1 00:00:01,508 --> 00:00:04,655 Kids, there's nothing more wonderful than New York City in the winter 2 00:00:05,141 --> 00:00:06,822 except the view of New York City 3 00:00:06,822 --> 00:00:08,605 in the winter through your apartment window. 4 00:00:09,251 --> 00:00:10,583 In the winter of 2006, 5 00:00:10,733 --> 00:00:12,566 Marshall, Lily, Robin and I were all deep 6 00:00:12,633 --> 00:00:14,199 in couple hibernation mode. 7 00:00:14,616 --> 00:00:16,950 Sadly, this left Uncle Barney out in the cold. 8 00:00:17,266 --> 00:00:18,366 Okay. 9 00:00:18,383 --> 00:00:19,532 All-night rave, 10 00:00:19,533 --> 00:00:21,133 abandoned tire factory in Newark. 11 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,200 We're on the list. Who's in? 12 00:00:23,266 --> 00:00:25,066 - Nope. - No. 13 00:00:27,007 --> 00:00:27,999 Private jet. 14 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,301 Teeterboro Airport, 15 00:00:29,367 --> 00:00:30,934 skinny-skydiving. Who's in? 16 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,134 - Nope. - No, thanks. 17 00:00:34,183 --> 00:00:35,450 One beer. 18 00:00:35,551 --> 00:00:36,684 Bar, downstairs, 19 00:00:36,898 --> 00:00:38,795 15 second walk. Who's in? 20 00:00:38,796 --> 00:00:39,989 Shh... 21 00:00:40,096 --> 00:00:42,130 Lily went sleepy-bye. 22 00:00:44,860 --> 00:00:45,662 It got so bad, Barney 23 00:00:45,663 --> 00:00:48,052 tried to be his own wingman. Hi. 24 00:00:48,152 --> 00:00:49,768 Have you met me? 25 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,719 Finally, he decided to bring in reinforcements. 26 00:00:54,785 --> 00:00:55,885 No. 27 00:00:55,952 --> 00:00:58,685 Yes. And do you know why? 28 00:00:58,752 --> 00:01:01,986 Hang on to your bedsores, grandparents from Willy Wonka, 29 00:01:02,352 --> 00:01:03,421 because guess who's 30 00:01:03,371 --> 00:01:05,438 on his way up to this apartment right now? 31 00:01:05,461 --> 00:01:08,095 My... wait for it... 32 00:01:08,553 --> 00:01:10,919 brother, James. React. 33 00:01:10,985 --> 00:01:12,152 Hey! 34 00:01:12,219 --> 00:01:13,119 You have a brother? 35 00:01:13,186 --> 00:01:14,986 Yeah. He's the "awesome-est," 36 00:01:15,052 --> 00:01:16,252 most best "looking-est," 37 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:17,552 greatest guy ever. 38 00:01:17,918 --> 00:01:19,919 He's exactly like Barney. 39 00:01:19,985 --> 00:01:21,468 That's what I just said. 40 00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,453 Well, Barney and his brother aren't exactly alike. 41 00:01:24,900 --> 00:01:25,900 James is gay. 42 00:01:26,451 --> 00:01:27,451 Really? 43 00:01:27,491 --> 00:01:28,321 I never in a million years 44 00:01:28,371 --> 00:01:30,930 would I picture you with a gay brother, that's awesome. 45 00:01:30,931 --> 00:01:31,690 Yeah. I just wanted you 46 00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:33,256 to have a heads up, so you don't 47 00:01:33,257 --> 00:01:34,658 act all surprised when he gets here. 48 00:01:35,606 --> 00:01:36,623 Okay. Here he is. 49 00:01:39,191 --> 00:01:41,191 What up, New York. 50 00:01:43,755 --> 00:01:45,104 Thanks for the heads up. 51 00:02:00,973 --> 00:02:02,588 we did it never come up 52 00:02:02,588 --> 00:02:04,555 that Barney has a gay, black brother? 53 00:02:05,399 --> 00:02:06,522 Is he black? 54 00:02:06,902 --> 00:02:08,155 I guess I'm the kind of person that focuses 55 00:02:08,205 --> 00:02:09,340 on who people are on the inside 56 00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:11,590 rather than the color of their skin. 57 00:02:11,956 --> 00:02:14,223 I'm kidding, I just wanted to see your face. 58 00:02:15,223 --> 00:02:16,956 Yeah, so now the wedding's back on. 59 00:02:17,023 --> 00:02:18,557 Anyway, James, how have you been? 60 00:02:18,624 --> 00:02:20,190 Awesome, as per "yoozh." 61 00:02:20,257 --> 00:02:21,757 I just went skinny-skydiving. 62 00:02:21,923 --> 00:02:22,956 Legendary. 63 00:02:23,223 --> 00:02:24,357 And my laser tag team, 64 00:02:24,424 --> 00:02:25,791 just made it to regional finals. 65 00:02:25,907 --> 00:02:27,407 "Legendarier." 66 00:02:27,724 --> 00:02:28,839 And by now you've 67 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,874 noticed the suit— go 'head, touch it. 68 00:02:30,941 --> 00:02:33,206 Handcrafted by Pietro Dellacamera, 69 00:02:33,914 --> 00:02:37,605 Milan's famous 101-year-old tailor 70 00:02:37,655 --> 00:02:40,849 who upon completing the very last stitch in this suit 71 00:02:40,849 --> 00:02:41,931 dropped dead, 72 00:02:41,931 --> 00:02:45,608 which is ironic because that is how gorgeous look in it. C'mon. 73 00:02:51,061 --> 00:02:52,279 Gimme five. 74 00:02:52,595 --> 00:02:54,262 Is "gimme five" back? Oh, yeah. 75 00:02:54,328 --> 00:02:56,112 I put it in my blog this morning. 76 00:02:56,429 --> 00:02:58,612 Guys, "gimme five" is back! 77 00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:01,061 - Oh, James, this is my girlfriend, Robin. - Hey. 78 00:03:01,328 --> 00:03:03,136 - It's so nice to meet you. - You, too. 79 00:03:03,137 --> 00:03:05,737 So, I have to ask, there's a story here. 80 00:03:06,930 --> 00:03:07,945 Please. 81 00:03:08,527 --> 00:03:10,936 The truth is, Barney and James got a lot of... 82 00:03:11,036 --> 00:03:13,413 different explanations from their mom over the years. 83 00:03:13,413 --> 00:03:15,469 Well, boys, you look different 84 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,512 because when I was pregnant with you, 85 00:03:17,529 --> 00:03:19,596 I only ate vanilla ice cream. 86 00:03:19,713 --> 00:03:21,646 And when I was pregnant with you, 87 00:03:21,713 --> 00:03:23,746 can you guess what kind of ice cream I ate? 88 00:03:23,813 --> 00:03:26,080 Coffee? No, James, 89 00:03:26,145 --> 00:03:28,245 I ate chocolate ice cream. 90 00:03:28,312 --> 00:03:30,279 But I did drink tons of coffee 91 00:03:30,346 --> 00:03:31,779 when I was pregnant with both of you. 92 00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:33,868 Can't smoke without my coffee. 93 00:03:35,013 --> 00:03:38,679 I don't know, boys, I guess it's just one of those things. 94 00:03:39,879 --> 00:03:41,412 Stop asking me! 95 00:03:41,479 --> 00:03:42,646 You know what you two are? 96 00:03:42,713 --> 00:03:44,213 You're little racists! 97 00:03:44,679 --> 00:03:46,179 So what are you guys gonna do tonight? 98 00:03:46,446 --> 00:03:47,846 I'll tell you what James is gonna do. 99 00:03:47,913 --> 00:03:49,913 He's gonna do the job you've been neglecting. 100 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:51,679 And, as always, he'll do it 101 00:03:51,746 --> 00:03:53,312 a lot better than you ever did. 102 00:03:53,908 --> 00:03:54,691 Ted... 103 00:03:55,179 --> 00:03:57,879 James is my wingman now. 104 00:03:58,745 --> 00:03:59,812 Okay. 105 00:04:00,879 --> 00:04:02,396 Last time James was in town, 106 00:04:02,513 --> 00:04:04,392 Barney got slapped once, 107 00:04:04,402 --> 00:04:05,970 lucky twice, and... 108 00:04:06,035 --> 00:04:07,769 whose penthouse hot tub did you end up in? 109 00:04:07,836 --> 00:04:09,870 Ah, public figure, confidentiality agreement. 110 00:04:09,936 --> 00:04:11,135 But I will say this: 111 00:04:11,712 --> 00:04:13,612 way more back hair than any guy 112 00:04:13,779 --> 00:04:15,846 who can afford laser hair removal should have. 113 00:04:16,532 --> 00:04:17,950 And then there was the time they.. 114 00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:20,420 scored the brother/sister combo. 115 00:04:20,612 --> 00:04:22,651 It was everything we ever dreamed of when watching 116 00:04:22,701 --> 00:04:23,934 Donnie and Marie. 117 00:04:24,074 --> 00:04:25,890 She was a little bit country. 118 00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:28,508 He was a little bit way into black guys. 119 00:04:28,724 --> 00:04:32,024 Yeah, Barney and James together was a lethal combination. 120 00:04:32,091 --> 00:04:34,523 Since there was never any crossover in targets, 121 00:04:34,590 --> 00:04:37,224 James was always there for Barney with the assist. 122 00:04:41,123 --> 00:04:42,391 Whoa. 123 00:04:42,806 --> 00:04:44,007 Your scarf... 124 00:04:44,248 --> 00:04:45,864 it is fierce! 125 00:04:46,256 --> 00:04:47,724 Thanks. H & M. 126 00:04:47,790 --> 00:04:49,123 What? I would never know, 127 00:04:49,190 --> 00:04:51,757 'cause it is so hot that my eyes are melting. 128 00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:53,507 Oh, I can't see. 129 00:04:53,824 --> 00:04:56,123 Hey! You know, speaking of things 130 00:04:56,231 --> 00:04:57,801 that would look good wrapped around you, 131 00:04:58,041 --> 00:05:00,306 have you met my straight brother, Barney? 132 00:05:00,420 --> 00:05:02,699 Oh, he is fab— don't you go nowhere— 133 00:05:02,749 --> 00:05:04,349 "ulous." Okay? 134 00:05:05,208 --> 00:05:06,908 And Barney always returned the favor. 135 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,041 Help, I don't think he's breathing. 136 00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:10,425 Does anyone know mouth-to-mouth? 137 00:05:10,691 --> 00:05:11,992 Oh, my God, I do! 138 00:05:13,041 --> 00:05:14,975 Okay, great. How 'bout you instead? 139 00:05:16,475 --> 00:05:18,541 Oh, man, I am so excited that you're here! 140 00:05:18,608 --> 00:05:20,374 It has been forever since I have been around 141 00:05:20,391 --> 00:05:22,224 anyone even remotely fun. 142 00:05:22,391 --> 00:05:23,942 Uh, yes offense. 143 00:05:25,495 --> 00:05:26,825 You guys are still going out with us tonight, right? 144 00:05:26,842 --> 00:05:27,708 No. 145 00:05:27,775 --> 00:05:28,741 Jammies. I don't think so. 146 00:05:28,808 --> 00:05:30,482 Tonight? It's after 9:00, and... 147 00:05:31,245 --> 00:05:33,225 I have warm soup belly. 148 00:05:33,247 --> 00:05:35,680 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Guys... 149 00:05:36,041 --> 00:05:39,141 you are young, attractive people here 150 00:05:39,208 --> 00:05:41,074 in the greatest city on earth. 151 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,808 There are boys and girls 152 00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:45,408 in Nobody Cares, Wyoming, wishing they could be here. 153 00:05:45,475 --> 00:05:47,408 But instead, they are in someone's basement 154 00:05:47,475 --> 00:05:49,408 drinking bad malt liquor, debating 155 00:05:49,475 --> 00:05:51,608 whether or not they're going to spend their Saturday night 156 00:05:51,675 --> 00:05:53,074 in the parking lot of the feed store 157 00:05:53,141 --> 00:05:55,041 or in some other dude's basement. 158 00:05:55,511 --> 00:05:56,808 You owe it to them 159 00:05:56,858 --> 00:05:59,424 to rise up and shimmy your lazy asses 160 00:05:59,491 --> 00:06:01,357 into something hot, and you go out there 161 00:06:01,424 --> 00:06:03,290 and you live their dream! 162 00:06:03,357 --> 00:06:04,424 Can I get a "hell, yeah"? 163 00:06:04,491 --> 00:06:05,890 Hell, yeah! Hell, yeah! 164 00:06:05,957 --> 00:06:07,557 - Can I get a "hell, yeah"? - Hell, yeah! 165 00:06:07,624 --> 00:06:09,690 - Can I get a "woo-woo"? - Woo-woo! 166 00:06:09,691 --> 00:06:10,691 Go do it for Wyoming! 167 00:06:10,758 --> 00:06:12,324 Yes! 168 00:06:12,991 --> 00:06:14,474 Testify! 169 00:06:15,525 --> 00:06:17,289 So that night, Barney got his wish. 170 00:06:17,790 --> 00:06:18,607 We all went out. 171 00:06:18,624 --> 00:06:20,258 Daddy's home! 172 00:06:20,824 --> 00:06:21,824 Yeah. 173 00:06:24,557 --> 00:06:26,090 All right, bro. What do you like? 174 00:06:26,157 --> 00:06:28,224 Guy in super tight black T? 175 00:06:28,290 --> 00:06:30,023 Super tight black guy? 176 00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,524 Guy who looks like Mr. T? 177 00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:32,957 Mmm, yes, yes, and... 178 00:06:33,023 --> 00:06:35,090 talk to me after two martinis. 179 00:06:35,157 --> 00:06:36,890 Let's focus on you, my man. 180 00:06:37,407 --> 00:06:38,824 I'm feeling lazy. 181 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,758 How about girl with the chocolatini? 182 00:06:40,824 --> 00:06:43,290 Oh... boom, back tattoo. 183 00:06:44,157 --> 00:06:45,923 Hero and the pig? Let's ride. 184 00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:47,290 Fo' 'sho. 185 00:06:49,491 --> 00:06:52,107 Damn baby, nice tramp stamp! 186 00:06:52,524 --> 00:06:53,758 Get off me, you pig! 187 00:06:53,824 --> 00:06:55,057 Hey! Her body art 188 00:06:55,124 --> 00:06:56,491 is not an invitation to grope her, 189 00:06:56,557 --> 00:06:58,491 it's an expression of her inner self. 190 00:06:58,557 --> 00:06:59,990 I'm sure, in many ways, she is 191 00:07:00,057 --> 00:07:02,023 the dolphin encircled by flowers. 192 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,224 What? What? What? What? 193 00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:05,890 Cool. 194 00:07:08,391 --> 00:07:10,324 - Let me know if he bothers you again. - Thanks. 195 00:07:10,341 --> 00:07:11,890 You should stay close... 196 00:07:12,253 --> 00:07:13,257 just in case. 197 00:07:13,324 --> 00:07:15,591 Sure. If it'll make you feel safer. 198 00:07:16,772 --> 00:07:17,709 I'm Barney. 199 00:07:18,383 --> 00:07:21,289 Now, kids, when you're out at a noisy, crowded bar, 200 00:07:21,504 --> 00:07:23,771 you can always tell the difference between the singles 201 00:07:24,297 --> 00:07:25,777 and the couples. 202 00:07:25,865 --> 00:07:27,464 You just have to look for the signs. 203 00:07:29,006 --> 00:07:29,824 Break. Boiling hot. 204 00:07:29,844 --> 00:07:32,027 Singles stay on their feet for maneuverability. 205 00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:33,478 Hey! Hi, how are ya? 206 00:07:33,545 --> 00:07:35,944 Have you met my brother? 207 00:07:37,044 --> 00:07:39,344 Oh, hello. Have a drink. 208 00:07:39,411 --> 00:07:40,812 Nice to meet ya. 209 00:07:43,611 --> 00:07:46,550 Couples, exhausted by the sheer act of leaving the house, 210 00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,864 are obsessed with finding a place to sit down. 211 00:07:50,007 --> 00:07:52,032 There are a lot of other indicators, too. 212 00:07:52,583 --> 00:07:54,400 From choice of social lubricant... 213 00:07:54,567 --> 00:07:55,766 Woo! Wow! 214 00:07:56,283 --> 00:07:58,083 to basic body language. 215 00:07:58,650 --> 00:07:59,664 But the point is, 216 00:07:59,761 --> 00:08:02,900 there are many ways to tell whether someone has Single Stamina 217 00:08:03,117 --> 00:08:04,383 or Couples Coma. 218 00:08:04,433 --> 00:08:06,033 I wish I would've worn sneakers. 219 00:08:06,238 --> 00:08:09,041 I just got finished running from some fat, hairy guy 220 00:08:09,091 --> 00:08:11,335 who was periscoping out of his pleather pants. 221 00:08:11,504 --> 00:08:13,831 Permission to come aboard denied. 222 00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:15,827 I miss my jammies. 223 00:08:16,052 --> 00:08:18,204 I can't believe I wore a bra for this. 224 00:08:18,254 --> 00:08:21,187 Bras suck. They're so confining and unnatural. 225 00:08:21,254 --> 00:08:22,855 Yeah, they're like a boobie zoo. 226 00:08:23,856 --> 00:08:25,114 Well, why don't you take it off then 227 00:08:25,164 --> 00:08:26,041 and let those puppies breathe? 228 00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:28,124 Oh, please go sweat on someone else. 229 00:08:29,284 --> 00:08:30,099 Poor guy. 230 00:08:30,818 --> 00:08:32,384 Poor guy? Poor my boobs. 231 00:08:32,451 --> 00:08:34,384 Well, it takes a lot of guts to approach 232 00:08:34,451 --> 00:08:35,917 a girl and you just crushed him. 233 00:08:36,284 --> 00:08:39,151 Oh, yeah, yeah. He looks all broken up inside. 234 00:08:39,985 --> 00:08:42,915 Whatever, you guys have no idea what it's like to be on the receiving end. 235 00:08:42,965 --> 00:08:45,065 "Oh, poor me. 236 00:08:45,115 --> 00:08:46,511 I'm a pretty girl and 237 00:08:46,561 --> 00:08:48,327 everybody everywhere wants to buy me 238 00:08:48,351 --> 00:08:49,651 drinks and have sex with me." 239 00:08:49,818 --> 00:08:51,117 Waa. 240 00:08:51,184 --> 00:08:53,885 "Oh, poor me. I get to order yummy, pink drinks 241 00:08:53,952 --> 00:08:55,952 "with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like, 242 00:08:56,018 --> 00:08:57,585 but can't order because they'll be made fun of." 243 00:08:57,651 --> 00:08:59,752 Dude. They're delicious! 244 00:09:00,117 --> 00:09:02,618 Excuse me. Join me in a shot? 245 00:09:02,685 --> 00:09:04,418 Oh, no thanks. I've had enough. 246 00:09:08,651 --> 00:09:09,440 He's too in shape, 247 00:09:09,490 --> 00:09:12,502 we'd spend all night talking about his body fat content. 248 00:09:13,218 --> 00:09:15,851 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have 249 00:09:16,217 --> 00:09:18,184 a yummy, pink drink with fruit in it... 250 00:09:18,251 --> 00:09:19,484 because I can. 251 00:09:21,642 --> 00:09:23,651 You know, that was, like, the third hot guy 252 00:09:23,718 --> 00:09:25,084 that James blew off tonight. 253 00:09:25,251 --> 00:09:27,052 Yeah, he's turning down shots, 254 00:09:27,117 --> 00:09:29,201 he's yawning, he's whining about his feet. 255 00:09:29,518 --> 00:09:30,784 He's as bad as we are. 256 00:09:31,151 --> 00:09:32,184 He is. 257 00:09:32,251 --> 00:09:33,785 Wait, he's exactly as bad as we are. 258 00:09:33,851 --> 00:09:35,533 You guys don't think that James is... 259 00:09:36,169 --> 00:09:37,297 in a relationship? 260 00:09:37,318 --> 00:09:39,884 No. There's no way. He's Barney's brother. 261 00:09:40,151 --> 00:09:41,218 Look at that. 262 00:09:42,734 --> 00:09:44,645 He's texting! 263 00:09:45,476 --> 00:09:46,622 Oh, my God! 264 00:09:47,117 --> 00:09:48,451 He is in a couple. 265 00:09:48,518 --> 00:09:50,384 This is gonna kill Barney. 266 00:09:50,451 --> 00:09:51,651 What's gonna kill me? 267 00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:53,768 What's going on? 268 00:09:54,384 --> 00:09:55,668 B-Barney? 269 00:09:56,868 --> 00:09:58,283 Have you noticed anything... 270 00:09:58,284 --> 00:10:00,184 different about James? 271 00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:01,435 No. 272 00:10:01,439 --> 00:10:04,354 I mean, he's glowing from his peel, if that's what you mean. 273 00:10:06,245 --> 00:10:08,412 We have reason to believe that James is, 274 00:10:08,518 --> 00:10:10,351 uh, maybe hiding something from you. 275 00:10:10,418 --> 00:10:12,484 I-I know you're not gonna like hearing this, but... 276 00:10:12,551 --> 00:10:13,518 Barney... 277 00:10:14,384 --> 00:10:16,284 your brother is... 278 00:10:17,151 --> 00:10:18,818 monogamous. 279 00:10:20,273 --> 00:10:22,157 That's ridiculous! 280 00:10:22,501 --> 00:10:24,467 Just because he's a little sleepy, 281 00:10:24,818 --> 00:10:25,851 and he hasn't had sex 282 00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:28,118 with anyone in a bathroom stall... 283 00:10:28,685 --> 00:10:29,684 Huh. 284 00:10:29,951 --> 00:10:33,318 He hasn't had sex with anyone in a bathroom stall. 285 00:10:33,384 --> 00:10:35,351 And, Barney... 286 00:10:35,953 --> 00:10:36,891 I hate to be the one 287 00:10:36,941 --> 00:10:40,776 to tell you this, but... he's texting. 288 00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:41,986 No, he... 289 00:10:42,036 --> 00:10:42,874 No! 290 00:10:45,108 --> 00:10:46,008 That... 291 00:10:46,175 --> 00:10:47,908 is impossible. 292 00:10:51,155 --> 00:10:54,534 Excuse... Ex... 293 00:10:55,512 --> 00:10:56,411 Hey, bro. 294 00:10:56,412 --> 00:10:57,919 Don't change the subject. 295 00:10:58,039 --> 00:10:59,322 Let me see your phone. 296 00:10:59,479 --> 00:11:00,007 Why? 297 00:11:00,008 --> 00:11:01,098 I just want to see your phone. 298 00:11:01,148 --> 00:11:01,867 Let me see your phone. 299 00:11:01,917 --> 00:11:03,810 No, it's just a phone. It's just a phone! 300 00:11:03,860 --> 00:11:06,612 And it's got Internet access, and it's got a camera on it, 301 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:07,921 and you can surf the Web and do the whole thing. 302 00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:10,149 It's so amazing how far technology has come. 303 00:11:10,312 --> 00:11:11,679 What kind of phone do you have? 304 00:11:11,746 --> 00:11:13,345 I got... 305 00:11:17,812 --> 00:11:18,679 Who is this? 306 00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,713 And the answer better be: "I don't remember his name." 307 00:11:23,822 --> 00:11:25,451 That is Tom. 308 00:11:26,746 --> 00:11:28,377 He is my fiancee. 309 00:11:38,780 --> 00:11:40,162 I don't support this. 310 00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:41,624 Gay marriage? 311 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:44,113 Not gay marriage— marriage! 312 00:11:45,180 --> 00:11:46,814 How can you do this? 313 00:11:46,881 --> 00:11:49,658 We were raised in the same house, with the same values! 314 00:11:50,216 --> 00:11:50,903 Believe me, 315 00:11:50,953 --> 00:11:52,946 I fought this for a long time. 316 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,747 Come on, it's embarrassing. 317 00:11:55,797 --> 00:11:56,538 Look, 318 00:11:56,823 --> 00:11:58,760 this felt unnatural to me, too, at first. 319 00:11:58,810 --> 00:12:00,727 But I fell in love. 320 00:12:01,378 --> 00:12:03,806 And Tom and I realized you can't fight love. 321 00:12:03,847 --> 00:12:05,080 Oh, God. 322 00:12:05,146 --> 00:12:06,580 Is that what you two do together? 323 00:12:06,647 --> 00:12:08,881 You sit around the house and talk about love? 324 00:12:08,947 --> 00:12:10,681 I think... I'm gonna be sick. 325 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,814 Okay, okay, look, 326 00:12:12,881 --> 00:12:14,881 I need you to wrap your head around this, okay? 327 00:12:14,947 --> 00:12:16,280 Because it is happening. 328 00:12:17,380 --> 00:12:19,314 And I want you to be my best man. 329 00:12:19,580 --> 00:12:20,481 What? 330 00:12:20,946 --> 00:12:22,013 No way. 331 00:12:27,167 --> 00:12:29,078 Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. 332 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,680 I hope you change your mind. 333 00:12:41,146 --> 00:12:42,146 Two beers, one shot. 334 00:12:42,213 --> 00:12:44,614 Oh, it's a freaking epidemic. 335 00:12:48,814 --> 00:12:51,435 Oh, sweetie! Did you make that for me? 336 00:12:53,541 --> 00:12:54,541 Yes. 337 00:12:56,855 --> 00:12:57,518 Clam Bake. 338 00:12:57,547 --> 00:12:59,213 Staten Island. Who's in? 339 00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,553 Okay, I didn't have high hopes for that one. 340 00:13:03,344 --> 00:13:04,796 Okay, here's my thing. 341 00:13:04,847 --> 00:13:06,347 If gay guys start getting married, 342 00:13:06,714 --> 00:13:08,547 then suddenly the whole world's gonna be doing it. 343 00:13:08,614 --> 00:13:09,735 That's how it works. 344 00:13:09,735 --> 00:13:11,201 They start something, then six months later, 345 00:13:11,447 --> 00:13:12,680 everyone follows. 346 00:13:13,233 --> 00:13:15,599 Like now everyone gets manicures. 347 00:13:15,738 --> 00:13:16,959 I don't get manicures. 348 00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:18,814 Okay, then like how... 349 00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:20,380 Like getting your chest waxed. 350 00:13:20,447 --> 00:13:21,780 You get your chest waxed? 351 00:13:21,847 --> 00:13:23,213 You know what I mean! 352 00:13:24,180 --> 00:13:25,947 Gay marriage is going to cause 353 00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:28,347 single life, as we know it, to die out. 354 00:13:28,902 --> 00:13:31,831 Think of how the American family will be strengthened. 355 00:13:32,046 --> 00:13:33,634 Barney, I'm sorry you're upset, 356 00:13:33,684 --> 00:13:35,450 but you got to suck it up and be a man about this. 357 00:13:35,714 --> 00:13:36,681 No. 358 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:39,169 It's always been me and him together, 359 00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:42,853 being awesome, while the rest of you walked two-by-two 360 00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:44,981 onto your ark of sexless boredom. 361 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,504 Just because James is getting married 362 00:13:47,547 --> 00:13:49,046 doesn't mean things are going to change. 363 00:13:49,513 --> 00:13:50,181 Yeah. 364 00:13:50,182 --> 00:13:52,015 Like things haven't changed with you people. 365 00:13:53,881 --> 00:13:55,814 Look, my sister married a guy I didn't like. 366 00:13:55,881 --> 00:13:58,347 Sandals and socks— come on, buddy. 367 00:13:58,413 --> 00:14:00,664 But I took her out, we celebrated. 368 00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:01,996 It was the right thing to do. 369 00:14:02,013 --> 00:14:03,247 You got to support him. 370 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,164 You're right, Ted. 371 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,880 This is a cause for celebration. 372 00:14:10,347 --> 00:14:13,661 We need to take him out and celebrate the commitment 373 00:14:13,711 --> 00:14:15,745 he and Tom are about to make. 374 00:14:18,514 --> 00:14:19,547 Yeah. 375 00:14:19,614 --> 00:14:21,447 This is where we're celebrating the commitment 376 00:14:21,514 --> 00:14:23,080 that Tom and I are about to make? 377 00:14:23,146 --> 00:14:24,380 What? Yeah! 378 00:14:24,747 --> 00:14:27,413 See, that cage represents your commitment. 379 00:14:33,213 --> 00:14:34,227 Oh, my God. 380 00:14:34,277 --> 00:14:36,850 Freedom has never tasted so delicious. 381 00:14:37,136 --> 00:14:38,112 Hey. 382 00:14:38,374 --> 00:14:39,395 You work out? 383 00:14:40,010 --> 00:14:41,280 I do. 384 00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:42,946 And thank you for noticing. 385 00:14:42,947 --> 00:14:43,947 You're obviously 386 00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:45,313 in very good shape yourself. 387 00:14:45,380 --> 00:14:46,531 Well, I try. 388 00:14:47,046 --> 00:14:48,146 So you want to dance? 389 00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:51,333 You know what? I'm very flattered, and objectively, 390 00:14:51,383 --> 00:14:54,279 you're a very attractive man, but this is actually my? 391 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:55,647 I'm sorry. 392 00:14:55,714 --> 00:14:57,313 You know, I saw your drink and I... 393 00:14:57,380 --> 00:14:58,847 No, no, this isn't my drink. 394 00:14:58,914 --> 00:15:00,247 This is hers. 395 00:15:00,313 --> 00:15:02,380 No, it isn't. 396 00:15:02,447 --> 00:15:03,580 Whatever. 397 00:15:03,647 --> 00:15:04,680 How 'bout you? 398 00:15:04,747 --> 00:15:06,780 Oh, I'm straight, too. 399 00:15:06,847 --> 00:15:08,680 But I thank you for your time, 400 00:15:08,747 --> 00:15:11,380 and I appreciate your interest in my body. 401 00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:14,514 You see that? 402 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,881 Being hit on doesn't have to be terrible. 403 00:15:16,897 --> 00:15:19,864 I feel flattered, and everyone left with their dignity. 404 00:15:22,313 --> 00:15:24,180 Hey, I really like your sweater. 405 00:15:24,247 --> 00:15:24,947 Wow. 406 00:15:25,113 --> 00:15:26,747 You actually do, don't you? 407 00:15:26,814 --> 00:15:27,780 You're not checking out 408 00:15:27,847 --> 00:15:29,347 my boobs or anything. 409 00:15:29,413 --> 00:15:31,413 My name's Gay Ken, what do you think? 410 00:15:31,907 --> 00:15:33,280 I love this place! 411 00:15:33,395 --> 00:15:35,072 Let's dance! And not be groped! 412 00:15:35,113 --> 00:15:37,146 Whoo! Thank you. 413 00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:40,580 Damn. 414 00:15:40,647 --> 00:15:41,963 Thank you! 415 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,113 We're hot totally. 416 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,094 And then Tom says to the dealer 417 00:15:48,144 --> 00:15:52,059 that the handmade Georgian clock has a chip on the corner. 418 00:15:52,109 --> 00:15:54,096 Blam, we get that puppy half price. 419 00:15:54,146 --> 00:15:55,213 What up? 420 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:56,413 Bam! 421 00:15:57,606 --> 00:16:01,207 Sounds like you really rocked that arts and crafts fair. 422 00:16:01,257 --> 00:16:02,513 Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. 423 00:16:02,514 --> 00:16:03,919 Hey, oh, my God. 424 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:07,441 Thisis so liberating, being able to talk about this to you. 425 00:16:07,727 --> 00:16:09,252 I cannot wait for you to meet Tom. 426 00:16:09,332 --> 00:16:11,776 And I cannot wait for you to meet my good friend... 427 00:16:11,931 --> 00:16:12,938 this guy. 428 00:16:13,714 --> 00:16:15,914 Excuse me, do you know anyone who would like to buy 429 00:16:15,981 --> 00:16:18,714 my incredibly muscular, fun, large-handed brother a drink? 430 00:16:18,780 --> 00:16:21,413 Eh, eh, eh, let's focus on you, Barnaby. 431 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,346 Okay. 432 00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:24,687 All right. 433 00:16:24,688 --> 00:16:27,772 I spy a group of women who have let their defenses down 434 00:16:27,797 --> 00:16:29,130 because they are in a gay club. 435 00:16:29,747 --> 00:16:30,947 You see that chick right there? 436 00:16:31,514 --> 00:16:33,046 She looks like she'd fall for 437 00:16:33,113 --> 00:16:34,364 sports agent and football player. 438 00:16:34,780 --> 00:16:35,947 Okay, I'm in. 439 00:16:36,013 --> 00:16:36,947 Which one am I? 440 00:16:38,013 --> 00:16:39,013 Please. 441 00:16:41,113 --> 00:16:42,180 He's very shy, 442 00:16:42,197 --> 00:16:43,430 loves tennis and Brazil, 443 00:16:43,447 --> 00:16:44,781 and drops his pants after three dirty martinis. 444 00:16:44,947 --> 00:16:45,947 Now go, man, go! 445 00:16:51,714 --> 00:16:54,880 I just never thought I'd see Barney so vulnerable. 446 00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:56,547 Well, I guess no one wants to feel like 447 00:16:56,564 --> 00:16:57,464 they're going through the world alone. 448 00:16:57,780 --> 00:17:00,213 Look at me, in a yummy sandwich! 449 00:17:00,380 --> 00:17:02,380 Okay, we're actually right in the middle 450 00:17:02,447 --> 00:17:03,580 of something right now, so... 451 00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:06,263 Ooh, I know what I want to be in the middle of. Thoughts? 452 00:17:06,703 --> 00:17:08,012 God, can't two straight guys 453 00:17:08,013 --> 00:17:09,814 come to a gay dance club, enjoy some techno 454 00:17:09,831 --> 00:17:11,580 and good conversation without being bothered? 455 00:17:15,584 --> 00:17:16,780 How's it going, guys? 456 00:17:16,797 --> 00:17:18,435 Still enjoying the attentions of men? 457 00:17:18,485 --> 00:17:21,312 That's like the eighth guy who's hit on us in ten minutes. 458 00:17:21,362 --> 00:17:23,362 It's like, hello, my eyes are up here. 459 00:17:23,820 --> 00:17:25,090 And it's never the hot ones. 460 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:27,229 It's always the losers. Bums me out! 461 00:17:28,070 --> 00:17:30,030 Looks like the boys learned their lesson. 462 00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:31,586 Do you totally miss being hit on? 463 00:17:31,586 --> 00:17:33,357 Oh, totally. Let's go find a sports bar. 464 00:17:35,319 --> 00:17:37,919 James, James, since you like arts and crafts, 465 00:17:37,986 --> 00:17:39,486 look at what Charles here made 466 00:17:39,553 --> 00:17:40,887 with cherry stems. 467 00:17:41,887 --> 00:17:43,147 He did it with his tongue. 468 00:17:43,452 --> 00:17:44,377 Yeah. 469 00:17:44,452 --> 00:17:45,219 Barney. 470 00:17:45,285 --> 00:17:46,468 So, Charles, 471 00:17:46,518 --> 00:17:48,497 why don't you put your number in my brother's phone, 472 00:17:48,547 --> 00:17:49,760 and once he's in a funner mood... 473 00:17:49,810 --> 00:17:51,277 Barney, Barney, I don't want his number. 474 00:17:51,343 --> 00:17:54,010 I don't want anyone's number, okay? 475 00:17:54,639 --> 00:17:55,740 I'm getting married. 476 00:17:56,338 --> 00:17:57,338 Wow. 477 00:17:57,807 --> 00:17:58,731 Best of luck to you both. 478 00:17:58,781 --> 00:17:59,532 Thank you. 479 00:17:59,748 --> 00:18:01,014 My number's in here. 480 00:18:01,698 --> 00:18:03,038 I'm very discreet. 481 00:18:04,615 --> 00:18:05,998 Okay, okay, excuse me. 482 00:18:06,415 --> 00:18:07,714 Barney, family talk. 483 00:18:08,181 --> 00:18:10,116 Okay, dude, you have got to stop this, okay? 484 00:18:10,126 --> 00:18:13,081 I know that my getting married is threatening to your way of life... 485 00:18:13,081 --> 00:18:14,398 Oh, so now it's my way of life? 486 00:18:14,515 --> 00:18:16,664 I thought it was our way of life. 487 00:18:17,081 --> 00:18:18,815 You've completely turned your back on it. 488 00:18:18,882 --> 00:18:20,715 Look at you, not even suited up. 489 00:18:20,781 --> 00:18:22,781 Do you remember why we suit up, James? 490 00:18:22,848 --> 00:18:24,031 To get laid. 491 00:18:24,314 --> 00:18:26,320 To show people that we are different 492 00:18:26,370 --> 00:18:29,627 from the millions of T-shirt and jeans lemmings out there. 493 00:18:29,892 --> 00:18:30,655 The suit shows 494 00:18:30,655 --> 00:18:32,221 that we are a force to be reckoned with, 495 00:18:32,548 --> 00:18:34,943 a two-person army that plays by its own rules. 496 00:18:34,970 --> 00:18:36,342 But you've taken off the uniform, 497 00:18:36,392 --> 00:18:38,556 you've crossed enemy lines, and you've abandoned me. 498 00:18:38,681 --> 00:18:39,956 Well, I'm not gonna let you do that. 499 00:18:40,056 --> 00:18:43,436 It's not too late to back out of this stupid marriage thing! 500 00:18:43,848 --> 00:18:45,381 You don't have to do this, bro! 501 00:18:45,448 --> 00:18:46,632 - Yes, I do. - Why? 502 00:18:46,797 --> 00:18:48,853 Because Tom and I are gonna have a baby. 503 00:18:49,484 --> 00:18:51,220 What? There's gonna be a baby? 504 00:18:53,096 --> 00:18:54,103 Yes. 505 00:18:54,481 --> 00:18:55,479 We're adopting. 506 00:18:55,831 --> 00:18:57,081 Oh, my God. 507 00:18:57,648 --> 00:18:59,047 I'm gonna be an uncle? 508 00:18:59,746 --> 00:19:01,337 For the rest of your life. 509 00:19:04,715 --> 00:19:07,099 And that's how Barney became Uncle Barney. 510 00:19:07,505 --> 00:19:09,030 A year later, at James's wedding, 511 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:10,814 Barney could not have been more proud. 512 00:19:11,232 --> 00:19:12,464 To James and Tom. 513 00:19:12,869 --> 00:19:15,191 May you have a long and happy life together. 514 00:19:15,598 --> 00:19:18,681 And may I always have the skin and libido of a much younger man. 515 00:19:18,748 --> 00:19:20,314 - Cheers. - Cheers. 516 00:19:21,281 --> 00:19:22,398 Nice one. 517 00:19:22,915 --> 00:19:25,544 Thanks. I decided to leave out the hetero college phase. 518 00:19:25,594 --> 00:19:27,046 No one wants to hear about that. 519 00:19:27,047 --> 00:19:28,548 It was perfect. 520 00:19:28,615 --> 00:19:30,547 You even made Tom's dad cry. 521 00:19:31,114 --> 00:19:33,548 Might have been doing that because he's a Republican. 522 00:19:35,314 --> 00:19:36,198 Whoa. 523 00:19:36,615 --> 00:19:37,581 It's 9:00. 524 00:19:38,031 --> 00:19:38,993 We should be getting back. 525 00:19:39,043 --> 00:19:40,475 You guys want to split a cab? 526 00:19:40,525 --> 00:19:42,081 Uh, no, I think I'm gonna stay a little bit longer. 527 00:19:42,198 --> 00:19:44,031 Yeah, me, too. I'm not tired at all. 528 00:19:44,248 --> 00:19:45,448 All right, well, it's getting late. 529 00:19:45,515 --> 00:19:46,681 Got to get the wife home. 530 00:19:46,748 --> 00:19:47,781 Oh, stop calling me that. 531 00:19:47,848 --> 00:19:48,982 It makes me sound fat. 532 00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:53,047 Ugh, it's a freaking epidemic. 533 00:19:53,114 --> 00:19:54,331 See ya. 534 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:08,748 May I? Yeah. 535 00:20:14,848 --> 00:20:15,848 Hey, buddy. 536 00:20:17,081 --> 00:20:18,615 Your parents are married. 537 00:20:19,621 --> 00:20:20,699 Now, listen, 538 00:20:20,982 --> 00:20:23,481 Just because you're being raised by married people 539 00:20:23,498 --> 00:20:25,780 doesn't mean you have to choose that lifestyle. 540 00:20:25,848 --> 00:20:26,947 High-five. 541 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:29,793 Luckily, you got me. 542 00:20:30,348 --> 00:20:33,481 In 20 and a half years, you'll be 21, 543 00:20:33,548 --> 00:20:35,564 and I will be... 544 00:20:36,081 --> 00:20:38,115 Well, I haven't decided how old I'll be yet. 545 00:20:38,608 --> 00:20:39,481 But we are gonna 546 00:20:39,548 --> 00:20:42,305 bro out, uncle and nephew style. 547 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,184 Stick with me, kid. 548 00:20:44,446 --> 00:20:47,412 I am gonna teach you how to live. 549 00:20:48,181 --> 00:20:50,047 Great suit, by the way. 550 00:20:54,047 --> 00:20:55,448 Who is the cutest? 551 00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:56,748 See Robin? 552 00:21:06,179 --> 00:21:08,713 Tom likes big breast, and I intended great it 553 00:21:09,789 --> 00:21:11,713 and now it's laid and out 554 00:21:12,958 --> 00:21:14,348 Why? 555 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:18,340 Rosa, why always be attracted to the unavailable ones? 556 00:21:18,340 --> 00:21:20,467 Why not accept the fact that you're a beautiful woman 557 00:21:20,567 --> 00:21:22,257 who is worthy of love? 558 00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:24,382 Are you brave enough to hear that? 559 00:21:25,246 --> 00:21:26,694 You... Hmm.