1 00:00:02,329 --> 00:00:04,091 Kids, in the fall of 2008, 2 00:00:04,191 --> 00:00:07,095 your aunt Robin was unemployed and a little bit adrift, 3 00:00:07,195 --> 00:00:09,475 so she valued her friendship with Lily more than ever. 4 00:00:09,575 --> 00:00:12,377 Hey, so I hear Marshall has to work late on Friday. 5 00:00:12,477 --> 00:00:14,611 You know what that means... ladies' night. 6 00:00:15,276 --> 00:00:17,465 Actually, one of the teachers at my school, Jillian, 7 00:00:17,565 --> 00:00:18,963 is having a birthday party. 8 00:00:21,293 --> 00:00:22,077 What? 9 00:00:22,384 --> 00:00:23,180 It's just 10 00:00:23,350 --> 00:00:26,438 I've never even heard of this Jillian person before and suddenly 11 00:00:26,608 --> 00:00:29,036 she's, like, your best friend. You can't shut up about her. 12 00:00:29,399 --> 00:00:31,975 Don't be jealous. You and I hang out all the time. 13 00:00:32,145 --> 00:00:33,722 Yeah, but Marshall's always there. 14 00:00:33,892 --> 00:00:37,305 We don't get a lot of quality time to talk, just the two of us. 15 00:00:37,475 --> 00:00:38,860 That's not true. 16 00:00:39,409 --> 00:00:41,948 So that's when the story gets really good. 17 00:00:42,380 --> 00:00:43,988 So, we go to the... 18 00:00:47,139 --> 00:00:48,916 place. And then that... 19 00:00:49,086 --> 00:00:51,967 guy asks about that thing with the stuff 20 00:00:52,137 --> 00:00:54,250 that I told you about at that place that time. 21 00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:55,834 Long story short... 22 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:58,431 events transpired. 23 00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:00,192 Oh, my God. 24 00:01:00,803 --> 00:01:03,306 You and the guy from the mayor's office did it in the UN building 25 00:01:03,406 --> 00:01:05,222 under the desk of the ambassador from Zaire? 26 00:01:05,334 --> 00:01:06,102 Nice. 27 00:01:07,809 --> 00:01:09,614 I just wish we could have some girl time. 28 00:01:09,714 --> 00:01:12,894 I love Marshall, but he's always talk-blocking me. 29 00:01:13,175 --> 00:01:15,350 So come out with me and Jillian then. 30 00:01:15,729 --> 00:01:18,643 Okay, but I don't want to stay out too late because... 31 00:01:19,435 --> 00:01:20,633 Remember that... 32 00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:23,172 thing last month after I went to the place? 33 00:01:23,342 --> 00:01:26,989 Well, you know who said it's fine, but she gave me some stuff. 34 00:01:27,185 --> 00:01:29,348 You still got that yeast infection...? 35 00:01:31,068 --> 00:01:33,568 Sync by vNaru 36 00:01:45,354 --> 00:01:47,899 - I want you to enjoy this moment. - What moment? 37 00:01:48,069 --> 00:01:52,124 The last moment of you and I being even slightly in competion 38 00:01:52,224 --> 00:01:54,706 - for the title of Ted's best friend. - Marshall's my best friend. 39 00:01:54,806 --> 00:01:56,340 Exactly. It's a tie. 40 00:01:56,924 --> 00:01:59,118 But all of that is about to change. 41 00:01:59,737 --> 00:02:01,898 Am I correct that you are an architect? 42 00:02:02,068 --> 00:02:04,663 My best friend would really know that, but go on. 43 00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:07,586 And what are you currently designing? 44 00:02:07,756 --> 00:02:10,719 Actually, we're renovating the new York Public Library. 45 00:02:11,036 --> 00:02:12,272 Ted, that's huge! 46 00:02:12,972 --> 00:02:14,705 Not the New York Public Library. 47 00:02:14,875 --> 00:02:17,822 It's the new public library in York, North Dakota. 48 00:02:18,518 --> 00:02:21,859 Their books are in two sections: Fishin' and non-fishin'. 49 00:02:22,512 --> 00:02:26,173 Then I think you are going to really like what happened at work today. 50 00:02:26,615 --> 00:02:29,322 And so, while those bribes did destabilize the regime 51 00:02:29,492 --> 00:02:31,699 and caused the death of most of the royal family, 52 00:02:31,869 --> 00:02:35,320 it did lead to looser banking regulations in Rangoon. 53 00:02:35,582 --> 00:02:36,596 So yay us. 54 00:02:37,250 --> 00:02:38,554 Okay, last order of business. 55 00:02:38,654 --> 00:02:40,904 It's been decided we're going to move forward with plans 56 00:02:41,004 --> 00:02:44,096 for Goliath National Bank's new downtown headquarters. 57 00:02:44,561 --> 00:02:47,527 - Who's gonna design it? - Was my first question. 58 00:02:48,028 --> 00:02:49,226 Who's gonna design it? 59 00:02:49,326 --> 00:02:51,098 We've already approached one firm about it. 60 00:02:51,198 --> 00:02:54,159 This Swedish architecture collective called Sven. 61 00:02:58,020 --> 00:03:00,361 Sven was this Swedish architecture collective 62 00:03:00,461 --> 00:03:02,893 revered for their bold, innovative designs. 63 00:03:03,170 --> 00:03:04,509 I hated those guys. 64 00:03:04,679 --> 00:03:06,374 I hate those guys. 65 00:03:06,578 --> 00:03:09,535 - Swedish architecture collective. - Lame. 66 00:03:09,635 --> 00:03:11,563 - Pretentious. - "We're not a company. 67 00:03:11,670 --> 00:03:13,598 - We're a collective." - I know. 68 00:03:13,725 --> 00:03:15,281 "We are Swedish. 69 00:03:15,542 --> 00:03:20,116 "We are so cool with our baguettes and our Eiffel Tower." 70 00:03:20,388 --> 00:03:22,632 Dude, Sweden's not France. You know that, right? 71 00:03:22,758 --> 00:03:23,990 Oh, it's France. 72 00:03:25,107 --> 00:03:27,651 So anyway, I say to Bilson... 73 00:03:28,161 --> 00:03:30,118 Bilson, with all due respect... 74 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:33,878 No, I stand up, and I say to Bilson... 75 00:03:34,031 --> 00:03:36,096 Bilson, with all due respect... 76 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:37,036 Music. 77 00:03:37,206 --> 00:03:40,152 Imagine patriotic music playing. 78 00:03:42,027 --> 00:03:43,920 With all due respect, 79 00:03:44,395 --> 00:03:45,957 it would be terrible 80 00:03:46,308 --> 00:03:50,012 if a job that could go to a hard-working American 81 00:03:50,112 --> 00:03:51,554 architecture firm, 82 00:03:51,654 --> 00:03:53,629 went to a bunch of French guys. 83 00:03:54,513 --> 00:03:56,285 Where is our patriotism? 84 00:03:56,535 --> 00:03:58,087 Our sense of country? 85 00:03:58,323 --> 00:04:01,602 - Our love of all that is... - Look, Stinson, 86 00:04:01,813 --> 00:04:04,584 no one hates every other country in the world as much as I do, 87 00:04:04,754 --> 00:04:05,947 but you better have a point. 88 00:04:06,047 --> 00:04:06,956 I do. 89 00:04:07,325 --> 00:04:11,069 I know a fantastic American architect who would be perfect for the job. 90 00:04:13,598 --> 00:04:16,064 So, all you gotta do is come in, pitch your design, 91 00:04:16,234 --> 00:04:18,598 I get the board to approve it, and the job is yours. 92 00:04:18,768 --> 00:04:21,735 Do you realize what a hero I would be if I brought this project to my firm? 93 00:04:21,835 --> 00:04:23,336 And that's not even the best part. 94 00:04:23,436 --> 00:04:25,326 All three of us are gonna be working together. 95 00:04:25,426 --> 00:04:26,903 Ted can be on the conference call. 96 00:04:27,003 --> 00:04:28,709 He can totally be on the conference call. 97 00:04:28,809 --> 00:04:30,848 - What's the conference call? - The way it works is, 98 00:04:30,948 --> 00:04:33,266 one of us will duck into the other's office and say... 99 00:04:33,366 --> 00:04:35,887 Marshall, the conference call's about to start. 100 00:04:36,765 --> 00:04:38,402 I'm sorry, guys, I gotta go. 101 00:04:38,613 --> 00:04:40,888 And then we go up to the roof of the building... 102 00:04:41,316 --> 00:04:42,477 and drink beer. 103 00:04:42,708 --> 00:04:45,899 This is awesome. Drinking at work. 104 00:04:46,391 --> 00:04:47,731 We're basically Mad Men. 105 00:04:47,991 --> 00:04:50,484 We are! We're such Mad Men! 106 00:04:50,654 --> 00:04:52,374 I'm gonna go smack a secretary on the ass. 107 00:04:52,486 --> 00:04:55,081 That's totally what they would do on that show. 108 00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:56,639 What show? 109 00:04:57,771 --> 00:05:02,165 And then, we throw crumpled up beer cans at pigeons. 110 00:05:02,517 --> 00:05:05,142 - I don't do that. - I totally want to do that. 111 00:05:05,575 --> 00:05:08,611 - Well, I am gonna make that happen. - Seriously, Barney, 112 00:05:08,843 --> 00:05:10,650 after everything I went through with Stella, 113 00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:12,271 getting me this opportunity... 114 00:05:12,371 --> 00:05:13,506 It really means a lot. 115 00:05:13,606 --> 00:05:14,650 It really did. 116 00:05:14,820 --> 00:05:17,908 You see, kids, when I became an architect, I had one dream... 117 00:05:18,078 --> 00:05:21,000 to contribute a building to the skyline of New York City. 118 00:05:21,170 --> 00:05:23,702 I wanted to be able to point to one of those buildings and say, 119 00:05:23,872 --> 00:05:25,986 see that one? That one right there? 120 00:05:26,513 --> 00:05:27,650 That's mine. 121 00:05:28,654 --> 00:05:31,359 This job was my opportunity to do just that. 122 00:05:36,810 --> 00:05:38,492 Your friend's having her birthday here? 123 00:05:38,592 --> 00:05:40,272 What's she turning, 19? 124 00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,145 Believe me, this isn't her scene. 125 00:05:43,315 --> 00:05:46,121 She probably just didn't know what kind of place this was. 126 00:05:46,523 --> 00:05:49,967 Over here, you sexy bitch! We've got bottle service! 127 00:05:53,107 --> 00:05:54,019 Oh, my God. 128 00:05:54,189 --> 00:05:58,749 At school, she's so quiet and normal. I had no idea she's... 129 00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:00,808 she's a Woo Girl. 130 00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,676 What's a Woo Girl? Let me explain. 131 00:06:03,922 --> 00:06:05,654 A Woo Girl is a type of young woman, 132 00:06:05,762 --> 00:06:07,958 who, like the cuckoo bird or the whip-poor-will, 133 00:06:08,072 --> 00:06:10,411 gets her name from the signature sound she makes. 134 00:06:12,337 --> 00:06:15,067 Now, a woo can be elicited in many different ways. 135 00:06:15,457 --> 00:06:17,981 From a certain song coming on the jukebox... 136 00:06:20,711 --> 00:06:23,285 Oh, my God, this song is totally about me. 137 00:06:24,935 --> 00:06:26,501 to half-priced shots. 138 00:06:29,250 --> 00:06:31,302 from a ride on a mechanical bull... 139 00:06:35,099 --> 00:06:36,575 to, well, pretty much anything. 140 00:06:36,677 --> 00:06:39,635 Oh, my God, I was worried that I didn't feed the cat, 141 00:06:39,805 --> 00:06:42,279 but then I rembered that I did. 142 00:06:44,979 --> 00:06:48,977 I swear, at school Jillian seems so un-woo-y. 143 00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:51,710 Yeah, she doesn't look wooish. 144 00:06:51,956 --> 00:06:53,890 Maybe she only observes the high holidays, 145 00:06:53,990 --> 00:06:55,758 like Mardi Gras and Spring Break. 146 00:06:55,928 --> 00:06:57,936 Maybe she's just a cultural Woo. 147 00:06:59,424 --> 00:07:02,616 Now... go easy on me. It's a work in progress. 148 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,474 Ted, this is amazing. 149 00:07:06,696 --> 00:07:08,682 The detail. The shading. The... 150 00:07:08,952 --> 00:07:10,698 playfulness of the lines. 151 00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:14,442 This is exactly what Princess Leia would look like topless. 152 00:07:14,922 --> 00:07:16,374 My way of saying thanks. 153 00:07:16,544 --> 00:07:18,984 So... you want to see my designs for the building? 154 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:20,645 Nah, I'm good. 155 00:07:22,838 --> 00:07:23,572 So get this. 156 00:07:23,672 --> 00:07:26,186 Lily just texted me. She's at that bar Giddyups 157 00:07:26,356 --> 00:07:28,073 with a bunch of Woo Girls. 158 00:07:30,916 --> 00:07:31,924 Oh, my God, you guys, 159 00:07:32,094 --> 00:07:34,530 my boob just fell out of my top at the bar. 160 00:07:34,908 --> 00:07:37,164 Trick! I pulled it out for a free drink! 161 00:07:39,829 --> 00:07:41,839 So, Jillian, I hear when you're 162 00:07:42,009 --> 00:07:44,812 not flashing bartenders, you teach the second grade. 163 00:07:44,913 --> 00:07:45,855 What's that like? 164 00:07:45,955 --> 00:07:46,950 So rewarding. 165 00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:49,168 I don't know if you're familiar with the RYE technique, 166 00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:51,542 but it derives from the progressive educational philosophy 167 00:07:51,642 --> 00:07:54,622 of Rudolf Steiner, who founded the Waldorf School, which... 168 00:07:55,236 --> 00:07:57,142 Oh, my God. I love this song! 169 00:07:57,250 --> 00:08:00,090 Come on, you lazy skanks, let's dance! 170 00:08:02,175 --> 00:08:05,570 - You, too, you dumb whores. - No, thank you... 171 00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:07,953 ignorant hussy. 172 00:08:10,101 --> 00:08:12,975 Why, Lily Aldrin, you sly minx. 173 00:08:13,145 --> 00:08:15,839 I've been saying for years that our gang need a Woo Girl, 174 00:08:15,939 --> 00:08:18,186 and here you've been hiding a whole batch of them from me. 175 00:08:18,286 --> 00:08:21,156 We do not need a Woo Girl. No one needs a Woo Girl. 176 00:08:21,326 --> 00:08:22,572 Be careful, Lily. 177 00:08:22,883 --> 00:08:26,042 The world absolutely needs Woo Girls. 178 00:08:26,212 --> 00:08:29,375 If there were no Woo Girls, there'd be no Girls Gone Wild, 179 00:08:29,668 --> 00:08:31,262 no bachelorette parties, 180 00:08:31,531 --> 00:08:33,638 no Las Vegas poolside bars... 181 00:08:33,808 --> 00:08:36,910 All the things that you hold dearest, Lily, would be gone. 182 00:08:37,011 --> 00:08:40,289 - Those are none of the things... - The souvenir shot glass industry 183 00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:41,547 would collapse. 184 00:08:41,787 --> 00:08:44,302 So would the body glitter industry and 185 00:08:44,472 --> 00:08:46,894 the stretch Hummer rental industry. 186 00:08:47,464 --> 00:08:51,194 Tiny cowboy hats would be worn only 187 00:08:51,294 --> 00:08:52,840 by tiny cowboys. 188 00:08:53,268 --> 00:08:56,644 And when'Brown Eyed Girl" would come up on the jukebox, 189 00:08:56,814 --> 00:08:58,236 all you would hear... 190 00:08:58,774 --> 00:09:00,106 would be silence. 191 00:09:01,804 --> 00:09:03,286 And "Brown Eyed Girl." 192 00:09:04,084 --> 00:09:05,836 But who would woo, Lily? 193 00:09:06,058 --> 00:09:07,624 Who would woo? 194 00:09:08,392 --> 00:09:09,496 Would you? 195 00:09:10,954 --> 00:09:12,184 Would you... 196 00:09:13,037 --> 00:09:13,753 woo? 197 00:09:14,509 --> 00:09:16,795 Who wants to name my boobs? 198 00:09:20,187 --> 00:09:21,909 Now if you'll excuse me, I 199 00:09:22,079 --> 00:09:24,165 have a date with Hannity and Colmes. 200 00:09:26,181 --> 00:09:28,605 Over the next couple of weeks, I do have into work. 201 00:09:28,775 --> 00:09:31,685 It felt great to be working on something that I really cared about. 202 00:09:31,855 --> 00:09:34,267 Finally, the morning of the presentation arrived. 203 00:09:34,437 --> 00:09:38,929 And we believe this timeless design will radiate the strength 204 00:09:39,308 --> 00:09:40,503 and stability 205 00:09:40,673 --> 00:09:42,864 that is Goliath National Bank. 206 00:09:43,134 --> 00:09:44,587 Thank you, gentlemen. 207 00:09:47,728 --> 00:09:50,329 I left there feeling pretty good about my chances. 208 00:09:50,499 --> 00:09:52,315 Later that night, we ran into Barney. 209 00:09:54,014 --> 00:09:55,584 Give me the good news. 210 00:09:55,936 --> 00:09:57,237 You didn't get it. 211 00:09:57,987 --> 00:09:58,807 What? 212 00:09:59,205 --> 00:10:00,155 The board 213 00:10:00,518 --> 00:10:02,253 decided to go with Sven. 214 00:10:14,229 --> 00:10:16,115 I can't believe I didn't get it. 215 00:10:16,379 --> 00:10:18,111 I really thought I nailed the pitch. 216 00:10:18,404 --> 00:10:19,771 Why would they go with Sven? 217 00:10:19,892 --> 00:10:22,197 I did everything I could to change their minds. 218 00:10:22,297 --> 00:10:23,853 But they wouldn't budge. 219 00:10:24,251 --> 00:10:25,193 I'm sorry. 220 00:10:26,623 --> 00:10:27,984 This really sucks. 221 00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:31,239 After the way these last couple of months have gone... 222 00:10:31,869 --> 00:10:34,442 I guess I need this more than I thought I did. 223 00:10:37,698 --> 00:10:41,586 You want to go down to the current GNB building and just, like... 224 00:10:42,236 --> 00:10:43,350 I don't know, 225 00:10:43,940 --> 00:10:45,692 just pee on it a little bit? 226 00:10:48,089 --> 00:10:49,755 Yeah, I think I need that. 227 00:10:51,459 --> 00:10:53,264 Finish your beer. File the tank. 228 00:10:57,623 --> 00:10:58,527 What happen's? 229 00:10:58,832 --> 00:11:00,976 Ted didn't get that job. 230 00:11:01,257 --> 00:11:04,200 But that's not the biggest disappointment of the day. 231 00:11:04,714 --> 00:11:07,187 - What? - We saw you woo. 232 00:11:07,796 --> 00:11:09,751 - Saw who woo? - Saw you woo. 233 00:11:09,921 --> 00:11:11,469 - I didn't woo. - You did, too. 234 00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:14,445 - That's not true. - Your nose just grew. 235 00:11:15,410 --> 00:11:17,837 You're, like, best friends with Jillian now? 236 00:11:18,007 --> 00:11:19,039 It's just... 237 00:11:19,386 --> 00:11:21,322 You're married, Lily, but I'm still single. 238 00:11:21,422 --> 00:11:22,900 Whenever I hang out with you, 239 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,114 I'm usually the third wheel to you and Marshall. 240 00:11:25,214 --> 00:11:27,365 Sometimes, it's fun to go out with other single women 241 00:11:27,465 --> 00:11:29,445 and do stuff that you don't want to. 242 00:11:29,615 --> 00:11:30,597 Like what? 243 00:11:31,246 --> 00:11:32,593 Like woo, Lily. 244 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:33,923 Like woo. 245 00:11:34,234 --> 00:11:35,883 - I can woo. - That's not true. 246 00:11:35,983 --> 00:11:38,604 - I can, too. - It's just not you. 247 00:11:44,407 --> 00:11:47,280 I just want to say, I know you guys went with Sven, but... 248 00:11:47,450 --> 00:11:50,047 Ted Mosby is tremendously talented, and 249 00:11:50,147 --> 00:11:51,965 I think he would have done a hell of a job. 250 00:11:52,065 --> 00:11:54,233 I agree. That's why I voted for him. 251 00:11:55,691 --> 00:11:57,186 So, then, it's agreed. From now on, 252 00:11:57,356 --> 00:12:00,256 all ATM fees are now called Freedom Charges. 253 00:12:00,726 --> 00:12:02,335 Conference call. Now. 254 00:12:06,604 --> 00:12:08,206 You got something you want to tell me? 255 00:12:08,376 --> 00:12:09,225 Damn it. 256 00:12:09,498 --> 00:12:12,174 I told Heather to put everything back on your desk the way it was. 257 00:12:12,344 --> 00:12:14,961 Bilson told me he wanted to give the job to Ted. 258 00:12:15,061 --> 00:12:16,329 So what happened? 259 00:12:19,647 --> 00:12:20,864 Okay, fine. 260 00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:23,571 will radiate the strength 261 00:12:23,741 --> 00:12:24,928 and stability 262 00:12:25,098 --> 00:12:27,116 that is Goliath National Bank. 263 00:12:27,587 --> 00:12:29,024 Thank you, gentlemen. 264 00:12:36,877 --> 00:12:37,584 So? 265 00:12:38,151 --> 00:12:39,949 That was great. I love it. 266 00:12:40,899 --> 00:12:42,218 Looks like we got our guy. 267 00:12:42,318 --> 00:12:44,590 I don't think we even need to meet with... 268 00:12:45,792 --> 00:12:47,170 I am Sven Jorgensen. 269 00:12:47,314 --> 00:12:50,599 With me are Sven Pilsen and Sven Johanssen, and we are... 270 00:12:53,007 --> 00:12:54,726 You are Goliath National Bank. 271 00:12:54,935 --> 00:12:57,936 You are cutting edge. You are new. You are fresh. 272 00:12:58,152 --> 00:13:00,529 Women want to be with you, men wish to harm you, 273 00:13:00,670 --> 00:13:03,587 but the fool who dares challenge you shall be crushed! 274 00:13:04,131 --> 00:13:06,911 Your headquarters will tell the world of these facts. 275 00:13:07,081 --> 00:13:10,143 Oh, and one more thing... don't look now! 276 00:13:11,403 --> 00:13:14,092 Which of you is Barney Stinson, head of the search committee? 277 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,780 Oh, my God. That's me! 278 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,188 You, Barney Stinson, are a man of power and virility. 279 00:13:19,314 --> 00:13:22,587 Your office shall be here, in the head of a tyrannosaurus rex. 280 00:13:22,981 --> 00:13:26,089 I never knew it till now, but I've always dreamed of that. 281 00:13:26,310 --> 00:13:30,016 On your large desk of Honduran rosewood shall be this button. 282 00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:33,624 - What does the button do? - Press it! Press it for glory! 283 00:13:39,176 --> 00:13:41,974 This is the most awesome building in the universe. 284 00:13:42,144 --> 00:13:44,743 There is no way this building could be more awesome. 285 00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:47,269 There is a strip club in the letter "N." 286 00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:53,058 What the hell is the matter with you? This is 287 00:13:53,228 --> 00:13:55,336 Ted's big break! And then you sold him out 288 00:13:55,436 --> 00:13:57,927 because you wanted to work in the brain of a Tyrannosaurus rex, 289 00:13:58,042 --> 00:14:00,750 which, incidentally, if you knew anything about dinosaurs, is really, 290 00:14:00,850 --> 00:14:02,003 really small. 291 00:14:02,228 --> 00:14:04,405 Marshall, this isn't about my office. 292 00:14:04,575 --> 00:14:06,961 Ted's building was good. Sven's was better. 293 00:14:07,131 --> 00:14:09,961 And I am not going to let the fact that I am Ted's best friend 294 00:14:10,131 --> 00:14:11,479 be a factor in business. 295 00:14:11,579 --> 00:14:13,356 You didn't pick Sven's building because it was better. 296 00:14:13,456 --> 00:14:15,469 You picked it because you wanted to work in a cool dinosaur office. 297 00:14:15,569 --> 00:14:16,758 That's a lie! 298 00:14:17,050 --> 00:14:19,068 I picked it because it... 299 00:14:20,399 --> 00:14:22,692 It breathes fire, Marshall. 300 00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:24,872 "Fire Marshall." 301 00:14:26,828 --> 00:14:29,585 - I didn't even notice. - How could you do this to Ted 302 00:14:29,685 --> 00:14:31,562 after everything he's been through with Stella? 303 00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:33,045 You're just being selfish. 304 00:14:33,215 --> 00:14:34,830 Marshall, I would never 305 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,194 make a business decision for selfish reasons. 306 00:14:37,364 --> 00:14:38,715 I am a professional. 307 00:14:38,885 --> 00:14:39,852 Now, come on. 308 00:14:40,022 --> 00:14:43,519 Let's get a nice daytime drunk going, and throw empties at pigeons. 309 00:14:43,819 --> 00:14:45,327 No. For two reasons. One, 310 00:14:45,442 --> 00:14:46,944 pigeons are smarter than you think. 311 00:14:47,044 --> 00:14:48,916 They hold grudges. And, two... 312 00:14:49,872 --> 00:14:52,389 this is our last conference call, Mr. Stinson. 313 00:14:52,489 --> 00:14:54,525 There are repercussions to screwing over a friend. 314 00:14:54,625 --> 00:14:56,310 - Like what? - Like this. 315 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,555 Oh, my God, you guys. 316 00:15:24,655 --> 00:15:27,089 Last night, we raised $10,000 for my charity 317 00:15:27,189 --> 00:15:29,285 to help combat childhood illiteracy. 318 00:15:29,626 --> 00:15:31,267 It's a really serious issue. 319 00:15:34,029 --> 00:15:36,529 Someone just earned herself an ass-first ride 320 00:15:36,629 --> 00:15:39,353 down the dance floor spank canyon! 321 00:15:48,032 --> 00:15:49,515 Lily, what are you doing here? 322 00:15:49,767 --> 00:15:52,771 Just doing the fun things you single girls do. 323 00:15:52,941 --> 00:15:55,115 What's with the plastic fireman's hat? 324 00:15:55,887 --> 00:15:57,629 I didn't have a cowboy hat, 325 00:15:57,729 --> 00:16:00,677 and today was fire safety day at school, so... 326 00:16:01,079 --> 00:16:04,121 Oh, my God, bitch. This is our anthem. 327 00:16:04,236 --> 00:16:06,249 Really? Who sings this? 328 00:16:07,768 --> 00:16:09,765 Is LL Cool J still doing things? 329 00:16:11,641 --> 00:16:13,079 This is great, Svens. 330 00:16:13,909 --> 00:16:15,786 You guys are so much cooler than Marshall. 331 00:16:15,956 --> 00:16:18,387 He doesn't even own a unitard. 332 00:16:18,817 --> 00:16:20,067 Who wants a brew? 333 00:16:20,273 --> 00:16:23,975 I don't understand. Where is the conference call? 334 00:16:24,838 --> 00:16:26,961 This is the conference call. Get it? 335 00:16:27,268 --> 00:16:29,171 In America, when we work late, 336 00:16:29,341 --> 00:16:31,212 we lie about a conference call, 337 00:16:31,382 --> 00:16:34,152 and we come up here and we drink a few beers. It's awesome. 338 00:16:34,322 --> 00:16:36,831 This is a waste of time. Push-ups! 339 00:16:39,078 --> 00:16:40,868 Misty, you are such a slut. 340 00:16:41,038 --> 00:16:42,542 Let's do another shot. 341 00:16:44,784 --> 00:16:47,853 You're the slut, you skank. Shots are on you. 342 00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:52,863 No, bitch, shots are on you. You're such a whore. 343 00:16:54,633 --> 00:16:58,696 You're all a bunch of prostitutes. You probably have STDs. 344 00:17:02,675 --> 00:17:03,896 Let's go dance. 345 00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,511 This isn't working. You shouldn't be here. 346 00:17:12,033 --> 00:17:15,143 I get it. Because I'm happily married, I'm some kind of loser? 347 00:17:15,313 --> 00:17:16,782 Exactly the opposite. 348 00:17:17,528 --> 00:17:20,072 Why do you think the Woo Girls have to woo 349 00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:21,911 when they win a game of beer pong, 350 00:17:22,011 --> 00:17:24,097 or when a hot guy takes his shirt off? 351 00:17:24,267 --> 00:17:26,578 It's because that is as good as life gets for them. 352 00:17:26,703 --> 00:17:29,366 They're really sad people. 353 00:17:29,701 --> 00:17:32,166 And, when they hang out with someone who's got it all figured out... 354 00:17:32,266 --> 00:17:33,608 someone like you... 355 00:17:33,879 --> 00:17:35,004 it bums them out. 356 00:17:35,174 --> 00:17:36,621 It takes away their woo. 357 00:17:36,791 --> 00:17:39,996 You're just saying that so I don't feel like an old married lady. 358 00:17:40,166 --> 00:17:42,043 Look at those girls, Lily. 359 00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:45,648 Look at them and listen to what their woo's are really saying. 360 00:17:46,244 --> 00:17:48,670 "I cry in the shower!" 361 00:17:49,808 --> 00:17:52,513 "I've never been on a seconde date!" 362 00:17:53,570 --> 00:17:56,690 "What if I nerver get to be a Mom?" 363 00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,399 "I'm secretly in love with Jillian!" 364 00:18:04,366 --> 00:18:07,534 "My career and love life are heading nowhere!" 365 00:18:08,310 --> 00:18:10,677 Those poor girls... and Ted. 366 00:18:11,328 --> 00:18:13,764 I just want to go give them all a hug. 367 00:18:13,989 --> 00:18:15,546 Lily, right now I'm like them. 368 00:18:15,716 --> 00:18:19,338 I'm unemployed, I'm single, I'm a little lost. 369 00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:20,757 So 370 00:18:21,053 --> 00:18:23,245 every once in a while, I need to woo, 371 00:18:23,719 --> 00:18:26,123 but when I need to talk about something real, 372 00:18:26,293 --> 00:18:27,910 you're the one I turn to. 373 00:18:28,484 --> 00:18:31,056 - You're my best friend. - And you're mine. 374 00:18:31,226 --> 00:18:34,149 And I promise I'll make more time for just us. 375 00:18:34,319 --> 00:18:36,985 Marshall doesn't have to tag along to everything we do. 376 00:18:37,085 --> 00:18:39,452 Hey, have you guys tried these purple hooter test tube shots? 377 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:40,611 I've had five of 'em. 378 00:18:40,711 --> 00:18:42,517 I don't even think there's alcohol in here. 379 00:18:42,617 --> 00:18:45,071 - Where'd you get that hat? - What hat? 380 00:18:49,558 --> 00:18:51,611 - We fired Sven. - What? 381 00:18:51,781 --> 00:18:53,307 Yeah, those guys were idiots. 382 00:18:53,477 --> 00:18:55,624 I mean, sure, they had some cool ideas... 383 00:18:55,794 --> 00:18:59,389 some really cool ideas. Actually, I wonder if it's not too late to... 384 00:18:59,912 --> 00:19:02,633 The point is, you got the job. 385 00:19:02,843 --> 00:19:03,576 Really? 386 00:19:03,926 --> 00:19:06,503 The search committee realized they made the wrong decision. 387 00:19:06,673 --> 00:19:10,931 Plus, you really mean a lot to them and they want you to be happy. 388 00:19:11,563 --> 00:19:12,665 That's weird. 389 00:19:13,321 --> 00:19:15,501 Look, Ted, your design was the best, 390 00:19:15,671 --> 00:19:17,043 and you deserve it. 391 00:19:18,872 --> 00:19:20,654 There's also something that you should know 392 00:19:20,754 --> 00:19:23,538 about why you didn't get the job in the first place. 393 00:19:24,209 --> 00:19:26,245 - You see, Ted... - It was Bilson. 394 00:19:27,870 --> 00:19:31,257 Bilson just wanted to have an office in a dinosaur head, 395 00:19:31,593 --> 00:19:33,121 but Barney convinced him 396 00:19:33,221 --> 00:19:35,688 - that it was really, really stupid. - Well, you know. 397 00:19:36,668 --> 00:19:38,033 Thank you, Barney. 398 00:19:38,592 --> 00:19:39,757 I can't believe this. 399 00:19:39,857 --> 00:19:42,686 I just got our firm the biggest account we've ever had. 400 00:19:43,036 --> 00:19:46,163 "Now only my love life's a disaster!" 401 00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:47,821 Next round's on me. 402 00:19:52,364 --> 00:19:54,266 Why'd you let me off the hook? 403 00:19:55,190 --> 00:19:58,769 You did the right thing. Seemed like you deserved a bye. 404 00:19:59,237 --> 00:20:02,020 Plus, it would have really bummed Ted out, and he's finally... 405 00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:03,564 happy right now. 406 00:20:06,791 --> 00:20:08,838 You really are Ted's best friend. 407 00:20:10,791 --> 00:20:12,536 And so am I. It's a tie. 408 00:20:13,589 --> 00:20:14,858 Thanks, Marshall. 409 00:20:15,028 --> 00:20:17,636 Marshall wound up caving and telling me the truth about Barney, 410 00:20:17,736 --> 00:20:18,900 like, ten minutes later, 411 00:20:19,168 --> 00:20:21,754 at which point we tied Uncle Barney to the mechanical bull, 412 00:20:21,924 --> 00:20:23,902 cranked it up to a setting called "Paint Mixer" 413 00:20:24,012 --> 00:20:25,147 and went home. 414 00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:27,726 - I love you, man. - Love you, too, buddy. 415 00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:29,700 Hey, you going to ride the bull tonight? 416 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,323 Not if you paid me. I have an inner ear thing. 417 00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,710 It was a pretty great night. 418 00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:40,604 Three hours. That's a bull record. 419 00:20:41,702 --> 00:20:43,348 That's right, ladies. 420 00:20:44,757 --> 00:20:47,413 Jillian, you know what would be really crazy, and funny, 421 00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:48,815 and stupid to do tonight? 422 00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,796 If you and me find a guy and have a three-way. 423 00:20:52,522 --> 00:20:54,958 Maybe. If we found the right guy. 424 00:20:55,801 --> 00:20:58,850 Yeah, and, if we don't find the right guy 425 00:20:58,950 --> 00:21:02,172 - Maybe you and I could just... - You know who's really cute? 426 00:21:02,272 --> 00:21:04,822 That guy Ted. Let's go find him. 427 00:21:05,305 --> 00:21:15,305 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today