1 00:00:02,784 --> 00:00:04,116 The long-awaited story of 2 00:00:05,534 --> 00:00:07,033 the goat. 3 00:00:07,033 --> 00:00:09,158 That week started 4 00:00:07,033 --> 00:00:09,158 just like any other. 5 00:00:09,158 --> 00:00:11,617 Barney woke up 6 00:00:09,158 --> 00:00:11,617 in some girl's bed. 7 00:00:14,784 --> 00:00:17,909 In my experience, 8 00:00:14,784 --> 00:00:17,909 the way this normally goes is 9 00:00:17,909 --> 00:00:19,868 we lie here for a while, 10 00:00:19,868 --> 00:00:22,241 make a little 11 00:00:19,868 --> 00:00:22,241 awkward chitchat. 12 00:00:23,158 --> 00:00:25,575 Check. 13 00:00:25,575 --> 00:00:27,701 Then I make up some 14 00:00:25,575 --> 00:00:27,701 cabinet meeting, 15 00:00:25,575 --> 00:00:27,701 heart surgery, 16 00:00:27,701 --> 00:00:29,826 rocket test flight 17 00:00:27,701 --> 00:00:29,826 I've got to be at. 18 00:00:29,826 --> 00:00:32,868 Slip out of the apartment 19 00:00:29,826 --> 00:00:32,868 and never call you again. 20 00:00:32,868 --> 00:00:35,325 And later at the bar, 21 00:00:32,868 --> 00:00:35,325 you tell your good 22 00:00:32,868 --> 00:00:35,325 friend Robin 23 00:00:35,325 --> 00:00:39,200 the story of 24 00:00:35,325 --> 00:00:39,200 your latest conquest. 25 00:00:35,325 --> 00:00:39,200 And she thinks to herself, 26 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,991 "Who is this sad, 27 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,991 self-loathing idiot who 28 00:00:41,991 --> 00:00:44,367 "climbed into bed 29 00:00:41,991 --> 00:00:44,367 with Barney Stinson?" 30 00:00:44,367 --> 00:00:45,784 Hmm. 31 00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:48,617 Actually, 32 00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:48,617 you usually 33 00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:48,617 say that out loud. 34 00:00:51,659 --> 00:00:52,742 So... 35 00:00:54,826 --> 00:00:58,325 I just slept with my 36 00:00:54,826 --> 00:00:58,325 best friend's ex-girlfriend. 37 00:00:58,325 --> 00:01:01,991 And I just slept with my 38 00:00:58,325 --> 00:01:01,991 ex-boyfriend's really 39 00:00:58,325 --> 00:01:01,991 good friend. 40 00:01:01,991 --> 00:01:03,575 Best friend. 41 00:01:05,991 --> 00:01:08,200 Okay, here's 42 00:01:05,991 --> 00:01:08,200 the deal, Barney. 43 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,575 The second my feet 44 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,575 touch the ground, 45 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,575 this never happened. 46 00:01:11,575 --> 00:01:13,033 Okay. 47 00:01:13,033 --> 00:01:14,826 Wait. 48 00:01:14,826 --> 00:01:16,450 Right click, save as... 49 00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:18,450 Into the bpeg folder, 50 00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:18,450 and okay. 51 00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:21,991 This never happened. 52 00:01:22,908 --> 00:01:24,450 It's a good plan. 53 00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:28,074 Now we go back to exactly 54 00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:28,074 the way things were before. 55 00:01:28,074 --> 00:01:29,701 Okay. Right. 56 00:01:28,074 --> 00:01:29,701 Okay. 57 00:01:31,617 --> 00:01:33,450 So, Robin? 58 00:01:33,450 --> 00:01:35,408 Yes, Barney? 59 00:01:35,408 --> 00:01:38,701 Guess who 60 00:01:35,408 --> 00:01:38,701 nailed the chick from 61 00:01:35,408 --> 00:01:38,701 Metro News 1 last night? 62 00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:59,991 Okay, 63 00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:59,991 I am going to 64 00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:59,991 take a shower, 65 00:01:59,991 --> 00:02:03,074 till June, 66 00:01:59,991 --> 00:02:03,074 and since you were 67 00:01:59,991 --> 00:02:03,074 never here to begin with, 68 00:02:03,074 --> 00:02:04,241 you won't be here 69 00:02:03,074 --> 00:02:04,241 when I get out. 70 00:02:04,241 --> 00:02:06,534 Okay. 71 00:02:04,241 --> 00:02:06,534 Okay. 72 00:02:06,534 --> 00:02:08,450 This never happened. 73 00:02:10,825 --> 00:02:12,241 Never happened. 74 00:02:13,241 --> 00:02:15,408 Never happened. 75 00:02:15,408 --> 00:02:17,241 But pretending it 76 00:02:15,408 --> 00:02:17,241 never happened wouldn't be 77 00:02:15,408 --> 00:02:17,241 that easy. 78 00:02:17,241 --> 00:02:19,867 So, tell us, 79 00:02:17,241 --> 00:02:19,867 what was it like? 80 00:02:19,867 --> 00:02:22,283 What? 81 00:02:19,867 --> 00:02:22,283 Penetrating that barrier. 82 00:02:22,283 --> 00:02:24,158 You and I are the 83 00:02:22,283 --> 00:02:24,158 first ones to hit it. 84 00:02:24,158 --> 00:02:25,408 Well, not the first ones, 85 00:02:24,158 --> 00:02:25,408 certainly, 86 00:02:25,408 --> 00:02:27,450 but the first ones 87 00:02:25,408 --> 00:02:27,450 at this table. 88 00:02:28,617 --> 00:02:31,408 I... I'm... 89 00:02:31,408 --> 00:02:33,908 Although, 90 00:02:31,408 --> 00:02:33,908 I'm going to be 91 00:02:31,408 --> 00:02:33,908 hitting it pretty soon. 92 00:02:33,908 --> 00:02:35,492 Yeah, you are. 93 00:02:35,492 --> 00:02:37,825 Yeah, 94 00:02:35,492 --> 00:02:37,825 and when I hit it, 95 00:02:35,492 --> 00:02:37,825 I'm going to go nuts. 96 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:41,283 It's going to be all night, 97 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:41,283 and I think I want a clown 98 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:41,283 there. 99 00:02:41,283 --> 00:02:45,033 I'm a little 100 00:02:41,283 --> 00:02:45,033 bit scared of clowns, 101 00:02:41,283 --> 00:02:45,033 but for you, I'm there. 102 00:02:45,033 --> 00:02:46,701 What are you talking about? 103 00:02:46,701 --> 00:02:48,367 The big 3-0. 104 00:02:48,367 --> 00:02:50,241 You know, my 30th 105 00:02:48,367 --> 00:02:50,241 birthday's this Friday. 106 00:02:50,241 --> 00:02:51,408 Did you forget? 107 00:02:51,408 --> 00:02:53,116 What kind of 108 00:02:51,408 --> 00:02:53,116 friend is this guy? 109 00:02:53,116 --> 00:02:54,991 Right. 110 00:02:54,991 --> 00:02:58,116 A great friend, by the way. 111 00:02:54,991 --> 00:02:58,116 The best. 112 00:02:58,116 --> 00:03:00,659 Is it my imagination, 113 00:02:58,116 --> 00:03:00,659 or are these drinks 114 00:02:58,116 --> 00:03:00,659 getting smaller? 115 00:03:00,659 --> 00:03:02,659 If this were 116 00:03:00,659 --> 00:03:02,659 a doctor's office, 117 00:03:00,659 --> 00:03:02,659 they'd say, "Try again." 118 00:03:05,783 --> 00:03:06,825 How you doing there, Robin? 119 00:03:06,825 --> 00:03:07,908 I'm good. 120 00:03:07,908 --> 00:03:09,450 Oh, so, 121 00:03:07,908 --> 00:03:09,450 I made a decision. 122 00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:11,408 I'm going 123 00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:11,408 to go through 124 00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:11,408 all my old stuff, 125 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:13,575 and I'm 126 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:13,575 getting rid of anything 127 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:13,575 I have no use for anymore. 128 00:03:13,575 --> 00:03:14,659 Barney, 129 00:03:13,575 --> 00:03:14,659 you want my Xbox? 130 00:03:15,742 --> 00:03:18,158 Ted, she has a name! 131 00:03:18,158 --> 00:03:20,575 And just what are 132 00:03:18,158 --> 00:03:20,575 you accusing me of? 133 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:22,116 Liking video games? 134 00:03:22,116 --> 00:03:23,617 I'm going to get a drink. 135 00:03:23,617 --> 00:03:24,741 I'll come with you. 136 00:03:24,741 --> 00:03:25,783 Okay. 137 00:03:25,783 --> 00:03:27,825 God, this is awkward. 138 00:03:27,825 --> 00:03:30,074 What is? 139 00:03:27,825 --> 00:03:30,074 Being around Ted. 140 00:03:30,074 --> 00:03:32,450 Why? 141 00:03:30,074 --> 00:03:32,450 Because of our thing. 142 00:03:32,450 --> 00:03:33,991 What thing? 143 00:03:33,991 --> 00:03:35,367 You're really 144 00:03:33,991 --> 00:03:35,367 going to pretend 145 00:03:33,991 --> 00:03:35,367 this never happened? 146 00:03:35,367 --> 00:03:37,116 What never happened? 147 00:03:35,367 --> 00:03:37,116 Hey! 148 00:03:38,534 --> 00:03:39,741 Hey. 149 00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:41,033 What are you 150 00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:41,033 guys talking about? 151 00:03:41,033 --> 00:03:42,408 Nothing. 152 00:03:42,408 --> 00:03:44,534 Guys, you can cut the act. 153 00:03:42,408 --> 00:03:44,534 I know. 154 00:03:46,949 --> 00:03:49,825 I know about 155 00:03:46,949 --> 00:03:49,825 the surprise party 156 00:03:46,949 --> 00:03:49,825 you guys are throwing me. 157 00:03:49,825 --> 00:03:50,991 Marshall let it 158 00:03:49,825 --> 00:03:50,991 slip earlier today. 159 00:03:50,991 --> 00:03:52,534 Marshall... 160 00:03:52,534 --> 00:03:54,074 Hey, I'll totally act 161 00:03:52,534 --> 00:03:54,074 surprised and everything. 162 00:03:54,074 --> 00:03:55,867 Just be sure 163 00:03:54,074 --> 00:03:55,867 to invite Stella. 164 00:03:55,867 --> 00:03:59,450 Stella! You have 165 00:03:55,867 --> 00:03:59,450 a serious girlfriend now! 166 00:03:59,450 --> 00:04:03,241 You're over this one. 167 00:03:59,450 --> 00:04:03,241 Robin who, right? 168 00:04:03,241 --> 00:04:07,158 Stella makes this one look 169 00:04:03,241 --> 00:04:07,158 like a filthy bag of garbage, 170 00:04:03,241 --> 00:04:07,158 am I right? 171 00:04:08,158 --> 00:04:10,033 Happy birthday, bro. 172 00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:17,492 Hello. 173 00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:17,492 Hey, Marshall, 174 00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:17,492 I need your help. 175 00:04:17,492 --> 00:04:20,283 Yeah, 176 00:04:17,492 --> 00:04:20,283 I'm kind of real focused 177 00:04:17,492 --> 00:04:20,283 on the job hunt right now. 178 00:04:20,283 --> 00:04:22,367 I know. 179 00:04:20,283 --> 00:04:22,367 I want to hire you. 180 00:04:22,367 --> 00:04:25,949 For the last time, Barney, 181 00:04:22,367 --> 00:04:25,949 I will not be your butler. 182 00:04:25,949 --> 00:04:28,200 I need a lawyer. 183 00:04:25,949 --> 00:04:28,200 I'll pay you. 184 00:04:29,408 --> 00:04:30,783 How much? 185 00:04:30,783 --> 00:04:32,033 A little. 186 00:04:30,783 --> 00:04:32,033 I'll take it. 187 00:04:35,450 --> 00:04:36,867 Hey. 188 00:04:36,867 --> 00:04:39,408 Hey. So, 189 00:04:36,867 --> 00:04:39,408 I'm reading this, 190 00:04:36,867 --> 00:04:39,408 and I got to say, 191 00:04:39,408 --> 00:04:41,450 this might be 192 00:04:39,408 --> 00:04:41,450 a little bit over my head. 193 00:04:41,450 --> 00:04:43,575 For one thing, 194 00:04:41,450 --> 00:04:43,575 I'm fairly certain 195 00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:45,867 that if these contracts 196 00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:45,867 aren't executed precisely, 197 00:04:45,867 --> 00:04:48,534 we will be at 198 00:04:45,867 --> 00:04:48,534 war with Portugal. 199 00:04:48,534 --> 00:04:51,658 Yeah, forget that. 200 00:04:48,534 --> 00:04:51,658 That's a Tuesday for me. 201 00:04:52,867 --> 00:04:54,408 New shredder. 202 00:04:54,408 --> 00:04:57,700 This baby'll chew up 203 00:04:54,408 --> 00:04:57,700 a bicycle in 17 seconds. 204 00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:00,325 From Sky Mall. 205 00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:00,325 It's all from Sky Mall. 206 00:05:00,325 --> 00:05:01,700 Whenever I get upset, 207 00:05:00,325 --> 00:05:01,700 I shop at Sky Mall. 208 00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:03,575 Want a hot dog? 209 00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:03,575 Of course. 210 00:05:03,575 --> 00:05:06,241 Why are you upset? 211 00:05:06,241 --> 00:05:10,033 Marshall, I'm 212 00:05:06,241 --> 00:05:10,033 about to tell you a secret 213 00:05:06,241 --> 00:05:10,033 that you can't tell anyone. 214 00:05:10,033 --> 00:05:13,241 Not Ted, not Robin, not Lily. 215 00:05:13,241 --> 00:05:15,825 No, no, no, no, 216 00:05:13,241 --> 00:05:15,825 I don't want 217 00:05:13,241 --> 00:05:15,825 any more secrets, 218 00:05:15,825 --> 00:05:17,450 especially now that 219 00:05:15,825 --> 00:05:17,450 I know what you guys 220 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,408 did to the drinking 221 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,408 water in Lisbon. I... 222 00:05:19,408 --> 00:05:21,741 You are hearing 223 00:05:19,408 --> 00:05:21,741 this secret, Marshall. 224 00:05:22,867 --> 00:05:23,908 I... I slept... 225 00:05:23,908 --> 00:05:26,658 Stop doing that. 226 00:05:26,658 --> 00:05:27,991 I slept... 227 00:05:31,325 --> 00:05:33,074 I slept with Robin. 228 00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:35,867 You slept with Robin? 229 00:05:48,241 --> 00:05:50,283 Are you mad at me? 230 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,741 I don't know. 231 00:05:52,783 --> 00:05:55,283 How's the hot dog? 232 00:05:52,783 --> 00:05:55,283 It's helping. 233 00:05:55,283 --> 00:05:58,450 You slept with Robin? 234 00:05:55,283 --> 00:05:58,450 I cannot keep that secret. 235 00:05:58,450 --> 00:06:00,408 I mean, you know I, 236 00:05:58,450 --> 00:06:00,408 at least, have to 237 00:05:58,450 --> 00:06:00,408 tell Lily. 238 00:06:00,408 --> 00:06:03,158 You can't. 239 00:06:00,408 --> 00:06:03,158 You can't tell anyone. 240 00:06:00,408 --> 00:06:03,158 Attorney-client privilege. 241 00:06:03,158 --> 00:06:05,116 Why are 242 00:06:03,158 --> 00:06:05,116 you doing this to me? 243 00:06:05,116 --> 00:06:07,991 Because I need you, 244 00:06:05,116 --> 00:06:07,991 Marshall, as my lawyer, 245 00:06:07,991 --> 00:06:09,783 to prove that I 246 00:06:07,991 --> 00:06:09,783 didn't do anything wrong. 247 00:06:09,783 --> 00:06:11,367 How can I help 248 00:06:09,783 --> 00:06:11,367 you as your lawyer? 249 00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:13,492 You didn't break 250 00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:13,492 any laws, did you? 251 00:06:15,033 --> 00:06:18,825 Robin knows you 252 00:06:15,033 --> 00:06:18,825 slept with her, 253 00:06:15,033 --> 00:06:18,825 doesn't she? 254 00:06:18,825 --> 00:06:21,825 I didn't break any 255 00:06:18,825 --> 00:06:21,825 state or federal laws, 256 00:06:21,825 --> 00:06:24,534 but I think I broke 257 00:06:21,825 --> 00:06:24,534 a much, much higher law. 258 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,367 The Bro Code. 259 00:06:29,574 --> 00:06:32,074 For many years, 260 00:06:29,574 --> 00:06:32,074 we had heard Barney quote 261 00:06:29,574 --> 00:06:32,074 the Bro Code, 262 00:06:32,074 --> 00:06:34,741 a list of dos and 263 00:06:32,074 --> 00:06:34,741 don'ts for all bros. 264 00:06:34,741 --> 00:06:36,158 Some were basic. 265 00:06:36,158 --> 00:06:39,867 Bro Code Article One, 266 00:06:36,158 --> 00:06:39,867 "Bros before hoes." 267 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,741 Some were 268 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,741 unbelievably complicated. 269 00:06:41,741 --> 00:06:43,616 Bro Code Article 89. 270 00:06:43,616 --> 00:06:45,783 "The mom of a bro 271 00:06:43,616 --> 00:06:45,783 is always off limits, 272 00:06:45,783 --> 00:06:49,949 "but the stepmom of a bro is 273 00:06:45,783 --> 00:06:49,949 fair game if she initiates it, 274 00:06:49,949 --> 00:06:54,074 "and/or is wearing 275 00:06:49,949 --> 00:06:54,074 at least one article 276 00:06:49,949 --> 00:06:54,074 of leopard print clothing." 277 00:06:54,074 --> 00:06:55,908 And some 278 00:06:54,074 --> 00:06:55,908 were just plain disturbing. 279 00:06:55,908 --> 00:06:58,283 Bro Code Article 34. 280 00:06:58,283 --> 00:07:01,949 "Bros cannot 281 00:06:58,283 --> 00:07:01,949 make eye contact 282 00:06:58,283 --> 00:07:01,949 during a devil's three-way." 283 00:07:03,241 --> 00:07:04,867 Two dudes. 284 00:07:06,616 --> 00:07:08,325 This is not 285 00:07:06,616 --> 00:07:08,325 a legal document. 286 00:07:08,325 --> 00:07:10,283 This is just 287 00:07:08,325 --> 00:07:10,283 something you wrote. 288 00:07:10,283 --> 00:07:11,991 You think I wrote that? 289 00:07:11,991 --> 00:07:13,658 Oh, Marshall, 290 00:07:13,658 --> 00:07:18,741 don't you 291 00:07:13,658 --> 00:07:18,741 know the glorious 292 00:07:13,658 --> 00:07:18,741 history of the Bro Code? 293 00:07:18,741 --> 00:07:20,949 The year was 1776. 294 00:07:20,949 --> 00:07:23,033 The place, Philadelphia. 295 00:07:23,033 --> 00:07:25,825 Benjamin Franklin 296 00:07:23,033 --> 00:07:25,825 and George Washington 297 00:07:23,033 --> 00:07:25,825 were having a drink. 298 00:07:25,825 --> 00:07:27,825 But, bro, seriously, 299 00:07:27,825 --> 00:07:30,241 I calleth dibs 300 00:07:27,825 --> 00:07:30,241 on that wench. 301 00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:32,741 You codpiece blocked me. 302 00:07:32,741 --> 00:07:35,367 So what if I did? 303 00:07:32,741 --> 00:07:35,367 No rule against it. 304 00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:36,825 Well, there should be. 305 00:07:36,825 --> 00:07:38,533 There should be a set 306 00:07:36,825 --> 00:07:38,533 of rules that govern 307 00:07:38,533 --> 00:07:41,616 the way bros 308 00:07:38,533 --> 00:07:41,616 comport themselves 309 00:07:38,533 --> 00:07:41,616 among other bros. 310 00:07:41,616 --> 00:07:43,658 But who shall 311 00:07:41,616 --> 00:07:43,658 write such a document? 312 00:07:43,658 --> 00:07:47,074 I have to go to Me, D.C. 313 00:07:43,658 --> 00:07:47,074 and pose for the dollar bill. 314 00:07:47,074 --> 00:07:49,741 And I have to do some 315 00:07:47,074 --> 00:07:49,741 kite-flying or something. 316 00:07:49,741 --> 00:07:51,825 I shall write 317 00:07:49,741 --> 00:07:51,825 this set of rules, 318 00:07:51,825 --> 00:07:55,074 and I shall inscribe it 319 00:07:51,825 --> 00:07:55,074 on the back of the 320 00:07:51,825 --> 00:07:55,074 Constitution. 321 00:07:55,074 --> 00:07:56,450 To save paper. 322 00:07:57,367 --> 00:07:58,741 It's resolved! 323 00:07:58,741 --> 00:08:02,158 Barnabas Stinson 324 00:07:58,741 --> 00:08:02,158 shall write the Bro Code. 325 00:08:03,491 --> 00:08:05,491 And I shall 326 00:08:03,491 --> 00:08:05,491 include a provision 327 00:08:05,491 --> 00:08:08,200 that stateth 328 00:08:05,491 --> 00:08:08,200 no eye contact in 329 00:08:05,491 --> 00:08:08,200 a devil's three-way. 330 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,200 Seconded. 331 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,200 Seconded. 332 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,408 Listen, 333 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,408 what do you 334 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,408 want me for? 335 00:08:14,408 --> 00:08:16,658 I've just been 336 00:08:14,408 --> 00:08:16,658 losing my mind 337 00:08:14,408 --> 00:08:16,658 lately. 338 00:08:16,658 --> 00:08:18,158 And do you know 339 00:08:16,658 --> 00:08:18,158 why I feel so bad? 340 00:08:18,158 --> 00:08:19,574 Yeah, 341 00:08:18,158 --> 00:08:19,574 because you 342 00:08:18,158 --> 00:08:19,574 slept with Robin. 343 00:08:19,574 --> 00:08:21,033 No, that was awesome. 344 00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:22,949 I feel bad 345 00:08:22,949 --> 00:08:27,783 because the 346 00:08:22,949 --> 00:08:27,783 Bro Code clearly states, 347 00:08:22,949 --> 00:08:27,783 "No sex with your bro's ex." 348 00:08:27,783 --> 00:08:29,158 But if you, 349 00:08:29,158 --> 00:08:31,949 my lawyer, can find 350 00:08:29,158 --> 00:08:31,949 a loophole somewhere, 351 00:08:31,949 --> 00:08:34,616 then that 352 00:08:31,949 --> 00:08:34,616 bad feeling 353 00:08:31,949 --> 00:08:34,616 will go bye-bye. 354 00:08:34,616 --> 00:08:36,241 And you would 355 00:08:34,616 --> 00:08:36,241 pay me for that? 356 00:08:36,241 --> 00:08:38,574 No, I'll just be the one 357 00:08:36,241 --> 00:08:38,574 shredding your paperwork. 358 00:08:38,574 --> 00:08:41,574 Technically, 359 00:08:38,574 --> 00:08:41,574 you'll be paid by 360 00:08:38,574 --> 00:08:41,574 a toy factory in Pyongyang. 361 00:08:41,574 --> 00:08:43,658 Barney, I'm no shrink, 362 00:08:41,574 --> 00:08:43,658 okay, 363 00:08:43,658 --> 00:08:46,158 but don't you 364 00:08:43,658 --> 00:08:46,158 see that this is just 365 00:08:43,658 --> 00:08:46,158 a desperate way for you 366 00:08:46,158 --> 00:08:48,616 to avoid an unpleasant 367 00:08:46,158 --> 00:08:48,616 confrontation with Ted? 368 00:08:48,616 --> 00:08:51,574 Hey, if I wanted 369 00:08:48,616 --> 00:08:51,574 a psychological 370 00:08:48,616 --> 00:08:51,574 evaluation, 371 00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:54,158 I'd hire the guy 372 00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:54,158 we pay to hypnotize 373 00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:54,158 us before depositions. 374 00:08:54,158 --> 00:08:55,949 Now, get cracking! 375 00:08:55,949 --> 00:08:58,033 While Marshall 376 00:08:55,949 --> 00:08:58,033 examined the Bro Code, 377 00:08:58,033 --> 00:09:00,658 Lily's kindergarten class 378 00:08:58,033 --> 00:09:00,658 welcomed a special guest. 379 00:09:00,658 --> 00:09:02,825 And with a little luck, 380 00:09:00,658 --> 00:09:02,825 in a few days, 381 00:09:02,825 --> 00:09:05,074 Farmer Frank's 382 00:09:02,825 --> 00:09:05,074 cold will be all gone. 383 00:09:05,074 --> 00:09:09,158 And that's why 384 00:09:05,074 --> 00:09:09,158 Farmer Frank's breath 385 00:09:05,074 --> 00:09:09,158 smells like medicine. 386 00:09:09,158 --> 00:09:10,491 Right, Farmer Frank? 387 00:09:10,491 --> 00:09:12,741 You got it, toots. 388 00:09:12,741 --> 00:09:15,033 Any last questions 389 00:09:12,741 --> 00:09:15,033 for Farmer Frank? Yes. 390 00:09:15,033 --> 00:09:18,033 Will we 391 00:09:15,033 --> 00:09:18,033 ever get to see 392 00:09:15,033 --> 00:09:18,033 Missy the goat again? 393 00:09:18,033 --> 00:09:19,616 Isn't that sweet? 394 00:09:19,616 --> 00:09:22,158 Well, 395 00:09:19,616 --> 00:09:22,158 you know, honey, 396 00:09:19,616 --> 00:09:22,158 right after this, 397 00:09:22,158 --> 00:09:24,991 I'm going to 398 00:09:22,158 --> 00:09:24,991 drop old Missy off 399 00:09:22,158 --> 00:09:24,991 at the butcher shop. 400 00:09:24,991 --> 00:09:27,574 And they're going to 401 00:09:24,991 --> 00:09:27,574 take a great big knife... 402 00:09:27,574 --> 00:09:30,200 And Frank 403 00:09:27,574 --> 00:09:30,200 went on to traumatize 404 00:09:27,574 --> 00:09:30,200 Lily's entire class 405 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,908 with a graphic explanation 406 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,908 of where meat comes from. 407 00:09:32,908 --> 00:09:37,033 So not one little scrap 408 00:09:32,908 --> 00:09:37,033 of Missy goes to waste. 409 00:09:37,033 --> 00:09:40,825 Ms. Aldrin, 410 00:09:37,033 --> 00:09:40,825 please don't 411 00:09:37,033 --> 00:09:40,825 let them eat Missy. 412 00:09:49,407 --> 00:09:52,700 I know, I know. 413 00:09:49,407 --> 00:09:52,700 I already called 414 00:09:49,407 --> 00:09:52,700 an animal rescue, 415 00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:55,033 and they're going to 416 00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:55,033 come get her on Monday. 417 00:09:55,033 --> 00:09:59,200 Monday? Where's she 418 00:09:55,033 --> 00:09:59,200 going to sleep and eat 419 00:09:55,033 --> 00:09:59,200 and go to the bathroom? 420 00:10:01,407 --> 00:10:04,366 Okay, 421 00:10:01,407 --> 00:10:04,366 where's she going 422 00:10:01,407 --> 00:10:04,366 to sleep and eat? 423 00:10:04,366 --> 00:10:06,533 I guess I'll keep 424 00:10:04,366 --> 00:10:06,533 her up on the roof. 425 00:10:06,533 --> 00:10:08,616 Look, call me crazy. 426 00:10:06,533 --> 00:10:08,616 I just... 427 00:10:08,616 --> 00:10:11,741 I don't think having a goat 428 00:10:08,616 --> 00:10:11,741 in the apartment 429 00:10:08,616 --> 00:10:11,741 is a good idea. 430 00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:14,574 And, boy, was I right, 431 00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:14,574 because what Missy the goat 432 00:10:14,574 --> 00:10:16,533 would go on to do 433 00:10:14,574 --> 00:10:16,533 in that bathroom 434 00:10:14,574 --> 00:10:16,533 was so... 435 00:10:18,283 --> 00:10:19,908 No, you know what? 436 00:10:18,283 --> 00:10:19,908 I'm getting ahead 437 00:10:18,283 --> 00:10:19,908 of myself. 438 00:10:19,908 --> 00:10:21,825 We'll get there. 439 00:10:21,825 --> 00:10:23,783 Hey, Ted. 440 00:10:21,825 --> 00:10:23,783 Hey. 441 00:10:23,783 --> 00:10:25,658 You ready to... 442 00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:27,283 Where'd the goat turd 443 00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:27,283 come from? 444 00:10:27,283 --> 00:10:28,825 How'd you know 445 00:10:27,283 --> 00:10:28,825 that was a goat turd? 446 00:10:28,825 --> 00:10:30,867 Well, it was either 447 00:10:28,825 --> 00:10:30,867 that or a musk ox turd, 448 00:10:30,867 --> 00:10:35,533 and I figured, 449 00:10:30,867 --> 00:10:35,533 what the hell would 450 00:10:30,867 --> 00:10:35,533 a musk ox be doing in here? 451 00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:37,283 Hey. 452 00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:37,283 Guess what your 453 00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:37,283 wife brought home. 454 00:10:37,283 --> 00:10:39,658 Attorney-client privilege. 455 00:10:37,283 --> 00:10:39,658 I can't talk about it. 456 00:10:39,658 --> 00:10:41,658 Talk about what? 457 00:10:39,658 --> 00:10:41,658 Nothing. 458 00:10:41,658 --> 00:10:43,449 How was your day? 459 00:10:43,449 --> 00:10:45,407 Oh, goat turd on 460 00:10:43,449 --> 00:10:45,407 the floor, I see. 461 00:10:43,449 --> 00:10:45,407 Is that new? 462 00:10:48,074 --> 00:10:50,033 How does 463 00:10:48,074 --> 00:10:50,033 everyone know 464 00:10:48,074 --> 00:10:50,033 that's a goat turd? 465 00:10:53,825 --> 00:10:55,533 Barney told you. 466 00:10:55,533 --> 00:10:56,949 I don't know what you're 467 00:10:55,533 --> 00:10:56,949 talking about, madam. 468 00:10:56,949 --> 00:10:58,658 Marshall, you can't 469 00:10:56,949 --> 00:10:58,658 look me in the eye, 470 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,574 you're blushing, coughing, 471 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,574 and your hands are shaking. 472 00:11:01,574 --> 00:11:04,241 Hey, Robin, come here. 473 00:11:04,241 --> 00:11:06,658 Ted is never finding out 474 00:11:04,241 --> 00:11:06,658 about this, you understand? 475 00:11:06,658 --> 00:11:09,407 Because it never happened, 476 00:11:06,658 --> 00:11:09,407 none of us are saying 477 00:11:06,658 --> 00:11:09,407 anything. 478 00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:13,282 And don't even think about 479 00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:13,282 opening that can until I'm 480 00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:13,282 out of the splash zone. 481 00:11:27,407 --> 00:11:29,491 Oh, fantastic, you're here. 482 00:11:29,491 --> 00:11:31,158 Give me the good news. 483 00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:33,366 I'm sorry. 484 00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:33,366 You did too good 485 00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:33,366 a job writing this thing. 486 00:11:33,366 --> 00:11:35,491 It's iron-clad. 487 00:11:35,491 --> 00:11:36,991 No! 488 00:11:36,991 --> 00:11:38,324 Bad lawyer! 489 00:11:38,324 --> 00:11:39,991 I need a loophole! 490 00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:41,949 I want to feel better, 491 00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:41,949 Marshall! 492 00:11:41,949 --> 00:11:43,908 I can't keep buying things! 493 00:11:43,908 --> 00:11:47,449 I have six 494 00:11:43,908 --> 00:11:47,449 self-cleaning litter boxes, 495 00:11:43,908 --> 00:11:47,449 and I don't even have a kid. 496 00:11:47,449 --> 00:11:50,158 Wait. How about this? 497 00:11:50,158 --> 00:11:51,949 Ted's probably broken 498 00:11:50,158 --> 00:11:51,949 this thing himself, right? 499 00:11:51,949 --> 00:11:54,783 If he's 500 00:11:51,949 --> 00:11:54,783 broken the Bro Code, 501 00:11:51,949 --> 00:11:54,783 then I'm off the hook. 502 00:11:54,783 --> 00:11:57,658 I thought about that, 503 00:11:54,783 --> 00:11:57,658 and I got to say 504 00:11:57,658 --> 00:12:00,867 Ted has 505 00:11:57,658 --> 00:12:00,867 upheld this thing 506 00:11:57,658 --> 00:12:00,867 time and time again. 507 00:12:00,867 --> 00:12:02,991 For example, Article 87. 508 00:12:02,991 --> 00:12:05,908 "A bro shall at 509 00:12:02,991 --> 00:12:05,908 all times say yes." 510 00:12:05,908 --> 00:12:07,700 So he saved you 511 00:12:05,908 --> 00:12:07,700 from an avalanche? 512 00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:09,700 Yes. 513 00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:13,533 And he carried you 514 00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:13,533 6 miles to safety 515 00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:13,533 on his broken leg? 516 00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:14,991 Yes. 517 00:12:14,991 --> 00:12:17,282 And you're a pre-op 518 00:12:14,991 --> 00:12:17,282 transsexual nightclub singer 519 00:12:17,282 --> 00:12:20,033 who used 520 00:12:17,282 --> 00:12:20,033 to be a member 521 00:12:17,282 --> 00:12:20,033 of the Russian mob? 522 00:12:25,616 --> 00:12:26,908 Article 29. 523 00:12:26,908 --> 00:12:29,074 "A bro will, 524 00:12:26,908 --> 00:12:29,074 in a timely manner, 525 00:12:29,074 --> 00:12:32,407 "alert his bro to the 526 00:12:29,074 --> 00:12:32,407 existence of a girl fight." 527 00:12:32,407 --> 00:12:34,407 Dude, two girls are 528 00:12:32,407 --> 00:12:34,407 fighting at MacLaren's. 529 00:12:34,407 --> 00:12:35,574 What? 530 00:12:39,366 --> 00:12:42,908 Yeah, yeah. 531 00:12:39,366 --> 00:12:42,908 It was crazy. 532 00:12:39,366 --> 00:12:42,908 This one girl was like... 533 00:12:42,908 --> 00:12:44,533 Oh, hey. 534 00:12:42,908 --> 00:12:44,533 Hey. 535 00:12:45,533 --> 00:12:46,908 Article 53. 536 00:12:46,908 --> 00:12:49,199 "A bro will, 537 00:12:46,908 --> 00:12:49,199 whenever possible, 538 00:12:49,199 --> 00:12:50,867 "provide his bro 539 00:12:49,199 --> 00:12:50,867 with protection." 540 00:12:51,783 --> 00:12:52,825 That feels nice. 541 00:12:52,825 --> 00:12:54,074 Good. 542 00:13:01,574 --> 00:13:03,449 I just wish 543 00:13:01,574 --> 00:13:03,449 we had some wine. 544 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:06,491 Yeah. 545 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:06,491 I wish we had 546 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:06,491 some wine, too. 547 00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:14,324 Damn it, Marshall. 548 00:13:14,324 --> 00:13:16,407 I'm not paying you to 549 00:13:14,324 --> 00:13:16,407 tell me what a saint 550 00:13:14,324 --> 00:13:16,407 Ted is! 551 00:13:16,407 --> 00:13:18,700 You're my lawyer! 552 00:13:16,407 --> 00:13:18,700 The answer is in 553 00:13:16,407 --> 00:13:18,700 there! Find it! 554 00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:21,324 Okay, this isn't 555 00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:21,324 about the Bro Code, 556 00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:21,324 and you know it. 557 00:13:21,324 --> 00:13:24,033 The reason that 558 00:13:21,324 --> 00:13:24,033 you're upset is because 559 00:13:21,324 --> 00:13:24,033 what you did was wrong. 560 00:13:24,033 --> 00:13:25,783 And the 561 00:13:24,033 --> 00:13:25,783 only way you're 562 00:13:24,033 --> 00:13:25,783 ever going to feel 563 00:13:25,783 --> 00:13:28,491 any better about it is if 564 00:13:25,783 --> 00:13:28,491 you tell Ted what you did. 565 00:13:28,491 --> 00:13:31,282 What if he never 566 00:13:28,491 --> 00:13:31,282 wants to talk to 567 00:13:28,491 --> 00:13:31,282 me again? 568 00:13:31,282 --> 00:13:34,366 Well, 569 00:13:31,282 --> 00:13:34,366 I guess that's just a chance 570 00:13:31,282 --> 00:13:34,366 you're going to have to take. 571 00:13:34,366 --> 00:13:36,825 Which brings us 572 00:13:34,366 --> 00:13:36,825 to April 25, 2008. 573 00:13:36,825 --> 00:13:38,741 My 30th birthday. 574 00:13:38,741 --> 00:13:41,825 Or as it would 575 00:13:38,741 --> 00:13:41,825 come to be referred 576 00:13:38,741 --> 00:13:41,825 to in later years, 577 00:13:41,825 --> 00:13:43,825 the Day of the Goat. 578 00:13:43,825 --> 00:13:45,574 Hey, where are you? 579 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,449 I'm in the limo, 580 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,449 right outside of 581 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,449 Ted's office. 582 00:13:47,449 --> 00:13:49,324 Great. Well, 583 00:13:47,449 --> 00:13:49,324 everyone's here. 584 00:13:47,449 --> 00:13:49,324 Stella just arrived. 585 00:13:49,324 --> 00:13:51,825 And there 586 00:13:49,324 --> 00:13:51,825 is something 587 00:13:49,324 --> 00:13:51,825 here so awesome, 588 00:13:51,825 --> 00:13:54,616 I'm not going to 589 00:13:51,825 --> 00:13:54,616 tell you what it is, 590 00:13:51,825 --> 00:13:54,616 but you won't believe... 591 00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:55,741 Goat in a party hat? 592 00:13:55,741 --> 00:13:57,240 Damn it! 593 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,157 Well, 594 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,157 you still 595 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,157 got to see it. 596 00:13:59,157 --> 00:14:01,991 It's so much fun 597 00:13:59,157 --> 00:14:01,991 having a goat at 598 00:13:59,157 --> 00:14:01,991 a party! 599 00:14:01,991 --> 00:14:03,533 In a few short hours, 600 00:14:03,533 --> 00:14:04,700 Lily would come to 601 00:14:03,533 --> 00:14:04,700 regret those words. 602 00:14:05,908 --> 00:14:07,491 But we'll get there. 603 00:14:07,491 --> 00:14:08,658 Got to go. 604 00:14:07,491 --> 00:14:08,658 Here he comes. 605 00:14:08,658 --> 00:14:10,157 Okay. Bye. 606 00:14:10,157 --> 00:14:11,407 Hey. 607 00:14:10,157 --> 00:14:11,407 Hey. 608 00:14:11,407 --> 00:14:13,491 You guys went all out. 609 00:14:13,491 --> 00:14:16,574 Okay, 610 00:14:13,491 --> 00:14:16,574 everyone, Ted's in the 611 00:14:13,491 --> 00:14:16,574 limo, five-minute warning! 612 00:14:16,574 --> 00:14:17,908 Everyone get ready! 613 00:14:17,908 --> 00:14:20,867 Oh, Missy, 614 00:14:17,908 --> 00:14:20,867 are you excited? 615 00:14:22,324 --> 00:14:23,741 Yes, you are! 616 00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,741 Whoa. 617 00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,741 We're leaving the city. 618 00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:29,616 Where the hell 619 00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:29,616 is this party? 620 00:14:29,616 --> 00:14:30,741 Vegas. 621 00:14:39,073 --> 00:14:40,949 Vegas? 622 00:14:39,073 --> 00:14:40,949 I thought the party 623 00:14:39,073 --> 00:14:40,949 was on the rooftop. 624 00:14:40,949 --> 00:14:43,033 Surprise! 625 00:14:40,949 --> 00:14:43,033 Just a decoy, my friend. 626 00:14:43,033 --> 00:14:44,366 So there's no roof party? 627 00:14:44,366 --> 00:14:46,324 Oh, no. There is. 628 00:14:44,366 --> 00:14:46,324 We're just not going. 629 00:14:46,324 --> 00:14:47,867 This is how 630 00:14:46,324 --> 00:14:47,867 good a friend I am. 631 00:14:47,867 --> 00:14:49,908 They want 632 00:14:47,867 --> 00:14:49,908 you to spend your 633 00:14:47,867 --> 00:14:49,908 30th standing around 634 00:14:49,908 --> 00:14:52,533 drinking flat beer 635 00:14:49,908 --> 00:14:52,533 10 feet above your 636 00:14:49,908 --> 00:14:52,533 living room. 637 00:14:52,533 --> 00:14:53,949 But not me, bro. 638 00:14:53,949 --> 00:14:55,700 I pulled out all the stops. 639 00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:59,033 Private jet, 640 00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:59,033 Valderrama suite 641 00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:59,033 at the Bellagio. 642 00:14:59,033 --> 00:15:00,700 Steaks at BOA, 643 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,741 scotch at Ghost Bar, 644 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,741 then two ringside seats 645 00:15:03,741 --> 00:15:06,616 to watch 646 00:15:03,741 --> 00:15:06,616 Floyd Mayweather 647 00:15:03,741 --> 00:15:06,616 go 10 rounds with... 648 00:15:06,616 --> 00:15:08,949 Wait for it. 649 00:15:06,616 --> 00:15:08,949 a grizzly bear! 650 00:15:10,033 --> 00:15:12,407 Take me home, Barney. 651 00:15:10,033 --> 00:15:12,407 No! 652 00:15:12,407 --> 00:15:14,449 We have to go to Vegas. 653 00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:19,073 Look, Ted, 654 00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:19,073 I didn't want to say this, 655 00:15:19,073 --> 00:15:20,783 but there's something 656 00:15:19,073 --> 00:15:20,783 that I have to tell you, 657 00:15:20,783 --> 00:15:22,616 and I wanted you to be 658 00:15:20,783 --> 00:15:22,616 in the best possible 659 00:15:20,783 --> 00:15:22,616 frame of mind 660 00:15:22,616 --> 00:15:25,491 before you heard it. 661 00:15:22,616 --> 00:15:25,491 You slept with Robin. 662 00:15:28,491 --> 00:15:31,491 Ranjit! 663 00:15:28,491 --> 00:15:31,491 You slept with Robin? 664 00:15:31,491 --> 00:15:34,366 Barney! 665 00:15:31,491 --> 00:15:34,366 That is Ted's ex-girlfriend! 666 00:15:34,366 --> 00:15:37,783 (ANGRILY SPEAKING 667 00:15:34,366 --> 00:15:37,783 FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 668 00:15:41,533 --> 00:15:42,991 When did you find out? 669 00:15:43,949 --> 00:15:46,324 Hey, Robin. Come here! 670 00:15:46,324 --> 00:15:48,825 What's up? 671 00:15:46,324 --> 00:15:48,825 I was just going 672 00:15:46,324 --> 00:15:48,825 through some old stuff. 673 00:15:48,825 --> 00:15:49,949 And I... 674 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,366 Oh, crap! 675 00:15:54,741 --> 00:15:57,825 Anyway, I came across this. 676 00:15:57,825 --> 00:16:00,867 Oh, wow! From our 677 00:15:57,825 --> 00:16:00,867 vacation in Vermont. 678 00:15:57,825 --> 00:16:00,867 Yeah. 679 00:16:00,867 --> 00:16:02,990 I don't know 680 00:16:00,867 --> 00:16:02,990 if you'd even want it, 681 00:16:00,867 --> 00:16:02,990 but if you do, it's yours. 682 00:16:02,990 --> 00:16:04,700 I slept with Barney! 683 00:16:04,700 --> 00:16:06,825 What? 684 00:16:06,825 --> 00:16:09,616 It was just one time, 685 00:16:06,825 --> 00:16:09,616 it was the night 686 00:16:06,825 --> 00:16:09,616 that Simon dumped me, 687 00:16:09,616 --> 00:16:11,658 and I was 688 00:16:09,616 --> 00:16:11,658 in a really 689 00:16:09,616 --> 00:16:11,658 vulnerable place, 690 00:16:11,658 --> 00:16:14,700 and I wanted 691 00:16:11,658 --> 00:16:14,700 to just pretend 692 00:16:11,658 --> 00:16:14,700 like it never happened, 693 00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:16,783 but I couldn't, and... 694 00:16:16,783 --> 00:16:18,574 I can't. 695 00:16:18,574 --> 00:16:20,908 I just... 696 00:16:18,574 --> 00:16:20,908 I had to tell you. 697 00:16:22,073 --> 00:16:23,449 And... 698 00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:27,157 I just hope that we 699 00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:27,157 can still be friends. 700 00:16:27,157 --> 00:16:28,908 Of course we can 701 00:16:27,157 --> 00:16:28,908 still be friends. 702 00:16:28,908 --> 00:16:30,825 So you're not mad? 703 00:16:30,825 --> 00:16:32,407 Well, I'm... 704 00:16:32,407 --> 00:16:34,491 It's a little weird, but... 705 00:16:35,449 --> 00:16:36,990 No, I'm not mad. 706 00:16:39,783 --> 00:16:40,948 Wow. 707 00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:43,366 So you're not mad? 708 00:16:43,366 --> 00:16:45,616 No, I'm not mad. 709 00:16:45,616 --> 00:16:47,783 I mean, Robin and I 710 00:16:45,616 --> 00:16:47,783 broke up a year ago. 711 00:16:47,783 --> 00:16:49,990 We've both dated 712 00:16:47,783 --> 00:16:49,990 lots of people since then. 713 00:16:49,990 --> 00:16:52,324 I'm with Stella now. 714 00:16:52,324 --> 00:16:54,073 Seriously, 715 00:16:52,324 --> 00:16:54,073 I'm fine with this. 716 00:16:55,783 --> 00:16:57,783 I'm so relieved to 717 00:16:55,783 --> 00:16:57,783 hear you say that. 718 00:16:57,783 --> 00:16:59,700 Yeah. Yeah. 719 00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:02,908 Oh, hey, I just remembered, 720 00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:02,908 my mom is coming into town 721 00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:02,908 next month. 722 00:17:02,908 --> 00:17:05,948 Maybe you'd like 723 00:17:02,908 --> 00:17:05,948 to nail her, too! 724 00:17:05,948 --> 00:17:08,240 Where are they? 725 00:17:05,948 --> 00:17:08,240 I'm getting a cramp. 726 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,616 Marshall, 727 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,616 can we keep the goat? 728 00:17:10,616 --> 00:17:11,867 No. 729 00:17:11,867 --> 00:17:14,199 But she's so cute 730 00:17:11,867 --> 00:17:14,199 and furry and soft. 731 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:17,574 Yeah, and she also sheds, 732 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:17,574 eats out of the garbage 733 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:17,574 and can't control her bowels. 734 00:17:17,574 --> 00:17:19,073 Why don't we just call 735 00:17:17,574 --> 00:17:19,073 Duluth Mental Hospital 736 00:17:19,073 --> 00:17:21,199 and say 737 00:17:19,073 --> 00:17:21,199 my Uncle Linus 738 00:17:19,073 --> 00:17:21,199 can live with us? 739 00:17:21,199 --> 00:17:23,073 Yeah, Lily, that may 740 00:17:21,199 --> 00:17:23,073 seem like a good idea 741 00:17:23,073 --> 00:17:24,948 after a couple of drinks, 742 00:17:23,073 --> 00:17:24,948 but tomorrow morning 743 00:17:24,948 --> 00:17:26,658 you're going to 744 00:17:24,948 --> 00:17:26,658 want this thing 745 00:17:24,948 --> 00:17:26,658 out of your house. 746 00:17:26,658 --> 00:17:28,825 Oh, you should talk. 747 00:17:26,658 --> 00:17:28,825 You slept with Barney. 748 00:17:28,825 --> 00:17:30,407 Marshall! 749 00:17:28,825 --> 00:17:30,407 I'm sorry! 750 00:17:30,407 --> 00:17:32,491 I couldn't take it anymore. 751 00:17:32,491 --> 00:17:35,825 I can't 752 00:17:32,491 --> 00:17:35,825 believe you did that. 753 00:17:32,491 --> 00:17:35,825 That's so gross. 754 00:17:35,825 --> 00:17:36,990 Was it amazing? 755 00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:38,533 What? I... 756 00:17:38,533 --> 00:17:40,658 Lily, I really don't 757 00:17:38,533 --> 00:17:40,658 want to talk about this. 758 00:17:40,658 --> 00:17:42,907 I know, but it's Barney. 759 00:17:42,907 --> 00:17:46,157 It's just hard 760 00:17:42,907 --> 00:17:46,157 not to be curious. 761 00:17:46,157 --> 00:17:48,825 Did he have like 762 00:17:46,157 --> 00:17:48,825 devices and stuff? 763 00:17:46,157 --> 00:17:48,825 Lily, come on. 764 00:17:48,825 --> 00:17:50,199 Hot wax? 765 00:17:48,825 --> 00:17:50,199 Stop it. 766 00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:51,240 Did he tie you to anything? 767 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,366 That's enough. 768 00:17:52,366 --> 00:17:53,948 What's wrong with you? 769 00:17:52,366 --> 00:17:53,948 I'm sorry. 770 00:17:57,867 --> 00:18:00,240 Is he all smooth 771 00:17:57,867 --> 00:18:00,240 down there? 772 00:18:01,491 --> 00:18:03,783 Three billion 773 00:18:01,491 --> 00:18:03,783 women on the planet! 774 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,574 Three billion! 775 00:18:05,574 --> 00:18:07,324 And you have to sleep with 776 00:18:05,574 --> 00:18:07,324 the one that I dated for 777 00:18:05,574 --> 00:18:07,324 a year! 778 00:18:07,324 --> 00:18:10,574 Are you kidding me? 779 00:18:07,324 --> 00:18:10,574 Are you kidding me? 780 00:18:07,324 --> 00:18:10,574 Robin? 781 00:18:10,574 --> 00:18:12,199 You think I'm proud of this? 782 00:18:12,199 --> 00:18:13,783 I'm horrified 783 00:18:12,199 --> 00:18:13,783 that this happened. 784 00:18:13,783 --> 00:18:15,700 How did it happen? 785 00:18:13,783 --> 00:18:15,700 Huh? 786 00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:18,990 Barney, I want to know. 787 00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:18,990 Tell me exactly how 788 00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:18,990 it happened. 789 00:18:19,948 --> 00:18:21,533 You mean 790 00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:22,700 what position? 791 00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:24,533 Okay. Stop it! 792 00:18:24,533 --> 00:18:26,658 Stop it! Stop it. 793 00:18:26,658 --> 00:18:28,491 Hit him! Hit him, Ted. 794 00:18:26,658 --> 00:18:28,491 Stop! 795 00:18:28,491 --> 00:18:29,741 Hit him! 796 00:18:28,491 --> 00:18:29,741 Stop it! 797 00:18:29,741 --> 00:18:31,199 Hit him! 798 00:18:29,741 --> 00:18:31,199 Okay. 799 00:18:31,199 --> 00:18:33,533 Okay. You're pissed. 800 00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:35,741 You deserve to be. 801 00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:35,741 Fine. You know what? 802 00:18:35,741 --> 00:18:38,700 One free shot. On me. 803 00:18:35,741 --> 00:18:38,700 Anywhere but the face. 804 00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:46,783 Who punches 805 00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:46,783 someone in the groin? 806 00:18:49,073 --> 00:18:50,407 Okay. Okay. 807 00:18:50,407 --> 00:18:52,282 I deserved that. 808 00:18:52,282 --> 00:18:54,115 I deserved that. 809 00:18:54,115 --> 00:18:56,783 But what's important now is 810 00:18:56,783 --> 00:18:59,032 we're past this whole 811 00:18:56,783 --> 00:18:59,032 Robin thing now, right? 812 00:18:59,032 --> 00:19:01,658 You think that this 813 00:18:59,032 --> 00:19:01,658 is just about Robin? 814 00:19:01,658 --> 00:19:03,282 This is about... 815 00:19:04,533 --> 00:19:06,658 You know, 816 00:19:04,533 --> 00:19:06,658 I've seen you 817 00:19:04,533 --> 00:19:06,658 do some bad stuff. 818 00:19:06,658 --> 00:19:10,658 I mean, 819 00:19:06,658 --> 00:19:10,658 some really terrible stuff 820 00:19:06,658 --> 00:19:10,658 to a lot of different people. 821 00:19:10,658 --> 00:19:12,366 I just always thought 822 00:19:10,658 --> 00:19:12,366 there had to be a limit. 823 00:19:12,366 --> 00:19:15,199 I always thought 824 00:19:12,366 --> 00:19:15,199 I was the limit. 825 00:19:15,199 --> 00:19:18,616 You're 826 00:19:15,199 --> 00:19:18,616 always spouting off 827 00:19:15,199 --> 00:19:18,616 these rules for bros. 828 00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:21,990 Isn't one of them, 829 00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:21,990 "Don't do this"? 830 00:19:21,990 --> 00:19:24,616 Yeah. 831 00:19:21,990 --> 00:19:24,616 And I broke it. I'm sorry. 832 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,658 But, Ted, 833 00:19:28,658 --> 00:19:31,115 seriously, 834 00:19:28,658 --> 00:19:31,115 this suite at 835 00:19:28,658 --> 00:19:31,115 the Bellagio... 836 00:19:31,115 --> 00:19:33,366 I am not going 837 00:19:31,115 --> 00:19:33,366 to Vegas with you. 838 00:19:33,366 --> 00:19:36,533 I'm not going to 839 00:19:33,366 --> 00:19:36,533 blow off my friends 840 00:19:33,366 --> 00:19:36,533 and my girlfriend, 841 00:19:36,533 --> 00:19:39,282 and spend my 30th 842 00:19:36,533 --> 00:19:39,282 birthday in a strip club. 843 00:19:39,282 --> 00:19:42,907 The fact that 844 00:19:39,282 --> 00:19:42,907 you think I would... 845 00:19:42,907 --> 00:19:46,199 You know, Barney, earlier this 846 00:19:42,907 --> 00:19:46,199 week I started putting things 847 00:19:42,907 --> 00:19:46,199 in a box 848 00:19:46,199 --> 00:19:50,115 and that box was labeled 849 00:19:46,199 --> 00:19:50,115 "stuff I have no use for 850 00:19:46,199 --> 00:19:50,115 anymore." 851 00:19:50,115 --> 00:19:51,948 What does that mean? 852 00:19:51,948 --> 00:19:57,282 It means maybe you 853 00:19:51,948 --> 00:19:57,282 belong in that box. 854 00:19:57,282 --> 00:19:59,907 Are you saying 855 00:19:57,282 --> 00:19:59,907 you don't want to 856 00:19:57,282 --> 00:19:59,907 be bros anymore? 857 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:03,032 I'm saying 858 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:03,032 I don't want to 859 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:03,032 be friends anymore. 860 00:20:04,282 --> 00:20:07,407 Okay, I'm going to 861 00:20:04,282 --> 00:20:07,407 stop you right there, 862 00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,407 because it seems like 863 00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,407 you're about to say 864 00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,407 something 865 00:20:09,407 --> 00:20:11,032 that's going to 866 00:20:09,407 --> 00:20:11,032 pretty much ruin Vegas. 867 00:20:11,032 --> 00:20:12,658 Ranjit, stop the car. 868 00:20:14,032 --> 00:20:15,700 I'm getting a cab. 869 00:20:52,157 --> 00:20:53,658 Surprise! 870 00:20:52,157 --> 00:20:53,658 Surprise! 871 00:21:06,282 --> 00:21:07,907 Oh, right, the goat. 872 00:21:07,907 --> 00:21:10,115 So funny. 873 00:21:07,907 --> 00:21:10,115 You're going 874 00:21:07,907 --> 00:21:10,115 to love this. 875 00:21:10,115 --> 00:21:12,449 So later that night, the goat 876 00:21:10,115 --> 00:21:12,449 locked herself in the bathroom 877 00:21:12,449 --> 00:21:15,032 and was eating one of Robin's 878 00:21:12,449 --> 00:21:15,032 washcloths and... 879 00:21:15,032 --> 00:21:17,948 Wait, hold on. 880 00:21:15,032 --> 00:21:17,948 Robin wasn't living 881 00:21:15,032 --> 00:21:17,948 here on my 30th birthday. 882 00:21:17,948 --> 00:21:19,782 When did this happen? 883 00:21:19,782 --> 00:21:22,616 Oh, wait, 884 00:21:19,782 --> 00:21:22,616 the goat was there 885 00:21:19,782 --> 00:21:22,616 on my 31st birthday. 886 00:21:22,616 --> 00:21:24,574 Sorry, 887 00:21:22,616 --> 00:21:24,574 I totally got that wrong.