1 00:00:02,802 --> 00:00:05,221 Barney is crazy if he thinks this is gonna work. 2 00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:07,774 - I think it's gonna work. - I hope it doesn't work. 3 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,431 Here he comes. 4 00:00:13,163 --> 00:00:15,361 - You there, what's your name? - Excuse me? 5 00:00:15,464 --> 00:00:17,591 Your name, woman, what's your name? 6 00:00:17,943 --> 00:00:19,858 - Cindy. - I knew it. 7 00:00:20,238 --> 00:00:23,778 You're the Cindy, the one who can change everything, 8 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:26,235 or spell our inevitable doom. 9 00:00:26,723 --> 00:00:28,357 Now listen to me, Cindy. 10 00:00:28,592 --> 00:00:29,925 I am Barney Stinson, 11 00:00:30,010 --> 00:00:33,189 and I am on an urgent mission from the future. 12 00:00:33,302 --> 00:00:34,109 The future? 13 00:00:34,260 --> 00:00:36,325 The future, and I can prove it to you. 14 00:00:36,419 --> 00:00:37,724 In exactly four seconds, 15 00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:40,936 the woman at that booth is going to slap that man. 16 00:00:44,343 --> 00:00:45,498 What the hell? 17 00:00:46,343 --> 00:00:47,254 In a few minutes, 18 00:00:47,404 --> 00:00:52,136 the young me from your time is going to come through that door. 19 00:00:52,587 --> 00:00:55,310 Now, Cindy, I know this sounds insane, 20 00:00:55,824 --> 00:00:58,208 but in order to save the planet, 21 00:00:58,556 --> 00:01:01,786 You need to sleep with him tonight. 22 00:01:01,921 --> 00:01:02,621 What? 23 00:01:02,690 --> 00:01:07,560 Sleep with Barney Stinson tonight, in whatever way he wants it, 24 00:01:07,738 --> 00:01:09,982 or he won't be able to find the solution 25 00:01:10,048 --> 00:01:13,081 to global warming that saves the human race. 26 00:01:13,213 --> 00:01:16,047 - What are you talking about? - I have no time to explain. 27 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:18,469 I have to get back to the reality accelerator 28 00:01:18,544 --> 00:01:20,291 before the vortex closes. 29 00:01:21,399 --> 00:01:24,164 Only you can save us, Cindy. 30 00:01:24,314 --> 00:01:25,516 I must away! 31 00:01:26,821 --> 00:01:29,657 Okay, guys, the movers are coming in 14 hours. 32 00:01:29,995 --> 00:01:31,864 We gotta get back upstairs and finish packing. 33 00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:33,582 You guys still aren't finished packing? 34 00:01:33,697 --> 00:01:35,302 How is this taking so long? 35 00:01:35,434 --> 00:01:36,748 Hey, all the great memories 36 00:01:36,814 --> 00:01:38,823 of our 20s took place in that apartment. 37 00:01:38,992 --> 00:01:40,542 It's not like throwing stuff in a box. 38 00:01:40,626 --> 00:01:41,866 You start to reminisce. 39 00:01:42,025 --> 00:01:43,302 Not me. The key? 40 00:01:43,462 --> 00:01:44,784 Throw stuff out and never look back. 41 00:01:44,906 --> 00:01:47,160 I'm moving to Japan. It took me a half hour to pack. 42 00:01:47,338 --> 00:01:48,080 A half hour? 43 00:01:48,183 --> 00:01:49,516 Well, it would have taken me 20 minutes, 44 00:01:49,601 --> 00:01:50,906 but a friend called me in tears. 45 00:01:51,507 --> 00:01:53,479 Moving is really emotional, okay? 46 00:01:53,883 --> 00:01:54,721 It is. 47 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,487 I mean, everything is changing. 48 00:01:56,740 --> 00:01:58,243 I'm gonna be living in New Jersey with Stella, 49 00:01:58,327 --> 00:01:59,623 you guys will be in your new place. 50 00:01:59,755 --> 00:02:02,102 You're starting a new job in Tokyo. 51 00:02:02,299 --> 00:02:03,905 It's the end of an era. 52 00:02:04,449 --> 00:02:06,985 I think we should have a toast, but not our usual crap. 53 00:02:07,121 --> 00:02:10,351 Hey... Wendy, your most expensive bottle of scotch. 54 00:02:10,511 --> 00:02:14,408 That's 50-year-old Glen McKenna, and it's $2,500. 55 00:02:14,558 --> 00:02:17,113 Excellent. A bottle of that with beer chasers, 56 00:02:17,207 --> 00:02:18,981 and what do you think, cancel the scotch? 57 00:02:22,512 --> 00:02:23,361 Vodka rocks. 58 00:02:23,995 --> 00:02:25,075 It's not gonna work. 59 00:02:25,142 --> 00:02:26,072 Oh, my God! 60 00:02:26,654 --> 00:02:27,411 You're... 61 00:02:27,687 --> 00:02:28,776 Oh, my God! 62 00:02:29,414 --> 00:02:30,982 Can I buy you a drink? 63 00:02:32,269 --> 00:02:35,687 I suppose I have time for one drink and... 64 00:02:36,372 --> 00:02:38,760 45 minutes to an hour of some other activity, 65 00:02:39,148 --> 00:02:40,840 but after that, I have to get back to 66 00:02:40,979 --> 00:02:43,702 a top-secret research project I'm working on. 67 00:02:44,237 --> 00:02:45,430 Global warming? 68 00:02:45,721 --> 00:02:48,948 My God, how did you know that? 69 00:02:50,865 --> 00:02:53,365 Sync by vNaru 70 00:02:55,010 --> 00:03:01,084 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 71 00:03:03,496 --> 00:03:04,735 Hey, look at this. 72 00:03:04,932 --> 00:03:07,421 A photo from the first day we moved into this place. 73 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:10,951 So many great memories. 74 00:03:11,092 --> 00:03:14,017 See? That is exactly the type of crap you should be trashing. 75 00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:17,107 So you don't keep any photos? 76 00:03:17,191 --> 00:03:19,820 No, they're like love letters or yearbooks 77 00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:22,008 or someone's ashes, they just take up space. 78 00:03:22,478 --> 00:03:24,954 Besides, Stella's not gonna let you keep half of this junk. 79 00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:26,074 Why wouldn't she? 80 00:03:28,149 --> 00:03:29,544 Ted, oh, sweetie. 81 00:03:29,708 --> 00:03:31,069 Okay, here's the thing that guys 82 00:03:31,145 --> 00:03:33,645 only learn after they move in with a woman. 83 00:03:33,916 --> 00:03:35,644 All of your stuff is stupid. 84 00:03:36,188 --> 00:03:36,974 Like what? 85 00:03:37,663 --> 00:03:40,540 Like anything you bought at a Renaissance faire. 86 00:03:41,704 --> 00:03:43,178 There's not enough mead in the world 87 00:03:43,282 --> 00:03:44,869 to make me get rid of my flail. 88 00:03:46,624 --> 00:03:48,842 Since we're clearly not getting our security deposit back, 89 00:03:48,945 --> 00:03:51,048 I thought maybe you could reimburse me for my half. 90 00:03:51,255 --> 00:03:53,462 Wait a second, why should I have to pay more than you? 91 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,509 Because you treated this apartment the way 92 00:03:55,593 --> 00:03:57,683 John Bonham treated his central nervous system. 93 00:03:58,161 --> 00:03:59,373 That's not true. 94 00:03:59,701 --> 00:04:00,931 Exhibit a. 95 00:04:05,403 --> 00:04:06,104 What's that? 96 00:04:06,188 --> 00:04:09,300 A 1986 world book encyclopaedia. 97 00:04:09,422 --> 00:04:11,112 It's exactly the one I grew up with. 98 00:04:11,337 --> 00:04:12,577 Encyclopaedia? 99 00:04:13,261 --> 00:04:16,255 You think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. 100 00:04:16,782 --> 00:04:17,787 It's a common mistake. 101 00:04:17,965 --> 00:04:21,899 But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here Encyclopaedia, 102 00:04:22,068 --> 00:04:23,543 you'll learn that it's a ligature 103 00:04:23,618 --> 00:04:26,056 derived from the anglo-saxon rune... 104 00:04:32,798 --> 00:04:35,288 You know, you're gonna have to paedia for that. 105 00:04:36,612 --> 00:04:37,745 But you never did... 106 00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:40,381 and then, there's exhibit b. 107 00:04:44,515 --> 00:04:46,224 Good morrow, fair gentles. 108 00:04:46,337 --> 00:04:48,816 Look what I won at the renaissance faire. 109 00:04:53,430 --> 00:04:55,195 And you're also responsible for any damage 110 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,139 Robin did when she was your girlfriend. 111 00:04:57,299 --> 00:04:59,315 What damage did I cause? 112 00:04:59,656 --> 00:05:01,609 Do you remember that night when you drank the 12'er of Molson 113 00:05:01,703 --> 00:05:03,847 and you got all super canadian? 114 00:05:06,730 --> 00:05:09,087 Stanley cup, game six A. 115 00:05:09,378 --> 00:05:11,397 The Rangers are about to be sorry 116 00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:13,398 They ever played shinny with the Canucks. 117 00:05:13,483 --> 00:05:15,060 - Hey, hey, Robin. - Yeah? 118 00:05:15,286 --> 00:05:17,539 I'll give you 20 bucks if you can shoot it through this front door. 119 00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:21,652 You're nuttier than a Tim Horton's maple log. 120 00:05:22,013 --> 00:05:23,271 Timmy ho! 121 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,759 That's it, Robin. Give me the stick. 122 00:05:28,248 --> 00:05:29,722 I'll give you summer teeth. 123 00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:31,945 Some are here, some are there. 124 00:05:32,670 --> 00:05:34,733 Robin, give me the stick. 125 00:05:34,883 --> 00:05:35,878 Take off, 126 00:05:36,316 --> 00:05:38,119 - hoser. - That's it! 127 00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:40,907 Scrap? I'll scrap! 128 00:05:41,029 --> 00:05:43,095 - Guys, come on! - For America. 129 00:05:44,738 --> 00:05:46,578 All right, break it, break it up! 130 00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,890 Ted, no! 131 00:05:49,067 --> 00:05:51,321 You never break up a girl fight! 132 00:05:51,649 --> 00:05:52,496 Never! 133 00:05:55,951 --> 00:05:57,576 Entirely Barney's fault. 134 00:05:57,679 --> 00:06:01,230 As, by the way, is the big scorch mark over the fireplace. 135 00:06:03,371 --> 00:06:05,953 Kids, to understand the story of the scorch mark, 136 00:06:06,113 --> 00:06:07,504 I first need to tell you the story of 137 00:06:07,598 --> 00:06:09,485 the intervention for our friend Stewart. 138 00:06:09,748 --> 00:06:10,515 What's going on? 139 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:14,127 Stewart, this is an intervention. 140 00:06:15,573 --> 00:06:17,732 The alcohol changes you, Stewart. 141 00:06:18,117 --> 00:06:20,014 It makes you a different person. 142 00:06:20,427 --> 00:06:23,244 And I'm in love with the man that I married. 143 00:06:24,229 --> 00:06:25,243 Thank you. 144 00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:28,342 This is just the push I need. 145 00:06:29,779 --> 00:06:31,384 I love you guys. 146 00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:36,188 Hey, hey! There's the birthday boy. 147 00:06:36,299 --> 00:06:39,745 Time to let the party monster out of its cage, Stewie! 148 00:06:41,454 --> 00:06:42,646 Come on, buddy. 149 00:06:42,984 --> 00:06:45,230 People don't want to see Bruce Banner, dude. 150 00:06:45,371 --> 00:06:46,704 They want to see the hulk. 151 00:06:46,939 --> 00:06:50,015 Hulk, hulk, hulk... what? 152 00:06:56,910 --> 00:06:59,088 That's what I get for skimming the e-vite. 153 00:07:00,929 --> 00:07:04,345 Later that day, we celebrated our first successful intervention. 154 00:07:04,534 --> 00:07:06,742 I am really proud of us for helping Stewart. 155 00:07:07,042 --> 00:07:10,329 Yeah, what an amazing honest, human moment. 156 00:07:10,394 --> 00:07:12,423 I agree. Yay us. 157 00:07:12,892 --> 00:07:15,673 Marshall, are you really gonna keep wearing that hat? 158 00:07:15,780 --> 00:07:17,598 Yeah, it's been two weeks, Marshall. 159 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:19,589 Two awesome weeks... 160 00:07:20,011 --> 00:07:23,074 And heck, yeah, I'm gonna keep wearing it. 161 00:07:25,827 --> 00:07:28,660 The next day 162 00:07:31,721 --> 00:07:32,548 Marshall, 163 00:07:32,683 --> 00:07:34,956 this is an intervention. 164 00:07:35,749 --> 00:07:37,233 It's about the hat. 165 00:07:40,416 --> 00:07:42,115 I have it under control, okay? 166 00:07:42,756 --> 00:07:44,587 I can take it off whenever I want to. 167 00:07:46,211 --> 00:07:47,535 Dear Marshall, 168 00:07:48,615 --> 00:07:50,747 I do not like that stupid hat. 169 00:07:51,019 --> 00:07:53,015 I want to beat it with a bat. 170 00:07:53,833 --> 00:07:55,745 Or maybe stab it with a fork. 171 00:07:56,321 --> 00:07:58,443 It makes you look like such a dork. 172 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:00,493 After that, 173 00:08:00,568 --> 00:08:03,976 Interventions became a pretty regular thing around our apartment. 174 00:08:07,591 --> 00:08:08,685 Cor blimey. 175 00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:12,076 This is a nice bloody surprise. What's this about then? 176 00:08:12,630 --> 00:08:13,541 Lily... 177 00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:17,041 It's about the weird fake english accent. 178 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:18,806 Bollocks. 179 00:08:25,488 --> 00:08:26,586 Spray tan? 180 00:08:29,995 --> 00:08:32,277 They reel you in with a coupon, and then you just get hooked. 181 00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:34,915 We know, sweetie, we know. 182 00:08:35,728 --> 00:08:37,362 This is a new sweater. 183 00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:41,198 What? 184 00:08:41,914 --> 00:08:42,828 The magic tricks. 185 00:08:43,043 --> 00:08:45,277 Specifically, those involving fire. 186 00:08:45,644 --> 00:08:46,885 Magic tricks? 187 00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:50,293 Guys, interventions are supposed to help people, 188 00:08:50,368 --> 00:08:53,425 not attack every little thing you don't like about them. 189 00:08:54,143 --> 00:08:56,233 I'm sorry, but that really steams me. 190 00:08:56,938 --> 00:08:58,750 That really burns me up! 191 00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:04,215 I mean, I am filled with a white-hot rage! 192 00:09:09,861 --> 00:09:11,138 Thank you. 193 00:09:13,551 --> 00:09:15,326 Oh, shoot. I smell hair! I smell hair! 194 00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:17,607 And that's the story of the scorch mark. 195 00:09:18,330 --> 00:09:19,288 Wait, that's weird. 196 00:09:19,570 --> 00:09:20,935 When I was going through the closet, I 197 00:09:21,039 --> 00:09:23,125 thought I saw the intervention banner. 198 00:09:23,827 --> 00:09:24,747 So? 199 00:09:25,104 --> 00:09:27,955 So, the banner burned up. Why is there a new one? 200 00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:31,984 And there are sealed letters here from all of you that say "Ted." 201 00:09:32,975 --> 00:09:34,815 Were you guys planning an intervention for me? 202 00:09:35,839 --> 00:09:37,215 That... that was stupid. 203 00:09:37,304 --> 00:09:38,815 Yeah, just, just forget about that. 204 00:09:38,919 --> 00:09:41,269 What was it for? The crocs? 205 00:09:42,030 --> 00:09:43,992 - The hair product? - Not Stella. 206 00:09:45,523 --> 00:09:47,194 Oh, my God, this was about Stella. 207 00:09:47,852 --> 00:09:50,581 I just said "not Stella." 208 00:09:50,731 --> 00:09:53,708 So maybe it was about your poor listening skills, Ted. 209 00:09:53,811 --> 00:09:55,792 - What? - It's out of control. See? 210 00:09:57,116 --> 00:09:59,182 You guys don't think I should marry Stella? 211 00:10:03,335 --> 00:10:05,082 You guys don't think I should marry Stella? 212 00:10:05,223 --> 00:10:06,528 Ted, we do. 213 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,039 We're all really happy for you. 214 00:10:08,124 --> 00:10:09,964 Yeah. Like I said, it was stupid. 215 00:10:10,058 --> 00:10:11,602 Well, obviously, it wasn't, 216 00:10:11,725 --> 00:10:13,875 Because we agreed not to have any more stupid interventions 217 00:10:13,950 --> 00:10:15,753 at our intervention intervention. 218 00:10:17,293 --> 00:10:19,020 We're having too many interventions. 219 00:10:20,645 --> 00:10:23,965 So, what was your big, serious problem with me and Stella? 220 00:10:24,897 --> 00:10:25,742 Yes! 221 00:10:25,902 --> 00:10:28,174 Yes! in everyone's face! 222 00:10:28,315 --> 00:10:30,315 You all said the "future barney" thing wouldn't work. 223 00:10:30,390 --> 00:10:32,143 You told me I was crazy. 224 00:10:32,294 --> 00:10:34,894 My shrink told me I was crazy. 225 00:10:35,045 --> 00:10:37,946 Well, who's the narcissist with severe attachment disorder now, 226 00:10:38,068 --> 00:10:39,467 Dr. Grossbard? 227 00:10:41,843 --> 00:10:43,461 Intervention banner? What's that for? 228 00:10:48,006 --> 00:10:49,846 "Ted, I cannot stand idly by..." 229 00:10:49,902 --> 00:10:51,621 You've just been carrying that around? 230 00:10:51,743 --> 00:10:52,602 Please, Ted? 231 00:10:53,738 --> 00:10:56,066 "I cannot stand idly by while you make 232 00:10:56,151 --> 00:10:58,141 the biggest mistake any man can make... 233 00:10:58,367 --> 00:10:59,325 getting married. 234 00:11:00,010 --> 00:11:05,647 "mark my words, this whole thing is gonna go up in flames!" 235 00:11:07,129 --> 00:11:07,899 Damn! 236 00:11:08,049 --> 00:11:10,190 I put the flame cue too early. 237 00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:12,140 I had so many more important things to say, and... 238 00:11:12,196 --> 00:11:13,727 The point is, Ted, 239 00:11:14,694 --> 00:11:17,351 marriage is stupid. 240 00:11:18,243 --> 00:11:21,550 Every year, there are a million new 241 00:11:21,616 --> 00:11:23,982 hot 22-year-olds walking into bars, 242 00:11:24,085 --> 00:11:26,066 and call me "glass half full," 243 00:11:26,179 --> 00:11:28,160 but I think they're getting dumber. 244 00:11:28,694 --> 00:11:29,605 Come on, Barney, 245 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,201 even you aren't still gonna be hitting on 246 00:11:31,267 --> 00:11:32,966 22-year-olds when you're 80. 247 00:11:33,868 --> 00:11:36,591 - I accept that challenge. - What challenge? 248 00:11:36,724 --> 00:11:38,142 To prove to you 249 00:11:38,245 --> 00:11:41,879 that I will be exactly this awesome when I'm 80, 250 00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:44,789 I will hook up with a 22-year-old 251 00:11:44,940 --> 00:11:46,696 while in my old-man makeup. 252 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,795 I didn't remotely challenge you to that. 253 00:11:50,227 --> 00:11:51,513 I mean, I definitely want to see it. 254 00:11:51,626 --> 00:11:54,096 But I didn't remotely challenge you to that. 255 00:11:54,884 --> 00:11:56,415 I want to hear the other letters. 256 00:11:56,631 --> 00:11:58,060 Ted, this is ridiculous. 257 00:11:58,126 --> 00:11:59,572 We changed our minds. 258 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,450 And suppose you change them back? 259 00:12:01,675 --> 00:12:03,206 Lily, come on, let's hear yours. 260 00:12:08,150 --> 00:12:11,145 "Gilbert's reading skills have improved drastically since..." 261 00:12:11,615 --> 00:12:12,331 Wait, 262 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,840 this is a letter I meant to send home with one of my kindergarteners. 263 00:12:17,483 --> 00:12:18,266 Gilbert, 264 00:12:18,716 --> 00:12:20,012 are things moving too fast 265 00:12:20,078 --> 00:12:21,965 between you and a girl named Stella? 266 00:12:22,604 --> 00:12:23,608 I wish. 267 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,962 Robin, could I hear yours? 268 00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:38,755 "Dear Ted, it's 'encyclo-pee-dia, not 'encyclo-pay-dia. 269 00:12:39,330 --> 00:12:42,232 Why do you always say things in the most pretentious way possible? 270 00:12:42,485 --> 00:12:43,809 It makes you sound douchey 271 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:46,753 and that's 'douchey, not 'douch-ay.'" 272 00:12:47,191 --> 00:12:50,177 Yeah, you already read that one at my pronunciation intervention. 273 00:12:50,712 --> 00:12:52,177 Where's the letter about Stella? 274 00:12:52,262 --> 00:12:54,321 I didn't write one... I'm your ex-girlfriend. 275 00:12:54,387 --> 00:12:57,225 I figured anything I said on the subject would sound catty. 276 00:12:57,723 --> 00:13:00,474 Plus, I'm hotter than her, so who cares? 277 00:13:02,437 --> 00:13:03,368 Marshall? 278 00:13:03,612 --> 00:13:04,908 Dude, it's water under the bridge. 279 00:13:04,964 --> 00:13:06,082 - Please. - And we just... 280 00:13:13,577 --> 00:13:14,422 "Dear Ted, 281 00:13:15,380 --> 00:13:17,746 Stella seems like a wonderful person. 282 00:13:19,746 --> 00:13:22,486 But you don't know her well enough to get married, 283 00:13:23,155 --> 00:13:24,885 you certainly don't know her well enough to 284 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,720 commit to raising a seven-year-old with her. 285 00:13:28,941 --> 00:13:30,199 You're not doing her, 286 00:13:30,528 --> 00:13:34,672 her child or yourself any favors by rushing into this. 287 00:13:35,554 --> 00:13:37,723 Just give it some more time." 288 00:13:39,207 --> 00:13:41,440 Dude, that was months ago, all right? 289 00:13:41,528 --> 00:13:43,988 That was before we got to know Stella and see how 290 00:13:44,101 --> 00:13:46,946 awesome she is and what a great couple you guys are. 291 00:13:47,143 --> 00:13:49,688 That's why we decided not to even have that intervention. 292 00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:50,875 Thank you. 293 00:13:51,001 --> 00:13:53,057 Because I really need you guys to be on board with this. 294 00:13:53,141 --> 00:13:54,118 And we are. 295 00:13:54,353 --> 00:13:55,771 And we hope you're not mad at us. 296 00:13:55,883 --> 00:13:56,663 Course not. 297 00:13:57,573 --> 00:13:59,386 I mean, it's not like what you said was crazy. 298 00:14:00,550 --> 00:14:02,271 You had a lot of valid concerns. 299 00:14:02,374 --> 00:14:05,548 Yeah, but concerns we have completely moved on from. 300 00:14:05,942 --> 00:14:07,069 But you had a point. 301 00:14:07,181 --> 00:14:09,961 I mean, this whole thing has moved pretty fast. 302 00:14:10,139 --> 00:14:10,902 Well, you know what? 303 00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:12,282 Maybe that's because... 304 00:14:12,376 --> 00:14:13,981 when it's right, you just know. 305 00:14:14,141 --> 00:14:16,486 Yeah, I guess, but-but we are still, 306 00:14:16,714 --> 00:14:18,486 you know, getting to know each other. 307 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,019 And, Lily, maybe you're right. 308 00:14:20,169 --> 00:14:22,664 Maybe Stella won't like any of my stuff. 309 00:14:23,734 --> 00:14:25,969 Like the robot cookie jar. 310 00:14:26,636 --> 00:14:27,903 This was, like, the first thing we bought 311 00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:29,040 for this place, remember? 312 00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:30,354 Of course I do. 313 00:14:31,108 --> 00:14:31,850 Marshall, 314 00:14:32,066 --> 00:14:34,958 my sensors indicate that your pecan sandy levels 315 00:14:35,033 --> 00:14:37,014 are dangerously low. 316 00:14:39,071 --> 00:14:41,586 My collection of James Bond movies. 317 00:14:41,653 --> 00:14:43,738 Remember? We watched them all in order, and then... 318 00:14:44,105 --> 00:14:47,025 Lily spoke in that weird english accent for, like, the next month? 319 00:14:47,128 --> 00:14:49,047 - It was sophisticated. - No. 320 00:14:50,775 --> 00:14:53,629 My signed Bernie Kosar cleats. 321 00:14:53,732 --> 00:14:55,404 My elephant lamp. 322 00:14:55,582 --> 00:14:57,460 The english phone booth. 323 00:14:57,601 --> 00:14:59,008 My sombrero! 324 00:15:01,713 --> 00:15:02,595 Ted, what are you doing? 325 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:07,146 Unpacking. I'm never leaving this apartment 326 00:15:14,879 --> 00:15:16,165 Ted, stop unpacking. 327 00:15:16,231 --> 00:15:17,639 You're just freaking out. 328 00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:19,160 I'm not ready for all the responsibility, 329 00:15:19,217 --> 00:15:21,718 and I'm certainly not ready to be a step-dad 330 00:15:21,829 --> 00:15:23,323 to a seven-year-old. 331 00:15:23,575 --> 00:15:25,725 I mean, if I get married and move to the suburbs, 332 00:15:25,782 --> 00:15:28,510 in the blink of an eye, I've become an old man! 333 00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,557 Why, hello, young lady. 334 00:15:33,571 --> 00:15:35,553 You want a butterscotch candy? 335 00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:38,907 What do you mean, "nothing in common"? 336 00:15:39,095 --> 00:15:40,663 We're both seniors. 337 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:45,790 You're cute. 338 00:15:46,297 --> 00:15:47,198 How old are you? 339 00:15:47,358 --> 00:15:49,149 83. 340 00:15:49,284 --> 00:15:50,429 How old are you? 341 00:15:50,538 --> 00:15:51,330 31. 342 00:15:54,859 --> 00:15:57,310 Okay, Ted has officially snapped. 343 00:15:57,423 --> 00:15:59,606 There are moving men coming in ten hours. 344 00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:02,000 His fiance is waiting for him in New Jersey. 345 00:16:02,104 --> 00:16:03,625 We have to do something. 346 00:16:03,756 --> 00:16:04,911 I got this. 347 00:16:08,665 --> 00:16:09,520 Hey, Bud. 348 00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:12,346 Why don't you come here for a minute. 349 00:16:12,590 --> 00:16:13,351 What? 350 00:16:14,205 --> 00:16:17,341 Look, I want you to know this is all totally normal. 351 00:16:17,782 --> 00:16:20,657 Big transitions can be scary, and cold feet... 352 00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:22,779 well they're just part of the deal. 353 00:16:23,164 --> 00:16:26,591 So... how about you give me the knife? 354 00:16:27,145 --> 00:16:28,549 Give me the knife. 355 00:16:29,213 --> 00:16:30,161 Come on. 356 00:16:33,231 --> 00:16:34,499 So I can start unpacking, too. 357 00:16:34,574 --> 00:16:36,968 I'm staying here right by your side forever, buddy! 358 00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:38,874 Marshall! 359 00:16:39,024 --> 00:16:41,737 Lily, our lives have been good here. 360 00:16:42,029 --> 00:16:43,644 That's why we've been putting off packing. 361 00:16:43,728 --> 00:16:45,091 Because subconsciously, 362 00:16:45,166 --> 00:16:47,232 we both know that it would be stupid to leave. 363 00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:49,298 It's safe and warm here. There's a... 364 00:16:49,411 --> 00:16:52,209 a bar downstairs, and a cookie robot in the kitchen. 365 00:16:52,331 --> 00:16:54,218 This is my home, and I'm never leaving! 366 00:16:54,303 --> 00:16:55,344 Listen to you! 367 00:16:55,419 --> 00:16:57,945 You sound like that fat, dweeby kid at camp. 368 00:16:58,123 --> 00:16:59,907 "mom, dad, I want to come home. 369 00:16:59,973 --> 00:17:02,574 The cool kids are playing keep-away with my inhaler." 370 00:17:02,724 --> 00:17:04,998 I can't believe my dad read that letter at our wedding. 371 00:17:05,646 --> 00:17:07,092 Marshall, you can't do this to Lily. 372 00:17:07,177 --> 00:17:09,308 Yes, I know your new place has had some problems, 373 00:17:09,374 --> 00:17:12,529 with the slanted floors and the nearby sewage treatment plant, but 374 00:17:12,829 --> 00:17:15,155 you're gonna turn it into a great home. 375 00:17:15,381 --> 00:17:16,310 Tell him, Lily. 376 00:17:16,404 --> 00:17:18,958 It's a black hole where dreams go to die. 377 00:17:19,109 --> 00:17:20,367 I'm not moving, either. 378 00:17:20,461 --> 00:17:21,775 - Oh, come on! - Yes! 379 00:17:21,888 --> 00:17:23,944 Okay, you guys finish unpacking. 380 00:17:24,019 --> 00:17:27,029 I'm gonna go bake some cookies to fill r2-sweet tooth. 381 00:17:27,884 --> 00:17:30,250 Oh, my god, look at you cowards! 382 00:17:30,372 --> 00:17:32,569 So afraid of any kind of change. 383 00:17:32,673 --> 00:17:34,541 So terrified of anything new. 384 00:17:34,638 --> 00:17:35,803 So desperate 385 00:17:35,878 --> 00:17:38,159 to cling to anything comfortable and familiar. 386 00:17:38,244 --> 00:17:40,169 I can't move to Japan. 387 00:17:41,765 --> 00:17:43,042 What was I thinking? 388 00:17:43,127 --> 00:17:46,150 It's so far away. And I don't speak the language. 389 00:17:46,319 --> 00:17:48,584 I didn't even have any good pictures of you guys. 390 00:17:48,922 --> 00:17:49,804 Sweetie. 391 00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:53,269 Everybody says change is so great, right? 392 00:17:53,410 --> 00:17:54,856 But what's so great about change? 393 00:17:54,969 --> 00:17:57,611 Hey, who wants to walk down to our same old bar, 394 00:17:57,713 --> 00:18:00,004 sit in our regular booth and order the usual? 395 00:18:00,088 --> 00:18:03,581 Yeah! The usual! My favorite! 396 00:18:06,096 --> 00:18:08,011 Oh, my god. 397 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,085 Well, well, well. 398 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:19,071 I believe someone owes me $200. 399 00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:21,152 Barney, this was never a bet... nobody... 400 00:18:21,217 --> 00:18:25,236 This proves that I will be this awesome when I'm 80. 401 00:18:25,302 --> 00:18:27,159 Arthritis five. 402 00:18:30,558 --> 00:18:31,910 I'm moving to New Jersey. 403 00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:32,736 What? 404 00:18:32,981 --> 00:18:34,793 And you and Marshall should move to your new place, 405 00:18:34,887 --> 00:18:36,414 and Robin should go to Japan. 406 00:18:36,536 --> 00:18:37,278 Why? 407 00:18:37,541 --> 00:18:40,048 Because we're gonna get older whether we like it or not, 408 00:18:40,123 --> 00:18:43,672 So the only question is whether we want to get on with our lives 409 00:18:44,038 --> 00:18:47,422 or desperately cling to the past and end up like that. 410 00:18:47,805 --> 00:18:49,448 You mean awesome? 411 00:18:49,758 --> 00:18:54,390 I'm 80, dude, and I'm making out with a 22-year-old. 412 00:18:55,244 --> 00:18:57,442 Take me to your place, cheri. 413 00:18:57,676 --> 00:19:00,090 I want to see your world war 2 medals. 414 00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,568 In a minute, mon petite. 415 00:19:03,132 --> 00:19:05,019 All right, so that doesn't count. 416 00:19:05,282 --> 00:19:06,145 What? why? 417 00:19:06,314 --> 00:19:09,272 She's french... that's like playing tennis with the net down. 418 00:19:10,047 --> 00:19:11,136 You know what? 419 00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:13,192 I'll cover the security deposit. 420 00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,830 I'm glad to, because... 421 00:19:15,037 --> 00:19:18,717 Every dent in that place represents a memory that I'll cherish forever. 422 00:19:18,839 --> 00:19:20,051 But on one condition. 423 00:19:20,248 --> 00:19:23,581 We all put aside ten bucks every week for the next year, 424 00:19:23,741 --> 00:19:26,857 And we come back here and we buy that 50-year-old scotch, 425 00:19:26,998 --> 00:19:30,744 And we toast the incredible life-changing year we've all had. 426 00:19:30,810 --> 00:19:32,434 Get out of our booth. 427 00:19:35,836 --> 00:19:37,178 Me with my new family, 428 00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:38,944 Marshall and Lily in their new apartment, 429 00:19:39,038 --> 00:19:39,901 and Robin 430 00:19:40,089 --> 00:19:43,717 as the number one english-speaking journalist in the Pacific rim, 431 00:19:44,206 --> 00:19:47,276 visiting us here in New York to celebrate this day. 432 00:19:47,605 --> 00:19:50,649 The day we closed an incredible chapter in our lives, 433 00:19:51,062 --> 00:19:52,574 only to open up a new one. 434 00:19:54,114 --> 00:19:56,737 - I think I left my cell... - Get out of here. 435 00:19:58,934 --> 00:20:01,740 And one year later, that's exactly what we did. 436 00:20:01,903 --> 00:20:05,302 And so let's raise a glass of $2,500 scotch 437 00:20:05,415 --> 00:20:06,889 to one hell of a year. 438 00:20:10,927 --> 00:20:11,960 Amazing. 439 00:20:12,241 --> 00:20:13,068 That's unbelievable. 440 00:20:13,133 --> 00:20:16,852 It's kind of smoky, with a hint of aged cedar and... 441 00:20:16,927 --> 00:20:18,298 do you guys taste the difference twince vice and... 442 00:20:18,401 --> 00:20:19,837 - ten-dollar scotch? - Not at all. No difference. 443 00:20:19,912 --> 00:20:21,896 I want to cut mine with red bull. 444 00:20:21,978 --> 00:20:23,914 Wendy, can you take a picture? 445 00:20:25,060 --> 00:20:27,426 A lot of things did change that year, 446 00:20:27,604 --> 00:20:29,586 but some things stayed the same. 447 00:20:30,017 --> 00:20:32,781 So... what do you say we move this party upstairs 448 00:20:32,866 --> 00:20:35,523 - to the apartement? - Yeah. Great idea. 449 00:20:44,581 --> 00:20:45,708 What the...? 450 00:20:47,435 --> 00:20:49,820 Barney, this is an intervention. 451 00:20:50,572 --> 00:20:53,004 I'm sorry, I can't hear you. 452 00:20:53,342 --> 00:20:55,708 All right, enough with the "old man" bit. 453 00:20:56,150 --> 00:20:57,915 What about the old sand pit? 454 00:20:58,356 --> 00:20:59,774 Let it go. 455 00:21:00,018 --> 00:21:01,164 "let it snow"? 456 00:21:01,333 --> 00:21:03,619 I love that old ditty! 457 00:21:05,216 --> 00:21:06,840 I'm getting my flail. 458 00:21:07,441 --> 00:21:08,949 You're setting sail? 459 00:21:09,315 --> 00:21:19,315 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.