1 00:00:14,266 --> 00:00:16,351 Kids, before I met 2 00:00:14,266 --> 00:00:16,351 your mother, 3 00:00:16,393 --> 00:00:19,939 when I was still 4 00:00:16,393 --> 00:00:19,939 out there searching, 5 00:00:16,393 --> 00:00:19,939 I learned something valuable. 6 00:00:19,980 --> 00:00:21,440 That love is not a science. 7 00:00:21,481 --> 00:00:23,149 Wow, that was 8 00:00:21,481 --> 00:00:23,149 a great story, Dad. 9 00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:24,443 We're gonna go watch TV. 10 00:00:24,484 --> 00:00:26,612 You see, 11 00:00:24,484 --> 00:00:26,612 sometimes in life 12 00:00:26,653 --> 00:00:29,406 you just have to accept 13 00:00:26,653 --> 00:00:29,406 that certain things 14 00:00:26,653 --> 00:00:29,406 can't be explained, 15 00:00:29,448 --> 00:00:31,283 and that's kind of scary. 16 00:00:33,243 --> 00:00:35,287 Oh, my God. 17 00:00:33,243 --> 00:00:35,287 I know, 18 00:00:33,243 --> 00:00:35,287 I'm still shaking. 19 00:00:35,328 --> 00:00:38,457 What the... 20 00:00:35,328 --> 00:00:38,457 Joke's on you. 21 00:00:35,328 --> 00:00:38,457 I have a cold. 22 00:00:38,498 --> 00:00:39,833 Are you guys okay? 23 00:00:39,875 --> 00:00:40,876 Another round, 24 00:00:39,875 --> 00:00:40,876 and back it up 25 00:00:39,875 --> 00:00:40,876 for me and Lily! 26 00:00:40,918 --> 00:00:42,252 What happened? 27 00:00:42,294 --> 00:00:45,297 We saw something, 28 00:00:42,294 --> 00:00:45,297 up in the apartment. 29 00:00:45,338 --> 00:00:46,423 Something bad. 30 00:00:51,804 --> 00:00:54,347 I don't know what it is, 31 00:00:51,804 --> 00:00:54,347 but margaritas make me sexy. 32 00:00:54,389 --> 00:00:57,977 Oh, mucho sexy. 33 00:00:54,389 --> 00:00:57,977 Te quiero, Marshall. 34 00:01:01,605 --> 00:01:02,940 Oh, my God! 35 00:01:07,486 --> 00:01:09,321 What was it? 36 00:01:09,362 --> 00:01:11,907 Only the craziest, 37 00:01:09,362 --> 00:01:11,907 meanest-looking mouse 38 00:01:09,362 --> 00:01:11,907 you've ever seen. 39 00:01:11,949 --> 00:01:14,785 Mouse? Sweetie, 40 00:01:11,949 --> 00:01:14,785 that wasn't a mouse. 41 00:01:14,827 --> 00:01:16,954 That was a huge cockroach. 42 00:01:16,996 --> 00:01:19,623 Baby, it was a mouse. 43 00:01:16,996 --> 00:01:19,623 It had whiskers. 44 00:01:19,665 --> 00:01:22,584 What, tho-those things 45 00:01:19,665 --> 00:01:22,584 coming out of his head? 46 00:01:19,665 --> 00:01:22,584 Those were antennae. 47 00:01:22,626 --> 00:01:24,753 Marshall ran away 48 00:01:22,626 --> 00:01:24,753 from a cockroach. 49 00:01:24,795 --> 00:01:26,588 It... it was a mouse. 50 00:01:26,630 --> 00:01:29,508 Oh, yeah, sorry, my bad. 51 00:01:26,630 --> 00:01:29,508 You're a man. 52 00:01:29,549 --> 00:01:31,677 Oh, my story's on. 53 00:01:29,549 --> 00:01:31,677 Ted, pay attention. 54 00:01:31,718 --> 00:01:33,012 Carl, turn it up. 55 00:01:33,053 --> 00:01:34,554 I'm here with Ellen Pierce, 56 00:01:34,596 --> 00:01:36,765 New York's premiere 57 00:01:34,596 --> 00:01:36,765 matchmaker. 58 00:01:36,807 --> 00:01:41,394 Ellen, your company 59 00:01:36,807 --> 00:01:41,394 "Love Solutions" boasts 60 00:01:36,807 --> 00:01:41,394 a 100% success rate. 61 00:01:41,436 --> 00:01:42,479 What's your secret? 62 00:01:42,521 --> 00:01:44,564 Science. 63 00:01:44,606 --> 00:01:48,027 Everything in life 64 00:01:44,606 --> 00:01:48,027 can be broken down 65 00:01:44,606 --> 00:01:48,027 to ones and zeros, even love. 66 00:01:48,068 --> 00:01:51,989 All I have to do 67 00:01:48,068 --> 00:01:51,989 is input the variables, 68 00:01:48,068 --> 00:01:51,989 run the algorithm, 69 00:01:52,031 --> 00:01:55,993 and presto manifesto, 70 00:01:52,031 --> 00:01:55,993 you have a soul mate 71 00:01:52,031 --> 00:01:55,993 and it works! 72 00:01:56,035 --> 00:01:59,454 Just ask all 73 00:01:56,035 --> 00:01:59,454 of my happy couples. 74 00:01:59,496 --> 00:02:01,540 And these are just 75 00:01:59,496 --> 00:02:01,540 the attractive ones. 76 00:02:01,581 --> 00:02:03,000 I have more photos 77 00:02:01,581 --> 00:02:03,000 in the bathroom. 78 00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:06,670 Love Solutions' Ellen Pierce. 79 00:02:06,712 --> 00:02:09,089 A beacon of hope 80 00:02:06,712 --> 00:02:09,089 for New York City's lovelorn. 81 00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:11,091 Robin Scherbatsky... 82 00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,217 Was that chick 83 00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,217 at the end really 84 00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,217 a client? 85 00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:13,886 Yes. 86 00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:13,886 We're signing up. 87 00:02:13,927 --> 00:02:16,096 What? 88 00:02:13,927 --> 00:02:16,096 Ted, these chicks are 89 00:02:13,927 --> 00:02:16,096 desperate and hot. 90 00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:18,057 That's a perfect cocktail. 91 00:02:18,098 --> 00:02:20,684 Shake well, then sleep with. 92 00:02:20,726 --> 00:02:23,687 I'm not going to a matchmaker. 93 00:02:20,726 --> 00:02:23,687 That's like giving up. 94 00:02:23,729 --> 00:02:26,272 It's the man version 95 00:02:23,729 --> 00:02:26,272 of getting a cat. 96 00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:30,069 No, it wasn't a cockroach. 97 00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:30,069 It had fur. 98 00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:30,069 And only mammals have fur. 99 00:02:30,110 --> 00:02:32,029 It was a cockroach. 100 00:02:32,071 --> 00:02:33,864 Come on, Lily. 101 00:02:32,071 --> 00:02:33,864 The only way that 102 00:02:32,071 --> 00:02:33,864 that was a cockroach 103 00:02:33,906 --> 00:02:35,949 is if it was wearing the skin 104 00:02:33,906 --> 00:02:35,949 of a mouse it just killed. 105 00:02:37,743 --> 00:02:39,786 Oh, my God! 106 00:02:40,746 --> 00:02:42,330 Come on! 107 00:02:53,425 --> 00:02:55,844 Ted! Hurry! 108 00:02:53,425 --> 00:02:55,844 You got to help me, 109 00:02:53,425 --> 00:02:55,844 my boat is sinking. 110 00:02:55,886 --> 00:02:57,512 What? 111 00:02:55,886 --> 00:02:57,512 My boat is sinking! 112 00:02:57,554 --> 00:02:59,556 You have a boat? 113 00:02:57,554 --> 00:02:59,556 Yes, I bought 114 00:02:57,554 --> 00:02:59,556 a boat last year 115 00:02:59,598 --> 00:03:01,433 at a police auction. 116 00:02:59,598 --> 00:03:01,433 I just got a call from 117 00:02:59,598 --> 00:03:01,433 a guy down at the marina 118 00:03:01,474 --> 00:03:03,309 that it's leaning starboard 119 00:03:01,474 --> 00:03:03,309 at a 45-degree angle. 120 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,854 If I don't get down 121 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,854 there right now it's 122 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,854 gonna capsize! Now come on! 123 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,401 Your boat is sinking. 124 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,401 That was good. 125 00:03:11,443 --> 00:03:14,279 Come on. Ted, this is 126 00:03:11,443 --> 00:03:14,279 an incredible opportunity. 127 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,448 We'll meet our soul mates, 128 00:03:16,489 --> 00:03:18,408 nail them, 129 00:03:16,489 --> 00:03:18,408 and never call them again. 130 00:03:19,826 --> 00:03:22,162 All finished, gentlemen? 131 00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:25,916 Congratulations, 132 00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:25,916 you have just taken 133 00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:25,916 your very first step. 134 00:03:25,958 --> 00:03:28,835 Gosh, thanks, Ellen. 135 00:03:25,958 --> 00:03:28,835 I sure hope this works. 136 00:03:28,877 --> 00:03:31,130 I'm... I'm so done 137 00:03:28,877 --> 00:03:31,130 with the single life. 138 00:03:31,171 --> 00:03:33,966 All the games, 139 00:03:31,171 --> 00:03:33,966 the meaningless sex. 140 00:03:34,007 --> 00:03:36,176 You deserve more. 141 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:39,054 That is so true, Ellen. 142 00:03:39,096 --> 00:03:42,182 I... I really think 143 00:03:39,096 --> 00:03:42,182 I'm ready to stop being a me, 144 00:03:42,223 --> 00:03:44,517 and start being a we. 145 00:03:44,559 --> 00:03:47,104 Hey, is there any way 146 00:03:44,559 --> 00:03:47,104 I can let it be known 147 00:03:44,559 --> 00:03:47,104 that I love cuddling? 148 00:03:47,146 --> 00:03:50,983 Oh, of course you... 149 00:03:47,146 --> 00:03:50,983 That is so... 150 00:03:53,777 --> 00:03:56,404 It's kind of hard 151 00:03:53,777 --> 00:03:56,404 to talk about 152 00:03:53,777 --> 00:03:56,404 with Ted here, 153 00:03:56,446 --> 00:04:00,283 but I just want someone 154 00:03:56,446 --> 00:04:00,283 who's not afraid 155 00:03:56,446 --> 00:04:00,283 to hold me at night, 156 00:04:01,660 --> 00:04:02,995 when the tears come. 157 00:04:04,704 --> 00:04:06,999 Ellen, can you 158 00:04:04,704 --> 00:04:06,999 help me find her? 159 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:08,125 Get out. 160 00:04:08,167 --> 00:04:10,210 What? 161 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:12,838 I get 15 guys 162 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:12,838 like you every week. 163 00:04:12,879 --> 00:04:14,923 Jerks who just wanna meet 164 00:04:12,879 --> 00:04:14,923 vulnerable women, 165 00:04:14,965 --> 00:04:17,092 nail them, 166 00:04:14,965 --> 00:04:17,092 and never call them again. 167 00:04:17,134 --> 00:04:19,511 Oh, my God, people do that? 168 00:04:19,552 --> 00:04:21,596 Do you wanna do this 169 00:04:19,552 --> 00:04:21,596 the easy way, 170 00:04:19,552 --> 00:04:21,596 or the hard way? 171 00:04:21,638 --> 00:04:24,975 What's the hard way? 172 00:04:21,638 --> 00:04:24,975 Security roughs me up 173 00:04:21,638 --> 00:04:24,975 and tosses me out? 174 00:04:25,017 --> 00:04:26,893 No, that's the easy way. 175 00:04:26,935 --> 00:04:30,189 The hard way is 176 00:04:26,935 --> 00:04:30,189 that I stomp the crap 177 00:04:26,935 --> 00:04:30,189 out of you myself. 178 00:04:30,230 --> 00:04:31,231 Okay, Ted, let's go. 179 00:04:31,314 --> 00:04:33,025 Not you. You stay. 180 00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:36,277 You're cute. 181 00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:38,989 You're an architect. 182 00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:38,989 Good career. 183 00:04:39,031 --> 00:04:41,741 And you didn't use 184 00:04:39,031 --> 00:04:41,741 an obvious alias 185 00:04:39,031 --> 00:04:41,741 on your application 186 00:04:41,783 --> 00:04:44,036 like your friend 187 00:04:41,783 --> 00:04:44,036 "Jack Package." 188 00:04:44,995 --> 00:04:46,371 It's pronounced Puh-kaj. 189 00:04:46,412 --> 00:04:47,539 Get out of here! 190 00:04:49,124 --> 00:04:50,876 You, I can work with. 191 00:04:50,917 --> 00:04:53,045 You give me three days, 192 00:04:53,086 --> 00:04:57,090 and I will find the woman 193 00:04:53,086 --> 00:04:57,090 you will marry. 194 00:04:57,132 --> 00:05:00,385 No, thanks. 195 00:04:57,132 --> 00:05:00,385 I don't need an algorithm 196 00:04:57,132 --> 00:05:00,385 to meet women. 197 00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:03,930 It... it's New York City. 198 00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:03,930 You know, plenty of fish 199 00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:03,930 in the sea. 200 00:05:03,972 --> 00:05:06,683 Plenty of fish in the sea. 201 00:05:06,725 --> 00:05:08,768 Yes, there's, uh, 202 00:05:06,725 --> 00:05:08,768 nine million people 203 00:05:06,725 --> 00:05:08,768 in New York, 204 00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:10,979 4.5 million women. 205 00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:13,648 Of course, you wanna 206 00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:13,648 meet somebody 207 00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:13,648 roughly your own age, 208 00:05:13,690 --> 00:05:15,775 let's say, 209 00:05:13,690 --> 00:05:15,775 plus-minus five years. 210 00:05:15,817 --> 00:05:18,278 So if we take into account 211 00:05:15,817 --> 00:05:18,278 the most recent census data, 212 00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:21,198 that leaves us with 482,000. 213 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:25,035 But wait, 48% of those are 214 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:25,035 already in relationships, 215 00:05:25,077 --> 00:05:27,037 and then you have 216 00:05:25,077 --> 00:05:27,037 to eliminate half 217 00:05:25,077 --> 00:05:27,037 for intelligence, 218 00:05:27,079 --> 00:05:29,122 sense of humor 219 00:05:27,079 --> 00:05:29,122 and compatibility. 220 00:05:29,164 --> 00:05:31,875 And then you have to take out 221 00:05:29,164 --> 00:05:31,875 the ex-girlfriends, 222 00:05:29,164 --> 00:05:31,875 and the relatives 223 00:05:31,917 --> 00:05:34,086 and, oh, 224 00:05:31,917 --> 00:05:34,086 we can't forget 225 00:05:31,917 --> 00:05:34,086 those lesbians. 226 00:05:34,127 --> 00:05:38,798 And then that leaves us 227 00:05:34,127 --> 00:05:38,798 with eight women. 228 00:05:40,092 --> 00:05:44,512 That can't be right. 229 00:05:40,092 --> 00:05:44,512 Eight? Really, eight? 230 00:05:44,554 --> 00:05:48,267 There are eight fish 231 00:05:44,554 --> 00:05:48,267 in that big, blue ocean, Ted. 232 00:05:48,308 --> 00:05:51,352 And if you feel confident 233 00:05:48,308 --> 00:05:51,352 that you could reel one 234 00:05:48,308 --> 00:05:51,352 into your boat 235 00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:53,230 without me, 236 00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:53,230 there's the door. 237 00:05:54,189 --> 00:05:55,732 Do you take credit cards? 238 00:05:59,278 --> 00:06:00,987 Okay, it's back. 239 00:06:01,029 --> 00:06:02,781 And this time 240 00:06:01,029 --> 00:06:02,781 we got a good look. 241 00:06:02,822 --> 00:06:05,742 Hey. Seriously, 242 00:06:02,822 --> 00:06:05,742 you have to stop doing that! 243 00:06:05,784 --> 00:06:08,369 It's bigger now. 244 00:06:05,784 --> 00:06:08,369 It's been feeding. 245 00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:12,749 We were just upstairs 246 00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:12,749 watching TV. 247 00:06:12,791 --> 00:06:14,251 Oh, gosh. 248 00:06:21,883 --> 00:06:24,344 Okay. Let's do this. 249 00:06:35,188 --> 00:06:37,357 It's okay. 250 00:06:35,188 --> 00:06:37,357 It's over. 251 00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:50,787 So, did you get 252 00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:50,787 a good look at it? 253 00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:50,787 Yeah. 254 00:06:50,829 --> 00:06:55,208 It has six legs, 255 00:06:50,829 --> 00:06:55,208 a hard exoskeleton, 256 00:06:50,829 --> 00:06:55,208 like a roach. 257 00:06:55,250 --> 00:06:57,961 But it had mouse-like 258 00:06:55,250 --> 00:06:57,961 characteristics. 259 00:06:58,003 --> 00:07:00,463 Gray-brown tufts 260 00:06:58,003 --> 00:07:00,463 of fur, a tail. 261 00:07:00,505 --> 00:07:03,383 So which is it, 262 00:07:00,505 --> 00:07:03,383 a cockroach or a mouse? 263 00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:07,137 It's a cockamouse. 264 00:07:08,721 --> 00:07:10,140 What? 265 00:07:10,182 --> 00:07:13,268 It's some sort 266 00:07:10,182 --> 00:07:13,268 of mutant combination 267 00:07:10,182 --> 00:07:13,268 of the two. 268 00:07:13,310 --> 00:07:17,314 It's as if a cockroach 269 00:07:13,310 --> 00:07:17,314 and a mouse, you know... 270 00:07:17,356 --> 00:07:21,109 Did the horizontal, 10-legged, 271 00:07:17,356 --> 00:07:21,109 inter-species cha-cha? 272 00:07:21,151 --> 00:07:23,862 That's impossible. 273 00:07:21,151 --> 00:07:23,862 That simply can't happen. 274 00:07:23,903 --> 00:07:25,405 Oh, but it can. 275 00:07:23,903 --> 00:07:25,405 And it has. 276 00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:26,948 And it's pissed. 277 00:07:29,409 --> 00:07:31,828 Dude, is everything okay? 278 00:07:29,409 --> 00:07:31,828 You left the front door open. 279 00:07:31,870 --> 00:07:32,996 There was no time. 280 00:07:34,956 --> 00:07:38,251 So, Love Solutions? 281 00:07:34,956 --> 00:07:38,251 Did you meet the love 282 00:07:34,956 --> 00:07:38,251 of your life? 283 00:07:38,293 --> 00:07:41,421 She said it'd take three days. 284 00:07:38,293 --> 00:07:41,421 It's been five days. 285 00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:42,922 Should I be worried? 286 00:07:42,964 --> 00:07:46,134 Just play it cool. 287 00:07:42,964 --> 00:07:46,134 Don't Ted out about it. 288 00:07:46,176 --> 00:07:48,428 Did you just use 289 00:07:46,176 --> 00:07:48,428 my name as a verb? 290 00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:51,390 Oh, yeah, we do that 291 00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:51,390 behind your back. 292 00:07:51,431 --> 00:07:53,308 Ted out. To overthink. 293 00:07:53,350 --> 00:07:55,227 Also see, Ted up. 294 00:07:55,268 --> 00:07:58,230 Ted up, to overthink something 295 00:07:55,268 --> 00:07:58,230 with disastrous results. 296 00:07:58,271 --> 00:08:00,815 Sample sentence, 297 00:07:58,271 --> 00:08:00,815 Billy Teded up 298 00:07:58,271 --> 00:08:00,815 when he tried to... 299 00:08:00,857 --> 00:08:03,026 Okay. I get it. 300 00:08:03,068 --> 00:08:05,820 Don't worry. I'm not gonna 301 00:08:03,068 --> 00:08:05,820 Ted anything up, or out. 302 00:08:06,905 --> 00:08:08,865 I should give it 303 00:08:06,905 --> 00:08:08,865 a few more days. 304 00:08:10,033 --> 00:08:12,369 Hi, Ellen. Remember me? 305 00:08:10,033 --> 00:08:12,369 I'm Ted. 306 00:08:12,411 --> 00:08:13,953 Ted. Hi. 307 00:08:13,995 --> 00:08:15,414 I meant to call you. 308 00:08:15,455 --> 00:08:17,999 The computer is still 309 00:08:15,455 --> 00:08:17,999 crunching the numbers. 310 00:08:18,041 --> 00:08:19,834 Busy as a bee, 311 00:08:18,041 --> 00:08:19,834 that little computer. 312 00:08:19,876 --> 00:08:21,711 You said it was 313 00:08:19,876 --> 00:08:21,711 gonna be three days. 314 00:08:21,753 --> 00:08:23,129 Did I? Three days. 315 00:08:21,753 --> 00:08:23,129 Hmm. 316 00:08:23,171 --> 00:08:25,048 Really? 317 00:08:23,171 --> 00:08:25,048 Yeah. 318 00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:27,717 When someone says you're 319 00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:27,717 gonna meet the perfect 320 00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:27,717 woman in three days, 321 00:08:27,759 --> 00:08:30,345 you kind of put that 322 00:08:27,759 --> 00:08:30,345 in your datebook. So. 323 00:08:30,387 --> 00:08:34,307 How do I say this? 324 00:08:30,387 --> 00:08:34,307 This is gonna be really hard. 325 00:08:34,349 --> 00:08:38,353 Ted, there are absolutely 326 00:08:34,349 --> 00:08:38,353 no women out there for you. 327 00:08:39,479 --> 00:08:41,731 Actually, I got 328 00:08:39,479 --> 00:08:41,731 through that okay. 329 00:08:47,820 --> 00:08:49,114 There are no women 330 00:08:47,820 --> 00:08:49,114 out there for me? 331 00:08:49,155 --> 00:08:50,323 I thought you said 332 00:08:49,155 --> 00:08:50,323 there were eight. 333 00:08:50,365 --> 00:08:51,699 I know. 334 00:08:50,365 --> 00:08:51,699 There's supposed to be. 335 00:08:51,741 --> 00:08:53,118 I don't know where they are. 336 00:08:53,159 --> 00:08:55,287 But I'm an architect. 337 00:08:53,159 --> 00:08:55,287 And you said I'm cute. 338 00:08:55,328 --> 00:08:56,746 I'm a cute architect. 339 00:08:56,788 --> 00:08:58,081 How do you think I feel? 340 00:08:58,123 --> 00:09:01,584 I have a 100% success rate. 341 00:08:58,123 --> 00:09:01,584 That's my hook! 342 00:09:01,626 --> 00:09:04,045 I could maybe find 343 00:09:01,626 --> 00:09:04,045 somebody for you 344 00:09:01,626 --> 00:09:04,045 if you were gay. 345 00:09:04,087 --> 00:09:05,755 Well, I'm not. 346 00:09:04,087 --> 00:09:05,755 A little bi maybe? 347 00:09:05,797 --> 00:09:08,007 No! 348 00:09:08,049 --> 00:09:09,342 You're messing 349 00:09:08,049 --> 00:09:09,342 with me, right? 350 00:09:09,384 --> 00:09:10,469 Come see for yourself. 351 00:09:12,095 --> 00:09:14,431 I cannot set you up 352 00:09:14,473 --> 00:09:17,225 unless you have 353 00:09:14,473 --> 00:09:17,225 a compatibility rating 354 00:09:14,473 --> 00:09:17,225 of 7.0 or higher. 355 00:09:17,267 --> 00:09:18,351 And look. 356 00:09:18,393 --> 00:09:21,271 5.4, 4.8, 5.6... 357 00:09:21,313 --> 00:09:23,064 There's a 9.6 right there. 358 00:09:23,106 --> 00:09:24,816 Don't touch the computer. 359 00:09:26,318 --> 00:09:29,362 Yes. Sarah O'Brien. 360 00:09:26,318 --> 00:09:29,362 I fixed her up six months ago. 361 00:09:29,404 --> 00:09:31,906 She would've been 362 00:09:29,404 --> 00:09:31,906 absolutely perfect for you. 363 00:09:31,948 --> 00:09:34,951 Well, what about the guy 364 00:09:31,948 --> 00:09:34,951 you set her up with? Is he 365 00:09:31,948 --> 00:09:34,951 a 9.6 compatibility rating? 366 00:09:34,993 --> 00:09:37,120 8.5. 367 00:09:34,993 --> 00:09:37,120 So he sucks! 368 00:09:37,162 --> 00:09:40,706 No, 8.5 is an extremely good 369 00:09:37,162 --> 00:09:40,706 match-up quotient. 370 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:43,376 Oh, sure it's good. 371 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:43,376 It's solid. 372 00:09:43,418 --> 00:09:45,295 But a 9.6? 373 00:09:45,337 --> 00:09:49,674 9.6 is off the charts. 374 00:09:45,337 --> 00:09:49,674 But Sarah is matched up. 375 00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:53,219 Ted, look. 376 00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:53,219 I have a lunch. Please. 377 00:09:53,261 --> 00:09:56,848 I promise we will 378 00:09:53,261 --> 00:09:56,848 find you somebody. 379 00:09:53,261 --> 00:09:56,848 Don't lose hope. 380 00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:59,309 There are new women 381 00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:59,309 turning 18 every day. 382 00:10:04,939 --> 00:10:06,274 (PARALLEL OR TOGETHER? 383 00:10:04,939 --> 00:10:06,274 PLAYING) 384 00:10:14,740 --> 00:10:17,660 tumbling down 385 00:10:21,039 --> 00:10:24,083 a day's worth of work 386 00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:29,464 It's a whole new species. 387 00:10:29,506 --> 00:10:31,049 The cockamouse. 388 00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:34,511 And it's the size of a potato. 389 00:10:36,262 --> 00:10:40,225 So, what now, 390 00:10:36,262 --> 00:10:40,225 it's a cockapotatomouse? 391 00:10:40,266 --> 00:10:44,270 Don't make it 392 00:10:40,266 --> 00:10:44,270 sound ridiculous. 393 00:10:40,266 --> 00:10:44,270 It's a cockamouse! 394 00:10:44,312 --> 00:10:47,232 My God, this is incredible! 395 00:10:44,312 --> 00:10:47,232 W-we're like the same person. 396 00:10:47,273 --> 00:10:50,943 Sarah O'Brien loves brunch. 397 00:10:47,273 --> 00:10:50,943 She wants to have 398 00:10:47,273 --> 00:10:50,943 two children. 399 00:10:50,985 --> 00:10:54,573 Her guilty-pleasure song 400 00:10:50,985 --> 00:10:54,573 is Summer Breeze 401 00:10:50,985 --> 00:10:54,573 by Seals and Croft. 402 00:10:54,614 --> 00:10:58,577 Wow, Ted. Sounds like 403 00:10:54,614 --> 00:10:58,577 you're her perfect woman. 404 00:10:58,618 --> 00:11:02,997 And like the majestic 405 00:10:58,618 --> 00:11:02,997 seahorse, it's hermaphroditic. 406 00:11:03,039 --> 00:11:06,543 Obviously, the whole thing 407 00:11:03,039 --> 00:11:06,543 is shrouded in mystery. 408 00:11:06,585 --> 00:11:09,170 For as much as we know 409 00:11:06,585 --> 00:11:09,170 about the cockamouse, 410 00:11:09,212 --> 00:11:12,048 there is still so much 411 00:11:09,212 --> 00:11:12,048 we don't know. 412 00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:15,301 Well, we know that 413 00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:15,301 there is no such thing 414 00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:15,301 as the cockamouse. 415 00:11:15,343 --> 00:11:19,347 What we don't know 416 00:11:15,343 --> 00:11:19,347 is what you guys 417 00:11:15,343 --> 00:11:19,347 have been smoking. 418 00:11:19,389 --> 00:11:21,558 So you really don't believe 419 00:11:19,389 --> 00:11:21,558 in the cockamouse? 420 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,352 Well, I... I believe 421 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,352 that you saw something 422 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,352 perfectly normal, 423 00:11:24,394 --> 00:11:26,187 but you've exaggerated it 424 00:11:24,394 --> 00:11:26,187 in your mind, 425 00:11:26,229 --> 00:11:28,731 you know, 426 00:11:26,229 --> 00:11:28,731 like the Loch Ness monster. 427 00:11:31,317 --> 00:11:34,195 If by "like 428 00:11:31,317 --> 00:11:34,195 the Loch Ness monster" 429 00:11:31,317 --> 00:11:34,195 you mean 430 00:11:34,237 --> 00:11:36,197 "totally exists 431 00:11:34,237 --> 00:11:36,197 and is awesome," 432 00:11:36,239 --> 00:11:39,409 then, yeah, it's like 433 00:11:36,239 --> 00:11:39,409 the Loch Ness monster. 434 00:11:39,451 --> 00:11:42,912 Its diet is not 435 00:11:39,451 --> 00:11:42,912 unlike our own. 436 00:11:39,451 --> 00:11:42,912 Grains, cereals, 437 00:11:42,954 --> 00:11:44,289 and it's awfully 438 00:11:42,954 --> 00:11:44,289 fond of cheese. 439 00:11:44,330 --> 00:11:45,706 Okay. This is getting weird. 440 00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:47,375 The similarities go on and on. 441 00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:51,170 She hates phonies. 442 00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:51,170 I totally hate phonies, too. 443 00:11:51,212 --> 00:11:53,756 She's a dermatologist. 444 00:11:51,212 --> 00:11:53,756 I have skin. 445 00:11:53,798 --> 00:11:56,384 You want to be her boyfriend. 446 00:11:53,798 --> 00:11:56,384 She already has a boyfriend. 447 00:11:56,426 --> 00:11:58,219 It's uncanny. 448 00:11:58,261 --> 00:11:59,762 All right. 449 00:11:59,804 --> 00:12:01,222 But it wouldn't hurt 450 00:11:59,804 --> 00:12:01,222 to check her out, right? 451 00:12:01,264 --> 00:12:03,182 See what my 9.6 452 00:12:01,264 --> 00:12:03,182 looks like in person, as, 453 00:12:03,224 --> 00:12:05,143 you know, 454 00:12:03,224 --> 00:12:05,143 a frame of reference. 455 00:12:05,184 --> 00:12:07,687 And if she thinks 456 00:12:05,184 --> 00:12:07,687 she can do 11.45% better, 457 00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:09,355 who am I to deny her that? 458 00:12:09,397 --> 00:12:11,816 That's right, I did the math. 459 00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:16,821 Hi. 460 00:12:16,862 --> 00:12:18,364 Hi, I'm Dr. O'Brien. 461 00:12:18,406 --> 00:12:19,991 I'm architect Mosby. 462 00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:22,619 Sorry. I just wanted 463 00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:22,619 to say my job, too. 464 00:12:22,661 --> 00:12:24,663 Hi, I'm Ted. 465 00:12:22,661 --> 00:12:24,663 Hi. 466 00:12:24,704 --> 00:12:26,038 So, what are we doing today? 467 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,791 Right, I have a kind 468 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,791 of mole on my back. 469 00:12:28,833 --> 00:12:30,876 It's probably nothing. 470 00:12:28,833 --> 00:12:30,876 But I'm a cautious guy. 471 00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:32,878 I'm exactly the same. 472 00:12:42,013 --> 00:12:44,349 the jasmine 473 00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:50,605 Sorry about that. 474 00:12:50,647 --> 00:12:52,773 Summer Breeze is 475 00:12:50,647 --> 00:12:52,773 my guilty-pleasure song. 476 00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:55,901 Oh, yeah, it's been 477 00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:55,901 stuck in my head ever since 478 00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:55,901 I heard it this weekend 479 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,737 at brunch. 480 00:12:57,778 --> 00:12:59,864 I love brunch. 481 00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:01,991 It's the best. 482 00:13:02,033 --> 00:13:05,370 As long as I don't 483 00:13:02,033 --> 00:13:05,370 have to spend it 484 00:13:02,033 --> 00:13:05,370 with a bunch of phonies. 485 00:13:05,411 --> 00:13:07,788 I like the way you think, 486 00:13:05,411 --> 00:13:07,788 architect Mosby. 487 00:13:09,582 --> 00:13:11,501 Hey, this may sound weird. 488 00:13:11,543 --> 00:13:13,169 But it'll definitely 489 00:13:11,543 --> 00:13:13,169 sound more weird 490 00:13:11,543 --> 00:13:13,169 once my shirt's off, 491 00:13:13,211 --> 00:13:14,754 so I'm gonna ask you now. 492 00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:18,299 Do you wanna have 493 00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:18,299 dinner with me Saturday night? 494 00:13:18,341 --> 00:13:22,011 That's very sweet, 495 00:13:18,341 --> 00:13:22,011 but I'm actually getting 496 00:13:18,341 --> 00:13:22,011 married on Saturday. 497 00:13:23,888 --> 00:13:25,181 Friday night? 498 00:13:31,145 --> 00:13:33,690 Wow. You're getting married. 499 00:13:31,145 --> 00:13:33,690 Congratulations. 500 00:13:33,732 --> 00:13:35,191 Thank you. 501 00:13:35,233 --> 00:13:37,235 I'm really sorry 502 00:13:35,233 --> 00:13:37,235 I asked you out. 503 00:13:37,276 --> 00:13:39,320 It... it just felt like 504 00:13:37,276 --> 00:13:39,320 there could be this weird 505 00:13:37,276 --> 00:13:39,320 connection between us. 506 00:13:39,362 --> 00:13:40,739 How crazy am I 507 00:13:39,362 --> 00:13:40,739 coming off here? 508 00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:43,324 Only a little. 509 00:13:43,366 --> 00:13:47,537 Well, by some million-to-one 510 00:13:43,366 --> 00:13:47,537 long shot, and I'm not 511 00:13:43,366 --> 00:13:47,537 rooting for this, 512 00:13:47,579 --> 00:13:49,706 you wind up not getting 513 00:13:47,579 --> 00:13:49,706 married this weekend, 514 00:13:50,665 --> 00:13:52,291 give me a call. 515 00:13:52,333 --> 00:13:56,504 Okay. But it's not likely. 516 00:13:52,333 --> 00:13:56,504 I look damn good in my dress. 517 00:13:56,546 --> 00:13:57,880 I'm sure you do. 518 00:14:02,176 --> 00:14:05,555 Wow. That's a pretty 519 00:14:02,176 --> 00:14:05,555 sophisticated trap. 520 00:14:05,597 --> 00:14:07,432 You think the Road Runner's 521 00:14:05,597 --> 00:14:07,432 gonna fall for it? 522 00:14:07,473 --> 00:14:09,684 Okay, we get it. 523 00:14:07,473 --> 00:14:09,684 You're skeptical. 524 00:14:09,726 --> 00:14:11,686 But Marshall and I, 525 00:14:09,726 --> 00:14:11,686 we're believers. 526 00:14:11,728 --> 00:14:13,438 We believe. 527 00:14:13,479 --> 00:14:16,399 Yeah, look around. 528 00:14:13,479 --> 00:14:16,399 The universe is mysterious 529 00:14:13,479 --> 00:14:16,399 and awesome. 530 00:14:16,441 --> 00:14:19,527 You got the Bermuda Triangle, 531 00:14:16,441 --> 00:14:19,527 ghosts, Bigfoot. 532 00:14:19,569 --> 00:14:22,781 Bad maps, creaky houses, 533 00:14:19,569 --> 00:14:22,781 hillbilly in a gorilla suit. 534 00:14:22,822 --> 00:14:24,532 Aliens? 535 00:14:24,574 --> 00:14:27,368 Oh, come on! 536 00:14:24,574 --> 00:14:27,368 You gotta give me aliens! 537 00:14:27,410 --> 00:14:31,289 Stonehenge, Area 51, 538 00:14:27,410 --> 00:14:31,289 there's alien crap 539 00:14:27,410 --> 00:14:31,289 all over the place. 540 00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:33,499 You can't be serious? 541 00:14:33,541 --> 00:14:35,918 My friend, 542 00:14:33,541 --> 00:14:35,918 you just poked the bear. 543 00:14:37,837 --> 00:14:40,256 So, my 9.6, 544 00:14:40,298 --> 00:14:43,593 beautiful, charming, 545 00:14:40,298 --> 00:14:43,593 intelligent, engaged. 546 00:14:43,635 --> 00:14:45,177 Aw. 547 00:14:45,219 --> 00:14:46,638 Oh, Ted, I'm so sorry. 548 00:14:46,679 --> 00:14:48,222 Yeah, it was a long shot. 549 00:14:48,264 --> 00:14:49,849 I told her to call me anyway 550 00:14:48,264 --> 00:14:49,849 if she changes her mind. 551 00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,517 But I don't know. 552 00:14:51,559 --> 00:14:54,520 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 553 00:14:51,559 --> 00:14:54,520 Let's not skip over this. 554 00:14:54,562 --> 00:14:58,232 Raise your hand 555 00:14:54,562 --> 00:14:58,232 if earlier today you hit on 556 00:14:54,562 --> 00:14:58,232 an engaged woman? 557 00:15:02,236 --> 00:15:04,656 Come on, Lily, 558 00:15:02,236 --> 00:15:04,656 don't hate the player, 559 00:15:02,236 --> 00:15:04,656 hate the game. 560 00:15:04,697 --> 00:15:09,535 "On the night of July 2, 1947, 561 00:15:09,577 --> 00:15:11,996 "conditions were clear over 562 00:15:09,577 --> 00:15:11,996 Roswell, New Mexico." 563 00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:13,623 Oh, jeez. 564 00:15:13,665 --> 00:15:15,166 Oh, hey, Ted, 565 00:15:13,665 --> 00:15:15,166 there's a message 566 00:15:13,665 --> 00:15:15,166 on the machine for you. 567 00:15:15,207 --> 00:15:16,292 Dr. O'Brien. 568 00:15:16,334 --> 00:15:17,585 What? 569 00:15:17,627 --> 00:15:19,962 "When suddenly, 570 00:15:17,627 --> 00:15:19,962 an array of..." 571 00:15:22,298 --> 00:15:24,801 Ted, hi. This is Dr. O'Brien. 572 00:15:22,298 --> 00:15:24,801 About today. 573 00:15:24,843 --> 00:15:26,636 Listen, I really need 574 00:15:24,843 --> 00:15:26,636 to talk to you. 575 00:15:26,678 --> 00:15:28,179 Call me. 576 00:15:26,678 --> 00:15:28,179 I'll be at the office all day. 577 00:15:29,347 --> 00:15:31,265 The doctor will see you now. 578 00:15:37,522 --> 00:15:40,024 What should I do? 579 00:15:37,522 --> 00:15:40,024 I... I... I should totally 580 00:15:37,522 --> 00:15:40,024 go down there, right? 581 00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:43,695 Don't interfere. 582 00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:43,695 Some guy is expecting to marry 583 00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:43,695 this woman on Saturday. 584 00:15:43,736 --> 00:15:46,030 Yeah, an 8.5 guy. 585 00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,657 Look, if I was marrying 586 00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,657 the wrong person 587 00:15:47,699 --> 00:15:49,659 and the right 588 00:15:47,699 --> 00:15:49,659 person was out there, 589 00:15:47,699 --> 00:15:49,659 and knew it, 590 00:15:49,701 --> 00:15:52,453 I'd want that person 591 00:15:49,701 --> 00:15:52,453 to come down 592 00:15:49,701 --> 00:15:52,453 to my dermatology office 593 00:15:52,495 --> 00:15:55,164 and tell me so. 594 00:15:52,495 --> 00:15:55,164 In that scenario, 595 00:15:52,495 --> 00:15:55,164 I'm not interfering, 596 00:15:55,206 --> 00:15:56,374 I... I'm a happy ending. 597 00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:58,959 Happy ending? 598 00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:00,545 Look, I have 599 00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:00,545 to go down there. 600 00:16:00,586 --> 00:16:01,754 I don't know 601 00:16:00,586 --> 00:16:01,754 what's gonna happen 602 00:16:00,586 --> 00:16:01,754 when I get there, 603 00:16:01,796 --> 00:16:03,422 but I gotta give it a shot. 604 00:16:03,464 --> 00:16:05,758 All right, see you later. 605 00:16:03,464 --> 00:16:05,758 Happy hunting. 606 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,426 Wait, where are you 607 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,426 guys going? 608 00:16:07,468 --> 00:16:09,428 Don't you wanna stay 609 00:16:07,468 --> 00:16:09,428 and see the cockamouse? 610 00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:11,890 Yeah, we're gonna go 611 00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:11,890 make some crop circles. 612 00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:17,603 Oh, my God! 613 00:16:17,645 --> 00:16:19,689 Holy crap buckets, 614 00:16:17,645 --> 00:16:19,689 we got it. 615 00:16:19,731 --> 00:16:21,065 What do we do with it? 616 00:16:21,106 --> 00:16:22,692 Calm down, I have a plan. 617 00:16:22,734 --> 00:16:24,527 I told my friend 618 00:16:22,734 --> 00:16:24,527 Sudeep about it. 619 00:16:24,569 --> 00:16:27,154 He wants to show it 620 00:16:24,569 --> 00:16:27,154 to the Columbia Biology 621 00:16:24,569 --> 00:16:27,154 department. 622 00:16:27,196 --> 00:16:28,740 But it has to be alive. 623 00:16:28,781 --> 00:16:30,366 Wait, no, no! 624 00:16:30,408 --> 00:16:33,912 They'll do lab experiments 625 00:16:30,408 --> 00:16:33,912 on it. That's so mean. 626 00:16:33,953 --> 00:16:36,497 Shouldn't we just 627 00:16:33,953 --> 00:16:36,497 beat it to death 628 00:16:33,953 --> 00:16:36,497 with a bat? 629 00:16:41,544 --> 00:16:44,129 Hello, again. 630 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:49,176 I'm glad you came down. 631 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:49,176 I would prefer to say 632 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:49,176 this to you in person. 633 00:16:49,218 --> 00:16:52,221 Go ahead, Sarah. 634 00:16:49,218 --> 00:16:52,221 You can tell me anything. 635 00:16:52,263 --> 00:16:54,515 You have a basal 636 00:16:52,263 --> 00:16:54,515 cell carcinoma. 637 00:16:55,725 --> 00:16:57,351 Anything else? 638 00:16:58,937 --> 00:17:02,314 Your mole. 639 00:16:58,937 --> 00:17:02,314 The biopsy came back. 640 00:17:02,356 --> 00:17:03,775 It's not life-threatening, 641 00:17:03,816 --> 00:17:06,110 but we should 642 00:17:03,816 --> 00:17:06,110 excise the rest of it. 643 00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:08,279 Wait, then you're 644 00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:08,279 still getting married? 645 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:09,781 Of course I'm still 646 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:09,781 getting married. 647 00:17:09,822 --> 00:17:11,866 But we're a 9.6. 648 00:17:11,908 --> 00:17:13,576 Excuse me? 649 00:17:13,618 --> 00:17:15,369 Okay, I... 650 00:17:15,411 --> 00:17:18,623 I went to Love Solutions 651 00:17:15,411 --> 00:17:18,623 and I saw on 652 00:17:15,411 --> 00:17:18,623 Ellen Pierce's computer 653 00:17:18,664 --> 00:17:22,167 that you and I are a 9.6. 654 00:17:18,664 --> 00:17:22,167 Your fiance's only an 8.5. 655 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,335 You looked at my file? 656 00:17:23,377 --> 00:17:26,965 I had to. 657 00:17:23,377 --> 00:17:26,965 You're my only match. 658 00:17:27,006 --> 00:17:29,091 Aren't you even 659 00:17:27,006 --> 00:17:29,091 a little curious? 660 00:17:29,133 --> 00:17:30,843 The woman who set you up 661 00:17:29,133 --> 00:17:30,843 with your fiance thinks 662 00:17:29,133 --> 00:17:30,843 we're a better match. 663 00:17:30,885 --> 00:17:33,345 I am getting 664 00:17:30,885 --> 00:17:33,345 married on Saturday. 665 00:17:38,601 --> 00:17:40,561 Ted. 666 00:17:40,603 --> 00:17:42,814 Look, don't you think 667 00:17:40,603 --> 00:17:42,814 you're being a little 668 00:17:40,603 --> 00:17:42,814 impulsive marrying a guy 669 00:17:42,855 --> 00:17:44,732 you just met a few months ago? 670 00:17:42,855 --> 00:17:44,732 Don't you think 671 00:17:42,855 --> 00:17:44,732 it's a little impulsive 672 00:17:44,774 --> 00:17:47,944 for you to proposition 673 00:17:44,774 --> 00:17:47,944 an engaged woman 674 00:17:44,774 --> 00:17:47,944 you don't even know? 675 00:17:47,986 --> 00:17:51,697 See, we're both impulsive. 676 00:17:47,986 --> 00:17:51,697 We're perfect for each other! 677 00:17:51,739 --> 00:17:53,866 Ted, just calm down. 678 00:17:51,739 --> 00:17:53,866 Calm down? 679 00:17:53,908 --> 00:17:55,576 You're my only match! 680 00:17:55,618 --> 00:17:58,496 Come on, there was a computer, 681 00:17:55,618 --> 00:17:58,496 and there were eight fish 682 00:17:58,537 --> 00:18:00,414 in a sea full of lesbians. 683 00:18:00,456 --> 00:18:02,750 Okay, Ted, Ted. 684 00:18:02,792 --> 00:18:07,505 Do you honestly believe 685 00:18:02,792 --> 00:18:07,505 deep down that there is 686 00:18:02,792 --> 00:18:07,505 no one else out there for you 687 00:18:07,546 --> 00:18:09,590 just because some computer 688 00:18:07,546 --> 00:18:09,590 says so? 689 00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:17,181 I didn't use to, 690 00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:17,181 but there was math, 691 00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:17,181 I got confused. 692 00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:22,020 Love isn't a science. 693 00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:22,020 You can't calculate a feeling. 694 00:18:22,061 --> 00:18:26,357 When you fall in love 695 00:18:22,061 --> 00:18:26,357 with someone, an 8.5 696 00:18:22,061 --> 00:18:26,357 equals a perfect 10. 697 00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:30,194 You're right. 698 00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,071 If this thing is 699 00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,071 what you say it is, 700 00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,990 it could be huge 701 00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,990 for my career. 702 00:18:34,032 --> 00:18:38,410 Huh. Brace yourself, dude. 703 00:18:34,032 --> 00:18:38,410 This is gonna blow 704 00:18:34,032 --> 00:18:38,410 your mind-hole. 705 00:18:42,373 --> 00:18:45,167 You bastard. 706 00:18:42,373 --> 00:18:45,167 I actually got 707 00:18:42,373 --> 00:18:45,167 excited about this. 708 00:18:45,209 --> 00:18:46,251 What? 709 00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:47,378 It's empty. 710 00:18:49,964 --> 00:18:52,508 Wait, but if it's not here, 711 00:18:49,964 --> 00:18:52,508 that means... 712 00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:54,927 Lily! 713 00:18:55,970 --> 00:18:57,555 Robin! 714 00:18:55,970 --> 00:18:57,555 What? 715 00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:03,435 Oh, my God! It's real! 716 00:19:03,477 --> 00:19:06,605 No, is it? Do something! 717 00:19:10,902 --> 00:19:13,988 No! What the hell was that? 718 00:19:10,902 --> 00:19:13,988 You trying to get it drunk? 719 00:19:14,030 --> 00:19:16,323 It was the only thing 720 00:19:14,030 --> 00:19:16,323 I could think of! 721 00:19:16,365 --> 00:19:18,117 Lily! Thank God! 722 00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:23,789 Lily, I love you! 723 00:19:23,831 --> 00:19:25,290 Robin, open the window! 724 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:32,339 Please, for the love of God, 725 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:32,339 open the window! 726 00:19:34,592 --> 00:19:36,260 It can fly. 727 00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:39,138 Wow. 728 00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:42,349 Be free, mutant beast. 729 00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:44,977 I'll miss 730 00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:44,977 this private war of ours. 731 00:19:45,019 --> 00:19:46,854 I grew to admire 732 00:19:45,019 --> 00:19:46,854 your tenacious... 733 00:19:46,896 --> 00:19:48,856 Holy mother of God! 734 00:19:46,896 --> 00:19:48,856 It's headed this way! 735 00:19:48,898 --> 00:19:50,482 Close the window! 736 00:19:58,532 --> 00:19:59,658 Hi, Ellen. 737 00:20:01,953 --> 00:20:04,122 I think I want 738 00:20:01,953 --> 00:20:04,122 my money back. 739 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,916 I'm a failure. 740 00:20:06,958 --> 00:20:09,835 I'm all washed up. 741 00:20:06,958 --> 00:20:09,835 I tried everything, Ted. 742 00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:13,798 I widened 743 00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:13,798 the search parameters, 744 00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:13,798 I tweaked the program. 745 00:20:13,839 --> 00:20:17,843 Last night, 746 00:20:13,839 --> 00:20:17,843 I stood out on 747 00:20:13,839 --> 00:20:17,843 the street for five hours 748 00:20:17,885 --> 00:20:21,847 showing your photo 749 00:20:17,885 --> 00:20:21,847 to random pedestrians. 750 00:20:17,885 --> 00:20:21,847 No takers. 751 00:20:21,889 --> 00:20:25,309 Although this transvestite 752 00:20:21,889 --> 00:20:25,309 hooker said he/she would 753 00:20:21,889 --> 00:20:25,309 do you for half price 754 00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:27,227 because you kind 755 00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:27,227 of look like John Cusack 756 00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:29,438 and his/her favorite movie 757 00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:29,438 was Say Anything... 758 00:20:31,523 --> 00:20:34,860 Come on, Ellen. 759 00:20:31,523 --> 00:20:34,860 I mean, a pint of ice cream. 760 00:20:31,523 --> 00:20:34,860 Isn't that a bit cliche? 761 00:20:34,902 --> 00:20:37,113 It's for the bourbon. 762 00:20:37,155 --> 00:20:39,448 This isn't hopeless. 763 00:20:37,155 --> 00:20:39,448 You're gonna find 764 00:20:37,155 --> 00:20:39,448 someone for me. 765 00:20:39,490 --> 00:20:42,910 No, I won't. 766 00:20:39,490 --> 00:20:42,910 You're gonna die alone. 767 00:20:42,952 --> 00:20:45,704 I'm not gonna die alone. 768 00:20:45,746 --> 00:20:48,166 Look at me. 769 00:20:45,746 --> 00:20:48,166 I'm bright. I'm attractive. 770 00:20:48,207 --> 00:20:50,292 You just gotta get 771 00:20:48,207 --> 00:20:50,292 back out there 772 00:20:48,207 --> 00:20:50,292 and keep looking. 773 00:20:50,334 --> 00:20:51,794 No. You're never gonna 774 00:20:50,334 --> 00:20:51,794 find anybody. 775 00:20:51,836 --> 00:20:53,545 And every year, 776 00:20:51,836 --> 00:20:53,545 you're just getting older 777 00:20:53,587 --> 00:20:55,673 and it's getting 778 00:20:53,587 --> 00:20:55,673 harder and harder. 779 00:20:55,714 --> 00:20:58,634 You're being ridiculous. 780 00:20:55,714 --> 00:20:58,634 I'm gonna be up on 781 00:20:55,714 --> 00:20:58,634 that wall one of these days. 782 00:20:58,676 --> 00:21:01,220 No, you won't! 783 00:20:58,676 --> 00:21:01,220 Yes, I will! 784 00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:02,346 How do you know? 785 00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:05,432 I don't know, but I believe. 786 00:21:05,474 --> 00:21:08,686 Hell, if a cockroach 787 00:21:05,474 --> 00:21:08,686 and a mouse can find 788 00:21:05,474 --> 00:21:08,686 love in this crazy city, 789 00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:10,479 then damn it, so can I! 790 00:21:10,521 --> 00:21:12,606 You're losing me. 791 00:21:12,648 --> 00:21:15,526 The point is, 792 00:21:12,648 --> 00:21:15,526 something good's gonna 793 00:21:12,648 --> 00:21:15,526 happen to me. 794 00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:17,820 I mean, 795 00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:17,820 maybe your computer will help, 796 00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:17,820 maybe it won't, 797 00:21:17,862 --> 00:21:19,321 but it'll happen. 798 00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:23,117 So I should keep looking? 799 00:21:23,159 --> 00:21:25,369 Of course you should. 800 00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:28,831 And now, 801 00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:28,831 you're gonna do it for free.