1 00:00:13,785 --> 00:00:15,368 Kids, when you're single 2 00:00:15,368 --> 00:00:18,285 all you're looking for 3 00:00:15,368 --> 00:00:18,285 is happily ever after. 4 00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:21,077 But only one of your stories 5 00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:21,077 can end that way. 6 00:00:21,077 --> 00:00:23,285 The rest end 7 00:00:21,077 --> 00:00:23,285 with someone getting hurt. 8 00:00:23,285 --> 00:00:27,452 This is one of those stories, 9 00:00:23,285 --> 00:00:27,452 and it starts with a shirt. 10 00:00:27,452 --> 00:00:28,577 A shirt? 11 00:00:28,577 --> 00:00:30,160 Just listen, 12 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,827 because none 13 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,827 of this would have happened 14 00:00:31,827 --> 00:00:33,868 if it hadn't been 15 00:00:31,827 --> 00:00:33,868 for that shirt. 16 00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,868 Whoa. 17 00:00:37,952 --> 00:00:39,160 Nice shirt. 18 00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:40,660 Right? Right? 19 00:00:40,660 --> 00:00:41,868 Look at those colors. 20 00:00:41,868 --> 00:00:43,993 Green and brown, 21 00:00:41,868 --> 00:00:43,993 together at last. 22 00:00:43,993 --> 00:00:45,785 Hot top, bro! 23 00:00:43,993 --> 00:00:45,785 Is it new? 24 00:00:45,785 --> 00:00:47,327 That's the crazy part. 25 00:00:47,327 --> 00:00:48,952 I've had this shirt 26 00:00:47,327 --> 00:00:48,952 for, like, six years. 27 00:00:48,952 --> 00:00:50,785 Until this morning, 28 00:00:48,952 --> 00:00:50,785 I wasn't into it at all, 29 00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:53,077 but now, it's like 30 00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:53,077 my tastes have changed. 31 00:00:53,077 --> 00:00:55,202 - Booger. 32 00:00:53,077 --> 00:00:55,202 - Yes, hello, Barney. 33 00:00:55,202 --> 00:00:57,368 Barney's offered me 50 bucks 34 00:00:57,368 --> 00:00:59,410 to say some stupid word 35 00:00:57,368 --> 00:00:59,410 on a live news report. 36 00:00:59,410 --> 00:01:01,577 Not some stupid word. "Booger." 37 00:01:02,535 --> 00:01:04,077 But I'm not doing it. 38 00:01:04,077 --> 00:01:04,910 I am a journalist. 39 00:01:04,910 --> 00:01:06,660 What? Journalist? 40 00:01:06,660 --> 00:01:09,243 You do the little fluff pieces 41 00:01:06,660 --> 00:01:09,243 at the end of the news. 42 00:01:09,243 --> 00:01:11,577 Old people. Babies. Monkeys. 43 00:01:11,577 --> 00:01:12,993 That's not journalism. 44 00:01:12,993 --> 00:01:14,202 That's just... 45 00:01:12,993 --> 00:01:14,202 things in a diaper. 46 00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:19,493 For your information, my boss 47 00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:19,493 is about to bump me up to... 48 00:01:19,493 --> 00:01:21,077 the city hall beat. 49 00:01:21,077 --> 00:01:22,910 City hall? Miss Thing. 50 00:01:22,910 --> 00:01:25,827 So I'm not going 51 00:01:22,910 --> 00:01:25,827 to jeopardize my promotion 52 00:01:25,827 --> 00:01:27,577 by saying "booger" 53 00:01:25,827 --> 00:01:27,577 for 50 bucks. 54 00:01:27,577 --> 00:01:28,993 Of course not. 55 00:01:28,993 --> 00:01:30,993 'cause now 56 00:01:28,993 --> 00:01:30,993 you're saying "nipple," 57 00:01:30,993 --> 00:01:32,368 and it's a hundred. 58 00:01:33,452 --> 00:01:35,702 Step into my web. 59 00:01:36,868 --> 00:01:39,368 Mmm! 60 00:01:36,868 --> 00:01:39,368 Whose bourbon is this? 61 00:01:39,368 --> 00:01:41,702 Ooh, I don't know. 62 00:01:39,368 --> 00:01:41,702 It was here when we sat down. 63 00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:42,785 Gahhh... 64 00:01:42,785 --> 00:01:43,993 The point is... 65 00:01:43,993 --> 00:01:45,702 I seem to like bourbon now. 66 00:01:45,702 --> 00:01:47,410 I could've sworn 67 00:01:45,702 --> 00:01:47,410 I hated bourbon. 68 00:01:47,410 --> 00:01:49,368 First the shirt, now bourbon. 69 00:01:49,368 --> 00:01:52,452 I spent 27 years making up 70 00:01:49,368 --> 00:01:52,452 my mind about things, right? 71 00:01:52,452 --> 00:01:53,868 The movie I saw once and hated; 72 00:01:53,868 --> 00:01:55,368 the city I'll never go back to 73 00:01:55,368 --> 00:01:57,077 'cause it was raining 74 00:01:55,368 --> 00:01:57,077 the day I visited. 75 00:01:57,077 --> 00:02:00,118 Maybe it's time to start 76 00:01:57,077 --> 00:02:00,118 forming some second impressions. 77 00:02:00,118 --> 00:02:03,160 You're finally gonna 78 00:02:00,118 --> 00:02:03,160 watch Goonies again? 79 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:05,035 "Sloth love Chunk." 80 00:02:05,035 --> 00:02:07,743 Not Goonies. Girls. 81 00:02:07,743 --> 00:02:09,202 What if there's 82 00:02:07,743 --> 00:02:09,202 someone from my past 83 00:02:09,202 --> 00:02:11,535 who I thought was wrong 84 00:02:09,202 --> 00:02:11,535 for me at the time, 85 00:02:11,535 --> 00:02:14,077 when in fact she, 86 00:02:11,535 --> 00:02:14,077 like this shirt, 87 00:02:14,077 --> 00:02:16,202 is actually a perfect fit? 88 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,743 Hold up. 89 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,743 There are only two reasons 90 00:02:17,743 --> 00:02:19,952 to ever date a girl 91 00:02:17,743 --> 00:02:19,952 you've already dated: 92 00:02:19,952 --> 00:02:21,952 Breast... implants. 93 00:02:21,952 --> 00:02:24,118 You know, this 94 00:02:21,952 --> 00:02:24,118 isn't a bad idea. 95 00:02:24,118 --> 00:02:25,243 Let's think... 96 00:02:25,243 --> 00:02:27,493 Ted's greatest hits. 97 00:02:27,493 --> 00:02:29,368 What about that girl Steph? 98 00:02:29,368 --> 00:02:31,493 Steph... 99 00:02:31,493 --> 00:02:32,993 Okay, this is difficult to say: 100 00:02:32,993 --> 00:02:34,327 Back when I lived 101 00:02:34,327 --> 00:02:36,202 in L.A., I was pretty broke, 102 00:02:36,202 --> 00:02:39,910 so I spent a month 103 00:02:36,202 --> 00:02:39,910 making adult films. 104 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:43,535 Wow. Okay... 105 00:02:43,535 --> 00:02:44,618 How... how many did you make? 106 00:02:44,618 --> 00:02:45,702 175. 107 00:02:48,493 --> 00:02:50,785 Say what you will 108 00:02:48,493 --> 00:02:50,785 about the porn industry, 109 00:02:50,785 --> 00:02:52,952 they're hard workers. 110 00:02:52,952 --> 00:02:55,202 What about that 111 00:02:52,952 --> 00:02:55,202 chick, um... Jackie? 112 00:02:56,118 --> 00:02:57,077 and my bathing suit 113 00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:58,868 had fallen completely off. 114 00:02:59,952 --> 00:03:01,868 I know the feeling. 115 00:02:59,952 --> 00:03:01,868 Once, 116 00:03:01,868 --> 00:03:03,952 when I was 16, I was driving, 117 00:03:03,952 --> 00:03:05,493 and I hit this hitchhiker. 118 00:03:05,493 --> 00:03:06,827 Don't know what 119 00:03:06,827 --> 00:03:08,452 happened to him... 120 00:03:06,827 --> 00:03:08,452 just kept driving. 121 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,535 Uh... no. 122 00:03:13,618 --> 00:03:15,743 What about Natalie? 123 00:03:15,743 --> 00:03:18,743 Natalie... 124 00:03:18,743 --> 00:03:19,868 Who's Natalie? 125 00:03:19,868 --> 00:03:21,368 Natalie. 126 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,910 I had so many 127 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,910 fond memories of her: 128 00:03:23,910 --> 00:03:25,910 The tea candles 129 00:03:23,910 --> 00:03:25,910 on her dresser, 130 00:03:25,910 --> 00:03:29,077 the sock monkey collection 131 00:03:25,910 --> 00:03:29,077 on her bed, 132 00:03:29,077 --> 00:03:31,910 that one Belle & Sebastian 133 00:03:29,077 --> 00:03:31,910 song she always listened to, 134 00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:35,077 her smile... 135 00:03:35,077 --> 00:03:37,410 Man, I haven't seen her 136 00:03:35,077 --> 00:03:37,410 in, like, three years. 137 00:03:37,410 --> 00:03:39,243 Well, why'd you guys break up? 138 00:03:39,243 --> 00:03:41,035 I just wasn't looking for 139 00:03:39,243 --> 00:03:41,035 a big commitment at the time. 140 00:03:41,035 --> 00:03:43,035 Of course, now a big commitment 141 00:03:41,035 --> 00:03:43,035 doesn't seem so bad. 142 00:03:43,035 --> 00:03:45,410 Maybe I should call her. 143 00:03:43,035 --> 00:03:45,410 What do you guys think? 144 00:03:45,410 --> 00:03:49,160 You dumped a porn star? 145 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:50,368 Friendship over. 146 00:03:50,368 --> 00:03:52,952 Friendship over! 147 00:03:56,077 --> 00:03:57,743 Come in! 148 00:03:56,077 --> 00:03:57,743 All right, 149 00:03:57,743 --> 00:03:59,077 get back to me, then. 150 00:03:59,077 --> 00:04:00,827 You wanted to see me, Mr. Adams. 151 00:04:00,827 --> 00:04:01,743 Yes, I did. 152 00:04:01,743 --> 00:04:04,493 I need you to cover a story. 153 00:04:04,493 --> 00:04:06,077 It's down at city hall. 154 00:04:06,077 --> 00:04:07,785 City hall? 155 00:04:07,785 --> 00:04:08,993 Oh, my God. 156 00:04:10,702 --> 00:04:13,077 So, next time you're 157 00:04:10,702 --> 00:04:13,077 passing city hall, 158 00:04:13,077 --> 00:04:16,327 make sure and stop by New 159 00:04:13,077 --> 00:04:16,327 York's oldest hot dog cart. 160 00:04:16,327 --> 00:04:19,618 Today, a delicious hot 161 00:04:16,327 --> 00:04:19,618 dog will cost you $2.50. 162 00:04:19,618 --> 00:04:23,077 But, back when the stand 163 00:04:19,618 --> 00:04:23,077 first opened, in 1955, 164 00:04:23,077 --> 00:04:25,618 you could get one 165 00:04:23,077 --> 00:04:25,618 for only a nipple. 166 00:04:25,618 --> 00:04:28,118 Reporting live, 167 00:04:25,618 --> 00:04:28,118 Robin Scherbatsky, 168 00:04:28,118 --> 00:04:30,118 Metro News 1. 169 00:04:30,118 --> 00:04:31,952 I said "nipple" on the news. 170 00:04:31,952 --> 00:04:33,243 That was so 171 00:04:31,952 --> 00:04:33,243 unprofessional! 172 00:04:33,243 --> 00:04:35,202 I said "nipple" on the news! 173 00:04:35,202 --> 00:04:36,952 At least it's 174 00:04:35,202 --> 00:04:36,952 better than "booger." 175 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,243 Booger. 176 00:04:40,868 --> 00:04:43,077 There she is. 177 00:04:43,077 --> 00:04:44,827 Hey, is it cold in here? 178 00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:46,452 'Cause I can kinda see 179 00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:46,452 Robin's nickels. 180 00:04:48,952 --> 00:04:51,285 Now, for your next challenge... 181 00:04:51,285 --> 00:04:52,993 There is not going 182 00:04:51,285 --> 00:04:52,993 to be another challenge. 183 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:53,993 I don't care how much 184 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:53,993 you offer me. 185 00:04:53,993 --> 00:04:56,702 Oh, search your soul, Robin. 186 00:04:56,702 --> 00:04:59,077 You and I both know 187 00:04:56,702 --> 00:04:59,077 this wasn't about the money. 188 00:04:59,077 --> 00:05:01,452 Sure, Metro News 1 189 00:04:59,077 --> 00:05:01,452 pays you jack, 190 00:05:01,452 --> 00:05:04,202 and, hey, a little 191 00:05:01,452 --> 00:05:04,202 green salad on the side 192 00:05:04,202 --> 00:05:06,452 is good for you, me, 193 00:05:04,202 --> 00:05:06,452 and Mr. McGee. 194 00:05:06,452 --> 00:05:08,202 Seriously, 195 00:05:06,452 --> 00:05:08,202 who talks like that? 196 00:05:09,202 --> 00:05:10,410 What baby really likes 197 00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:12,327 is the thrill 198 00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:12,327 of pulling one over 199 00:05:12,327 --> 00:05:15,327 on those bean counters 200 00:05:12,327 --> 00:05:15,327 who underappreciate you, 201 00:05:15,327 --> 00:05:17,327 and still haven't 202 00:05:15,327 --> 00:05:17,327 promoted you, 203 00:05:17,327 --> 00:05:19,827 and so, for two 204 00:05:17,327 --> 00:05:19,827 more hundie sticks, 205 00:05:19,827 --> 00:05:22,993 baby's going to look in 206 00:05:19,827 --> 00:05:22,993 the camera and say this. 207 00:05:24,077 --> 00:05:25,243 Eww! 208 00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:28,035 I'm just assuming. 209 00:05:28,035 --> 00:05:29,993 I gotta go back to work. 210 00:05:29,993 --> 00:05:32,410 See ya. 211 00:05:29,993 --> 00:05:32,410 Bye. 212 00:05:32,410 --> 00:05:34,243 Baby's gonna 213 00:05:32,410 --> 00:05:34,243 think about it. 214 00:05:37,702 --> 00:05:38,785 Found it! 215 00:05:38,785 --> 00:05:40,410 I found Natalie's number. 216 00:05:40,410 --> 00:05:41,827 Hey, Ted! Nice shirt! 217 00:05:41,827 --> 00:05:43,868 Is it yesterday already? 218 00:05:45,243 --> 00:05:48,160 I am calling her. 219 00:05:45,243 --> 00:05:48,160 This is crazy. 220 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,743 I haven't talked to her 221 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,743 in, like, three years. 222 00:05:50,743 --> 00:05:52,493 Wonder if she even 223 00:05:50,743 --> 00:05:52,493 remembers me. 224 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,160 - Hello. 225 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,160 - Natalie. 226 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:58,743 It's Ted Mosby. 227 00:05:58,743 --> 00:06:00,243 Go to hell. 228 00:06:03,452 --> 00:06:05,410 She remembers me. 229 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,952 Why would Natalie 230 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,952 hang up on you? 231 00:06:11,952 --> 00:06:13,243 I don't know. 232 00:06:13,243 --> 00:06:15,702 - Did you sleep with her sister? 233 00:06:13,243 --> 00:06:15,702 - No. 234 00:06:15,702 --> 00:06:17,910 - Did you sleep with her mom? 235 00:06:15,702 --> 00:06:17,910 - No. 236 00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,618 I'm losing interest 237 00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,618 in your story. 238 00:06:20,910 --> 00:06:22,702 Well, you must 239 00:06:20,910 --> 00:06:22,702 have done something. 240 00:06:22,702 --> 00:06:24,285 Why did you guys 241 00:06:22,702 --> 00:06:24,285 break up? 242 00:06:24,285 --> 00:06:26,160 He wasn't ready 243 00:06:24,285 --> 00:06:26,160 for a commitment. 244 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,202 Uh-huh. 245 00:06:28,785 --> 00:06:31,035 And her birthday 246 00:06:28,785 --> 00:06:31,035 might've been coming up. 247 00:06:31,035 --> 00:06:32,785 Uh-huh... 248 00:06:32,785 --> 00:06:34,327 Okay, so I didn't want to get 249 00:06:32,785 --> 00:06:34,327 a boyfriend-level gift 250 00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:35,952 for a girl I was just about 251 00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:35,952 to break up with. 252 00:06:35,952 --> 00:06:39,118 So you dumped her 253 00:06:35,952 --> 00:06:39,118 right before her birthday? 254 00:06:39,118 --> 00:06:42,702 No, I didn't dump her 255 00:06:39,118 --> 00:06:42,702 right before her birthday. 256 00:06:43,827 --> 00:06:45,702 Uh-oh. 257 00:06:45,702 --> 00:06:49,493 Natalie! Hey. 258 00:06:45,702 --> 00:06:49,493 Happy birthday. 259 00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:51,202 Listen... 260 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,077 Never break up with a girl 261 00:06:53,077 --> 00:06:54,452 on her birthday! 262 00:06:54,452 --> 00:06:55,743 Lily, please! The shirt! 263 00:06:55,743 --> 00:06:57,993 I know! 264 00:06:55,743 --> 00:06:57,993 It was a mistake! 265 00:06:57,993 --> 00:07:00,410 Well, did she cry her eyes out? 266 00:07:00,410 --> 00:07:01,410 I don't know. 267 00:07:01,410 --> 00:07:04,285 How do you not...? 268 00:07:04,285 --> 00:07:06,243 Oh, you didn't. 269 00:07:06,243 --> 00:07:10,285 Natalie! Hey, happy birthday. 270 00:07:10,285 --> 00:07:12,285 Listen... 271 00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:15,452 You're awesome. 272 00:07:15,452 --> 00:07:17,285 You really are. 273 00:07:17,285 --> 00:07:19,035 Awesome. 274 00:07:19,035 --> 00:07:21,577 I'm just like super-busy 275 00:07:19,035 --> 00:07:21,577 right now, so... 276 00:07:21,577 --> 00:07:26,368 maybe we should just... 277 00:07:21,577 --> 00:07:26,368 call it a day. 278 00:07:26,368 --> 00:07:28,202 But you're awesome. 279 00:07:28,202 --> 00:07:30,743 On her answering machine! 280 00:07:30,743 --> 00:07:32,410 Lily, come on. 281 00:07:30,743 --> 00:07:32,410 And on her birthday? 282 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:35,077 Oh, who breaks up 283 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:35,077 with somebody 284 00:07:35,077 --> 00:07:37,743 on their answering machine 285 00:07:35,077 --> 00:07:37,743 on their birthday? 286 00:07:37,743 --> 00:07:39,285 Yeah, dude. E-mail. 287 00:07:39,285 --> 00:07:42,743 Not exactly the point 288 00:07:39,285 --> 00:07:42,743 I was trying to make, Marshall. 289 00:07:42,743 --> 00:07:45,827 That is a terrible way 290 00:07:42,743 --> 00:07:45,827 to break up with someone. 291 00:07:45,827 --> 00:07:47,535 Okay, in my client's defense, 292 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:48,743 is there 293 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:48,743 an unterrible way 294 00:07:48,743 --> 00:07:50,577 to break up 295 00:07:48,743 --> 00:07:50,577 with somebody? No. 296 00:07:50,577 --> 00:07:53,452 Personally, I'd rather hear the 297 00:07:50,577 --> 00:07:53,452 bad news on an answering machine 298 00:07:53,452 --> 00:07:55,118 than face 299 00:07:53,452 --> 00:07:55,118 the humiliation in person. 300 00:07:55,118 --> 00:07:56,993 It's the least painful 301 00:07:55,118 --> 00:07:56,993 way you can do it. 302 00:07:56,993 --> 00:07:57,952 Who are you calling? 303 00:07:57,952 --> 00:07:59,535 Hi, Marshall. It's Lily. 304 00:07:59,535 --> 00:08:01,868 We're not gonna have sex 305 00:07:59,535 --> 00:08:01,868 for at least a month, 306 00:08:01,868 --> 00:08:02,868 but you're awesome. 307 00:08:02,868 --> 00:08:03,868 Okay, bye-bye. 308 00:08:03,868 --> 00:08:05,243 No, that was 309 00:08:05,243 --> 00:08:06,577 a big mistake, Ted. 310 00:08:06,577 --> 00:08:07,910 You should've done it 311 00:08:06,577 --> 00:08:07,910 in person. 312 00:08:07,910 --> 00:08:09,452 Thank you. 313 00:08:09,452 --> 00:08:12,368 Desperate, please-don't-leave-me 314 00:08:09,452 --> 00:08:12,368 sex is amazing. 315 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,285 Okay, it was childish 316 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,285 and stupid. 317 00:08:15,285 --> 00:08:17,368 I just... I didn't want 318 00:08:15,285 --> 00:08:17,368 to see her cry. 319 00:08:17,368 --> 00:08:19,535 Well, guess what? She cried. 320 00:08:19,535 --> 00:08:22,702 You just didn't have the sack 321 00:08:19,535 --> 00:08:22,702 to face those tears. 322 00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:24,410 That was me then, okay? 323 00:08:24,410 --> 00:08:27,452 This is the new, old-shirt- 324 00:08:24,410 --> 00:08:27,452 wearing, sack-having Ted. 325 00:08:27,452 --> 00:08:28,827 I'm gonna make this right. 326 00:08:28,827 --> 00:08:30,493 You know what else? 327 00:08:28,827 --> 00:08:30,493 "My younger sister 328 00:08:30,493 --> 00:08:32,452 just got married, 329 00:08:30,493 --> 00:08:32,452 and I'm about to turn 30" sex. 330 00:08:32,452 --> 00:08:34,743 Fantastic. 331 00:08:36,118 --> 00:08:38,368 An occasion that 332 00:08:36,118 --> 00:08:38,368 was supposed to be joyous 333 00:08:38,368 --> 00:08:41,535 suddenly turned tragic 334 00:08:38,368 --> 00:08:41,535 when Ethel and Sadie Margolis, 335 00:08:41,535 --> 00:08:42,993 New York's oldest twins, 336 00:08:42,993 --> 00:08:45,368 suddenly passed away on this, 337 00:08:45,368 --> 00:08:48,410 the eve of their 100th birthday. 338 00:08:48,410 --> 00:08:51,243 I'm a dirty, dirty girl. 339 00:08:51,243 --> 00:08:52,743 Ow. 340 00:08:52,743 --> 00:08:56,868 Reporting live, 341 00:08:52,743 --> 00:08:56,868 Robin Scherbatsky, Metro News 1. 342 00:08:56,868 --> 00:08:59,577 Clear. 343 00:08:59,577 --> 00:09:02,077 Joel Adams wants 344 00:08:59,577 --> 00:09:02,077 to see you in his office. 345 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,410 Before you 346 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,410 say anything, 347 00:09:05,410 --> 00:09:07,368 I just want to say 348 00:09:05,410 --> 00:09:07,368 I really like 349 00:09:07,368 --> 00:09:09,285 working here 350 00:09:07,368 --> 00:09:09,285 at Metro News 1. 351 00:09:09,285 --> 00:09:11,827 That's great. 352 00:09:09,285 --> 00:09:11,827 So, my dog keeps going 353 00:09:11,827 --> 00:09:15,202 (throaty, high-pitched 354 00:09:11,827 --> 00:09:15,202 growling) 355 00:09:15,202 --> 00:09:16,952 What's...? 356 00:09:15,202 --> 00:09:16,952 What? 357 00:09:16,952 --> 00:09:17,993 You have dogs, right? 358 00:09:17,993 --> 00:09:19,618 What do you think that means? 359 00:09:19,618 --> 00:09:21,827 Take him to the vet? 360 00:09:21,827 --> 00:09:24,077 Genius. 361 00:09:24,077 --> 00:09:25,743 That's one I owe you. 362 00:09:25,743 --> 00:09:27,243 Was that all? 363 00:09:27,243 --> 00:09:28,285 Yeah. 364 00:09:31,118 --> 00:09:32,868 And nothing 365 00:09:31,118 --> 00:09:32,868 about the twins story? 366 00:09:32,868 --> 00:09:34,993 Oh, yeah, great job on that one. 367 00:09:32,868 --> 00:09:34,993 New York loves you. 368 00:09:34,993 --> 00:09:36,618 You're a superstar. Bye-bye. 369 00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:39,452 That's when Robin realized 370 00:09:39,452 --> 00:09:44,035 no one, not even her boss, 371 00:09:39,452 --> 00:09:44,035 watched Metro News 1. 372 00:09:53,952 --> 00:09:54,993 Hi. 373 00:09:58,285 --> 00:10:00,868 Natalie! Come on! 374 00:09:58,285 --> 00:10:00,868 I just want to say I'm sorry. 375 00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:03,285 I only came down here 'cause 376 00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:03,285 you wouldn't take my call. 377 00:10:03,285 --> 00:10:05,160 Hey, here's 378 00:10:03,285 --> 00:10:05,160 an idea... 379 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:06,785 why don't you leave a message? 380 00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:10,160 Good one. 381 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,743 Okay, fine, I'm just going 382 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,743 to leave this sock monkey here. 383 00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:15,327 Good-bye. 384 00:10:20,118 --> 00:10:21,993 Natalie... Okay! Okay! 385 00:10:21,993 --> 00:10:24,827 Look, look, look. 386 00:10:21,993 --> 00:10:24,827 I know you're mad, but... 387 00:10:24,827 --> 00:10:27,327 happy birthday... 388 00:10:24,827 --> 00:10:27,327 three years ago. 389 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:30,202 Oh, yeah? 390 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:30,202 Up yours three years ago. 391 00:10:30,202 --> 00:10:32,910 Look, look, I was an idiot 392 00:10:30,202 --> 00:10:32,910 leaving that message. 393 00:10:32,910 --> 00:10:35,160 I realize how much that sucked. 394 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,202 No, you don't. 395 00:10:37,202 --> 00:10:40,285 Maybe we should 396 00:10:37,202 --> 00:10:40,285 just call it a day. 397 00:10:40,285 --> 00:10:43,577 But you're awesome. 398 00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:46,285 Okay, bye. 399 00:10:48,910 --> 00:10:50,535 Surprise. 400 00:10:52,077 --> 00:10:54,077 There was a surprise party 401 00:10:52,077 --> 00:10:54,077 that night? 402 00:10:54,077 --> 00:10:56,118 How come nobody told me? 403 00:10:56,118 --> 00:10:58,577 People think I can't keep 404 00:10:56,118 --> 00:10:58,577 a secret, but I totally can. 405 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:02,660 Sorry, not the issue. 406 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:02,660 Look, Natalie, 407 00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:05,577 I was just a stupid kid back 408 00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:05,577 then, terrified of commitment. 409 00:11:05,577 --> 00:11:07,243 And I suppose 410 00:11:05,577 --> 00:11:07,243 you're suddenly ready 411 00:11:07,243 --> 00:11:08,785 to get married 412 00:11:07,243 --> 00:11:08,785 and settle down. 413 00:11:08,785 --> 00:11:11,285 Well, yeah, actually. 414 00:11:11,285 --> 00:11:12,993 I'm a different guy now. 415 00:11:13,993 --> 00:11:16,077 Give me another chance, huh? 416 00:11:16,077 --> 00:11:19,202 You must think I have 417 00:11:16,077 --> 00:11:19,202 absolutely no self-respect. 418 00:11:19,202 --> 00:11:21,202 Come on, just a cup of coffee. 419 00:11:22,577 --> 00:11:25,077 Please, Natalie. 420 00:11:25,077 --> 00:11:26,452 Give the guy a chance. 421 00:11:27,993 --> 00:11:29,660 Self-respect is overrated. 422 00:11:35,493 --> 00:11:38,077 Wow. 423 00:11:38,077 --> 00:11:40,202 Maybe it was the caffeine, 424 00:11:38,077 --> 00:11:40,202 but you've really 425 00:11:40,202 --> 00:11:42,243 brought your game up 426 00:11:40,202 --> 00:11:42,243 to a whole new level. 427 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,535 Thanks. 428 00:11:43,535 --> 00:11:45,410 I did just start 429 00:11:43,535 --> 00:11:45,410 subscribing to Esquire. 430 00:11:45,410 --> 00:11:47,785 They have some 431 00:11:45,410 --> 00:11:47,785 helpful columns. 432 00:11:47,785 --> 00:11:51,993 The following is from 433 00:11:47,785 --> 00:11:51,993 the October issue. 434 00:11:51,993 --> 00:11:55,160 So Natalie and I 435 00:11:51,993 --> 00:11:55,160 started dating again. 436 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,535 And just like that, 437 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,535 it all came back. 438 00:11:57,535 --> 00:11:58,660 The tea candles... 439 00:11:58,660 --> 00:12:00,993 the sock monkeys... 440 00:12:00,993 --> 00:12:03,452 Belle and Sebastian, 441 00:12:00,993 --> 00:12:03,452 all of it. 442 00:12:03,452 --> 00:12:06,868 It seemed like happily ever 443 00:12:03,452 --> 00:12:06,868 after wasn't far off. 444 00:12:06,868 --> 00:12:08,327 Well, I better run. 445 00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:10,535 I have my Krav Maga class 446 00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:10,535 in half an hour. 447 00:12:10,535 --> 00:12:13,077 Krav Maga. How cool is it 448 00:12:10,535 --> 00:12:13,077 that she does Krav Maga? 449 00:12:13,077 --> 00:12:14,035 Thanks, honey. 450 00:12:14,035 --> 00:12:15,493 Mmm! 451 00:12:15,493 --> 00:12:16,618 Bye, guys. 452 00:12:16,618 --> 00:12:19,160 Bye. 453 00:12:16,618 --> 00:12:19,160 Bye. 454 00:12:16,618 --> 00:12:19,160 Take it easy. 455 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,160 Dude, what's 456 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,160 Krav Maga? 457 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,035 I have no idea. 458 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,035 Some kind of yoga? 459 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,577 You know, that Natalie, 460 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,577 she's good times. 461 00:12:26,577 --> 00:12:28,993 Yeah, she's, like, the best 462 00:12:26,577 --> 00:12:28,993 girl you've dated in years. 463 00:12:28,993 --> 00:12:30,285 Yeah, Ted, hold on to that one. 464 00:12:30,285 --> 00:12:32,577 Yeah. 465 00:12:30,285 --> 00:12:32,577 I have to break up with her. 466 00:12:37,368 --> 00:12:40,243 I don't get it, man. 467 00:12:37,368 --> 00:12:40,243 Natalie's awesome. 468 00:12:40,243 --> 00:12:43,993 I know, she's terrific, 469 00:12:40,243 --> 00:12:43,993 but I have to break up with her. 470 00:12:43,993 --> 00:12:47,535 Why couldn't you leave 471 00:12:43,993 --> 00:12:47,535 that poor girl alone? 472 00:12:47,535 --> 00:12:49,535 I know. I hate this. 473 00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,410 These past three weeks 474 00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,410 have been great. 475 00:12:51,410 --> 00:12:55,118 I should be in love with her, 476 00:12:51,410 --> 00:12:55,118 but I'm not feeling that thing. 477 00:12:55,118 --> 00:12:56,577 It's ineffable. 478 00:12:56,577 --> 00:12:57,743 Ineffable. 479 00:12:57,743 --> 00:12:59,410 Good word. 480 00:12:59,410 --> 00:13:01,493 So when are you 481 00:12:59,410 --> 00:13:01,493 going to do it? 482 00:13:01,493 --> 00:13:02,743 She's probably on 483 00:13:01,493 --> 00:13:02,743 the subway by now. 484 00:13:02,743 --> 00:13:04,493 You could call her 485 00:13:02,743 --> 00:13:04,493 voice mail: 486 00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:07,535 Beep! "Dumped." 487 00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:07,535 Click. Done. 488 00:13:07,535 --> 00:13:09,202 No, I have to do this 489 00:13:07,535 --> 00:13:09,202 face-to-face. 490 00:13:09,202 --> 00:13:11,077 I just, I don't know 491 00:13:09,202 --> 00:13:11,077 what I'm going to say. 492 00:13:11,077 --> 00:13:12,618 "I'm not ready 493 00:13:11,077 --> 00:13:12,618 for a commitment." 494 00:13:12,618 --> 00:13:14,702 Oh, that's such a cliché. 495 00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:16,493 It's not a cliché, 496 00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:16,493 it's a classic. 497 00:13:16,493 --> 00:13:18,910 It's the "Stairway to Heaven" 498 00:13:16,493 --> 00:13:18,910 of breakup lines. 499 00:13:18,910 --> 00:13:22,118 Well, I think Natalie 500 00:13:18,910 --> 00:13:22,118 deserves better. 501 00:13:22,118 --> 00:13:24,493 Better. There's no "better" 502 00:13:22,118 --> 00:13:24,493 in breaking up. 503 00:13:24,493 --> 00:13:26,410 There's only "less awful." 504 00:13:26,410 --> 00:13:28,327 A cliché is a cliché 505 00:13:26,410 --> 00:13:28,327 for a reason. 506 00:13:28,327 --> 00:13:29,660 It's comforting. 507 00:13:29,660 --> 00:13:31,285 It doesn't matter. 508 00:13:31,285 --> 00:13:33,452 I already told her I am ready 509 00:13:31,285 --> 00:13:33,452 for a commitment, so... 510 00:13:33,452 --> 00:13:34,868 Oh, my God. 511 00:13:33,452 --> 00:13:34,868 There's no way out. 512 00:13:34,868 --> 00:13:36,202 I'm gonna have to marry her. 513 00:13:36,202 --> 00:13:38,493 No, no, we're gonna 514 00:13:36,202 --> 00:13:38,493 get you out of this. 515 00:13:38,493 --> 00:13:42,327 Okay, how about... 516 00:13:38,493 --> 00:13:42,327 "It's not you, it's me"? 517 00:13:42,327 --> 00:13:43,785 Mm, mm, six words... 518 00:13:43,785 --> 00:13:46,327 "You look fat 519 00:13:43,785 --> 00:13:46,327 in those jeans." 520 00:13:46,327 --> 00:13:47,743 You're free to go. 521 00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:51,285 Ted, have you considered 522 00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:51,285 telling her the truth? 523 00:13:54,077 --> 00:13:55,827 Seriously, honey, 524 00:13:54,077 --> 00:13:55,827 men are working here. 525 00:13:55,827 --> 00:13:57,577 Ted, what is the truth? 526 00:13:57,577 --> 00:13:59,785 Why do you want 527 00:13:57,577 --> 00:13:59,785 to break up with her? 528 00:13:59,785 --> 00:14:02,243 The truth? 529 00:13:59,785 --> 00:14:02,243 She's not the one. 530 00:14:02,243 --> 00:14:03,868 So tell her that. 531 00:14:03,868 --> 00:14:06,118 Oh, you can't tell her that. 532 00:14:03,868 --> 00:14:06,118 That's horrible. 533 00:14:06,118 --> 00:14:08,660 Why? What is so 534 00:14:06,118 --> 00:14:08,660 horrible about that? 535 00:14:08,660 --> 00:14:10,868 Yeah, what is so 536 00:14:08,660 --> 00:14:10,868 horrible about that? 537 00:14:10,868 --> 00:14:12,327 She's not the one. 538 00:14:12,327 --> 00:14:14,493 Why is that such 539 00:14:12,327 --> 00:14:14,493 a heartbreaking thing to hear? 540 00:14:14,493 --> 00:14:17,243 The chances of one person being 541 00:14:14,493 --> 00:14:17,243 another person's "the one" 542 00:14:17,243 --> 00:14:19,327 are like 543 00:14:17,243 --> 00:14:19,327 six billion to one. 544 00:14:19,327 --> 00:14:21,993 Yeah, you have better chances 545 00:14:19,327 --> 00:14:21,993 of winning the lottery. 546 00:14:21,993 --> 00:14:23,285 Exactly! 547 00:14:21,993 --> 00:14:23,285 You wouldn't take it personally 548 00:14:23,285 --> 00:14:24,618 if you lost the lottery. 549 00:14:24,618 --> 00:14:26,285 All right, man, 550 00:14:24,618 --> 00:14:26,285 tell her the truth. 551 00:14:26,285 --> 00:14:28,452 She's gonna cry. 552 00:14:28,452 --> 00:14:29,868 Yeah, and he's gonna sit there 553 00:14:29,868 --> 00:14:31,993 and he's gonna 554 00:14:29,868 --> 00:14:31,993 take it like a man. 555 00:14:31,993 --> 00:14:33,327 I have to do the mature thing. 556 00:14:33,327 --> 00:14:34,993 Want to talk mature? 557 00:14:34,993 --> 00:14:36,993 I just wrapped up 558 00:14:34,993 --> 00:14:36,993 a live newscast 559 00:14:36,993 --> 00:14:39,327 by honking my own boobs. 560 00:14:39,327 --> 00:14:41,952 And great TV 561 00:14:39,327 --> 00:14:41,952 was had by all. 562 00:14:44,202 --> 00:14:45,452 All right, Scherbatsky, 563 00:14:44,202 --> 00:14:45,452 new challenge, 564 00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:46,535 and this one's big. 565 00:14:46,535 --> 00:14:48,910 But so is the cash reward. 566 00:14:48,910 --> 00:14:50,952 For $1,000... 567 00:14:50,952 --> 00:14:52,410 you heard me... 568 00:14:50,952 --> 00:14:52,410 all you have to do 569 00:14:52,410 --> 00:14:53,868 is get up there on the news 570 00:14:53,868 --> 00:14:55,410 and do one of these. 571 00:15:03,285 --> 00:15:04,660 What the hell is that? 572 00:15:04,660 --> 00:15:06,368 The Ickey Shuffle. 573 00:15:06,368 --> 00:15:08,410 And as you do it, 574 00:15:06,368 --> 00:15:08,410 you say this: 575 00:15:08,410 --> 00:15:09,993 "Elbert Ickey Woods, 576 00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:12,910 "the Bengals were fools 577 00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:12,910 to cut you in '91. 578 00:15:12,910 --> 00:15:15,285 "Your 1,525 rushing yards 579 00:15:15,285 --> 00:15:17,493 "and your 27 touchdowns 580 00:15:15,285 --> 00:15:17,493 will not be forgotten. 581 00:15:17,493 --> 00:15:21,952 So Coach Dave Shula, screw you 582 00:15:17,493 --> 00:15:21,952 and your crappy steakhouse." 583 00:15:22,993 --> 00:15:25,493 Just write it down for me. 584 00:15:25,493 --> 00:15:26,952 What do I care? 585 00:15:25,493 --> 00:15:26,952 It's not like 586 00:15:26,952 --> 00:15:28,952 anyone's watching, 587 00:15:26,952 --> 00:15:28,952 anyway, right? 588 00:15:30,952 --> 00:15:33,868 Man, she's gonna cry. 589 00:15:33,868 --> 00:15:37,952 It's the law 590 00:15:33,868 --> 00:15:37,952 of love, chunk. 591 00:15:37,952 --> 00:15:40,327 Thanks, Lil. 592 00:15:40,327 --> 00:15:43,493 So, the next night, I took 593 00:15:40,327 --> 00:15:43,493 Natalie out to dinner... 594 00:15:43,493 --> 00:15:45,327 to do the mature thing. 595 00:15:45,327 --> 00:15:48,577 Look, uh, Natalie, there's 596 00:15:45,327 --> 00:15:48,577 something I have to say. 597 00:15:48,577 --> 00:15:50,035 Oh, wait, wait. 598 00:15:50,035 --> 00:15:51,493 There's something 599 00:15:50,035 --> 00:15:51,493 I have to say first. 600 00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:53,327 Today, at work, 601 00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:53,327 I had not one, not two, 602 00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,368 but three birthday cakes. 603 00:15:55,368 --> 00:15:57,493 So tonight, can we 604 00:15:55,368 --> 00:15:57,493 just skip the cake? 605 00:15:57,493 --> 00:15:59,993 Today's your birthday? 606 00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:02,493 Yeah. No, it's okay, I wasn't 607 00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:02,493 telling anyone about it. 608 00:16:02,493 --> 00:16:04,285 Today's your birthday! 609 00:16:04,285 --> 00:16:06,285 I... 610 00:16:06,285 --> 00:16:09,452 I didn't get you anything. 611 00:16:09,452 --> 00:16:11,327 Oh, it's okay. 612 00:16:11,327 --> 00:16:14,285 You know, you've already given 613 00:16:11,327 --> 00:16:14,285 me the best present of all. 614 00:16:15,535 --> 00:16:18,327 I can trust again. 615 00:16:20,452 --> 00:16:22,202 You're welcome. 616 00:16:27,202 --> 00:16:29,410 Oh, sir, much more wine. 617 00:16:36,410 --> 00:16:39,660 Henry, as New York's 618 00:16:36,410 --> 00:16:39,660 oldest hansom cab driver, 619 00:16:39,660 --> 00:16:41,285 you've seen quite a lot. 620 00:16:41,285 --> 00:16:43,410 In your past 621 00:16:41,285 --> 00:16:43,410 60 years on the job, 622 00:16:43,410 --> 00:16:45,952 what is your most 623 00:16:43,410 --> 00:16:45,952 exciting memory? 624 00:16:45,952 --> 00:16:47,535 Well... 625 00:16:47,535 --> 00:16:48,577 Ah, this is it. 626 00:16:48,577 --> 00:16:49,827 Oh, boy, here we go. 627 00:16:49,827 --> 00:16:51,452 Everyone, everyone, 628 00:16:51,452 --> 00:16:53,118 if I may direct your attention 629 00:16:51,452 --> 00:16:53,118 to the television. 630 00:16:53,118 --> 00:16:56,410 You are about to see 631 00:16:53,118 --> 00:16:56,410 something amazing. 632 00:16:56,410 --> 00:16:58,118 And then, in '72, 633 00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:01,243 Mickey Mantle rode my cab 634 00:17:01,243 --> 00:17:04,077 for the fourth time. 635 00:17:04,077 --> 00:17:06,285 Come on, baby. 636 00:17:04,077 --> 00:17:06,285 Bring it home. 637 00:17:06,285 --> 00:17:09,202 But the most 638 00:17:06,285 --> 00:17:09,202 exciting moment... 639 00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:12,993 that would have to be 640 00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:12,993 this one, right now. 641 00:17:12,993 --> 00:17:14,535 What? 642 00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:17,493 Look at me. 643 00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:17,493 I'm on TV. 644 00:17:17,493 --> 00:17:20,910 I never thought I'd 645 00:17:17,493 --> 00:17:20,910 have my story told. 646 00:17:20,910 --> 00:17:24,868 Thank you, Miss 647 00:17:20,910 --> 00:17:24,868 Robin Scherbatsky. 648 00:17:24,868 --> 00:17:26,743 Thank you. 649 00:17:26,743 --> 00:17:28,577 And right then, 650 00:17:26,743 --> 00:17:28,577 Aunt Robin realized 651 00:17:28,577 --> 00:17:30,702 how important 652 00:17:28,577 --> 00:17:30,702 her job truly was. 653 00:17:30,702 --> 00:17:33,535 It's an honor 654 00:17:30,702 --> 00:17:33,535 to tell your 655 00:17:30,702 --> 00:17:33,535 story, Henry. 656 00:17:33,535 --> 00:17:35,535 You know, 657 00:17:33,535 --> 00:17:35,535 Metro News One 658 00:17:35,535 --> 00:17:38,243 may not be number 659 00:17:35,535 --> 00:17:38,243 one in viewership, 660 00:17:38,243 --> 00:17:40,993 but this reporter 661 00:17:38,243 --> 00:17:40,993 takes pride in... 662 00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:42,368 Whoa! Oh...! 663 00:17:42,368 --> 00:17:45,410 Oh, my God, I'm covered 664 00:17:42,368 --> 00:17:45,410 in horse crap! 665 00:17:45,410 --> 00:17:47,618 Oh, my... it's in my hair. 666 00:17:47,618 --> 00:17:49,535 You planned that? 667 00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:51,660 Ow, my knee! Ow! 668 00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:51,660 No, Marshall. 669 00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:54,452 That was beyond 670 00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:54,452 my wildest dreams. 671 00:17:56,035 --> 00:17:58,577 So, if you ever 672 00:17:56,035 --> 00:17:58,577 come to Alabama, 673 00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:01,368 my mom throws 674 00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:01,368 these huge crawfish boils, 675 00:18:01,368 --> 00:18:03,743 and she's just dying 676 00:18:01,368 --> 00:18:03,743 to meet you, by the way. 677 00:18:03,743 --> 00:18:05,535 Look, Natalie, there's 678 00:18:03,743 --> 00:18:05,535 something I have to say, 679 00:18:05,535 --> 00:18:07,077 and, uh, there's 680 00:18:05,535 --> 00:18:07,077 no good way to say it. 681 00:18:08,493 --> 00:18:09,868 I want to break up. 682 00:18:11,368 --> 00:18:12,910 I don't think 683 00:18:11,368 --> 00:18:12,910 you're the one for me. 684 00:18:14,243 --> 00:18:15,618 I don't want 685 00:18:14,243 --> 00:18:15,618 to waste your time, 686 00:18:15,618 --> 00:18:16,993 because I really like you. 687 00:18:16,993 --> 00:18:18,743 I want to do 688 00:18:16,993 --> 00:18:18,743 right by you, 689 00:18:18,743 --> 00:18:22,160 and I think the best way for me 690 00:18:18,743 --> 00:18:22,160 to do that is just to be honest. 691 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,327 I'm sorry. 692 00:18:27,202 --> 00:18:28,743 Oh, God, just let it out. 693 00:18:28,743 --> 00:18:31,577 They're only tears. 694 00:18:34,493 --> 00:18:36,618 Aah! 695 00:18:36,618 --> 00:18:38,660 I'm not the one for you? 696 00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,202 I'm sorry, I just... 697 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,452 I-I-I thought the mature 698 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,452 thing to do... 699 00:18:41,452 --> 00:18:42,785 It's my birthday! 700 00:18:42,785 --> 00:18:43,952 Yes, I know. 701 00:18:42,785 --> 00:18:43,952 I didn't realize... 702 00:18:43,952 --> 00:18:45,743 It's my birthday, 703 00:18:45,743 --> 00:18:47,493 and you're telling me 704 00:18:45,743 --> 00:18:47,493 I'm not the one for you? 705 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:49,493 It's really not such a big deal. 706 00:18:49,493 --> 00:18:52,493 I mean, the odds... 707 00:18:49,493 --> 00:18:52,493 it's like you lost the lottery. 708 00:18:52,493 --> 00:18:54,660 Oh, so dating you is like 709 00:18:52,493 --> 00:18:54,660 winning the lottery? 710 00:18:54,660 --> 00:18:56,368 No, no, no, no, 711 00:18:54,660 --> 00:18:56,368 I didn't mean that. 712 00:18:56,368 --> 00:18:58,118 Okay, so what's the problem? 713 00:18:58,118 --> 00:19:00,452 I... I... I can't explain it. 714 00:19:00,452 --> 00:19:01,493 Try! 715 00:19:01,493 --> 00:19:03,410 It's... ineffable. 716 00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:06,160 I'm not effable? 717 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,993 No, no, no, no. "Ineffable." 718 00:19:07,993 --> 00:19:10,077 "Ineffable" means 719 00:19:07,993 --> 00:19:10,077 it can't be explained. 720 00:19:10,077 --> 00:19:11,118 Oh, so I'm stupid? 721 00:19:11,118 --> 00:19:12,743 Oh, God, what's going on? 722 00:19:12,743 --> 00:19:15,410 Okay, what's going on 723 00:19:12,743 --> 00:19:15,410 is you broke my heart 724 00:19:15,410 --> 00:19:17,410 over my answering 725 00:19:15,410 --> 00:19:17,410 machine 726 00:19:17,410 --> 00:19:19,077 on my birthday, 727 00:19:19,077 --> 00:19:22,077 waited three years 728 00:19:19,077 --> 00:19:22,077 for me to get over you, 729 00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:24,410 tracked me down, begged me 730 00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:24,410 to go out with you again, 731 00:19:24,410 --> 00:19:26,202 only so you could dump me 732 00:19:26,202 --> 00:19:28,993 three weeks later, 733 00:19:26,202 --> 00:19:28,993 again, on my birthday! 734 00:19:28,993 --> 00:19:31,493 No, it's-it's-it's not 735 00:19:28,993 --> 00:19:31,493 like that. 736 00:19:31,493 --> 00:19:33,410 I'm just... it's-it's-it's... 737 00:19:33,410 --> 00:19:34,785 What? 738 00:19:34,785 --> 00:19:37,493 I'm just, like, 739 00:19:34,785 --> 00:19:37,493 super busy right now. 740 00:19:37,493 --> 00:19:40,077 Remember when Natalie said... 741 00:19:40,077 --> 00:19:42,660 I have my Krav Maga class 742 00:19:40,077 --> 00:19:42,660 in half an hour. 743 00:19:42,660 --> 00:19:45,493 Turns out Krav Maga 744 00:19:42,660 --> 00:19:45,493 is not a kind of yoga. 745 00:19:45,493 --> 00:19:47,493 It's a form 746 00:19:45,493 --> 00:19:47,493 of guerrilla street fighting 747 00:19:47,493 --> 00:19:49,035 developed by the Israeli army. 748 00:19:54,077 --> 00:19:55,660 This is compliments 749 00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:56,993 of those two gentlemen 750 00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:56,993 at the bar. 751 00:19:58,202 --> 00:19:59,535 My knee! 752 00:19:59,535 --> 00:20:01,743 It's in my hair! 753 00:20:03,993 --> 00:20:06,618 But isn't it nice to know 754 00:20:03,993 --> 00:20:06,618 people are watching? 755 00:20:09,577 --> 00:20:11,368 Oh, my God. 756 00:20:11,368 --> 00:20:13,077 Are you 757 00:20:11,368 --> 00:20:13,077 all right? 758 00:20:13,077 --> 00:20:14,327 What happened 759 00:20:13,077 --> 00:20:14,327 to you? 760 00:20:14,327 --> 00:20:16,118 I told the truth. 761 00:20:16,118 --> 00:20:19,910 Turns out the truth has 762 00:20:16,118 --> 00:20:19,910 a mean roundhouse kick. 763 00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:21,285 Oh, man. 764 00:20:21,285 --> 00:20:23,035 Oh, well, you did 765 00:20:21,285 --> 00:20:23,035 the right thing. 766 00:20:23,035 --> 00:20:23,952 I'm proud of you. 767 00:20:23,952 --> 00:20:25,660 I'm bleeding internally. 768 00:20:25,660 --> 00:20:28,452 Hey, Ted, you know what always 769 00:20:25,660 --> 00:20:28,452 picks me up when I'm down? 770 00:20:28,452 --> 00:20:29,535 Other people's 771 00:20:28,452 --> 00:20:29,535 misfortune. 772 00:20:29,535 --> 00:20:30,827 You missed something 773 00:20:29,535 --> 00:20:30,827 so amazing. 774 00:20:30,827 --> 00:20:32,660 Please, 775 00:20:30,827 --> 00:20:32,660 can we just have one person 776 00:20:32,660 --> 00:20:34,285 in this whole bar 777 00:20:32,660 --> 00:20:34,285 who didn't see it? 778 00:20:34,285 --> 00:20:35,243 Fine. 779 00:20:35,243 --> 00:20:37,077 Are you okay? 780 00:20:37,077 --> 00:20:38,660 I really thought 781 00:20:37,077 --> 00:20:38,660 I was doing it 782 00:20:38,660 --> 00:20:40,243 the good way this time. 783 00:20:40,243 --> 00:20:41,493 I guess there 784 00:20:40,243 --> 00:20:41,493 is no good way. 785 00:20:41,493 --> 00:20:43,077 Sometimes, 786 00:20:43,077 --> 00:20:44,993 no matter how hard you 787 00:20:43,077 --> 00:20:44,993 try to do the right thing, 788 00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:46,868 you just end up 789 00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:46,868 flat on your back, 790 00:20:46,868 --> 00:20:49,368 flailing around in 791 00:20:46,868 --> 00:20:49,368 a big pile of horse crap. 792 00:20:49,368 --> 00:20:50,868 You saw it? 793 00:20:50,868 --> 00:20:52,743 My phone gets 794 00:20:50,868 --> 00:20:52,743 the Internet now. 795 00:20:54,702 --> 00:20:56,618 It's okay... 796 00:20:56,618 --> 00:20:59,368 And that's how 797 00:20:56,618 --> 00:20:59,368 it ended with Natalie. 798 00:20:59,368 --> 00:21:02,035 No happily ever after, 799 00:20:59,368 --> 00:21:02,035 just a whole lot of hurt. 800 00:21:02,035 --> 00:21:03,993 And just like that, 801 00:21:03,993 --> 00:21:07,702 all those wonderful memories 802 00:21:03,993 --> 00:21:07,702 were replaced... by this one. 803 00:21:07,702 --> 00:21:09,660 But, you know, 804 00:21:07,702 --> 00:21:09,660 bad as that night was, 805 00:21:09,660 --> 00:21:11,660 within a year, 806 00:21:09,660 --> 00:21:11,660 Natalie was married. 807 00:21:11,660 --> 00:21:14,243 And now she has 808 00:21:11,660 --> 00:21:14,243 three beautiful children. 809 00:21:14,243 --> 00:21:16,202 So that's the upside of hurt. 810 00:21:16,202 --> 00:21:18,618 Sometimes it happens 811 00:21:16,202 --> 00:21:18,618 for a reason. 812 00:21:18,618 --> 00:21:20,660 Wow. 813 00:21:20,660 --> 00:21:23,702 So you got beat up 814 00:21:20,660 --> 00:21:23,702 by a girl? 815 00:21:23,702 --> 00:21:26,285 Is that all you're taking away 816 00:21:23,702 --> 00:21:26,285 from this story? 817 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:29,160 You got beat up 818 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:29,160 by a girl. 819 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,535 Hey, she knew 820 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,535 Krav Maga. 821 00:21:56,410 --> 00:21:58,910 Captioned by 822 00:21:56,410 --> 00:21:58,910 Media Access Group at WGBH