1 00:00:01,837 --> 00:00:05,215 Kids, 2 00:00:01,837 --> 00:00:05,215 the early bloom of a romance 3 00:00:01,837 --> 00:00:05,215 is a wonderful thing. 4 00:00:05,215 --> 00:00:07,843 You meet someone, 5 00:00:05,215 --> 00:00:07,843 you have a connection, 6 00:00:07,843 --> 00:00:10,637 and that person 7 00:00:07,843 --> 00:00:10,637 becomes sheer perfection 8 00:00:07,843 --> 00:00:10,637 in your eyes. 9 00:00:10,637 --> 00:00:12,932 You just can't find anything 10 00:00:10,637 --> 00:00:12,932 wrong with them. 11 00:00:12,932 --> 00:00:15,016 And you can't wait 12 00:00:12,932 --> 00:00:15,016 to tell the world about it. 13 00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:16,810 She convinced you 14 00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:16,810 to go jogging? 15 00:00:16,810 --> 00:00:19,730 Wow, you really want 16 00:00:16,810 --> 00:00:19,730 to get in 17 00:00:16,810 --> 00:00:19,730 this girl's pants. 18 00:00:19,730 --> 00:00:21,523 I'm telling you, 19 00:00:19,730 --> 00:00:21,523 you guys are going to 20 00:00:19,730 --> 00:00:21,523 love her. 21 00:00:21,523 --> 00:00:23,233 Lily, she knows 22 00:00:21,523 --> 00:00:23,233 all about art. 23 00:00:23,233 --> 00:00:26,027 Marshall, she's open 24 00:00:23,233 --> 00:00:26,027 to the existence of UFOs. 25 00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:29,907 Barney, she's hot. 26 00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:29,907 Robin, she's not 27 00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:29,907 hotter than you. 28 00:00:29,907 --> 00:00:31,742 Like her already. 29 00:00:29,907 --> 00:00:31,742 How not hotter? 30 00:00:33,619 --> 00:00:35,662 So we all went out 31 00:00:33,619 --> 00:00:35,662 to dinner, and I couldn't wait 32 00:00:35,662 --> 00:00:38,081 to see if my friends 33 00:00:35,662 --> 00:00:38,081 were as crazy about Cathy 34 00:00:35,662 --> 00:00:38,081 as I was. 35 00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,292 So, what's 36 00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,292 everyone getting? 37 00:00:40,292 --> 00:00:42,043 Well, I can't decide. 38 00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:44,421 Which sounds better, 39 00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:44,421 chicken or lasagna? 40 00:00:44,421 --> 00:00:46,632 Lasagna. 41 00:00:44,421 --> 00:00:46,632 Just get the lasagna! 42 00:00:48,341 --> 00:00:51,595 Oh! You guys just got 43 00:00:48,341 --> 00:00:51,595 a new place. 44 00:00:48,341 --> 00:00:51,595 How many bedrooms is it? 45 00:00:51,595 --> 00:00:53,764 Two. 46 00:00:51,595 --> 00:00:53,764 It's two bedrooms! 47 00:00:56,182 --> 00:00:59,185 Okay! Let's hear it. 48 00:00:59,185 --> 00:01:00,437 What's wrong with Cathy? 49 00:01:00,437 --> 00:01:03,231 Are you kidding me, Ted? 50 00:01:00,437 --> 00:01:03,231 She's got a... 51 00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:05,025 Wait, you don't 52 00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:05,025 notice it? 53 00:01:05,025 --> 00:01:06,151 Notice what? 54 00:01:06,151 --> 00:01:07,861 Oh, he doesn't 55 00:01:06,151 --> 00:01:07,861 see it. 56 00:01:07,861 --> 00:01:10,697 If we point it out, 57 00:01:07,861 --> 00:01:10,697 we're gonna 58 00:01:07,861 --> 00:01:10,697 ruin her for him. 59 00:01:10,697 --> 00:01:12,616 As his friends, 60 00:01:10,697 --> 00:01:12,616 we'll just keep him 61 00:01:10,697 --> 00:01:12,616 in the dark. 62 00:01:12,616 --> 00:01:14,075 You're right. 63 00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:16,787 She's great, man. 64 00:01:16,787 --> 00:01:20,206 She's a keeper. 65 00:01:16,787 --> 00:01:20,206 Just keep her 66 00:01:16,787 --> 00:01:20,206 somewhere else. 67 00:01:35,472 --> 00:01:38,141 Marshall, what 68 00:01:35,472 --> 00:01:38,141 is everyone's problem 69 00:01:35,472 --> 00:01:38,141 with Cathy? 70 00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:40,644 She's a total nightmare, Ted, 71 00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:40,644 but can we 72 00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:40,644 talk about this later? 73 00:01:40,644 --> 00:01:43,563 I'm a minute away from 74 00:01:40,644 --> 00:01:43,563 finding out if I'm going to 75 00:01:40,644 --> 00:01:43,563 be a lawyer or not. 76 00:01:43,563 --> 00:01:45,190 You see, kids, 77 00:01:43,563 --> 00:01:45,190 during the summer, 78 00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:47,943 Marshall had taken 79 00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:47,943 the New York bar exam. 80 00:01:47,943 --> 00:01:50,153 His years of school, 81 00:01:47,943 --> 00:01:50,153 his countless hours of study, 82 00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:53,281 had finally culminated 83 00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:53,281 in this grueling, 84 00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:53,281 two-day ordeal. 85 00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:55,158 And begin. 86 00:01:58,912 --> 00:02:00,789 The pressure of it 87 00:01:58,912 --> 00:02:00,789 was enormous. 88 00:02:00,789 --> 00:02:03,291 Every year, people 89 00:02:00,789 --> 00:02:03,291 taking the bar 90 00:02:00,789 --> 00:02:03,291 simply cracked. 91 00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:06,127 No! No! 92 00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,170 No! 93 00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:08,630 No! 94 00:02:12,551 --> 00:02:13,969 But Marshall 95 00:02:12,551 --> 00:02:13,969 had made it through. 96 00:02:13,969 --> 00:02:16,013 And time. 97 00:02:24,229 --> 00:02:26,023 Time's up. 98 00:02:24,229 --> 00:02:26,023 Right. 99 00:02:26,023 --> 00:02:27,482 Time. 100 00:02:27,482 --> 00:02:28,608 Sir. 101 00:02:27,482 --> 00:02:28,608 I know. 102 00:02:28,608 --> 00:02:30,069 Your time is... 103 00:02:28,608 --> 00:02:30,069 I know it is. 104 00:02:30,069 --> 00:02:31,778 Give me... 105 00:02:33,906 --> 00:02:36,616 Now, months later, 106 00:02:33,906 --> 00:02:36,616 the results of that exam 107 00:02:33,906 --> 00:02:36,616 were scheduled 108 00:02:36,616 --> 00:02:40,120 to post online at 10:00, 109 00:02:36,616 --> 00:02:40,120 and it was 9:59. 110 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:41,705 Damn, they're not up yet. 111 00:02:41,705 --> 00:02:44,624 Oh, don't worry, baby. 112 00:02:41,705 --> 00:02:44,624 I'm sure you rocked it. 113 00:02:44,624 --> 00:02:46,001 I mean, how many people 114 00:02:44,624 --> 00:02:46,001 fail the bar? 115 00:02:46,001 --> 00:02:47,252 Half. 116 00:02:47,252 --> 00:02:48,294 Oh, my God, half? 117 00:02:48,294 --> 00:02:50,463 Only half the people pass? 118 00:02:50,463 --> 00:02:54,217 I mean, half the people pass. 119 00:02:50,463 --> 00:02:54,217 That's fantastic. 120 00:02:50,463 --> 00:02:54,217 Go, Marshall. 121 00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:55,552 Oh, hey, can I 122 00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:55,552 jump on there? 123 00:02:55,552 --> 00:02:56,887 I wanna show you 124 00:02:55,552 --> 00:02:56,887 something awesome. 125 00:02:56,887 --> 00:02:59,347 What? No. Bar results, 126 00:02:56,887 --> 00:02:59,347 my future. 127 00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:01,100 Trust me, 128 00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:01,100 you need to see this. 129 00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:03,685 What is so important 130 00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:03,685 that I need to see it 131 00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:03,685 right now? 132 00:03:03,685 --> 00:03:06,688 It's a video of a dog 133 00:03:03,685 --> 00:03:06,688 pooping on a baby. 134 00:03:08,982 --> 00:03:13,486 How do I need to see that? 135 00:03:08,982 --> 00:03:13,486 Why would I want to see that? 136 00:03:13,486 --> 00:03:17,532 In what possible way 137 00:03:13,486 --> 00:03:17,532 could subjecting my eyes 138 00:03:13,486 --> 00:03:17,532 and my brain 139 00:03:17,532 --> 00:03:20,577 to something that disgusting 140 00:03:17,532 --> 00:03:20,577 enrich my life? 141 00:03:20,577 --> 00:03:24,205 It's a dog 142 00:03:20,577 --> 00:03:24,205 pooping on a baby. 143 00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:25,958 Get away 144 00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:25,958 from my computer. 145 00:03:25,958 --> 00:03:28,251 Okay, just do a quick 146 00:03:25,958 --> 00:03:28,251 Google search 147 00:03:25,958 --> 00:03:28,251 for "caca spaniel." 148 00:03:29,169 --> 00:03:30,670 The results are in. 149 00:03:30,670 --> 00:03:32,422 What's it say? 150 00:03:32,422 --> 00:03:34,257 Input password. 151 00:03:32,422 --> 00:03:34,257 Well, input the password! 152 00:03:36,051 --> 00:03:37,928 It's okay. 153 00:03:36,051 --> 00:03:37,928 They assigned it to me 154 00:03:36,051 --> 00:03:37,928 when I took the test. 155 00:03:37,928 --> 00:03:41,932 It's gotta be around here 156 00:03:37,928 --> 00:03:41,932 somewhere. 157 00:03:37,928 --> 00:03:41,932 Here. Here, here, here. 158 00:03:41,932 --> 00:03:44,517 Jelly beans, fluffernutter, 159 00:03:41,932 --> 00:03:44,517 gummy bears, gingersnaps... 160 00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:46,061 This is a grocery list. 161 00:03:46,061 --> 00:03:49,314 For who? 162 00:03:46,061 --> 00:03:49,314 A witch building a house 163 00:03:46,061 --> 00:03:49,314 in the forest? 164 00:03:49,314 --> 00:03:51,524 Sugar helps me study. 165 00:03:51,524 --> 00:03:53,610 This is like the shopping 166 00:03:51,524 --> 00:03:53,610 a 10-year-old does 167 00:03:53,610 --> 00:03:55,695 when his parents leave him 168 00:03:53,610 --> 00:03:55,695 alone for the weekend. 169 00:03:55,695 --> 00:03:58,824 What parent leaves 170 00:03:55,695 --> 00:03:58,824 a 10-year-old alone 171 00:03:55,695 --> 00:03:58,824 for the weekend? 172 00:03:58,824 --> 00:04:01,160 And your mom was perfect. 173 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,495 I can't find my password! 174 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,495 Okay, just... 175 00:04:03,495 --> 00:04:05,038 Can't you let them know 176 00:04:03,495 --> 00:04:05,038 that you lost it 177 00:04:05,038 --> 00:04:06,247 and they'll e-mail it 178 00:04:05,038 --> 00:04:06,247 to you or something? 179 00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,208 No! They won't 180 00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,208 let me do that. 181 00:04:08,208 --> 00:04:09,876 I'm going to have to wait 182 00:04:08,208 --> 00:04:09,876 till the results 183 00:04:08,208 --> 00:04:09,876 come in the regular mail. 184 00:04:09,876 --> 00:04:12,295 That could be weeks 185 00:04:09,876 --> 00:04:12,295 from now, if ever! 186 00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:15,465 Our mail carrier hates me 187 00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:15,465 ever since I asked her 188 00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:15,465 when the baby was due. 189 00:04:15,465 --> 00:04:16,883 She wasn't pregnant? 190 00:04:16,883 --> 00:04:19,052 No, he was not. 191 00:04:19,052 --> 00:04:21,763 Okay, well, that's a drag, 192 00:04:19,052 --> 00:04:21,763 but the results 193 00:04:19,052 --> 00:04:21,763 will come eventually. 194 00:04:21,763 --> 00:04:22,889 Just try to keep it 195 00:04:21,763 --> 00:04:22,889 off your mind until then. 196 00:04:26,518 --> 00:04:28,145 Hey, Brad. 197 00:04:28,145 --> 00:04:30,147 Oh, congratulations, man. 198 00:04:32,191 --> 00:04:35,235 I'm not sure yet. 199 00:04:32,191 --> 00:04:35,235 I lost my password. 200 00:04:35,235 --> 00:04:37,737 That's great, Cara. 201 00:04:37,737 --> 00:04:40,199 I don't know yet. 202 00:04:37,737 --> 00:04:40,199 I lost my password. 203 00:04:40,199 --> 00:04:43,952 I don't know 204 00:04:40,199 --> 00:04:43,952 how I lost it! 205 00:04:40,199 --> 00:04:43,952 This stuff happens! 206 00:04:44,911 --> 00:04:46,746 Oh, oh... 207 00:04:46,746 --> 00:04:49,624 You're one to talk. 208 00:04:46,746 --> 00:04:49,624 You misplace stuff 209 00:04:46,746 --> 00:04:49,624 all the time. 210 00:04:50,542 --> 00:04:52,418 I'm sorry. 211 00:04:52,418 --> 00:04:55,088 I'm sure the nurses 212 00:04:52,418 --> 00:04:55,088 are stealing 213 00:04:52,418 --> 00:04:55,088 your medicine, Grandma. 214 00:04:56,006 --> 00:04:58,217 Love you, too. 215 00:04:58,217 --> 00:05:00,468 If I have to wait six weeks 216 00:04:58,217 --> 00:05:00,468 to find out if I passed, 217 00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,554 I'm gonna have 218 00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,554 a heart attack. 219 00:05:02,554 --> 00:05:06,016 Based on that grocery list, 220 00:05:02,554 --> 00:05:06,016 I'd say diabetes 221 00:05:02,554 --> 00:05:06,016 is a bigger worry. 222 00:05:06,016 --> 00:05:07,517 You know what? 223 00:05:06,016 --> 00:05:07,517 Laugh all you want. 224 00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:09,978 This affects 225 00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:09,978 my whole future, 226 00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:09,978 all right? 227 00:05:09,978 --> 00:05:11,563 Okay. 228 00:05:11,563 --> 00:05:13,065 I probably shouldn't 229 00:05:11,563 --> 00:05:13,065 be telling you this. 230 00:05:13,065 --> 00:05:14,941 I definitely shouldn't 231 00:05:13,065 --> 00:05:14,941 be telling you this, 232 00:05:14,941 --> 00:05:17,736 but there is a way 233 00:05:14,941 --> 00:05:17,736 I can help you 234 00:05:14,941 --> 00:05:17,736 with your problem. 235 00:05:17,736 --> 00:05:18,862 How? 236 00:05:19,779 --> 00:05:21,614 I know a guy at work. 237 00:05:21,614 --> 00:05:24,826 He can get access 238 00:05:21,614 --> 00:05:24,826 to software designed 239 00:05:21,614 --> 00:05:24,826 to penetrate firewalls 240 00:05:24,826 --> 00:05:27,537 and retrieve passwords 241 00:05:24,826 --> 00:05:27,537 through secure servers. 242 00:05:27,537 --> 00:05:29,581 I can get into 243 00:05:27,537 --> 00:05:29,581 any computer. 244 00:05:29,581 --> 00:05:30,707 So what do we do? 245 00:05:30,707 --> 00:05:32,167 Like, arrange 246 00:05:30,707 --> 00:05:32,167 a secret meeting 247 00:05:32,167 --> 00:05:34,544 in a darkened 248 00:05:32,167 --> 00:05:34,544 parking structure? 249 00:05:34,544 --> 00:05:36,129 No. 250 00:05:34,544 --> 00:05:36,129 Can we? 251 00:05:36,129 --> 00:05:37,505 No. 252 00:05:36,129 --> 00:05:37,505 I have a trench coat. 253 00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:38,965 Dude, be cool. 254 00:05:43,887 --> 00:05:46,056 So, I just got off 255 00:05:43,887 --> 00:05:46,056 the phone with Cathy. 256 00:05:46,056 --> 00:05:47,766 God, you guys 257 00:05:46,056 --> 00:05:47,766 are so right. 258 00:05:47,766 --> 00:05:49,268 I totally hear it now. 259 00:05:50,185 --> 00:05:51,728 See it now? 260 00:05:52,729 --> 00:05:54,522 Smell it? 261 00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:57,025 What is it? 262 00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:57,025 I left the table 263 00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:57,025 for two minutes. 264 00:05:57,025 --> 00:05:58,651 What could she have 265 00:05:57,025 --> 00:05:58,651 possibly 266 00:05:57,025 --> 00:05:58,651 done in that time 267 00:05:58,651 --> 00:06:00,612 that was so horrible? 268 00:05:58,651 --> 00:06:00,612 Was it... 269 00:06:00,612 --> 00:06:04,074 I'll be back 270 00:06:00,612 --> 00:06:04,074 in one second. 271 00:06:04,074 --> 00:06:07,786 One time, in the tenth grade, 272 00:06:04,074 --> 00:06:07,786 as a joke, I told everyone 273 00:06:07,786 --> 00:06:10,496 that my English teacher 274 00:06:07,786 --> 00:06:10,496 had sex with me. 275 00:06:11,998 --> 00:06:13,708 He's still in jail. 276 00:06:14,626 --> 00:06:15,794 Or maybe... 277 00:06:15,794 --> 00:06:17,796 I'll be back 278 00:06:15,794 --> 00:06:17,796 in a second. 279 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:21,174 So I volunteer 280 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:21,174 at the pound. 281 00:06:21,174 --> 00:06:22,675 Oh, isn't that nice? 282 00:06:22,675 --> 00:06:24,761 Yeah. 283 00:06:24,761 --> 00:06:27,264 You can't imagine the rush 284 00:06:24,761 --> 00:06:27,264 you get from 285 00:06:24,761 --> 00:06:27,264 killing an unwanted puppy. 286 00:06:28,765 --> 00:06:31,559 I make bracelets 287 00:06:28,765 --> 00:06:31,559 out of the collars. 288 00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:33,519 Or... 289 00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:35,772 I'll be back 290 00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:35,772 in one second. 291 00:06:37,065 --> 00:06:39,567 I bet he's going to 292 00:06:37,065 --> 00:06:39,567 the urinal. 293 00:06:41,027 --> 00:06:44,948 Yeah, I remember 294 00:06:41,027 --> 00:06:44,948 when I had a penis. 295 00:06:44,948 --> 00:06:47,700 It wasn't anything she did 296 00:06:44,948 --> 00:06:47,700 while you were 297 00:06:44,948 --> 00:06:47,700 in the bathroom. 298 00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:49,869 It's just the way 299 00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:49,869 she is. 300 00:06:49,869 --> 00:06:51,871 I don't get it. 301 00:06:51,871 --> 00:06:54,582 If it's so obvious 302 00:06:51,871 --> 00:06:54,582 and you guys all see it, 303 00:06:51,871 --> 00:06:54,582 how come I don't? 304 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,876 Because we're not trying 305 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,876 to have sex with her. 306 00:06:56,876 --> 00:06:59,504 Brother, you're driving 307 00:06:56,876 --> 00:06:59,504 the "I wanna have 308 00:06:56,876 --> 00:06:59,504 sex with her" truck, 309 00:06:59,504 --> 00:07:02,007 and it's got 310 00:06:59,504 --> 00:07:02,007 a huge blind spot. 311 00:07:02,007 --> 00:07:03,716 That's ridiculous. 312 00:07:03,716 --> 00:07:05,385 Is it really? 313 00:07:05,385 --> 00:07:07,553 Ted, let me tell you 314 00:07:05,385 --> 00:07:07,553 a little story 315 00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:11,641 about a young lady I wanted 316 00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:11,641 to have sex with, Lucilia. 317 00:07:11,641 --> 00:07:14,936 On a white sand beach 318 00:07:11,641 --> 00:07:14,936 in Rio de Janeiro, 319 00:07:14,936 --> 00:07:17,647 we made love 320 00:07:14,936 --> 00:07:17,647 for 10 straight hours. 321 00:07:18,731 --> 00:07:21,693 When we were done, 322 00:07:18,731 --> 00:07:21,693 she applauded 323 00:07:21,693 --> 00:07:24,779 and told me 324 00:07:21,693 --> 00:07:24,779 I was far, far better 325 00:07:24,779 --> 00:07:27,991 than the best lover 326 00:07:24,779 --> 00:07:27,991 she could possibly imagine, 327 00:07:27,991 --> 00:07:31,203 and that I had restored 328 00:07:27,991 --> 00:07:31,203 her faith in God. 329 00:07:33,830 --> 00:07:35,915 What does this have to 330 00:07:33,830 --> 00:07:35,915 do with Cathy? 331 00:07:35,915 --> 00:07:37,959 Who's Cathy? 332 00:07:37,959 --> 00:07:41,213 Just tell me what the hell 333 00:07:37,959 --> 00:07:41,213 is wrong with her already. 334 00:07:41,213 --> 00:07:42,755 Okay. 335 00:07:41,213 --> 00:07:42,755 You want to know? 336 00:07:42,755 --> 00:07:44,174 Yes. 337 00:07:44,174 --> 00:07:46,176 You want to shatter 338 00:07:44,174 --> 00:07:46,176 this beautiful illusion 339 00:07:46,176 --> 00:07:47,677 you've created 340 00:07:46,176 --> 00:07:47,677 for yourself? 341 00:07:47,677 --> 00:07:51,848 Fine. Here it is. 342 00:07:47,677 --> 00:07:51,848 Cathy talks 343 00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:53,933 a lot. 344 00:07:55,852 --> 00:07:58,021 Oh, come on. 345 00:07:55,852 --> 00:07:58,021 That's not true. 346 00:07:58,021 --> 00:08:01,149 Ted. 347 00:07:58,021 --> 00:08:01,149 Really, really think 348 00:08:01,149 --> 00:08:03,568 about that dinner 349 00:08:01,149 --> 00:08:03,568 we all just had together. 350 00:08:03,568 --> 00:08:04,986 And I did. 351 00:08:04,986 --> 00:08:07,280 So, what's everyone 352 00:08:04,986 --> 00:08:07,280 getting? 353 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:11,201 Well, I can't decide. 354 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:11,201 Which sounds better, 355 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:11,201 chicken or lasagna? 356 00:08:11,201 --> 00:08:13,453 I like chicken. 357 00:08:11,201 --> 00:08:13,453 I like lasagna. 358 00:08:11,201 --> 00:08:13,453 I like them both. 359 00:08:13,453 --> 00:08:16,331 But I really like pork. 360 00:08:13,453 --> 00:08:16,331 A lot of people 361 00:08:13,453 --> 00:08:16,331 don't eat pork, 362 00:08:16,331 --> 00:08:18,041 and maybe it's because 363 00:08:16,331 --> 00:08:18,041 of that movie 364 00:08:16,331 --> 00:08:18,041 Babe or something. 365 00:08:18,041 --> 00:08:19,876 But that was funny. 366 00:08:19,876 --> 00:08:21,920 He was a talking pig 367 00:08:19,876 --> 00:08:21,920 and he was like, 368 00:08:19,876 --> 00:08:21,920 "Bah, ram, ewe!" 369 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,714 What if there was a sorority, 370 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,714 Bah Ram Ewe? 371 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,714 I'd totally rush it. 372 00:08:24,714 --> 00:08:27,967 and so I named him 373 00:08:24,714 --> 00:08:27,967 Dr. Seuss! 374 00:08:27,967 --> 00:08:29,552 "Lorax" is a funny word. 375 00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:32,972 Lasagna! 376 00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:32,972 Just get the lasagna! 377 00:08:32,972 --> 00:08:36,809 Oh, you guys just got 378 00:08:32,972 --> 00:08:36,809 a new place. 379 00:08:32,972 --> 00:08:36,809 How many bedrooms is it? 380 00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:38,603 I would love to have 381 00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:38,603 an extra bedroom, 382 00:08:38,603 --> 00:08:40,063 because I would put 383 00:08:38,603 --> 00:08:40,063 a Stairmaster in there, 384 00:08:40,063 --> 00:08:42,274 but you guys 385 00:08:40,063 --> 00:08:42,274 should get 386 00:08:40,063 --> 00:08:42,274 a convertible sofa. 387 00:08:42,274 --> 00:08:45,402 Or a futon. Futons are great. 388 00:08:42,274 --> 00:08:45,402 Or what about one of 389 00:08:42,274 --> 00:08:45,402 those Murphy beds? 390 00:08:45,402 --> 00:08:47,362 Who invented the Murphy bed? 391 00:08:45,402 --> 00:08:47,362 Was it a guy named Murphy? 392 00:08:47,362 --> 00:08:50,073 Oh, my God. 393 00:08:47,362 --> 00:08:50,073 Do you guys remember 394 00:08:47,362 --> 00:08:50,073 that show, Murphy Brown? 395 00:08:50,073 --> 00:08:53,034 That was a funny show. 396 00:08:50,073 --> 00:08:53,034 She had a new assistant 397 00:08:50,073 --> 00:08:53,034 every episode. 398 00:08:53,034 --> 00:08:54,827 and it was like 399 00:08:53,034 --> 00:08:54,827 half an hour 400 00:08:54,827 --> 00:08:56,829 before I realized 401 00:08:54,827 --> 00:08:56,829 he wasn't even 402 00:08:54,827 --> 00:08:56,829 on the phone anymore! 403 00:08:56,829 --> 00:08:58,873 Isn't that hysterical? 404 00:08:58,873 --> 00:09:01,667 Two! It's two bedrooms! 405 00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:03,711 Hey, do you guys 406 00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:03,711 like cannolis? 407 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,797 Because I know this place 408 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,797 and it's in the south Bronx 409 00:09:05,797 --> 00:09:09,217 and you wouldn't expect it, 410 00:09:05,797 --> 00:09:09,217 but they have 411 00:09:05,797 --> 00:09:09,217 the best cannolis in town. 412 00:09:11,136 --> 00:09:12,678 And just like that, 413 00:09:11,136 --> 00:09:12,678 the illusion was shattered. 414 00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,055 Wow. 415 00:09:14,055 --> 00:09:17,767 She just never 416 00:09:14,055 --> 00:09:17,767 shuts up, does she? 417 00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:20,645 She didn't stop to 418 00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:20,645 swallow her food. 419 00:09:20,645 --> 00:09:23,898 I was scared for her. 420 00:09:20,645 --> 00:09:23,898 I didn't 421 00:09:20,645 --> 00:09:23,898 want her to choke. 422 00:09:23,898 --> 00:09:25,191 At first. 423 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:32,698 So, kids, 424 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:32,698 this girl I was dating 425 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:32,698 would not stop talking. 426 00:09:32,698 --> 00:09:35,701 Can you imagine 427 00:09:32,698 --> 00:09:35,701 how awful that is? 428 00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,537 I'm so glad 429 00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,537 that we're staying here 430 00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,537 tonight, 431 00:09:37,537 --> 00:09:39,789 because the thing 432 00:09:37,537 --> 00:09:39,789 about going out 433 00:09:37,537 --> 00:09:39,789 is you have so... 434 00:09:39,789 --> 00:09:42,667 Do you own a wok? 435 00:09:39,789 --> 00:09:42,667 'Cause that's 436 00:09:39,789 --> 00:09:42,667 really how... 437 00:09:44,169 --> 00:09:47,422 Don't you just love autumn? 438 00:09:44,169 --> 00:09:47,422 Today I'm dressed for... 439 00:09:47,422 --> 00:09:51,009 Oh, my God, 440 00:09:47,422 --> 00:09:51,009 you're the 441 00:09:47,422 --> 00:09:51,009 sweetest thing. 442 00:09:51,009 --> 00:09:53,136 this great place 443 00:09:51,009 --> 00:09:53,136 that we can go. 444 00:09:53,136 --> 00:09:55,013 They have guys' 445 00:09:53,136 --> 00:09:55,013 and girls' clothes. 446 00:09:55,013 --> 00:09:56,722 We could both shop 447 00:09:55,013 --> 00:09:56,722 at the same time 448 00:09:56,722 --> 00:09:58,724 and a lot of times, 449 00:09:56,722 --> 00:09:58,724 boyfriends and... 450 00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:02,562 Hey, why are you 451 00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:02,562 running so fast? 452 00:10:02,562 --> 00:10:06,358 Well, thank you, pal. 453 00:10:02,562 --> 00:10:06,358 You and 454 00:10:02,562 --> 00:10:06,358 your little friends. 455 00:10:06,358 --> 00:10:07,817 You just had to tell me. 456 00:10:07,817 --> 00:10:09,861 You just had to give in 457 00:10:07,817 --> 00:10:09,861 to my incessant begging. 458 00:10:09,861 --> 00:10:11,154 You said that 459 00:10:09,861 --> 00:10:11,154 you wanted to know. 460 00:10:11,154 --> 00:10:13,031 I didn't 461 00:10:11,154 --> 00:10:13,031 want to know! 462 00:10:13,031 --> 00:10:15,033 You said 463 00:10:13,031 --> 00:10:15,033 you wanted to know! 464 00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:19,704 Well, I didn't know 465 00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:19,704 I didn't want to know! 466 00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:19,704 You knew, and you know me, 467 00:10:19,704 --> 00:10:22,707 and you should have known 468 00:10:19,704 --> 00:10:22,707 I didn't want to know! 469 00:10:22,707 --> 00:10:24,250 You know? 470 00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:25,960 I'm sorry we told you. 471 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,046 I'm surprised 472 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,046 she didn't tell you herself 473 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,046 at some point. 474 00:10:28,046 --> 00:10:31,466 There's only a finite 475 00:10:28,046 --> 00:10:31,466 combination of words 476 00:10:28,046 --> 00:10:31,466 in the English language. 477 00:10:31,466 --> 00:10:33,634 Well, you could have 478 00:10:31,466 --> 00:10:33,634 let me enjoy it 479 00:10:31,466 --> 00:10:33,634 a little longer. 480 00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,136 She's got all these 481 00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,136 other great qualities. 482 00:10:35,136 --> 00:10:37,680 She's smart. She's caring. 483 00:10:35,136 --> 00:10:37,680 She loves animals. 484 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:41,100 You know how to 485 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:41,100 teach her a lesson? 486 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:41,100 Buy her a parrot. 487 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:45,021 Oh, come on. 488 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:45,021 I'm sorry that 489 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:45,021 we told you, okay? 490 00:10:45,021 --> 00:10:47,023 It's part of being 491 00:10:45,021 --> 00:10:47,023 in a relationship. 492 00:10:47,023 --> 00:10:49,234 Eventually, you get used 493 00:10:47,023 --> 00:10:49,234 to these 494 00:10:47,023 --> 00:10:49,234 annoying little things 495 00:10:49,234 --> 00:10:51,110 that bug you at first. 496 00:10:51,110 --> 00:10:52,904 Yeah, I guess. 497 00:10:52,904 --> 00:10:55,781 I mean, you got used 498 00:10:52,904 --> 00:10:55,781 to Lily's 499 00:10:52,904 --> 00:10:55,781 loud chewing, right? 500 00:10:56,908 --> 00:10:58,993 Lily doesn't chew loudly. 501 00:10:58,993 --> 00:11:00,953 Dude. 502 00:11:00,953 --> 00:11:04,749 Come on. This isn't news. 503 00:11:00,953 --> 00:11:04,749 Why do you think 504 00:11:00,953 --> 00:11:04,749 I call her Chewbacca? 505 00:11:04,749 --> 00:11:07,627 I assumed 506 00:11:04,749 --> 00:11:07,627 because she's loyal, 507 00:11:04,749 --> 00:11:07,627 wears shiny belts 508 00:11:07,627 --> 00:11:10,046 and I resemble 509 00:11:07,627 --> 00:11:10,046 a young Harrison Ford. 510 00:11:11,005 --> 00:11:12,673 Think about it. 511 00:11:40,034 --> 00:11:42,161 Oh, man! Honestly, dude, 512 00:11:42,161 --> 00:11:44,163 that's the meanest thing 513 00:11:42,161 --> 00:11:44,163 you've ever done to me. 514 00:11:44,163 --> 00:11:45,998 I really thought you knew. 515 00:11:45,998 --> 00:11:48,709 We had ribs the other night. 516 00:11:45,998 --> 00:11:48,709 It sounded like Jurassic Park. 517 00:11:50,587 --> 00:11:52,547 You know what? 518 00:11:50,587 --> 00:11:52,547 It doesn't matter. 519 00:11:52,547 --> 00:11:54,132 But it did. 520 00:12:14,527 --> 00:12:19,782 Say, what's in that cereal 521 00:12:14,527 --> 00:12:19,782 besides dry twigs 522 00:12:14,527 --> 00:12:19,782 and small animal bones? 523 00:12:19,782 --> 00:12:21,701 What's that 524 00:12:19,782 --> 00:12:21,701 supposed to mean? 525 00:12:21,701 --> 00:12:24,912 Lily, I love you, 526 00:12:21,701 --> 00:12:24,912 but honest to God, 527 00:12:21,701 --> 00:12:24,912 when you eat, 528 00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:28,458 it sounds like 529 00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:28,458 a garbage disposal 530 00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:28,458 full of drywall screws. 531 00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:30,168 What's the matter 532 00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:30,168 with you? 533 00:12:30,168 --> 00:12:32,629 We've been together 10 years, 534 00:12:30,168 --> 00:12:32,629 and you're saying this now? 535 00:12:32,629 --> 00:12:35,715 Well, I never noticed it 536 00:12:32,629 --> 00:12:35,715 before until... 537 00:12:36,633 --> 00:12:37,925 Until what? 538 00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:39,469 Can you believe Ted? 539 00:12:39,469 --> 00:12:42,888 What a lame thing to say, 540 00:12:39,469 --> 00:12:42,888 that I'm a loud chewer. 541 00:12:44,557 --> 00:12:46,643 Yeah, that's crazy. 542 00:12:49,479 --> 00:12:52,440 Maybe enough 543 00:12:49,479 --> 00:12:52,440 with the pretzels. 544 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,734 Oh, my God, 545 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,734 do I really chew 546 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,734 that loudly? 547 00:12:54,734 --> 00:12:58,070 No, no, no. 548 00:12:58,070 --> 00:13:00,865 Okay, now that 549 00:12:58,070 --> 00:13:00,865 you pointed it out, 550 00:13:00,865 --> 00:13:04,661 maybe it does sound 551 00:13:00,865 --> 00:13:04,661 slightly like 552 00:13:00,865 --> 00:13:04,661 someone put a screwdriver 553 00:13:04,661 --> 00:13:08,456 in a pencil sharpener, 554 00:13:04,661 --> 00:13:08,456 but in a cute way. 555 00:13:08,456 --> 00:13:13,461 This is all Ted's fault. 556 00:13:08,456 --> 00:13:13,461 Oh, like he's so perfect, 557 00:13:08,456 --> 00:13:13,461 Mr. Corrector. 558 00:13:13,461 --> 00:13:15,171 What do you mean? 559 00:13:13,461 --> 00:13:15,171 Oh, come on. 560 00:13:15,171 --> 00:13:17,215 You dated the guy 561 00:13:15,171 --> 00:13:17,215 for a year 562 00:13:17,215 --> 00:13:20,843 and you never noticed 563 00:13:17,215 --> 00:13:20,843 that most of what Ted says 564 00:13:17,215 --> 00:13:20,843 is correcting you. 565 00:13:22,512 --> 00:13:24,514 Hey, can you hand me 566 00:13:22,512 --> 00:13:24,514 a Kleenex? 567 00:13:24,514 --> 00:13:28,351 Actually, Kleenex 568 00:13:24,514 --> 00:13:28,351 is a brand. 569 00:13:24,514 --> 00:13:28,351 This is a facial tissue. 570 00:13:30,019 --> 00:13:33,523 Oh, my God, is Frankenstein 571 00:13:30,019 --> 00:13:33,523 gonna kill that little girl? 572 00:13:33,523 --> 00:13:35,692 Dr. Frankenstein 573 00:13:33,523 --> 00:13:35,692 isn't in this scene. 574 00:13:35,692 --> 00:13:37,694 That's Frankenstein's 575 00:13:35,692 --> 00:13:37,694 monster. 576 00:13:40,572 --> 00:13:42,907 That literally 577 00:13:40,572 --> 00:13:42,907 blew my mind. 578 00:13:42,907 --> 00:13:44,116 Figuratively. 579 00:13:47,912 --> 00:13:50,373 Oh, my God, you're right. 580 00:13:50,373 --> 00:13:51,916 That is so annoying. 581 00:13:51,916 --> 00:13:52,958 Isn't it? 582 00:13:54,335 --> 00:13:57,088 Where are those pretzels from, 583 00:13:54,335 --> 00:13:57,088 Ace Hardware? 584 00:14:04,178 --> 00:14:05,846 Hey, man, 585 00:14:04,178 --> 00:14:05,846 you like kettle corn? 586 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,640 I'm trying to get rid 587 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,640 of anything crunchy. 588 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,642 Are the blinds closed? 589 00:14:09,642 --> 00:14:11,894 I don't know. 590 00:14:09,642 --> 00:14:11,894 Are the blinds closed? 591 00:14:13,145 --> 00:14:15,189 Yes, the blinds 592 00:14:13,145 --> 00:14:15,189 are closed. Now... 593 00:14:15,189 --> 00:14:17,567 Good, I didn't think 594 00:14:15,189 --> 00:14:17,567 I was followed, but 595 00:14:15,189 --> 00:14:17,567 you can never be too sure. 596 00:14:17,567 --> 00:14:20,194 Now, double lock the door 597 00:14:17,567 --> 00:14:20,194 and stay away 598 00:14:17,567 --> 00:14:20,194 from the windows. 599 00:14:20,194 --> 00:14:22,947 Is there a reason 600 00:14:20,194 --> 00:14:22,947 that you're 601 00:14:20,194 --> 00:14:22,947 acting like this? 602 00:14:22,947 --> 00:14:25,742 We're about to find out 603 00:14:22,947 --> 00:14:25,742 if you're a lawyer. 604 00:14:25,742 --> 00:14:28,077 Now, in good conscience, 605 00:14:25,742 --> 00:14:28,077 I have to inform you 606 00:14:28,077 --> 00:14:31,038 that using his software 607 00:14:28,077 --> 00:14:31,038 is in violation 608 00:14:28,077 --> 00:14:31,038 of the Patriot Act, 609 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,957 the Strategic 610 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,957 Defense Initiative 611 00:14:32,957 --> 00:14:37,587 and the National Security Act 612 00:14:32,957 --> 00:14:37,587 of 1948, 613 00:14:32,957 --> 00:14:37,587 which created the CIA. 614 00:14:37,587 --> 00:14:39,464 So I hope 615 00:14:37,587 --> 00:14:39,464 you passed the bar 616 00:14:39,464 --> 00:14:43,760 because if we use 617 00:14:39,464 --> 00:14:43,760 this software, 618 00:14:39,464 --> 00:14:43,760 the night janitor, Gligor, 619 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,762 who I fooled into 620 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,762 putting fingerprints 621 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,762 on my computer, 622 00:14:45,762 --> 00:14:48,723 is going to need 623 00:14:45,762 --> 00:14:48,723 a good lawyer. 624 00:14:48,723 --> 00:14:51,892 Are you certain you wanna 625 00:14:48,723 --> 00:14:51,892 go through with this? 626 00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,936 I have to know. Yes, yes. 627 00:14:54,979 --> 00:14:56,105 Very good. 628 00:14:57,732 --> 00:14:59,317 First, we go 629 00:14:57,732 --> 00:14:59,317 to the New York State Bar 630 00:14:57,732 --> 00:14:59,317 Web site. 631 00:14:59,317 --> 00:15:00,985 We disable the firewall, 632 00:15:00,985 --> 00:15:03,738 then the recursive algorithm 633 00:15:00,985 --> 00:15:03,738 grabs your password, 634 00:15:03,738 --> 00:15:05,865 and as the application 635 00:15:03,738 --> 00:15:05,865 erases itself, 636 00:15:05,865 --> 00:15:08,242 leaving no trace 637 00:15:05,865 --> 00:15:08,242 we were here ever... 638 00:15:09,661 --> 00:15:12,079 You ready to see 639 00:15:09,661 --> 00:15:12,079 your future, bro? 640 00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:13,331 Yes. 641 00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:24,550 It's a dog 642 00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:24,550 pooping on a baby. 643 00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:26,719 Right! 644 00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:26,719 Isn't that awesome? 645 00:15:26,719 --> 00:15:28,262 So you went through 646 00:15:26,719 --> 00:15:28,262 all this just to get me 647 00:15:28,262 --> 00:15:29,388 to look at 648 00:15:28,262 --> 00:15:29,388 your stupid video? 649 00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:31,265 Yeah, it was worth it. 650 00:15:31,265 --> 00:15:33,225 Barney, Barney, 651 00:15:31,265 --> 00:15:33,225 that was the biggest test 652 00:15:31,265 --> 00:15:33,225 of my life. 653 00:15:33,225 --> 00:15:35,478 I'm incredibly stressed out 654 00:15:33,225 --> 00:15:35,478 right now, and I... 655 00:15:37,814 --> 00:15:39,816 Okay, that's pretty funny. 656 00:15:41,025 --> 00:15:42,902 Ted, you got to 657 00:15:41,025 --> 00:15:42,902 see this. 658 00:15:42,902 --> 00:15:43,986 Uh-huh. 659 00:15:44,904 --> 00:15:46,280 Yeah, I have to... 660 00:15:48,741 --> 00:15:50,326 She'll call back 661 00:15:48,741 --> 00:15:50,326 when she realizes I'm gone. 662 00:15:50,326 --> 00:15:52,453 Probably in about 663 00:15:50,326 --> 00:15:52,453 45 minutes. 664 00:15:53,287 --> 00:15:55,039 Hey. 665 00:15:53,287 --> 00:15:55,039 Hi. 666 00:15:55,039 --> 00:15:56,415 You guys want a drink? 667 00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:58,042 I'll just have a water. 668 00:15:58,042 --> 00:16:00,002 Technically, 669 00:15:58,042 --> 00:16:00,002 water is a drink. 670 00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:02,046 Really, professor? 671 00:16:02,046 --> 00:16:04,423 You drink it? 672 00:16:02,046 --> 00:16:04,423 Is that how water works? 673 00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:07,844 Because I was just gonna 674 00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:07,844 smear it on my skin 675 00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:07,844 and hope I absorbed it. 676 00:16:07,844 --> 00:16:11,138 Or you could, you know, 677 00:16:07,844 --> 00:16:11,138 pour it over your shirt. 678 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,515 What's with you? 679 00:16:12,515 --> 00:16:13,974 You're always 680 00:16:12,515 --> 00:16:13,974 correcting people. 681 00:16:15,351 --> 00:16:17,228 You totally do that! 682 00:16:15,351 --> 00:16:17,228 That's absolutely right. 683 00:16:17,228 --> 00:16:19,146 Right? I never 684 00:16:17,228 --> 00:16:19,146 noticed it before, 685 00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,857 and now it's literally 686 00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,857 driving me crazy. 687 00:16:20,857 --> 00:16:22,942 Figuratively. 688 00:16:22,942 --> 00:16:24,777 Okay, maybe so, 689 00:16:24,777 --> 00:16:26,153 but it's no worse 690 00:16:24,777 --> 00:16:26,153 than you using 691 00:16:24,777 --> 00:16:26,153 the word "literally" 692 00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:27,697 in every other sentence. 693 00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:31,283 Don't they teach 694 00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:31,283 vocabulary in Canada? 695 00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:34,161 They literally don't. 696 00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:34,161 They literally don't. 697 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:35,663 Shut up, Marshall. 698 00:16:35,663 --> 00:16:37,790 That's nothing compared 699 00:16:35,663 --> 00:16:37,790 to your thing of singing 700 00:16:37,790 --> 00:16:39,041 what you do 701 00:16:37,790 --> 00:16:39,041 all the time. 702 00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:40,585 What? 703 00:16:40,585 --> 00:16:44,129 using return 704 00:16:40,585 --> 00:16:44,129 address labels 705 00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:48,801 that I haven't 706 00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:48,801 given money to 707 00:16:51,596 --> 00:16:55,266 'cause now I feel guilty 708 00:17:02,774 --> 00:17:05,777 the basement today 709 00:17:12,658 --> 00:17:14,201 because I left the room 710 00:17:20,416 --> 00:17:22,084 Those lines are so sloppy. 711 00:17:20,416 --> 00:17:22,084 That is annoying. 712 00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:25,755 Oh, come on! 713 00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:25,755 What about you, "Barney?" 714 00:17:25,755 --> 00:17:27,506 Okay, you 715 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,676 always... 716 00:17:30,676 --> 00:17:34,013 Interesting, interesting. 717 00:17:30,676 --> 00:17:34,013 Everyone has 718 00:17:30,676 --> 00:17:34,013 annoying habits but me. 719 00:17:34,013 --> 00:17:35,598 Oh, got it. 720 00:17:35,598 --> 00:17:40,144 Okay, you sometimes talk 721 00:17:35,598 --> 00:17:40,144 in a weird 722 00:17:35,598 --> 00:17:40,144 high-pitched voice. 723 00:17:41,604 --> 00:17:45,149 And you're constantly 724 00:17:41,604 --> 00:17:45,149 using lame catchphrases. 725 00:17:46,901 --> 00:17:49,654 And sometimes, you space out 726 00:17:46,901 --> 00:17:49,654 and don't even pay attention 727 00:17:49,654 --> 00:17:51,030 to what we're 728 00:17:49,654 --> 00:17:51,030 talking about. 729 00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:54,826 I'm sorry. What? 730 00:17:54,826 --> 00:17:57,119 See? 731 00:17:54,826 --> 00:17:57,119 You can't think 732 00:17:54,826 --> 00:17:57,119 of anything 733 00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,288 because I am awesome. 734 00:17:59,288 --> 00:18:00,915 All three, right there. 735 00:18:00,915 --> 00:18:02,834 Well, technically, "awesome" 736 00:18:00,915 --> 00:18:02,834 wouldn't be a catchphrase. 737 00:18:02,834 --> 00:18:04,794 If anything, 738 00:18:02,834 --> 00:18:04,794 it's more of 739 00:18:02,834 --> 00:18:04,794 a catchword. 740 00:18:04,794 --> 00:18:07,087 I literally want to 741 00:18:04,794 --> 00:18:07,087 rip your head off. 742 00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,965 You mean "figuratively!" 743 00:18:08,965 --> 00:18:12,134 No, I literally 744 00:18:08,965 --> 00:18:12,134 mean "literally." 745 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:14,012 Literally, literally, 746 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:14,012 literally. 747 00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:18,140 Oh, my God, Lily, 748 00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:18,140 what are you eating, 749 00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:18,140 gravel? 750 00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:21,477 Oh, I know, right? 751 00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:21,477 It sounds like cufflinks 752 00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:21,477 going up a vacuum cleaner. 753 00:18:21,477 --> 00:18:23,145 Well, why don't 754 00:18:21,477 --> 00:18:23,145 you sing about it? 755 00:18:25,940 --> 00:18:30,319 No, no, sometimes you just 756 00:18:25,940 --> 00:18:30,319 sing nonsense sentences 757 00:18:25,940 --> 00:18:30,319 like a stroke victim, 758 00:18:30,319 --> 00:18:32,655 and what's worse, 759 00:18:30,319 --> 00:18:32,655 they're catchy. 760 00:18:32,655 --> 00:18:34,991 banana cat dance 761 00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:41,246 See, we know that one 762 00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:41,246 because once you sang that 763 00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:41,246 for, like, three hours. 764 00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:43,123 What the hell is that? 765 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,251 That's my password. 766 00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:56,929 Oh, Marshall! 767 00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:56,929 Awesome! 768 00:18:56,929 --> 00:18:58,848 There's another one. 769 00:18:56,929 --> 00:18:58,848 It's called 770 00:18:56,929 --> 00:18:58,848 "Golden reliever," 771 00:18:58,848 --> 00:19:00,349 where this dog... 772 00:18:58,848 --> 00:19:00,349 Yeah, we can guess. 773 00:19:00,349 --> 00:19:02,727 All right, guys, 774 00:19:00,349 --> 00:19:02,727 guys, guys. 775 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:08,858 I'm a lawyer. 776 00:19:10,818 --> 00:19:12,737 And just like that, 777 00:19:12,737 --> 00:19:14,906 we stopped fighting 778 00:19:12,737 --> 00:19:14,906 and celebrated 779 00:19:12,737 --> 00:19:14,906 Marshall's success. 780 00:19:14,906 --> 00:19:17,241 You see, when someone's 781 00:19:14,906 --> 00:19:17,241 bad habits 782 00:19:14,906 --> 00:19:17,241 are pointed out to you, 783 00:19:17,241 --> 00:19:18,659 it's hard to ignore them. 784 00:19:18,659 --> 00:19:21,037 'cause I've passed the bar 785 00:19:24,874 --> 00:19:27,877 Are you literally 786 00:19:24,874 --> 00:19:27,877 on cloud nine right now? 787 00:19:27,877 --> 00:19:30,004 Baby, you never have 788 00:19:27,877 --> 00:19:30,004 to take the bar again. 789 00:19:31,881 --> 00:19:34,466 Actually, if he practices law 790 00:19:31,881 --> 00:19:34,466 in another state, 791 00:19:31,881 --> 00:19:34,466 he will have to. 792 00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:37,302 But New York, man! 793 00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:37,302 It's a great state 794 00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:37,302 to practice law in! 795 00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:38,721 Lawsuit up! 796 00:19:38,721 --> 00:19:39,805 Yeah! 797 00:19:39,805 --> 00:19:41,390 Yeah! 798 00:19:39,805 --> 00:19:41,390 Yeah! 799 00:19:41,390 --> 00:19:43,017 But if you 800 00:19:41,390 --> 00:19:43,017 love them enough, 801 00:19:43,017 --> 00:19:45,728 those bad habits 802 00:19:43,017 --> 00:19:45,728 are easy to forget. 803 00:19:48,814 --> 00:19:52,151 Three years later, 804 00:19:48,814 --> 00:19:52,151 I ran into Cathy, 805 00:19:48,814 --> 00:19:52,151 and she was doing well. 806 00:19:52,151 --> 00:19:53,611 Ted? 807 00:19:53,611 --> 00:19:56,030 Oh, my God. 808 00:19:53,611 --> 00:19:56,030 I haven't seen you 809 00:19:53,611 --> 00:19:56,030 in so long. 810 00:19:56,030 --> 00:19:57,990 How long has it been? 811 00:19:56,030 --> 00:19:57,990 Three years? 812 00:19:56,030 --> 00:19:57,990 No, four. No, three. 813 00:19:57,990 --> 00:19:59,283 'Cause I went blonde 814 00:19:57,990 --> 00:19:59,283 and then I went back 815 00:19:59,283 --> 00:20:01,119 'cause I was having 816 00:19:59,283 --> 00:20:01,119 too much fun. 817 00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:02,327 You know, it's true 818 00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:02,327 what they say, 819 00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:02,327 blondes have more fun. 820 00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:03,871 Oh, my God, 821 00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:03,871 I'm being so rude. 822 00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:05,664 Ted, this is my fiancee. 823 00:20:05,664 --> 00:20:07,207 Yes, I'm engaged. 824 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,835 Ted, this is Daniel. 825 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,835 Daniel, this is Ted. 826 00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:14,924 Great. 827 00:20:17,093 --> 00:20:19,137 You guys seem perfect 828 00:20:17,093 --> 00:20:19,137 for each other. 829 00:20:19,137 --> 00:20:20,596 Oh, my God. 830 00:20:19,137 --> 00:20:20,596 I know, right? 831 00:20:20,596 --> 00:20:21,806 Totally. It was 832 00:20:20,596 --> 00:20:21,806 love at first sight. 833 00:20:21,806 --> 00:20:23,515 Hey, we should 834 00:20:21,806 --> 00:20:23,515 go out sometime. 835 00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:25,017 Are you seeing anyone? 836 00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:25,017 Because we could 837 00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:25,017 double-date. 838 00:20:25,017 --> 00:20:26,852 Would that be weird? 839 00:20:25,017 --> 00:20:26,852 No, it's not weird. 840 00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:28,146 We can go have brunch, 841 00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:28,146 down the street. 842 00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:28,146 I know this place. 843 00:20:28,146 --> 00:20:30,148 Do you guys 844 00:20:28,146 --> 00:20:30,148 like popovers? 845 00:20:30,148 --> 00:20:31,857 They're like croissants, 846 00:20:30,148 --> 00:20:31,857 but they're less flaky, 847 00:20:31,857 --> 00:20:33,233 and they're kind of round. 848 00:20:31,857 --> 00:20:33,233 They have strawberry jam!