1
00:00:02,555 --> 00:00:04,950
Kids, everyone has an opinion
on how long it takes

2
00:00:05,048 --> 00:00:06,612
to recover from a breakup.

3
00:00:06,712 --> 00:00:08,553
Half the length
of the relationship.

4
00:00:08,723 --> 00:00:10,588
One week for every month
you were together.

5
00:00:10,743 --> 00:00:13,868
Exactly 10,000 drinks.
However long that takes.

6
00:00:13,968 --> 00:00:16,515
You can't measure something
like this in time.

7
00:00:16,615 --> 00:00:18,400
There's a series of steps.

8
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:22,201
From her bed to the front door.
Bam! Out of there. Next!

9
00:00:22,949 --> 00:00:25,206
But I think you start to recover
the moment you meet

10
00:00:25,306 --> 00:00:28,010
that person who gets
you back in the game.

11
00:00:28,648 --> 00:00:31,606
This is the story
of how I met that person.

12
00:00:39,358 --> 00:00:43,427
Now, kids, if you want to go swimming,
you don't just dive in.

13
00:00:43,527 --> 00:00:45,770
First, you dip
your toe in the water.

14
00:00:47,050 --> 00:00:53,124
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

15
00:00:56,251 --> 00:00:58,909
You check the temperature.
See how it feels.

16
00:01:00,048 --> 00:01:01,164
I'm Ted.

17
00:01:02,602 --> 00:01:03,429
Vicky.

18
00:01:32,032 --> 00:01:34,100
And then you slowly wade in.

19
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:35,907
I got left at the altar
a month ago.

20
00:01:36,007 --> 00:01:37,374
Or, you know, cannonball.

21
00:01:37,474 --> 00:01:40,236
It was a complete disaster
and ever since then,

22
00:01:40,336 --> 00:01:43,222
I haven't been able to even
look at another woman.

23
00:01:43,810 --> 00:01:47,195
Except for the old lady on the subway
who break-dances for nickels.

24
00:01:47,378 --> 00:01:49,834
I don't look at her that way.
I just look at her.

25
00:01:50,004 --> 00:01:52,041
I mean, it's an old lady
break-dancing.

26
00:01:52,502 --> 00:01:53,712
And she is good.

27
00:01:54,409 --> 00:01:56,429
I'm going to give her
a dollar next time.

28
00:01:57,793 --> 00:01:59,933
Hey, let's pretend
I just said this:

29
00:02:00,461 --> 00:02:03,147
These elevator rides have been
the highlight of my week,

30
00:02:03,247 --> 00:02:05,770
and I'd love to see you again
friday night.

31
00:02:06,178 --> 00:02:07,656
Not in the elevator.

32
00:02:08,070 --> 00:02:10,058
At a restaurant, a nice one.

33
00:02:10,508 --> 00:02:12,461
What do you say?

34
00:02:13,909 --> 00:02:14,663
Yes.

35
00:02:15,624 --> 00:02:18,124
Sync by vNaru

36
00:02:28,978 --> 00:02:31,351
Kids, I walked in
on a lot of crazy stuff

37
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:33,424
at the old apartment over the years.

38
00:02:36,241 --> 00:02:39,527
Sorry, guys. I'm just going to go
with a bowl of fruit.

39
00:02:40,986 --> 00:02:43,309
It's been 12 minutes!

40
00:02:47,777 --> 00:02:49,652
- Drop it!
- You first!

41
00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,204
Ike, why are you pointing
your gun at me?

42
00:02:51,313 --> 00:02:54,228
- Don't use my name!
- Put the guns down, now!

43
00:02:59,891 --> 00:03:02,284
But one of the craziest things
I ever walked in on

44
00:03:02,384 --> 00:03:05,373
happened when I was roommates
with your Aunt Robin.

45
00:03:14,564 --> 00:03:15,560
Who are you?

46
00:03:16,048 --> 00:03:16,916
Mitch.

47
00:03:19,458 --> 00:03:21,007
What you doing, Mitch?

48
00:03:21,814 --> 00:03:23,306
You must be the roommate.

49
00:03:23,487 --> 00:03:24,800
I'm on a date with Robin.

50
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:27,101
She had to step outside
to take a call.

51
00:03:27,201 --> 00:03:29,355
I guess her cell phone
doesn't work in here.

52
00:03:32,373 --> 00:03:35,476
Robin... didn't use
the super secret signal.

53
00:03:35,576 --> 00:03:38,199
We put this old takeout menu
on the doorknob.

54
00:03:38,369 --> 00:03:39,752
Place went out of business.

55
00:03:39,922 --> 00:03:41,111
Mr. Wang's...

56
00:03:41,695 --> 00:03:43,979
Guess I don't have to explain
why that's funny.

57
00:03:44,862 --> 00:03:45,999
I'm going to go.

58
00:03:49,047 --> 00:03:50,309
When you leave,

59
00:03:50,409 --> 00:03:52,873
take the seat cushion with you.
That's trash now.

60
00:03:54,347 --> 00:03:56,829
I think that I am more than qualified
for the job.

61
00:03:57,248 --> 00:03:58,756
My weaknesses?

62
00:03:59,142 --> 00:04:00,781
I would say caring too much,

63
00:04:00,881 --> 00:04:03,899
working too hard, and putting my career
in front of my love life.

64
00:04:03,999 --> 00:04:06,685
Whoops, that last one was real.
What?

65
00:04:09,318 --> 00:04:14,086
Well, it appears our sweet, innocent,
little Robin has taken a lover.

66
00:04:14,186 --> 00:04:16,402
A young blade
by the name of Mitch.

67
00:04:16,774 --> 00:04:17,982
Her blind date?

68
00:04:18,082 --> 00:04:21,061
Total bust. She's been sending me
text messages all night.

69
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:24,397
She just let him go upstairs
to use the bathroom a second ago.

70
00:04:24,914 --> 00:04:26,354
Excuse me a minute.

71
00:04:29,865 --> 00:04:33,065
Buddy, you are killing me. I'm kind of
in the middle of something here.

72
00:04:33,165 --> 00:04:34,415
Middle of what?

73
00:04:35,874 --> 00:04:37,235
This is my move.

74
00:04:37,602 --> 00:04:39,230
It's called, "The Naked Man."

75
00:04:39,533 --> 00:04:40,724
"The Naked Man"?

76
00:04:41,054 --> 00:04:42,076
Goes like this:

77
00:04:42,176 --> 00:04:43,815
You're on a first date,

78
00:04:44,105 --> 00:04:45,422
you've had a few drinks,

79
00:04:45,522 --> 00:04:47,598
you make an excuse to go up
to the girl's apartment.

80
00:04:47,934 --> 00:04:50,000
So, the bathroom's right there.

81
00:04:51,129 --> 00:04:52,825
You know what,
I'm going to grab this.

82
00:04:54,473 --> 00:04:56,686
Then, once she leaves the room,

83
00:04:56,786 --> 00:04:59,445
you strip down naked and wait.

84
00:04:59,739 --> 00:05:03,282
When she comes back,
she laughs.

85
00:05:03,382 --> 00:05:05,755
She's so charmed by
your confidence and bravado,

86
00:05:05,855 --> 00:05:07,342
she sleeps with you.

87
00:05:09,871 --> 00:05:12,063
There is no way that works!

88
00:05:12,163 --> 00:05:13,592
Two out of three times.

89
00:05:13,895 --> 00:05:17,068
- Two out of three times?
- Two out of three times.

90
00:05:17,168 --> 00:05:18,973
You just have to pick your spot.

91
00:05:19,073 --> 00:05:21,757
The Naked Man is best used
as a last resort,

92
00:05:21,857 --> 00:05:23,377
kind of a Hail Mary on a

93
00:05:23,477 --> 00:05:25,941
first date when you know
there's not going to be a second one.

94
00:05:26,041 --> 00:05:27,665
How do you know there's not going
to be a second date?

95
00:05:27,765 --> 00:05:29,983
- Ted, look at me.
- I'd rather not, Mitch.

96
00:05:30,761 --> 00:05:32,628
Robin is way out of my league.

97
00:05:32,728 --> 00:05:35,689
I'm not smart,
funny or handsome.

98
00:05:35,853 --> 00:05:38,090
And as you can plainly see,
there's nothing impressive

99
00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:40,565
going on anywhere around here.

100
00:05:41,145 --> 00:05:43,958
My only shot with a girl like Robin
is the element of surprise.

101
00:05:44,058 --> 00:05:46,969
And, let's be honest,
a little pity.

102
00:05:47,531 --> 00:05:49,683
It's shock and "aw."

103
00:05:50,904 --> 00:05:52,232
This doesn't really work.

104
00:05:52,332 --> 00:05:53,974
Two out of three times.

105
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:55,618
Guaranteed.

106
00:05:56,270 --> 00:05:57,334
No way.

107
00:05:57,434 --> 00:06:00,819
Two out of three times.
He guaranteed it.

108
00:06:01,082 --> 00:06:02,165
Come on.

109
00:06:02,425 --> 00:06:04,432
There is no way that's going
to work on Robin.

110
00:06:04,523 --> 00:06:06,844
She's going to walk in there,
take one look at that idiot

111
00:06:06,931 --> 00:06:08,105
and send him packing.

112
00:06:08,205 --> 00:06:09,940
She might kick his ass first.

113
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,632
She might get her gun
and shoot him.

114
00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:18,155
Go, go!

115
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:21,552
My God!

116
00:06:21,806 --> 00:06:22,852
It worked.

117
00:06:23,158 --> 00:06:25,836
Mr. Wang's is back in business?

118
00:06:30,736 --> 00:06:32,962
The Naked Man works!

119
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:36,360
This is going to revolutionize
the one-night stand!

120
00:06:36,460 --> 00:06:39,217
This is like the forward pass
in football.

121
00:06:39,317 --> 00:06:41,159
The slam dunk in basketball.

122
00:06:41,259 --> 00:06:43,056
The haircutting technique
where they hold it

123
00:06:43,156 --> 00:06:44,997
between their fingers
and cut right above it.

124
00:06:45,097 --> 00:06:46,531
It's a total game changer!

125
00:06:46,631 --> 00:06:48,506
Barney, this guy slept with Robin,

126
00:06:48,606 --> 00:06:52,570
who you claim to be in love with.
How can you be excited about this?

127
00:06:54,123 --> 00:06:57,172
The Naked Man
is bigger than me and Robin.

128
00:06:57,719 --> 00:06:59,036
All these years,

129
00:06:59,251 --> 00:07:01,039
I have been busting my hump,

130
00:07:01,139 --> 00:07:05,155
with my secret identities
and my tricks and my gadgets.

131
00:07:05,639 --> 00:07:06,456
I mean,

132
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:07,881
I'm like Batman.

133
00:07:08,051 --> 00:07:10,004
But this Mitch fellow, he's Superman.

134
00:07:10,174 --> 00:07:12,375
He just rips off his clothes
and he's good to go.

135
00:07:12,545 --> 00:07:14,832
What kind of gadgets
are we talking about?

136
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:19,013
So, this is what it's going to be like,
us living together? I come home,

137
00:07:19,183 --> 00:07:21,969
and guys you're dating are just going
to be sitting on the couch, naked.

138
00:07:22,139 --> 00:07:23,876
Well, I wish I could say no.

139
00:07:24,608 --> 00:07:27,590
I still cannot believe the Naked Man
worked on you.

140
00:07:27,668 --> 00:07:31,634
What can I say? Okay,
I went in there, and he was naked.

141
00:07:31,804 --> 00:07:35,096
It was funny.
I laughed, he laughed.

142
00:07:35,774 --> 00:07:39,314
And then it just kind of happened.
I don't know.

143
00:07:41,431 --> 00:07:42,559
I call "slut!"

144
00:07:44,226 --> 00:07:45,361
Excuse me?

145
00:07:45,461 --> 00:07:47,439
I'm sorry, Robin, but you
hooking up with this guy

146
00:07:47,539 --> 00:07:48,781
makes it seem like
the only thing standing

147
00:07:48,782 --> 00:07:51,296
between you and sex is clothes.

148
00:07:52,364 --> 00:07:55,222
I didn't just sleep with Mitch
because he was naked.

149
00:07:55,322 --> 00:07:56,845
Then why did you sleep with him?

150
00:07:56,945 --> 00:07:57,973
Because...

151
00:07:58,073 --> 00:07:58,901
he...

152
00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:00,711
He...

153
00:08:01,004 --> 00:08:03,422
Because I care about Mitch.

154
00:08:03,968 --> 00:08:04,816
A lot.

155
00:08:05,377 --> 00:08:07,779
There was a... connection

156
00:08:08,461 --> 00:08:09,905
of specialness.

157
00:08:10,243 --> 00:08:11,005
Of...

158
00:08:11,472 --> 00:08:13,229
specialness and feelings.

159
00:08:13,432 --> 00:08:15,015
It was because he was naked.

160
00:08:15,101 --> 00:08:16,784
And I'm sorry, but I don't approve.

161
00:08:16,884 --> 00:08:18,593
There is only one reason

162
00:08:18,693 --> 00:08:21,397
to sleep with somebody,
and that is love.

163
00:08:23,991 --> 00:08:26,408
Marshall's a big girl
because he believes in true love

164
00:08:26,508 --> 00:08:28,167
and just finished reading The Notebook

165
00:08:28,267 --> 00:08:30,750
because the secretaries bullied him
into joing Oprah's Book Club.

166
00:08:30,850 --> 00:08:32,473
Fine! But you know I'm right.

167
00:08:32,573 --> 00:08:36,257
Marshall, I love you, but there's lots
of reasons to have sex.

168
00:08:36,427 --> 00:08:38,327
- Name one.
- I can name 50.

169
00:08:38,497 --> 00:08:40,349
- You can't.
- Number one:

170
00:08:40,519 --> 00:08:42,073
Last Thursday.

171
00:08:48,283 --> 00:08:50,677
- Hey, Marshall, want to do it?
- I'm up.

172
00:08:52,411 --> 00:08:56,490
You befouled our marital bed
because you couldn't get to sleep?

173
00:08:56,718 --> 00:08:57,942
You're the one who said,

174
00:08:58,042 --> 00:09:00,912
"That shadow on the ceiling
looks like a scary toothless clown.

175
00:09:01,012 --> 00:09:02,258
Good night, Lily."

176
00:09:02,690 --> 00:09:03,949
Fine! That's one.

177
00:09:04,057 --> 00:09:07,039
- But I defy you to name...
- I'm going to name 50.

178
00:09:07,429 --> 00:09:09,248
There's "makeup" sex...

179
00:09:09,792 --> 00:09:11,009
"breakup" sex...

180
00:09:11,106 --> 00:09:14,138
and "your friend just told you
about a new-position" sex.

181
00:09:14,308 --> 00:09:15,326
You're welcome.

182
00:09:16,424 --> 00:09:17,954
There's also "revenge",

183
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:19,336
"rebound",

184
00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:21,008
"paratrooping."

185
00:09:21,479 --> 00:09:22,947
You know, when you go out of town

186
00:09:23,047 --> 00:09:25,321
but instead of getting a hotel room,
you go straight to a bar

187
00:09:25,421 --> 00:09:27,010
with the sole intention
of hooking up

188
00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:28,785
with a girl so you have
a place to stay.

189
00:09:28,885 --> 00:09:30,334
Oh, you mean
"banging for roof."

190
00:09:30,434 --> 00:09:31,526
Slut!

191
00:09:31,626 --> 00:09:33,936
I don't do it.
My college roommate did it.

192
00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:36,092
No, Robin,
I just have a bad cough.

193
00:09:36,192 --> 00:09:38,162
I don't really have
a bad cough.

194
00:09:38,281 --> 00:09:42,695
We all know "college roommate"
means you, slut!

195
00:09:43,364 --> 00:09:44,949
Does anyone have a lozenge?

196
00:09:46,538 --> 00:09:49,675
I've got one.
"Nothing good on television" sex.

197
00:09:50,227 --> 00:09:51,928
"Hotel room" sex.

198
00:09:52,028 --> 00:09:53,244
"Curiosity,"

199
00:09:53,617 --> 00:09:54,495
as in...

200
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:58,021
"I've always wondered what it's like
to have sex with a really tall girl."

201
00:09:58,121 --> 00:09:59,285
Not a big girl,

202
00:09:59,763 --> 00:10:01,541
just a tall girl.

203
00:10:02,558 --> 00:10:03,499
Like...

204
00:10:03,928 --> 00:10:05,478
if a normal girl

205
00:10:05,943 --> 00:10:07,344
were seven,

206
00:10:07,448 --> 00:10:10,538
seven-and-a-half-feet tall and

207
00:10:10,790 --> 00:10:13,651
wore a denim miniskirt.

208
00:10:14,455 --> 00:10:16,417
I would have to know
what that is like.

209
00:10:18,836 --> 00:10:19,882
32 reasons later...

210
00:10:19,982 --> 00:10:21,283
"He said he loved you,

211
00:10:21,383 --> 00:10:23,648
but you're not ready to
say it back yet" sex.

212
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:24,680
Forty-three.

213
00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:26,814
"Wingman diving on
the friend grenade."

214
00:10:26,914 --> 00:10:28,127
Forty-four.

215
00:10:28,842 --> 00:10:30,607
"The condoms are
about to expire."

216
00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:32,277
Forty-five.

217
00:10:36,475 --> 00:10:38,373
This is getting a little hard.

218
00:10:38,473 --> 00:10:39,461
Forty-six!

219
00:10:42,571 --> 00:10:44,906
Okay, four more to go.
Ooh!

220
00:10:45,006 --> 00:10:47,060
"You dropped a Cheeto on his lap

221
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:50,353
"and when you reached for it,
he thought you were making a move,

222
00:10:50,453 --> 00:10:52,381
"so you just went with it."

223
00:10:52,737 --> 00:10:55,900
Thank you for ruing the memory
of our six-month anniversary.

224
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,469
You got me Cheetos.

225
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,709
Can we just stop
with this stupid list?

226
00:11:00,809 --> 00:11:02,221
You guys are making me sad.

227
00:11:02,321 --> 00:11:04,159
No, I'm having fun.

228
00:11:04,259 --> 00:11:07,568
Man, this whole "one-partner"
thing sucks sometimes.

229
00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:09,649
I'm always talking about you.

230
00:11:09,749 --> 00:11:11,333
I can't play "I never" because

231
00:11:11,433 --> 00:11:14,688
then everyone would know all the
weird stuff I let you do to me.

232
00:11:14,788 --> 00:11:18,314
The only weird thing I ever did to you
was open up my heart and soul

233
00:11:18,414 --> 00:11:21,273
when all I had to do was strip naked
while you were out of the room.

234
00:11:21,373 --> 00:11:24,083
I didn't sleep with Mitch
because he was naked!

235
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,402
Mitch and I
have something special.

236
00:11:26,502 --> 00:11:28,884
I mean, fingers crossed, guys.
He may be the one.

237
00:11:28,984 --> 00:11:31,587
The one?
Mitch? The Naked Man?

238
00:11:31,707 --> 00:11:33,496
You mean the naked genius.

239
00:11:33,596 --> 00:11:37,120
All these years I've been suiting up
when I should have been suiting down.

240
00:11:37,220 --> 00:11:42,072
That's it. I am doing The Naked Man
tonight. Ted, so are you.

241
00:11:42,172 --> 00:11:43,673
- What?
- With the elevator girl.

242
00:11:43,773 --> 00:11:45,895
You're going out with her
tonight, right? Naked Man!

243
00:11:45,995 --> 00:11:47,795
No. Barney, come on,
this is the first girl

244
00:11:47,895 --> 00:11:49,746
I've had the courage
to ask out since Stella.

245
00:11:49,846 --> 00:11:50,891
Naked Man!

246
00:11:50,991 --> 00:11:53,253
No, Barney, this is the eighth
outfit I tried on tonight!

247
00:11:53,353 --> 00:11:56,143
I got my hair cut three times!
I'm a nervous wreck!

248
00:11:56,243 --> 00:11:57,990
Are you wearing makeup?

249
00:11:59,223 --> 00:12:00,376
It's not makeup!

250
00:12:00,476 --> 00:12:03,160
Iit's a sunscreen
with a subtle tint of...

251
00:12:04,577 --> 00:12:05,728
It's made for men.

252
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:08,912
Sue me, I want my eyes to pop.

253
00:12:11,354 --> 00:12:12,419
Naked Man!

254
00:12:12,619 --> 00:12:14,151
No, Barney, I like Vicky.

255
00:12:14,251 --> 00:12:15,808
This could actually
go somewhere.

256
00:12:15,908 --> 00:12:18,054
I don't want to do anything
stupid to jeopardize it.

257
00:12:18,225 --> 00:12:20,794
Well, I really like...

258
00:12:20,928 --> 00:12:22,155
that girl,

259
00:12:22,377 --> 00:12:24,630
but... Oh, I didn't see her
from the back.

260
00:12:25,363 --> 00:12:26,920
I really like...

261
00:12:27,375 --> 00:12:28,255
that girl.

262
00:12:28,722 --> 00:12:31,622
And I'm willing to jeopardize
our future together

263
00:12:31,722 --> 00:12:33,626
for one night of glory.

264
00:12:34,506 --> 00:12:35,442
Naked Man!

265
00:12:37,271 --> 00:12:39,655
So, that night, we all set out
to prove something.

266
00:12:40,031 --> 00:12:41,998
Robin wanted to
defend her honor.

267
00:12:42,098 --> 00:12:44,994
Mitch, hey baby, it's me.

268
00:12:45,914 --> 00:12:46,710
Robin.

269
00:12:47,541 --> 00:12:49,919
Do you want to grab
some dinner tonight?

270
00:12:50,634 --> 00:12:53,001
Because you're
basically my boyfriend!

271
00:12:54,037 --> 00:12:56,288
Lily needed to prove that
she could finish her list.

272
00:12:56,946 --> 00:13:00,340
I'm stuck. I can't think
of the last two.

273
00:13:02,127 --> 00:13:03,554
Reason number 48:

274
00:13:03,654 --> 00:13:07,407
To reinforce good behaviors
such as shaving and dental hygiene.

275
00:13:07,507 --> 00:13:09,315
Oh, now you're
conditioning me? Great!

276
00:13:09,415 --> 00:13:11,902
That explains why I always get
an erection when I floss.

277
00:13:13,719 --> 00:13:16,573
I had to prove that as scary
as it was to be dating again,

278
00:13:16,673 --> 00:13:19,334
I was over Stella and ready
to get back out there.

279
00:13:19,434 --> 00:13:22,776
And Barney needed to prove that he,
too, could pull off The Naked Man.

280
00:13:22,985 --> 00:13:25,125
Hey, thank you for letting me
look at your aquarium.

281
00:13:25,225 --> 00:13:27,421
- You're a real life saver.
- Sure, no problem.

282
00:13:27,521 --> 00:13:30,160
I just need to use the bathroom
and I'll be on my way.

283
00:13:37,229 --> 00:13:38,887
Ted, I'm doing it.

284
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,841
I'm doing the Naked Man!

285
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,384
Me, too!

286
00:13:43,798 --> 00:13:44,747
You...

287
00:13:48,050 --> 00:13:50,254
I'm doing it!
I'm doing The Naked Man!

288
00:13:50,354 --> 00:13:51,518
That's great!

289
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:53,430
What made you change your mind?

290
00:13:53,530 --> 00:13:55,598
The date with Vicky
started off okay, but,

291
00:13:55,698 --> 00:13:57,193
it didn't go as well as I hoped.

292
00:13:57,441 --> 00:14:00,060
Oh, my God!
Ted, you are so funny!

293
00:14:00,471 --> 00:14:03,736
And can I just say,
you have amazing eyes.

294
00:14:03,836 --> 00:14:06,020
What, these old things?

295
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:08,455
Oh! Nice job, hot shot.

296
00:14:08,555 --> 00:14:10,127
- I'm sorry...
- Save it!

297
00:14:10,227 --> 00:14:11,984
Go tell the manager
he owes us an appetizer.

298
00:14:13,133 --> 00:14:14,987
One of the ones with shrimp!

299
00:14:15,310 --> 00:14:16,942
You're welcome.
You were saying?

300
00:14:17,949 --> 00:14:20,992
And then his cane
missed the top step,

301
00:14:21,092 --> 00:14:24,295
and he was falling, for,
I swear, like two minutes.

302
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:29,001
God, I love old people.

303
00:14:30,888 --> 00:14:33,786
Once I realized there was no
possible future in this relationship,

304
00:14:33,886 --> 00:14:35,256
I just decided to go for it.

305
00:14:35,356 --> 00:14:37,374
Awesome!
Okay, big question:

306
00:14:37,474 --> 00:14:41,013
What pose will you display
your Naked Man in?

307
00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:44,600
That is a big question.
I hadn't really thought about it.

308
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,810
I was thinking the Superman.

309
00:14:49,164 --> 00:14:51,372
What about the Captain Morgan?

310
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:56,358
How about the
"Oops, I didn't see you there"?

311
00:14:58,397 --> 00:14:59,465
The Thinker?

312
00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:02,869
What about the Heisman?

313
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,103
Mr. Clean?

314
00:15:07,888 --> 00:15:09,830
The Burt Reynolds.

315
00:15:17,095 --> 00:15:18,727
It's so great to see you again.

316
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:24,650
I really had a
great time last night.

317
00:15:29,883 --> 00:15:32,939
So, what is it like
managing a C.P.K.?

318
00:15:33,039 --> 00:15:35,597
I mean, who's idea was it
to put a pineapple in the...

319
00:15:35,697 --> 00:15:37,528
Okay, stop right there.
I know what this is.

320
00:15:38,351 --> 00:15:41,407
I've been on this date before.
This is the "I'm not a slut" date.

321
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:44,137
What?
That's crazy.

322
00:15:44,237 --> 00:15:47,134
Usually you read me so well,
but this time you're wrong.

323
00:15:47,234 --> 00:15:50,091
Come on, Robin. One of us
had a good time last night,

324
00:15:50,191 --> 00:15:51,593
and we both know it was me.

325
00:15:52,111 --> 00:15:54,224
Oh, Mitchell...
Something,

326
00:15:54,324 --> 00:15:56,505
that is, that is just not true!

327
00:15:56,705 --> 00:15:58,298
Really?
How was the sex?

328
00:15:58,398 --> 00:15:59,675
I didn't hate it.

329
00:15:59,775 --> 00:16:02,008
Robin, you've seen my move.

330
00:16:02,388 --> 00:16:03,340
That's it.

331
00:16:04,239 --> 00:16:05,764
I have nothing else
to offer you.

332
00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:08,502
I'm broke, I sweat when I eat,

333
00:16:08,602 --> 00:16:10,943
and I'm in, like, five different
fantasy football leagues.

334
00:16:11,043 --> 00:16:12,556
It's all I talk about.

335
00:16:12,656 --> 00:16:14,567
Trust me, you don't want
to be around that.

336
00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:16,895
What? Yes, I do!

337
00:16:16,995 --> 00:16:19,611
Look, I didn't just sleep with you
because you were naked.

338
00:16:19,711 --> 00:16:20,990
Yeah, you did.

339
00:16:21,090 --> 00:16:23,424
And now you're trying to
pretend it was something more

340
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:25,034
to make yourself feel better.

341
00:16:25,492 --> 00:16:26,905
Say what you will,

342
00:16:27,005 --> 00:16:29,204
at least The Naked Man
is honest.

343
00:16:30,461 --> 00:16:33,493
What about the old
"Coppertone Baby"?

344
00:16:36,373 --> 00:16:39,173
The Olympic gymnast
who stuck the landing.

345
00:16:39,685 --> 00:16:40,409
Hup!

346
00:16:42,244 --> 00:16:43,193
I got to go.

347
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:44,387
Naked Man!

348
00:16:47,983 --> 00:16:49,736
You have a really nice place!

349
00:16:49,836 --> 00:16:52,638
Oh, thanks! Coming from you,
that's a real compliment.

350
00:16:52,738 --> 00:16:55,247
I just love that you're an architect,
it's so fascinating.

351
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:58,923
I could listen to you talk about
structural design all night.

352
00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:01,779
And then I noticed,
lying on her end table,

353
00:17:01,879 --> 00:17:04,047
a book of love poems
by Pablo Neruda.

354
00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:06,781
The same edition
I'd had since college.

355
00:17:06,881 --> 00:17:08,881
And it was bookmarked
to my favorite poem.

356
00:17:11,350 --> 00:17:13,878
Maybe I was all wrong
about this girl.

357
00:17:13,978 --> 00:17:16,011
Maybe there was
a future for us.

358
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:17,962
Crap!

359
00:17:24,087 --> 00:17:26,528
Here we go.

360
00:17:27,378 --> 00:17:29,026
Pablo Neruda.

361
00:17:29,409 --> 00:17:30,817
Oh, yeah,

362
00:17:31,081 --> 00:17:32,684
that book's a turd.

363
00:17:32,784 --> 00:17:36,271
Some douchey guy I hooked up with
left it here. It's all in Mexican.

364
00:17:37,472 --> 00:17:39,500
You know who writes good poems?

365
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,362
Jewel.

366
00:17:40,612 --> 00:17:43,365
Her teeth are crooked
and she lived in a car.

367
00:17:44,463 --> 00:17:47,132
- So, she has stuff to write about.
- Ta-dah!

368
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:00,645
Okay.

369
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,159
The Naked Man works!

370
00:18:04,259 --> 00:18:06,662
I just had decent sex with
an awful human being.

371
00:18:06,762 --> 00:18:09,236
- I am back!
- Congratulations, buddy.

372
00:18:09,564 --> 00:18:12,402
You're not the only one who
rocked The Naked Man tonight.

373
00:18:13,671 --> 00:18:16,228
You just want to do it
to change the subject.

374
00:18:16,659 --> 00:18:17,458
Yeah.

375
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,561
Hey, that's number 49!

376
00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:21,567
Did it work?

377
00:18:22,714 --> 00:18:24,496
It's like I just flossed.

378
00:18:24,924 --> 00:18:26,029
I love you.

379
00:18:27,256 --> 00:18:28,283
That's 50.

380
00:18:28,778 --> 00:18:29,910
Oh, yeah...

381
00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:32,636
Nice! What pose
did you go with?

382
00:18:32,736 --> 00:18:34,429
I went with
"I've got boobs."

383
00:18:34,529 --> 00:18:36,665
And she nailed it.

384
00:18:37,823 --> 00:18:39,352
Oh, my God!
Guys, guys, guys!

385
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,433
This is him!

386
00:18:40,533 --> 00:18:42,005
This is The Naked Man!

387
00:18:42,449 --> 00:18:44,035
Ted, his name is Mitch.

388
00:18:44,135 --> 00:18:44,942
And,

389
00:18:45,042 --> 00:18:46,465
he's my boyfriend. So...

390
00:18:46,565 --> 00:18:48,568
It's okay, Robin.
I no longer call "slut."

391
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:52,181
- Okay. You can go. We're done.
- Thanks.

392
00:18:52,281 --> 00:18:54,897
Hold on, Mitch, Mitch,
I have to thank you.

393
00:18:55,143 --> 00:18:56,909
We all tried
The Naked Man tonight.

394
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,080
We should see how Barney did.

395
00:19:03,652 --> 00:19:06,195
- Hello?
- Hi, is Barney there?

396
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:07,154
No.

397
00:19:07,653 --> 00:19:10,157
Oh, my God!
What's the matter with you?

398
00:19:10,257 --> 00:19:11,216
Get out!

399
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:14,043
I just have to grab my suit.
It's very expensive. The tie alone...

400
00:19:14,143 --> 00:19:16,139
Get out of here right now!
Get out!

401
00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:18,654
- You sick son of a bitch!
- Call me.

402
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:22,377
And if I see him again,
I'm calling the cops.

403
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:27,941
Two out of three times.

404
00:19:29,468 --> 00:19:31,705
Mitch, I want you to know,
this night,

405
00:19:31,805 --> 00:19:33,262
crazy as it was,

406
00:19:33,622 --> 00:19:35,195
it got me out of my shell.

407
00:19:35,295 --> 00:19:37,193
That's the beauty of
The Naked Man.

408
00:19:37,293 --> 00:19:40,091
It gives you exactly what you need.
No more,

409
00:19:40,534 --> 00:19:41,396
no less.

410
00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:44,286
Now, if you'll excuse me,

411
00:19:44,386 --> 00:19:47,044
I need to replace one of
my fantasy football quarterbacks.

412
00:19:47,473 --> 00:19:49,551
He separated his shoulder!

413
00:19:54,301 --> 00:19:55,380
A toast...

414
00:19:56,043 --> 00:19:57,151
to Mitch.

415
00:19:59,422 --> 00:20:02,209
By the sum of his parts,
he is just a man.

416
00:20:02,925 --> 00:20:06,308
But by what he does with those parts,
he becomes so much more.

417
00:20:06,408 --> 00:20:09,163
He may not fit society's
definition of a hero,

418
00:20:09,263 --> 00:20:11,347
but he is the hero I needed.

419
00:20:11,447 --> 00:20:13,666
The hero who helped me
recover from the disaster

420
00:20:13,766 --> 00:20:16,546
of my failed almost-marriage
and get back into the game.

421
00:20:16,804 --> 00:20:18,110
He lives in the shadows.

422
00:20:18,210 --> 00:20:19,259
Is he a dream?

423
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:20,629
Truth?
Fiction?

424
00:20:20,729 --> 00:20:22,445
Damnation?
Salvation?

425
00:20:22,545 --> 00:20:25,716
He is all these things and
none of them. For he is...

426
00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:27,652
"The Naked Man."

427
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:31,809
Oh, my God!

428
00:20:44,141 --> 00:20:45,438
Oh, thank God.

429
00:20:46,355 --> 00:20:56,355
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