This is awesome.
I can't believe this
moment's finally here.
One more mile and my
little boy turns 200,000.
Your baby Fiero's grown
into a really old man Fiero.
And just like an old man,
leaks fluid, smells stale,
makes weird noises out the back.
Yeah, he does.
Hey, light up those cigars
in the glove compartment.
They're real Cubans.
I got 'em in Chinatown
last year just for this moment.
Uh, Marshall, I'm not saying
you were definitely ripped off,
but, um, these are chopsticks
wrapped in napkins.
What are you talking about?
Whoa,
pothole.
What? No.
Whoa. No.
No, no,
n-n-n-no.
No, there's only
.8 miles to go.
Come on, buddy.
Buddy!
Is it cool
if I still light these?
Kids, sometimes life forces us
to be someone
we didn't want to be.
When that happens,
we often try to hold on
to a little piece
of who we were.
Maybe a tattoo.
Or a piece of jewelry.
A tiny souvenir
that reminds us,
"This is who I really am."
Marshall's souvenir
was not so tiny,
but the more he found himself
being pushed
toward the corporate world
and away from his dream
of saving the environment,
the tighter he held on
to that Fiero.
Hey.
One good thing:
we're off the hook
for the folding party today.
Hey.
It's very important
to both Lily and me
that there be
a handmade origami crane
in each of our wedding's...
150...
I couldn't even get
through it. Thank God.
Hey, your car's going
to be fine.
This is the best
auto shop around.
Look at this certificate.
One of the mechanics here
finished a 64-ounce steak.
Surprise.
We felt bad
that you guys were missing
the super-fun
origami folding party,
so we suggested moving it here.
We insisted.
Terrific.
How's the Fiero?
She's still in triage.
She?
I thought it was
your little boy.
Oh, it goes
back and forth.
It's sort of
a tranny car.
How long have you had her...
slash him?
My brothers handed it down
to me when I was 16.
Oh, how nice of them.
Not really.
Congratulations.
The Fiero
is yours.
If you pass the final test.
Come on!
I already shaved my legs
and swallowed five dollars
in quarters.
Only $4.50 has come out.
Just go to the
Weinerburger drive-thru
and get us 12
cups of coffee.
That's it?
Oh, yeah.
But we get to decide
what you wear.
Agreed.
Totally agreed.
You're naked.
I'm aware of that.
You have 50 cents?
No...
Look, can I just have
my coffee, please?
Sorry, we're all out
of trays and lids.
Two tall guys just came
through here a few minutes ago
and bought 'em all.
Oh.
And that is
the origin
of Marshall's insane "no food
or drinks in the Fiero,
not even groceries" rule.
It is not insane.
Barney.
That's like the third one
in a row that you've screwed up.
Well, I'm trying,
but it's... I...
Look.
You fold twice to the middle,
fold back and forth,
pull the ends out,
flip over, open the flaps,
fold the edges,
crease the front,
fold in half,
fold the wings down,
push in the bottom corners,
and fold the wings back out.
Or would you like one of
my kindergartners to show you?
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, I think I've got it.
No.
Forget it; the
paper's too expensive.
You're out.
Aw, nerts.
The food rule is
insane.
We could have died
because of it.
Remember the 100K fiasco?
Ah, the Fiero-asco.
Dude, I told you
that doesn't work.
It's the 100K fiasco.
What's the 100K fiasco?
The Fiero-asco?
It was just
before winter break
our freshman year
of college.
Marshall and I
were roommates,
but we weren't
really good friends yet.
I thought Ted was a
little bit pretentious.
And Marshall was
a total slob.
Hey.
Um... I'm
driving
my Fiero back
over break.
I know we see enough
of each other as it is,
but, uh, if you want a ride,
I could use the gas money.
You live in Ohio, right?
I could swing through
and pick you up.
All right, first of all,
my parents live in Ohio.
I live in the moment.
Plus,
Karen and I haven't seen
each other since Thanksgiving.
I mean, we're both
really invested
in making this
long-distance thing work, so...
All right, well, call me
if you change your mind.
My odometer's going to hit 100K.
No.
She'd be so bummed
if I left early.
It was totally mutual.
I mean, Karen brought it up
first, but I...
It was...
it was totally mutual.
I hear you.
So what's up with you and Lily?
Anything serious?
Yeah.
Dude, we're
college freshmen.
I'm not going
to get tied down
by the first chick
I hook up with.
I mean, Lily's cool,
but this bird you'll
never chain, you know?
The next few hours of our drive
were classic road trip.
So... this song.
Oh, it's the best
song in the world.
It's the only
song I like.
Just kidding.
Tape's been stuck in the
player for, like, two years.
Better than
nothing, though.
Maybe.
I am so... sick...
of this song.
Don't worry. It
comes around again.
What do you mean?
Ooh.
Yeah, we totally
nailed the ending.
Yeah, that was probably,
like, our best one.
Hey, you want
to play Zitch Dog?
What?
Uh, it's a car game.
Every time you see
a dog,
you got to be the first one
to say, "Zitch Dog."
Mm.
Yeah, I'm
pretty good, so...
Zitch Dog.
Uh...
What? No, I didn't know
we had... we'd started,
but, uh, okay,
that's cool.
You got the first point.
Zitch Dog.
Damn it!
Are we still playing?
'Cause I wasn't...
I wasn't really...
12-nothing.
Marshall.
Zitch Dog,
blue Suburban.
Damn it!
18-nothing.
Then Marshall, who was so busy
cheating at Zitch Dog,
got us totally lost.
Where the hell
are we?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on.
I think you
skipped something.
Really?
Seems impossible.
Hey, we got
some time.
What do you say we
get off the highway,
take the road less
traveled, you know?
Robert Frost.
Doesn't seem like
a smart idea.
Too late.
I'm taking
this exit.
Who's not fun enough now, Karen?
Then we got lost.
Where the
hell are we?
I'm pulling over.
No, keep driving.
We're almost out of gas,
and we might not even
be on a road anymore.
It's below zero out.
If we pull over, we could be
snowed in for days.
Plus, I only have, like,
six granola bars
and three bottles of water.
Nah, I threw
them out.
What?
No food or drink
in the Fiero.
No food or drink
in the F...?
You haven't washed your sheets
since orientation!
Thus began the longest night
of our lives.
Pretty sure that my foot
is frozen s-solid.
Marshall...
there's a very real chance
that we're gonna be
snowed in here for days.
If I die first, do whatever
you need to survive.
Eat my flesh.
Slice me open like
a tauntaun, whatever.
Thanks, Ted.
You're a
good friend.
And if I die first, you
just leave my body alone.
What?
I just said you could
cut me open and crawl inside me.
Yeah, don't do any of that stuff
to me; it skeeves me out.
But... but you're dead,
and I'm gonna die if I don't.
Wasn't an easy
decision.
This is all because
of your insane no-food rule.
It's perfectly
rational.
Hey!
My spectacles!
Hey.
I know we're low on gas,
but can we turn on the heat
for just a minute?
Okay.
Dude...
I hate to
say this...
but it's
so cold...
there's only one way
that we're gonna make it
through this night.
We should've
kept driving.
Come on, Marshall.
No. No.
We might die now.
I may never
see Lily again.
I never told
anybody this, but...
I've known for a long time
that I'm gonna marry that girl.
If we survive this,
someday I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sorry about
your spectacles.
That's okay.
They were decorative.
Hey, Marshall.
Yeah?
Are you still
thinking about Lily?
Yeah.
Please stop.
And so Marshall and I thought
we were gonna die out there
in the middle of nowhere.
But...
funny thing...
Hey.
You lovers better
just keep on driving.
Zitch Dog!
Damn it!
You said you were gonna
marry me that long ago?
That is so sweet.
That trip is when
Marshall and I became
best friends.
Yeah.
With privileges,
from the sound of it.
Eriksen.
Wow.
Looks like he really
needs a hug.
Ted.
He said, uh, it would be
at least 3,000 bucks
to make it
run again.
And even then,
there's no guarantee.
Well, it's
a pretty old car.
Yeah.
I mean, you can keep
prolonging its life,
but it's really mostly
machine at this point.
I know that it's
a lot of money,
but it's my Fiero.
You know?
I'm about to graduate and take
some sellout corporate law job,
and without that Fiero,
I'm just another guy in a suit.
How dare you...
Hey.
I've been through
so much in that car.
The suicidal cat.
Hitchhiking Waldo.
The homeless guy
who broke in through
the window
and threw up all over
the backseat.
Lily, don't.
Be strong. Do not go all
"prisoner's dilemma" on me.
The car's on
its deathbed, Robin.
I have to clear my conscience.
Guys, what are you
talking about?
Okay.
Shortly after we met Robin,
she and I were jonesing for
Thai food from this one place.
An hour and a
half delivery.
We can't wait
that long.
I wish we could take the Fiero,
but Marshall has
this insane no-food rule.
But Thai food, Lily.
Pad Yum Mao.
Tom Kai Gah.
Thai See Ran.
Oh! You're just saying
random syllables,
and it still sounds delicious.
Okay.
Here's what we'll do.
We'll drive over, pick it up,
have them
double-bag it,
very carefully drive it
back here with the windows open,
and he'll never know.
Wow, these brakes
are really sensitive.
Oh, Marshall is
gonna kill me!
This and the difference between
"affect" and "effect"
are, like, the only two things
he's really serious about.
Lily, it's gonna be fine.
No, it's not.
Marshall's gonna freak.
Oh, God, oh, God.
What are we gonna do?
Oh, God, oh...!
Shut up! Now,
listen to me.
The clock is ticking.
Okay, first thing,
we scoop up
all these little pieces
of tofu and cabbage.
Next, what we need
to take care of
are the really messy parts...
the pools that have collected.
We got to soak that soup up.
Last is the smell.
We got to cover up
that Tom Kah Gai.
You mentioned cigars.
There's two in the glove
compartment, but he's been
saving them.
Hand me those
chopsticks.
Mmm.
Hey, how about some tunes?
Oh, great song.
These cigars aren't
helping at all.
Yeah.
This was a terrible idea.
Mmm.
Now it just smells
like a homeless guy
threw up in here.
The broken windows?
We had to make it
look realistic.
Well, why did you break
two of them?
Uh, it looked like
fun when she did it.
So I wanted to try.
Can't believe this whole time
it was you guys.
I've been blaming really tanned
dancing leotard guy.
Marshall, I'm so sorry,
but sharing that secret...
that's when Robin and I
became best friends.
Wow.
What a special car.
So, can I crush it
into a little cube yet?
I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know.
Come on, Marshall.
This is your Fiero.
You know the right thing
to do here.
Wow, Barney, why do you
love that car so much?
Love it?
Hold on a second.
Love it?
I hate it!
What? Why?
Why?
Let me tell it.
It was last year
during the transit strike.
Hey.
Uh, is Marshall around?
I have a massage in Queens
in half an hour.
I need a ride.
Uh, no, he's at the library
all day.
Just take the keys.
Uh... hey!
Why don't you drive me?
It'll be like a total road trip.
To Queens?
Yeah, we'll get,
we'll get beef jerky, Triscuits.
Uh, actually I have a lot
of work to do, so...
Okay.
Well, anyway, I'll cancel.
See you later.
Wait!
You know how to drive,
right?
What...? Of course I know
how to drive.
I love driving.
Mm-hmm.
Hitting the road.
Cruising the lanes.
And braking.
Honking. Love it.
Except for lady drivers.
Don't get me started
on lady drivers.
Which pedal's the gas?
Trick question.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
No, it's not.
Middle, left, right?
I never learned how to drive!
I grew up in the city.
I never had a chance.
Well, guess what?
You're getting your chance.
Because I'm going
to teach you.
Barney Stinson,
buckle up.
This isn't right.
God never meant
for us to travel
at such breakneck speeds.
Relax.
You're doing great.
Ignore the old lady on the
Rascal; this isn't a race.
D-oh.
Dude, a dog.
Zitch Dog. Yes!
One-nothing.
Ah.
What do I do?
Tell me what
to do, Ted.
Step on the brake.
Sometime in the next
20 minutes.
Which?
Which one's the brake again?
The left one.
Left. Left, oh, man, left.
I'm totally blanking.
Make the Is with your hands.
Oh, we're not going
to make it.
Why did you just turn
on the radio?
I don't know why I
turned on the radio!
We're going to die.
Tell me what to do, Ted.
Relax. You're
being crazy.
Help me, Ted!
Stop, drop and roll.
I'm being serious.
Stop...
Screaming is fun!
Oh.
I can't move.
I can't... I can't feel my...
wait.
What?
We're okay.
Oh.
We're okay.
It's a miracle, Ted!
Oh.
Ah. Ah.
Wow.
Sounds like you had some
accident in that car.
Actually, he had two
accidents, if you add
the fact that he...
Hummina-hummina-hummina-hummina.
I shouldn't even be here,
thanks to that deathtrap.
But fate...
fate gave me a second chance.
And helped me realize
that our days on this planet
are too few to squander.
So I decided from that moment on
to continue living life
to its fullest.
So you made
a life-changing decision
to not change your life at all.
True story.
Guys...
This Fiero's meant a lot
to all of us.
Friendships were made.
Adventures had.
Horrors faced.
That's why we have to get rid
of it.
Yes!
What?
It's lived a great life and it
deserves to die with dignity.
But 200,000...
But
that's life. You know?
You never end up where you
thought you wanted to be.
I'm not helping the environment.
Ted's not a philosopher.
Lily's not
a world-famous artist.
Barney's never driven
more than ten miles an hour.
Robin,
I'm sure, has also experienced
disappointment in her life.
Maybe?
And my Fiero's not a Fiero
that went 200,000 miles.
It's okay.
You know?
Those are old dreams.
We'll get a new car
and we'll fill that one up
with new memories.
And that'll be
the car we had
when we were first married.
When we owned
our first house.
Maybe even the first car
our four kids remember.
Oh, that's so sweet.
The first car
our two kids remember.
Um, I would like
to say good-bye.
Oh.
You know what?
This Fiero, it's effected
all our lives.
Affected.
That's what I said.
Just making sure.
Got us all a lot
of places.
I mean maybe it's time
we return the favor.
This Fiero should have
made it to 200,000.
So, let's get
it out that door.
And we'll push it
the last.7 miles.
It'd do
the same for us.
(triumphant
musical theme playing)
Hey, geniuses.
The back wheels are on blocks.
That car ain't going anywhere.
Close enough!
And so Marshall said good-bye
to his Fiero.
And as the car's final gift
to us all,
the money he got for scrap
parts paid our bar tab
for the next two nights.
Arrivederci, Fiero!
You were the freaking
giving tree of cars.
Aw, may you rust in peace.
Rot in hell,
devil steed.
And what better friend is there
than that?
Hey, man.
Bro.
Have you heard
this new song?
I just got the cassingle.
Put it in.
Oh!
I am never going to get sick
of this song.
Never, ever, never, never, ever.
Yeah!