Kids,
about eight months
into Aunt Lily
and Uncle Marshall's
engagement,
there occurred
a game-changing emergency.
Van Smoot is available.
Oh, my God.
Van Smoot House
was a gorgeous mansion
right on the Hudson River.
It had everything
Marshall and Lily wanted
for their wedding,
but it was never available.
And then, suddenly, it was.
There was a cancellation
two months from now.
You want to
have our wedding
in two months?
No. It's impossible.
It's Van Smoot, Lily.
It's the dream.
No, there's just
not enough time.
There's no...
Oh. Mini-vomit.
Okay, look, look, look.
I know that it's sudden,
but check it.
If we don't take this,
guess who's on their way
with a deposit check?
Todd and Valerie?
When you're
planning a wedding,
there's always one couple
with similar taste
that seems to be
one step ahead of you.
Todd and Valerie
were that couple.
We gotta make a decision.
Todd and Valerie
are in motion.
Van Smoot!
No! Kids, color!
Baby, baby,
pick me.
Come on, come on,
come on.
Hello, Marshall.
Lily.
Todd. Valerie.
Stairs.
I can't
believe it.
We got
Van Smoot House.
It is on.
It is on!
Like the former
Soviet Republic
of Azerbaijan.
What?
You're a wonder.
Wow. You guys are getting
married in two months.
How are you going to get
everything done?
Division of labor.
Everyone's got
a job to do,
so listen up.
Okay, Robin,
you and Ted
go to the florist.
Robin had been mad at me
since the night
I slightly exaggerated my
not-having-a-girlfriend-ness.
Was it...
It was your girlfriend.
You might want
to call her back.
Or, actually, Robin,
why... why don't you go
to the florist?
And, Ted,
I could use your keen
architectural eye
on... on the invitations.
Wow, that was
really awkward, Lil.
And still.
It's still really
awkward right now.
Hey, what about me?
What's my job?
What do I get to do?
Okay, your job
is very simple.
At the wedding,
do not sleep with anyone
even remotely related to me.
Lil, you know
I can't promise that.
Look how cute she looks.
All tuckered out.
Hey, babe.
Hey, little one.
Hey, Lilypad.
Crap! Band!
We forgot a band!
It's just gonna be silence
and then people chewing.
Baby, don't worry about it.
I called The 88!
Who?
The 88.
They're this awesome band.
They played
my law review party.
They were found guilty.
On three counts
of rocking.
Yeah, I saw them
two months ago at
my cousin Bonzo's wedding.
They were great.
John "Bonzo" Bonham
from Led Zeppelin?
Yes, Lily,
my cousin,
the drummer
from Led Zeppelin
who died in 1980,
got married
two months ago.
Look, I... I can't
sign off on a band
I've never even seen.
We... We don't even know
if they can play our song.
T-They're going to have
to come over here
and audition.
Baby, The 88 don't audition.
They're like The Wiggles
of wedding bands.
Well, then I have to say no.
Baby, they're only
holding the date
until Monday.
Oh, well, are they playing
anywhere this weekend?
Let me check
their website.
What?
Lily, you're being
a wee bit intense
about this band thing.
Intense?
I have a wedding to plan
in nine weeks for 200 people.
Even if a dinosaur
should poke his head
out of my butt
and consume
this coffee table,
I need you to
roll with it, okay?
Wow.
Guys. I just tasted
an amazing caterer.
We already
have a caterer.
Oh, right.
You're getting married.
You see what
I did there?
Ah.
It looks like
The 88 are playing
at a high school prom
in New Jersey tomorrow.
A prom?
Can we go to that?
Yeah, we'll just
call the high school,
they'll let us stand
in the back and watch.
Yeah, no,
they won't.
Why not?
'Cause it turns out
we're not in high school.
No sweat,
we'll just sneak in.
We're not sneaking
into a high school prom.
Yes, we are.
It's the only way.
You're getting on board
with Barney's idea?
Man, you really
have snapped.
It's nine weeks
till the wedding.
At this point,
I'd say yes to
just about anything.
Well...
No, Barney.
And so,
Aunt Lily hatched the plan
to crash a prom.
I'll go with you.
Really?
Yeah, I never got
to go to my prom.
We always had
field hockey nationals
in the spring.
Lesbian.
The cough is
supposed to cover
the "lesbian."
No, I'm trying to
start a thing where
the cough is separate.
Do you think we look
young enough to blend in
at a high school?
Please, I'm ageless,
Scherbatsky just needs
a good night's sleep,
and you've got "statutory"
written all over your body.
Hey, why don't we all go?
I don't know.
More people might be
harder to sneak in.
We don't want
to mess things up
for Lily.
Yeah, you're right.
Besides, Marshall and I
have been planning
on having a guys' night out
before the wedding.
Why don't we just make it
tomorrow night?
Sounds awesome.
We should go out
and just get fricking weird.
Yeah.
'Cause, you know,
you'd be a bad, bad man,
and I be an outlaw.
What?
Wow. Hey,
Thelma, Louise,
y'all don't drive off
no cliffs now, you hear?
Lame!
But seriously,
leave me a message
and we'll meet up later.
All right,
what do you think?
Horrible.
You're gonna make
such a great dad.
You look so classy and nice.
You're gonna stick out
like a sore thumb.
Have you seen how the kids
are dressing these days,
with the Ashlee
and the Lindsay
and the Paris?
They all dress
like strippers.
It's go ho, or go home.
Well, we have to get in.
I have to see this band,
'cause we have to make
a decision by Monday,
'cause I'm getting
married in 71 days,
and we still
don't have...
Shh. Sweetie,
just focus on one thing
at a time, okay?
Right now,
you just have to dress
like a whore and that's it.
All right.
That's the spirit.
Now, ladies, slut up!
I never thought this
would be a bad thing,
but my wardrobe just
isn't slutty enough.
I didn't know
I still had this.
What?
The dress I wore
to my actual prom.
Dude, you are
the hottest girl
at this prom,
and not like in
a corporate,
plastic way.
Like, truly, truly hot.
Like a hot soul.
You look great,
too, Scooter.
So, big news.
I heard from
umpire school.
I'm in!
Oh, disco!
I am so happy for you.
You mean happy for us,
right, babe?
Scooter,
you're gonna be
an umpire someday.
No, baby.
We're gonna be
an umpire someday.
Nice.
Now, you ladies look good,
but your outfits are
missing just one thing.
No, Barney,
this is as far
as we're gonna go.
I'm not showing
any more...
Two beautiful flowers
for two beautiful flowers.
Aw!
Sweet. Thank you.
Hmm.
Oh, Robin,
are you tearing up?
No.
I've never been
to prom before, okay?
We gotta go.
See you.
Bye, have fun.
Bye.
See you.
They grow up
into skanks so fast,
don't they, Ted?
So, what,
we ready for tonight?
Yeah.
Just one thing
we gotta do first.
Shot of Jim Beam?
Yeah.
Yes!
And then I promised Lily
that we'd stuff 200
wedding invitations.
What?
I'm sorry, dude,
but you saw how
stressed out she is.
Come on! You've been doing
wedding stuff nonstop.
Take a break.
Once you're married,
if we go out,
and you get so drunk
you throw up, it'll be sad.
But if we do it tonight,
it'll be less sad.
Okay, it'll be cool.
I'll tell you what.
We'll make
a game out of it.
First one to stuff
100 invitations
gets a big prize.
Do I look like I'm four?
All right,
what kind of prize
are we talking about?
Wow, a lot more security
than when we were kids.
Is this gonna work?
Yeah.
Look, when I was 17,
I used to sneak into
clubs all the time.
It's all about confidence.
Follow me.
Woo-hoo!
Happy prom, everybody.
Going to prom.
Woo-hoo!
Uh, you're adults.
Okay, bye.
Okay, look,
I just need
to see the band.
I'm getting married
in two months, and...
And you're
just finding a band?
Hey, ho, hey.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
You either need
to be a student
or the date of a student.
Wow. "Ma'am?"
Check and mate.
It's cool.
Time to activate
Plan B.
Scherbatsky,
how comfortable are you
with a crossbow?
Scherbatsky?
Hey, guys.
You want to take
two hot girls
to prom?
We don't have
that kind of money.
For free.
Oh, hell, yeah!
Great. I'm Robin,
this is my friend Lily.
Hi.
Shall we?
Sure.
I knew it would happen.
This is the dream.
Oh, hey, wait.
How's Barney
getting in?
Don't worry about me.
I'll get in.
Oh, I'll get in.
We're in!
Thank you.
We're gonna take a break.
You're kidding me.
Hey, you ladies
want something
to take the edge off?
Yeah, what the hell?
It's prom.
That tastes
like cough syrup.
Yeah, we couldn't
get any alcohol.
Um, our fake IDs
say we're only 20.
We didn't realize it
till after we bought them.
Nerds who aren't
good at math?
Life's gonna
be rough, boys.
Hi. Excuse me.
I was wondering
if you guys
could play Good Feeling
by the Violent Femmes.
I know it's probably
not in your repertoire,
but I'm getting
married and my fiance
wants to hire you guys
as the band,
but I can't sign off on it
until I hear you
play Good Feeling
because that's our song,
and what kind
of wedding band
would you be
if you couldn't play
our song, right?
Right?
Look, I'm kind of
wasted right now,
so I didn't understand
any of that.
But, uh, if you get us
the sheet music,
we'll play your song.
Okay.
So, uh, you buzzing, baby?
My phlegm feels looser.
This is pathetic.
It's guys' night.
We should be
out in a bar
getting in fights.
Hey, if I got in a fight,
would you have my back?
You know it.
I'd have your back, too.
That's cool.
What, you don't think
you'd need my help?
Hey, you don't know
what I can do.
I'm like...
Like a berserker.
Okay, Ted.
Hello?
Hey, it's Robin.
Lily needs you to download
the sheet music
for Good Feeling
and bring it out here,
like, now.
Hang on.
It's Robin.
She wants me
to go to prom.
Can Ted come?
Wait! Don't ask!
That's so lame!
I don't even
want to go, anyway.
I... I don't know.
Things have been
so weird between us.
What'd she say?
He lied and told me
he broke up with
his girlfriend
to try to hook up with me.
I mean,
I know he apologized for it,
but it's just...
It's not easy
to forgive.
Well, look,
if you absolutely
must bring Ted,
it's not like I'm going
to claw my own eyes out
if he comes.
Okay, bye.
She totally
wants you to come.
All right,
sheet music's
on the way.
You okay?
There's just so much
to do for this wedding.
My head is swirling.
It's just all
moving too fast.
How is it moving too fast?
We've been together
for two years.
I just...
I just don't want
everything in my life
to be decided already.
What's decided?
I go to umpire school,
you go to college.
We move into my dad's house
in Staten Island.
We have kids,
we grow old together.
What's decided?
It's wide open!
Scooter,
when I go off
to college,
that's the end for us.
You're breaking up with me?
There's still so
much I want to do.
I want to travel,
live overseas
as an artist,
maybe have
a lesbian
relationship.
Plus, I think I was
just dating you
'cause you look
a little bit
like Kurt Cobain.
I can't believe this.
I can change.
I can look more
like Kurt Cobain.
Please,
just don't leave me!
I'm nothing
without you, baby.
Please don't put
that kind of pressure on me!
It's too much!
It's just
one dance.
God!
What?
Well, we did
promise them
one dance.
Yeah, sure, okay.
So, Andrew,
what's your big plan?
What's life gonna
be like after tonight?
Well, you know,
I got it all worked out.
Uh, leave this place
in my dust,
four awesome years at college,
and then I'll move
to Prague
or start my own
video game company
or something.
No, you won't.
I won't?
No, you won't
accomplish anything
you set out to.
You'll get a girlfriend
the first day of college
and you'll give up
your independence
and you'll never live abroad
and you'll wind up old
before your time,
wondering,
"Whatever happened
to my hopes
and my dreams?"
Oh.
You really think
I'll get a girlfriend?
So, uh, what's
the deal here?
Am I getting
lucky tonight?
Oh, Sean, look, um,
you're a nice guy,
but I just don't...
No, you're not
getting lucky tonight.
Okay, just be cool.
Don't look at me.
Okay.
How'd you
get in here?
What's it to you,
giant turtle?
It's me. Barney.
Oh, hey. Where's Lily?
She's in the bathroom.
Wait here,
I should go talk
to the band.
All right.
How did you guys
get in here?
We just snuck in the back.
You just...
Are you serious?
I've been trying
to get in here
all night.
I finally paid
a janitor 200 bucks
to let me borrow
this mascot costume.
But you got in.
Yeah.
Slow and steady
won the race.
Hey, bro, have you
seen my fiancee,
Lily?
Your fiancee?
Whoa.
Tonight she's with me, bro.
Unless you're
looking for trouble.
Listen, little buddy,
I understand it's prom
and the adrenaline's
pumping, but...
No, not tonight.
I've waited too
long for this.
I finally got a girl
and I'm not gonna let you
take her away from me.
Whoah, whoah.
Look, let's not
get carried away.
Nunchaku!
I'm coming, Marshall!
I can't believe
I unloaded like that
on a high school senior.
I can't believe
a high school senior
unloaded like that on me.
I'm going
to ask you something,
and maybe it's crazy
'cause you guys
are the cutest couple ever,
but, um, are you having
second thoughts?
Yeah.
But not about Marshall.
About me.
I just keep thinking about
the girl I was 10 years ago
and wondering
what happened to her.
I don't want
to be tied down.
I want to live in France
and Spain and Italy
and just soak up life
and put it on a canvas,
even if it means being
a waitress in crappy
cafes for five years,
I don't care.
I'm going to be a painter.
And I can't do any of that
with a boyfriend
shackled around
my neck, you know?
But, anyway,
I'm blabbering.
Way to make new friends,
Lily.
I'm sorry.
What was your name again?
Marshall.
Nice to meet you, Marshall.
Guess we're hall mates.
Yeah.
(VIOLENT FEMMES PLAYING
GOOD FEELING)
Ah, it works.
Violent Femmes.
I love this song.
Me, too.
I didn't have any
of the experiences
I set out to.
The travel,
the bohemian art life,
my big lesbian experience.
I didn't do any of it.
Lily, you're marrying
your best friend
in the world.
I mean, isn't that
worth all the other
experiences combined?
Yeah.
And, look,
you can still travel.
I mean,
you can still paint.
And as far as your
lesbian experience...
Happy?
Yeah.
So field hockey, huh?
Shut up.
Trespassing,
assaulting a minor,
and this mascot
costume you stole
cost $5,000.
We can have you
guys arrested,
you know that?
Oh, come on,
you're the one who let in
a kid with nunchucks.
You call yourself
security guards?
I was just defending
my boy here.
I totally could
have taken that kid.
Yeah, and I totally
had your back, so...
Well, I didn't need it,
but thanks.
Yeah, you did,
and you're welcome.
No, the kid was totally
like a white belt
and I'm gigantic.
Listen, guys,
I'm sorry.
Please, I just need
to get in there
for one more song.
Absolutely not.
You guys will thank me
for this later, okay?
Listen, Don, Ray,
can't we all...
Hey!
You know, for a turtle,
he's surprisingly quick.
This one goes out
to that redhead girl
and that tall guy.
like you're leaving
So, how was
your first prom?
You tell me.
I hated my dress,
my date got wasted
and puked on me,
uh, there was a huge fight,
and I kissed a girl.
So, basically,
it was a prom.
Okay,
I've missed you.
Not in a
we're-going-to-make-out way,
not even in an
I-forgive-you way.
Just in an
I've-missed-you way.
I'll take
what I can get.
And that, my friends,
is why you don't get
your money's worth
when you wear jeans
to a strip club.
So you got to admit,
The 88 are rocking our song.
Yeah, it's good.
Band. Check.
Two months, baby.
Two months.