1 00:00:00,454 --> 00:00:03,067 Kids, when you reach your late 20s you might be surprised 2 00:00:03,077 --> 00:00:06,067 to discover you still don't have life quite figured out. 3 00:00:06,077 --> 00:00:07,644 Like with Aunt Lily. 4 00:00:07,654 --> 00:00:09,757 Even though she was back from San Francisco, 5 00:00:09,767 --> 00:00:11,824 she was still on a quest to find herself. 6 00:00:11,834 --> 00:00:14,975 It's just that all I've ever done is teach kindergarten. 7 00:00:14,985 --> 00:00:17,404 I want to get out there and change the world. 8 00:00:17,414 --> 00:00:19,967 I want to find my passion. 9 00:00:19,977 --> 00:00:21,641 And she did find it. 10 00:00:21,656 --> 00:00:23,401 I'm going to be a life coach. 11 00:00:23,413 --> 00:00:25,551 In fact, she found it again and again. 12 00:00:25,563 --> 00:00:28,213 I'm going to be a marine biologist. 13 00:00:28,769 --> 00:00:31,533 slam poet. beekeeper! 14 00:00:32,485 --> 00:00:34,363 Not a beekeeper. 15 00:00:34,976 --> 00:00:37,241 Her newest lifelong dream? 16 00:00:37,256 --> 00:00:39,371 Singing in a punk rock band. 17 00:00:39,385 --> 00:00:41,150 What is she doing for money through all this? 18 00:00:41,185 --> 00:00:43,491 Oh, she's been waiting tables at Big Wave Luau. 19 00:00:43,506 --> 00:00:45,092 Wait, you mean that Hawaiian place 20 00:00:45,106 --> 00:00:47,311 where they wear those embarrassing outfits? 21 00:00:47,696 --> 00:00:49,121 No. 22 00:00:50,997 --> 00:00:53,010 Here she comes. Here she comes. 23 00:00:53,468 --> 00:00:56,862 Welcome to Big Wave Luau. May I tiki your drink order? 24 00:00:56,875 --> 00:00:58,362 Aw, crap. 25 00:00:58,378 --> 00:00:59,693 I'm sorry. 26 00:00:59,707 --> 00:01:01,783 Oh, hi, Lily. We were just in the neighborhood, 27 00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,501 thought we'd get some lunch. We didn't even know you'd be here. 28 00:01:07,676 --> 00:01:08,910 What do you want? 29 00:01:08,928 --> 00:01:10,860 Oh, I don't think that's how you're supposed to greet 30 00:01:10,895 --> 00:01:13,882 a customer at Big Wave Luau. 31 00:01:16,587 --> 00:01:19,351 Aloha, island visitors. 32 00:01:19,397 --> 00:01:22,950 The big wave brought you to our humble luau. 33 00:01:22,968 --> 00:01:26,953 For that, we thank you. Or in my native tongue, mahalo. 34 00:01:28,336 --> 00:01:30,933 I didn't catch your name. Did you guys catch her name? 35 00:01:30,947 --> 00:01:32,353 No. 36 00:01:32,366 --> 00:01:34,393 My name is Anuhea. 37 00:01:34,408 --> 00:01:36,413 It means cool and fragrant, 38 00:01:36,426 --> 00:01:39,462 much like any of our 12 specialty drinks. 39 00:01:40,165 --> 00:01:41,832 Robin, nothing to add? 40 00:01:41,847 --> 00:01:44,653 No. Lily is my friend and I'm not going to make fun of her 41 00:01:44,668 --> 00:01:46,181 for trying to follow her dreams. 42 00:01:46,198 --> 00:01:47,790 Thank you. 43 00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:50,320 Although, you might want to bring out the big Hawaiian drum 44 00:01:50,336 --> 00:01:52,860 because I'm pretty sure today's my birthday. 45 00:01:52,875 --> 00:01:54,413 Birthday girl! 46 00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:12,187 I have never needed beer more than I do right now. 47 00:02:12,202 --> 00:02:14,408 I thought you said your semester was gonna be a piece of cake. 48 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,795 I remember because you were eating a piece of cake at the time 49 00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:19,796 and you said, "Dude, my semester is gonna be this." 50 00:02:19,810 --> 00:02:21,058 Yeah, well, it was supposed to be, 51 00:02:21,092 --> 00:02:23,858 but my professor's like the toughest grader I've ever seen. 52 00:02:23,871 --> 00:02:25,766 She had like a bad divorce this summer 53 00:02:25,783 --> 00:02:27,707 and now she's taking it out on us. 54 00:02:27,721 --> 00:02:29,977 To tell you the truth, I think she just needs to get laid. 55 00:02:30,013 --> 00:02:31,127 Really? 56 00:02:31,142 --> 00:02:32,676 Laid, you say? 57 00:02:32,690 --> 00:02:35,565 You wouldn't be into her. She's, like, in her late 40s. 58 00:02:35,580 --> 00:02:36,935 She hot? 59 00:02:36,951 --> 00:02:38,808 Yeah, I guess she's kind of hot, yeah. 60 00:02:38,823 --> 00:02:40,277 And she's looking for some action. 61 00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:43,628 Sounds to me like she could be a cougar. 62 00:02:43,643 --> 00:02:45,408 - A what? - A cougar. 63 00:02:45,421 --> 00:02:47,977 An older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, 64 00:02:47,991 --> 00:02:51,278 single and on the prowl for a younger man. 65 00:02:51,292 --> 00:02:54,516 What's a woman in her 60s or 70s— a turtle? 66 00:02:54,791 --> 00:02:57,995 Marshall, I've thought it over and I accept your challenge. 67 00:02:58,013 --> 00:03:01,937 - I didn't challenge you to have sex... - Tomorrow, the cougar hunt begins. 68 00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:05,007 So, I quit my job. 69 00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:06,708 I just couldn't take it anymore. 70 00:03:06,721 --> 00:03:10,398 Approximately 50 times a day, some guy asks me for a lei... 71 00:03:10,411 --> 00:03:11,955 Classic. 72 00:03:11,981 --> 00:03:15,267 Ted, didn't you tell me they need a new assistant in your office? 73 00:03:15,542 --> 00:03:16,738 Yeah. 74 00:03:16,752 --> 00:03:18,865 Somebody did just quit. 75 00:03:18,883 --> 00:03:21,366 So, where should we eat today? 76 00:03:22,991 --> 00:03:26,637 Oh awesome, you brought lunch for everyone? 77 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,985 Dude, that is cold-blooded. 78 00:03:35,002 --> 00:03:36,758 It was an honest mistake. 79 00:03:36,772 --> 00:03:39,747 Look, when somebody opens up a container with an entire chicken in it, 80 00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:42,377 it's okay to assume they made lunch for everyone. 81 00:03:42,391 --> 00:03:44,865 Ted, that girl didn't quit. You destroyed her. 82 00:03:44,883 --> 00:03:47,567 It was an whole chicken. 83 00:03:47,580 --> 00:03:49,146 And did I mention she had 12 sides? 84 00:03:49,163 --> 00:03:52,365 Oh, now you're gonna bash her figure. Real classy, Ted. 85 00:03:52,382 --> 00:03:54,857 So, Lily, what do you say? Do you want the job? 86 00:03:54,870 --> 00:03:56,367 What would I be doing? 87 00:03:56,381 --> 00:03:58,966 Basically, you're sort of a general office assistant. 88 00:03:58,982 --> 00:04:01,887 You'll sit there. My station is right over here. 89 00:04:01,903 --> 00:04:03,566 And things are a little bit crazy right now 90 00:04:03,602 --> 00:04:05,668 'cause we're pitching a new building to a big client. 91 00:04:05,702 --> 00:04:07,877 - Oh, right, is that the... - Yeah. 92 00:04:07,890 --> 00:04:09,527 Here's the model. 93 00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:15,548 You weren't kidding. It really does look like a giant penis. 94 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:16,617 I know. 95 00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:19,235 For whatever reason, Mr. Druthers just doesn't see it. 96 00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:20,737 How can he not see it? 97 00:04:20,753 --> 00:04:22,168 - I mean there's the... - I know. 98 00:04:22,182 --> 00:04:23,705 - And the way it... - I know. 99 00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:26,158 - And the two little... - I know. 100 00:04:26,172 --> 00:04:29,326 - Wow, it is just... - Spectacular? 101 00:04:29,340 --> 00:04:30,726 Why, thank you. 102 00:04:30,740 --> 00:04:33,246 Lily, this is Mr. Druthers, the head architect on the project. 103 00:04:33,261 --> 00:04:35,165 Lily's going to be our new office assistant. 104 00:04:35,180 --> 00:04:37,166 - Ah. - Nice to meet you. 105 00:04:37,181 --> 00:04:38,656 Isn't it? 106 00:04:38,671 --> 00:04:41,565 Ted, I looked at your design for the penthouse balcony. 107 00:04:41,583 --> 00:04:44,918 Tell me, do you want to be an architect? 108 00:04:45,002 --> 00:04:47,856 I, uh... I am an architect. 109 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,096 Really? 110 00:04:49,111 --> 00:04:52,025 Well, my six-year-old nephew plays with Legos. 111 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,286 Is he an architect? 112 00:04:54,383 --> 00:04:58,588 Well, not unless he somehow passed all his licensing exams. 113 00:04:58,601 --> 00:05:00,796 Ted, you've got promise. 114 00:05:00,813 --> 00:05:03,265 But you have to study what I do more carefully. 115 00:05:03,281 --> 00:05:06,955 Now I want you to design some Styrofoam trees 116 00:05:06,972 --> 00:05:08,728 for the building model. 117 00:05:08,741 --> 00:05:10,816 - Think you can handle that? - Absolutely. 118 00:05:10,831 --> 00:05:14,806 Good. So you're going to design the... 119 00:05:14,821 --> 00:05:17,858 - Styrofoam trees. - Once again— with feeling. 120 00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,915 - Styrofoam trees. - Styrofoam trees! 121 00:05:21,932 --> 00:05:24,008 - Styrofoam trees! - That's the spirit. 122 00:05:24,022 --> 00:05:25,655 Now, gather 'round. 123 00:05:29,403 --> 00:05:32,987 This isn't just about trees, Ted. This is about life. 124 00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:36,788 And sometimes in life, you have to get the trees just right 125 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,686 or you're fired, hmm? 126 00:05:42,883 --> 00:05:46,225 Man, that guy is a total, well... 127 00:05:50,470 --> 00:05:53,068 Okay, wait, wait, wait. That's Professor Lewis's office there. 128 00:05:53,082 --> 00:05:55,368 Okay, let's take a look. 129 00:05:58,013 --> 00:06:01,895 Oh, yeah, it's a cougar all right. 130 00:06:02,123 --> 00:06:04,125 A prime specimen. 131 00:06:04,653 --> 00:06:08,978 See, you can identify a cougar by a few key characteristics. 132 00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:10,576 Start with the hair. 133 00:06:10,593 --> 00:06:12,915 The cougar keeps up with current hairstyles 134 00:06:12,942 --> 00:06:15,128 as a form of camouflage. 135 00:06:15,143 --> 00:06:18,016 The prey may not realize that he's engaged a cougar 136 00:06:18,033 --> 00:06:20,538 until he's already being dragged, helpless, 137 00:06:20,553 --> 00:06:22,127 back to her lair. 138 00:06:22,942 --> 00:06:24,576 Now, the blouse. 139 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:27,548 The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible 140 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,898 to captivate her prey. 141 00:06:30,150 --> 00:06:32,106 If you're watching them bounce, 142 00:06:32,121 --> 00:06:34,388 she's about to pounce. 143 00:06:34,700 --> 00:06:36,438 See the claws? 144 00:06:36,448 --> 00:06:39,056 Long and sharp, 145 00:06:39,068 --> 00:06:41,488 to ward off rival females... 146 00:06:41,504 --> 00:06:43,948 or open alimony checks. 147 00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:48,387 Yeah, this one's a beaut. 148 00:06:51,391 --> 00:06:54,745 Okay, let the hunt begin. 149 00:06:54,763 --> 00:06:56,927 Wait, wait, wait. I'm not so sure I'm comfortable 150 00:06:56,941 --> 00:06:59,947 with you hunting my constitutional law professor. 151 00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:02,827 Who do you rather have grading your papers— 152 00:07:02,843 --> 00:07:06,665 a savage, man-eating jungle cat, 153 00:07:06,681 --> 00:07:10,568 or a purring, satisfied kitty? 154 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:14,578 Go, Barney. 155 00:07:14,591 --> 00:07:17,718 Go mount and stuff that cougar. 156 00:07:20,461 --> 00:07:25,237 Scusi, I am Luigi, Italian exchange student. 157 00:07:25,252 --> 00:07:28,966 I was, uh, walking to class, 158 00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,888 but then I noticed you... 159 00:07:32,043 --> 00:07:34,185 bella principessa... 160 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,606 Tell me what you want or get out. 161 00:07:36,781 --> 00:07:37,996 Direct. 162 00:07:38,012 --> 00:07:39,638 I like that. 163 00:07:39,651 --> 00:07:41,245 The name's Barney. 164 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:44,648 What I want... is you. 165 00:07:47,161 --> 00:07:49,107 Turn around. 166 00:07:51,130 --> 00:07:53,615 My place. Two hours. 167 00:07:54,403 --> 00:07:55,945 Don't be tardy. 168 00:07:58,191 --> 00:08:01,265 I can't believe how Mr. Druthers treats people. 169 00:08:01,283 --> 00:08:04,637 And that building? Talk about overcompensating. 170 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,068 He's not usually this bad. 171 00:08:06,081 --> 00:08:07,617 It's just that the partners have made it very clear 172 00:08:07,651 --> 00:08:09,497 this project is make or break for us, 173 00:08:09,513 --> 00:08:11,806 so lately he's been a little testy. 174 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:15,217 You know what I mean— crotchety. 175 00:08:16,203 --> 00:08:18,847 I'm just saying it's been hard on him. 176 00:08:18,863 --> 00:08:20,635 All right stop. 177 00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:23,485 - Did you show Lily your design? - No. 178 00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:25,077 - What design? - It's nothing. 179 00:08:25,092 --> 00:08:26,455 It's fantastic. 180 00:08:26,470 --> 00:08:28,868 Just for fun, Ted's been working on his own design. 181 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,406 And it doesn't look at all like male genitalia. 182 00:08:31,422 --> 00:08:34,158 At least, not healthy male genitalia. 183 00:08:34,170 --> 00:08:36,588 Ted, you should pitch your building to Druthers. 184 00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:38,936 Are you kidding? He's Hammond Druthers. 185 00:08:38,950 --> 00:08:41,486 He's a legend. I'm just part of his team. 186 00:08:41,502 --> 00:08:42,848 This building is huge for the firm, 187 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:45,176 so it's really important we don't blow it. 188 00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:47,555 All right, enough. 189 00:08:48,431 --> 00:08:52,425 Oh, my God. Incredible. 190 00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:55,388 Hmm... C-minus. 191 00:08:56,490 --> 00:08:59,206 C-minus? What are you talking about? 192 00:08:59,222 --> 00:09:01,715 I just pulled an all-nighter! 193 00:09:01,893 --> 00:09:04,126 You didn't budget your time well, 194 00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:07,068 you glossed over some of the most important points, 195 00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:10,377 and your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive. 196 00:09:12,830 --> 00:09:15,425 Mr. Druthers asked if you were making the trees 197 00:09:15,441 --> 00:09:18,108 or waiting for them to sprout on their own. 198 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,797 Then he stared at me until I laughed. 199 00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:23,985 Okay, I'm done. 200 00:09:24,001 --> 00:09:26,298 Great. I'll put the paints away. You just go show him. 201 00:09:26,312 --> 00:09:27,918 Great. Thanks. 202 00:09:29,543 --> 00:09:31,446 Well, finally. 203 00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:34,086 I wondered whether you were making the trees 204 00:09:34,102 --> 00:09:37,168 or waiting for them to sprout on their own. 205 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,605 Good one, sir. 206 00:09:41,780 --> 00:09:43,816 Anyway, here they are. 207 00:09:46,122 --> 00:09:48,598 - Too green. - Too green? 208 00:09:48,612 --> 00:09:51,577 Yes, the leaves should really be more of a natural brown color. 209 00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:52,935 Almost brunette. 210 00:09:52,952 --> 00:09:57,147 And think bushier. I want this tower to rise 211 00:09:57,163 --> 00:10:01,297 from a thicket of wild, ungroomed, brunette shrubbery. 212 00:10:01,312 --> 00:10:03,346 Can you picture it, Ted? 213 00:10:03,361 --> 00:10:05,648 I can't un-picture it. 214 00:10:05,660 --> 00:10:07,395 Good. 215 00:10:08,361 --> 00:10:10,236 Oh, my God. 216 00:10:10,252 --> 00:10:11,336 It's gone! 217 00:10:11,350 --> 00:10:13,026 What? What's gone? 218 00:10:13,043 --> 00:10:16,835 My baseball signed three times by Pete Rose. 219 00:10:16,871 --> 00:10:19,425 Well, it's got to be around here somewhere. 220 00:10:19,443 --> 00:10:20,715 What do you think, Ted, 221 00:10:20,733 --> 00:10:24,485 it just let itself out of its plastic case and rolled away? 222 00:10:24,501 --> 00:10:26,475 Somebody stole it. 223 00:10:26,490 --> 00:10:29,598 Well, um, I better get back to these Styrofoam trees. 224 00:10:29,612 --> 00:10:31,678 Oh, who cares about the trees? 225 00:10:31,691 --> 00:10:35,197 It's just busy work to make you feel like you're contributing. 226 00:10:35,281 --> 00:10:37,515 Inspiring as always, sir. 227 00:10:38,891 --> 00:10:40,395 Lily? 228 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,998 Where's she put those paints? 229 00:10:59,561 --> 00:11:00,756 Hey. 230 00:11:00,770 --> 00:11:04,456 Hey. Um, Lily, question for you. 231 00:11:04,473 --> 00:11:06,438 Why did I find Mr. Druthers' baseball 232 00:11:06,453 --> 00:11:09,338 signed three times by Pete Rose in your desk drawer? 233 00:11:09,353 --> 00:11:11,255 That's easy. I took it. 234 00:11:11,272 --> 00:11:12,255 Why? 235 00:11:12,270 --> 00:11:13,978 It's simple. 236 00:11:14,151 --> 00:11:17,577 I can't believe there's no horseradish for the roast beef. 237 00:11:17,591 --> 00:11:21,885 I guess you were sick the day they taught that at Sandwich University. 238 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:29,588 Mother, no one from the nursing home is stealing from you. 239 00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:32,545 I didn't get you a birthday present. 240 00:11:38,891 --> 00:11:41,467 What? You gonna cry? 241 00:11:41,933 --> 00:11:44,156 Little crybaby's going to cry? 242 00:11:44,172 --> 00:11:45,676 Hey, everybody, look! 243 00:11:45,690 --> 00:11:48,998 The little crybaby's gonna cry! 244 00:11:51,142 --> 00:11:53,637 I lost my ice cream! 245 00:11:54,321 --> 00:11:57,157 Okay, I may have exaggerated that last one, 246 00:11:57,173 --> 00:11:59,955 but the point is, he was mean. 247 00:11:59,971 --> 00:12:02,295 And that's why I took away his ball. 248 00:12:02,441 --> 00:12:04,608 What does his ball have to do with anything? 249 00:12:04,622 --> 00:12:07,568 Druthers has to be taught he can't behave like that. 250 00:12:07,580 --> 00:12:10,478 When I was teaching kindergarten, whenever a kid was mean, 251 00:12:10,490 --> 00:12:12,528 I would take away one of his toys. 252 00:12:12,541 --> 00:12:14,428 The kid would be upset at first, 253 00:12:14,441 --> 00:12:17,126 but then he'd learn to stop being mean. 254 00:12:17,142 --> 00:12:18,748 Hey, guys. What's going on? 255 00:12:18,761 --> 00:12:21,767 Lily stole my boss' baseball signed three times by Pete Rose. 256 00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,497 Why? Was he being mean? 257 00:12:23,511 --> 00:12:25,068 - You know about this? - Yeah. 258 00:12:25,082 --> 00:12:27,376 It's her own personal form of justice. 259 00:12:27,390 --> 00:12:29,155 Did you tell him about that time at the Gap? 260 00:12:29,171 --> 00:12:30,375 Oh, that was a good one. 261 00:12:30,390 --> 00:12:32,336 This sales guy was rude to Robin, 262 00:12:32,350 --> 00:12:33,906 so I took a pair of khakis. 263 00:12:33,922 --> 00:12:35,926 I gave them to you for your birthday. 264 00:12:35,943 --> 00:12:38,116 So I've been walking around in stolen khakis? 265 00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,897 I prefer to call them "justice khakis." 266 00:12:40,911 --> 00:12:43,617 That's not justice. It's shoplifting, and it's a crime. 267 00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,458 So is being mean. 268 00:12:45,472 --> 00:12:47,626 Lily, your little system doesn't even make sense. 269 00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:49,816 In kindergarten, the kid knew why he was being punished. 270 00:12:49,851 --> 00:12:52,015 Druthers just thinks someone stole his ball. 271 00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:53,846 Well, that's why I left a note. 272 00:12:53,862 --> 00:12:55,348 - A note? - Yeah. 273 00:12:55,363 --> 00:12:58,235 When he finds it, he'll understand why his ball was taken away, 274 00:12:58,250 --> 00:12:59,785 he'll stop being mean, 275 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:02,325 and the office will be a nicer place to work. 276 00:13:02,342 --> 00:13:05,278 Maybe he'll even be open to hearing your ideas. 277 00:13:05,292 --> 00:13:07,365 Look, Lil, we're all tolerating 278 00:13:07,382 --> 00:13:10,165 this prolonged nervous breakdown you're clearly having, 279 00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:13,265 with the punk band and the beekeeping and the petty larceny, 280 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:15,715 but this is my career you're messing with. 281 00:13:15,733 --> 00:13:18,038 I'm not sure I like your tone. 282 00:13:18,053 --> 00:13:19,617 You know what? 283 00:13:19,631 --> 00:13:21,777 Now you just lost the ball. 284 00:13:25,031 --> 00:13:26,396 Hey. 285 00:13:26,510 --> 00:13:29,545 I'd ask you how last night went, but we had a pop quiz today. 286 00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,498 Nobody got higher than a C-minus. 287 00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,318 I know, I know. 288 00:13:33,331 --> 00:13:34,838 You claim to have so much sex. 289 00:13:34,852 --> 00:13:36,986 I only assumed you'd be good at it. 290 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,338 Look, I miscalculated. 291 00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:43,108 I thought she'd be old and fragile, like most cougars. 292 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,298 But kitty's got claws. 293 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,056 Don't worry though. 294 00:13:47,081 --> 00:13:48,427 Tonight, I'm seeing her again. 295 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,735 Just let it go, man. You're making things worse. 296 00:13:50,752 --> 00:13:54,296 I promise you, after tonight, that cougar will be my pet, 297 00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:57,018 and I its master. 298 00:13:57,191 --> 00:14:00,506 I think I'm falling in love with you. 299 00:14:01,172 --> 00:14:04,255 Oh, God. That wasn't your first time, was it? 300 00:14:05,132 --> 00:14:07,866 Although that would explain a lot. 301 00:14:08,082 --> 00:14:11,338 What? No. We had sex yesterday. 302 00:14:11,353 --> 00:14:14,087 Oh, right. That. 303 00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:17,468 Well, you had sex yesterday. 304 00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:20,378 I revised my syllabus for the spring semester. 305 00:14:23,810 --> 00:14:25,346 When Druthers goes to get his bagel, 306 00:14:25,363 --> 00:14:27,777 I'll go in, grab the note, put the ball back. 307 00:14:27,790 --> 00:14:29,407 If something goes wrong, 308 00:14:29,420 --> 00:14:31,928 yell out, "Who wants espresso?" 309 00:14:31,942 --> 00:14:33,985 so I'll know he's coming. Got it? 310 00:14:34,001 --> 00:14:35,396 Okay, now give me the ball. 311 00:14:35,411 --> 00:14:37,526 - No. - What do you mean, no? 312 00:14:37,542 --> 00:14:39,947 I mean I stand by what I did, Ted. 313 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,176 Come on, Lily. We're running out of time. 314 00:14:42,191 --> 00:14:45,116 Everybody get in here now! 315 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,845 Who wants espresso? 316 00:14:53,523 --> 00:14:55,105 Now, as most of you know, 317 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:58,848 my Pete Rose, Pete Rose, Pete Rose baseball has been stolen. 318 00:14:58,860 --> 00:15:00,398 Well, I just found this note. 319 00:15:00,410 --> 00:15:05,037 "Dear Mr. Druthers, I, your baseball, am leaving. 320 00:15:05,053 --> 00:15:07,355 Maybe, if you start being nice, I'll come back. 321 00:15:07,370 --> 00:15:10,625 If not, other things in your office may follow my lead. 322 00:15:10,642 --> 00:15:13,507 In fact, I overheard your iPod talking, 323 00:15:13,522 --> 00:15:16,896 and he may shuffle off at any minute." 324 00:15:17,523 --> 00:15:21,226 Normally, I would scream at everyone until my voice goes, 325 00:15:21,241 --> 00:15:24,846 but maybe that's the wrong reaction here. 326 00:15:24,860 --> 00:15:26,228 Interesting. 327 00:15:26,241 --> 00:15:29,966 Instead, I'm giving my baseball until the end of the day 328 00:15:29,980 --> 00:15:32,465 to decide he's homesick, 329 00:15:32,481 --> 00:15:35,706 or, tomorrow morning, I'll begin firing three people an hour. 330 00:15:35,721 --> 00:15:39,675 And, if the thief doesn't believe me, well, 331 00:15:39,691 --> 00:15:42,795 then you are gambling more than Pete Rose— 332 00:15:42,813 --> 00:15:44,698 major league baseball's all-time hit leader, 333 00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:47,277 a man whose absence from the Hall of Fame is a travesty 334 00:15:47,291 --> 00:15:52,036 to the entire sports world— ever "allegedly" did! 335 00:15:53,731 --> 00:15:56,698 Wow. Looks like bye-bye, iPod. 336 00:15:58,441 --> 00:16:01,415 Give him his ball back right now. 337 00:16:01,433 --> 00:16:02,867 People are going to get fired. 338 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,818 No, they're not. It's just a tantrum, Ted. 339 00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:07,997 I saw this in kindergarten all the time. 340 00:16:08,012 --> 00:16:09,488 This isn't kindergarten. 341 00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:12,885 Mr. Druthers is an adult, and he wants his ball back. 342 00:16:12,901 --> 00:16:16,176 All right, I'll give it back if you show him your plans. 343 00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:18,355 No. You'll give it back or you're fired. 344 00:16:18,370 --> 00:16:19,895 I'm sorry, Ted. I just can't do that. 345 00:16:19,913 --> 00:16:22,116 Then you're fired. 346 00:16:22,632 --> 00:16:24,558 Fine. 347 00:16:25,891 --> 00:16:27,715 Here's the ball. 348 00:16:27,731 --> 00:16:29,758 At least you have one now. 349 00:16:34,291 --> 00:16:36,166 Dude, you're killing me. 350 00:16:36,182 --> 00:16:39,826 You didn't tame the cougar. You just made her angrier. 351 00:16:39,843 --> 00:16:43,486 Do you not see the PowerBar in my hand? 352 00:16:43,501 --> 00:16:45,378 I'm fueling up. 353 00:16:45,393 --> 00:16:47,346 So you're going back over there? 354 00:16:47,362 --> 00:16:48,478 Oh, yeah. 355 00:16:48,491 --> 00:16:51,226 And tonight, just like John Mellencamp, 356 00:16:51,243 --> 00:16:54,966 I am going to get rid of the "Cougar" once and for all. 357 00:16:55,413 --> 00:16:56,716 Get it? 358 00:16:56,730 --> 00:16:59,168 'Cause that's what he did with his name. 359 00:17:09,953 --> 00:17:11,768 I can't stop thinking about you. 360 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:13,738 Please give me another chance. 361 00:17:13,752 --> 00:17:15,167 Barney, I teach all day. 362 00:17:15,183 --> 00:17:17,847 It's the last thing I want to do when I get home. 363 00:17:18,392 --> 00:17:21,018 But you don't understand. See, I've been going easy on you, 364 00:17:21,031 --> 00:17:24,216 holding back, 'cause I was afraid you'd break a hip or something. 365 00:17:24,233 --> 00:17:26,468 But, this time, no mercy. I don't care how long it takes— 366 00:17:26,502 --> 00:17:30,566 days, weeks, half a year. 367 00:17:31,580 --> 00:17:33,728 Fine. Come in. 368 00:17:33,741 --> 00:17:36,796 You can start while I finish grading some papers. 369 00:17:38,931 --> 00:17:41,717 Hurry up. Clients will be here any moment. 370 00:17:41,733 --> 00:17:44,286 Now, slide it closer to his chair. 371 00:17:44,302 --> 00:17:47,898 I want this thing to really smack him in the face. 372 00:17:48,433 --> 00:17:51,385 Mr. Druthers, thank you again for understanding about Lily. 373 00:17:51,401 --> 00:17:53,696 Oh. Well, I pity her. 374 00:17:53,711 --> 00:17:57,587 I mean, to steal from my office and then write that slanderous note... 375 00:17:57,602 --> 00:18:01,558 You might say that Lily was mentally deranged. 376 00:18:01,662 --> 00:18:04,167 You might say that, Ted. 377 00:18:06,850 --> 00:18:08,768 Lily was mentally deranged. 378 00:18:08,780 --> 00:18:13,036 You might even say it loud enough for everyone to hear. 379 00:18:13,971 --> 00:18:16,225 Lily was mentally deranged! 380 00:18:16,243 --> 00:18:20,585 Oh! That's a bit harsh, don't you think, Ted? 381 00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:22,835 The clients are here. 382 00:18:22,853 --> 00:18:24,546 Excellent. Bring them in. 383 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:28,925 Our client was a major bank and financial services company in Spokane. 384 00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:31,277 They wanted a modern skyscraper that still captured 385 00:18:31,292 --> 00:18:34,228 the distinct flavor and history of the Northwest. 386 00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:37,058 Ladies and gentlemen, I give you 387 00:18:37,070 --> 00:18:40,787 the Spokane National Bank Building. 388 00:18:43,341 --> 00:18:45,777 That's a penis! 389 00:18:47,443 --> 00:18:49,987 That's... that's ridiculous. 390 00:18:50,001 --> 00:18:53,005 There's no way this majestic tower can be confused 391 00:18:53,022 --> 00:18:55,747 with the male organ of love. 392 00:18:55,763 --> 00:18:57,957 We're not building a penis. 393 00:18:58,123 --> 00:19:00,606 You got any other ideas? 394 00:19:01,090 --> 00:19:03,247 Other ideas? 395 00:19:03,260 --> 00:19:05,396 You said you wanted Hammond Druthers. 396 00:19:05,413 --> 00:19:08,106 This is Hammond Druthers. 397 00:19:08,121 --> 00:19:11,015 Well, hats off to your ladyfriends, 398 00:19:11,032 --> 00:19:13,368 but I'm not building it. 399 00:19:13,383 --> 00:19:15,547 We're done here. 400 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:18,787 The trajectory of my entire career might have been different 401 00:19:18,803 --> 00:19:22,768 had I not unwittingly worn my justice khakis that day. 402 00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:24,338 Wait! 403 00:19:25,570 --> 00:19:27,575 We have one more idea for you. 404 00:19:27,590 --> 00:19:29,457 Ted, what are you doing? 405 00:19:29,472 --> 00:19:30,916 I have another design. 406 00:19:30,931 --> 00:19:33,225 Sit down, shut up right now. 407 00:19:33,243 --> 00:19:34,596 No. 408 00:19:41,293 --> 00:19:44,118 To Ted! The youngest person to ever design a building 409 00:19:44,131 --> 00:19:46,995 over 70 stories probably! 410 00:19:47,013 --> 00:19:49,458 Probably! 411 00:19:50,130 --> 00:19:51,746 Congrats, Ted. 412 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,386 Hey, thanks for telling me to stand up to Druthers 413 00:19:54,403 --> 00:19:55,968 and pitch my idea. 414 00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:58,696 Seriously, none of this would have happened if it weren't for you. 415 00:19:58,710 --> 00:20:01,017 Oh. You know what, Ted? 416 00:20:01,031 --> 00:20:02,517 That was very nice. 417 00:20:02,533 --> 00:20:05,376 You have earned these screws back. 418 00:20:05,391 --> 00:20:08,768 Don't sit in your desk chair until you've put them back in. 419 00:20:09,523 --> 00:20:11,586 Hey, I'm project manager now, 420 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,806 so, if you want your old job back... 421 00:20:13,822 --> 00:20:15,335 No, thanks. 422 00:20:15,352 --> 00:20:19,145 I think I figured out what I want to be when I grow up. 423 00:20:21,090 --> 00:20:25,357 Casey, that's not how we treat people. 424 00:20:25,373 --> 00:20:28,685 You'll get this back when you learn to be nice. 425 00:20:41,211 --> 00:20:44,016 - Barney! Oh, my God! - What happened? 426 00:20:44,858 --> 00:20:47,134 He broke his hip. 427 00:20:47,811 --> 00:20:51,834 That's not true. It's just temporarily dislocated. 428 00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:53,025 Seriously, I'm fine. 429 00:20:53,038 --> 00:20:55,204 No, he's not fine. 430 00:20:55,218 --> 00:20:57,015 Professor Lewis, hi. 431 00:20:57,031 --> 00:21:00,413 Mr. Eriksen. Hello. I graded your paper tonight. 432 00:21:00,431 --> 00:21:03,616 I was pleasantly surprised. 433 00:21:03,628 --> 00:21:05,725 Yeah, she was. 434 00:21:05,788 --> 00:21:07,743 B-plus. 435 00:21:08,129 --> 00:21:10,193 B-plus? 436 00:21:10,210 --> 00:21:13,853 Marshall, after I've gone through my eight weeks of physical therapy, 437 00:21:13,868 --> 00:21:16,385 I am going to get you that "A"! 438 00:21:16,631 --> 00:21:18,254 Let her go. 439 00:21:18,270 --> 00:21:21,913 She belongs out there in the wild. 440 00:21:21,930 --> 00:21:23,783 You should feel proud. 441 00:21:23,801 --> 00:21:27,206 You fought the cougar and lived. 442 00:21:27,251 --> 00:21:29,963 It was an amazing safari. 443 00:21:29,978 --> 00:21:33,355 I can't wait to show you guys the slides. 444 00:21:33,828 --> 00:21:37,405 Transcript : Raceman Subtitles : Willow's Team www.forom.com