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Previously on How

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I Met Your Mother.

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She was

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completely amazing.

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She was amazing

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and funny and...

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You have feelings

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for Ted?

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Maybe.

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I've just been

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offered a fellowship

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at a culinary

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institute in Germany.

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Do you wanna

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try long distance?

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Yes!

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"This long

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distance thing sucks, huh?

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"And I really need to

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talk to you tonight."

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She's gonna dump me!

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She's not gonna

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break up with you, Ted.

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Hello?

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Do you want to come over?

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Kids, your grandma

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always used to say to me,

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"Nothing good

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happens after 2:00 a.m."

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She was right.

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When 2:00 a.m. Rolls around,

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just go home and go to sleep.

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Case in point...

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Hello?

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Hi, Ted, it's Robin.

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Listen, I know it's late,

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but do you want to come over?

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Let's back up

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a little bit.

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Sit.

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Good boys. Okay.

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Remember, stay out

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of the liquor cabinet.

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See you tonight.

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So, the life of

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a television reporter

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is very rewarding,

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and I strongly urge you

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to consider it as a career.

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Thank you.

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Yeah.

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Do you have a fiance?

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Marshall was here yesterday.

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They just learned

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the word "fiance."

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No, I don't have a fiance.

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Then who do you live with?

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Well,

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actually, I've got five dogs.

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Don't you get lonely?

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No, I've got five dogs.

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My Grandma has five cats

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and she gets lonely.

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Well, yeah, that's cats.

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I'm not some

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pathetic cat lady.

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Not that your

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grandmother is...

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Does anyone else have a...

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Yes.

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Are you a lesbian?

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No, are you?

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Just because a woman

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lives alone

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doesn't mean she's a...

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Okay. Let's have a big hand

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for Robin the reporter!

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All right, our next

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guest is another friend...

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So, Robin, you ever

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report on train wrecks

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'cause I just saw one.

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What up. Tiny five.

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Laugh now. Those

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kids are monsters.

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They're gonna

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eat you alive.

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He has a job doing...

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What do you do?

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Please.

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Kids, let's rap.

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You guys don't give

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half a brown Crayola

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what I do for a living,

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do you?

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No.

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No, no. I know what you want.

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Magic.

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Yeah!

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Hello?

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Why hasn't she called yet?

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Okay,

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you're making yourself crazy.

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It's Saturday night.

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Go out and do something.

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No, what's

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the point of going out?

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I got a girlfriend. For now.

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Besides, if I go out,

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who's gonna watch the news?

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I'm like half

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your viewership.

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I'm flattered

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you think we

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have two viewers.

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And, we're clear.

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So, Scherbatsky.

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Got a boyfriend?

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No, and why does this

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keep coming up today?

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I just thought that guy you

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were on the phone with...

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What? Oh, no. That was Ted.

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He's just a friend.

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I mean, there was this moment

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where we almost dated,

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but we want

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completely different things.

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Anyway,

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now he has his girlfriend

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in Germany

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and he thinks she's calling

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to dump him tonight,

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but I don't think she is.

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And, besides,

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we want completely

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different things.

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We should have sex.

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What?

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Why not?

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We're both available.

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We're both attractive.

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We're both good at it.

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At least, I'm good at it.

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And even if you're not,

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don't worry.

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I'll have a good

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time either way.

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Well, moving past

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the horrifying image

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of your hair helmet

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clanging against

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the headboard,

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I don't get involved

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with people I work with.

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Get involved?

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Who said get involved?

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I'm just saying

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we should have sex.

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We're on in five, four...

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It'd be fun.

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Having sex is fun.

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Home number. Call me anytime.

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A lot of local teams

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in action tonight.

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Hey, guys.

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Miss me?

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I missed you, too.

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Hi, Ted, it's Robin.

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Listen, I know it's late,

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but do you want to come over?

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Ted?

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Yeah. Hi, I'm here.

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Do you want to come over?

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Why? What's up?

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Well, I just finally

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set up my new juicer,

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and I was gonna

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make some juice.

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And I was like,

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"You know who likes juice?

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Ted."

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I love juice.

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Great,

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so you want to come over

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and make juice?

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When it's after

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2:00 a.m. Just go to sleep.

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Because the decisions

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you make after 2:00 a.m.

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are the wrong decisions.

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Okay, sure,

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I'll come over, we'll

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juice.

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Yes, we'll juice.

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Okay.

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Okay, bye.

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Bye.

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This is fine.

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This is totally fine.

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What's fine?

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Oh, I'm going over

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to this girl's house

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to make some juice.

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Nice.

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No, it's not like that.

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We're juicing as friends.

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See, I have this girlfriend.

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I would never cheat on her.

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She lives in Germany.

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See, she was supposed

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to call me

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four hours ago to

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have a serious talk.

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I still haven't heard

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from her. I don't know.

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Sorry to bug you

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with my problems.

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Guess cab drivers

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are the new bartenders, huh?

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You ain't kidding, kid.

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Want a nip?

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You could just let

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me out right up here.

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Where are you

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going to buddy?

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Park Slope,

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Eighth and Eighth.

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Okay, here's where I left off

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with the last guy.

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See, I have a girlfriend,

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but I'm going over

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to this other girl's house...

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And you're wondering

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if I'd be upset.

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Hi, Ted.

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Remember me?

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Your girlfriend.

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Okay, relax.

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Robin's just a friend.

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Right. You're gonna

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go make some juice.

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Yes, yes.

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Juice is perfectly harmless.

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In fact, it's healthy.

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Oh, yeah?

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Then why are you wondering

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what she looks like naked?

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I am not...

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Okay, even if I am

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wondering that,

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it's only 'cause

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you put it in my head.

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But I am just a manifestation

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of your subconscious,

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so actually, you put it

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in your own head.

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Damn it!

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Nothing's gonna happen.

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Right.

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Okay, okay.

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You want a second opinion?

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Fine.

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Hey. Did she call?

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No. I need a ruling.

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I'm... Yeah, this is stupid.

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It's not even a big deal,

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but I'm on my

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way over to Robin's

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right now.

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She got a new juicer.

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Whatever.

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We're gonna test it out.

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Let me call you back.

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Honey, there's

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a situation developing.

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Do you remember

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the huge secret

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that you told me

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that you weren't

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supposed to, but you did?

282
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The thing about Robin?

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You mean, how Robin's

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in love with Ted?

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What?

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What?

287
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Yeah. She told me

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already. Go on.

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Wait. So I'm the only one

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that she didn't tell?

291
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She told you and not me?

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Well, I guess I'm

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just better friends

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with her than you are.

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Well,

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I'm better friends with Ted

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than you are.

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That is a lie.

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It is not a lie.

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Okay, that's it.

301
00:08:24,657 --> 00:08:25,951
You and me.

302
00:08:25,992 --> 00:08:27,493
You think you can take me?

303
00:08:25,992 --> 00:08:27,493
Come on!

304
00:08:27,535 --> 00:08:29,246
I'm not afraid of you!

305
00:08:27,535 --> 00:08:29,246
You're embarrassing your...

306
00:08:29,288 --> 00:08:30,663
I'll show you things

307
00:08:29,288 --> 00:08:30,663
you've never seen before!

308
00:08:34,751 --> 00:08:36,628
Come on. Pick up.

309
00:08:36,669 --> 00:08:38,255
Damn it, Victoria.

310
00:08:36,669 --> 00:08:38,255
Where are you?

311
00:08:38,297 --> 00:08:40,173
Pick up! Pick up!

312
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:42,383
Cupcake?

313
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:42,383
No, thanks.

314
00:08:42,425 --> 00:08:44,510
Where are you?

315
00:08:42,425 --> 00:08:44,510
Why haven't you called?

316
00:08:44,552 --> 00:08:46,596
I'm out hooking up.

317
00:08:46,638 --> 00:08:48,890
With three other guys.

318
00:08:48,932 --> 00:08:51,310
Or maybe I'm

319
00:08:48,932 --> 00:08:51,310
a devoted girlfriend

320
00:08:51,351 --> 00:08:53,436
and I'm calling

321
00:08:51,351 --> 00:08:53,436
you right now.

322
00:08:53,478 --> 00:08:54,896
Yeah, why do I doubt that?

323
00:08:57,607 --> 00:08:58,775
Hello?

324
00:08:58,817 --> 00:08:59,985
Ted. I just saw the news,

325
00:09:00,026 --> 00:09:02,695
and a truck

326
00:09:00,026 --> 00:09:02,695
carrying sulfuric acid

327
00:09:02,737 --> 00:09:05,573
overturned right in

328
00:09:02,737 --> 00:09:05,573
front of Robin's house.

329
00:09:05,615 --> 00:09:06,992
And it's melting

330
00:09:05,615 --> 00:09:06,992
through the sidewalk.

331
00:09:07,033 --> 00:09:08,534
You can see

332
00:09:07,033 --> 00:09:08,534
straight down into Hell.

333
00:09:08,576 --> 00:09:10,745
It's bad.

334
00:09:08,576 --> 00:09:10,745
You should go home, dude.

335
00:09:10,787 --> 00:09:11,955
Marshall, it's fine.

336
00:09:11,997 --> 00:09:13,873
Nothing's gonna happen.

337
00:09:13,915 --> 00:09:15,625
Ted, what does

338
00:09:13,915 --> 00:09:15,625
your Mom always say?

339
00:09:15,667 --> 00:09:17,377
Nothing good ever...

340
00:09:17,418 --> 00:09:19,296
Nothing good ever

341
00:09:17,418 --> 00:09:19,296
happens after 2:00 a.m.

342
00:09:19,338 --> 00:09:21,298
Go home!

343
00:09:19,338 --> 00:09:21,298
It's too late for juice.

344
00:09:21,340 --> 00:09:23,508
Dude, Robin and I

345
00:09:21,340 --> 00:09:23,508
are just friends.

346
00:09:23,549 --> 00:09:25,426
She doesn't even

347
00:09:23,549 --> 00:09:25,426
like me that way.

348
00:09:25,468 --> 00:09:28,763
Yes, she does!

349
00:09:25,468 --> 00:09:28,763
She likes you. She told me.

350
00:09:28,805 --> 00:09:30,807
What?

351
00:09:28,805 --> 00:09:30,807
It's a big secret.

352
00:09:30,849 --> 00:09:34,727
So don't tell her I told you,

353
00:09:30,849 --> 00:09:34,727
but she's very

354
00:09:30,849 --> 00:09:34,727
vulnerable right now.

355
00:09:34,769 --> 00:09:37,356
And you have a girlfriend.

356
00:09:34,769 --> 00:09:37,356
Go home, Ted.

357
00:09:38,315 --> 00:09:39,440
She likes me?

358
00:09:39,482 --> 00:09:41,651
Yes.

359
00:09:41,693 --> 00:09:43,987
So you see why it would be

360
00:09:41,693 --> 00:09:43,987
a very bad idea for

361
00:09:41,693 --> 00:09:43,987
you to go up there.

362
00:09:44,029 --> 00:09:45,864
Go home, Ted.

363
00:09:46,823 --> 00:09:48,825
She likes me?

364
00:09:48,867 --> 00:09:50,118
Go home, Ted.

365
00:09:51,995 --> 00:09:55,498
You're right,

366
00:09:51,995 --> 00:09:55,498
I'll see you at home.

367
00:09:57,042 --> 00:09:59,002
Good. He's going home.

368
00:09:59,044 --> 00:10:00,753
He is so not going home.

369
00:10:00,795 --> 00:10:03,006
I cannot believe you

370
00:10:00,795 --> 00:10:03,006
just told him that.

371
00:10:03,048 --> 00:10:04,257
What do you mean?

372
00:10:04,299 --> 00:10:05,384
Lily, here's what

373
00:10:04,299 --> 00:10:05,384
you just said,

374
00:10:05,425 --> 00:10:06,801
"Ted, whatever you do,

375
00:10:06,843 --> 00:10:08,594
"don't go up there.

376
00:10:06,843 --> 00:10:08,594
There's a beautiful girl

377
00:10:08,636 --> 00:10:10,347
"who wants to

378
00:10:08,636 --> 00:10:10,347
have sex with you."

379
00:10:10,389 --> 00:10:13,892
And then she's gonna

380
00:10:10,389 --> 00:10:13,892
make you some

381
00:10:10,389 --> 00:10:13,892
delicious juice!

382
00:10:13,933 --> 00:10:15,727
No. He's not going up there.

383
00:10:15,768 --> 00:10:18,313
He has more sense than that.

384
00:10:18,355 --> 00:10:20,773
I did have

385
00:10:18,355 --> 00:10:20,773
more sense than that.

386
00:10:20,815 --> 00:10:22,734
Keep the change. Thanks.

387
00:10:20,815 --> 00:10:22,734
Thanks.

388
00:10:22,775 --> 00:10:26,112
But after 2:00 a.m.,

389
00:10:22,775 --> 00:10:26,112
my good sense

390
00:10:22,775 --> 00:10:26,112
was sound asleep.

391
00:10:41,502 --> 00:10:43,546
So, you're doing this?

392
00:10:41,502 --> 00:10:43,546
You're going up there?

393
00:10:43,588 --> 00:10:45,215
You want to get

394
00:10:43,588 --> 00:10:45,215
out of the way?

395
00:10:45,257 --> 00:10:47,550
I'm not in the way.

396
00:10:47,592 --> 00:10:49,928
You know, if you had

397
00:10:47,592 --> 00:10:49,928
just called me, I...

398
00:10:56,268 --> 00:10:58,478
Hi!

399
00:10:56,268 --> 00:10:58,478
Hey.

400
00:10:58,519 --> 00:11:00,730
I got some vegetables.

401
00:10:58,519 --> 00:11:00,730
I got carrots.I got beets.

402
00:11:00,772 --> 00:11:02,648
Or we could

403
00:11:00,772 --> 00:11:02,648
just drink wine.

404
00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:05,735
Wine not. Wow,

405
00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:05,735
that's the stupidest thing

406
00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:05,735
I ever said.

407
00:11:06,694 --> 00:11:08,321
Thanks.

408
00:11:08,363 --> 00:11:09,822
Make it a big glass.

409
00:11:09,864 --> 00:11:11,866
Sure.

410
00:11:11,908 --> 00:11:15,412
So, how's it hanging?

411
00:11:11,908 --> 00:11:15,412
"How's it hanging?"

412
00:11:15,454 --> 00:11:17,038
Haven't you ever

413
00:11:15,454 --> 00:11:17,038
had one of those days

414
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,333
where nothing at all

415
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,333
that monumental happens,

416
00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:24,670
but, by the end of it,

417
00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:24,670
you have no idea

418
00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:24,670
who you are anymore,

419
00:11:24,712 --> 00:11:27,215
or what the hell you're doing

420
00:11:24,712 --> 00:11:27,215
with your life?

421
00:11:27,257 --> 00:11:29,134
Do you ever have

422
00:11:27,257 --> 00:11:29,134
one of those days?

423
00:11:29,175 --> 00:11:31,344
About once a week.

424
00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:34,013
I don't know.

425
00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:34,013
It was just a rough day,

426
00:11:34,055 --> 00:11:37,058
and the only

427
00:11:34,055 --> 00:11:37,058
person I wanted to see

428
00:11:34,055 --> 00:11:37,058
at the end of it was you.

429
00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:44,565
So, how was the big phone call

430
00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:44,565
with your girlfriend?

431
00:11:44,607 --> 00:11:47,486
When the clock

432
00:11:44,607 --> 00:11:47,486
strikes two, just go to sleep.

433
00:11:48,445 --> 00:11:49,612
We broke up.

434
00:11:50,530 --> 00:11:51,656
What?

435
00:11:51,697 --> 00:11:53,699
Yeah.

436
00:11:51,697 --> 00:11:53,699
Yeah. She finally called.

437
00:11:53,741 --> 00:11:56,161
We talked for a while.

438
00:11:53,741 --> 00:11:56,161
How hard long distance is,

439
00:11:56,202 --> 00:11:58,788
and then she dumped me.

440
00:11:59,998 --> 00:12:01,958
Oh, Ted, I'm so sorry.

441
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,960
That's just terrible.

442
00:12:04,002 --> 00:12:05,545
I feel awful.

443
00:12:06,463 --> 00:12:07,964
You're smiling.

444
00:12:08,006 --> 00:12:09,757
Am I? No, I'm not.

445
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,260
Well, I'm a news anchor.

446
00:12:12,302 --> 00:12:13,928
Smiling is a part of the job.

447
00:12:13,970 --> 00:12:16,806
Thousands died

448
00:12:13,970 --> 00:12:16,806
in the tragic

449
00:12:13,970 --> 00:12:16,806
avalanche today.

450
00:12:16,848 --> 00:12:18,099
See?

451
00:12:20,101 --> 00:12:21,727
You're smiling, too.

452
00:12:23,855 --> 00:12:25,731
Yeah.

453
00:12:25,773 --> 00:12:27,900
I have no idea

454
00:12:25,773 --> 00:12:27,900
what that's all about.

455
00:12:35,283 --> 00:12:37,660
How much does

456
00:12:35,283 --> 00:12:37,660
Korean Elvis rock?

457
00:12:37,702 --> 00:12:40,246
I'll answer that. Infinity.

458
00:12:40,288 --> 00:12:43,833
He rocks infinity.

459
00:12:43,875 --> 00:12:45,377
Okay, it's time for bed.

460
00:12:45,418 --> 00:12:47,628
What? No. It's 2:30.

461
00:12:47,670 --> 00:12:50,298
And nothing good

462
00:12:47,670 --> 00:12:50,298
ever happens

463
00:12:47,670 --> 00:12:50,298
after 2:00 a.m.

464
00:12:50,340 --> 00:12:53,134
You know,

465
00:12:50,340 --> 00:12:53,134
I have found in my travels

466
00:12:53,176 --> 00:12:57,680
that all

467
00:12:53,176 --> 00:12:57,680
the best things in life

468
00:12:53,176 --> 00:12:57,680
happen after 2:00 a.m.

469
00:12:57,722 --> 00:12:59,891
When I look back

470
00:12:57,722 --> 00:12:59,891
at the best

471
00:12:57,722 --> 00:12:59,891
stories of my life,

472
00:12:59,932 --> 00:13:02,060
the Liberty Bell incident,

473
00:12:59,932 --> 00:13:02,060
the little scrape

474
00:13:02,101 --> 00:13:05,688
I got in at

475
00:13:02,101 --> 00:13:05,688
the Russian embassy,

476
00:13:02,101 --> 00:13:05,688
the almost four-way.

477
00:13:05,730 --> 00:13:07,940
You never had a four-way.

478
00:13:05,730 --> 00:13:07,940
I said "almost"!

479
00:13:07,982 --> 00:13:09,484
Well, all right.

480
00:13:09,526 --> 00:13:11,736
All those things

481
00:13:09,526 --> 00:13:11,736
happened after 2:00 a.m.

482
00:13:11,777 --> 00:13:14,614
Because after 2:00 a.m.

483
00:13:11,777 --> 00:13:14,614
is when things get,

484
00:13:14,655 --> 00:13:17,617
audience,

485
00:13:14,655 --> 00:13:17,617
say it with me, legendary!

486
00:13:18,659 --> 00:13:20,161
We gotta go.

487
00:13:20,203 --> 00:13:21,413
What's that?

488
00:13:20,203 --> 00:13:21,413
"Interesting theory, Barney,

489
00:13:21,454 --> 00:13:23,915
"but I'll need

490
00:13:21,454 --> 00:13:23,915
some proof." Okay.

491
00:13:26,543 --> 00:13:28,253
Korean Elvis.

492
00:13:28,294 --> 00:13:30,630
How would you like

493
00:13:28,294 --> 00:13:30,630
to have a drink

494
00:13:28,294 --> 00:13:30,630
with me and my friends?

495
00:13:31,548 --> 00:13:33,049
Rock 'n' roll.

496
00:13:34,008 --> 00:13:35,801
And it begins.

497
00:13:37,929 --> 00:13:41,558
So, hey. I got a new phone.

498
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,226
Same as yours. Look.

499
00:13:43,268 --> 00:13:45,353
Oh, yeah, do you like it?

500
00:13:45,395 --> 00:13:47,606
Yeah. Yeah.

501
00:13:47,647 --> 00:13:50,358
This is some

502
00:13:47,647 --> 00:13:50,358
solid small talk.

503
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,860
I had that other phone,

504
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,860
and it was good,

505
00:13:52,902 --> 00:13:56,239
but I think, the whole time,

506
00:13:52,902 --> 00:13:56,239
a little part of me

507
00:13:56,281 --> 00:13:58,241
wanted this phone instead.

508
00:13:58,283 --> 00:13:59,659
This phone

509
00:14:00,952 --> 00:14:02,287
feels right.

510
00:14:03,746 --> 00:14:05,706
Oh, wow. Weird.

511
00:14:05,748 --> 00:14:08,334
Yeah, I should

512
00:14:05,748 --> 00:14:08,334
probably take this.

513
00:14:09,252 --> 00:14:11,129
I'll be here.

514
00:14:16,509 --> 00:14:17,843
Hello?

515
00:14:17,885 --> 00:14:19,679
Ted.

516
00:14:17,885 --> 00:14:19,679
This is your main man K.E.

517
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,056
I want you to

518
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,056
shake your tail feather

519
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,056
down here ASAP: You dig?

520
00:14:22,098 --> 00:14:24,350
Okay. Sorry about that.

521
00:14:24,392 --> 00:14:26,060
Who... Was that Korean Elvis?

522
00:14:26,102 --> 00:14:27,770
I'll explain later.

523
00:14:27,812 --> 00:14:29,439
Hey, we're heading

524
00:14:27,812 --> 00:14:29,439
down to MacLaren's.

525
00:14:29,481 --> 00:14:33,610
Actually, I'm at Robin's.

526
00:14:33,652 --> 00:14:36,862
Yeah, and I might have done

527
00:14:33,652 --> 00:14:36,862
something bad.

528
00:14:36,904 --> 00:14:40,950
I just lied and

529
00:14:36,904 --> 00:14:40,950
told her I broke up

530
00:14:36,904 --> 00:14:40,950
with Victoria.

531
00:14:40,992 --> 00:14:44,412
Ted, I don't want to swear

532
00:14:40,992 --> 00:14:44,412
in front of Korean Elvis,

533
00:14:44,454 --> 00:14:47,123
but what the bleep

534
00:14:44,454 --> 00:14:47,123
are you doing, dude?

535
00:14:47,165 --> 00:14:49,417
What do you expect from me?

536
00:14:47,165 --> 00:14:49,417
It's Robin!

537
00:14:49,459 --> 00:14:52,962
Victoria's great,

538
00:14:49,459 --> 00:14:52,962
but it's Robin!

539
00:14:53,004 --> 00:14:55,298
I've made up my mind,

540
00:14:53,004 --> 00:14:55,298
I'm gonna end

541
00:14:53,004 --> 00:14:55,298
it with Victoria.

542
00:14:55,340 --> 00:14:56,549
Gonna?

543
00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:57,758
Yes. First thing tomorrow.

544
00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,303
Okay, but as of right now,

545
00:15:00,345 --> 00:15:04,807
at 2:45 a.m.

546
00:15:00,345 --> 00:15:04,807
you still have a girlfriend.

547
00:15:04,849 --> 00:15:07,435
Ted, I love you.

548
00:15:04,849 --> 00:15:07,435
I love Robin.

549
00:15:07,477 --> 00:15:09,562
But if you do this right now,

550
00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:13,107
your entire future with her

551
00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:13,107
will be built on a crime!

552
00:15:13,149 --> 00:15:14,984
Just go home, Ted.

553
00:15:15,026 --> 00:15:17,153
Don't do this the wrong way!

554
00:15:17,195 --> 00:15:18,655
I hate how

555
00:15:17,195 --> 00:15:18,655
you're always right.

556
00:15:18,697 --> 00:15:20,699
It's my best and

557
00:15:18,697 --> 00:15:20,699
most annoying trait.

558
00:15:22,116 --> 00:15:24,327
Okay.

559
00:15:24,369 --> 00:15:26,746
I'm coming home.

560
00:15:24,369 --> 00:15:26,746
I'll see you soon.

561
00:15:30,709 --> 00:15:32,418
Hey.

562
00:15:30,709 --> 00:15:32,418
Hey.

563
00:15:39,425 --> 00:15:41,093
I should probably

564
00:15:39,425 --> 00:15:41,093
get going.

565
00:15:41,135 --> 00:15:42,721
It's pretty late.

566
00:15:44,472 --> 00:15:46,265
I'm sorry. I...

567
00:15:46,307 --> 00:15:47,850
Oh, no. I understand.

568
00:15:46,307 --> 00:15:47,850
It's fine. Yeah.

569
00:15:51,145 --> 00:15:52,355
Can I call you tomorrow?

570
00:15:52,397 --> 00:15:53,481
Totally.

571
00:15:53,523 --> 00:15:55,191
Totally. Call me tomorrow.

572
00:15:53,523 --> 00:15:55,191
Okay.

573
00:15:55,233 --> 00:15:57,402
Good night, Robin.

574
00:15:55,233 --> 00:15:57,402
Good night, Ted.

575
00:16:31,894 --> 00:16:34,773
Oh, my God!

576
00:16:31,894 --> 00:16:34,773
We're making out.

577
00:16:34,814 --> 00:16:36,148
Right!

578
00:16:34,814 --> 00:16:36,148
This is crazy.

579
00:16:36,190 --> 00:16:37,483
Right! Right!

580
00:16:40,403 --> 00:16:42,071
Should we go to my room?

581
00:16:42,113 --> 00:16:43,864
I mean, there's five

582
00:16:42,113 --> 00:16:43,864
dogs in there, but...

583
00:16:43,906 --> 00:16:45,032
Yeah.

584
00:16:43,906 --> 00:16:45,032
Yeah?

585
00:16:45,074 --> 00:16:46,785
Yeah.

586
00:16:49,036 --> 00:16:52,915
I just, I have to

587
00:16:49,036 --> 00:16:52,915
run to the bathroom.

588
00:16:52,957 --> 00:16:54,333
Real quick.

589
00:16:55,668 --> 00:16:57,211
Okay.

590
00:17:09,974 --> 00:17:11,643
Stop doing that!

591
00:17:11,684 --> 00:17:13,645
What are you doing?

592
00:17:13,686 --> 00:17:15,354
I'm calling you.

593
00:17:15,396 --> 00:17:17,315
We're breaking up.

594
00:17:15,396 --> 00:17:17,315
I'm doing this right now.

595
00:17:17,356 --> 00:17:19,484
I'm coming out

596
00:17:17,356 --> 00:17:19,484
of this bathroom

597
00:17:17,356 --> 00:17:19,484
a single man.

598
00:17:19,525 --> 00:17:21,319
Okay.

599
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:24,196
Say, Ted, how long

600
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:24,196
do you think

601
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:24,196
that conversation's gonna be?

602
00:17:24,238 --> 00:17:26,491
Length of an

603
00:17:24,238 --> 00:17:26,491
average pee? No.

604
00:17:26,532 --> 00:17:28,909
We're gonna be on the phone

605
00:17:26,532 --> 00:17:28,909
for at least 20 minutes.

606
00:17:28,951 --> 00:17:30,578
Robin's out there.

607
00:17:30,620 --> 00:17:31,788
She's gonna think

608
00:17:30,620 --> 00:17:31,788
you're in here

609
00:17:30,620 --> 00:17:31,788
taking a massive...

610
00:17:31,830 --> 00:17:33,623
What do you want from me?

611
00:17:33,665 --> 00:17:35,958
People break up. It happens.

612
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,710
Not like this.

613
00:17:37,752 --> 00:17:39,253
Not from

614
00:17:37,752 --> 00:17:39,253
the bathroom of the girl

615
00:17:39,295 --> 00:17:40,755
that you're

616
00:17:39,295 --> 00:17:40,755
about to sleep with.

617
00:17:42,089 --> 00:17:45,259
It's not ideal.

618
00:17:45,301 --> 00:17:46,886
Meanwhile,

619
00:17:45,301 --> 00:17:46,886
back at the bar,

620
00:17:46,927 --> 00:17:48,763
Barney was still

621
00:17:46,927 --> 00:17:48,763
trying to prove that

622
00:17:48,805 --> 00:17:50,640
good things can

623
00:17:48,805 --> 00:17:50,640
happen after 2:00 a.m.

624
00:17:50,682 --> 00:17:52,475
Come on, Lily!

625
00:17:52,517 --> 00:17:54,853
How many women

626
00:17:52,517 --> 00:17:54,853
can say they've been

627
00:17:52,517 --> 00:17:54,853
personally serenaded

628
00:17:54,894 --> 00:17:58,356
by Korean Elvis?

629
00:17:58,397 --> 00:18:01,651
Well, I think he

630
00:17:58,397 --> 00:18:01,651
just spat on me.

631
00:18:01,693 --> 00:18:04,278
Barney, you tried.

632
00:18:01,693 --> 00:18:04,278
I think that's great.

633
00:18:01,693 --> 00:18:04,278
But we're going.

634
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,197
No. No, come on!

635
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,197
Yes!

636
00:18:06,238 --> 00:18:09,283
Dude.

637
00:18:06,238 --> 00:18:09,283
We haven't hit legendary yet.

638
00:18:06,238 --> 00:18:09,283
We're only at the "le."

639
00:18:09,325 --> 00:18:12,161
We still got the "gen,"

640
00:18:09,325 --> 00:18:12,161
the "da," the "ry."

641
00:18:12,203 --> 00:18:14,121
Okay, if we're at the "le,"

642
00:18:14,163 --> 00:18:16,999
then I say we follow it up

643
00:18:14,163 --> 00:18:16,999
with a "t's go home."

644
00:18:17,041 --> 00:18:19,168
Oh, wow!

645
00:18:17,041 --> 00:18:19,168
You just got burned.

646
00:18:19,210 --> 00:18:21,671
Phonics style!

647
00:18:21,713 --> 00:18:25,299
No, no, no, no.

648
00:18:21,713 --> 00:18:25,299
Baby, baby, baby, don't go.

649
00:18:25,341 --> 00:18:26,718
Just one dance, huh?

650
00:18:26,759 --> 00:18:28,093
Okay, seriously.

651
00:18:28,135 --> 00:18:30,471
Hey, I know what you like.

652
00:18:37,937 --> 00:18:39,898
And so, Barney was right.

653
00:18:39,939 --> 00:18:41,607
The night was legendary.

654
00:18:41,649 --> 00:18:43,609
It would come to

655
00:18:41,649 --> 00:18:43,609
be known as the time

656
00:18:43,651 --> 00:18:45,570
Lily kicked Korean

657
00:18:43,651 --> 00:18:45,570
Elvis in the nards.

658
00:18:45,611 --> 00:18:47,780
Hey, you guys remember

659
00:18:45,611 --> 00:18:47,780
that time

660
00:18:47,822 --> 00:18:50,115
that Lily kicked

661
00:18:47,822 --> 00:18:50,115
Korean Elvis in the nards?

662
00:18:51,992 --> 00:18:53,118
You're right.

663
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,663
I owe you

664
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,663
a real breakup call.

665
00:18:55,705 --> 00:18:57,122
I'll call you tomorrow.

666
00:18:57,164 --> 00:18:59,500
Good.

667
00:18:57,164 --> 00:18:59,500
So, you're gonna go home?

668
00:19:00,793 --> 00:19:02,879
Why should I have to go home?

669
00:19:02,921 --> 00:19:04,797
You know,

670
00:19:02,921 --> 00:19:04,797
there's every chance

671
00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:06,298
Robin's the woman

672
00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:06,298
I'm gonna marry.

673
00:19:06,340 --> 00:19:08,259
Ted.

674
00:19:06,340 --> 00:19:08,259
It could happen!

675
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:10,720
And so, really,

676
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:10,720
what's it gonna matter

677
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:10,720
in 50 years

678
00:19:10,762 --> 00:19:12,931
if I jump the gun

679
00:19:10,762 --> 00:19:12,931
by one night?

680
00:19:12,972 --> 00:19:15,850
Look, I know this is

681
00:19:12,972 --> 00:19:15,850
a moral gray area, but

682
00:19:17,059 --> 00:19:18,770
it's Robin.

683
00:19:18,811 --> 00:19:20,646
And I'm exhausted.

684
00:19:20,688 --> 00:19:22,774
I am.

685
00:19:20,688 --> 00:19:22,774
I'm exhausted from pretending

686
00:19:20,688 --> 00:19:22,774
I'm not in love with her.

687
00:19:22,815 --> 00:19:24,358
I think that makes this okay.

688
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,527
Oh, please.

689
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,527
You just want to get laid!

690
00:19:27,445 --> 00:19:29,781
Yes, I do. You got me.

691
00:19:29,822 --> 00:19:31,073
That is exactly

692
00:19:29,822 --> 00:19:31,073
what I want right now.

693
00:19:31,115 --> 00:19:32,408
And so what?

694
00:19:32,450 --> 00:19:34,493
I want this. She wants this.

695
00:19:34,535 --> 00:19:36,996
It's happening.

696
00:19:34,535 --> 00:19:36,996
And if you have a problem

697
00:19:34,535 --> 00:19:36,996
with it, don't be in Germany!

698
00:19:38,330 --> 00:19:40,416
It's been nice

699
00:19:38,330 --> 00:19:40,416
pretending to talk to you.

700
00:19:40,458 --> 00:19:43,002
Thanks for not

701
00:19:40,458 --> 00:19:43,002
calling me and good night.

702
00:19:44,420 --> 00:19:46,088
That's not your phone.

703
00:19:47,214 --> 00:19:49,008
This isn't my phone.

704
00:19:55,347 --> 00:19:57,349
Okay. Bye.

705
00:20:00,019 --> 00:20:02,313
I thought it was mine,

706
00:20:00,019 --> 00:20:02,313
so I answered it.

707
00:20:03,439 --> 00:20:04,482
Was it...

708
00:20:04,523 --> 00:20:05,566
It was your girlfriend.

709
00:20:06,985 --> 00:20:09,111
You might want

710
00:20:06,985 --> 00:20:09,111
to call her back.

711
00:20:30,716 --> 00:20:33,678
I called

712
00:20:30,716 --> 00:20:33,678
Victoria from the cab,

713
00:20:30,716 --> 00:20:33,678
and we broke up.

714
00:20:34,595 --> 00:20:36,347
Yes, I'm...

715
00:20:36,388 --> 00:20:38,474
And there you have it, kids.

716
00:20:38,516 --> 00:20:42,020
The stupidest

717
00:20:38,516 --> 00:20:42,020
thing I've ever done.

718
00:20:42,061 --> 00:20:45,481
In one night,

719
00:20:42,061 --> 00:20:45,481
I managed to hurt

720
00:20:42,061 --> 00:20:45,481
two people I cared about.

721
00:20:45,523 --> 00:20:47,107
And none of it

722
00:20:45,523 --> 00:20:47,107
would've happened

723
00:20:47,149 --> 00:20:48,985
if I had just

724
00:20:47,149 --> 00:20:48,985
listened to my mom.

725
00:20:59,537 --> 00:21:01,246
So, I guess

726
00:20:59,537 --> 00:21:01,246
if there's a lesson

727
00:21:01,288 --> 00:21:03,624
to be learned here,

728
00:21:01,288 --> 00:21:03,624
it's this,

729
00:21:03,666 --> 00:21:06,168
when it's after 2:00 a.m.,

730
00:21:06,210 --> 00:21:07,670
just go to sleep.