1 00:00:01,753 --> 00:00:03,463 Your uncle Barney 2 00:00:01,753 --> 00:00:03,463 was always a bit of an enigma. 3 00:00:03,463 --> 00:00:05,215 In all the years 4 00:00:03,463 --> 00:00:05,215 we lived in New York, 5 00:00:05,215 --> 00:00:07,968 none of us had ever set 6 00:00:05,215 --> 00:00:07,968 foot in his apartment. 7 00:00:07,968 --> 00:00:10,345 Until one day, one of us did. 8 00:00:13,890 --> 00:00:15,725 It's a pretty good story. 9 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:19,021 And believe it or not, 10 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:19,021 alcohol did not play a role. 11 00:00:19,021 --> 00:00:22,191 It all started 12 00:00:19,021 --> 00:00:22,191 two weeks earlier 13 00:00:19,021 --> 00:00:22,191 at Lily's housewarming. 14 00:00:22,191 --> 00:00:24,151 Hey. 15 00:00:22,191 --> 00:00:24,151 Hey, welcome to my new home. 16 00:00:24,151 --> 00:00:26,195 Oh, wow, Lily, this is... 17 00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,239 Oh, this is all of it. 18 00:00:29,239 --> 00:00:31,700 Yeah, I know it's small, 19 00:00:29,239 --> 00:00:31,700 but it's got character. 20 00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:33,952 Thank you. 21 00:00:33,952 --> 00:00:37,039 And I am learning Lithuanian 22 00:00:33,952 --> 00:00:37,039 from my neighbors. 23 00:00:33,952 --> 00:00:37,039 They're great. 24 00:00:37,039 --> 00:00:39,708 They're always out there 25 00:00:37,039 --> 00:00:39,708 in the hall, you know, 26 00:00:37,039 --> 00:00:39,708 cooking and gambling 27 00:00:39,708 --> 00:00:41,210 and giving 28 00:00:39,708 --> 00:00:41,210 each other haircuts. 29 00:00:41,210 --> 00:00:43,920 It's nice. 30 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:47,799 Hey, is that a toilet 31 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:47,799 in your kitchen? 32 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:47,799 Or a stove in your bathroom? 33 00:00:47,799 --> 00:00:50,385 Oh, that's not 34 00:00:47,799 --> 00:00:50,385 just a stove. 35 00:00:50,385 --> 00:00:52,012 That's a stovinkerator, 36 00:00:52,012 --> 00:00:56,058 a combination of a stove, 37 00:00:52,012 --> 00:00:56,058 oven, sink and refrigerator. 38 00:00:56,058 --> 00:00:58,977 Stovinkerator. 39 00:00:56,058 --> 00:00:58,977 Isn't that futuristic? 40 00:00:58,977 --> 00:01:00,311 God, I hope not. 41 00:01:00,311 --> 00:01:02,772 Hey, cool Murphy bed. 42 00:01:02,772 --> 00:01:06,359 Yeah, it's kind of a mess. 43 00:01:02,772 --> 00:01:06,359 I didn't make my bed 44 00:01:02,772 --> 00:01:06,359 this morning, so... 45 00:01:09,279 --> 00:01:11,531 You know what? 46 00:01:11,531 --> 00:01:14,034 I bet sleeping at this angle 47 00:01:11,531 --> 00:01:14,034 is good for you. 48 00:01:11,531 --> 00:01:14,034 For some reason. 49 00:01:14,034 --> 00:01:15,451 Cool. I got it. 50 00:01:21,624 --> 00:01:24,127 That was "something something, 51 00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:28,048 "I am going to 52 00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:28,048 something you like 53 00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:28,048 a something donkey." 54 00:01:29,883 --> 00:01:34,721 Other cultures. 55 00:01:29,883 --> 00:01:34,721 Hey, let's break out 56 00:01:29,883 --> 00:01:34,721 the fruit basket. 57 00:01:34,721 --> 00:01:36,139 Hey, who ate all the... 58 00:01:52,989 --> 00:01:55,533 Okay, we have to get Lily out 59 00:01:52,989 --> 00:01:55,533 of that apartment. 60 00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:57,827 Her roommate is a raccoon. 61 00:01:57,827 --> 00:02:00,747 I'd offer her my place, 62 00:01:57,827 --> 00:02:00,747 but I've got dogs 63 00:01:57,827 --> 00:02:00,747 and she's allergic. 64 00:02:00,747 --> 00:02:02,624 Dogs? I live 65 00:02:00,747 --> 00:02:02,624 with her ex-boyfriend. 66 00:02:02,624 --> 00:02:04,500 I think she's a little 67 00:02:02,624 --> 00:02:04,500 more allergic to that. 68 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:06,461 What about your place, Barney? 69 00:02:06,461 --> 00:02:07,837 I know it's 70 00:02:06,461 --> 00:02:07,837 shrouded in mystery, 71 00:02:06,461 --> 00:02:07,837 but it's gotta have a couch. 72 00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:10,381 The Fortress of Barnitude? 73 00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:10,381 No way. 74 00:02:10,381 --> 00:02:12,301 Come on. She's desperate. 75 00:02:12,301 --> 00:02:15,929 Normally a prerequisite 76 00:02:12,301 --> 00:02:15,929 for the women I bring home, 77 00:02:12,301 --> 00:02:15,929 but pass. 78 00:02:15,929 --> 00:02:20,976 One of you guys 79 00:02:15,929 --> 00:02:20,976 is very, very lucky 80 00:02:15,929 --> 00:02:20,976 because I have a... boom! 81 00:02:20,976 --> 00:02:23,353 An extra ticket to 82 00:02:20,976 --> 00:02:23,353 the Alanis Morissette concert. 83 00:02:20,976 --> 00:02:23,353 Who's in? 84 00:02:23,353 --> 00:02:25,272 Absolutely not. 85 00:02:23,353 --> 00:02:25,272 No. 86 00:02:25,272 --> 00:02:28,275 Damn! I got these tickets, 87 00:02:25,272 --> 00:02:28,275 like, months ago 88 00:02:25,272 --> 00:02:28,275 for me and Lily 89 00:02:28,275 --> 00:02:30,568 and now I can't find 90 00:02:28,275 --> 00:02:30,568 anyone to go with me. 91 00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,403 This is what I miss 92 00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,403 about being in a couple. 93 00:02:32,403 --> 00:02:34,405 I always had someone 94 00:02:32,403 --> 00:02:34,405 to go to concerts with, 95 00:02:34,405 --> 00:02:37,826 or farmer's market, 96 00:02:34,405 --> 00:02:37,826 or brunch. 97 00:02:37,826 --> 00:02:40,287 God, I miss brunch. 98 00:02:37,826 --> 00:02:40,287 Well, I guess you could... 99 00:02:40,287 --> 00:02:42,205 Well, you could try 100 00:02:40,287 --> 00:02:42,205 going to brunch alone. 101 00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:43,290 Oh, you don't think 102 00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:43,290 I've tried? 103 00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:48,295 Table for one. 104 00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:48,295 One couple? 105 00:02:48,295 --> 00:02:51,006 No, just me. 106 00:02:48,295 --> 00:02:51,006 Really? 107 00:02:51,006 --> 00:02:56,261 For brunch? 108 00:02:51,006 --> 00:02:56,261 You're right. 109 00:02:51,006 --> 00:02:56,261 Who am I kidding? 110 00:02:56,261 --> 00:02:59,264 The Popover Pantry. 111 00:02:56,261 --> 00:02:59,264 That place is great. 112 00:02:56,261 --> 00:02:59,264 Can we go get brunch tomorrow? 113 00:02:59,264 --> 00:03:00,556 Of course, sweetie. 114 00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:03,977 Can I go with you guys? 115 00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:03,977 Really? For brunch? 116 00:03:04,978 --> 00:03:07,105 God, I hate being single! 117 00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:12,902 Okay, I'll take the over 118 00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:12,902 on the Pittsburgh game. 119 00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:16,990 Oh, and P to the S, 120 00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:16,990 I never got my payout from 121 00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:16,990 Seattle from two weeks ago. 122 00:03:16,990 --> 00:03:21,077 Yeah. Don't make me call 123 00:03:16,990 --> 00:03:21,077 the gaming commission on you. 124 00:03:21,077 --> 00:03:24,206 I'm sure they'd be 125 00:03:21,077 --> 00:03:24,206 very interested to know 126 00:03:21,077 --> 00:03:24,206 what's going on over there. 127 00:03:24,206 --> 00:03:26,291 All right? All right? 128 00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:30,170 Okay, I love you, too, Mom. 129 00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:30,170 Take care. 130 00:03:33,340 --> 00:03:34,674 Hello, Lily. 131 00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:40,513 You've somehow managed 132 00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:40,513 to circumvent my security. 133 00:03:40,513 --> 00:03:42,182 How did you do it? 134 00:03:42,182 --> 00:03:45,810 Ted gave me your spare key. 135 00:03:42,182 --> 00:03:45,810 Spare key. Brilliant. 136 00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:48,397 Look, I'm sorry, 137 00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:48,397 but you know 138 00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:48,397 I'd only come here 139 00:03:48,397 --> 00:03:50,690 if I had no other choice. 140 00:03:50,690 --> 00:03:53,568 But earlier today, 141 00:03:50,690 --> 00:03:53,568 I was getting ready 142 00:03:50,690 --> 00:03:53,568 to go to sleep and... 143 00:04:11,169 --> 00:04:12,337 That's terrible. 144 00:04:13,255 --> 00:04:15,006 Well, see you. 145 00:04:15,006 --> 00:04:17,008 Well, can I stay here maybe? 146 00:04:17,008 --> 00:04:20,887 Oh, I'd let you, 147 00:04:17,008 --> 00:04:20,887 but I don't have any room. 148 00:04:20,887 --> 00:04:22,805 What? You live 149 00:04:20,887 --> 00:04:22,805 in a two-bedroom apartment. 150 00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:25,600 You have one room 151 00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:25,600 just for your suits. 152 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,562 Hey, I'm at a point in my life 153 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,562 where my suits are my family. 154 00:04:29,562 --> 00:04:31,731 Look around you, Lily. 155 00:04:31,731 --> 00:04:34,067 You are in the heart 156 00:04:31,731 --> 00:04:34,067 of bachelor country, 157 00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:37,570 and as a woman, you are 158 00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:37,570 an illegal immigrant here. 159 00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:41,699 Now, you can try 160 00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:41,699 to apply for a sex visa, 161 00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:41,699 but that only lasts 12 hours. 162 00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:44,577 Fourteen if you qualify 163 00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:44,577 for multiple entry. 164 00:04:44,577 --> 00:04:46,121 Ew... 165 00:04:46,121 --> 00:04:49,958 is something some lame, 166 00:04:46,121 --> 00:04:49,958 judgmental chick would say, 167 00:04:49,958 --> 00:04:53,920 but I say give me 168 00:04:49,958 --> 00:04:53,920 multiple high fives. 169 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:57,006 Wow, you really 170 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:57,006 are desperate. 171 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:57,006 I really am. 172 00:04:57,006 --> 00:05:01,094 Okay, you can stay here 173 00:04:57,006 --> 00:05:01,094 for two days. 174 00:05:01,094 --> 00:05:05,056 But I only have one rule. 175 00:05:01,094 --> 00:05:05,056 You can't change anything. 176 00:05:05,056 --> 00:05:08,017 Why would I change anything? 177 00:05:05,056 --> 00:05:08,017 This place is... 178 00:05:09,144 --> 00:05:11,062 Perfect. 179 00:05:11,062 --> 00:05:13,648 Except for the fact 180 00:05:11,062 --> 00:05:13,648 that you don't have a TV. 181 00:05:13,648 --> 00:05:15,233 See that wall? 182 00:05:19,070 --> 00:05:22,615 300-inch flat-screen. 183 00:05:22,615 --> 00:05:25,452 They only sell them in Japan, 184 00:05:22,615 --> 00:05:25,452 but I know a guy. 185 00:05:25,452 --> 00:05:28,997 Had to ship it over 186 00:05:25,452 --> 00:05:28,997 in a tugboat like 187 00:05:25,452 --> 00:05:28,997 freaking King Kong. 188 00:05:28,997 --> 00:05:32,834 It hurts my eyes. 189 00:05:28,997 --> 00:05:32,834 Yeah. That doesn't go away. 190 00:05:34,836 --> 00:05:37,422 Hey. 191 00:05:34,836 --> 00:05:37,422 Hey, where you been? 192 00:05:37,422 --> 00:05:39,757 The Alanis Morissette 193 00:05:37,422 --> 00:05:39,757 concert. 194 00:05:37,422 --> 00:05:39,757 By yourself? 195 00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:42,010 No, actually I went 196 00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:42,010 with a friend 197 00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:42,010 from law school. 198 00:05:42,010 --> 00:05:44,720 Oh, really? 199 00:05:42,010 --> 00:05:44,720 Who's this friend? 200 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:46,722 Brad. 201 00:05:47,932 --> 00:05:51,394 Bro, Alanis Morissette rocks. 202 00:05:47,932 --> 00:05:51,394 Totally. 203 00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:53,146 I can't believe 204 00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:53,146 I almost didn't come tonight. 205 00:05:53,146 --> 00:05:55,231 Let me guess, 206 00:05:53,146 --> 00:05:55,231 you bought the tickets 207 00:05:53,146 --> 00:05:55,231 for you and Lily 208 00:05:55,231 --> 00:05:56,649 right before she dumped you. 209 00:05:56,649 --> 00:05:58,693 Yeah, how'd you know? 210 00:05:58,693 --> 00:06:02,113 I just got dumped myself. 211 00:05:58,693 --> 00:06:02,113 What, Kara broke up with you? 212 00:06:03,698 --> 00:06:05,700 I'm sorry, man. That sucks. 213 00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:10,788 Brad, do you like brunch? 214 00:06:10,788 --> 00:06:12,499 You invited him to brunch? 215 00:06:12,499 --> 00:06:14,959 Yeah, I invited him to brunch. 216 00:06:12,499 --> 00:06:14,959 Why, is that weird? 217 00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:18,963 Yes. That's why I was all, 218 00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:18,963 "You invited him to brunch?" 219 00:06:18,963 --> 00:06:22,467 Why can't two guys 220 00:06:18,963 --> 00:06:22,467 who are friends go to brunch? 221 00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:25,678 Because brunch is kind of... 222 00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:25,678 Girly. 223 00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:29,140 Girly? 224 00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:31,560 Breakfast isn't girly, 225 00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:31,560 lunch isn't girly. 226 00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:31,560 What makes brunch girly? 227 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,353 I don't know. 228 00:06:33,353 --> 00:06:36,398 There's nothing girly 229 00:06:33,353 --> 00:06:36,398 about a horse, 230 00:06:33,353 --> 00:06:36,398 nothing girly about a horn. 231 00:06:36,398 --> 00:06:39,650 But put them together 232 00:06:36,398 --> 00:06:39,650 and you get a unicorn. 233 00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:41,110 I don't care 234 00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:41,110 what either of you say, 235 00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:44,322 I am going to 236 00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:44,322 the Popover Pantry 237 00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:44,322 with Brad. 238 00:06:44,322 --> 00:06:48,076 We're here, we're hungry. 239 00:06:44,322 --> 00:06:48,076 Get used to it, brunch. 240 00:06:53,706 --> 00:06:54,790 Mmm. 241 00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:57,168 Smells delicious. 242 00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:57,168 Thank you. 243 00:06:57,168 --> 00:06:59,629 There was no food 244 00:06:57,168 --> 00:06:59,629 in the fridge, 245 00:06:57,168 --> 00:06:59,629 so I picked... 246 00:06:59,629 --> 00:07:01,506 What are you doing? 247 00:07:01,506 --> 00:07:04,634 Lily, what was 248 00:07:01,506 --> 00:07:04,634 the first rule again? 249 00:07:01,506 --> 00:07:04,634 Don't change anything. 250 00:07:04,634 --> 00:07:06,595 And what was the second rule? 251 00:07:06,595 --> 00:07:08,012 There was no second rule. 252 00:07:06,595 --> 00:07:08,012 Exactly! 253 00:07:08,012 --> 00:07:11,182 There was only one rule, 254 00:07:08,012 --> 00:07:11,182 and you broke it! 255 00:07:11,182 --> 00:07:14,685 I bought groceries. 256 00:07:11,182 --> 00:07:14,685 That counts 257 00:07:11,182 --> 00:07:14,685 as changing something? 258 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:18,773 Lily, if I wanted 259 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:18,773 a fridge full of groceries, or 260 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:18,773 fresh coffee in the morning, 261 00:07:18,773 --> 00:07:22,235 I'd be in a relationship. 262 00:07:22,235 --> 00:07:26,656 But I don't want to be 263 00:07:22,235 --> 00:07:26,656 in a relationship. 264 00:07:26,656 --> 00:07:29,784 That's why I make it 265 00:07:26,656 --> 00:07:29,784 crystal clear to every girl 266 00:07:26,656 --> 00:07:29,784 that walks through that door 267 00:07:29,784 --> 00:07:31,869 that this is not a place 268 00:07:29,784 --> 00:07:31,869 to leave a toothbrush, 269 00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:34,623 this is not a place 270 00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:34,623 to leave a contact-lens case. 271 00:07:34,623 --> 00:07:36,832 This is a place to leave. 272 00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:40,503 Come on, I'll give you a tour. 273 00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:40,503 No flash photography, please. 274 00:07:41,630 --> 00:07:43,798 Bienvenido to the bedroom. 275 00:07:43,798 --> 00:07:47,636 Dig this, king-sized bed, 276 00:07:43,798 --> 00:07:47,636 full-sized blanket, 277 00:07:43,798 --> 00:07:47,636 one pillow. 278 00:07:47,636 --> 00:07:51,431 Everything about 279 00:07:47,636 --> 00:07:51,431 this bed says, 280 00:07:47,636 --> 00:07:51,431 "Our work here is done." 281 00:07:51,431 --> 00:07:54,309 Next we say bienvenue 282 00:07:51,431 --> 00:07:54,309 to the bathroom. 283 00:07:54,309 --> 00:07:58,354 What, only one towel? 284 00:07:54,309 --> 00:07:58,354 What, no hairdryer? 285 00:07:58,354 --> 00:08:01,691 You know where 286 00:07:58,354 --> 00:08:01,691 I keep that stuff? 287 00:07:58,354 --> 00:08:01,691 Your place. Beat it. 288 00:08:01,691 --> 00:08:04,235 And the coup de grace... 289 00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:10,074 Yeah, that's right. 290 00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:12,619 Patent pending. 291 00:08:12,619 --> 00:08:15,246 And willkommen 292 00:08:12,619 --> 00:08:15,246 to the hallway. 293 00:08:15,246 --> 00:08:17,415 While guys like 294 00:08:15,246 --> 00:08:17,415 Ted and Marshall 295 00:08:15,246 --> 00:08:17,415 may hide their porn... 296 00:08:17,415 --> 00:08:19,501 Marshall doesn't have porn. 297 00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:21,586 That's sweet. 298 00:08:21,586 --> 00:08:23,129 While guys like 299 00:08:21,586 --> 00:08:23,129 Ted and Marshall 300 00:08:21,586 --> 00:08:23,129 may hide their porn, 301 00:08:23,129 --> 00:08:27,550 I had mine 302 00:08:23,129 --> 00:08:27,550 professionally lit. 303 00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:30,637 Girls see this, 304 00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:30,637 they can't get out 305 00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:30,637 of here fast enough. 306 00:08:30,637 --> 00:08:32,347 And if that doesn't 307 00:08:30,637 --> 00:08:32,347 drive them away, 308 00:08:32,347 --> 00:08:35,016 there's always 309 00:08:32,347 --> 00:08:35,016 your life-sized stormtrooper. 310 00:08:35,016 --> 00:08:37,435 No, that's just awesome. 311 00:08:37,435 --> 00:08:39,729 So, you see, 312 00:08:37,435 --> 00:08:39,729 whenever a girl 313 00:08:37,435 --> 00:08:39,729 wakes up here, 314 00:08:39,729 --> 00:08:42,440 I never have to tell her 315 00:08:39,729 --> 00:08:42,440 to go build her nest 316 00:08:39,729 --> 00:08:42,440 somewhere else. 317 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:43,983 My apartment 318 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:43,983 does it for me. 319 00:08:45,026 --> 00:08:47,403 God, I love brunch. 320 00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:50,781 Oh, damn, 321 00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:50,781 the zucchini bread 322 00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:50,781 is "ridonculous." 323 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,868 This isn't weird, right? 324 00:08:53,868 --> 00:08:56,746 I sort of thought it might be, 325 00:08:53,868 --> 00:08:56,746 but it totally isn't. 326 00:08:56,746 --> 00:08:59,624 And B-T-dub, 327 00:08:56,746 --> 00:08:59,624 you totally did not 328 00:08:56,746 --> 00:08:59,624 oversell the Eggs Benny. 329 00:08:59,624 --> 00:09:01,917 Right? Right? 330 00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:05,505 I mean, why can't two single 331 00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:05,505 bros go out and rock brunch, 332 00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:05,505 Sunday-morning-style? 333 00:09:05,505 --> 00:09:09,509 Exactly. Thank you. 334 00:09:05,505 --> 00:09:09,509 That's exactly 335 00:09:05,505 --> 00:09:09,509 what I've been saying. 336 00:09:09,509 --> 00:09:12,053 This must be destiny. 337 00:09:09,509 --> 00:09:12,053 What are you talking about? 338 00:09:12,053 --> 00:09:14,723 I have two tickets 339 00:09:12,053 --> 00:09:14,723 for Mamma Mia Friday night. 340 00:09:14,723 --> 00:09:17,975 You like Abba, right? 341 00:09:14,723 --> 00:09:17,975 What am I saying? 342 00:09:14,723 --> 00:09:17,975 Who doesn't? 343 00:09:17,975 --> 00:09:21,854 Anyway, I was gonna take Kara, 344 00:09:17,975 --> 00:09:21,854 but now it's all you and me. 345 00:09:21,854 --> 00:09:24,774 We're gonna do Broadway, 346 00:09:21,854 --> 00:09:24,774 bro style. What do you say? 347 00:09:24,774 --> 00:09:26,359 Yeah! 348 00:09:33,658 --> 00:09:37,370 Hey. Did the cold wake you? 349 00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:39,830 No, I've just been 350 00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:39,830 watching you sleep. 351 00:09:41,457 --> 00:09:42,917 Oh, did you try 352 00:09:41,457 --> 00:09:42,917 and take a shower? 353 00:09:42,917 --> 00:09:44,794 I'm sorry, I only have 354 00:09:42,917 --> 00:09:44,794 one clean towel. 355 00:09:44,794 --> 00:09:48,757 I don't buy into the myth 356 00:09:44,794 --> 00:09:48,757 that we need to shower 357 00:09:44,794 --> 00:09:48,757 every day. 358 00:09:48,757 --> 00:09:51,342 Okay. 359 00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:54,303 I'd offer you some coffee, 360 00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:54,303 but I don't have any, 361 00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:54,303 so you're gonna have to... 362 00:09:54,303 --> 00:09:56,180 I'm boycotting coffee. 363 00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:59,183 You may as well 364 00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:59,183 drink the tears of 365 00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:59,183 a Colombian peasant farmer. 366 00:09:59,183 --> 00:10:02,604 God, I love this place. 367 00:09:59,183 --> 00:10:02,604 It's a good thing 368 00:09:59,183 --> 00:10:02,604 I don't have a job 369 00:10:02,604 --> 00:10:05,231 'cause I could stay here 370 00:10:02,604 --> 00:10:05,231 all day. 371 00:10:06,524 --> 00:10:09,277 I think I left something 372 00:10:06,524 --> 00:10:09,277 on the bookshelf. 373 00:10:09,277 --> 00:10:12,863 Whoops, oh, no. Oh, look. 374 00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:15,825 Oh, I'm disgusting. 375 00:10:15,825 --> 00:10:20,496 Wow, you're open about 376 00:10:15,825 --> 00:10:20,496 your sexuality, and that's 377 00:10:15,825 --> 00:10:20,496 one of the reasons I love you. 378 00:10:21,497 --> 00:10:23,416 Did I just say that? 379 00:10:23,416 --> 00:10:25,710 Oh, well, 380 00:10:23,416 --> 00:10:25,710 cat's out of the bag. 381 00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:26,877 I love you. 382 00:10:27,796 --> 00:10:29,547 Whoa... Uh... 383 00:10:29,547 --> 00:10:31,800 Okay, beep, beep. 384 00:10:29,547 --> 00:10:31,800 Backing up... 385 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,093 Hi, Barney. 386 00:10:34,093 --> 00:10:37,221 Oh, my God. Are you married? 387 00:10:34,093 --> 00:10:37,221 Is this your wife? 388 00:10:37,221 --> 00:10:39,014 What? No. 389 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,433 Yes! 390 00:10:40,433 --> 00:10:43,352 Yes? 391 00:10:40,433 --> 00:10:43,352 Yes. 392 00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:45,187 You son of a bitch! 393 00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:48,899 I can't believe 394 00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:48,899 I let you enter 395 00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:48,899 my sacred temple. 396 00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:52,236 Come on, baby. Please, no. 397 00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:52,236 Oh, you don't understand. 398 00:10:52,236 --> 00:10:55,030 What have I done? 399 00:10:52,236 --> 00:10:55,030 This is the worst. 400 00:10:52,236 --> 00:10:55,030 How could you... 401 00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:58,326 You're not going anywhere. 402 00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:08,043 Wow, that was close. 403 00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:08,043 That hippie chick 404 00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:08,043 wouldn't leave. 405 00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:10,087 She was ready to squat here. 406 00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:13,883 Well, she'd have to with your 407 00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:13,883 spring-loaded toilet seat, 408 00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:13,883 wouldn't she? 409 00:11:13,883 --> 00:11:18,012 She was freakishly immune 410 00:11:13,883 --> 00:11:18,012 to everything in my apartment 411 00:11:13,883 --> 00:11:18,012 except you. 412 00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,390 You're better than porn. 413 00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:22,809 Thank you. 414 00:11:22,809 --> 00:11:25,144 How would you like 415 00:11:22,809 --> 00:11:25,144 to extend your stay here? 416 00:11:25,144 --> 00:11:27,605 All you'd have to do 417 00:11:25,144 --> 00:11:27,605 is pretend to be my wife, 418 00:11:27,605 --> 00:11:29,774 and scare off the occasional 419 00:11:27,605 --> 00:11:29,774 one-night stand. 420 00:11:29,774 --> 00:11:31,901 I know, I know. 421 00:11:29,774 --> 00:11:31,901 You've got your ethics. 422 00:11:29,774 --> 00:11:31,901 You've got your principles... 423 00:11:31,901 --> 00:11:34,612 I'll do it. 424 00:11:31,901 --> 00:11:34,612 Really? 425 00:11:34,612 --> 00:11:38,199 Barney, you've clearly got 426 00:11:34,612 --> 00:11:38,199 some serious mother issues 427 00:11:38,199 --> 00:11:40,618 that have left you 428 00:11:38,199 --> 00:11:40,618 the emotional equivalent 429 00:11:40,618 --> 00:11:42,745 of a scavenging sewer rat. 430 00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,664 But, in my other apartment, 431 00:11:44,664 --> 00:11:47,249 I would be 432 00:11:44,664 --> 00:11:47,249 living with an actual 433 00:11:44,664 --> 00:11:47,249 scavenging sewer rat. 434 00:11:47,249 --> 00:11:49,084 So you win. 435 00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:50,753 I'll take it. 436 00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:54,549 Mamma Mia? 437 00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:54,549 Mamma Mia. 438 00:11:54,549 --> 00:11:56,967 You know what? 439 00:11:54,549 --> 00:11:56,967 It's supposed to be 440 00:11:54,549 --> 00:11:56,967 a great musical, okay? 441 00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:59,178 It won all sorts of Tonys 442 00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:59,178 and stuff. 443 00:11:59,178 --> 00:12:03,265 No, totally. It sounds like 444 00:11:59,178 --> 00:12:03,265 a really, really fun, 445 00:11:59,178 --> 00:12:03,265 exciting third date. 446 00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:05,810 Third date. 447 00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:05,810 You know what that means. 448 00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:08,688 It is not a date, okay? 449 00:12:08,688 --> 00:12:11,649 It's just two bros 450 00:12:08,688 --> 00:12:11,649 taking in a Broadway show. 451 00:12:11,649 --> 00:12:15,277 You bros going to 452 00:12:11,649 --> 00:12:15,277 get dinner beforehand? 453 00:12:11,649 --> 00:12:15,277 We might grab a steak, yeah. 454 00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:16,445 Where at? 455 00:12:18,489 --> 00:12:19,490 Cafe L'Amour. 456 00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:23,994 Brad says the food 457 00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:23,994 is really good there, okay? 458 00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:26,622 Sounds like Brad's got 459 00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:26,622 quite the night planned out. 460 00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:30,209 You better bring your A-game. 461 00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:30,209 That means no granny panties. 462 00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:32,545 All right, you know what? 463 00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:32,545 You two are just threatened 464 00:12:32,545 --> 00:12:35,089 because I'm 465 00:12:32,545 --> 00:12:35,089 a single guy moving in 466 00:12:32,545 --> 00:12:35,089 on your couples' turf. 467 00:12:35,089 --> 00:12:37,967 Well, guess what? 468 00:12:35,089 --> 00:12:37,967 It's my territory now. 469 00:12:37,967 --> 00:12:41,220 I'm peeing all over brunches, 470 00:12:37,967 --> 00:12:41,220 fancy dinners and musicals. 471 00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:44,599 That's right, 472 00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:44,599 Brad and I are 473 00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:44,599 taking back Broadway. 474 00:12:44,599 --> 00:12:46,308 What are you going to wear? 475 00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,185 I was thinking, like, 476 00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,185 this collared shirt 477 00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,185 and these... 478 00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:49,938 Oh, you know what? Shut up. 479 00:12:51,898 --> 00:12:54,149 Can you pass 480 00:12:51,898 --> 00:12:54,149 the arts and leisure? 481 00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:04,034 Can you pass 482 00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:04,034 the arts and leisure? 483 00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:04,034 I just did. 484 00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:06,078 Honey, I'm... 485 00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:09,749 Barney, what the hell 486 00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:09,749 is going on here? 487 00:13:09,749 --> 00:13:13,753 Lily, I can explain... 488 00:13:09,749 --> 00:13:13,753 How could you? 489 00:13:09,749 --> 00:13:13,753 In our own home? 490 00:13:13,753 --> 00:13:15,337 You bastard! 491 00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:18,633 I'm so sorry. 492 00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:18,633 I didn't know he had... 493 00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:18,633 Just get out. 494 00:13:18,633 --> 00:13:21,928 This is what I get 495 00:13:18,633 --> 00:13:21,928 after I worked as a stripper 496 00:13:18,633 --> 00:13:21,928 for four years 497 00:13:21,928 --> 00:13:23,930 to put you through 498 00:13:21,928 --> 00:13:23,930 medical school? 499 00:13:23,930 --> 00:13:27,349 I got breast implants 500 00:13:23,930 --> 00:13:27,349 for you. I... 501 00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:30,895 I was just about 502 00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:30,895 to turn on the tears. 503 00:13:30,895 --> 00:13:35,232 Brava. That was incredible. 504 00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:38,319 And that slap was genius. 505 00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:38,319 You did not hold back. 506 00:13:38,319 --> 00:13:43,198 Yeah, that I just 507 00:13:38,319 --> 00:13:43,198 always wanted to do. 508 00:13:38,319 --> 00:13:43,198 Fair enough. 509 00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:46,911 I have to say, it's kind of 510 00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:46,911 nice having food around here 511 00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:46,911 for a change. 512 00:13:46,911 --> 00:13:48,370 You know... 513 00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:51,206 Never mind. 514 00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:51,206 What? 515 00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,626 You're my wife. 516 00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,626 You can tell me anything. 517 00:13:53,626 --> 00:13:56,253 Well, if you really wanted 518 00:13:53,626 --> 00:13:56,253 to sell this ruse, 519 00:13:56,253 --> 00:14:00,299 we should try to make 520 00:13:56,253 --> 00:14:00,299 this place a little more, 521 00:13:56,253 --> 00:14:00,299 you know, homey. 522 00:14:00,299 --> 00:14:03,385 Like a woman would 523 00:14:00,299 --> 00:14:03,385 actually live here. 524 00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:05,220 What did you have in mind? 525 00:14:14,313 --> 00:14:17,900 brittle little bones 526 00:14:41,007 --> 00:14:42,633 You're home. 527 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:44,719 I didn't think 528 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:44,719 we'd be seeing you 529 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:44,719 until tomorrow morning. 530 00:14:44,719 --> 00:14:46,178 Ha, ha, ha, ha. 531 00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:47,513 It wasn't a date. 532 00:14:49,557 --> 00:14:52,060 Okay, it was a date 533 00:14:49,557 --> 00:14:52,060 and it got way weird. 534 00:14:56,022 --> 00:14:57,356 You really don't 535 00:14:56,022 --> 00:14:57,356 have to do that. 536 00:14:57,356 --> 00:15:00,484 No, I insist. 537 00:14:57,356 --> 00:15:00,484 You're my guest. 538 00:15:00,484 --> 00:15:02,904 Thanks, Brad. 539 00:15:02,904 --> 00:15:06,115 Bro, you got some chocolate 540 00:15:02,904 --> 00:15:06,115 on your chin. 541 00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,996 Still there. 542 00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,996 I'll get that bad boy. 543 00:15:15,708 --> 00:15:17,626 Wow! 544 00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,922 Well, it could have 545 00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,922 been worse. It could have 546 00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,922 fallen in your lap. 547 00:15:22,924 --> 00:15:24,508 It gets worse. 548 00:15:24,508 --> 00:15:28,679 No, I can do it, Brad. 549 00:15:24,508 --> 00:15:28,679 Okay, thank you. 550 00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:32,100 So, anyway, 551 00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:32,100 it's this Saturday. 552 00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:32,100 Do you want to come? 553 00:15:33,768 --> 00:15:37,021 You want me to go 554 00:15:33,768 --> 00:15:37,021 to a wedding with you? 555 00:15:37,021 --> 00:15:39,481 Okay, that's not too bad. 556 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,901 Two single guys on the prowl. 557 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,901 It'll be like 558 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,901 Wedding Crashers. 559 00:15:41,901 --> 00:15:44,737 Just keep Brad 560 00:15:41,901 --> 00:15:44,737 away from the bouquet. 561 00:15:46,447 --> 00:15:48,116 It gets worse. 562 00:15:48,116 --> 00:15:49,700 It gets better. 563 00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:52,661 The foliage in Vermont 564 00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:52,661 this time of year is "ridonc." 565 00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:54,329 Vermont? 566 00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:56,874 Yeah, the wedding's 567 00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:56,874 at this awesome B and B. 568 00:15:56,874 --> 00:15:59,085 Kara and I used to go there. 569 00:15:59,085 --> 00:16:01,837 Anyway, there is 570 00:15:59,085 --> 00:16:01,837 one room left, 571 00:15:59,085 --> 00:16:01,837 and we got it. 572 00:16:01,837 --> 00:16:04,006 Walt Whitman suite, bro. 573 00:16:08,469 --> 00:16:11,513 You said no, right? 574 00:16:08,469 --> 00:16:11,513 Of course. 575 00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:14,308 I understand. It's cool. 576 00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:18,687 It's the first time I was 577 00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:18,687 gonna see my college friends 578 00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:18,687 since Kara left me. 579 00:16:18,687 --> 00:16:20,314 I just... 580 00:16:22,274 --> 00:16:24,485 I just miss her so much. 581 00:16:28,322 --> 00:16:30,324 I'll go to Vermont with you. 582 00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:33,535 That's great! 583 00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:35,329 You know, 584 00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:35,329 they're registered 585 00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:35,329 at Pottery Barn. 586 00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:38,415 I figure we could go halfsies 587 00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:38,415 on a gravy boat. 588 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,506 I'm sorry. 589 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,506 It's not funny anymore. 590 00:16:45,506 --> 00:16:48,134 Damn you, brunch! 591 00:16:48,134 --> 00:16:51,846 This guy's crazy, right? 592 00:16:48,134 --> 00:16:51,846 Look, I don't think 593 00:16:48,134 --> 00:16:51,846 he's crazy. 594 00:16:51,846 --> 00:16:53,263 I just think he's suffering 595 00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:55,766 from a severe case 596 00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:55,766 of girlfriend withdrawal. 597 00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:58,602 And unfortunately, 598 00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:58,602 you're his nicotine patch. 599 00:16:58,602 --> 00:17:03,482 And now you have to do what 600 00:16:58,602 --> 00:17:03,482 every dysfunctional couple 601 00:16:58,602 --> 00:17:03,482 has to do, break up. 602 00:17:03,482 --> 00:17:05,193 You're right. You're right. 603 00:17:05,193 --> 00:17:06,443 I promised Brad 604 00:17:05,193 --> 00:17:06,443 I would go to 605 00:17:05,193 --> 00:17:06,443 the wedding with him, 606 00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:07,987 and then that is it. 607 00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:07,987 Good man. 608 00:17:09,864 --> 00:17:12,449 Oh, I think we made 609 00:17:09,864 --> 00:17:12,449 the right decision 610 00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,535 going for the custom-made 611 00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,535 Italian sheets. 612 00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:18,122 Hey, if my bed's 613 00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:18,122 going suit up, 614 00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:18,122 it's going to do it right. 615 00:17:18,122 --> 00:17:19,915 Wanna give it a whirl? 616 00:17:24,545 --> 00:17:28,423 All right, I'm gonna head out, 617 00:17:24,545 --> 00:17:28,423 hit the bars. 618 00:17:24,545 --> 00:17:28,423 What are you gonna do tonight? 619 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:32,469 Oh, I was just gonna 620 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:32,469 watch Letterman. But, God, 621 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:32,469 this bed is so comfy. 622 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,596 I wish you had a TV in here. 623 00:17:39,060 --> 00:17:42,563 Okay, seriously, 624 00:17:39,060 --> 00:17:42,563 what do you do for a living? 625 00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:43,772 Please. 626 00:17:46,817 --> 00:17:49,195 I thought you were going out. 627 00:17:49,195 --> 00:17:52,447 After the monologue. 628 00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:54,783 The next morning, 629 00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:54,783 as the sun rose 630 00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:54,783 over Manhattan, 631 00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,036 your uncle Marshall 632 00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,036 headed over 633 00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,036 to Brad's apartment 634 00:17:57,036 --> 00:18:00,539 to leave 635 00:17:57,036 --> 00:18:00,539 for the wedding in Vermont. 636 00:17:57,036 --> 00:18:00,539 But when he got there... 637 00:18:00,539 --> 00:18:01,707 No. 638 00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:03,751 No. 639 00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:06,712 No. 640 00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:08,964 No! 641 00:18:09,882 --> 00:18:11,217 No. 642 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:20,017 Ted? Brad got me flowers. 643 00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:21,518 Hold on. 644 00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:24,105 Brad got him flowers. 645 00:18:24,105 --> 00:18:26,815 I'm sorry. 646 00:18:24,105 --> 00:18:26,815 It just got funny again. 647 00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:33,322 Oh, hey... 648 00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:33,322 No, Brad, 649 00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:33,322 I don't want to hear it. 650 00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:36,033 I do like you, 651 00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:36,033 and Calla lilies are 652 00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:36,033 my favorite flower. 653 00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:38,702 I don't know 654 00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:38,702 how you knew that. 655 00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:38,702 I guess you just get me, 656 00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:41,538 but this is not cool, man. 657 00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:41,538 I can't believe 658 00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:41,538 that you would... 659 00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:43,749 Hey, sweetie. 660 00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:43,749 Hey. 661 00:18:46,252 --> 00:18:47,669 Oh! 662 00:18:48,629 --> 00:18:51,632 Hey, Marshall. 663 00:18:48,629 --> 00:18:51,632 Hi, Kara. 664 00:18:51,632 --> 00:18:53,884 So, you guys are, like, 665 00:18:51,632 --> 00:18:53,884 back together now? 666 00:18:53,884 --> 00:18:56,095 Yeah. Happened last night. 667 00:18:58,889 --> 00:19:02,476 I'm sorry, bro. 668 00:18:58,889 --> 00:19:02,476 I should have called you. 669 00:18:58,889 --> 00:19:02,476 Yeah, you should have. 670 00:19:02,476 --> 00:19:04,812 Well, I didn't mean 671 00:19:02,476 --> 00:19:04,812 to hurt... 672 00:19:02,476 --> 00:19:04,812 Don't, Brad. 673 00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:08,732 Just don't. 674 00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:17,199 What's with him? 675 00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:19,493 I don't know. 676 00:19:19,493 --> 00:19:21,912 I think he's in love with me. 677 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:37,636 I can't believe we just... 678 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:37,636 You and I... 679 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:37,636 What have we done? 680 00:19:37,636 --> 00:19:41,640 Nothing. Nothing happened. 681 00:19:37,636 --> 00:19:41,640 We... We just went to sleep. 682 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,309 Just went to sleep? 683 00:19:43,309 --> 00:19:46,895 I don't sleep in 684 00:19:43,309 --> 00:19:46,895 the same bed as a woman 685 00:19:43,309 --> 00:19:46,895 and not make a move. 686 00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:49,481 How could... You. 687 00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:52,526 You spooned me 688 00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:52,526 against my will. 689 00:19:52,526 --> 00:19:54,695 Hey, it takes two to cuddle. 690 00:19:57,531 --> 00:20:01,660 We... We redecorated my place. 691 00:20:01,660 --> 00:20:05,831 We stayed in on a Friday night 692 00:20:01,660 --> 00:20:05,831 to watch Letterman, 693 00:20:05,831 --> 00:20:07,875 and then slept together 694 00:20:05,831 --> 00:20:07,875 and didn't have sex. 695 00:20:07,875 --> 00:20:11,879 Oh, my God, 696 00:20:07,875 --> 00:20:11,879 we're in a relationship. 697 00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:14,798 That's what you think 698 00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:14,798 a relationship is? 699 00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:18,386 You were supposed 700 00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:18,386 to be the vaccine, 701 00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:18,386 but you gave me the disease. 702 00:20:18,386 --> 00:20:20,012 You gotta go. 703 00:20:20,012 --> 00:20:22,806 Barney. 704 00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:26,601 I don't think 705 00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:26,601 you're mad at me. 706 00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:26,601 You're mad at yourself. 707 00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:30,564 You let down your guard, 708 00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:30,564 and let someone 709 00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:30,564 into your life, and... 710 00:20:30,564 --> 00:20:32,733 And that actually felt okay. 711 00:20:34,068 --> 00:20:36,653 And that terrifies you. 712 00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:38,113 Uh-huh. You gotta go. 713 00:20:39,156 --> 00:20:40,866 Hey, you can't just 714 00:20:39,156 --> 00:20:40,866 kick me out! 715 00:20:40,866 --> 00:20:42,743 I put a lot of work 716 00:20:40,866 --> 00:20:42,743 into this place, 717 00:20:42,743 --> 00:20:45,704 and I've grown accustomed 718 00:20:42,743 --> 00:20:45,704 to a certain standard 719 00:20:42,743 --> 00:20:45,704 of living. 720 00:20:45,704 --> 00:20:48,623 A certain standard of living? 721 00:20:45,704 --> 00:20:48,623 You didn't pay a single... 722 00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:50,584 And so 723 00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:50,584 Mr. And Mrs. Stinson, 724 00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:53,212 after two weeks of marriage, 725 00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:53,212 decided to call it quits. 726 00:20:53,212 --> 00:20:55,881 Fortunately, they reached 727 00:20:53,212 --> 00:20:55,881 a settlement. 728 00:20:55,881 --> 00:20:59,718 And that's the story 729 00:20:55,881 --> 00:20:59,718 of how Aunt Lily 730 00:20:55,881 --> 00:20:59,718 furnished her apartment. 731 00:21:04,056 --> 00:21:06,600 Marshall ran into Brad again 732 00:21:04,056 --> 00:21:06,600 sometime later. 733 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,477 Oh, my God, it's Brad. 734 00:21:08,477 --> 00:21:10,396 Laugh like I said 735 00:21:08,477 --> 00:21:10,396 something really funny. 736 00:21:10,396 --> 00:21:11,855 That was great. 737 00:21:10,396 --> 00:21:11,855 Right, right. 738 00:21:11,855 --> 00:21:14,483 Hey, Marshall. 739 00:21:11,855 --> 00:21:14,483 Oh, hey. 740 00:21:11,855 --> 00:21:14,483 Hey, how's it going? 741 00:21:14,483 --> 00:21:16,110 It's good. 742 00:21:16,110 --> 00:21:19,905 Hey, I'm... 743 00:21:16,110 --> 00:21:19,905 Yeah, I know who you are. 744 00:21:19,905 --> 00:21:21,740 Well, I got to go. 745 00:21:19,905 --> 00:21:21,740 I got this thing. 746 00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:23,867 Yeah, me, too, 747 00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:23,867 but more important. 748 00:21:23,867 --> 00:21:26,912 So, I guess I'll 749 00:21:23,867 --> 00:21:26,912 see you around. 750 00:21:23,867 --> 00:21:26,912 Sure. Sure. 751 00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:34,044 Even if you don't believe it, 752 00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:34,044 tell me he looks fat. 753 00:21:34,044 --> 00:21:35,587 Totally looks fat.