1 00:00:14,178 --> 00:00:17,015 When you're single, and your 2 00:00:14,178 --> 00:00:17,015 friends start to get married, 3 00:00:17,056 --> 00:00:18,557 every wedding invitation 4 00:00:18,599 --> 00:00:20,893 presents a strange moment 5 00:00:18,599 --> 00:00:20,893 of self-evaluation: 6 00:00:20,935 --> 00:00:22,937 "Will you be bringing a guest, 7 00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:24,146 or will you be 8 00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:24,146 attending alone?" 9 00:00:24,188 --> 00:00:26,148 What it's really asking is, 10 00:00:26,190 --> 00:00:27,984 "Where do you see yourself 11 00:00:26,190 --> 00:00:27,984 in three months? 12 00:00:28,026 --> 00:00:30,319 "Sitting next to 13 00:00:28,026 --> 00:00:30,319 your girlfriend, 14 00:00:30,361 --> 00:00:32,196 or hitting on a bridesmaid?" 15 00:00:32,237 --> 00:00:34,156 I always checked 16 00:00:32,237 --> 00:00:34,156 that I was bringing a guest. 17 00:00:34,198 --> 00:00:36,325 I was an optimist. 18 00:00:39,161 --> 00:00:41,039 Who the hell am I gonna 19 00:00:39,161 --> 00:00:41,039 bring to this wedding? 20 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:42,832 Ted, have you ignored 21 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:42,832 all my teachings? 22 00:00:42,874 --> 00:00:44,124 For the most 23 00:00:42,874 --> 00:00:44,124 part, yeah. 24 00:00:44,166 --> 00:00:45,960 No, you don't bring 25 00:00:44,166 --> 00:00:45,960 a date to a wedding. 26 00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:47,419 That's like bringing 27 00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:47,419 a deer carcass 28 00:00:47,461 --> 00:00:48,713 on a hunting trip. 29 00:00:48,754 --> 00:00:51,131 Oh, Ted. Oh, Ted. 30 00:00:48,754 --> 00:00:51,131 No... no date. 31 00:00:51,173 --> 00:00:52,341 Deer carcass? 32 00:00:51,173 --> 00:00:52,341 Really? 33 00:00:52,383 --> 00:00:53,885 That's the metaphor 34 00:00:52,383 --> 00:00:53,885 you're going with here? 35 00:00:53,926 --> 00:00:55,803 Ted, it's a simile. 36 00:00:55,845 --> 00:00:57,013 Well, it's 37 00:00:55,845 --> 00:00:57,013 too late now. 38 00:00:57,055 --> 00:00:58,263 If I don't 39 00:00:57,055 --> 00:00:58,263 bring a date, 40 00:00:58,305 --> 00:01:01,183 a $200 piece 41 00:00:58,305 --> 00:01:01,183 of chicken/salmon 42 00:00:58,305 --> 00:01:01,183 will go uneaten. 43 00:01:01,225 --> 00:01:03,102 I got to bring 44 00:01:01,225 --> 00:01:03,102 someone, but who? 45 00:01:03,185 --> 00:01:04,812 Of course, I knew 46 00:01:03,185 --> 00:01:04,812 who I wanted to bring. 47 00:01:04,854 --> 00:01:07,940 Robin... the big unanswered 48 00:01:04,854 --> 00:01:07,940 question in my life. 49 00:01:07,982 --> 00:01:09,483 Problem was, she was dating 50 00:01:09,525 --> 00:01:11,360 this really rich guy 51 00:01:09,525 --> 00:01:11,360 named Derek. 52 00:01:12,737 --> 00:01:14,697 Derek. 53 00:01:14,739 --> 00:01:17,408 Well, Derek and I just broke up. 54 00:01:17,449 --> 00:01:18,910 Oh, no, 55 00:01:17,449 --> 00:01:18,910 that's terrible! 56 00:01:18,951 --> 00:01:20,285 Oh... 57 00:01:18,951 --> 00:01:20,285 Are you okay? 58 00:01:20,327 --> 00:01:22,121 Yeah, do you need 59 00:01:20,327 --> 00:01:22,121 a drink or something? 60 00:01:20,327 --> 00:01:22,121 Nah... 61 00:01:22,162 --> 00:01:23,414 We never 62 00:01:22,162 --> 00:01:23,414 really clicked. 63 00:01:23,455 --> 00:01:25,290 I felt bad, though. 64 00:01:23,455 --> 00:01:25,290 He was pretty bummed. 65 00:01:25,332 --> 00:01:26,333 Ah, don't beat 66 00:01:25,332 --> 00:01:26,333 yourself up. 67 00:01:26,375 --> 00:01:27,752 He'll be fine. 68 00:01:27,793 --> 00:01:29,128 I mean, the guy's, 69 00:01:27,793 --> 00:01:29,128 like, a billionaire. 70 00:01:29,169 --> 00:01:30,337 He can put 71 00:01:29,169 --> 00:01:30,337 his platinum card 72 00:01:30,379 --> 00:01:31,338 on a fishing line 73 00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:33,091 and reel in ten chicks 74 00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:33,091 hotter than you. 75 00:01:33,132 --> 00:01:36,135 Thanks. I feel 76 00:01:33,132 --> 00:01:36,135 a lot better. 77 00:01:36,176 --> 00:01:39,013 I think I'll get 78 00:01:36,176 --> 00:01:39,013 that drink now. 79 00:01:39,430 --> 00:01:40,556 Okay, guys, 80 00:01:40,598 --> 00:01:42,266 I got to say something. 81 00:01:42,307 --> 00:01:44,894 I think my feelings for Robin 82 00:01:42,307 --> 00:01:44,894 may be resurfacing. 83 00:01:46,270 --> 00:01:47,479 Oh, please... 84 00:01:47,521 --> 00:01:49,565 they were buried 85 00:01:47,521 --> 00:01:49,565 in a shallow grave. 86 00:01:49,607 --> 00:01:50,942 Not again. 87 00:01:50,983 --> 00:01:52,276 Come on. 88 00:01:50,983 --> 00:01:52,276 Dude? 89 00:01:52,317 --> 00:01:53,986 We all know 90 00:01:52,317 --> 00:01:53,986 how this movie ends. 91 00:01:54,028 --> 00:01:54,946 Ted falls in love, 92 00:01:54,987 --> 00:01:56,906 love kicks Ted 93 00:01:54,987 --> 00:01:56,906 in the sprouts, 94 00:01:56,948 --> 00:01:58,240 roll credits. 95 00:01:58,282 --> 00:02:00,451 No, you guys just have to look 96 00:01:58,282 --> 00:02:00,451 at the whole picture. 97 00:02:01,953 --> 00:02:04,246 Robin was into me 98 00:02:01,953 --> 00:02:04,246 when we first met. 99 00:02:05,790 --> 00:02:07,083 Even though she didn't 100 00:02:05,790 --> 00:02:07,083 want a relationship, 101 00:02:07,125 --> 00:02:09,376 we had an amazing kiss 102 00:02:07,125 --> 00:02:09,376 on the roof. 103 00:02:10,544 --> 00:02:13,380 On New Year's Eve, 104 00:02:10,544 --> 00:02:13,380 we kissed again. 105 00:02:14,506 --> 00:02:16,467 I need a date to this wedding. 106 00:02:16,508 --> 00:02:18,260 Wish me luck. 107 00:02:18,302 --> 00:02:22,140 What I don't get is 108 00:02:18,302 --> 00:02:22,140 why is Claudia marrying Stuart? 109 00:02:22,181 --> 00:02:23,724 She's way hotter than him. 110 00:02:23,766 --> 00:02:25,017 How way? 111 00:02:25,059 --> 00:02:27,269 Way way. 112 00:02:27,311 --> 00:02:31,273 This wedding does sound 113 00:02:27,311 --> 00:02:31,273 pretty amazing, though. 114 00:02:31,315 --> 00:02:34,318 Fancy hotel ballroom, 115 00:02:31,315 --> 00:02:34,318 everybody all dressed up... 116 00:02:34,359 --> 00:02:36,112 Oh, here we go. 117 00:02:36,154 --> 00:02:37,863 What? 118 00:02:36,154 --> 00:02:37,863 We can't get 119 00:02:37,905 --> 00:02:38,781 anywhere with our wedding plans 120 00:02:38,823 --> 00:02:40,282 because I want it to be fun 121 00:02:40,324 --> 00:02:41,867 and Marshall wants it 122 00:02:40,324 --> 00:02:41,867 to be lame. 123 00:02:41,909 --> 00:02:43,953 Oh, yeah. Okay, that's 124 00:02:41,909 --> 00:02:43,953 a pretty fair assessment 125 00:02:43,995 --> 00:02:45,370 of our two arguments. 126 00:02:43,995 --> 00:02:45,370 I thought so. 127 00:02:45,412 --> 00:02:46,664 You know what? 128 00:02:46,705 --> 00:02:48,791 Excuse me if 129 00:02:46,705 --> 00:02:48,791 I don't want to get married 130 00:02:48,833 --> 00:02:50,375 barefoot in the woods 131 00:02:48,833 --> 00:02:50,375 next to 132 00:02:50,417 --> 00:02:52,128 Lake No-One's-Going- 133 00:02:50,417 --> 00:02:52,128 To-Drive-That-Far. 134 00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:53,378 Yes. 135 00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:54,713 I want a ballroom, 136 00:02:54,755 --> 00:02:57,675 and I want a band, 137 00:02:54,755 --> 00:02:57,675 and I want shoes. 138 00:02:57,716 --> 00:02:59,301 I've been dreaming 139 00:02:57,716 --> 00:02:59,301 about this day 140 00:02:59,343 --> 00:03:00,344 since I was, like... 141 00:03:00,385 --> 00:03:01,679 A little girl? 142 00:03:02,763 --> 00:03:03,806 What up! 143 00:03:03,848 --> 00:03:05,307 Okay. I'm just 144 00:03:03,848 --> 00:03:05,307 saying that 145 00:03:05,349 --> 00:03:07,768 it's my wedding, too, 146 00:03:05,349 --> 00:03:07,768 and I should have 147 00:03:05,349 --> 00:03:07,768 a say in it. 148 00:03:07,810 --> 00:03:09,311 Yes, but I'm the bride, 149 00:03:07,810 --> 00:03:09,311 so I win. 150 00:03:09,353 --> 00:03:11,856 Well, I thought marriage 151 00:03:09,353 --> 00:03:11,856 was about two equal partners 152 00:03:11,897 --> 00:03:12,982 sharing a life together. 153 00:03:13,024 --> 00:03:15,275 Right, but I'm the bride, 154 00:03:13,024 --> 00:03:15,275 so I win. 155 00:03:16,694 --> 00:03:18,362 I mean, seriously... 156 00:03:16,694 --> 00:03:18,362 Claudia and Stuart? 157 00:03:18,403 --> 00:03:19,571 I mean, 158 00:03:18,403 --> 00:03:19,571 I've hooked up 159 00:03:19,613 --> 00:03:21,323 with the odd lass 160 00:03:19,613 --> 00:03:21,323 who was beneath 161 00:03:21,365 --> 00:03:22,741 my level of attractiveness, 162 00:03:22,783 --> 00:03:24,743 but, you know, I was drunk. 163 00:03:24,785 --> 00:03:27,205 There's no way Claudia 164 00:03:24,785 --> 00:03:27,205 has been drunk for three years. 165 00:03:27,246 --> 00:03:28,789 You know, 166 00:03:28,831 --> 00:03:30,332 I've always found 167 00:03:28,831 --> 00:03:30,332 that the best way 168 00:03:30,374 --> 00:03:31,458 to get over 169 00:03:30,374 --> 00:03:31,458 a failed relationship 170 00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:33,961 is to celebrate someone 171 00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:33,961 else's successful one. 172 00:03:34,003 --> 00:03:35,796 Oh, it makes sense. 173 00:03:35,838 --> 00:03:37,715 So, with that in mind, uh, 174 00:03:37,756 --> 00:03:39,091 our friends 175 00:03:37,756 --> 00:03:39,091 Claudia and Stuart 176 00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:41,343 are having this crazy 177 00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:41,343 black-tie wedding on Saturday. 178 00:03:41,385 --> 00:03:42,720 You want to be my plus one? 179 00:03:42,761 --> 00:03:44,680 Ooh... "Plus one." 180 00:03:44,722 --> 00:03:46,724 You make it sound 181 00:03:44,722 --> 00:03:46,724 so romantic. 182 00:03:46,765 --> 00:03:49,351 Fine. 183 00:03:49,393 --> 00:03:50,435 You want to be my date? 184 00:03:50,477 --> 00:03:53,355 Your date? 185 00:03:53,397 --> 00:03:54,356 I'd love to. 186 00:03:54,398 --> 00:03:57,151 How fancy are 187 00:03:54,398 --> 00:03:57,151 we talking about here? 188 00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:58,360 Oh, you're going to want 189 00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:58,360 to bring your "A" game. 190 00:03:58,402 --> 00:03:59,444 Oh, I'll bring it. 191 00:03:59,486 --> 00:04:00,487 I'll bring it so hard, 192 00:04:00,529 --> 00:04:01,864 the bride's going 193 00:04:00,529 --> 00:04:01,864 to look like 194 00:04:01,906 --> 00:04:03,532 a big white 195 00:04:01,906 --> 00:04:03,532 bag of crap. 196 00:04:05,325 --> 00:04:06,160 Lily? 197 00:04:06,202 --> 00:04:07,203 I need a dress. 198 00:04:07,245 --> 00:04:08,913 You're going? 199 00:04:07,245 --> 00:04:08,913 That's awesome! 200 00:04:08,954 --> 00:04:10,789 Oh, my God... 201 00:04:08,954 --> 00:04:10,789 four days to find a dress? 202 00:04:10,831 --> 00:04:12,374 I know, it's a suicide mission. 203 00:04:12,416 --> 00:04:13,417 Well, if we leave now... 204 00:04:13,458 --> 00:04:15,377 we can still have 205 00:04:13,458 --> 00:04:15,377 a fighting chance. 206 00:04:15,419 --> 00:04:16,170 Let's do it! 207 00:04:16,212 --> 00:04:17,588 Bye, babe. 208 00:04:18,422 --> 00:04:19,631 Whoa! 209 00:04:19,673 --> 00:04:20,966 Did you see 210 00:04:19,673 --> 00:04:20,966 how fired up she was? 211 00:04:21,008 --> 00:04:21,884 I don't know, 212 00:04:21,926 --> 00:04:23,177 there's something 213 00:04:21,926 --> 00:04:23,177 there. 214 00:04:23,219 --> 00:04:24,386 And, come Saturday, 215 00:04:23,219 --> 00:04:24,386 a little music, 216 00:04:24,428 --> 00:04:26,097 a little dancing, 217 00:04:24,428 --> 00:04:26,097 a lot of champagne... 218 00:04:26,138 --> 00:04:27,265 Who knows? 219 00:04:27,306 --> 00:04:28,640 Wow. Ted, you're going 220 00:04:27,306 --> 00:04:28,640 to have to find 221 00:04:28,682 --> 00:04:30,059 another gender for yourself, 222 00:04:30,101 --> 00:04:32,770 'cause I'm revoking 223 00:04:30,101 --> 00:04:32,770 your "dude" membership. 224 00:04:32,811 --> 00:04:34,897 Yeah... how was that 225 00:04:32,811 --> 00:04:34,897 manicure yesterday? 226 00:04:35,898 --> 00:04:37,691 Invigorating, thanks. 227 00:04:37,733 --> 00:04:40,861 Okay, I wasn't going to say it 228 00:04:37,733 --> 00:04:40,861 in front of the guys, 229 00:04:40,903 --> 00:04:44,073 but back then I really thought 230 00:04:40,903 --> 00:04:44,073 that's how it worked. 231 00:04:48,452 --> 00:04:50,537 You put yourself 232 00:04:48,452 --> 00:04:50,537 and a girl you like 233 00:04:50,579 --> 00:04:52,539 in some romantic setting... 234 00:04:54,792 --> 00:04:57,295 the stars line up... 235 00:04:57,336 --> 00:04:59,130 and shazam. 236 00:05:01,132 --> 00:05:03,467 I know now that life 237 00:05:01,132 --> 00:05:03,467 is never that simple. 238 00:05:03,508 --> 00:05:05,761 Hey, Claudia! 239 00:05:03,508 --> 00:05:05,761 Huh... 240 00:05:05,803 --> 00:05:07,888 Yes, I want 241 00:05:05,803 --> 00:05:07,888 Tahitian Vanilla! 242 00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:09,431 You wrote it down wrong? 243 00:05:09,473 --> 00:05:10,933 No, no, no, no, 244 00:05:09,473 --> 00:05:10,933 listen to me... 245 00:05:10,975 --> 00:05:12,310 if I go to my wedding 246 00:05:12,351 --> 00:05:13,560 and the cake is not 247 00:05:12,351 --> 00:05:13,560 Tahitian Vanilla, 248 00:05:13,602 --> 00:05:14,645 I will come down there 249 00:05:14,686 --> 00:05:16,438 and burn your little shop 250 00:05:14,686 --> 00:05:16,438 to the ground! 251 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:18,274 Do you want to find out 252 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:18,274 if I'm kidding? 253 00:05:18,316 --> 00:05:20,276 Yeah, good-bye. 254 00:05:20,318 --> 00:05:21,860 Hey! 255 00:05:21,902 --> 00:05:24,071 How's it going? 256 00:05:24,113 --> 00:05:26,531 My wedding is in two days, 257 00:05:24,113 --> 00:05:26,531 that's how it's going. 258 00:05:26,573 --> 00:05:28,742 Oh, don't worry, 259 00:05:26,573 --> 00:05:28,742 it's going to be great. 260 00:05:26,573 --> 00:05:28,742 I'm so excited. 261 00:05:28,784 --> 00:05:30,702 Well, you should be... 262 00:05:28,784 --> 00:05:30,702 lots of single girls. 263 00:05:30,744 --> 00:05:33,538 Oh, well, yeah, I'm... 264 00:05:30,744 --> 00:05:33,538 bringing a date, 265 00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:35,291 so I'll be 266 00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:35,291 off the market. 267 00:05:35,333 --> 00:05:36,625 What? 268 00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:37,459 I'm bringing a date. 269 00:05:37,501 --> 00:05:39,086 You're not bringing a date. 270 00:05:39,128 --> 00:05:41,255 Uh... yes, I am. 271 00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:42,756 Uh, no, you're not. 272 00:05:42,798 --> 00:05:44,883 I checked "plus one." 273 00:05:42,798 --> 00:05:44,883 No, you didn't. 274 00:05:44,925 --> 00:05:47,552 Claudia, 275 00:05:44,925 --> 00:05:47,552 I'm pretty 276 00:05:44,925 --> 00:05:47,552 sure I checked... 277 00:05:47,594 --> 00:05:49,180 Ted, you did not 278 00:05:47,594 --> 00:05:49,180 check "plus one"! 279 00:05:49,221 --> 00:05:50,931 You are not bringing 280 00:05:49,221 --> 00:05:50,931 a date to my wedding! 281 00:05:57,521 --> 00:05:59,439 But I already 282 00:05:57,521 --> 00:05:59,439 invited someone. 283 00:05:59,481 --> 00:06:01,025 You are not bringing 284 00:05:59,481 --> 00:06:01,025 a guest, Ted! 285 00:06:01,066 --> 00:06:03,485 The guest list has been 286 00:06:01,066 --> 00:06:03,485 closed for months... months! 287 00:06:03,527 --> 00:06:04,695 But I checked 288 00:06:03,527 --> 00:06:04,695 "plus one"! 289 00:06:04,736 --> 00:06:06,322 I always check 290 00:06:04,736 --> 00:06:06,322 "plus one"! 291 00:06:06,364 --> 00:06:08,490 You absolutely did not 292 00:06:06,364 --> 00:06:08,490 check "plus one"! 293 00:06:06,364 --> 00:06:08,490 If you had checked 294 00:06:08,532 --> 00:06:10,742 "plus one," I would 295 00:06:08,532 --> 00:06:10,742 have called you to get 296 00:06:08,532 --> 00:06:10,742 the name of your guest, 297 00:06:10,784 --> 00:06:13,495 so I could have the place cards 298 00:06:10,784 --> 00:06:13,495 printed up. Did I call you to 299 00:06:10,784 --> 00:06:13,495 get the name of your guest? 300 00:06:13,537 --> 00:06:15,247 Is there a place card 301 00:06:13,537 --> 00:06:15,247 with her name printed on it? 302 00:06:15,289 --> 00:06:18,167 She doesn't need 303 00:06:15,289 --> 00:06:18,167 a place card. 304 00:06:15,289 --> 00:06:18,167 She knows her name. 305 00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:20,752 What's she eating? Huh? 306 00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:20,752 You ordered the chicken. 307 00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:20,752 What did she order? 308 00:06:20,794 --> 00:06:22,880 Do you see how your story 309 00:06:20,794 --> 00:06:22,880 is full of holes? 310 00:06:23,922 --> 00:06:25,883 Come on, Claudia, 311 00:06:23,922 --> 00:06:25,883 we go way back. 312 00:06:25,924 --> 00:06:27,509 Isn't there room for 313 00:06:25,924 --> 00:06:27,509 just one more person? 314 00:06:27,551 --> 00:06:30,012 Don't make me 315 00:06:27,551 --> 00:06:30,012 hurt you, Ted. 316 00:06:30,929 --> 00:06:32,097 I don't believe this! 317 00:06:32,139 --> 00:06:33,515 Claudia's crazy! 318 00:06:33,557 --> 00:06:35,934 But, to be fair, 319 00:06:33,557 --> 00:06:35,934 she's also hot. 320 00:06:35,976 --> 00:06:37,561 I totally checked "plus one." 321 00:06:35,976 --> 00:06:37,561 I'm sure I did. 322 00:06:37,602 --> 00:06:38,437 Yeah, right. 323 00:06:38,478 --> 00:06:39,521 I did! 324 00:06:39,563 --> 00:06:40,522 Yeah, I don't think you did. 325 00:06:40,564 --> 00:06:41,648 You know why? 326 00:06:41,690 --> 00:06:42,816 Because deep down, 327 00:06:41,690 --> 00:06:42,816 you didn't want 328 00:06:42,858 --> 00:06:44,235 to show up 329 00:06:42,858 --> 00:06:44,235 at this thing 330 00:06:42,858 --> 00:06:44,235 with a date. 331 00:06:44,276 --> 00:06:45,319 See, for all 332 00:06:44,276 --> 00:06:45,319 your big talk 333 00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:47,529 about being ready 334 00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:47,529 for a relationship, 335 00:06:47,571 --> 00:06:48,530 deep down, 336 00:06:47,571 --> 00:06:48,530 you're single. 337 00:06:48,572 --> 00:06:50,866 It's your default setting. 338 00:06:50,908 --> 00:06:53,869 Ted, you know what's 339 00:06:50,908 --> 00:06:53,869 in the back of your brain? 340 00:06:53,911 --> 00:06:56,247 Oh, great, here comes 341 00:06:53,911 --> 00:06:56,247 the little Barney speech. 342 00:06:56,288 --> 00:06:57,915 Behind a curtain, 343 00:06:56,288 --> 00:06:57,915 in a dark little room 344 00:06:57,956 --> 00:07:00,334 secretly controlling 345 00:06:57,956 --> 00:07:00,334 your every move? 346 00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:02,836 A little Barney... 347 00:07:02,878 --> 00:07:05,505 A little Barney. 348 00:07:06,340 --> 00:07:07,549 And you know what he said? 349 00:07:07,591 --> 00:07:08,675 "Ted... 350 00:07:08,717 --> 00:07:11,511 "you will bring no dates 351 00:07:08,717 --> 00:07:11,511 to this wedding. 352 00:07:11,553 --> 00:07:12,430 "You... 353 00:07:12,471 --> 00:07:14,806 "will hit on drunk bridesmaids 354 00:07:14,848 --> 00:07:16,558 with actual-size 355 00:07:14,848 --> 00:07:16,558 Barney." 356 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,269 Wow. Please stop. 357 00:07:18,310 --> 00:07:21,146 I got to call Claudia. 358 00:07:18,310 --> 00:07:21,146 If I just explain to her... 359 00:07:21,188 --> 00:07:22,564 Ted, no! 360 00:07:21,188 --> 00:07:22,564 Let it go. 361 00:07:22,606 --> 00:07:23,648 She's about to get married, 362 00:07:23,690 --> 00:07:25,276 she's got enough 363 00:07:23,690 --> 00:07:25,276 to worry about. 364 00:07:25,317 --> 00:07:26,360 Then what am I going to do? 365 00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:27,652 The only thing 366 00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:27,652 you can do... 367 00:07:27,694 --> 00:07:29,447 tell Robin 368 00:07:27,694 --> 00:07:29,447 she can't come. 369 00:07:33,992 --> 00:07:35,369 Just a second! 370 00:07:37,579 --> 00:07:39,248 Hey! 371 00:07:37,579 --> 00:07:39,248 Hey. 372 00:07:37,579 --> 00:07:39,248 Listen... 373 00:07:39,290 --> 00:07:39,998 Wait, two things. 374 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:41,417 First of all... 375 00:07:41,459 --> 00:07:43,252 I have been laying groundwork 376 00:07:41,459 --> 00:07:43,252 all afternoon. 377 00:07:43,294 --> 00:07:44,586 Totally subtle, totally cool, 378 00:07:44,628 --> 00:07:46,588 not pushing, 379 00:07:44,628 --> 00:07:46,588 not even nudging, just: 380 00:07:46,630 --> 00:07:48,715 the theme of today is, 381 00:07:46,630 --> 00:07:48,715 "Ted rocks." 382 00:07:48,757 --> 00:07:50,592 And she's picking up 383 00:07:48,757 --> 00:07:50,592 what I'm laying down. 384 00:07:50,634 --> 00:07:51,510 Lily, there's a problem... 385 00:07:50,634 --> 00:07:51,510 Wait, no. 386 00:07:51,551 --> 00:07:54,096 Thing number two: the dress. 387 00:07:54,138 --> 00:07:55,555 We got a dress. 388 00:07:58,142 --> 00:07:59,518 Go. 389 00:08:00,352 --> 00:08:01,312 Well? 390 00:08:01,353 --> 00:08:04,606 Did I bring it, or... 391 00:08:04,648 --> 00:08:06,275 did I bring it? 392 00:08:06,317 --> 00:08:07,859 I think I brought it. 393 00:08:07,901 --> 00:08:10,321 Wow. 394 00:08:10,362 --> 00:08:12,239 That's what I was going for. 395 00:08:12,281 --> 00:08:15,617 I'm so excited about tomorrow. 396 00:08:12,281 --> 00:08:15,617 We're going to have so much fun. 397 00:08:15,659 --> 00:08:17,453 Yeah, about that... 398 00:08:19,913 --> 00:08:21,581 I'll pick you up at 5:00. 399 00:08:29,089 --> 00:08:31,925 So? The dress? 400 00:08:31,967 --> 00:08:34,261 I don't have a plus one 401 00:08:31,967 --> 00:08:34,261 for the wedding. 402 00:08:31,967 --> 00:08:34,261 What? 403 00:08:34,303 --> 00:08:35,637 I ran into Claudia, 404 00:08:34,303 --> 00:08:35,637 and she told me 405 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:37,515 I didn't check "plus one" 406 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:37,515 on the reply card. 407 00:08:37,556 --> 00:08:38,640 Why didn't you check "plus..."? 408 00:08:38,682 --> 00:08:40,142 I did check "plus one." 409 00:08:40,184 --> 00:08:41,935 But Robin is so excited. 410 00:08:41,977 --> 00:08:42,811 I know. 411 00:08:42,853 --> 00:08:43,854 And the dress! 412 00:08:43,895 --> 00:08:45,230 I know. 413 00:08:43,895 --> 00:08:45,230 Uh... 414 00:08:45,272 --> 00:08:46,398 Okay, okay. 415 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:47,649 Well, we'll 416 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:47,649 sneak her in. 417 00:08:47,691 --> 00:08:49,901 We can't sneak her in, 418 00:08:47,691 --> 00:08:49,901 we're not Ninjas. 419 00:08:49,943 --> 00:08:51,820 Oh, I wish 420 00:08:49,943 --> 00:08:51,820 we were Ninjas. 421 00:08:51,862 --> 00:08:53,697 I know. 422 00:08:53,738 --> 00:08:55,657 You could always ask Stuart. 423 00:08:55,699 --> 00:08:56,992 Can I do that? 424 00:08:57,034 --> 00:08:58,076 Well, sure. 425 00:08:58,118 --> 00:09:00,662 You guys have been friends 426 00:08:58,118 --> 00:09:00,662 for a long time. 427 00:09:00,704 --> 00:09:02,831 And it's 40% his wedding, too. 428 00:09:03,915 --> 00:09:04,833 I don't know... 429 00:09:04,875 --> 00:09:06,126 it's going to be 430 00:09:04,875 --> 00:09:06,126 a tough sell. 431 00:09:06,168 --> 00:09:07,669 Dude, no problem whatsoever. 432 00:09:07,711 --> 00:09:08,837 Really? 433 00:09:08,879 --> 00:09:10,672 Sure, the more, 434 00:09:08,879 --> 00:09:10,672 the merrier. 435 00:09:10,714 --> 00:09:12,799 Wow! Wow, thanks for being 436 00:09:10,714 --> 00:09:12,799 so cool about this, 'cause 437 00:09:12,841 --> 00:09:14,718 you know, 438 00:09:12,841 --> 00:09:14,718 Claudia said... 439 00:09:12,841 --> 00:09:14,718 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 440 00:09:14,759 --> 00:09:17,429 This morning at 441 00:09:14,759 --> 00:09:17,429 the rehearsal, 442 00:09:14,759 --> 00:09:17,429 Claudia called 443 00:09:17,471 --> 00:09:19,973 our seven-year-old 444 00:09:17,471 --> 00:09:19,973 flower girl a whore. 445 00:09:20,015 --> 00:09:21,099 So, don't take it personally, 446 00:09:21,141 --> 00:09:22,518 she's just 447 00:09:21,141 --> 00:09:22,518 a little stressed. 448 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,186 Yeah, she's not usually 449 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,186 like that. 450 00:09:24,228 --> 00:09:25,645 No. 451 00:09:27,105 --> 00:09:29,441 Well, thanks, Stu! 452 00:09:29,483 --> 00:09:31,527 It's going to be 453 00:09:29,483 --> 00:09:31,527 a great wedding. 454 00:09:34,321 --> 00:09:36,656 Honey, this magazine says 455 00:09:34,321 --> 00:09:36,656 more and more couples 456 00:09:36,698 --> 00:09:38,075 are opting to have 457 00:09:36,698 --> 00:09:38,075 non-traditional weddings 458 00:09:38,116 --> 00:09:39,076 out in the woods. 459 00:09:39,117 --> 00:09:40,702 Well, if a magazine says so, 460 00:09:40,744 --> 00:09:42,329 we should go get married 461 00:09:40,744 --> 00:09:42,329 in the woods, 462 00:09:42,371 --> 00:09:43,830 like a couple of squirrels. 463 00:09:43,872 --> 00:09:46,833 Squirrels don't get married, 464 00:09:43,872 --> 00:09:46,833 Marshall. 465 00:09:46,875 --> 00:09:50,003 Like you could possibly 466 00:09:46,875 --> 00:09:50,003 know that. 467 00:09:50,045 --> 00:09:51,796 I did it. 468 00:09:51,838 --> 00:09:53,715 I did it... I'm taking her 469 00:09:51,838 --> 00:09:53,715 to the wedding. 470 00:09:53,757 --> 00:09:55,593 Nice! 471 00:09:53,757 --> 00:09:55,593 What? How? 472 00:09:55,634 --> 00:09:56,468 I talked to Stuart. 473 00:09:57,677 --> 00:09:59,012 You went around 474 00:09:57,677 --> 00:09:59,012 the bride. 475 00:10:00,305 --> 00:10:02,182 "Oh, this hornets' nest 476 00:10:00,305 --> 00:10:02,182 looks harmless. 477 00:10:02,224 --> 00:10:04,435 Maybe I'll poke it 478 00:10:02,224 --> 00:10:04,435 with a stick." 479 00:10:04,476 --> 00:10:05,769 "Oh, look, some Gremlins. 480 00:10:05,810 --> 00:10:07,020 Let me go feed them 481 00:10:05,810 --> 00:10:07,020 after midnight!" 482 00:10:07,062 --> 00:10:08,688 Did you know about this? 483 00:10:09,689 --> 00:10:11,233 It may have been my idea. 484 00:10:12,150 --> 00:10:13,318 What? 485 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,819 Stuart doesn't get a say? 486 00:10:14,861 --> 00:10:16,614 Ah! So you admit it... 487 00:10:16,655 --> 00:10:17,989 the groom should 488 00:10:16,655 --> 00:10:17,989 have an equal say. 489 00:10:18,031 --> 00:10:21,619 Well, yeah, sure, on the stupid 490 00:10:18,031 --> 00:10:21,619 stuff, like who comes. 491 00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:23,787 So I can invite 492 00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:23,787 whoever I want? 493 00:10:23,828 --> 00:10:26,665 Sure, there's plenty of room 494 00:10:23,828 --> 00:10:26,665 in the woods. 495 00:10:28,792 --> 00:10:29,834 It's Claudia. 496 00:10:29,876 --> 00:10:31,420 Uh! 497 00:10:31,462 --> 00:10:32,879 So it begins. 498 00:10:32,921 --> 00:10:34,632 Come on, it can't be that bad. 499 00:10:35,507 --> 00:10:36,258 Here, Lily, 500 00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:37,008 you answer it. 501 00:10:37,050 --> 00:10:38,594 What? Why? 502 00:10:38,636 --> 00:10:40,304 Because this whole thing was 503 00:10:38,636 --> 00:10:40,304 your idea. 504 00:10:40,345 --> 00:10:42,055 And... Claudia scares me. 505 00:10:40,345 --> 00:10:42,055 But... but you're the... 506 00:10:42,097 --> 00:10:42,764 But I just want to... 507 00:10:42,806 --> 00:10:45,058 Oh! 508 00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:46,101 Ted's phone. 509 00:10:46,143 --> 00:10:47,894 Oh, hi, Claudia. 510 00:10:47,936 --> 00:10:49,771 What? 511 00:10:49,813 --> 00:10:52,524 Now I wasn't there, 512 00:10:49,813 --> 00:10:52,524 but from what I heard, 513 00:10:52,566 --> 00:10:53,775 it went something like this... 514 00:10:53,817 --> 00:10:55,527 Oh, by the way, honey, 515 00:10:53,817 --> 00:10:55,527 Ted stopped by 516 00:10:55,569 --> 00:10:57,696 and I told him he could bring 517 00:10:55,569 --> 00:10:57,696 his date to the wedding. 518 00:10:57,737 --> 00:10:59,781 You what? 519 00:11:03,118 --> 00:11:05,287 always undermining me 520 00:11:03,118 --> 00:11:05,287 at every turn... 521 00:11:08,666 --> 00:11:11,209 try to show 522 00:11:08,666 --> 00:11:11,209 a little flexibility, but no! 523 00:11:11,251 --> 00:11:12,377 It's all about you! 524 00:11:15,255 --> 00:11:16,798 and your mother... 525 00:11:20,135 --> 00:11:21,679 You know what? 526 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,054 The wedding's off! 527 00:11:25,432 --> 00:11:27,267 They broke up! 528 00:11:27,309 --> 00:11:28,310 Ow! 529 00:11:28,352 --> 00:11:29,311 Uh-huh. 530 00:11:29,353 --> 00:11:30,812 Uh-huh. 531 00:11:30,854 --> 00:11:31,813 It's not because of me, 532 00:11:30,854 --> 00:11:31,813 is it? 533 00:11:31,855 --> 00:11:33,190 Uh-huh. 534 00:11:33,231 --> 00:11:35,817 And my dad already paid 535 00:11:33,231 --> 00:11:35,817 for this huge wedding! 536 00:11:35,859 --> 00:11:37,819 Oh, he's going 537 00:11:35,859 --> 00:11:37,819 to kill me! 538 00:11:37,861 --> 00:11:39,821 And then he's 539 00:11:37,861 --> 00:11:39,821 gonna kill Ted! 540 00:11:39,863 --> 00:11:41,823 Then I'm gonna 541 00:11:39,863 --> 00:11:41,823 kill Ted. 542 00:11:41,865 --> 00:11:43,367 It's Robin. 543 00:11:43,408 --> 00:11:44,618 Answer it! 544 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:45,827 Uh, Lily's phone. 545 00:11:45,869 --> 00:11:47,829 Ted, where's Lily? 546 00:11:45,869 --> 00:11:47,829 I need to tell her 547 00:11:47,871 --> 00:11:50,165 about these awesome shoes 548 00:11:47,871 --> 00:11:50,165 I just bought. 549 00:11:50,207 --> 00:11:51,875 Uh, Lily's busy. 550 00:11:51,916 --> 00:11:53,960 Oh, okay, well, 551 00:11:51,916 --> 00:11:53,960 I just wanted to say 552 00:11:54,002 --> 00:11:55,879 they're gorgeous 553 00:11:54,002 --> 00:11:55,879 and Ted's going to love them. 554 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,048 That's great, I'll tell 555 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,048 Lily to tell me. 556 00:11:58,089 --> 00:11:59,841 Uh, listen, I really 557 00:11:58,089 --> 00:11:59,841 want to keep talking, 558 00:11:59,883 --> 00:12:01,843 um, but now's 559 00:11:59,883 --> 00:12:01,843 not a good time, 560 00:12:01,885 --> 00:12:03,845 so I'm really excited 561 00:12:01,885 --> 00:12:03,845 about tomorrow, 562 00:12:01,885 --> 00:12:03,845 okay, bye. 563 00:12:03,887 --> 00:12:05,013 Okay, bye. 564 00:12:05,055 --> 00:12:06,931 Crap, she bought 565 00:12:05,055 --> 00:12:06,931 some expensive shoes. 566 00:12:06,973 --> 00:12:08,850 She's really looking forward 567 00:12:06,973 --> 00:12:08,850 to this. 568 00:12:08,892 --> 00:12:11,478 Do you think 569 00:12:08,892 --> 00:12:11,478 she's into me? 570 00:12:08,892 --> 00:12:11,478 Ted, focus! 571 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,855 Okay, okay, sweetie, 572 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,855 just calm down. 573 00:12:13,897 --> 00:12:15,857 Do you want to go somewhere 574 00:12:13,897 --> 00:12:15,857 and talk? 575 00:12:15,899 --> 00:12:17,859 I want to go somewhere 576 00:12:15,899 --> 00:12:17,859 and drink! 577 00:12:17,901 --> 00:12:19,486 Okay, meet me 578 00:12:17,901 --> 00:12:19,486 at MacLaren's. 579 00:12:19,528 --> 00:12:20,820 I'll see you there. 580 00:12:22,322 --> 00:12:23,865 Oh, I feel terrible. 581 00:12:22,322 --> 00:12:23,865 Well, feel 582 00:12:22,322 --> 00:12:23,865 terrible later. 583 00:12:23,907 --> 00:12:25,158 Right now, 584 00:12:23,907 --> 00:12:25,158 we gotta fix this. 585 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,868 Lily, you go 586 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,868 down to the bar 587 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,868 and comfort Claudia. 588 00:12:26,910 --> 00:12:29,162 Ted and I will go 589 00:12:26,910 --> 00:12:29,162 and try to talk 590 00:12:26,910 --> 00:12:29,162 some sense into Stuart. 591 00:12:29,204 --> 00:12:31,582 Right. 592 00:12:29,204 --> 00:12:31,582 Um, tell Claudia I'm sorry. 593 00:12:31,623 --> 00:12:32,874 Did she seem pissed at me? 594 00:12:32,916 --> 00:12:35,001 She said if there's 595 00:12:32,916 --> 00:12:35,001 no wedding tomorrow, 596 00:12:35,043 --> 00:12:37,421 you owe her father 597 00:12:35,043 --> 00:12:37,421 $400,000. 598 00:12:38,255 --> 00:12:39,757 What say we get these crazy kids 599 00:12:39,798 --> 00:12:41,966 back together? 600 00:12:45,970 --> 00:12:47,847 Hi, sad eyes. 601 00:12:47,889 --> 00:12:50,016 What's got you down? 602 00:12:50,058 --> 00:12:54,145 Stuart and I just broke up. 603 00:12:54,187 --> 00:12:56,898 Oh, God, I'm so sorry. 604 00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:58,817 That's just, that's... 605 00:12:58,858 --> 00:12:59,901 two vodka cranberries, please. 606 00:13:01,319 --> 00:13:03,238 You remembered I drink 607 00:13:01,319 --> 00:13:03,238 vodka cranberries. 608 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,823 Remember? 609 00:13:04,864 --> 00:13:07,534 When it comes to you, 610 00:13:04,864 --> 00:13:07,534 how can I forget? 611 00:13:10,746 --> 00:13:12,706 They all drink 612 00:13:10,746 --> 00:13:12,706 vodka cranberries. 613 00:13:13,957 --> 00:13:17,877 So... is there anything else 614 00:13:13,957 --> 00:13:17,877 you need... sweetie? 615 00:13:19,003 --> 00:13:21,632 You got $400,000? 616 00:13:21,673 --> 00:13:22,924 No. 617 00:13:22,966 --> 00:13:25,260 But I do have a hug. 618 00:13:29,889 --> 00:13:32,684 Thank you. 619 00:13:37,981 --> 00:13:39,399 Stuart, I-I don't know 620 00:13:37,981 --> 00:13:39,399 what to say. 621 00:13:39,441 --> 00:13:40,942 If I caused this in any way... 622 00:13:40,984 --> 00:13:42,486 Ted, for all I know, 623 00:13:40,984 --> 00:13:42,486 you did me 624 00:13:42,527 --> 00:13:43,945 the biggest favor anyone's 625 00:13:42,527 --> 00:13:43,945 ever done me. 626 00:13:43,987 --> 00:13:45,864 Oh, come on, man, 627 00:13:43,987 --> 00:13:45,864 you don't mean that. 628 00:13:45,905 --> 00:13:47,825 No, I do... this whole thing 629 00:13:45,905 --> 00:13:47,825 has made me 630 00:13:47,866 --> 00:13:48,950 realize I miss being single. 631 00:13:48,992 --> 00:13:50,118 I miss staying out late, 632 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,953 and making messes 633 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,953 and not cleaning them up. 634 00:13:51,995 --> 00:13:53,622 I miss owning porn. 635 00:13:53,664 --> 00:13:55,624 Dude, who doesn't? 636 00:13:55,666 --> 00:13:57,167 And you know, I'll see 637 00:13:57,208 --> 00:13:58,960 some super-hot model chick, 638 00:13:57,208 --> 00:13:58,960 and I'll think, 639 00:13:59,002 --> 00:14:00,253 "Why am I with Claudia? 640 00:14:00,295 --> 00:14:01,296 I could be with her." 641 00:14:01,338 --> 00:14:02,964 That's just crazy! 642 00:14:03,006 --> 00:14:04,842 I mean... 643 00:14:04,883 --> 00:14:06,343 you're the luckiest... 644 00:14:06,384 --> 00:14:07,385 You and Claudia both... 645 00:14:07,427 --> 00:14:08,970 The point is I want 646 00:14:07,427 --> 00:14:08,970 to get married. 647 00:14:09,012 --> 00:14:10,263 I want to settle 648 00:14:09,012 --> 00:14:10,263 down, but right now, 649 00:14:10,305 --> 00:14:11,682 that's just not who I am. 650 00:14:11,723 --> 00:14:13,975 I'm not a commitment guy; 651 00:14:11,723 --> 00:14:13,975 I'm a single guy. 652 00:14:14,017 --> 00:14:15,977 Stuart, you don't have to be one 653 00:14:14,017 --> 00:14:15,977 or the other. 654 00:14:16,019 --> 00:14:18,062 Everybody feels 655 00:14:16,019 --> 00:14:18,062 this way sometimes. 656 00:14:18,104 --> 00:14:21,316 Relationships aren't easy; 657 00:14:18,104 --> 00:14:21,316 they're hard work. 658 00:14:21,358 --> 00:14:23,234 It's about compromise, 659 00:14:21,358 --> 00:14:23,234 growing together, 660 00:14:23,276 --> 00:14:24,778 all that Dr. Phil crap. 661 00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:26,029 How would you know? 662 00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:26,029 You're not even married. 663 00:14:26,070 --> 00:14:27,947 Okay, ask this guy. 664 00:14:27,989 --> 00:14:29,324 Nine years he's 665 00:14:27,989 --> 00:14:29,324 been with Lily. 666 00:14:29,366 --> 00:14:31,368 He's the pro... this 667 00:14:29,366 --> 00:14:31,368 guy knows relationships. 668 00:14:31,409 --> 00:14:32,160 Tell him, Marshall. 669 00:14:33,203 --> 00:14:35,413 Stuart, 670 00:14:33,203 --> 00:14:35,413 don't get married. 671 00:14:35,455 --> 00:14:36,623 Dude... 672 00:14:35,455 --> 00:14:36,623 What? 673 00:14:36,665 --> 00:14:37,999 Look, I'm sorry. 674 00:14:38,041 --> 00:14:39,751 Being in a couple is hard. 675 00:14:39,793 --> 00:14:43,004 And committing, 676 00:14:39,793 --> 00:14:43,004 making sacrifices, it's hard. 677 00:14:43,046 --> 00:14:45,841 But if it's the right person, 678 00:14:43,046 --> 00:14:45,841 then it's easy. 679 00:14:45,883 --> 00:14:47,175 Looking at that girl 680 00:14:45,883 --> 00:14:47,175 and knowing she's all 681 00:14:47,217 --> 00:14:49,010 you really want out of life, 682 00:14:47,217 --> 00:14:49,010 that should be 683 00:14:49,052 --> 00:14:50,804 the easiest thing 684 00:14:49,052 --> 00:14:50,804 in the world, 685 00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:53,348 and if it's not like that, 686 00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:53,348 then she's not the one. 687 00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:54,974 I'm sorry. 688 00:14:59,771 --> 00:15:03,107 You know I don't 689 00:14:59,771 --> 00:15:03,107 have $400,000, right? 690 00:15:03,149 --> 00:15:05,861 Maybe we got 691 00:15:03,149 --> 00:15:05,861 together too young. 692 00:15:05,903 --> 00:15:08,446 Maybe that's what 693 00:15:05,903 --> 00:15:08,446 the problem was. 694 00:15:08,488 --> 00:15:12,033 I mean, I'm 695 00:15:08,488 --> 00:15:12,033 28 years old, 696 00:15:12,075 --> 00:15:16,162 and I've really only 697 00:15:12,075 --> 00:15:16,162 ever been with one man. 698 00:15:17,831 --> 00:15:20,458 That's just, that's... 699 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:25,004 Two more 700 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:25,004 vodka cranberries, please! 701 00:15:25,046 --> 00:15:29,384 Claudia... 702 00:15:25,046 --> 00:15:29,384 it's all gonna be okay. 703 00:15:29,426 --> 00:15:32,178 Oh, thanks for 704 00:15:29,426 --> 00:15:32,178 listening, Barney. 705 00:15:33,430 --> 00:15:35,306 It really means 706 00:15:33,430 --> 00:15:35,306 a lot to me. 707 00:15:35,348 --> 00:15:37,601 Isn't it weird 708 00:15:35,348 --> 00:15:37,601 that we should... 709 00:15:37,642 --> 00:15:40,103 run into each other 710 00:15:37,642 --> 00:15:40,103 like this? 711 00:15:40,144 --> 00:15:45,442 Two souls, of equal levels 712 00:15:40,144 --> 00:15:45,442 of attractiveness, 713 00:15:45,483 --> 00:15:48,653 both fitting together 714 00:15:45,483 --> 00:15:48,653 like two pieces 715 00:15:48,695 --> 00:15:52,783 of a very 716 00:15:48,695 --> 00:15:52,783 attractive puzzle. 717 00:15:52,824 --> 00:15:54,075 Oh, hell, no! 718 00:15:54,117 --> 00:15:57,078 Ow! Ow! Ow! 719 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,080 Claudia is 720 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,080 getting married tomorrow, 721 00:15:59,122 --> 00:16:00,624 and so help me God, 722 00:16:00,665 --> 00:16:03,961 if I catch you even so much as 723 00:16:00,665 --> 00:16:03,961 breathing the same air as her, 724 00:16:04,002 --> 00:16:06,713 I will take those peanuts you're 725 00:16:04,002 --> 00:16:06,713 trying to pass off as testicles, 726 00:16:06,755 --> 00:16:09,173 and I will squeeze them so hard 727 00:16:06,755 --> 00:16:09,173 your eyes pop out, 728 00:16:09,215 --> 00:16:11,927 and then I'll feed them to you 729 00:16:09,215 --> 00:16:11,927 like grapes! 730 00:16:11,969 --> 00:16:14,053 Wait, my eyes or 731 00:16:11,969 --> 00:16:14,053 my testicles? 732 00:16:14,095 --> 00:16:15,973 One of each. 733 00:16:16,014 --> 00:16:18,099 All right! All right! 734 00:16:18,141 --> 00:16:20,101 Claudia? 735 00:16:20,143 --> 00:16:21,603 Stuart. 736 00:16:21,645 --> 00:16:22,813 I'm so sorry. 737 00:16:22,854 --> 00:16:24,105 I'm so sorry, too. 738 00:16:24,147 --> 00:16:25,106 I love you. 739 00:16:25,148 --> 00:16:26,441 I love you too, babe. 740 00:16:26,483 --> 00:16:27,943 Marshall and Ted 741 00:16:26,483 --> 00:16:27,943 set me straight. 742 00:16:27,985 --> 00:16:30,069 And when Marshall told me 743 00:16:27,985 --> 00:16:30,069 not to marry you, 744 00:16:30,111 --> 00:16:31,112 it made me realize I... 745 00:16:31,154 --> 00:16:33,323 Marshall said what? 746 00:16:33,364 --> 00:16:34,616 It's more complicated than that! 747 00:16:34,658 --> 00:16:36,326 He made me realize 748 00:16:34,658 --> 00:16:36,326 how much I love you. 749 00:16:36,367 --> 00:16:37,786 These guys got us 750 00:16:36,367 --> 00:16:37,786 back together. 751 00:16:37,828 --> 00:16:40,747 Okay, I'm cool, I'm cool. 752 00:16:54,093 --> 00:16:56,513 So where did we land on 753 00:16:54,093 --> 00:16:56,513 the whole plus one thing? 754 00:16:58,348 --> 00:16:59,516 No, no, no, no! 755 00:16:59,557 --> 00:17:01,142 It took five men 756 00:17:01,184 --> 00:17:03,311 and three more vodka 757 00:17:01,184 --> 00:17:03,311 cranberries to subdue Claudia, 758 00:17:03,353 --> 00:17:05,647 but, eventually, 759 00:17:03,353 --> 00:17:05,647 she graciously agreed 760 00:17:05,689 --> 00:17:07,148 to let me bring Robin. 761 00:17:09,108 --> 00:17:11,486 Still wow. 762 00:17:11,528 --> 00:17:12,988 Wow yourself. 763 00:17:13,030 --> 00:17:14,572 Look who else brought it. 764 00:17:14,614 --> 00:17:15,740 Oh, yeah. 765 00:17:15,782 --> 00:17:17,158 I thought about 766 00:17:15,782 --> 00:17:17,158 leaving it at home, 767 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,160 but I figured I don't want 768 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,160 to get there and realize 769 00:17:19,202 --> 00:17:21,913 I need it and have to go 770 00:17:19,202 --> 00:17:21,913 all the way back to get it. 771 00:17:21,955 --> 00:17:23,707 So, yeah, I brought it. 772 00:17:25,625 --> 00:17:28,962 Oh, sorry. 773 00:17:29,004 --> 00:17:30,881 Hello? 774 00:17:31,882 --> 00:17:33,633 Oh, my God. Tonight? 775 00:17:33,675 --> 00:17:34,968 You're kidding. 776 00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:36,386 They want me 777 00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:36,386 to anchor the news tonight. 778 00:17:36,427 --> 00:17:38,388 Really? 779 00:17:38,429 --> 00:17:41,182 Like anchor anchor? 780 00:17:42,893 --> 00:17:44,394 What happened to Sandy? 781 00:17:44,435 --> 00:17:46,145 Okay. 782 00:17:46,187 --> 00:17:47,731 Okay. Sure. 783 00:17:47,772 --> 00:17:49,607 What time do you need 784 00:17:47,772 --> 00:17:49,607 me to... right now? 785 00:17:49,649 --> 00:17:51,109 Oh. 786 00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:53,152 Do it. 787 00:17:54,237 --> 00:17:56,573 Do it. 788 00:17:59,242 --> 00:18:01,202 Okay, I need like 789 00:17:59,242 --> 00:18:01,202 five minutes to change, 790 00:18:01,244 --> 00:18:02,996 and, um, I'll call 791 00:18:01,244 --> 00:18:02,996 you from the cab... 792 00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:14,215 So admit it. 793 00:18:14,257 --> 00:18:18,136 This wedding is both 794 00:18:14,257 --> 00:18:18,136 indoors and amazing. 795 00:18:18,177 --> 00:18:19,679 I'll give you the crab puffs. 796 00:18:19,721 --> 00:18:21,014 The crab puffs are good. 797 00:18:21,056 --> 00:18:22,265 The crab puffs 798 00:18:21,056 --> 00:18:22,265 were incredible. 799 00:18:22,306 --> 00:18:24,101 We should totally have them 800 00:18:22,306 --> 00:18:24,101 at our wedding. 801 00:18:24,142 --> 00:18:26,978 Definitely... hey. 802 00:18:27,020 --> 00:18:28,312 We just agreed 803 00:18:27,020 --> 00:18:28,312 on something. 804 00:18:28,354 --> 00:18:30,982 Did we just start planning 805 00:18:28,354 --> 00:18:30,982 our wedding? 806 00:18:31,024 --> 00:18:32,609 I think that we did. 807 00:18:35,403 --> 00:18:37,906 We totally have to get 808 00:18:35,403 --> 00:18:37,906 that brown dipping sauce. 809 00:18:37,948 --> 00:18:40,700 Ooh, I thought the red 810 00:18:37,948 --> 00:18:40,700 sauce was, like, awesome. 811 00:18:40,742 --> 00:18:43,536 My God, were you born 812 00:18:40,742 --> 00:18:43,536 without taste buds? 813 00:18:44,788 --> 00:18:46,247 What? 814 00:18:46,289 --> 00:18:47,498 I love you. 815 00:18:54,505 --> 00:18:57,216 Coming up, are there snakes 816 00:18:54,505 --> 00:18:57,216 living in your walls? 817 00:18:57,258 --> 00:19:00,344 The answer may surprise you... 818 00:18:57,258 --> 00:19:00,344 after the break. 819 00:19:07,602 --> 00:19:09,187 Man, you know something? 820 00:19:09,228 --> 00:19:10,480 Stuart's my new hero. 821 00:19:10,521 --> 00:19:12,231 If that dude 822 00:19:10,521 --> 00:19:12,231 can bag a nine, 823 00:19:12,273 --> 00:19:15,401 I got to be able 824 00:19:12,273 --> 00:19:15,401 to bag, like, a 16. 825 00:19:15,443 --> 00:19:16,987 What's a 16? 826 00:19:17,028 --> 00:19:19,238 Those two eights 827 00:19:17,028 --> 00:19:19,238 right over there. 828 00:19:20,157 --> 00:19:21,199 Yeah. 829 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:22,826 Hi, Ted. 830 00:19:22,867 --> 00:19:24,285 Claudia. 831 00:19:24,327 --> 00:19:27,122 We just wanted to get a picture 832 00:19:24,327 --> 00:19:27,122 with the woman 833 00:19:27,164 --> 00:19:28,706 who almost ended 834 00:19:27,164 --> 00:19:28,706 our relationship. 835 00:19:28,748 --> 00:19:29,749 Yeah, where is she? 836 00:19:29,791 --> 00:19:33,377 Um... she couldn't make it. 837 00:19:36,006 --> 00:19:37,966 What's so funny? 838 00:19:38,008 --> 00:19:39,134 Oh, plan a wedding. 839 00:19:39,176 --> 00:19:40,927 You'll see. 840 00:19:44,639 --> 00:19:46,099 Look at that. 841 00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:47,767 That's how it's 842 00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:47,767 supposed to be. 843 00:19:47,809 --> 00:19:49,227 That right there. 844 00:19:49,268 --> 00:19:51,938 Easy, simple. 845 00:19:51,980 --> 00:19:54,024 It's just not like that 846 00:19:51,980 --> 00:19:54,024 with Robin. 847 00:19:54,065 --> 00:19:57,110 It's not easy, 848 00:19:54,065 --> 00:19:57,110 and on some level, 849 00:19:57,152 --> 00:19:59,529 it has to just be easy. 850 00:19:59,570 --> 00:20:03,324 Speaking of easy... 851 00:19:59,570 --> 00:20:03,324 bridesmaids, Ted. 852 00:20:03,366 --> 00:20:04,534 Bridesmaids. 853 00:20:04,575 --> 00:20:05,785 By the way, 854 00:20:05,827 --> 00:20:07,495 I almost forgot. 855 00:20:07,537 --> 00:20:09,164 We found this. 856 00:20:14,252 --> 00:20:16,587 I didn't check "plus one." 857 00:20:16,629 --> 00:20:17,547 You were right. 858 00:20:17,588 --> 00:20:19,465 Of course, 859 00:20:17,588 --> 00:20:19,465 I was right. 860 00:20:19,507 --> 00:20:22,969 I'm single. 861 00:20:23,011 --> 00:20:24,387 Maybe that's just who I am. 862 00:20:24,428 --> 00:20:25,680 And you know what? 863 00:20:25,722 --> 00:20:27,348 I like being single. 864 00:20:27,390 --> 00:20:28,349 Being single's 865 00:20:27,390 --> 00:20:28,349 the best. 866 00:20:28,391 --> 00:20:29,976 Yeah, stay out 867 00:20:28,391 --> 00:20:29,976 as late as you want. 868 00:20:30,018 --> 00:20:31,102 Answer to no one. 869 00:20:31,144 --> 00:20:33,730 The whole world 870 00:20:31,144 --> 00:20:33,730 full of endless possibilities. 871 00:20:33,771 --> 00:20:36,315 Never having to go 872 00:20:33,771 --> 00:20:36,315 to a farmer's market. 873 00:20:38,818 --> 00:20:41,320 Okay. 874 00:20:41,362 --> 00:20:43,364 Ah... doing 875 00:20:41,362 --> 00:20:43,364 some math here. 876 00:20:43,406 --> 00:20:45,158 Table six has got 877 00:20:43,406 --> 00:20:45,158 three bridesmaids: 878 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,326 an eight, an eight, 879 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,326 and a seven. 880 00:20:47,368 --> 00:20:50,329 I am willing to give 881 00:20:47,368 --> 00:20:50,329 you one of the eights, 882 00:20:50,371 --> 00:20:52,331 lowering myself 883 00:20:50,371 --> 00:20:52,331 to a 15, 884 00:20:52,373 --> 00:20:54,000 which means 885 00:20:52,373 --> 00:20:54,000 you owe me... 886 00:20:54,042 --> 00:20:57,003 So there we were, 887 00:20:54,042 --> 00:20:57,003 two single guys, 888 00:20:57,045 --> 00:20:59,380 doing our usual 889 00:20:57,045 --> 00:20:59,380 single-guy thing. 890 00:20:59,422 --> 00:21:02,133 For whatever reason, 891 00:20:59,422 --> 00:21:02,133 I had let myself believe 892 00:21:02,175 --> 00:21:04,510 that this night 893 00:21:02,175 --> 00:21:04,510 would be a turning point, 894 00:21:04,552 --> 00:21:06,263 that this was the night 895 00:21:04,552 --> 00:21:06,263 my life... 896 00:21:06,304 --> 00:21:09,390 my real life... 897 00:21:06,304 --> 00:21:09,390 would finally begin. 898 00:21:09,432 --> 00:21:13,895 The funny thing is... 899 00:21:09,432 --> 00:21:13,895 I wasn't totally wrong. 900 00:21:19,442 --> 00:21:22,445 Because that night 901 00:21:19,442 --> 00:21:22,445 was just beginning. 902 00:21:22,486 --> 00:21:26,365 Captioned by 903 00:21:22,486 --> 00:21:26,365 Media Access Group at WGB 904 00:21:22,486 --> 00:21:26,365 access.wgbh.org