1 00:00:02,653 --> 00:00:06,178 Kids, in the winter of 2009, Robin and I had just become roommates. 2 00:00:06,404 --> 00:00:08,617 And to be honest, it wasn't going very smoothly. 3 00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:09,848 Oh, that looks good. 4 00:00:09,973 --> 00:00:11,811 - I'm gonna get some. - There's no more milk. 5 00:00:12,090 --> 00:00:13,982 - No, I just saw some in the fridge. - Empty. 6 00:00:14,150 --> 00:00:16,529 - So throw it out. - The trash can's full. 7 00:00:16,885 --> 00:00:18,283 So take the trash out. 8 00:00:18,561 --> 00:00:20,010 I'm eating cereal. 9 00:00:21,081 --> 00:00:24,239 You know, when I asked you to be my roommate, I figured, 10 00:00:24,490 --> 00:00:26,611 "She's a girl, she'll be neat." 11 00:00:26,736 --> 00:00:29,722 But no, you're Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds. 12 00:00:30,851 --> 00:00:32,855 You know what, Ted? Instead of coming up with 13 00:00:32,980 --> 00:00:35,482 hot off the press topical references like that, 14 00:00:35,607 --> 00:00:37,363 maybe you should spend a little time, 15 00:00:37,488 --> 00:00:40,060 I don't know... washing a dish ever. 16 00:00:41,113 --> 00:00:42,525 Darn, I can't. 17 00:00:42,796 --> 00:00:45,753 I'm too busy leaving a plate of cookies for the magical elf 18 00:00:45,878 --> 00:00:47,703 who changes the toilet paper roll. 19 00:00:47,828 --> 00:00:50,681 Wait, there's no elf. It's always me! 20 00:00:50,849 --> 00:00:52,810 I always change it. You never do! 21 00:00:52,978 --> 00:00:55,864 - That is ridiculous! - No, I went in there yesterday... 22 00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:58,705 Stop! Stop! God, what is going on? 23 00:00:59,151 --> 00:01:01,242 When we were dating each other, we were practically 24 00:01:01,368 --> 00:01:03,859 living together and we didn't drive each other this crazy. 25 00:01:03,984 --> 00:01:05,001 I know. 26 00:01:05,294 --> 00:01:06,254 What happened? 27 00:01:06,822 --> 00:01:08,062 You know what it is? 28 00:01:08,631 --> 00:01:09,760 We were having sex. 29 00:01:10,197 --> 00:01:12,370 Men and women need sex to live together. 30 00:01:12,495 --> 00:01:14,478 It solves all disputes. 31 00:01:14,646 --> 00:01:17,150 Oh, like Barney's theory about world peace? 32 00:01:17,569 --> 00:01:18,795 So I explained to her. 33 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:22,298 I said, Madeline, every single international conflict 34 00:01:22,423 --> 00:01:25,120 essentially boils down to sexual tension. 35 00:01:26,175 --> 00:01:28,631 - Every international conflict? - Every single one, dude. 36 00:01:28,948 --> 00:01:31,971 So the crisis in the Middle East could be solved by... 37 00:01:32,139 --> 00:01:34,225 Gaza Strippers. Next. 38 00:01:34,818 --> 00:01:35,645 Apartheid? 39 00:01:35,813 --> 00:01:38,150 Apart thighs. What else you got? 40 00:01:38,785 --> 00:01:39,653 Cold War? 41 00:01:40,714 --> 00:01:43,870 "Mrs. Gorbachev, take down those pants." 42 00:01:46,908 --> 00:01:47,677 Well, 43 00:01:47,877 --> 00:01:49,948 guess we should just start having sex, then. 44 00:01:50,516 --> 00:01:51,619 Yeah, right. 45 00:01:54,860 --> 00:01:55,745 I know. 46 00:01:56,188 --> 00:01:58,109 It's like riding a bike, buddy? 47 00:01:58,393 --> 00:02:00,331 Riding a bike upside down, maybe. 48 00:02:01,184 --> 00:02:03,672 Okay, listen. If this is gonna happen on occasion, 49 00:02:04,048 --> 00:02:05,619 we can't tell anyone about this. 50 00:02:05,869 --> 00:02:07,083 - Deal. - Deal. 51 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,129 Deal. 52 00:02:09,631 --> 00:02:12,164 ShalimarFox, Arrow 53 00:02:25,704 --> 00:02:27,583 What the hell are you guys doing? 54 00:02:27,751 --> 00:02:29,587 Are you guys, like, back together? 55 00:02:29,755 --> 00:02:32,426 No. We're just having sex so we don't fight anymore. 56 00:02:33,245 --> 00:02:36,684 That's a great idea. No, really. Two thumbs up, guys. 57 00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:38,605 Hey, I just looked into the future 58 00:02:38,773 --> 00:02:40,901 and that works out really great for everyone. 59 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,946 What are you even doing here? 60 00:02:43,382 --> 00:02:46,890 I was on my way to work and I just had to drop by here to... 61 00:02:47,999 --> 00:02:49,335 read this magazine. 62 00:02:50,547 --> 00:02:51,395 In... 63 00:02:51,787 --> 00:02:53,207 that room over there. 64 00:02:53,524 --> 00:02:54,845 Oh, I get it. 65 00:02:55,404 --> 00:02:58,218 - No problem, buddy. - Yes, a problem, buddy. 66 00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:01,149 You came all the way over here to read a magazine? 67 00:03:01,592 --> 00:03:03,517 I'm willing to bet that there is a place 68 00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:05,914 to read a magazine at work. 69 00:03:06,039 --> 00:03:08,623 You know, a room with a little man on the door? 70 00:03:08,859 --> 00:03:10,993 Okay, Robin. Come on. 71 00:03:11,118 --> 00:03:13,643 Nobody likes to read a magazine at work. 72 00:03:13,768 --> 00:03:16,722 I mean, you walk out of your office holding a magazine 73 00:03:17,057 --> 00:03:20,524 and that magazine is saying one thing and one thing only. 74 00:03:20,937 --> 00:03:23,861 Hey everyone, look at what Marshall's about to do! 75 00:03:24,481 --> 00:03:26,751 Marshall's about to read a big ol'magazine 76 00:03:26,876 --> 00:03:29,662 in the bathroom that you all share with him. 77 00:03:32,340 --> 00:03:33,954 Well, have you thought about maybe 78 00:03:34,079 --> 00:03:36,595 not reading a magazine when you read a magazine? 79 00:03:36,763 --> 00:03:38,536 You gotta read a magazine. 80 00:03:38,661 --> 00:03:40,562 I mean, that's why there's magazines. 81 00:03:40,730 --> 00:03:42,607 Otherwise, it's time you're not getting back. 82 00:03:42,775 --> 00:03:43,649 Exactly. 83 00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:45,621 And the worst part is this: 84 00:03:45,746 --> 00:03:48,987 That stretch of hallway from my door to that restroom 85 00:03:49,112 --> 00:03:51,077 is... is a gauntlet of 86 00:03:52,115 --> 00:03:53,211 judging eyes. 87 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:54,798 You got my boss. 88 00:03:55,185 --> 00:03:58,112 We all know exactly what you're about to do. 89 00:03:59,683 --> 00:04:00,756 Her boss. 90 00:04:01,204 --> 00:04:02,132 Hey, Eriksen, 91 00:04:02,258 --> 00:04:04,233 why don't you just move your desk in there? 92 00:04:05,276 --> 00:04:07,114 I-Can't-Believe-He-Has-A-Wife Donald. 93 00:04:07,402 --> 00:04:09,257 Oh, sweetie, so obvious. 94 00:04:11,608 --> 00:04:14,623 Anyways, I just would rather do that here. 95 00:04:15,215 --> 00:04:17,745 No, I'm sorry. This is our apartment now. 96 00:04:17,870 --> 00:04:21,140 Marshall, you have to read a magazine someplace else. 97 00:04:21,568 --> 00:04:24,148 - Give me your key. - Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. 98 00:04:25,110 --> 00:04:28,574 I seem to recall a deal being struck between three parties 99 00:04:28,930 --> 00:04:32,088 wherein none would discuss a certain event 100 00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,446 that transpired. An event of the... 101 00:04:36,199 --> 00:04:39,513 persuasion. That key, madam, buys my silence. 102 00:04:41,005 --> 00:04:42,647 Good day to you both. 103 00:04:44,172 --> 00:04:45,316 You two hooked up? 104 00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:47,989 Thanks a lot, Lilly. 105 00:04:49,701 --> 00:04:50,776 So... 106 00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:52,047 You two... 107 00:04:52,610 --> 00:04:54,417 slept together. That is awf... 108 00:04:55,517 --> 00:04:56,297 some. 109 00:04:56,729 --> 00:04:57,950 Awfsome. 110 00:04:58,726 --> 00:05:00,481 Nice work, Ted. Tap that. 111 00:05:01,433 --> 00:05:03,304 It sounds like a bigger deal than it is. 112 00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:05,759 Yeah, we talked it over and we both realized 113 00:05:05,884 --> 00:05:08,362 we've had a rough couple of months. We deserve a little fun. 114 00:05:08,530 --> 00:05:09,339 No. 115 00:05:09,464 --> 00:05:11,660 This could wind up ruining your friendship. 116 00:05:12,109 --> 00:05:14,672 When two exes try to "just be casual," 117 00:05:14,797 --> 00:05:17,028 someone always winds up getting hurt. 118 00:05:17,153 --> 00:05:18,694 Turned out, Lily was right. 119 00:05:18,892 --> 00:05:20,203 But more on that later. 120 00:05:20,763 --> 00:05:22,582 Guys, we've got this covered, okay? 121 00:05:22,707 --> 00:05:25,313 No one's gonna get hurt. We set up ground rules. 122 00:05:25,887 --> 00:05:27,107 Okay, rule number one: 123 00:05:27,276 --> 00:05:28,979 This is strictly a physical relationship. 124 00:05:29,104 --> 00:05:30,573 There are no feelings involved. 125 00:05:30,741 --> 00:05:32,953 Please, that's like telling the Fonz to be cool. 126 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:36,460 And since it's just physical, we don't have to worry about romance. 127 00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,931 Hell, no. We can do it while we watch TV! 128 00:05:39,056 --> 00:05:40,802 Totally! And we can multi-task. 129 00:05:40,927 --> 00:05:43,891 You know, use the sex to spice up otherwise dull activities. 130 00:05:44,059 --> 00:05:46,145 - Like folding laundry. - Paying bills. 131 00:05:46,314 --> 00:05:47,583 Cooking dinner. 132 00:05:48,251 --> 00:05:50,363 - That doesn't seem hygienic. - Yeah, not that one. 133 00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:53,496 And now that we're hooking up, we're not fighting anymore. 134 00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:56,165 Problem solved. Actually, the credit belongs to Barney. 135 00:05:56,509 --> 00:05:58,796 This whole idea came out of your thing about world peace. 136 00:05:58,964 --> 00:06:01,312 Yeah. Thanks, Barney. You were right. 137 00:06:01,437 --> 00:06:02,915 Peace was achieved. 138 00:06:03,144 --> 00:06:04,238 Repeatedly. 139 00:06:06,048 --> 00:06:07,981 So I'm... I'm responsible for... 140 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,475 Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. 141 00:06:14,694 --> 00:06:16,082 Next round's on me! 142 00:06:20,958 --> 00:06:23,136 - Hey, are you okay? - Yeah. Why do you ask? 143 00:06:23,993 --> 00:06:26,184 Well, for one thing, you're openly weeping. 144 00:06:27,145 --> 00:06:28,472 With joy. 145 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:31,601 So happy for those two. 146 00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:33,741 Barney, admit it. 147 00:06:33,866 --> 00:06:37,122 You still have feelings for Robin and this is killing you. 148 00:06:37,974 --> 00:06:39,419 I am totally fine. 149 00:06:40,350 --> 00:06:42,028 Now, excuse me for just a minute. 150 00:06:55,270 --> 00:06:56,421 I'm totally fine. 151 00:06:56,830 --> 00:06:59,584 You have to learn how to express these feelings. 152 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,922 Maybe you should talk to a psychiatrist. 153 00:07:02,483 --> 00:07:03,368 Please. 154 00:07:03,585 --> 00:07:05,934 If I'm gonna pay so woman $200 an hour 155 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,988 to make me feel better, we aren't going to be talking. 156 00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:12,277 And we're both going to be on that couch. 157 00:07:14,072 --> 00:07:16,702 The woman in this scenario is a prostitute. 158 00:07:18,692 --> 00:07:22,004 A dirty, skanky, surgically enhanced, Eastern European... 159 00:07:22,172 --> 00:07:23,077 I got it. 160 00:07:23,657 --> 00:07:26,632 There's something kind of liberating about not taking it all too seriously. 161 00:07:26,757 --> 00:07:28,473 Last night, we actually did it 162 00:07:28,598 --> 00:07:30,605 while I was returning a bunch of phone calls. 163 00:07:30,773 --> 00:07:33,067 I knew you didn't get a rowing machine! 164 00:07:36,182 --> 00:07:38,446 Awesome, we're still talking about this! 165 00:07:39,295 --> 00:07:42,361 Look, guys, this is a private thing between me and Ted. 166 00:07:42,578 --> 00:07:43,506 Private Thing. 167 00:07:44,891 --> 00:07:46,512 We wouldn't even be talking about this 168 00:07:46,637 --> 00:07:49,559 if Marshall could read a magazine at work. 169 00:07:49,727 --> 00:07:51,264 He's always been this way. 170 00:07:51,389 --> 00:07:53,055 Remember law school? 171 00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:54,319 Sure do. 172 00:07:57,729 --> 00:07:58,518 Baby? 173 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:00,915 Baby, what is it? 174 00:08:01,454 --> 00:08:03,534 The credit card bill came today. 175 00:08:03,897 --> 00:08:05,812 You checked into a hotel 176 00:08:05,937 --> 00:08:09,139 two blocks from school on a Tuesday. 177 00:08:09,308 --> 00:08:11,983 - It's not what you think. - Who is she, Marshall? 178 00:08:12,108 --> 00:08:13,378 What's her name? 179 00:08:14,614 --> 00:08:15,625 Burrito. 180 00:08:16,544 --> 00:08:17,796 Carnitas Burrito. 181 00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:21,096 So, you checked into a hotel room 182 00:08:21,221 --> 00:08:23,669 just so you could read a magazine there? 183 00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,898 Robin, do you want me to see if the waitress has any giant sugar cubes 184 00:08:27,023 --> 00:08:28,619 for that high horse of yours? 185 00:08:29,849 --> 00:08:32,664 Nobody likes to read a magazine at work and if they say that they do, 186 00:08:32,789 --> 00:08:34,316 - then they're not human. - Dude, 187 00:08:34,484 --> 00:08:36,820 I read a magazine at work every day. 188 00:08:37,113 --> 00:08:39,553 I can't tell you how many meetings I've been late to 189 00:08:39,678 --> 00:08:41,762 because I was busy "reading a magazine." 190 00:08:41,887 --> 00:08:44,126 But I don't feel bad about it. That's my time. 191 00:08:44,869 --> 00:08:47,693 Sure, "reading a magazine" ain't pretty, 192 00:08:48,045 --> 00:08:50,086 but, you know, it's something I gotta do. 193 00:08:50,325 --> 00:08:51,850 So why be ashamed about it? 194 00:08:54,106 --> 00:08:56,860 Wait, "reading a magazine" means masturbating, right? 195 00:08:59,676 --> 00:09:02,914 I can't believe it. You drank all my milk again! 196 00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:05,855 - We can have sex. - Okay. 197 00:09:08,301 --> 00:09:09,511 It's the perfect set up. 198 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:11,585 Anytime we start getting into an argument, 199 00:09:11,710 --> 00:09:13,238 we just have sex instead. 200 00:09:13,364 --> 00:09:16,352 One minute we're just laying into each other, and then the next minute, 201 00:09:16,644 --> 00:09:18,150 Well, same thing. 202 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,115 Awesome. 203 00:09:23,540 --> 00:09:25,876 So, this morning, she's yelling at me through the door, 204 00:09:26,001 --> 00:09:28,041 "You're taking too long in the shower!" 205 00:09:28,166 --> 00:09:30,303 Next thing I know, she hops in. 206 00:09:31,598 --> 00:09:33,737 Now baby don't mind I took my time. 207 00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:36,773 So awesome. 208 00:09:40,269 --> 00:09:43,161 Sorry I'm late. I was just jammin'on Scherbatsky. 209 00:09:43,603 --> 00:09:46,255 She used up all my stamps, so long story short, 210 00:09:46,572 --> 00:09:48,276 the postman rang twice. 211 00:09:48,401 --> 00:09:50,259 You must bump this! 212 00:09:51,704 --> 00:09:52,646 That's... 213 00:09:52,867 --> 00:09:53,811 just... 214 00:09:54,596 --> 00:09:55,382 so... 215 00:09:56,609 --> 00:09:58,438 Excuse me for a second. 216 00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:12,218 So, you're saying plasmas are better for low light, 217 00:10:12,389 --> 00:10:14,272 but LCDs are better for games? 218 00:10:14,397 --> 00:10:18,022 Right, but the CRTs have the truest blacks. 219 00:10:19,062 --> 00:10:21,696 So, if I want a really crisp contrast ratio... 220 00:10:21,865 --> 00:10:24,005 The CRT's deep-pixel cell structure produces 221 00:10:24,130 --> 00:10:26,498 a resolution you just can't match with an LCD. 222 00:10:27,966 --> 00:10:29,169 I'll take the CRT. 223 00:10:33,555 --> 00:10:34,931 Barney, this is nuts. 224 00:10:35,242 --> 00:10:36,976 I'm doing just fine, thank you. 225 00:10:37,146 --> 00:10:38,426 No, you're not. 226 00:10:38,822 --> 00:10:40,985 You need to learn to let this stuff out. 227 00:10:41,396 --> 00:10:43,525 Like we do in my kindergarten class 228 00:10:43,650 --> 00:10:45,661 "Feelings Hour" every Tuesday morning. 229 00:10:45,925 --> 00:10:48,642 Look, maybe your kindergartners are upset that their friends 230 00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:50,926 are sleeping with each other, but not me. 231 00:10:52,136 --> 00:10:53,593 I have never been better. 232 00:10:54,027 --> 00:10:56,715 Meanwhile, Marshall was still struggling at work. 233 00:10:57,599 --> 00:11:00,441 Coming through. Big breakfast this morning. 234 00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:02,362 You know what that means. 235 00:11:03,601 --> 00:11:06,352 But then came the best news he'd heard in a long time. 236 00:11:06,477 --> 00:11:07,577 And did you hear? 237 00:11:07,702 --> 00:11:09,776 They laid off everybody on the eighth floor. 238 00:11:09,901 --> 00:11:12,299 I know. It's a ghost town down there. 239 00:11:37,675 --> 00:11:39,141 - Morning. - Morning. 240 00:11:39,677 --> 00:11:42,692 - That was fun last night. - Word, that was a good one. 241 00:11:43,102 --> 00:11:45,781 Mental note: don't throw out the pizza box more often. 242 00:11:47,393 --> 00:11:48,990 All right, see you later. 243 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,537 So last night, Robin left a pizza box out on the floor, 244 00:12:04,662 --> 00:12:06,364 - so we had sex three times. - Sure. 245 00:12:06,532 --> 00:12:08,996 And then, this morning before I left for work... 246 00:12:09,121 --> 00:12:10,908 - we kissed. - That's weird. 247 00:12:11,490 --> 00:12:13,002 That is weird. 248 00:12:13,281 --> 00:12:13,991 Right? 249 00:12:14,116 --> 00:12:16,754 That kiss violated the spirit of our whole arrangement. 250 00:12:16,879 --> 00:12:19,306 I mean, she probably thinks I'm getting feelings for her. 251 00:12:20,317 --> 00:12:22,145 - Are you? - Yes, I'm in love with her. 252 00:12:23,945 --> 00:12:26,258 Is what you... That's you, dude. 253 00:12:27,856 --> 00:12:29,452 No. It didn't mean anything. 254 00:12:29,577 --> 00:12:32,473 It was just some leftover reflex from when we were a couple. 255 00:12:32,598 --> 00:12:34,456 But I think I probably blew it. 256 00:12:34,677 --> 00:12:35,798 Definitely. 257 00:12:36,463 --> 00:12:39,028 It is so over. 258 00:12:39,943 --> 00:12:42,227 Hold the phone. Maybe Robin didn't think it was weird. 259 00:12:42,396 --> 00:12:43,647 It was weird. 260 00:12:43,816 --> 00:12:46,025 Weird, weird, weird, weird, weird. 261 00:12:46,220 --> 00:12:49,032 W- I-E-R-D. Weird. 262 00:12:49,201 --> 00:12:52,163 - That's not how you spell "weird". - Come on, Lily. Nobody likes a Ted. 263 00:12:52,983 --> 00:12:54,415 I tried to warn you. 264 00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:57,510 When exes relapse, someone always gets hurt. 265 00:12:57,832 --> 00:13:00,392 But no one listened. Story of my life. 266 00:13:00,627 --> 00:13:03,331 My cuteness interferes with people hearing my message. 267 00:13:03,903 --> 00:13:04,897 What should I do? 268 00:13:05,065 --> 00:13:06,897 There's only one thing to do. 269 00:13:07,022 --> 00:13:09,598 You have to stop sleeping together, please. 270 00:13:10,744 --> 00:13:12,747 I think we have to stop sleeping together. 271 00:13:12,915 --> 00:13:15,475 With me and Ted, it's like cigarettes. 272 00:13:15,854 --> 00:13:17,966 You have one when you're drunk and you think it's fine. 273 00:13:18,091 --> 00:13:20,637 But before you know it, you're buying a carton a week. 274 00:13:21,266 --> 00:13:22,558 I think I have to end it. 275 00:13:23,633 --> 00:13:24,754 I have to end it. 276 00:13:25,104 --> 00:13:25,960 So... 277 00:13:26,946 --> 00:13:29,530 - We're ending it, huh? - I think so, yeah. 278 00:13:29,991 --> 00:13:31,659 It's probably for the best. 279 00:13:31,827 --> 00:13:34,164 It was fun, but I don't want things to get weird. 280 00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:35,834 - Me neither. - Roomies? 281 00:13:36,364 --> 00:13:37,354 Roomies. 282 00:13:42,014 --> 00:13:43,980 But we tell no one. Deal? 283 00:13:44,648 --> 00:13:45,916 - Deal. - Deal. 284 00:13:46,041 --> 00:13:47,816 - Dude! - Come on! 285 00:13:47,984 --> 00:13:49,924 What is the matter with you? 286 00:13:51,784 --> 00:13:52,868 That one. 287 00:13:56,057 --> 00:13:57,670 So, that didn't last long. 288 00:13:59,049 --> 00:14:01,791 By the way, what were you doing back in our apartment? 289 00:14:01,916 --> 00:14:03,847 I thought you had the perfect situation. 290 00:14:04,699 --> 00:14:05,727 I did. 291 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:09,527 Everything was going great. I was feeling more comfortable, 292 00:14:09,695 --> 00:14:10,990 more confident. 293 00:14:11,323 --> 00:14:13,281 I felt I could take on the world. 294 00:14:14,607 --> 00:14:17,543 One morning, I took my magazine down to the eighth floor. 295 00:14:22,889 --> 00:14:26,007 We gotta gut this whole place. I need these walls taken out 296 00:14:26,417 --> 00:14:29,358 - here... and here. - You got it. 297 00:14:33,158 --> 00:14:35,412 Celebrities pick up their dry cleaning? 298 00:14:35,712 --> 00:14:37,414 I pick up my dry cleaning. 299 00:14:38,687 --> 00:14:39,879 Don't come in! 300 00:14:40,332 --> 00:14:41,841 So that didn't last long. 301 00:14:44,977 --> 00:14:46,957 - Thanks. - What are you doing? 302 00:14:48,171 --> 00:14:50,191 Since all these roomie squabbles 303 00:14:50,361 --> 00:14:53,276 are still causing friction between you and Robin, I thought I'd help out. 304 00:14:53,401 --> 00:14:55,451 BTW, I went by the post office today. 305 00:14:55,621 --> 00:14:58,771 I picked you up some stamps. Here's ten thousand. That oughta do ya. 306 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,006 Thanks, I guess. 307 00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:03,538 You want a beer? 308 00:15:07,602 --> 00:15:09,914 I picked those up on the way over. It was nothing. 309 00:15:10,999 --> 00:15:13,111 Did you buy us a dishwasher? 310 00:15:13,571 --> 00:15:16,995 That dishwasher's always been there. How long have you lived here? 311 00:15:23,352 --> 00:15:27,288 So, you're doing all this to keep me and Robin from fighting, huh? 312 00:15:27,413 --> 00:15:28,406 Exactly. 313 00:15:28,936 --> 00:15:30,661 I worry about you two. 314 00:15:32,513 --> 00:15:35,197 It bothers you that Robin and I are hooking up, doesn't it? 315 00:15:37,218 --> 00:15:39,079 Not at all. That's crazy. 316 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:42,152 What? 317 00:15:44,926 --> 00:15:46,304 Are you in love with Robin? 318 00:15:53,148 --> 00:15:56,657 You're in love with Robin. That's why you don't want us hooking up. 319 00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:58,978 What? That is crazy talk. 320 00:15:59,298 --> 00:16:01,844 Can't a bro clean another bro's apartment 321 00:16:02,279 --> 00:16:03,687 like bros do? 322 00:16:04,191 --> 00:16:07,220 Name me one bro in the history of bros who has ever done that. 323 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:11,774 I'll name two: 324 00:16:12,287 --> 00:16:14,807 Misters Clean and Belvedere. 325 00:16:16,207 --> 00:16:19,257 Look, this thing with me and Robin, it's totally casual. 326 00:16:19,382 --> 00:16:22,835 I'm not gonna freak out if you tell me you have feelings for her. So, do you? 327 00:16:23,046 --> 00:16:26,592 No. I don't. I don't, no. I don't. I don't. No. 328 00:16:26,717 --> 00:16:29,296 Robin is all yours, dude. Have fun with her. 329 00:16:29,983 --> 00:16:32,058 Now, if you'll excuse me, 330 00:16:32,183 --> 00:16:34,441 I'm gonna go sleep with other girls. 331 00:16:34,932 --> 00:16:36,629 - Are you sure? - Yes! 332 00:16:36,754 --> 00:16:39,244 - Positive? - Absolutely. 333 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,773 And then I stormed out. 334 00:16:44,417 --> 00:16:45,723 Why did I do that? 335 00:16:46,890 --> 00:16:49,635 I mean, maybe it goes back to my father issues, but... 336 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,388 I basically gave my best friend license 337 00:16:52,513 --> 00:16:54,963 to have sex with the girl of my dreams. 338 00:16:55,511 --> 00:16:57,372 I totally sabotaged myself. 339 00:16:59,347 --> 00:17:01,645 And now I'm smoking. Now I'm smoking. 340 00:17:02,993 --> 00:17:05,002 Get out. 341 00:17:05,530 --> 00:17:07,088 But it's feelings hour 342 00:17:07,213 --> 00:17:09,345 and I'm holding Feely the Share Bear. 343 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,795 Whoever's holding Feely the Share Bear gets to sit in the share chair. 344 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:16,107 Barney, this is not your private therapist's office. 345 00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:19,513 These kids have issues to talk about, too, you know. 346 00:17:19,791 --> 00:17:21,493 Ben's parents are getting divorced. 347 00:17:21,935 --> 00:17:22,996 They are? 348 00:17:23,928 --> 00:17:25,855 Who wants to do some coloring? 349 00:17:30,248 --> 00:17:33,175 Great, did Lily send you? I don't have the bear, okay? 350 00:17:33,821 --> 00:17:35,560 I'm not giving it back! 351 00:17:36,873 --> 00:17:38,359 Why are you smiling? 352 00:17:39,815 --> 00:17:40,830 I just... 353 00:17:41,084 --> 00:17:42,372 read a magazine. 354 00:17:42,964 --> 00:17:44,038 Here at work. 355 00:17:44,777 --> 00:17:45,583 What? 356 00:17:45,751 --> 00:17:47,282 It's the funniest thing. 357 00:17:47,407 --> 00:17:49,717 I was online, looking up rates for hotels 358 00:17:50,358 --> 00:17:51,974 when I realized something. 359 00:17:52,099 --> 00:17:53,259 This is stupid. 360 00:17:54,353 --> 00:17:56,675 I decided it was time to let go of my hang-ups 361 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,013 and do the thing I gotta do 362 00:17:59,138 --> 00:18:01,823 and once I made that decision, everything changed. 363 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,296 There's a young man who's comfortable with who he is. 364 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:16,019 I know what you're about to do and I respect you for it. 365 00:18:19,614 --> 00:18:20,737 Go the distance. 366 00:18:30,508 --> 00:18:32,331 You made a brave step today. 367 00:18:32,687 --> 00:18:34,313 Remember what Shakespeare wrote: 368 00:18:34,438 --> 00:18:35,732 "Virtue is bold, 369 00:18:35,999 --> 00:18:38,267 "and goodness never fearful." 370 00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:41,841 You're right, Super Hot Lady Who My Wife Keeps 371 00:18:41,966 --> 00:18:44,453 Telling Me Why You're Famous But I Keep Forgetting. 372 00:18:44,578 --> 00:18:45,703 Let's do this. 373 00:18:45,871 --> 00:18:47,016 Lead the way. 374 00:18:52,816 --> 00:18:53,886 Congratulations. 375 00:18:54,504 --> 00:18:56,520 Thanks. I was gonna have to do it eventually. 376 00:18:56,645 --> 00:18:59,581 You know, sometimes you just gotta... You gotta man up and... 377 00:18:59,891 --> 00:19:01,067 and just go for it. 378 00:19:03,278 --> 00:19:04,908 Marshall, I have to go. 379 00:19:07,038 --> 00:19:09,710 By the way, I have a bathroom here if you ever want to use it. 380 00:19:14,429 --> 00:19:15,295 Son of a... 381 00:19:16,183 --> 00:19:19,574 Ted, I have to tell you the truth. I'm in love with... 382 00:19:19,699 --> 00:19:20,940 tacos. 383 00:19:22,278 --> 00:19:25,123 - What are you doing? - I'm taking out the triz-ash. 384 00:19:25,687 --> 00:19:27,998 If you're looking for Ted, he left. 385 00:19:28,675 --> 00:19:29,625 And... 386 00:19:30,657 --> 00:19:34,217 our little arrangement is... over, by the way. 387 00:19:34,432 --> 00:19:36,185 Really? That's aws... ful. 388 00:19:36,814 --> 00:19:40,153 Awsful? Yeah, it's just awsful. 389 00:19:41,525 --> 00:19:43,739 - What happened? - He just insisted. 390 00:19:43,864 --> 00:19:46,867 He said he couldn't do it anymore because "someone's gonna get hurt". 391 00:19:47,508 --> 00:19:49,911 I think we all know who he meant by that. 392 00:19:50,698 --> 00:19:51,699 Do we? 393 00:19:53,196 --> 00:19:54,258 Isn't it obvious? 394 00:19:55,472 --> 00:19:56,845 - Is it? - Yeah. 395 00:19:58,068 --> 00:19:58,933 It's Ted. 396 00:19:59,861 --> 00:20:02,418 You know what a romantic he is. He can't separate the physical 397 00:20:02,543 --> 00:20:04,361 from the emotional. He's all like... 398 00:20:04,529 --> 00:20:06,155 - I love you. - Exactly. 399 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,120 He's not like you, you know? 400 00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:14,101 Besides, we're friends. I don't want to screw that up by getting involved. 401 00:20:14,799 --> 00:20:16,635 Dating friends never works out. 402 00:20:18,348 --> 00:20:20,768 So... you want to get a taco? 403 00:20:22,276 --> 00:20:23,291 A taco? 404 00:20:23,858 --> 00:20:25,152 You love them, remember? 405 00:20:26,166 --> 00:20:27,167 Right. 406 00:20:28,075 --> 00:20:29,463 Come on, I'm hungry. 407 00:20:39,687 --> 00:20:42,437 So Robin and I went back to just being roommates 408 00:20:42,605 --> 00:20:44,608 and things went back to normal. 409 00:20:44,776 --> 00:20:46,314 Your Aunt Lily was right. 410 00:20:46,439 --> 00:20:48,741 When two exes decide to just be casual, 411 00:20:48,910 --> 00:20:50,519 someone always gets hurt. 412 00:20:52,975 --> 00:20:54,677 It just wasn't one of us.