1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:03,822 Kids, you remember my first day with Robin. 2 00:00:04,162 --> 00:00:06,389 - I think I'm in love with you. - What? 3 00:00:06,804 --> 00:00:10,213 Well, here's the thing, normal people, you know, people who aren't your dad, 4 00:00:10,213 --> 00:00:12,888 usually take longer to say "I love you." 5 00:00:13,108 --> 00:00:15,076 Robin went through the usual stages. 6 00:00:16,477 --> 00:00:19,042 - Spider! Spider! - I left something in the hallway. 7 00:00:19,912 --> 00:00:21,121 - Where? - Right there. 8 00:00:22,322 --> 00:00:22,921 Got it. 9 00:00:22,921 --> 00:00:25,358 First there's the moment when you think you think it. 10 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,752 Whoa, still alive. 11 00:00:28,375 --> 00:00:30,822 There's the moment you think you know it. 12 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,478 Oh, you don't want to kiss me, you'll get sick. 13 00:00:41,924 --> 00:00:43,236 Totally worth it. 14 00:00:44,841 --> 00:00:48,154 There's the moment where you know you know it, but you can't yet say it. 15 00:00:48,210 --> 00:00:51,023 All right, it's getting to be that time. I'll talk to you tomorrow? 16 00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:52,403 Good night. 17 00:00:52,839 --> 00:00:53,843 Good night. 18 00:00:54,729 --> 00:00:56,025 Wait, Ted? 19 00:00:56,030 --> 00:00:56,862 Yeah? 20 00:00:59,488 --> 00:01:00,592 Good night. 21 00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:04,955 Well, great, I'll see you then. 22 00:01:05,057 --> 00:01:06,305 Bye, sweetie. 23 00:01:06,339 --> 00:01:07,695 Hey. Guess what? 24 00:01:07,698 --> 00:01:09,672 My sister Katie is coming to visit next weekend. 25 00:01:09,678 --> 00:01:10,892 She gets in on Thursday. 26 00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,672 That's awesome. You know what I'm going to do? 27 00:01:12,677 --> 00:01:13,874 I'm going to take off work Friday. 28 00:01:13,878 --> 00:01:15,744 We're gonna take her to the Empire State Building. 29 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:17,904 Really? You'd do that? 30 00:01:17,958 --> 00:01:20,905 Of course. Everyone should see the Empire State Building. 31 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:24,383 And then there's the moment where you know you know it, 32 00:01:24,389 --> 00:01:26,405 and you can't keep it in any longer. 33 00:01:26,459 --> 00:01:27,992 - Ted. - Yeah? 34 00:01:30,068 --> 00:01:31,343 Falafel. 35 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,087 - Falafel? - Falafel. 36 00:01:52,282 --> 00:01:55,506 Instead of telling Ted you love him, you said "falafel"? 37 00:01:55,511 --> 00:01:58,149 - I totally choked. - I just don't get it. 38 00:01:58,291 --> 00:02:00,489 Why can't you tell Ted you love him? 39 00:02:00,494 --> 00:02:02,369 Oh, come on, this is a big deal for me. 40 00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:05,937 Oh, God, you'd think you never said it to a guy before. 41 00:02:07,731 --> 00:02:08,576 No. 42 00:02:08,582 --> 00:02:11,538 Okay, well, I don't usually get this far in the relationship. 43 00:02:11,542 --> 00:02:13,548 I usually take the three-week exit. 44 00:02:13,553 --> 00:02:17,199 Don't tell me you're actually buying into Barney's freeway theory. 45 00:02:17,433 --> 00:02:21,557 Watch your steps when you get up, kids, 'cause I am about to drop some knowledge. 46 00:02:21,601 --> 00:02:23,609 Relationships are like a freeway. 47 00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:27,247 Wait a minute, a month ago you told me relationships are like a traveling circus. 48 00:02:27,403 --> 00:02:29,237 No, this is new. This trumps that. 49 00:02:29,544 --> 00:02:32,166 Freeways have exits. So do relationships. 50 00:02:32,241 --> 00:02:34,917 The first exit, my personal favorite, is six hours in. 51 00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:37,807 You meet, you talk, you have sex, you exit when she's in the shower. 52 00:02:37,823 --> 00:02:41,588 So every girl you have sex with feels the immediate need to shower? 53 00:02:41,891 --> 00:02:43,709 Actually, yeah, I get that. 54 00:02:44,274 --> 00:02:47,999 The next exits are four days, three weeks, seven months— 55 00:02:48,003 --> 00:02:49,859 that's when you guys are gonna break up, mark your calendars. 56 00:02:49,861 --> 00:02:50,579 What? 57 00:02:50,583 --> 00:02:54,337 Then a year and a half, 18 years, and the last exit— death. 58 00:02:54,343 --> 00:02:56,419 Which, if you've been with the same woman for your entire life, 59 00:02:56,422 --> 00:02:58,806 it's like, "Are we there yet?" 60 00:02:59,362 --> 00:03:02,369 So I've never been on the freeway this long before. 61 00:03:02,372 --> 00:03:05,876 I mean, usually by now I find out the guy has some weird personality thing 62 00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,569 that makes me want to take the next exit. 63 00:03:07,574 --> 00:03:08,717 Yeah, been there. 64 00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:14,108 I once dated a guy who could only go to the bathroom when classical music was playing. 65 00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:15,968 Okay, it was Marshall. 66 00:03:16,954 --> 00:03:21,259 It's just things are going so well with Ted I just don't want to complicate it. 67 00:03:21,261 --> 00:03:23,657 Relax, it'll happen when it happens. 68 00:03:23,711 --> 00:03:28,297 Which is also the advice I gave Marshall to get him over the classical music thing. 69 00:03:29,104 --> 00:03:30,658 Oh, here comes Katie. 70 00:03:31,691 --> 00:03:34,777 - Aw, your sister's so cute. - Yeah. 71 00:03:34,792 --> 00:03:38,938 This reminds me of when I used to see her coming up the driveway from school, 72 00:03:38,942 --> 00:03:42,339 with her little pigtails and her Hello Kitty backpack. 73 00:03:44,161 --> 00:03:46,479 - Hello, Kitty. - Oh, no. 74 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,887 No. No. No. 75 00:03:50,113 --> 00:03:54,569 - Hey, Robin. How are you? - Oh, good. Good. 76 00:03:55,344 --> 00:03:59,579 So, who is this... tongue person? 77 00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,916 Robin, this is my boyfriend Kyle. 78 00:04:02,654 --> 00:04:05,078 Looks like hotness runs in the family. 79 00:04:05,082 --> 00:04:08,339 Oh, you said that. Great. 80 00:04:08,962 --> 00:04:10,738 So how long have you two been...? 81 00:04:10,742 --> 00:04:12,096 - Two whole months. - Yeah. 82 00:04:12,194 --> 00:04:14,438 He's actually coming to visit family in New York, too. 83 00:04:14,442 --> 00:04:15,526 Isn't that great? 84 00:04:15,694 --> 00:04:19,608 My cousin. He's 23, kind of a wad, but he buys me beer, so... 85 00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:22,676 That's cool. This is my friend Lily. 86 00:04:23,122 --> 00:04:24,136 Hot. 87 00:04:24,193 --> 00:04:25,819 You say things! 88 00:04:27,092 --> 00:04:29,959 Well, come on, let's get you back to my place, we'll get you settled. 89 00:04:29,964 --> 00:04:32,269 Um, actually, I'm going to stay with Kyle tonight. 90 00:04:32,274 --> 00:04:34,286 - Uh, no, you're not. - Oh, come on. 91 00:04:34,354 --> 00:04:37,197 It's kind of a special night. 92 00:04:37,202 --> 00:04:38,528 If you know what I mean. 93 00:04:39,182 --> 00:04:40,266 What? 94 00:04:41,071 --> 00:04:42,596 Oh. Oh... 95 00:04:46,402 --> 00:04:50,409 I can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a... 96 00:04:50,412 --> 00:04:52,509 douche with a faux hawk. 97 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,248 This can't happen. 98 00:04:54,314 --> 00:04:56,559 You guys have to help me talk her out of it. 99 00:04:56,792 --> 00:04:59,776 Speech to talk a girl out of having sex. 100 00:04:59,781 --> 00:05:01,516 Yeah, I don't have any of those. 101 00:05:01,571 --> 00:05:04,446 Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion. 102 00:05:04,493 --> 00:05:06,576 Please? I'm her older sister. 103 00:05:06,583 --> 00:05:10,249 I'm supposed to teach her how to make good and responsible decisions. 104 00:05:10,413 --> 00:05:13,887 It's 2:00 and you've already had three scotch and sodas. 105 00:05:13,923 --> 00:05:15,707 That's why I need your help. 106 00:05:18,093 --> 00:05:20,769 Robin convinced Katie to stay with her that first night. 107 00:05:20,811 --> 00:05:23,687 And the next day, I took everybody to the Empire State Building. 108 00:05:23,744 --> 00:05:25,807 You guys are lucky you came here with an architect. 109 00:05:25,812 --> 00:05:27,597 Empire State Building fun fact number one: 110 00:05:27,604 --> 00:05:30,166 When construction began on March 17, 1930, 111 00:05:30,173 --> 00:05:33,319 the framework rose at a rate of four and a half stories per week. 112 00:05:34,333 --> 00:05:36,069 Four and a half stories per week. 113 00:05:37,294 --> 00:05:39,228 Four and a half stories per week. 114 00:05:39,331 --> 00:05:41,837 There it is. There it is. Come on. 115 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:44,609 These are fun facts, guys, let's have fun with them. 116 00:05:45,462 --> 00:05:49,688 You know, Katie, I have wanted to come to the Empire State Building for so long, 117 00:05:49,692 --> 00:05:52,397 but I waited to come here with someone special. 118 00:05:52,403 --> 00:05:54,007 Oh, here we go. 119 00:05:54,111 --> 00:05:57,648 Marshall and I have never been to the Empire State Building either. 120 00:05:57,651 --> 00:06:02,298 But I'm so glad I waited to do something so important with my fiancé. 121 00:06:02,503 --> 00:06:05,736 Speaking of waiting, I signed an abstinence pledge in high school. 122 00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:07,479 It's totally cool to wait. 123 00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:10,546 And stay away from drugs... other than pot. 124 00:06:11,544 --> 00:06:13,849 - You told them? - Oh, okay, yes, I told them. 125 00:06:13,893 --> 00:06:16,957 But only because I think you should hear it from other grownups, too. 126 00:06:16,993 --> 00:06:19,336 Everyone thinks you should wait. Right, guys? 127 00:06:19,344 --> 00:06:21,237 - Totally. You should wait. - Sex is fun. 128 00:06:21,993 --> 00:06:22,999 See? 129 00:06:23,001 --> 00:06:26,018 You are such a hypocrite. You were only 16 when you lost yours. 130 00:06:26,021 --> 00:06:27,287 Well, how do you know that? 131 00:06:27,291 --> 00:06:29,746 You left your diary in your old room slash my new room. 132 00:06:29,751 --> 00:06:31,987 I'll pay you $10,000 for that diary. 133 00:06:33,291 --> 00:06:35,397 Look, I've been dating Kyle for two months now. 134 00:06:35,404 --> 00:06:36,766 It's like forever. 135 00:06:36,872 --> 00:06:39,207 I mean, we've already done everything else. 136 00:06:39,214 --> 00:06:41,489 - I mean, we've even... - Oh. La, la, la, la, la. 137 00:06:41,554 --> 00:06:45,477 La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. 138 00:06:46,892 --> 00:06:49,258 Even Kyle gets to do that. 139 00:06:49,793 --> 00:06:51,987 You have no right to tell me not to do it. 140 00:06:51,993 --> 00:06:54,316 But Kyle? Why can't you just wait? 141 00:06:54,321 --> 00:06:57,466 Because if you wait, you can get a nice guy like Ted. 142 00:06:57,631 --> 00:06:59,938 Robin, this is happening. 143 00:07:00,352 --> 00:07:03,076 Look, I already put it up on my Myspace page. 144 00:07:04,069 --> 00:07:06,486 - I need a clove. - You smoke now, too? 145 00:07:06,514 --> 00:07:08,762 - Oh, remember cloves? - No! 146 00:07:08,888 --> 00:07:12,010 No "Aw, remember cloves?" This can't happen. 147 00:07:12,095 --> 00:07:13,737 She's my baby sister, okay? 148 00:07:13,742 --> 00:07:18,637 She should be watching The Little Mermaid and drinking Yoohoo, and not having sex. 149 00:07:18,793 --> 00:07:20,769 Come on, you were only 16 when you had sex. 150 00:07:20,771 --> 00:07:22,636 - I was 17. - We were 18. 151 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:24,386 Barney was probably 12. 152 00:07:24,551 --> 00:07:26,448 Good one, Ted. 153 00:07:26,693 --> 00:07:29,846 I was, uh, six... fourt... 154 00:07:30,093 --> 00:07:31,446 How old were you again? 155 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,109 - 17. - Dude, me, too. 156 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,956 - Barney, you okay? - Yeah, of course. 157 00:07:37,172 --> 00:07:38,368 What, you don't believe me? 158 00:07:38,372 --> 00:07:40,648 - It was at camp, so I'm... - What camp? 159 00:07:40,742 --> 00:07:43,066 This place in the Catskills. Look it up. 160 00:07:43,792 --> 00:07:46,037 I was there teaching for the summer. 161 00:07:46,641 --> 00:07:47,998 What did you teach? 162 00:07:48,104 --> 00:07:49,939 Uh, dance. 163 00:07:49,994 --> 00:07:51,088 Dance? 164 00:07:51,114 --> 00:07:53,608 Yeah, Ted, dance. Maybe you've heard of it. 165 00:07:54,333 --> 00:07:58,736 It was just a simple summer job, but it turned into so much more. 166 00:07:59,592 --> 00:08:03,467 Her name was Frances Houseman, but everyone called her Baby. 167 00:08:28,292 --> 00:08:30,089 That's Dirty Dancing. 168 00:08:30,193 --> 00:08:32,387 - It was on last night. - No, it was two nights ago. 169 00:08:32,391 --> 00:08:34,887 "She's Like the Wind" has been stuck in my brain for about 40 hours. 170 00:08:34,942 --> 00:08:36,677 I just got it out. Now it's back in. 171 00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:38,937 Damn you, Swayze! 172 00:08:40,724 --> 00:08:43,426 - Do you remember our first time? - Yeah. 173 00:08:44,043 --> 00:08:45,699 It was back in college. 174 00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:48,329 Oh, wait, wait. 175 00:08:48,331 --> 00:08:51,547 Look... I really want to do this, but... 176 00:08:51,612 --> 00:08:54,098 we should make it special, you know? 177 00:08:54,104 --> 00:08:55,368 Do this right. 178 00:08:58,791 --> 00:08:59,589 Okay. 179 00:08:59,812 --> 00:09:00,826 You're right. 180 00:09:00,872 --> 00:09:04,226 Maybe we could go to the beach and get a house for the weekend. 181 00:09:04,233 --> 00:09:06,598 Yeah, New Year's Eve. 182 00:09:06,952 --> 00:09:08,178 Okay. 183 00:09:09,111 --> 00:09:14,227 Oh, and we'll light candles and maybe put on some classical music. 184 00:09:14,231 --> 00:09:15,756 That's not a good idea. 185 00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:17,188 Why not? 186 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,727 Long story. 187 00:09:18,893 --> 00:09:21,898 But maybe we could put on some Al Green and take a bubble bath together. 188 00:09:21,902 --> 00:09:24,647 Oh, yeah, that sounds so good. 189 00:09:25,484 --> 00:09:27,107 Oh, I love you, Marshall. 190 00:09:27,213 --> 00:09:29,596 I'm so glad we're waiting. 191 00:09:32,443 --> 00:09:33,528 Oops. 192 00:09:34,732 --> 00:09:37,968 - Oh, that's adorable. - Yeah, tell her what happened next. 193 00:09:38,594 --> 00:09:40,666 - That was amazing. - Yeah. 194 00:09:40,973 --> 00:09:42,469 Want to do it again? 195 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:43,867 Please don't. 196 00:09:45,993 --> 00:09:48,786 - We said we were sorry. - Yeah, well, then why'd you do it again? 197 00:09:48,792 --> 00:09:50,959 You know what, I loaned you my Walkman. 198 00:09:50,964 --> 00:09:56,078 The point is no matter what, it's never gonna be as perfect as you want it to be. 199 00:09:56,084 --> 00:09:57,357 Well, mine was terrible. 200 00:09:57,362 --> 00:09:59,488 Wait, I've never heard your story. 201 00:10:00,154 --> 00:10:03,167 Well, as you know, I was 16. 202 00:10:03,292 --> 00:10:05,927 And it was with my boyfriend Brian. 203 00:10:09,213 --> 00:10:11,559 - Ready? - Yeah. 204 00:10:13,844 --> 00:10:16,566 - This feels so right. - Oh, I know. 205 00:10:16,571 --> 00:10:19,318 - Oh, Robin. - Oh, Brian. 206 00:10:21,893 --> 00:10:23,798 Yeah, I'm gay. 207 00:10:25,703 --> 00:10:29,237 - I'm so sorry. - Eh, I should've known. 208 00:10:29,894 --> 00:10:31,426 There were signs. 209 00:10:32,393 --> 00:10:33,259 Oh, my God! 210 00:10:33,264 --> 00:10:34,788 My mom's home. Quick! 211 00:10:34,791 --> 00:10:36,578 - Get under my bed. - What? 212 00:10:37,781 --> 00:10:39,489 Oh, my God! 213 00:10:41,044 --> 00:10:44,006 You only get one shot at losing your virginity. 214 00:10:44,104 --> 00:10:46,877 And even though I just barely had sex, it counts. 215 00:10:46,943 --> 00:10:48,748 What do you mean just barely? 216 00:10:48,791 --> 00:10:52,677 Well, he didn't dive all the way into the pool, but he... 217 00:10:52,681 --> 00:10:55,256 splashed around in the shallow end. 218 00:10:56,061 --> 00:10:58,656 Then you didn't lose your virginity to him. 219 00:10:58,662 --> 00:11:01,258 - Just barely doesn't count. - Yes, it does. 220 00:11:01,262 --> 00:11:02,479 - No, it doesn't. - Yes, it does. 221 00:11:02,482 --> 00:11:05,588 No, it doesn't. It doesn't count. End of story. 222 00:11:05,684 --> 00:11:09,728 Ooh, why, Lily Aldrin, you saucy little harlot. 223 00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:14,659 Could it be that before Marshall took a swim, someone else tested the water? 224 00:11:14,793 --> 00:11:18,567 No. Nobody else tested the water, right? 225 00:11:20,152 --> 00:11:21,299 Scooter? 226 00:11:21,511 --> 00:11:22,398 Who's Scooter? 227 00:11:22,403 --> 00:11:24,958 My high school boyfriend, who I did not have sex with. 228 00:11:24,964 --> 00:11:27,509 I... I can't believe this. 229 00:11:27,641 --> 00:11:29,926 We're Marshall and Lily— when people see us, they say, 230 00:11:29,933 --> 00:11:33,109 "Oh, look at them, they've only had sex with each other." 231 00:11:33,153 --> 00:11:35,787 No, Marshall, they say, "Oh, look at them, 232 00:11:35,811 --> 00:11:38,109 they've only had sex with each other." 233 00:11:38,213 --> 00:11:40,447 But now that's not true anymore— 234 00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:43,549 now you've had sex with twice as many people as I have. 235 00:11:43,753 --> 00:11:45,808 I knew that you were too good at it. 236 00:11:45,893 --> 00:11:48,888 Know what? I don't want to see the stupid Empire State Building anymore. 237 00:11:48,951 --> 00:11:51,746 - It's not stupid. - I'm going to see Kyle. 238 00:11:51,792 --> 00:11:55,397 Katie, please. You only get to lose your virginity once. 239 00:11:55,474 --> 00:11:57,898 You should only be having sex with someone who's special. 240 00:11:57,983 --> 00:12:00,589 Oh, please— you've had sex with, like, a hundred guys. 241 00:12:00,614 --> 00:12:03,889 It's not a hundred guys. It's not a hundred guys. 242 00:12:04,132 --> 00:12:06,508 I'm sure you were madly in love with all of them. 243 00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:09,767 I had different levels of feeling for each of the... 244 00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:11,886 very reasonable number of guys. 245 00:12:12,571 --> 00:12:13,636 Really. 246 00:12:14,013 --> 00:12:15,598 Well, do you love Ted? 247 00:12:23,422 --> 00:12:25,100 Do you love Ted? 248 00:12:26,725 --> 00:12:27,230 I, um... 249 00:12:27,235 --> 00:12:30,140 Okay, Empire State Building fun fact number 22: 250 00:12:30,143 --> 00:12:34,460 The Empire State Building has tons of places where people can have private conversations. 251 00:12:34,925 --> 00:12:37,350 - You're off the hook, okay? - Just let me explain. 252 00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:40,899 You don't have to explain anything. You don't have to say it— it's fine. 253 00:12:40,975 --> 00:12:45,600 Okay, but if relationships are like a freeway, then saying... 254 00:12:46,094 --> 00:12:50,130 "hm hm hm" is like... getting into the carpool lane. 255 00:12:50,225 --> 00:12:52,888 And I don't want to take an exit, but... 256 00:12:53,213 --> 00:12:55,988 at the same time, I'm not ready to get into the carpool lane. 257 00:12:55,995 --> 00:12:57,727 Because what's in the carpool lane? 258 00:12:57,735 --> 00:13:00,810 Oh, it's a big diamond, and I'm just not ready to get... 259 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,610 Okay, Robin, Robin, stop. 260 00:13:02,813 --> 00:13:05,207 It's no big deal— you don't have to say it. 261 00:13:05,274 --> 00:13:09,528 It's just, it's a big thing to say to someone, and I don't want to say it too soon. 262 00:13:09,825 --> 00:13:11,188 What, you mean like I did? 263 00:13:11,222 --> 00:13:12,730 No. I didn't... 264 00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:15,079 Yeah, like you did. 265 00:13:16,104 --> 00:13:19,579 I mean, you have to admit it, Ted, it was a little weird. 266 00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:23,397 - Weird... or courageous? - Pretty sure weird. 267 00:13:24,323 --> 00:13:26,530 I mean, who gives it up on the first date? 268 00:13:26,542 --> 00:13:28,817 Well, come on, it shows I'm brave and bold, like a knight. 269 00:13:28,872 --> 00:13:31,317 No, it shows that you're an I-love-you slut. 270 00:13:31,502 --> 00:13:33,337 Well, then you're an I-love-you prude. 271 00:13:33,383 --> 00:13:34,940 You know what? I take mine back. 272 00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:36,517 - You... What? - I take my "I love you" back. 273 00:13:36,544 --> 00:13:39,157 - You can't take it back. - Nah. Just did. Got it right here. 274 00:13:39,224 --> 00:13:41,329 But, you know, I'm such a slut, I'm just gonna give it away. 275 00:13:41,423 --> 00:13:43,448 Hey, you, sir. I love you. 276 00:13:44,003 --> 00:13:45,177 Thank you, man. 277 00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,307 I was going up there to jump. 278 00:13:51,252 --> 00:13:53,529 Marshall, why is this such a big deal? 279 00:13:53,645 --> 00:13:55,940 Why is this such a big deal? 280 00:13:56,123 --> 00:13:59,640 Oh, uh, sorry, Christopher Columbus, guess who actually discovered the New World. 281 00:13:59,704 --> 00:14:02,148 Some dude named Scooter. 282 00:14:02,302 --> 00:14:04,520 Oh, uh, Neil Armstrong, it actually goes like this: 283 00:14:04,573 --> 00:14:08,557 "One small step for man, one giant leap for Scooter." 284 00:14:08,634 --> 00:14:10,730 Whoa, hey, Adam, guess who got with Eve 285 00:14:10,732 --> 00:14:12,219 - before you did... - Okay, Marshall, I get it. 286 00:14:12,263 --> 00:14:14,679 It's a big deal because it rewrites our history. 287 00:14:14,692 --> 00:14:15,910 No, it doesn't. 288 00:14:15,952 --> 00:14:18,800 Look, have you been to the Empire State Building? 289 00:14:18,822 --> 00:14:21,009 No. You've only been in the lobby. 290 00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:23,290 People don't buy tickets to get in the lobby. 291 00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:25,620 They buy tickets to get to the top. 292 00:14:25,724 --> 00:14:28,990 Scooter only got in the lobby, and the lobby doesn't count. 293 00:14:29,003 --> 00:14:29,917 Really. 294 00:14:29,975 --> 00:14:33,269 Excuse me, sir, uh, can you tell me how to get to the Empire State Building? 295 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,217 Um, we're in it right now. 296 00:14:35,305 --> 00:14:38,020 Thank you, sir. You're a very wise and brilliant man. 297 00:14:38,822 --> 00:14:39,860 You're right. 298 00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:41,778 Why would I throw that all away? 299 00:14:42,472 --> 00:14:44,170 I'm having the best day! 300 00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:48,400 Katie, I'll admit, maybe I'm not in any place 301 00:14:48,425 --> 00:14:51,618 to lecture you on romantic relationships, but... 302 00:14:51,655 --> 00:14:54,887 but I just don't want you to make the same mistakes that I've made. 303 00:14:55,925 --> 00:14:59,517 - Oh, believe me, Kyle is not gay. - That's not what I meant. 304 00:15:00,545 --> 00:15:03,589 I just wish you weren't in such a rush to grow up. 305 00:15:05,025 --> 00:15:06,557 Please don't do this. 306 00:15:07,213 --> 00:15:11,097 But, kids, later that night, Katie did it, 307 00:15:11,255 --> 00:15:15,019 and she got pregnant... with quintuplets... 308 00:15:15,304 --> 00:15:18,118 and she lived out her days in a trailer park... 309 00:15:18,625 --> 00:15:20,510 where she died an alcoholic. 310 00:15:20,695 --> 00:15:24,058 So the moral here, kids, don't have sex until you're married. 311 00:15:24,125 --> 00:15:26,107 Maybe even, like, a year or two into marriage. 312 00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:28,309 - Dad! - Come on, what really happened? 313 00:15:28,375 --> 00:15:30,389 All right, here's what really happened. 314 00:15:30,425 --> 00:15:31,677 - Hey. - Hey. 315 00:15:32,075 --> 00:15:33,288 She didn't do it. 316 00:15:33,382 --> 00:15:35,508 Hey, that's great! You got through to her. 317 00:15:35,544 --> 00:15:37,940 No, I didn't. You did. 318 00:15:38,125 --> 00:15:39,920 She told me that you talked to her. 319 00:15:41,122 --> 00:15:41,969 Hey, Katie. 320 00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:43,497 Hey. 321 00:15:43,605 --> 00:15:46,419 Got another Empire State Building fun fact for me? 322 00:15:46,572 --> 00:15:49,310 No. I wouldn't bore you with the seven million man-hours 323 00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:52,680 it took to build this 102-story testament to human will. 324 00:15:55,123 --> 00:15:56,240 So, you okay? 325 00:15:56,422 --> 00:15:58,589 I don't know what everyone is freaking out about. 326 00:15:58,592 --> 00:16:00,947 Kyle, he's a really nice guy. 327 00:16:01,072 --> 00:16:04,318 He could've cheated on me with my lab partner Gretchen Gwynn, but he didn't. 328 00:16:04,402 --> 00:16:07,320 'Cause he said he knew I'd find out. 329 00:16:08,623 --> 00:16:10,079 That's very gallant. 330 00:16:10,733 --> 00:16:12,868 Well, I don't know what your sister's freaking out about, either. 331 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:15,020 - I was your age my first time. - Oh, really? 332 00:16:15,065 --> 00:16:17,658 Yeah, yeah. It was, uh, it was with this girl, Molly. 333 00:16:20,124 --> 00:16:21,310 I love you, Ted. 334 00:16:21,392 --> 00:16:23,657 Oh, I love you, too, Molly. 335 00:16:24,125 --> 00:16:26,067 But I didn't. 336 00:16:26,375 --> 00:16:28,167 That was amazing. 337 00:16:28,543 --> 00:16:30,070 Look, I got to go. 338 00:16:30,885 --> 00:16:32,470 Where are you going? 339 00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:35,270 My cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. 340 00:16:35,372 --> 00:16:37,550 We're going out to the woods to light 'em— it's gonna be awesome. 341 00:16:37,623 --> 00:16:39,157 Well, will you call me? 342 00:16:39,702 --> 00:16:42,450 Yeah. Yeah, I'll totally call you. 343 00:16:42,505 --> 00:16:44,580 But I didn't. 344 00:16:46,723 --> 00:16:47,770 Molly? 345 00:16:48,123 --> 00:16:49,119 Yeah? 346 00:16:49,674 --> 00:16:51,880 Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back. 347 00:16:51,985 --> 00:16:53,837 But I didn't. 348 00:16:55,164 --> 00:16:56,948 And I never saw her again. 349 00:16:57,524 --> 00:17:00,498 I told her I loved her, but... I just wanted to have sex. 350 00:17:00,545 --> 00:17:03,287 I-I would've said anything to make that happen, and... 351 00:17:03,343 --> 00:17:05,107 that's exactly what I did. 352 00:17:07,312 --> 00:17:09,119 Look, I'm not telling you what to do. 353 00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:12,247 I'm just telling you what all 17-year-old boys are like. 354 00:17:12,925 --> 00:17:14,420 Even the nice ones. 355 00:17:15,932 --> 00:17:20,687 So I told Kyle I wanted to wait... and he dumped me. 356 00:17:20,822 --> 00:17:24,428 Oh, oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. 357 00:17:25,624 --> 00:17:27,260 Aw, honey. 358 00:17:27,624 --> 00:17:30,550 I promise everything is gonna be okay. 359 00:17:35,323 --> 00:17:38,580 You want to watch The Little Mermaid and drink some YooHoo? 360 00:17:39,704 --> 00:17:42,180 Only if you put a buttload of Kahlua in it. 361 00:17:43,265 --> 00:17:44,470 Don't tell Mom. 362 00:17:47,054 --> 00:17:48,440 Thanks for doing that. 363 00:17:48,522 --> 00:17:51,108 You're welcome. I knew it meant a lot to you. 364 00:17:51,233 --> 00:17:54,559 But, man, your story, I mean, it doesn't even sound like you. 365 00:17:55,593 --> 00:17:56,979 Yeah, well... 366 00:17:59,903 --> 00:18:01,258 I love you, Molly. 367 00:18:01,363 --> 00:18:03,810 Oh, I love you, too, Ted. 368 00:18:04,985 --> 00:18:07,860 Wow. That was amazing. 369 00:18:08,264 --> 00:18:09,878 Look, I got to go. 370 00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:12,057 Wh-Where are you going? 371 00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:14,657 Uh, my cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. 372 00:18:14,724 --> 00:18:16,457 We're going into the woods to light them. 373 00:18:16,523 --> 00:18:17,858 It's gonna be awesome. 374 00:18:18,225 --> 00:18:19,510 Will you call me? 375 00:18:19,573 --> 00:18:21,649 Yeah. I'll totally call you. 376 00:18:23,324 --> 00:18:25,598 - Oh, Ted? - Yeah? 377 00:18:26,224 --> 00:18:29,170 Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back. 378 00:18:30,552 --> 00:18:33,730 - But she didn't. - Oh, come here. 379 00:18:39,495 --> 00:18:40,637 I love you. 380 00:18:44,072 --> 00:18:45,230 I said it. 381 00:18:47,025 --> 00:18:48,197 Feels right. 382 00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:51,229 - I love you. - I'm gay. 383 00:18:51,334 --> 00:18:53,148 I'm kidding. 384 00:18:53,985 --> 00:18:55,279 I love you, too. 385 00:18:59,022 --> 00:19:02,167 Hey... you lost your I-love-you-ginity. 386 00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:03,337 Yeah. 387 00:19:03,775 --> 00:19:06,507 I guess I was just waiting for the right guy. 388 00:19:12,723 --> 00:19:15,417 Katie ended up having a great first time in New York. 389 00:19:15,525 --> 00:19:19,659 And the last thing we did before she left was go to the Empire State Building. 390 00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:21,930 I am so glad we're finally doing this. 391 00:19:22,025 --> 00:19:23,507 What are you talking about? We were here yesterday. 392 00:19:23,544 --> 00:19:25,088 Yeah, but that didn't really count. 393 00:19:26,253 --> 00:19:28,617 - Oh, crap. - Exactly! 394 00:19:28,722 --> 00:19:32,857 So yesterday doesn't count as having gone to the Empire State Building. 395 00:19:32,923 --> 00:19:35,297 So I lost it to you, Marshall. 396 00:19:35,372 --> 00:19:38,248 And I rode that elevator to the top, 397 00:19:38,323 --> 00:19:42,510 and I saw that view, and I basked in the awesomeness. 398 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,457 And that's our story. 399 00:19:44,565 --> 00:19:47,029 Yeah. Yeah, that's our story. 400 00:19:47,485 --> 00:19:49,198 We've only had sex with each other. 401 00:19:49,244 --> 00:19:51,280 We've only had sex with each other. 402 00:19:51,345 --> 00:19:53,619 They've only had sex with each other. 403 00:19:56,575 --> 00:19:58,559 Ooh, okay, in, in we go, in we go. 404 00:19:59,852 --> 00:20:02,458 Okay, Empire State Building fun fact number 81: 405 00:20:02,523 --> 00:20:05,947 There are 1,860 steps from this... Whoa, whoa! Come on! 406 00:20:13,853 --> 00:20:16,357 So, now you guys can finally say you've been to the Empire State Building. 407 00:20:16,421 --> 00:20:18,788 How have you lived here so long and never been to the top? 408 00:20:18,894 --> 00:20:22,137 Well, we're usually busy... drinking. 409 00:20:23,404 --> 00:20:25,909 Speaking of first times, we never got to hear 410 00:20:25,913 --> 00:20:29,147 - your virginity story. - That's right, I almost forgot. 411 00:20:29,614 --> 00:20:33,768 Okay. I was 16, and it was in a baseball dugout... 412 00:20:33,802 --> 00:20:34,917 Fast Times at Ridgemont High. 413 00:20:34,921 --> 00:20:36,959 I mean, I was in a subway with a high-priced call girl... 414 00:20:36,963 --> 00:20:37,749 Risky Business. 415 00:20:37,752 --> 00:20:39,968 I was accidentally hacking into NORAD'S computer... 416 00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:42,196 That's War Games, and there's not even a sex scene in it. 417 00:20:42,203 --> 00:20:43,547 All right! 418 00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:48,947 I was 23, and it was with my mom's 45-year-old divorced friend, Rhonda. 419 00:20:48,991 --> 00:20:51,386 She called me "Barry" the whole time, and for two weeks, 420 00:20:51,391 --> 00:20:54,599 my comforter smelled like menthol cigarettes. You happy? 421 00:21:01,291 --> 00:21:02,326 Hey... 422 00:21:03,594 --> 00:21:07,286 Why don't you tell us again about your first time at the camp in the Catskills. 423 00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:11,427 Baby and her family spent every summer at Kellerman's. 424 00:21:11,431 --> 00:21:13,496 Her dad did not approve of our love. 425 00:21:13,691 --> 00:21:16,906 - Did anyone put Baby in a corner? - Oh, God, no. 426 00:21:17,802 --> 00:21:19,709 What can I say, I... 427 00:21:19,892 --> 00:21:22,638 had... the time of my life. 428 00:21:23,302 --> 00:21:24,586 True story. 429 00:21:25,133 --> 00:21:29,897 Transcript : Raceman Subtitles : Willow's Team www.forom.com