1 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,280 When your Uncle Marshall 2 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,280 was 10 years old, 3 00:00:17,322 --> 00:00:20,116 he read a book called 4 00:00:17,322 --> 00:00:20,116 Life Among The Gorillas. 5 00:00:20,158 --> 00:00:24,705 It was written by 6 00:00:20,158 --> 00:00:24,705 an anthropologist named 7 00:00:20,158 --> 00:00:24,705 Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vazquez, 8 00:00:24,747 --> 00:00:26,665 and it told the story 9 00:00:24,747 --> 00:00:26,665 of the year she spent living 10 00:00:26,707 --> 00:00:30,210 among the western lowland 11 00:00:26,707 --> 00:00:30,210 gorillas of Cameroon. 12 00:00:30,252 --> 00:00:32,212 When Dr. Birnholz-Vazquez 13 00:00:32,254 --> 00:00:34,882 came to the local 14 00:00:32,254 --> 00:00:34,882 community college 15 00:00:32,254 --> 00:00:34,882 to give a lecture, 16 00:00:34,924 --> 00:00:37,050 Marshall, the youngest member 17 00:00:34,924 --> 00:00:37,050 of the audience, 18 00:00:37,092 --> 00:00:38,468 raised his hand 19 00:00:37,092 --> 00:00:38,468 with a question. 20 00:00:38,510 --> 00:00:40,095 Hmm? 21 00:00:40,136 --> 00:00:42,556 What advice do you have 22 00:00:40,136 --> 00:00:42,556 for a budding anthropologist? 23 00:00:42,598 --> 00:00:44,391 So you want to be 24 00:00:42,598 --> 00:00:44,391 an anthropologist? 25 00:00:44,433 --> 00:00:46,518 Yep. When I grow up, 26 00:00:44,433 --> 00:00:46,518 I want to go live 27 00:00:44,433 --> 00:00:46,518 with the gorillas, 28 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:48,228 just like you did. 29 00:00:48,270 --> 00:00:50,856 What she said next 30 00:00:48,270 --> 00:00:50,856 changed his life. 31 00:00:50,898 --> 00:00:54,067 Oh, that's wonderful, 32 00:00:50,898 --> 00:00:54,067 but I'm afraid you can't. 33 00:00:54,109 --> 00:00:56,236 They'll all be dead by then. 34 00:00:58,739 --> 00:01:01,825 And if economic sanctions 35 00:00:58,739 --> 00:01:01,825 and trade restrictions 36 00:00:58,739 --> 00:01:01,825 aren't enforced, 37 00:01:01,867 --> 00:01:03,953 the destruction 38 00:01:01,867 --> 00:01:03,953 of the rainforests 39 00:01:01,867 --> 00:01:03,953 will continue, 40 00:01:03,994 --> 00:01:06,789 and over a million species 41 00:01:03,994 --> 00:01:06,789 will be wiped out. 42 00:01:06,830 --> 00:01:08,665 So you don't want coffee? 43 00:01:08,707 --> 00:01:11,293 I'm saying that 44 00:01:08,707 --> 00:01:11,293 the coffee industry 45 00:01:08,707 --> 00:01:11,293 is causing irreversible... 46 00:01:11,334 --> 00:01:12,335 All right, 47 00:01:11,334 --> 00:01:12,335 I'm pouring it out. 48 00:01:12,377 --> 00:01:13,629 Okay, one cup. 49 00:01:13,670 --> 00:01:15,338 Kid needs 50 00:01:13,670 --> 00:01:15,338 to be alert. 51 00:01:15,380 --> 00:01:17,299 First day on the job 52 00:01:15,380 --> 00:01:17,299 and everything. 53 00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:19,301 Still can't believe 54 00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:19,301 you're going 55 00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:19,301 all corporate on us. 56 00:01:19,342 --> 00:01:21,929 The Kid has 57 00:01:19,342 --> 00:01:21,929 become the man. 58 00:01:21,971 --> 00:01:24,514 Okay, it's just 59 00:01:21,971 --> 00:01:24,514 an internship to make 60 00:01:21,971 --> 00:01:24,514 a little money. 61 00:01:24,556 --> 00:01:26,892 After law school, 62 00:01:24,556 --> 00:01:26,892 I'm still gonna 63 00:01:24,556 --> 00:01:26,892 work for the NRDC: 64 00:01:26,934 --> 00:01:28,769 They're gonna 65 00:01:26,934 --> 00:01:28,769 stop global warming. 66 00:01:28,811 --> 00:01:31,146 Well, I mean, 67 00:01:28,811 --> 00:01:31,146 they did their best. 68 00:01:32,355 --> 00:01:33,440 Here's your sack lunch. 69 00:01:35,233 --> 00:01:37,987 Okay. I love you because, 70 00:01:35,233 --> 00:01:37,987 one, you made me a sack lunch, 71 00:01:38,028 --> 00:01:40,572 and, two, you laugh 72 00:01:38,028 --> 00:01:40,572 every time you say 73 00:01:38,028 --> 00:01:40,572 the word "sack." 74 00:01:40,614 --> 00:01:42,365 I love you, 75 00:01:40,614 --> 00:01:42,365 Marshmallow. 76 00:01:42,407 --> 00:01:43,909 I love you. 77 00:01:43,951 --> 00:01:46,119 I love you, too, 78 00:01:43,951 --> 00:01:46,119 Marshmallow. 79 00:01:47,997 --> 00:01:49,372 Uh-oh. 80 00:01:49,414 --> 00:01:50,707 Ted? 81 00:01:50,749 --> 00:01:52,250 Oh, no! 82 00:01:52,292 --> 00:01:53,335 No, she didn't. 83 00:01:53,376 --> 00:01:55,629 Yeah. 84 00:01:53,376 --> 00:01:55,629 Yeah, she did. 85 00:01:55,671 --> 00:01:57,380 Another care package? 86 00:01:57,422 --> 00:01:59,174 Another care package. 87 00:01:59,215 --> 00:02:00,926 I'd been in 88 00:01:59,215 --> 00:02:00,926 a long-distance relationship 89 00:02:00,968 --> 00:02:03,261 with Victoria 90 00:02:00,968 --> 00:02:03,261 for nearly a month. 91 00:02:03,303 --> 00:02:06,264 Long-distance relationships 92 00:02:03,303 --> 00:02:06,264 are a bad idea. 93 00:02:07,390 --> 00:02:08,642 How many 94 00:02:07,390 --> 00:02:08,642 is that so far? 95 00:02:08,684 --> 00:02:10,226 Three. 96 00:02:10,268 --> 00:02:12,604 And how many 97 00:02:10,268 --> 00:02:12,604 have you sent her? 98 00:02:12,646 --> 00:02:14,397 In the mail 99 00:02:12,646 --> 00:02:14,397 or in my mind? 100 00:02:14,439 --> 00:02:15,565 Zero. 101 00:02:15,607 --> 00:02:17,108 She's up three-zip. 102 00:02:17,150 --> 00:02:20,111 Oh! Cupcakes. Great. 103 00:02:20,153 --> 00:02:21,571 I bet they're 104 00:02:20,153 --> 00:02:21,571 delicious, too. 105 00:02:22,739 --> 00:02:25,367 Yeah. They're delicious. 106 00:02:25,408 --> 00:02:26,576 Damn it! 107 00:02:28,370 --> 00:02:30,706 I don't deserve 108 00:02:28,370 --> 00:02:30,706 these delicious cupcakes. 109 00:02:32,624 --> 00:02:35,377 God, I hate myself 110 00:02:32,624 --> 00:02:35,377 right now. 111 00:02:35,418 --> 00:02:37,462 God, that is 112 00:02:35,418 --> 00:02:37,462 so me at 15. 113 00:02:40,215 --> 00:02:43,969 Marshall was going 114 00:02:40,215 --> 00:02:43,969 to work for a big corporation 115 00:02:40,215 --> 00:02:43,969 called Altrucel. 116 00:02:44,011 --> 00:02:46,596 Altrucel was most well-known 117 00:02:44,011 --> 00:02:46,596 for making the yellow 118 00:02:44,011 --> 00:02:46,596 fuzzy stuff 119 00:02:46,638 --> 00:02:48,932 on the surface 120 00:02:46,638 --> 00:02:48,932 of tennis balls. 121 00:02:48,974 --> 00:02:51,560 I mean, 122 00:02:48,974 --> 00:02:51,560 this was a huge company, 123 00:02:48,974 --> 00:02:51,560 so they did other things. 124 00:02:53,979 --> 00:02:55,480 But mostly, 125 00:02:53,979 --> 00:02:55,480 they wanted the public 126 00:02:55,522 --> 00:02:57,315 to focus on 127 00:02:55,522 --> 00:02:57,315 the yellow fuzzy stuff. 128 00:02:57,357 --> 00:02:59,234 Anyway, Marshall managed 129 00:02:57,357 --> 00:02:59,234 to score an internship 130 00:02:59,275 --> 00:03:00,861 in their legal department 131 00:03:00,903 --> 00:03:02,237 because he knew someone 132 00:03:00,903 --> 00:03:02,237 who worked there. 133 00:03:03,947 --> 00:03:05,866 Go for Barney. 134 00:03:05,908 --> 00:03:08,118 Mr. Stinson, this is Willis 135 00:03:05,908 --> 00:03:08,118 from lobby security. 136 00:03:08,159 --> 00:03:09,578 Sorry to bother you, 137 00:03:08,159 --> 00:03:09,578 but we've had reports 138 00:03:09,619 --> 00:03:12,330 of a Sasquatch 139 00:03:09,619 --> 00:03:12,330 loose in the building. 140 00:03:12,372 --> 00:03:13,665 A Sasquatch? 141 00:03:13,707 --> 00:03:15,959 That's right, sir. 142 00:03:13,707 --> 00:03:15,959 A Bigfoot. 143 00:03:16,001 --> 00:03:19,129 We don't want to alarm you, 144 00:03:16,001 --> 00:03:19,129 but he's been spotted 145 00:03:16,001 --> 00:03:19,129 on your floor. 146 00:03:25,135 --> 00:03:27,846 Yes! Look at you. 147 00:03:27,888 --> 00:03:30,515 You're suited 148 00:03:27,888 --> 00:03:30,515 in an unmistakably 149 00:03:27,888 --> 00:03:30,515 upward direction. 150 00:03:30,557 --> 00:03:34,310 Whoa! That is a butt-load 151 00:03:30,557 --> 00:03:34,310 of motivational posters. 152 00:03:34,352 --> 00:03:36,146 Yeah. Hell, yeah. 153 00:03:34,352 --> 00:03:36,146 I got them all. 154 00:03:36,187 --> 00:03:38,481 "Teamwork, courage, 155 00:03:36,187 --> 00:03:38,481 awesomeness." 156 00:03:38,523 --> 00:03:39,733 There's one for 157 00:03:38,523 --> 00:03:39,733 "awesomeness"? 158 00:03:39,775 --> 00:03:41,651 Yeah. 159 00:03:39,775 --> 00:03:41,651 I had it made. 160 00:03:39,775 --> 00:03:41,651 Huh. 161 00:03:41,693 --> 00:03:43,070 Sit. 162 00:03:43,112 --> 00:03:44,905 Hey, so, now that 163 00:03:43,112 --> 00:03:44,905 I'm working here, 164 00:03:44,947 --> 00:03:46,197 are you finally gonna 165 00:03:44,947 --> 00:03:46,197 tell me exactly 166 00:03:44,947 --> 00:03:46,197 what your job is? 167 00:03:46,239 --> 00:03:47,616 Please. 168 00:03:47,657 --> 00:03:49,910 My dawg! 169 00:03:47,657 --> 00:03:49,910 My dawg! 170 00:03:49,952 --> 00:03:52,245 Hey, Blauman, Bilson, 171 00:03:49,952 --> 00:03:52,245 this is Marshall. 172 00:03:49,952 --> 00:03:52,245 These guys are in legal. 173 00:03:52,287 --> 00:03:53,580 You're gonna be 174 00:03:52,287 --> 00:03:53,580 working with them. 175 00:03:53,622 --> 00:03:54,915 Marshall Eriksen. 176 00:03:53,622 --> 00:03:54,915 Nice to meet you. 177 00:03:54,957 --> 00:03:56,499 Nice tie. 178 00:03:54,957 --> 00:03:56,499 Steak sauce. 179 00:03:56,541 --> 00:03:58,919 Oh, steak sauce! 180 00:03:56,541 --> 00:03:58,919 For true, though. 181 00:03:58,961 --> 00:04:00,295 Where? 182 00:03:58,961 --> 00:04:00,295 I don't see any... 183 00:04:00,336 --> 00:04:01,755 Marshall, sidebar. 184 00:04:04,633 --> 00:04:07,218 Your tie is steak sauce. 185 00:04:04,633 --> 00:04:07,218 It means A-1. 186 00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:09,846 A-1? Get it? 187 00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:09,846 Try to keep up. 188 00:04:09,888 --> 00:04:11,640 Okay, Eriksen. 189 00:04:09,888 --> 00:04:11,640 Let's get to work. 190 00:04:11,681 --> 00:04:13,558 It's 2:00 a.m. 191 00:04:11,681 --> 00:04:13,558 It's raining outside. 192 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,310 Ding-dong. 193 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,310 What? The doorbell? 194 00:04:15,351 --> 00:04:18,814 Oh, hello, Jessica Alba 195 00:04:15,351 --> 00:04:18,814 in a trench coat 196 00:04:15,351 --> 00:04:18,814 and nothing else. 197 00:04:18,855 --> 00:04:20,523 But wait. 198 00:04:18,855 --> 00:04:20,523 Knock, knock. 199 00:04:20,565 --> 00:04:22,067 Somebody's 200 00:04:20,565 --> 00:04:22,067 at the back door? 201 00:04:22,109 --> 00:04:23,777 I don't have 202 00:04:22,109 --> 00:04:23,777 a back door, so... 203 00:04:22,109 --> 00:04:23,777 Oh, my gosh. 204 00:04:23,819 --> 00:04:26,113 Jessica Simpson? 205 00:04:23,819 --> 00:04:26,113 What a surprise. 206 00:04:26,155 --> 00:04:28,323 Two Jessicas. 207 00:04:26,155 --> 00:04:28,323 You gotta pick one. 208 00:04:28,364 --> 00:04:30,909 What do you do? Go. 209 00:04:30,951 --> 00:04:32,995 Right, well, 210 00:04:30,951 --> 00:04:32,995 I'm engaged, so... 211 00:04:33,036 --> 00:04:34,079 Fiancee's out of town. 212 00:04:34,121 --> 00:04:36,581 What do you do? Go! 213 00:04:36,623 --> 00:04:38,041 We're still engaged, 214 00:04:36,623 --> 00:04:38,041 even if she's out... 215 00:04:38,083 --> 00:04:40,127 Okay, fiancee's dead. 216 00:04:38,083 --> 00:04:40,127 Hit by a bus. 217 00:04:40,169 --> 00:04:41,962 What do you do? Go. 218 00:04:43,797 --> 00:04:45,048 Mmm. 219 00:04:43,797 --> 00:04:45,048 Mmm. 220 00:04:46,424 --> 00:04:47,592 Sure you don't want one? 221 00:04:47,634 --> 00:04:49,302 How many of those 222 00:04:47,634 --> 00:04:49,302 have you eaten? 223 00:04:49,344 --> 00:04:51,138 Four... teen. 224 00:04:51,180 --> 00:04:52,764 No. Just four. 225 00:04:52,806 --> 00:04:55,225 And the icing 226 00:04:52,806 --> 00:04:55,225 from two more. 227 00:04:52,806 --> 00:04:55,225 Mmm. 228 00:04:55,266 --> 00:04:58,020 So, anyway. 229 00:04:55,266 --> 00:04:58,020 Here's the problem. 230 00:04:58,061 --> 00:04:59,896 Hey, it's Ted. 231 00:04:58,061 --> 00:04:59,896 Um, I guess you're asleep. 232 00:04:59,938 --> 00:05:03,859 Anyway, 233 00:04:59,938 --> 00:05:03,859 I got the care package 234 00:04:59,938 --> 00:05:03,859 and it's just great. 235 00:05:04,776 --> 00:05:06,236 Here, listen. 236 00:05:09,156 --> 00:05:10,949 So, I'm standing there, 237 00:05:10,991 --> 00:05:14,285 my mouth full 238 00:05:10,991 --> 00:05:14,285 of this delicious, 239 00:05:10,991 --> 00:05:14,285 relationship-winning cupcake, 240 00:05:15,620 --> 00:05:17,873 and I said something dumb. 241 00:05:17,914 --> 00:05:21,043 Oh, and don't worry. 242 00:05:17,914 --> 00:05:21,043 Yours is in the mail. 243 00:05:21,084 --> 00:05:22,627 I sent it a couple days ago. 244 00:05:22,669 --> 00:05:26,173 And it's awesome. 245 00:05:22,669 --> 00:05:26,173 Really, really awesome. 246 00:05:26,215 --> 00:05:28,050 Why did I say that? 247 00:05:28,091 --> 00:05:30,093 I think frosting 248 00:05:28,091 --> 00:05:30,093 makes me lie. 249 00:05:31,302 --> 00:05:33,055 Oh, Teddy boy. 250 00:05:33,096 --> 00:05:35,515 Yeah. So now, 251 00:05:33,096 --> 00:05:35,515 whatever I send her, 252 00:05:35,557 --> 00:05:37,350 she'll know I sent it 253 00:05:35,557 --> 00:05:37,350 after I talked to her. 254 00:05:37,392 --> 00:05:40,062 So, that's the problem. 255 00:05:37,392 --> 00:05:40,062 You work on that. 256 00:05:40,103 --> 00:05:41,771 I'm gonna eat this cupcake. 257 00:05:41,813 --> 00:05:43,982 All right, 258 00:05:41,813 --> 00:05:43,982 here's what you do. 259 00:05:44,024 --> 00:05:46,776 Put together 260 00:05:44,024 --> 00:05:46,776 a care package of stuff 261 00:05:44,024 --> 00:05:46,776 from New York. 262 00:05:46,818 --> 00:05:50,030 Some H&H Bagels, 263 00:05:46,818 --> 00:05:50,030 an Empire State 264 00:05:46,818 --> 00:05:50,030 Building key chain, 265 00:05:50,072 --> 00:05:53,242 and then top off the package 266 00:05:50,072 --> 00:05:53,242 with a New York Times, ready? 267 00:05:53,283 --> 00:05:55,952 From three days ago. 268 00:05:55,994 --> 00:05:58,247 That's brilliant. 269 00:05:55,994 --> 00:05:58,247 You're brilliant. 270 00:05:58,288 --> 00:05:59,706 Oh. 271 00:05:59,748 --> 00:06:01,041 You know, it's funny, 272 00:05:59,748 --> 00:06:01,041 not so long ago, 273 00:06:01,083 --> 00:06:02,625 I was coming 274 00:06:01,083 --> 00:06:02,625 to Marshall and Lily 275 00:06:02,667 --> 00:06:04,586 for advice 276 00:06:02,667 --> 00:06:04,586 on how to impress you. 277 00:06:04,627 --> 00:06:06,129 That is funny. 278 00:06:06,171 --> 00:06:07,881 And here's why it was funny. 279 00:06:07,923 --> 00:06:10,425 Little did I realize, 280 00:06:07,923 --> 00:06:10,425 a few weeks earlier, 281 00:06:10,466 --> 00:06:13,053 here's what Robin 282 00:06:10,466 --> 00:06:13,053 was saying to Lily 283 00:06:10,466 --> 00:06:13,053 about me. 284 00:06:13,095 --> 00:06:15,097 Okay, fine! 285 00:06:13,095 --> 00:06:15,097 I have feelings for him. 286 00:06:16,265 --> 00:06:17,849 Now, it's ironic 287 00:06:16,265 --> 00:06:17,849 the girl I used to like 288 00:06:17,891 --> 00:06:19,642 is helping me impress 289 00:06:17,891 --> 00:06:19,642 the girl I now like. 290 00:06:19,684 --> 00:06:21,144 The irony is clear, Ted. 291 00:06:24,689 --> 00:06:27,817 Hey! How was your first day? 292 00:06:27,859 --> 00:06:29,236 I don't want 293 00:06:27,859 --> 00:06:29,236 to talk about it. 294 00:06:31,821 --> 00:06:34,032 The guys I work with 295 00:06:31,821 --> 00:06:34,032 are a bunch of jerks. 296 00:06:34,074 --> 00:06:35,867 What? 297 00:06:34,074 --> 00:06:35,867 They're jerks. 298 00:06:35,909 --> 00:06:37,660 Well, what makes them jerks? 299 00:06:37,702 --> 00:06:40,122 Forget it. 300 00:06:37,702 --> 00:06:40,122 I don't want 301 00:06:37,702 --> 00:06:40,122 to talk about it. 302 00:06:40,163 --> 00:06:41,748 Well, like today at lunch. 303 00:06:43,833 --> 00:06:44,834 What you got 304 00:06:43,833 --> 00:06:44,834 there, Eriksen? 305 00:06:44,876 --> 00:06:45,961 Mommy pack 306 00:06:44,876 --> 00:06:45,961 your lunch? 307 00:06:47,254 --> 00:06:49,131 For your information, 308 00:06:47,254 --> 00:06:49,131 my fiancee did. 309 00:06:49,172 --> 00:06:52,634 Oh. Does she cut the crusts 310 00:06:49,172 --> 00:06:52,634 off your sandwich, too? 311 00:06:52,675 --> 00:06:53,969 No. 312 00:07:01,101 --> 00:07:03,019 What's that? 313 00:07:01,101 --> 00:07:03,019 Nothing. 314 00:07:03,061 --> 00:07:04,938 Give it! 315 00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:08,191 "Dear Marshmallow, 316 00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:08,191 good luck today. 317 00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:08,191 I love you! Lilypad." 318 00:07:08,233 --> 00:07:09,567 Give it! 319 00:07:09,609 --> 00:07:11,778 "P.S. If you've 320 00:07:09,609 --> 00:07:11,778 unfolded this note, 321 00:07:11,820 --> 00:07:14,405 "your kiss already got out. 322 00:07:11,820 --> 00:07:14,405 Quick, catch it!" 323 00:07:14,447 --> 00:07:16,074 Give it back! 324 00:07:14,447 --> 00:07:16,074 Hey, give it! 325 00:07:16,116 --> 00:07:17,867 Give me... 326 00:07:16,116 --> 00:07:17,867 Give it! 327 00:07:17,909 --> 00:07:19,494 Oh, screw those guys! 328 00:07:19,535 --> 00:07:21,454 We're adorable. 329 00:07:19,535 --> 00:07:21,454 I know. 330 00:07:21,496 --> 00:07:24,415 God! It's like freshman year, 331 00:07:21,496 --> 00:07:24,415 all over again. 332 00:07:24,457 --> 00:07:26,084 Only, this time, 333 00:07:24,457 --> 00:07:26,084 my sweet dance moves 334 00:07:26,126 --> 00:07:28,086 aren't gonna be enough 335 00:07:26,126 --> 00:07:28,086 to win them over. 336 00:07:28,128 --> 00:07:29,671 Not even Old Reliable. 337 00:07:34,968 --> 00:07:38,513 Sweetie, it would be cool 338 00:07:34,968 --> 00:07:38,513 to have some extra money, 339 00:07:38,554 --> 00:07:41,141 but... but if you're unhappy, 340 00:07:38,554 --> 00:07:41,141 it's not worth it. 341 00:07:42,225 --> 00:07:43,518 I quit. 342 00:07:43,559 --> 00:07:44,727 What? No. You... 343 00:07:44,769 --> 00:07:46,021 We're having so much fun. 344 00:07:46,062 --> 00:07:48,190 You, me, working together. 345 00:07:46,062 --> 00:07:48,190 It's great. 346 00:07:48,231 --> 00:07:49,858 We're not even 347 00:07:48,231 --> 00:07:49,858 working together, Barney. 348 00:07:49,899 --> 00:07:51,818 I'm in the legal department 349 00:07:49,899 --> 00:07:51,818 and you're... 350 00:07:51,860 --> 00:07:52,986 Seriously, 351 00:07:51,860 --> 00:07:52,986 what is it that you do? 352 00:07:54,070 --> 00:07:56,072 Please. 353 00:07:56,114 --> 00:07:59,659 I'm sorry. 354 00:07:56,114 --> 00:07:59,659 Dude, this corporate thing, 355 00:07:56,114 --> 00:07:59,659 it's just... It's not for me. 356 00:07:59,701 --> 00:08:01,786 No, of course 357 00:07:59,701 --> 00:08:01,786 it's not for you. 358 00:08:02,704 --> 00:08:04,164 It's for Lily. 359 00:08:05,165 --> 00:08:06,749 What? 360 00:08:05,165 --> 00:08:06,749 Marshall, 361 00:08:06,791 --> 00:08:08,751 Lily's a catch. 362 00:08:08,793 --> 00:08:10,795 But do you really 363 00:08:08,793 --> 00:08:10,795 think you're gonna 364 00:08:08,793 --> 00:08:10,795 hang on to a girl that great 365 00:08:10,837 --> 00:08:11,796 without the package? 366 00:08:11,838 --> 00:08:12,964 The package? 367 00:08:13,006 --> 00:08:14,716 The package. 368 00:08:13,006 --> 00:08:14,716 The house, the car, 369 00:08:14,757 --> 00:08:16,509 sending your kids 370 00:08:14,757 --> 00:08:16,509 to a great school. 371 00:08:16,551 --> 00:08:17,886 A vacation 372 00:08:16,551 --> 00:08:17,886 once in a while. 373 00:08:17,927 --> 00:08:19,929 Lily doesn't care 374 00:08:17,927 --> 00:08:19,929 about that stuff. 375 00:08:19,971 --> 00:08:22,182 Well, no. 376 00:08:19,971 --> 00:08:22,182 Now she doesn't. 377 00:08:22,224 --> 00:08:24,059 But how's she gonna feel 378 00:08:22,224 --> 00:08:24,059 in a couple of years 379 00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:26,811 when she's supporting you 380 00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:26,811 on a kindergarten teacher's 381 00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:26,811 salary, 382 00:08:26,853 --> 00:08:28,521 while you're off in court, 383 00:08:28,563 --> 00:08:33,235 defending some endangered 384 00:08:28,563 --> 00:08:33,235 South American flying beaver. 385 00:08:34,777 --> 00:08:35,945 I know. 386 00:08:37,197 --> 00:08:38,740 She'll be happy. 387 00:08:38,781 --> 00:08:40,283 Okay. 388 00:08:40,325 --> 00:08:42,285 But will you be happy, 389 00:08:42,327 --> 00:08:45,330 knowing you could have 390 00:08:42,327 --> 00:08:45,330 made her a lot happier? 391 00:08:47,582 --> 00:08:49,418 And all four 392 00:08:47,582 --> 00:08:49,418 are totally naked. 393 00:08:49,459 --> 00:08:50,919 You gotta choose one. 394 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,879 What do you do? Go. 395 00:08:54,256 --> 00:08:57,967 I guess, uh, Bea Arthur. 396 00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:00,803 Wrong. Betty White. 397 00:09:02,097 --> 00:09:04,307 Clean this stuff up, Eriksen. 398 00:09:10,021 --> 00:09:12,315 So, did she get 399 00:09:10,021 --> 00:09:12,315 the awesome care package yet? 400 00:09:12,357 --> 00:09:13,733 Yep. Yesterday. 401 00:09:13,775 --> 00:09:14,901 Did she love it? 402 00:09:14,943 --> 00:09:16,819 Oh, she loved it. 403 00:09:16,861 --> 00:09:18,905 So what's the problem? 404 00:09:18,947 --> 00:09:21,283 So I was talking 405 00:09:18,947 --> 00:09:21,283 to her last night, 406 00:09:18,947 --> 00:09:21,283 and I should tell you, 407 00:09:21,324 --> 00:09:23,034 we've been 408 00:09:21,324 --> 00:09:23,034 talking on the phone 409 00:09:21,324 --> 00:09:23,034 every other night 410 00:09:23,076 --> 00:09:24,702 for, like, 411 00:09:23,076 --> 00:09:24,702 an hour and a half. 412 00:09:24,744 --> 00:09:26,246 Eventually, you just 413 00:09:24,744 --> 00:09:26,246 run out of stuff to say. 414 00:09:28,873 --> 00:09:31,293 What did you have 415 00:09:28,873 --> 00:09:31,293 for lunch today? 416 00:09:31,334 --> 00:09:32,419 Mmm-hmm. 417 00:09:32,461 --> 00:09:33,962 Oh, rye bread. 418 00:09:34,879 --> 00:09:36,005 Oh. 419 00:09:39,050 --> 00:09:40,302 Mmm-hmm. 420 00:09:41,552 --> 00:09:43,179 Yeah. 421 00:09:43,221 --> 00:09:44,597 Mmm. 422 00:09:49,519 --> 00:09:51,313 Oh, Teddy boy. 423 00:09:51,354 --> 00:09:53,273 I'm usually so good 424 00:09:51,354 --> 00:09:53,273 at being a boyfriend, 425 00:09:53,315 --> 00:09:55,817 but this 426 00:09:53,315 --> 00:09:55,817 never-seeing-each-other 427 00:09:53,315 --> 00:09:55,817 thing, it's a bitch. 428 00:09:55,858 --> 00:09:58,069 Maybe it just 429 00:09:55,858 --> 00:09:58,069 can't be done. 430 00:09:58,111 --> 00:10:00,489 I think it's clear 431 00:09:58,111 --> 00:10:00,489 what I have to do. 432 00:10:00,530 --> 00:10:03,116 It's pretty clear. 433 00:10:03,158 --> 00:10:05,910 I have to go to Germany 434 00:10:03,158 --> 00:10:05,910 and surprise her. 435 00:10:05,952 --> 00:10:08,538 Totally what I was thinking. 436 00:10:08,579 --> 00:10:10,290 Get out of my head, man. 437 00:10:14,294 --> 00:10:16,629 Barney, 438 00:10:14,294 --> 00:10:16,629 how do I get these idiots 439 00:10:14,294 --> 00:10:16,629 to leave me alone? 440 00:10:17,964 --> 00:10:20,091 Marshall, 441 00:10:17,964 --> 00:10:20,091 consider the penguins. 442 00:10:21,009 --> 00:10:22,093 The penguins? 443 00:10:22,135 --> 00:10:23,594 On the wall. 444 00:10:28,558 --> 00:10:29,725 "Conformity. 445 00:10:29,767 --> 00:10:31,102 "It's the one 446 00:10:29,767 --> 00:10:31,102 who's different 447 00:10:31,144 --> 00:10:32,770 "that gets left 448 00:10:31,144 --> 00:10:32,770 out in the cold." 449 00:10:32,812 --> 00:10:34,605 This is 450 00:10:32,812 --> 00:10:34,605 a motivational poster? 451 00:10:34,647 --> 00:10:35,857 Look at yourself, 452 00:10:34,647 --> 00:10:35,857 Marshall. 453 00:10:35,898 --> 00:10:36,941 You're not happy. 454 00:10:36,983 --> 00:10:38,109 And you know why? 455 00:10:38,151 --> 00:10:39,861 Because you're different. 456 00:10:39,902 --> 00:10:42,489 Now, I suppose you could learn 457 00:10:39,902 --> 00:10:42,489 to love yourself 458 00:10:42,531 --> 00:10:45,074 for the unique 459 00:10:42,531 --> 00:10:45,074 little snowflake 460 00:10:42,531 --> 00:10:45,074 that you are. 461 00:10:45,116 --> 00:10:47,702 Or you could change 462 00:10:45,116 --> 00:10:47,702 your entire personality, 463 00:10:47,743 --> 00:10:49,162 which is just so much easier. 464 00:10:50,913 --> 00:10:53,791 Change your personality? 465 00:10:50,913 --> 00:10:53,791 That is so awful. 466 00:10:53,833 --> 00:10:55,585 And not at all 467 00:10:53,833 --> 00:10:55,585 motivational. 468 00:10:55,626 --> 00:10:56,711 Not necessarily. 469 00:10:56,752 --> 00:10:58,380 Okay, at first, 470 00:10:56,752 --> 00:10:58,380 I was appalled. 471 00:10:58,421 --> 00:11:00,507 But then I realized 472 00:11:00,549 --> 00:11:03,718 it's just like 473 00:11:00,549 --> 00:11:03,718 Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vazquez 474 00:11:00,549 --> 00:11:03,718 in Life Among The Gorillas. 475 00:11:03,759 --> 00:11:05,928 No, I have to gain 476 00:11:03,759 --> 00:11:05,928 the acceptance 477 00:11:03,759 --> 00:11:05,928 of the herd 478 00:11:05,970 --> 00:11:08,473 by behaving 479 00:11:05,970 --> 00:11:08,473 exactly like 480 00:11:05,970 --> 00:11:08,473 one of them. 481 00:11:08,515 --> 00:11:09,932 It's an 482 00:11:08,515 --> 00:11:09,932 anthropological study. 483 00:11:09,974 --> 00:11:11,434 Isn't that cool? 484 00:11:11,476 --> 00:11:13,686 Well, it sounds 485 00:11:11,476 --> 00:11:13,686 kind of like peer pressure. 486 00:11:13,728 --> 00:11:16,772 No, no, no. 487 00:11:13,728 --> 00:11:16,772 It's totally 488 00:11:13,728 --> 00:11:16,772 anthropological. 489 00:11:16,814 --> 00:11:18,941 And it's cool. 490 00:11:16,814 --> 00:11:18,941 And I'm doing it. 491 00:11:18,983 --> 00:11:21,110 Yeah, I'm pretty sure 492 00:11:18,983 --> 00:11:21,110 it's peer pressure. 493 00:11:21,152 --> 00:11:23,405 We have 494 00:11:21,152 --> 00:11:23,405 an assembly every year. 495 00:11:23,446 --> 00:11:27,283 I'm portraying 496 00:11:23,446 --> 00:11:27,283 someone who succumbs 497 00:11:23,446 --> 00:11:27,283 to peer pressure. 498 00:11:27,325 --> 00:11:29,660 All right. 499 00:11:29,702 --> 00:11:32,830 But if those guys 500 00:11:29,702 --> 00:11:32,830 try to pressure you 501 00:11:29,702 --> 00:11:32,830 to smoke, what do you say? 502 00:11:32,872 --> 00:11:33,956 Only when I'm drunk. 503 00:11:33,998 --> 00:11:36,000 Good boy. 504 00:11:36,042 --> 00:11:38,002 And so, 505 00:11:36,042 --> 00:11:38,002 to fit in with the gorillas, 506 00:11:38,044 --> 00:11:40,463 Marshall had to learn 507 00:11:38,044 --> 00:11:40,463 to act like a gorilla. 508 00:11:40,505 --> 00:11:42,715 And that meant 509 00:11:40,505 --> 00:11:42,715 gorilla lessons. 510 00:11:42,757 --> 00:11:46,677 Okay. I'm psyched about this. 511 00:11:42,757 --> 00:11:46,677 But if I'm gonna mentor you, 512 00:11:46,719 --> 00:11:48,430 I need to know 513 00:11:46,719 --> 00:11:48,430 you're psyched 514 00:11:46,719 --> 00:11:48,430 about this, too. 515 00:11:48,471 --> 00:11:50,973 Oh, I am. 516 00:11:48,471 --> 00:11:50,973 I'm psyched. 517 00:11:51,015 --> 00:11:52,975 Yeah, 518 00:11:51,015 --> 00:11:52,975 but it's one thing 519 00:11:51,015 --> 00:11:52,975 to say it. 520 00:11:53,017 --> 00:11:55,061 It's another thing 521 00:11:53,017 --> 00:11:55,061 to show it. 522 00:11:56,479 --> 00:11:57,730 Show it. 523 00:12:01,150 --> 00:12:02,735 I'm psyched! 524 00:12:03,819 --> 00:12:05,321 What was that? 525 00:12:08,241 --> 00:12:11,453 Marshall, I should feel 526 00:12:08,241 --> 00:12:11,453 tremors of psychetude 527 00:12:11,494 --> 00:12:13,871 rock my body 528 00:12:11,494 --> 00:12:13,871 like a seizure. 529 00:12:13,913 --> 00:12:16,541 That was like a declawed, 530 00:12:13,913 --> 00:12:16,541 pregnant cat 531 00:12:16,583 --> 00:12:19,168 on a porch swing 532 00:12:16,583 --> 00:12:19,168 idly swatting at a fly 533 00:12:19,210 --> 00:12:22,380 on a lazy Sunday afternoon. 534 00:12:22,422 --> 00:12:24,173 Wow, 535 00:12:22,422 --> 00:12:24,173 that was really specific. 536 00:12:24,215 --> 00:12:26,259 Show me you're psyched! 537 00:12:29,178 --> 00:12:31,222 Let's do this! 538 00:12:31,264 --> 00:12:32,474 Gol, that hurt! 539 00:12:32,515 --> 00:12:34,559 So badly! 540 00:12:34,601 --> 00:12:38,020 And then you 541 00:12:34,601 --> 00:12:38,020 slip it to the guy 542 00:12:34,601 --> 00:12:38,020 with a discreet handshake, 543 00:12:38,062 --> 00:12:40,106 and he'll get it done. 544 00:12:38,062 --> 00:12:40,106 Right. 545 00:12:40,148 --> 00:12:41,441 Get what done? 546 00:12:41,483 --> 00:12:43,151 Whatever. 547 00:12:41,483 --> 00:12:43,151 Cool. 548 00:12:43,192 --> 00:12:44,777 And what guy is this? 549 00:12:44,819 --> 00:12:46,195 There's always a guy. 550 00:12:46,237 --> 00:12:47,530 Okay. All right. 551 00:12:48,657 --> 00:12:50,575 I think I'm ready. 552 00:12:48,657 --> 00:12:50,575 You sure? 553 00:12:50,617 --> 00:12:52,827 You want to 554 00:12:50,617 --> 00:12:52,827 practice your story 555 00:12:50,617 --> 00:12:52,827 one more time? 556 00:12:53,786 --> 00:12:55,455 All right. 557 00:12:57,915 --> 00:13:00,293 So, dude, check it. 558 00:12:57,915 --> 00:13:00,293 I'm in San Diego 559 00:13:00,335 --> 00:13:02,211 with two of my 560 00:13:00,335 --> 00:13:02,211 brosephs from Kappa, 561 00:13:02,253 --> 00:13:06,257 and they're all, 562 00:13:02,253 --> 00:13:06,257 "Yo, Eriksen, let's roll 563 00:13:02,253 --> 00:13:06,257 to the strip clubs!" 564 00:13:06,299 --> 00:13:08,635 So, I'm like, 565 00:13:06,299 --> 00:13:08,635 "A-snappa-doo!" 566 00:13:08,677 --> 00:13:11,304 So we find this 567 00:13:08,677 --> 00:13:11,304 choice nudie nest 568 00:13:08,677 --> 00:13:11,304 near the airport... 569 00:13:11,346 --> 00:13:14,307 And that is when the bouncer 570 00:13:11,346 --> 00:13:14,307 kicked us out. 571 00:13:14,349 --> 00:13:17,644 Now, I have no idea 572 00:13:14,349 --> 00:13:17,644 if Svetlana ever 573 00:13:14,349 --> 00:13:17,644 got her green card, 574 00:13:17,686 --> 00:13:20,605 but, dudes, 575 00:13:17,686 --> 00:13:20,605 fake diamond ring? 576 00:13:20,647 --> 00:13:22,607 Worth every penny, bro. 577 00:13:24,108 --> 00:13:28,904 Eriksen, 578 00:13:24,108 --> 00:13:28,904 that was steak sauce! 579 00:13:30,281 --> 00:13:31,366 Awesome, bro. 580 00:13:31,407 --> 00:13:33,326 Yeah. Yeah. 581 00:13:31,407 --> 00:13:33,326 Get out! 582 00:13:33,368 --> 00:13:34,452 Great story. 583 00:13:49,509 --> 00:13:52,637 The next morning, 584 00:13:49,509 --> 00:13:52,637 I was about to buy 585 00:13:49,509 --> 00:13:52,637 my ticket to Germany 586 00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:54,472 when I got an e-mail. 587 00:13:54,514 --> 00:13:55,890 Uh-oh. 588 00:13:55,931 --> 00:13:57,933 "Hey, Ted. Sorry I missed 589 00:13:55,931 --> 00:13:57,933 your call last night. 590 00:13:57,975 --> 00:14:00,311 "This long-distance 591 00:13:57,975 --> 00:14:00,311 thing sucks, huh? 592 00:14:00,353 --> 00:14:03,439 "Listen, I've been thinking 593 00:14:00,353 --> 00:14:03,439 and I really need to 594 00:14:00,353 --> 00:14:03,439 talk to you tonight. 595 00:14:03,481 --> 00:14:05,941 "I'll call you at 11:00. 596 00:14:03,481 --> 00:14:05,941 Victoria." 597 00:14:05,983 --> 00:14:07,860 So? 598 00:14:05,983 --> 00:14:07,860 So? 599 00:14:07,902 --> 00:14:09,445 She's gonna dump me. 600 00:14:09,487 --> 00:14:11,197 Has anyone ever said, 601 00:14:09,487 --> 00:14:11,197 "Listen, I've been thinking," 602 00:14:11,239 --> 00:14:12,574 and then followed it up 603 00:14:11,239 --> 00:14:12,574 with something good? 604 00:14:12,615 --> 00:14:14,784 It's not like, 605 00:14:12,615 --> 00:14:14,784 "Listen, I've been thinking, 606 00:14:14,825 --> 00:14:16,952 "Nutter Butters are 607 00:14:14,825 --> 00:14:16,952 an underrated cookie." 608 00:14:17,912 --> 00:14:19,288 What else could it be? 609 00:14:19,330 --> 00:14:20,665 What could she 610 00:14:19,330 --> 00:14:20,665 possibly have to say to me 611 00:14:20,707 --> 00:14:22,375 that she couldn't 612 00:14:20,707 --> 00:14:22,375 write in an e-mail? 613 00:14:22,417 --> 00:14:24,377 "I cut off all my fingers." 614 00:14:25,961 --> 00:14:28,297 Ted, you're a great guy. 615 00:14:25,961 --> 00:14:28,297 I know it. 616 00:14:28,339 --> 00:14:29,924 You know it. She knows it. 617 00:14:29,965 --> 00:14:31,884 I would bet you 618 00:14:29,965 --> 00:14:31,884 a gazillion dollars... 619 00:14:31,926 --> 00:14:33,762 No, I'm even more confident. 620 00:14:33,803 --> 00:14:35,846 I would bet you 621 00:14:33,803 --> 00:14:35,846 a floppity jillion dollars 622 00:14:35,888 --> 00:14:37,973 that she's not calling 623 00:14:35,888 --> 00:14:37,973 to break up with you. 624 00:14:38,015 --> 00:14:40,810 Thanks. You're right. 625 00:14:38,015 --> 00:14:40,810 I'm being crazy. 626 00:14:40,851 --> 00:14:42,687 So I should still buy 627 00:14:40,851 --> 00:14:42,687 that plane ticket, right? 628 00:14:42,729 --> 00:14:43,854 I'd wait. 629 00:14:46,608 --> 00:14:49,151 'Sup, Blauman. 630 00:14:46,608 --> 00:14:49,151 E-Bomb here. 631 00:14:49,193 --> 00:14:51,529 We still on for karaoke? 632 00:14:51,571 --> 00:14:52,781 Dope! 633 00:14:52,822 --> 00:14:54,532 I'm gonna rock you 634 00:14:52,822 --> 00:14:54,532 on the mike so hard 635 00:14:54,574 --> 00:14:56,743 your ears are 636 00:14:54,574 --> 00:14:56,743 gonna bleed gravy. 637 00:14:56,785 --> 00:14:59,120 Catch you on the flip, 638 00:14:56,785 --> 00:14:59,120 butt puppet. 639 00:15:00,079 --> 00:15:01,330 Okay. 640 00:15:03,499 --> 00:15:05,460 What do you think? 641 00:15:05,501 --> 00:15:07,629 Steak sauce. 642 00:15:07,670 --> 00:15:09,130 Steak sauce? 643 00:15:09,171 --> 00:15:10,673 Yeah. 644 00:15:10,715 --> 00:15:12,383 Yeah, look, you know, 645 00:15:12,425 --> 00:15:15,595 whatever anthropology 646 00:15:12,425 --> 00:15:15,595 you do at work 647 00:15:12,425 --> 00:15:15,595 is your business. 648 00:15:15,637 --> 00:15:18,765 But, please, 649 00:15:15,637 --> 00:15:18,765 don't act like that 650 00:15:15,637 --> 00:15:18,765 around here. 651 00:15:18,807 --> 00:15:21,309 Lily, when 652 00:15:18,807 --> 00:15:21,309 Doctor Aurelia Birnholz... 653 00:15:21,350 --> 00:15:26,230 No, when Dr. Australia 654 00:15:21,350 --> 00:15:26,230 Birdbath-Vaseline came home 655 00:15:21,350 --> 00:15:26,230 from the gorillas, 656 00:15:26,272 --> 00:15:29,150 she didn't run around 657 00:15:26,272 --> 00:15:29,150 picking nits 658 00:15:26,272 --> 00:15:29,150 out of people's hair 659 00:15:29,191 --> 00:15:31,944 and... and throwing feces. 660 00:15:31,986 --> 00:15:35,281 I'm begging you. 661 00:15:31,986 --> 00:15:35,281 Just... Just leave it 662 00:15:31,986 --> 00:15:35,281 at the office. 663 00:15:35,323 --> 00:15:36,741 Why? 664 00:15:36,783 --> 00:15:38,367 Because you're acting 665 00:15:36,783 --> 00:15:38,367 like one of those guys, 666 00:15:38,409 --> 00:15:40,703 and those guys are lame. 667 00:15:40,745 --> 00:15:43,706 Okay, those guys 668 00:15:40,745 --> 00:15:43,706 were mean at first, yes. 669 00:15:43,748 --> 00:15:45,458 But they're 670 00:15:43,748 --> 00:15:45,458 actually good guys, 671 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:48,043 and if you got to know them, 672 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:48,043 then you would see that. 673 00:15:48,085 --> 00:15:50,087 Look, come karaoke 674 00:15:48,085 --> 00:15:50,087 with us tonight, 675 00:15:50,129 --> 00:15:53,090 and you'll see how totally 676 00:15:50,129 --> 00:15:53,090 not that lame they are. 677 00:15:53,132 --> 00:15:54,258 Okay? 678 00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:56,135 Okay. 679 00:15:56,177 --> 00:15:58,805 But, wait. 680 00:15:56,177 --> 00:15:58,805 Knock, knock, 681 00:15:56,177 --> 00:15:58,805 back door. 682 00:15:58,847 --> 00:15:59,806 Who's there? 683 00:15:59,848 --> 00:16:02,391 Angelina Jolie, 684 00:15:59,848 --> 00:16:02,391 wait, 685 00:16:02,433 --> 00:16:04,185 in a wheelchair. 686 00:16:04,226 --> 00:16:06,604 What do you do? Go. 687 00:16:06,646 --> 00:16:09,607 Dude, Scarlett Johansson 688 00:16:06,646 --> 00:16:09,607 with no arms 689 00:16:06,646 --> 00:16:09,607 any day of the week! 690 00:16:11,776 --> 00:16:15,655 You're right. 691 00:16:11,776 --> 00:16:15,655 They're delightful. 692 00:16:15,697 --> 00:16:16,989 So, Barney, 693 00:16:15,697 --> 00:16:16,989 you gonna sing anything? 694 00:16:18,073 --> 00:16:19,408 I'm so over karaoke. 695 00:16:19,450 --> 00:16:21,744 Really? I thought 696 00:16:19,450 --> 00:16:21,744 you'd be totally into it. 697 00:16:21,786 --> 00:16:23,663 Oh, don't get me wrong. 698 00:16:21,786 --> 00:16:23,663 I'm good. 699 00:16:23,705 --> 00:16:25,707 The best, really. 700 00:16:25,748 --> 00:16:30,461 But it's the greatest samurai 701 00:16:25,748 --> 00:16:30,461 who lets his sword rust 702 00:16:25,748 --> 00:16:30,461 in its scabbard. 703 00:16:30,503 --> 00:16:32,547 Oh, baby, 704 00:16:30,503 --> 00:16:32,547 they have our song. 705 00:16:32,588 --> 00:16:34,799 Let's do 706 00:16:32,588 --> 00:16:34,799 Don't Go Breaking My Heart. 707 00:16:34,841 --> 00:16:35,884 What? 708 00:16:35,925 --> 00:16:37,176 Don't Go Breaking My Heart. 709 00:16:37,218 --> 00:16:38,553 Elton John. Kiki Dee. 710 00:16:38,594 --> 00:16:39,929 No way. 711 00:16:39,970 --> 00:16:41,597 You gotta go with 712 00:16:39,970 --> 00:16:41,597 some Black Sabbath. 713 00:16:39,970 --> 00:16:41,597 Ooh! 714 00:16:41,639 --> 00:16:42,973 Well, actually, 715 00:16:41,639 --> 00:16:42,973 Marshall and I have 716 00:16:43,015 --> 00:16:44,475 this little 717 00:16:43,015 --> 00:16:44,475 dance routine we do... 718 00:16:44,517 --> 00:16:46,977 Iron Man. 719 00:16:44,517 --> 00:16:46,977 I could do Iron Man. 720 00:16:47,019 --> 00:16:48,020 Steak sauce. 721 00:16:48,062 --> 00:16:49,188 Steak sauce, dude. 722 00:16:50,940 --> 00:16:52,650 Should we tell him? 723 00:16:52,692 --> 00:16:54,985 All right, Eriksen, 724 00:16:52,692 --> 00:16:54,985 I've got some good news. 725 00:16:55,027 --> 00:16:58,823 On Monday, 726 00:16:55,027 --> 00:16:58,823 Bilson and I are gonna talk 727 00:16:55,027 --> 00:16:58,823 to Montague in HR. 728 00:16:58,865 --> 00:17:03,035 When you graduate, 729 00:16:58,865 --> 00:17:03,035 we want you working with us. 730 00:17:03,077 --> 00:17:04,704 What do you say? 731 00:17:09,918 --> 00:17:11,168 Yes! 732 00:17:09,918 --> 00:17:11,168 My man! 733 00:17:11,210 --> 00:17:12,879 I told you he would. 734 00:17:12,921 --> 00:17:14,589 We are gonna 735 00:17:12,921 --> 00:17:14,589 have a hoot. 736 00:17:14,630 --> 00:17:15,798 Oh, we're gonna 737 00:17:14,630 --> 00:17:15,798 own the office. 738 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,091 Steak sauce. 739 00:17:22,304 --> 00:17:24,265 Okay, that was gross. 740 00:17:24,306 --> 00:17:27,685 When were you gonna tell me 741 00:17:24,306 --> 00:17:27,685 you changed your 742 00:17:24,306 --> 00:17:27,685 entire career path? 743 00:17:27,727 --> 00:17:29,395 Nothing has changed, okay? 744 00:17:29,437 --> 00:17:31,522 I still want to help 745 00:17:29,437 --> 00:17:31,522 the environment. 746 00:17:31,564 --> 00:17:34,859 I just thought that maybe 747 00:17:31,564 --> 00:17:34,859 I can make some money 748 00:17:31,564 --> 00:17:34,859 for a few years. 749 00:17:34,901 --> 00:17:38,738 We could buy an apartment, 750 00:17:34,901 --> 00:17:38,738 send our kids to good schools. 751 00:17:38,780 --> 00:17:41,282 You could quit your job 752 00:17:38,780 --> 00:17:41,282 and focus on your painting. 753 00:17:41,323 --> 00:17:43,576 I know that you say 754 00:17:41,323 --> 00:17:43,576 you don't need it, 755 00:17:43,618 --> 00:17:47,037 but I love you and I want to 756 00:17:43,618 --> 00:17:47,037 give it to you anyway. 757 00:17:47,079 --> 00:17:49,248 I want to give you 758 00:17:47,079 --> 00:17:49,248 the package. 759 00:17:49,290 --> 00:17:50,917 The package? 760 00:17:50,959 --> 00:17:53,335 You've already 761 00:17:50,959 --> 00:17:53,335 given me the package. 762 00:17:53,377 --> 00:17:55,337 You've got a great package, 763 00:17:53,377 --> 00:17:55,337 Marshall. 764 00:17:55,379 --> 00:17:57,214 I love your package. 765 00:17:57,256 --> 00:18:00,635 Lily, you're the most 766 00:17:57,256 --> 00:18:00,635 incredible woman I know 767 00:18:00,676 --> 00:18:03,304 and you deserve 768 00:18:00,676 --> 00:18:03,304 a big package. 769 00:18:03,345 --> 00:18:07,266 Your package 770 00:18:03,345 --> 00:18:07,266 has always been big enough. 771 00:18:07,308 --> 00:18:10,060 You may not realize this, 772 00:18:07,308 --> 00:18:10,060 Marshall Eriksen, 773 00:18:10,102 --> 00:18:12,396 but you've got 774 00:18:10,102 --> 00:18:12,396 a huge package. 775 00:18:19,069 --> 00:18:20,488 Yeah. 776 00:18:24,867 --> 00:18:26,995 Hello? 777 00:18:24,867 --> 00:18:26,995 Why hasn't she called yet? 778 00:18:27,036 --> 00:18:28,663 Okay, you're making 779 00:18:27,036 --> 00:18:28,663 yourself crazy. 780 00:18:28,704 --> 00:18:30,832 It's Saturday night. 781 00:18:28,704 --> 00:18:30,832 Go out and do something. 782 00:18:30,873 --> 00:18:32,249 No, what's the point 783 00:18:30,873 --> 00:18:32,249 of going out? 784 00:18:32,291 --> 00:18:34,961 I got a girlfriend. 785 00:18:32,291 --> 00:18:34,961 For now. 786 00:18:35,003 --> 00:18:36,504 Besides, if I go out, 787 00:18:35,003 --> 00:18:36,504 who's gonna watch the news? 788 00:18:36,545 --> 00:18:38,088 I'm, like, 789 00:18:36,545 --> 00:18:38,088 half your viewership. 790 00:18:38,130 --> 00:18:40,758 I'm flattered 791 00:18:38,130 --> 00:18:40,758 you think we 792 00:18:38,130 --> 00:18:40,758 have two viewers. 793 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,343 She's not gonna 794 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,343 break up with you, Ted. 795 00:18:42,384 --> 00:18:43,886 You're awesome. 796 00:18:43,928 --> 00:18:46,055 Thanks. 797 00:18:43,928 --> 00:18:46,055 Anyway, it's almost 11:00. 798 00:18:46,096 --> 00:18:47,139 I should let you go. 799 00:18:47,181 --> 00:18:49,224 Break a leg. 800 00:18:49,266 --> 00:18:51,936 And so, 801 00:18:49,266 --> 00:18:51,936 as I sat at home, 802 00:18:49,266 --> 00:18:51,936 waiting for the phone to ring, 803 00:18:51,978 --> 00:18:54,146 something occurred to me. 804 00:18:54,188 --> 00:18:58,026 I'm actually sitting at home, 805 00:18:54,188 --> 00:18:58,026 waiting for the phone 806 00:18:54,188 --> 00:18:58,026 to ring. 807 00:19:04,114 --> 00:19:07,785 but not in his bed 808 00:19:12,623 --> 00:19:14,249 Marshall. 809 00:19:14,291 --> 00:19:16,210 Hey. 810 00:19:16,251 --> 00:19:18,004 Dude, I feel like 811 00:19:16,251 --> 00:19:18,004 I haven't seen you 812 00:19:16,251 --> 00:19:18,004 in a month. 813 00:19:18,046 --> 00:19:19,755 Yeah. 814 00:19:19,797 --> 00:19:22,675 Yeah. How're you doing? 815 00:19:22,717 --> 00:19:25,177 I think Victoria's 816 00:19:22,717 --> 00:19:25,177 about to break up with me. 817 00:19:25,219 --> 00:19:27,137 Oh, God. 818 00:19:25,219 --> 00:19:27,137 I'm sorry, man. 819 00:19:27,179 --> 00:19:29,473 Yeah, well, 820 00:19:29,515 --> 00:19:33,602 honestly, I'm having 821 00:19:29,515 --> 00:19:33,602 trouble remembering 822 00:19:29,515 --> 00:19:33,602 what she looks like. 823 00:19:33,644 --> 00:19:35,730 The more I try 824 00:19:33,644 --> 00:19:35,730 to picture her, 825 00:19:33,644 --> 00:19:35,730 the more I can't. 826 00:19:35,771 --> 00:19:37,565 Like, I remember 827 00:19:35,771 --> 00:19:37,565 how she makes me feel, 828 00:19:37,606 --> 00:19:40,860 I just don't 829 00:19:37,606 --> 00:19:40,860 completely 830 00:19:37,606 --> 00:19:40,860 remember her. 831 00:19:40,902 --> 00:19:44,072 It's like I'm trying 832 00:19:40,902 --> 00:19:44,072 to preserve something 833 00:19:40,902 --> 00:19:44,072 that's already gone. 834 00:19:44,113 --> 00:19:46,156 Preserving something 835 00:19:44,113 --> 00:19:46,156 that's already gone. 836 00:19:46,198 --> 00:19:48,283 Sounds like 837 00:19:46,198 --> 00:19:48,283 environmental law. 838 00:19:49,243 --> 00:19:50,828 I don't know. 839 00:19:50,870 --> 00:19:53,455 I mean, we struggle so hard 840 00:19:50,870 --> 00:19:53,455 to hold on to these things 841 00:19:53,497 --> 00:19:55,833 that we know 842 00:19:53,497 --> 00:19:55,833 are gonna 843 00:19:53,497 --> 00:19:55,833 disappear eventually. 844 00:19:55,875 --> 00:19:57,752 And that's really noble. 845 00:19:57,793 --> 00:19:59,545 But even if you 846 00:19:57,793 --> 00:19:59,545 save every rainforest 847 00:19:59,587 --> 00:20:01,463 from being turned 848 00:19:59,587 --> 00:20:01,463 into a parking lot, 849 00:20:01,505 --> 00:20:04,800 well, then, 850 00:20:01,505 --> 00:20:04,800 where are you 851 00:20:01,505 --> 00:20:04,800 gonna park your car? 852 00:20:21,817 --> 00:20:24,236 and they're done dirt cheap 853 00:20:24,278 --> 00:20:25,947 Ow! 854 00:20:30,034 --> 00:20:31,994 Rockupied. 855 00:20:30,034 --> 00:20:31,994 Dude, what... 856 00:20:36,165 --> 00:20:39,961 Next up, 857 00:20:36,165 --> 00:20:39,961 Marshmallow and Lilypad. 858 00:21:07,196 --> 00:21:09,782 It turns out 859 00:21:07,196 --> 00:21:09,782 some things are 860 00:21:07,196 --> 00:21:09,782 worth preserving. 861 00:21:09,824 --> 00:21:12,534 But here's the real question. 862 00:21:09,824 --> 00:21:12,534 It's 2:00 a.m. 863 00:21:12,576 --> 00:21:15,579 Your friends are 864 00:21:12,576 --> 00:21:15,579 still out singing karaoke, 865 00:21:12,576 --> 00:21:15,579 but you're home early, 866 00:21:15,621 --> 00:21:17,039 because you're 867 00:21:15,621 --> 00:21:17,039 expecting a call 868 00:21:17,081 --> 00:21:18,707 from your girlfriend 869 00:21:17,081 --> 00:21:18,707 in Germany 870 00:21:18,749 --> 00:21:21,543 who was supposed 871 00:21:18,749 --> 00:21:21,543 to call four hours ago. 872 00:21:21,585 --> 00:21:23,629 And then the phone rings. 873 00:21:27,133 --> 00:21:28,300 Hello? 874 00:21:28,342 --> 00:21:30,552 Hi, Ted, it's Robin. 875 00:21:30,594 --> 00:21:32,721 Um, listen, 876 00:21:30,594 --> 00:21:32,721 I know it's late, 877 00:21:32,763 --> 00:21:36,934 but, uh, 878 00:21:32,763 --> 00:21:36,934 do you want 879 00:21:32,763 --> 00:21:36,934 to come over? 880 00:21:36,976 --> 00:21:39,353 What do you do? Go.