1
00:00:10,270 --> 00:00:12,422
- So, I guess that decides it.
- Yup.

2
00:00:12,432 --> 00:00:13,868
Hanging out at a coffee place

3
00:00:13,878 --> 00:00:16,611
is not nearly as much fun
as hanging out at a bar.

4
00:00:18,578 --> 00:00:20,036
Man, what's that?

5
00:00:20,355 --> 00:00:21,546
What?

6
00:00:21,691 --> 00:00:25,424
That cute coffee girl
wrote a heart by your name.

7
00:00:25,434 --> 00:00:27,989
Somebody has a crush on you.

8
00:00:27,999 --> 00:00:30,968
Somebody thinks you're me.

9
00:00:31,589 --> 00:00:33,615
Do you really
think she likes me?

10
00:00:33,752 --> 00:00:35,504
I mean, I guess
it's not that surprising.

11
00:00:35,517 --> 00:00:38,238
Every time I come in here,
I totally crack her up.

12
00:00:38,245 --> 00:00:40,260
Marshall, here's
your pumpkin latte.

13
00:00:40,272 --> 00:00:44,427
Wow. How did you fit a
pumpkin in this little cup?

14
00:00:45,873 --> 00:00:47,725
I'll have a pumpkin latte.

15
00:00:47,752 --> 00:00:50,187
How do they even fit a
pumpkin in those little cups?

16
00:00:50,199 --> 00:00:52,157
What? You got a shrink
ray back there?

17
00:00:52,989 --> 00:00:53,975
Yeah.

18
00:00:54,601 --> 00:00:57,024
Hey, remember that
time I said that thing

19
00:00:57,042 --> 00:00:59,896
about how do they fit a
pumpkin into that little cup?

20
00:00:59,912 --> 00:01:01,696
- Which time?
- The first time.

21
00:01:01,709 --> 00:01:04,655
Yeah. That was really funny.

22
00:01:04,809 --> 00:01:05,756
Right.

23
00:01:05,770 --> 00:01:07,697
All right, there's only two
reasons she'd laugh at that.

24
00:01:07,732 --> 00:01:10,135
One, it's the first
joke she's ever heard,

25
00:01:10,152 --> 00:01:13,077
or two, she likes you.
You should totally ask her out.

26
00:01:13,091 --> 00:01:13,686
You think?

27
00:01:13,701 --> 00:01:15,197
Yeah, that why you're not
back with Lily, right?

28
00:01:15,229 --> 00:01:17,676
So you can experience what
it's like to be single.

29
00:01:18,531 --> 00:01:20,154
Well, what if the heart
doesn't mean anything?

30
00:01:20,192 --> 00:01:22,164
What if she writes
it on all the cups?

31
00:01:22,181 --> 00:01:24,227
Mine says "Ted," no heart.

32
00:01:24,241 --> 00:01:27,257
Mine says... "Swarley."

33
00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:30,255
How'd they get
"Swarley" from "Barney"?

34
00:01:30,271 --> 00:01:31,355
It's not even a name.

35
00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:33,467
Who would ever be
called "Swarley"?

36
00:01:35,472 --> 00:01:38,404
Oh, please don't start
calling me "Swarley."

37
00:01:40,380 --> 00:01:42,825
This would never
happen at a bar!

38
00:01:44,719 --> 00:01:46,894
Man! What's up with Swarley?

39
00:01:46,909 --> 00:01:49,796
I know. You almost never see
old Swarlz get that upset.

40
00:02:06,420 --> 00:02:07,966
Hey, guess what?

41
00:02:07,980 --> 00:02:08,904
Oh, sorry.

42
00:02:08,922 --> 00:02:09,944
It's only my mom.

43
00:02:09,961 --> 00:02:12,097
She's just rambling
on like always.

44
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:13,866
What happened?

45
00:02:13,881 --> 00:02:15,245
Marshall asked out a girl.

46
00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:16,267
Wow.

47
00:02:16,282 --> 00:02:18,266
Well, if anything,
that's Dad's fault.

48
00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:20,247
That'll keep her going a while.

49
00:02:20,259 --> 00:02:22,707
Oh, of course, you know,
he had a little help.

50
00:02:22,721 --> 00:02:23,797
Swarley hooked him up?

51
00:02:23,809 --> 00:02:24,894
Oh, good. You got my text.

52
00:02:24,910 --> 00:02:26,575
- Yeah.
- Oh. No, it was me.

53
00:02:26,590 --> 00:02:28,506
I gave Marshall
one of my secrets.

54
00:02:29,262 --> 00:02:31,306
- So, what she say?
- Nothing.

55
00:02:32,142 --> 00:02:34,996
I don't think she heard me.
It's pretty busy up there.

56
00:02:35,012 --> 00:02:36,797
What? You gave her
the look right?

57
00:02:36,812 --> 00:02:38,736
Head down, eyes looking up,

58
00:02:38,752 --> 00:02:40,876
hands in pockets, shoulders up,

59
00:02:40,889 --> 00:02:43,804
head slightly tilted,
conveying shy vulnerability.

60
00:02:44,449 --> 00:02:46,116
I think so.

61
00:02:52,079 --> 00:02:53,666
Look, can we just go?

62
00:02:54,149 --> 00:02:56,374
Pumpkin latte for Marshall.

63
00:02:57,542 --> 00:02:59,556
I didn't order that.

64
00:03:05,940 --> 00:03:08,274
Phone number.

65
00:03:09,209 --> 00:03:10,575
I love that look.

66
00:03:10,592 --> 00:03:13,295
I think I slept with you
because of that look.

67
00:03:13,312 --> 00:03:14,426
And it's fake?

68
00:03:14,442 --> 00:03:16,955
Oh, and you biting your lower lip,
shyly looking away

69
00:03:16,970 --> 00:03:19,494
and thrusting your
chest out is natural?

70
00:03:19,510 --> 00:03:21,175
Yeah, I hear you.

71
00:03:22,309 --> 00:03:23,887
- Hey!
- Hey, guys.

72
00:03:24,099 --> 00:03:25,904
Are you free tomorrow night?

73
00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:27,995
I was thinking of having
a wine tasting slash

74
00:03:28,012 --> 00:03:30,456
"help me catch the rat
in my apartment" party.

75
00:03:30,471 --> 00:03:33,157
That's a great idea.
You can put out cheese for both.

76
00:03:34,202 --> 00:03:36,045
I should invite
Marshall, right?

77
00:03:36,060 --> 00:03:37,384
It'd be weird if I didn't.

78
00:03:37,399 --> 00:03:39,456
Yeah, I don't think he can go.

79
00:03:39,482 --> 00:03:41,065
Really? Why not?

80
00:03:41,082 --> 00:03:43,405
Uh, okay, um...

81
00:03:43,460 --> 00:03:45,647
Lily, we have to
tell you something.

82
00:03:45,662 --> 00:03:47,525
Marshall has a date.

83
00:03:48,169 --> 00:03:50,947
Oh. Well... good for him.

84
00:03:50,961 --> 00:03:52,306
Really? You're okay with it?

85
00:03:52,322 --> 00:03:54,257
Look, we've been broken
up almost six months.

86
00:03:54,270 --> 00:03:56,496
I mean,
I'm not thrilled about the idea,

87
00:03:56,511 --> 00:03:59,657
but he has every right
to date someone else.

88
00:03:59,669 --> 00:04:01,617
That's very mature.

89
00:04:01,630 --> 00:04:03,285
Why are you holding the phone?

90
00:04:03,299 --> 00:04:05,004
Oh, shoot.

91
00:04:06,191 --> 00:04:08,854
That's hilarious, Mom.

92
00:04:08,872 --> 00:04:10,995
Didn't even notice.

93
00:04:12,529 --> 00:04:15,184
Hey, dude, by the way,
I really like that suit.

94
00:04:15,199 --> 00:04:17,385
Tell me about the fabric.
Is it foreign or something?

95
00:04:17,399 --> 00:04:20,326
Wow. It is foreign.
I'm impressed, Ted.

96
00:04:20,339 --> 00:04:21,787
- It's Moroccan, actually.
- Whoa.

97
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,297
I got a call for Swarley.

98
00:04:24,311 --> 00:04:26,445
Is there a Swarley here?

99
00:04:26,461 --> 00:04:28,504
You weren't interested in
my suit at all, were you?

100
00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:30,676
- Hmm?
- Swarley!

101
00:04:32,012 --> 00:04:35,007
Yeah, I know he's there.
It's really important.

102
00:04:35,022 --> 00:04:36,514
Could you ask again?

103
00:04:36,532 --> 00:04:38,606
Important call for Swarley!

104
00:04:38,619 --> 00:04:41,074
Geez, can't you hear him, Swarley?
There's a call for you.

105
00:04:41,090 --> 00:04:43,574
Stop calling me that.

106
00:04:43,591 --> 00:04:46,125
Uh... Hey, I'd like you guys
to officially meet Chloe.

107
00:04:46,142 --> 00:04:47,125
- Hi.
- Hi.

108
00:04:47,141 --> 00:04:48,024
Hi.

109
00:04:48,042 --> 00:04:49,557
It's nice to meet you guys.

110
00:04:49,569 --> 00:04:51,876
- I'll be right back.
- It's right back there.

111
00:04:56,082 --> 00:04:58,547
Right? Right? She's hot!

112
00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,027
And she likes me?

113
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:03,324
She likes Italian food.
I also like Italian food.

114
00:05:03,341 --> 00:05:06,754
She likes Billy Joel.
I also like... music.

115
00:05:06,769 --> 00:05:09,715
And I think we're
going to go out again.

116
00:05:09,729 --> 00:05:12,297
- Dude, you gotta ditch her.
- Obviously.

117
00:05:12,752 --> 00:05:13,687
Why?

118
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:14,997
She's got the crazy eyes.

119
00:05:15,009 --> 00:05:16,955
Dude. The eyes.

120
00:05:16,969 --> 00:05:18,657
They're crazy.

121
00:05:18,669 --> 00:05:20,665
What are you guys talking about,
the crazy eyes?

122
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:24,746
It's a well-documented condition
of the pupils, or pupi.

123
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:26,027
No. Just pupils.

124
00:05:26,041 --> 00:05:29,505
It's an indicator of
future mental instability.

125
00:05:29,522 --> 00:05:32,265
She does not have
the crazy eyes.

126
00:05:32,282 --> 00:05:33,984
You just can't see it
because you're afflicted

127
00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:36,895
with "haven't been laid
in a while" blindness.

128
00:05:36,912 --> 00:05:38,765
She was too far away
in the coffee place,

129
00:05:38,781 --> 00:05:41,684
but when I saw her
up close just now...

130
00:05:41,699 --> 00:05:43,687
Hey, I'd like you guys to
officially meet Chloe.

131
00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:44,785
- Hi.
- Hi.

132
00:05:44,801 --> 00:05:45,746
Hi.

133
00:05:45,759 --> 00:05:47,526
It's nice to meet you guys.

134
00:05:52,931 --> 00:05:54,714
You guys,
I'm not going to stop dating Chloe

135
00:05:54,732 --> 00:05:57,204
just because you think
she has the crazy eyes.

136
00:05:57,219 --> 00:05:59,265
You can keep going out with her,
but you're gonna regret it.

137
00:05:59,302 --> 00:06:01,726
One time,
I met a girl at this very bar.

138
00:06:01,741 --> 00:06:04,815
I saw that she had
the crazy eyes...

139
00:06:06,721 --> 00:06:07,994
but I ignored it.

140
00:06:08,011 --> 00:06:10,347
And then, sure enough.

141
00:06:11,010 --> 00:06:13,085
Barney, can I ask
you a question?

142
00:06:13,102 --> 00:06:14,574
Anything.

143
00:06:14,930 --> 00:06:17,594
Would you like to
have a threesome?

144
00:06:17,937 --> 00:06:19,248
Of course.

145
00:06:19,255 --> 00:06:22,020
Great. It'll be you,
me and Mr. Weasels.

146
00:06:24,262 --> 00:06:25,867
So, did you do it?

147
00:06:25,883 --> 00:06:28,376
No. It ended up
being just a twosome

148
00:06:28,391 --> 00:06:30,745
with the third one
watching from a chair.

149
00:06:31,179 --> 00:06:32,786
Which one were you?

150
00:06:33,609 --> 00:06:35,367
I'd rather not say.

151
00:06:35,681 --> 00:06:38,226
Look, there was a time I didn't
believe in the crazy eyes either,

152
00:06:38,260 --> 00:06:40,174
and then I met Jeanine.

153
00:06:40,239 --> 00:06:42,935
She had serious crazy eyes.

154
00:06:43,392 --> 00:06:46,827
I told myself I was
just imagining it, but then...

155
00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:48,607
So, should we go get a drink?

156
00:06:48,620 --> 00:06:51,024
As long as it's in
your apartment.

157
00:06:52,292 --> 00:06:53,344
Whoa, I'm sorry.

158
00:06:53,362 --> 00:06:58,265
Watch! Where! You're! Going!

159
00:07:00,162 --> 00:07:02,356
So, where do you live?

160
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:05,995
You guys, Chloe is not
gonna do any of that stuff.

161
00:07:06,012 --> 00:07:07,807
She's a nice girl
from Nebraska.

162
00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:09,015
She's not crazy.

163
00:07:09,030 --> 00:07:11,186
She's... she's awesome.

164
00:07:11,202 --> 00:07:13,407
But you can't avoid
the crazy eyes forever.

165
00:07:13,422 --> 00:07:16,347
Sooner or later, the crazy
comes bubbling to the surface.

166
00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:17,146
Hello?

167
00:07:17,159 --> 00:07:18,784
Marshall, it's Chloe.

168
00:07:18,801 --> 00:07:21,397
Are you the one who's
called me like nine times?

169
00:07:21,410 --> 00:07:23,506
Yeah. Could you come get me?

170
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,965
I'm in the middle
of taking a test.

171
00:07:25,981 --> 00:07:27,937
Please. I'm so scared.

172
00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:29,594
Well, what's going on?

173
00:07:29,610 --> 00:07:31,627
This weird midget guy
started following me

174
00:07:31,642 --> 00:07:32,815
and he was screaming at me

175
00:07:32,832 --> 00:07:35,054
and he had a limp and
a big hump on his back

176
00:07:35,071 --> 00:07:36,466
and the police
didn't believe me

177
00:07:36,481 --> 00:07:39,316
and I almost got trampled
by a horse and...

178
00:07:39,330 --> 00:07:42,206
God I must sound totally
crazy to you right now.

179
00:07:42,821 --> 00:07:45,176
No. Pfft.

180
00:07:45,190 --> 00:07:46,466
Not at all.

181
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:48,814
So, she's needy crazy.

182
00:07:48,829 --> 00:07:50,606
That's one of the worst kinds.

183
00:07:50,619 --> 00:07:51,924
I've had one of those.

184
00:07:51,941 --> 00:07:53,626
Makes up stories
to get attention.

185
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:56,826
Went out with her for three weeks—
her dad died twice.

186
00:07:56,842 --> 00:07:59,675
Guys, she was really
freaked out, okay?

187
00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:01,244
Maybe the story is true.

188
00:08:01,261 --> 00:08:03,996
What in the world would make
you believe that's a true story?

189
00:08:04,011 --> 00:08:06,537
She's really hot.

190
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:08,857
They always are.

191
00:08:10,132 --> 00:08:11,765
- You all done with that, Ted?
- Yeah.

192
00:08:11,779 --> 00:08:14,474
Ned. I told you
to call him Ned.

193
00:08:14,630 --> 00:08:16,486
That's just sad.

194
00:08:16,499 --> 00:08:18,267
Sorry, Swarley.

195
00:08:19,519 --> 00:08:21,994
So, do just you
and Ted live here

196
00:08:22,012 --> 00:08:23,775
or does Swarley live here, too?

197
00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:26,717
Nah. Swarley has his own place.

198
00:08:30,082 --> 00:08:31,106
What was that?

199
00:08:31,122 --> 00:08:32,837
Oh, I, uh, dropped my keys.

200
00:08:35,002 --> 00:08:36,724
So, here you go.

201
00:08:36,739 --> 00:08:39,174
Two pumpkin beers.

202
00:08:39,331 --> 00:08:42,045
I was joking.
They're regular beers.

203
00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:46,566
What is that?

204
00:08:53,472 --> 00:08:55,357
This picture is broken.

205
00:08:55,370 --> 00:08:58,264
Oh. That's too bad.

206
00:08:58,281 --> 00:09:00,087
Is that Lily?

207
00:09:00,099 --> 00:09:02,387
Is that the girl you
were going to marry?

208
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,555
Yeah. Is that what
that sound was?

209
00:09:04,570 --> 00:09:06,796
Did you just smash this?

210
00:09:06,812 --> 00:09:08,096
No.

211
00:09:08,109 --> 00:09:10,386
Why would I do that?

212
00:09:11,399 --> 00:09:13,725
Let me look into your eyes.

213
00:09:14,239 --> 00:09:15,894
Okay.

214
00:09:18,869 --> 00:09:21,465
I had a really
nice time tonight.

215
00:09:21,479 --> 00:09:23,754
Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking.

216
00:09:24,090 --> 00:09:27,537
I like your eyes a lot, too.

217
00:09:29,539 --> 00:09:30,805
S top!

218
00:09:34,372 --> 00:09:37,055
Hi. I'm Lily.

219
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:44,325
Stop!

220
00:09:44,339 --> 00:09:46,425
Now, kids,
I know Lily hiding in the apartment

221
00:09:46,442 --> 00:09:49,725
while Marshall was on a date with
another girl seems pretty crazy,

222
00:09:49,741 --> 00:09:52,084
but when you hear her
side of the story,

223
00:09:52,102 --> 00:09:54,155
well, it's still pretty crazy.

224
00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:56,386
What's up Swarlz?

225
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,605
No. Okay? No. No more.

226
00:09:58,619 --> 00:10:00,674
I will not let this
become a thing. It's over.

227
00:10:00,690 --> 00:10:02,655
No more Swarley. No Swarlz.

228
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:05,144
No more Swar-lay.

229
00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:08,127
No more Swar...
wait for it... ley.

230
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:10,716
No more Bob Swarley, mon.

231
00:10:10,729 --> 00:10:13,677
No more. No! It's over.

232
00:10:13,689 --> 00:10:15,266
Do you understand?

233
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,104
- Yes.
- Yes.

234
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:17,614
Thank you.

235
00:10:20,339 --> 00:10:21,204
Nice.

236
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,396
- Why didn't you call me?
- Was I supposed to call you?

237
00:10:23,410 --> 00:10:26,666
Yes, about the whole Marshall-
dating-another-girl thing.

238
00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:27,796
You said you were fine with it.

239
00:10:27,831 --> 00:10:30,825
Yeah, in front of Ted,
but then I shot you a look.

240
00:10:30,842 --> 00:10:33,177
- What look?
- This.

241
00:10:35,012 --> 00:10:36,714
That doesn't seem like a look.

242
00:10:36,732 --> 00:10:39,306
Yes it is. It means,
"I'm upset call me later."

243
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,584
You should have pulled me aside
and told me what the look meant.

244
00:10:41,619 --> 00:10:43,467
If I pulled you aside,
I wouldn't need the look.

245
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:44,725
Well, maybe if it was a
more distinctive look...

246
00:10:44,762 --> 00:10:46,594
Okay, the look isn't important.

247
00:10:46,609 --> 00:10:49,676
What's important is that
I can't stand the idea

248
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:51,424
of Marshall dating
another woman.

249
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,904
I mean, what if
he falls in love with her?

250
00:10:53,919 --> 00:10:55,694
Well, if it makes
you feel any better,

251
00:10:55,711 --> 00:10:58,255
Ted says she has
the crazy eyes.

252
00:10:58,271 --> 00:10:58,987
What's that?

253
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,374
Apparently, a thing women
have that guys can see

254
00:11:01,391 --> 00:11:03,264
and it tells them that
the girl's crazy.

255
00:11:03,279 --> 00:11:05,957
Oh, kind of like how you
never want to date a guy

256
00:11:05,972 --> 00:11:07,327
with perfect fingernails?

257
00:11:07,341 --> 00:11:09,205
Jerk nails. Exactly.

258
00:11:09,221 --> 00:11:12,535
Well, did-did Ted say
whether she was good-looking?

259
00:11:12,550 --> 00:11:14,115
I mean,
'cause if I knew she was ugly,

260
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:16,225
then maybe I wouldn't
be so freaked out.

261
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,495
Uh, he didn't say,
but you can find out.

262
00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:22,017
I think her name is Chloe—
she works at Cosa Coffee on 78th.

263
00:11:22,032 --> 00:11:25,446
Phone call for Swarles Barkley?

264
00:11:27,070 --> 00:11:29,007
Hey, Ted. No, he's not here.

265
00:11:29,020 --> 00:11:31,236
Good one, though—
remember that one.

266
00:11:36,850 --> 00:11:38,825
Is, um, Chloe here?

267
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,057
She just left.
You can probably still catch her.

268
00:11:41,072 --> 00:11:43,846
She's easy to spot—
she's got a pink umbrella.

269
00:11:43,860 --> 00:11:45,504
Oh, thanks, Brian.

270
00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:47,157
My name is Scott.

271
00:11:47,170 --> 00:11:48,934
Your tag says Brian.

272
00:11:48,952 --> 00:11:50,434
I know. Funny story.

273
00:11:50,449 --> 00:11:51,865
So, I wake up this
morning, and...

274
00:11:51,881 --> 00:11:53,875
Yeah, see you later, Brian.

275
00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:04,905
There she is.

276
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,835
She doesn't look that great.

277
00:12:06,850 --> 00:12:09,224
She's not fat,
but that doesn't mean anything.

278
00:12:09,239 --> 00:12:11,734
I know tons of skinny,
ugly women.

279
00:12:11,751 --> 00:12:14,386
That's right,
snotty girl in my yoga class,

280
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,646
I'm talking to you.

281
00:12:16,659 --> 00:12:20,256
Come on, Chloe, turn around.

282
00:12:20,599 --> 00:12:23,044
Here we go. Turn around, Chloe.

283
00:12:23,059 --> 00:12:26,786
Come on,
show me that hideous face.

284
00:12:26,842 --> 00:12:28,675
Damn it!

285
00:12:28,740 --> 00:12:31,145
Ooh, I know,
I'll get ahead of her,

286
00:12:31,161 --> 00:12:33,577
then I'll cut back so I... Aah!

287
00:12:33,590 --> 00:12:36,287
Oh, my God, that hurts!

288
00:12:36,531 --> 00:12:39,435
Turn around! Come on!

289
00:12:39,449 --> 00:12:41,345
Just turn around!

290
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,734
Okay, this is ridiculous.

291
00:12:43,752 --> 00:12:45,486
Hey!

292
00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:50,727
Turn around!
What's the matter with you?

293
00:12:50,739 --> 00:12:52,814
Hey, you!

294
00:12:54,259 --> 00:12:56,165
Turn around!

295
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,364
Turn around, Chloe!

296
00:13:06,180 --> 00:13:08,716
She's hot? I'm so sorry.

297
00:13:08,730 --> 00:13:10,107
No, it's fine.

298
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:11,916
I-It just makes things easier.

299
00:13:11,929 --> 00:13:13,595
Now that I know she's a threat,

300
00:13:13,610 --> 00:13:16,665
all I have to do is keep Marshall
from ever seeing her again.

301
00:13:16,681 --> 00:13:18,966
Okay, I have two plans—
you can help me choose.

302
00:13:18,980 --> 00:13:20,137
Plan A—

303
00:13:20,152 --> 00:13:22,957
remember that time Marshall
and I had sex in the bathroom?

304
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,936
Oops, I got knocked up.

305
00:13:24,951 --> 00:13:27,074
- Lily.
- Okay, plan B

306
00:13:27,091 --> 00:13:29,396
is called "Chloe's Accident."

307
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,885
- Just stop.
- What?

308
00:13:30,899 --> 00:13:33,206
Lily, you can't do
any of those things.

309
00:13:33,222 --> 00:13:34,976
If you two are ever
gonna get back together,

310
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,835
you have to let him work
out whatever this is.

311
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:40,206
I know. You're right.

312
00:13:40,221 --> 00:13:42,405
Now, come on,
Ted asked us to be upstairs at 6:00.

313
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:44,434
Some surprise for Barney.

314
00:13:44,451 --> 00:13:46,437
- Barney?
- Uh, Swarley.

315
00:13:47,730 --> 00:13:50,065
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.

316
00:13:50,082 --> 00:13:51,436
Where's Marshall?

317
00:13:51,451 --> 00:13:52,827
Oh, he's getting a haircut.

318
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:55,035
Oh. For his date.

319
00:13:55,052 --> 00:13:56,596
Good for him.

320
00:13:56,612 --> 00:13:58,474
Hope he has a good
time tonight.

321
00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:00,356
Relax, you've got
nothing to worry about.

322
00:14:00,369 --> 00:14:01,807
The girl's crazy.

323
00:14:01,821 --> 00:14:03,355
Thanks!

324
00:14:03,372 --> 00:14:05,796
He'll just have wild monkey
sex with her five times, max,

325
00:14:05,811 --> 00:14:07,216
and be done with her.

326
00:14:07,229 --> 00:14:08,804
Thanks again.

327
00:14:10,671 --> 00:14:12,016
What are you doing?

328
00:14:12,032 --> 00:14:15,226
I just wanted to listen to
a little music, that's all.

329
00:14:15,241 --> 00:14:17,797
And this next one's
going out to Swarley.

330
00:14:17,810 --> 00:14:19,696
All your friends know
you miss Barney,

331
00:14:19,711 --> 00:14:22,257
but he's gone,
and you got to accept that, baby.

332
00:14:22,270 --> 00:14:25,144
And, Swarley, you're gonna be
a better woman for it.

333
00:14:25,159 --> 00:14:28,237
Here's "I Am Woman"
by Helen Reddy.

334
00:14:28,251 --> 00:14:32,035
Ha-ha! Now I'm a woman.
I love it!

335
00:14:32,052 --> 00:14:34,835
You know, I was thinking about this
whole new name thing last night,

336
00:14:34,852 --> 00:14:37,056
and you know what I realized?
I like it.

337
00:14:37,072 --> 00:14:38,777
You like being called Swarley?

338
00:14:38,792 --> 00:14:40,625
Are you kidding?
I want you to call me that.

339
00:14:40,642 --> 00:14:41,917
Do you really think
this is gonna work?

340
00:14:41,952 --> 00:14:44,346
Do I think what's gonna work?
I'm just saying, I love my new name,

341
00:14:44,382 --> 00:14:47,685
so please only call
me that from now on.

342
00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:49,974
Call you what?

343
00:14:50,151 --> 00:14:54,365
You know, that-that-that new name
that you've been calling me.

344
00:14:54,380 --> 00:14:55,736
Say it.

345
00:14:55,752 --> 00:14:57,595
Why? You guys know what it is.

346
00:14:57,612 --> 00:14:59,287
Say the name.

347
00:15:00,201 --> 00:15:02,817
No, I don't want to! I hate it!

348
00:15:02,832 --> 00:15:05,295
I hate it! It's not funny!

349
00:15:05,310 --> 00:15:07,747
It's never been funny!
I've never done any...

350
00:15:07,759 --> 00:15:09,287
No!

351
00:15:09,941 --> 00:15:12,035
Man, he is really gonna lose it

352
00:15:12,049 --> 00:15:15,016
when all the magazine
subscriptions start coming in.

353
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,627
I signed him up for
People in Espanol,

354
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,424
but I addressed it to Swarlos.

355
00:15:20,439 --> 00:15:24,064
Hey, where's the picture of
Marshall and me at the pier?

356
00:15:24,079 --> 00:15:26,176
Didn't it used to
be by that window?

357
00:15:26,190 --> 00:15:29,684
Oh, yeah, he, uh,
he sort of took it down when you left.

358
00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:31,437
Put it behind some books,
I think.

359
00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:33,766
Oh, well-well,
maybe I should put it back up.

360
00:15:33,780 --> 00:15:35,827
Why, so Chloe'll see
it and get scared off?

361
00:15:35,839 --> 00:15:36,937
No.

362
00:15:36,951 --> 00:15:39,547
So Marshall'll see
it and feel guilty.

363
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,495
Yeah, okay.

364
00:15:42,641 --> 00:15:44,676
But she wasn't okay.

365
00:15:44,692 --> 00:15:47,405
Later that night,
while Marshall was on his date,

366
00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:49,605
Lily came back.

367
00:16:06,292 --> 00:16:08,146
anymore.

368
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,855
Pretty impressive, huh?

369
00:16:09,871 --> 00:16:13,884
Wow, you really did memorize all the
lyrics to "We Didn't Start the Fire."

370
00:16:14,251 --> 00:16:16,056
Can I, uh,
can I get you a drink?

371
00:16:16,070 --> 00:16:17,486
I'd love a beer.

372
00:16:17,502 --> 00:16:19,196
You got it.

373
00:16:21,792 --> 00:16:24,394
Lily did what any
sensible woman would do.

374
00:16:24,411 --> 00:16:26,745
She hid under the desk.

375
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:29,545
And she stayed there,
listening to her ex-fiance

376
00:16:29,562 --> 00:16:31,765
on a date with another woman.

377
00:16:31,922 --> 00:16:34,397
I had a really
nice time tonight.

378
00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:36,444
Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking.

379
00:16:36,461 --> 00:16:39,146
I like your eyes a lot, too.

380
00:16:39,161 --> 00:16:41,827
Finally, much like Billy Joel,

381
00:16:41,842 --> 00:16:43,535
she couldn't take it anymore.

382
00:16:43,552 --> 00:16:45,357
Stop!

383
00:16:47,579 --> 00:16:50,297
Hi. I'm Lily.

384
00:16:52,432 --> 00:16:54,965
Lily... Lily,
what the hell are you doing?

385
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:58,297
I don't know. I...
I don't know... what I'm doing.

386
00:16:58,311 --> 00:17:01,656
Oh, pumpkin beer—
that was a good one.

387
00:17:01,690 --> 00:17:05,067
I'm just... I'm gonna go.
I... I'm so sorry.

388
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,107
En-Enjoy the rest of your date.

389
00:17:12,671 --> 00:17:15,085
She seems nice.

390
00:17:26,412 --> 00:17:29,597
- Lilly, what the hell...
- I'm sorry.

391
00:17:29,610 --> 00:17:31,747
I only snuck up
there because...

392
00:17:31,762 --> 00:17:34,487
when I saw how cute she was yesterday,
I freaked out.

393
00:17:34,499 --> 00:17:36,847
Lily, you saw her yesterday?

394
00:17:37,029 --> 00:17:41,077
Yeah, I...
kind of chased her down the street.

395
00:17:44,090 --> 00:17:47,436
Wait, so you were the
hunchback with the limp?

396
00:17:47,450 --> 00:17:48,975
Yeah.

397
00:17:48,992 --> 00:17:52,385
And she didn't break the picture,
I did.

398
00:17:54,779 --> 00:17:57,827
So Chloe's not crazy, she's...

399
00:17:58,152 --> 00:18:01,495
just a nice, normal girl.

400
00:18:01,812 --> 00:18:04,377
Yeah, she is.

401
00:18:05,141 --> 00:18:08,584
And you deserve a nice,
normal girl.

402
00:18:09,210 --> 00:18:11,776
So, why don't you
just go back up there

403
00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:14,434
and-and finish your date.

404
00:18:16,159 --> 00:18:17,994
Yeah.

405
00:18:18,332 --> 00:18:19,454
Okay.

406
00:18:19,559 --> 00:18:21,367
Okay.

407
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:27,267
Wait, if you were the hunchback,
then why did she think you were a guy?

408
00:18:28,702 --> 00:18:32,997
I-I might have used a voice
that sounded like this.

409
00:18:33,602 --> 00:18:35,074
- Why?
- Because I didn't want

410
00:18:35,090 --> 00:18:38,274
her to know it was me, which
I now realize doesn't make sense,

411
00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:40,845
because she hadn't even met me.

412
00:18:41,060 --> 00:18:43,175
You're crazy.

413
00:18:44,729 --> 00:18:51,075
You have... crazier eyes than
anybody that I have ever met.

414
00:18:52,571 --> 00:18:54,127
Shouldn't you be
going back up...

415
00:18:54,140 --> 00:18:56,167
I mean,
you're out of your mind.

416
00:18:56,181 --> 00:19:00,407
You're... just
absolutely insane.

417
00:19:02,859 --> 00:19:06,737
Shouldn't you be
going back upstairs?

418
00:19:10,102 --> 00:19:12,857
I've missed you so much.

419
00:19:19,822 --> 00:19:21,994
Okay, I ran it by the group,

420
00:19:22,010 --> 00:19:23,425
and we decided we're
gonna give you a choice.

421
00:19:23,459 --> 00:19:25,977
We will agree to stop
calling you Swarley,

422
00:19:25,992 --> 00:19:29,495
but instead,
we'll call you Jennifer.

423
00:19:31,092 --> 00:19:32,604
Well?

424
00:19:32,621 --> 00:19:34,427
I'm thinking.

425
00:19:35,539 --> 00:19:38,834
How about this?
On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays...

426
00:19:38,852 --> 00:19:40,566
Hey.

427
00:19:40,582 --> 00:19:42,194
Look at this.

428
00:19:42,210 --> 00:19:44,137
So right there,
in the exact same place

429
00:19:44,151 --> 00:19:47,316
that six months earlier I had
walked up and found Marshall alone,

430
00:19:47,329 --> 00:19:51,064
crying over his breakup with Lily,
I found him again.

431
00:19:51,081 --> 00:19:53,394
Only this time he wasn't alone,

432
00:19:53,410 --> 00:19:55,235
and he was happy.

433
00:19:55,250 --> 00:19:58,487
So we went to the bar to celebrate,
and it was great.

434
00:19:58,499 --> 00:20:01,366
I was with Robin,
Marshall and Lily were back together,

435
00:20:01,382 --> 00:20:03,307
and Barney had a cool new name.

436
00:20:03,322 --> 00:20:05,675
All was right with the world...

437
00:20:05,690 --> 00:20:07,814
until we got back
to the apartment.

438
00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,957
Oh, my God.

439
00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:11,977
Hey, Chloe, I...

440
00:20:11,992 --> 00:20:13,914
guess I forgot I
left you up here.

441
00:20:13,932 --> 00:20:17,615
I was gonna leave,
but I can't find my keys.

442
00:20:18,709 --> 00:20:21,596
They're right there
on the coffee table.

443
00:20:23,311 --> 00:20:25,014
Silly me.

444
00:20:25,030 --> 00:20:28,005
I must have looked
everywhere else.

445
00:20:30,870 --> 00:20:34,025
Well... I'm just gonna go.

446
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,077
Oh, I don't think we've met.
I'm Chloe.

447
00:20:37,091 --> 00:20:38,086
Robin.

448
00:20:38,099 --> 00:20:40,425
It's nice to meet you, Roland.

449
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,644
I'll see you guys later.

450
00:20:45,381 --> 00:20:47,294
Roland?

451
00:20:48,009 --> 00:20:50,305
Your name's Roland.

452
00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:53,307
That's funny, right?

453
00:20:53,321 --> 00:20:55,584
Rock and Roland.

454
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:59,316
Warsaw is the capital
of what? Roland.

455
00:20:59,752 --> 00:21:02,606
You're Monica Roland-ski.

456
00:21:03,900 --> 00:21:08,327
Hey, yeah,
that's just how I Roland.

457
00:21:08,632 --> 00:21:10,594
- Nice try, Swarley.
- Damn it.

458
00:21:19,042 --> 00:21:21,945
Swarley!

459
00:21:32,231 --> 00:21:33,895
Transcript : Raceman
Subtitles : Willow's Team
www.forom.com