1 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:17,486 Kids, life is a dark road. 2 00:00:17,527 --> 00:00:19,529 You never really 3 00:00:17,527 --> 00:00:19,529 know what's up ahead. 4 00:00:19,571 --> 00:00:22,616 One night, 5 00:00:19,571 --> 00:00:22,616 you're cruising along, 6 00:00:19,571 --> 00:00:22,616 enjoying the ride, 7 00:00:22,658 --> 00:00:26,202 and then all of a sudden, 8 00:00:22,658 --> 00:00:26,202 you're 28. 9 00:00:26,244 --> 00:00:27,621 And for 10 00:00:26,244 --> 00:00:27,621 the birthday boy, lasagna. 11 00:00:27,663 --> 00:00:29,331 Thank you. 12 00:00:29,372 --> 00:00:30,707 Careful. 13 00:00:29,372 --> 00:00:30,707 The plate is very hot. 14 00:00:30,749 --> 00:00:32,292 Okay. 15 00:00:33,836 --> 00:00:35,629 Oh, go on, touch it. 16 00:00:36,713 --> 00:00:39,925 Sweet damn, 17 00:00:36,713 --> 00:00:39,925 that's a hot plate! 18 00:00:39,967 --> 00:00:42,302 All right, so, Barney, 19 00:00:39,967 --> 00:00:42,302 are you doing this or what? 20 00:00:42,344 --> 00:00:43,929 Oh, jeez, Barney, 21 00:00:42,344 --> 00:00:43,929 don't do this. 22 00:00:43,971 --> 00:00:45,764 I have to. It's my 23 00:00:43,971 --> 00:00:45,764 birthday present to Ted. 24 00:00:45,806 --> 00:00:48,058 You don't have to. 25 00:00:45,806 --> 00:00:48,058 Please, it's going 26 00:00:45,806 --> 00:00:48,058 to be embarrassing, 27 00:00:48,099 --> 00:00:50,352 and we're gonna have 28 00:00:48,099 --> 00:00:50,352 to stop coming here, 29 00:00:48,099 --> 00:00:50,352 which will suck, 30 00:00:50,393 --> 00:00:53,229 in addition to probably being 31 00:00:50,393 --> 00:00:53,229 kind of healthy. 32 00:00:53,271 --> 00:00:57,233 Come on, Marshall, 33 00:00:53,271 --> 00:00:57,233 it's the greatest 34 00:00:53,271 --> 00:00:57,233 pickup line of all time. 35 00:00:57,275 --> 00:00:59,028 Barney. 36 00:00:59,069 --> 00:01:00,654 Oy gevalt. 37 00:01:02,072 --> 00:01:03,573 Happy birthday, Ted. 38 00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:08,954 Excuse me, 39 00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:08,954 has anyone 40 00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:08,954 ever told you... 41 00:01:08,996 --> 00:01:10,914 Oh, my God! 42 00:01:08,996 --> 00:01:10,914 What? 43 00:01:11,999 --> 00:01:13,208 Call an ambulance! 44 00:01:13,249 --> 00:01:14,626 What's going on? 45 00:01:14,668 --> 00:01:15,878 Try not to speak. 46 00:01:14,668 --> 00:01:15,878 Here, sit down. 47 00:01:15,919 --> 00:01:17,170 Just don't talk. 48 00:01:15,919 --> 00:01:17,170 Don't talk. 49 00:01:17,212 --> 00:01:18,714 Is she okay? 50 00:01:18,755 --> 00:01:19,882 I'm serious, 51 00:01:18,755 --> 00:01:19,882 call 911. 52 00:01:19,923 --> 00:01:21,800 What's wrong? 53 00:01:19,923 --> 00:01:21,800 What's the matter? 54 00:01:21,842 --> 00:01:23,719 Shh! Shh! Just don't move. 55 00:01:21,842 --> 00:01:23,719 Don't move. Just try... 56 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:25,804 Here, have 57 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:25,804 some water. Water! 58 00:01:26,930 --> 00:01:28,306 Here, drink this. 59 00:01:28,348 --> 00:01:30,600 Shh. Shh. 60 00:01:30,642 --> 00:01:33,144 You know, 61 00:01:30,642 --> 00:01:33,144 the more I watch this, 62 00:01:30,642 --> 00:01:33,144 the less convinced I am 63 00:01:33,186 --> 00:01:35,271 that it's 64 00:01:33,186 --> 00:01:35,271 the greatest pickup line 65 00:01:33,186 --> 00:01:35,271 of all time. 66 00:01:35,313 --> 00:01:36,690 Wait for it. 67 00:01:37,691 --> 00:01:39,609 Twenty-eight. 68 00:01:39,651 --> 00:01:41,987 Two more until 69 00:01:39,651 --> 00:01:41,987 the big one. Three-O. 70 00:01:42,029 --> 00:01:44,907 Actually, my 30th 71 00:01:42,029 --> 00:01:44,907 birthday wasn't so bad. 72 00:01:44,948 --> 00:01:46,575 Well, except for 73 00:01:44,948 --> 00:01:46,575 the goat in my bathroom. 74 00:01:46,616 --> 00:01:48,201 Which is a great story. 75 00:01:48,243 --> 00:01:50,120 But I'll get to that later. 76 00:01:50,161 --> 00:01:54,041 Still, you know, 77 00:01:50,161 --> 00:01:54,041 another year older. 78 00:01:50,161 --> 00:01:54,041 Still single. 79 00:01:54,083 --> 00:01:56,543 You don't hear your 80 00:01:54,083 --> 00:01:56,543 Ted-o-logical clock ticking? 81 00:01:56,585 --> 00:01:58,962 Nope. I hit 82 00:01:56,585 --> 00:01:58,962 the snooze button. 83 00:01:59,922 --> 00:02:01,715 And here come 84 00:01:59,922 --> 00:02:01,715 the paramedics. 85 00:02:01,757 --> 00:02:03,133 Oh, thank God, 86 00:02:01,757 --> 00:02:03,133 you're here. 87 00:02:03,174 --> 00:02:04,634 What is going on? 88 00:02:04,676 --> 00:02:06,386 I think there might be 89 00:02:04,676 --> 00:02:06,386 some internal bleeding. 90 00:02:06,428 --> 00:02:07,470 Probably 91 00:02:06,428 --> 00:02:07,470 some fractures. 92 00:02:07,512 --> 00:02:08,764 We gotta get her 93 00:02:07,512 --> 00:02:08,764 to the hospital. 94 00:02:08,805 --> 00:02:10,057 What are you 95 00:02:08,805 --> 00:02:10,057 talking about? 96 00:02:10,099 --> 00:02:11,182 You've had 97 00:02:10,099 --> 00:02:11,182 a terrible fall. 98 00:02:11,224 --> 00:02:13,184 No, I haven't. 99 00:02:13,226 --> 00:02:16,605 Really? 'Cause I could swear 100 00:02:13,226 --> 00:02:16,605 you fell straight 101 00:02:13,226 --> 00:02:16,605 out of heaven, Angel. 102 00:02:19,441 --> 00:02:22,027 Give him 103 00:02:19,441 --> 00:02:22,027 your number. What? 104 00:02:22,069 --> 00:02:24,404 Give him 105 00:02:22,069 --> 00:02:24,404 your number. What? 106 00:02:24,446 --> 00:02:25,739 Give him your... 107 00:02:25,781 --> 00:02:27,282 Come on, guys, you're 108 00:02:25,781 --> 00:02:27,282 embarrassing me. 109 00:02:27,323 --> 00:02:28,658 Give him your number. 110 00:02:27,323 --> 00:02:28,658 Give him your number. 111 00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:30,160 What are you... 112 00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:30,160 Come on. 113 00:02:30,201 --> 00:02:31,912 Give him your number. 114 00:02:30,201 --> 00:02:31,912 Give him your number. 115 00:02:31,954 --> 00:02:34,039 They're not going to stop 116 00:02:31,954 --> 00:02:34,039 till you give me your number. 117 00:02:34,081 --> 00:02:35,331 Give him your number. 118 00:02:34,081 --> 00:02:35,331 Give him your number. 119 00:02:35,373 --> 00:02:37,250 All right! 120 00:02:35,373 --> 00:02:37,250 It works! 121 00:02:39,210 --> 00:02:42,923 I cannot believe 122 00:02:39,210 --> 00:02:42,923 that she gave him her number. 123 00:02:42,965 --> 00:02:46,259 Maybe she really does 124 00:02:42,965 --> 00:02:46,259 have a brain injury. 125 00:02:46,301 --> 00:02:47,552 Thank you, 126 00:02:46,301 --> 00:02:47,552 everyone. 127 00:02:47,594 --> 00:02:48,929 Thank you, everyone. 128 00:02:47,594 --> 00:02:48,929 It's been fun. 129 00:02:48,971 --> 00:02:50,055 It's Wendy the waitress. 130 00:02:48,971 --> 00:02:50,055 Tip her well. 131 00:02:50,097 --> 00:02:51,640 Thanks a lot, guys. 132 00:02:51,681 --> 00:02:53,142 Troilus and Cressida. 133 00:02:51,681 --> 00:02:53,142 Neighborhood Playhouse. 134 00:02:53,183 --> 00:02:54,350 Check them out, 135 00:02:53,183 --> 00:02:54,350 they're good. 136 00:02:53,183 --> 00:02:54,350 They're good. 137 00:02:56,394 --> 00:02:58,229 I realize why I'm 138 00:02:56,394 --> 00:02:58,229 still single. I'm picky. 139 00:02:58,271 --> 00:02:59,982 I'm not going to settle. 140 00:03:00,023 --> 00:03:02,067 If I'm going to 141 00:03:00,023 --> 00:03:02,067 marry someone, 142 00:03:00,023 --> 00:03:02,067 she has to be perfect. 143 00:03:02,109 --> 00:03:03,276 Well, what's perfect? 144 00:03:03,318 --> 00:03:04,360 Well, it's not 145 00:03:03,318 --> 00:03:04,360 like I have a list. 146 00:03:04,402 --> 00:03:05,654 Oh, yes, you do. 147 00:03:05,695 --> 00:03:07,030 Attractive, 148 00:03:05,695 --> 00:03:07,030 college-educated. 149 00:03:07,072 --> 00:03:08,698 She wants two kids, 150 00:03:07,072 --> 00:03:08,698 a boy and a girl. 151 00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:10,408 That's not hard. 152 00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:10,408 I know at least... 153 00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:10,408 I'm not done. 154 00:03:10,450 --> 00:03:13,411 She likes dogs, Otis Redding, 155 00:03:10,450 --> 00:03:13,411 does the crossword. 156 00:03:13,453 --> 00:03:15,664 She's into sports, 157 00:03:15,705 --> 00:03:17,207 but not so much so 158 00:03:15,705 --> 00:03:17,207 that her legs are, like, 159 00:03:15,705 --> 00:03:17,207 more muscular than mine. 160 00:03:17,248 --> 00:03:18,959 That weirds me out. 161 00:03:19,001 --> 00:03:20,627 And she plays bass guitar 162 00:03:19,001 --> 00:03:20,627 like Kim Deal 163 00:03:19,001 --> 00:03:20,627 from the Pixies. 164 00:03:20,669 --> 00:03:22,295 Or Kim Gordon 165 00:03:20,669 --> 00:03:22,295 from Sonic Youth. 166 00:03:22,337 --> 00:03:24,173 Any Kim from any 167 00:03:22,337 --> 00:03:24,173 cool band, really. 168 00:03:24,214 --> 00:03:25,423 Can't be too picky. 169 00:03:25,465 --> 00:03:27,258 You're never going 170 00:03:25,465 --> 00:03:27,258 to find this girl. 171 00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:29,260 Exactly. 172 00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:29,260 So I'm just going to wait 173 00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:29,260 for her to come to me. 174 00:03:29,302 --> 00:03:32,347 I am done trying to 175 00:03:29,302 --> 00:03:32,347 plan the unplannable. 176 00:03:32,388 --> 00:03:35,350 So, what, 177 00:03:32,388 --> 00:03:35,350 you think fate's just going 178 00:03:32,388 --> 00:03:35,350 to take care of it? 179 00:03:35,391 --> 00:03:36,977 That's the plan. 180 00:03:39,229 --> 00:03:41,564 And little did I know, 181 00:03:39,229 --> 00:03:41,564 at that very moment, fate, 182 00:03:41,606 --> 00:03:45,735 in the form of 183 00:03:41,606 --> 00:03:45,735 a 600-gigahertz, 184 00:03:41,606 --> 00:03:45,735 super-processing computer 185 00:03:45,777 --> 00:03:47,654 was taking care of it. 186 00:03:52,617 --> 00:03:54,619 Whoa, you're up early. 187 00:03:54,661 --> 00:03:56,496 Yeah, thought I'd 188 00:03:54,661 --> 00:03:56,496 whip up some pancakes. 189 00:03:56,538 --> 00:03:58,707 Does Marshall know? 190 00:03:56,538 --> 00:03:58,707 He's still sound asleep. 191 00:04:05,463 --> 00:04:09,009 Awesome! So awesome! 192 00:04:09,051 --> 00:04:11,386 God! Best girl ever. 193 00:04:11,427 --> 00:04:15,306 Screw these pancakes, 194 00:04:11,427 --> 00:04:15,306 I should cover you 195 00:04:11,427 --> 00:04:15,306 in syrup and gobble you up. 196 00:04:15,348 --> 00:04:17,017 Please don't do that. 197 00:04:18,309 --> 00:04:20,520 Hey, is this milk 198 00:04:18,309 --> 00:04:20,520 any good? 199 00:04:23,398 --> 00:04:25,608 Oh, yeah, that 200 00:04:23,398 --> 00:04:25,608 totally got me yesterday. 201 00:04:25,650 --> 00:04:28,653 God, why didn't you 202 00:04:25,650 --> 00:04:28,653 throw it away? 203 00:04:28,695 --> 00:04:30,363 I'm going 204 00:04:28,695 --> 00:04:30,363 shopping after work. 205 00:04:30,405 --> 00:04:32,282 I'll pick up 206 00:04:30,405 --> 00:04:32,282 some milk. 207 00:04:32,323 --> 00:04:35,618 Oh! These pancakes 208 00:04:32,323 --> 00:04:35,618 are delightful. 209 00:04:38,747 --> 00:04:41,750 What's wrong, baby? 210 00:04:41,791 --> 00:04:43,710 This is the high 211 00:04:41,791 --> 00:04:43,710 point of my day. 212 00:04:43,752 --> 00:04:45,712 It was true. 213 00:04:45,754 --> 00:04:47,047 See, 214 00:04:45,754 --> 00:04:47,047 Marshall had always dreamed 215 00:04:45,754 --> 00:04:47,047 of using his law degree 216 00:04:47,089 --> 00:04:48,506 to protect the environment. 217 00:04:48,548 --> 00:04:50,383 But he needed 218 00:04:48,548 --> 00:04:50,383 money for the wedding, 219 00:04:50,425 --> 00:04:52,802 so he'd been 220 00:04:50,425 --> 00:04:52,802 interning for two months 221 00:04:50,425 --> 00:04:52,802 at Barney's firm, 222 00:04:52,844 --> 00:04:55,305 and he hated 223 00:04:52,844 --> 00:04:55,305 every minute of it. 224 00:04:55,346 --> 00:04:56,973 Hey, Barney, 225 00:04:55,346 --> 00:04:56,973 I had some questions 226 00:04:57,015 --> 00:04:58,641 about filling out 227 00:04:57,015 --> 00:04:58,641 these requisition forms. 228 00:04:58,683 --> 00:05:00,936 Binoculars. 229 00:04:58,683 --> 00:05:00,936 Second pair, on my desk. 230 00:05:00,977 --> 00:05:02,687 I don't have time 231 00:05:00,977 --> 00:05:02,687 to be creepy, dude. 232 00:05:02,729 --> 00:05:04,355 I have a lot of work to do. 233 00:05:04,397 --> 00:05:05,565 Just take a look, will you? 234 00:05:08,568 --> 00:05:10,946 Hey, corner office. 235 00:05:08,568 --> 00:05:10,946 Top floor. 236 00:05:11,863 --> 00:05:13,782 Check out that guy. 237 00:05:13,823 --> 00:05:15,617 Name's Clark Butterfield. 238 00:05:15,658 --> 00:05:17,911 He works over 239 00:05:15,658 --> 00:05:17,911 at Nicholson, 240 00:05:15,658 --> 00:05:17,911 Hewitt and West, 241 00:05:17,953 --> 00:05:21,372 and every morning, 242 00:05:17,953 --> 00:05:21,372 he orders a sandwich 243 00:05:17,953 --> 00:05:21,372 from the deli downstairs. 244 00:05:21,414 --> 00:05:23,333 So? 245 00:05:23,374 --> 00:05:25,460 So, guess what I 246 00:05:23,374 --> 00:05:25,460 did to that sandwich? 247 00:05:25,501 --> 00:05:27,503 Here, I took a picture. 248 00:05:30,173 --> 00:05:32,675 Oh! Sweet Lord! 249 00:05:32,717 --> 00:05:35,637 And now I'm e-mailing 250 00:05:32,717 --> 00:05:35,637 said picture to him. 251 00:05:47,941 --> 00:05:49,359 Duck! 252 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:50,986 That is sick! 253 00:05:53,947 --> 00:05:56,199 Why would you do that? 254 00:05:53,947 --> 00:05:56,199 Who knows? 255 00:05:56,241 --> 00:05:58,910 This feud goes so far back 256 00:05:56,241 --> 00:05:58,910 I can't remember who 257 00:05:56,241 --> 00:05:58,910 fired the first shot. 258 00:05:58,952 --> 00:06:00,329 You? 259 00:05:58,952 --> 00:06:00,329 Totally. 260 00:06:01,997 --> 00:06:05,541 Well, look, if you would just 261 00:06:01,997 --> 00:06:05,541 help me fill out these forms, 262 00:06:05,583 --> 00:06:07,169 that would be great. 263 00:06:07,210 --> 00:06:09,004 What? 264 00:06:09,045 --> 00:06:10,797 Butterfield is 265 00:06:09,045 --> 00:06:10,797 going to retaliate 266 00:06:09,045 --> 00:06:10,797 within the next four hours. 267 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:12,341 That's been 268 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:12,341 his pattern. 269 00:06:12,382 --> 00:06:13,925 This is war, Eriksen. 270 00:06:13,967 --> 00:06:15,426 I need you to clear 271 00:06:13,967 --> 00:06:15,426 your schedule. Call Lily. 272 00:06:15,468 --> 00:06:17,512 Tell her you'll be home late. 273 00:06:17,553 --> 00:06:19,597 This is stupid. 274 00:06:19,639 --> 00:06:21,350 Come on, 275 00:06:19,639 --> 00:06:21,350 man, I didn't recruit you 276 00:06:21,391 --> 00:06:23,143 to work here for 277 00:06:21,391 --> 00:06:23,143 your lawyering skills. 278 00:06:23,185 --> 00:06:27,314 I recruited you to be 279 00:06:23,185 --> 00:06:27,314 my executive 280 00:06:23,185 --> 00:06:27,314 mischief consultant. 281 00:06:27,356 --> 00:06:29,232 This is a job 282 00:06:27,356 --> 00:06:29,232 for me, Barney. 283 00:06:29,274 --> 00:06:31,318 It's a way to make 284 00:06:29,274 --> 00:06:31,318 some extra wedding money, 285 00:06:29,274 --> 00:06:31,318 and that's it. 286 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,903 Now, I'm sorry, 287 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,903 but I have work to do. 288 00:06:36,906 --> 00:06:38,616 Tracy, could you 289 00:06:36,906 --> 00:06:38,616 come in here, please? 290 00:06:41,828 --> 00:06:43,288 Would you please 291 00:06:41,828 --> 00:06:43,288 Inform Mr. Eriksen 292 00:06:43,330 --> 00:06:44,873 that I'm no longer 293 00:06:43,330 --> 00:06:44,873 speaking to him? 294 00:06:46,708 --> 00:06:48,710 Mr. Eriksen, 295 00:06:46,708 --> 00:06:48,710 Mr. Stinson is no longer... 296 00:06:48,751 --> 00:06:51,004 I get it. Thank you, Tracy. 297 00:06:56,467 --> 00:06:57,844 Hello? 298 00:06:57,886 --> 00:07:01,639 Hello. May I speak 299 00:06:57,886 --> 00:07:01,639 with a Mr. Ted Mosby? 300 00:07:01,681 --> 00:07:02,765 Speaking. 301 00:07:02,807 --> 00:07:04,642 Mr. Mosby, how you doing, sir? 302 00:07:04,684 --> 00:07:07,103 Bob Rorschach over here 303 00:07:04,684 --> 00:07:07,103 at Love Solutions. 304 00:07:07,145 --> 00:07:10,023 You signed up 305 00:07:07,145 --> 00:07:10,023 for our services 306 00:07:07,145 --> 00:07:10,023 about six months ago. 307 00:07:10,065 --> 00:07:12,775 Yeah. You guys 308 00:07:10,065 --> 00:07:12,775 never found me a match. 309 00:07:12,817 --> 00:07:16,029 Right. Well, actually, 310 00:07:12,817 --> 00:07:16,029 that's why I'm calling. 311 00:07:16,071 --> 00:07:17,530 We found her, sir. 312 00:07:17,572 --> 00:07:19,074 We found your soul mate. 313 00:07:26,206 --> 00:07:28,083 I don't understand. 314 00:07:26,206 --> 00:07:28,083 What happened 315 00:07:26,206 --> 00:07:28,083 to Ellen Pierce? 316 00:07:28,124 --> 00:07:29,709 Doesn't she 317 00:07:28,124 --> 00:07:29,709 run this place? 318 00:07:29,751 --> 00:07:32,254 Well, my firm 319 00:07:29,751 --> 00:07:32,254 bought out the company. 320 00:07:32,295 --> 00:07:34,756 You know, 321 00:07:32,295 --> 00:07:34,756 we're a high-end meats 322 00:07:32,295 --> 00:07:34,756 and textiles conglomerate, 323 00:07:34,797 --> 00:07:38,218 but the geniuses at corporate 324 00:07:34,797 --> 00:07:38,218 decided they 325 00:07:34,797 --> 00:07:38,218 wanted to diversify, 326 00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:40,095 so here I am. 327 00:07:41,012 --> 00:07:42,972 So I'm in good hands. 328 00:07:43,014 --> 00:07:44,599 You found me a match? 329 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,435 There she is. 330 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,435 Your soul mate. 331 00:07:46,476 --> 00:07:48,395 That'll be 500 bucks. 332 00:07:48,437 --> 00:07:50,146 No way. 333 00:07:48,437 --> 00:07:50,146 The last time I did this, 334 00:07:50,188 --> 00:07:51,981 the girl turned 335 00:07:50,188 --> 00:07:51,981 out to be engaged. 336 00:07:52,023 --> 00:07:55,026 She's not engaged. 337 00:07:52,023 --> 00:07:55,026 She's your soul mate. 338 00:07:55,068 --> 00:07:56,278 Just read the file. 339 00:08:00,073 --> 00:08:01,866 So I read the file. 340 00:08:01,908 --> 00:08:04,077 And, by God, 341 00:08:01,908 --> 00:08:04,077 this woman was perfect. 342 00:08:04,119 --> 00:08:05,995 She liked dogs. 343 00:08:06,037 --> 00:08:07,663 She spent her 344 00:08:06,037 --> 00:08:07,663 summers in North Carolina. 345 00:08:07,705 --> 00:08:09,040 She played bass guitar. 346 00:08:09,082 --> 00:08:10,541 She did The Times crossword. 347 00:08:10,583 --> 00:08:11,918 She played tennis. 348 00:08:10,583 --> 00:08:11,918 She liked old movies. 349 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,669 Her favorite 350 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,669 food was lasagna. 351 00:08:13,711 --> 00:08:15,546 Her favorite book was 352 00:08:13,711 --> 00:08:15,546 Love in the Time of Cholera. 353 00:08:15,588 --> 00:08:17,257 Her favorite 354 00:08:15,588 --> 00:08:17,257 singer was Otis Redding. 355 00:08:17,299 --> 00:08:19,550 And she wanted two kids, 356 00:08:17,299 --> 00:08:19,550 a boy and a girl. 357 00:08:21,552 --> 00:08:24,806 All right, fine. Set it up. 358 00:08:24,847 --> 00:08:27,934 You wanted to see me, 359 00:08:24,847 --> 00:08:27,934 so I guess that means 360 00:08:24,847 --> 00:08:27,934 we're talking again. 361 00:08:27,976 --> 00:08:29,436 Will you taste 362 00:08:27,976 --> 00:08:29,436 this latte for me? 363 00:08:29,478 --> 00:08:30,895 I think they gave me decaf. 364 00:08:35,942 --> 00:08:36,943 It tastes normal to me. 365 00:08:36,985 --> 00:08:38,569 That's what 366 00:08:36,985 --> 00:08:38,569 I thought, too. 367 00:08:38,611 --> 00:08:40,071 Then I got this 368 00:08:38,611 --> 00:08:40,071 e-mail from Butterfield. 369 00:08:40,113 --> 00:08:41,990 Oh, God! 370 00:08:42,031 --> 00:08:44,242 It got me as well. 371 00:08:44,284 --> 00:08:46,744 Well, then why did 372 00:08:44,284 --> 00:08:46,744 you have me drink it? 373 00:08:46,786 --> 00:08:49,622 Because now you're in. 374 00:08:50,790 --> 00:08:52,501 Okay. 375 00:08:52,542 --> 00:08:54,043 Don't think 376 00:08:52,542 --> 00:08:54,043 I'm overlooking 377 00:08:52,542 --> 00:08:54,043 the obvious fact 378 00:08:54,085 --> 00:08:56,463 that I should 379 00:08:54,085 --> 00:08:56,463 just be mad at you. 380 00:08:56,505 --> 00:08:58,673 But Executive 381 00:08:56,505 --> 00:08:58,673 Mischief Consultant 382 00:08:58,714 --> 00:09:01,592 Marshall Eriksen 383 00:08:58,714 --> 00:09:01,592 reporting for duty. 384 00:09:01,634 --> 00:09:04,262 Let's make 385 00:09:01,634 --> 00:09:04,262 that bastard pay. 386 00:09:04,304 --> 00:09:05,680 You think that 387 00:09:04,304 --> 00:09:05,680 we should brush 388 00:09:04,304 --> 00:09:05,680 our teeth first? 389 00:09:05,721 --> 00:09:06,806 Yeah, it's probably 390 00:09:05,721 --> 00:09:06,806 a good idea. 391 00:09:06,848 --> 00:09:09,017 Let's go. 392 00:09:09,058 --> 00:09:11,936 So, 393 00:09:09,058 --> 00:09:11,936 that night I had a blind date 394 00:09:09,058 --> 00:09:11,936 with my perfect match. 395 00:09:11,978 --> 00:09:14,063 I was so excited, 396 00:09:11,978 --> 00:09:14,063 I got there early. 397 00:09:14,105 --> 00:09:15,690 But before it even started... 398 00:09:18,651 --> 00:09:19,819 Lily? 399 00:09:19,861 --> 00:09:21,821 Hey, Ted, are you busy? 400 00:09:21,863 --> 00:09:24,407 Um, yes. 401 00:09:24,449 --> 00:09:26,451 Oh, right. Soul mate. Forgot. 402 00:09:26,493 --> 00:09:28,870 Listen, could you take 403 00:09:26,493 --> 00:09:28,870 a cab out to Dutchess County 404 00:09:28,911 --> 00:09:30,913 and change a flat 405 00:09:28,911 --> 00:09:30,913 on Marshall's Fiero? 406 00:09:30,955 --> 00:09:32,415 What? 407 00:09:32,457 --> 00:09:35,668 What? No. 408 00:09:32,457 --> 00:09:35,668 Can't you just call Marshall? 409 00:09:35,710 --> 00:09:37,795 Marshall can't 410 00:09:35,710 --> 00:09:37,795 know about this. 411 00:09:37,837 --> 00:09:40,923 Look, Ted, it's dark, 412 00:09:37,837 --> 00:09:40,923 I don't know how 413 00:09:37,837 --> 00:09:40,923 to change a tire, 414 00:09:40,965 --> 00:09:43,092 and I've stumbled 415 00:09:40,965 --> 00:09:43,092 into the beginning 416 00:09:43,134 --> 00:09:45,178 of a very scary 417 00:09:43,134 --> 00:09:45,178 campfire story. 418 00:09:45,220 --> 00:09:46,346 Can you please hurry? 419 00:09:46,388 --> 00:09:47,889 I can't. I'm waiting... 420 00:09:47,930 --> 00:09:51,100 Oh, my God, 421 00:09:47,930 --> 00:09:51,100 is that a drifter 422 00:09:47,930 --> 00:09:51,100 with a hook for a hand? 423 00:09:51,142 --> 00:09:53,395 No, drifter, no! 424 00:09:53,436 --> 00:09:55,063 Come on, Lily. 425 00:09:55,104 --> 00:09:56,314 But you see my point. 426 00:09:57,482 --> 00:10:00,026 All right, stay there. 427 00:09:57,482 --> 00:10:00,026 I'm on my way. 428 00:10:09,285 --> 00:10:11,662 And so, 429 00:10:09,285 --> 00:10:11,662 one $90 cab ride later, 430 00:10:11,704 --> 00:10:14,165 I was in 431 00:10:11,704 --> 00:10:14,165 the middle of nowhere. 432 00:10:16,334 --> 00:10:19,295 Oh, thank God. 433 00:10:16,334 --> 00:10:19,295 I'm so sorry about this. 434 00:10:19,337 --> 00:10:21,297 Did you get 435 00:10:19,337 --> 00:10:21,297 ahold of your date? 436 00:10:19,337 --> 00:10:21,297 Yes. 437 00:10:21,339 --> 00:10:23,091 And was she okay 438 00:10:21,339 --> 00:10:23,091 about pushing it back? 439 00:10:23,132 --> 00:10:24,967 Yes. Because 440 00:10:23,132 --> 00:10:24,967 she's perfect! 441 00:10:25,009 --> 00:10:26,386 So, what am I 442 00:10:25,009 --> 00:10:26,386 doing here? 443 00:10:26,428 --> 00:10:27,803 You can never 444 00:10:26,428 --> 00:10:27,803 tell Marshall. 445 00:10:27,845 --> 00:10:29,639 I won't. 446 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:32,808 Ever. 447 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:32,808 Swear. Swear on the lives 448 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:32,808 of your unborn boy and girl. 449 00:10:32,850 --> 00:10:34,894 I swear on Luke and Leia. 450 00:10:36,605 --> 00:10:40,483 About a month ago, 451 00:10:36,605 --> 00:10:40,483 I started getting insomnia. 452 00:10:40,525 --> 00:10:44,487 Marrying Marshall 453 00:10:40,525 --> 00:10:44,487 had been all I wanted 454 00:10:40,525 --> 00:10:44,487 for a long time. 455 00:10:44,529 --> 00:10:46,448 But now that it 456 00:10:44,529 --> 00:10:46,448 was really happening, 457 00:10:46,489 --> 00:10:48,241 it seemed kind 458 00:10:46,489 --> 00:10:48,241 of huge and scary. 459 00:10:48,283 --> 00:10:49,659 Did you talk to 460 00:10:48,283 --> 00:10:49,659 Marshall about it? 461 00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:51,369 He wouldn't 462 00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:51,369 have understood. 463 00:10:51,411 --> 00:10:54,330 He's not exactly nervous 464 00:10:51,411 --> 00:10:54,330 about tying the knot. 465 00:10:58,460 --> 00:11:01,588 So I spent my 466 00:10:58,460 --> 00:11:01,588 nights reading, painting, 467 00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:03,756 setting the high score 468 00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:03,756 on Super Bomberman. 469 00:11:03,798 --> 00:11:05,925 That was you? Awesome! 470 00:11:03,798 --> 00:11:05,925 I know! 471 00:11:05,967 --> 00:11:07,802 I just got 472 00:11:05,967 --> 00:11:07,802 in the zone and... 473 00:11:07,843 --> 00:11:10,221 Not the point of the story. 474 00:11:10,263 --> 00:11:12,181 And then I started 475 00:11:10,263 --> 00:11:12,181 thinking about Victoria 476 00:11:12,223 --> 00:11:14,392 and how she followed 477 00:11:12,223 --> 00:11:14,392 her dream to Germany, 478 00:11:14,434 --> 00:11:16,102 then I found 479 00:11:14,434 --> 00:11:16,102 this art fellowship. 480 00:11:16,144 --> 00:11:18,313 Let me guess. 481 00:11:16,144 --> 00:11:18,313 It's somewhere far away. 482 00:11:18,354 --> 00:11:20,189 San Francisco. 483 00:11:21,399 --> 00:11:23,859 But it's not like 484 00:11:21,399 --> 00:11:23,859 I'm going to do it. 485 00:11:23,901 --> 00:11:26,279 The dates conflict 486 00:11:23,901 --> 00:11:26,279 with the wedding. 487 00:11:26,321 --> 00:11:31,701 But I love painting, 488 00:11:26,321 --> 00:11:31,701 and I've always 489 00:11:26,321 --> 00:11:31,701 wondered if I'm any good. 490 00:11:32,785 --> 00:11:34,704 This was the way 491 00:11:32,785 --> 00:11:34,704 to find out. 492 00:11:34,745 --> 00:11:36,122 And the interview 493 00:11:34,745 --> 00:11:36,122 is tonight. 494 00:11:36,164 --> 00:11:37,582 In New Haven. 495 00:11:43,129 --> 00:11:45,089 You don't want 496 00:11:43,129 --> 00:11:45,089 to get married. 497 00:11:45,131 --> 00:11:47,717 Of course I want 498 00:11:45,131 --> 00:11:47,717 to get married! 499 00:11:47,758 --> 00:11:51,137 I... It's not like I 500 00:11:47,758 --> 00:11:51,137 was ever going to do it. 501 00:11:51,179 --> 00:11:54,974 I just... 502 00:11:51,179 --> 00:11:54,974 I just really wanted to see 503 00:11:51,179 --> 00:11:54,974 if I could get this. 504 00:11:55,016 --> 00:11:58,978 Lily, we live in the center 505 00:11:55,016 --> 00:11:58,978 of art and 506 00:11:55,016 --> 00:11:58,978 culture in America. 507 00:11:59,020 --> 00:12:01,314 I'm sure you could 508 00:11:59,020 --> 00:12:01,314 find a program here 509 00:11:59,020 --> 00:12:01,314 that's just as selective. 510 00:12:01,356 --> 00:12:03,608 But you chose one 511 00:12:01,356 --> 00:12:03,608 in a city 512 00:12:01,356 --> 00:12:03,608 3,000 miles away, 513 00:12:03,650 --> 00:12:05,610 and you didn't 514 00:12:03,650 --> 00:12:05,610 tell Marshall. 515 00:12:05,652 --> 00:12:07,820 I think it's pretty 516 00:12:05,652 --> 00:12:07,820 clear what that means. 517 00:12:10,198 --> 00:12:12,241 Okay, I... 518 00:12:12,283 --> 00:12:14,452 I was having second thoughts. 519 00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:17,288 But I'm not anymore. 520 00:12:18,414 --> 00:12:20,583 I mean, 521 00:12:18,414 --> 00:12:20,583 this flat tire was a sign. 522 00:12:20,625 --> 00:12:22,877 I'm not supposed 523 00:12:20,625 --> 00:12:22,877 to do this. 524 00:12:22,918 --> 00:12:26,255 I'm supposed to go home 525 00:12:22,918 --> 00:12:26,255 and be with Marshall. 526 00:12:28,049 --> 00:12:30,009 You must think 527 00:12:28,049 --> 00:12:30,009 I'm so stupid. 528 00:12:30,051 --> 00:12:32,094 I don't think 529 00:12:30,051 --> 00:12:32,094 you're stupid. 530 00:12:32,136 --> 00:12:33,638 I love Marshall. 531 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,181 I know you do. 532 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,181 Come here. 533 00:12:38,476 --> 00:12:39,977 It's okay. 534 00:12:40,019 --> 00:12:44,357 Look, marriage is big. 535 00:12:40,019 --> 00:12:44,357 You're allowed to freak out. 536 00:12:44,399 --> 00:12:46,609 But why am I 537 00:12:44,399 --> 00:12:46,609 the only one? 538 00:12:46,651 --> 00:12:49,404 How come Marshall isn't 539 00:12:46,651 --> 00:12:49,404 doing anything crazy? 540 00:12:49,445 --> 00:12:52,823 So all we need is 541 00:12:49,445 --> 00:12:52,823 one large shipping box 542 00:12:49,445 --> 00:12:52,823 and 100 white mice. 543 00:12:56,578 --> 00:12:57,870 All done. 544 00:13:00,582 --> 00:13:03,209 Ted, let's go 545 00:13:00,582 --> 00:13:03,209 to New Haven. 546 00:13:03,251 --> 00:13:06,003 Lily, don't do this 547 00:13:03,251 --> 00:13:06,003 to yourself. 548 00:13:06,045 --> 00:13:08,256 I just need to 549 00:13:06,045 --> 00:13:08,256 know if I can get in. 550 00:13:08,297 --> 00:13:11,593 If I do this interview, 551 00:13:08,297 --> 00:13:11,593 and get into the program, 552 00:13:08,297 --> 00:13:11,593 then I'll know, 553 00:13:11,634 --> 00:13:13,803 and I can 554 00:13:11,634 --> 00:13:13,803 forget all about it, 555 00:13:11,634 --> 00:13:13,803 and get married. 556 00:13:13,844 --> 00:13:15,304 Come on! 557 00:13:13,844 --> 00:13:15,304 It's an adventure. 558 00:13:15,346 --> 00:13:18,099 No, it's not an adventure. 559 00:13:15,346 --> 00:13:18,099 It's a mistake. 560 00:13:18,140 --> 00:13:19,934 Okay, yes, it's a mistake. 561 00:13:19,975 --> 00:13:21,811 I know it's a mistake. 562 00:13:21,852 --> 00:13:23,312 But there are 563 00:13:21,852 --> 00:13:23,312 certain things in life 564 00:13:23,354 --> 00:13:24,773 where you know 565 00:13:23,354 --> 00:13:24,773 it's a mistake, 566 00:13:24,814 --> 00:13:26,691 but you don't really 567 00:13:24,814 --> 00:13:26,691 know it's a mistake, 568 00:13:26,733 --> 00:13:27,983 because the only 569 00:13:26,733 --> 00:13:27,983 way to really know 570 00:13:28,025 --> 00:13:29,652 it's a mistake is 571 00:13:28,025 --> 00:13:29,652 to make the mistake, 572 00:13:29,694 --> 00:13:31,987 and look back and say, 573 00:13:29,694 --> 00:13:31,987 "Yep, that was a mistake." 574 00:13:32,029 --> 00:13:35,241 So, really, 575 00:13:32,029 --> 00:13:35,241 the bigger mistake would be 576 00:13:32,029 --> 00:13:35,241 to not make the mistake 577 00:13:35,283 --> 00:13:37,285 because then you'd 578 00:13:35,283 --> 00:13:37,285 go your whole life 579 00:13:35,283 --> 00:13:37,285 not really knowing 580 00:13:37,326 --> 00:13:39,036 if something is 581 00:13:37,326 --> 00:13:39,036 a mistake or not. 582 00:13:39,078 --> 00:13:41,247 And, damn it, 583 00:13:39,078 --> 00:13:41,247 I've made no mistakes! 584 00:13:41,289 --> 00:13:42,791 I've done all of this, 585 00:13:42,832 --> 00:13:47,796 my life, my relationship, 586 00:13:42,832 --> 00:13:47,796 my career, mistake-free. 587 00:13:47,837 --> 00:13:50,047 Does any of this 588 00:13:47,837 --> 00:13:50,047 make sense to you? 589 00:13:50,089 --> 00:13:52,883 I don't know. 590 00:13:50,089 --> 00:13:52,883 You said "mistake" a lot. 591 00:13:52,925 --> 00:13:54,761 Lily, don't do this. 592 00:13:54,803 --> 00:13:57,138 Ted, I'm getting 593 00:13:54,803 --> 00:13:57,138 married in two months, 594 00:13:57,179 --> 00:13:59,557 and I'm freaking out, 595 00:13:57,179 --> 00:13:59,557 and you're my best friend, 596 00:13:59,599 --> 00:14:01,058 and you just have to 597 00:13:59,599 --> 00:14:01,058 forgive me for this. 598 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,644 But forgive you 599 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,644 for what? 600 00:14:02,685 --> 00:14:04,813 Lily. Lily! 601 00:14:14,113 --> 00:14:16,407 Hey, Lily, this is Ted, 602 00:14:16,449 --> 00:14:18,993 the guy you left stranded 603 00:14:16,449 --> 00:14:18,993 by the side of the road. 604 00:14:19,034 --> 00:14:21,329 Just wanted 605 00:14:19,034 --> 00:14:21,329 to say good luck 606 00:14:19,034 --> 00:14:21,329 with the interview. 607 00:14:21,370 --> 00:14:22,872 Remember to 608 00:14:21,370 --> 00:14:22,872 pick up some milk. 609 00:14:22,913 --> 00:14:27,335 Oh, and when I get home, 610 00:14:22,913 --> 00:14:27,335 I'm going to kill you. 611 00:14:27,376 --> 00:14:29,211 And, also, 612 00:14:27,376 --> 00:14:29,211 I texted you the same thing. 613 00:14:37,595 --> 00:14:38,888 Hey, I need a big favor. 614 00:14:38,929 --> 00:14:40,640 Anything, bro. 615 00:14:40,682 --> 00:14:42,057 I need you to come 616 00:14:40,682 --> 00:14:42,057 up to Dutchess County 617 00:14:40,682 --> 00:14:42,057 and pick me up. 618 00:14:42,099 --> 00:14:43,601 No. 619 00:14:44,686 --> 00:14:46,395 It's kind of an emergency. 620 00:14:46,437 --> 00:14:47,897 What are you doing 621 00:14:46,437 --> 00:14:47,897 in Dutchess County? 622 00:14:47,938 --> 00:14:50,900 Apple picking. 623 00:14:47,938 --> 00:14:50,900 Can you just get up here? 624 00:14:50,941 --> 00:14:53,110 I wish I could help, buddy, 625 00:14:50,941 --> 00:14:53,110 but I'm stuck here at work. 626 00:14:53,152 --> 00:14:54,821 We're kind of swamped. 627 00:14:54,863 --> 00:14:56,489 Hey, is that Ted? 628 00:14:56,531 --> 00:14:57,740 Yeah. He's stuck 629 00:14:56,531 --> 00:14:57,740 in Dutchess County. 630 00:14:57,782 --> 00:14:59,283 Don't you have 631 00:14:57,782 --> 00:14:59,283 a big date tonight? 632 00:14:59,325 --> 00:15:01,911 Marshall. Hi. 633 00:14:59,325 --> 00:15:01,911 Yes. Yes, I do. 634 00:15:01,952 --> 00:15:03,872 So what are you doing 635 00:15:01,952 --> 00:15:03,872 in Dutchess County? 636 00:15:04,873 --> 00:15:06,875 Can't a brother 637 00:15:04,873 --> 00:15:06,875 go apple picking 638 00:15:06,916 --> 00:15:08,877 without getting 639 00:15:06,916 --> 00:15:08,877 the third degree? Damn! 640 00:15:08,918 --> 00:15:10,837 Okay, well, hang on. 641 00:15:08,918 --> 00:15:10,837 I'm coming to get you. 642 00:15:10,879 --> 00:15:12,296 No! 643 00:15:12,338 --> 00:15:13,506 Relax, man. 644 00:15:12,338 --> 00:15:13,506 I'll take the Fiero. 645 00:15:13,548 --> 00:15:16,759 No, no, no. Just forget it. 646 00:15:16,801 --> 00:15:18,845 A little prank. 647 00:15:16,801 --> 00:15:18,845 I'm not in Dutchess County. 648 00:15:19,804 --> 00:15:21,180 So, that's the prank? 649 00:15:21,222 --> 00:15:22,765 That you're not 650 00:15:21,222 --> 00:15:22,765 in Dutchess County? 651 00:15:22,807 --> 00:15:27,019 Yep. Gotcha! Classic! 652 00:15:22,807 --> 00:15:27,019 Gotta go. 653 00:15:29,939 --> 00:15:31,858 Hey, check it out. 654 00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:33,568 This one actually looks 655 00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:33,568 like Butterfield. 656 00:15:35,611 --> 00:15:38,447 You know, over at the NRDC: 657 00:15:35,611 --> 00:15:38,447 it's a bunch of really 658 00:15:35,611 --> 00:15:38,447 committed people 659 00:15:38,489 --> 00:15:42,410 who take their job 660 00:15:38,489 --> 00:15:42,410 of saving the Earth 661 00:15:38,489 --> 00:15:42,410 very, very seriously. 662 00:15:42,451 --> 00:15:44,662 Which is great 663 00:15:42,451 --> 00:15:44,662 and everything, but 664 00:15:44,704 --> 00:15:47,916 I can't imagine having 665 00:15:44,704 --> 00:15:47,916 this much fun over there. 666 00:15:47,957 --> 00:15:50,585 You're thinking about 667 00:15:47,957 --> 00:15:50,585 coming to work 668 00:15:47,957 --> 00:15:50,585 here full-time? 669 00:15:50,626 --> 00:15:52,545 Maybe. 670 00:15:52,587 --> 00:15:54,422 Don't tell Lily, okay? 671 00:15:52,587 --> 00:15:54,422 No. 672 00:15:54,463 --> 00:15:55,715 Taking off for the night. 673 00:15:55,757 --> 00:15:57,466 Thanks, Tracy. 674 00:15:57,508 --> 00:16:00,970 Are you guys planning 675 00:15:57,508 --> 00:16:00,970 on punching some 676 00:15:57,508 --> 00:16:00,970 holes in that box? 677 00:16:01,930 --> 00:16:03,723 Of course we are. 678 00:16:05,266 --> 00:16:06,642 Were you going 679 00:16:05,266 --> 00:16:06,642 to think of that? 680 00:16:05,266 --> 00:16:06,642 No. 681 00:16:06,684 --> 00:16:09,854 That would have been bad. 682 00:16:06,684 --> 00:16:09,854 Horrible. 683 00:16:09,896 --> 00:16:11,313 Luckily, 684 00:16:09,896 --> 00:16:11,313 there was still one person 685 00:16:11,355 --> 00:16:13,691 I could call to 686 00:16:11,355 --> 00:16:13,691 get a ride home. 687 00:16:13,733 --> 00:16:15,526 Need a ride, cowboy? 688 00:16:15,568 --> 00:16:17,194 Sorry. I don't get in 689 00:16:15,568 --> 00:16:17,194 vans with strangers. 690 00:16:17,236 --> 00:16:19,363 Too bad. I got candy. 691 00:16:19,405 --> 00:16:21,407 Candy? 692 00:16:24,159 --> 00:16:25,870 So, you're not 693 00:16:24,159 --> 00:16:25,870 going to tell me 694 00:16:24,159 --> 00:16:25,870 what you were doing 695 00:16:25,912 --> 00:16:27,789 by the side of a highway 696 00:16:25,912 --> 00:16:27,789 in Dutchess County? 697 00:16:27,830 --> 00:16:29,331 Nope. Sworn to secrecy. 698 00:16:29,373 --> 00:16:30,959 Oh, come on. 699 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,126 I like your hat. 700 00:16:32,167 --> 00:16:34,128 Right. 701 00:16:34,169 --> 00:16:36,046 This is embarrassing. 702 00:16:34,169 --> 00:16:36,046 I got highlights. 703 00:16:36,088 --> 00:16:38,257 Oh, for the waiting room 704 00:16:36,088 --> 00:16:38,257 of your dental practice? 705 00:16:40,342 --> 00:16:41,844 Highlights is 706 00:16:40,342 --> 00:16:41,844 a children's magazine. 707 00:16:41,886 --> 00:16:44,013 Yeah, I got it. 708 00:16:44,054 --> 00:16:45,347 I thought it might look cool. 709 00:16:45,389 --> 00:16:47,349 Of course, my colorist 710 00:16:45,389 --> 00:16:47,349 took "highlights" 711 00:16:47,391 --> 00:16:49,602 to mean, "I want to 712 00:16:47,391 --> 00:16:49,602 look like a tiger," 713 00:16:49,644 --> 00:16:51,186 hence the hat. 714 00:16:51,228 --> 00:16:52,688 Oh. I gotta see this. 715 00:16:52,730 --> 00:16:54,315 No way. 716 00:16:54,356 --> 00:16:55,775 Please. I bet it 717 00:16:54,356 --> 00:16:55,775 doesn't look that bad. 718 00:16:55,817 --> 00:16:57,819 I bet it looks great! 719 00:16:59,737 --> 00:17:05,034 "So," she says, 720 00:16:59,737 --> 00:17:05,034 changing the subject, 721 00:16:59,737 --> 00:17:05,034 "Big date tonight." 722 00:17:05,075 --> 00:17:07,495 How does she rate 723 00:17:05,075 --> 00:17:07,495 on the Mosby checklist? 724 00:17:07,536 --> 00:17:10,832 Kind of amazingly. 725 00:17:07,536 --> 00:17:10,832 She's 28, like me. 726 00:17:10,873 --> 00:17:12,667 Wow, I'm 28. 727 00:17:13,709 --> 00:17:15,003 College-educated, check. 728 00:17:15,044 --> 00:17:16,921 Plays tennis, check. 729 00:17:16,963 --> 00:17:19,423 Favorite book 730 00:17:16,963 --> 00:17:19,423 is Love in the Time 731 00:17:16,963 --> 00:17:19,423 of Cholera, check. 732 00:17:19,465 --> 00:17:23,511 I read that. More like, 733 00:17:19,465 --> 00:17:23,511 "Love in the time 734 00:17:19,465 --> 00:17:23,511 of don't bothera." 735 00:17:25,304 --> 00:17:27,849 You know, it's very rude 736 00:17:25,304 --> 00:17:27,849 to wear a hat indoors. 737 00:17:25,304 --> 00:17:27,849 I'm just saying. 738 00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:29,642 We're not indoors. 739 00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:29,642 We're in a van. 740 00:17:29,684 --> 00:17:31,435 Vans have doors. 741 00:17:29,684 --> 00:17:31,435 Let me see your hair. 742 00:17:31,477 --> 00:17:33,062 Never. What else? 743 00:17:33,103 --> 00:17:34,772 She loves lasagna. 744 00:17:34,814 --> 00:17:36,607 Barf. 745 00:17:36,649 --> 00:17:37,817 You know, 746 00:17:36,649 --> 00:17:37,817 I am sensing a pattern here. 747 00:17:38,734 --> 00:17:40,653 What else? 748 00:17:40,695 --> 00:17:42,530 Let's see what else. 749 00:17:42,571 --> 00:17:44,073 Oh, she doesn't look 750 00:17:42,571 --> 00:17:44,073 like a tiger, check. 751 00:17:45,825 --> 00:17:47,994 And she's looking 752 00:17:45,825 --> 00:17:47,994 to get married 753 00:17:45,825 --> 00:17:47,994 and have kids? 754 00:17:48,036 --> 00:17:49,495 Check and check. 755 00:17:49,537 --> 00:17:50,788 She wants two kids, 756 00:17:49,537 --> 00:17:50,788 a boy and a girl. 757 00:17:50,830 --> 00:17:52,748 Wow. 758 00:17:52,790 --> 00:17:54,792 You know, I've been 759 00:17:52,790 --> 00:17:54,792 thinking about this. 760 00:17:54,834 --> 00:17:56,961 I think I want 761 00:17:54,834 --> 00:17:56,961 to have zero kids. 762 00:17:57,003 --> 00:17:59,005 Really? 763 00:17:57,003 --> 00:17:59,005 You don't want kids? 764 00:17:59,047 --> 00:18:02,717 You know, Ted, not everyone 765 00:17:59,047 --> 00:18:02,717 is as much of a woman as you. 766 00:18:04,134 --> 00:18:05,761 Hey. I'm driving. 767 00:18:10,516 --> 00:18:13,477 Look at that. 768 00:18:10,516 --> 00:18:13,477 8:56. You're early. 769 00:18:13,519 --> 00:18:15,604 Hey, thanks 770 00:18:13,519 --> 00:18:15,604 for picking me up. 771 00:18:15,646 --> 00:18:17,690 Good luck on your date. 772 00:18:17,732 --> 00:18:19,525 I hope she's everything 773 00:18:17,732 --> 00:18:19,525 you're looking for. 774 00:18:20,818 --> 00:18:21,986 Thanks. 775 00:18:25,948 --> 00:18:28,868 All right, you've 776 00:18:25,948 --> 00:18:28,868 clearly had a rough night. 777 00:18:28,910 --> 00:18:31,537 I want you to go in there 778 00:18:28,910 --> 00:18:31,537 with a smile on your face, 779 00:18:31,579 --> 00:18:33,414 so here's what 780 00:18:31,579 --> 00:18:33,414 I'm going to do. 781 00:18:33,455 --> 00:18:34,999 You're going to 782 00:18:33,455 --> 00:18:34,999 show me your hair? 783 00:18:35,041 --> 00:18:36,709 Actually, I was going 784 00:18:35,041 --> 00:18:36,709 to show you my breasts, 785 00:18:36,751 --> 00:18:38,794 but, sure, we can do hair. 786 00:18:48,596 --> 00:18:49,972 You just made my night. 787 00:18:52,391 --> 00:18:53,601 Go. 788 00:18:56,896 --> 00:19:01,525 Submarine lover 789 00:19:03,569 --> 00:19:10,576 Your choker provokes 790 00:19:13,037 --> 00:19:20,252 So so semi-precious 791 00:19:22,546 --> 00:19:28,552 I wouldn't trade you 792 00:19:31,472 --> 00:19:37,645 I wouldn't trade you 793 00:19:40,481 --> 00:19:46,528 I wouldn't trade you 794 00:19:53,702 --> 00:19:56,747 Tomorrow morning, 795 00:19:53,702 --> 00:19:56,747 Barney's going to 796 00:19:53,702 --> 00:19:56,747 send out the package, 797 00:19:56,789 --> 00:20:01,002 and Butterfield's 798 00:19:56,789 --> 00:20:01,002 going to be knee-deep 799 00:19:56,789 --> 00:20:01,002 in angry white mice. 800 00:20:01,043 --> 00:20:02,962 Oh, hey, dude. 801 00:20:01,043 --> 00:20:02,962 Hey, guys. 802 00:20:03,879 --> 00:20:06,465 Hi. 803 00:20:03,879 --> 00:20:06,465 Hey. 804 00:20:06,507 --> 00:20:10,052 So, Lil, 805 00:20:06,507 --> 00:20:10,052 did you get the milk? 806 00:20:12,013 --> 00:20:15,599 Yeah. Yeah, I got it. 807 00:20:15,641 --> 00:20:18,560 You think you might want 808 00:20:15,641 --> 00:20:18,560 to drink the milk? 809 00:20:19,937 --> 00:20:22,648 No. Nope, I'm good. 810 00:20:23,774 --> 00:20:25,651 I don't need any milk. 811 00:20:28,737 --> 00:20:31,699 Look, guys, 812 00:20:28,737 --> 00:20:31,699 I know milk is important. 813 00:20:31,740 --> 00:20:34,451 It's got 814 00:20:31,740 --> 00:20:34,451 vitamin A, vitamin D. 815 00:20:34,493 --> 00:20:37,454 It's a great way to 816 00:20:34,493 --> 00:20:37,454 start the morning, 817 00:20:34,493 --> 00:20:37,454 but Ted just had a huge date. 818 00:20:37,496 --> 00:20:39,498 How'd it go, dude? 819 00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:40,708 I didn't go. 820 00:20:40,749 --> 00:20:42,210 What? Why? 821 00:20:42,251 --> 00:20:44,920 I changed my mind. 822 00:20:42,251 --> 00:20:44,920 I don't want to meet her. 823 00:20:44,962 --> 00:20:47,339 Why? She sounds perfect. 824 00:20:47,381 --> 00:20:50,801 I don't want perfect. 825 00:20:47,381 --> 00:20:50,801 I want Robin. 826 00:20:51,927 --> 00:20:54,263 Oh, God, 827 00:20:51,927 --> 00:20:54,263 not this again. 828 00:20:54,304 --> 00:20:55,514 Ted, it's a mistake! 829 00:20:55,556 --> 00:20:57,307 Maybe. 830 00:20:57,349 --> 00:20:59,977 But it's a mistake 831 00:20:57,349 --> 00:20:59,977 I have to make. 832 00:21:00,019 --> 00:21:02,396 Wrong. It's a mistake 833 00:21:00,019 --> 00:21:02,396 you don't have to make. 834 00:21:02,437 --> 00:21:04,065 Look at the evidence. 835 00:21:04,106 --> 00:21:06,234 You and Robin 836 00:21:04,106 --> 00:21:06,234 have tried this 837 00:21:04,106 --> 00:21:06,234 again and again... 838 00:21:06,275 --> 00:21:08,069 Here's the thing 839 00:21:06,275 --> 00:21:08,069 about mistakes. 840 00:21:08,110 --> 00:21:10,821 Sometimes, even when you know 841 00:21:08,110 --> 00:21:10,821 something's a mistake, 842 00:21:10,863 --> 00:21:12,865 you gotta make it, anyway. 843 00:21:12,907 --> 00:21:15,492 Sweet damn, 844 00:21:12,907 --> 00:21:15,492 that's a hot plate! 845 00:21:15,534 --> 00:21:17,745 Hey, is this milk 846 00:21:15,534 --> 00:21:17,745 any good? 847 00:21:23,209 --> 00:21:25,878 Even really, 848 00:21:23,209 --> 00:21:25,878 really dumb mistakes.