1 00:00:02,017 --> 00:00:06,132 Fsx you spend with your family. 2 00:00:05,786 --> 00:00:08,286 So in December of 2006, I had three options. 3 00:00:08,286 --> 00:00:10,996 Spend it with my mom and her new boyfriend Clint, 4 00:00:10,996 --> 00:00:14,896 spend it with my dad and his new girlfriend micro-brewing, 5 00:00:14,963 --> 00:00:16,896 or head down to Staten Island to spend it 6 00:00:16,963 --> 00:00:19,996 with my super religious cousin Stacy in her family 7 00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,896 So I opted for none of the above 8 00:00:21,963 --> 00:00:24,696 and decided to spend Christmas 2006 9 00:00:24,762 --> 00:00:25,879 in Manhattan... 10 00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:29,196 celebrating with my other family. 11 00:00:31,263 --> 00:00:35,163 Okay, I have one last paper due at 5:00 p.m. Today, 12 00:00:35,230 --> 00:00:37,230 so until then, I will be at the law library at school, 13 00:00:37,296 --> 00:00:39,029 but I'm not to be disturbed for any reason. 14 00:00:39,096 --> 00:00:40,230 Dude, open your eyes. 15 00:00:40,296 --> 00:00:41,395 You're going to hurt yourself. 16 00:00:41,462 --> 00:00:42,696 No, no. 17 00:00:42,762 --> 00:00:44,163 Christmas Eve winter wonderland is my reward 18 00:00:44,230 --> 00:00:45,696 for finishing my paper. 19 00:00:45,762 --> 00:00:47,163 Oh. 20 00:00:47,230 --> 00:00:49,096 Baby, do I smell your Sinfully Cinnamon Cookies? 21 00:00:49,163 --> 00:00:50,562 Yes. 22 00:00:50,629 --> 00:00:52,596 Damn me and my heightened other senses. 23 00:00:52,662 --> 00:00:54,362 Must be strong. 24 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,395 Okay, I'll be back here at 5:00. 25 00:00:56,462 --> 00:00:58,296 Save me at least 20 cookies 26 00:00:58,362 --> 00:00:59,696 and do not clean the bowl. 27 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:03,996 Was that a reindeer? 28 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:05,163 I don't want to know! 29 00:01:10,245 --> 00:01:11,196 Hey, look. 30 00:01:11,263 --> 00:01:13,263 Our old answering machine. Oh, yeah. 31 00:01:13,330 --> 00:01:14,896 After you left, we, uh, we unplugged it 32 00:01:14,963 --> 00:01:16,296 because it reminded Marshall 33 00:01:16,395 --> 00:01:17,996 of how you used to, you know, leave messages. 34 00:01:18,063 --> 00:01:19,562 But hey, 35 00:01:19,629 --> 00:01:20,796 you guys are back together. 36 00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:23,980 I say we're plugging it back in. 37 00:01:25,495 --> 00:01:26,829 It's good to have you back. 38 00:01:26,896 --> 00:01:28,263 Thanks. 39 00:01:28,330 --> 00:01:31,163 Oh, hey, look, there's still some messages on here. 40 00:01:31,230 --> 00:01:33,429 MR. Hey Ted, it's Dad calling to check in. 41 00:01:33,495 --> 00:01:35,796 I'm going fishing this weekend with my friend Clint, 42 00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,495 so if I don't hear from you beforehand, 43 00:01:37,562 --> 00:01:39,562 I'll talk to you next week. 44 00:01:39,629 --> 00:01:40,929 Yes, same Clint. 45 00:01:42,063 --> 00:01:43,429 Hey, Marshall. 46 00:01:43,495 --> 00:01:44,896 Are you lying on the couch right now moping about Lily? 47 00:01:44,963 --> 00:01:46,929 You are, aren't you? Oh... 48 00:01:46,996 --> 00:01:47,929 Well, stop it. 49 00:01:47,996 --> 00:01:49,163 She's not worth it. 50 00:01:49,230 --> 00:01:52,129 You gotta get over that Grinch. 51 00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:53,729 But I didn't say "Grinch." 52 00:01:53,796 --> 00:01:55,395 I said a bad word. 53 00:01:55,462 --> 00:01:57,896 A very, very bad word. 54 00:01:58,996 --> 00:02:01,963 Oh, fudge. 55 00:02:02,029 --> 00:02:04,362 But I didn't say fudge. 56 00:02:19,231 --> 00:02:21,265 a what? 57 00:02:21,331 --> 00:02:22,331 I— 58 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:24,985 That was Barney, that was Barney. 59 00:02:24,986 --> 00:02:27,035 That was you, Ted. That was Marshall. 60 00:02:27,036 --> 00:02:28,569 Marshall left a message for Marshall? 61 00:02:28,636 --> 00:02:33,336 You know, it may have been me, but it was so long ago. 62 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:35,903 Man, that machine, it really garbles your voice. 63 00:02:35,969 --> 00:02:37,969 You know, it almost made it sound like I said... 64 00:02:38,036 --> 00:02:39,836 Why would you call me that? 65 00:02:39,903 --> 00:02:41,836 It was a fair question. 66 00:02:41,903 --> 00:02:43,537 Marshall's breakup with Lily had sent him 67 00:02:43,602 --> 00:02:45,103 into a deep depression 68 00:02:45,170 --> 00:02:46,903 and nothing could get him out of it. 69 00:02:46,969 --> 00:02:47,969 Until one day... 70 00:02:48,036 --> 00:02:49,903 She was perfect. 71 00:02:51,203 --> 00:02:52,636 I lost the perfect woman. 72 00:02:52,802 --> 00:02:55,803 I should have knocked her up when I had the chance. 73 00:02:55,869 --> 00:02:56,803 Okay. 74 00:02:56,869 --> 00:02:58,537 That's it. 75 00:02:58,602 --> 00:03:00,170 You're never going to get over her 76 00:03:00,236 --> 00:03:01,803 until you stop putting her on a pedestal. 77 00:03:01,869 --> 00:03:03,669 So no more ice cream until you tell me 78 00:03:03,736 --> 00:03:05,036 one thing that's wrong with Lily. 79 00:03:06,702 --> 00:03:07,969 There's only one of her? 80 00:03:08,036 --> 00:03:09,537 Okay. 81 00:03:09,602 --> 00:03:12,070 She called off your wedding and dumped you 82 00:03:12,136 --> 00:03:13,769 to be a painter in San Francisco. 83 00:03:13,836 --> 00:03:14,836 What do you call that? 84 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:17,836 Fiercely independent? Uh-uh. 85 00:03:17,903 --> 00:03:19,736 Brave? 86 00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:24,003 I guess it was a little selfish. 87 00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:25,437 There you go. 88 00:03:26,503 --> 00:03:27,769 And in almost no time, 89 00:03:27,836 --> 00:03:30,503 that spark turned into a roaring fire. 90 00:03:30,569 --> 00:03:33,036 Yeah. No, you're right. Lily would laugh at anything. 91 00:03:33,103 --> 00:03:34,669 She'd give it up for a bad pun. 92 00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:36,503 I'm telling you, she's a laugh slut. 93 00:03:36,569 --> 00:03:38,470 Remember that time we heard her laughing 94 00:03:38,537 --> 00:03:40,336 and we thought she was watching Weekend At Bernie's, 95 00:03:40,403 --> 00:03:42,869 but it turned out she was watching Weekend At Bernie's 2? 96 00:03:43,736 --> 00:03:45,103 And her art? 97 00:03:45,170 --> 00:03:47,036 "I'm Lily, I'm an artist." 98 00:03:47,103 --> 00:03:48,936 She doesn't even own a beret. 99 00:03:49,003 --> 00:03:51,336 Yeah, and if she's such a great "artist," 100 00:03:51,403 --> 00:03:53,370 why does she suck at Pictionary? 101 00:03:53,437 --> 00:03:55,602 Who draws a ninja star like a Star of David? 102 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,736 Come on, come on. Right, right? Yeah! 103 00:03:57,803 --> 00:03:58,736 Another round! 104 00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:00,036 Yeah! 105 00:04:00,103 --> 00:04:01,136 I was trying to help him. 106 00:04:01,203 --> 00:04:02,270 I'm his best friend. 107 00:04:02,336 --> 00:04:04,470 That's the best friend's job. 108 00:04:04,537 --> 00:04:07,203 The best friend's job is to call me that word? 109 00:04:07,270 --> 00:04:09,403 Yeah. 110 00:04:10,602 --> 00:04:11,736 Oh, Ted. 111 00:04:11,803 --> 00:04:13,303 Oh, Teddy boy. 112 00:04:13,370 --> 00:04:14,636 Why is this such a big deal? 113 00:04:14,702 --> 00:04:15,836 It's just a word. 114 00:04:15,903 --> 00:04:17,503 We use lots of words, every day. 115 00:04:17,569 --> 00:04:19,969 It shouldn't be any different than any other word. 116 00:04:20,036 --> 00:04:21,336 Then why don't you say it now? 117 00:04:21,403 --> 00:04:22,969 Grinch. 118 00:04:25,303 --> 00:04:27,070 You timed that didn't you? 119 00:04:27,136 --> 00:04:28,303 Perfectly. 120 00:04:28,370 --> 00:04:30,537 Well, at least you apologized. 121 00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:32,969 You apologized, didn't you? 122 00:04:33,036 --> 00:04:34,503 Oh, yeah. 123 00:04:34,569 --> 00:04:37,103 "I'm sorry" were the first words out of my mouth. 124 00:04:37,170 --> 00:04:39,170 I'm sorry, but I am not apologizing. 125 00:04:39,236 --> 00:04:41,602 I was just trying to put the guy back together. 126 00:04:41,669 --> 00:04:43,336 You smashed him to pieces. 127 00:04:43,403 --> 00:04:45,836 Are you seriously not going to apologize for leaving that...? 128 00:04:45,903 --> 00:04:46,903 No! Why not? 129 00:04:46,969 --> 00:04:48,003 Because, Lily, this summer, 130 00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,236 you were kind of a Grinch. 131 00:04:49,303 --> 00:04:50,537 Oooh. 132 00:04:51,669 --> 00:04:54,537 Oh, you'll be sorry, Ted Mosby. 133 00:04:55,736 --> 00:04:57,803 Ted Vivian Mosby! 134 00:04:57,869 --> 00:04:59,070 That's not my middle name. 135 00:04:59,136 --> 00:05:00,869 You kiss your mother with that mouth? 136 00:05:00,936 --> 00:05:02,537 Like you've never said that word. 137 00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:04,602 I don't kiss your mother with my mouth. 138 00:05:04,669 --> 00:05:05,602 Yet. 139 00:05:07,702 --> 00:05:08,769 Are you sick? 140 00:05:08,836 --> 00:05:10,303 Is it sick to find maturity 141 00:05:10,370 --> 00:05:11,370 and experience sexy? 142 00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:12,370 No, I meant 143 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:13,602 do you have a cold? 144 00:05:13,669 --> 00:05:14,803 I'm fine. 145 00:05:19,702 --> 00:05:20,969 I'm fine. 146 00:05:21,036 --> 00:05:22,503 My nose is just overflowing with awesome 147 00:05:22,569 --> 00:05:24,370 and I had to get some of it out. 148 00:05:25,237 --> 00:05:28,236 Now, if you'll excuse me, the holidays are a time when people 149 00:05:28,303 --> 00:05:29,736 are lonely and desperate. 150 00:05:29,803 --> 00:05:32,870 It's the most wonderful time of the year. 151 00:05:35,070 --> 00:05:36,236 I should go apologize. 152 00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:37,702 It's Christmas Eve. 153 00:05:37,769 --> 00:05:41,569 Yeah. I mean, slamming doors and screaming curses? 154 00:05:41,636 --> 00:05:45,114 If I wanted that, I would have gone home for the holidays. 155 00:05:48,070 --> 00:05:49,669 I don't see any mistletoe, but... 156 00:05:52,070 --> 00:05:54,636 Oh! Oh, God! 157 00:05:55,702 --> 00:05:57,537 Uh... "Bless you" would have been nice. 158 00:06:00,003 --> 00:06:01,003 You're sick. I'm not sick. 159 00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:02,003 You're sick. 160 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,236 You know what? I am sick. 161 00:06:03,303 --> 00:06:04,702 Sick of you telling me I'm sick. 162 00:06:04,769 --> 00:06:07,702 What up? 163 00:06:12,203 --> 00:06:15,836 Ahh... Three flights of stairs, not a drop spilled. 164 00:06:15,903 --> 00:06:16,903 Hey, buddy. 165 00:06:19,103 --> 00:06:20,270 You sure this is gonna work? 166 00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:21,437 Yeah, this is our thing. 167 00:06:21,503 --> 00:06:23,036 In college, whenever I wanted to make up 168 00:06:23,103 --> 00:06:24,903 with her, I'd buy her a beer. Cute, right? 169 00:06:24,969 --> 00:06:26,769 Totally. Plus free mug. 170 00:06:29,236 --> 00:06:31,769 Usually that would've done the trick, 171 00:06:31,836 --> 00:06:33,803 but it turned out this was a problem 172 00:06:33,869 --> 00:06:35,003 not even alcohol could solve. 173 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,769 Actually the beer helped a little. 174 00:06:50,593 --> 00:06:51,993 She took the decorations. 175 00:06:52,493 --> 00:06:53,993 She took the decorations. 176 00:06:54,593 --> 00:06:55,593 What a grinch. 177 00:06:55,593 --> 00:06:57,393 That time I did say grinch. 178 00:06:57,893 --> 00:06:58,793 All right, 179 00:06:58,993 --> 00:07:00,193 I guess I have to call her, right? 180 00:07:02,193 --> 00:07:03,493 Lily's cell phone. 181 00:07:03,893 --> 00:07:05,493 She'll listen to reason, right? 182 00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:08,793 Oh, hey Lilly, 183 00:07:08,993 --> 00:07:10,693 Actually funny thing, 184 00:07:10,693 --> 00:07:13,093 the voice dial got you, I was trying to call... 185 00:07:13,893 --> 00:07:15,893 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 186 00:07:17,093 --> 00:07:19,403 Yeah, the holidays are a rough time for everyone, Billy. 187 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,253 Okay, yeah, dinner next Wednesday. 188 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,586 Okay. 189 00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:26,986 Damn voice dial. 190 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,053 Barney! 191 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:32,486 What the hell are you doing? 192 00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:35,287 Get in here, it's freezing outside. 193 00:07:35,353 --> 00:07:36,619 Are you insane? 194 00:07:36,686 --> 00:07:38,419 Hey, blame Lily and her 195 00:07:38,486 --> 00:07:41,287 oppressive "no cigars in the apartment rule." 196 00:07:41,353 --> 00:07:43,287 God, it's like Marshall's marrying the Taliban. 197 00:07:44,452 --> 00:07:45,387 High five. 198 00:07:45,452 --> 00:07:46,619 Eww. No. 199 00:07:46,686 --> 00:07:50,287 You have to go home and get to bed. 200 00:07:50,353 --> 00:07:53,619 Oh, Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, 201 00:07:53,686 --> 00:07:56,120 let me tell you 202 00:07:56,186 --> 00:07:59,320 about a little thing I like to call mind over body. 203 00:07:59,387 --> 00:08:00,387 You see, 204 00:08:00,452 --> 00:08:02,120 whenever I start feeling sick, 205 00:08:02,186 --> 00:08:06,253 I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. 206 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,353 True story. 207 00:08:07,419 --> 00:08:10,619 Yeah, in two minutes, 208 00:08:10,686 --> 00:08:15,120 I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, 209 00:08:15,186 --> 00:08:17,253 play a couple of hours of laser tag, 210 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:21,586 maybe get a spray-on tan. 211 00:08:21,653 --> 00:08:24,120 It's gonna be legen... 212 00:08:24,186 --> 00:08:26,253 Wait for it... 213 00:08:29,519 --> 00:08:30,387 Lily! 214 00:08:30,452 --> 00:08:32,287 Merry Christmas, assface. 215 00:08:32,353 --> 00:08:33,786 Um, Lily? 216 00:08:33,853 --> 00:08:35,653 Where are the Christmas decorations? 217 00:08:35,719 --> 00:08:37,953 At my apartment. 218 00:08:38,020 --> 00:08:39,519 You want to bring them back 219 00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:41,120 so we can celebrate Christmas together— please? 220 00:08:41,186 --> 00:08:43,486 Ted, do you know what I would do 221 00:08:43,552 --> 00:08:45,619 if one of my kindergartners used that kind of language? 222 00:08:45,686 --> 00:08:47,853 I would be on the phone with their parents. 223 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:49,786 Yeah, I'm not a kindergartner. 224 00:08:49,853 --> 00:08:50,819 Exactly. 225 00:08:50,886 --> 00:08:52,120 You know what that word means. 226 00:08:52,186 --> 00:08:53,619 You know that calling people names 227 00:08:53,686 --> 00:08:56,819 is mean and hurtful... assface. 228 00:08:56,886 --> 00:08:58,020 Lily, if you don't 229 00:08:58,086 --> 00:08:59,387 bring that stuff back right now, we... 230 00:09:01,020 --> 00:09:02,287 She hung up. 231 00:09:02,353 --> 00:09:03,819 She's just mad. She'll cool down. 232 00:09:03,886 --> 00:09:04,653 Mm-hmm. 233 00:09:04,719 --> 00:09:05,953 Aha. 234 00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:07,353 Lily... 235 00:09:07,419 --> 00:09:08,753 Don't forget to take the cookies 236 00:09:08,819 --> 00:09:10,653 out of the oven... assface! 237 00:09:10,719 --> 00:09:12,419 Damn it! 238 00:09:12,486 --> 00:09:14,353 I could be in Cleveland right now 239 00:09:14,419 --> 00:09:16,586 making peppermint lager with my dad. 240 00:09:16,653 --> 00:09:17,986 Where are you going? 241 00:09:18,053 --> 00:09:19,552 Marshall gets home in three hours. 242 00:09:19,619 --> 00:09:22,819 He's gonna show up— no Lily, no winter wonderland. 243 00:09:22,886 --> 00:09:24,220 I gotta get up to the Bronx. 244 00:09:25,953 --> 00:09:27,886 dary. 245 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:33,920 Hey, dude, how's the paper going? 246 00:09:33,986 --> 00:09:35,486 Screw the paper, how's the winter wonderland? 247 00:09:35,552 --> 00:09:36,486 Is it magical? 248 00:09:36,552 --> 00:09:38,387 Oh... so magical. 249 00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:40,186 When you walk through the door, does it feel 250 00:09:40,253 --> 00:09:41,986 like you've been slapped in the face by Christmas? 251 00:09:42,053 --> 00:09:42,819 Sure does. 252 00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,220 Look, I gotta go. 253 00:09:44,287 --> 00:09:45,586 Come on, man, describe it! 254 00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:46,853 Tell me about the decorations. 255 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:47,853 Is Rudolph there? 256 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:48,853 He is, isn't he? 257 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:50,619 Hi, Rudolph! 258 00:09:50,686 --> 00:09:52,552 Ah, yeah, but, you know... 259 00:09:52,619 --> 00:09:55,053 Decorations, is that really what Christmas is about? 260 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:56,753 Hell, yeah! What else would it be about? 261 00:09:56,819 --> 00:09:58,953 Uh, try the birth of Christ. 262 00:09:59,020 --> 00:10:02,819 You know, Christmas— Christ Mas, 263 00:10:02,886 --> 00:10:05,786 which means "More Christ" to our Spanish friends. 264 00:10:05,853 --> 00:10:08,819 Yeah, well, all I know is walking in that door 265 00:10:08,886 --> 00:10:11,686 and seeing the winter wonderland and seeing Lily 266 00:10:11,753 --> 00:10:13,387 and all you guys, just... 267 00:10:13,452 --> 00:10:14,753 I can't wait. 268 00:10:14,819 --> 00:10:16,353 Right. I gotta go. 269 00:10:16,419 --> 00:10:17,719 Right. Okay. Oh, wait. 270 00:10:17,786 --> 00:10:19,320 Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted. One more thing. 271 00:10:19,387 --> 00:10:20,853 How about the cookies? Are they delicious? 272 00:10:25,986 --> 00:10:28,320 You know, honestly, they taste a little store-bought. 273 00:10:29,387 --> 00:10:30,287 Oh! I got another call. 274 00:10:30,353 --> 00:10:32,452 Well, tell Lily I love her. 275 00:10:32,519 --> 00:10:33,452 Right. 276 00:10:33,519 --> 00:10:34,552 Hello? 277 00:10:34,619 --> 00:10:36,552 Ted Evelyn Mosby! 278 00:10:36,619 --> 00:10:37,920 Oh. Uh, hey, Mom. 279 00:10:37,986 --> 00:10:39,320 Merry Christmas. 280 00:10:39,387 --> 00:10:42,320 I just got the most disturbing call from Lily. 281 00:10:42,387 --> 00:10:45,719 How could you use such a horrible word? 282 00:10:45,786 --> 00:10:47,619 Oh, God, she called you? 283 00:10:47,686 --> 00:10:49,653 Are you acting out because of the divorce? 284 00:10:49,719 --> 00:10:51,253 Is-is this all about Clint? 285 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:52,953 No, Mom, why would it be about Clint? 286 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:55,353 Hey, buddy, it's Clint. 287 00:10:55,419 --> 00:10:56,920 How you doing, champ? 288 00:10:56,986 --> 00:10:58,719 Hey, Clint. Listen, um, 289 00:10:58,786 --> 00:11:00,586 Hey, hey, no, I don't really have time to... 290 00:11:00,653 --> 00:11:01,586 no, no. Ted, Ted. 291 00:11:01,653 --> 00:11:02,886 You don't know this yet, 292 00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:05,253 but you and I are going to be great friends. 293 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:06,486 Now, 294 00:11:06,552 --> 00:11:08,053 the Native Americans have this ritual... 295 00:11:16,813 --> 00:11:18,980 This is a low moment for the Barnacle. 296 00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:23,213 I should be off playing laser tag right now, 297 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:24,947 but instead... 298 00:11:25,014 --> 00:11:27,513 Don't look at me. I'm hideous. 299 00:11:27,580 --> 00:11:29,947 You just look like a regular guy. 300 00:11:30,014 --> 00:11:31,146 Exactly. 301 00:11:31,213 --> 00:11:32,513 I'm a Ted. 302 00:11:32,580 --> 00:11:34,980 I'm wearing elastic-waist fleece pants. 303 00:11:35,046 --> 00:11:36,680 And isn't it more comfy? 304 00:11:36,747 --> 00:11:38,680 Yes. 305 00:11:38,747 --> 00:11:40,813 Come on, you need eat something. 306 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,747 Too weak... 307 00:11:43,813 --> 00:11:46,246 to hold... bowl. 308 00:11:46,313 --> 00:11:49,413 Fine, I'll feed you. 309 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:50,813 Mmm. 310 00:11:54,079 --> 00:11:56,480 Ouchie in my mouth! 311 00:12:00,747 --> 00:12:03,847 I don't want it. I want ice cream. 312 00:12:03,914 --> 00:12:05,413 No, you're not having ice cream 313 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:06,680 for dinner just 'cause you're sick. 314 00:12:06,747 --> 00:12:08,380 But my throat hurts. No. 315 00:12:08,446 --> 00:12:09,446 I hate you! 316 00:12:09,513 --> 00:12:11,480 Oh. Don't leave me. 317 00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:20,046 Who is it? 318 00:12:20,113 --> 00:12:22,113 Pizza delivery. 319 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,313 Whoa. 320 00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,179 Hey, you tricked me. 321 00:12:29,246 --> 00:12:30,947 You really thought I was the pizza delivery guy? 322 00:12:31,014 --> 00:12:33,113 No, I knew it was you. 323 00:12:33,179 --> 00:12:35,647 I just thought you'd at least bring a pizza. 324 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:39,146 Yeah, well, I brought a beer, 325 00:12:39,213 --> 00:12:41,313 but I gave it to a homeless guy. 326 00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:43,780 All right, he took it from me. 327 00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:45,813 Now, will you please come home? 328 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:48,547 No, I'm not spending Christmas with you. 329 00:12:48,613 --> 00:12:53,046 Okay, I'm sorry for calling you a... that word, 330 00:12:53,113 --> 00:12:55,079 over the summer, 331 00:12:55,146 --> 00:12:56,813 and for saying it again today. 332 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,079 And for thinking it a lot on the subway ride over. 333 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,079 I had no right to say that. 334 00:13:01,146 --> 00:13:02,313 It was hurtful 335 00:13:02,380 --> 00:13:03,914 and immature and I'm sorry. 336 00:13:03,980 --> 00:13:05,246 Oh, shut up. 337 00:13:05,313 --> 00:13:06,780 You think I don't know 338 00:13:06,847 --> 00:13:08,880 your fake apologies by now, Ted Mosby? 339 00:13:08,947 --> 00:13:10,014 Huh? 340 00:13:10,079 --> 00:13:11,847 You're clearly still mad at me. 341 00:13:11,914 --> 00:13:13,914 I'm not mad at you. Yes, you are. 342 00:13:13,980 --> 00:13:16,513 I am not mad at you, Lily. Now, can we please just... 343 00:13:16,580 --> 00:13:18,547 I've apologized to Marshall and he's forgiven me 344 00:13:18,613 --> 00:13:20,580 and we've moved passed it. Why can't you? 345 00:13:20,647 --> 00:13:23,246 Because you never apologized to me. 346 00:13:24,813 --> 00:13:26,146 Marshall's not the only one you walked out on. 347 00:13:26,213 --> 00:13:28,280 You leave for three months, you don't even call. 348 00:13:28,346 --> 00:13:30,713 Come on, Lily, we're supposed to be friends! 349 00:13:30,780 --> 00:13:32,914 Yeah, some friend, you called me a Grinch. 350 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:33,880 You were a Grinch! 351 00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:35,547 How can you... Grinchy, 352 00:13:35,613 --> 00:13:39,446 grinch, grinch, grinch grinch, grinch, grinch. 353 00:13:40,547 --> 00:13:42,046 Happy? 354 00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:44,313 Now, you've pissed off the big guy upstairs. 355 00:13:44,380 --> 00:13:46,547 Yeah, I'm sure God cares if I... 356 00:13:46,613 --> 00:13:49,914 You use that language again and I'll turn off your water! 357 00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:51,914 That's my super. He lives above me. 358 00:13:51,980 --> 00:13:52,880 Great. 359 00:13:52,947 --> 00:13:54,446 Thanks to your filthy mouth, 360 00:13:54,513 --> 00:13:56,547 now I'm going to have Christmas alone in the dark. 361 00:13:56,613 --> 00:13:59,280 Fine. I don't want to ruin Christmas. 362 00:13:59,346 --> 00:14:00,547 You can have the apartment. 363 00:14:00,613 --> 00:14:01,880 Don't worry about seeing me there 364 00:14:01,947 --> 00:14:03,480 I'll be in Staten Island with my cousin Stacy. 365 00:14:03,547 --> 00:14:05,446 Just... 366 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,079 Ow. 367 00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:14,014 Merry Christmas. 368 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,380 You're spending Christmas Eve with your family? 369 00:14:17,446 --> 00:14:20,313 Baby, that sucks. I'm so sorry. 370 00:14:20,380 --> 00:14:22,947 Uh, they're fine. They're just... they're a little weird. 371 00:14:23,014 --> 00:14:25,213 You know they don't believe in gifts or Christmas trees. 372 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,380 And they think Santa's how Satan spells his name 373 00:14:27,446 --> 00:14:29,246 when he wants to trick us. 374 00:14:29,313 --> 00:14:31,580 Well, do you want me to go with you? 375 00:14:31,647 --> 00:14:32,513 Was that a sincere offer? 376 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,313 First tell me your answer. 377 00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:36,380 Stay there. Save yourself. 378 00:14:36,446 --> 00:14:37,914 We'll spend all day together tomorrow. 379 00:14:37,980 --> 00:14:38,914 Okay. 380 00:14:38,980 --> 00:14:40,346 Oh, how's Barney feeling? 381 00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,680 You mean the whiney bottomless pit of neediness? 382 00:14:42,747 --> 00:14:46,480 He was bugging me, so I spiked his echinacea tea with codeine. 383 00:14:48,580 --> 00:14:50,113 You're gonna be a great mom. 384 00:14:50,179 --> 00:14:51,647 Mm-hmm. 385 00:14:53,580 --> 00:14:59,480 Holy crap, the magical Christmas season is upon us. 386 00:14:59,547 --> 00:15:02,513 And thank God we don't pay for utilities. 387 00:15:02,580 --> 00:15:06,313 Merry Christmas! What's in the box? 388 00:15:06,380 --> 00:15:09,513 Only the best Christmas present for the best girl ever. 389 00:15:09,580 --> 00:15:11,380 It took me all day to track it down. 390 00:15:11,446 --> 00:15:13,446 I thought you were writing a paper. 391 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:14,914 Ah, naw, I blew that off. 392 00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,213 I'll get an extension. School's not important. 393 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:20,079 What is that pitter patter on the roof? 394 00:15:20,146 --> 00:15:24,079 Could it be the sound of an awesome Christmas story 395 00:15:24,146 --> 00:15:25,647 about to come down the chimney? 396 00:15:25,713 --> 00:15:28,014 Why, yes, it is. 397 00:15:28,079 --> 00:15:30,847 'Twas the day before Christmas... 398 00:15:30,914 --> 00:15:33,014 It was supposed to arrive, like, five days ago, 399 00:15:33,079 --> 00:15:34,847 but then it got lost and rerouted. 400 00:15:34,914 --> 00:15:36,014 I checked two other branches, 401 00:15:36,079 --> 00:15:37,480 finally they told me it was here. 402 00:15:37,547 --> 00:15:39,713 Yeah, all I needed to know was the tracking number. 403 00:15:40,780 --> 00:15:42,246 Looks like it's headed out 404 00:15:42,313 --> 00:15:43,980 to our regional branch in Poughkeepsie. 405 00:15:44,046 --> 00:15:45,446 What? 406 00:15:45,513 --> 00:15:48,680 No, no, no, no, I need that package today. 407 00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:50,613 Listen, the truck already left five minutes ago, 408 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,947 so unless you want to run after it... 409 00:15:53,014 --> 00:15:55,914 Stop! 410 00:15:55,980 --> 00:15:57,446 Stop! 411 00:15:57,513 --> 00:15:59,480 Stop, please, stop. 412 00:15:59,547 --> 00:16:02,246 Stop the truck. 413 00:16:05,313 --> 00:16:07,113 I need a package on your truck. 414 00:16:07,179 --> 00:16:08,413 Can I please take a look in back? 415 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,747 Sure. But I gotta keep driving my route. 416 00:16:10,813 --> 00:16:11,947 I'm running behind. 417 00:16:15,780 --> 00:16:18,213 Whoa. 418 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:19,413 My bad. 419 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,480 I'm okay. 420 00:16:23,847 --> 00:16:25,280 Hey, man, 421 00:16:25,346 --> 00:16:27,380 thanks for helping me make my fiancée's Christmas. 422 00:16:27,446 --> 00:16:28,713 No problem. 423 00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:30,547 Too bad I can't deliver all these packages 424 00:16:30,613 --> 00:16:32,046 by the end of the day. 425 00:16:32,113 --> 00:16:34,780 Wait, so some people aren't going to get their gifts 426 00:16:34,847 --> 00:16:36,313 in time for Christmas? 427 00:16:36,380 --> 00:16:38,480 Sadly, no. 428 00:17:11,313 --> 00:17:13,847 We delivered every single package on that truck. 429 00:17:13,914 --> 00:17:15,179 Oh. 430 00:17:15,246 --> 00:17:16,446 But I still have one package left to give. 431 00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:17,179 Mmm. 432 00:17:17,246 --> 00:17:18,014 Yeah, I did. 433 00:17:19,179 --> 00:17:20,980 Merry Christmas. 434 00:17:22,046 --> 00:17:23,747 Open it, Baby. Okay. 435 00:17:23,813 --> 00:17:25,046 Ah. 436 00:17:25,113 --> 00:17:27,146 Oh, my God. 437 00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,914 An Easy Bake Oven! 438 00:17:29,980 --> 00:17:32,647 I've wanted one of these ever since I was a little girl. 439 00:17:32,713 --> 00:17:34,380 In this exact model. 440 00:17:35,647 --> 00:17:37,980 I never told you that. How did you know? 441 00:17:39,413 --> 00:17:41,280 It's our first Christmas since we got back together. 442 00:17:41,346 --> 00:17:43,146 I want to get her something really special. 443 00:17:43,213 --> 00:17:44,613 So I'm getting her a jukebox. 444 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,947 Wow, that's a great gift. 445 00:17:47,014 --> 00:17:50,179 Not really. It's this big and it dispenses gum. 446 00:17:50,246 --> 00:17:54,046 Oh, man, I know something you could get her 447 00:17:54,113 --> 00:17:56,179 that would blow her mind out. 448 00:17:57,079 --> 00:17:58,480 Ready? 449 00:17:58,547 --> 00:18:00,014 Eight years ago... 450 00:18:02,146 --> 00:18:06,380 When I was a kid, all I wanted was an Easy Bake Oven. 451 00:18:06,446 --> 00:18:09,179 I begged and I begged, but all I got 452 00:18:09,246 --> 00:18:11,014 was a stupid Lego set 453 00:18:11,079 --> 00:18:13,513 because my feminist mom didn't want me conforming 454 00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:15,513 to traditional gender roles. 455 00:18:15,580 --> 00:18:20,613 Easy Bake Oven— that's what I'm going to call my van. 456 00:18:23,513 --> 00:18:25,014 Dude... 457 00:18:25,079 --> 00:18:26,780 how was the concert? 458 00:18:28,580 --> 00:18:31,847 I couldn't find the outside. 459 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:39,014 I can't believe Ted remembered after all these years. 460 00:18:39,079 --> 00:18:41,146 Yeah, and after all that weed. 461 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:43,547 Where is he anyway? 462 00:18:43,613 --> 00:18:45,613 Staten Island. 463 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,547 Why? 464 00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:55,987 Okay, don't tell your mom, but I got you guys some presents. 465 00:18:56,054 --> 00:18:57,920 Like the the gift of God's love? 466 00:18:57,987 --> 00:18:59,687 No, dude, real presents. 467 00:19:01,586 --> 00:19:03,020 Uncle Ted got us presents! 468 00:19:04,586 --> 00:19:07,720 That's okay, Ted, we'll just give them to charity. 469 00:19:07,787 --> 00:19:08,920 Yay! 470 00:19:08,987 --> 00:19:10,386 Uh, not you, Charity. 471 00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:12,286 I meant the less fortunate. 472 00:19:14,087 --> 00:19:16,120 Ted, how would you like to say grace tonight? 473 00:19:16,186 --> 00:19:19,020 Uh, you know what, why don't you say it. 474 00:19:19,087 --> 00:19:20,853 I really wouldn't know what to say. 475 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,120 Why don't you recite your favorite passage of scripture. 476 00:19:23,186 --> 00:19:25,586 That's a great idea, Charity. 477 00:19:25,653 --> 00:19:27,386 But, really, I don't know. 478 00:19:27,453 --> 00:19:29,753 I mean how do you choose your favorite passage? 479 00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:31,020 It's the Bible; 480 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:33,987 there's so many... great ones... 481 00:19:34,054 --> 00:19:35,920 That one from Pulp Fiction's pretty cool. 482 00:19:35,987 --> 00:19:38,520 Ooh, I'll get it. Charity, I'm tapping you in. 483 00:19:38,586 --> 00:19:41,453 Dear, Father, thank you for this day, 484 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:44,286 and thank you for bringing this family together. 485 00:19:44,353 --> 00:19:45,553 Amen. 486 00:19:45,620 --> 00:19:46,787 Who is it, Ted? 487 00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:51,753 Uh, it's... it's just, um, carolers. 488 00:20:02,453 --> 00:20:06,386 I came here to apologize. 489 00:20:06,453 --> 00:20:07,553 I'm so sorry, Ted. 490 00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:09,087 I accept. Give me the beer. 491 00:20:12,953 --> 00:20:16,120 Mm, oh, it is so good to see you guys. 492 00:20:16,186 --> 00:20:17,453 Are you coming home? 493 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,420 Totally. 494 00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:22,620 But first, Lily, I owe you an apology. 495 00:20:22,687 --> 00:20:26,620 Oh, for the love of God, are you as sick of apologies as I am? Yes! 496 00:20:26,687 --> 00:20:30,087 Can we just skip the apology and go straight to the forgiving? Yes. 497 00:20:30,154 --> 00:20:34,620 And I promise, I will never ever call you a... you know, again. 498 00:20:34,687 --> 00:20:35,953 That's okay. 499 00:20:36,020 --> 00:20:37,586 I was kind of a Grinch. 500 00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:39,319 What's a Grinch? 501 00:20:40,687 --> 00:20:43,586 Nothing. It's something you shouldn't say. 502 00:20:43,653 --> 00:20:46,120 Mom, what's a Grinch? 503 00:20:47,353 --> 00:20:48,553 Grinch, Grinch, Grinch... 504 00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:49,520 Grinch, Grinch, Grinch... 505 00:20:49,586 --> 00:20:51,920 Grinch, Grinch, Grinch... 506 00:20:51,987 --> 00:20:53,520 Grinch, Grinch, Grinch... 507 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,286 Grinch, Grinch... Merry Christmas, everybody. 508 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,193 Merry Christmas, Marshall.