1
00:00:13,988 --> 00:00:15,697
So, kids, would you like

2
00:00:13,988 --> 00:00:15,697
to hear the story

3
00:00:15,697 --> 00:00:17,155
of the time I went deaf?

4
00:00:17,155 --> 00:00:18,155
Why does he even ask?

5
00:00:18,155 --> 00:00:20,155
I know, he's just going

6
00:00:18,155 --> 00:00:20,155
to tell us anyway.

7
00:00:20,155 --> 00:00:21,280
I sure am.

8
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:22,613
It all began when

9
00:00:22,613 --> 00:00:24,905
Robin strolled into the bar

10
00:00:22,613 --> 00:00:24,905
and said...

11
00:00:24,905 --> 00:00:25,988
Say you're my bitch.

12
00:00:25,988 --> 00:00:27,113
I'm your bitch.

13
00:00:27,113 --> 00:00:28,447
Why this time?

14
00:00:28,447 --> 00:00:32,780
Because tonight I'm

15
00:00:28,447 --> 00:00:32,780
getting us all into Okay.

16
00:00:32,780 --> 00:00:34,947
"Okay," awesome!

17
00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:37,155
What's going on?

18
00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:37,155
Did I just have a stroke?

19
00:00:37,155 --> 00:00:38,780
Okay is the name

20
00:00:37,155 --> 00:00:38,780
of a club.

21
00:00:38,780 --> 00:00:39,613
Yeah, it's supposed to be

22
00:00:39,613 --> 00:00:41,780
incredibly exclusive.

23
00:00:39,613 --> 00:00:41,780
This friend of mine

24
00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:43,238
once waited outside

25
00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:43,238
for two hours,

26
00:00:43,238 --> 00:00:44,113
couldn't get in.

27
00:00:44,113 --> 00:00:45,822
A friend of yours named You?

28
00:00:45,822 --> 00:00:49,447
No, a friend of mine

29
00:00:45,822 --> 00:00:49,447
named Shut Up.

30
00:00:49,447 --> 00:00:50,905
Yeah, well, the owner

31
00:00:49,447 --> 00:00:50,905
goes to my gym.

32
00:00:50,905 --> 00:00:54,447
It turns out that he is a fan of

33
00:00:50,905 --> 00:00:54,447
my reporting for Metro News One.

34
00:00:54,447 --> 00:00:56,030
So now I'm on the list

35
00:00:54,447 --> 00:00:56,030
for tonight.

36
00:00:56,030 --> 00:00:57,572
Nice going, Scherbatsky.

37
00:00:57,572 --> 00:01:00,780
You're becoming a long

38
00:00:57,572 --> 00:01:00,780
and difficult-to-spell

39
00:00:57,572 --> 00:01:00,780
household name.

40
00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:02,655
He's even getting me

41
00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:02,655
into the V.I.P. room.

42
00:01:02,655 --> 00:01:04,905
Yeah, he just wants to show you

43
00:01:02,655 --> 00:01:04,905
his own V.I.P.,

44
00:01:04,905 --> 00:01:06,072
if you know what I mean.

45
00:01:06,822 --> 00:01:08,697
All right, what does

46
00:01:06,822 --> 00:01:08,697
V.I.P. stand for

47
00:01:08,697 --> 00:01:10,238
in your little universe?

48
00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:13,780
Well, I know that "P" is Penis.

49
00:01:14,697 --> 00:01:16,072
Great, so you guys are in.

50
00:01:16,072 --> 00:01:17,447
Should I invite Marshall

51
00:01:16,072 --> 00:01:17,447
and Lily?

52
00:01:17,447 --> 00:01:20,863
Why was this funny?

53
00:01:17,447 --> 00:01:20,863
I'll explain.

54
00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:23,280
You see, Lily was

55
00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:23,280
a kindergarten teacher,

56
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:26,113
and so one fateful nap time...

57
00:01:26,113 --> 00:01:28,030
Austin and I spent

58
00:01:26,113 --> 00:01:28,030
Saturday night

59
00:01:28,030 --> 00:01:30,030
at the most charming little

60
00:01:28,030 --> 00:01:30,030
bed and breakfast.

61
00:01:30,030 --> 00:01:31,988
It was so nice.

62
00:01:31,988 --> 00:01:33,322
What did you do this weekend?

63
00:01:34,155 --> 00:01:37,738
Go, come on, chug, chug, chug!

64
00:01:37,738 --> 00:01:39,405
Ten seconds!

65
00:01:39,405 --> 00:01:41,280
Suck it, losers!

66
00:01:43,197 --> 00:01:46,947
You know, quiet time

67
00:01:43,197 --> 00:01:46,947
with the fiancé.

68
00:01:46,947 --> 00:01:48,488
I don't know,

69
00:01:48,488 --> 00:01:50,322
I just felt embarrassed.

70
00:01:50,322 --> 00:01:52,363
Claire is my age and

71
00:01:50,322 --> 00:01:52,363
she and her husband

72
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:55,030
do all this classy

73
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:55,030
grownup stuff.

74
00:01:55,030 --> 00:01:58,322
Maybe we should start doing

75
00:01:55,030 --> 00:01:58,322
some grownup stuff.

76
00:01:58,322 --> 00:02:00,863
That's some pretty grownup stuff

77
00:01:58,322 --> 00:02:00,863
we did this morning.

78
00:02:00,863 --> 00:02:02,738
Yeah, but it wasn't classy.

79
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,572
Maybe we should have

80
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,572
a wine-tasting party.

81
00:02:06,572 --> 00:02:08,280
I like wine.

82
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:09,947
I like tasting.

83
00:02:09,947 --> 00:02:10,905
You know I can party.

84
00:02:10,905 --> 00:02:12,155
Let's do it.

85
00:02:10,905 --> 00:02:12,155
Let's rock it.

86
00:02:12,155 --> 00:02:13,488
Maturity style.

87
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,738
And ever since then

88
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,738
she's been signing him up

89
00:02:16,738 --> 00:02:18,530
for book clubs,

90
00:02:16,738 --> 00:02:18,530
cooking classes...

91
00:02:18,530 --> 00:02:20,030
All the things you do

92
00:02:18,530 --> 00:02:20,030
when you know

93
00:02:20,030 --> 00:02:22,655
where your next thousand lays

94
00:02:20,030 --> 00:02:22,655
are coming from.

95
00:02:22,655 --> 00:02:25,113
So, no, Lily and Marshall

96
00:02:22,655 --> 00:02:25,113
will not be joining us.

97
00:02:25,113 --> 00:02:27,738
Got it. Anyway, Ted,

98
00:02:25,113 --> 00:02:27,738
part two of my story:

99
00:02:27,738 --> 00:02:29,572
My friend Kelly's

100
00:02:27,738 --> 00:02:29,572
going to be there.

101
00:02:29,572 --> 00:02:32,030
Kelly, who supposedly

102
00:02:29,572 --> 00:02:32,030
I'm going to love.

103
00:02:32,030 --> 00:02:33,238
Oh, you are going to love Kelly.

104
00:02:33,238 --> 00:02:35,822
She's fun, she's smart,

105
00:02:33,238 --> 00:02:35,822
she lives in the moment...

106
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,030
She's ugly,

107
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,030
she's ugly,

108
00:02:38,030 --> 00:02:39,655
she ugs in the ugly.

109
00:02:39,655 --> 00:02:41,655
Oh, and she's totally hot.

110
00:02:41,655 --> 00:02:44,363
Okay, I guess I could take her

111
00:02:41,655 --> 00:02:44,363
off your hands for an evening.

112
00:02:44,363 --> 00:02:46,322
Hmm...

113
00:02:44,363 --> 00:02:46,322
So do you have any other

114
00:02:46,322 --> 00:02:47,530
hot, single friends?

115
00:02:47,530 --> 00:02:49,447
No.

116
00:02:47,530 --> 00:02:49,447
Kelly...

117
00:02:51,655 --> 00:02:53,488
Oh, no, Ted, your blazer!

118
00:02:53,488 --> 00:02:54,363
What, what, what?

119
00:02:54,363 --> 00:02:56,655
Somebody spilled

120
00:02:54,363 --> 00:02:56,655
gorgeous all over it.

121
00:02:56,655 --> 00:02:58,697
Love it.

122
00:02:56,655 --> 00:02:58,697
Thank you.

123
00:02:58,697 --> 00:03:01,863
And his hair was perfect.

124
00:03:01,863 --> 00:03:03,947
We're wearing the same shirt.

125
00:03:03,947 --> 00:03:07,322
Oh, wait, no, that's just my

126
00:03:03,947 --> 00:03:07,322
shirt reflected in yours.

127
00:03:07,322 --> 00:03:10,363
One of the 24 similarities

128
00:03:07,322 --> 00:03:10,363
between girls and fish

129
00:03:10,363 --> 00:03:12,905
is that they're both

130
00:03:10,363 --> 00:03:12,905
attracted to shiny objects.

131
00:03:12,905 --> 00:03:14,905
You really never read

132
00:03:12,905 --> 00:03:14,905
my blog, do you?

133
00:03:14,905 --> 00:03:17,363
All right, tin man,

134
00:03:14,905 --> 00:03:17,363
let's hit it.

135
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,863
All right, well, have fun at

136
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,863
your little disco, guys.

137
00:03:19,863 --> 00:03:21,947
What the hell happened

138
00:03:19,863 --> 00:03:21,947
to these two?

139
00:03:21,947 --> 00:03:23,530
Marshall and I are

140
00:03:21,947 --> 00:03:23,530
just growing up.

141
00:03:23,530 --> 00:03:25,113
Yeah, it's going

142
00:03:23,530 --> 00:03:25,113
to be sweet, too.

143
00:03:25,113 --> 00:03:27,238
Like tonight, we're tasting

144
00:03:25,113 --> 00:03:27,238
all these different wines,

145
00:03:27,238 --> 00:03:29,447
pairing them up with these

146
00:03:27,238 --> 00:03:29,447
cool gourmet cheeses.

147
00:03:31,155 --> 00:03:32,447
Wow, who knew being in

148
00:03:32,447 --> 00:03:34,197
a committed heterosexual

149
00:03:32,447 --> 00:03:34,197
relationship

150
00:03:34,197 --> 00:03:36,738
could make a guy so gay?

151
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:38,322
All right, cool kids

152
00:03:38,322 --> 00:03:39,863
are leaving now.

153
00:03:39,863 --> 00:03:42,655
Grandma, Grandpa,

154
00:03:39,863 --> 00:03:42,655
don't wait up.

155
00:03:52,447 --> 00:03:54,405
My, oh, my.

156
00:03:54,405 --> 00:03:58,197
There are some

157
00:03:54,405 --> 00:03:58,197
ferocious-looking

158
00:03:54,405 --> 00:03:58,197
cutlets here tonight.

159
00:03:58,197 --> 00:04:00,322
All right, hookup strategy.

160
00:04:00,322 --> 00:04:02,405
Colon, find a cutlet,

161
00:04:02,405 --> 00:04:03,822
lock her in early,

162
00:04:03,822 --> 00:04:06,530
grind with her all

163
00:04:03,822 --> 00:04:06,530
night till she's mine.

164
00:04:06,530 --> 00:04:08,822
Do these strategies

165
00:04:06,530 --> 00:04:08,822
ever work for you?

166
00:04:08,822 --> 00:04:13,155
The question is:

167
00:04:08,822 --> 00:04:13,155
Do these strategies

168
00:04:08,822 --> 00:04:13,155
ever not work for me?

169
00:04:13,155 --> 00:04:15,280
Either way, the answer

170
00:04:13,155 --> 00:04:15,280
is about half the time.

171
00:04:17,530 --> 00:04:19,363
My bitches!

172
00:04:19,363 --> 00:04:22,238
Check this out.

173
00:04:19,363 --> 00:04:22,238
Um, they're with me.

174
00:04:26,113 --> 00:04:28,113
Um, we're her bitches, too.

175
00:04:29,655 --> 00:04:31,072
We'll wait here.

176
00:04:32,530 --> 00:04:34,155
And with today's

177
00:04:32,530 --> 00:04:34,155
interest rate climate,

178
00:04:34,155 --> 00:04:36,030
you've got to go for

179
00:04:34,155 --> 00:04:36,030
the 30-year fixed mortgage.

180
00:04:36,030 --> 00:04:37,030
Oh, totally.

181
00:04:37,030 --> 00:04:38,572
Yeah.

182
00:04:38,572 --> 00:04:40,030
So, Marshall,

183
00:04:38,572 --> 00:04:40,030
what about you?

184
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,613
You guys thinking

185
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,613
house, baby?

186
00:04:41,613 --> 00:04:43,905
Oh!

187
00:04:43,905 --> 00:04:47,030
No, I think we're going

188
00:04:43,905 --> 00:04:47,030
to wait on the baby thing.

189
00:04:47,030 --> 00:04:49,488
I mean, I love babies.

190
00:04:47,030 --> 00:04:49,488
Babies rule.

191
00:04:49,488 --> 00:04:51,155
Pudgy arms and stuff...

192
00:04:51,155 --> 00:04:53,655
But, uh, they make you old.

193
00:04:53,655 --> 00:04:54,655
Kind of like this anchor

194
00:04:54,655 --> 00:04:57,447
weighing you down

195
00:04:54,655 --> 00:04:57,447
to one spot... forever.

196
00:04:58,488 --> 00:05:00,072
I'm three months pregnant.

197
00:05:01,613 --> 00:05:03,738
Not awkward, guys.

198
00:05:03,738 --> 00:05:06,197
Not awkward unless

199
00:05:03,738 --> 00:05:06,197
we let it be awkward.

200
00:05:12,072 --> 00:05:14,572
This place seems great.

201
00:05:12,072 --> 00:05:14,572
Is Kelly here?

202
00:05:14,572 --> 00:05:16,155
Yeah, she's around

203
00:05:14,572 --> 00:05:16,155
somewhere.

204
00:05:16,155 --> 00:05:18,072
Uh, let's go find her.

205
00:05:16,155 --> 00:05:18,072
I'll introduce you guys.

206
00:05:18,072 --> 00:05:19,280
Then I should probably

207
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:21,113
duck into the V.I.P. room.

208
00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:22,905
It's so stupid

209
00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:22,905
and arbitrary, isn't it?

210
00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:25,155
Who gets to be a V.I.P.

211
00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:25,155
and who doesn't?

212
00:05:25,155 --> 00:05:26,155
Can we come?

213
00:05:26,155 --> 00:05:28,197
It's not that arbitrary.

214
00:05:30,905 --> 00:05:33,030
Whoa, this place is loud.

215
00:05:33,030 --> 00:05:34,697
You think?

216
00:06:21,822 --> 00:06:23,447
Think it was kind of weird

217
00:06:23,447 --> 00:06:25,155
that Ted didn't invite me

218
00:06:23,447 --> 00:06:25,155
out with him?

219
00:06:25,155 --> 00:06:27,905
Why? You'd rather be

220
00:06:25,155 --> 00:06:27,905
out at some dance club,

221
00:06:27,905 --> 00:06:30,238
all noisy and sweaty,

222
00:06:27,905 --> 00:06:30,238
with the...

223
00:06:32,072 --> 00:06:33,530
Is that what you want?

224
00:06:35,322 --> 00:06:37,322
Is this what you want?

225
00:06:37,322 --> 00:06:39,655
"30-year fixed mortgage...

226
00:06:39,655 --> 00:06:41,405
I'm three months pregnant."

227
00:06:46,238 --> 00:06:47,947
That was awkward.

228
00:06:52,572 --> 00:06:54,238
Let's start drinking!

229
00:06:54,238 --> 00:06:55,738
Not so fast.

230
00:06:55,738 --> 00:06:57,238
In order for the tannins

231
00:06:55,738 --> 00:06:57,238
to mellow,

232
00:06:57,238 --> 00:06:59,530
we should let it breathe

233
00:06:57,238 --> 00:06:59,530
for about 30 minutes.

234
00:07:01,613 --> 00:07:03,155
Freaking tannins.

235
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:37,072
Do you know what they're

236
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:37,072
doing in there right now?

237
00:07:37,072 --> 00:07:39,530
They're watching Claire's

238
00:07:37,072 --> 00:07:39,530
ultrasound video.

239
00:07:39,530 --> 00:07:41,905
And I swear to God,

240
00:07:39,530 --> 00:07:41,905
even the baby looks bored.

241
00:07:41,905 --> 00:07:44,613
Come on, it's not that bad.

242
00:07:44,613 --> 00:07:46,988
We're really starting

243
00:07:44,613 --> 00:07:46,988
to click with these guys.

244
00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:50,363
Claire and Austin just invited

245
00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:50,363
us to their fondue fest

246
00:07:50,363 --> 00:07:51,447
next Saturday night.

247
00:07:51,447 --> 00:07:54,530
Are you honestly trying

248
00:07:51,447 --> 00:07:54,530
to get me excited about fondue?

249
00:07:54,530 --> 00:07:57,488
It's dipping stuff in hot

250
00:07:54,530 --> 00:07:57,488
cheese. What's not to love?

251
00:07:59,447 --> 00:08:01,738
Okay, that does sound good.

252
00:08:01,738 --> 00:08:05,697
But it's dipping stuff in hot

253
00:08:01,738 --> 00:08:05,697
cheese with boring people.

254
00:08:05,697 --> 00:08:08,572
Marshall, it's time

255
00:08:05,697 --> 00:08:08,572
for us to grow up.

256
00:08:10,530 --> 00:08:12,072
Marshall knew she was right.

257
00:08:12,072 --> 00:08:14,780
He had to stop

258
00:08:12,072 --> 00:08:14,780
acting like a kid.

259
00:08:14,780 --> 00:08:17,238
But not tonight.

260
00:08:17,238 --> 00:08:20,572
Now, our apartment

261
00:08:17,238 --> 00:08:20,572
was on the third floor,

262
00:08:20,572 --> 00:08:23,447
so I'm not sure if this part

263
00:08:20,572 --> 00:08:23,447
is actually true,

264
00:08:23,447 --> 00:08:25,280
but Uncle Marshall

265
00:08:23,447 --> 00:08:25,280
swears it happened.

266
00:08:29,530 --> 00:08:30,863
Taxi!

267
00:09:16,488 --> 00:09:18,238
The new album is great.

268
00:09:18,238 --> 00:09:19,822
It's all smooth and polished,

269
00:09:19,822 --> 00:09:21,488
not dark and heavy

270
00:09:19,822 --> 00:09:21,488
like their early stuff.

271
00:09:21,488 --> 00:09:24,863
Oh, yeah, Norah Jones just

272
00:09:21,488 --> 00:09:24,863
gets better and better.

273
00:09:26,322 --> 00:09:28,363
Please, tell me we can

274
00:09:26,322 --> 00:09:28,363
drink the wine now.

275
00:09:28,363 --> 00:09:29,697
Five more minutes.

276
00:09:29,697 --> 00:09:31,155
We don't want to rush

277
00:09:29,697 --> 00:09:31,155
those tannins.

278
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,655
Freaking tannins.

279
00:10:01,197 --> 00:10:04,072
I'm wetting my pants!

280
00:10:08,363 --> 00:10:11,572
I think that's when I realized,

281
00:10:08,363 --> 00:10:11,572
clubs weren't awesome.

282
00:10:11,572 --> 00:10:13,447
Clubs weren't even okay.

283
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:15,363
Clubs sucked.

284
00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:18,488
I had to get out of there.

285
00:10:20,197 --> 00:10:21,780
Hey.

286
00:10:20,197 --> 00:10:21,780
Hey, Robin.

287
00:10:21,780 --> 00:10:23,488
Why aren't you inside?

288
00:10:21,780 --> 00:10:23,488
I'm calling the owner.

289
00:10:23,488 --> 00:10:24,822
There's a guy in there

290
00:10:23,488 --> 00:10:24,822
who won't let me in

291
00:10:24,822 --> 00:10:26,280
to the stupid V.I.P. room.

292
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:27,655
What are you doing here?

293
00:10:27,655 --> 00:10:30,488
Oh, I had this move,

294
00:10:27,655 --> 00:10:30,488
so I came here to bust it.

295
00:10:30,488 --> 00:10:31,655
Can you get me in?

296
00:10:35,738 --> 00:10:37,155
Great. Voice mail.

297
00:10:37,155 --> 00:10:38,655
Thanks, I'll see you!

298
00:10:37,155 --> 00:10:38,655
Bye!

299
00:10:38,655 --> 00:10:40,738
Oh, come on,

300
00:10:38,655 --> 00:10:40,738
he just got here.

301
00:10:40,738 --> 00:10:42,613
He's probably famous.

302
00:10:42,613 --> 00:10:45,197
Oh, yeah. Isn't there

303
00:10:42,613 --> 00:10:45,197
a third Affleck brother?

304
00:10:45,197 --> 00:10:47,780
Keith Affleck or Brian

305
00:10:45,197 --> 00:10:47,780
Affleck or something?

306
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:51,488
Holy crap, we just

307
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:51,488
saw Brian Affleck.

308
00:10:52,988 --> 00:10:54,405
It's not like I care so much

309
00:10:54,405 --> 00:10:55,822
about getting into

310
00:10:54,405 --> 00:10:55,822
the V.I.P. room.

311
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,905
I have been in tons

312
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,905
of V.I.P. rooms.

313
00:10:57,905 --> 00:11:00,530
I'm not exactly a V.I.P.

314
00:10:57,905 --> 00:11:00,530
room virgin.

315
00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:02,530
But seriously, call me back.

316
00:11:04,613 --> 00:11:07,572
Oh, um, I was just

317
00:11:04,613 --> 00:11:07,572
in there, Robin Scherbatsky.

318
00:11:07,572 --> 00:11:08,572
I'm on the list.

319
00:11:09,447 --> 00:11:12,238
Name's already

320
00:11:09,447 --> 00:11:12,238
crossed off. Sorry.

321
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:14,447
But I'm Robin Scherbatsky.

322
00:11:14,447 --> 00:11:16,113
I'm a reporter for Channel One.

323
00:11:16,113 --> 00:11:17,697
There's a channel one?

324
00:11:17,697 --> 00:11:18,613
Back of the line.

325
00:11:20,697 --> 00:11:23,405
Should have snuck in

326
00:11:20,697 --> 00:11:23,405
with Brian Affleck.

327
00:11:56,822 --> 00:11:58,197
Aah! Coat wench,

328
00:11:58,197 --> 00:12:00,905
do not uncheck

329
00:11:58,197 --> 00:12:00,905
that man's jacket!

330
00:12:00,905 --> 00:12:03,280
Sorry, just being dramatic.

331
00:12:00,905 --> 00:12:03,280
You're not a coat wench.

332
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,113
No, no, no, coat wench,

333
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,113
I like it.

334
00:12:05,113 --> 00:12:06,613
I should get a sign made up.

335
00:12:06,613 --> 00:12:08,197
What are you doing here?

336
00:12:08,197 --> 00:12:09,197
Lily let you go?

337
00:12:09,197 --> 00:12:11,363
Lily? Who cares, right?

338
00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:12,988
You are so dead.

339
00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:12,988
Oh, I am so dead.

340
00:12:12,988 --> 00:12:14,238
Wow, I'm going home.

341
00:12:14,238 --> 00:12:16,030
No, uh-uh.

342
00:12:14,238 --> 00:12:16,030
I put my ass

343
00:12:16,030 --> 00:12:17,905
and probably other parts

344
00:12:16,030 --> 00:12:17,905
of my body on the line

345
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,905
to come down here

346
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,905
and party with my bro.

347
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,447
Now, damn it,

348
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,447
we're going to party.

349
00:12:21,447 --> 00:12:22,822
All right, one beer.

350
00:12:22,822 --> 00:12:26,780
Yes! Finally, I don't have to

351
00:12:22,822 --> 00:12:26,780
wait a half an hour for a drink.

352
00:12:33,488 --> 00:12:35,822
Oh, man, I can't believe

353
00:12:33,488 --> 00:12:35,822
I forgot to tell you this.

354
00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,405
This is important

355
00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,405
to the story.

356
00:12:37,405 --> 00:12:39,697
Earlier that day,

357
00:12:37,405 --> 00:12:39,697
Marshall went to the dentist

358
00:12:39,697 --> 00:12:41,738
and got a temporary crown

359
00:12:39,697 --> 00:12:41,738
put in.

360
00:12:41,738 --> 00:12:43,030
Okay, so anyway...

361
00:13:02,780 --> 00:13:05,280
Marshall, are you okay?

362
00:13:28,572 --> 00:13:31,863
Again, I wasn't there, so I'm

363
00:13:28,572 --> 00:13:31,863
a little foggy on the details.

364
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,322
Taxi!

365
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,238
Hey.

366
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,238
Hey.

367
00:13:44,238 --> 00:13:46,738
Marshall just ditched

368
00:13:44,238 --> 00:13:46,738
out on our own party.

369
00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:47,738
Can you get me in there?

370
00:13:47,738 --> 00:13:49,238
I kind of need to kill him.

371
00:13:49,238 --> 00:13:51,322
Actually, I can't

372
00:13:49,238 --> 00:13:51,322
even get myself in.

373
00:13:51,322 --> 00:13:53,530
I was such a dork.

374
00:13:53,530 --> 00:13:55,030
I get recognized one time,

375
00:13:55,030 --> 00:13:57,530
and I start thinking

376
00:13:55,030 --> 00:13:57,530
I'm Julia Roberts.

377
00:13:57,530 --> 00:13:59,197
I'm no V.I.P.

378
00:13:59,197 --> 00:14:01,322
I'm not even an I.P.

379
00:14:01,322 --> 00:14:05,613
I'm just a lowly little P

380
00:14:01,322 --> 00:14:05,613
sitting out here in the gutter.

381
00:14:05,613 --> 00:14:07,280
You know something?

382
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:11,030
I'd take a P in the gutter

383
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:11,030
over Julia Roberts any day.

384
00:14:11,030 --> 00:14:12,697
Hmm...

385
00:14:26,947 --> 00:14:28,655
I broke my tooth!

386
00:14:28,655 --> 00:14:30,238
Do you have...

387
00:14:30,238 --> 00:14:31,697
any aspirin?

388
00:14:31,697 --> 00:14:34,363
Maybe there's...

389
00:14:34,363 --> 00:14:36,113
a machine in...

390
00:14:36,113 --> 00:14:38,447
the restroom.

391
00:14:44,697 --> 00:14:45,780
Now to this day,

392
00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:47,488
I don't know what

393
00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:47,488
happened in there,

394
00:14:47,488 --> 00:14:50,405
but when Marshall came out

395
00:14:47,488 --> 00:14:50,405
a few minutes later...

396
00:15:01,655 --> 00:15:02,655
Rough night?

397
00:15:02,655 --> 00:15:03,738
Yeah.

398
00:15:03,738 --> 00:15:06,780
These clubs are supposed

399
00:15:03,738 --> 00:15:06,780
to be fun, right?

400
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,613
Why do I hate them so much?

401
00:15:08,613 --> 00:15:09,613
Because all of the stuff

402
00:15:09,613 --> 00:15:12,905
you're supposed to like

403
00:15:09,613 --> 00:15:12,905
usually sucks.

404
00:15:12,905 --> 00:15:15,905
Like these clubs... or cruises.

405
00:15:15,905 --> 00:15:18,405
Or New Year's Eve.

406
00:15:18,405 --> 00:15:20,905
Or the Super Bowl.

407
00:15:20,905 --> 00:15:22,697
Or parades.

408
00:15:22,697 --> 00:15:23,947
The Rockettes.

409
00:15:23,947 --> 00:15:25,447
Or parades.

410
00:15:25,447 --> 00:15:27,030
You said that already.

411
00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:28,697
I really hate parades.

412
00:15:28,697 --> 00:15:30,863
Okay.

413
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:33,572
He just left in the middle

414
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:33,572
of our own party!

415
00:15:33,572 --> 00:15:35,197
You don't do that.

416
00:15:35,197 --> 00:15:37,988
Unless, of course, you're

417
00:15:35,197 --> 00:15:37,988
chasing after somebody

418
00:15:37,988 --> 00:15:38,947
who's already done it,

419
00:15:38,947 --> 00:15:41,780
and then... then

420
00:15:38,947 --> 00:15:41,780
I think it's okay.

421
00:15:41,780 --> 00:15:45,530
Well, I hate to take

422
00:15:41,780 --> 00:15:45,530
his side, but come on,

423
00:15:41,780 --> 00:15:45,530
a wine tasting?

424
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:48,155
What's the big plan for next

425
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:48,155
Saturday, Scrabble night?

426
00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:51,238
Don't check your email.

427
00:15:51,238 --> 00:15:53,363
Why are you becoming

428
00:15:51,238 --> 00:15:53,363
this person?

429
00:15:53,363 --> 00:15:54,822
I heard that in college

430
00:15:54,822 --> 00:15:56,988
you flashed a campus

431
00:15:54,822 --> 00:15:56,988
tour group on a dare.

432
00:15:56,988 --> 00:15:58,780
Once on a dare.

433
00:15:58,780 --> 00:16:00,530
The other times

434
00:15:58,780 --> 00:16:00,530
were just for fun.

435
00:16:02,363 --> 00:16:04,322
I'm not in college anymore.

436
00:16:04,322 --> 00:16:06,613
I'd love to go back

437
00:16:04,322 --> 00:16:06,613
and be that person again,

438
00:16:06,613 --> 00:16:08,947
but you can't move backwards.

439
00:16:08,947 --> 00:16:10,363
You can only go forward.

440
00:16:10,363 --> 00:16:11,697
Um, false.

441
00:16:11,697 --> 00:16:13,822
You can go

442
00:16:11,697 --> 00:16:13,822
wherever you want.

443
00:16:13,822 --> 00:16:16,238
I guess the question is,

444
00:16:13,822 --> 00:16:16,238
where do you want to go?

445
00:16:16,238 --> 00:16:19,447
I want to go into this club

446
00:16:16,238 --> 00:16:19,447
and find my fiancé.

447
00:16:19,447 --> 00:16:20,905
Well, that you can't do.

448
00:16:22,697 --> 00:16:23,822
Want to bet?

449
00:16:24,780 --> 00:16:25,780
Follow my lead.

450
00:16:27,697 --> 00:16:28,780
Hey, big guy.

451
00:16:32,030 --> 00:16:33,697
I said follow my lead.

452
00:16:33,697 --> 00:16:35,488
Please, please.

453
00:16:33,697 --> 00:16:35,488
Follow her lead.

454
00:16:35,488 --> 00:16:36,697
Come on.

455
00:16:35,488 --> 00:16:36,697
Do it, please.

456
00:16:36,697 --> 00:16:38,697
Follow her, please.

457
00:16:36,697 --> 00:16:38,697
Yes, please.

458
00:16:44,072 --> 00:16:48,613
Those were the four greatest

459
00:16:44,072 --> 00:16:48,613
and only breasts I've ever seen.

460
00:16:52,530 --> 00:16:54,822
Yeah, see, if everyone

461
00:16:52,530 --> 00:16:54,822
keeps telling you

462
00:16:54,822 --> 00:16:57,530
something is supposed

463
00:16:54,822 --> 00:16:57,530
to be fun, it's usually not.

464
00:16:57,530 --> 00:16:58,363
Right!

465
00:16:57,530 --> 00:16:58,363
Right.

466
00:16:58,363 --> 00:17:02,530
So, by that logic,

467
00:16:58,363 --> 00:17:02,530
if you and I were to say,

468
00:16:58,363 --> 00:17:02,530
go out on a date...

469
00:17:04,072 --> 00:17:05,530
Well, then we

470
00:17:04,072 --> 00:17:05,530
couldn't go anywhere

471
00:17:05,530 --> 00:17:07,030
that's supposed to be fun.

472
00:17:07,030 --> 00:17:09,155
Right. The DMV it is.

473
00:17:09,155 --> 00:17:10,572
Then we'll get

474
00:17:09,155 --> 00:17:10,572
our teeth cleaned.

475
00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:11,738
Sounds awful. It's a date.

476
00:17:11,738 --> 00:17:12,947
Okay!

477
00:17:12,947 --> 00:17:16,030
But there's still

478
00:17:12,947 --> 00:17:16,030
one big question

479
00:17:16,030 --> 00:17:18,155
that needs to be answered.

480
00:17:18,155 --> 00:17:19,863
How many of these coats

481
00:17:18,155 --> 00:17:19,863
do you think

482
00:17:19,863 --> 00:17:21,072
I can put on all at once?

483
00:18:07,238 --> 00:18:10,113
Okay, for the wedge...

484
00:18:30,488 --> 00:18:31,488
Barney?

485
00:18:31,863 --> 00:18:32,863
Ted.

486
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,613
Get your coat.

487
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,613
We're leaving.

488
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,738
What... what happened

489
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,738
to that, um...

490
00:18:36,738 --> 00:18:38,322
cutlet you were grinding with?

491
00:18:38,322 --> 00:18:39,822
That was my cousin Leslie.

492
00:18:39,822 --> 00:18:41,238
What?

493
00:18:41,238 --> 00:18:43,113
No, no, no.

494
00:18:43,113 --> 00:18:44,988
We're not laughing

495
00:18:43,113 --> 00:18:44,988
about this, Ted.

496
00:18:44,988 --> 00:18:46,988
This is not gonna

497
00:18:44,988 --> 00:18:46,988
be some funny story

498
00:18:46,988 --> 00:18:48,155
that we'll be telling

499
00:18:46,988 --> 00:18:48,155
in a couple months.

500
00:18:48,155 --> 00:18:51,113
It's not gonna be like,

501
00:18:48,155 --> 00:18:51,113
"Hey, ha, remember that time

502
00:18:51,113 --> 00:18:53,197
when you were

503
00:18:51,113 --> 00:18:53,197
grinding with..." No.

504
00:18:54,238 --> 00:18:55,405
And you know why?

505
00:18:55,405 --> 00:18:59,363
Because... italics...

506
00:18:55,405 --> 00:18:59,363
this night did not happen.

507
00:18:59,363 --> 00:19:02,155
You promise me you

508
00:18:59,363 --> 00:19:02,155
will never, ever, ever

509
00:19:02,155 --> 00:19:03,613
tell another living soul

510
00:19:03,613 --> 00:19:05,072
what transpired

511
00:19:03,613 --> 00:19:05,072
here tonight.

512
00:19:05,072 --> 00:19:06,072
You promise.

513
00:19:06,072 --> 00:19:07,113
Promise.

514
00:19:06,072 --> 00:19:07,113
All right.

515
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:10,613
All right, I promise.

516
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:10,613
Let's get Marshall and go, okay?

517
00:19:10,613 --> 00:19:12,988
Hey, thanks for

518
00:19:10,613 --> 00:19:12,988
saving my night.

519
00:19:12,988 --> 00:19:13,905
I'll talk to you soon?

520
00:19:13,905 --> 00:19:14,822
Yeah.

521
00:19:14,822 --> 00:19:16,905
Um, hey, tip her, Barney.

522
00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:18,030
Why? I didn't

523
00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:18,030
check a coat.

524
00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:20,197
And even if I did,

525
00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:20,197
on principle, tip

526
00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:20,197
jars have become so...

527
00:19:20,197 --> 00:19:22,238
Funny story: Barney was grinding

528
00:19:20,197 --> 00:19:22,238
with this girl all night...

529
00:19:22,238 --> 00:19:23,738
Fine!

530
00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:28,363
That's a handy new trick.

531
00:19:41,238 --> 00:19:43,905
So, Marshall and Lily

532
00:19:41,238 --> 00:19:43,905
rediscovered their youth.

533
00:19:44,655 --> 00:19:45,947
It was nice.

534
00:19:47,155 --> 00:19:49,947
And then it got... icky.

535
00:19:59,155 --> 00:20:02,280
I'm really glad you

536
00:19:59,155 --> 00:20:02,280
guys came out tonight.

537
00:20:04,488 --> 00:20:06,780
You know, dude,

538
00:20:04,488 --> 00:20:06,780
can I just say something?

539
00:20:08,238 --> 00:20:10,822
It kind of hurt that you guys

540
00:20:08,238 --> 00:20:10,822
didn't invite me out.

541
00:20:11,572 --> 00:20:14,863
I mean, I know things have

542
00:20:11,572 --> 00:20:14,863
changed since I got engaged,

543
00:20:14,863 --> 00:20:17,280
but it would have

544
00:20:14,863 --> 00:20:17,280
been nice to be asked!

545
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,155
I'm sorry! I just assumed...

546
00:20:19,155 --> 00:20:22,530
They played some

547
00:20:19,155 --> 00:20:22,530
good songs tonight!

548
00:20:22,530 --> 00:20:23,530
I mean, lately...

549
00:20:23,530 --> 00:20:26,655
I know, I know. It just

550
00:20:23,530 --> 00:20:26,655
seems like suddenly

551
00:20:26,655 --> 00:20:28,947
we're living

552
00:20:26,655 --> 00:20:28,947
in two different worlds.

553
00:20:28,947 --> 00:20:31,488
Maybe you've got more

554
00:20:28,947 --> 00:20:31,488
in common with Barney.

555
00:20:31,488 --> 00:20:33,155
What?

556
00:20:33,155 --> 00:20:34,822
Are you crazy?

557
00:20:34,822 --> 00:20:37,322
You think I like

558
00:20:34,822 --> 00:20:37,322
going to those clubs?

559
00:20:37,322 --> 00:20:40,572
I'd so much rather

560
00:20:37,322 --> 00:20:40,572
go to your fruity

561
00:20:37,322 --> 00:20:40,572
little wine tasting.

562
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,072
Oh, my God, I'm gonna barf.

563
00:20:42,072 --> 00:20:44,488
Where's my purse?

564
00:20:42,072 --> 00:20:44,488
where's my purse?

565
00:20:44,488 --> 00:20:46,822
Yeah, I'm okay.

566
00:20:46,822 --> 00:20:50,113
The problem is, you can't

567
00:20:46,822 --> 00:20:50,113
do any of that couple stuff

568
00:20:50,113 --> 00:20:51,905
unless you have someone

569
00:20:50,113 --> 00:20:51,905
to do it with,

570
00:20:51,905 --> 00:20:53,822
and the only way I'm gonna

571
00:20:51,905 --> 00:20:53,822
find that someone

572
00:20:53,822 --> 00:20:57,030
is by going out

573
00:20:53,822 --> 00:20:57,030
and doing stupid single

574
00:20:53,822 --> 00:20:57,030
stuff with Barney.

575
00:20:57,030 --> 00:20:58,030
What?

576
00:20:59,405 --> 00:21:02,905
But, man, when I find her,

577
00:21:02,905 --> 00:21:06,030
we're gonna have

578
00:21:02,905 --> 00:21:06,030
some bad-ass wine tastings.

579
00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:08,863
It's a plan.

580
00:21:08,863 --> 00:21:11,530
Hey, maybe it'll be

581
00:21:08,863 --> 00:21:11,530
that cute coat check girl.

582
00:21:11,530 --> 00:21:14,363
Yeah!

583
00:21:11,530 --> 00:21:14,363
Maybe it will be.

584
00:21:14,363 --> 00:21:15,655
It wasn't.

585
00:21:18,072 --> 00:21:21,697
You know, Ted, I don't say this

586
00:21:18,072 --> 00:21:21,697
nearly enough, but I really...

587
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:24,655
That place has great salads!

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Captioned by

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Media Access Group at WGBH