1
00:00:01,774 --> 00:00:04,109
It was a quiet

2
00:00:01,774 --> 00:00:04,109
November afternoon in 2007.

3
00:00:04,109 --> 00:00:07,654
I was working from home,

4
00:00:04,109 --> 00:00:07,654
because, you know,

5
00:00:04,109 --> 00:00:07,654
no distractions.

6
00:00:07,654 --> 00:00:09,114
This is incredible!

7
00:00:07,654 --> 00:00:09,114
Oh, my God!

8
00:00:09,114 --> 00:00:10,407
I can't believe it!

9
00:00:10,407 --> 00:00:11,575
I have big news.

10
00:00:10,407 --> 00:00:11,575
Oh, my God!

11
00:00:11,575 --> 00:00:12,826
Okay, my thing's

12
00:00:11,575 --> 00:00:12,826
pretty huge.

13
00:00:12,826 --> 00:00:14,077
But fine, you go first.

14
00:00:12,826 --> 00:00:14,077
Okay.

15
00:00:14,077 --> 00:00:15,621
I just found out...

16
00:00:15,621 --> 00:00:18,457
I found a porno

17
00:00:15,621 --> 00:00:18,457
starring Ted Mosby!

18
00:00:18,457 --> 00:00:20,083
What are you...

19
00:00:18,457 --> 00:00:20,083
What you talking about?

20
00:00:20,083 --> 00:00:23,837
I'm talking about

21
00:00:20,083 --> 00:00:23,837
Welcome to the Sex Plane.

22
00:00:23,837 --> 00:00:28,634
And look who plays

23
00:00:23,837 --> 00:00:28,634
the navigator. Ted Mosby.

24
00:00:28,634 --> 00:00:31,470
Oh, it's the same

25
00:00:28,634 --> 00:00:31,470
exact spelling as my name.

26
00:00:31,470 --> 00:00:34,890
Okay, you know,

27
00:00:31,470 --> 00:00:34,890
cute coincidence, Barney.

28
00:00:31,470 --> 00:00:34,890
Whatever.

29
00:00:34,890 --> 00:00:36,182
I just got off the phone

30
00:00:34,890 --> 00:00:36,182
with the NR...

31
00:00:36,182 --> 00:00:38,560
Oh, my God!

32
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,186
This totally explains

33
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,186
the thing at my doctor's

34
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,186
the other day.

35
00:00:40,186 --> 00:00:42,439
Open wide.

36
00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:45,525
I guess you're more used to

37
00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:45,525
saying that than hearing it,

38
00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:45,525
huh, Ted Mosby?

39
00:00:48,361 --> 00:00:51,740
Who is this guy?

40
00:00:48,361 --> 00:00:51,740
And why's my doctor

41
00:00:48,361 --> 00:00:51,740
watching porn?

42
00:00:51,740 --> 00:00:54,493
All right, let's meet

43
00:00:51,740 --> 00:00:54,493
your new doppelganger.

44
00:00:54,493 --> 00:00:56,996
Or should I say

45
00:00:54,493 --> 00:00:56,996
doppelbanger?

46
00:00:56,996 --> 00:00:59,915
Guys, guys, guys!

47
00:00:56,996 --> 00:00:59,915
Can I tell you my news?

48
00:00:59,915 --> 00:01:00,916
It's pretty...

49
00:01:00,916 --> 00:01:02,167
This is really bizarre.

50
00:01:02,167 --> 00:01:03,710
The only other

51
00:01:02,167 --> 00:01:03,710
famous Mosby I know

52
00:01:03,710 --> 00:01:05,587
was a Confederate general

53
00:01:03,710 --> 00:01:05,587
during the Civil War.

54
00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:06,880
Probably not

55
00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:06,880
the same guy.

56
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,674
I got the job

57
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,674
at the NRDC!

58
00:01:08,674 --> 00:01:09,842
You got the job!

59
00:01:09,842 --> 00:01:11,844
Yeah.

60
00:01:11,844 --> 00:01:14,513
or Natural Resources

61
00:01:11,844 --> 00:01:14,513
Defense Council,

62
00:01:14,513 --> 00:01:18,809
fought to preserve America's

63
00:01:14,513 --> 00:01:18,809
clean water, fresh air,

64
00:01:14,513 --> 00:01:18,809
and pristine wilderness.

65
00:01:18,809 --> 00:01:20,477
It was Marshall's dream job.

66
00:01:20,477 --> 00:01:22,354
Congrats, buddy!

67
00:01:20,477 --> 00:01:22,354
Thanks.

68
00:01:22,354 --> 00:01:24,064
It's kind of weird,

69
00:01:22,354 --> 00:01:24,064
hugging with porn on.

70
00:01:24,064 --> 00:01:25,858
Yeah, it really is.

71
00:01:25,858 --> 00:01:28,610
Ho, hey, hey-o!

72
00:01:25,858 --> 00:01:28,610
New guy entering

73
00:01:25,858 --> 00:01:28,610
the cockpit.

74
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:31,279
Could it be

75
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:31,279
the navigator, Ted Mosby?

76
00:01:31,279 --> 00:01:34,033
Uh... No. No,

77
00:01:31,279 --> 00:01:34,033
navigators have three stripes

78
00:01:31,279 --> 00:01:34,033
on their hats.

79
00:01:34,033 --> 00:01:36,785
Captains have four.

80
00:01:34,033 --> 00:01:36,785
That guy's a captain.

81
00:01:36,785 --> 00:01:38,954
Yeah, and I'm sure

82
00:01:36,785 --> 00:01:38,954
complete accuracy

83
00:01:38,954 --> 00:01:42,415
in all those details

84
00:01:38,954 --> 00:01:42,415
was very important

85
00:01:38,954 --> 00:01:42,415
to the directors,

86
00:01:42,415 --> 00:01:44,918
"Dirt and Skank,

87
00:01:42,415 --> 00:01:44,918
The Raunch Brothers."

88
00:01:48,505 --> 00:01:51,050
Baby, I have

89
00:01:48,505 --> 00:01:51,050
some exciting news!

90
00:01:51,050 --> 00:01:54,928
I hope it's not

91
00:01:51,050 --> 00:01:54,928
that you just won

92
00:01:51,050 --> 00:01:54,928
some sort of race here.

93
00:01:54,928 --> 00:01:56,388
I got the job

94
00:01:54,928 --> 00:01:56,388
at the NRDC!

95
00:01:56,388 --> 00:01:58,849
And I found a porno

96
00:01:56,388 --> 00:01:58,849
starring Ted Mosby!

97
00:01:58,849 --> 00:02:00,726
Oh, my God,

98
00:01:58,849 --> 00:02:00,726
that's amazing!

99
00:02:00,726 --> 00:02:01,977
I know, right?

100
00:02:01,977 --> 00:02:03,603
Oh, congratulations,

101
00:02:01,977 --> 00:02:03,603
Marshall!

102
00:02:03,603 --> 00:02:05,022
Congratulations to us all!

103
00:02:05,022 --> 00:02:06,857
Let's go celebrate!

104
00:02:06,857 --> 00:02:09,401
The fact that I found

105
00:02:06,857 --> 00:02:09,401
a porno starring

106
00:02:06,857 --> 00:02:09,401
a guy named Ted Mosby?

107
00:02:09,401 --> 00:02:11,070
Let's do it.

108
00:02:11,070 --> 00:02:12,738
Is that him?

109
00:02:12,738 --> 00:02:15,074
'Cause that Ted Mosby

110
00:02:12,738 --> 00:02:15,074
really knows

111
00:02:12,738 --> 00:02:15,074
what he's doing.

112
00:02:15,074 --> 00:02:17,242
No, that's not him.

113
00:02:17,242 --> 00:02:20,037
What do you mean,

114
00:02:17,242 --> 00:02:20,037
"that" Ted Mosby really

115
00:02:17,242 --> 00:02:20,037
knows what he's doing?

116
00:02:20,037 --> 00:02:22,455
Oh, no.

117
00:02:20,037 --> 00:02:22,455
No, I meant,

118
00:02:22,455 --> 00:02:25,084
"That Ted Mosby,

119
00:02:22,455 --> 00:02:25,084
he really knows

120
00:02:22,455 --> 00:02:25,084
what he's doing,

121
00:02:25,084 --> 00:02:27,210
"like all Ted Mosbys."

122
00:02:27,210 --> 00:02:30,797
Wow, NRDC!

123
00:02:27,210 --> 00:02:30,797
Way to go, Marshall.

124
00:02:30,797 --> 00:02:33,341
But you're still gonna go

125
00:02:30,797 --> 00:02:33,341
to your job interview

126
00:02:30,797 --> 00:02:33,341
today, right, baby?

127
00:02:33,341 --> 00:02:35,218
Marshall's interview

128
00:02:35,218 --> 00:02:37,804
was with a firm called

129
00:02:35,218 --> 00:02:37,804
Nicholson, Hewitt and West.

130
00:02:37,804 --> 00:02:40,515
They represented, well,

131
00:02:37,804 --> 00:02:40,515
pretty much everybody

132
00:02:37,804 --> 00:02:40,515
Marshall was going to sue

133
00:02:40,515 --> 00:02:42,392
once he started at the NRDC:

134
00:02:42,392 --> 00:02:45,520
I'm not doing

135
00:02:42,392 --> 00:02:45,520
that interview.

136
00:02:42,392 --> 00:02:45,520
Those people are evil.

137
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,023
Marshall, your dad

138
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,023
went to a lot of trouble

139
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,023
to set this up.

140
00:02:48,023 --> 00:02:50,191
You can't just pull out

141
00:02:48,023 --> 00:02:50,191
at the last second.

142
00:02:50,191 --> 00:02:52,945
Apparently, you can.

143
00:02:52,945 --> 00:02:55,864
Ted, Ted,

144
00:02:52,945 --> 00:02:55,864
Ted, guy in the hat!

145
00:02:52,945 --> 00:02:55,864
Three stripes!

146
00:02:55,864 --> 00:02:59,534
Ladies and gentlemen,

147
00:02:55,864 --> 00:02:59,534
I give you

148
00:02:55,864 --> 00:02:59,534
Ted Mosby, porn star.

149
00:02:59,534 --> 00:03:01,828
Oh, wow.

150
00:02:59,534 --> 00:03:01,828
Whoa!

151
00:03:01,828 --> 00:03:05,874
I know what kind of

152
00:03:01,828 --> 00:03:05,874
plane this is.

153
00:03:01,828 --> 00:03:05,874
It's a Boeing.

154
00:03:05,874 --> 00:03:08,585
See, this is way better

155
00:03:05,874 --> 00:03:08,585
than Marshall's internship.

156
00:03:08,585 --> 00:03:10,921
It's a real job.

157
00:03:10,921 --> 00:03:15,134
Who is this guy?

158
00:03:10,921 --> 00:03:15,134
Are we related?

159
00:03:10,921 --> 00:03:15,134
Do I look like him?

160
00:03:15,134 --> 00:03:16,551
Um...

161
00:03:16,551 --> 00:03:18,762
It's hard to tell.

162
00:03:16,551 --> 00:03:18,762
Go like this...

163
00:03:21,473 --> 00:03:23,058
Oh, yeah, a little bit.

164
00:03:21,473 --> 00:03:23,058
Yeah.

165
00:03:23,058 --> 00:03:24,225
More around the eyes.

166
00:03:23,058 --> 00:03:24,225
I do see that.

167
00:03:39,324 --> 00:03:43,620
And here's your water,

168
00:03:39,324 --> 00:03:43,620
in case you're dehydrated,

169
00:03:39,324 --> 00:03:43,620
Ted Mosby.

170
00:03:43,620 --> 00:03:47,040
Very funny, Wendy.

171
00:03:43,620 --> 00:03:47,040
Now we know you watch porn.

172
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:49,168
Hey, this Ted Mosby

173
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:49,168
must be getting

174
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:49,168
kind of famous.

175
00:03:49,168 --> 00:03:51,503
You're not wrong.

176
00:03:51,503 --> 00:03:54,506
According to the website

177
00:03:51,503 --> 00:03:54,506
of the far-superior

178
00:03:51,503 --> 00:03:54,506
Ted Mosby,

179
00:03:54,506 --> 00:03:58,844
he's been in the business

180
00:03:54,506 --> 00:03:58,844
three months

181
00:03:54,506 --> 00:03:58,844
and he's made 125 movies.

182
00:03:58,844 --> 00:04:02,514
Wow! That's 42 movies

183
00:03:58,844 --> 00:04:02,514
a month.

184
00:04:02,514 --> 00:04:04,933
Who is he, Jude Law?

185
00:04:04,933 --> 00:04:08,228
Right? I mean,

186
00:04:04,933 --> 00:04:08,228
he makes a lot of movies.

187
00:04:08,228 --> 00:04:10,730
I mean,

188
00:04:08,228 --> 00:04:10,730
not so much lately,

189
00:04:10,730 --> 00:04:12,774
but maybe, like,

190
00:04:10,730 --> 00:04:12,774
two years ago,

191
00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:13,817
you couldn't

192
00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:13,817
go to a movie without...

193
00:04:16,528 --> 00:04:18,238
Oh, hey, look,

194
00:04:16,528 --> 00:04:18,238
check it out.

195
00:04:18,238 --> 00:04:20,573
Ted Mosby did an interview

196
00:04:18,238 --> 00:04:20,573
in Adult Video Weekly.

197
00:04:20,573 --> 00:04:23,451
Adult Video Weekly?

198
00:04:23,451 --> 00:04:24,953
Oh, no!

199
00:04:27,706 --> 00:04:29,749
Hello?

200
00:04:27,706 --> 00:04:29,749
Hi, I'm looking for Ted Mosby.

201
00:04:29,749 --> 00:04:31,084
It's Leonard Ross

202
00:04:29,749 --> 00:04:31,084
from AVW.

203
00:04:32,044 --> 00:04:34,087
Oh, my God! AVW?

204
00:04:34,087 --> 00:04:37,382
It's Architecture

205
00:04:34,087 --> 00:04:37,382
Vision Weekly!

206
00:04:37,382 --> 00:04:40,219
Wow, I have been

207
00:04:37,382 --> 00:04:40,219
reading your magazine

208
00:04:37,382 --> 00:04:40,219
since I was a little kid.

209
00:04:40,219 --> 00:04:42,137
Well, that's a bummer.

210
00:04:42,137 --> 00:04:44,723
Anyway, I'm calling

211
00:04:42,137 --> 00:04:44,723
to interview you about

212
00:04:42,137 --> 00:04:44,723
your latest project.

213
00:04:44,723 --> 00:04:46,516
Well, I don't want to

214
00:04:44,723 --> 00:04:46,516
say it's my project.

215
00:04:46,516 --> 00:04:48,268
I mean, I'll be working

216
00:04:46,516 --> 00:04:48,268
with at least

217
00:04:46,516 --> 00:04:48,268
three partners.

218
00:04:48,268 --> 00:04:50,896
Oh, group scene.

219
00:04:48,268 --> 00:04:50,896
Always fun.

220
00:04:50,896 --> 00:04:52,981
Yeah. Yeah, I'm really

221
00:04:50,896 --> 00:04:52,981
looking forward to it.

222
00:04:52,981 --> 00:04:57,027
I mean, I know they're gonna

223
00:04:52,981 --> 00:04:57,027
ride me pretty hard,

224
00:04:52,981 --> 00:04:57,027
but they're great guys.

225
00:04:57,027 --> 00:04:59,863
Guys?

226
00:04:57,027 --> 00:04:59,863
Whoa, there's a scoop!

227
00:05:01,489 --> 00:05:04,159
That interview went on

228
00:05:01,489 --> 00:05:04,159
for 20 more minutes.

229
00:05:04,159 --> 00:05:06,369
"This project

230
00:05:04,159 --> 00:05:06,369
was so demanding,

231
00:05:06,369 --> 00:05:11,624
"I can't tell you

232
00:05:06,369 --> 00:05:11,624
how many nights I spent

233
00:05:06,369 --> 00:05:11,624
bent over a table."

234
00:05:11,624 --> 00:05:14,878
Oh, hey, baby,

235
00:05:11,624 --> 00:05:14,878
how'd the interview go?

236
00:05:14,878 --> 00:05:16,588
Interesting.

237
00:05:16,588 --> 00:05:18,715
There I am in the office

238
00:05:16,588 --> 00:05:18,715
of Jefferson Coatsworth,

239
00:05:18,715 --> 00:05:20,675
and I figure,

240
00:05:18,715 --> 00:05:20,675
I'm not gonna take

241
00:05:18,715 --> 00:05:20,675
this job anyway,

242
00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:23,970
I might as well

243
00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:23,970
give this old bastard

244
00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:23,970
a piece of my mind.

245
00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:25,847
Jefferson Coatsworth

246
00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:25,847
wasn't what I expected.

247
00:05:26,806 --> 00:05:28,934
Marshall,

248
00:05:28,934 --> 00:05:30,685
Jeff Coatsworth.

249
00:05:31,561 --> 00:05:33,479
Hello.

250
00:05:31,561 --> 00:05:33,479
Dude,

251
00:05:33,479 --> 00:05:35,857
I am so, so psyched

252
00:05:33,479 --> 00:05:35,857
that you're here.

253
00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:37,776
Can I beer ya?

254
00:05:37,776 --> 00:05:40,070
Marshall was thrown.

255
00:05:37,776 --> 00:05:40,070
This guy seemed nice.

256
00:05:40,070 --> 00:05:41,154
Of course, he wasn't.

257
00:05:43,115 --> 00:05:44,741
Oh, go to hell!

258
00:05:44,741 --> 00:05:49,370
I'd do it again!

259
00:05:44,741 --> 00:05:49,370
I'm innocent.

260
00:05:44,741 --> 00:05:49,370
I'm innocent.

261
00:05:49,370 --> 00:05:53,917
Marshall, why do you

262
00:05:49,370 --> 00:05:53,917
want to work at Nicholson,

263
00:05:49,370 --> 00:05:53,917
Hewitt and West?

264
00:05:53,917 --> 00:05:55,460
Right. Okay, Jeff,

265
00:05:55,460 --> 00:05:56,753
I've actually given this

266
00:05:55,460 --> 00:05:56,753
a lot of thought...

267
00:05:56,753 --> 00:05:58,546
I'm sorry.

268
00:05:56,753 --> 00:05:58,546
I'm sorry. Stop.

269
00:05:58,546 --> 00:06:00,966
I can't do this

270
00:05:58,546 --> 00:06:00,966
with a straight face.

271
00:06:00,966 --> 00:06:03,051
You don't want to

272
00:06:00,966 --> 00:06:03,051
work here.

273
00:06:03,051 --> 00:06:05,971
You're only here 'cause

274
00:06:03,051 --> 00:06:05,971
your dad went to high school

275
00:06:03,051 --> 00:06:05,971
with Joe Hewitt.

276
00:06:05,971 --> 00:06:10,309
Fact is, you just got

277
00:06:05,971 --> 00:06:10,309
a sweet job at the NRDC:

278
00:06:10,309 --> 00:06:12,227
And it's awesome.

279
00:06:12,227 --> 00:06:14,980
Man, I could have gone

280
00:06:12,227 --> 00:06:14,980
the non-profit route.

281
00:06:14,980 --> 00:06:20,319
I didn't, and it eats me up

282
00:06:14,980 --> 00:06:20,319
inside every day.

283
00:06:14,980 --> 00:06:20,319
I hate myself.

284
00:06:22,028 --> 00:06:24,906
I hate myself.

285
00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:28,785
Oh, he's good.

286
00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:28,785
Classic seduction technique.

287
00:06:28,785 --> 00:06:29,911
What do you mean?

288
00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:31,537
Oh, I use it all the time.

289
00:06:31,537 --> 00:06:34,707
First I buy her,

290
00:06:31,537 --> 00:06:34,707
and by her

291
00:06:31,537 --> 00:06:34,707
I mean you, a drink.

292
00:06:34,707 --> 00:06:36,876
Now, I'm the guy

293
00:06:34,707 --> 00:06:36,876
who gets her

294
00:06:34,707 --> 00:06:36,876
what she wants.

295
00:06:36,876 --> 00:06:40,005
Then I pretend to care about

296
00:06:36,876 --> 00:06:40,005
whatever idiotic thing

297
00:06:36,876 --> 00:06:40,005
she cares about.

298
00:06:40,005 --> 00:06:42,632
For you, that would be

299
00:06:40,005 --> 00:06:42,632
the environment.

300
00:06:42,632 --> 00:06:44,843
Now, I'm the great guy

301
00:06:42,632 --> 00:06:44,843
who shares her interests.

302
00:06:44,843 --> 00:06:47,220
And before you know it,

303
00:06:44,843 --> 00:06:47,220
you're naked in my apartment

304
00:06:47,220 --> 00:06:50,390
shouting,

305
00:06:47,220 --> 00:06:50,390
"Oh, oh, Barney!"

306
00:06:50,390 --> 00:06:52,934
And by you, I mean her.

307
00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:54,936
He is not trying

308
00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:54,936
to seduce me.

309
00:06:54,936 --> 00:06:57,189
He didn't even

310
00:06:54,936 --> 00:06:57,189
offer me the job.

311
00:06:57,189 --> 00:07:02,443
That comes later. At dinner.

312
00:06:57,189 --> 00:07:02,443
He did invite you

313
00:06:57,189 --> 00:07:02,443
to dinner, didn't he?

314
00:07:02,443 --> 00:07:06,656
Let me buy you dinner

315
00:07:02,443 --> 00:07:06,656
tomorrow night

316
00:07:02,443 --> 00:07:06,656
as a thank-you, okay?

317
00:07:06,656 --> 00:07:08,867
You'll tell me

318
00:07:06,656 --> 00:07:08,867
all about the NRDC:

319
00:07:08,867 --> 00:07:11,870
and we'll charge it all

320
00:07:08,867 --> 00:07:11,870
to one of my evil clients.

321
00:07:11,870 --> 00:07:12,912
You know, I don't know...

322
00:07:12,912 --> 00:07:14,289
Marshall...

323
00:07:14,289 --> 00:07:17,959
You know

324
00:07:14,289 --> 00:07:17,959
what Kobe beef is?

325
00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:20,879
The most expensive beef

326
00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:20,879
in the world.

327
00:07:20,879 --> 00:07:24,757
The place I'm taking you

328
00:07:20,879 --> 00:07:24,757
has Kobe lobster.

329
00:07:24,757 --> 00:07:28,011
That is, lobster

330
00:07:24,757 --> 00:07:28,011
fed with Kobe beef.

331
00:07:29,346 --> 00:07:32,473
Oh, my God,

332
00:07:29,346 --> 00:07:32,473
he's trying

333
00:07:29,346 --> 00:07:32,473
to seduce me.

334
00:07:32,473 --> 00:07:34,226
So, are you gonna

335
00:07:32,473 --> 00:07:34,226
go to dinner with him?

336
00:07:34,226 --> 00:07:38,271
No. No way.

337
00:07:34,226 --> 00:07:38,271
I promised myself

338
00:07:34,226 --> 00:07:38,271
to the NRDC:

339
00:07:38,271 --> 00:07:40,106
I'm not that kind

340
00:07:38,271 --> 00:07:40,106
of lawyer.

341
00:07:40,106 --> 00:07:42,317
Oh, you should go.

342
00:07:40,106 --> 00:07:42,317
I mean, you're not

343
00:07:40,106 --> 00:07:42,317
gonna take the job,

344
00:07:42,317 --> 00:07:44,986
but you might as well

345
00:07:42,317 --> 00:07:44,986
get a great meal

346
00:07:42,317 --> 00:07:44,986
out of the deal.

347
00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:47,322
Don't wait up.

348
00:07:47,322 --> 00:07:49,282
Guys, guys, guys.

349
00:07:47,322 --> 00:07:49,282
Check this out.

350
00:07:49,282 --> 00:07:52,118
Ted Mosby porn star's bio

351
00:07:49,282 --> 00:07:52,118
says his hometown

352
00:07:49,282 --> 00:07:52,118
is your hometown,

353
00:07:52,118 --> 00:07:53,328
Shaker Heights, Ohio.

354
00:07:53,328 --> 00:07:54,746
What?

355
00:07:54,746 --> 00:07:57,123
Okay, this is getting creepy.

356
00:07:54,746 --> 00:07:57,123
Who is this guy?

357
00:07:57,123 --> 00:07:58,250
I gotta find him.

358
00:07:58,250 --> 00:08:00,001
Well, it's your

359
00:07:58,250 --> 00:08:00,001
lucky day.

360
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,753
He's gonna be

361
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,753
signing autographs

362
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,753
tomorrow night in Manhattan

363
00:08:01,753 --> 00:08:03,296
at something called

364
00:08:01,753 --> 00:08:03,296
the Adult Video Expo.

365
00:08:03,296 --> 00:08:05,298
Mmm.

366
00:08:05,298 --> 00:08:08,509
Wait. Are you telling me

367
00:08:05,298 --> 00:08:08,509
that they actually

368
00:08:05,298 --> 00:08:08,509
have conventions for porn?

369
00:08:08,509 --> 00:08:12,805
Affirmative.

370
00:08:08,509 --> 00:08:12,805
Or, to put it another way,

371
00:08:08,509 --> 00:08:12,805
God bless America!

372
00:08:16,559 --> 00:08:18,853
You can really taste the beef

373
00:08:16,559 --> 00:08:18,853
in that lobster.

374
00:08:18,853 --> 00:08:20,855
Right?

375
00:08:20,855 --> 00:08:24,359
Listen, I know

376
00:08:20,855 --> 00:08:24,359
we're only here

377
00:08:20,855 --> 00:08:24,359
to screw over my client,

378
00:08:24,359 --> 00:08:26,903
who, quite frankly,

379
00:08:24,359 --> 00:08:26,903
deserves it,

380
00:08:26,903 --> 00:08:30,740
but I gotta be able to

381
00:08:26,903 --> 00:08:30,740
tell the guys upstairs

382
00:08:26,903 --> 00:08:30,740
I gave you the spiel, okay?

383
00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:33,868
So, first up,

384
00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:33,868
starting salary.

385
00:08:33,868 --> 00:08:36,496
Okay. Here we go.

386
00:08:36,496 --> 00:08:39,540
This is the big number

387
00:08:36,496 --> 00:08:39,540
that's supposed

388
00:08:36,496 --> 00:08:39,540
to impress me, and...

389
00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:44,296
Wow, that is a big number.

390
00:08:44,296 --> 00:08:47,466
There's also a signing bonus,

391
00:08:44,296 --> 00:08:47,466
use of a company car,

392
00:08:47,466 --> 00:08:49,384
expense account,

393
00:08:47,466 --> 00:08:49,384
blah, blah, blah.

394
00:08:49,384 --> 00:08:53,138
Hey, by the way,

395
00:08:49,384 --> 00:08:53,138
turn around and wave to

396
00:08:49,384 --> 00:08:53,138
Patrick Swayze. Hey.

397
00:08:55,974 --> 00:08:58,184
I'm going to try

398
00:08:55,974 --> 00:08:58,184
to remain cool,

399
00:08:58,184 --> 00:09:00,937
but you know

400
00:08:58,184 --> 00:09:00,937
Patrick Swayze?

401
00:09:00,937 --> 00:09:03,273
He's a client.

402
00:09:00,937 --> 00:09:03,273
Who do you think

403
00:09:00,937 --> 00:09:03,273
bought us this wine?

404
00:09:03,273 --> 00:09:07,777
Crazy Swayze!

405
00:09:03,273 --> 00:09:07,777
Cheers, buddy.

406
00:09:07,777 --> 00:09:10,822
Okay. No. Jeff,

407
00:09:07,777 --> 00:09:10,822
this is all

408
00:09:07,777 --> 00:09:10,822
very impressive,

409
00:09:10,822 --> 00:09:11,906
but I just

410
00:09:10,822 --> 00:09:11,906
don't think that...

411
00:09:11,906 --> 00:09:13,699
Listen, I know, I know.

412
00:09:13,699 --> 00:09:16,828
You're not gonna be tempted

413
00:09:13,699 --> 00:09:16,828
by big numbers

414
00:09:13,699 --> 00:09:16,828
and fancy perks.

415
00:09:16,828 --> 00:09:18,830
You're gonna do

416
00:09:16,828 --> 00:09:18,830
the noble thing.

417
00:09:18,830 --> 00:09:23,168
Take the low-paying job

418
00:09:18,830 --> 00:09:23,168
at the NRDC:

419
00:09:18,830 --> 00:09:23,168
live off your family money.

420
00:09:23,168 --> 00:09:24,836
Family money?

421
00:09:24,836 --> 00:09:26,629
You do have family money,

422
00:09:24,836 --> 00:09:26,629
don't you?

423
00:09:26,629 --> 00:09:28,631
No, not that I know of.

424
00:09:28,631 --> 00:09:32,677
I do have an uncle

425
00:09:28,631 --> 00:09:32,677
who owns a pretty

426
00:09:28,631 --> 00:09:32,677
successful bait shop.

427
00:09:34,053 --> 00:09:37,265
No family money.

428
00:09:38,724 --> 00:09:41,769
Oh, so you don't plan

429
00:09:38,724 --> 00:09:41,769
on having kids?

430
00:09:41,769 --> 00:09:45,064
Actually, I want to

431
00:09:41,769 --> 00:09:45,064
have four kids.

432
00:09:45,064 --> 00:09:49,361
Well, New York public schools

433
00:09:45,064 --> 00:09:49,361
make a lot of parents nervous,

434
00:09:49,361 --> 00:09:52,822
but the kids

435
00:09:49,361 --> 00:09:52,822
who walk out,

436
00:09:49,361 --> 00:09:52,822
walk out proud.

437
00:09:54,740 --> 00:09:56,659
It was turning into

438
00:09:54,740 --> 00:09:56,659
a tough decision.

439
00:09:56,659 --> 00:09:58,453
Now, kids, when I'm facing

440
00:09:56,659 --> 00:09:58,453
a tough decision,

441
00:09:58,453 --> 00:10:00,038
I like to get out

442
00:09:58,453 --> 00:10:00,038
the old yellow legal pad

443
00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:02,374
and make a list

444
00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:02,374
of pros and cons.

445
00:10:02,374 --> 00:10:05,126
Marshall knew all the cons,

446
00:10:02,374 --> 00:10:05,126
but there was one thing

447
00:10:02,374 --> 00:10:05,126
he didn't know,

448
00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:07,628
a big item

449
00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:07,628
in the pros column.

450
00:10:07,628 --> 00:10:08,754
Lily, you're

451
00:10:07,628 --> 00:10:08,754
a kindergarten teacher.

452
00:10:08,754 --> 00:10:10,840
Yeah.

453
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,967
'Cause Robin

454
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,967
was about to ask Lily

455
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,967
the one question...

456
00:10:12,967 --> 00:10:15,011
And you make

457
00:10:12,967 --> 00:10:15,011
a kindergarten

458
00:10:12,967 --> 00:10:15,011
teacher's salary,

459
00:10:15,011 --> 00:10:17,013
right?

460
00:10:15,011 --> 00:10:17,013
Yeah.

461
00:10:17,013 --> 00:10:18,931
that Lily

462
00:10:17,013 --> 00:10:18,931
had been dreading for years.

463
00:10:18,931 --> 00:10:22,018
Well, how do you afford

464
00:10:18,931 --> 00:10:22,018
all of these

465
00:10:18,931 --> 00:10:22,018
expensive clothes?

466
00:10:22,018 --> 00:10:24,354
I shop the sales.

467
00:10:24,354 --> 00:10:27,482
They were in the closet

468
00:10:24,354 --> 00:10:27,482
when we moved in.

469
00:10:27,482 --> 00:10:32,529
I steal. I'm a criminal.

470
00:10:27,482 --> 00:10:32,529
I once shot a man

471
00:10:27,482 --> 00:10:32,529
just to watch him die.

472
00:10:33,405 --> 00:10:36,408
Lily?

473
00:10:33,405 --> 00:10:36,408
Okay.

474
00:10:36,408 --> 00:10:38,701
That's when

475
00:10:36,408 --> 00:10:38,701
Lily showed Robin

476
00:10:36,408 --> 00:10:38,701
her box of shame.

477
00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:42,955
Lily, this is nuts!

478
00:10:42,955 --> 00:10:44,290
How many credit cards

479
00:10:42,955 --> 00:10:44,290
do you have?

480
00:10:44,290 --> 00:10:45,542
I don't know.

481
00:10:45,542 --> 00:10:46,709
Well, how much

482
00:10:45,542 --> 00:10:46,709
do you owe?

483
00:10:46,709 --> 00:10:48,253
I don't know!

484
00:10:51,590 --> 00:10:56,010
Wow! I can't believe

485
00:10:51,590 --> 00:10:56,010
this many people

486
00:10:51,590 --> 00:10:56,010
love porn this much.

487
00:10:56,010 --> 00:10:58,471
Including a guy who works

488
00:10:56,010 --> 00:10:58,471
in Human Resources

489
00:10:56,010 --> 00:10:58,471
at my firm.

490
00:10:58,471 --> 00:11:01,849
Hey! Let's just

491
00:10:58,471 --> 00:11:01,849
wave at each other

492
00:10:58,471 --> 00:11:01,849
awkwardly.

493
00:11:01,849 --> 00:11:04,269
That'll make it better.

494
00:11:04,269 --> 00:11:07,188
Dude, come on,

495
00:11:04,269 --> 00:11:07,188
let's just find Bizarro Me

496
00:11:04,269 --> 00:11:07,188
and get out of here.

497
00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:09,482
Oh! Oh, I get it.

498
00:11:09,482 --> 00:11:13,570
Ted Mosby, non-porn star,

499
00:11:09,482 --> 00:11:13,570
thinks this is all

500
00:11:09,482 --> 00:11:13,570
crude and disgusting.

501
00:11:13,570 --> 00:11:15,780
You know who else

502
00:11:13,570 --> 00:11:15,780
was considered crude

503
00:11:13,570 --> 00:11:15,780
and disgusting?

504
00:11:15,780 --> 00:11:17,532
Shakespeare.

505
00:11:17,532 --> 00:11:21,869
But his themes, love,

506
00:11:17,532 --> 00:11:21,869
lust, forbidden desire,

507
00:11:17,532 --> 00:11:21,869
were universal,

508
00:11:21,869 --> 00:11:24,623
which is why

509
00:11:21,869 --> 00:11:24,623
his work has stood

510
00:11:21,869 --> 00:11:24,623
the test of time,

511
00:11:24,623 --> 00:11:26,499
and so will all this.

512
00:11:26,499 --> 00:11:30,295
Four hundred years from now,

513
00:11:26,499 --> 00:11:30,295
some high-school drama class

514
00:11:30,295 --> 00:11:33,881
will be doing

515
00:11:30,295 --> 00:11:33,881
a plucky,

516
00:11:30,295 --> 00:11:33,881
spirited production of

517
00:11:33,881 --> 00:11:36,551
Beef Party VII.

518
00:11:36,551 --> 00:11:39,137
Oh, my God. Lily,

519
00:11:36,551 --> 00:11:39,137
that is a lot of debt.

520
00:11:39,137 --> 00:11:41,681
How did you get yourself

521
00:11:39,137 --> 00:11:41,681
into this situation?

522
00:11:41,681 --> 00:11:45,726
I don't know what it is.

523
00:11:41,681 --> 00:11:45,726
When I feel down

524
00:11:41,681 --> 00:11:45,726
about something, I shop.

525
00:11:47,479 --> 00:11:49,063
Ma'am, is everything okay?

526
00:11:49,063 --> 00:11:51,483
No, I just had a huge fight

527
00:11:49,063 --> 00:11:51,483
with my mother.

528
00:11:51,483 --> 00:11:55,570
She doesn't

529
00:11:51,483 --> 00:11:55,570
understand me at all.

530
00:11:55,570 --> 00:11:59,073
I swore that teaching

531
00:11:55,570 --> 00:11:59,073
would be a way to

532
00:11:55,570 --> 00:11:59,073
support my painting career,

533
00:11:59,073 --> 00:12:01,075
but I never paint anymore.

534
00:12:02,827 --> 00:12:05,580
I just got

535
00:12:02,827 --> 00:12:05,580
a huge credit card bill.

536
00:12:06,956 --> 00:12:08,916
Does Marshall know?

537
00:12:06,956 --> 00:12:08,916
No.

538
00:12:08,916 --> 00:12:12,003
But you guys

539
00:12:08,916 --> 00:12:12,003
are the couple who tell

540
00:12:08,916 --> 00:12:12,003
each other everything.

541
00:12:12,003 --> 00:12:15,715
And for God's sake, Lily,

542
00:12:12,003 --> 00:12:15,715
you text him

543
00:12:12,003 --> 00:12:15,715
while he's on the can.

544
00:12:15,715 --> 00:12:18,718
Well, I just want him to know

545
00:12:15,715 --> 00:12:18,718
I'm rooting for him.

546
00:12:18,718 --> 00:12:22,681
Wait. Okay,

547
00:12:18,718 --> 00:12:22,681
this all makes sense.

548
00:12:18,718 --> 00:12:22,681
So when you said...

549
00:12:22,681 --> 00:12:24,890
But you're still going to go

550
00:12:22,681 --> 00:12:24,890
to your job interview today,

551
00:12:22,681 --> 00:12:24,890
right, baby?

552
00:12:24,890 --> 00:12:26,685
and then...

553
00:12:26,685 --> 00:12:28,687
Oh, you should go.

554
00:12:26,685 --> 00:12:28,687
I mean, you're not going

555
00:12:26,685 --> 00:12:28,687
to take the job,

556
00:12:28,687 --> 00:12:31,022
but you might as well

557
00:12:28,687 --> 00:12:31,022
get a great meal

558
00:12:28,687 --> 00:12:31,022
out of the deal.

559
00:12:31,022 --> 00:12:34,484
You were pushing him

560
00:12:31,022 --> 00:12:34,484
into taking that

561
00:12:31,022 --> 00:12:34,484
high-paying corporate job.

562
00:12:34,484 --> 00:12:37,862
I know. It's terrible

563
00:12:34,484 --> 00:12:37,862
that I was trying to

564
00:12:34,484 --> 00:12:37,862
get him to do that.

565
00:12:37,862 --> 00:12:40,031
Terrible?

566
00:12:37,862 --> 00:12:40,031
He has to take it.

567
00:12:40,031 --> 00:12:42,825
I mean, how else

568
00:12:40,031 --> 00:12:42,825
are you going to pay off

569
00:12:40,031 --> 00:12:42,825
all that debt?

570
00:12:42,825 --> 00:12:44,536
Lily, you have to

571
00:12:42,825 --> 00:12:44,536
tell him about this

572
00:12:44,536 --> 00:12:46,829
before he turns down

573
00:12:44,536 --> 00:12:46,829
that job.

574
00:12:46,829 --> 00:12:49,915
You're right. I feel awful.

575
00:12:51,125 --> 00:12:52,251
You know,

576
00:12:51,125 --> 00:12:52,251
there's a sale...

577
00:12:52,251 --> 00:12:54,713
We're not going shopping.

578
00:12:59,634 --> 00:13:02,470
There he is.

579
00:12:59,634 --> 00:13:02,470
Come on, let's go.

580
00:13:02,470 --> 00:13:05,640
Why do I get so nervous

581
00:13:02,470 --> 00:13:05,640
around celebrities?

582
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:09,852
Hi, Ted Mosby.

583
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:09,852
I'm Ted Mosby.

584
00:13:09,852 --> 00:13:10,936
Ted Mosby, it's you!

585
00:13:10,936 --> 00:13:12,689
Have we met?

586
00:13:12,689 --> 00:13:14,940
Mr. Mosby,

587
00:13:12,689 --> 00:13:14,940
it is an honor

588
00:13:12,689 --> 00:13:14,940
to meet you, sir.

589
00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:18,319
Starney Binson.

590
00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:18,319
Barney Stinson.

591
00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:18,319
Damn it!

592
00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:21,906
We have met.

593
00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:21,906
My real name

594
00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:21,906
is Steve Biel.

595
00:13:21,906 --> 00:13:23,408
When I was in fourth grade,

596
00:13:21,906 --> 00:13:23,408
you were in ninth.

597
00:13:23,408 --> 00:13:25,577
And one day

598
00:13:23,408 --> 00:13:25,577
I was out behind

599
00:13:23,408 --> 00:13:25,577
the school,

600
00:13:25,577 --> 00:13:28,454
and a bunch of seventh-graders

601
00:13:25,577 --> 00:13:28,454
were just beating

602
00:13:25,577 --> 00:13:28,454
the crap out of me.

603
00:13:28,454 --> 00:13:30,081
Yeah, I remember.

604
00:13:28,454 --> 00:13:30,081
That was you?

605
00:13:30,081 --> 00:13:32,417
Yeah, but you

606
00:13:30,081 --> 00:13:32,417
pulled them off me.

607
00:13:32,417 --> 00:13:35,754
You told them

608
00:13:32,417 --> 00:13:35,754
to go pick on someone

609
00:13:32,417 --> 00:13:35,754
their own size.

610
00:13:35,754 --> 00:13:39,549
I vowed right then

611
00:13:35,754 --> 00:13:39,549
that when I made

612
00:13:35,754 --> 00:13:39,549
something of myself,

613
00:13:39,549 --> 00:13:41,593
I would honor you somehow.

614
00:13:41,593 --> 00:13:44,095
So you took my name,

615
00:13:41,593 --> 00:13:44,095
and starred in

616
00:13:44,095 --> 00:13:46,806
Welcome to

617
00:13:44,095 --> 00:13:46,806
the Sex Truck?

618
00:13:46,806 --> 00:13:47,890
Yeah.

619
00:13:49,892 --> 00:13:52,353
Yeah, listen, Ted.

620
00:13:49,892 --> 00:13:52,353
You got to

621
00:13:49,892 --> 00:13:52,353
stop using my name.

622
00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:54,939
I'm trying to make a career

623
00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:54,939
as an architect.

624
00:13:54,939 --> 00:13:59,277
Architect, huh?

625
00:13:54,939 --> 00:13:59,277
You mean like

626
00:13:54,939 --> 00:13:59,277
a sex architect?

627
00:13:59,277 --> 00:14:00,528
What?

628
00:14:00,528 --> 00:14:02,572
Yeah, you know,

629
00:14:00,528 --> 00:14:02,572
you're on to something.

630
00:14:02,572 --> 00:14:07,368
That would make

631
00:14:02,572 --> 00:14:07,368
a great title of a film.

632
00:14:02,572 --> 00:14:07,368
Ted Mosby, Sex Architect.

633
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:09,704
You know, I'm actually

634
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:09,704
looking for a new project

635
00:14:09,704 --> 00:14:12,582
to shoot

636
00:14:09,704 --> 00:14:12,582
next Friday afternoon.

637
00:14:12,582 --> 00:14:16,043
Yeah, listen.

638
00:14:12,582 --> 00:14:16,043
Isn't there some other way

639
00:14:12,582 --> 00:14:16,043
you could honor me?

640
00:14:16,043 --> 00:14:17,796
With all due respect.

641
00:14:17,796 --> 00:14:20,423
Wait, you're not mad,

642
00:14:17,796 --> 00:14:20,423
are you?

643
00:14:20,423 --> 00:14:22,383
Oh, man, I knew it.

644
00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:25,762
My father said,

645
00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:25,762
"Just plant a tree in Israel."

646
00:14:25,762 --> 00:14:29,557
I'm such an idiot.

647
00:14:25,762 --> 00:14:29,557
I guess I thought

648
00:14:25,762 --> 00:14:29,557
you'd be psyched.

649
00:14:30,975 --> 00:14:34,395
I am. I am.

650
00:14:30,975 --> 00:14:34,395
It's just,

651
00:14:30,975 --> 00:14:34,395
I feel a little guilty,

652
00:14:34,395 --> 00:14:37,523
because I'm not the one

653
00:14:34,395 --> 00:14:37,523
who saved you that day.

654
00:14:37,523 --> 00:14:41,569
The guy

655
00:14:37,523 --> 00:14:41,569
who actually saved you

656
00:14:37,523 --> 00:14:41,569
was named...

657
00:14:43,529 --> 00:14:45,072
Lance Hardwood.

658
00:14:46,157 --> 00:14:48,827
Lance Hardwood? Yeah.

659
00:14:48,827 --> 00:14:50,995
Really?

660
00:14:48,827 --> 00:14:50,995
Hmm.

661
00:14:50,995 --> 00:14:52,831
You know,

662
00:14:50,995 --> 00:14:52,831
you might not

663
00:14:50,995 --> 00:14:52,831
know this,

664
00:14:52,831 --> 00:14:55,667
but in my business,

665
00:14:52,831 --> 00:14:55,667
that's kind of

666
00:14:52,831 --> 00:14:55,667
a killer name.

667
00:14:56,835 --> 00:14:58,795
Yeah, I guess it is.

668
00:14:58,795 --> 00:15:00,588
I can see

669
00:14:58,795 --> 00:15:00,588
the poster now.

670
00:15:00,588 --> 00:15:03,090
Lance Hardwood,

671
00:15:00,588 --> 00:15:03,090
Sex Architect.

672
00:15:03,090 --> 00:15:04,967
"Starring Ted Mosby."

673
00:15:04,967 --> 00:15:06,969
I love it!

674
00:15:09,138 --> 00:15:11,223
Marshall and Jeff

675
00:15:09,138 --> 00:15:11,223
stayed pretty late

676
00:15:09,138 --> 00:15:11,223
at the restaurant.

677
00:15:11,223 --> 00:15:13,934
They stayed so late

678
00:15:11,223 --> 00:15:13,934
that Marshall

679
00:15:11,223 --> 00:15:13,934
crashed on Jeff's couch,

680
00:15:13,934 --> 00:15:17,062
and the next day,

681
00:15:13,934 --> 00:15:17,062
Marshall took part in

682
00:15:13,934 --> 00:15:17,062
a Sunday morning tradition

683
00:15:17,062 --> 00:15:19,231
as old as the city itself.

684
00:15:19,231 --> 00:15:21,567
The walk of shame.

685
00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:24,696
The long journey home

686
00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:24,696
after doing something

687
00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:24,696
you regret the night before.

688
00:15:24,696 --> 00:15:26,030
I'll take the job.

689
00:15:26,030 --> 00:15:27,156
What? That's awesome!

690
00:15:27,156 --> 00:15:29,659
Yeah!

691
00:15:27,156 --> 00:15:29,659
Yeah!

692
00:15:29,659 --> 00:15:33,496
Great time last night.

693
00:15:29,659 --> 00:15:33,496
I'll call you later.

694
00:15:33,496 --> 00:15:35,748
He's not

695
00:15:33,496 --> 00:15:35,748
gonna call you.

696
00:15:38,835 --> 00:15:40,628
Hey.

697
00:15:38,835 --> 00:15:40,628
Hey.

698
00:15:40,628 --> 00:15:41,754
Did you get my message?

699
00:15:40,628 --> 00:15:41,754
I just...

700
00:15:41,754 --> 00:15:42,797
I crashed uptown.

701
00:15:42,797 --> 00:15:43,964
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen.

702
00:15:43,964 --> 00:15:47,552
I have something to tell you.

703
00:15:47,552 --> 00:15:49,679
I have something

704
00:15:47,552 --> 00:15:49,679
I need to tell you also.

705
00:15:49,679 --> 00:15:51,681
Mine's pretty huge.

706
00:15:51,681 --> 00:15:53,182
You go first.

707
00:15:53,182 --> 00:15:54,893
Well...

708
00:15:54,893 --> 00:15:58,771
I took the job.

709
00:15:54,893 --> 00:15:58,771
I'm sorry.

710
00:15:54,893 --> 00:15:58,771
I'm so sorry.

711
00:15:58,771 --> 00:16:04,235
I was drunk, and it was

712
00:15:58,771 --> 00:16:04,235
a haze of cigars

713
00:15:58,771 --> 00:16:04,235
and scotch and Swayze!

714
00:16:04,235 --> 00:16:09,114
And they offered me,

715
00:16:04,235 --> 00:16:09,114
like, like, like,

716
00:16:04,235 --> 00:16:09,114
like, a lot of money.

717
00:16:09,114 --> 00:16:10,575
Oh, Marshall.

718
00:16:11,951 --> 00:16:13,661
How much money?

719
00:16:17,122 --> 00:16:18,499
Here.

720
00:16:19,625 --> 00:16:21,586
Whee!

721
00:16:26,465 --> 00:16:29,635
It's completely despicable.

722
00:16:26,465 --> 00:16:29,635
I know, I know, I sold out

723
00:16:29,635 --> 00:16:34,390
for a huge pile

724
00:16:29,635 --> 00:16:34,390
of disgusting money.

725
00:16:34,390 --> 00:16:38,603
Disgusting money

726
00:16:34,390 --> 00:16:38,603
that could help

727
00:16:34,390 --> 00:16:38,603
our future family

728
00:16:38,603 --> 00:16:41,940
have some financial security,

729
00:16:38,603 --> 00:16:41,940
and could help

730
00:16:38,603 --> 00:16:41,940
pay for law school.

731
00:16:41,940 --> 00:16:43,775
Law school.

732
00:16:43,775 --> 00:16:45,944
Law school that I went to,

733
00:16:43,775 --> 00:16:45,944
to help

734
00:16:43,775 --> 00:16:45,944
protect the environment,

735
00:16:45,944 --> 00:16:48,112
not help destroy it.

736
00:16:45,944 --> 00:16:48,112
And for what?

737
00:16:48,112 --> 00:16:51,031
For a lot of money.

738
00:16:55,870 --> 00:16:58,038
Okay, you've got to

739
00:16:55,870 --> 00:16:58,038
stop screaming.

740
00:16:58,038 --> 00:17:00,750
Listen, Marshall, you know

741
00:16:58,038 --> 00:17:00,750
what I like to do

742
00:16:58,038 --> 00:17:00,750
in situations like this?

743
00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:03,461
Ted, if you say make a list

744
00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:03,461
of pros and cons,

745
00:17:03,461 --> 00:17:04,670
I'm going to smack you.

746
00:17:04,670 --> 00:17:06,130
I wasn't going to say that.

747
00:17:06,130 --> 00:17:07,966
Okay, two beers,

748
00:17:07,966 --> 00:17:10,551
and Ted,

749
00:17:07,966 --> 00:17:10,551
here's that yellow legal pad

750
00:17:07,966 --> 00:17:10,551
you asked for.

751
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:13,053
What, yellow legal pad?

752
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:13,053
I ordered fries.

753
00:17:13,053 --> 00:17:16,140
Maybe you should use this

754
00:17:13,053 --> 00:17:16,140
to write down people's orders.

755
00:17:18,726 --> 00:17:21,562
Guys, I don't know

756
00:17:18,726 --> 00:17:21,562
what to do.

757
00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:25,524
Take the money.

758
00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:25,524
Money's good.

759
00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:25,524
Money is happiness.

760
00:17:25,524 --> 00:17:27,318
If I work there,

761
00:17:27,318 --> 00:17:29,737
I'll be representing

762
00:17:27,318 --> 00:17:29,737
the most evil corporations

763
00:17:27,318 --> 00:17:29,737
in the world.

764
00:17:29,737 --> 00:17:32,782
Kind of sounds like

765
00:17:29,737 --> 00:17:32,782
a pro and con list to me.

766
00:17:32,782 --> 00:17:35,660
Lily, you have to tell him.

767
00:17:32,782 --> 00:17:35,660
You can help him

768
00:17:32,782 --> 00:17:35,660
make this decision.

769
00:17:35,660 --> 00:17:38,621
Oh, I think

770
00:17:35,660 --> 00:17:38,621
he's doing fine

771
00:17:35,660 --> 00:17:38,621
on his own.

772
00:17:43,501 --> 00:17:44,752
All right.

773
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,174
Marshall,

774
00:17:51,216 --> 00:17:52,677
I have something to say,

775
00:17:52,677 --> 00:17:54,553
and it's going to help you

776
00:17:52,677 --> 00:17:54,553
make your decision.

777
00:17:54,553 --> 00:17:57,890
Oh, of course.

778
00:17:54,553 --> 00:17:57,890
You know my heart better

779
00:17:54,553 --> 00:17:57,890
than I do.

780
00:17:57,890 --> 00:18:00,018
You know what's best

781
00:17:57,890 --> 00:18:00,018
for me and for us.

782
00:18:00,018 --> 00:18:02,603
Please, please

783
00:18:00,018 --> 00:18:02,603
tell me what to do.

784
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:10,778
I think

785
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:10,778
you should take the job

786
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:10,778
at the NRDC:

787
00:18:10,778 --> 00:18:13,823
Of course I should.

788
00:18:10,778 --> 00:18:13,823
Of course I should.

789
00:18:13,823 --> 00:18:17,618
Guys, I'm going to

790
00:18:13,823 --> 00:18:17,618
save the planet Earth.

791
00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:19,620
I got to go call Jeff.

792
00:18:23,415 --> 00:18:24,834
What is the matter

793
00:18:23,415 --> 00:18:24,834
with you?

794
00:18:24,834 --> 00:18:26,836
I can't ask him

795
00:18:24,834 --> 00:18:26,836
to make himself

796
00:18:24,834 --> 00:18:26,836
miserable

797
00:18:26,836 --> 00:18:28,921
because of

798
00:18:26,836 --> 00:18:28,921
a mistake I made.

799
00:18:28,921 --> 00:18:31,883
It's my problem.

800
00:18:28,921 --> 00:18:31,883
I'll figure it out.

801
00:18:31,883 --> 00:18:34,093
That's really sweet.

802
00:18:34,093 --> 00:18:35,177
Are those new earrings?

803
00:18:35,177 --> 00:18:36,929
What are you, my mom?

804
00:18:37,847 --> 00:18:40,725
Jeff. Hey, it's Marshall.

805
00:18:40,725 --> 00:18:42,476
Hey, Marshall.

806
00:18:42,476 --> 00:18:44,937
I have something

807
00:18:42,476 --> 00:18:44,937
that I need to tell you.

808
00:18:44,937 --> 00:18:46,939
I feel really weird

809
00:18:44,937 --> 00:18:46,939
about doing this

810
00:18:44,937 --> 00:18:46,939
over the phone.

811
00:18:46,939 --> 00:18:48,273
Then don't.

812
00:18:50,068 --> 00:18:51,527
Before you say anything,

813
00:18:51,527 --> 00:18:54,947
come take a ride

814
00:18:51,527 --> 00:18:54,947
in this awesome limo with me.

815
00:18:54,947 --> 00:18:56,448
Where are we going?

816
00:18:56,448 --> 00:18:58,868
Tuckahoe Funland.

817
00:18:58,868 --> 00:19:02,038
I'm sorry.

818
00:18:58,868 --> 00:19:02,038
It sounded like you said

819
00:18:58,868 --> 00:19:02,038
Tuckahoe Funland,

820
00:19:02,038 --> 00:19:04,707
the magic factory

821
00:19:02,038 --> 00:19:04,707
where dreams are made.

822
00:19:04,707 --> 00:19:05,791
Get in.

823
00:19:11,338 --> 00:19:13,883
Man, I love this place.

824
00:19:13,883 --> 00:19:16,343
Me, too, buddy.

825
00:19:16,343 --> 00:19:18,512
So what did you want

826
00:19:16,343 --> 00:19:18,512
to tell me?

827
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,557
I can't work for you.

828
00:19:21,557 --> 00:19:24,476
I know, dude.

829
00:19:21,557 --> 00:19:24,476
It's fine.

830
00:19:24,476 --> 00:19:27,271
Marshall Eriksen

831
00:19:24,476 --> 00:19:27,271
wants to preserve

832
00:19:24,476 --> 00:19:27,271
the environment,

833
00:19:27,271 --> 00:19:30,524
so that our children

834
00:19:27,271 --> 00:19:30,524
can enjoy it

835
00:19:27,271 --> 00:19:30,524
as we have. I get it.

836
00:19:31,442 --> 00:19:34,486
Good. Thank you.

837
00:19:34,486 --> 00:19:37,448
I look down

838
00:19:34,486 --> 00:19:37,448
and see children

839
00:19:34,486 --> 00:19:37,448
enjoying this place.

840
00:19:38,908 --> 00:19:41,619
Yeah, because

841
00:19:38,908 --> 00:19:41,619
somebody fought

842
00:19:38,908 --> 00:19:41,619
to preserve it.

843
00:19:41,619 --> 00:19:45,123
If they ever shut

844
00:19:41,619 --> 00:19:45,123
this place down,

845
00:19:41,619 --> 00:19:45,123
it would be a tragedy.

846
00:19:45,123 --> 00:19:48,834
Well, the good news is,

847
00:19:45,123 --> 00:19:48,834
that'll never happen.

848
00:19:48,834 --> 00:19:50,962
You won't let it.

849
00:19:50,962 --> 00:19:56,425
Because when you work for us,

850
00:19:50,962 --> 00:19:56,425
your only client

851
00:19:50,962 --> 00:19:56,425
will be this place,

852
00:19:56,425 --> 00:19:58,010
Tuckahoe Funland.

853
00:20:02,140 --> 00:20:03,223
I'm taking the job.

854
00:20:03,223 --> 00:20:05,059
Hey!

855
00:20:03,223 --> 00:20:05,059
All right.

856
00:20:05,059 --> 00:20:06,477
And the best part is,

857
00:20:05,059 --> 00:20:06,477
I'm not even going to

858
00:20:05,059 --> 00:20:06,477
be representing

859
00:20:06,477 --> 00:20:07,853
some sort of

860
00:20:06,477 --> 00:20:07,853
evil corporation.

861
00:20:07,853 --> 00:20:09,772
I will be representing...

862
00:20:09,772 --> 00:20:13,442
Tuckahoe Funland,

863
00:20:09,772 --> 00:20:13,442
the least evil place

864
00:20:09,772 --> 00:20:13,442
in the world.

865
00:20:13,442 --> 00:20:14,610
Or so Marshall thought.

866
00:20:19,865 --> 00:20:20,992
Well done!

867
00:20:20,992 --> 00:20:22,076
Great news,

868
00:20:20,992 --> 00:20:22,076
great news.

869
00:20:22,076 --> 00:20:23,243
Uh-oh.

870
00:20:25,788 --> 00:20:28,040
Oh, I better

871
00:20:25,788 --> 00:20:28,040
check on him.

872
00:20:37,842 --> 00:20:42,554
Got it. Lance Hardwood,

873
00:20:37,842 --> 00:20:42,554
Sex Architect,

874
00:20:37,842 --> 00:20:42,554
starring Ted Mosby.

875
00:20:42,554 --> 00:20:43,889
Terrific.

876
00:20:43,889 --> 00:20:45,933
You'll notice

877
00:20:43,889 --> 00:20:45,933
I'm in the credits.

878
00:20:45,933 --> 00:20:47,726
I did some

879
00:20:45,933 --> 00:20:47,726
location scouting.

880
00:20:55,693 --> 00:20:59,613
Here are the plans

881
00:20:55,693 --> 00:20:59,613
for the new

882
00:20:55,693 --> 00:20:59,613
international sex building.

883
00:20:59,613 --> 00:21:02,908
Wow, that really looks

884
00:20:59,613 --> 00:21:02,908
like our apartment.

885
00:21:02,908 --> 00:21:05,369
It is.

886
00:21:02,908 --> 00:21:05,369
Oh, I should return these.

887
00:21:06,829 --> 00:21:10,582
Oh, sex architect,

888
00:21:06,829 --> 00:21:10,582
you've done it again.

889
00:21:10,582 --> 00:21:12,960
Let's go celebrate

890
00:21:10,582 --> 00:21:12,960
on the couch.

891
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,045
Oh...

892
00:21:14,045 --> 00:21:15,713
Hey!