1 00:00:01,482 --> 00:00:02,858 Kids, 2 00:00:01,482 --> 00:00:02,858 I never would have 3 00:00:02,858 --> 00:00:04,527 met your mother 4 00:00:02,858 --> 00:00:04,527 without a little luck. 5 00:00:04,527 --> 00:00:06,737 Specifically, 6 00:00:04,527 --> 00:00:06,737 the luck of the Irish. 7 00:00:06,737 --> 00:00:08,531 St. Patrick's Day. 8 00:00:08,531 --> 00:00:10,199 The one day of the year 9 00:00:08,531 --> 00:00:10,199 when every young person 10 00:00:10,199 --> 00:00:12,117 in New York goes out 11 00:00:10,199 --> 00:00:12,117 and gets crazy. 12 00:00:13,035 --> 00:00:15,204 Really crazy. 13 00:00:15,204 --> 00:00:17,206 Okay. Maybe not that crazy. 14 00:00:17,206 --> 00:00:21,585 But by 2008, 15 00:00:17,206 --> 00:00:21,585 we'd all had enough. 16 00:00:17,206 --> 00:00:21,585 Well, most of us. 17 00:00:21,585 --> 00:00:25,130 Who wants to kiss 18 00:00:21,585 --> 00:00:25,130 the Barney Stone? 19 00:00:25,130 --> 00:00:27,424 Look it's the Riddler. 20 00:00:25,130 --> 00:00:27,424 That's not the Riddler. 21 00:00:27,424 --> 00:00:30,219 That's Gumby. Hey, Gumby, 22 00:00:27,424 --> 00:00:30,219 can we tie you 23 00:00:27,424 --> 00:00:30,219 in a knot later? 24 00:00:30,219 --> 00:00:33,597 Hey! NBA player sidelined 25 00:00:30,219 --> 00:00:33,597 by a knee injury. 26 00:00:33,597 --> 00:00:35,807 All right, 27 00:00:33,597 --> 00:00:35,807 laugh all you want, 28 00:00:35,807 --> 00:00:38,977 but this is my lucky 29 00:00:35,807 --> 00:00:38,977 St. Patty's Day suit. Yup. 30 00:00:38,977 --> 00:00:42,939 I have dry-cleaned 31 00:00:38,977 --> 00:00:42,939 many a stain off 32 00:00:38,977 --> 00:00:42,939 of this baby. 33 00:00:42,939 --> 00:00:44,858 You know why it's lucky? 34 00:00:42,939 --> 00:00:44,858 'Cause it's green. 35 00:00:44,858 --> 00:00:47,486 The color of go, 36 00:00:44,858 --> 00:00:47,486 as in "Let's." 37 00:00:47,486 --> 00:00:50,989 Barney, we talked 38 00:00:47,486 --> 00:00:50,989 this over 39 00:00:50,989 --> 00:00:52,700 and we're not doing 40 00:00:50,989 --> 00:00:52,700 St. Patty's Day this year. 41 00:00:53,992 --> 00:00:55,160 Come on. Let's... 42 00:00:56,119 --> 00:00:57,621 Are you... 43 00:00:59,665 --> 00:01:01,041 Wow, okay. 44 00:01:01,041 --> 00:01:02,626 I think I got to 45 00:01:01,041 --> 00:01:02,626 lie down. 46 00:01:02,626 --> 00:01:04,545 Can we shoot 47 00:01:02,626 --> 00:01:04,545 pool on you? 48 00:01:04,545 --> 00:01:09,717 No, no! 49 00:01:04,545 --> 00:01:09,717 Unacceptable. 50 00:01:04,545 --> 00:01:09,717 That's so not Raven. 51 00:01:09,717 --> 00:01:11,552 Well, what are you 52 00:01:09,717 --> 00:01:11,552 going to do instead? 53 00:01:11,552 --> 00:01:13,929 We just got the keys 54 00:01:11,552 --> 00:01:13,929 to our new apartment, 55 00:01:13,929 --> 00:01:15,847 so we're gonna go over there 56 00:01:13,929 --> 00:01:15,847 and hang that painting, 57 00:01:13,929 --> 00:01:15,847 have board game night. 58 00:01:15,847 --> 00:01:17,683 You're welcome to 59 00:01:15,847 --> 00:01:17,683 join us if you want. 60 00:01:17,683 --> 00:01:20,018 Board game night? 61 00:01:20,018 --> 00:01:23,480 Board game night. 62 00:01:20,018 --> 00:01:23,480 Come on! 63 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:26,817 Let's drink green beer. 64 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:26,817 Let's do 65 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:26,817 green Jell-O shots. 66 00:01:26,817 --> 00:01:28,569 Where's your 67 00:01:26,817 --> 00:01:28,569 St. Patty's Day spirit? 68 00:01:28,569 --> 00:01:29,986 We're drinking 69 00:01:28,569 --> 00:01:29,986 green tea. 70 00:01:29,986 --> 00:01:32,489 With caffeine. 71 00:01:32,489 --> 00:01:34,366 Sorry, Peter, 72 00:01:32,489 --> 00:01:34,366 we're grown-ups now. 73 00:01:34,366 --> 00:01:36,952 We can't fly off 74 00:01:34,366 --> 00:01:36,952 to Neverland 75 00:01:34,366 --> 00:01:36,952 with you anymore. 76 00:01:36,952 --> 00:01:39,538 All right, fine. 77 00:01:39,538 --> 00:01:42,833 You know what? 78 00:01:39,538 --> 00:01:42,833 I'll celebrate 79 00:01:39,538 --> 00:01:42,833 St. Patty's Day by myself. 80 00:01:42,833 --> 00:01:46,587 I don't need you people. 81 00:01:42,833 --> 00:01:46,587 You make me 82 00:01:42,833 --> 00:01:46,587 physically ill! 83 00:01:48,130 --> 00:01:50,841 He did look 84 00:01:48,130 --> 00:01:50,841 a little green. 85 00:01:54,886 --> 00:01:56,555 Hello? 86 00:01:56,555 --> 00:01:58,641 Hey. Happy 87 00:01:56,555 --> 00:01:58,641 St. Patty's Day. 88 00:01:58,641 --> 00:02:00,476 How are you? Yeah. 89 00:01:58,641 --> 00:02:00,476 I haven't talked 90 00:01:58,641 --> 00:02:00,476 to you forever. 91 00:02:00,476 --> 00:02:02,561 Who is it? 92 00:02:00,476 --> 00:02:02,561 It's Ted's butt. 93 00:02:04,605 --> 00:02:07,357 Damn it! My phone 94 00:02:04,605 --> 00:02:07,357 keeps pocket dialing. 95 00:02:07,357 --> 00:02:09,109 That's like 96 00:02:07,357 --> 00:02:09,109 the 8th time today. 97 00:02:09,109 --> 00:02:12,070 In fairness, I did call 98 00:02:09,109 --> 00:02:12,070 Ted's butt at like 99 00:02:09,109 --> 00:02:12,070 2:00 this afternoon. 100 00:02:12,070 --> 00:02:14,156 It took long enough 101 00:02:12,070 --> 00:02:14,156 to call you back. 102 00:02:17,451 --> 00:02:19,369 Barney? Where are you? 103 00:02:19,369 --> 00:02:23,457 In a cab, heading downtown 104 00:02:19,369 --> 00:02:23,457 with our hot and sexy dates 105 00:02:19,369 --> 00:02:23,457 for the evening. 106 00:02:23,457 --> 00:02:26,460 Yes, it happens 107 00:02:23,457 --> 00:02:26,460 that fast! 108 00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:29,212 We're going to that club, 109 00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:29,212 Low Point, 110 00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:29,212 and you're coming with us. 111 00:02:29,212 --> 00:02:31,131 Barney, for the last time... 112 00:02:31,131 --> 00:02:33,550 All right, I didn't want to 113 00:02:31,131 --> 00:02:33,550 tell you this in front 114 00:02:31,131 --> 00:02:33,550 of Marshall and Lily 115 00:02:33,550 --> 00:02:36,011 because they are old 116 00:02:33,550 --> 00:02:36,011 and married and it's too late 117 00:02:33,550 --> 00:02:36,011 for them anyway. 118 00:02:36,011 --> 00:02:39,973 But, Ted, the world 119 00:02:36,011 --> 00:02:39,973 is going to 120 00:02:36,011 --> 00:02:39,973 come to an end tonight. 121 00:02:41,558 --> 00:02:43,268 Yes, think about it. 122 00:02:43,268 --> 00:02:45,688 End of the world. 123 00:02:43,268 --> 00:02:45,688 Nostradamus. 124 00:02:43,268 --> 00:02:45,688 Notre Dame. 125 00:02:45,688 --> 00:02:48,982 Fighting Irish. 126 00:02:45,688 --> 00:02:48,982 Irish. 127 00:02:45,688 --> 00:02:48,982 St. Patrick's Day. 128 00:02:48,982 --> 00:02:52,110 This is it, bro. 129 00:02:48,982 --> 00:02:52,110 Bro-pocalypse Now. 130 00:02:53,069 --> 00:02:54,738 Bromageddon. 131 00:02:54,738 --> 00:02:57,491 Ted, you are young, 132 00:02:54,738 --> 00:02:57,491 you're single. 133 00:02:57,491 --> 00:02:59,493 You will have 134 00:02:57,491 --> 00:02:59,493 so much more fun with me. 135 00:02:59,493 --> 00:03:01,704 Do you really want to 136 00:02:59,493 --> 00:03:01,704 spend your 137 00:02:59,493 --> 00:03:01,704 last night on Earth 138 00:03:01,704 --> 00:03:04,164 playing board games 139 00:03:01,704 --> 00:03:04,164 with Marshall and Lily? 140 00:03:06,709 --> 00:03:09,670 My hands smell weird. 141 00:03:06,709 --> 00:03:09,670 Smell this. 142 00:03:09,670 --> 00:03:12,422 Yeah, they do, 143 00:03:09,670 --> 00:03:12,422 that's new. 144 00:03:12,422 --> 00:03:14,591 I'll be there 145 00:03:12,422 --> 00:03:14,591 in five minutes. 146 00:03:14,591 --> 00:03:17,511 Yes! All right! 147 00:03:17,511 --> 00:03:19,221 He's in. 148 00:03:17,511 --> 00:03:19,221 Ted is a great guy. 149 00:03:22,683 --> 00:03:25,728 You're going to 150 00:03:22,683 --> 00:03:25,728 love him. 151 00:03:25,728 --> 00:03:28,689 So, on March 17, 2008, 152 00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:31,358 I went to a big 153 00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:31,358 St. Patrick's Day party. 154 00:03:31,358 --> 00:03:34,194 And it's a good thing I did, 155 00:03:31,358 --> 00:03:34,194 because funny story, 156 00:03:35,445 --> 00:03:36,864 your mother was there. 157 00:03:54,631 --> 00:03:57,175 Hi, have you 158 00:03:54,631 --> 00:03:57,175 met Ted? 159 00:03:57,175 --> 00:03:58,635 Hi, I'm Mary. 160 00:03:58,635 --> 00:04:00,178 Hi, happy St. Patty's Day. 161 00:04:00,178 --> 00:04:01,513 I haven't 162 00:04:00,178 --> 00:04:01,513 met Ted either. 163 00:04:01,513 --> 00:04:04,224 I'm Stephanie. 164 00:04:01,513 --> 00:04:04,224 Hi. 165 00:04:04,224 --> 00:04:06,685 Dude, back off. 166 00:04:04,224 --> 00:04:06,685 I called dibs 167 00:04:04,224 --> 00:04:06,685 on Stephanie. 168 00:04:06,685 --> 00:04:08,478 Okay, Mary's hot. 169 00:04:09,563 --> 00:04:11,064 Well, then I want Mary. 170 00:04:11,064 --> 00:04:13,149 Fine. 171 00:04:13,149 --> 00:04:16,653 Oh, I see. 172 00:04:13,149 --> 00:04:16,653 Reverse psychology. 173 00:04:16,653 --> 00:04:19,030 Then I'm sticking 174 00:04:16,653 --> 00:04:19,030 with Stephanie, Dr. Freud. 175 00:04:19,030 --> 00:04:20,574 Okay. 176 00:04:20,574 --> 00:04:21,992 Which one do you want more? 177 00:04:20,574 --> 00:04:21,992 Either one. 178 00:04:21,992 --> 00:04:23,076 I want them both. 179 00:04:23,076 --> 00:04:24,202 You're an idiot. 180 00:04:24,202 --> 00:04:25,829 And it may be 181 00:04:24,202 --> 00:04:25,829 a moot point. 182 00:04:25,829 --> 00:04:26,997 I mean, it doesn't 183 00:04:25,829 --> 00:04:26,997 look like 184 00:04:25,829 --> 00:04:26,997 we're getting in. 185 00:04:26,997 --> 00:04:28,582 Dude... 186 00:04:26,997 --> 00:04:28,582 Look at this. 187 00:04:28,582 --> 00:04:29,917 You know why 188 00:04:28,582 --> 00:04:29,917 there's a line? 189 00:04:29,917 --> 00:04:31,794 It's because I ditched 190 00:04:29,917 --> 00:04:31,794 Marshall and Lily 191 00:04:31,794 --> 00:04:34,588 and now the universe 192 00:04:31,794 --> 00:04:34,588 is punishing us 193 00:04:31,794 --> 00:04:34,588 for it, that's why. 194 00:04:39,217 --> 00:04:40,510 Yo. 195 00:04:42,053 --> 00:04:45,891 What's it going to 196 00:04:42,053 --> 00:04:45,891 cost us to get in here? 197 00:04:42,053 --> 00:04:45,891 $20? $40? 198 00:04:45,891 --> 00:04:47,684 Dude, come on, 199 00:04:45,891 --> 00:04:47,684 you're making 200 00:04:45,891 --> 00:04:47,684 the wee folk look bad. 201 00:04:47,684 --> 00:04:49,895 Just give him 202 00:04:47,684 --> 00:04:49,895 your pot of gold. 203 00:04:49,895 --> 00:04:51,354 Is it just you two? 204 00:04:51,354 --> 00:04:53,356 Don't worry, 205 00:04:51,354 --> 00:04:53,356 we're not gonna 206 00:04:51,354 --> 00:04:53,356 blow your ratio. 207 00:04:53,356 --> 00:04:55,066 We happen to have 208 00:04:53,356 --> 00:04:55,066 two very 209 00:04:53,356 --> 00:04:55,066 hot girls with us. 210 00:04:55,066 --> 00:04:57,235 Mine's the hotter one. 211 00:04:57,235 --> 00:04:59,362 Yeah. Sorry, guys. 212 00:04:59,362 --> 00:05:00,739 Look, if it was just 213 00:04:59,362 --> 00:05:00,739 you two, you can 214 00:04:59,362 --> 00:05:00,739 go in right now. 215 00:05:00,739 --> 00:05:02,491 We got nothing 216 00:05:00,739 --> 00:05:02,491 but girls in there. 217 00:05:02,491 --> 00:05:06,578 People are gonna 218 00:05:02,491 --> 00:05:06,578 start thinking 219 00:05:02,491 --> 00:05:06,578 it's a lesbian bar. 220 00:05:06,578 --> 00:05:08,956 Would you excuse us 221 00:05:06,578 --> 00:05:08,956 for just a minute? 222 00:05:10,499 --> 00:05:12,250 Ted, I'm going to 223 00:05:10,499 --> 00:05:12,250 be honest. 224 00:05:12,250 --> 00:05:14,169 I was full of it 225 00:05:12,250 --> 00:05:14,169 with that whole 226 00:05:12,250 --> 00:05:14,169 Nostradamus thing. 227 00:05:14,169 --> 00:05:15,629 No! 228 00:05:15,629 --> 00:05:17,506 But I am 229 00:05:15,629 --> 00:05:17,506 starting to think 230 00:05:17,506 --> 00:05:20,425 there is some 231 00:05:17,506 --> 00:05:20,425 serious planetary crap 232 00:05:17,506 --> 00:05:20,425 going on here tonight. 233 00:05:20,425 --> 00:05:23,012 Never in the history of 234 00:05:20,425 --> 00:05:23,012 New York City nightclubs 235 00:05:23,012 --> 00:05:25,305 has there been 236 00:05:23,012 --> 00:05:25,305 a shortage of dudes. 237 00:05:25,305 --> 00:05:28,934 Not even during 238 00:05:25,305 --> 00:05:28,934 the great 239 00:05:25,305 --> 00:05:28,934 dude shortage of 1883. 240 00:05:28,934 --> 00:05:30,769 We've got to 241 00:05:28,934 --> 00:05:30,769 ditch these girls. 242 00:05:30,769 --> 00:05:32,646 You dragged them 243 00:05:30,769 --> 00:05:32,646 all the way down here. 244 00:05:32,646 --> 00:05:35,106 I don't see no ring 245 00:05:32,646 --> 00:05:35,106 on this finger. 246 00:05:35,106 --> 00:05:36,984 All right. Hold on. 247 00:05:36,984 --> 00:05:38,276 Excuse me. 248 00:05:38,276 --> 00:05:41,446 Are the girls in there 249 00:05:38,276 --> 00:05:41,446 hotter than our dates? 250 00:05:41,446 --> 00:05:43,657 I don't know 251 00:05:41,446 --> 00:05:43,657 if they're hotter, 252 00:05:41,446 --> 00:05:43,657 but they're drunker. 253 00:05:43,657 --> 00:05:45,241 Rock and roll. 254 00:05:48,954 --> 00:05:51,456 Welcome to your 255 00:05:48,954 --> 00:05:51,456 new dream home, 256 00:05:48,954 --> 00:05:51,456 my lady. 257 00:05:53,542 --> 00:05:56,962 All right, all right. 258 00:05:53,542 --> 00:05:56,962 You can put me down. 259 00:05:53,542 --> 00:05:56,962 Robin thinks we're weird. 260 00:05:56,962 --> 00:06:00,423 No, it's fine. 261 00:05:56,962 --> 00:06:00,423 It was only weird 262 00:05:56,962 --> 00:06:00,423 on the subway. 263 00:06:03,510 --> 00:06:05,428 I'm going to check 264 00:06:03,510 --> 00:06:05,428 the other rooms to see 265 00:06:03,510 --> 00:06:05,428 if the previous owners 266 00:06:05,428 --> 00:06:07,597 left us any free stuff. 267 00:06:07,597 --> 00:06:09,766 I'm gonna hang 268 00:06:07,597 --> 00:06:09,766 our first piece of art. 269 00:06:09,766 --> 00:06:12,102 Oh, look. 270 00:06:09,766 --> 00:06:12,102 There's already a nail. 271 00:06:09,766 --> 00:06:12,102 Hey, Lil, free nail! 272 00:06:12,102 --> 00:06:13,854 Score! 273 00:06:17,357 --> 00:06:19,192 How's that? 274 00:06:17,357 --> 00:06:19,192 Perfect. 275 00:06:20,110 --> 00:06:21,695 Whoops! 276 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:26,575 What the... 277 00:06:27,492 --> 00:06:29,119 Huh. 278 00:06:29,119 --> 00:06:32,372 Oh. Now, this 279 00:06:29,119 --> 00:06:32,372 is ridiculous. 280 00:06:29,119 --> 00:06:32,372 Is it the nail? 281 00:06:32,372 --> 00:06:33,916 Marshall. 282 00:06:33,916 --> 00:06:35,000 Is the wall slippery 283 00:06:33,916 --> 00:06:35,000 or something? 284 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,418 Marshall. 285 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,418 Is there a wind 286 00:06:36,418 --> 00:06:37,627 or is there some sort 287 00:06:36,418 --> 00:06:37,627 of draft in here? 288 00:06:37,627 --> 00:06:39,755 Marshall. 289 00:06:37,627 --> 00:06:39,755 What? 290 00:06:39,755 --> 00:06:42,091 Your apartment's crooked. 291 00:06:42,091 --> 00:06:43,383 What do you mean? 292 00:06:48,179 --> 00:06:50,891 It was the kind 293 00:06:48,179 --> 00:06:50,891 of thing you didn't notice 294 00:06:48,179 --> 00:06:50,891 until you noticed it. 295 00:06:50,891 --> 00:06:54,019 But once you did notice it, 296 00:06:50,891 --> 00:06:54,019 you couldn't not notice it. 297 00:06:54,019 --> 00:06:57,106 Lily and Marshall's 298 00:06:54,019 --> 00:06:57,106 new apartment was crooked. 299 00:06:59,524 --> 00:07:02,569 Oh, no, no, no! 300 00:07:02,569 --> 00:07:04,237 Oh, no, no! 301 00:07:02,569 --> 00:07:04,237 Oh, no! 302 00:07:04,237 --> 00:07:05,948 Yes. 303 00:07:05,948 --> 00:07:07,699 Are you telling me 304 00:07:05,948 --> 00:07:07,699 that we just spent 305 00:07:05,948 --> 00:07:07,699 our entire life savings 306 00:07:07,699 --> 00:07:10,035 and then some 307 00:07:07,699 --> 00:07:10,035 on a crooked apartment? 308 00:07:10,035 --> 00:07:11,578 Oh, my God! 309 00:07:11,578 --> 00:07:12,829 Oh, she's gonna flip. 310 00:07:12,829 --> 00:07:14,456 Look, just calm down. 311 00:07:12,829 --> 00:07:14,456 It's nothing. 312 00:07:14,456 --> 00:07:17,167 Look what I found 313 00:07:14,456 --> 00:07:17,167 in the kids' room, 314 00:07:14,456 --> 00:07:17,167 free skateboard. 315 00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:20,963 Score. Free 316 00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:20,963 Hungry, Hungry Hippo. 317 00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:20,963 Double score! 318 00:07:20,963 --> 00:07:22,881 I'm going to 319 00:07:20,963 --> 00:07:22,881 check the kitchen. 320 00:07:20,963 --> 00:07:22,881 Okay. 321 00:07:22,881 --> 00:07:24,591 How could 322 00:07:22,881 --> 00:07:24,591 she not notice this? 323 00:07:24,591 --> 00:07:27,343 It's like the last 20 minutes 324 00:07:24,591 --> 00:07:27,343 of Titanic in here. 325 00:07:27,343 --> 00:07:29,096 We have to 326 00:07:27,343 --> 00:07:29,096 keep this quiet. 327 00:07:29,096 --> 00:07:31,389 If Lily finds out 328 00:07:29,096 --> 00:07:31,389 her new dream house 329 00:07:29,096 --> 00:07:31,389 is crooked, 330 00:07:31,389 --> 00:07:33,558 it's gonna 331 00:07:31,389 --> 00:07:33,558 break her heart. 332 00:07:33,558 --> 00:07:36,311 Free salad strainer. 333 00:07:33,558 --> 00:07:36,311 I love this place. 334 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,272 Just for tonight, okay? 335 00:07:39,272 --> 00:07:41,274 Okay. 336 00:07:41,274 --> 00:07:44,194 But it's going to be 337 00:07:41,274 --> 00:07:44,194 an uphill battle. 338 00:07:44,194 --> 00:07:47,322 I am just saying we have to 339 00:07:44,194 --> 00:07:47,322 think of the right angle. 340 00:07:49,116 --> 00:07:52,535 I have a third one, 341 00:07:49,116 --> 00:07:52,535 but I'm not going to say it. 342 00:07:52,535 --> 00:07:54,663 Okay. Barney, 343 00:07:52,535 --> 00:07:54,663 I think we've stumbled 344 00:07:52,535 --> 00:07:54,663 into some kind of 345 00:07:54,663 --> 00:07:56,372 ethical, philosophical 346 00:07:54,663 --> 00:07:56,372 wormhole. 347 00:07:56,372 --> 00:07:58,458 Green suit. 348 00:07:56,372 --> 00:07:58,458 Yeah. 349 00:07:58,458 --> 00:08:01,377 I ditched Marshall and Lily 350 00:07:58,458 --> 00:08:01,377 and was rewarded 351 00:07:58,458 --> 00:08:01,377 with two beautiful girls. 352 00:08:01,377 --> 00:08:03,005 This suit's 353 00:08:01,377 --> 00:08:03,005 made of green. 354 00:08:03,005 --> 00:08:05,215 We bailed on those 355 00:08:03,005 --> 00:08:05,215 two beautiful girls 356 00:08:05,215 --> 00:08:08,093 and now we're 357 00:08:05,215 --> 00:08:08,093 being rewarded with 358 00:08:05,215 --> 00:08:08,093 a sea of beautiful girls. 359 00:08:08,093 --> 00:08:09,845 38 long. 360 00:08:09,845 --> 00:08:13,140 It's like the laws 361 00:08:09,845 --> 00:08:13,140 of the universe 362 00:08:09,845 --> 00:08:13,140 are working in reverse. 363 00:08:13,140 --> 00:08:14,307 Can you put it 364 00:08:13,140 --> 00:08:14,307 on my tab? 365 00:08:14,307 --> 00:08:15,391 Yeah. 366 00:08:14,307 --> 00:08:15,391 What's the last name? 367 00:08:15,391 --> 00:08:17,894 Garido. 368 00:08:17,894 --> 00:08:20,022 All right, I'm going to 369 00:08:17,894 --> 00:08:20,022 try something 370 00:08:17,894 --> 00:08:20,022 and if this works... 371 00:08:20,022 --> 00:08:22,191 Hey. 372 00:08:20,022 --> 00:08:22,191 Hey, what can 373 00:08:20,022 --> 00:08:22,191 I get you guys? 374 00:08:22,191 --> 00:08:24,234 Bottle of Dom Perignon. 375 00:08:22,191 --> 00:08:24,234 And can you 376 00:08:22,191 --> 00:08:24,234 put it on my tab? 377 00:08:24,234 --> 00:08:26,069 Sure. What's the name? 378 00:08:24,234 --> 00:08:26,069 Garido. 379 00:08:26,069 --> 00:08:28,155 Dude. 380 00:08:26,069 --> 00:08:28,155 Oh, yeah. You're right. 381 00:08:28,155 --> 00:08:30,949 Make it two bottles. 382 00:08:30,949 --> 00:08:32,534 Now we wait 383 00:08:30,949 --> 00:08:32,534 and see if 384 00:08:30,949 --> 00:08:32,534 something good... 385 00:08:32,534 --> 00:08:33,952 Oh, hello! 386 00:08:33,952 --> 00:08:35,578 St. Patrick's Day 387 00:08:33,952 --> 00:08:35,578 tradition. 388 00:08:35,578 --> 00:08:37,580 If you're not wearing green, 389 00:08:35,578 --> 00:08:37,580 you gotta get pinched. 390 00:08:37,580 --> 00:08:39,374 Well, I guess 391 00:08:37,580 --> 00:08:39,374 I got what I deserved. 392 00:08:39,374 --> 00:08:41,710 I'm not wearing 393 00:08:39,374 --> 00:08:41,710 green either. 394 00:08:41,710 --> 00:08:44,546 This is deep teal. 395 00:08:44,546 --> 00:08:46,589 The lighting makes it... 396 00:08:44,546 --> 00:08:46,589 Oh, I'm Ted. 397 00:08:46,589 --> 00:08:49,509 Ashlee with two E's. 398 00:08:49,509 --> 00:08:51,887 Please, C's at most. 399 00:08:51,887 --> 00:08:53,930 You know, you guys 400 00:08:51,887 --> 00:08:53,930 should come join me 401 00:08:51,887 --> 00:08:53,930 and my friends. 402 00:08:53,930 --> 00:08:59,394 We have a bottle of 403 00:08:53,930 --> 00:08:59,394 tequila and shockingly 404 00:08:53,930 --> 00:08:59,394 deep belly buttons. 405 00:08:59,394 --> 00:09:02,105 Okay, it's official, 406 00:08:59,394 --> 00:09:02,105 do bad things, 407 00:08:59,394 --> 00:09:02,105 good things happen. 408 00:09:04,024 --> 00:09:07,402 Ted, listen, 409 00:09:04,024 --> 00:09:07,402 are you hearing that? 410 00:09:04,024 --> 00:09:07,402 That's the universe. 411 00:09:07,402 --> 00:09:09,445 The universe 412 00:09:07,402 --> 00:09:09,445 is talking to us. 413 00:09:09,445 --> 00:09:11,781 We don't have to 414 00:09:09,445 --> 00:09:11,781 build a baseball field, 415 00:09:09,445 --> 00:09:11,781 do we? 416 00:09:11,781 --> 00:09:16,870 No, the universe 417 00:09:11,781 --> 00:09:16,870 is telling us that we have 418 00:09:11,781 --> 00:09:16,870 a free pass tonight. 419 00:09:16,870 --> 00:09:20,540 The universe is saying 420 00:09:16,870 --> 00:09:20,540 that we don't have to 421 00:09:16,870 --> 00:09:20,540 live in fear of the... 422 00:09:20,540 --> 00:09:21,583 Are you still there? 423 00:09:21,583 --> 00:09:23,085 Yeah, I'm here. 424 00:09:23,085 --> 00:09:25,921 The repercussions 425 00:09:23,085 --> 00:09:25,921 of our actions. 426 00:09:25,921 --> 00:09:29,716 There is no waiting 427 00:09:25,921 --> 00:09:29,716 for tomorrow because 428 00:09:25,921 --> 00:09:29,716 do you know why, Ted? 429 00:09:32,594 --> 00:09:35,680 There is no tomorrow. 430 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,557 No tomorrow, huh? 431 00:09:37,557 --> 00:09:39,101 By the way, 432 00:09:37,557 --> 00:09:39,101 Mr. Garido, 433 00:09:39,101 --> 00:09:40,894 your second bottle 434 00:09:39,101 --> 00:09:40,894 of champagne 435 00:09:40,894 --> 00:09:42,645 gets you 436 00:09:40,894 --> 00:09:42,645 a complimentary 437 00:09:40,894 --> 00:09:42,645 ounce of caviar. 438 00:09:42,645 --> 00:09:44,189 Enjoy. 439 00:09:47,192 --> 00:09:48,359 No tomorrow! 440 00:09:48,359 --> 00:09:49,402 No tomorrow! 441 00:09:49,402 --> 00:09:51,446 No tomorrow! 442 00:09:49,402 --> 00:09:51,446 No tomorrow! 443 00:09:51,446 --> 00:09:53,573 Hey, wonder 444 00:09:51,446 --> 00:09:53,573 what the grown-ups 445 00:09:51,446 --> 00:09:53,573 are doing right now? 446 00:09:59,204 --> 00:10:03,250 I win again! 447 00:09:59,204 --> 00:10:03,250 Why do I keep winning? 448 00:10:03,250 --> 00:10:06,211 Maybe your hippo 449 00:10:03,250 --> 00:10:06,211 is just hungrier, 450 00:10:03,250 --> 00:10:06,211 hungrier than ours. 451 00:10:06,211 --> 00:10:08,546 That's it. 452 00:10:06,211 --> 00:10:08,546 That's what is. 453 00:10:06,211 --> 00:10:08,546 It's not gravity. 454 00:10:08,546 --> 00:10:10,924 That's for sure. 455 00:10:08,546 --> 00:10:10,924 I'll tell you that. 456 00:10:10,924 --> 00:10:13,468 Whoa! 457 00:10:10,924 --> 00:10:13,468 What was that? 458 00:10:18,556 --> 00:10:20,309 What's going on here? 459 00:10:22,685 --> 00:10:24,980 Okay, Lily. 460 00:10:24,980 --> 00:10:28,275 While you were 461 00:10:24,980 --> 00:10:28,275 in the other room, 462 00:10:24,980 --> 00:10:28,275 Robin and I... 463 00:10:28,275 --> 00:10:30,360 We discovered something 464 00:10:28,275 --> 00:10:30,360 about the apartment. 465 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,488 It's not a big deal. 466 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,488 It's not... 467 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,488 It's not like a disaster. 468 00:10:33,488 --> 00:10:38,160 It's just... It's something 469 00:10:33,488 --> 00:10:38,160 that we're going to 470 00:10:33,488 --> 00:10:38,160 have to learn to live with. 471 00:10:40,703 --> 00:10:43,332 Robin and I saw a ghost. 472 00:10:43,332 --> 00:10:46,835 What? 473 00:10:43,332 --> 00:10:46,835 Oh, he's kidding, right? 474 00:10:46,835 --> 00:10:49,338 No, we really saw a ghost. 475 00:10:49,338 --> 00:10:51,589 What did 476 00:10:49,338 --> 00:10:51,589 it look like? 477 00:10:51,589 --> 00:10:55,927 A sheet with 478 00:10:51,589 --> 00:10:55,927 two holes in it. 479 00:10:55,927 --> 00:10:59,889 He was a Confederate general 480 00:10:55,927 --> 00:10:59,889 who was wounded 481 00:10:55,927 --> 00:10:59,889 at the battle of Antietam 482 00:10:59,889 --> 00:11:01,474 and he died 483 00:10:59,889 --> 00:11:01,474 at the army hospital 484 00:11:01,474 --> 00:11:04,519 which once stood 485 00:11:01,474 --> 00:11:04,519 on this very spot. 486 00:11:04,519 --> 00:11:06,562 And now 487 00:11:04,519 --> 00:11:06,562 he wanders these halls 488 00:11:06,562 --> 00:11:10,900 vowing revenge against 489 00:11:06,562 --> 00:11:10,900 the Union cannonade 490 00:11:06,562 --> 00:11:10,900 that once felled him. 491 00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:13,820 But he seems nice. 492 00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:13,820 He's a good... Good guy. 493 00:11:13,820 --> 00:11:17,949 Marshall, you see ghosts 494 00:11:13,820 --> 00:11:17,949 everywhere. 495 00:11:13,820 --> 00:11:17,949 You see ghosts at Starbucks. 496 00:11:17,949 --> 00:11:21,619 That Kenny G holiday CD 497 00:11:17,949 --> 00:11:21,619 just flew off the shelf. 498 00:11:21,619 --> 00:11:23,913 Last time that happened. 499 00:11:23,913 --> 00:11:27,709 But, Robin, you're a skeptic, 500 00:11:23,913 --> 00:11:27,709 so if you say 501 00:11:23,913 --> 00:11:27,709 you saw a ghost... 502 00:11:30,795 --> 00:11:35,217 It passed right through me 503 00:11:30,795 --> 00:11:35,217 and suddenly I felt cold. 504 00:11:30,795 --> 00:11:35,217 So very cold. 505 00:11:39,262 --> 00:11:41,223 You know, Ashlee... 506 00:11:41,223 --> 00:11:43,975 I'm sorry. You're probably 507 00:11:41,223 --> 00:11:43,975 just gonna want to 508 00:11:41,223 --> 00:11:43,975 get up and walk away, 509 00:11:43,975 --> 00:11:47,396 but I just have to 510 00:11:43,975 --> 00:11:47,396 test out this theory 511 00:11:43,975 --> 00:11:47,396 I've been working on. 512 00:11:47,396 --> 00:11:50,190 Tonight, I'm not looking 513 00:11:47,396 --> 00:11:50,190 for a relationship. 514 00:11:50,190 --> 00:11:52,317 I really just want to 515 00:11:50,190 --> 00:11:52,317 hook up with you, 516 00:11:52,317 --> 00:11:54,444 leave before breakfast 517 00:11:52,317 --> 00:11:54,444 and never see you again. 518 00:11:54,444 --> 00:11:55,778 Hmm. 519 00:11:57,072 --> 00:11:58,198 I'm in. 520 00:11:58,198 --> 00:11:59,408 Unbelievable. 521 00:12:02,077 --> 00:12:04,662 Hot damn, 522 00:12:02,077 --> 00:12:04,662 that's a deep navel! 523 00:12:04,662 --> 00:12:05,914 No tomorrow, Ted! 524 00:12:05,914 --> 00:12:07,416 Yeah. 525 00:12:05,914 --> 00:12:07,416 No tomorrow, Barney. 526 00:12:08,499 --> 00:12:10,668 No tomorrow, huh? 527 00:12:10,668 --> 00:12:13,088 I like that idea. 528 00:12:13,088 --> 00:12:15,506 Because if there is 529 00:12:13,088 --> 00:12:15,506 a tomorrow, 530 00:12:15,506 --> 00:12:17,175 I'm going to be 531 00:12:15,506 --> 00:12:17,175 in a lot of trouble. 532 00:12:17,175 --> 00:12:19,594 Oh, yeah? 533 00:12:17,175 --> 00:12:19,594 Why is that? 534 00:12:19,594 --> 00:12:21,137 I'm married. 535 00:12:26,017 --> 00:12:28,144 Tell me you're messing 536 00:12:26,017 --> 00:12:28,144 with me, guys. 537 00:12:28,144 --> 00:12:29,938 You didn't actually 538 00:12:28,144 --> 00:12:29,938 see a ghost. 539 00:12:29,938 --> 00:12:32,982 It's not a big deal, baby. 540 00:12:29,938 --> 00:12:32,982 He seemed friendly. 541 00:12:32,982 --> 00:12:36,027 You said 542 00:12:32,982 --> 00:12:36,027 he's a Confederate general. 543 00:12:32,982 --> 00:12:36,027 They're the bad guys. 544 00:12:36,027 --> 00:12:37,362 And he's probably racist! 545 00:12:37,362 --> 00:12:39,948 No! He seemed polite. 546 00:12:39,948 --> 00:12:42,367 He had courtly 547 00:12:39,948 --> 00:12:42,367 Southern manners. 548 00:12:42,367 --> 00:12:44,411 We're gonna 549 00:12:42,367 --> 00:12:44,411 raise our kids here. 550 00:12:44,411 --> 00:12:48,290 I don't want some 551 00:12:44,411 --> 00:12:48,290 Confederate general ghost 552 00:12:44,411 --> 00:12:48,290 teaching them his racism! 553 00:12:48,290 --> 00:12:51,960 He loves people 554 00:12:48,290 --> 00:12:51,960 of all colors and creeds. 555 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,087 He was fighting 556 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,087 for states' rights. 557 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,087 That's all. 558 00:12:54,087 --> 00:12:56,923 Robin said he was wearing 559 00:12:54,087 --> 00:12:56,923 a sheet, what do you think 560 00:12:54,087 --> 00:12:56,923 that means? 561 00:12:56,923 --> 00:12:59,426 Robin... 562 00:12:56,923 --> 00:12:59,426 The apartment is crooked! 563 00:13:00,343 --> 00:13:01,761 What? 564 00:13:03,638 --> 00:13:05,932 Robin and I 565 00:13:03,638 --> 00:13:05,932 didn't see a ghost. 566 00:13:08,726 --> 00:13:11,771 The floor is crooked, 567 00:13:08,726 --> 00:13:11,771 isn't it? 568 00:13:11,771 --> 00:13:14,316 Yeah. 569 00:13:14,316 --> 00:13:18,278 We spent our entire 570 00:13:14,316 --> 00:13:18,278 life savings 571 00:13:14,316 --> 00:13:18,278 on this floor. 572 00:13:18,278 --> 00:13:21,490 The next 573 00:13:18,278 --> 00:13:21,490 30 mortgage-paying years 574 00:13:18,278 --> 00:13:21,490 of our lives 575 00:13:21,490 --> 00:13:24,493 will be spent on this floor 576 00:13:21,490 --> 00:13:24,493 and it's crooked! 577 00:13:31,833 --> 00:13:33,835 Thanks a lot, Robin. 578 00:13:35,753 --> 00:13:38,965 How is racist ghost 579 00:13:35,753 --> 00:13:38,965 better than crooked? 580 00:13:40,716 --> 00:13:43,678 Seriously, somebody tell me 581 00:13:40,716 --> 00:13:43,678 how that's better. Please. 582 00:13:45,805 --> 00:13:46,764 Oh, I'm sorry. 583 00:13:46,764 --> 00:13:48,724 Oh, that's okay. 584 00:13:48,724 --> 00:13:51,394 Dude, so I'm having 585 00:13:48,724 --> 00:13:51,394 second thoughts 586 00:13:48,724 --> 00:13:51,394 about that theory. 587 00:13:51,394 --> 00:13:53,396 I'm telling you, 588 00:13:53,396 --> 00:13:55,148 if you want to know 589 00:13:53,396 --> 00:13:55,148 how old a woman is, 590 00:13:53,396 --> 00:13:55,148 check her elbows. 591 00:13:55,148 --> 00:13:56,483 Not that theory. 592 00:13:56,483 --> 00:13:57,817 Well, you have to be 593 00:13:56,483 --> 00:13:57,817 more specific, Ted, 594 00:13:57,817 --> 00:13:59,569 'cause I have 595 00:13:57,817 --> 00:13:59,569 so many theories. 596 00:13:59,569 --> 00:14:02,197 The whole do bad, 597 00:13:59,569 --> 00:14:02,197 good things happen. 598 00:14:02,197 --> 00:14:03,573 Ashlee is married. 599 00:14:03,573 --> 00:14:04,866 So? 600 00:14:04,866 --> 00:14:06,451 What do you mean, "So"? 601 00:14:06,451 --> 00:14:08,203 Open your brain tank, bra, 602 00:14:08,203 --> 00:14:11,706 'cause here comes 603 00:14:08,203 --> 00:14:11,706 some Premium 91 604 00:14:08,203 --> 00:14:11,706 octane knowledge. 605 00:14:11,706 --> 00:14:13,458 There's three rules 606 00:14:11,706 --> 00:14:13,458 of cheating. 607 00:14:13,458 --> 00:14:16,085 It's not cheating 608 00:14:13,458 --> 00:14:16,085 if you're not the one 609 00:14:13,458 --> 00:14:16,085 who's married. 610 00:14:16,085 --> 00:14:19,422 It's not cheating 611 00:14:16,085 --> 00:14:19,422 if her name 612 00:14:16,085 --> 00:14:19,422 has two adjacent vowels. 613 00:14:19,422 --> 00:14:21,466 And it's not cheating 614 00:14:19,422 --> 00:14:21,466 if she's from 615 00:14:19,422 --> 00:14:21,466 a different area code. 616 00:14:21,466 --> 00:14:23,343 You're fine on 617 00:14:21,466 --> 00:14:23,343 all three counts. 618 00:14:23,343 --> 00:14:24,844 How do you know 619 00:14:23,343 --> 00:14:24,844 she's from 620 00:14:23,343 --> 00:14:24,844 a different area code? 621 00:14:24,844 --> 00:14:27,514 She's 516. 622 00:14:27,514 --> 00:14:30,475 She might dress like 623 00:14:27,514 --> 00:14:30,475 she's 718, 624 00:14:27,514 --> 00:14:30,475 act like she's 212, 625 00:14:30,475 --> 00:14:32,643 but trust me, 626 00:14:30,475 --> 00:14:32,643 she is 516. 627 00:14:32,643 --> 00:14:36,314 Oh, and her husband 628 00:14:32,643 --> 00:14:36,314 letting her out alone 629 00:14:32,643 --> 00:14:36,314 on St. Patty's Day, 630 00:14:36,314 --> 00:14:39,484 if that dude's not 973, 631 00:14:36,314 --> 00:14:39,484 I'm 307. 632 00:14:40,818 --> 00:14:42,362 Wyoming. 633 00:14:40,818 --> 00:14:42,362 Oh. 634 00:14:46,657 --> 00:14:48,743 We're gonna have to nail down 635 00:14:46,657 --> 00:14:48,743 all our furniture. 636 00:14:48,743 --> 00:14:51,413 We won't be able 637 00:14:48,743 --> 00:14:51,413 to get a pinball machine. 638 00:14:51,413 --> 00:14:54,707 I mean, unless 639 00:14:51,413 --> 00:14:54,707 we put some books under two 640 00:14:51,413 --> 00:14:54,707 of the legs or something. 641 00:14:54,707 --> 00:14:58,461 But then, what if we wanna 642 00:14:54,707 --> 00:14:58,461 read those books? 643 00:14:54,707 --> 00:14:58,461 This is a nightmare. 644 00:14:58,461 --> 00:15:01,756 We can't raise our kids here. 645 00:14:58,461 --> 00:15:01,756 They'll grow up slanted. 646 00:15:01,756 --> 00:15:05,801 If we have a daughter, 647 00:15:01,756 --> 00:15:05,801 we'll have to call her Ilene. 648 00:15:05,801 --> 00:15:08,721 I don't think 649 00:15:05,801 --> 00:15:08,721 we can live here, Marshall. 650 00:15:08,721 --> 00:15:11,516 I don't know 651 00:15:08,721 --> 00:15:11,516 what we're gonna do. 652 00:15:11,516 --> 00:15:14,477 Marshall? Open the door. 653 00:15:25,154 --> 00:15:28,032 If I make it 654 00:15:25,154 --> 00:15:28,032 to the door, 655 00:15:25,154 --> 00:15:28,032 that's five points. 656 00:15:31,953 --> 00:15:33,121 Yeah! 657 00:15:34,247 --> 00:15:35,498 Five points! 658 00:15:35,498 --> 00:15:38,418 Ten bucks says 659 00:15:35,498 --> 00:15:38,418 I can do it backwards. 660 00:15:38,418 --> 00:15:42,130 So Lily and 661 00:15:38,418 --> 00:15:42,130 Marshall decided to make 662 00:15:38,418 --> 00:15:42,130 the best of a bad situation, 663 00:15:42,130 --> 00:15:45,758 and that's also 664 00:15:42,130 --> 00:15:45,758 how the sport of apartment 665 00:15:42,130 --> 00:15:45,758 roller luge was invented. 666 00:15:45,758 --> 00:15:49,554 Very careful, 667 00:15:45,758 --> 00:15:49,554 very, very... 668 00:15:45,758 --> 00:15:49,554 Oh, yeah! 669 00:15:49,554 --> 00:15:52,056 So she's married. 670 00:15:49,554 --> 00:15:52,056 It's not like 671 00:15:49,554 --> 00:15:52,056 she has kids. 672 00:15:52,056 --> 00:15:53,808 How do you know? 673 00:15:53,808 --> 00:15:57,019 Wrists! 674 00:15:53,808 --> 00:15:57,019 It's like you don't 675 00:15:53,808 --> 00:15:57,019 even listen to me. 676 00:15:58,688 --> 00:16:01,023 Oh, hey. Hey. 677 00:15:58,688 --> 00:16:01,023 Hey. Where'd you go? 678 00:16:01,023 --> 00:16:02,275 Well, I just... 679 00:16:02,275 --> 00:16:03,776 Was it something 680 00:16:02,275 --> 00:16:03,776 I said? 681 00:16:03,776 --> 00:16:06,571 No, no, no, it's just... 682 00:16:03,776 --> 00:16:06,571 Well, you're married 683 00:16:06,571 --> 00:16:10,074 and we've been 684 00:16:06,571 --> 00:16:10,074 drinking and 685 00:16:06,571 --> 00:16:10,074 I was worried we might... 686 00:16:10,074 --> 00:16:12,702 Oh, this is 687 00:16:10,074 --> 00:16:12,702 a very bad idea. 688 00:16:14,870 --> 00:16:15,913 We have a problem. 689 00:16:15,913 --> 00:16:18,040 Hey, hey, hey. 690 00:16:19,501 --> 00:16:21,085 Is this your husband? 691 00:16:21,085 --> 00:16:23,505 I've never seen 692 00:16:21,085 --> 00:16:23,505 this man in my life. 693 00:16:23,505 --> 00:16:26,215 Okay, what's our problem? 694 00:16:26,215 --> 00:16:28,843 Rick, Rick Garido. 695 00:16:26,215 --> 00:16:28,843 According 696 00:16:26,215 --> 00:16:28,843 to the bartender, 697 00:16:28,843 --> 00:16:31,971 I'm the guy 698 00:16:28,843 --> 00:16:31,971 that's been buying you 699 00:16:28,843 --> 00:16:31,971 champagne all night. 700 00:16:31,971 --> 00:16:35,808 Okay, there's 701 00:16:31,971 --> 00:16:35,808 a very simple 702 00:16:31,971 --> 00:16:35,808 explanation. 703 00:16:35,808 --> 00:16:37,810 Next thing I know, 704 00:16:35,808 --> 00:16:37,810 the police show up, 705 00:16:37,810 --> 00:16:41,147 they arrest the other guy 706 00:16:37,810 --> 00:16:41,147 and I'm drinking for free 707 00:16:37,810 --> 00:16:41,147 the rest of the night. 708 00:16:41,147 --> 00:16:42,691 It was awesome! 709 00:16:44,567 --> 00:16:46,068 Awesome, huh? 710 00:16:46,068 --> 00:16:47,820 Yeah. 711 00:16:47,820 --> 00:16:49,947 You don't see 712 00:16:47,820 --> 00:16:49,947 anything wrong 713 00:16:47,820 --> 00:16:49,947 with that story? 714 00:16:49,947 --> 00:16:52,492 Well, I lost my new phone 715 00:16:49,947 --> 00:16:52,492 back at the club somewhere. 716 00:16:52,492 --> 00:16:54,910 What the hell 717 00:16:52,492 --> 00:16:54,910 is wrong with you, dude? 718 00:16:54,910 --> 00:16:56,787 You know me, I lose things. 719 00:16:56,787 --> 00:16:59,415 You kissed 720 00:16:56,787 --> 00:16:59,415 a married woman, Ted. 721 00:16:59,415 --> 00:17:01,917 You committed 722 00:16:59,415 --> 00:17:01,917 credit card fraud. 723 00:17:01,917 --> 00:17:06,005 You kissed a married woman. 724 00:17:01,917 --> 00:17:06,005 Do you know 725 00:17:01,917 --> 00:17:06,005 how offensive that is to me? 726 00:17:06,005 --> 00:17:08,717 You're turning into Barney. 727 00:17:06,005 --> 00:17:08,717 We don't need another Barney. 728 00:17:10,635 --> 00:17:12,970 It's St. Patty's Day! 729 00:17:12,970 --> 00:17:15,014 It wasn't as bad 730 00:17:12,970 --> 00:17:15,014 as it sounds. 731 00:17:15,014 --> 00:17:16,725 It wasn't as bad 732 00:17:15,014 --> 00:17:16,725 as it sounds? 733 00:17:16,725 --> 00:17:18,685 No! 734 00:17:16,725 --> 00:17:18,685 Huh? Okay. 735 00:17:18,685 --> 00:17:21,187 I want you to hear exactly 736 00:17:18,685 --> 00:17:21,187 how it sounds, Ted. 737 00:17:22,647 --> 00:17:24,357 First skipped message. 738 00:17:24,357 --> 00:17:26,317 I don't see no ring 739 00:17:24,357 --> 00:17:26,317 on this finger. 740 00:17:26,317 --> 00:17:28,903 And then last night 741 00:17:26,317 --> 00:17:28,903 started coming back to me. 742 00:17:28,903 --> 00:17:30,697 The real version. 743 00:17:30,697 --> 00:17:33,491 Are the girls in there 744 00:17:30,697 --> 00:17:33,491 hotter than our dates? 745 00:17:33,491 --> 00:17:36,745 I don't know 746 00:17:33,491 --> 00:17:36,745 if they're hotter, 747 00:17:33,491 --> 00:17:36,745 but they're drunker. 748 00:17:36,745 --> 00:17:38,204 Rock and roll. 749 00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:43,459 How many messages 750 00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:43,459 did I... 751 00:17:43,459 --> 00:17:45,670 Seventeen. 752 00:17:45,670 --> 00:17:47,589 Kids, it's sometimes 753 00:17:45,670 --> 00:17:47,589 possible to think 754 00:17:47,589 --> 00:17:49,131 you're doing just fine 755 00:17:47,589 --> 00:17:49,131 in life. 756 00:17:49,131 --> 00:17:50,717 Next message. 757 00:17:50,717 --> 00:17:52,719 Can you put it 758 00:17:50,717 --> 00:17:52,719 on my tab? 759 00:17:52,719 --> 00:17:54,512 Sure. 760 00:17:52,719 --> 00:17:54,512 What's the last name? 761 00:17:54,512 --> 00:17:56,389 Garido. 762 00:17:56,389 --> 00:17:58,474 And then 763 00:17:56,389 --> 00:17:58,474 someone opens your eyes 764 00:17:56,389 --> 00:17:58,474 a little bit 765 00:17:58,474 --> 00:17:59,850 and you realize... 766 00:17:59,850 --> 00:18:01,102 Next message. 767 00:18:01,102 --> 00:18:02,853 I really want to 768 00:18:01,102 --> 00:18:02,853 hook up with you, 769 00:18:02,853 --> 00:18:06,357 leave before breakfast 770 00:18:02,853 --> 00:18:06,357 and then 771 00:18:02,853 --> 00:18:06,357 never see you again. 772 00:18:06,357 --> 00:18:08,818 Your whole world 773 00:18:06,357 --> 00:18:08,818 is off balance. 774 00:18:08,818 --> 00:18:10,194 Next message. 775 00:18:10,194 --> 00:18:11,654 Out of whack. 776 00:18:11,654 --> 00:18:16,492 Okay, look, bra, 777 00:18:11,654 --> 00:18:16,492 there's a very simple... 778 00:18:16,492 --> 00:18:17,786 Crooked. 779 00:18:20,162 --> 00:18:22,123 Wow! 780 00:18:22,123 --> 00:18:23,916 That was hard to listen to. 781 00:18:25,752 --> 00:18:29,004 No one likes how they sound 782 00:18:25,752 --> 00:18:29,004 on an answering machine. 783 00:18:30,548 --> 00:18:32,550 Thanks for doing that. 784 00:18:35,010 --> 00:18:36,554 You yelled at me. 785 00:18:36,554 --> 00:18:39,766 You got very firm with me. 786 00:18:36,554 --> 00:18:39,766 Very confident. 787 00:18:39,766 --> 00:18:41,517 It was cool. 788 00:18:41,517 --> 00:18:42,977 Thanks. 789 00:18:42,977 --> 00:18:44,520 You're very sexy 790 00:18:42,977 --> 00:18:44,520 when you yell, Marshall. 791 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:45,688 Shut up. 792 00:18:45,688 --> 00:18:47,482 Veins, crazy muscles 793 00:18:45,688 --> 00:18:47,482 in your neck. 794 00:18:47,482 --> 00:18:49,776 You're like 795 00:18:47,482 --> 00:18:49,776 a Kentucky-Derby- 796 00:18:47,482 --> 00:18:49,776 winning steed. 797 00:18:49,776 --> 00:18:51,611 You're ruining 798 00:18:49,776 --> 00:18:51,611 a nice moment. 799 00:18:51,611 --> 00:18:53,446 At one point, I swear, 800 00:18:51,611 --> 00:18:53,446 I thought 801 00:18:51,611 --> 00:18:53,446 we were going to kiss... 802 00:18:53,446 --> 00:18:55,906 Ted, seriously. 803 00:18:55,906 --> 00:18:57,325 I'm married. 804 00:18:58,868 --> 00:19:01,830 Oh, a slanted floor. 805 00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:04,290 Architecturally speaking, 806 00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:04,290 fixing that's gonna be... 807 00:19:04,290 --> 00:19:07,251 Very, very, 808 00:19:04,290 --> 00:19:07,251 very expensive. 809 00:19:07,251 --> 00:19:09,962 And it's going to 810 00:19:07,251 --> 00:19:09,962 take some time too, 811 00:19:09,962 --> 00:19:11,631 so it looks like 812 00:19:09,962 --> 00:19:11,631 you're stuck with us 813 00:19:11,631 --> 00:19:13,633 for a little while longer, 814 00:19:11,631 --> 00:19:13,633 if that's okay. 815 00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:15,844 Are you kidding? 816 00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:15,844 I love it. 817 00:19:15,844 --> 00:19:18,220 I don't know 818 00:19:15,844 --> 00:19:18,220 what's going to happen to me 819 00:19:15,844 --> 00:19:18,220 without you guys around. 820 00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:19,388 Where are you going? 821 00:19:19,388 --> 00:19:21,265 I'm going to get 822 00:19:19,388 --> 00:19:21,265 my stupid phone. 823 00:19:22,975 --> 00:19:25,936 So that was 824 00:19:22,975 --> 00:19:25,936 St. Patrick's Day, 2008. 825 00:19:25,936 --> 00:19:28,815 I found out years later 826 00:19:25,936 --> 00:19:28,815 that your mom 827 00:19:25,936 --> 00:19:28,815 was at that party, 828 00:19:28,815 --> 00:19:30,859 I just didn't meet her. 829 00:19:30,859 --> 00:19:33,152 You know, it's a good thing 830 00:19:30,859 --> 00:19:33,152 I didn't. 831 00:19:33,152 --> 00:19:35,738 Because if I had met her, 832 00:19:33,152 --> 00:19:35,738 I don't think 833 00:19:33,152 --> 00:19:35,738 she would have liked me. 834 00:19:35,738 --> 00:19:37,824 Heck, I don't think 835 00:19:35,738 --> 00:19:37,824 I liked me. 836 00:19:37,824 --> 00:19:40,743 But that's okay. 837 00:19:37,824 --> 00:19:40,743 Tomorrow had arrived. 838 00:19:42,161 --> 00:19:43,830 and there'll be 839 00:19:51,796 --> 00:19:59,094 nothin' to disturb 840 00:20:02,223 --> 00:20:08,771 where to turn 841 00:20:11,816 --> 00:20:16,445 what you learn 842 00:20:16,445 --> 00:20:18,989 You see, 843 00:20:16,445 --> 00:20:18,989 I didn't know it yet, 844 00:20:18,989 --> 00:20:21,951 but my luck 845 00:20:18,989 --> 00:20:21,951 was about to change. 846 00:20:46,141 --> 00:20:47,602 I'm awesome!