1 00:00:01,630 --> 00:00:03,131 Kids, 2 00:00:01,630 --> 00:00:03,131 I know you think that 3 00:00:01,630 --> 00:00:03,131 you've heard every story 4 00:00:03,131 --> 00:00:05,008 from back before 5 00:00:03,131 --> 00:00:05,008 I met your mother, 6 00:00:05,008 --> 00:00:08,554 but there are some stories 7 00:00:05,008 --> 00:00:08,554 you tell 8 00:00:05,008 --> 00:00:08,554 and some stories you don't. 9 00:00:08,554 --> 00:00:12,015 Oh, my God! 10 00:00:08,554 --> 00:00:12,015 Barney how... Oh, my God... 11 00:00:12,015 --> 00:00:14,267 Use your words, Ted. 12 00:00:12,015 --> 00:00:14,267 Okay. 13 00:00:14,267 --> 00:00:16,520 Barney, I'm about to 14 00:00:14,267 --> 00:00:16,520 go for the belt. 15 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:17,813 The belt? 16 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:17,813 The belt. 17 00:00:17,813 --> 00:00:19,481 But that's impossible. 18 00:00:19,481 --> 00:00:20,774 You were up here 19 00:00:19,481 --> 00:00:20,774 less than half an hour ago. 20 00:00:24,069 --> 00:00:25,529 Yes! Advantage, Eriksen. 21 00:00:25,529 --> 00:00:29,032 Don't get cocky. 22 00:00:25,529 --> 00:00:29,032 Wimbledon lasts a fortnight. 23 00:00:29,032 --> 00:00:31,744 "Fortnight." 24 00:00:29,032 --> 00:00:31,744 British words 25 00:00:29,032 --> 00:00:31,744 are so cool. 26 00:00:31,744 --> 00:00:33,579 Plus, did you know lawyers 27 00:00:31,744 --> 00:00:33,579 there get to wear wigs? 28 00:00:33,579 --> 00:00:36,749 I wear a wig to work, 29 00:00:33,579 --> 00:00:36,749 I'm a jackass. 30 00:00:36,749 --> 00:00:38,500 All right, I'm ready, 31 00:00:36,749 --> 00:00:38,500 let's hit it. 32 00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:39,752 We can't go. 33 00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:39,752 Tournament. 34 00:00:39,752 --> 00:00:41,545 What? We agreed. 35 00:00:39,752 --> 00:00:41,545 I suited up. 36 00:00:41,545 --> 00:00:42,796 You take too long 37 00:00:41,545 --> 00:00:42,796 to get ready. 38 00:00:42,796 --> 00:00:44,339 What are you talking about? 39 00:00:44,339 --> 00:00:46,007 I got the low-maintenance, 40 00:00:44,339 --> 00:00:46,007 "just-rolled-of-bed" look. 41 00:00:46,007 --> 00:00:48,427 Yeah, which takes 42 00:00:46,007 --> 00:00:48,427 an hour 43 00:00:46,007 --> 00:00:48,427 and a half of waxing, 44 00:00:48,427 --> 00:00:50,429 tugging and teasing 45 00:00:48,427 --> 00:00:50,429 to achieve. 46 00:00:50,429 --> 00:00:52,932 And then he starts 47 00:00:50,429 --> 00:00:52,932 on his hair. Ace! 48 00:00:52,932 --> 00:00:54,808 Look, are we 49 00:00:52,932 --> 00:00:54,808 going or not? 50 00:00:54,808 --> 00:00:56,351 Just go without us. 51 00:00:54,808 --> 00:00:56,351 We'll be there 52 00:00:54,808 --> 00:00:56,351 in five minutes. 53 00:00:56,351 --> 00:00:58,520 Really? 54 00:00:56,351 --> 00:00:58,520 Yes! 55 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:00,647 All right, I'm going down 56 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:00,647 to the bar. 57 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:00,647 I'm ordering three beers 58 00:01:00,647 --> 00:01:04,401 I'll see you guys 59 00:01:00,647 --> 00:01:04,401 in five minutes. 60 00:01:00,647 --> 00:01:04,401 Three beers, five minutes. 61 00:01:06,111 --> 00:01:08,488 Thanks for lending me 62 00:01:06,111 --> 00:01:08,488 these boots. 63 00:01:06,111 --> 00:01:08,488 Where'd you get them from? 64 00:01:08,488 --> 00:01:11,283 This store in the Village 65 00:01:08,488 --> 00:01:11,283 had one of 66 00:01:08,488 --> 00:01:11,283 those crazy sales. 67 00:01:11,283 --> 00:01:13,076 It was a footwear 68 00:01:11,283 --> 00:01:13,076 feeding frenzy. 69 00:01:14,912 --> 00:01:16,538 I saw them first! 70 00:01:18,415 --> 00:01:20,459 You just made 71 00:01:18,415 --> 00:01:20,459 the list, bitch! 72 00:01:20,459 --> 00:01:23,003 So many questions. 73 00:01:20,459 --> 00:01:23,003 Firstly, what do you think 74 00:01:20,459 --> 00:01:23,003 would happen 75 00:01:23,003 --> 00:01:26,673 if a guy 76 00:01:23,003 --> 00:01:26,673 walked into that store 77 00:01:23,003 --> 00:01:26,673 wearing a suit of boots? 78 00:01:26,673 --> 00:01:29,342 You look fantastic 79 00:01:26,673 --> 00:01:29,342 in them, Robin. 80 00:01:29,342 --> 00:01:30,928 But don't you think 81 00:01:29,342 --> 00:01:30,928 they're a little high 82 00:01:29,342 --> 00:01:30,928 for that dress? 83 00:01:30,928 --> 00:01:32,596 Well, that's the point, 84 00:01:32,596 --> 00:01:34,598 it's to hide the fact 85 00:01:32,596 --> 00:01:34,598 that I haven't 86 00:01:32,596 --> 00:01:34,598 shaved my legs. 87 00:01:34,598 --> 00:01:37,392 I've begun 88 00:01:34,598 --> 00:01:37,392 a strict no-shave policy 89 00:01:34,598 --> 00:01:37,392 for the first three dates. 90 00:01:37,392 --> 00:01:38,644 It's all about 91 00:01:37,392 --> 00:01:38,644 self-control. 92 00:01:38,644 --> 00:01:40,980 If I don't shave, 93 00:01:38,644 --> 00:01:40,980 I must behave. 94 00:01:40,980 --> 00:01:43,356 FYI, it doesn't 95 00:01:40,980 --> 00:01:43,356 matter, baby. 96 00:01:43,356 --> 00:01:44,817 Guys just want to 97 00:01:43,356 --> 00:01:44,817 get on the green. 98 00:01:44,817 --> 00:01:46,443 They don't mind 99 00:01:44,817 --> 00:01:46,443 going through the rough. 100 00:01:49,154 --> 00:01:50,447 Stinson. 101 00:01:50,447 --> 00:01:51,865 All right, 102 00:01:50,447 --> 00:01:51,865 the beers are here. 103 00:01:51,865 --> 00:01:53,158 Yeah, we're not 104 00:01:51,865 --> 00:01:53,158 gonna make it. 105 00:01:53,158 --> 00:01:55,535 Oh, come on! 106 00:01:53,158 --> 00:01:55,535 We agreed... 107 00:01:55,535 --> 00:01:56,745 Did Marshall 108 00:01:55,535 --> 00:01:56,745 take his pants off? 109 00:01:56,745 --> 00:01:57,830 Yeah, pants are off. 110 00:01:57,830 --> 00:01:59,665 This is Wimbledon, Ted. 111 00:01:59,665 --> 00:02:02,459 I need the freedom 112 00:01:59,665 --> 00:02:02,459 and mobility that only 113 00:01:59,665 --> 00:02:02,459 underwear can provide. 114 00:02:02,459 --> 00:02:04,127 Cheerio! 115 00:02:04,127 --> 00:02:05,545 Fine. 116 00:02:05,545 --> 00:02:08,007 I don't need friends. 117 00:02:05,545 --> 00:02:08,007 I got you guys. 118 00:02:08,007 --> 00:02:11,802 You guys are my friends, 119 00:02:08,007 --> 00:02:11,802 my cool refreshing friends. 120 00:02:12,761 --> 00:02:14,179 I'm talking to beer. 121 00:02:14,179 --> 00:02:16,807 Ted? Trudy. 122 00:02:17,766 --> 00:02:19,434 Trudy! 123 00:02:19,434 --> 00:02:22,021 Oh, my God. 124 00:02:19,434 --> 00:02:22,021 I haven't seen you 125 00:02:19,434 --> 00:02:22,021 since... 126 00:02:24,815 --> 00:02:27,651 I slept with you 127 00:02:24,815 --> 00:02:27,651 and then climbed down 128 00:02:24,815 --> 00:02:27,651 the fire escape. 129 00:02:27,651 --> 00:02:32,113 That was you? 130 00:02:27,651 --> 00:02:32,113 I'm kidding. 131 00:02:27,651 --> 00:02:32,113 I was super-wasted. 132 00:02:32,113 --> 00:02:34,908 These are not 133 00:02:32,113 --> 00:02:34,908 all for me. 134 00:02:34,908 --> 00:02:37,703 No, I was going to call you, 135 00:02:34,908 --> 00:02:37,703 but I was so embarrassed. 136 00:02:37,703 --> 00:02:39,788 You were embarrassed? 137 00:02:37,703 --> 00:02:39,788 I was like, 138 00:02:39,788 --> 00:02:41,790 "I really like this guy, 139 00:02:39,788 --> 00:02:41,790 and now I'm climbing 140 00:02:39,788 --> 00:02:41,790 out his window." 141 00:02:41,790 --> 00:02:43,709 And I forgot 142 00:02:41,790 --> 00:02:43,709 my underwear. 143 00:02:43,709 --> 00:02:46,628 Those were yours? 144 00:02:43,709 --> 00:02:46,628 God, I thought 145 00:02:43,709 --> 00:02:46,628 they felt kind of tight. 146 00:02:46,628 --> 00:02:49,798 I'm kidding. 147 00:02:46,628 --> 00:02:49,798 I don't wear underwear. 148 00:02:46,628 --> 00:02:49,798 Ladies' underwear. 149 00:02:49,798 --> 00:02:51,174 Often. 150 00:02:51,174 --> 00:02:53,176 Again, I'm kidding. 151 00:02:53,176 --> 00:02:55,012 I'm so glad 152 00:02:53,176 --> 00:02:55,012 I ran into you. 153 00:02:55,012 --> 00:02:56,137 I know. 154 00:02:55,012 --> 00:02:56,137 Do you want to... 155 00:02:56,137 --> 00:02:57,222 Trudy? 156 00:02:57,222 --> 00:02:58,932 No way! 157 00:02:58,932 --> 00:03:00,559 Oh, my God! 158 00:02:58,932 --> 00:03:00,559 Rachel, how are you? 159 00:03:03,311 --> 00:03:04,312 Ted, this is Rachel. 160 00:03:04,312 --> 00:03:05,981 Hi! 161 00:03:05,981 --> 00:03:07,774 Kappa Epsilon Gamma! 162 00:03:09,192 --> 00:03:12,738 Wait, let me guess. 163 00:03:09,192 --> 00:03:12,738 You guys met in prison. 164 00:03:12,738 --> 00:03:14,990 No! We were 165 00:03:12,738 --> 00:03:14,990 sorority sisters. 166 00:03:14,990 --> 00:03:16,408 Oh! 167 00:03:16,408 --> 00:03:17,826 And best friends forever, 168 00:03:16,408 --> 00:03:17,826 all sophomore year. 169 00:03:17,826 --> 00:03:19,703 When we weren't at 170 00:03:17,826 --> 00:03:19,703 each other's throats. 171 00:03:19,703 --> 00:03:21,580 We could be 172 00:03:19,703 --> 00:03:21,580 so competitive. 173 00:03:21,580 --> 00:03:23,331 But that's all 174 00:03:21,580 --> 00:03:23,331 behind us now. 175 00:03:23,331 --> 00:03:25,584 Hey, mister! 176 00:03:28,921 --> 00:03:30,422 We have so much 177 00:03:28,921 --> 00:03:30,422 catching up to do. 178 00:03:30,422 --> 00:03:31,965 Okay. Are you going to 179 00:03:30,422 --> 00:03:31,965 Stacey's wedding? 180 00:03:31,965 --> 00:03:33,592 Oh, it's off. 181 00:03:31,965 --> 00:03:33,592 Apparently, 182 00:03:31,965 --> 00:03:33,592 he's into dudes. 183 00:03:33,592 --> 00:03:35,594 Again? That's like 184 00:03:33,592 --> 00:03:35,594 her third one. 185 00:03:35,594 --> 00:03:37,637 I know! 186 00:03:37,637 --> 00:03:39,556 Well, beers, 187 00:03:37,637 --> 00:03:39,556 what do you want to do? 188 00:03:39,556 --> 00:03:41,349 We could stay here 189 00:03:39,556 --> 00:03:41,349 or I know this other place 190 00:03:41,349 --> 00:03:42,851 called "My Belly." 191 00:03:42,851 --> 00:03:45,604 So, Trudy and I 192 00:03:42,851 --> 00:03:45,604 got a table. 193 00:03:45,604 --> 00:03:47,022 Oh, that's cool. 194 00:03:45,604 --> 00:03:47,022 I was gonna 195 00:03:45,604 --> 00:03:47,022 get out of here, anyway. 196 00:03:47,022 --> 00:03:48,189 I'm really tired. 197 00:03:48,189 --> 00:03:50,109 I want you to stay. 198 00:03:50,109 --> 00:03:53,153 Tired of people 199 00:03:50,109 --> 00:03:53,153 who fold early, 200 00:03:50,109 --> 00:03:53,153 because I am wide awake! 201 00:03:55,864 --> 00:03:57,908 Okay, guys, be cool. 202 00:04:15,467 --> 00:04:16,969 You've been 203 00:04:15,467 --> 00:04:16,969 vanquished, old bean. 204 00:04:16,969 --> 00:04:19,054 That's 'cause 205 00:04:16,969 --> 00:04:19,054 you distracted me. 206 00:04:19,054 --> 00:04:22,223 You've been hanging crumpet 207 00:04:19,054 --> 00:04:22,223 ever since the third set. 208 00:04:24,893 --> 00:04:26,686 Stinson. 209 00:04:26,686 --> 00:04:28,772 I've got a situation. 210 00:04:28,772 --> 00:04:31,942 Trudy is here, you know, 211 00:04:28,772 --> 00:04:31,942 from the pineapple incident? 212 00:04:31,942 --> 00:04:33,819 Oh, you mean the girl 213 00:04:31,942 --> 00:04:33,819 that chalked your pool cue 214 00:04:33,819 --> 00:04:36,113 and then snuck down 215 00:04:33,819 --> 00:04:36,113 the fire escape? 216 00:04:33,819 --> 00:04:36,113 Respect. 217 00:04:36,113 --> 00:04:38,615 So, we're hitting it off 218 00:04:36,113 --> 00:04:38,615 and then 219 00:04:36,113 --> 00:04:38,615 her friend shows up 220 00:04:38,615 --> 00:04:40,200 and they're kind of 221 00:04:38,615 --> 00:04:40,200 competitive. 222 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,827 I think the new girl's 223 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,827 kind of into me. 224 00:04:41,827 --> 00:04:44,204 So you now have 225 00:04:41,827 --> 00:04:44,204 two on the line? 226 00:04:44,204 --> 00:04:45,580 And I don't know 227 00:04:44,204 --> 00:04:45,580 which one to go for. 228 00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:47,290 Go for the new girl! 229 00:04:47,290 --> 00:04:49,375 Given the choice, 230 00:04:47,290 --> 00:04:49,375 always party 231 00:04:47,290 --> 00:04:49,375 with Dr. Strangelove. 232 00:04:49,375 --> 00:04:51,419 New girl? 233 00:04:49,375 --> 00:04:51,419 What new girl? 234 00:04:51,419 --> 00:04:53,922 Two girls are allegedly 235 00:04:51,419 --> 00:04:53,922 vying for Ted's affections, 236 00:04:51,419 --> 00:04:53,922 and I think... 237 00:04:53,922 --> 00:04:55,298 Oh, you don't know 238 00:04:53,922 --> 00:04:55,298 what you're talking about. 239 00:04:55,298 --> 00:04:57,592 Give it to me. 240 00:04:55,298 --> 00:04:57,592 Are they friends? 241 00:04:57,592 --> 00:05:00,137 Yeah. No. I don't know. 242 00:04:57,592 --> 00:05:00,137 They're old sorority sisters. 243 00:05:00,137 --> 00:05:01,972 Are they Betas? 244 00:05:01,972 --> 00:05:03,640 Because they're all sluts 245 00:05:01,972 --> 00:05:03,640 and you can 246 00:05:01,972 --> 00:05:03,640 tell them right now 247 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,851 I didn't wanna be 248 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,851 in their sorority, anyway. 249 00:05:05,851 --> 00:05:07,811 They're Kappas, and... 250 00:05:07,811 --> 00:05:10,022 I think I can score 251 00:05:07,811 --> 00:05:10,022 with one of them. 252 00:05:07,811 --> 00:05:10,022 I don't know which one, 253 00:05:10,022 --> 00:05:11,940 and if I chose wrong, 254 00:05:10,022 --> 00:05:11,940 I lose them both. 255 00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:15,861 Okay, well, don't worry. 256 00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:15,861 I'll come down 257 00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:15,861 and help you figure it out. 258 00:05:15,861 --> 00:05:17,654 I thought we were in 259 00:05:15,861 --> 00:05:17,654 for the evening? 260 00:05:17,654 --> 00:05:19,823 That's what I thought 261 00:05:17,654 --> 00:05:19,823 about your bangers 262 00:05:17,654 --> 00:05:19,823 and mash down there, 263 00:05:19,823 --> 00:05:22,701 but I guess 264 00:05:19,823 --> 00:05:22,701 we're both wrong, 265 00:05:19,823 --> 00:05:22,701 guv'nor. 266 00:05:24,786 --> 00:05:26,496 Oh, Ted. Okay. 267 00:05:24,786 --> 00:05:26,496 Settle an argument. 268 00:05:26,496 --> 00:05:28,040 Mmm-hmm. 269 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,958 Is it stealing if you go out 270 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,958 with someone's boyfriend 271 00:05:29,958 --> 00:05:31,710 after they've broken up? 272 00:05:31,710 --> 00:05:33,503 Well, that's very 273 00:05:31,710 --> 00:05:33,503 complicated... 274 00:05:33,503 --> 00:05:36,631 See? He agrees with me. 275 00:05:33,503 --> 00:05:36,631 You're such 276 00:05:33,503 --> 00:05:36,631 a little man thief. 277 00:05:36,631 --> 00:05:38,967 You're the man thief, 278 00:05:36,631 --> 00:05:38,967 man thief. 279 00:05:38,967 --> 00:05:41,386 Somebody should 280 00:05:38,967 --> 00:05:41,386 lock you girls up. 281 00:05:42,345 --> 00:05:44,681 You're so funny. 282 00:05:44,681 --> 00:05:46,225 I think Ted is funny. 283 00:05:46,225 --> 00:05:49,811 Really? 284 00:05:46,225 --> 00:05:49,811 I think Ted is hilarious. 285 00:05:51,104 --> 00:05:53,982 I am never not 286 00:05:51,104 --> 00:05:53,982 wearing a suit again. 287 00:05:53,982 --> 00:05:55,775 Hello? 288 00:05:53,982 --> 00:05:55,775 It's me. I'm at the bar. 289 00:05:55,775 --> 00:05:57,819 Don't look. 290 00:05:55,775 --> 00:05:57,819 Just call me "Mom." 291 00:05:57,819 --> 00:06:00,822 Hey, Mom. 292 00:05:57,819 --> 00:06:00,822 How's Dad's... colon? 293 00:06:00,822 --> 00:06:03,533 What? 294 00:06:00,822 --> 00:06:03,533 What's the matter with you? 295 00:06:03,533 --> 00:06:06,619 Anyway, both of these girls 296 00:06:03,533 --> 00:06:06,619 are into you, 297 00:06:03,533 --> 00:06:06,619 take your pick. 298 00:06:06,619 --> 00:06:08,538 They are? Are you sure? 299 00:06:06,619 --> 00:06:08,538 Yes, of course. 300 00:06:08,538 --> 00:06:10,957 They're playing 301 00:06:08,538 --> 00:06:10,957 with their hair 302 00:06:08,538 --> 00:06:10,957 and touching your arm. 303 00:06:10,957 --> 00:06:12,792 Classic green light. 304 00:06:12,792 --> 00:06:13,919 Are you positive? 305 00:06:13,919 --> 00:06:16,713 Oh. That is so fascinating. 306 00:06:16,713 --> 00:06:18,506 So what happened? 307 00:06:18,506 --> 00:06:20,926 Well, after 18 hours 308 00:06:18,506 --> 00:06:20,926 of surgery, 309 00:06:18,506 --> 00:06:20,926 I closed, and, thankfully, 310 00:06:20,926 --> 00:06:23,220 both girls just celebrated 311 00:06:20,926 --> 00:06:23,220 their second birthday. 312 00:06:23,220 --> 00:06:26,598 Wow. Gosh, separating 313 00:06:23,220 --> 00:06:26,598 conjoined twins, 314 00:06:26,598 --> 00:06:29,601 that must be 315 00:06:26,598 --> 00:06:29,601 the most amazing feeling. 316 00:06:29,601 --> 00:06:31,270 True, but now the parents 317 00:06:29,601 --> 00:06:31,270 don't know what to do 318 00:06:31,270 --> 00:06:34,814 with their huge supply 319 00:06:31,270 --> 00:06:34,814 of four-legged overalls. 320 00:06:34,814 --> 00:06:38,151 That is so funny. 321 00:06:34,814 --> 00:06:38,151 You're so funny. 322 00:06:39,194 --> 00:06:41,738 Positive. 323 00:06:39,194 --> 00:06:41,738 They both want you bad. 324 00:06:41,738 --> 00:06:44,365 It's a clearance sale 325 00:06:41,738 --> 00:06:44,365 and you're the boots, baby. 326 00:06:45,784 --> 00:06:47,452 Oh, it's Robin. 327 00:06:45,784 --> 00:06:47,452 Good luck. 328 00:06:47,452 --> 00:06:48,620 Bye, Mom. 329 00:06:49,537 --> 00:06:50,872 That's my mom. 330 00:06:50,872 --> 00:06:52,958 Hello? 331 00:06:50,872 --> 00:06:52,958 Bring me a razor. 332 00:06:52,958 --> 00:06:56,377 What about the no-shave rule? 333 00:06:52,958 --> 00:06:56,377 What happened 334 00:06:52,958 --> 00:06:56,377 to your convictions? 335 00:06:56,377 --> 00:06:59,714 They've been 336 00:06:56,377 --> 00:06:59,714 surgically removed 337 00:06:56,377 --> 00:06:59,714 by Dr. Awesome. 338 00:06:59,714 --> 00:07:02,467 No, I'm not doing it. 339 00:06:59,714 --> 00:07:02,467 The whole point to 340 00:06:59,714 --> 00:07:02,467 not shaving was to... 341 00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:04,427 Lily, please! 342 00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:04,427 He's really cute 343 00:07:04,427 --> 00:07:06,596 and I really like him 344 00:07:04,427 --> 00:07:06,596 and he's got 345 00:07:04,427 --> 00:07:06,596 a British accent. 346 00:07:06,596 --> 00:07:08,932 I'm on my way. 347 00:07:08,932 --> 00:07:10,976 So this college boyfriend, 348 00:07:08,932 --> 00:07:10,976 who won him? 349 00:07:10,976 --> 00:07:15,814 Neither of us. 350 00:07:10,976 --> 00:07:15,814 He left. 351 00:07:10,976 --> 00:07:15,814 Junior year abroad. 352 00:07:15,814 --> 00:07:21,653 It's really too bad, 353 00:07:15,814 --> 00:07:21,653 'cause, there was that 354 00:07:15,814 --> 00:07:21,653 one thing we wanted to do. 355 00:07:21,653 --> 00:07:24,990 We were going to do, 356 00:07:21,653 --> 00:07:24,990 but we never did. 357 00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:27,909 What? Wait, what were you guys 358 00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:27,909 gonna do but never did? 359 00:07:27,909 --> 00:07:29,286 No, 360 00:07:27,909 --> 00:07:29,286 it's too embarrassing. 361 00:07:27,909 --> 00:07:29,286 You tell him. 362 00:07:29,286 --> 00:07:30,620 No, you tell him. 363 00:07:30,620 --> 00:07:31,830 Well, I don't care 364 00:07:30,620 --> 00:07:31,830 if you don't care. 365 00:07:31,830 --> 00:07:32,956 Well, I don't care. 366 00:07:31,830 --> 00:07:32,956 I just... 367 00:07:32,956 --> 00:07:35,750 Nobody cares! 368 00:07:32,956 --> 00:07:35,750 Just say it. 369 00:07:35,750 --> 00:07:37,961 Why don't 370 00:07:35,750 --> 00:07:37,961 we tell him together. 371 00:07:37,961 --> 00:07:39,629 Okay. 372 00:07:39,629 --> 00:07:40,839 On three. 373 00:07:41,756 --> 00:07:43,008 One... 374 00:07:43,008 --> 00:07:45,093 Well, he's right, 375 00:07:43,008 --> 00:07:45,093 it's a dead heat. 376 00:07:45,093 --> 00:07:46,511 Two... 377 00:07:46,511 --> 00:07:47,929 Neither one 378 00:07:46,511 --> 00:07:47,929 is giving ground. 379 00:07:47,929 --> 00:07:50,015 I could not tell 380 00:07:47,929 --> 00:07:50,015 who was the third wheel. 381 00:07:50,015 --> 00:07:51,099 Three. 382 00:07:51,099 --> 00:07:52,934 It's a tricycle! 383 00:07:52,934 --> 00:07:54,811 No way, no way, no way! 384 00:07:54,811 --> 00:07:56,688 What's happening? 385 00:07:56,688 --> 00:07:57,897 It's a tricycle. 386 00:07:57,897 --> 00:07:59,232 No way, no way, 387 00:07:57,897 --> 00:07:59,232 no way. 388 00:07:59,232 --> 00:08:01,360 It's a tricycle. 389 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,570 Well, I'll just 390 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,570 say it right now. 391 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,570 All sorority girls are sluts. 392 00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:06,072 Put him on speaker. 393 00:08:06,072 --> 00:08:07,615 So what you're 394 00:08:06,072 --> 00:08:07,615 saying to us right now 395 00:08:07,615 --> 00:08:09,826 is that you have a shot 396 00:08:07,615 --> 00:08:09,826 at the belt? 397 00:08:09,826 --> 00:08:11,244 Wait, wait, wait. 398 00:08:09,826 --> 00:08:11,244 What belt? 399 00:08:11,244 --> 00:08:13,038 Well, Barney and I 400 00:08:11,244 --> 00:08:13,038 have this running joke 401 00:08:13,038 --> 00:08:14,539 that the first guy 402 00:08:13,038 --> 00:08:14,539 o actually pull this off 403 00:08:14,539 --> 00:08:16,082 would "win the 404 00:08:14,539 --> 00:08:16,082 championship belt." 405 00:08:16,082 --> 00:08:18,335 Oh, so it's 406 00:08:16,082 --> 00:08:18,335 a metaphorical belt, 407 00:08:16,082 --> 00:08:18,335 right? 408 00:08:19,294 --> 00:08:20,795 Behold! 409 00:08:22,505 --> 00:08:23,798 You actually 410 00:08:22,505 --> 00:08:23,798 bought a belt. 411 00:08:23,798 --> 00:08:26,718 That's right. 412 00:08:23,798 --> 00:08:26,718 It's resplendent. 413 00:08:26,718 --> 00:08:28,261 Come on, it was just 414 00:08:26,718 --> 00:08:28,261 a thing we said. 415 00:08:28,261 --> 00:08:29,304 We were kidding around. 416 00:08:29,304 --> 00:08:30,763 I never kid. 417 00:08:30,763 --> 00:08:32,307 Remember you said 418 00:08:30,763 --> 00:08:32,307 if I ever 419 00:08:30,763 --> 00:08:32,307 slept with that girl 420 00:08:32,307 --> 00:08:33,975 from Days of Our Lives, 421 00:08:32,307 --> 00:08:33,975 I'd be the king? 422 00:08:33,975 --> 00:08:35,143 Well... 423 00:08:39,231 --> 00:08:42,901 Why wasn't I 424 00:08:39,231 --> 00:08:42,901 told about the belt? 425 00:08:39,231 --> 00:08:42,901 I could go for the belt. 426 00:08:45,653 --> 00:08:49,657 If Lily were to die before me, 427 00:08:45,653 --> 00:08:49,657 then I could 428 00:08:45,653 --> 00:08:49,657 ride the tricycle. 429 00:08:49,657 --> 00:08:52,744 If I died, 430 00:08:49,657 --> 00:08:52,744 I would just come back 431 00:08:49,657 --> 00:08:52,744 and haunt your penis. 432 00:08:52,744 --> 00:08:54,746 Guys, come on! Help me out. 433 00:08:52,744 --> 00:08:54,746 What do I do? 434 00:08:54,746 --> 00:08:57,540 All right, Ted, 435 00:08:54,746 --> 00:08:57,540 if you're going to go 436 00:08:54,746 --> 00:08:57,540 for the belt, 437 00:08:57,540 --> 00:08:59,667 then the bylaws require me 438 00:08:57,540 --> 00:08:59,667 to ask 439 00:08:57,540 --> 00:08:59,667 the following questions. 440 00:08:59,667 --> 00:09:03,046 One, is the aggregate age 441 00:08:59,667 --> 00:09:03,046 of all participants 442 00:08:59,667 --> 00:09:03,046 under 83? 443 00:09:03,046 --> 00:09:05,006 Yes. 444 00:09:05,006 --> 00:09:08,176 Two, is the aggregate weight 445 00:09:05,006 --> 00:09:08,176 of all participants 446 00:09:05,006 --> 00:09:08,176 under 400 pounds? 447 00:09:08,176 --> 00:09:09,219 Yes. 448 00:09:09,219 --> 00:09:11,596 Theodore Mosby, 449 00:09:11,596 --> 00:09:12,847 are you paying 450 00:09:11,596 --> 00:09:12,847 these women? 451 00:09:12,847 --> 00:09:14,682 What? No. 452 00:09:14,682 --> 00:09:16,435 Ted... 453 00:09:16,435 --> 00:09:18,519 No. Look, I got to go. 454 00:09:16,435 --> 00:09:18,519 They're going to 455 00:09:16,435 --> 00:09:18,519 think I inherited 456 00:09:18,519 --> 00:09:20,355 my dad's imaginary 457 00:09:18,519 --> 00:09:20,355 bathroom issues. 458 00:09:23,066 --> 00:09:24,609 Oh, are you guys leaving? 459 00:09:24,609 --> 00:09:27,695 Well, it is getting 460 00:09:24,609 --> 00:09:27,695 pretty late. 461 00:09:27,695 --> 00:09:29,530 Right. Well, well, 462 00:09:27,695 --> 00:09:29,530 it's been... 463 00:09:29,530 --> 00:09:31,783 Maybe, we could all 464 00:09:29,530 --> 00:09:31,783 go listen 465 00:09:29,530 --> 00:09:31,783 to that Wilco CD 466 00:09:31,783 --> 00:09:34,453 you talked about before. 467 00:09:34,453 --> 00:09:36,621 Great! I have it 468 00:09:34,453 --> 00:09:36,621 right upstairs. 469 00:09:36,621 --> 00:09:38,539 It's in my apartment upstairs. 470 00:09:36,621 --> 00:09:38,539 Let's go upstairs. 471 00:09:38,539 --> 00:09:41,460 I'm sorry. 472 00:09:38,539 --> 00:09:41,460 Where was your apartment 473 00:09:38,539 --> 00:09:41,460 again? 474 00:09:41,460 --> 00:09:43,462 That's funny. 475 00:09:41,460 --> 00:09:43,462 I love that. 476 00:09:43,462 --> 00:09:46,756 You should tell more jokes 477 00:09:43,462 --> 00:09:46,756 in my apartment upstairs. 478 00:09:49,926 --> 00:09:52,887 Scenario number 12. 479 00:09:49,926 --> 00:09:52,887 We're in 480 00:09:49,926 --> 00:09:52,887 a horrific car crash. 481 00:09:52,887 --> 00:09:55,056 You die. 482 00:09:52,887 --> 00:09:55,056 I'm left paralyzed. 483 00:09:55,056 --> 00:09:57,725 Two sexy nurses, 484 00:09:55,056 --> 00:09:57,725 with a six-pack 485 00:09:55,056 --> 00:09:57,725 of wine coolers, 486 00:09:57,725 --> 00:09:59,060 sneak into my room 487 00:09:57,725 --> 00:09:59,060 late at night. 488 00:09:59,060 --> 00:10:01,646 I try to blink at them 489 00:09:59,060 --> 00:10:01,646 in Morse code. 490 00:10:01,646 --> 00:10:05,400 "Please, don't, 491 00:10:01,646 --> 00:10:05,400 I love my dead wife." 492 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:06,901 But they're 493 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:06,901 medical professionals, 494 00:10:06,901 --> 00:10:10,113 and I got to think, 495 00:10:06,901 --> 00:10:10,113 somehow, 496 00:10:06,901 --> 00:10:10,113 they're saving my life. 497 00:10:10,113 --> 00:10:14,284 Fine. Sleep with your nurses. 498 00:10:10,113 --> 00:10:14,284 Tonight you ride the unicycle. 499 00:10:14,284 --> 00:10:15,910 I already did this morning. 500 00:10:18,371 --> 00:10:20,039 Hello. 501 00:10:20,039 --> 00:10:22,667 Lily, I have pounded 502 00:10:20,039 --> 00:10:22,667 three cappuccinos 503 00:10:20,039 --> 00:10:22,667 waiting for you. 504 00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:24,085 Pretty soon, 505 00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:24,085 I won't have to shave, 506 00:10:24,085 --> 00:10:26,546 the hair is going to 507 00:10:24,085 --> 00:10:26,546 vibrate off my legs. 508 00:10:26,546 --> 00:10:28,089 I'm sorry, 509 00:10:26,546 --> 00:10:28,089 I can't leave now. 510 00:10:28,089 --> 00:10:29,882 Lily, he can't 511 00:10:28,089 --> 00:10:29,882 see my legs like this. 512 00:10:29,882 --> 00:10:31,468 I look like 513 00:10:29,882 --> 00:10:31,468 a Turkish lesbian. 514 00:10:33,803 --> 00:10:35,847 There's a pharmacy 515 00:10:33,803 --> 00:10:35,847 across the street. 516 00:10:35,847 --> 00:10:37,223 Would 20 bucks 517 00:10:35,847 --> 00:10:37,223 buy me a razor? 518 00:10:37,223 --> 00:10:39,017 No, but 50 will. 519 00:10:40,977 --> 00:10:43,813 Hold on. 520 00:10:40,977 --> 00:10:43,813 Ted's texting me. 521 00:10:43,813 --> 00:10:46,525 "We're combing up sars." 522 00:10:46,525 --> 00:10:48,901 "Combing up sars." 523 00:10:46,525 --> 00:10:48,901 What does that mean? 524 00:10:48,901 --> 00:10:51,488 It means 525 00:10:48,901 --> 00:10:51,488 they're coming upstairs. 526 00:10:55,074 --> 00:10:58,161 Pants? Where's my pants? 527 00:10:55,074 --> 00:10:58,161 Where's my pants? 528 00:10:59,078 --> 00:11:00,413 Got them. 529 00:11:01,789 --> 00:11:02,957 Ooh! 530 00:11:02,957 --> 00:11:05,210 Nice place. 531 00:11:05,210 --> 00:11:06,669 Hey, are these 532 00:11:05,210 --> 00:11:06,669 your roommates? 533 00:11:06,669 --> 00:11:08,171 Yes. 534 00:11:08,171 --> 00:11:11,591 Yes, but they are not here. 535 00:11:08,171 --> 00:11:11,591 They are somewhere else. 536 00:11:11,591 --> 00:11:13,759 We have total privacy 537 00:11:13,759 --> 00:11:17,556 because privacy is essential 538 00:11:13,759 --> 00:11:17,556 when you're 539 00:11:13,759 --> 00:11:17,556 listening to music. 540 00:11:17,556 --> 00:11:18,973 You know 541 00:11:17,556 --> 00:11:18,973 what else is essential 542 00:11:18,973 --> 00:11:20,392 when you're 543 00:11:18,973 --> 00:11:20,392 listening to music? 544 00:11:21,309 --> 00:11:23,686 Music. 545 00:11:23,686 --> 00:11:25,980 That's hilarious. 546 00:11:23,686 --> 00:11:25,980 You are hilarious! 547 00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:28,400 I'll go get it in my bedroom. 548 00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:28,400 The CD's in my bedroom. 549 00:11:29,317 --> 00:11:30,693 Bedroom... 550 00:11:30,693 --> 00:11:32,529 Okay. We'll try 551 00:11:30,693 --> 00:11:32,529 and stay out of trouble. 552 00:11:32,529 --> 00:11:34,655 Of course, 553 00:11:32,529 --> 00:11:34,655 we can't promise 554 00:11:32,529 --> 00:11:34,655 anything. 555 00:11:36,366 --> 00:11:38,701 This is gonna be awesome. 556 00:11:42,205 --> 00:11:43,248 No! 557 00:11:46,751 --> 00:11:48,587 What are you guys 558 00:11:46,751 --> 00:11:48,587 doing here? 559 00:11:46,751 --> 00:11:48,587 I've got, I've got... 560 00:11:48,587 --> 00:11:50,838 We know. 561 00:11:48,587 --> 00:11:50,838 We know, Ted, 562 00:11:48,587 --> 00:11:50,838 well done. 563 00:11:50,838 --> 00:11:52,924 This is very impressive. 564 00:11:50,838 --> 00:11:52,924 Up top. 565 00:11:52,924 --> 00:11:54,175 Yeah bro, up top. 566 00:11:54,175 --> 00:11:55,676 Oh, don't be gross. 567 00:11:55,676 --> 00:11:56,928 You guys need to 568 00:11:55,676 --> 00:11:56,928 get out of here, 569 00:11:55,676 --> 00:11:56,928 right now. 570 00:11:56,928 --> 00:11:58,263 Please, take 571 00:11:56,928 --> 00:11:58,263 the fire escape. 572 00:11:58,263 --> 00:11:59,847 No, no way. 573 00:11:59,847 --> 00:12:01,099 The other day 574 00:11:59,847 --> 00:12:01,099 I saw a pigeon 575 00:11:59,847 --> 00:12:01,099 take a crap on it 576 00:12:01,099 --> 00:12:03,393 and the whole thing 577 00:12:01,099 --> 00:12:03,393 shifted. 578 00:12:04,310 --> 00:12:06,605 Oh, you can 579 00:12:04,310 --> 00:12:06,605 use our bedroom. 580 00:12:06,605 --> 00:12:09,732 Okay, all I need to 581 00:12:06,605 --> 00:12:09,732 seal the deal is 582 00:12:06,605 --> 00:12:09,732 the Wilco CD, Barney. 583 00:12:14,153 --> 00:12:15,530 What are you doing? 584 00:12:15,530 --> 00:12:17,156 I cannot allow Ted 585 00:12:15,530 --> 00:12:17,156 to do this. 586 00:12:17,156 --> 00:12:18,533 What? Why? 587 00:12:18,533 --> 00:12:20,285 Because the belt 588 00:12:18,533 --> 00:12:20,285 is my birthright! 589 00:12:20,285 --> 00:12:21,994 You cannot claim it 590 00:12:20,285 --> 00:12:21,994 before I do. 591 00:12:21,994 --> 00:12:24,664 That would be like 592 00:12:21,994 --> 00:12:24,664 Jimmy Olsen 593 00:12:21,994 --> 00:12:24,664 capturing Lex Luther 594 00:12:24,664 --> 00:12:27,125 while Superman watches 595 00:12:24,664 --> 00:12:27,125 impotently from the bedroom. 596 00:12:27,125 --> 00:12:30,545 But, Barney, you've done 597 00:12:27,125 --> 00:12:30,545 way dirtier stuff than Ted. 598 00:12:30,545 --> 00:12:32,631 You're disgusting. 599 00:12:32,631 --> 00:12:34,882 I've never ridden 600 00:12:32,631 --> 00:12:34,882 the tricycle. 601 00:12:34,882 --> 00:12:37,718 I was on the verge 602 00:12:34,882 --> 00:12:37,718 last year. 603 00:12:34,882 --> 00:12:37,718 I was so close. 604 00:12:40,054 --> 00:12:44,517 So ladies, why don't 605 00:12:40,054 --> 00:12:44,517 we move this party to 606 00:12:40,054 --> 00:12:44,517 a more horizontal location? 607 00:12:46,311 --> 00:12:49,063 Oh, my God, my new carpet! 608 00:12:46,311 --> 00:12:49,063 Oh, my God, 609 00:12:46,311 --> 00:12:49,063 this is a disaster. 610 00:12:49,063 --> 00:12:50,690 You get 611 00:12:49,063 --> 00:12:50,690 the carpet cleaner. 612 00:12:49,063 --> 00:12:50,690 I'll get a towel. 613 00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:52,233 Okay. 614 00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:52,233 I'll get the video camera. 615 00:12:52,233 --> 00:12:54,819 Get out! 616 00:12:52,233 --> 00:12:54,819 Okay, then. 617 00:12:54,819 --> 00:12:57,656 So let me get this straight. 618 00:12:54,819 --> 00:12:57,656 You're going to 619 00:12:54,819 --> 00:12:57,656 trike-block me? 620 00:12:57,656 --> 00:12:59,991 That is so petty. 621 00:12:57,656 --> 00:12:59,991 It's like you're... 622 00:13:00,908 --> 00:13:01,993 Tom Petty. 623 00:13:01,993 --> 00:13:04,078 Tom Petty. 624 00:13:01,993 --> 00:13:04,078 You're Tom Petty. 625 00:13:04,078 --> 00:13:05,871 Where's Lily? 626 00:13:08,625 --> 00:13:11,043 Still looking 627 00:13:08,625 --> 00:13:11,043 for that CD, so... 628 00:13:13,963 --> 00:13:15,674 What are you doing? 629 00:13:13,963 --> 00:13:15,674 I knew it. 630 00:13:15,674 --> 00:13:18,134 I had a hunch about that girl 631 00:13:15,674 --> 00:13:18,134 and I was right. 632 00:13:19,135 --> 00:13:21,262 I saw it first! 633 00:13:22,639 --> 00:13:25,766 You just made 634 00:13:22,639 --> 00:13:25,766 the list, bitch. 635 00:13:25,766 --> 00:13:28,561 I cannot 636 00:13:25,766 --> 00:13:28,561 give up my bedroom 637 00:13:25,766 --> 00:13:28,561 to a boot thief. 638 00:13:28,561 --> 00:13:30,605 She should be punished, 639 00:13:28,561 --> 00:13:30,605 not rewarded. 640 00:13:30,605 --> 00:13:32,190 Fine, then I'll try to 641 00:13:30,605 --> 00:13:32,190 work in 642 00:13:30,605 --> 00:13:32,190 a little light spanking. 643 00:13:32,190 --> 00:13:34,275 Just do this for me! 644 00:13:32,190 --> 00:13:34,275 No, never. 645 00:13:34,275 --> 00:13:36,653 What if I reimburse 646 00:13:34,275 --> 00:13:36,653 you for the boots? 647 00:13:34,275 --> 00:13:36,653 Full retail. 648 00:13:36,653 --> 00:13:38,029 Please enjoy 649 00:13:36,653 --> 00:13:38,029 our bedroom. 650 00:13:38,029 --> 00:13:39,322 Great. 651 00:13:38,029 --> 00:13:39,322 Just take it. 652 00:13:39,322 --> 00:13:41,199 Okay, wish me luck. 653 00:13:48,707 --> 00:13:49,790 Oh, my God! 654 00:13:48,707 --> 00:13:49,790 You look fine. 655 00:13:49,790 --> 00:13:51,000 You're such a girl. 656 00:13:52,752 --> 00:13:53,919 Where's the shaving cream? 657 00:13:53,919 --> 00:13:55,254 You didn't ask me 658 00:13:53,919 --> 00:13:55,254 for shaving cream. 659 00:13:55,254 --> 00:13:56,589 Well, it was implied. 660 00:13:56,589 --> 00:13:58,090 Who buys a razor 661 00:13:56,589 --> 00:13:58,090 without buying 662 00:13:56,589 --> 00:13:58,090 shaving cream? 663 00:13:58,090 --> 00:14:00,092 Well, who doesn't shave 664 00:13:58,090 --> 00:14:00,092 their legs for a date? 665 00:14:00,092 --> 00:14:02,512 Well, who's not getting 666 00:14:00,092 --> 00:14:02,512 a tip 667 00:14:00,092 --> 00:14:02,512 because of her attitude? 668 00:14:02,512 --> 00:14:04,472 Well, here's 669 00:14:02,512 --> 00:14:04,472 a little tip for you, 670 00:14:04,472 --> 00:14:07,350 shave your legs 671 00:14:04,472 --> 00:14:07,350 before you leave 672 00:14:04,472 --> 00:14:07,350 the house, Sasquatch. 673 00:14:10,228 --> 00:14:12,980 Hey, Robin, 674 00:14:10,228 --> 00:14:12,980 the valet's brought 675 00:14:10,228 --> 00:14:12,980 the car round. 676 00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:16,401 I thought we'd go to my place, 677 00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:16,401 if you're in the mood 678 00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:16,401 for a nightcap. 679 00:14:16,401 --> 00:14:19,320 Absolutely. 680 00:14:16,401 --> 00:14:19,320 I just have to go to 681 00:14:16,401 --> 00:14:19,320 the ladies' room. 682 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,614 I've got TB. 683 00:14:21,614 --> 00:14:23,783 Tiny bladder. 684 00:14:23,783 --> 00:14:24,950 I'll meet you out front. 685 00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:26,160 Yeah. 686 00:14:31,750 --> 00:14:33,251 Oh, my God. 687 00:14:40,717 --> 00:14:42,218 You've got to 688 00:14:40,717 --> 00:14:42,218 be kidding me. 689 00:14:45,221 --> 00:14:46,847 Excuse me. Sorry. 690 00:15:06,367 --> 00:15:09,537 So, I'm having 691 00:15:06,367 --> 00:15:09,537 a little trouble 692 00:15:06,367 --> 00:15:09,537 finding the CD. 693 00:15:09,537 --> 00:15:11,289 That's okay. 694 00:15:11,289 --> 00:15:14,709 We don't need music 695 00:15:11,289 --> 00:15:14,709 to have fun. 696 00:15:14,709 --> 00:15:16,335 Exactly. 697 00:15:16,335 --> 00:15:18,921 You do like to have fun 698 00:15:18,921 --> 00:15:20,298 don't you, Ted? 699 00:15:30,725 --> 00:15:32,769 It's getting late. 700 00:15:30,725 --> 00:15:32,769 I'll get your coats. 701 00:15:36,522 --> 00:15:37,607 "I'll get your coats"? 702 00:15:37,607 --> 00:15:39,317 I don't know 703 00:15:37,607 --> 00:15:39,317 why I said that. 704 00:15:39,317 --> 00:15:40,943 Why did I say that? 705 00:15:39,317 --> 00:15:40,943 It's the opposite 706 00:15:39,317 --> 00:15:40,943 of what I meant. 707 00:15:40,943 --> 00:15:43,028 I wanna 708 00:15:40,943 --> 00:15:43,028 take clothes off them, 709 00:15:40,943 --> 00:15:43,028 not put more on. 710 00:15:43,028 --> 00:15:46,115 Ted, you're ruining this 711 00:15:43,028 --> 00:15:46,115 for everyone. 712 00:15:46,115 --> 00:15:47,450 Leave him alone! 713 00:15:48,660 --> 00:15:50,202 Sometimes even 714 00:15:48,660 --> 00:15:50,202 the greatest warriors 715 00:15:50,202 --> 00:15:51,871 shoot themselves 716 00:15:50,202 --> 00:15:51,871 in the foot. 717 00:15:51,871 --> 00:15:54,081 What are you 718 00:15:51,871 --> 00:15:54,081 talking about? 719 00:15:54,081 --> 00:15:57,335 If you must know, 720 00:15:54,081 --> 00:15:57,335 it wasn't a freak beverage 721 00:15:54,081 --> 00:15:57,335 malfunction 722 00:15:57,335 --> 00:16:00,212 that stopped me 723 00:15:57,335 --> 00:16:00,212 from riding the tricycle 724 00:15:57,335 --> 00:16:00,212 that night. 725 00:16:00,212 --> 00:16:05,092 So, Barney, why don't 726 00:16:00,212 --> 00:16:05,092 we take this party to 727 00:16:00,212 --> 00:16:05,092 a more horizontal location? 728 00:16:17,689 --> 00:16:19,524 Oh, no, 729 00:16:17,689 --> 00:16:19,524 the night's ruined! 730 00:16:19,524 --> 00:16:20,650 No, baby, it's not. 731 00:16:20,650 --> 00:16:22,276 Yes, it is! 732 00:16:22,276 --> 00:16:23,862 Whatever this night 733 00:16:22,276 --> 00:16:23,862 was heading towards, 734 00:16:22,276 --> 00:16:23,862 is ruined. 735 00:16:23,862 --> 00:16:26,030 Where's my coat? 736 00:16:26,030 --> 00:16:27,907 Why would you do that 737 00:16:26,030 --> 00:16:27,907 to yourself? 738 00:16:27,907 --> 00:16:30,117 Because you get up 739 00:16:27,907 --> 00:16:30,117 in your head, man. 740 00:16:30,117 --> 00:16:33,037 You start thinking, 741 00:16:30,117 --> 00:16:33,037 "I can't do this. 742 00:16:30,117 --> 00:16:33,037 It's two women." 743 00:16:33,037 --> 00:16:35,247 That's two of everything, 744 00:16:33,037 --> 00:16:35,247 four of some things. 745 00:16:35,247 --> 00:16:38,751 The logistics alone 746 00:16:35,247 --> 00:16:38,751 are enough to cripple 747 00:16:35,247 --> 00:16:38,751 even a pro like me. 748 00:16:38,751 --> 00:16:41,086 See, if a complete degenerate 749 00:16:38,751 --> 00:16:41,086 like Barney choked, 750 00:16:41,086 --> 00:16:43,548 what chance do I have? 751 00:16:43,548 --> 00:16:45,842 The best chance 752 00:16:43,548 --> 00:16:45,842 in the world. 753 00:16:47,301 --> 00:16:50,221 Fear took the belt 754 00:16:47,301 --> 00:16:50,221 from me. 755 00:16:50,221 --> 00:16:54,266 Fear rode the tricycle 756 00:16:50,221 --> 00:16:54,266 that night, my friends. 757 00:16:54,266 --> 00:16:57,520 But fear will not 758 00:16:54,266 --> 00:16:57,520 get a second turn. 759 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:00,147 It won't? 760 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:00,147 No. 761 00:17:00,147 --> 00:17:03,735 Because I now realize, 762 00:17:00,147 --> 00:17:03,735 it isn't my destiny 763 00:17:00,147 --> 00:17:03,735 to win the belt. 764 00:17:03,735 --> 00:17:07,739 It is my destiny 765 00:17:03,735 --> 00:17:07,739 to help my friend win it. 766 00:17:07,739 --> 00:17:10,742 Ted is fated 767 00:17:07,739 --> 00:17:10,742 to go there first. 768 00:17:11,826 --> 00:17:13,912 He is our Neil Armstrong. 769 00:17:15,454 --> 00:17:17,623 Spacesuit up, Ted, 770 00:17:15,454 --> 00:17:17,623 because you're going 771 00:17:15,454 --> 00:17:17,623 to the moon. 772 00:17:17,623 --> 00:17:18,708 Step one! 773 00:17:21,502 --> 00:17:25,047 Ladies. I couldn't 774 00:17:21,502 --> 00:17:25,047 find your coats, 775 00:17:21,502 --> 00:17:25,047 but I did find 776 00:17:25,965 --> 00:17:27,132 tequila. 777 00:17:30,094 --> 00:17:31,930 Wait, wait, wait, 778 00:17:30,094 --> 00:17:31,930 a remote control fireplace? 779 00:17:31,930 --> 00:17:33,639 We don't have 780 00:17:31,930 --> 00:17:33,639 a remote control fireplace. 781 00:17:33,639 --> 00:17:36,768 Right, that's my apartment. 782 00:17:33,639 --> 00:17:36,768 The dressing gown's mine, too. 783 00:17:36,768 --> 00:17:39,353 Damn, this should be me. 784 00:17:36,768 --> 00:17:39,353 Anyway, continuing... 785 00:17:43,691 --> 00:17:44,734 Oh... 786 00:17:45,651 --> 00:17:48,237 I am so exhausted. 787 00:17:48,237 --> 00:17:49,948 So exhausted. 788 00:17:51,908 --> 00:17:53,910 Wait, why would 789 00:17:51,908 --> 00:17:53,910 I want to tire them out? 790 00:17:53,910 --> 00:17:57,956 That's your excuse 791 00:17:53,910 --> 00:17:57,956 to unleash pretext for 792 00:17:53,910 --> 00:17:57,956 physical contact number one. 793 00:18:00,792 --> 00:18:05,087 You give the most 794 00:18:00,792 --> 00:18:05,087 amazing foot massage. 795 00:18:05,087 --> 00:18:09,216 That's because I used to 796 00:18:05,087 --> 00:18:09,216 practice all the time 797 00:18:05,087 --> 00:18:09,216 on my grandmother. 798 00:18:09,216 --> 00:18:10,927 Why in God's name 799 00:18:09,216 --> 00:18:10,927 would I say that? 800 00:18:10,927 --> 00:18:12,971 It's endearing. 801 00:18:10,927 --> 00:18:12,971 You're a caregiver. 802 00:18:12,971 --> 00:18:15,139 Never take family values 803 00:18:12,971 --> 00:18:15,139 out of the equation. 804 00:18:15,139 --> 00:18:16,641 Step three. 805 00:18:16,641 --> 00:18:17,976 Oh... 806 00:18:17,976 --> 00:18:20,060 Ted, what's wrong? 807 00:18:21,729 --> 00:18:25,024 I was just thinking 808 00:18:21,729 --> 00:18:25,024 about this documentary 809 00:18:21,729 --> 00:18:25,024 I saw once 810 00:18:25,024 --> 00:18:28,193 about something called 811 00:18:25,024 --> 00:18:28,193 a super volcano. 812 00:18:28,193 --> 00:18:29,737 Okay, what the hell? 813 00:18:29,737 --> 00:18:31,280 Wait for it. 814 00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,741 It can happen 815 00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,741 at any time. 816 00:18:33,741 --> 00:18:36,744 And obliterate 817 00:18:33,741 --> 00:18:36,744 all life on Earth, 818 00:18:36,744 --> 00:18:39,246 which is why I live 819 00:18:36,744 --> 00:18:39,246 by three simple words. 820 00:18:40,164 --> 00:18:43,125 Don't postpone joy. 821 00:18:45,127 --> 00:18:46,253 Oh, my God! 822 00:18:47,171 --> 00:18:48,923 That's so true. 823 00:18:48,923 --> 00:18:50,174 Yeah. 824 00:18:53,761 --> 00:18:56,973 The mortality angle. 825 00:18:53,761 --> 00:18:56,973 That's actually 826 00:18:53,761 --> 00:18:56,973 pretty good. 827 00:18:58,724 --> 00:19:00,643 I can do this. 828 00:18:58,724 --> 00:19:00,643 Yes, you can. 829 00:19:00,643 --> 00:19:02,687 Yeah. 830 00:19:00,643 --> 00:19:02,687 I can't believe 831 00:19:00,643 --> 00:19:02,687 I'm going to say this, 832 00:19:02,687 --> 00:19:06,148 but I'm actually moved. 833 00:19:02,687 --> 00:19:06,148 Bring it in, guys. 834 00:19:09,151 --> 00:19:11,195 All right. 835 00:19:14,866 --> 00:19:16,868 I'll see you 836 00:19:14,866 --> 00:19:16,868 on the other side. 837 00:19:48,774 --> 00:19:51,652 So what happened next? 838 00:19:48,774 --> 00:19:51,652 Did you do it? 839 00:19:51,652 --> 00:19:53,571 It doesn't seem right 840 00:19:51,652 --> 00:19:53,571 to talk about it. 841 00:19:53,571 --> 00:19:56,156 What? No! Tell me. 842 00:19:58,409 --> 00:20:00,995 Don't tell me, because 843 00:19:58,409 --> 00:20:00,995 you don't have to, 844 00:19:58,409 --> 00:20:00,995 because you didn't do it. 845 00:20:00,995 --> 00:20:05,083 You didn't do it. You did it. 846 00:20:00,995 --> 00:20:05,083 You did it, didn't you? 847 00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:09,211 Did you? You didn't do it. 848 00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:09,211 Yes, you did. You did. 849 00:20:09,211 --> 00:20:12,048 No, you... Just tell me! 850 00:20:12,048 --> 00:20:15,885 Some stories you tell, 851 00:20:12,048 --> 00:20:15,885 some stories you don't. 852 00:20:15,885 --> 00:20:19,847 That's because 853 00:20:15,885 --> 00:20:19,847 you didn't do it. 854 00:20:15,885 --> 00:20:19,847 He didn't do it. 855 00:20:19,847 --> 00:20:21,348 You did it. 856 00:20:19,847 --> 00:20:21,348 You did it, didn't you? 857 00:20:19,847 --> 00:20:21,348 You did it. 858 00:20:21,348 --> 00:20:22,767 Tell me, did you? 859 00:20:22,767 --> 00:20:26,145 Ted, belt. Did you? 860 00:20:22,767 --> 00:20:26,145 Did you or didn't you? 861 00:20:26,145 --> 00:20:28,898 Did? Didn't? 862 00:20:26,145 --> 00:20:28,898 Tell me, please. 863 00:20:26,145 --> 00:20:28,898 For the love... 864 00:20:28,898 --> 00:20:30,149 Do you know 865 00:20:28,898 --> 00:20:30,149 if he did or didn't? 866 00:20:32,192 --> 00:20:35,696 Oh, hey, would you go in there 867 00:20:32,192 --> 00:20:35,696 and see if my date's okay? 868 00:20:35,696 --> 00:20:38,032 No problem. 869 00:20:35,696 --> 00:20:38,032 Thank you. 870 00:20:45,039 --> 00:20:49,961 Nope, nobody's in there, 871 00:20:45,039 --> 00:20:49,961 but the window's 872 00:20:45,039 --> 00:20:49,961 actually open. 873 00:20:49,961 --> 00:20:51,670 I guess, I shouldn't 874 00:20:49,961 --> 00:20:51,670 be so surprised. 875 00:20:51,670 --> 00:20:53,756 I mean, she was acting weird 876 00:20:51,670 --> 00:20:53,756 all night, right? 877 00:20:53,756 --> 00:20:55,674 Yeah, you know, 878 00:20:56,968 --> 00:20:59,178 why don't 879 00:20:56,968 --> 00:20:59,178 I buy you a drink? 880 00:20:59,178 --> 00:21:00,805 Okay. 881 00:21:00,805 --> 00:21:03,223 Did I overhear 882 00:21:00,805 --> 00:21:03,223 that you're a surgeon? 883 00:21:03,223 --> 00:21:05,309 Guilty as charged. 884 00:21:05,309 --> 00:21:07,269 Oh, you're so funny. 885 00:21:09,147 --> 00:21:13,651 I'm here! I'm fine! 886 00:21:09,147 --> 00:21:13,651 My head is bleeding. 887 00:21:13,651 --> 00:21:15,194 Going down again.