that you think it will
be that way forever.
It never is.
Well, we just had
our first fight.
We had our first fight.
Oh, no, what'd you
fight about?
Oh, no, what'd
you fight about?
A few months ago,
my architecture firm
was approached
to design this new building...
Oh, it's this big skyscraper
in Spokane.
It'd be a huge project
for his firm.
And if we don't get it,
we could go under.
So, anyway, the head architect
unveils his new design
to the whole company...
No.
Yes.
Well, all skyscrapers
kind of look like a...
Marshall, it's a 78-story
pink marble tower
with a rounded top
and two spherical entry ways
at the front.
Wow, so it's
the whole package.
Yeah, you did.
Had to.
Oh, dude,
if they're selling condos,
you got to get me in.
And don't give me
the shaft.
Yeah, you did.
Had to.
It's a travesty.
It's gonna define
the skyline of the city.
If it was me,
I could've designed
something amazing.
Instead, I'm spending
12 hours a day
designing the cornices.
Yeah, you did.
That wasn't one.
So, you and Ted had
your first fight.
It obviously ended well.
I mean, you're here with me.
Actually, it didn't
end at all.
I started getting bummed out,
so I came here.
It's what I do.
When my grandma died,
I got a perm.
Two tragedies in one day.
The thing is,
Ted has been
literally complaining
about work nonstop
for weeks.
So, when I came over today,
I was kind of done.
Hey.
How was your day?
Good.
Wow, you're
a great interviewer.
Aren't you gonna ask
how my day was?
No, I know how it was.
It was awful.
Oh, you want to rent
a movie tonight?
You know, I listen
to your work stories
all the time.
Yeah, but,
and I don't want
to be rude here,
but my work stories
are interesting.
I'm a television
news reporter.
Robin!
What?
I knew exactly
what he was going to say.
I was just helping him
get there faster.
You should work
at a suicide hotline.
And then it got ugly.
What I don't do is
tell you the same story
over and over again.
I mean,
you wouldn't watch
the same movie
over and over again,
would you?
Maybe a great movie
like Die Hard.
But Field of Dreams?
Once is more than enough.
So, that's your
go-to bad movie?
The number one example
on the tip of your tongue
of a bad movie
is Field of Dreams?
It's about
ghost baseball players.
I think it's stupid.
How...
So, now he's all mad at me
about the stupid movie.
Robin, he's upset
because you wouldn't
listen to him,
not because you didn't
like some movie.
How do you not like
Field of Dreams?
Listening is the foundation
of a relationship.
And if he's
really droning on,
you can always practice
saying the alphabet backwards.
You know, in case you
get pulled over for a DUI.
I guess I don't know
how to do that.
Yeah, it's really hard,
even when you're sober.
That's what I tried to explain
to the cop, but...
No, I mean, I guess
I don't know how to
do this girlfriend thing.
I've never been
in a relationship
this serious before.
I should probably go
tell him I'm sorry,
shouldn't I?
You're trying to
do it right now,
aren't you?
What the hell comes
before "Q"?
Then at the end of the movie
when he has a catch
with his dad like...
Like he never did
when he was young enough
for it to matter.
Can we talk about
something else?
You know what, dude?
Forget about Robin, okay?
You're hanging
with us tonight.
I've got an awesome party
lined up.
Oh, God!
Is this gonna be
another one of your
weird all-guy parties?
That was a poker game.
What is wrong with you?
No, it's the first
law school party of the year,
and it's gonna be awesome.
I haven't seen these guys
since, like, last year,
before Lily and I broke up.
So, I'm gonna have to
break the news to everybody.
It's really gonna
bum them out.
This party's gonna suck.
Well, love to join you
at that one,
but I got tickets
to foxy boxing.
Hey, I wish I could
join you guys,
but I got to get back
to my apparently boring job.
Your job's not boring.
Robin thinks so.
Dude, lots of chicks
think architects are hot.
Think about it,
you create something
out of nothing.
You're like God.
There's nobody
hotter than God.
I love it when
you quote Scripture.
I'm telling you, you should
use the architect angle
with the ladies.
Okay, first of all,
I have a girlfriend.
Second, the architect angle
doesn't even work on her.
And, third, I can't imagine
that working on anyone, ever.
That's 'cause
you're always like,
"Ted Mosby, architect."
If it were me, I'd be like,
"Ted Mosby, architect."
Anything sounds impressive
when it's said
with the right attitude.
Marshall Eriksen,
recently dumped
and heading to a lame party.
Whoa. Whoa, ladies,
please, take it easy.
There's enough of me
for everyone.
Oh. Hi. Hello.
All right,
we're gonna take off.
Wait up, I'll leave
with you guys.
"Ted Mosby, architect."
Trust me.
Hey, just out of curiosity.
If a guy told you
he was an architect,
what would you think of that?
Are you kidding?
Architects are hot.
How do you think
Mr. Brady scored
a babe like Carol?
Solid point.
She did have hair of gold.
Yes, she did.
Hey, Carl, is Ted still here?
No.
Hey, Lily.
You still single?
Yes.
You know, I've poured
a lot of free drinks for you
over the years.
A lot.
Carl, do you really want
to be with a woman
who would trade sex for beer?
Only if you're into it.
It's on me.
Thanks.
I wonder where Ted went.
Ted Mosby, the architect?
Actually, yeah.
Oh, he is such a cool guy.
He was here earlier.
And what made you decide
you wanted to become
an architect?
Well, you know,
soul of an artist,
hands of a master craftsman.
It was inevitable, I guess.
I bet you can draw, can't you?
You should draw me.
Well, I could try, but you
might end up looking like
a mid-century tri-level.
Hey, if you want, my friend
Marshall invited me to
this party we could all go to.
Marshall's great.
He's just a lawyer,
but, hey, somebody has to
push the paper around
for us creative types.
Am I right?
Yeah!
He asked her to a party.
Oh, my God, are you okay?
"Okay"? It's awesome.
It's a win-win.
Ted got to vent
and I don't have to hear it.
Maybe after he's done
with the talkie-talk,
he'll come over
and I'll get the fun part.
What is wrong with you?
God, I feel like
I'm teaching love
as a second language here.
Okay, you know how
when he tells you
boring work stories
you're supposed to listen?
Well, when he picks up
some random girl at a bar,
you're supposed to freak out!
Well, I'm not freaking out
because in my mind she's fat.
She's a kickboxing instructor.
Her ass looks better
than my face.
All right,
we'll swing by the party.
Now, the party was for
some of Marshall's classmates
from Columbia Law School,
who, by day, were
some of the sharpest
and most serious
young legal minds
in the country.
By night, however...
Damn, these are
some drunk almost-lawyers.
Okay. Seriously,
who wants to shave my ass?
That guy went on to become
a Supreme Court justice.
Okay, where are the guys
and the hooker?
Yo, what's up, ladies?
Welcome to the party. Yeah!
Just need you
to sign this release
protecting the host
from any and all
responsibility should you harm
yourself or a third party.
Then freaking rage. Yeah!
Hey, drunk legal dude,
have you seen
Marshall Eriksen?
He was with a guy named Ted.
You mean Ted Mosby,
the architect?
Man, what a visionary.
Yeah, they were here.
Awards are nice.
They look good on my shelf.
But none of that acclaim
means anything
compared to the joy of
seeing the sun rise
over your first building.
Wow.
I would love to watch
the sun rise with you.
I know you would.
It's the job.
Dude. You should let us
shave your ass tonight.
No way.
Hey, Marshall, where's Lily?
I didn't want
to ruin the party
for everybody this early,
but, everyone, take a seat.
Lily actually called off
the wedding this summer
to go to San Francisco.
So, we're broken up.
Her name wasn't
on your lease, was it?
'Cause if not,
New York state law,
you're not obligated to
give her half the deposit
when you move.
Yeah, that's not really
the part I was
worried about, guys.
And don't forget
the precedent set
by Smith vs. Rosenblatt, '74.
Any personal effects
she left in your house
or dwelling
become yours after 30 days.
Guys, can we cease and desist
with the lawyer speak
for a minute?
Love died.
The love that made you
all believe in love,
that's dead now.
You should sue her.
Really?
On what ground, Kara?
On the grounds of...
Shut up.
That's
our attorney general.
See? Marshall's still hung up
on our breakup.
Why? Because I listened
to him.
It was a strong and
nurturing relationship that
I threw away like old gum.
Not that I'm worried
or anything, but back to
the sun rising over Ted and...
Oh, what tasteful way
did you describe her?
The girl with
the smackable ass.
Yes, that's the young lady.
So, I know the bouncer
at this techno club, Posers.
Do you feel like dancing?
Yeah, okay.
There is no way
Ted went dancing.
Ted hates clubs.
Hell, yeah. I love clubs.
I mean,
I was going to design
a cathedral tonight,
kind of take a whack
at the whole
"relationship between God
and man" conundrum,
but sure, let's go dancing.
Wait, let me just check
with my friend.
Okay.
Hey, Marshall.
You up for some super loud,
repetitive music
that hasn't changed
since the mid '90s?
Only always.
Let's go.
Dancing? He went dancing
with this girl?
Okay, maybe this is
a little bad.
Dancing is bad.
Dancing leads to sex.
Did you grow up in
that Footloose town?
I'm calling him.
I'm telling him
that I was wrong
and I'm sorry,
and I totally want to listen
to his stupid stories.
Yeah, think of another
way to phrase that,
and you'll be fine.
He's not answering.
Calling Marshall.
Hello.
Marshall, hi, it's Robin.
Can I talk to Ted?
Oh, Robin, hi!
No, Ted's not here tonight.
He's working.
Okay. Bye.
Marshall just lied.
Ted's cheating on me.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for
a couple of guys
who came in here earlier.
One's about 6'4", 210,
sandy brown hair, and the
other's a cheating bastard.
You're going to need
to refresh my memory.
Okay, fellow,
baby knows how
this game's played.
How's a $20 help your memory?
Thanks. But seriously,
it was crazy tonight.
You really do need
to refresh my memory.
Then can I have the...
That's cool, you keep that.
So, these guys,
one of them is an architect.
Ted Mosby, the architect?
That's the one.
Oh, yeah, he was here.
And then I was all,
"No, Frank Gehry.
You're on your own this time."
And that, my dear,
was the end of
that hack's career.
I live across the street.
That is one hell of
a non sequitur.
You want to come over?
Well, I don't know.
But I suppose I should
at least give you a ride home.
Hop on.
I'll see you
at book club, Vinny.
Yeah. I'll be bringing
the crudites.
Nice.
Giddyap.
Dude, dude,
what are you doing?
Galloping.
You proved it, all right?
The whole
"Ted Mosby, architect"
thing works.
Architects rule!
Aren't you a little worried
that a certain somebody
might find out
that you're doing this?
This isn't you, Ted.
It is tonight.
You know this girl.
Where does she live?
I'm not telling you that
for less than 20 bucks.
Well, I'm out of money.
I'm cashed, too.
I'll take your purse.
My purse?
Yeah, my girl likes clutches.
Okay, fine.
You should tell her
that looks really good
with a chocolate boot.
Bitch is lucky
I brought my small purse.
No room for my gun.
Here. Now where does
the rodeo slut live?
The building with
the green light,
apartment 3C.
Oh, my God, Robin,
are you going to
kick this girl's ass?
Yeah.
And steal her purse.
I can't believe
he's cheating on me!
You know how many times
I could have cheated?
Six, no, seven.
And you know two of them,
and they would surprise you.
3C, let's do this.
You ready?
Yeah, should I just
kick the door in?
Those are really nice heels
and you already lost a purse.
Let's see if it's unlocked.
Okay.
It's unlocked.
Okay, get in there
and kick some spankable ass!
Robin!
I'm the problem.
What?
You were right.
I don't know how
to be a girlfriend.
I took the nicest guy
in the world
and I made him a cheater.
Well, don't stand out here
and beat yourself up.
Get in there and beat Ted up.
I'll handle
the slutty kickboxer.
Actually, I'll take Ted.
Let's do this.
Bring it.
What do you think you're...
Barney?
Thank God you're here.
Can you help with this?
I need nails.
Okay, I'm totally lost here.
Where's Ted?
Ted? He's at work.
How did you get here?
Awesome story. As per usual.
How do you think
Mr. Brady scored
a babe like Carol?
Solid point.
And she did have hair of gold.
Yes, she did.
Sorry, I forgot my binocs
for foxy boxing.
Looks like things
just got a little foxier
right here.
Yes, they did.
And you're just in time.
Girls, I got to go, but
I'm leaving you in very good,
if slightly sullied, hands.
Oh, don't go. We don't even
know your name to look out
for your buildings.
Yeah, stay.
Excuse us for one second.
Okay, you were right,
the architect thing
totally works,
but I have a girlfriend
and I've got to get
back to work.
This project is getting
harder and harder.
Yeah, you did.
Yeah, had to.
See you.
Sorry, my intern
had to leave.
Oh, well, that's too bad.
I'm Anna, by the way.
Ted Mosby, architect.
But none of that acclaim
means anything
compared to the joy of
seeing the sun rise
over your first building.
Giddyap.
Dude, what are you doing?
Galloping.
All right,
I think you proved it.
The whole
"Ted Mosby, architect"
thing works.
Architects rule!
Aren't you afraid
a certain somebody might
find out about this?
I mean, this isn't you, Ted.
It is tonight.
And that led to
a couple of hours that
I cannot, as a gentleman,
divulge to you.
We did it right here,
and here, and here.
But why would you
use Ted's name?
I've had some recent bad press
on the World Wide Web,
so I'm taking a TO
on the whole
"using my real name" thing.
Oh, this is great.
It wasn't Ted.
Everything's okay.
Everything isn't okay.
Look at me.
I'm acting crazy
and jealous and paranoid.
This is how people act
in relationships.
And that's why
I avoid relationships.
Well, guess what? I haven't
been crazy or jealous
or paranoid in months,
and I really miss it.
And thus ended
this chapter of
Let's Pour Our Hearts Out
in the Bedroom of Barney's
One-Night Stand.
Come on,
let's go before she gets
out of the shower.
You're such a pig.
You're not even going to
say goodbye?
I'll have you know
I composed a lovely
form letter for use in
just such an occasion.
Just fill out her name
and then...
Something with an "A."
I'll just put "resident."
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Robin took
a long walk that night.
She thought about how
opening yourself up
to another person
usually means
opening yourself up
to going a little crazy.
She thought about
how much easier it was
just to be alone.
And then she came to see me.
of a builder
Hey.
Hey. What are you
doing here?
I brought donuts.
And I don't want to brag,
but they're filled with jelly.
Thanks.
So, how was your night?
It was fine. Nothing exciting.
How was yours?
You really want to hear
about boring architect stuff?
Yes, I do.
I'm sorry about earlier.
To tell you the truth,
I never even saw
all of Field of Dreams.
I fell asleep halfway through.
What? The best part's
the last 20 minutes.
Well, maybe they should have
moved that part up
a little bit earlier 'cause...
You know what?
What I'm trying to say is,
I love being
the person you bitch to.
So, how was your day,
Mr. Architect?
Oh, I like the way
you say that.
Hey, you want
to see the building
that will make every man
in Spokane feel inadequate?
Obviously.
Wow.
Yeah.
You know, you didn't
mention all the foliage
around the base.
If you trim that back,
the rest would look bigger.
You don't have to tell me.
And, just for fun, I've...
I've sort of been working
on my own idea of what I
think the building should be.
What do you think?
You know that time
we went to Spokane and I
pointed out that skyscraper?
That was the first building
I ever designed.
And that night was
the first time I showed
anyone my first drawing of it.
Wow.
Ted, this is amazing.
Thanks.
It's not like it will ever
come to anything.
I don't know.
It might come to something.
You know, girls find
architects very hot.
Okay,
but I don't want you
expecting 78 stories
or anything.
"Dear resident,
"the time we spent together,
however long it was,
"meant the world to me.
"I would love
to see you again,
but unfortunately, I cannot.
"You see, I am a ghost.
"I can only materialize
once every decade on
the anniversary of my death.
"I chose to spend my one day
among the living with you,
sweet resident.
"Perhaps we will meet again
in another decade,
"provided you keep
your figure.
"Until then, all my love
from the beyond. Barney."
"Barney"?
Who the hell is Barney?