1 00:00:01,383 --> 00:00:04,344 Back when 2 00:00:01,383 --> 00:00:04,344 we were dating, Robin and I 3 00:00:01,383 --> 00:00:04,344 had this running joke. 4 00:00:04,344 --> 00:00:06,639 We were the only two people 5 00:00:04,344 --> 00:00:06,639 in the world 6 00:00:04,344 --> 00:00:06,639 who found it funny. 7 00:00:06,639 --> 00:00:09,516 No way! March does not 8 00:00:06,639 --> 00:00:09,516 have 31 days. 9 00:00:09,516 --> 00:00:13,979 Yes, it does. 10 00:00:09,516 --> 00:00:13,979 Everyone knows that. 11 00:00:09,516 --> 00:00:13,979 It's like general knowledge. 12 00:00:13,979 --> 00:00:16,064 General Knowledge. 13 00:00:13,979 --> 00:00:16,064 General Knowledge. 14 00:00:16,064 --> 00:00:17,566 And we did it all the time. 15 00:00:17,566 --> 00:00:20,694 Isn't it sad? 16 00:00:17,566 --> 00:00:20,694 I mean, in 2007, 17 00:00:20,694 --> 00:00:23,656 some countries 18 00:00:20,694 --> 00:00:23,656 actually still condone 19 00:00:20,694 --> 00:00:23,656 corporal punishment. 20 00:00:23,656 --> 00:00:25,825 Corporal Punishment. 21 00:00:23,656 --> 00:00:25,825 Corporal Punishment. 22 00:00:25,825 --> 00:00:29,161 Because once you start, 23 00:00:25,825 --> 00:00:29,161 it's surprisingly 24 00:00:25,825 --> 00:00:29,161 hard to stop. 25 00:00:29,161 --> 00:00:31,580 Oh, man, I got 26 00:00:29,161 --> 00:00:31,580 a kernel 27 00:00:29,161 --> 00:00:31,580 stuck in my teeth. 28 00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:33,666 Colonel Stuck-in-my-teeth. 29 00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:33,666 Colonel Stuck-in-my-teeth. 30 00:00:33,666 --> 00:00:36,042 Please stop! 31 00:00:33,666 --> 00:00:36,042 I hate you! 32 00:00:36,042 --> 00:00:38,420 But now, 33 00:00:36,042 --> 00:00:38,420 we were broken up, 34 00:00:36,042 --> 00:00:38,420 so when Marshall said... 35 00:00:38,420 --> 00:00:40,922 But after the first year, 36 00:00:38,420 --> 00:00:40,922 I get a major pay raise. 37 00:00:40,922 --> 00:00:42,007 Nice! 38 00:00:42,007 --> 00:00:43,509 We just let it slide. 39 00:00:43,509 --> 00:00:45,135 You see, on the surface, 40 00:00:45,135 --> 00:00:47,095 Robin and I looked like 41 00:00:45,135 --> 00:00:47,095 we were doing great. 42 00:00:47,095 --> 00:00:49,431 But the truth is, 43 00:00:47,095 --> 00:00:49,431 trying to be friends 44 00:00:47,095 --> 00:00:49,431 with your ex 45 00:00:49,431 --> 00:00:52,685 is a lot harder than it looks. 46 00:00:49,431 --> 00:00:52,685 You can't be as candid 47 00:00:49,431 --> 00:00:52,685 as you used to be. 48 00:00:52,685 --> 00:00:54,854 So then, hot intern 49 00:00:52,685 --> 00:00:54,854 leans over my desk, 50 00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:58,231 I can totally see 51 00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:58,231 she has a pierced... 52 00:00:58,231 --> 00:01:02,027 Brosnan. 53 00:00:58,231 --> 00:01:02,027 Pierce Brosnan is my favorite 54 00:00:58,231 --> 00:01:02,027 of all the Bonds. 55 00:01:02,027 --> 00:01:06,281 But most importantly, 56 00:01:02,027 --> 00:01:06,281 you can never, 57 00:01:02,027 --> 00:01:06,281 ever be alone together. 58 00:01:06,281 --> 00:01:07,949 I gotta go. 59 00:01:06,281 --> 00:01:07,949 I'm gonna go pay. 60 00:01:07,949 --> 00:01:09,535 Pee. 61 00:01:13,622 --> 00:01:14,956 I'm gonna help 62 00:01:13,622 --> 00:01:14,956 Marshall pay. 63 00:01:14,956 --> 00:01:16,333 I'm gonna help 64 00:01:14,956 --> 00:01:16,333 Lily pee. 65 00:01:29,930 --> 00:01:31,891 All right, 66 00:01:29,930 --> 00:01:31,891 we have a turkey. 67 00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:33,266 Yeah, we do! 68 00:01:33,266 --> 00:01:34,685 Isn't this exciting? 69 00:01:34,685 --> 00:01:36,812 Our first Thanksgiving 70 00:01:34,685 --> 00:01:36,812 together as a group. 71 00:01:36,812 --> 00:01:39,356 Yeah, this is gonna be 72 00:01:36,812 --> 00:01:39,356 the best 73 00:01:36,812 --> 00:01:39,356 Slapsgiving ever. 74 00:01:39,356 --> 00:01:41,274 What? 75 00:01:41,274 --> 00:01:43,819 I said, "This is going to be 76 00:01:41,274 --> 00:01:43,819 the best Thanksgiving ever." 77 00:01:43,819 --> 00:01:45,362 Yeah, this is 78 00:01:43,819 --> 00:01:45,362 going to be great. 79 00:01:45,362 --> 00:01:46,572 Just the five of us, 80 00:01:45,362 --> 00:01:46,572 right? 81 00:01:46,572 --> 00:01:48,490 Oh, that reminds me. 82 00:01:46,572 --> 00:01:48,490 I invited Bob. 83 00:01:48,490 --> 00:01:49,991 Bob? 84 00:01:49,991 --> 00:01:52,035 You've been on, like, 85 00:01:49,991 --> 00:01:52,035 three dates with that guy. 86 00:01:52,035 --> 00:01:53,579 We haven't even met him. 87 00:01:53,579 --> 00:01:55,956 Well, he didn't have 88 00:01:53,579 --> 00:01:55,956 anywhere else to go, 89 00:01:55,956 --> 00:01:57,750 and I didn't know 90 00:01:55,956 --> 00:01:57,750 what to say. 91 00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:59,626 Is it really that big a deal? 92 00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:59,626 Yes. 93 00:01:59,626 --> 00:02:01,545 This is our first 94 00:01:59,626 --> 00:02:01,545 Thanksgiving. 95 00:02:01,545 --> 00:02:04,548 Thirty years from now, 96 00:02:01,545 --> 00:02:04,548 we're going to look at 97 00:02:01,545 --> 00:02:04,548 the photos, and say, 98 00:02:04,548 --> 00:02:08,009 "Oh, there's the 99 00:02:04,548 --> 00:02:08,009 four people I love most 100 00:02:04,548 --> 00:02:08,009 in the world. 101 00:02:08,009 --> 00:02:09,553 "And Bob." 102 00:02:09,553 --> 00:02:11,304 I'm sorry, 103 00:02:09,553 --> 00:02:11,304 sometimes I forget 104 00:02:11,304 --> 00:02:13,849 how seriously you guys take 105 00:02:11,304 --> 00:02:13,849 American Thanksgiving. 106 00:02:13,849 --> 00:02:16,184 Real Thanksgiving happened 107 00:02:13,849 --> 00:02:16,184 over a month ago. 108 00:02:16,184 --> 00:02:20,480 I'm "sorry." Did you just say 109 00:02:16,184 --> 00:02:20,480 Canadian Thanksgiving was, 110 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:24,025 and I'm quoting, 111 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:24,025 "The real Thanksgiving"? 112 00:02:24,025 --> 00:02:28,614 What do Canadians even have 113 00:02:24,025 --> 00:02:28,614 to celebrate "about"? 114 00:02:28,614 --> 00:02:32,576 Canadian Thanksgiving 115 00:02:28,614 --> 00:02:32,576 celebrates explorer 116 00:02:28,614 --> 00:02:32,576 Martin Frobisher's valiant, 117 00:02:32,576 --> 00:02:36,997 yet ultimately 118 00:02:32,576 --> 00:02:36,997 unsuccessful attempt to find 119 00:02:32,576 --> 00:02:36,997 the Northwest Passage. 120 00:02:36,997 --> 00:02:39,792 Why are you guys 121 00:02:36,997 --> 00:02:39,792 even a country? 122 00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:42,377 Oh, hey, by the way, 123 00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:42,377 if anyone wants to come over 124 00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:42,377 early on Thursday, 125 00:02:42,377 --> 00:02:43,879 we can watch 126 00:02:42,377 --> 00:02:43,879 the Slapsgiving 127 00:02:42,377 --> 00:02:43,879 Day Parade. 128 00:02:43,879 --> 00:02:46,047 Well, there, 129 00:02:43,879 --> 00:02:46,047 you said it again. 130 00:02:43,879 --> 00:02:46,047 Said what? 131 00:02:46,047 --> 00:02:47,466 Slapsgiving! 132 00:02:48,425 --> 00:02:50,385 Oh, I guess I did. 133 00:02:50,385 --> 00:02:53,388 You know why? 134 00:02:50,385 --> 00:02:53,388 I've invented a new holiday. 135 00:02:50,385 --> 00:02:53,388 Slapsgiving. 136 00:02:53,388 --> 00:02:57,726 It's the one day we set aside 137 00:02:53,388 --> 00:02:57,726 each year to gather 138 00:02:53,388 --> 00:02:57,726 together and give slaps. 139 00:02:57,726 --> 00:03:01,021 I should explain. 140 00:02:57,726 --> 00:03:01,021 Kids, you remember 141 00:02:57,726 --> 00:03:01,021 the slap bet. 142 00:03:01,021 --> 00:03:03,356 A year earlier, 143 00:03:01,021 --> 00:03:03,356 Marshall made a bet 144 00:03:01,021 --> 00:03:03,356 with Barney, 145 00:03:03,356 --> 00:03:05,400 and won the right to 146 00:03:03,356 --> 00:03:05,400 slap him five times. 147 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,402 He had already used 148 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,402 the first 149 00:03:08,361 --> 00:03:10,906 and the second. 150 00:03:10,906 --> 00:03:13,575 But Marshall had 151 00:03:10,906 --> 00:03:13,575 something special 152 00:03:10,906 --> 00:03:13,575 in store for the third. 153 00:03:13,575 --> 00:03:14,660 Slapcountdown.com. 154 00:03:15,577 --> 00:03:16,787 No. 155 00:03:16,787 --> 00:03:18,413 No. No. 156 00:03:18,413 --> 00:03:21,792 The countdown ends 157 00:03:18,413 --> 00:03:21,792 at 3:00 p.m. 158 00:03:18,413 --> 00:03:21,792 the day after Thanksgiving. 159 00:03:21,792 --> 00:03:23,043 I counted it out. 160 00:03:23,043 --> 00:03:24,711 How many days 161 00:03:23,043 --> 00:03:24,711 are in October? 162 00:03:25,671 --> 00:03:27,130 Thirty. 163 00:03:27,130 --> 00:03:30,968 Dude, I thought 164 00:03:27,130 --> 00:03:30,968 we cleared this up 165 00:03:27,130 --> 00:03:30,968 last year. 166 00:03:30,968 --> 00:03:35,055 I like Halloween very much. 167 00:03:30,968 --> 00:03:35,055 It's nice. 168 00:03:35,055 --> 00:03:36,682 It's also tomorrow. 169 00:03:36,682 --> 00:03:37,850 Damn it! 170 00:03:39,476 --> 00:03:42,021 Wait, you're gonna slap me 171 00:03:39,476 --> 00:03:42,021 on Thanksgiving? 172 00:03:42,021 --> 00:03:43,396 Slapsgiving. 173 00:03:43,396 --> 00:03:44,982 That's not allowed. 174 00:03:44,982 --> 00:03:47,734 Lily, you're 175 00:03:44,982 --> 00:03:47,734 the Slap Bet Commissioner. 176 00:03:44,982 --> 00:03:47,734 Is that allowed? 177 00:03:47,734 --> 00:03:49,653 The hostess in me, 178 00:03:47,734 --> 00:03:49,653 who's using 179 00:03:47,734 --> 00:03:49,653 her wedding china 180 00:03:49,653 --> 00:03:51,112 for the first time, 181 00:03:49,653 --> 00:03:51,112 wants to say 182 00:03:51,112 --> 00:03:54,033 "Hell, no!" But yeah, 183 00:03:51,112 --> 00:03:54,033 I'm going to allow it. 184 00:03:55,283 --> 00:03:57,036 Well, you know what? 185 00:03:57,036 --> 00:03:58,912 If you're trying to 186 00:03:57,036 --> 00:03:58,912 freak me out about 187 00:03:57,036 --> 00:03:58,912 spending Thanksgiving... 188 00:03:58,912 --> 00:04:00,747 Slapsgiving. 189 00:04:00,747 --> 00:04:04,459 at your place, 190 00:04:00,747 --> 00:04:04,459 then you failed. 191 00:04:00,747 --> 00:04:04,459 Truth is, I'm not scared. 192 00:04:04,459 --> 00:04:05,544 Really? 193 00:04:05,544 --> 00:04:07,713 Right. 'Cause you blew it. 194 00:04:07,713 --> 00:04:10,007 The worst part about 195 00:04:07,713 --> 00:04:10,007 getting slapped is not knowing 196 00:04:07,713 --> 00:04:10,007 when it's going to happen. 197 00:04:10,007 --> 00:04:12,718 But now I know exactly 198 00:04:10,007 --> 00:04:12,718 when I'm gonna get slapped. 199 00:04:12,718 --> 00:04:17,514 So, you took 200 00:04:12,718 --> 00:04:17,514 all the suspense out. 201 00:04:12,718 --> 00:04:17,514 You showed your hand. 202 00:04:17,514 --> 00:04:22,686 And Thursday at 3:01 p.m., 203 00:04:17,514 --> 00:04:22,686 your face 204 00:04:17,514 --> 00:04:22,686 is going to show my hand. 205 00:04:24,021 --> 00:04:25,731 Oh, there's Bob! 206 00:04:25,731 --> 00:04:27,399 By the way, heads up, 207 00:04:25,731 --> 00:04:27,399 he's a little bit 208 00:04:25,731 --> 00:04:27,399 older than us. 209 00:04:27,399 --> 00:04:29,484 How old is he? 210 00:04:27,399 --> 00:04:29,484 He's 41. 211 00:04:29,484 --> 00:04:31,904 Hey, Bob! Over here! 212 00:04:31,904 --> 00:04:34,531 Okay, kids, 213 00:04:31,904 --> 00:04:34,531 the truth is, Bob probably 214 00:04:31,904 --> 00:04:34,531 looked like this... 215 00:04:34,531 --> 00:04:37,868 Hey, sweetie. 216 00:04:34,531 --> 00:04:37,868 Hi. 217 00:04:37,868 --> 00:04:39,578 But when your ex 218 00:04:37,868 --> 00:04:39,578 is dating someone new, 219 00:04:39,578 --> 00:04:42,081 your mind tends to 220 00:04:39,578 --> 00:04:42,081 accentuate their flaws. 221 00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:43,832 This is how I saw Bob... 222 00:04:43,832 --> 00:04:45,584 Hey, dudes, 223 00:04:43,832 --> 00:04:45,584 what's cracking? 224 00:04:45,584 --> 00:04:47,544 Hey. 225 00:04:45,584 --> 00:04:47,544 Hey, man, how are you? 226 00:04:47,544 --> 00:04:48,921 Good to meet you. 227 00:04:47,544 --> 00:04:48,921 Sorry I'm late. 228 00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:50,672 I just got off the phone 229 00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:50,672 with my parents. 230 00:04:50,672 --> 00:04:52,966 Parents? 231 00:04:50,672 --> 00:04:52,966 They were totally on my case, 232 00:04:52,966 --> 00:04:55,928 "What are you gonna do 233 00:04:52,966 --> 00:04:55,928 with your life? 234 00:04:52,966 --> 00:04:55,928 You're 41." 235 00:04:55,928 --> 00:05:00,473 And I'm like, "Chillax. 236 00:04:55,928 --> 00:05:00,473 Snowboarding 237 00:04:55,928 --> 00:05:00,473 is a legit career. 238 00:05:00,473 --> 00:05:03,060 "You ought to be stoked 239 00:05:00,473 --> 00:05:03,060 I found my bliss." 240 00:05:03,060 --> 00:05:06,730 And speaking of bliss, 241 00:05:03,060 --> 00:05:06,730 sugar me, baby. 242 00:05:08,231 --> 00:05:10,067 Let's go get a drink. 243 00:05:12,527 --> 00:05:13,946 Wow. 244 00:05:13,946 --> 00:05:18,617 Unbelievable! 245 00:05:13,946 --> 00:05:18,617 Robin is dating 246 00:05:13,946 --> 00:05:18,617 Orville Redenbacher. 247 00:05:18,617 --> 00:05:22,454 What are you talking about? 248 00:05:18,617 --> 00:05:22,454 He's 41. He looks great. 249 00:05:22,454 --> 00:05:24,205 Yeah, dude, 250 00:05:22,454 --> 00:05:24,205 he's in pretty 251 00:05:22,454 --> 00:05:24,205 good shape. 252 00:05:24,205 --> 00:05:25,999 Could probably 253 00:05:24,205 --> 00:05:25,999 kick your ass. 254 00:05:25,999 --> 00:05:29,461 How are you guys 255 00:05:25,999 --> 00:05:29,461 not seeing this? 256 00:05:25,999 --> 00:05:29,461 He's 150, Robin's 27. 257 00:05:29,461 --> 00:05:31,088 Barney, come on, 258 00:05:29,461 --> 00:05:31,088 what do you got? 259 00:05:31,088 --> 00:05:33,548 Nothing but respect 260 00:05:31,088 --> 00:05:33,548 for that man. 261 00:05:33,548 --> 00:05:36,635 Oh, by the way, 262 00:05:33,548 --> 00:05:36,635 we're all baking pies 263 00:05:33,548 --> 00:05:36,635 at Robin's tomorrow. 264 00:05:36,635 --> 00:05:40,180 Marshall can't be trusted 265 00:05:36,635 --> 00:05:40,180 in the apartment 266 00:05:36,635 --> 00:05:40,180 with pies overnight. 267 00:05:40,180 --> 00:05:42,015 For the millionth time, 268 00:05:42,015 --> 00:05:48,021 sleepeating is a very serious 269 00:05:42,015 --> 00:05:48,021 and delicious 270 00:05:42,015 --> 00:05:48,021 medical condition. 271 00:05:48,021 --> 00:05:49,856 Hey, what time are you guys 272 00:05:48,021 --> 00:05:49,856 going to Robin's? 273 00:05:49,856 --> 00:05:51,566 7:30. 274 00:05:49,856 --> 00:05:51,566 Perfect. 275 00:05:51,566 --> 00:05:53,819 Just to be safe, 276 00:05:51,566 --> 00:05:53,819 I'll get there 277 00:05:51,566 --> 00:05:53,819 at like 8:00, 8:30. 278 00:05:55,112 --> 00:05:57,447 Hey. Sorry I'm late. 279 00:05:55,112 --> 00:05:57,447 Hey. 280 00:05:57,447 --> 00:05:58,490 Where are 281 00:05:57,447 --> 00:05:58,490 Marshall and Lily? 282 00:05:58,490 --> 00:06:00,033 They just called. 283 00:06:00,033 --> 00:06:02,410 They're both super-swamped 284 00:06:00,033 --> 00:06:02,410 preparing for tomorrow. 285 00:06:09,793 --> 00:06:10,877 Is Bob coming? 286 00:06:10,877 --> 00:06:12,838 No, he went to see 287 00:06:10,877 --> 00:06:12,838 Green Day. 288 00:06:14,714 --> 00:06:16,049 So it's... 289 00:06:16,049 --> 00:06:17,134 Just the two of us. 290 00:06:16,049 --> 00:06:17,134 just the two of us. 291 00:06:17,134 --> 00:06:18,760 Making pies. 292 00:06:17,134 --> 00:06:18,760 Pies. 293 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:19,928 The things that friends 294 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:19,928 make together. 295 00:06:19,928 --> 00:06:21,096 Yeah, they do. 296 00:06:21,096 --> 00:06:22,514 Yeah. 297 00:06:21,096 --> 00:06:22,514 Yeah. 298 00:06:22,514 --> 00:06:24,224 Great. Great. 299 00:06:22,514 --> 00:06:24,224 Yeah. 300 00:06:24,224 --> 00:06:26,852 Well, this is great. 301 00:06:24,224 --> 00:06:26,852 It'll give us a chance 302 00:06:24,224 --> 00:06:26,852 to catch up. 303 00:06:26,852 --> 00:06:28,103 Yeah. 304 00:06:31,148 --> 00:06:32,899 I'm going to 305 00:06:31,148 --> 00:06:32,899 make a phone call. 306 00:06:32,899 --> 00:06:34,818 I'll preheat the oven. 307 00:06:35,819 --> 00:06:37,278 Hey, it's me. 308 00:06:37,278 --> 00:06:39,156 Listen, you have to 309 00:06:37,278 --> 00:06:39,156 come over here 310 00:06:37,278 --> 00:06:39,156 and make pies. 311 00:06:39,156 --> 00:06:40,824 Yeah, I'll be there, 312 00:06:39,156 --> 00:06:40,824 absolutely. 313 00:06:40,824 --> 00:06:42,742 Oh, awesome, 314 00:06:40,824 --> 00:06:42,742 you're a lifesaver. 315 00:06:42,742 --> 00:06:44,703 It's still kind of weird 316 00:06:42,742 --> 00:06:44,703 being alone with Robin. 317 00:06:44,703 --> 00:06:45,745 But if you were here... 318 00:06:45,745 --> 00:06:47,413 Hey, say no more. 319 00:06:47,413 --> 00:06:49,708 I mean, when I pulled you 320 00:06:47,413 --> 00:06:49,708 out of that burning wreckage, 321 00:06:49,708 --> 00:06:52,169 I wasn't doing it 322 00:06:49,708 --> 00:06:52,169 to have a battleship 323 00:06:49,708 --> 00:06:52,169 named after me. 324 00:06:52,169 --> 00:06:53,628 But if you insist, 325 00:06:53,628 --> 00:06:56,464 yes, I'll be there 326 00:06:53,628 --> 00:06:56,464 for the christening. 327 00:06:56,464 --> 00:06:58,008 You're hitting on someone 328 00:06:56,464 --> 00:06:58,008 right now, aren't you? 329 00:06:58,008 --> 00:07:00,010 No, I'm not going to 330 00:06:58,008 --> 00:07:00,010 wear the Medal of Honor. 331 00:07:00,010 --> 00:07:02,345 That would just be tacky. 332 00:07:02,345 --> 00:07:03,680 So, you're not coming 333 00:07:02,345 --> 00:07:03,680 to make pies? 334 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:06,558 No, no. 335 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:06,558 thank you, Mr. President. 336 00:07:07,809 --> 00:07:09,269 Sorry. 337 00:07:09,269 --> 00:07:10,729 After a very long night, 338 00:07:10,729 --> 00:07:12,564 it was finally 339 00:07:10,729 --> 00:07:12,564 the big holiday. 340 00:07:12,564 --> 00:07:14,233 Sorry, the two big holidays. 341 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:16,401 Oh, Marshall, 342 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:16,401 are you working on 343 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:16,401 the cranberry sauce? 344 00:07:16,401 --> 00:07:19,946 In a minute, baby. 345 00:07:16,401 --> 00:07:19,946 I've only got so many hands. 346 00:07:19,946 --> 00:07:21,364 You see what 347 00:07:19,946 --> 00:07:21,364 I got going on here? 348 00:07:21,364 --> 00:07:23,616 They're turkeys, 349 00:07:21,364 --> 00:07:23,616 but they're also hands, 350 00:07:23,616 --> 00:07:26,452 because later, 351 00:07:23,616 --> 00:07:26,452 we're gonna eat turkey 352 00:07:26,452 --> 00:07:29,664 and then, I'm gonna 353 00:07:26,452 --> 00:07:29,664 slap you in your face. 354 00:07:29,664 --> 00:07:32,084 Please! You took out 355 00:07:29,664 --> 00:07:32,084 all the suspense. 356 00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:33,877 In a horror movie, 357 00:07:33,877 --> 00:07:35,712 the killer does not grab 358 00:07:33,877 --> 00:07:35,712 a bullhorn and announce, 359 00:07:35,712 --> 00:07:38,924 "Attention, 360 00:07:35,712 --> 00:07:38,924 unsupervised teens here 361 00:07:35,712 --> 00:07:38,924 at the lake house. 362 00:07:38,924 --> 00:07:42,052 "At precisely 3:00 a.m., 363 00:07:38,924 --> 00:07:42,052 I'm gonna jump out 364 00:07:38,924 --> 00:07:42,052 of that closet right there 365 00:07:42,052 --> 00:07:43,553 "and hack you all up 366 00:07:42,052 --> 00:07:43,553 with a machete. 367 00:07:43,553 --> 00:07:46,098 "P.S. Fire is 368 00:07:43,553 --> 00:07:46,098 my one weakness." 369 00:07:51,519 --> 00:07:52,938 Hey, Ted. 370 00:07:51,519 --> 00:07:52,938 Hey, Happy Thanksgiving. 371 00:07:52,938 --> 00:07:54,814 You, too. 372 00:07:52,938 --> 00:07:54,814 Is Lily in the kitchen? 373 00:07:54,814 --> 00:07:56,233 Yep. 374 00:07:54,814 --> 00:07:56,233 Great. 375 00:07:59,027 --> 00:08:00,070 Marshall? 376 00:07:59,027 --> 00:08:00,070 Lily? 377 00:08:00,070 --> 00:08:01,446 Yeah? 378 00:08:01,446 --> 00:08:04,241 Something really weird 379 00:08:01,446 --> 00:08:04,241 happened last night. 380 00:08:06,701 --> 00:08:08,369 What do you mean 381 00:08:06,701 --> 00:08:08,369 something weird 382 00:08:06,701 --> 00:08:08,369 happened last night? 383 00:08:08,369 --> 00:08:10,080 You may not realize this, 384 00:08:08,369 --> 00:08:10,080 but since we broke up, 385 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,749 Robin and I 386 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,749 have never really been 387 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,749 alone together. 388 00:08:12,749 --> 00:08:16,044 So we're in the kitchen, 389 00:08:12,749 --> 00:08:16,044 starting on the pies, 390 00:08:12,749 --> 00:08:16,044 and we realize 391 00:08:16,044 --> 00:08:18,797 we don't have a damn thing 392 00:08:16,044 --> 00:08:18,797 to say to each other. 393 00:08:18,797 --> 00:08:21,674 I mean, you can't talk about 394 00:08:18,797 --> 00:08:21,674 how close you used to be. 395 00:08:21,674 --> 00:08:24,177 You can't talk about 396 00:08:21,674 --> 00:08:24,177 how close you're not now. 397 00:08:24,177 --> 00:08:26,721 You just feel like 398 00:08:24,177 --> 00:08:26,721 everything you say is gonna 399 00:08:24,177 --> 00:08:26,721 make things worse. 400 00:08:26,721 --> 00:08:28,807 Exactly. 401 00:08:26,721 --> 00:08:28,807 And you know why? 402 00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:31,059 Because you don't want to 403 00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:31,059 hurt someone 404 00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:31,059 you really care about, 405 00:08:31,059 --> 00:08:33,019 especially around 406 00:08:31,059 --> 00:08:33,019 the holidays. 407 00:08:33,019 --> 00:08:35,855 I mean, what decent 408 00:08:33,019 --> 00:08:35,855 human being 409 00:08:33,019 --> 00:08:35,855 would want to cause 410 00:08:35,855 --> 00:08:38,024 any kind of emotional 411 00:08:35,855 --> 00:08:38,024 or physical pain... 412 00:08:38,024 --> 00:08:40,860 You're still getting slapped. 413 00:08:40,860 --> 00:08:42,862 I wanted to leave, 414 00:08:42,862 --> 00:08:43,989 but I couldn't stick her 415 00:08:42,862 --> 00:08:43,989 with making 416 00:08:42,862 --> 00:08:43,989 all the pies by herself. 417 00:08:43,989 --> 00:08:45,698 She was exhausted. 418 00:08:45,698 --> 00:08:48,701 I yawned like a million times 419 00:08:45,698 --> 00:08:48,701 trying to get him to leave. 420 00:08:48,701 --> 00:08:50,495 Yeah, some people 421 00:08:48,701 --> 00:08:50,495 just can't take a hint. 422 00:08:50,495 --> 00:08:52,622 By the way, 423 00:08:50,495 --> 00:08:52,622 I'm really 424 00:08:50,495 --> 00:08:52,622 swamped in here. 425 00:08:52,622 --> 00:08:56,459 I kept looking at the clock 426 00:08:52,622 --> 00:08:56,459 and sighing. 427 00:08:52,622 --> 00:08:56,459 Totally clueless! 428 00:08:56,459 --> 00:08:59,129 I'm not sure I have time 429 00:08:56,459 --> 00:08:59,129 to mash those potatoes 430 00:08:56,459 --> 00:08:59,129 you're standing right next to. 431 00:08:59,129 --> 00:09:01,006 And then, Ted does the thing 432 00:08:59,129 --> 00:09:01,006 that he always does 433 00:09:01,006 --> 00:09:02,507 when there's 434 00:09:01,006 --> 00:09:02,507 an awkward silence. 435 00:09:02,507 --> 00:09:04,301 Yup. Masher's right there, 436 00:09:02,507 --> 00:09:04,301 next to the pot. 437 00:09:04,301 --> 00:09:07,804 He panics, and says 438 00:09:04,301 --> 00:09:07,804 the first thing 439 00:09:04,301 --> 00:09:07,804 that pops into his head. 440 00:09:07,804 --> 00:09:10,890 Hey, did you know 441 00:09:07,804 --> 00:09:10,890 that the first pies 442 00:09:07,804 --> 00:09:10,890 in recorded history 443 00:09:10,890 --> 00:09:13,226 came from ancient Egypt? 444 00:09:15,770 --> 00:09:17,147 Remember last year's 445 00:09:15,770 --> 00:09:17,147 Thanksgiving, 446 00:09:17,147 --> 00:09:19,774 when we had sex 447 00:09:17,147 --> 00:09:19,774 seven times? 448 00:09:21,318 --> 00:09:22,652 Terrible. 449 00:09:22,652 --> 00:09:24,863 What? I thought 450 00:09:22,652 --> 00:09:24,863 it would break the ice. 451 00:09:24,863 --> 00:09:27,532 I'd already broken the ice 452 00:09:24,863 --> 00:09:27,532 with my cool pie fact. 453 00:09:27,532 --> 00:09:30,493 Then he makes it 454 00:09:27,532 --> 00:09:30,493 10 times more awkward. 455 00:09:30,493 --> 00:09:32,662 How do you respond 456 00:09:30,493 --> 00:09:32,662 to something like that? 457 00:09:32,662 --> 00:09:35,957 Did you know that 458 00:09:32,662 --> 00:09:35,957 the Egyptian pyramids 459 00:09:32,662 --> 00:09:35,957 can be seen from space? 460 00:09:35,957 --> 00:09:37,250 Probably? 461 00:09:39,585 --> 00:09:42,172 The oven's preheated! 462 00:09:39,585 --> 00:09:42,172 Okay. 463 00:09:42,172 --> 00:09:44,841 The pecan pie 464 00:09:42,172 --> 00:09:44,841 is gonna take the longest. 465 00:09:44,841 --> 00:09:47,552 Why don't we put 466 00:09:44,841 --> 00:09:47,552 that one in first? 467 00:09:47,552 --> 00:09:49,095 Pecan pie? 468 00:09:47,552 --> 00:09:49,095 Why are we making that? 469 00:09:49,095 --> 00:09:51,472 It's my favorite. 470 00:09:51,472 --> 00:09:53,474 You're allergic. 471 00:09:51,472 --> 00:09:53,474 I know. 472 00:09:53,474 --> 00:09:57,937 I just like smelling it. 473 00:09:53,474 --> 00:09:57,937 It's like 474 00:09:53,474 --> 00:09:57,937 eating with your nose. 475 00:09:57,937 --> 00:10:00,399 So, we're making a pie 476 00:09:57,937 --> 00:10:00,399 for Bob. 477 00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:03,484 Well... Yeah. 478 00:10:03,484 --> 00:10:05,737 She's got you 479 00:10:03,484 --> 00:10:05,737 making pies for this guy? 480 00:10:05,737 --> 00:10:07,322 Yeah. 481 00:10:07,322 --> 00:10:09,657 Wow. 482 00:10:07,322 --> 00:10:09,657 That is a real slap 483 00:10:07,322 --> 00:10:09,657 in the face. 484 00:10:11,826 --> 00:10:14,537 You know, you could 485 00:10:11,826 --> 00:10:14,537 have just told me 486 00:10:11,826 --> 00:10:14,537 it was for Bob. 487 00:10:14,537 --> 00:10:16,748 Yeah, I just thought 488 00:10:14,537 --> 00:10:16,748 it might upset you. 489 00:10:16,748 --> 00:10:18,958 Upset me? Wait a second. 490 00:10:18,958 --> 00:10:20,835 Do you think that... 491 00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:24,964 Do you think 492 00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:24,964 that I'm jealous of Bob? 493 00:10:24,964 --> 00:10:28,634 I don't know. 494 00:10:24,964 --> 00:10:28,634 Is it so ridiculous to think 495 00:10:24,964 --> 00:10:28,634 that you might be? 496 00:10:28,634 --> 00:10:30,429 Yes. 497 00:10:28,634 --> 00:10:30,429 Why? 498 00:10:30,429 --> 00:10:32,472 Because he's 499 00:10:30,429 --> 00:10:32,472 a thousand years old. 500 00:10:32,472 --> 00:10:34,682 No. Ted. 501 00:10:32,472 --> 00:10:34,682 What are you doing? 502 00:10:34,682 --> 00:10:36,059 Right? 503 00:10:36,059 --> 00:10:37,727 The only reason 504 00:10:36,059 --> 00:10:37,727 I'm jealous of Bob 505 00:10:37,727 --> 00:10:39,687 is that we can only 506 00:10:37,727 --> 00:10:39,687 talk about 507 00:10:37,727 --> 00:10:39,687 the first Thanksgiving, 508 00:10:39,687 --> 00:10:41,689 but he was actually there. 509 00:10:39,687 --> 00:10:41,689 Come on. 510 00:10:41,689 --> 00:10:44,025 The only reason I'm jealous 511 00:10:41,689 --> 00:10:44,025 of Bob is because 512 00:10:44,025 --> 00:10:45,651 I heard Noah gave him 513 00:10:44,025 --> 00:10:45,651 shotgun in the ark. 514 00:10:45,651 --> 00:10:46,903 Ted... 515 00:10:46,903 --> 00:10:48,529 The only reason 516 00:10:46,903 --> 00:10:48,529 I'm jealous of Bob 517 00:10:48,529 --> 00:10:51,241 is that 518 00:10:48,529 --> 00:10:51,241 I'm just an architect, 519 00:10:48,529 --> 00:10:51,241 but he discovered fire. 520 00:10:51,241 --> 00:10:52,867 How do you top that? 521 00:10:52,867 --> 00:10:55,536 He's 41! 522 00:10:52,867 --> 00:10:55,536 Why are you mashing on him 523 00:10:52,867 --> 00:10:55,536 so hard? 524 00:10:55,536 --> 00:10:57,914 I'm not. 525 00:10:55,536 --> 00:10:57,914 I'm just joking around. 526 00:10:57,914 --> 00:10:59,332 That's what friends do. 527 00:10:59,332 --> 00:11:00,917 It's mean. 528 00:11:00,917 --> 00:11:02,627 Well, how come 529 00:11:00,917 --> 00:11:02,627 we're all allowed to 530 00:11:00,917 --> 00:11:02,627 bust on Barney 531 00:11:02,627 --> 00:11:04,504 when he dates 532 00:11:02,627 --> 00:11:04,504 some skanktron, 533 00:11:04,504 --> 00:11:06,381 but when you sleep 534 00:11:04,504 --> 00:11:06,381 with the 535 00:11:04,504 --> 00:11:06,381 Crypt Keeper's dad, 536 00:11:06,381 --> 00:11:08,467 I'm not allowed 537 00:11:06,381 --> 00:11:08,467 to say a word? 538 00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:11,844 First of all, Bob and I 539 00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:11,844 are not sleeping together. 540 00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:11,844 We're just dating. 541 00:11:11,844 --> 00:11:15,640 Secondly, have I said 542 00:11:11,844 --> 00:11:15,640 one word about the parade 543 00:11:11,844 --> 00:11:15,640 of dubious conquests 544 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,809 you've been marching past me 545 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,809 the last few months? 546 00:11:17,809 --> 00:11:19,685 One of whom got you 547 00:11:17,809 --> 00:11:19,685 a butterfly tattoo? 548 00:11:19,685 --> 00:11:20,979 Hey, that is... 549 00:11:20,979 --> 00:11:22,272 And if you and I 550 00:11:20,979 --> 00:11:22,272 are such good friends, 551 00:11:22,272 --> 00:11:24,524 why is baking a pie 552 00:11:22,272 --> 00:11:24,524 for Bob so weird? 553 00:11:24,524 --> 00:11:26,192 Yeah, if you and I 554 00:11:24,524 --> 00:11:26,192 are such good friends, 555 00:11:26,192 --> 00:11:30,280 why couldn't you just tell me 556 00:11:26,192 --> 00:11:30,280 that's what we were doing? 557 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,950 Okay, maybe we should talk 558 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,950 about this later. 559 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,950 I should get going. 560 00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:37,036 Well, what are we doing? 561 00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:37,036 It's Thanksgiving. 562 00:11:37,036 --> 00:11:38,955 I know. I'm sorry. 563 00:11:37,036 --> 00:11:38,955 This is stupid. 564 00:11:38,955 --> 00:11:40,915 I'm sorry, too. 565 00:11:40,915 --> 00:11:42,501 Of course we're friends. 566 00:11:40,915 --> 00:11:42,501 I'm glad we're friends. 567 00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:43,709 Me, too. 568 00:11:44,752 --> 00:11:46,045 Mmm... 569 00:11:53,553 --> 00:11:54,971 You guys 570 00:11:53,553 --> 00:11:54,971 slept together 571 00:11:53,553 --> 00:11:54,971 last night? 572 00:11:54,971 --> 00:11:56,389 You guys slept together 573 00:11:54,971 --> 00:11:56,389 last night? 574 00:11:56,389 --> 00:11:58,517 That is a terrible idea! 575 00:11:58,517 --> 00:12:00,185 Horrible idea. 576 00:12:00,185 --> 00:12:02,854 Relapse five! 577 00:12:02,854 --> 00:12:05,982 That's where we high-five, 578 00:12:02,854 --> 00:12:05,982 then it's awkward 579 00:12:02,854 --> 00:12:05,982 for a little bit... 580 00:12:05,982 --> 00:12:07,942 And then 581 00:12:05,982 --> 00:12:07,942 we high-five again! 582 00:12:07,942 --> 00:12:11,237 What the hell 583 00:12:07,942 --> 00:12:11,237 are you doing? 584 00:12:07,942 --> 00:12:11,237 Let's review. 585 00:12:11,237 --> 00:12:12,613 You and Ted broke up 586 00:12:11,237 --> 00:12:12,613 six months ago. 587 00:12:12,613 --> 00:12:13,698 Yup. 588 00:12:13,698 --> 00:12:14,866 You're dating 589 00:12:13,698 --> 00:12:14,866 another man... 590 00:12:14,866 --> 00:12:16,242 You are correct, sir. 591 00:12:16,242 --> 00:12:17,785 who's coming 592 00:12:16,242 --> 00:12:17,785 to my Thanksgiving today. 593 00:12:17,785 --> 00:12:19,162 That is a truth-fact. 594 00:12:19,162 --> 00:12:21,747 An event 595 00:12:19,162 --> 00:12:21,747 Ted is also attending. 596 00:12:19,162 --> 00:12:21,747 Kablamow. 597 00:12:21,747 --> 00:12:24,459 Why are you trying 598 00:12:21,747 --> 00:12:24,459 to destroy 599 00:12:21,747 --> 00:12:24,459 American Thanksgiving? 600 00:12:24,459 --> 00:12:26,545 Oh, Lily, it's not as bad 601 00:12:24,459 --> 00:12:26,545 as it sounds. 602 00:12:26,545 --> 00:12:28,296 Bob and I 603 00:12:26,545 --> 00:12:28,296 aren't that serious, 604 00:12:28,296 --> 00:12:31,591 and what happened last night 605 00:12:28,296 --> 00:12:31,591 with Ted was a fluke. 606 00:12:31,591 --> 00:12:34,093 Well, did you guys 607 00:12:31,591 --> 00:12:34,093 at least talk about it? 608 00:12:38,097 --> 00:12:39,349 There's office material... 609 00:12:39,349 --> 00:12:41,642 I hear 610 00:12:39,349 --> 00:12:41,642 something burning... 611 00:12:41,642 --> 00:12:43,269 Clearly, we need to 612 00:12:41,642 --> 00:12:43,269 ignore this. 613 00:12:43,269 --> 00:12:45,730 Clearly, we need to 614 00:12:43,269 --> 00:12:45,730 talk about this. 615 00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:47,482 You know? 616 00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:47,482 To save the friendship. 617 00:12:47,482 --> 00:12:48,774 You know? 618 00:12:47,482 --> 00:12:48,774 To save the friendship. 619 00:12:48,774 --> 00:12:50,485 Hi. 620 00:12:48,774 --> 00:12:50,485 Hi. 621 00:12:50,485 --> 00:12:52,195 We need to talk... 622 00:12:50,485 --> 00:12:52,195 Stuffed mushroom? 623 00:12:52,195 --> 00:12:53,738 We need to talk about 624 00:12:52,195 --> 00:12:53,738 last night. 625 00:12:53,738 --> 00:12:56,824 Did you know that some 626 00:12:53,738 --> 00:12:56,824 mushrooms are carnivorous? 627 00:12:56,824 --> 00:12:57,992 Probably? 628 00:12:57,992 --> 00:13:00,245 Not? 629 00:13:00,245 --> 00:13:03,540 Ted, can we please 630 00:13:00,245 --> 00:13:03,540 just deal with this? 631 00:13:00,245 --> 00:13:03,540 Look, I'm not mad. 632 00:13:03,540 --> 00:13:05,291 I just think... 633 00:13:03,540 --> 00:13:05,291 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 634 00:13:05,291 --> 00:13:07,001 Why would you be mad? 635 00:13:05,291 --> 00:13:07,001 You started it! 636 00:13:07,001 --> 00:13:08,669 What? You're crazy! 637 00:13:08,669 --> 00:13:10,838 We called a truce, 638 00:13:08,669 --> 00:13:10,838 we hugged, 639 00:13:10,838 --> 00:13:12,757 and when I tried to pull away, 640 00:13:10,838 --> 00:13:12,757 you kept your hand on my neck. 641 00:13:12,757 --> 00:13:14,759 Only because your hand 642 00:13:12,757 --> 00:13:14,759 was still around my waist. 643 00:13:14,759 --> 00:13:17,303 Oh, come on! 644 00:13:14,759 --> 00:13:17,303 You leaned into it. 645 00:13:17,303 --> 00:13:19,264 I leaned into it? 646 00:13:17,303 --> 00:13:19,264 Yeah. 647 00:13:19,264 --> 00:13:21,015 You're like the crappy kid 648 00:13:19,264 --> 00:13:21,015 in Little League 649 00:13:21,015 --> 00:13:22,975 who knows he's not going to 650 00:13:21,015 --> 00:13:22,975 make contact, so he just... 651 00:13:22,975 --> 00:13:25,811 "Oops, I got hit 652 00:13:22,975 --> 00:13:25,811 by the pitch. 653 00:13:22,975 --> 00:13:25,811 Better take my base." 654 00:13:25,811 --> 00:13:27,688 That was you 655 00:13:25,811 --> 00:13:27,688 in Little League, 656 00:13:25,811 --> 00:13:27,688 wasn't it? 657 00:13:27,688 --> 00:13:29,982 My on-base percentage 658 00:13:27,688 --> 00:13:29,982 was off the charts! 659 00:13:31,443 --> 00:13:34,613 Oh, no! 660 00:13:31,443 --> 00:13:34,613 The slappetizers. 661 00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:36,281 You know what? 662 00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:36,281 That's it! 663 00:13:36,281 --> 00:13:39,784 This is Thanksgiving. 664 00:13:36,281 --> 00:13:39,784 Solve this, right now. 665 00:13:39,784 --> 00:13:42,870 And if you have sex again, 666 00:13:39,784 --> 00:13:42,870 neither of you gets dessert! 667 00:13:44,456 --> 00:13:48,084 Oh, what the hell 668 00:13:44,456 --> 00:13:48,084 kind of Thanksgiving 669 00:13:44,456 --> 00:13:48,084 is this, anyway? 670 00:13:48,084 --> 00:13:49,961 Most Thanksgivings. 671 00:13:49,961 --> 00:13:52,713 Don't stress, baby. 672 00:13:49,961 --> 00:13:52,713 I'll try to find us 673 00:13:49,961 --> 00:13:52,713 something relaxing. 674 00:13:52,713 --> 00:13:55,967 Thanks, baby. 675 00:13:52,713 --> 00:13:55,967 Some classical music, 676 00:13:52,713 --> 00:13:55,967 maybe. 677 00:13:58,094 --> 00:14:00,138 Oh, my! Look at that. 678 00:14:00,138 --> 00:14:03,182 That means 679 00:14:00,138 --> 00:14:03,182 we're in the final hour 680 00:14:00,138 --> 00:14:03,182 of the countdown. 681 00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:05,602 I'm not scared. 682 00:14:05,602 --> 00:14:07,103 Then why is your 683 00:14:05,602 --> 00:14:07,103 right cheek twitching? 684 00:14:07,103 --> 00:14:08,729 It's not... 685 00:14:08,729 --> 00:14:12,609 Maybe it's because future me 686 00:14:08,729 --> 00:14:12,609 slaps future you so hard, 687 00:14:12,609 --> 00:14:14,319 it reverberates 688 00:14:12,609 --> 00:14:14,319 back to the present, 689 00:14:14,319 --> 00:14:16,946 shattering the time-slap 690 00:14:14,319 --> 00:14:16,946 continuum. 691 00:14:16,946 --> 00:14:18,114 Please don't slap me. 692 00:14:18,114 --> 00:14:20,325 I'm sorry, what? 693 00:14:20,325 --> 00:14:22,452 Oh, God! Don't slap me again! 694 00:14:20,325 --> 00:14:22,452 I don't want to 695 00:14:20,325 --> 00:14:22,452 get slapped again, 696 00:14:22,452 --> 00:14:23,995 and the first two times 697 00:14:22,452 --> 00:14:23,995 hurt so bad. 698 00:14:23,995 --> 00:14:27,415 I don't like it! 699 00:14:23,995 --> 00:14:27,415 I don't like it one bit! 700 00:14:27,415 --> 00:14:29,709 I thought I ruined it 701 00:14:27,415 --> 00:14:29,709 by putting a clock 702 00:14:27,415 --> 00:14:29,709 on it, Barney. 703 00:14:29,709 --> 00:14:32,962 Well, you didn't ruin it. 704 00:14:29,709 --> 00:14:32,962 You made it so much worse! 705 00:14:32,962 --> 00:14:34,922 I can't eat. 706 00:14:32,962 --> 00:14:34,922 I can't sleep. 707 00:14:34,922 --> 00:14:37,842 I've lost 10 pounds. 708 00:14:34,922 --> 00:14:37,842 My suits are wearing me. 709 00:14:37,842 --> 00:14:40,428 You know what? 710 00:14:37,842 --> 00:14:40,428 I'm out of here. 711 00:14:40,428 --> 00:14:41,596 Well, no, no, no. 712 00:14:40,428 --> 00:14:41,596 You can't leave. 713 00:14:41,596 --> 00:14:42,805 Why can't I? 714 00:14:42,805 --> 00:14:44,683 Nowhere in the rules 715 00:14:42,805 --> 00:14:44,683 does it say 716 00:14:44,683 --> 00:14:46,685 that I have to sit through 717 00:14:44,683 --> 00:14:46,685 this sort of mental torture! 718 00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:48,102 You're allowed to 719 00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:48,102 slap my face, sir, 720 00:14:48,102 --> 00:14:49,729 but you are not allowed 721 00:14:48,102 --> 00:14:49,729 to slap my mind! 722 00:14:49,729 --> 00:14:51,772 Good day! 723 00:14:49,729 --> 00:14:51,772 But it's Slapsgiving. 724 00:14:51,772 --> 00:14:53,065 No! 725 00:14:53,065 --> 00:14:55,485 It's Thanksgiving! 726 00:14:55,485 --> 00:14:59,364 Our first one 727 00:14:55,485 --> 00:14:59,364 as a married couple, 728 00:14:55,485 --> 00:14:59,364 as grownups, 729 00:14:59,364 --> 00:15:01,907 and you're not even trying 730 00:14:59,364 --> 00:15:01,907 to be a part of it! 731 00:15:01,907 --> 00:15:04,035 None of you are! 732 00:15:04,035 --> 00:15:08,080 So, as Slap Bet Commissioner, 733 00:15:04,035 --> 00:15:08,080 I'm issuing a ruling. 734 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,415 Thanksgiving 735 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,415 is a day of peace. 736 00:15:09,415 --> 00:15:11,710 There will be 737 00:15:09,415 --> 00:15:11,710 no slaps today! 738 00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:14,713 What? 739 00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:14,713 Yes! In your face! 740 00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:16,964 Not my face, your face! 741 00:15:16,964 --> 00:15:17,965 What's up, dudes? 742 00:15:17,965 --> 00:15:19,175 Hey, Bob. 743 00:15:19,175 --> 00:15:20,593 Baby, please... 744 00:15:19,175 --> 00:15:20,593 No! 745 00:15:20,593 --> 00:15:22,762 The Slap Bet 746 00:15:20,593 --> 00:15:22,762 Commissioner's word 747 00:15:20,593 --> 00:15:22,762 is final, 748 00:15:22,762 --> 00:15:26,766 so, get in the kitchen 749 00:15:22,762 --> 00:15:26,766 and mash some potatoes, now! 750 00:15:26,766 --> 00:15:28,560 And for the rest 751 00:15:26,766 --> 00:15:28,560 of the day, 752 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:33,064 we are going to enjoy 753 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:33,064 a civilized, 754 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:33,064 grownup holiday. 755 00:15:33,064 --> 00:15:35,900 Not too grownup. 756 00:15:33,064 --> 00:15:35,900 I made Jell-O shots. 757 00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:38,570 We's gonna get 758 00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:38,570 silly, bitches. 759 00:15:40,988 --> 00:15:45,117 Look at us! 760 00:15:40,988 --> 00:15:45,117 We can't be alone together, 761 00:15:40,988 --> 00:15:45,117 can we? 762 00:15:46,077 --> 00:15:47,912 Apparently not. 763 00:15:47,912 --> 00:15:51,499 What does that mean? 764 00:15:47,912 --> 00:15:51,499 We're supposed 765 00:15:47,912 --> 00:15:51,499 to be friends. 766 00:15:53,418 --> 00:15:56,337 We aren't friends, 767 00:15:53,418 --> 00:15:56,337 are we? 768 00:15:56,337 --> 00:15:59,173 Not really. 769 00:15:56,337 --> 00:15:59,173 We avoid each other. 770 00:15:59,173 --> 00:16:01,008 We smile politely. 771 00:16:02,427 --> 00:16:03,844 We're two people 772 00:16:02,427 --> 00:16:03,844 who pretend to be friends, 773 00:16:03,844 --> 00:16:06,765 because it would be 774 00:16:03,844 --> 00:16:06,765 inconvenient not to. 775 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,143 Well, maybe we should 776 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,143 stop pretending. 777 00:16:12,729 --> 00:16:14,439 Maybe we should. 778 00:16:21,529 --> 00:16:24,156 So, what do we do now? 779 00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:29,203 I suppose we eat dinner. 780 00:16:30,496 --> 00:16:31,623 Yeah. 781 00:16:34,083 --> 00:16:36,001 And then that's it. 782 00:16:38,546 --> 00:16:39,631 Okay. 783 00:16:52,435 --> 00:16:54,186 Happy Thanksgiving. 784 00:16:58,232 --> 00:17:00,192 So, we sat down 785 00:16:58,232 --> 00:17:00,192 to our first Thanksgiving 786 00:16:58,232 --> 00:17:00,192 together as a group, 787 00:17:00,192 --> 00:17:02,153 and, apparently, our last. 788 00:17:02,153 --> 00:17:06,491 Marshall, you're not eating. 789 00:17:02,153 --> 00:17:06,491 Did something 790 00:17:02,153 --> 00:17:06,491 spoil your slappetite? 791 00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:11,537 No, I just thought, 792 00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:11,537 before we eat, 793 00:17:11,537 --> 00:17:13,414 maybe the chef would like 794 00:17:11,537 --> 00:17:13,414 to say a few words. 795 00:17:13,414 --> 00:17:15,750 Nope. This sucks. 796 00:17:13,414 --> 00:17:15,750 Eat up and leave. 797 00:17:21,422 --> 00:17:25,301 Well, then, 798 00:17:21,422 --> 00:17:25,301 I'd like to say something, 799 00:17:21,422 --> 00:17:25,301 if that's cool? 800 00:17:25,301 --> 00:17:26,845 Um... 801 00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:29,514 Today, Lily did 802 00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:29,514 something great. 803 00:17:29,514 --> 00:17:33,559 Not only did she gather us 804 00:17:29,514 --> 00:17:33,559 all here together 805 00:17:29,514 --> 00:17:33,559 and cook a delicious meal, 806 00:17:33,559 --> 00:17:36,395 but she also started 807 00:17:33,559 --> 00:17:36,395 a new tradition. 808 00:17:36,395 --> 00:17:38,230 We're gonna do this 809 00:17:36,395 --> 00:17:38,230 again next year, 810 00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:41,317 and the year after that, 811 00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:41,317 maybe for 812 00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:41,317 the rest of our lives. 813 00:17:41,317 --> 00:17:44,612 I think that's pretty amazing, 814 00:17:41,317 --> 00:17:44,612 if you think about it. 815 00:17:44,612 --> 00:17:47,031 And it's all 816 00:17:44,612 --> 00:17:47,031 thanks to you, Lily. 817 00:17:47,031 --> 00:17:48,867 I love you. 818 00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:52,077 So, to the first of many 819 00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:52,077 Thanksgivings together. 820 00:17:58,334 --> 00:18:00,378 This is rad! 821 00:18:00,378 --> 00:18:03,715 A nice, small, 822 00:18:00,378 --> 00:18:03,715 simple Thanksgiving. 823 00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:06,384 I'm the youngest 824 00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:06,384 of ten in my family, 825 00:18:06,384 --> 00:18:09,470 so our Thanksgiving 826 00:18:06,384 --> 00:18:09,470 is a mess. 827 00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:11,639 All the yelling 828 00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:11,639 and the screaming... 829 00:18:11,639 --> 00:18:13,892 And then 830 00:18:11,639 --> 00:18:13,892 a funny thing happened. 831 00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:16,895 It's really 832 00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:16,895 a major buzz-kill. 833 00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:19,564 Major Buzz-kill. 834 00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:19,564 Major Buzz-kill. 835 00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:23,359 Oh, no. 836 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:25,737 I thought we were 837 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:25,737 done with that. 838 00:18:26,821 --> 00:18:28,531 I guess we're not. 839 00:18:29,574 --> 00:18:31,116 Guess we're not. 840 00:18:33,536 --> 00:18:36,038 You see, kids, 841 00:18:33,536 --> 00:18:36,038 friendship 842 00:18:33,536 --> 00:18:36,038 is an involuntary reflex. 843 00:18:36,038 --> 00:18:38,624 It just happens. 844 00:18:36,038 --> 00:18:38,624 You can't help it. 845 00:18:38,624 --> 00:18:41,293 That first Thanksgiving 846 00:18:38,624 --> 00:18:41,293 turned out 847 00:18:38,624 --> 00:18:41,293 to be a wonderful dinner 848 00:18:41,293 --> 00:18:43,629 with the four people 849 00:18:41,293 --> 00:18:43,629 I loved most in the world. 850 00:18:43,629 --> 00:18:45,464 And Bob. 851 00:18:45,464 --> 00:18:46,966 And it did become a tradition. 852 00:18:46,966 --> 00:18:48,801 That's why, every year, 853 00:18:48,801 --> 00:18:50,970 we go to 854 00:18:48,801 --> 00:18:50,970 Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall's 855 00:18:48,801 --> 00:18:50,970 for Thanksgiving. 856 00:18:50,970 --> 00:18:52,889 Hey, check it out! 857 00:18:52,889 --> 00:18:56,350 We're in the last 20 seconds 858 00:18:52,889 --> 00:18:56,350 of Marshall's 859 00:18:52,889 --> 00:18:56,350 countdown to nothing. 860 00:18:56,350 --> 00:18:57,977 Barney, put it away. 861 00:18:57,977 --> 00:19:00,354 How does it feel, Marshall, 862 00:18:57,977 --> 00:19:00,354 to sit there, impotently, 863 00:19:00,354 --> 00:19:04,191 your large, flaccid hand, 864 00:19:00,354 --> 00:19:04,191 just dangling in the wind? 865 00:19:04,191 --> 00:19:06,569 The slap will occur in 10... 866 00:19:06,569 --> 00:19:08,195 Classy touch, dude. 867 00:19:06,569 --> 00:19:08,195 Too bad! 868 00:19:08,195 --> 00:19:09,363 nine... eight... seven... 869 00:19:09,363 --> 00:19:10,782 Barney, put it away. 870 00:19:09,363 --> 00:19:10,782 six... 871 00:19:10,782 --> 00:19:13,284 I will in five, four... 872 00:19:10,782 --> 00:19:13,284 five... four... 873 00:19:13,284 --> 00:19:14,493 You can slap him. 874 00:19:13,284 --> 00:19:14,493 three... 875 00:19:14,493 --> 00:19:15,703 What? Wait, you... 876 00:19:14,493 --> 00:19:15,703 two... 877 00:19:15,703 --> 00:19:16,788 One. 878 00:19:17,705 --> 00:19:19,457 That's three! 879 00:19:20,625 --> 00:19:22,001 Thanks, baby, 880 00:19:20,625 --> 00:19:22,001 you're the best. 881 00:19:22,001 --> 00:19:23,753 And as a special, 882 00:19:22,001 --> 00:19:23,753 added bonus, 883 00:19:23,753 --> 00:19:25,797 I've composed a song 884 00:19:23,753 --> 00:19:25,797 just for this occasion. 885 00:19:25,797 --> 00:19:27,506 Ted, lights! 886 00:19:43,564 --> 00:19:46,066 in your place 887 00:19:47,735 --> 00:19:53,825 on the side of your face 888 00:19:53,825 --> 00:19:57,411 rush to your cheek 889 00:19:57,411 --> 00:20:00,539 to fill your eyes 890 00:20:00,539 --> 00:20:02,458 are tremblin' 891 00:20:02,458 --> 00:20:05,003 you're tryin' 892 00:20:13,469 --> 00:20:16,472 my friend 893 00:20:18,599 --> 00:20:22,186 just happened 894 00:20:26,482 --> 00:20:30,110 and clapped 895 00:20:49,421 --> 00:20:51,632 Happy Slapsgiving, everybody. 896 00:20:55,553 --> 00:20:57,930 Well, guys, have fun. 897 00:20:57,930 --> 00:21:00,391 This is gonna be 898 00:20:57,930 --> 00:21:00,391 a major cleanup. 899 00:21:00,391 --> 00:21:02,101 Major Cleanup. 900 00:21:00,391 --> 00:21:02,101 Major Cleanup. 901 00:21:02,101 --> 00:21:03,853 Oh, man, 902 00:21:03,853 --> 00:21:06,022 we're gonna be doing this 903 00:21:03,853 --> 00:21:06,022 all the time, 904 00:21:03,853 --> 00:21:06,022 now, aren't we? 905 00:21:06,022 --> 00:21:07,398 That's the general idea. 906 00:21:07,398 --> 00:21:08,816 General Idea. 907 00:21:07,398 --> 00:21:08,816 General Idea. 908 00:21:08,816 --> 00:21:09,942 Oh, no.