1 00:00:02,180 --> 00:00:03,981 Kids, the day you get married is supposed 2 00:00:03,981 --> 00:00:05,784 To bethe happiest day of your life, 3 00:00:05,884 --> 00:00:08,587 The perfect ending to a perfect love story. 4 00:00:08,786 --> 00:00:11,189 My wedding— at least my first wedding— 5 00:00:11,189 --> 00:00:12,691 Didn't go so well. 6 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:20,754 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 7 00:00:26,506 --> 00:00:28,608 It's funny looking back on it now. 8 00:00:29,009 --> 00:00:31,611 I was so sure stella was the one. 9 00:00:31,911 --> 00:00:34,714 And when she left me, I was so devastated. 10 00:00:35,214 --> 00:00:36,917 But you guys got me through it. 11 00:00:37,217 --> 00:00:39,319 And now the painful part's over. 12 00:00:39,419 --> 00:00:42,223 I've come out the other side a little bit stronger. 13 00:00:42,923 --> 00:00:45,926 You know, I... I hardly even think about her anymore. 14 00:00:46,527 --> 00:00:48,529 That's what time does, I guess. 15 00:00:51,733 --> 00:00:53,835 Ted, the wedding was yesterday. 16 00:00:54,635 --> 00:00:56,337 It's been 24 hours. 17 00:00:56,337 --> 00:00:57,539 I know. 18 00:00:57,639 --> 00:00:59,741 And this is me, moving on. 19 00:00:59,741 --> 00:01:00,942 A great new chapter 20 00:01:00,942 --> 00:01:02,344 Of my life began today, 21 00:01:02,344 --> 00:01:03,445 And we're gonna celebrate. 22 00:01:03,445 --> 00:01:04,947 Right now, we need two things. 23 00:01:04,947 --> 00:01:08,150 We need kool, and we need the gang. 24 00:01:08,150 --> 00:01:10,051 It's jukebox time, huh? 25 00:01:14,356 --> 00:01:15,757 I look at that young man 26 00:01:15,757 --> 00:01:18,961 Popping and locking his way over to the jukebox, 27 00:01:19,262 --> 00:01:20,363 And I think to myself, 28 00:01:20,363 --> 00:01:21,464 You know... 29 00:01:22,164 --> 00:01:24,067 Maybe stella made the right call. 30 00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:26,069 Ow, pain. 31 00:01:26,069 --> 00:01:27,671 How is he dancing right now? 32 00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:29,071 He should... he should be smashing up 33 00:01:29,071 --> 00:01:31,174 Stella's car with a sledgehammer. 34 00:01:31,774 --> 00:01:32,976 Hypothetical. 35 00:01:33,276 --> 00:01:35,478 Ted isn't pretending to be happy. 36 00:01:35,478 --> 00:01:37,080 Ted really is happy. 37 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:38,081 He never wanted to get married 38 00:01:38,081 --> 00:01:38,982 In the first place. 39 00:01:38,982 --> 00:01:40,384 Ted just pulled off 40 00:01:40,384 --> 00:01:43,486 The greatest train dodge since stand by me. 41 00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:46,990 Well, not the first kid, but the other kids. 42 00:01:47,291 --> 00:01:50,494 No, he is in bad shape. 43 00:01:50,794 --> 00:01:51,895 What's up? 44 00:01:53,097 --> 00:01:55,099 Really bad shape. 45 00:01:55,299 --> 00:01:57,502 And we need to be there for him. 46 00:01:57,801 --> 00:02:00,505 But as much as my friend really want to be there for me, 47 00:02:00,505 --> 00:02:02,406 I was... by all the appearances... 48 00:02:02,406 --> 00:02:03,408 Fine. 49 00:02:03,508 --> 00:02:04,409 Hey, buddy 50 00:02:04,509 --> 00:02:05,610 Want to hang out? 51 00:02:05,610 --> 00:02:08,213 Guys, I'm fine. 52 00:02:09,714 --> 00:02:11,516 Hey, pal, you want to have a catch? 53 00:02:11,717 --> 00:02:12,918 I'm fine. 54 00:02:16,622 --> 00:02:18,423 Hey, kiddo. 55 00:02:18,824 --> 00:02:20,425 Barney, I'm fine. 56 00:02:20,425 --> 00:02:21,627 This is not necessary, 57 00:02:21,627 --> 00:02:24,029 And it's actually kind of weird. 58 00:02:24,029 --> 00:02:25,531 No offense, ladies. 59 00:02:25,831 --> 00:02:28,034 I did not realize you'd be home. 60 00:02:28,934 --> 00:02:30,737 Ladies, to the stairwell. 61 00:02:44,751 --> 00:02:46,153 Finally, after two weeks, 62 00:02:46,153 --> 00:02:48,155 The inevitable emotions boiled over. 63 00:02:48,155 --> 00:02:49,857 Hey, you guys want to get some dinner? 64 00:02:49,857 --> 00:02:51,058 Oh, shut up. 65 00:02:51,859 --> 00:02:53,260 I'm sorry, sweetie. 66 00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:54,462 It's just, ted, 67 00:02:54,462 --> 00:02:56,664 You've been through something traumatic, 68 00:02:56,664 --> 00:02:58,266 And we're trying to be there for you 69 00:02:58,266 --> 00:03:00,067 As friends, but you're not letting us, 70 00:03:00,067 --> 00:03:03,171 And it's pissing us off, you selfish bitch. 71 00:03:03,471 --> 00:03:04,472 Sorry. 72 00:03:04,672 --> 00:03:05,574 Look, we're just worried 73 00:03:05,574 --> 00:03:07,575 That you're not dealing with this whole stella thing. 74 00:03:07,575 --> 00:03:09,477 Do you remember when lily left me? 75 00:03:09,477 --> 00:03:11,879 You remember how I held in my feelings? 76 00:03:11,980 --> 00:03:16,985 I... Miss... Her so much. 77 00:03:18,387 --> 00:03:20,288 Yeah, dude, you were a rock. 78 00:03:20,589 --> 00:03:22,591 Well, I should have been even worse, okay? 79 00:03:22,591 --> 00:03:23,693 I should have gotten mad. 80 00:03:23,693 --> 00:03:24,694 I should have taken your advice 81 00:03:24,694 --> 00:03:26,395 And set all of lily's stuff on fire. 82 00:03:26,395 --> 00:03:28,497 Oh, nice— thanks, ted. 83 00:03:28,497 --> 00:03:30,099 But I didn't, and I think that that's why 84 00:03:30,099 --> 00:03:31,501 It took me so long to get better. 85 00:03:31,501 --> 00:03:32,702 So, now, ted... 86 00:03:33,502 --> 00:03:35,205 I want you to explode. 87 00:03:35,405 --> 00:03:36,807 Release the berserker. 88 00:03:36,807 --> 00:03:38,608 Okay, ready? 89 00:03:40,410 --> 00:03:41,511 Now! 90 00:03:42,212 --> 00:03:42,912 I'm good. 91 00:03:42,912 --> 00:03:44,014 No. 92 00:03:44,214 --> 00:03:45,615 Guys, get off his back. 93 00:03:45,715 --> 00:03:46,716 He's happy. 94 00:03:46,716 --> 00:03:48,719 Listen, if ted were married right now, 95 00:03:48,719 --> 00:03:50,320 He'd be married, 96 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,223 He'd be living in new jersey, 97 00:03:52,223 --> 00:03:55,125 And he'd be married. 98 00:03:55,326 --> 00:03:57,227 He's fine. Now, let's eat. 99 00:03:57,327 --> 00:03:58,428 How about flat michael's? 100 00:03:58,428 --> 00:04:00,131 No, that's 44th and lex. Can't do it. 101 00:04:00,231 --> 00:04:02,032 Why not? It's too close to stella's gym. 102 00:04:02,032 --> 00:04:04,035 Might run into her. Anywhere else, though. 103 00:04:04,235 --> 00:04:06,438 Okay, um, how about hurley's? 104 00:04:06,837 --> 00:04:09,240 Right between stella's office and her dry cleaners. 105 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:10,541 No, sir. 106 00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:12,644 Well, what about meatloaf charlie's? 107 00:04:12,644 --> 00:04:14,846 Two blocks from stella's mother's hairdressers. 108 00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:16,648 Well, geez, ted, is there anywhere 109 00:04:16,648 --> 00:04:18,750 In manhattan we can go to dinner? 110 00:04:19,151 --> 00:04:20,452 Of course. 111 00:04:20,452 --> 00:04:21,854 Check this out. 112 00:04:23,856 --> 00:04:25,157 What you got there, ted? 113 00:04:25,157 --> 00:04:27,159 A little reference map I made for myself. 114 00:04:27,159 --> 00:04:30,463 A new york guide to places you might run into stella zinman. 115 00:04:30,463 --> 00:04:31,264 Red areas 116 00:04:31,264 --> 00:04:32,264 Are places to avoid. 117 00:04:32,264 --> 00:04:33,666 White areas are safe. 118 00:04:33,666 --> 00:04:34,968 Blue is water. 119 00:04:34,968 --> 00:04:36,570 That is just ridiculous. 120 00:04:36,570 --> 00:04:38,371 Well, water is blue. 121 00:04:38,371 --> 00:04:40,073 You can't live that way. 122 00:04:40,173 --> 00:04:41,474 She leaves you at the altar, 123 00:04:41,474 --> 00:04:42,775 And you're the one avoiding her? 124 00:04:42,775 --> 00:04:44,477 Yes, I'm avoiding her. 125 00:04:44,477 --> 00:04:45,478 What's the big deal? 126 00:04:45,478 --> 00:04:46,379 That's how we do it. 127 00:04:46,379 --> 00:04:47,781 Who's we, gutless weenies? 128 00:04:47,781 --> 00:04:52,086 Uh, no, "we" is people from the great state of ohio. 129 00:04:52,285 --> 00:04:53,587 When life gives us pain, 130 00:04:53,587 --> 00:04:56,791 We buckeyes take that pain and we push it down. 131 00:04:57,190 --> 00:04:58,092 And if the pain starts 132 00:04:58,092 --> 00:04:58,893 To come up again, 133 00:04:58,893 --> 00:05:01,195 We push more pain down on top of it. 134 00:05:01,195 --> 00:05:03,598 Why confront something when you can avoid it, right? 135 00:05:03,598 --> 00:05:04,498 All I have to do 136 00:05:04,498 --> 00:05:05,800 Is never see stella again, 137 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,602 And I'll live a long, happy life. 138 00:05:08,403 --> 00:05:09,804 Now, who wants to get something to eat? 139 00:05:09,804 --> 00:05:11,006 Oh, somebody just told me 140 00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:13,408 About a tapas place that's in the white zone. 141 00:05:13,408 --> 00:05:14,810 Great. Let's go there. 142 00:05:16,711 --> 00:05:17,812 You ready to order? 143 00:05:17,812 --> 00:05:18,914 Uh, not quite yet. 144 00:05:18,914 --> 00:05:21,016 Oh, can we get some of those almonds for the table? 145 00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,017 Certainly. 146 00:05:22,818 --> 00:05:24,119 Nice call, lily. 147 00:05:24,119 --> 00:05:25,421 This place looks great. 148 00:05:25,421 --> 00:05:26,622 Who told you about it? 149 00:05:26,622 --> 00:05:28,323 You know, I don't remember. 150 00:05:31,327 --> 00:05:32,328 What? 151 00:05:32,528 --> 00:05:34,129 I just remembered... 152 00:05:43,639 --> 00:05:45,341 Oh, my god, oh, my god. 153 00:05:45,442 --> 00:05:47,343 Okay, okay, just be cool. 154 00:05:47,343 --> 00:05:49,045 We're just gonna have to deal with this. 155 00:05:49,146 --> 00:05:52,249 Everyone... Follow my lead. 156 00:05:54,751 --> 00:05:56,754 Oh, you're kidding. Is he serious? 157 00:05:56,754 --> 00:05:58,555 I am not getting under thisable. 158 00:05:59,256 --> 00:06:01,459 I'd maybe get under that table. 159 00:06:02,259 --> 00:06:03,461 She's turning around. 160 00:06:09,367 --> 00:06:10,869 Think, think, think. 161 00:06:11,168 --> 00:06:12,270 Everyone, just stay here. 162 00:06:12,270 --> 00:06:13,571 I'm gonna go take a look. 163 00:06:14,272 --> 00:06:15,674 Marshall, go take a look. 164 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:23,782 And will you need utensils? 165 00:06:23,882 --> 00:06:25,584 No, I'm just going straight home. 166 00:06:28,086 --> 00:06:29,788 She's placing an order to go. 167 00:06:29,788 --> 00:06:32,191 Did she seem happy? Did she say anything about me? 168 00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:33,693 I don't even care. 169 00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:34,994 Where are those almonds? 170 00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:36,595 Gosh, where would ted's nuts be? 171 00:06:36,595 --> 00:06:39,499 Hey, why don't you check the vise in stella's garage. 172 00:06:40,099 --> 00:06:41,200 Go yell at her. 173 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,702 Ted, you may be from ohio, 174 00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:44,304 But you live in new york now. 175 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:46,606 We don't push down our feelings in new york. 176 00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,207 We take our feelings and we shove them 177 00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:49,609 In somebody else's face! 178 00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,011 Oh, spare me, lily. 179 00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:51,911 You'd be doing the same thing 180 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,113 If you were in this situation. 181 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,314 Thats out of rageous. 182 00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,216 There is not a person on earth 183 00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:58,018 I would hide under a table from. 184 00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,420 Oh, really, not a single person? 185 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,123 Not even... Gasser? 186 00:07:03,224 --> 00:07:06,027 How dare you mention that name to me. 187 00:07:06,196 --> 00:07:07,208 Who's gasser? 188 00:07:07,498 --> 00:07:08,619 He's the last person 189 00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,882 I'd want to see walk through that door. 190 00:07:10,991 --> 00:07:12,433 Michael sasser. 191 00:07:12,754 --> 00:07:14,776 He's a guy I went to high school with. 192 00:07:14,866 --> 00:07:17,529 Michael sat next to me in freshman biology. 193 00:07:17,539 --> 00:07:20,152 He had been a bit of a loser all through middle school, 194 00:07:20,162 --> 00:07:22,143 But the summer before ninth grade, 195 00:07:22,153 --> 00:07:24,897 He grew 12 inches and joined the baseball team. 196 00:07:24,907 --> 00:07:26,128 He was right on the precipice 197 00:07:26,138 --> 00:07:28,420 Of becoming one of the cool kids. 198 00:07:28,541 --> 00:07:30,052 Until one day... 199 00:07:32,255 --> 00:07:34,866 Oh, lily, we've all been there. 200 00:07:34,876 --> 00:07:36,839 When you've ripped one, it's not pretty. 201 00:07:36,849 --> 00:07:38,151 What did you do? 202 00:07:38,161 --> 00:07:39,432 Are you kidding? 203 00:07:39,442 --> 00:07:41,173 This was ninth grade. 204 00:07:41,414 --> 00:07:43,516 I only had one choice. 205 00:07:43,686 --> 00:07:46,179 Oh, my god, sasser. 206 00:07:46,189 --> 00:07:47,540 Fart much? 207 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,963 No, it wasn't me. It was her. 208 00:07:49,973 --> 00:07:52,175 Oh, as if, sasser. 209 00:07:52,185 --> 00:07:54,077 More like gasser. 210 00:07:54,437 --> 00:07:55,298 Gasser! 211 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,551 Gasser! Gasser! 212 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,792 No. Gasser! Gasser! Gasser! Gasser! 213 00:07:58,802 --> 00:08:00,063 I'm on the baseball team. 214 00:08:00,073 --> 00:08:01,365 I-I'm cool. 215 00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:03,567 Gasser! Gasser! 216 00:08:03,577 --> 00:08:05,479 The nickname gasser stuck. 217 00:08:05,489 --> 00:08:06,430 He got teased so much, 218 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,702 Eventually he had to change schools. 219 00:08:09,123 --> 00:08:10,655 Kids are awesome. 220 00:08:10,665 --> 00:08:12,927 I've always felt awful about that. 221 00:08:12,937 --> 00:08:15,350 But if gasser— michael— 222 00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:18,443 Walked in right now, as hard as it would be, 223 00:08:18,453 --> 00:08:20,775 I would go up to gasser— michael— 224 00:08:20,946 --> 00:08:22,827 And I would resolve things between us. 225 00:08:22,837 --> 00:08:24,970 Right, clear the air, as it were. 226 00:08:24,990 --> 00:08:26,461 Oh, man. 227 00:08:26,731 --> 00:08:28,743 Those don't come around often. 228 00:08:28,894 --> 00:08:30,546 Y'all are welcome. 229 00:08:32,928 --> 00:08:34,390 Hey, are you guys okay? Oh, yeah. 230 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,171 We're just gonna be eating down here if that's okay. 231 00:08:36,181 --> 00:08:37,884 Well, here's your almonds. 232 00:08:37,894 --> 00:08:39,915 Oh, thanks... You guys have any specials today? 233 00:08:39,925 --> 00:08:41,037 Ted, this is ludicrous. 234 00:08:41,047 --> 00:08:45,411 Ted, I am a person who... Well, let's just face it. 235 00:08:45,421 --> 00:08:47,524 There are a lot of people I don't want to see— 236 00:08:47,534 --> 00:08:50,067 People of the "chicks I banged" persuasion— 237 00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:51,828 But if any of them were to walk in here, 238 00:08:51,838 --> 00:08:53,069 I would stand up, 239 00:08:53,079 --> 00:08:54,952 And I would look them right in the eye. 240 00:08:55,221 --> 00:08:57,054 Some of them for the very first time. 241 00:08:58,165 --> 00:09:00,567 Really, you wouldn't hide from anyone? 242 00:09:01,228 --> 00:09:02,920 Not even, say... 243 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,422 Becca delucci? 244 00:09:04,422 --> 00:09:06,023 You son of a bitch. 245 00:09:06,333 --> 00:09:07,865 Who's becca delucci? 246 00:09:07,955 --> 00:09:09,127 Do you mind? 247 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:14,592 So, who is becca delucci? 248 00:09:14,602 --> 00:09:16,704 Becca is just this girl who lives upstate. 249 00:09:16,714 --> 00:09:18,276 I used to visit her now and again. 250 00:09:18,286 --> 00:09:21,159 Mm-hmm, where exactly upstate, barney? 251 00:09:22,391 --> 00:09:24,872 Bedford hills federal penitentiary. 252 00:09:24,882 --> 00:09:28,606 And yes, the visits were of a conjugal nature. 253 00:09:28,616 --> 00:09:32,250 No way, really? 254 00:09:32,260 --> 00:09:33,092 Really. 255 00:09:33,142 --> 00:09:36,385 And what I had with becca was a perfect relationship. 256 00:09:36,415 --> 00:09:39,909 She was only allowed, by law, to call me once a week. 257 00:09:40,259 --> 00:09:41,451 If she ever got clingy, 258 00:09:41,461 --> 00:09:43,493 The armed guards stopped her. 259 00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:45,424 And I never had to pay for dinner. 260 00:09:45,534 --> 00:09:47,636 Well, that's not true. I pay taxes. 261 00:09:47,646 --> 00:09:48,988 Then again, I guess we all paid for dinner. 262 00:09:48,998 --> 00:09:50,149 Thanks a lot, guys. 263 00:09:50,209 --> 00:09:52,362 Anyway, the last time I visited, 264 00:09:52,762 --> 00:09:54,494 I kind of screwed things up. 265 00:09:54,504 --> 00:09:56,466 I know it's hard, baby, 266 00:09:56,646 --> 00:09:59,039 But I'm in a prison, too. 267 00:09:59,179 --> 00:10:01,121 A prison of my own heart. 268 00:10:02,132 --> 00:10:03,764 Is that room ready yet or what? 269 00:10:03,774 --> 00:10:05,916 Can we...? Tick-tock. 270 00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:08,048 Barney, you're the only thing 271 00:10:08,058 --> 00:10:09,600 That's keeping me going here. 272 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:10,881 That's what I'm here for, baby. 273 00:10:10,891 --> 00:10:12,243 I'm your rock. 274 00:10:12,573 --> 00:10:13,855 I'm... Oh, my god. 275 00:10:13,865 --> 00:10:15,556 Hello, strange. 276 00:10:20,542 --> 00:10:22,533 Barney stinson, attorney at law. 277 00:10:22,543 --> 00:10:24,105 Let's talk about getting you off. 278 00:10:24,115 --> 00:10:25,657 Oh, hell, no! 279 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,173 Now I get letters from becca and she's all, 280 00:10:40,183 --> 00:10:42,535 "I'm coming to get you the day I get out of here. 281 00:10:42,545 --> 00:10:45,488 I'm gonna hang your eyes from my rearview mirror." 282 00:10:46,759 --> 00:10:48,181 Women, huh? 283 00:10:48,971 --> 00:10:50,854 See? You're scared of becca. 284 00:10:50,864 --> 00:10:52,325 Lily's scared of gasser. 285 00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:53,877 We're staying under the table. 286 00:10:57,230 --> 00:10:59,203 We don't have to. Stella's gone. 287 00:10:59,213 --> 00:11:00,844 Oh, my gosh. 288 00:11:03,356 --> 00:11:04,958 There, all done, 289 00:11:04,969 --> 00:11:08,031 And that's how we do it ohio style. 290 00:11:08,222 --> 00:11:10,714 Problem showed up. We avoided it. It went away. 291 00:11:10,724 --> 00:11:12,726 Now we can enjoy our meal in peace and... 292 00:11:12,736 --> 00:11:13,797 She's back. 293 00:11:18,172 --> 00:11:20,655 Ted, we all think that you need— 294 00:11:20,955 --> 00:11:22,336 Wait, where's barney? 295 00:11:27,502 --> 00:11:28,453 Ted, 296 00:11:28,533 --> 00:11:31,016 We all think that you need to go talk to her. 297 00:11:31,026 --> 00:11:32,137 I don't. What? 298 00:11:32,147 --> 00:11:33,619 Yeah, if t last person I wanted to see 299 00:11:33,629 --> 00:11:35,540 Walked through the door, I wouldn't say a damn word. 300 00:11:35,550 --> 00:11:36,181 Really? 301 00:11:36,192 --> 00:11:38,334 And who's that? My father. 302 00:11:39,304 --> 00:11:41,947 You guys, that other table is off the hook. 303 00:11:42,148 --> 00:11:44,099 What are we talking about? Robin's dad. 304 00:11:44,109 --> 00:11:45,431 I haven't spoken to him in three years 305 00:11:45,441 --> 00:11:47,053 And I don't intend to start now. 306 00:11:47,063 --> 00:11:47,914 Why? 307 00:11:48,064 --> 00:11:50,477 It goes back to the day I was born. 308 00:11:50,487 --> 00:11:52,548 You give me my son now. Push. 309 00:11:57,424 --> 00:11:58,835 Oh, no... Oh, no. 310 00:11:59,275 --> 00:12:00,356 He wanted a son 311 00:12:00,366 --> 00:12:02,509 And the fact that I was a girl didn't change his plan. 312 00:12:02,650 --> 00:12:03,420 What do you mean? 313 00:12:04,451 --> 00:12:08,385 My full legal name is robin charles scherbatsky, jr. 314 00:12:09,456 --> 00:12:11,348 And it only gets worse from there. 315 00:12:11,568 --> 00:12:14,771 When I was eight, he took me hunting for the first time. 316 00:12:14,781 --> 00:12:16,624 I don't want to shoot a deer. 317 00:12:16,634 --> 00:12:18,106 Nonsense, r.J. 318 00:12:18,146 --> 00:12:18,756 Shooting deer 319 00:12:18,766 --> 00:12:20,488 Is the noblest of pursuits. 320 00:12:20,498 --> 00:12:22,470 But they're cute. 321 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,492 You said the same thing about our rabbits. 322 00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:26,495 Remember how delicious they were? 323 00:12:28,025 --> 00:12:29,738 Over the years, as my body developed... 324 00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:31,069 Whoa, hold on a sec. 325 00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:33,722 Sorry, go on. 326 00:12:34,723 --> 00:12:38,297 It became harder and harder for him to pretend I was a boy. 327 00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:40,770 The lowest moment came when I turned 14. 328 00:12:40,780 --> 00:12:43,472 My peewee hockey team had just won the squamish invitational 329 00:12:43,482 --> 00:12:45,784 And everyone came back to my house to celebrate. 330 00:12:45,794 --> 00:12:47,596 You lads availed yourself splendidly 331 00:12:47,606 --> 00:12:49,329 Out there on the ice. 332 00:12:49,628 --> 00:12:52,381 Splendidly. You go on outside. 333 00:12:52,392 --> 00:12:54,243 I'll come back with an assortment 334 00:12:54,253 --> 00:12:56,876 Of soft drinks and american pretzels. 335 00:13:00,149 --> 00:13:00,540 I can't believe 336 00:13:00,550 --> 00:13:02,592 You missed that last empty-netter, you hoser. 337 00:13:02,602 --> 00:13:03,903 You're the hoser. 338 00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:05,325 No, you're the hoser. 339 00:13:13,074 --> 00:13:14,044 What are you doing? 340 00:13:15,156 --> 00:13:18,049 You're teammates, hockey players. 341 00:13:18,980 --> 00:13:20,611 Teammates don't kiss! 342 00:13:21,503 --> 00:13:23,745 Hockey players don't kiss! 343 00:13:26,107 --> 00:13:27,268 Oh, my god. 344 00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:29,881 I have no son. 345 00:13:34,035 --> 00:13:35,297 Oh, you poor thing. 346 00:13:36,027 --> 00:13:38,190 To have to grow up in canada 347 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,072 With america right there. 348 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:41,353 That... 349 00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:43,515 Sucks about your dad, robin, 350 00:13:43,525 --> 00:13:45,727 But congratulations on that game. 351 00:13:47,339 --> 00:13:49,572 And kyle and I weren't even doing anything serious. 352 00:13:49,582 --> 00:13:52,285 We only went to the blue line. The blue line? 353 00:13:52,295 --> 00:13:54,166 Yeah, you know how when you're a kid, 354 00:13:54,176 --> 00:13:55,378 You put everything into hockey terms? 355 00:13:55,388 --> 00:13:57,660 The blue line is kissing; the red line is getting naked; 356 00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,062 And I think "in the crease" speaks for itself. 357 00:14:01,064 --> 00:14:02,355 Anyway, after that, 358 00:14:02,365 --> 00:14:04,678 My relationship with my dad pretty much went north. 359 00:14:04,688 --> 00:14:06,009 I moved in with my mom, 360 00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:08,762 Grew my hair out, became a canadian pop star. 361 00:14:08,772 --> 00:14:10,404 You know, normal teen stuff. 362 00:14:10,894 --> 00:14:12,446 Don't you think it would feel better 363 00:14:12,456 --> 00:14:14,068 To talk to him about all this? 364 00:14:14,078 --> 00:14:15,579 No, that's the point. 365 00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:17,191 It wouldn't solve anything. 366 00:14:17,201 --> 00:14:18,913 It's in the past. It's done. 367 00:14:19,924 --> 00:14:21,306 I mean, what would I even say to him? 368 00:14:21,316 --> 00:14:23,317 "I wish you hadn't raised me as a boy"? 369 00:14:23,327 --> 00:14:25,750 "I wish you hadn't taught me how to hunt 370 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:28,152 "and fish and smoke cigars and drink scotch 371 00:14:28,162 --> 00:14:30,094 "because that's not what girls do. 372 00:14:30,114 --> 00:14:32,127 "and you know the reason I throw like a girl, dad, 373 00:14:32,137 --> 00:14:33,838 Is because I am a girl." 374 00:14:35,950 --> 00:14:39,434 Wow, you held onto that for a long time, huh? 375 00:14:40,205 --> 00:14:41,126 Yeah. 376 00:14:41,987 --> 00:14:43,519 It really messed you up. 377 00:14:44,930 --> 00:14:45,881 Yeah. 378 00:14:45,891 --> 00:14:46,712 That sucks. I'm sorry. 379 00:14:46,832 --> 00:14:47,973 That's hot. 380 00:14:49,765 --> 00:14:51,287 And then I realized... 381 00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:55,732 All of my friends were haunted, 382 00:14:56,292 --> 00:14:59,005 But there was a difference between my ghost and theirs. 383 00:14:59,916 --> 00:15:01,427 It wasn't too late for me. 384 00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:04,401 I'm gonna go talk to her. 385 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,569 She's gone. 386 00:15:11,768 --> 00:15:12,720 I'm going after her. 387 00:15:12,730 --> 00:15:14,090 Whoo. Go, go. 388 00:15:16,493 --> 00:15:17,734 There she goes! 389 00:15:25,082 --> 00:15:25,643 Okay, I see her. 390 00:15:25,653 --> 00:15:26,995 She's two cabs ahead on the right. 391 00:15:27,005 --> 00:15:28,036 Just stay with her, okay? 392 00:15:28,046 --> 00:15:30,168 Finally. Finally, you're doing this. 393 00:15:30,178 --> 00:15:31,489 You're going to confront her. 394 00:15:31,499 --> 00:15:33,321 Yes, I am going to confront her. Yeah. 395 00:15:33,331 --> 00:15:34,522 This is so exciting. 396 00:15:34,532 --> 00:15:36,124 Totally. What are you going to say? 397 00:15:36,134 --> 00:15:40,719 I'm gonna say, "stella, I'm sorry things didn't work out." 398 00:15:40,729 --> 00:15:42,591 Ay, caramba. No! Yes. 399 00:15:42,601 --> 00:15:44,593 We're going to talk about this like adults. 400 00:15:44,603 --> 00:15:47,986 She can tell me her side and... I'm going to listen. 401 00:15:48,527 --> 00:15:49,097 Probably 402 00:15:49,107 --> 00:15:50,419 Should have done a little more of that before. 403 00:15:50,429 --> 00:15:51,861 Driver, can you run us into the nearest lamppost? 404 00:15:51,871 --> 00:15:54,053 Everyone, buckle up. Not you, ted. 405 00:15:54,063 --> 00:15:55,214 Ted, ted, 406 00:15:55,224 --> 00:15:57,036 You got to get mad right now. 407 00:15:57,046 --> 00:15:59,038 Come on. Dig deep. 408 00:15:59,048 --> 00:16:01,090 Dude, come on. This isn't about me waving my arms, 409 00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:02,993 Stamping my feet, and getting really mad. 410 00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:04,373 This is about stella and I 411 00:16:04,383 --> 00:16:05,845 Finally communicating. 412 00:16:05,855 --> 00:16:06,736 I mean, clearly, that was... 413 00:16:06,746 --> 00:16:10,150 Stella hated star wars. She lied to you. 414 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,173 Search your feelings, ted. You know it to be true. 415 00:16:14,214 --> 00:16:15,545 Well, that's her business. 416 00:16:15,555 --> 00:16:18,519 Come on, ted. She left you at the altar. 417 00:16:18,529 --> 00:16:19,800 I don't understand! 418 00:16:19,810 --> 00:16:21,852 Ted, in the name of all that is sacred... 419 00:16:21,862 --> 00:16:22,943 Wait, wait, wait! 420 00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:23,984 Where is she going? 421 00:16:23,994 --> 00:16:25,946 Her cab just missed the turn for the lincoln tunnel. 422 00:16:25,956 --> 00:16:26,888 Why would anybody 423 00:16:26,898 --> 00:16:27,718 Buy takeout food 424 00:16:27,728 --> 00:16:30,041 And bring it all the way back to new jersey anyway? 425 00:16:30,221 --> 00:16:31,523 Maybe she's going to her office. 426 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:32,544 No. 427 00:16:33,074 --> 00:16:35,446 The waiter asked her, "will you need utensils?" 428 00:16:35,456 --> 00:16:37,629 And then she said, "nah, I'm just going straight home." 429 00:16:37,889 --> 00:16:40,062 But if she's going home, why are we still heading...? 430 00:16:41,073 --> 00:16:42,164 Oh, my god. 431 00:16:43,405 --> 00:16:44,566 Tony lives downtown. 432 00:16:45,387 --> 00:16:48,550 "home" is tony's apartment. 433 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,022 She was going to make me move to new jersey 434 00:16:51,032 --> 00:16:54,447 And then she moves into the city with tony? 435 00:16:55,117 --> 00:16:56,629 Son of a bitch! 436 00:16:57,009 --> 00:16:57,680 Finally. 437 00:16:57,690 --> 00:16:58,801 Finally, buddy. 438 00:16:58,811 --> 00:17:00,263 I am so angry right now! 439 00:17:00,273 --> 00:17:01,934 I know, and I love it! 440 00:17:03,967 --> 00:17:05,508 Yeah, that is awesome! 441 00:17:05,518 --> 00:17:07,030 Sir, we'd be happy to cover 442 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,092 The cost of that window crank. 443 00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:10,774 I love angry ted! 444 00:17:10,784 --> 00:17:12,105 So do I! 445 00:17:13,547 --> 00:17:16,109 Get it out, baby. Let it out. 446 00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:17,531 Oh... She's stopping. 447 00:17:17,541 --> 00:17:18,572 Oh, it is on. 448 00:17:18,582 --> 00:17:20,083 It is on! Yes, ted. 449 00:17:20,093 --> 00:17:21,425 Go get her, buddy! 450 00:17:21,435 --> 00:17:22,817 Go get rid of your demons! 451 00:17:22,827 --> 00:17:24,098 My leg is asleep! 452 00:17:24,108 --> 00:17:25,089 Okay, wa-wa-wait. 453 00:17:25,249 --> 00:17:26,050 Wait, hold on. Lily, 454 00:17:26,060 --> 00:17:26,771 What are you doing? 455 00:17:26,781 --> 00:17:28,562 All right, hold on. 456 00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,414 Look, ted, 457 00:17:30,494 --> 00:17:32,997 It's great that you're angry right now. It sure is. 458 00:17:33,007 --> 00:17:34,298 Yes. Yeah! 459 00:17:34,669 --> 00:17:35,900 And that you're finally dealing 460 00:17:35,910 --> 00:17:38,793 With this, but you only get one shot here. 461 00:17:38,823 --> 00:17:40,285 Let's just take a beat and, 462 00:17:40,295 --> 00:17:42,557 And think about what you're going to say. 463 00:17:43,808 --> 00:17:45,641 Oh, I know exactly what I'm gonna say. 464 00:17:56,332 --> 00:17:57,764 You picked the wrong guy. 465 00:17:59,475 --> 00:18:00,466 Ted. 466 00:18:01,307 --> 00:18:03,109 You picked the wrong guy. 467 00:18:04,871 --> 00:18:09,536 You made a really, really, really bad choice. 468 00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:12,899 What were you thinking? 469 00:18:12,969 --> 00:18:14,000 That guy? 470 00:18:14,331 --> 00:18:15,803 Are you kidding me? 471 00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,715 Have you learned nothing in the last eight years? 472 00:18:19,796 --> 00:18:21,208 You're just gonna regret this. 473 00:18:21,218 --> 00:18:22,139 You know that, right? 474 00:18:22,149 --> 00:18:23,811 You are going to regret this, 475 00:18:23,821 --> 00:18:25,532 And now there is nothing you can do about it 476 00:18:25,542 --> 00:18:27,054 Because it's too late. 477 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,607 All you can do now is go up there 478 00:18:29,617 --> 00:18:33,010 And start your crappy, disappointing life 479 00:18:33,762 --> 00:18:35,383 That will never be nearly as happy 480 00:18:35,393 --> 00:18:37,085 As the one you could have had with me. 481 00:18:39,608 --> 00:18:40,508 Good-bye. 482 00:18:41,028 --> 00:18:41,820 Ted, wait. 483 00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:44,973 Look, stella, I am not here to win you back. 484 00:18:45,273 --> 00:18:45,763 I am here 485 00:18:45,773 --> 00:18:49,088 Because I need to know that you know 486 00:18:49,738 --> 00:18:51,560 You made the biggest mistake of your life. 487 00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:53,923 I know. 488 00:18:57,527 --> 00:18:58,427 Good. 489 00:19:01,530 --> 00:19:02,862 That's what I'm gonna say. Oh... 490 00:19:04,504 --> 00:19:06,495 Cold-blooded. Yeah, that's good. 491 00:19:06,505 --> 00:19:07,817 Go say that. 492 00:19:10,660 --> 00:19:11,541 Thanks. 493 00:19:12,131 --> 00:19:15,125 So I got out of the cab, ready to say all of that stuff, 494 00:19:15,135 --> 00:19:17,688 Ready to explode, but then... 495 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,539 Mommy! H-h-hey. Hey. 496 00:19:24,005 --> 00:19:25,545 It all just went away. 497 00:19:30,471 --> 00:19:31,712 And that was it. 498 00:19:31,852 --> 00:19:33,854 In that moment, I wasn't angry anymore. 499 00:19:35,005 --> 00:19:37,298 I could see stella was meant to be with tony. 500 00:19:38,639 --> 00:19:40,201 Kids, you may think your only choices 501 00:19:40,211 --> 00:19:41,733 Are to swallow your anger 502 00:19:41,743 --> 00:19:43,354 Or throw it in someone's face. 503 00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:45,277 there is a third option 504 00:19:45,357 --> 00:19:46,758 You can just let it go, 505 00:19:47,469 --> 00:19:49,461 And only when you do that is it really gone, 506 00:19:49,471 --> 00:19:50,812 And you can move forward. 507 00:19:51,313 --> 00:19:55,517 And that, kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. 508 00:19:55,748 --> 00:19:57,249 It just wasn't mine. 509 00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:00,973 Mine was still out there waiting for me. 510 00:20:01,985 --> 00:20:11,985 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.