Kids, the thing
about New Year's Eve
is that it sucks.
Sure it looks great on TV.
But in reality, it's always
just a big letdown.
But in 2005, I attempted
to do the impossible:
To give my friends
a great New Year's Eve.
I had an idea of
how to do it, too,
and all it cost was
half my Christmas bonus.
Yeah, that's right. A limo.
Oh, man, Ted,
this is great.
Okay, people,
let's talk strategy.
Last New Year's,
we went our separate ways,
and it sucked.
This year,
we party together,
or not at all.
Now, I sifted through
your party submissions,
and I narrowed them
down to these five.
Question.
Uh, yes, Barney,
your submissions
were received,
and no,
we will not be attending
any parties in your pants.
Oh.
But you enjoyed
the e-vite, right?
That was an actual
picture of my pants.
Yeah.
We will hit all five
parties before midnight,
and then narrow them
down to one,
the most awesome party
in New York City,
and that is where
we will ring, nay,
rock in the new year.
All right,
and party number one,
that's where we
get to meet Marybeth?
Mmm-hmm.
Marybeth?
Oh, she works in my office.
She seems like
she might be into me.
She's always finding
reasons to hug me.
So tonight, we'll see...
People often ask me,
"Barney, how is it
that you're so psyched
"so much of the time?"
By who? Who asks you that?
And the answer is right here.
My own, personal,
get-psyched mix.
Now, people often think
a good mix
should rise and fall,
but people are wrong.
It should be all rise, baby.
Now, prepare yourselves
for an audio journey
into the white-hot
center of adrenaline.
Bam.
It's working.
I'm definitely
getting psyched.
God. I'm reaching
dangerous levels of psychage.
Must do robot.
Let's do this!
Yes! Let's!
Oh, driver?
Hello!
Hey, Ranjit!
Dude, you're driving
a limo now. That's awesome.
I've moved up in the world.
How do you guys
know each other?
Oh, we rode
in his cab one time.
It's a long story.
Hey, what are we waiting for?
We got five parties to hit,
and three hours to do it.
Oh, I wish I could
come with you guys,
but Derek should be coming by
any minute to pick me up.
Oh, yeah,
Robin was spending New Year's
with her boyfriend Derek.
Derek. He was, like, rich,
successful, handsome.
I hated that guy.
Oh, I'll miss you guys.
Have fun.
Bye.
Happy New Year.
Bye.
Here we go.
Oh, this kind of sucks.
Okay, nobody get down.
We knew this going in.
We're a man down.
That just means
were gonna have to party
that much harder.
Ranjit. Party number one.
Party number one!
I can't believe
we're leaving a party
that had pigs in blankets.
If you think we can beat that,
you got some brass ones.
Hey, we've got
four more parties to hit.
If party number one
turns out to be the best,
we'll just limo on back to it.
We didn't really
get a chance to meet.
I'm Lily, and this is
my fiance, Marshall.
Hi. Marybeth.
It's so great
to meet you guys.
Oh, well, my word.
Oh, hey.
Well, you're friendly.
Hello, American party
friends of Barney's.
Oh, no.
So, Barney,
who's your new friend?
Natalya.
Oh, friendly.
So, where are you from,
Natalya?
She... Who knows?
The former Soviet Republic
of Drunk-off-her-ass-istan?
Super drunk fantastic, huh?
Isn't she awesome?
Uh, how are your
feet doing, baby?
Oh, okay.
I love these shoes,
but the pain-to-hotness
ratio is pretty steep.
Can we swing by the apartment
so I can change?
Come on, Lily.
We have a tightly
scheduled evening
of awesomeness ahead of us.
I need you to power
through the pain.
Okay, Ted, but these dogs
are really barking.
It's true. I can hear them.
What's that, little boys?
What's that?
You wanna go for a rock?
Ranjit, party number two!
Party number two!
Party number two,
not so good.
No, let's go back
to party number one.
No, no turning back.
Ranjit, party number three.
Party number three!
Yeah!
Oh, wait, wait, wait!
We have to turn around.
We left Natalya.
Barney, none of us
really liked her.
What?
Sorry.
Oh, very nice, Lily.
You know, she is
a guest in this country.
So, while you may choose
to turn your back on her,
I choose to turn
my front on her.
What up.
I'm sorry about Barney.
No, I'm having a great time.
I'm really glad that
you asked me out tonight.
Me, too. Just a sec.
Hey, Robin.
Ted, Derek stood me up.
Derek.
Now we had a tight schedule
to keep that night,
and I was already on a date
with another girl.
But it was Robin.
Ranjit, turn it around.
Hi. Oh, God,
I am so sorry about this.
You guys had your schedule,
and I screwed it all up.
No. This is perfect.
It's meant to be.
We're all back together.
What happened?
Oh, Derek's stuck in
Connecticut closing some deal.
Who works on New Year's Eve?
Okay, now I feel worse.
I was really looking
forward to this night.
This sucks.
Oh, dude, not now!
What?
She needs to get psyched!
Barney!
Fine.
Maybe I should just go home.
Barney!
My finger slipped.
Look, Robin.
You're not going home.
Come on, it's New Year's Eve.
Look, so your date
fell through, so what?
What do you need a date for?
Someone to kiss at midnight?
Fine.
I'll kiss you
at a little bit
after midnight.
Hi, I'm Robin.
Marybeth.
Oh, oh, wow, you're friendly.
I haven't eaten dinner yet.
Is there anything
to eat in this thing?
That's it. I know
what you're jonesing for.
Ranjit, take us
to Gray's Papaya.
Oh, yes, Ted, you rock.
We couldn't go back for
Natalya, a human being,
but we do have
time for hot dogs?
Yeah, we like hot dogs.
No. No! We are
already behind schedule.
Ted, come on,
we have an hour-and-a-half
before midnight,
and I don't wanna be
kissing Ranjit.
You don't know
what you're missing.
Come on.
It's only a 20-minute detour.
Which is exactly
how much time I need.
Ranjit, stop the car.
Stopping the car.
Wait, baby,
what are you doing?
No, I'm going home.
What? No!
No, you can't, Lily!
I... I can't stay in
these heels any longer,
I just can't.
Uh, there's a cab over there,
I'll just run back
to the apartment
and change shoes.
But hot dogs.
Oh, I know, baby,
I'd love to go,
but it's two against one.
Okay, I'll go with you.
No, baby.
Baby, you go with them,
and I'll meet you
at party number three.
Are you sure?
If I don't see you,
Happy New...
Don't say that.
We'll find each other.
I know we will.
Bye, Lil.
Bye.
Hell of a woman.
Let's go get some hot dogs!
Ranjit, party number three.
Party number three.
Oh yeah!
Look at us,
riding around in a limo,
eating hot dogs.
It's like we're the President.
Hey, I bet you're
feeling better now.
Oh, so much better.
Guys, is that Moby?
I think that that's Moby.
Now, kids, Moby
was a popular recording artist
when I was young.
No way.
That's totally Moby.
That's awesome.
Should I say something?
I should say something, right?
Moby. Hey, Moby!
Oh, my God, he's coming over.
Everybody be cool.
Hey.
Hello.
What's up?
Uh, you, uh, going somewhere?
Yeah, I'm just going
to this party downtown.
You want a ride?
Sure.
Welcome.
Wow. You're friendly.
Big fan.
I'm Barney Stinson.
So, uh, what about this party?
Oh, it's just
a New Year's thing
with some friends.
Wow. That sounds awesome.
You guys wanna come?
Yeah, we'd love to.
All right.
Uh, Ted.
Sidebar.
Uh, Moby, switch up, will you?
Yeah, what's up?
What about,
what about Lily?
Call her.
I've been trying to call her.
I can't get through.
All the circuits are jammed.
That's New Year's Eve for you.
Well, look, we'll just
swing by Moby's party,
and then, afterwards...
No, I can't, I can't.
Lily's waiting.
I gotta, I gotta find her.
Okay, I'll meet you
at party number three.
But... Come on. Moby's party.
Moby's party. Moby's...
Ranjit, Moby's party.
Moby's party.
This is a cool mix.
You know, people think
a great mix has
to rise and fall.
I think it should be all rise.
Yes. Moby.
Yeah, it should
start high, get higher.
This mix is my pride and joy.
I never leave
home without it.
Ah, that's how I feel
about Janice here.
So, then I said,
uh, your motorcycle
was like that
when I got here.
You're not Moby, are you?
Who?
Moby.
The recording artist, Moby.
No.
But when we said,
"Hey, Moby,"
you said, "Yeah."
I thought you said, "Tony."
So, your name is Tony?
No.
Oh, hey, we're here.
All right.
You guys gonna come in?
No.
You sure?
Come on,
it's gonna get nuts in there.
There's this dude
who owes me money.
No, uh, we're good.
We-We-We're good.
Happy New Year, Not Moby.
Oh, hey, hey. Uh, be safe.
Why did we think
that guy was Moby?
I... I don't know.
I see a short, bald hipster,
my mind goes straight to Moby.
That's Marshall's phone.
Hey...
Oh.
Hello.
Oh, Marshall.
Thank God I got through!
Hey, sexy.
Barney, where's Marshall?
He left his phone in the limo.
He's out looking for you.
What? Where?
Party number three.
Well, I'm here at
party number three and...
Oh, my God,
guess who just walked in?
Moby.
Moby? She's upstairs.
Lily, you have to
get out of there this instant.
That's not Moby!
Oh, no, I know Moby,
and that's...
Does he have a gun?
Run!
Oh, my God.
Not Moby's party is
party number four.
What are the odds?
Who was that guy?
Well, we know it's not Moby,
and it's not Tony.
Ranjit! Drive!
Where to?
Party number three!
Party number three.
No, but I was just
at party number three.
No, no, no. You were
at party number four.
You must have looked
at the list wrong.
Well, after that
rather unpsyching experience,
you know what it's time for?
It's time to, what?
That's right. Re-psych.
Re...
Where's the...
Oh, my God, Not Moby
took my get-psyched mix!
Barney, Barney,
what the hell!
Barney, it's not worth it.
Let it go.
We need to get
back on schedule.
Oh, nuts.
Ranjit,
you sure I can't help?
No. I am pissed.
Ted, I don't want
you to see me pissed.
Okay.
Okay, not a problem.
He'll jack it up,
slap on a tire,
we'll be at party
number three in no time.
I wish Marshall would call.
Guess the circuits
are jammed.
Yeah, you know why all
the circuits are jammed?
'Cause everyone's
calling their loved ones.
Everyone around the world.
Everyone except Barney.
Oh, sure. Laugh.
Laugh for Barney Stinson.
Laugh for the sad clown
trapped on his
whirling carousel of suits,
and cigars,
and bimbos, and booze.
Round and round it goes.
And where's it all heading?
Nowhere.
Is this just 'cause
you lost your get-psyched mix?
I'm sorry.
Am I not allowed to
have a pensive side?
No. No, not tonight.
Not in the limo.
We gotta stay psyched.
Ted went to a lot of trouble
to make this
an awesome New Year's.
and you're to blame
a bad name
♪ A bad name
♪ I play my part,
and you play your games
I'm gonna get some air.
It'll be fine,
we'll be out of here
in a jiff.
Ted, I'm gonna head out.
My roommates are having
a party not far from here.
What? No!
Look, I know this night
isn't turning out the way
I planned, but we...
How long have you been
in love with Robin?
I'm not in love...
We're just friends.
W-Where are you
getting that from?
Ted, it's okay. I'm fine.
And I can tell that
she's into you, too.
That's ridiculous.
Wait, really?
Happy New Year, Ted.
I can't believe
Marybeth left
before midnight.
Oh, she just had to
make an appearance
at this other party.
It's no big deal.
The first time I rode
in a limo, I was five.
I was on the way
to my grandfather's funeral.
I suppose,
in a way, I still am.
Okay, wow,
it's getting weird in here.
I'm gonna call Marshall.
But he left his phone.
Marshall!
I'm sorry about your girl.
Sorry about your guy.
Well, at least we both have
someone to kiss at midnight.
Did you forget
about our little deal?
Because I did not.
I did not, too.
Derek. Hi, how's work?
Give you some privacy.
Marshall!
Hey.
Marshall!
Okay, how's this for a plan?
We start walking now,
we get to party
number three by 12:45,
we celebrate the new year
in Central Standard time.
Marshall!
Give it a rest, Ted.
Give what a rest?
Trying to turn this night
into anything
more than what it is,
which is New Year's Eve,
which is the single
biggest letdown of a night,
every single year.
Marshall!
Come on!
Come on, we can still
turn this thing around.
We've still got 10 minutes.
Stop trying to chase down
some magical,
perfect New Year's, Ted.
It doesn't exist.
Marshall!
Lily!
Holy crap.
Marshall!
(YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME
PLAYING)
Oh.
I knew I'd catch up
with you guys eventually.
So much to tell.
I couldn't find Lily
at party number three,
so I walked.
I walked to
the next party on the list.
Not Moby's party?
Yes, Moby's party.
Check it out,
he signed my shirt.
And guess what I found?
Yeah, I heard it
playing at the party,
so I swiped it.
I know. I know. Come on.
Come on.
Marshall.
Baby, baby.
I was so worried about you.
Why didn't you call me?
I tried, baby,
all the circuits are jammed.
But, wait, there's more.
After party number four,
I figured you guys
went to party number five.
And so I went there, too,
and it is awesome!
I wanna cry.
It is so awesome.
We have to go there.
How? We'll never get a cab.
The flat's fixed.
Let's do this!
Come on! In! Go, go, go!
Go, go, go!
Natalya?
Yeah, it turns out
she was asleep in the front
seat the whole time.
Ranjit,
why didn't you tell me?
I didn't want to wake her.
She looked so peaceful.
Party number five
is 20 blocks away
and all the way across town.
Ranjit, can you get us there
in eight minutes?
I'll get you there in six.
I don't think I can do it.
No, come on.
Move, you stupid taxi!
Move...
Three minutes! Come on!
Come on!
Ranjit, put her in park.
Dudes, I'm sure
party number five is awesome.
But it's not the best party
in New York, 'cause this is.
Oh.
Right here.
Cheers. Well said.
Cheers.
And just like that,
we were having
the perfect New Year's Eve.
Funny thing is,
all night long
I'd been trying to
chase something down
that was right there
in that limo.
Derek? Derek.
Hey.
Hey. Um, uh, come on in.
Robin.
I cut my meeting short
because I wanted to
see you at midnight.
I can't believe you made it.
I made it, baby.
I super love you, okay?
Here, you need a mint.
Eight, seven,
six, five, four,
three, two, one!
Happy New Year!
You probably wanna
feel bad for your old man
at this point in the story.
Well, don't.
Not every night
has a happy ending.
But all of it's important.
All of it was
leading somewhere.
Because suddenly,
it was 2006.
And 2006 was a big one.
Ted.
What the hell, man?
I thought we had a deal.
What about your guy?
It's midnight.
Go kiss him.
Ah, he kept me waiting.
I can keep him waiting.
Well, a deal is a deal.
Mmm-hmm.
Happy New Year.