11:26,438 so we have to spend the weekend pretending to be lesbian lovers 281 00:11:26,522 --> 00:11:28,232 so I can get that Carol Burnett jumpsuit. 282 00:11:28,315 --> 00:11:29,775 - What? 283 00:11:29,858 --> 00:11:31,402 - Welcome, girls. 284 00:11:31,443 --> 00:11:33,612 Who's ready for a naughty little weekend? 285 00:11:33,696 --> 00:11:35,906 - Me! 286 00:11:35,990 --> 00:11:37,658 Come. 287 00:11:37,741 --> 00:11:41,078 And this is the living room. - Oh. 288 00:11:41,161 --> 00:11:43,914 Wow, Kelly. This is absolutely beautiful. 289 00:11:43,998 --> 00:11:45,499 - It's stunning. - Oh, thanks. 290 00:11:45,582 --> 00:11:48,127 Hi. Hi. 291 00:11:48,168 --> 00:11:49,628 Oh, gosh. 292 00:11:49,712 --> 00:11:51,672 Hi. Oh. - Hi. 293 00:11:51,755 --> 00:11:53,924 - Welcome, lovebirds. 294 00:11:54,008 --> 00:11:57,303 We're so excited to have you girls staying with us. 295 00:11:57,386 --> 00:12:01,765 - Deb, Ava, this is my muse, my treasure, 296 00:12:01,807 --> 00:12:04,643 and thanks to the Ontario government, since 2013... 297 00:12:04,727 --> 00:12:07,021 - 2013. - My wife. 298 00:12:08,439 --> 00:12:11,650 - Deborah, come here. 299 00:12:11,734 --> 00:12:13,986 - Oh, Deborah, enchanté. 300 00:12:14,028 --> 00:12:15,571 - Merci. 301 00:12:15,654 --> 00:12:16,947 - Cashmere—it's so nice. 302 00:12:17,031 --> 00:12:19,825 And you must be Ava. 303 00:12:19,867 --> 00:12:21,577 - Guilty. - Hi. 304 00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:23,245 - Hey. 305 00:12:23,329 --> 00:12:26,457 Wow. You smell so good— and, uh, beautiful posture. 306 00:12:26,540 --> 00:12:28,334 - Oh, thank you. 307 00:12:28,417 --> 00:12:30,419 Once a ballerina, always a ballerina. 308 00:12:30,502 --> 00:12:31,837 - Wow. 309 00:12:31,879 --> 00:12:33,589 - Darren Aronofsky dedicated "Black Swan" to me. 310 00:12:33,672 --> 00:12:35,966 - Oh, wow. - Eh, that was messy. 311 00:12:36,050 --> 00:12:37,676 - I'll bet. 312 00:12:37,718 --> 00:12:40,179 - Well, let me—let me show you to your room. 313 00:12:40,262 --> 00:12:42,348 This way. - Okay. 314 00:12:42,431 --> 00:12:45,309 - I know it's a hike, but it's worth it. 315 00:12:45,392 --> 00:12:46,977 - Sure. 316 00:12:47,061 --> 00:12:49,688 - The cream room. - It's lovely. 317 00:12:49,730 --> 00:12:51,899 - Well, good. You enjoy yourselves, girls. 318 00:12:51,982 --> 00:12:53,359 - Thanks, Kelly. 319 00:12:53,442 --> 00:12:54,985 - And if you need anything, just holler. 320 00:12:55,069 --> 00:12:56,195 - Thank you. - Absolutely. 321 00:12:56,236 --> 00:12:58,572 - Mm-hmm. 322 00:13:00,074 --> 00:13:01,700 - Deborah, this is fucking insane. 323 00:13:01,742 --> 00:13:04,161 I am not pretending to be a lesbian couple with you. 324 00:13:04,244 --> 00:13:06,372 - I need that jumpsuit. Please, it means a lot to me. 325 00:13:06,413 --> 00:13:08,207 - I guess it wouldn't be too bad to spend 326 00:13:08,248 --> 00:13:09,708 some time with the wife. 327 00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:12,711 Call me Chandler, 'cause I want to fuck Monica. 328 00:13:12,795 --> 00:13:14,963 You're my girlfriend. 329 00:13:15,047 --> 00:13:17,299 Do not flirt with her and blow up my spot. 330 00:13:17,383 --> 00:13:21,011 You and I are in a committed, loving relationship. 331 00:13:21,095 --> 00:13:22,471 You're sleeping in the tub. 332 00:13:22,554 --> 00:13:24,723 - I am not sleeping in the tub, okay? 333 00:13:24,807 --> 00:13:26,392 You know what? 334 00:13:26,475 --> 00:13:29,395 If you want me to do this, you got to give me $1,000. 335 00:13:29,478 --> 00:13:30,771 Yeah. 336 00:13:32,898 --> 00:13:36,360 Oh, fuck, I should've asked for more. 337 00:13:37,820 --> 00:13:40,030 Sorry. 338 00:13:40,114 --> 00:13:42,741 Forgot to say Negronis at 6:00. 339 00:13:42,783 --> 00:13:45,619 - Ah. Thank you. 340 00:13:51,708 --> 00:13:54,378 Give me an extra $500. 341 00:13:54,461 --> 00:13:56,922 - Get in the tub. - Fuckin' A. 342 00:13:59,716 --> 00:14:01,927 - Oh, it's so nice having drinkers over. 343 00:14:02,010 --> 00:14:03,637 Nobody really parties anymore. 344 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,264 - Mm-mm. - It's true. 345 00:14:05,305 --> 00:14:07,266 It's true. It's so sad. 346 00:14:07,349 --> 00:14:09,810 We celebrate our friends' sobriety, 347 00:14:09,893 --> 00:14:11,311 but we also mourn it. 348 00:14:11,395 --> 00:14:13,564 Here. 349 00:14:13,647 --> 00:14:15,065 Oh. 350 00:14:15,149 --> 00:14:18,235 You poor thing. What happened? 351 00:14:18,318 --> 00:14:21,238 Sports injury? I love jocks. 352 00:14:21,321 --> 00:14:24,408 - Ah, she dated Dean Cain at Princeton. 353 00:14:24,491 --> 00:14:26,285 - Well, this one was daydreaming and got hit 354 00:14:26,326 --> 00:14:28,036 by one of those self-driving cars. 355 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:29,621 - Oh, no. - Really? 356 00:14:29,705 --> 00:14:31,957 - I was looking for a girl whose looks stopped traffic. 357 00:14:31,999 --> 00:14:34,126 Instead, I got one that gets plowed over by it. 358 00:14:36,003 --> 00:14:37,129 - You'll have to forgive Deborah. 359 00:14:37,212 --> 00:14:38,422 She's always a little grumpy 360 00:14:38,505 --> 00:14:39,965 when this hand is out of commission. 361 00:14:40,048 --> 00:14:41,258 - Oh. 362 00:14:43,177 --> 00:14:45,304 - Well, you know, if you need help 363 00:14:45,387 --> 00:14:49,141 with anything this weekend... 364 00:14:49,183 --> 00:14:51,143 - Yeah, I can—I can think of a few things. 365 00:14:51,185 --> 00:14:52,436 - Ava. - Watch out, Deb. 366 00:14:52,519 --> 00:14:54,354 Monica likes redheads. 367 00:14:54,438 --> 00:14:57,858 - Did you know that redheads actually need more anesthesia— 368 00:14:57,941 --> 00:15:00,819 - Kelly, that blazer is fabulous. 369 00:15:00,903 --> 00:15:02,488 Is it vintage? - Yeah. 370 00:15:02,529 --> 00:15:04,781 You know, Merv Griffin actually used to own this. 371 00:15:04,865 --> 00:15:06,325 - No. - I had it tailored, of course. 372 00:15:06,366 --> 00:15:08,535 But I think it's got a kicky vibe. 373 00:15:08,619 --> 00:15:10,662 - Kelly has a whole walk-in 374 00:15:10,704 --> 00:15:12,706 for her vintage Hollywood collection. 375 00:15:12,789 --> 00:15:14,333 - Really? I would love a tour. 376 00:15:14,416 --> 00:15:16,752 - Well, maybe we'll do that after dinner. 377 00:15:16,835 --> 00:15:18,921 But how did you two meet? - Oh. 378 00:15:19,004 --> 00:15:20,631 - Oh, that's a boring story. - Is it? 379 00:15:20,714 --> 00:15:22,674 - So— - I disagree, my love. 380 00:15:22,758 --> 00:15:24,426 I'll tell it. 381 00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:26,929 So we were actually set up by our mutual friend Jimmy, 382 00:15:27,012 --> 00:15:28,847 who just knew we would hit it off. 383 00:15:28,931 --> 00:15:30,766 And, uh, we actually met for the first time 384 00:15:30,849 --> 00:15:32,518 at Deborah's house, because, obviously, 385 00:15:32,601 --> 00:15:35,270 we needed to keep it very hush-hush, very discreet. 386 00:15:35,354 --> 00:15:38,106 And, uh, yeah, she hated me— 387 00:15:38,190 --> 00:15:39,775 Doc Martens, no makeup, 388 00:15:39,858 --> 00:15:42,152 always talking about transit and public housing. 389 00:15:42,236 --> 00:15:44,696 And, you know, we just kind of went 390 00:15:44,780 --> 00:15:46,657 back and forth, back and forth. 391 00:15:46,740 --> 00:15:48,325 The connection was undeniable. 392 00:15:48,408 --> 00:15:51,161 But I think our—our spark is in our fighting. 393 00:15:51,245 --> 00:15:52,746 We bicker. 394 00:15:52,829 --> 00:15:54,873 It comes into play in the bedroom a lot, too, as well. 395 00:15:54,915 --> 00:15:56,250 Isn't that right, Deb? 396 00:15:56,333 --> 00:16:00,754 Anyway, we were fighting like dogs, and I just left. 397 00:16:00,837 --> 00:16:02,214 I up and left. 398 00:16:02,256 --> 00:16:04,174 And, uh, she came chasing after me. 399 00:16:04,258 --> 00:16:06,385 I was halfway down her driveway in my car, 400 00:16:06,468 --> 00:16:08,720 and she cut me off in her Rolls-Royce 401 00:16:08,762 --> 00:16:10,931 and insisted that I stay, and so I did. 402 00:16:11,014 --> 00:16:13,517 I mean, how could I refuse? - Ooh, hot. 403 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,394 - We've been together ever since. 404 00:16:15,477 --> 00:16:18,397 Doesn't it just feel like yesterday, Deb? 405 00:16:18,438 --> 00:16:19,731 - Yeah, sweetie. 406 00:16:19,773 --> 00:16:21,567 Sometimes it feels like 100 years. 407 00:16:21,650 --> 00:16:23,860 - Aw. 408 00:16:25,654 --> 00:16:27,573 - Give me a kiss, baby. - Mm. 409 00:16:36,915 --> 00:16:39,167 Oh, someone's shy. 410 00:16:39,251 --> 00:16:40,752 - Oh, come on. Come on. - Come on! 411 00:16:40,794 --> 00:16:42,254 - Shy! 412 00:16:42,337 --> 00:16:44,423 - You weren't so shy on the car ride up. 413 00:16:44,464 --> 00:16:46,842 - Come on. 414 00:17:03,066 --> 00:17:04,443 - Ooh! 415 00:17:04,484 --> 00:17:06,069 - That's my girl. - I love it! 416 00:17:06,153 --> 00:17:07,904 - Yeah. 417 00:17:07,988 --> 00:17:10,157 - We're really happy. 418 00:17:21,668 --> 00:17:23,920 Oh! - What are you doing in here? 419 00:17:24,004 --> 00:17:26,465 - Just, uh—I was just looking for a bathroom. 420 00:17:26,548 --> 00:17:30,302 - Uh, there is an en suite in your bedroom. 421 00:17:30,385 --> 00:17:33,930 - Yeah, I just, you know, want to keep the spark alive. 422 00:17:34,014 --> 00:17:36,016 - Well... 423 00:17:39,978 --> 00:17:42,814 I couldn't imagine the spark ever going out with you. 424 00:17:47,694 --> 00:17:52,491 You know, Kelly and I, um... 425 00:17:52,532 --> 00:17:54,451 we're open. 426 00:17:54,534 --> 00:17:56,328 - That's p-powerful information. 427 00:17:56,411 --> 00:17:58,372 - Are you and Deborah? 428 00:17:58,455 --> 00:18:01,625 - Are me and Deborah in an open relationship? 429 00:18:01,708 --> 00:18:03,293 We are not. 430 00:18:03,377 --> 00:18:05,879 We are not. I have to say no. 431 00:18:05,962 --> 00:18:07,964 I have to say no. 432 00:18:10,050 --> 00:18:13,011 - But that pause... 433 00:18:13,053 --> 00:18:15,347 It tells me you want to be. 434 00:18:15,430 --> 00:18:18,850 - I will say that I'm attracted to other women. 435 00:18:18,934 --> 00:18:20,560 - I like that. 436 00:18:20,644 --> 00:18:22,813 But let's circle back on that. 437 00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:26,942 Do you want to see our chicken coop? 438 00:18:27,025 --> 00:18:30,112 - Is—is that a euphemism? - No, it's a real coop. 439 00:18:30,195 --> 00:18:31,863 - Oh, sure. Yeah, I would love to. 440 00:18:31,905 --> 00:18:34,700 Yeah. - Okay. 441 00:18:34,783 --> 00:18:36,493 Come on. 442 00:18:41,415 --> 00:18:43,166 - Oh, my God. 443 00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:45,293 Kelly, t-this is— this is incredible. 444 00:18:45,377 --> 00:18:46,878 It's—it's like a life's work. 445 00:18:46,962 --> 00:18:48,338 - I know. 446 00:18:48,422 --> 00:18:50,215 Debbie Reynolds almost outbid me 447 00:18:50,298 --> 00:18:54,177 on the Vitameatavegamin dress, but I am vicious with a paddle. 448 00:18:54,261 --> 00:18:56,388 - Oh, what is this little white number? 449 00:18:56,471 --> 00:18:58,098 Doesn't—doesn't look familiar. 450 00:18:58,181 --> 00:19:00,225 - It's from Carol's last show. 451 00:19:00,267 --> 00:19:01,560 - Of course. Oh. 452 00:19:01,601 --> 00:19:02,936 It's cute. 453 00:19:03,019 --> 00:19:04,896 I mean, I-I would take it off your hands, 454 00:19:04,938 --> 00:19:06,565 you know, if you wanted to sell it. 455 00:19:06,606 --> 00:19:07,607 - Yeah, right. 456 00:19:07,691 --> 00:19:09,359 The really undervalued piece 457 00:19:09,401 --> 00:19:12,237 is Bette Midler's dress from Carson's last show. 458 00:19:12,279 --> 00:19:13,864 I know you're gonna want to see that. 459 00:19:13,947 --> 00:19:15,574 - No. I-I mean, sure, yeah. 460 00:19:15,615 --> 00:19:17,576 But this little white number, we— 461 00:19:17,617 --> 00:19:19,703 - Come on, Deb, keep up. A lot more to see. 462 00:19:22,456 --> 00:19:24,416 - Hey, Damien, how are you? 463 00:19:24,458 --> 00:19:25,584 - Is it an emergency? 464 00:19:25,625 --> 00:19:27,210 You've called me, like, ten times. 465 00:19:27,294 --> 00:19:28,253 - No, no emergency. 466 00:19:28,336 --> 00:19:29,921 I was just wondering, um, yeah, 467 00:19:29,963 --> 00:19:31,757 how—how did the trip to Miraval with Deborah go? 468 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,925 - We haven't gone yet. That's next week. 469 00:19:33,967 --> 00:19:35,427 - So she wasn't there last Tuesday? 470 00:19:35,510 --> 00:19:37,179 She is lying to me. 471 00:19:37,262 --> 00:19:39,181 God, I thought we were past this. 472 00:19:39,264 --> 00:19:41,433 - Okay, I refuse to get involved in whatever this is. 473 00:19:41,475 --> 00:19:43,185 By the way, where are you guys? 474 00:19:43,268 --> 00:19:45,187 - We're in, uh, Montecito, at Kelly Kilpatrick's mansion. 475 00:19:45,270 --> 00:19:46,730 We're pretending to be a couple 476 00:19:46,813 --> 00:19:48,774 so we can swindle her out of an old jumpsuit. 477 00:19:48,857 --> 00:19:51,193 It's actually really gorgeous out here. I mean— 478 00:19:52,444 --> 00:19:53,612 Damien? 479 00:19:53,695 --> 00:19:54,780 He's gone. 480 00:19:59,242 --> 00:20:02,454 - You think ChapStick lesbian is butcher than soft butch? 481 00:20:02,496 --> 00:20:03,789 - Yes! - Oh, God. 482 00:20:03,872 --> 00:20:05,624 These kids, they love their little categories. 483 00:20:05,665 --> 00:20:07,793 I mean, back in our days, it was just butch or femme. 484 00:20:07,876 --> 00:20:11,338 - Or big lesbos. 485 00:20:11,421 --> 00:20:12,964 I-I'm kidding. I'm sorry. 486 00:20:13,048 --> 00:20:14,800 I mean, labels are stupid, 487 00:20:14,841 --> 00:20:17,093 unless, of course, it's Pucci! 488 00:20:18,512 --> 00:20:20,138 - Thank you so much. - Oh, no, she's had enough. 489 00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:21,640 She's had— - Oh, have I, dear? 490 00:20:21,681 --> 00:20:23,642 - Yes. - I think I'm fine. Thank you. 491 00:20:23,683 --> 00:20:25,644 - Oh, Kelly showed me her collection. 492 00:20:25,685 --> 00:20:27,771 She has this gorgeous jumpsuit that Carol wore. 493 00:20:27,854 --> 00:20:29,481 I think we're about the same size. 494 00:20:29,564 --> 00:20:31,650 - Oh, let's not talk about that collection. 495 00:20:31,733 --> 00:20:33,944 She's always talking about that collection. 496 00:20:34,027 --> 00:20:36,279 Let's talk about something fun. 497 00:20:36,363 --> 00:20:38,073 I don't know. 498 00:20:38,156 --> 00:20:39,658 Deborah... 499 00:20:39,699 --> 00:20:41,326 do you strap? 500 00:20:41,368 --> 00:20:43,119 - Um, strap? 501 00:20:43,203 --> 00:20:45,455 - Oh, leave my pillow princess alone. 502 00:20:45,539 --> 00:20:46,498 - No! - Really? 503 00:20:46,540 --> 00:20:47,833 - Oh. - Yeah. 504 00:20:47,874 --> 00:20:49,835 - Really? - Deb. 505 00:20:49,876 --> 00:20:51,127 - Interesting. 506 00:20:51,211 --> 00:20:53,672 - I'm particular about my pillows, yes. 507 00:20:53,755 --> 00:20:57,133 I'm a Cortina soft down kind of girl. 508 00:20:57,217 --> 00:21:00,178 - What— 509 00:21:00,262 --> 00:21:01,680 - She's joking. 510 00:21:01,721 --> 00:21:03,682 Obviously, Deborah knows that a pillow princess 511 00:21:03,765 --> 00:21:06,518 is someone who only likes to receive pleasure during sex. 512 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:09,479 - That is not true. No, no, I-I do plenty in bed... 513 00:21:09,563 --> 00:21:11,481 - Oh. - You know, lesbionically. 514 00:21:11,565 --> 00:21:13,191 No, no, this is the lazy one. 515 00:21:13,233 --> 00:21:14,651 - Oh, yeah. I'm the lazy one. 516 00:21:14,693 --> 00:21:16,987 No, you're right. She does love eating my ass. 517 00:21:18,572 --> 00:21:20,365 - I'm always looking behind me, going, 518 00:21:20,448 --> 00:21:22,158 quit chowing down on that thing! 519 00:21:22,242 --> 00:21:24,327 It ain't groceries! 520 00:21:24,411 --> 00:21:25,537 - Tell me more. - Oh, yeah. 521 00:21:25,620 --> 00:21:26,705 We've been doing shibari. 522 00:21:26,788 --> 00:21:28,206 That's rope play. - Yeah. 523 00:21:28,248 --> 00:21:29,708 - So she'll kind of tie me up, hang me 524 00:21:29,749 --> 00:21:31,376 from the damn ceiling like a chandelier. 525 00:21:31,459 --> 00:21:33,211 We know Sia. 526 00:21:37,757 --> 00:21:39,050 - Mm. 527 00:21:39,092 --> 00:21:40,802 Coming through. 528 00:21:45,390 --> 00:21:47,142 - Thank you. 529 00:21:50,604 --> 00:21:52,731 - Come dance with me. 530 00:21:57,777 --> 00:22:00,030 - Look at our girls. 531 00:22:00,113 --> 00:22:03,074 - Deborah. 532 00:22:03,116 --> 00:22:05,410 Come on. - Huh? No. 533 00:22:05,493 --> 00:22:06,703 - Come and dance with me. - No. 534 00:22:06,786 --> 00:22:08,246 - Come on, Deborah. - No. 535 00:22:08,288 --> 00:22:10,206 Oh, my God, she's limber. - I'm coming to get you. 536 00:22:11,625 --> 00:22:13,251 - I'll be a good little kitty cat. 537 00:22:13,335 --> 00:22:14,920 - Come on, Deb. - Oh, okay. Ah! 538 00:22:15,003 --> 00:22:16,296 - Meow. - Oh, okay. 539 00:22:16,379 --> 00:22:18,131 - Yeah, come on. - Okay, okay, okay. 540 00:22:18,214 --> 00:22:19,758 Okay, okay. 541 00:22:19,799 --> 00:22:21,593 - Whoo! 542 00:22:21,676 --> 00:22:25,555 Let's see those moves. - Oh... 543 00:22:25,639 --> 00:22:27,933 Deborah Vance, you little petunia. 544 00:22:27,974 --> 00:22:29,142 - Such good hips. 545 00:22:29,225 --> 00:22:31,061 - Oh, thank you. 546 00:22:31,144 --> 00:22:34,773 Oh, gosh. 547 00:22:34,814 --> 00:22:37,108 Hey... 548 00:22:37,192 --> 00:22:38,735 shall we hot tub? 549 00:22:38,777 --> 00:22:40,946 - I-I think it's getting a little too late for that. 550 00:22:40,987 --> 00:22:44,199 I mean—And, sweetie, you said you were getting tired. 551 00:22:44,282 --> 00:22:45,784 - No, actually. - Ava. 552 00:22:45,825 --> 00:22:47,702 - No. I'm feeling really awake. - You said— 553 00:22:47,786 --> 00:22:50,038 - Yeah, I would love to hot tub. 554 00:22:50,121 --> 00:22:53,458 - Well, unfortunately, I forgot to pack my suit. 555 00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:55,210 - So did I. 556 00:23:01,341 --> 00:23:03,426 - Come on, Deb. 557 00:23:03,510 --> 00:23:05,804 We're all dykes here. 558 00:23:19,693 --> 00:23:23,321 - Oh, the stars are gorgeous tonight! 559 00:23:23,363 --> 00:23:25,824 - Breathtaking, isn't it? 560 00:23:25,865 --> 00:23:27,450 - It really is. 561 00:23:33,581 --> 00:23:35,917 - Deb, I've been impressed with you. 562 00:23:36,001 --> 00:23:39,170 Your special, the free-speech crusade 563 00:23:39,254 --> 00:23:42,757 you got going, standing up against Bob Lipka— 564 00:23:42,841 --> 00:23:45,343 now, you really grew a pair. 565 00:23:45,385 --> 00:23:47,429 And when I read you spent a night in jail, 566 00:23:47,512 --> 00:23:48,847 I did a spit take. 567 00:23:48,930 --> 00:23:51,182 - Oh, yeah. How was jail? 568 00:23:51,224 --> 00:23:54,602 - You know, as a lesbian, it wasn't so bad. 569 00:23:54,686 --> 00:23:56,980 A lot of tough ladies 570 00:23:57,063 --> 00:23:58,982 working out all day long. 571 00:23:59,065 --> 00:24:01,026 When I was there, I thought, oh, I got to save this 572 00:24:01,109 --> 00:24:02,652 for the old spank bank. 573 00:24:07,449 --> 00:24:10,410 So what's everybody's first celebrity crush? 574 00:24:10,493 --> 00:24:12,704 Mine—Lola Bunny from "Space Jam." 575 00:24:14,330 --> 00:24:16,416 I was beatin' my meat hard to that girl every night. 576 00:24:16,499 --> 00:24:18,543 - God. 577 00:24:18,585 --> 00:24:20,670 - Good night. 578 00:24:20,754 --> 00:24:22,380 What the hell is wrong with you? 579 00:24:22,422 --> 00:24:23,923 - Excuse me? 580 00:24:24,007 --> 00:24:25,550 - You have been way out of line all night! 581 00:24:25,633 --> 00:24:27,552 - What? You should be thanking me. 582 00:24:27,635 --> 00:24:29,679 I was saving your straight ass. 583 00:24:29,763 --> 00:24:32,515 - Don't you dare bring up A-S-S after you said I eat it! 584 00:24:32,599 --> 00:24:34,267 - You will not turn this around on me. 585 00:24:34,350 --> 00:24:36,019 You brought me here under false pretenses, 586 00:24:36,061 --> 00:24:37,896 which isn't surprising, 'cause I know you were lying. 587 00:24:37,937 --> 00:24:39,314 I have confirmation 588 00:24:39,397 --> 00:24:41,066 that you were in Beverly Hills last week. 589 00:24:41,149 --> 00:24:42,567 - What, are you tracking me? 590 00:24:42,609 --> 00:24:44,486 - I actually wasn't, but that's not the point. 591 00:24:44,569 --> 00:24:46,404 I thought we were finally being honest with each other. 592 00:24:46,488 --> 00:24:48,907 - Well, we're clearly not, since you're secretly spying 593 00:24:48,948 --> 00:24:50,492 on my whereabouts! 594 00:24:50,575 --> 00:24:52,327 - Okay, fine. Whatever. 595 00:24:52,410 --> 00:24:54,996 I'm going straight to tub. - Good, fine. Sleep tight. 596 00:24:57,791 --> 00:25:00,543 Oh, fuck. 597 00:25:05,590 --> 00:25:08,426 Mm. 598 00:25:10,970 --> 00:25:12,263 Oh. 599 00:25:12,305 --> 00:25:13,932 Sorry. 600 00:25:13,973 --> 00:25:16,935 - I love a midnight snack. 601 00:25:16,976 --> 00:25:18,645 - And we have these amazing strawberries 602 00:25:18,728 --> 00:25:21,314 and crème fraîche— do you want one? 603 00:25:21,397 --> 00:25:22,649 - Uh-huh. 604 00:25:22,732 --> 00:25:24,734 - Oh, good. 605 00:25:31,199 --> 00:25:32,659 Open up. 606 00:25:36,579 --> 00:25:38,081 - Mmm. 607 00:25:40,625 --> 00:25:42,585 - Kelly and I just got in a fight. 608 00:25:42,669 --> 00:25:43,962 - Same with me and Deborah. 609 00:25:44,045 --> 00:25:45,964 - It's so hard... 610 00:25:46,005 --> 00:25:49,384 to be with these dominant women who always get their way. 611 00:25:49,467 --> 00:25:51,386 Tell me about it. 612 00:25:52,971 --> 00:25:54,681 - Wow, look at us... 613 00:25:56,641 --> 00:25:58,476 Two trophy wives. 614 00:26:01,354 --> 00:26:04,566 Do you ever wonder... 615 00:26:04,649 --> 00:26:07,068 if late at night, 616 00:26:07,152 --> 00:26:10,363 when they're all alone on the shelf... 617 00:26:10,446 --> 00:26:14,826 those trophies get to playing with each other? 618 00:26:14,909 --> 00:26:17,162 - Like "Toy Story"? 619 00:26:17,245 --> 00:26:19,956 - Exactly like "Toy Story." 620 00:26:24,544 --> 00:26:25,712 - Oh. 621 00:26:28,381 --> 00:26:32,135 I was just getting a water. 622 00:26:37,098 --> 00:26:38,391 Good night. 623 00:26:48,735 --> 00:26:50,278 - How dare you cheat on me? 624 00:26:50,361 --> 00:26:51,613 - I am not cheating on you, 625 00:26:51,696 --> 00:26:53,448 because we are not in a relationship! 626 00:26:53,531 --> 00:26:55,200 It's a lie, which is your specialty! 627 00:26:55,283 --> 00:26:57,368 - Well, if you fuck that nympho trophy wife 628 00:26:57,410 --> 00:26:59,537 and Kelly finds out, I will never get that jumpsuit! 629 00:26:59,579 --> 00:27:00,872 - That's not true, 630 00:27:00,914 --> 00:27:02,540 because Kelly and Monica are open! 631 00:27:02,624 --> 00:27:04,042 - Well, we are monogamous! 632 00:27:04,125 --> 00:27:06,711 - What? - That's what works for me! 633 00:27:08,922 --> 00:27:10,798 - Is everything all right in here? 634 00:27:10,882 --> 00:27:12,217 - Oh, everything's fine. 635 00:27:12,258 --> 00:27:13,551 - Ava... 636 00:27:15,303 --> 00:27:17,013 Are you okay? 637 00:27:19,182 --> 00:27:21,267 You know, when you're in a relationship 638 00:27:21,351 --> 00:27:23,269 with an older, more powerful woman, 639 00:27:23,353 --> 00:27:24,896 it's hard to find your voice. 640 00:27:24,938 --> 00:27:26,231 - She is my voice. 641 00:27:26,272 --> 00:27:28,233 - Deborah, calm down. 642 00:27:28,316 --> 00:27:30,610 Ava, sweetheart, how'd you really break your arm? 643 00:27:30,693 --> 00:27:33,071 A driverless car with no witnesses— 644 00:27:33,112 --> 00:27:35,281 it—it seems convenient. - Oh, my God! 645 00:27:35,365 --> 00:27:37,575 I never hit her! - Well... 646 00:27:37,659 --> 00:27:39,202 - Well, I didn't this time! 647 00:27:39,285 --> 00:27:40,703 - I'm just gonna say it, 648 00:27:40,787 --> 00:27:43,414 because I don't think Ava feels safe saying it. 649 00:27:43,498 --> 00:27:45,750 But, Deborah, Ava wants to be 650 00:27:45,833 --> 00:27:47,877 ethically non-monogamous with you. 651 00:27:47,961 --> 00:27:49,712 - No, she doesn't. - Well, yes, I do. 652 00:27:49,796 --> 00:27:51,589 But that's not what this is about. 653 00:27:51,673 --> 00:27:53,883 - All right. So, Ava, what is this about? 654 00:27:53,967 --> 00:27:57,011 - Well, I'm upset because Deborah is clearly 655 00:27:57,095 --> 00:27:59,264 keeping something from me, and it hurts my feelings 656 00:27:59,347 --> 00:28:00,890 that she cannot be honest with me. 657 00:28:00,974 --> 00:28:02,892 - Yeah, well, everything hurts your feelings. 658 00:28:02,976 --> 00:28:04,894 - Yeah, hurtful things hurt my feelings, Deborah. 659 00:28:04,978 --> 00:28:06,104 Sue me. - I have! 660 00:28:06,145 --> 00:28:08,273 - Okay! Okay. 661 00:28:08,356 --> 00:28:09,941 Monica and I have done a lot of couples, 662 00:28:09,983 --> 00:28:11,109 and right now... - So much. 663 00:28:11,150 --> 00:28:12,735 - You two are in the red zone. 664 00:28:12,819 --> 00:28:14,779 So let's all take a breath, let's get some sleep, 665 00:28:14,862 --> 00:28:16,155 and maybe revisit this 666 00:28:16,239 --> 00:28:18,324 when your nervous systems have regulated. 667 00:28:18,408 --> 00:28:19,784 Okay? 668 00:28:19,867 --> 00:28:21,995 - Sure. 669 00:28:22,078 --> 00:28:23,413 Sorry. - Okay. 670 00:28:23,496 --> 00:28:24,622 Ava? 671 00:28:24,706 --> 00:28:25,790 Okay. 672 00:28:25,873 --> 00:28:27,417 Good night. 673 00:28:48,646 --> 00:28:51,149 - I hate when we go to bed angry. 674 00:28:58,323 --> 00:29:00,116 - Good morning. 675 00:29:00,199 --> 00:29:02,327 - Hi. 676 00:29:02,410 --> 00:29:04,579 - You a coffee person? - Oh, yeah. 677 00:29:04,662 --> 00:29:06,581 - Please help yourself. Oh, I'm sorry. 678 00:29:06,664 --> 00:29:08,750 - Oh, no. It's okay. - Oh, you got it. 679 00:29:08,833 --> 00:29:10,752 How'd you sleep? 680 00:29:10,835 --> 00:29:13,254 - Uh, not so well. 681 00:29:14,756 --> 00:29:16,841 Sorry about last night. 682 00:29:16,883 --> 00:29:19,010 - Mind if I'm candid? 683 00:29:19,093 --> 00:29:21,512 - Please. 684 00:29:21,554 --> 00:29:24,182 - Well, it seems to me that Deborah 685 00:29:24,223 --> 00:29:26,559 has probably betrayed you in the past, 686 00:29:26,642 --> 00:29:28,978 and maybe the truth is 687 00:29:29,062 --> 00:29:31,397 that you're just not fully over it. 688 00:29:31,481 --> 00:29:33,483 - [sighs, chuckles] 689 00:29:33,566 --> 00:29:35,360 - And I-I think that maybe 690 00:29:35,443 --> 00:29:38,738 you might be trying to heal that betrayal 691 00:29:38,821 --> 00:29:41,074 by oversharing... 692 00:29:41,157 --> 00:29:43,993 incredibly intimate, 693 00:29:44,035 --> 00:29:46,913 graphic details about your relationship 694 00:29:46,996 --> 00:29:49,207 and demanding to know everything 695 00:29:49,248 --> 00:29:51,626 about Deborah's life. 696 00:29:51,709 --> 00:29:54,545 - Yeah, you might be right. 697 00:29:54,587 --> 00:29:58,216 - Well, sometimes oversharing is a means of forcing intimacy 698 00:29:58,299 --> 00:30:00,635 'cause—'cause you're afraid the other person 699 00:30:00,718 --> 00:30:03,012 will withhold it from you. 700 00:30:03,096 --> 00:30:06,682 - Yeah, I mean, I guess I do share too much. 701 00:30:06,766 --> 00:30:09,811 I don't know. I just wish that... 702 00:30:09,894 --> 00:30:13,064 she wouldn't keep so many walls up after all this time. 703 00:30:13,106 --> 00:30:15,233 - The people we love oftentimes 704 00:30:15,274 --> 00:30:18,027 are fundamentally different than us. 705 00:30:18,111 --> 00:30:20,613 And for someone like Deborah, 706 00:30:20,696 --> 00:30:23,074 letting her guard down, 707 00:30:23,116 --> 00:30:26,619 that gives her the opposite feeling of safety. 708 00:30:26,702 --> 00:30:29,539 It's just different strokes, you know? 709 00:30:29,622 --> 00:30:31,416 - Yeah. 710 00:30:31,499 --> 00:30:34,043 That makes a lot of sense. 711 00:30:36,295 --> 00:30:39,465 - And once you accept this about her, 712 00:30:39,549 --> 00:30:41,634 you're both gonna have much deeper, 713 00:30:41,717 --> 00:30:45,430 much more intense orgasms together. 714 00:30:45,513 --> 00:30:47,390 - Hope so! 715 00:30:47,473 --> 00:30:50,268 Here's to it! 716 00:30:52,353 --> 00:30:55,398 - Thanks, Kelly. - Anytime, babe. 717 00:30:59,152 --> 00:31:00,736 - Hey. 718 00:31:00,820 --> 00:31:01,988 - Hi. 719 00:31:03,781 --> 00:31:06,033 - Coffee? - Thanks. 720 00:31:14,876 --> 00:31:17,712 So, listen, I-I wasn't fully honest with you. 721 00:31:17,795 --> 00:31:19,422 - No, no, I-I shouldn't expect you 722 00:31:19,505 --> 00:31:21,299 to share every aspect of your life with me. 723 00:31:21,340 --> 00:31:24,469 I'm sorry I pushed. - No. No, it's okay. It's okay. 724 00:31:24,552 --> 00:31:27,680 You were right. I wasn't at Miraval. 725 00:31:27,763 --> 00:31:32,518 I-I-I was in Beverly Hills... 726 00:31:32,602 --> 00:31:34,645 having a-a medical procedure. 727 00:31:34,687 --> 00:31:36,814 They found a mass, and I had it removed. 728 00:31:36,856 --> 00:31:38,649 - Oh, my God. - No. No, I'm fine. 729 00:31:38,733 --> 00:31:40,276 - My mom did the exact same thing. 730 00:31:40,359 --> 00:31:42,320 She had a kidney removed, and she didn't tell me. 731 00:31:42,361 --> 00:31:43,696 Why do people do that? 732 00:31:43,779 --> 00:31:45,698 - Because of reactions like this. 733 00:31:45,781 --> 00:31:48,701 Trust me. I'm—I'm fine. 734 00:31:48,784 --> 00:31:50,661 But I knew you'd worry. 735 00:31:50,703 --> 00:31:53,498 So, look, here's the... 736 00:31:53,581 --> 00:31:55,625 here's the doctor's email. 737 00:31:57,502 --> 00:31:59,295 - This is your white blood cell count now? 738 00:31:59,378 --> 00:32:00,755 - Yes, totally in normal range. 739 00:32:00,838 --> 00:32:02,507 - Cholesterol's a little high. 740 00:32:02,548 --> 00:32:03,674 - So is everybody's. 741 00:32:03,758 --> 00:32:05,259 Trust me, I'm fine. 742 00:32:05,343 --> 00:32:06,677 - Are you sure? 743 00:32:06,761 --> 00:32:08,179 - Yes. 744 00:32:10,223 --> 00:32:13,017 Okay, well, thanks for telling me. 745 00:32:13,100 --> 00:32:15,520 - I-I-I just don't... 746 00:32:15,603 --> 00:32:20,024 like talking about everything all the time, like you do. 747 00:32:20,107 --> 00:32:23,778 - Yeah, well, I should probably keep some things to myself. 748 00:32:23,861 --> 00:32:28,574 - And I should probably be more forthcoming... 749 00:32:28,658 --> 00:32:33,371 starting with telling Monica and Kelly the truth. 750 00:32:33,412 --> 00:32:35,248 - So we're breaking up? 751 00:32:35,331 --> 00:32:36,541 - Yeah. 752 00:32:36,624 --> 00:32:38,543 Well, I, uh... 753 00:32:38,584 --> 00:32:40,211 hope we can still be friends 754 00:32:40,253 --> 00:32:44,173 and live together and work together 755 00:32:44,257 --> 00:32:47,385 and have complicated, intermingled lives. 756 00:32:55,268 --> 00:32:56,644 - Hey. - Hi. 757 00:32:56,727 --> 00:32:57,979 - Morning. - Good morning. 758 00:32:58,062 --> 00:32:59,689 Good morning. Good morning. 759 00:32:59,772 --> 00:33:02,400 - Hi. Uh... 760 00:33:02,483 --> 00:33:03,985 it's, uh— 761 00:33:04,068 --> 00:33:06,362 I need to come clean with you two. 762 00:33:06,445 --> 00:33:08,072 - Oh, well, of course. 763 00:33:08,114 --> 00:33:11,409 We're—we're open to, you know, whatever you have to say. 764 00:33:11,450 --> 00:33:13,160 - Of course. - The truth is... 765 00:33:14,829 --> 00:33:16,330 - I'm not a lesbian. 766 00:33:16,414 --> 00:33:18,541 I-I-I've been lying this whole time 767 00:33:18,624 --> 00:33:21,836 to endear myself to Kelly so that I could talk her 768 00:33:21,919 --> 00:33:25,047 into parting with the Carol Burnett jumpsuit... 769 00:33:27,300 --> 00:33:30,094 So that I could wear it when I play the Garden... 770 00:33:32,471 --> 00:33:36,726 Because my psychic told me I had to. 771 00:33:36,809 --> 00:33:38,311 - Oh, my God. 772 00:33:38,394 --> 00:33:40,062 - Wow. 773 00:33:40,146 --> 00:33:42,273 - Anyway, I-I am so sorry I lied. 774 00:33:42,315 --> 00:33:44,150 - Wow. 775 00:33:44,233 --> 00:33:47,570 - I respect your culture. 776 00:33:47,653 --> 00:33:50,823 - Deb, after a full weekend of watching you and Ava, 777 00:33:50,906 --> 00:33:54,994 I think it is pretty obvious that you're in a relationship. 778 00:33:55,077 --> 00:33:58,873 - It's just so sad that you cannot live your full truth. 779 00:33:58,956 --> 00:34:01,792 - Let's get at least one thing out of the closet this weekend. 780 00:34:01,834 --> 00:34:03,628 You can have the fucking jumpsuit. 781 00:34:03,711 --> 00:34:05,087 - Oh. 782 00:34:05,129 --> 00:34:07,048 - But I'm not gonna play this game with you. 783 00:34:07,131 --> 00:34:09,133 Follow me upstairs to the closet. 784 00:34:09,216 --> 00:34:11,052 Get it and out. 785 00:34:11,135 --> 00:34:12,970 - Yes, ma'am—Ms. 786 00:34:13,054 --> 00:34:14,221 Mm. 787 00:34:14,305 --> 00:34:16,932 - So sad. 788 00:34:19,143 --> 00:34:21,354 Oh, it makes me feel sick. 789 00:34:27,318 --> 00:34:30,112 - You know, uh, we had a-a lovely time, 790 00:34:30,196 --> 00:34:32,865 and, um, now that you know that I'm not in a relationship, 791 00:34:32,948 --> 00:34:35,660 my email is MrAvaDaniels@gmail.com— 792 00:34:35,701 --> 00:34:38,287 - Out! - I'm sorry. 793 00:34:38,371 --> 00:34:39,997 - Go! - Thanks. 794 00:34:41,374 --> 00:34:43,501 - God, they're tragic. - Ugh. 795 00:34:43,584 --> 00:34:45,503 - At the end of the day, 796 00:34:45,544 --> 00:34:47,672 I'm rooting for 'em. 797 00:34:47,755 --> 00:34:50,508 - My hopeless romantic. 798 00:34:50,549 --> 00:34:52,343 I love you. 799 00:34:52,385 --> 00:34:54,512 Mwah. 800 00:34:54,553 --> 00:34:57,515 Honey, let's adopt another disabled dog. 801 00:34:57,556 --> 00:34:58,891 - Oh, baby. - Please! 802 00:34:58,974 --> 00:35:00,142 - You know there's pads everywhere. 803 00:35:00,226 --> 00:35:01,435 - Please. - And you got to put 804 00:35:01,519 --> 00:35:02,978 the things on the back legs. - I know. 805 00:35:03,062 --> 00:35:04,480 I'm gonna put a pad on you. - And then—don't. 806 00:35:04,522 --> 00:35:05,690 Don't do that. - I'm gonna put a pad on you. 807 00:35:05,731 --> 00:35:06,857 - You know I hate my puddin' ass. 808 00:35:06,941 --> 00:35:07,942 Quit it. Quit it. 809 00:35:08,025 --> 00:35:09,652 - Well, that was easy. 810 00:35:09,735 --> 00:35:12,697 That was completely insane. 811 00:35:15,783 --> 00:35:17,702 - You know, regardless of you being straight, 812 00:35:17,785 --> 00:35:19,537 we would never work as a couple. 813 00:35:19,578 --> 00:35:21,288 - Oh, absolutely not. 814 00:35:21,372 --> 00:35:23,332 I'm out of your league. - You're out of my league. 815 00:35:27,211 --> 00:35:29,839 Hey, guess what. 816 00:35:29,922 --> 00:35:30,965 - What? 817 00:35:34,093 --> 00:35:36,429 - I stole their fancy cookies. 818 00:35:36,512 --> 00:35:37,888 - Those aren't fancy. 819 00:35:37,930 --> 00:35:39,932 Those are Tate's. They sell them everywhere. 820 00:35:40,015 --> 00:35:42,560 - What are you talking about? They taste fancy. 821 00:35:42,601 --> 00:35:44,228 - That's just 'cause they're thin. 822 00:35:44,270 --> 00:35:45,688 - That's what makes them fancy. 823 00:35:45,771 --> 00:35:48,190 - Oh, come on, you're getting crumbs everywhere! 824 00:35:48,274 --> 00:35:50,109 - These are so good, but they need milk. 825 00:35:50,192 --> 00:35:52,111 Can we stop for milk? - What are you, 9? 826 00:35:52,194 --> 00:35:53,904 - So, um... 827 00:35:53,946 --> 00:35:55,948 should I tell Damien and Josefina that we hooked up, 828 00:35:56,031 --> 00:35:57,616 or do you want to tell— - What? 829 00:35:57,700 --> 00:35:59,910 We did not hook up! - That was first night. 830 00:35:59,952 --> 00:36:03,748 - Never happened. Jesus!