1
00:00:02,927 --> 00:00:05,125
? of the cab ride

2
00:00:05,125 --> 00:00:06,923
that changed my life.

3
00:00:07,222 --> 00:00:09,620
I know it sounds crazy,
but for all I know

4
00:00:09,620 --> 00:00:13,017
my life would be very different
if I had taken, say...

5
00:00:13,017 --> 00:00:14,515
that cab.

6
00:00:15,814 --> 00:00:17,113
Or that cab.

7
00:00:18,012 --> 00:00:19,011
God knows
what would have happened

8
00:00:19,011 --> 00:00:21,109
if I had gotten into that cab.

9
00:00:25,504 --> 00:00:27,103
I took this cab.

10
00:00:27,502 --> 00:00:29,800
And it changed my whole life.

11
00:00:37,892 --> 00:00:39,790
But first, we need
to back up a little.

12
00:00:40,889 --> 00:00:41,888
Hey.

13
00:00:42,187 --> 00:00:43,386
Is there any beer in the fridge?

14
00:00:43,386 --> 00:00:44,885
It's 10:00 in
the morning.

15
00:00:44,885 --> 00:00:46,283
Grab me one.

16
00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:48,481
So,

17
00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:50,879
something bad
just happened.

18
00:00:51,578 --> 00:00:53,976
Stella and I were out
having breakfast.

19
00:00:54,675 --> 00:00:56,773
So, my sister broke up
with her boyfriend.

20
00:00:56,773 --> 00:00:57,972
Well, I can finally say it.

21
00:00:57,972 --> 00:00:58,971
I hated that guy!

22
00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:00,569
Everything out
of his mouth is,

23
00:01:00,569 --> 00:01:02,068
"I'm a vegan.

24
00:01:02,068 --> 00:01:03,666
"Fish feel pain.

25
00:01:03,666 --> 00:01:05,764
I'm never constipated. "

26
00:01:05,764 --> 00:01:07,162
The guy's an idiot.

27
00:01:07,162 --> 00:01:08,161
Actually, she's
marrying him.

28
00:01:08,161 --> 00:01:10,459
I just wanted
your honest opinion.

29
00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:12,557
He's actually a really nice guy.

30
00:01:12,557 --> 00:01:15,554
I think there's a wisdom to...

31
00:01:17,152 --> 00:01:18,951
Anyway, they picked
a date, so, uh,

32
00:01:19,150 --> 00:01:19,950
you want to come with me,

33
00:01:19,950 --> 00:01:21,248
so that we can laugh
our asses off

34
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,846
as we watch him walk
barefoot down the aisle in a hemp tuxedo?

35
00:01:23,846 --> 00:01:25,144
Yeah, sure. When is it?

36
00:01:25,144 --> 00:01:26,843
Uh, first weekend
in November.

37
00:01:27,442 --> 00:01:27,842
Is that

38
00:01:27,842 --> 00:01:28,741
the something bad?

39
00:01:28,741 --> 00:01:30,839
That she invited you
to a wedding?

40
00:01:30,839 --> 00:01:32,038
Six months from now.

41
00:01:32,038 --> 00:01:35,234
As in we'll be together
six months from now.

42
00:01:35,234 --> 00:01:35,834
Do you guys
remember

43
00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:37,232
Barney's whole thing
about making plans

44
00:01:37,232 --> 00:01:38,331
in a relationship?

45
00:01:38,931 --> 00:01:40,229
Fourth row.

46
00:01:40,229 --> 00:01:41,228
Ted, no.

47
00:01:41,228 --> 00:01:44,125
You're violating
the date-time continuum.

48
00:01:44,125 --> 00:01:44,825
You never make

49
00:01:44,825 --> 00:01:46,423
plans with a girl further
in the future

50
00:01:46,423 --> 00:01:48,421
than the amount of time
you've been going out.

51
00:01:48,421 --> 00:01:50,219
You've been dating this girl
for, what, two weeks?

52
00:01:50,219 --> 00:01:53,416
No, you're not taking her to a
Springsteen concert in January.

53
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:57,812
By that time you won't even
remember this Robin girl's name.

54
00:01:59,310 --> 00:02:02,008
Ugh, man, I love Springsteen!

55
00:02:02,008 --> 00:02:04,805
He's like the American
Bryan Adams.

56
00:02:04,805 --> 00:02:06,004
Well...

57
00:02:06,903 --> 00:02:08,201
But Barney had a point.

58
00:02:08,201 --> 00:02:10,000
As soon as she started talking
about the wedding,

59
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,198
it freaked me out.

60
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:13,096
Oh, that sounds
like so much fun.

61
00:02:13,096 --> 00:02:14,995
Mmm. So I get to look forward to it

62
00:02:14,995 --> 00:02:16,593
for six months.

63
00:02:16,993 --> 00:02:19,190
Which is twice as long
as we've been dating.

64
00:02:19,190 --> 00:02:20,189
Uh-oh.

65
00:02:20,589 --> 00:02:22,087
I'm sure
your daughter Lucy'll come

66
00:02:22,087 --> 00:02:25,084
so it'll be like a...
a family trip.

67
00:02:25,684 --> 00:02:28,081
Our first trip
as our funny little family.

68
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:30,379
So that... that'll
be super-exciting.

69
00:02:30,379 --> 00:02:32,077
Oh, boy.

70
00:02:32,677 --> 00:02:34,975
Man, they crank up the heat
in these places.

71
00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:37,872
What's going on, Ted?

72
00:02:39,170 --> 00:02:40,069
We need to talk.

73
00:02:40,069 --> 00:02:41,268
Oh. Oh. Oh.

74
00:02:41,268 --> 00:02:42,867
"We need to talk"?

75
00:02:42,867 --> 00:02:45,964
There's only two situations
where you say that to someone

76
00:02:45,964 --> 00:02:47,462
and unless you're pregnant,

77
00:02:47,462 --> 00:02:49,660
it sounds like you
broke up with her.

78
00:02:50,259 --> 00:02:51,358
Yeah, I did.

79
00:02:52,557 --> 00:02:54,155
So how did she take it?

80
00:02:54,155 --> 00:02:54,955
Um...

81
00:02:55,454 --> 00:02:57,552
I'm only trying
to be honest with you.

82
00:02:57,952 --> 00:03:00,149
You know, Ted.
I have to go to work.

83
00:03:00,149 --> 00:03:01,148
Stella, can we just...

84
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:03,146
I d't want to leave it
like this.

85
00:03:03,146 --> 00:03:04,545
No, Ted, it's okay.

86
00:03:04,845 --> 00:03:06,143
We're good.

87
00:03:08,541 --> 00:03:09,640
Ow!

88
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,338
Look, I know it sounds rough,

89
00:03:11,338 --> 00:03:12,337
but Stella's a mom.

90
00:03:12,337 --> 00:03:14,035
I have to be responsible.

91
00:03:14,035 --> 00:03:15,634
If I'm having these feelings now,

92
00:03:15,634 --> 00:03:17,132
what if they don't go away?

93
00:03:17,132 --> 00:03:18,631
What if they just get worse
and worse

94
00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:20,829
d six months from now,
I break up with her

95
00:03:20,829 --> 00:03:23,326
over tofu salmon
at her sister's wedding?

96
00:03:23,326 --> 00:03:24,325
I can't do that to her.

97
00:03:24,325 --> 00:03:25,724
And I definitely can't do that

98
00:03:25,724 --> 00:03:27,122
to her daughter.

99
00:03:27,522 --> 00:03:29,920
It sucks, but I'm being
the good guy here.

100
00:03:31,918 --> 00:03:33,316
This is the right decision.

101
00:03:33,916 --> 00:03:35,814
Which brings me back
to the cab ride.

102
00:03:40,309 --> 00:03:42,607
Hello, may I speak
with Marshall Eriksen?

103
00:04:42,547 --> 00:04:43,646
Hey, guys.

104
00:04:44,145 --> 00:04:45,344
Jell-O?

105
00:04:47,342 --> 00:04:49,340
- ==破烂熊乐园倾情奉献==-
本字幕仅供学习交流，严禁用于商业用途

106
00:04:49,340 --> 00:04:54,335
- ==http://www.ragbear. com==-
How I Met Your Mother 第3季第20集

107
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:58,331
- =破烂熊字幕组=-
翻译：个人ID 校对：个人ID
时间轴：Jimmy

108
00:05:02,926 --> 00:05:04,924
?t believe this.
So you're totally fine.

109
00:05:04,924 --> 00:05:06,123
No, I'm not fine.

110
00:05:06,123 --> 00:05:08,421
I made the biggest mistake
of my life.

111
00:05:08,421 --> 00:05:09,420
I want Stella back.

112
00:05:09,420 --> 00:05:12,217
I've left her like ten messages,
but her phone's off.

113
00:05:12,217 --> 00:05:12,717
She's at that

114
00:05:12,717 --> 00:05:15,014
arcade Kiddie Funland
with her daughter.

115
00:05:16,113 --> 00:05:16,813
Please.

116
00:05:16,813 --> 00:05:18,611
Let me go to Kiddie Funland.

117
00:05:19,010 --> 00:05:20,509
You can say that
all you want, buddy,

118
00:05:20,509 --> 00:05:22,407
but you're not getting
any morphine.

119
00:05:22,407 --> 00:05:24,505
No, I'm serious.
I got to get out of here.

120
00:05:24,705 --> 00:05:26,803
You're not going anywhere
until we get the tests back.

121
00:05:26,803 --> 00:05:28,101
You could have
internal bleeding.

122
00:05:28,101 --> 00:05:30,199
Your brain could be all full
of blood.

123
00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:31,698
Think that's good for it?

124
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:32,896
ain't.

125
00:05:33,096 --> 00:05:34,994
This sucks.

126
00:05:34,994 --> 00:05:35,993
This sucks. This sucks.
Are you...

127
00:05:35,993 --> 00:05:37,592
are you kidding me?

128
00:05:37,792 --> 00:05:38,691
You walked away

129
00:05:38,691 --> 00:05:41,288
from a car accident
without a scratch.

130
00:05:41,488 --> 00:05:43,386
A miracle took place
today.

131
00:05:43,386 --> 00:05:45,184
Oh, here we go.

132
00:05:45,484 --> 00:05:47,082
You don't think
this was a miracle?

133
00:05:47,082 --> 00:05:49,480
There's no such thing
as miracles.

134
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:52,577
March 2006,
MacLaren's Bar.

135
00:05:53,476 --> 00:05:53,975
Oh.

136
00:05:53,975 --> 00:05:54,775
That's terrible.
Gentle.

137
00:05:54,775 --> 00:05:56,373
That's in!
Gentle.

138
00:05:56,373 --> 00:05:57,772
Ow.
Here we go.

139
00:05:59,670 --> 00:06:01,468
Hey!

140
00:06:01,668 --> 00:06:02,267
Bravo.

141
00:06:02,267 --> 00:06:03,666
Cheers...

142
00:06:03,666 --> 00:06:04,964
Mm-hmm.

143
00:06:11,558 --> 00:06:12,757
No... way.

144
00:06:12,757 --> 00:06:15,154
That did not just happen.

145
00:06:15,454 --> 00:06:18,451
Am I dead?

146
00:06:18,850 --> 00:06:20,349
Miracle!

147
00:06:20,549 --> 00:06:22,846
A pencil went up Barney's nose,

148
00:06:22,846 --> 00:06:24,844
and you call it a miracle.

149
00:06:24,844 --> 00:06:27,142
Well, do you have a better
explanation for it?

150
00:06:27,142 --> 00:06:29,640
A drunk jackass
with a box of pencils?

151
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,937
A drunk jackass
called "God!"

152
00:06:31,937 --> 00:06:34,735
And a box of pencils
called "destiny!"

153
00:06:35,734 --> 00:06:38,531
Speaking of Barney,
I should give him a call.

154
00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:40,129
Why? We're not friends anymore.

155
00:06:40,129 --> 00:06:42,327
You'd want to know if
thisappened to him.

156
00:06:44,325 --> 00:06:45,224
Go for Barney.

157
00:06:45,224 --> 00:06:46,523
Hey, Barney.

158
00:06:46,523 --> 00:06:48,421
Listen, I have something
to tell you.

159
00:06:48,421 --> 00:06:50,918
Oh, boy, here we go.

160
00:06:50,918 --> 00:06:52,117
I've been waiting for this one.

161
00:06:52,117 --> 00:06:53,316
You talked to Robin.

162
00:06:53,316 --> 00:06:54,814
She told you
what's under the hood

163
00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:57,012
and you want to take it
for a spin yourself.

164
00:06:57,012 --> 00:07:00,109
Not even if you boiled it
in detergent.

165
00:07:00,609 --> 00:07:02,007
It's about Ted.

166
00:07:02,007 --> 00:07:03,106
Ted?

167
00:07:04,005 --> 00:07:05,803
My former best friend Ted

168
00:07:05,803 --> 00:07:07,602
who I asked you never
to mention to me again?

169
00:07:07,602 --> 00:07:08,601
Yeah.

170
00:07:08,601 --> 00:07:10,299
He's been in a car accident.

171
00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:11,897
He's at Saint Anthony's
hospital.

172
00:07:11,897 --> 00:07:12,996
Everything's...

173
00:07:14,095 --> 00:07:16,293
No, I understand.

174
00:07:16,293 --> 00:07:19,490
You've got that important thing.

175
00:07:19,490 --> 00:07:20,289
Okay.

176
00:07:20,289 --> 00:07:21,688
Oh, of course

177
00:07:21,688 --> 00:07:23,186
I'll tell him you love him.

178
00:07:23,186 --> 00:07:24,285
Okay.

179
00:07:24,585 --> 00:07:25,783
Suit up!

180
00:07:26,183 --> 00:07:28,481
He is always saying stuff
like that!

181
00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:30,778
He hung up, didn't he?
Yeah.

182
00:07:30,978 --> 00:07:32,677
See, I told you.
We're not friends anymore.

183
00:07:34,475 --> 00:07:36,373
?

184
00:07:39,769 --> 00:07:41,368
What did he say?

185
00:07:42,267 --> 00:07:44,265
Ah, a hundred and thir... What?

186
00:07:44,265 --> 00:07:44,964
You...

187
00:07:46,563 --> 00:07:48,061
I'm coming, Ted.

188
00:07:49,660 --> 00:07:52,257
So, what made you change
your mind about Stella?

189
00:07:52,257 --> 00:07:55,654
Well, I was in the cab,
and the car was coming at me,

190
00:07:55,953 --> 00:07:58,051
and you know how they say
that your whole life flashes

191
00:07:58,051 --> 00:08:00,349
before your eyes
in a near-death experience?

192
00:08:00,349 --> 00:08:01,548
It doesn't.

193
00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:03,146
You don't see everything.

194
00:08:03,346 --> 00:08:05,244
Just the things you love.

195
00:08:08,641 --> 00:08:09,739
I realized in that moment

196
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:12,037
that Stella is the most
important thing in my life

197
00:08:12,037 --> 00:08:13,336
and-and I have to get her back.

198
00:08:13,336 --> 00:08:14,335
Aw!

199
00:08:14,335 --> 00:08:15,434
Miracle!

200
00:08:15,434 --> 00:08:16,732
Very sweet.

201
00:08:16,732 --> 00:08:18,631
Very romantic.

202
00:08:18,930 --> 00:08:20,229
Not a miracle.

203
00:08:20,429 --> 00:08:23,526
July 1999.

204
00:08:23,526 --> 00:08:24,824
Kennedy Airport.

205
00:08:25,823 --> 00:08:27,622
So, did you enjoy...

206
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,319
Amsterdam?

207
00:08:30,319 --> 00:08:31,318
No.

208
00:08:31,318 --> 00:08:32,617
Nothing illegal.

209
00:08:32,617 --> 00:08:33,815
Paintings.

210
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:36,613
All right,
Bob Marley.

211
00:08:36,613 --> 00:08:38,611
Let's have a
conversation.

212
00:08:42,607 --> 00:08:44,305
Shift change.

213
00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:50,698
Oh, Amsterdam.

214
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,896
All right.

215
00:08:53,695 --> 00:08:55,693
Float on through, brother.

216
00:09:00,189 --> 00:09:01,787
Miracle!

217
00:09:03,186 --> 00:09:04,684
Don't you go
into the light!

218
00:09:04,684 --> 00:09:05,983
Don't you do it!

219
00:09:06,682 --> 00:09:07,681
Hey, Mosby,

220
00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:09,280
you got a visitor.

221
00:09:17,971 --> 00:09:19,170
Hey, guys.

222
00:09:19,170 --> 00:09:20,569
Hey. Hey. Hey.

223
00:09:21,068 --> 00:09:22,966
Can you guys, uh,
give us a minute?

224
00:09:27,062 --> 00:09:29,060
Stella, before you
say anytng...

225
00:09:29,659 --> 00:09:30,858
I love you.

226
00:09:30,858 --> 00:09:32,457
I love you, too.

227
00:09:32,756 --> 00:09:33,456
Can we just forget about...

228
00:09:33,456 --> 00:09:35,154
It's forgotten.

229
00:09:36,353 --> 00:09:37,651
Is this your chart?

230
00:09:39,849 --> 00:09:40,948
Okay.

231
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:42,447
Uh-huh.

232
00:09:42,746 --> 00:09:44,345
Everything looks good.

233
00:09:45,444 --> 00:09:47,042
I think you can handle it.

234
00:09:47,042 --> 00:09:48,341
Handle what?

235
00:09:51,637 --> 00:09:53,935
Aww! Aww! Aww!

236
00:09:53,935 --> 00:09:54,834
This morning

237
00:09:54,834 --> 00:09:56,033
he dumped her and now

238
00:09:56,033 --> 00:09:58,531
she's dry-humping him
on a hospital bed.

239
00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:00,529
Miracle!
Yeah,

240
00:10:00,529 --> 00:10:02,127
you know, I bet
if you call up the Vatican,

241
00:10:02,127 --> 00:10:04,325
they will tell you that most
of their certified miracles

242
00:10:04,325 --> 00:10:06,423
involve dry-humping, so.

243
00:10:07,621 --> 00:10:09,619
April 2008.

244
00:10:09,619 --> 00:10:11,717
Lily's kindergarten classroom.

245
00:10:12,117 --> 00:10:13,116
You're gonna go in there

246
00:10:13,116 --> 00:10:14,614
and beg
for your old job back?

247
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,813
That's crazy.

248
00:10:15,813 --> 00:10:17,711
You hated it there.

249
00:10:17,711 --> 00:10:20,808
I- I know, the job market is
just really bad right now.

250
00:10:21,707 --> 00:10:23,206
Hey, kids,

251
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:26,103
who wants Uncle Marshall
to get his old job back?

252
00:10:26,103 --> 00:10:28,401
y

253
00:10:28,401 --> 00:10:29,100
They'll cheer

254
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:31,597
for anything
if you say it like that.

255
00:10:31,597 --> 00:10:33,496
Kids, a super tanker

256
00:10:33,496 --> 00:10:35,793
spilled five million
gallons of oil

257
00:10:35,793 --> 00:10:38,191
off the coast of Alaska
this morning!

258
00:10:38,191 --> 00:10:40,588
y

259
00:10:42,786 --> 00:10:43,985
Hello, Marshall.

260
00:10:43,985 --> 00:10:44,684
Mr. Hewitt,

261
00:10:44,684 --> 00:10:46,483
I came here to apologize.

262
00:10:46,982 --> 00:10:48,181
I'm going to go
grab some more glue.

263
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,879
Will you watch them for a sec?

264
00:10:49,879 --> 00:10:50,978
Of course.

265
00:10:51,977 --> 00:10:55,474
Leaving Nicholson, Hewitt,
and West was a huge mistake,

266
00:10:55,474 --> 00:10:57,372
and I can see that now.

267
00:10:57,372 --> 00:10:57,971
So...

268
00:10:58,271 --> 00:10:59,669
who wants to see the big guy

269
00:10:59,669 --> 00:11:01,567
put on these tiny hats?

270
00:11:01,567 --> 00:11:03,865
y

271
00:11:03,865 --> 00:11:06,463
My behavior was disrespectful.

272
00:11:06,862 --> 00:11:08,361
It was unprofessional.

273
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,359
I'm a pilgrim.

274
00:11:10,359 --> 00:11:12,856
I know it looks like
I have a tiny hat,

275
00:11:12,856 --> 00:11:17,152
but in reality, I have
an abnormally large head!

276
00:11:18,950 --> 00:11:21,448
I was going through
a stressful time.

277
00:11:22,047 --> 00:11:23,845
I wasn't getting enough sleep.

278
00:11:23,845 --> 00:11:27,841
Fourscore and seven years ago,

279
00:11:27,841 --> 00:11:31,537
I had a great, big giant head!

280
00:11:32,836 --> 00:11:34,235
I had just bought an apartment,

281
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:35,933
and there were some problems.

282
00:11:35,933 --> 00:11:38,730
I- I don't want to bore you
with the details.

283
00:11:38,730 --> 00:11:43,026
I only regret that I have
but one giant head

284
00:11:43,026 --> 00:11:45,224
to give for my country.

285
00:11:47,521 --> 00:11:49,519
Sir, if you could just see
your way into giving me

286
00:11:49,519 --> 00:11:52,017
one more chance, I promise... Marshall.

287
00:11:52,017 --> 00:11:54,215
I'm willing to give this
a second chance.

288
00:11:54,215 --> 00:11:55,214
I remember my

289
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:57,412
first years as an attorney.

290
00:11:57,911 --> 00:11:59,909
Why, I don't know how
many hours I spent.

291
00:11:59,909 --> 00:12:01,408
I don't think
I ever left...

292
00:12:01,408 --> 00:12:02,706
Oh, my God!

293
00:12:03,006 --> 00:12:04,704
I have lice.

294
00:12:04,704 --> 00:12:06,902
Those little bastards
gave me lice.

295
00:12:06,902 --> 00:12:08,201
God, it itches.

296
00:12:08,201 --> 00:12:09,200
Don't scratch it.

297
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,199
You'll look like a fool.

298
00:12:10,199 --> 00:12:11,597
You'll never get your job back.

299
00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:14,994
Okay, you can scratch,
but just make it subtle.

300
00:12:15,793 --> 00:12:17,392
Okay, that's not working.

301
00:12:17,392 --> 00:12:19,689
, sweet, sharp corner
of the desk,

302
00:12:19,689 --> 00:12:22,786
how I long to rub
my infested scalp against you.

303
00:12:23,885 --> 00:12:27,781
I was, um... just, uh...

304
00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,179
You okay, Eriksen?

305
00:12:30,179 --> 00:12:32,077
Oh! Oh, yes, I'm good.

306
00:12:32,077 --> 00:12:34,474
I am good.

307
00:12:34,474 --> 00:12:35,673
Continue.

308
00:12:36,073 --> 00:12:37,372
Mind over matter.

309
00:12:37,372 --> 00:12:39,969
There are no lice in my hair...

310
00:12:39,969 --> 00:12:41,168
laying eggs,

311
00:12:41,168 --> 00:12:43,066
burrowing into my scalp,

312
00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:45,463
eating their way all the way
down to my brain!

313
00:12:45,463 --> 00:12:46,962
I have lice!

314
00:12:46,962 --> 00:12:49,060
"Lice"? Lice! Get out!

315
00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,658
Get out of my office!

316
00:12:52,057 --> 00:12:52,956
We've got lice!

317
00:12:52,956 --> 00:12:54,554
Everybody out of the building.

318
00:12:55,853 --> 00:12:56,752
If it weren't for the lice,

319
00:12:56,752 --> 00:12:58,051
I would have gotten my job back,

320
00:12:58,051 --> 00:13:00,249
and I would have been
working there when,

321
00:13:00,249 --> 00:13:02,746
two weeks later, the Securities
and Exchange Commission

322
00:13:02,746 --> 00:13:04,045
came a-knocking.

323
00:13:04,245 --> 00:13:06,043
God sent those lice to my head

324
00:13:06,043 --> 00:13:08,640
like he sent
the locusts to Egypt:

325
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,338
to liberate me
from corporate bondage.

326
00:13:11,338 --> 00:13:12,736
Miracle.

327
00:13:14,235 --> 00:13:14,734
Hey, guys.

328
00:13:14,734 --> 00:13:16,432
Oh, I'm just so glad

329
00:13:16,432 --> 00:13:18,830
you and Ted are back together. Yeah.

330
00:13:19,429 --> 00:13:21,927
Wait, um, what do you mean
"back together"?

331
00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:25,124
Well, you know,
since you guys broke up.

332
00:13:25,324 --> 00:13:27,022
What? Oh, no.

333
00:13:27,022 --> 00:13:28,121
It was just a small fight.

334
00:13:28,121 --> 00:13:29,619
That wasn't a breakup.

335
00:13:31,118 --> 00:13:34,115
Was that a breakup?
Did he think that was a breakup?

336
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:35,813
What?

337
00:13:36,912 --> 00:13:38,810
Son of a bitch!

338
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:45,004
That was a breakup. Wasn't it?

339
00:13:45,004 --> 00:13:46,402
You broke up with me.

340
00:13:46,802 --> 00:13:47,701
Yeah.

341
00:13:48,201 --> 00:13:50,299
I didn't know that
that was a breakup.

342
00:13:50,299 --> 00:13:51,497
Are you kidding?

343
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:52,996
I- I said, "I feel awful. "

344
00:13:52,996 --> 00:13:54,594
You said, "We're good. "

345
00:13:54,594 --> 00:13:56,093
Then you got up and left.

346
00:13:56,093 --> 00:13:57,991
Yeah, I said, "We're good,"

347
00:13:57,991 --> 00:13:59,589
as in "We're good. "

348
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:00,988
Like when the waiter
comes around and asks

349
00:14:00,988 --> 00:14:03,385
if you want any more muffins,
and you say, "We're good. "

350
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:06,982
Exactly, and I took
that "We're good" to mean

351
00:14:06,982 --> 00:14:08,081
you didn't want any more

352
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:10,378
metaphorical
relationship muffins.

353
00:14:11,178 --> 00:14:12,277
This is crazy.

354
00:14:12,277 --> 00:14:13,076
Forget about all that.

355
00:14:13,076 --> 00:14:16,772
That was a whole
life-changing car accident ago.

356
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:17,371
I love you.

357
00:14:17,371 --> 00:14:19,170
I don't want to break up.

358
00:14:19,569 --> 00:14:20,269
But you did.

359
00:14:20,269 --> 00:14:21,168
You did want to.

360
00:14:21,168 --> 00:14:22,866
And if you had
those feelings once,

361
00:14:22,866 --> 00:14:24,065
then you're going
to have those feelings again,

362
00:14:24,065 --> 00:14:25,563
and you're going
to keep on having them.

363
00:14:25,563 --> 00:14:27,361
And I can't count
on that car to hit you

364
00:14:27,361 --> 00:14:28,660
every time you do.

365
00:14:29,060 --> 00:14:30,458
What are you saying?

366
00:14:31,058 --> 00:14:32,257
I'm saying...

367
00:14:32,456 --> 00:14:34,055
you wanted your breakup,

368
00:14:34,055 --> 00:14:34,954
you got it.

369
00:14:34,954 --> 00:14:36,153
What? Stella, wait!

370
00:14:36,153 --> 00:14:38,750
No, you know what, Ted?
?

371
00:14:47,042 --> 00:14:50,438
So you broke up with her
and she didn't know it?

372
00:14:50,438 --> 00:14:51,437
Apparently.

373
00:14:51,437 --> 00:14:54,135
And you actually said,
"I want to break up"?

374
00:14:54,135 --> 00:14:55,134
No, of course not.

375
00:14:55,134 --> 00:14:56,332
Who says "I want to break up"?

376
00:14:56,332 --> 00:14:57,931
That's a horrible thing to say.

377
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,230
Well, that's true.

378
00:15:03,625 --> 00:15:04,424
Hello?

379
00:15:04,424 --> 00:15:06,023
Hi, Ted Mosby?
We have you

380
00:15:06,023 --> 00:15:09,819
listed as the emergency contact
for Barney Stinson.

381
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:11,717
What is it?

382
00:15:11,717 --> 00:15:13,615
What it was was this.

383
00:15:21,108 --> 00:15:23,805
I made it.
I made it!

384
00:15:31,897 --> 00:15:33,096
Dude, I...

385
00:15:33,096 --> 00:15:36,193
I can't believe you ran
all the way up here.

386
00:15:36,392 --> 00:15:39,190
Jeez. Flatter yourself much?

387
00:15:39,489 --> 00:15:40,189
What an ego

388
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,587
on this guy.

389
00:15:41,587 --> 00:15:43,785
Um, I was up
in this part of town

390
00:15:43,785 --> 00:15:45,483
because I had to attend

391
00:15:45,483 --> 00:15:48,880
a very important
international business meeting.

392
00:15:49,279 --> 00:15:49,879
If you're here

393
00:15:49,879 --> 00:15:53,475
to come crawling back,
just save it.

394
00:15:53,475 --> 00:15:55,773
I'm doing awesome without you.

395
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:57,671
Even br now,
'cause I can play

396
00:15:57,671 --> 00:15:59,769
the sympathy card
with the females.

397
00:16:00,069 --> 00:16:01,867
And BTW,

398
00:16:01,867 --> 00:16:05,064
there's one bone downstairs
that ain't broken.

399
00:16:05,363 --> 00:16:06,562
Marshall,

400
00:16:06,562 --> 00:16:08,860
you know what I'm talking about.

401
00:16:09,459 --> 00:16:10,858
Up top!

402
00:16:11,058 --> 00:16:12,057
Hup!

403
00:16:13,156 --> 00:16:13,955
Are you sure?

404
00:16:13,955 --> 00:16:16,752
Yeah, dude. Why do y think
I had them set it this way?

405
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:18,750
Okay.

406
00:16:19,050 --> 00:16:21,747
Ow!

407
00:16:23,545 --> 00:16:25,144
Worth it.

408
00:16:27,941 --> 00:16:29,539
Barney, you, uh...

409
00:16:31,138 --> 00:16:32,636
Yocould've died.

410
00:16:34,934 --> 00:16:36,732
Ted, I'm sorry
I broke the bro code.

411
00:16:36,732 --> 00:16:38,730
No, I'm-I'm sorry.

412
00:16:41,028 --> 00:16:43,026
Ted, can we be friends again?

413
00:16:43,026 --> 00:16:46,222
Barney, come on, we're...
we're more than friends.

414
00:16:46,622 --> 00:16:48,021
We're brothers.

415
00:16:49,619 --> 00:16:50,918
You're my brother, Ted.
You're my

416
00:16:50,918 --> 00:16:52,416
brother, Barney.

417
00:16:53,715 --> 00:16:55,313
Did you hear that, Marshall?

418
00:16:55,313 --> 00:16:56,812
We're brothers now.

419
00:16:56,812 --> 00:16:58,310
Marshall's
my brother, too.

420
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,408
We're all brothers.

421
00:17:01,008 --> 00:17:03,305
Yeah, but I'm your
best brother, right?

422
00:17:04,105 --> 00:17:05,303
And that's how
your Uncle Barney

423
00:17:05,303 --> 00:17:06,602
and I buried the hatchet.

424
00:17:06,602 --> 00:17:09,199
It got pretty mushy
and embarrassing after that.

425
00:17:09,199 --> 00:17:10,498
Let's skip ahead.

426
00:17:10,698 --> 00:17:12,596
I had to look away
because if I watched

427
00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:14,394
what the paramedics
were about to do,

428
00:17:14,394 --> 00:17:15,793
I would have passed out.

429
00:17:16,093 --> 00:17:16,892
Then they took out this

430
00:17:16,892 --> 00:17:20,688
electric blade thing
and I kept thinking,

431
00:17:20,688 --> 00:17:23,185
"This isn't happening.
This isn't happening. "

432
00:17:23,185 --> 00:17:25,483
Oh, my God.
What did they cut?

433
00:17:26,083 --> 00:17:27,481
My suit.

434
00:17:27,481 --> 00:17:29,579
My beautiful suit.

435
00:17:30,878 --> 00:17:33,875
But you're alive,
and, and Ted's alive.

436
00:17:33,875 --> 00:17:35,573
This is amazing!

437
00:17:36,073 --> 00:17:38,370
Two miracles in one day.

438
00:17:41,068 --> 00:17:42,566
What is the matter with you?

439
00:17:42,566 --> 00:17:44,764
How can you possibly
be this cynical?

440
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:45,863
You want to know?
Yeah.

441
00:17:45,863 --> 00:17:47,261
You really want to know?
Yeah!

442
00:17:47,961 --> 00:17:49,359
Fine.

443
00:17:49,859 --> 00:17:51,257
When I was a kid,

444
00:17:51,457 --> 00:17:53,755
I had this dog,
Sir Scratchawan.

445
00:17:54,854 --> 00:17:58,051
Anyway, Sir Scratchawan
got really old,

446
00:17:58,051 --> 00:17:59,749
so my parents decided
to put him down.

447
00:18:00,248 --> 00:18:03,445
It was the toughest day
of my young life.

448
00:18:03,445 --> 00:18:07,441
Good-byl love you.

449
00:18:09,139 --> 00:18:10,938
And when they took
him to the vet,

450
00:18:10,938 --> 00:18:13,535
he told them that
earlier that very day,

451
00:18:13,535 --> 00:18:15,433
he had learned about
an experimental procedure

452
00:18:15,433 --> 00:18:18,730
called a canine/testudine
cerebro-xenograft.

453
00:18:19,030 --> 00:18:20,029
Ever heard of it?

454
00:18:20,029 --> 00:18:20,728
No.

455
00:18:20,728 --> 00:18:23,725
Well, it saved
Sir Scratchawan's life.

456
00:18:23,725 --> 00:18:25,123
He lived another
seven years.

457
00:18:25,123 --> 00:18:27,421
Miracle.
Except for one...

458
00:18:27,421 --> 00:18:29,719
kind of big side effect
from the surgery.

459
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:31,917
SiScratchawan!

460
00:18:31,917 --> 00:18:33,815
Welcome home!

461
00:18:36,112 --> 00:18:37,911
He turned into a turtle.

462
00:18:38,810 --> 00:18:41,107
I know. It's weird, right?

463
00:18:41,107 --> 00:18:43,006
Apparently, a very common
complication

464
00:18:43,006 --> 00:18:46,402
from canine/testudine
cerebro-xenografts.

465
00:18:46,702 --> 00:18:49,699
And he didn't seem to remember
any of his old tricks.

466
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:52,696
Go get it, Scratchy.

467
00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:54,194
Go get it!

468
00:18:54,194 --> 00:18:56,092
Go get it! Get it!

469
00:18:56,092 --> 00:18:57,191
Go get it, Scratchy.

470
00:18:57,191 --> 00:18:58,390
Go get it.

471
00:19:01,387 --> 00:19:02,486
How long was it before...?

472
00:19:02,486 --> 00:19:04,584
Longer than
I'm proud of, Lily.

473
00:19:05,083 --> 00:19:06,782
Longer than I'm proud of.

474
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,579
And that's when I realized

475
00:19:09,579 --> 00:19:11,477
miracles ain't real.

476
00:19:12,376 --> 00:19:13,575
Excuse me.

477
00:19:15,773 --> 00:19:17,271
Mosby, you're still here?

478
00:19:17,271 --> 00:19:19,869
Your tests came back,
like, an hour ago. You're fine.

479
00:19:19,869 --> 00:19:21,767
Are you kidding me?
Why didn't you tell me?

480
00:19:21,767 --> 00:19:22,866
I'm sorry.

481
00:19:22,866 --> 00:19:25,163
I guess it was rude of me
to keep resuscitating that guy

482
00:19:25,163 --> 00:19:27,461
with a rake sticking out
of his chest.

483
00:19:27,761 --> 00:19:30,358
Um, I have to go right now.
Barney, I...

484
00:19:30,758 --> 00:19:31,757
Go.

485
00:19:32,356 --> 00:19:35,253
Run, Ted. Run.

486
00:19:35,653 --> 00:19:37,651
If there's anything I've taught
you over the years, it's...

487
00:19:37,651 --> 00:19:39,849
Barney, he left.
Oh.

488
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:42,946
Hey, Ted said that right
before the accident,

489
00:19:42,946 --> 00:19:44,444
his life flashed
before his eyes.

490
00:19:44,444 --> 00:19:46,142
You know,
all the stuff he loves.

491
00:19:46,142 --> 00:19:48,040
Did that happen to you?
Oh, yeah.

492
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,838
I know what he saw: boobs.
Scotch.

493
00:19:51,037 --> 00:19:51,837
And money.

494
00:19:51,837 --> 00:19:53,435
Suits.
A suit of money.

495
00:19:53,435 --> 00:19:54,834
A suit of boobs.

496
00:19:55,033 --> 00:19:57,831
A giant boob wearing
a suit of money.

497
00:19:57,831 --> 00:20:00,828
And the boob is
lactating scotch.

498
00:20:01,827 --> 00:20:04,424
I guess that's pretty much
everything you love, right?

499
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,220
Yeah, pretty much.

500
00:20:10,118 --> 00:20:12,116
Kids, a lot
of weird, random things

501
00:20:12,116 --> 00:20:13,815
have happened in my life,

502
00:20:13,815 --> 00:20:15,413
but that car accident
is one of the few

503
00:20:15,413 --> 00:20:19,009
I'd call a miracle,
not because of what happened,

504
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,407
but because
of what happened next.

505
00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:24,904
Hi.

506
00:20:25,903 --> 00:20:26,802
Hi.

507
00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:28,500
Can I talk to you?

508
00:20:28,999 --> 00:20:30,498
Okay.

509
00:20:34,194 --> 00:20:36,692
I got you this
orange kangaroo.

510
00:20:37,691 --> 00:20:40,388
Uh... thanks.

511
00:20:41,487 --> 00:20:43,585
So I've been thinking
about what changed

512
00:20:43,585 --> 00:20:45,683
from the moment
I broke up with you

513
00:20:45,683 --> 00:20:47,881
to the moment I knew
I wanted you back.

514
00:20:47,881 --> 00:20:52,176
And, um, I think I finally
figured out what happened.

515
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:55,073
Your cab got T-boned
by a jackass on a cell phone?

516
00:20:55,073 --> 00:20:57,871
No. I changed.

517
00:20:58,770 --> 00:21:00,967
I'm ready to give you
what you need.

518
00:21:01,267 --> 00:21:01,767
That's why I spent

519
00:21:01,767 --> 00:21:04,264
ten minutes on the
damn claw machine

520
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:06,961
trying to get the big,
fake diamond ring.

521
00:21:07,461 --> 00:21:10,358
But all I could get
was this orange kangaroo.

522
00:21:10,358 --> 00:21:11,757
Diamond ring?

523
00:21:14,254 --> 00:21:16,352
Will you marry me?

524
00:21:16,352 --> 00:21:20,348
United We're Strong!
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