1 00:00:01,341 --> 00:00:02,342 Oh, my God! 2 00:00:03,677 --> 00:00:04,804 I have a tattoo. 3 00:00:04,804 --> 00:00:06,012 Oh, that's not a tattoo. 4 00:00:06,012 --> 00:00:09,141 That, dear boy, 5 00:00:06,012 --> 00:00:09,141 is a tramp stamp. 6 00:00:09,141 --> 00:00:11,059 A tramp stamp. 7 00:00:11,059 --> 00:00:13,103 Kids, too often in life, 8 00:00:13,103 --> 00:00:17,775 we make decisions that 9 00:00:13,103 --> 00:00:17,775 we're not prepared 10 00:00:13,103 --> 00:00:17,775 to live with. 11 00:00:17,775 --> 00:00:19,735 This is a story 12 00:00:17,775 --> 00:00:19,735 about those decisions, 13 00:00:19,735 --> 00:00:21,821 and the consequences 14 00:00:19,735 --> 00:00:21,821 that follow. 15 00:00:23,781 --> 00:00:26,992 Say goodbye, kids, 16 00:00:23,781 --> 00:00:26,992 'cause it won't be around 17 00:00:23,781 --> 00:00:26,992 much longer. 18 00:00:26,992 --> 00:00:28,661 Oh, but Ted, 19 00:00:26,992 --> 00:00:28,661 if you get rid 20 00:00:26,992 --> 00:00:28,661 of the butterfly, 21 00:00:28,661 --> 00:00:30,203 how's everyone 22 00:00:28,661 --> 00:00:30,203 gonna know 23 00:00:30,203 --> 00:00:33,290 you're a stripper from Reno 24 00:00:30,203 --> 00:00:33,290 with daddy issues? 25 00:00:33,290 --> 00:00:36,502 Yes, yes, enjoy 26 00:00:33,290 --> 00:00:36,502 these final moments 27 00:00:33,290 --> 00:00:36,502 of mockery. 28 00:00:36,502 --> 00:00:40,547 Because in just 10 29 00:00:36,502 --> 00:00:40,547 surprisingly 30 00:00:36,502 --> 00:00:40,547 expensive sessions, 31 00:00:40,547 --> 00:00:44,009 Stella is gonna zap that 32 00:00:40,547 --> 00:00:44,009 butterfly right off 33 00:00:40,547 --> 00:00:44,009 the face of my lower back. 34 00:00:44,009 --> 00:00:45,093 Stella? 35 00:00:45,093 --> 00:00:46,762 Dr. Stella Zinman. 36 00:00:46,762 --> 00:00:48,472 She's the best 37 00:00:46,762 --> 00:00:48,472 in the business. 38 00:00:46,762 --> 00:00:48,472 And she's rather cute. 39 00:00:48,472 --> 00:00:51,183 In fact, we're going to 40 00:00:48,472 --> 00:00:51,183 a movie together tonight. 41 00:00:51,183 --> 00:00:52,309 What? 42 00:00:52,309 --> 00:00:53,310 I asked her out. 43 00:00:53,310 --> 00:00:54,854 Ted, why would 44 00:00:53,310 --> 00:00:54,854 you do that? 45 00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:56,104 What's the matter 46 00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:56,104 with you? 47 00:00:56,104 --> 00:00:58,106 What? What do you mean? 48 00:00:56,104 --> 00:00:58,106 Dude... 49 00:00:58,106 --> 00:00:59,692 Don't poop where you eat. 50 00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:01,902 Oh, no, 51 00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:01,902 this doesn't count. 52 00:01:01,902 --> 00:01:04,988 If it's someone you see 53 00:01:01,902 --> 00:01:04,988 on a regular basis, 54 00:01:01,902 --> 00:01:04,988 and you can't avoid them... 55 00:01:04,988 --> 00:01:08,200 And in this case, 56 00:01:04,988 --> 00:01:08,200 you're paying them, 57 00:01:04,988 --> 00:01:08,200 then yes, it counts. 58 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:12,078 Ted, you've heard 59 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:12,078 of the golden rule, right? 60 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:12,078 "Love thy neighbor?" 61 00:01:12,078 --> 00:01:14,373 Actually, it's "Do unto others 62 00:01:12,078 --> 00:01:14,373 as you would have 63 00:01:12,078 --> 00:01:14,373 them do unto you." 64 00:01:14,373 --> 00:01:17,000 It's from the Bible. 65 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,252 Damn it, Ted, 66 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,252 I've worked out 67 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,252 this whole thing 68 00:01:19,252 --> 00:01:23,965 where the golden rule is 69 00:01:19,252 --> 00:01:23,965 "Love thy neighbor," 70 00:01:19,252 --> 00:01:23,965 so just... Okay? 71 00:01:23,965 --> 00:01:26,009 Now, the golden rule is, 72 00:01:23,965 --> 00:01:26,009 "Love thy neighbor." 73 00:01:26,009 --> 00:01:30,347 But there's 74 00:01:26,009 --> 00:01:30,347 one rule above it, 75 00:01:26,009 --> 00:01:30,347 the platinum rule. 76 00:01:30,347 --> 00:01:35,477 "Never ever, ever, 77 00:01:30,347 --> 00:01:35,477 ever love thy neighbor." 78 00:01:35,477 --> 00:01:37,979 Well, that's cute. 79 00:01:35,477 --> 00:01:37,979 But she's not my neighbor, 80 00:01:35,477 --> 00:01:37,979 she's my doctor. 81 00:01:37,979 --> 00:01:39,105 So, if you'll excuse me... 82 00:01:39,105 --> 00:01:40,858 Wait, Ted, 83 00:01:39,105 --> 00:01:40,858 Barney has a point. 84 00:01:40,858 --> 00:01:42,984 Remember what happened 85 00:01:40,858 --> 00:01:42,984 with me and Curt 86 00:01:40,858 --> 00:01:42,984 down at the station? 87 00:01:42,984 --> 00:01:44,236 Oh, yeah, and remember 88 00:01:42,984 --> 00:01:44,236 what happened to us 89 00:01:44,236 --> 00:01:45,987 and the Girards 90 00:01:44,236 --> 00:01:45,987 across the hall? 91 00:01:45,987 --> 00:01:48,073 Need I remind you about me 92 00:01:45,987 --> 00:01:48,073 and Wendy the waitress? 93 00:01:48,073 --> 00:01:49,742 Yeah, I don't have time 94 00:01:48,073 --> 00:01:49,742 for this. 95 00:01:49,742 --> 00:01:51,993 I'm out the door 96 00:01:49,742 --> 00:01:51,993 as soon as I'm finished 97 00:01:49,742 --> 00:01:51,993 with my hair. 98 00:01:51,993 --> 00:01:54,996 Good, then we've got 99 00:01:51,993 --> 00:01:54,996 a solid half-hour. 100 00:01:54,996 --> 00:01:59,209 And in that time, 101 00:01:54,996 --> 00:01:59,209 we will convince you not to 102 00:01:54,996 --> 00:01:59,209 set foot out that door. 103 00:01:59,209 --> 00:02:01,879 It's a story 104 00:01:59,209 --> 00:02:01,879 older than time, 105 00:01:59,209 --> 00:02:01,879 my friend. 106 00:02:01,879 --> 00:02:04,673 And it always plays out 107 00:02:01,879 --> 00:02:04,673 in the same eight steps. 108 00:02:04,673 --> 00:02:06,717 Step one. Attraction. 109 00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:10,220 It's true. 110 00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:10,220 That's not even possible. 111 00:02:10,220 --> 00:02:11,972 Twelve of them. 112 00:02:10,220 --> 00:02:11,972 No way. 113 00:02:11,972 --> 00:02:13,223 Hi, Barney. 114 00:02:11,972 --> 00:02:13,223 Here's your gin and tonic. 115 00:02:13,223 --> 00:02:14,349 Hey. Thanks. 116 00:02:14,349 --> 00:02:16,518 Oh, gosh. Look at that. 117 00:02:22,983 --> 00:02:24,693 Hi. You must be 118 00:02:22,983 --> 00:02:24,693 our new neighbors. 119 00:02:24,693 --> 00:02:26,069 I'm Michael. 120 00:02:24,693 --> 00:02:26,069 And I'm Laura. 121 00:02:26,069 --> 00:02:27,738 Oh, hi. Welcome to 122 00:02:26,069 --> 00:02:27,738 the building. Yeah. 123 00:02:27,738 --> 00:02:30,031 Do you guys know 124 00:02:27,738 --> 00:02:30,031 any good brunch places 125 00:02:27,738 --> 00:02:30,031 around here? 126 00:02:30,031 --> 00:02:32,033 We love brunch! 127 00:02:36,162 --> 00:02:37,831 You must be Robin. 128 00:02:38,749 --> 00:02:40,333 Yeah. 129 00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:42,669 Curt "the Ironman" Irons. 130 00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:42,669 I'm gonna be doing sports. 131 00:02:42,669 --> 00:02:44,880 Oh. Welcome. 132 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,758 You look really familiar. 133 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,758 Are you a former athlete? 134 00:02:47,758 --> 00:02:49,635 Hockey. 135 00:02:49,635 --> 00:02:54,431 The attraction is instant 136 00:02:49,635 --> 00:02:54,431 and undeniable. 137 00:02:49,635 --> 00:02:54,431 But you know better. 138 00:02:54,431 --> 00:02:56,642 You've seen your friends 139 00:02:54,431 --> 00:02:56,642 make the same mistakes 140 00:02:54,431 --> 00:02:56,642 before. 141 00:02:56,642 --> 00:02:58,727 You've laughed 142 00:02:56,642 --> 00:02:58,727 smugly at them. 143 00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:03,315 Idiots! 144 00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:03,315 But still, you think, 145 00:03:03,315 --> 00:03:06,860 "This is different. 146 00:03:03,315 --> 00:03:06,860 The platinum rule 147 00:03:03,315 --> 00:03:06,860 doesn't apply to me." 148 00:03:06,860 --> 00:03:09,571 And that's step two. 149 00:03:06,860 --> 00:03:09,571 Bargaining. 150 00:03:11,156 --> 00:03:13,575 I think I've got 151 00:03:11,156 --> 00:03:13,575 a little crush 152 00:03:11,156 --> 00:03:13,575 on our sports guy. 153 00:03:13,575 --> 00:03:15,035 No, don't do it. 154 00:03:13,575 --> 00:03:15,035 No, no. 155 00:03:15,035 --> 00:03:16,787 I know, I know. 156 00:03:16,787 --> 00:03:20,457 But he used to play hockey, 157 00:03:16,787 --> 00:03:20,457 and I'm a Canadian. 158 00:03:16,787 --> 00:03:20,457 I can't help it. 159 00:03:20,457 --> 00:03:23,877 If he were missing some teeth, 160 00:03:20,457 --> 00:03:23,877 I probably 161 00:03:20,457 --> 00:03:23,877 would've already hit that. 162 00:03:23,877 --> 00:03:25,712 Robin, it's a mistake. 163 00:03:25,712 --> 00:03:27,547 Remember what happened 164 00:03:25,712 --> 00:03:27,547 with me and Marshall? 165 00:03:27,547 --> 00:03:29,716 The Girards across the hall? 166 00:03:29,716 --> 00:03:31,760 Michael and Laura. 167 00:03:29,716 --> 00:03:31,760 They're awesome! 168 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,553 We're gonna invite them 169 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,553 over for dinner. 170 00:03:33,553 --> 00:03:34,972 No! No! Really? 171 00:03:33,553 --> 00:03:34,972 Are you insane? 172 00:03:34,972 --> 00:03:37,516 Guys, guys, guys, 173 00:03:34,972 --> 00:03:37,516 this is New York City. 174 00:03:37,516 --> 00:03:38,976 You don't get close 175 00:03:37,516 --> 00:03:38,976 to the neighbors. 176 00:03:38,976 --> 00:03:41,102 You nod at them politely 177 00:03:38,976 --> 00:03:41,102 in the hall. 178 00:03:41,102 --> 00:03:43,355 You call the cops 179 00:03:41,102 --> 00:03:43,355 if you haven't 180 00:03:41,102 --> 00:03:43,355 seen them in a while 181 00:03:43,355 --> 00:03:45,691 and you smell 182 00:03:43,355 --> 00:03:45,691 something funny, 183 00:03:43,355 --> 00:03:45,691 and that is it. 184 00:03:45,691 --> 00:03:48,109 We're not gonna date them. 185 00:03:45,691 --> 00:03:48,109 We're just gonna 186 00:03:45,691 --> 00:03:48,109 be friends with them. 187 00:03:48,109 --> 00:03:50,362 That's the couples' version 188 00:03:48,109 --> 00:03:50,362 of dating. 189 00:03:50,362 --> 00:03:53,114 And you've got 190 00:03:50,362 --> 00:03:53,114 the couples' version 191 00:03:50,362 --> 00:03:53,114 of the hots for them. 192 00:03:53,114 --> 00:03:55,742 Oh yeah, you wanna 193 00:03:53,114 --> 00:03:55,742 eat brunch with them. 194 00:03:55,742 --> 00:03:58,537 You want to browse 195 00:03:55,742 --> 00:03:58,537 at Pottery Barn with them. 196 00:03:58,537 --> 00:04:00,789 You wanna go antiquing 197 00:03:58,537 --> 00:04:00,789 with them, don't you? 198 00:04:00,789 --> 00:04:04,877 Oh yeah, you want 199 00:04:00,789 --> 00:04:04,877 to antique the crap 200 00:04:00,789 --> 00:04:04,877 out of them! 201 00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:09,048 Need I remind you 202 00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:09,048 what happened with me 203 00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:09,048 and Wendy the waitress? 204 00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:11,341 I've decided to seduce 205 00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:11,341 Wendy the waitress. 206 00:04:11,341 --> 00:04:12,425 No! 207 00:04:11,341 --> 00:04:12,425 Don't do it! 208 00:04:12,425 --> 00:04:14,053 Request denied! 209 00:04:14,053 --> 00:04:16,429 What rule is there 210 00:04:14,053 --> 00:04:16,429 that says I can't 211 00:04:14,053 --> 00:04:16,429 seduce the waitress 212 00:04:16,429 --> 00:04:17,973 at my favorite bar? 213 00:04:17,973 --> 00:04:19,975 I don't know, 214 00:04:17,973 --> 00:04:19,975 I'd expect you to have 215 00:04:17,973 --> 00:04:19,975 one already. 216 00:04:19,975 --> 00:04:21,727 Yeah, with some sort of 217 00:04:19,975 --> 00:04:21,727 catchy name. 218 00:04:21,727 --> 00:04:23,603 Well, I don't. 219 00:04:23,603 --> 00:04:26,648 I don't have one, 220 00:04:23,603 --> 00:04:26,648 and I never will, 221 00:04:23,603 --> 00:04:26,648 because it's a great idea. 222 00:04:26,648 --> 00:04:29,735 Come on, guys. 223 00:04:26,648 --> 00:04:29,735 She's gullible. 224 00:04:26,648 --> 00:04:29,735 I'm bored. 225 00:04:29,735 --> 00:04:31,111 We're perfect 226 00:04:29,735 --> 00:04:31,111 for each other. 227 00:04:31,111 --> 00:04:33,739 Barney, we love this bar. 228 00:04:33,739 --> 00:04:36,909 If you screw over 229 00:04:33,739 --> 00:04:36,909 Wendy the waitress, 230 00:04:33,739 --> 00:04:36,909 you're going to kill the bar. 231 00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:40,037 Bar-killer. 232 00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:40,037 Don't kill the bar, dude. 233 00:04:40,037 --> 00:04:43,289 Yeah, well, 234 00:04:40,037 --> 00:04:43,289 I think it'll be okay. 235 00:04:43,289 --> 00:04:45,959 And it was 236 00:04:43,289 --> 00:04:45,959 a huge mistake. 237 00:04:45,959 --> 00:04:48,754 Yeah, well, 238 00:04:45,959 --> 00:04:48,754 I think it'll be okay. 239 00:04:48,754 --> 00:04:51,590 And it was 240 00:04:48,754 --> 00:04:51,590 a huge mistake. 241 00:04:51,590 --> 00:04:55,094 Yeah, well, 242 00:04:51,590 --> 00:04:55,094 I think it'll be okay. 243 00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:58,179 And it was 244 00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:58,179 a huge mistake. 245 00:04:58,179 --> 00:05:01,058 Yeah, well, 246 00:04:58,179 --> 00:05:01,058 I think it'll be okay. 247 00:05:16,698 --> 00:05:19,367 Ted, trust me, 248 00:05:16,698 --> 00:05:19,367 you don't want to 249 00:05:16,698 --> 00:05:19,367 do this. 250 00:05:19,367 --> 00:05:21,078 Look, Stella and I 251 00:05:19,367 --> 00:05:21,078 are both adults. 252 00:05:21,078 --> 00:05:22,955 We're both smart, 253 00:05:21,078 --> 00:05:22,955 mature people 254 00:05:22,955 --> 00:05:24,581 capable of making 255 00:05:22,955 --> 00:05:24,581 good decisions. 256 00:05:24,581 --> 00:05:27,709 You have 257 00:05:24,581 --> 00:05:27,709 a butterfly tramp stamp. 258 00:05:27,709 --> 00:05:32,089 We're just seeing a movie. 259 00:05:27,709 --> 00:05:32,089 If it seems at all weird, 260 00:05:27,709 --> 00:05:32,089 I'll back off. 261 00:05:32,089 --> 00:05:36,051 That's what everyone thinks. 262 00:05:32,089 --> 00:05:36,051 And then along 263 00:05:32,089 --> 00:05:36,051 comes step three. 264 00:05:36,051 --> 00:05:37,136 Submission. 265 00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:41,389 Night. 266 00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:41,389 Hey, Barney. 267 00:05:41,389 --> 00:05:44,309 Carl had to take off. 268 00:05:41,389 --> 00:05:44,309 You mind giving me a hand? 269 00:05:45,268 --> 00:05:46,895 Not at all. 270 00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:49,439 Robin. 271 00:05:49,439 --> 00:05:52,442 I got two tickets 272 00:05:49,439 --> 00:05:52,442 to the Rangers, center ice. 273 00:05:52,442 --> 00:05:55,154 Want to go? 274 00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:57,906 And then we discover 275 00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:57,906 the movers 276 00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:57,906 lost all our kitchen boxes. 277 00:05:57,906 --> 00:05:59,825 We don't have 278 00:05:57,906 --> 00:05:59,825 a single pot or pan. 279 00:05:59,825 --> 00:06:02,285 I guess we're 280 00:05:59,825 --> 00:06:02,285 ordering take-out. 281 00:06:02,285 --> 00:06:04,412 Want to have dinner 282 00:06:02,285 --> 00:06:04,412 with us tonight? 283 00:06:29,062 --> 00:06:31,064 I love them! 284 00:06:29,062 --> 00:06:31,064 Me, too! 285 00:06:38,530 --> 00:06:40,323 Hello. 286 00:06:40,323 --> 00:06:42,951 That was an interesting 287 00:06:40,323 --> 00:06:42,951 use of the beverage gun. 288 00:06:42,951 --> 00:06:44,953 Club soda 289 00:06:42,951 --> 00:06:44,953 can get anything off. 290 00:06:46,412 --> 00:06:48,331 It finally happened. 291 00:06:48,331 --> 00:06:52,252 All this time, 292 00:06:48,331 --> 00:06:52,252 every drink 293 00:06:48,331 --> 00:06:52,252 I brought you... 294 00:06:52,252 --> 00:06:56,089 I always felt 295 00:06:52,252 --> 00:06:56,089 there was this unspoken 296 00:06:52,252 --> 00:06:56,089 connection between us. 297 00:06:56,089 --> 00:06:57,883 And I was right. 298 00:06:57,883 --> 00:07:01,053 Hey, can I get 299 00:06:57,883 --> 00:07:01,053 a gin and tonic? 300 00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:03,263 See, I bet you didn't pay 301 00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:03,263 for that gin and tonic. 302 00:07:03,263 --> 00:07:05,974 Oh, I paid for it. 303 00:07:05,974 --> 00:07:08,935 But you gotta admit, 304 00:07:05,974 --> 00:07:08,935 there is an upside to 305 00:07:05,974 --> 00:07:08,935 breaking the platinum rule. 306 00:07:08,935 --> 00:07:12,022 Like maybe as her boyfriend, 307 00:07:08,935 --> 00:07:12,022 I could get 308 00:07:08,935 --> 00:07:12,022 a discount on treatments. 309 00:07:12,022 --> 00:07:15,942 Oh, Ted. 310 00:07:12,022 --> 00:07:15,942 Of course there's an upside, 311 00:07:12,022 --> 00:07:15,942 at first. 312 00:07:15,942 --> 00:07:18,820 That's step four. Perks. 313 00:07:18,820 --> 00:07:20,780 We can split a cab 314 00:07:18,820 --> 00:07:20,780 to work together. 315 00:07:20,780 --> 00:07:22,699 We always have 316 00:07:20,780 --> 00:07:22,699 a standing lunch date. 317 00:07:22,699 --> 00:07:24,784 And last night, 318 00:07:22,699 --> 00:07:24,784 at the hockey game, 319 00:07:24,784 --> 00:07:28,872 Curt got us into 320 00:07:24,784 --> 00:07:28,872 the locker room, 321 00:07:24,784 --> 00:07:28,872 and I met Mason Raymond. 322 00:07:28,872 --> 00:07:31,875 Left wing for 323 00:07:28,872 --> 00:07:31,875 the Vancouver Canucks. 324 00:07:31,875 --> 00:07:34,753 What's the opposite 325 00:07:31,875 --> 00:07:34,753 of name-dropping? 326 00:07:34,753 --> 00:07:36,421 Damn it, you guys. 327 00:07:34,753 --> 00:07:36,421 Be psyched. 328 00:07:36,421 --> 00:07:38,173 Yes, we see 329 00:07:36,421 --> 00:07:38,173 each other every day, 330 00:07:38,173 --> 00:07:40,425 but I think 331 00:07:38,173 --> 00:07:40,425 it's going really well. 332 00:07:40,425 --> 00:07:42,052 That's what we thought. 333 00:07:42,052 --> 00:07:45,264 And it's so convenient. 334 00:07:42,052 --> 00:07:45,264 They're right 335 00:07:42,052 --> 00:07:45,264 across the hall. 336 00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:47,182 Say it's Sunday, 337 00:07:47,182 --> 00:07:49,184 and we want to have 338 00:07:47,182 --> 00:07:49,184 a brunch double date 339 00:07:47,182 --> 00:07:49,184 with someone? 340 00:07:49,184 --> 00:07:50,852 We just go 341 00:07:49,184 --> 00:07:50,852 across the hall. 342 00:07:50,852 --> 00:07:52,979 And say we want to 343 00:07:50,852 --> 00:07:52,979 have a dinner party 344 00:07:52,979 --> 00:07:56,024 exploring the wine 345 00:07:52,979 --> 00:07:56,024 and cuisine of 346 00:07:52,979 --> 00:07:56,024 France's Loire Valley? 347 00:07:56,024 --> 00:07:57,943 We just go 348 00:07:56,024 --> 00:07:57,943 across the hall. 349 00:07:57,943 --> 00:08:00,820 Say we want to play 350 00:07:57,943 --> 00:08:00,820 a game of charades... 351 00:08:09,329 --> 00:08:11,998 You just go 352 00:08:09,329 --> 00:08:11,998 across the hall? 353 00:08:11,998 --> 00:08:14,293 Come on, people. 354 00:08:11,998 --> 00:08:14,293 Get excited for us. 355 00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:16,878 We've got a great thing 356 00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:16,878 going here. 357 00:08:16,878 --> 00:08:18,171 That's what I thought. 358 00:08:18,171 --> 00:08:19,339 Dude, you got to 359 00:08:18,171 --> 00:08:19,339 flip it. 360 00:08:19,339 --> 00:08:20,340 You don't... 361 00:08:20,340 --> 00:08:22,008 Hi, sweetie. 362 00:08:22,008 --> 00:08:24,469 I had the kitchen 363 00:08:22,008 --> 00:08:24,469 whip these up, 364 00:08:22,008 --> 00:08:24,469 no charge. 365 00:08:27,055 --> 00:08:29,724 Okay. Bye. 366 00:08:29,724 --> 00:08:32,477 I mean, not bye. 367 00:08:29,724 --> 00:08:32,477 I'm not leaving. 368 00:08:32,477 --> 00:08:34,771 I'll be over there. 369 00:08:34,771 --> 00:08:35,855 Okay. 370 00:08:39,818 --> 00:08:41,987 Come on, guys. Free nachos. 371 00:08:43,446 --> 00:08:45,031 What? 372 00:08:45,031 --> 00:08:46,699 We like this bar. 373 00:08:45,031 --> 00:08:46,699 Don't kill the bar, dude. 374 00:08:46,699 --> 00:08:48,827 Nay, we love this bar. 375 00:08:46,699 --> 00:08:48,827 Don't kill the bar, dude. 376 00:08:48,827 --> 00:08:50,745 This bar is like home to us. 377 00:08:48,827 --> 00:08:50,745 Don't kill the bar, dude. 378 00:08:50,745 --> 00:08:52,289 You're killing the bar! 379 00:08:52,289 --> 00:08:55,000 I am not killing the bar. 380 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:58,044 Wendy the waitress has seen 381 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:58,044 how I operate in this place. 382 00:08:58,044 --> 00:09:00,630 It is perfectly clear 383 00:08:58,044 --> 00:09:00,630 to everyone involved 384 00:09:00,630 --> 00:09:03,925 that this is nothing more 385 00:09:00,630 --> 00:09:03,925 than a temporary fling. 386 00:09:09,014 --> 00:09:10,723 It's fine. 387 00:09:10,723 --> 00:09:12,684 But it wasn't. 388 00:09:12,684 --> 00:09:14,394 It's fine. 389 00:09:14,394 --> 00:09:16,479 But it wasn't. 390 00:09:16,479 --> 00:09:18,273 It's fine. 391 00:09:18,273 --> 00:09:20,192 But it wasn't. 392 00:09:20,192 --> 00:09:22,277 Which brings us 393 00:09:20,192 --> 00:09:22,277 to step five. 394 00:09:22,277 --> 00:09:24,529 The Tipping Point. 395 00:09:24,529 --> 00:09:26,323 but he should be back 396 00:09:24,529 --> 00:09:26,323 on the mound 397 00:09:24,529 --> 00:09:26,323 by spring training. 398 00:09:26,323 --> 00:09:28,867 And that's sports. 399 00:09:26,323 --> 00:09:28,867 Back to you, Robin. 400 00:09:28,867 --> 00:09:30,285 Thanks, Ironman. 401 00:09:30,285 --> 00:09:31,786 We'll be right back. 402 00:09:31,786 --> 00:09:33,372 And clear. 403 00:09:33,372 --> 00:09:35,707 So, you want to 404 00:09:33,372 --> 00:09:35,707 do something later? 405 00:09:35,707 --> 00:09:38,377 Oh, so you're 406 00:09:35,707 --> 00:09:38,377 talking to me now? 407 00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:40,253 What are you talking about? 408 00:09:40,253 --> 00:09:42,088 I'm talking about 409 00:09:40,253 --> 00:09:42,088 last night. 410 00:09:42,088 --> 00:09:44,007 You said you'd call, 411 00:09:42,088 --> 00:09:44,007 and you didn't. 412 00:09:44,007 --> 00:09:46,843 I missed you 413 00:09:44,007 --> 00:09:46,843 and I waited up, 414 00:09:44,007 --> 00:09:46,843 but you didn't call. 415 00:09:46,843 --> 00:09:48,553 That really hurt. 416 00:09:50,722 --> 00:09:54,184 I'm sorry, 417 00:09:50,722 --> 00:09:54,184 I guess I just forgot. 418 00:09:54,184 --> 00:09:57,437 I'm sorry, sweetie. 419 00:09:54,184 --> 00:09:57,437 I don't want to 420 00:09:54,184 --> 00:09:57,437 fight tonight. 421 00:09:57,437 --> 00:09:59,898 It's our first 422 00:09:57,437 --> 00:09:59,898 weekiversary. 423 00:10:01,733 --> 00:10:03,776 On my suggestion, you... 424 00:10:06,363 --> 00:10:08,156 Hey, Wendy. 425 00:10:08,156 --> 00:10:09,657 Do me a favor 426 00:10:08,156 --> 00:10:09,657 and send a glass 427 00:10:08,156 --> 00:10:09,657 of champagne 428 00:10:09,657 --> 00:10:11,201 to that pretty young thing 429 00:10:09,657 --> 00:10:11,201 over there. 430 00:10:11,201 --> 00:10:12,327 What? 431 00:10:15,872 --> 00:10:17,332 Over there. 432 00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:19,709 You. 433 00:10:19,709 --> 00:10:24,672 You're the pretty young thing, 434 00:10:19,709 --> 00:10:24,672 is what I meant. 435 00:10:24,672 --> 00:10:27,133 Champagne? 436 00:10:24,672 --> 00:10:27,133 Would you? On me. 437 00:10:27,133 --> 00:10:30,262 Oh, okay. 438 00:10:27,133 --> 00:10:30,262 Thanks, sweetie. 439 00:10:31,221 --> 00:10:33,432 Okay. All right. 440 00:10:38,686 --> 00:10:40,521 Hey, neighbors. 441 00:10:38,686 --> 00:10:40,521 We bought all the fixings 442 00:10:40,521 --> 00:10:42,274 for a Mexican fiesta. 443 00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:43,942 Oh... 444 00:10:43,942 --> 00:10:45,944 Well, we actually 445 00:10:43,942 --> 00:10:45,944 have tickets... 446 00:10:45,944 --> 00:10:47,570 And no fiesta would be 447 00:10:45,944 --> 00:10:47,570 complete without... 448 00:10:47,570 --> 00:10:49,197 Dude, actually, 449 00:10:47,570 --> 00:10:49,197 we made other plans, 450 00:10:47,570 --> 00:10:49,197 so... 451 00:10:49,197 --> 00:10:53,243 Okay. One word. 452 00:10:49,197 --> 00:10:53,243 Two syllables. 453 00:10:49,197 --> 00:10:53,243 Sounds like... 454 00:10:55,412 --> 00:10:56,829 Parade. Charades. 455 00:10:56,829 --> 00:10:57,956 Charades. 456 00:10:57,956 --> 00:10:59,124 What do you say? 457 00:11:09,884 --> 00:11:11,470 Oh, no. 458 00:11:15,390 --> 00:11:16,682 Which brings us 459 00:11:15,390 --> 00:11:16,682 to step six. 460 00:11:16,682 --> 00:11:18,351 Yeah, listen, 461 00:11:16,682 --> 00:11:18,351 I'm leaving. 462 00:11:18,351 --> 00:11:19,602 So if you want to 463 00:11:18,351 --> 00:11:19,602 write the rest of 464 00:11:18,351 --> 00:11:19,602 these down, 465 00:11:19,602 --> 00:11:21,187 I will read it tomorrow. 466 00:11:22,147 --> 00:11:23,523 Don't do this, Ted. 467 00:11:23,523 --> 00:11:24,857 You want to 468 00:11:23,523 --> 00:11:24,857 get out of the way? 469 00:11:24,857 --> 00:11:26,734 Don't do this, Ted. 470 00:11:24,857 --> 00:11:26,734 All right. 471 00:11:26,734 --> 00:11:27,819 Don't... 472 00:11:27,819 --> 00:11:29,570 Dude! 473 00:11:29,570 --> 00:11:32,532 It was perfect! 474 00:11:29,570 --> 00:11:32,532 You're such a jerk! 475 00:11:32,532 --> 00:11:34,867 Which brings us 476 00:11:32,532 --> 00:11:34,867 to step six. 477 00:11:34,867 --> 00:11:36,828 You finally realize 478 00:11:34,867 --> 00:11:36,828 you've made a huge mistake. 479 00:11:36,828 --> 00:11:38,246 And now you have to 480 00:11:36,828 --> 00:11:38,246 live with it. 481 00:11:38,246 --> 00:11:40,957 Step six is called Purg... 482 00:11:38,246 --> 00:11:40,957 Wait for it. 483 00:11:41,874 --> 00:11:43,293 Keep waiting... 484 00:11:43,293 --> 00:11:44,836 Keep waiting 485 00:11:43,293 --> 00:11:44,836 for all of eternity 486 00:11:44,836 --> 00:11:47,297 only to discover 487 00:11:44,836 --> 00:11:47,297 there's no escape ... atory. 488 00:11:48,631 --> 00:11:50,550 God, I'm such an idiot. 489 00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:53,428 Yeah. 490 00:11:53,428 --> 00:11:57,890 Curt "the Ironman" Irons 491 00:11:53,428 --> 00:11:57,890 keeps leaving me 492 00:11:53,428 --> 00:11:57,890 love notes on Post-its. 493 00:11:57,890 --> 00:12:01,060 On the teleprompter, 494 00:11:57,890 --> 00:12:01,060 on my desk, 495 00:11:57,890 --> 00:12:01,060 on the coffeemaker, 496 00:12:01,060 --> 00:12:05,273 on the jar of sugar packets 497 00:12:01,060 --> 00:12:05,273 next to the coffeemaker. 498 00:12:05,273 --> 00:12:07,150 "Here's some sugar 499 00:12:05,273 --> 00:12:07,150 for my sugar." 500 00:12:07,150 --> 00:12:08,985 The Ironman! 501 00:12:12,113 --> 00:12:13,281 I remember that. 502 00:12:13,281 --> 00:12:15,033 God, we are such idiots. 503 00:12:15,033 --> 00:12:16,201 Yup. 504 00:12:16,201 --> 00:12:18,036 Every time 505 00:12:16,201 --> 00:12:18,036 we step out the door, 506 00:12:18,036 --> 00:12:20,163 they're out there, 507 00:12:18,036 --> 00:12:20,163 waiting for us. 508 00:12:20,163 --> 00:12:23,041 Sometimes, 509 00:12:20,163 --> 00:12:23,041 we'll send Ted out first 510 00:12:20,163 --> 00:12:23,041 as a scout. 511 00:12:23,041 --> 00:12:24,792 Nobody's there. 512 00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:27,504 Then we'll go out 513 00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:27,504 one second later, 514 00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:27,504 and there they are. 515 00:12:27,504 --> 00:12:30,882 It's freaking supernatural. 516 00:12:27,504 --> 00:12:30,882 Are they ghosts? 517 00:12:27,504 --> 00:12:30,882 Can only we see them? 518 00:12:30,882 --> 00:12:34,135 "Hey, neighbor." 519 00:12:30,882 --> 00:12:34,135 "Hey, neighbor." 520 00:12:30,882 --> 00:12:34,135 "Hey, neighbor." 521 00:12:36,179 --> 00:12:37,680 I remember that. 522 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:39,974 How could you guys let me 523 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:39,974 date Wendy the waitress? 524 00:12:39,974 --> 00:12:41,267 Oh, you are kidding me. 525 00:12:39,974 --> 00:12:41,267 What? 526 00:12:41,267 --> 00:12:42,685 Don't kill the bar, dude. 527 00:12:42,685 --> 00:12:43,895 We said, "Don't do it." 528 00:12:53,363 --> 00:12:55,656 My own bar. 529 00:12:55,656 --> 00:12:59,244 I can't hit on women 530 00:12:55,656 --> 00:12:59,244 in my own bar. 531 00:12:59,244 --> 00:13:03,081 Remember the old Barney? 532 00:12:59,244 --> 00:13:03,081 He was a lion, 533 00:12:59,244 --> 00:13:03,081 the king of the jungle, 534 00:13:03,081 --> 00:13:07,877 stalking whatever prey 535 00:13:03,081 --> 00:13:07,877 he chose, 536 00:13:03,081 --> 00:13:07,877 going in for the kill. 537 00:13:07,877 --> 00:13:10,838 You've got a whole 538 00:13:07,877 --> 00:13:10,838 meat locker at home 539 00:13:07,877 --> 00:13:10,838 full of corpses, don't you? 540 00:13:10,838 --> 00:13:14,842 Now look at me. 541 00:13:10,838 --> 00:13:14,842 Declawed. Neutered. 542 00:13:14,842 --> 00:13:17,970 What was once my jungle 543 00:13:14,842 --> 00:13:17,970 is now my zoo. 544 00:13:17,970 --> 00:13:22,058 And I am forced to mate 545 00:13:17,970 --> 00:13:22,058 with the same old lioness 546 00:13:22,058 --> 00:13:27,313 again and again and again, 547 00:13:22,058 --> 00:13:27,313 while families pay to watch. 548 00:13:27,313 --> 00:13:30,275 Yeah, this metaphor's 549 00:13:27,313 --> 00:13:30,275 really falling apart. 550 00:13:30,275 --> 00:13:34,987 Put a bell around my neck 551 00:13:30,275 --> 00:13:34,987 and scratch my belly, kids, 552 00:13:34,987 --> 00:13:39,033 for I am just 553 00:13:34,987 --> 00:13:39,033 a docile housecat now. 554 00:13:43,204 --> 00:13:47,667 Well, we love this bar. 555 00:13:43,204 --> 00:13:47,667 You can't dump her. 556 00:13:43,204 --> 00:13:47,667 Marry her if you have to. 557 00:13:47,667 --> 00:13:50,420 Wendy the waitress-Stinson. 558 00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:52,255 Don't kill the bar, dude. 559 00:13:56,175 --> 00:13:58,094 And so, inevitably, 560 00:13:58,094 --> 00:14:00,513 you have to do the thing 561 00:13:58,094 --> 00:14:00,513 you've been 562 00:13:58,094 --> 00:14:00,513 dreading all along. 563 00:14:00,513 --> 00:14:05,017 Now, a relationshipectomy 564 00:14:00,513 --> 00:14:05,017 is a delicate 565 00:14:00,513 --> 00:14:05,017 surgery as it is, 566 00:14:05,017 --> 00:14:06,852 but in the case 567 00:14:05,017 --> 00:14:06,852 of the platinum rule, 568 00:14:06,852 --> 00:14:10,022 it takes a very, very 569 00:14:06,852 --> 00:14:10,022 steady hand, 570 00:14:10,022 --> 00:14:13,652 and that's step seven. 571 00:14:10,022 --> 00:14:13,652 Confrontation. 572 00:14:17,155 --> 00:14:20,325 Curt, we need to talk. 573 00:14:21,993 --> 00:14:23,369 I like you... 574 00:14:23,369 --> 00:14:25,079 Guys, we like you 575 00:14:23,369 --> 00:14:25,079 a lot... 576 00:14:25,079 --> 00:14:27,707 I don't like you. 577 00:14:27,707 --> 00:14:30,835 We're pretending this works, 578 00:14:27,707 --> 00:14:30,835 but it doesn't. 579 00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:32,837 And I'm getting 580 00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:32,837 a little sick 581 00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:32,837 of the whole charade. 582 00:14:32,837 --> 00:14:34,922 We're getting 583 00:14:32,837 --> 00:14:34,922 a little sick of charades. 584 00:14:34,922 --> 00:14:37,216 I mean, I don't like you 585 00:14:34,922 --> 00:14:37,216 that way. 586 00:14:37,216 --> 00:14:39,051 I used to 587 00:14:37,216 --> 00:14:39,051 like you that way, 588 00:14:39,051 --> 00:14:41,887 but now that I've seen 589 00:14:39,051 --> 00:14:41,887 everything there is to see, 590 00:14:39,051 --> 00:14:41,887 I don't know, 591 00:14:41,887 --> 00:14:46,100 I kind of want to see 592 00:14:41,887 --> 00:14:46,100 those same parts, 593 00:14:41,887 --> 00:14:46,100 just on other girls. 594 00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:49,812 So maybe we could go back 595 00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:49,812 to just being coworkers. 596 00:14:51,439 --> 00:14:54,734 Maybe we should 597 00:14:51,439 --> 00:14:54,734 just go back 598 00:14:51,439 --> 00:14:54,734 to being neighbors. 599 00:14:54,734 --> 00:14:57,654 Other girls and you, 600 00:14:54,734 --> 00:14:57,654 if you're into that. 601 00:14:57,654 --> 00:15:00,198 But the other girls 602 00:14:57,654 --> 00:15:00,198 have to be there, too. 603 00:15:00,198 --> 00:15:02,992 That's the important part. 604 00:15:02,992 --> 00:15:08,498 Gosh, you're just terrified 605 00:15:02,992 --> 00:15:08,498 of ever getting close 606 00:15:02,992 --> 00:15:08,498 to anyone, aren't you? 607 00:15:08,498 --> 00:15:10,833 Or that. 608 00:15:08,498 --> 00:15:10,833 Let's say it's that. 609 00:15:12,711 --> 00:15:15,796 So can I get 610 00:15:12,711 --> 00:15:15,796 a gin and tonic? 611 00:15:15,796 --> 00:15:18,466 And in 612 00:15:15,796 --> 00:15:18,466 any other relationship, 613 00:15:15,796 --> 00:15:18,466 that would be it. 614 00:15:18,466 --> 00:15:19,842 End of story. 615 00:15:19,842 --> 00:15:22,011 But because you have to see 616 00:15:19,842 --> 00:15:22,011 this person again, 617 00:15:22,011 --> 00:15:25,390 there's a step eight. 618 00:15:22,011 --> 00:15:25,390 Fallout. 619 00:15:25,390 --> 00:15:29,894 And now, here's 620 00:15:25,390 --> 00:15:29,894 Curt "the Ironman" Irons 621 00:15:25,390 --> 00:15:29,894 with sports. 622 00:15:29,894 --> 00:15:31,062 Curt? 623 00:15:34,524 --> 00:15:35,650 Curt? 624 00:15:41,906 --> 00:15:44,033 Well, the Knicks lost. 625 00:15:44,033 --> 00:15:47,620 It's sad, really. 626 00:15:44,033 --> 00:15:47,620 They had a real shot. 627 00:15:47,620 --> 00:15:50,623 Then, out of nowhere, 628 00:15:47,620 --> 00:15:50,623 game over. 629 00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,042 And why? 630 00:15:54,126 --> 00:15:55,712 Why, Robin? 631 00:15:57,004 --> 00:15:58,339 Well, their 632 00:15:57,004 --> 00:15:58,339 perimeter shooting 633 00:15:58,339 --> 00:16:00,007 has been 634 00:15:58,339 --> 00:16:00,007 a little bit off 635 00:15:58,339 --> 00:16:00,007 this season... 636 00:16:00,007 --> 00:16:02,927 The Knicks lost because 637 00:16:00,007 --> 00:16:02,927 they were afraid 638 00:16:00,007 --> 00:16:02,927 of getting hurt. 639 00:16:02,927 --> 00:16:04,637 So they didn't even try. 640 00:16:04,637 --> 00:16:06,972 Well, you know what I think? 641 00:16:06,972 --> 00:16:11,227 I think the Knicks 642 00:16:06,972 --> 00:16:11,227 didn't deserve my love 643 00:16:06,972 --> 00:16:11,227 to begin with. 644 00:16:11,227 --> 00:16:13,145 The Knicks suck. 645 00:16:18,943 --> 00:16:21,946 And that's sports. 646 00:16:21,946 --> 00:16:23,906 Do you see anything? 647 00:16:21,946 --> 00:16:23,906 I think we're clear. 648 00:16:23,906 --> 00:16:25,742 Okay, go, go, go! 649 00:16:34,417 --> 00:16:36,127 That was close. 650 00:16:34,417 --> 00:16:36,127 Too close. 651 00:16:38,087 --> 00:16:40,256 You've got to be kidding me! 652 00:16:38,087 --> 00:16:40,256 What do we do? 653 00:16:40,256 --> 00:16:41,758 I have no idea. 654 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,929 Guys, are you there? 655 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,929 I forgot my keys. 656 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,929 Can you open up? 657 00:16:46,929 --> 00:16:47,972 It's just Ted. 658 00:16:47,972 --> 00:16:49,181 Wait! 659 00:16:51,976 --> 00:16:55,062 Hello? Guys? 660 00:17:02,111 --> 00:17:04,947 Baby, we only have 661 00:17:02,111 --> 00:17:04,947 one choice. 662 00:17:04,947 --> 00:17:07,533 Okay, hurry! 663 00:17:04,947 --> 00:17:07,533 Michael and Laura 664 00:17:04,947 --> 00:17:07,533 are probably... 665 00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:11,287 Hey, neighbors. 666 00:17:11,287 --> 00:17:13,706 Yeah... 667 00:17:13,706 --> 00:17:16,751 Barney, I just want 668 00:17:13,706 --> 00:17:16,751 you to know 669 00:17:13,706 --> 00:17:16,751 I have no hard feelings. 670 00:17:16,751 --> 00:17:19,754 It wasn't the best idea 671 00:17:16,751 --> 00:17:19,754 for us to get involved. 672 00:17:19,754 --> 00:17:22,381 I hope we could 673 00:17:19,754 --> 00:17:22,381 still be friends. 674 00:17:22,381 --> 00:17:24,509 Thanks, Wendy. 675 00:17:22,381 --> 00:17:24,509 Of course we can. 676 00:17:24,509 --> 00:17:27,011 If you need anything else, 677 00:17:24,509 --> 00:17:27,011 let me know. 678 00:17:27,928 --> 00:17:29,221 Wow. 679 00:17:29,221 --> 00:17:30,556 I've got to hand it 680 00:17:29,221 --> 00:17:30,556 to Wendy the waitress. 681 00:17:30,556 --> 00:17:32,141 That was very mature 682 00:17:30,556 --> 00:17:32,141 of her. 683 00:17:32,141 --> 00:17:34,185 She's gonna 684 00:17:32,141 --> 00:17:34,185 try to kill me. 685 00:17:35,144 --> 00:17:36,813 This is poisoned. 686 00:17:36,813 --> 00:17:38,022 You're being ridiculous. 687 00:17:38,022 --> 00:17:39,524 Yours is poisoned, too. 688 00:17:39,524 --> 00:17:41,108 She's trying to kill me 689 00:17:39,524 --> 00:17:41,108 and everyone close to me. 690 00:17:41,108 --> 00:17:43,277 What are you talking about? 691 00:17:41,108 --> 00:17:43,277 Ted! 692 00:17:43,277 --> 00:17:47,948 Look at the facts. 693 00:17:43,277 --> 00:17:47,948 I dump her, and she says, 694 00:17:43,277 --> 00:17:47,948 "No hard feelings." 695 00:17:47,948 --> 00:17:50,951 She's a psycho! 696 00:17:47,948 --> 00:17:50,951 What other explanation 697 00:17:47,948 --> 00:17:50,951 is there? 698 00:17:50,951 --> 00:17:53,037 That you're letting yourself 699 00:17:50,951 --> 00:17:53,037 believe she's crazy 700 00:17:53,037 --> 00:17:54,914 so you don't have to 701 00:17:53,037 --> 00:17:54,914 face the far more 702 00:17:53,037 --> 00:17:54,914 likely possibility 703 00:17:54,914 --> 00:17:57,834 that she doesn't want 704 00:17:54,914 --> 00:17:57,834 to date you, either? 705 00:17:59,168 --> 00:18:01,212 Where did Marshall 706 00:17:59,168 --> 00:18:01,212 get that hamburger? 707 00:18:01,212 --> 00:18:04,048 I don't know, I guess 708 00:18:01,212 --> 00:18:04,048 Wendy the waitress 709 00:18:01,212 --> 00:18:04,048 brought it to him. 710 00:18:04,048 --> 00:18:05,550 No! 711 00:18:13,850 --> 00:18:14,975 Dude. 712 00:18:14,975 --> 00:18:16,310 You're welcome. 713 00:18:17,228 --> 00:18:19,188 Wait a second. 714 00:18:19,188 --> 00:18:22,525 You've been sitting here, 715 00:18:19,188 --> 00:18:22,525 pretending to be 716 00:18:19,188 --> 00:18:22,525 the expert on all this, 717 00:18:22,525 --> 00:18:26,738 but the truth is, 718 00:18:22,525 --> 00:18:26,738 the was no real fallout 719 00:18:22,525 --> 00:18:26,738 from your breakup at all? 720 00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:27,988 Yet. 721 00:18:27,988 --> 00:18:29,782 You're an idiot. 722 00:18:29,782 --> 00:18:30,950 All right, I'm taking off. 723 00:18:30,950 --> 00:18:32,827 What? 724 00:18:30,950 --> 00:18:32,827 I have a date. 725 00:18:34,537 --> 00:18:36,205 What? 726 00:18:36,205 --> 00:18:37,665 You're such a jerk! 727 00:18:37,665 --> 00:18:40,000 Ted, have you not 728 00:18:37,665 --> 00:18:40,000 been listening? 729 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,671 Attraction, bargaining, 730 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,671 submission, 731 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,671 perks, tipping point, 732 00:18:43,671 --> 00:18:45,506 purgatory, confrontation, 733 00:18:43,671 --> 00:18:45,506 fallout! 734 00:18:45,506 --> 00:18:46,925 These things 735 00:18:45,506 --> 00:18:46,925 will all happen to you 736 00:18:46,925 --> 00:18:48,634 as surely as 737 00:18:46,925 --> 00:18:48,634 they happened to all of us! 738 00:18:48,634 --> 00:18:50,302 It's a rule of nature! 739 00:18:50,302 --> 00:18:53,723 Well, I'm sick of 740 00:18:50,302 --> 00:18:53,723 all the rules! 741 00:18:50,302 --> 00:18:53,723 There's too many of them! 742 00:18:53,723 --> 00:18:56,809 The hot/crazy scale, 743 00:18:53,723 --> 00:18:56,809 the lemon law, 744 00:18:53,723 --> 00:18:56,809 the platinum rule... 745 00:18:56,809 --> 00:18:59,437 If everyone in the world 746 00:18:56,809 --> 00:18:59,437 followed every one 747 00:18:56,809 --> 00:18:59,437 of your rules, 748 00:18:59,437 --> 00:19:01,773 the human race 749 00:18:59,437 --> 00:19:01,773 would cease to exist. 750 00:19:01,773 --> 00:19:06,026 Yes, chances are, 751 00:19:01,773 --> 00:19:06,026 Stella and I are not going to 752 00:19:01,773 --> 00:19:06,026 live happily ever after. 753 00:19:06,026 --> 00:19:08,487 The overwhelming odds 754 00:19:06,026 --> 00:19:08,487 have it ending badly. 755 00:19:08,487 --> 00:19:09,906 And when that happens, 756 00:19:09,906 --> 00:19:12,324 it'll be for one of 757 00:19:09,906 --> 00:19:12,324 a million possible reasons. 758 00:19:12,324 --> 00:19:14,326 But that doesn't mean 759 00:19:12,324 --> 00:19:14,326 I'm not gonna try. 760 00:19:14,326 --> 00:19:16,913 And when it does fail, 761 00:19:14,326 --> 00:19:16,913 so help me God, 762 00:19:16,913 --> 00:19:19,791 it's not gonna be 763 00:19:16,913 --> 00:19:19,791 because of some rule. 764 00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:24,044 P.S. 765 00:19:24,044 --> 00:19:28,132 You just made my hair 766 00:19:24,044 --> 00:19:28,132 look awesome. Good night. 767 00:19:30,259 --> 00:19:32,470 So Stella and I 768 00:19:30,259 --> 00:19:32,470 went on our date. 769 00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:37,182 But here's the funny thing. 770 00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:37,182 Turns out, 771 00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:37,182 it wasn't actually a date. 772 00:19:37,182 --> 00:19:39,101 So what do you mean, 773 00:19:37,182 --> 00:19:39,101 "It wasn't a date"? 774 00:19:39,101 --> 00:19:41,479 She thought 775 00:19:39,101 --> 00:19:41,479 we were seeing a movie 776 00:19:39,101 --> 00:19:41,479 just as friends. 777 00:19:41,479 --> 00:19:42,981 Why would 778 00:19:41,479 --> 00:19:42,981 she think that? 779 00:19:42,981 --> 00:19:45,691 Did she see your tattoo 780 00:19:42,981 --> 00:19:45,691 and assume you were gay? 781 00:19:45,691 --> 00:19:48,903 Apparently, 782 00:19:45,691 --> 00:19:48,903 there's a rule that says 783 00:19:45,691 --> 00:19:48,903 I can't date Stella. 784 00:19:48,903 --> 00:19:52,824 Exactly, the platinum rule. 785 00:19:48,903 --> 00:19:52,824 Stella reads my blog. 786 00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:55,242 No, this rule comes from 787 00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:55,242 the American 788 00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:55,242 Medical Association. 789 00:19:55,242 --> 00:19:57,745 Doctors aren't 790 00:19:55,242 --> 00:19:57,745 legally allowed to 791 00:19:55,242 --> 00:19:57,745 date their patients. 792 00:19:57,745 --> 00:19:59,872 Oh, sorry, Ted. 793 00:19:59,872 --> 00:20:01,624 It's okay. 794 00:20:01,624 --> 00:20:03,876 What are you guys 795 00:20:01,624 --> 00:20:03,876 watching? 796 00:20:03,876 --> 00:20:06,045 So that was 797 00:20:03,876 --> 00:20:06,045 the end of the story 798 00:20:03,876 --> 00:20:06,045 between me and Stella, 799 00:20:06,045 --> 00:20:07,964 at least for the time being. 800 00:20:07,964 --> 00:20:10,716 But I don't know, 801 00:20:07,964 --> 00:20:10,716 looking back 802 00:20:07,964 --> 00:20:10,716 on the platinum rule, 803 00:20:10,716 --> 00:20:12,468 I think there's a ninth step. 804 00:20:12,468 --> 00:20:14,553 We'll call it coexistence. 805 00:20:14,553 --> 00:20:16,555 It's the moment 806 00:20:14,553 --> 00:20:16,555 you realize 807 00:20:16,555 --> 00:20:18,390 that all that anger 808 00:20:16,555 --> 00:20:18,390 and resentment 809 00:20:16,555 --> 00:20:18,390 just isn't useful. 810 00:20:18,390 --> 00:20:19,892 Thanks for watching. 811 00:20:19,892 --> 00:20:21,352 Good night. 812 00:20:23,187 --> 00:20:24,897 And you start to 813 00:20:23,187 --> 00:20:24,897 let go of it. 814 00:20:24,897 --> 00:20:26,732 Hey. 815 00:20:24,897 --> 00:20:26,732 Hey, guys. 816 00:20:26,732 --> 00:20:28,860 So what do you guys have 817 00:20:26,732 --> 00:20:28,860 going on tonight? 818 00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:30,402 We're going to have 819 00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:30,402 a few friends over. 820 00:20:30,402 --> 00:20:32,237 Gonna play some charades. 821 00:20:32,237 --> 00:20:33,823 Have fun. 822 00:20:36,367 --> 00:20:39,078 And move on with your life. 823 00:20:39,078 --> 00:20:41,039 It just takes a while. 824 00:20:41,039 --> 00:20:42,999 On the house. 825 00:20:42,999 --> 00:20:44,166 Thanks. 826 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:49,296 Cuckoo!