1 00:00:03,936 --> 00:00:07,398 Kids, I'm gonna tell you 2 00:00:03,936 --> 00:00:07,398 an incredible story. 3 00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:09,775 The story of how 4 00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:09,775 I met your mother. 5 00:00:09,775 --> 00:00:12,653 We being punished for something? 6 00:00:09,775 --> 00:00:12,653 No. 7 00:00:12,653 --> 00:00:14,613 Yeah, is this 8 00:00:12,653 --> 00:00:14,613 gonna take a while? 9 00:00:14,613 --> 00:00:17,282 Yes. Twenty-five years ago, 10 00:00:17,282 --> 00:00:20,411 before I was Dad, 11 00:00:17,282 --> 00:00:20,411 I had this whole other life. 12 00:00:24,749 --> 00:00:27,001 It was way back in 2005. 13 00:00:27,001 --> 00:00:29,921 I was 27, just starting 14 00:00:27,001 --> 00:00:29,921 to make it as an architect 15 00:00:29,921 --> 00:00:31,380 and living in New York 16 00:00:29,921 --> 00:00:31,380 with Marshall, 17 00:00:31,380 --> 00:00:32,673 my best friend from college. 18 00:00:32,673 --> 00:00:34,508 My life was good. 19 00:00:34,508 --> 00:00:37,344 And then Uncle Marshall went 20 00:00:34,508 --> 00:00:37,344 and screwed the whole thing up. 21 00:00:38,303 --> 00:00:40,723 Will you marry me? 22 00:00:40,723 --> 00:00:42,808 Yes. Perfect. 23 00:00:40,723 --> 00:00:42,808 And then you're engaged, 24 00:00:42,808 --> 00:00:44,602 you pop the champagne, 25 00:00:42,808 --> 00:00:44,602 you drink a toast, 26 00:00:44,602 --> 00:00:46,645 you have sex on 27 00:00:44,602 --> 00:00:46,645 the kitchen floor. 28 00:00:46,645 --> 00:00:49,023 Don't have sex on our floor. 29 00:00:46,645 --> 00:00:49,023 Got it. 30 00:00:49,023 --> 00:00:50,816 Thanks for helping me 31 00:00:49,023 --> 00:00:50,816 plan this out, Ted. 32 00:00:50,816 --> 00:00:53,402 Dude, are you kidding? 33 00:00:50,816 --> 00:00:53,402 It's you and Lily. 34 00:00:53,402 --> 00:00:55,863 I've been there for all the big 35 00:00:53,402 --> 00:00:55,863 moments of you and Lily. 36 00:00:55,863 --> 00:00:58,824 The night you met, 37 00:00:55,863 --> 00:00:58,824 your first date, 38 00:00:58,824 --> 00:01:01,243 other first things. 39 00:01:01,243 --> 00:01:03,328 Yeah, sorry, 40 00:01:01,243 --> 00:01:03,328 we thought you were asleep. 41 00:01:03,328 --> 00:01:05,164 It's physics, Marshall. 42 00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:07,625 If the bottom bunk moves, 43 00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:07,625 the top bunk moves, too. 44 00:01:09,127 --> 00:01:12,546 My God, you're 45 00:01:09,127 --> 00:01:12,546 getting engaged tonight. 46 00:01:13,798 --> 00:01:16,968 Yeah. 47 00:01:13,798 --> 00:01:16,968 What are you doin' tonight? 48 00:01:16,968 --> 00:01:19,386 What was I doing? 49 00:01:16,968 --> 00:01:19,386 Here, Uncle Marshall 50 00:01:19,386 --> 00:01:22,181 was taking the biggest step 51 00:01:19,386 --> 00:01:22,181 of his life. And me? 52 00:01:22,181 --> 00:01:24,142 I'm calling up 53 00:01:22,181 --> 00:01:24,142 your Uncle Barney. 54 00:01:24,142 --> 00:01:26,102 Hey, so you know how 55 00:01:24,142 --> 00:01:26,102 I've always had a thing 56 00:01:26,102 --> 00:01:28,646 for half-Asian girls? 57 00:01:28,646 --> 00:01:30,439 Well, now I've got 58 00:01:28,646 --> 00:01:30,439 a new favorite. 59 00:01:30,439 --> 00:01:33,067 Lebanese girls. 60 00:01:33,067 --> 00:01:35,694 Lebanese girls are 61 00:01:33,067 --> 00:01:35,694 the new half-Asians. 62 00:01:35,694 --> 00:01:37,404 Hey, you wanna do 63 00:01:35,694 --> 00:01:37,404 something tonight? 64 00:01:37,404 --> 00:01:40,699 Okay, meet me at the bar 65 00:01:37,404 --> 00:01:40,699 in 15 minutes. And suit up! 66 00:01:43,077 --> 00:01:45,997 Hey. 67 00:01:43,077 --> 00:01:45,997 Where's your suit? 68 00:01:45,997 --> 00:01:48,791 Just once, 69 00:01:45,997 --> 00:01:48,791 when I say "suit up," 70 00:01:45,997 --> 00:01:48,791 I wish you'd put on a suit. 71 00:01:48,791 --> 00:01:50,292 I did. That one time. 72 00:01:50,292 --> 00:01:53,879 It was a blazer. 73 00:01:53,879 --> 00:01:55,089 You know, ever since college 74 00:01:55,089 --> 00:01:57,216 it's been Marshall 75 00:01:55,089 --> 00:01:57,216 and Lily and me. 76 00:01:57,216 --> 00:02:00,052 Now it's gonna be 77 00:01:57,216 --> 00:02:00,052 Marshall and Lily and me. 78 00:02:00,052 --> 00:02:01,929 They'll get married, 79 00:02:00,052 --> 00:02:01,929 start a family. 80 00:02:01,929 --> 00:02:04,598 Before long, I'm that 81 00:02:01,929 --> 00:02:04,598 weird middle-aged bachelor 82 00:02:04,598 --> 00:02:06,475 their kids call "Uncle Ted." 83 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:10,312 I see what this is about. 84 00:02:10,312 --> 00:02:12,648 Have you forgotten what I said 85 00:02:10,312 --> 00:02:12,648 to you the night we met? 86 00:02:14,650 --> 00:02:18,029 Ted, I'm gonna 87 00:02:14,650 --> 00:02:18,029 teach you how to live. 88 00:02:18,029 --> 00:02:19,905 Barney. 89 00:02:18,029 --> 00:02:19,905 We met at the urinal. 90 00:02:19,905 --> 00:02:21,657 Oh, right. Hi. 91 00:02:21,657 --> 00:02:24,743 Lesson one, lose the goatee. 92 00:02:21,657 --> 00:02:24,743 It doesn't go with your suit. 93 00:02:24,743 --> 00:02:27,746 I'm not wearing a suit. 94 00:02:24,743 --> 00:02:27,746 Lesson two, get a suit. 95 00:02:27,746 --> 00:02:30,208 Suits are cool. Exhibit A. 96 00:02:30,208 --> 00:02:31,959 Lesson three, 97 00:02:31,959 --> 00:02:35,504 don't even think about getting 98 00:02:31,959 --> 00:02:35,504 married till you're 30. 99 00:02:35,504 --> 00:02:37,422 Thirty. Right, 100 00:02:35,504 --> 00:02:37,422 you're right. 101 00:02:37,422 --> 00:02:39,050 I guess it's just, 102 00:02:37,422 --> 00:02:39,050 your best friend gets engaged, 103 00:02:39,050 --> 00:02:40,634 you start thinkin' 104 00:02:39,050 --> 00:02:40,634 about that stuff. 105 00:02:40,634 --> 00:02:42,594 I thought I was 106 00:02:40,634 --> 00:02:42,594 your best friend. 107 00:02:42,594 --> 00:02:45,556 Ted, say 108 00:02:42,594 --> 00:02:45,556 I'm your best friend. 109 00:02:46,765 --> 00:02:48,267 You're my best friend, Barney. 110 00:02:46,765 --> 00:02:48,267 Good. 111 00:02:48,267 --> 00:02:49,476 Then as your best friend, 112 00:02:48,267 --> 00:02:49,476 I suggest 113 00:02:49,476 --> 00:02:50,686 we play a little game 114 00:02:49,476 --> 00:02:50,686 I like to call, 115 00:02:50,686 --> 00:02:52,354 "Have you met Ted?" 116 00:02:52,354 --> 00:02:54,190 No, no, no, no, we're not 117 00:02:52,354 --> 00:02:54,190 playing "Have you met Ted." 118 00:02:54,190 --> 00:02:56,567 Hi, have you met Ted? 119 00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,402 Hi, I'm Ted. 120 00:02:58,402 --> 00:02:59,570 Yasmin. 121 00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:00,821 It's a very pretty name. 122 00:03:00,821 --> 00:03:02,865 Thanks. It's Lebanese. 123 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:07,411 Hey. 124 00:03:08,620 --> 00:03:09,997 I'm exhausted. 125 00:03:09,997 --> 00:03:11,582 It was finger-painting day 126 00:03:09,997 --> 00:03:11,582 at school 127 00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:15,044 and a 5-year-old boy 128 00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:15,044 got to second base with me. 129 00:03:16,879 --> 00:03:18,672 Wow, you're cooking? 130 00:03:18,672 --> 00:03:20,424 Yes, I am. 131 00:03:20,424 --> 00:03:21,550 Oh. 132 00:03:23,135 --> 00:03:25,012 Are you sure that's 133 00:03:23,135 --> 00:03:25,012 a good idea after last time. 134 00:03:25,012 --> 00:03:27,890 You looked really creepy 135 00:03:25,012 --> 00:03:27,890 without eyebrows. 136 00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:29,433 I can handle this. 137 00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:29,433 I think you'll find 138 00:03:29,433 --> 00:03:31,351 I'm full of surprises tonight. 139 00:03:31,351 --> 00:03:33,645 So there's more surprises? 140 00:03:31,351 --> 00:03:33,645 Like what? 141 00:03:33,645 --> 00:03:35,689 Marshall was in 142 00:03:33,645 --> 00:03:35,689 his second year of law school, 143 00:03:35,689 --> 00:03:37,983 so he was pretty good 144 00:03:35,689 --> 00:03:37,983 at thinking on his feet. 145 00:03:37,983 --> 00:03:41,361 Boogedy boo! 146 00:03:37,983 --> 00:03:41,361 And that's all of them. 147 00:03:42,988 --> 00:03:45,783 I'm gonna go cook. 148 00:03:45,783 --> 00:03:47,618 I'm so happy for Marshall, 149 00:03:45,783 --> 00:03:47,618 I really am. 150 00:03:47,618 --> 00:03:49,661 I just couldn't imagine 151 00:03:47,618 --> 00:03:49,661 settling down right now. 152 00:03:49,661 --> 00:03:51,455 So do you think 153 00:03:49,661 --> 00:03:51,455 you'll ever get married? 154 00:03:51,455 --> 00:03:53,540 Well, maybe eventually. 155 00:03:53,540 --> 00:03:57,044 Some fall day. 156 00:03:53,540 --> 00:03:57,044 Possibly in Central Park. 157 00:03:57,044 --> 00:03:59,171 Simple ceremony. 158 00:03:57,044 --> 00:03:59,171 We'll write our own vows. 159 00:03:59,171 --> 00:04:01,006 Band, no DJ. 160 00:04:01,006 --> 00:04:03,717 People will dance, 161 00:04:01,006 --> 00:04:03,717 I'm not gonna worry about it. 162 00:04:03,717 --> 00:04:07,012 Damn it, why did Marshall 163 00:04:03,717 --> 00:04:07,012 have to get engaged? 164 00:04:07,012 --> 00:04:09,514 Yeah, nothing hotter 165 00:04:07,012 --> 00:04:09,514 than a guy planning out 166 00:04:09,514 --> 00:04:10,933 his own imaginary wedding, huh? 167 00:04:10,933 --> 00:04:13,060 Actually, 168 00:04:10,933 --> 00:04:13,060 I think it's cute. 169 00:04:13,060 --> 00:04:15,020 Well, you're clearly drunk. 170 00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:17,564 One more for the lady! 171 00:04:17,564 --> 00:04:19,191 Oh, hey, look what I got. 172 00:04:22,861 --> 00:04:25,864 Oh, honey, champagne. 173 00:04:27,283 --> 00:04:30,119 Yeah. 174 00:04:30,119 --> 00:04:31,787 No, you are too old 175 00:04:31,787 --> 00:04:34,039 to be scared to open 176 00:04:31,787 --> 00:04:34,039 a bottle of champagne. 177 00:04:34,039 --> 00:04:35,040 I'm not scared. 178 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,792 Then open it. 179 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,792 Fine. 180 00:04:38,169 --> 00:04:39,795 Please, open it. 181 00:04:39,795 --> 00:04:42,006 Gosh, you are unbelievable, 182 00:04:39,795 --> 00:04:42,006 Marshall. 183 00:04:42,006 --> 00:04:44,591 There are two big questions 184 00:04:42,006 --> 00:04:44,591 a man has to ask in life. 185 00:04:44,591 --> 00:04:47,386 One you plan out for months, 186 00:04:44,591 --> 00:04:47,386 the other just slips out 187 00:04:47,386 --> 00:04:49,138 when you're half-drunk 188 00:04:47,386 --> 00:04:49,138 at some bar. 189 00:04:49,138 --> 00:04:50,639 Will you marry me? 190 00:04:50,639 --> 00:04:52,391 You wanna go out sometime? 191 00:04:52,391 --> 00:04:54,434 Of course, you idiot! 192 00:04:55,811 --> 00:04:58,689 I'm sorry, 193 00:04:55,811 --> 00:04:58,689 Carl's my boyfriend. 194 00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:02,276 What's up, Carl? 195 00:05:06,364 --> 00:05:09,825 I promised Ted 196 00:05:06,364 --> 00:05:09,825 we wouldn't do that. 197 00:05:09,825 --> 00:05:12,661 Did you know there's 198 00:05:09,825 --> 00:05:12,661 a Pop-Tart under your fridge? 199 00:05:12,661 --> 00:05:14,079 No, but dibs. 200 00:05:14,955 --> 00:05:17,541 Where's that champagne? 201 00:05:17,541 --> 00:05:20,252 I wanna drink a toast 202 00:05:17,541 --> 00:05:20,252 with my fiancee. 203 00:05:20,252 --> 00:05:21,670 Oh. 204 00:05:23,797 --> 00:05:26,175 I don't know why I 205 00:05:23,797 --> 00:05:26,175 was so scared of this. 206 00:05:26,175 --> 00:05:28,052 It's pretty easy, right? 207 00:05:30,012 --> 00:05:32,931 Why am I freaking out 208 00:05:30,012 --> 00:05:32,931 all of a sudden? This is crazy. 209 00:05:32,931 --> 00:05:34,766 I'm not ready 210 00:05:32,931 --> 00:05:34,766 to settle down. 211 00:05:34,766 --> 00:05:37,311 How does Carl land 212 00:05:34,766 --> 00:05:37,311 a Lebanese girl? 213 00:05:37,311 --> 00:05:38,854 The plan's always been 214 00:05:38,854 --> 00:05:40,522 don't even think about it 215 00:05:38,854 --> 00:05:40,522 until you're 30. 216 00:05:40,522 --> 00:05:43,067 Exactly. The guy 217 00:05:40,522 --> 00:05:43,067 doesn't even own a suit. 218 00:05:43,067 --> 00:05:45,152 Plus, Marshall's found 219 00:05:43,067 --> 00:05:45,152 the love of his life. 220 00:05:45,152 --> 00:05:47,654 Even if I was ready, 221 00:05:45,152 --> 00:05:47,654 which I'm not, 222 00:05:47,654 --> 00:05:52,034 but if I was, it's like, 223 00:05:47,654 --> 00:05:52,034 "Okay, I'm ready. Where is she?" 224 00:05:56,121 --> 00:05:58,249 And there she was. 225 00:06:03,879 --> 00:06:06,424 It was like something 226 00:06:03,879 --> 00:06:06,424 from an old movie 227 00:06:06,424 --> 00:06:08,217 where the sailor sees the girl 228 00:06:08,217 --> 00:06:11,470 across the crowded dance floor, 229 00:06:08,217 --> 00:06:11,470 turns to his buddy and says, 230 00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:15,182 "See that girl? 231 00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:15,182 I'm gonna marry her someday." 232 00:06:15,182 --> 00:06:17,809 Hey, Barney, see that girl? 233 00:06:17,809 --> 00:06:20,812 Oh, yeah. You just know 234 00:06:17,809 --> 00:06:20,812 she likes it dirty. 235 00:06:20,812 --> 00:06:22,606 Go say hi. 236 00:06:22,606 --> 00:06:25,859 I can't just go say hi. 237 00:06:22,606 --> 00:06:25,859 I need a plan. 238 00:06:25,859 --> 00:06:27,736 I'm gonna wait until 239 00:06:25,859 --> 00:06:27,736 she goes to the bathroom, 240 00:06:27,736 --> 00:06:29,571 then I'll strategically place 241 00:06:27,736 --> 00:06:29,571 myself by the jukebox so that... 242 00:06:29,571 --> 00:06:31,323 Hi, have you met Ted? 243 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:34,743 Hi. 244 00:06:34,743 --> 00:06:38,205 Let me guess. Ted. 245 00:06:39,706 --> 00:06:41,666 I'm sorry, Lily. 246 00:06:41,666 --> 00:06:44,128 I'm so sorry. 247 00:06:41,666 --> 00:06:44,128 Take us to the hospital. 248 00:06:44,128 --> 00:06:46,755 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 249 00:06:44,128 --> 00:06:46,755 Did you hit her? 250 00:06:48,466 --> 00:06:50,384 Hit me? Please. 251 00:06:50,384 --> 00:06:53,262 This guy can barely 252 00:06:50,384 --> 00:06:53,262 even spank me in bed for fun. 253 00:06:53,262 --> 00:06:56,140 He's all, like, 254 00:06:53,262 --> 00:06:56,140 "Oh, honey, did that hurt?" 255 00:06:56,140 --> 00:06:59,184 And I'm, like, "Come on, 256 00:06:56,140 --> 00:06:59,184 let me have it, you pansy." 257 00:06:59,184 --> 00:07:00,978 Wow, a complete stranger. 258 00:07:00,978 --> 00:07:03,730 No, no, no, it's okay. 259 00:07:00,978 --> 00:07:03,730 Go on. 260 00:07:03,730 --> 00:07:05,357 So, these, uh, spankings, 261 00:07:05,357 --> 00:07:09,820 are you in pajamas 262 00:07:05,357 --> 00:07:09,820 or au naturel? 263 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:12,697 So what do you do? 264 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:12,697 A reporter for Metro News 1. 265 00:07:12,697 --> 00:07:15,117 Oh. 266 00:07:12,697 --> 00:07:15,117 Well, kind of a reporter. 267 00:07:15,117 --> 00:07:17,953 I do those 268 00:07:15,117 --> 00:07:17,953 dumb little fluff pieces 269 00:07:15,117 --> 00:07:17,953 at the end of the news. 270 00:07:17,953 --> 00:07:21,873 You know, like, "Monkey 271 00:07:17,953 --> 00:07:21,873 who can play the ukulele." 272 00:07:21,873 --> 00:07:24,293 But I'm hoping to get 273 00:07:21,873 --> 00:07:24,293 some bigger stories soon. 274 00:07:24,293 --> 00:07:27,129 Bigger, like, uh, "Gorilla 275 00:07:24,293 --> 00:07:27,129 with an upright bass?" 276 00:07:27,129 --> 00:07:28,839 Sorry. You're really pretty. 277 00:07:33,385 --> 00:07:35,346 Oh, your friends 278 00:07:33,385 --> 00:07:35,346 don't seem too happy. 279 00:07:35,346 --> 00:07:37,014 Yeah. The one in the middle just 280 00:07:35,346 --> 00:07:37,014 got dumped by her boyfriend. 281 00:07:37,014 --> 00:07:40,058 So tonight, 282 00:07:37,014 --> 00:07:40,058 every guy is "the enemy." 283 00:07:40,058 --> 00:07:41,768 You know, if it'll make 284 00:07:40,058 --> 00:07:41,768 your friend feel better 285 00:07:41,768 --> 00:07:44,271 you could throw a drink 286 00:07:41,768 --> 00:07:44,271 in my face. I don't mind. 287 00:07:44,271 --> 00:07:46,398 She would love that. 288 00:07:46,398 --> 00:07:48,692 And it does look fun 289 00:07:46,398 --> 00:07:48,692 in the movies. 290 00:07:48,692 --> 00:07:50,444 Hey, you wanna have dinner 291 00:07:48,692 --> 00:07:50,444 with me Saturday night? 292 00:07:50,444 --> 00:07:51,903 Oh, I can't. 293 00:07:51,903 --> 00:07:53,947 I'm going to Orlando 294 00:07:51,903 --> 00:07:53,947 for a week on Friday. 295 00:07:53,947 --> 00:07:56,325 Some guy's attempting to make 296 00:07:53,947 --> 00:07:56,325 the world's biggest pancake. 297 00:07:56,325 --> 00:07:59,203 Guess who's covering it? 298 00:07:56,325 --> 00:07:59,203 That's gonna take a week? 299 00:07:59,203 --> 00:08:01,288 Yeah, he's gonna eat it, too. 300 00:07:59,203 --> 00:08:01,288 It's another record. 301 00:08:01,288 --> 00:08:04,333 Hey, what's takin' 302 00:08:01,288 --> 00:08:04,333 so long? 303 00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:07,669 I know this is a long shot, 304 00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:07,669 but how about tomorrow night? 305 00:08:08,712 --> 00:08:10,714 Yeah. What the hell. 306 00:08:16,512 --> 00:08:17,721 Jerk! 307 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:19,973 That was fun. 308 00:08:21,392 --> 00:08:24,353 De... Wait for it ... nied. 309 00:08:24,353 --> 00:08:26,021 Denied. 310 00:08:26,021 --> 00:08:27,731 We're goin' out 311 00:08:26,021 --> 00:08:27,731 tomorrow night. 312 00:08:27,731 --> 00:08:29,900 I thought we were playing 313 00:08:27,731 --> 00:08:29,900 Lazer Tag tomorrow night. 314 00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:32,694 Yeah, I was never gonna 315 00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:32,694 go play Lazer Tag. 316 00:08:36,073 --> 00:08:37,782 The next night, I took her out 317 00:08:37,782 --> 00:08:39,451 to this 318 00:08:37,782 --> 00:08:39,451 little bistro in Brooklyn. 319 00:08:39,451 --> 00:08:40,911 Wow. 320 00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:43,581 That is one 321 00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:43,581 bad-ass blue French horn. 322 00:08:43,581 --> 00:08:48,001 Yeah. Sort of looks 323 00:08:43,581 --> 00:08:48,001 like a Smurf penis. 324 00:08:48,001 --> 00:08:49,836 Son, a piece of advice. 325 00:08:49,836 --> 00:08:51,380 When you go on a first date, 326 00:08:51,380 --> 00:08:53,591 you really don't want 327 00:08:51,380 --> 00:08:53,591 to say Smurf penis. 328 00:08:53,591 --> 00:08:55,634 Girls don't 329 00:08:53,591 --> 00:08:55,634 ordinarily like that. 330 00:08:57,261 --> 00:09:00,514 But this was 331 00:08:57,261 --> 00:09:00,514 no ordinary girl. 332 00:09:04,059 --> 00:09:06,604 Lily. 333 00:09:06,604 --> 00:09:08,647 How long have you 334 00:09:06,604 --> 00:09:08,647 been sitting there? 335 00:09:08,647 --> 00:09:10,524 Stupid eye patch. 336 00:09:13,777 --> 00:09:17,573 Mom, Dad, I have found 337 00:09:13,777 --> 00:09:17,573 the future Mrs. Ted Mosby. 338 00:09:17,573 --> 00:09:20,284 Marshall, how have I always 339 00:09:17,573 --> 00:09:20,284 described my perfect woman? 340 00:09:20,284 --> 00:09:21,952 Ah. Let's see. 341 00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:23,161 She likes dogs? 342 00:09:23,161 --> 00:09:24,829 I've got five dogs. 343 00:09:24,829 --> 00:09:26,624 She drinks Scotch? 344 00:09:24,829 --> 00:09:26,624 I love a Scotch 345 00:09:26,624 --> 00:09:28,708 that's old enough to 346 00:09:26,624 --> 00:09:28,708 order its own Scotch. 347 00:09:28,708 --> 00:09:30,669 Can quote obscure lines 348 00:09:28,708 --> 00:09:30,669 from Ghostbusters? 349 00:09:30,669 --> 00:09:32,421 "Ray, when someone asks you 350 00:09:32,421 --> 00:09:35,799 if you're a God, 351 00:09:32,421 --> 00:09:35,799 you say, 'Yes!'" 352 00:09:35,799 --> 00:09:38,051 And I'm saving 353 00:09:35,799 --> 00:09:38,051 the best for last. 354 00:09:38,051 --> 00:09:40,638 Do you want these? 355 00:09:38,051 --> 00:09:40,638 I hate olives. 356 00:09:40,638 --> 00:09:42,889 She hates olives. Awesome! 357 00:09:42,889 --> 00:09:44,600 The Olive Theory. 358 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,603 The Olive Theory is based on 359 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,603 my friends, Marshall and Lily. 360 00:09:47,603 --> 00:09:49,729 He hates olives, she loves them. 361 00:09:47,603 --> 00:09:49,729 And in a weird way, 362 00:09:49,729 --> 00:09:51,649 that's what makes them 363 00:09:49,729 --> 00:09:51,649 such a great couple. 364 00:09:51,649 --> 00:09:53,567 Perfect balance. 365 00:09:53,567 --> 00:09:55,653 You know, 366 00:09:53,567 --> 00:09:55,653 I've had a jar of olives 367 00:09:55,653 --> 00:09:57,737 just sitting in 368 00:09:55,653 --> 00:09:57,737 my fridge forever. 369 00:09:59,114 --> 00:10:00,949 I could take 370 00:09:59,114 --> 00:10:00,949 them off your hands. 371 00:10:02,451 --> 00:10:04,453 They're all yours. 372 00:10:04,453 --> 00:10:06,163 Oh, it is on! 373 00:10:06,163 --> 00:10:08,373 It is on till 374 00:10:06,163 --> 00:10:08,373 the break of dawn. 375 00:10:10,626 --> 00:10:14,129 But, wait, it's only the break 376 00:10:10,626 --> 00:10:14,129 of 10:30. What happened? 377 00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:16,840 I gotta get one of 378 00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:16,840 those blue French horns 379 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:18,258 for over my fireplace. 380 00:10:18,258 --> 00:10:20,218 It's gotta be blue, 381 00:10:18,258 --> 00:10:20,218 it's gotta be French. 382 00:10:20,218 --> 00:10:21,512 No green clarinet? 383 00:10:20,218 --> 00:10:21,512 Nope. 384 00:10:21,512 --> 00:10:22,638 Come on, no purple tuba? 385 00:10:22,638 --> 00:10:24,889 It's a Smurf penis 386 00:10:22,638 --> 00:10:24,889 or no dice. 387 00:10:26,099 --> 00:10:27,892 There you are! 388 00:10:27,892 --> 00:10:30,646 We got a jumper. Some crazy guy 389 00:10:27,892 --> 00:10:30,646 on the Manhattan Bridge. 390 00:10:30,646 --> 00:10:32,648 Come on, you're covering it. 391 00:10:32,648 --> 00:10:35,192 Um. All right, 392 00:10:32,648 --> 00:10:35,192 I'll be right there. 393 00:10:36,151 --> 00:10:38,111 I'm sorry. 394 00:10:38,111 --> 00:10:40,197 I had a really 395 00:10:38,111 --> 00:10:40,197 great time tonight. 396 00:10:41,239 --> 00:10:42,866 Yeah, well. 397 00:10:42,866 --> 00:10:44,826 So, did you kiss her? 398 00:10:44,826 --> 00:10:47,204 No, the moment wasn't right. 399 00:10:47,204 --> 00:10:49,373 Look, this woman could 400 00:10:47,204 --> 00:10:49,373 actually be my future wife. 401 00:10:49,373 --> 00:10:51,166 I want our first kiss 402 00:10:49,373 --> 00:10:51,166 to be amazing. 403 00:10:51,166 --> 00:10:53,918 Oh, Ted, that is so sweet. 404 00:10:53,918 --> 00:10:56,129 So, you chickened out 405 00:10:53,918 --> 00:10:56,129 like a little bitch. 406 00:10:57,797 --> 00:10:59,924 What? I did not chicken out. 407 00:10:59,924 --> 00:11:02,010 You know what? I don't need 408 00:10:59,924 --> 00:11:02,010 to take first kiss advice 409 00:11:02,010 --> 00:11:04,262 from some pirate 410 00:11:02,010 --> 00:11:04,262 who hasn't been single 411 00:11:04,262 --> 00:11:05,930 since the first week 412 00:11:04,262 --> 00:11:05,930 of college. 413 00:11:05,930 --> 00:11:08,183 Ted, anyone who's single 414 00:11:05,930 --> 00:11:08,183 would tell you the same thing. 415 00:11:08,183 --> 00:11:10,935 Even the dumbest 416 00:11:08,183 --> 00:11:10,935 single person alive. 417 00:11:10,935 --> 00:11:13,522 And if you don't 418 00:11:10,935 --> 00:11:13,522 believe me, call him. 419 00:11:15,482 --> 00:11:17,192 Hey, loser, 420 00:11:15,482 --> 00:11:17,192 how's not playing Lazer Tag? 421 00:11:17,192 --> 00:11:20,111 Because playing Lazer Tag 422 00:11:17,192 --> 00:11:20,111 is awesome. 423 00:11:20,111 --> 00:11:22,656 Oh, I killed you, Connor. 424 00:11:20,111 --> 00:11:22,656 Don't make me get your mom. 425 00:11:22,656 --> 00:11:24,700 Hey, listen, I need 426 00:11:22,656 --> 00:11:24,700 your opinion on something. 427 00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:28,912 Okay, meet me at the bar 428 00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:28,912 in 15 minutes. And suit up! 429 00:11:28,912 --> 00:11:31,873 So, these guys think I chickened 430 00:11:28,912 --> 00:11:31,873 out. What do you think? 431 00:11:31,873 --> 00:11:37,045 I can't believe 432 00:11:31,873 --> 00:11:37,045 you're still not 433 00:11:31,873 --> 00:11:37,045 wearing a suit. 434 00:11:37,045 --> 00:11:38,756 She didn't even 435 00:11:37,045 --> 00:11:38,756 give me the signal. 436 00:11:38,756 --> 00:11:41,466 What, is she gonna bat her eyes 437 00:11:38,756 --> 00:11:41,466 at you in Morse code? 438 00:11:41,466 --> 00:11:42,676 "Ted, 439 00:11:43,719 --> 00:11:44,886 "kiss me." 440 00:11:44,886 --> 00:11:46,930 No, you just kiss her. 441 00:11:46,930 --> 00:11:48,682 Not if you don't 442 00:11:46,930 --> 00:11:48,682 get the signal. 443 00:11:51,893 --> 00:11:53,771 Did Marshall 444 00:11:51,893 --> 00:11:53,771 give me the signal? 445 00:11:53,771 --> 00:11:56,314 No! 446 00:11:53,771 --> 00:11:56,314 I didn't, I swear. 447 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,068 But, see, at least tonight, 448 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,068 I get to sleep 449 00:12:00,068 --> 00:12:01,779 knowing Marshall and me, 450 00:12:00,068 --> 00:12:01,779 never gonna happen. 451 00:12:01,779 --> 00:12:03,154 You should've kissed her. 452 00:12:03,154 --> 00:12:05,156 Oh, I should've kissed her. 453 00:12:05,156 --> 00:12:07,367 Well, maybe in a week 454 00:12:05,156 --> 00:12:07,367 when she gets back from Orlando. 455 00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:09,327 A week? That's like 456 00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:09,327 a year in hot-girl time. 457 00:12:09,327 --> 00:12:11,121 She'll forget all about you. 458 00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:14,416 Mark my words, you will 459 00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:14,416 never see that one again. 460 00:12:14,416 --> 00:12:15,834 There she is. 461 00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:19,212 Ooh. She's cute. 462 00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:19,212 Hey, Carl, turn it up. 463 00:12:19,212 --> 00:12:21,172 persuaded him 464 00:12:19,212 --> 00:12:21,172 to reconsider. 465 00:12:21,172 --> 00:12:23,467 At which point the man 466 00:12:21,172 --> 00:12:23,467 came down off the ledge, 467 00:12:23,467 --> 00:12:26,219 giving this bizarre 468 00:12:23,467 --> 00:12:26,219 story a happy ending. 469 00:12:26,219 --> 00:12:27,929 Reporting from Metro 1 News, 470 00:12:27,929 --> 00:12:30,348 back to you, Bill. 471 00:12:27,929 --> 00:12:30,348 The guy didn't jump. 472 00:12:30,348 --> 00:12:32,016 I'm gonna go kiss her. 473 00:12:32,016 --> 00:12:34,770 Right now. 474 00:12:32,016 --> 00:12:34,770 Look, dude, it's midnight. 475 00:12:34,770 --> 00:12:36,980 As your future lawyer, 476 00:12:34,770 --> 00:12:36,980 I'm gonna advise you 477 00:12:36,980 --> 00:12:40,358 that's freakin' crazy. 478 00:12:36,980 --> 00:12:40,358 I never do anything crazy. 479 00:12:40,358 --> 00:12:42,944 I'm always waiting for the 480 00:12:40,358 --> 00:12:42,944 moment, planning the moment. 481 00:12:42,944 --> 00:12:45,029 Well, she's leavin' tomorrow 482 00:12:42,944 --> 00:12:45,029 and this may be the only moment 483 00:12:45,029 --> 00:12:46,782 I'm gonna get. 484 00:12:46,782 --> 00:12:50,494 I gotta do what that guy 485 00:12:46,782 --> 00:12:50,494 couldn't. I gotta take the leap. 486 00:12:50,494 --> 00:12:52,036 Okay, not a perfect metaphor 487 00:12:52,036 --> 00:12:53,413 'cause for me it's fall in love 488 00:12:52,036 --> 00:12:53,413 and get married 489 00:12:53,413 --> 00:12:54,998 and for him it's death. 490 00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:59,085 Actually, 491 00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:59,085 that is a perfect metaphor. 492 00:12:59,085 --> 00:13:01,129 By the way, did I 493 00:12:59,085 --> 00:13:01,129 congratulate you two? 494 00:13:02,547 --> 00:13:04,090 I'm doing this. 495 00:13:04,090 --> 00:13:05,717 Let's go. 496 00:13:05,717 --> 00:13:07,886 Word up. 497 00:13:05,717 --> 00:13:07,886 We're coming with you. 498 00:13:07,886 --> 00:13:09,179 Barney? 499 00:13:10,555 --> 00:13:13,684 All right, 500 00:13:10,555 --> 00:13:13,684 but under one condition. 501 00:13:13,684 --> 00:13:17,228 Look at you, you beautiful 502 00:13:13,684 --> 00:13:17,228 bastard, you suited up. 503 00:13:17,228 --> 00:13:19,230 This is totally 504 00:13:17,228 --> 00:13:19,230 going in my blog. 505 00:13:20,607 --> 00:13:22,609 Stop the car. Uh, 506 00:13:20,607 --> 00:13:22,609 pull over right here. 507 00:13:23,777 --> 00:13:25,487 I gotta do something. 508 00:13:26,571 --> 00:13:28,490 Excuse me. 509 00:13:26,571 --> 00:13:28,490 Pardon me, just a sec. 510 00:13:28,490 --> 00:13:30,617 Enjoy your coffee. 511 00:13:28,490 --> 00:13:30,617 Hey! 512 00:13:30,617 --> 00:13:31,743 Hey! 513 00:13:31,743 --> 00:13:33,578 Go, go, go! 514 00:13:36,540 --> 00:13:38,625 Everybody brings flowers. 515 00:13:47,885 --> 00:13:50,512 Okay, moment of truth. 516 00:13:50,512 --> 00:13:51,971 Wish me luck. 517 00:13:51,971 --> 00:13:55,600 Ted's gonna get it on 518 00:13:51,971 --> 00:13:55,600 with a TV reporter. 519 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,686 "This just in." Okay. 520 00:14:01,398 --> 00:14:03,149 Kiss her, Ted. 521 00:14:01,398 --> 00:14:03,149 Kiss her good. 522 00:14:03,149 --> 00:14:04,401 Kiss the crap 523 00:14:03,149 --> 00:14:04,401 out of that girl. 524 00:14:04,401 --> 00:14:06,277 Marshall, 525 00:14:04,401 --> 00:14:06,277 remember this night. 526 00:14:06,277 --> 00:14:08,071 When you're 527 00:14:06,277 --> 00:14:08,071 the best man at our wedding 528 00:14:08,071 --> 00:14:10,990 and you give a speech, 529 00:14:08,071 --> 00:14:10,990 you're gonna tell this story. 530 00:14:12,743 --> 00:14:14,870 Why does he get 531 00:14:12,743 --> 00:14:14,870 to be the best man? 532 00:14:14,870 --> 00:14:17,497 I'm your best friend! 533 00:14:17,497 --> 00:14:19,040 As I walked up to that door, 534 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,084 a million thoughts 535 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,084 raced through my mind. 536 00:14:21,084 --> 00:14:23,837 Unfortunately, 537 00:14:21,084 --> 00:14:23,837 one particular thought did not. 538 00:14:23,837 --> 00:14:25,422 I've got five dogs. 539 00:14:27,090 --> 00:14:28,926 Not good, not good. 540 00:14:28,926 --> 00:14:30,761 No! 541 00:14:28,926 --> 00:14:30,761 Get back in there. 542 00:14:30,761 --> 00:14:32,387 You're wearing a suit! 543 00:14:35,891 --> 00:14:37,058 Ted? 544 00:14:38,017 --> 00:14:39,227 Hi. 545 00:14:41,730 --> 00:14:43,523 I was just, uh... 546 00:14:47,694 --> 00:14:49,112 Come on up. 547 00:14:50,948 --> 00:14:52,198 He's in. 548 00:14:53,909 --> 00:14:57,662 So, Ranjit, 549 00:14:53,909 --> 00:14:57,662 you must have done it 550 00:14:53,909 --> 00:14:57,662 with a Lebanese girl? 551 00:14:57,662 --> 00:15:00,039 Okay, that's my Barney limit. 552 00:15:00,039 --> 00:15:02,751 I'm gonna see if that bodega 553 00:15:00,039 --> 00:15:02,751 has a bathroom. 554 00:15:02,751 --> 00:15:06,546 Actually, 555 00:15:02,751 --> 00:15:06,546 I'm from Bangladesh. 556 00:15:06,546 --> 00:15:07,923 The women hot there? 557 00:15:07,923 --> 00:15:10,091 Here's a picture 558 00:15:07,923 --> 00:15:10,091 of my wife. 559 00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:14,387 A simple "no" 560 00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:14,387 would have sufficed. 561 00:15:15,931 --> 00:15:17,348 She's lovely. 562 00:15:18,516 --> 00:15:21,227 So, Ted, what brings 563 00:15:18,516 --> 00:15:21,227 you back to Brooklyn 564 00:15:21,227 --> 00:15:23,730 at 1:00 in the morning 565 00:15:21,227 --> 00:15:23,730 in a suit? 566 00:15:24,982 --> 00:15:26,817 I was just hoping to 567 00:15:27,734 --> 00:15:29,527 get those olives 568 00:15:29,527 --> 00:15:31,780 that you said I could have. 569 00:15:31,780 --> 00:15:34,282 Would you like those olives 570 00:15:31,780 --> 00:15:34,282 with some gin and vermouth? 571 00:15:34,282 --> 00:15:36,827 Are you trying 572 00:15:34,282 --> 00:15:36,827 to get me drunk? 573 00:15:41,205 --> 00:15:42,415 For starters. 574 00:15:42,415 --> 00:15:45,961 [SLOW MUSIC 575 00:15:42,415 --> 00:15:45,961 PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 576 00:15:49,881 --> 00:15:51,215 So, Marshall, 577 00:15:51,215 --> 00:15:53,134 this Olive Theory 578 00:15:51,215 --> 00:15:53,134 based on you and Lily. 579 00:15:53,134 --> 00:15:54,845 Yeah. 580 00:15:53,134 --> 00:15:54,845 You hate olives. 581 00:15:54,845 --> 00:15:57,096 Lily loves them, 582 00:15:54,845 --> 00:15:57,096 you can't stand them. 583 00:15:57,096 --> 00:15:58,556 Yeah, I hate olives. 584 00:15:58,556 --> 00:16:00,934 Two weeks ago, 585 00:15:58,556 --> 00:16:00,934 Spanish bar on 79th Street. 586 00:16:00,934 --> 00:16:03,520 Dish of olives. 587 00:16:00,934 --> 00:16:03,520 You had some. What up? 588 00:16:06,857 --> 00:16:09,526 You have to swear that 589 00:16:06,857 --> 00:16:09,526 this does not leave this cab. 590 00:16:09,526 --> 00:16:10,986 I swear. 591 00:16:10,986 --> 00:16:12,362 I swear. 592 00:16:14,113 --> 00:16:16,700 On our first date, 593 00:16:14,113 --> 00:16:16,700 I ordered a Greek salad. 594 00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:18,785 Lily asked if 595 00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:18,785 she could have my olives. 596 00:16:18,785 --> 00:16:21,788 I said, "Sure, I hate olives." 597 00:16:21,788 --> 00:16:23,247 But you like olives. 598 00:16:23,247 --> 00:16:25,917 Well, I was 18, okay? 599 00:16:23,247 --> 00:16:25,917 I was a virgin. 600 00:16:25,917 --> 00:16:30,047 Been waiting my whole life 601 00:16:25,917 --> 00:16:30,047 for a pretty girl 602 00:16:25,917 --> 00:16:30,047 to want my olives. 603 00:16:30,047 --> 00:16:33,050 Marshall, I'm gonna give you 604 00:16:30,047 --> 00:16:33,050 an early wedding present. 605 00:16:33,050 --> 00:16:34,885 Don't get married. 606 00:16:43,184 --> 00:16:46,312 I think I like 607 00:16:43,184 --> 00:16:46,312 your Olive Theory. 608 00:16:46,312 --> 00:16:49,399 I think I like 609 00:16:46,312 --> 00:16:49,399 your new French horn. 610 00:16:49,399 --> 00:16:51,359 I think I like your nose. 611 00:16:52,903 --> 00:16:54,696 I think 612 00:16:52,903 --> 00:16:54,696 I'm in love with you. 613 00:16:54,696 --> 00:16:55,822 What? 614 00:16:55,822 --> 00:16:58,157 What? 615 00:16:55,822 --> 00:16:58,157 What? 616 00:16:58,157 --> 00:17:00,077 Come on, man, you said your 617 00:16:58,157 --> 00:17:00,077 stomach's been hurting, right? 618 00:17:00,077 --> 00:17:04,039 You know what that is? Hunger. 619 00:17:00,077 --> 00:17:04,039 You're hungry for experience. 620 00:17:04,039 --> 00:17:08,543 Hungry for something new. 621 00:17:04,039 --> 00:17:08,543 Hungry for olives. 622 00:17:08,543 --> 00:17:11,088 But you're too scared 623 00:17:08,543 --> 00:17:11,088 to do anything about it. 624 00:17:11,088 --> 00:17:14,424 Yeah, I'm scared, okay? 625 00:17:14,424 --> 00:17:17,844 But when I think of spending 626 00:17:14,424 --> 00:17:17,844 the rest of my life with Lily, 627 00:17:17,844 --> 00:17:21,723 committing forever, 628 00:17:17,844 --> 00:17:21,723 no other women, 629 00:17:21,723 --> 00:17:23,224 doesn't scare me at all. 630 00:17:24,142 --> 00:17:25,936 I'm marrying that girl. 631 00:17:27,478 --> 00:17:29,773 Lily. 632 00:17:29,773 --> 00:17:32,275 Lily, I like olives. 633 00:17:32,275 --> 00:17:34,027 We'll make it work. 634 00:17:46,039 --> 00:17:49,084 So, Orlando? 635 00:17:46,039 --> 00:17:49,084 You gonna hit Disney World? 636 00:17:50,251 --> 00:17:53,254 You love me? 637 00:17:50,251 --> 00:17:53,254 Oh, God. 638 00:17:53,254 --> 00:17:55,799 I can't believe I said that. 639 00:17:53,254 --> 00:17:55,799 Why did I say that? 640 00:17:55,799 --> 00:17:57,508 Who says that? 641 00:17:57,508 --> 00:17:59,052 I should just go. 642 00:17:59,052 --> 00:18:00,344 Hold on. 643 00:18:00,344 --> 00:18:02,097 Wait a minute. 644 00:18:04,223 --> 00:18:05,725 I promised you these. 645 00:18:05,725 --> 00:18:07,102 Olives. 646 00:18:05,725 --> 00:18:07,102 Yeah. 647 00:18:07,102 --> 00:18:08,895 Thanks. I love you. 648 00:18:08,895 --> 00:18:10,772 What is wrong with me? 649 00:18:12,356 --> 00:18:13,984 Why are 650 00:18:12,356 --> 00:18:13,984 we still sitting here? 651 00:18:13,984 --> 00:18:15,693 Let's go. We can 652 00:18:13,984 --> 00:18:15,693 still make last call. 653 00:18:15,693 --> 00:18:19,280 What do you say, Lil? 654 00:18:15,693 --> 00:18:19,280 "Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum"? 655 00:18:21,491 --> 00:18:23,493 'Cause you're a pirate? 656 00:18:23,493 --> 00:18:25,829 Okay, eye patch gone. 657 00:18:25,829 --> 00:18:28,331 And we can't 658 00:18:25,829 --> 00:18:28,331 just abandon Ted. 659 00:18:28,331 --> 00:18:30,959 If it doesn't go well up there, 660 00:18:28,331 --> 00:18:30,959 he's gonna need some support. 661 00:18:30,959 --> 00:18:32,543 It's been, 662 00:18:30,959 --> 00:18:32,543 like, 20 minutes. 663 00:18:32,543 --> 00:18:34,504 Do you think 664 00:18:32,543 --> 00:18:34,504 they're doin' it? 665 00:18:34,504 --> 00:18:36,047 You think they're doing it 666 00:18:34,504 --> 00:18:36,047 in front of the dogs? 667 00:18:36,047 --> 00:18:38,091 Doggie style. 668 00:18:38,091 --> 00:18:39,843 I knew this girl in college, 669 00:18:38,091 --> 00:18:39,843 she had this Golden Retriever... 670 00:18:39,843 --> 00:18:42,053 Okay, we can go to the bar. 671 00:18:39,843 --> 00:18:42,053 Just stop talking. 672 00:18:42,053 --> 00:18:43,262 Hit it, Ranjit. 673 00:18:48,852 --> 00:18:51,021 So, when you tell this story 674 00:18:48,852 --> 00:18:51,021 to your friends, 675 00:18:51,021 --> 00:18:53,106 could you avoid 676 00:18:51,021 --> 00:18:53,106 the word "psycho"? 677 00:18:53,106 --> 00:18:56,234 I'd prefer "eccentric." 678 00:18:56,234 --> 00:18:58,444 Goodnight, psycho. 679 00:19:02,907 --> 00:19:04,159 Great. 680 00:19:04,159 --> 00:19:06,203 Um, how do I 681 00:19:04,159 --> 00:19:06,203 get to the F train? 682 00:19:06,203 --> 00:19:09,789 Oh. Um, two blocks, that way 683 00:19:06,203 --> 00:19:09,789 and take a right. 684 00:19:09,789 --> 00:19:11,082 Thanks. 685 00:19:13,417 --> 00:19:14,878 You know what? 686 00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:19,966 I'm done being single. 687 00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:19,966 I'm not good at it. 688 00:19:19,966 --> 00:19:22,802 Look, obviously, you can't tell 689 00:19:19,966 --> 00:19:22,802 a woman you just met 690 00:19:22,802 --> 00:19:26,597 you love her, 691 00:19:22,802 --> 00:19:26,597 but it sucks that you can't. 692 00:19:27,974 --> 00:19:30,018 I'll tell you something, 693 00:19:27,974 --> 00:19:30,018 though. If a woman, 694 00:19:30,018 --> 00:19:32,770 not you, 695 00:19:30,018 --> 00:19:32,770 just some hypothetical woman, 696 00:19:32,770 --> 00:19:35,648 were to bear with me 697 00:19:32,770 --> 00:19:35,648 through all this, 698 00:19:35,648 --> 00:19:37,316 I think I'd make 699 00:19:35,648 --> 00:19:37,316 a damn good husband 700 00:19:37,316 --> 00:19:39,318 because that's the stuff 701 00:19:37,316 --> 00:19:39,318 I'd be good at. 702 00:19:39,318 --> 00:19:43,907 Stuff like makin' her laugh 703 00:19:39,318 --> 00:19:43,907 and bein' a good father 704 00:19:43,907 --> 00:19:46,534 and walking 705 00:19:43,907 --> 00:19:46,534 her five hypothetical dogs. 706 00:19:47,952 --> 00:19:49,620 Bein' a good kisser. 707 00:19:51,164 --> 00:19:52,749 Everyone thinks 708 00:19:51,164 --> 00:19:52,749 they're a good kisser. 709 00:19:52,749 --> 00:19:54,667 Oh, I've got references. 710 00:19:55,919 --> 00:19:57,045 Goodnight, Ted. 711 00:20:03,093 --> 00:20:05,595 And I'm a good handshaker. 712 00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,056 That's a pretty 713 00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,056 great handshake. 714 00:20:11,851 --> 00:20:14,562 And that was it. I'll probably 715 00:20:11,851 --> 00:20:14,562 never see her again. 716 00:20:17,857 --> 00:20:19,859 What? 717 00:20:17,857 --> 00:20:19,859 That was the signal. 718 00:20:19,859 --> 00:20:23,529 That long, lingering handshake. 719 00:20:19,859 --> 00:20:23,529 You should've kissed her. 720 00:20:23,529 --> 00:20:26,241 There's no such thing 721 00:20:23,529 --> 00:20:26,241 as the signal. 722 00:20:26,241 --> 00:20:28,534 But, yeah, 723 00:20:26,241 --> 00:20:28,534 that was the signal. 724 00:20:28,534 --> 00:20:30,078 Signal. 725 00:20:31,829 --> 00:20:33,081 Carl, thank you. 726 00:20:33,081 --> 00:20:35,833 There's something 727 00:20:33,081 --> 00:20:35,833 I gotta do. 728 00:20:35,833 --> 00:20:38,795 By the way, 729 00:20:35,833 --> 00:20:38,795 you should've kissed her. 730 00:20:38,795 --> 00:20:40,964 Carl, you guys weren't there. 731 00:20:42,757 --> 00:20:45,718 I am so turned on 732 00:20:42,757 --> 00:20:45,718 right now. 733 00:20:45,718 --> 00:20:48,554 Guys, trust me. 734 00:20:45,718 --> 00:20:48,554 I've seen the signal. 735 00:20:48,554 --> 00:20:50,640 That was not the signal. 736 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,267 Yeah, Ted, we're not 737 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,267 on you anymore. 738 00:20:53,226 --> 00:20:54,978 To my fiancee. 739 00:20:54,978 --> 00:20:56,980 To the future. 740 00:20:56,980 --> 00:20:58,856 To one hell of a night. 741 00:21:02,068 --> 00:21:05,113 That was not the signal. 742 00:21:05,113 --> 00:21:07,198 I asked her 743 00:21:05,113 --> 00:21:07,198 about it years later, 744 00:21:07,198 --> 00:21:09,367 and, yeah, 745 00:21:07,198 --> 00:21:09,367 that was the signal. 746 00:21:09,367 --> 00:21:10,994 I could've kissed her. 747 00:21:10,994 --> 00:21:13,037 But that's the funny thing 748 00:21:10,994 --> 00:21:13,037 about destiny, 749 00:21:13,037 --> 00:21:14,914 it happens whether you 750 00:21:13,037 --> 00:21:14,914 plan it or not. 751 00:21:14,914 --> 00:21:16,707 I mean, I never thought 752 00:21:14,914 --> 00:21:16,707 I'd see that girl again. 753 00:21:16,707 --> 00:21:18,126 But it turns out, 754 00:21:18,126 --> 00:21:19,877 I was just too close 755 00:21:18,126 --> 00:21:19,877 to the puzzle 756 00:21:19,877 --> 00:21:21,587 to see the picture 757 00:21:19,877 --> 00:21:21,587 that was forming. 758 00:21:21,587 --> 00:21:24,048 Because that, kids, 759 00:21:21,587 --> 00:21:24,048 is the true story 760 00:21:24,048 --> 00:21:26,217 of how I met your Aunt Robin. 761 00:21:27,218 --> 00:21:29,012 Aunt Robin? 762 00:21:29,012 --> 00:21:31,055 I thought this 763 00:21:29,012 --> 00:21:31,055 was how you met Mom. 764 00:21:31,055 --> 00:21:33,308 Will you relax? 765 00:21:31,055 --> 00:21:33,308 I'm getting to it. 766 00:21:33,308 --> 00:21:37,436 Like I said, 767 00:21:33,308 --> 00:21:37,436 it's a long story.