1 00:00:03,959 --> 00:00:05,983 Lily, I heard this great joke at work today. 2 00:00:06,094 --> 00:00:09,791 Dude, come on. She's not gonna like it. It's boy-funny. It's not girl-funny. 3 00:00:09,897 --> 00:00:13,994 That is sexist! Funny is funny, Ted. 4 00:00:14,103 --> 00:00:17,266 - Lily's cool. She'll appreciate this. - You're on your own, man. 5 00:00:17,373 --> 00:00:20,603 - Just tell me the joke. - Okay. Ready? 6 00:00:20,875 --> 00:00:25,438 Lily, what's the difference between peanut butter and jam? 7 00:00:26,715 --> 00:00:28,113 - See? It's funny. - It's boy-funny. 8 00:00:28,216 --> 00:00:29,343 She's not gonna like it. 9 00:00:29,451 --> 00:00:30,747 Why don't you let me decide? 10 00:00:32,021 --> 00:00:35,013 What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? 11 00:00:36,793 --> 00:00:38,725 And then Barney said the punch line. 12 00:00:38,893 --> 00:00:42,421 To this day, it's still the dirtiest joke I've ever heard in my life. 13 00:00:42,698 --> 00:00:44,257 And no, I'm not gonna say it. 14 00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:48,230 Yeah, I can't hang out with you anymore. 15 00:00:48,770 --> 00:00:53,834 Oh, come on. That's a funny joke. 16 00:00:53,942 --> 00:00:57,310 - Told you. - She'll be back. 17 00:00:57,414 --> 00:01:00,712 And we didn't see Lily for four weeks. 18 00:01:02,010 --> 00:01:08,084 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 19 00:01:14,531 --> 00:01:18,365 Kids, after getting laid off, I was finally pursuing my lifelong dream, 20 00:01:18,468 --> 00:01:22,234 starting my own architecture firm. All I needed was some clients. 21 00:01:22,338 --> 00:01:25,102 I think it's so great that you're striking out on your own, Ted. 22 00:01:25,208 --> 00:01:26,937 - I admire that. - Thanks. 23 00:01:27,178 --> 00:01:29,337 And thanks for being so cool with me using the apartment. 24 00:01:29,445 --> 00:01:31,380 Oh, yeah, of course. Anything you need. 25 00:01:33,083 --> 00:01:35,018 Hey, small thing, do you mind not watching television 26 00:01:35,119 --> 00:01:36,915 - during business hours? - This isn't working! 27 00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:39,284 I'm sorry. It's just, I can't concentrate while Wheel of Fortune is... 28 00:01:40,623 --> 00:01:43,319 A penny saved is a Penny Marshall! Yes! 29 00:01:43,593 --> 00:01:46,892 Ted, I know you're nervous, but you've got to stop procrastinating. 30 00:01:46,996 --> 00:01:51,695 You've spent the last two days choosing the official pen of Mosbius Designs. 31 00:01:51,801 --> 00:01:53,827 Hey, I've made some progress, huh? 32 00:01:53,938 --> 00:01:56,236 I've eliminated felt-tip. 33 00:01:56,841 --> 00:02:00,174 Who am I kidding? Felt's back in the ballgame. 34 00:02:01,478 --> 00:02:03,777 Hey. You hear there's gonna be more layoffs? 35 00:02:03,881 --> 00:02:06,247 I know. I'm freaking out. 36 00:02:06,350 --> 00:02:08,444 - Are you worried? - Are you kidding? 37 00:02:08,553 --> 00:02:12,010 The things I know about this company, I won't ever be fired. 38 00:02:12,123 --> 00:02:14,318 I mean, there's a pretty good chance one day I'll wash up on shore 39 00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:17,451 with no fingerprints or teeth, but I won't be fired. 40 00:02:17,561 --> 00:02:19,553 Well, I wish I had your confidence. 41 00:02:20,131 --> 00:02:23,192 Look, you just need a way to make yourself absolutely essential. 42 00:02:23,301 --> 00:02:25,735 Well, I work harder than anyone in my division. 43 00:02:25,837 --> 00:02:28,863 Yeah. Keeping your job has nothing to do with hard work. 44 00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:30,971 - You need a thing. - What do you mean, a thing? 45 00:02:31,075 --> 00:02:35,410 You know, something that makes you fun and well-liked, like Marcus Denisco. 46 00:02:35,747 --> 00:02:38,045 Marcus Denisco worked in Account Services 47 00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:40,812 and was perhaps the most expendable employee at the company. 48 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:43,717 I brought some donuts. They're probably stupid. 49 00:02:43,822 --> 00:02:46,052 But eventually, he came to be known as... 50 00:02:46,158 --> 00:02:47,682 - Food Guy! - Food Guy! 51 00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:49,784 Who wants some pulled pork? Of course you do! Come on! 52 00:02:51,730 --> 00:02:54,494 I love Food Guy. They could never lay him off. 53 00:02:54,599 --> 00:02:56,658 - Mmm-hmm. - You know what I love about Food Guy? 54 00:02:56,768 --> 00:02:58,999 - He always has food. - He always has food. 55 00:02:59,105 --> 00:03:00,662 See? That's what you need. 56 00:03:00,772 --> 00:03:03,503 You need that thing that makes you a guy. 57 00:03:03,609 --> 00:03:06,407 Oh, I have that thing that makes me a guy. 58 00:03:06,512 --> 00:03:08,537 Maybe even a guy and a half. 59 00:03:08,815 --> 00:03:12,773 Not that thing. You know, a thing. Like Toy Guy. 60 00:03:12,884 --> 00:03:14,647 Guys, bad news. 61 00:03:14,753 --> 00:03:19,418 As your HR rep, I gotta review the new overtime scheduling policy with you. 62 00:03:19,692 --> 00:03:24,220 The good news is we're gonna do it while wearing Wolverine claws! 63 00:03:26,699 --> 00:03:30,533 Section 5A, overtime will no longer be paid at time and a half. 64 00:03:30,636 --> 00:03:32,467 - This is awesome! - Claw five! 65 00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:36,006 I love Toy Guy. 66 00:03:36,109 --> 00:03:39,510 See? You need a thing. Like YouTube Clip Guy. 67 00:03:47,087 --> 00:03:50,284 You're right. I do need a thing. 68 00:03:50,390 --> 00:03:51,686 But choose wisely. 69 00:03:51,791 --> 00:03:53,851 You don't want to be Creepy Back Rub Guy. 70 00:03:54,361 --> 00:03:57,023 Hey, don't fill up. Food Guy's got Panna Cotta in his office. 71 00:03:57,130 --> 00:03:58,188 Ooh! 72 00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:01,362 Hey, buddy. 73 00:04:02,135 --> 00:04:04,069 Hey, Douglas. 74 00:04:04,771 --> 00:04:07,899 Wow. You're so tight. 75 00:04:09,143 --> 00:04:12,168 I was relaxed about two seconds ago. 76 00:04:14,081 --> 00:04:15,639 You're next. 77 00:04:17,818 --> 00:04:20,049 Hi. Welcome to Mosbius Designs. 78 00:04:21,456 --> 00:04:25,448 - Who the hell are you? - I'm PJ, Mr. Mosby's assistant. 79 00:04:25,559 --> 00:04:26,993 - Ted, what the hell is going... - I'm sorry, 80 00:04:27,095 --> 00:04:29,791 we do not interrupt Mr. Mosby during his brainstorming hour. 81 00:04:31,065 --> 00:04:34,000 It's okay, PJ. That's Robin. She lives here. 82 00:04:34,235 --> 00:04:38,501 Oh, I'm sorry for the disturbance, sir. Do you need anything else? 83 00:04:38,606 --> 00:04:42,303 - Well, I wouldn't say no to a cup of... - You're right there! 84 00:04:42,709 --> 00:04:46,236 So now Ted has an assistant to help him not do anything. 85 00:04:46,346 --> 00:04:48,577 Hey, PJ's been a huge help to me, 86 00:04:48,683 --> 00:04:51,049 setting up the office, designing the website. 87 00:04:51,152 --> 00:04:53,551 And in return, I'm mentoring a bright, young mind. 88 00:04:53,654 --> 00:04:55,782 Ah, yes, the mentoring. 89 00:04:56,291 --> 00:04:59,055 I want you to go outside today and simply 90 00:04:59,261 --> 00:05:02,321 put your hands on buildings. All right? 91 00:05:02,463 --> 00:05:06,627 Feel the concrete pulse. Listen. 92 00:05:06,735 --> 00:05:10,432 Listen to the stories the stones are telling you. 93 00:05:11,607 --> 00:05:14,633 - And pick up my dry cleaning. - I will. 94 00:05:15,277 --> 00:05:18,212 - Thank you so much, Mr. Mosby. - All right. 95 00:05:19,481 --> 00:05:20,505 Hey, Ted? 96 00:05:21,717 --> 00:05:24,413 This table just told me you're a douche. 97 00:05:26,121 --> 00:05:27,918 This whole mentoring thing is just another way 98 00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:29,924 to procrastinate from actually calling clients. 99 00:05:30,059 --> 00:05:32,824 I'm not procrastinating. I just... 100 00:05:33,128 --> 00:05:36,188 I want everything to be perfect, okay? I only get one shot at this. 101 00:05:36,298 --> 00:05:39,131 - Fine, but PJ is not helping. - Hey, hey. 102 00:05:39,368 --> 00:05:42,361 If Ted says that PJ is important to the company, 103 00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:44,598 then PJ is not going anywhere. 104 00:05:44,707 --> 00:05:47,677 - See? He's very valuable. - Whoa, whoa. 105 00:05:48,310 --> 00:05:49,869 PJ's a guy? 106 00:05:49,980 --> 00:05:51,845 PJ's not some hot chick you're banging? 107 00:05:51,947 --> 00:05:54,074 No, I'm mentoring him. 108 00:05:55,651 --> 00:05:57,084 Mentoring. 109 00:05:57,721 --> 00:06:01,418 I mentored a young fellow once. Even made him my wingman. 110 00:06:01,524 --> 00:06:06,893 Then, one day, he hired an assistant to work 10 feet from his bedroom 111 00:06:06,996 --> 00:06:10,364 who, get this, isn't a hot chick, 112 00:06:10,467 --> 00:06:12,368 proving he never listened to a word I said. 113 00:06:12,470 --> 00:06:15,029 And do you know that young man's name? 114 00:06:15,271 --> 00:06:17,865 - Ted Mosby? - Maybe. 115 00:06:17,974 --> 00:06:19,441 I don't remember. 116 00:06:19,542 --> 00:06:21,976 Because he is dead to me! 117 00:06:26,416 --> 00:06:30,285 PJ's gonna be getting a very confusing card in the mail 118 00:06:30,421 --> 00:06:33,356 along with a garment that he should by no means 119 00:06:33,457 --> 00:06:36,254 wear for three days and then mail back to me. 120 00:06:39,462 --> 00:06:40,896 Hey, Barney. 121 00:06:41,065 --> 00:06:43,966 I thought of a thing to make me more essential here. 122 00:06:44,068 --> 00:06:47,503 I'm Eco Guy, 'cause everybody loves a guy who recycles, right? 123 00:06:47,671 --> 00:06:49,605 Fired. What else you got? 124 00:06:49,807 --> 00:06:52,139 I thought of a few others. Wacky Tie Guy. 125 00:06:52,243 --> 00:06:54,710 - Fired. - Daily Fun Fact Guy? 126 00:06:54,811 --> 00:06:56,837 Did you know that you're fired? 127 00:06:56,947 --> 00:06:58,812 I Know a Good Stretch for That Guy? 128 00:06:59,083 --> 00:07:00,711 Downward-facing fired. 129 00:07:00,819 --> 00:07:02,285 Monty Python Guy? 130 00:07:02,386 --> 00:07:05,183 We are the knights who say, "You're fired. " 131 00:07:06,057 --> 00:07:10,495 Wait! Wait! I did use to run a fantasy baseball league back in law school. 132 00:07:10,662 --> 00:07:13,153 That's not bad. You might be onto something. 133 00:07:13,265 --> 00:07:16,324 Awesome. Awesome! I'll be Fantasy Guy! 134 00:07:16,434 --> 00:07:19,165 We'll have to make you Sports Guy. We already have a Fantasy Guy. 135 00:07:19,271 --> 00:07:21,239 - What's up, bros? - Hey, Frank. 136 00:07:26,244 --> 00:07:27,210 Hello? 137 00:07:27,545 --> 00:07:30,709 Hey, PJ. Where are you? You're never late. 138 00:07:31,883 --> 00:07:34,716 You're on top of the Empire State Building? 139 00:07:36,054 --> 00:07:39,512 Listen to the old gal. She's got some stories to tell. 140 00:07:39,624 --> 00:07:42,525 Take all the time you need. Okay. 141 00:07:45,097 --> 00:07:47,930 Wait a second. "Ted Mosby Home. " 142 00:07:49,935 --> 00:07:52,904 Oh, my God, the call's coming from inside the house. 143 00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:05,614 That's not the Empire State Building. 144 00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:14,189 Robin, you cannot sleep with my assistant. 145 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:17,751 I'm trying to run a business here. How did this even happen? 146 00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:21,130 Well, at lunch, when you go on your wisdom walks, 147 00:08:21,235 --> 00:08:23,464 it gives me and PJ some time alone together. 148 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,938 Inspiration, do your thing. 149 00:08:27,039 --> 00:08:30,668 It always does, sir. It always does. 150 00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:36,338 Hey, PJ, I actually have an architectural question for you. 151 00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:38,414 How does Ted's ass taste? 152 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:42,478 I wouldn't know, but I assume it tastes like genius. 153 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:49,595 Why is the bathroom locked? 154 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:52,494 Visitors need to sign in for the bathroom key. 155 00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:57,559 Listen, Peej, and I want you to think this over real good before you answer. 156 00:08:57,671 --> 00:09:01,574 Are you telling me that I can't go to the bathroom in my apartment? 157 00:09:01,676 --> 00:09:04,042 No. I am telling you 158 00:09:04,145 --> 00:09:09,048 that you need to ask permission to use the bathroom in my office. 159 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,279 Why is that so hot? 160 00:09:12,754 --> 00:09:15,245 Robin, there are billions of guys in the world. 161 00:09:15,356 --> 00:09:17,016 Why do you have to sleep with my assistant? 162 00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:19,855 Ted, when I get off work, it's 5:30 in the morning. 163 00:09:19,961 --> 00:09:22,054 Do you have any idea what kind of guys I'm meeting? 164 00:09:22,697 --> 00:09:24,164 I deliver newspapers. 165 00:09:24,265 --> 00:09:27,029 It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it. 166 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:32,195 Don't worry. I'll wash them before I handle your business. 167 00:09:32,941 --> 00:09:34,169 I live with my mom. 168 00:09:34,343 --> 00:09:38,869 At night, we watch TV in her bed. We call it Cuddle Club. 169 00:09:39,714 --> 00:09:44,117 So, you get up really early to trade on the European stock exchanges. 170 00:09:44,219 --> 00:09:47,780 - What's that like? - Look, is this gonna happen or not? 171 00:09:48,690 --> 00:09:51,420 Okay, first of all, I've hung out with Fantasy Guy. 172 00:09:51,526 --> 00:09:55,156 You could do a lot worse. Secondly, this has to stop. 173 00:09:55,264 --> 00:09:57,231 Distracting PJ is going to kill our productivity. 174 00:09:57,332 --> 00:10:01,029 What productivity? You haven't even called a single client. 175 00:10:01,135 --> 00:10:04,503 Hey, once I get the website up, the brochures printed, 176 00:10:04,607 --> 00:10:06,165 and figure out what trust games we're going to play 177 00:10:06,275 --> 00:10:08,868 at the corporate retreat, I am making those calls. 178 00:10:09,845 --> 00:10:11,335 Corporate retreat? 179 00:10:11,447 --> 00:10:14,280 Mr. Mosby and I are going camping on the roof. 180 00:10:16,285 --> 00:10:17,548 Hey, Sports Guy. 181 00:10:17,653 --> 00:10:19,085 I hear people are raving about your league. 182 00:10:19,187 --> 00:10:21,418 It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. 183 00:10:21,624 --> 00:10:25,721 Between entry fees and transaction fees and penalty fees, I'm actually... 184 00:10:25,829 --> 00:10:27,558 I'm holding on to a lot of money. 185 00:10:28,097 --> 00:10:31,032 Great work, Sports Guy. That's for last week. 186 00:10:35,105 --> 00:10:38,631 60, 80, 100. 187 00:10:38,941 --> 00:10:42,537 Okay. This is $18,000 cash. 188 00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:44,311 It's not a big deal. 189 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:47,645 I'll just take it home and put it somewhere safe. 190 00:10:47,885 --> 00:10:51,615 Okay, just walking down the street with some money in my pocket. 191 00:10:51,721 --> 00:10:55,249 Don't touch the money. That's so obvious. Just be cool. 192 00:10:56,159 --> 00:10:59,060 Oh, no. The baby's onto me. 193 00:10:59,194 --> 00:11:01,595 Babies can smell money. Everyone knows that! 194 00:11:01,698 --> 00:11:04,132 I'm carrying a lot of money! 195 00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:09,065 Seriously, dude, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. 196 00:11:09,205 --> 00:11:12,972 Marshall, last week you were trash that no one wanted to look at. 197 00:11:13,077 --> 00:11:14,475 Now, you're Sports Guy. 198 00:11:14,611 --> 00:11:16,944 - I was trash? - Last week! 199 00:11:17,682 --> 00:11:20,947 Hey, there's Ted Mosby of Mosbius Designs. 200 00:11:21,051 --> 00:11:22,781 How's the home office coming, buddy? 201 00:11:22,887 --> 00:11:26,914 Well, it was going great till Robin started banging my assistant. 202 00:11:29,025 --> 00:11:30,926 Ted, it's our apartment, okay? 203 00:11:31,028 --> 00:11:32,619 You leave a big chocolate cake on the counter, 204 00:11:32,729 --> 00:11:34,357 Mama's gonna cut her off a slice. 205 00:11:35,199 --> 00:11:36,461 I told you. 206 00:11:36,567 --> 00:11:39,263 Hire a cute assistant that you can sleep with, 207 00:11:39,369 --> 00:11:41,770 but instead you hire a cute assistant that Robin can sleep with. 208 00:11:41,872 --> 00:11:43,669 And of course he's gonna sleep with her, Ted. Look at her! 209 00:11:43,774 --> 00:11:46,403 She's the greatest woman on the planet! I'm getting off topic! 210 00:11:46,511 --> 00:11:50,173 You're an idiot! That's my message! You're an idiot! 211 00:11:52,316 --> 00:11:53,409 No. 212 00:11:54,018 --> 00:11:58,217 One person storming off isn't enough! Marshall, storm off with me! 213 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,593 Barney. Dude, why are you this upset 214 00:12:05,697 --> 00:12:07,824 about Ted not having sex with the people he hires? 215 00:12:07,933 --> 00:12:09,866 Because it hurts! 216 00:12:10,034 --> 00:12:11,366 It hurts you how? 217 00:12:11,536 --> 00:12:14,664 It hurts because I love 218 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:15,808 Ted 219 00:12:16,842 --> 00:12:18,606 having sex with women. 220 00:12:18,711 --> 00:12:20,677 I'm a very dedicated wingman! 221 00:12:20,779 --> 00:12:22,974 Look, Lily's the only person that I can talk to about this stuff. 222 00:12:23,081 --> 00:12:24,446 Just get her to talk to me. 223 00:12:24,549 --> 00:12:26,484 I'll try, but look, there's no guarantees. 224 00:12:26,586 --> 00:12:29,986 She's still really outraged about that joke. 225 00:12:30,688 --> 00:12:33,089 That joke! 226 00:12:33,359 --> 00:12:37,022 Tore our little group apart, pitted people I love against each other. 227 00:12:37,397 --> 00:12:38,830 Seriously, I wish... 228 00:12:38,931 --> 00:12:42,195 I wish that joke had never come into our lives. 229 00:12:44,771 --> 00:12:47,103 - It's kind of funny though, right? - It's so funny, man. 230 00:12:48,509 --> 00:12:50,134 Hey, good news, PJ. 231 00:12:50,242 --> 00:12:53,770 The brochures you designed just came in. Really interesting choice for the cover. 232 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:57,782 I like how instead of one of my designs, you chose this. 233 00:12:58,284 --> 00:13:01,742 You know what? I must've sent in the wrong photo. 234 00:13:01,854 --> 00:13:03,151 You think? 235 00:13:03,423 --> 00:13:06,518 Look, PJ, the website's still not done. 236 00:13:06,627 --> 00:13:08,857 You didn't even show up to the corporate retreat. 237 00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:11,486 By the way, I saw a shooting star, 238 00:13:11,964 --> 00:13:13,865 and you're late every day! 239 00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:15,957 I'm sorry, PJ. I gotta get focused. 240 00:13:16,503 --> 00:13:17,470 You're fired. 241 00:13:17,571 --> 00:13:20,767 - You can't fire... - PJ, you're fired. 242 00:13:20,873 --> 00:13:21,897 Fine! 243 00:13:25,478 --> 00:13:28,380 Hey, baby. I just got fired. 244 00:13:29,883 --> 00:13:32,976 Yeah, I'll wait for you at your place. Okay, bye. 245 00:13:34,888 --> 00:13:36,617 Oh! Wheel of Fortune. 246 00:13:42,296 --> 00:13:45,595 I love having all this free time to spend with you. 247 00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:49,636 - I'm going to kiss you here and here. - Ooh! Ooh! 248 00:13:49,737 --> 00:13:52,466 And here and here. And... 249 00:13:52,573 --> 00:13:54,006 - Oh! - Please stop. 250 00:13:55,976 --> 00:13:57,239 I'm going to go to the bathroom. 251 00:13:57,345 --> 00:14:00,837 - I'll miss you. - I'll miss you, too. 252 00:14:05,652 --> 00:14:07,143 You're already sick of him, aren't you? 253 00:14:07,255 --> 00:14:09,189 He's driving me crazy. 254 00:14:09,290 --> 00:14:13,851 When PJ had a job, he was sexy. He was guardian of the bathroom key. 255 00:14:13,961 --> 00:14:18,228 A hot guy telling you when you can and can't pee? 256 00:14:18,466 --> 00:14:20,230 That's the dream. 257 00:14:20,335 --> 00:14:23,270 That's the dream? The dream? 258 00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:25,735 Like what Martin Luther King was talking about? 259 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:29,470 I have to end it, don't I? I'm terrible at breakups. 260 00:14:29,578 --> 00:14:30,545 I still have to go a little bit, 261 00:14:30,646 --> 00:14:32,636 but I couldn't be away from you one second longer. 262 00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:34,773 Oh! Listen. 263 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,485 - Dude, I don't know. - What? 264 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,714 Yeah, it's just... 265 00:14:40,956 --> 00:14:43,185 It's not really... 266 00:14:43,291 --> 00:14:45,385 Ix-nay, you know? 267 00:14:45,494 --> 00:14:48,292 Ix-nay on what? 268 00:14:48,397 --> 00:14:51,127 - Not feeling it. - Not feeling what? 269 00:14:51,233 --> 00:14:52,791 But friends and stuff? 270 00:14:52,902 --> 00:14:55,666 Oh, my God, this is the worst breakup ever. 271 00:14:56,038 --> 00:14:57,733 You're breaking up with me? 272 00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:01,503 If that's what you want, I totally understand. 273 00:15:02,811 --> 00:15:06,713 Hey, you still haven't activated that shortstop the Mariners just brought up. 274 00:15:06,815 --> 00:15:08,180 Gotta have it. Ha! 275 00:15:09,552 --> 00:15:11,645 See, Sports Guy? People love you. 276 00:15:11,754 --> 00:15:15,020 I can't be Sports Guy anymore, okay? It's killing me! 277 00:15:15,124 --> 00:15:16,921 I keep getting these constant texts 278 00:15:17,026 --> 00:15:19,688 and e-mails and phone calls in the middle of the night. 279 00:15:19,996 --> 00:15:23,362 Sometimes I even think that I'm being followed. 280 00:15:24,266 --> 00:15:25,700 Hey, buddy. 281 00:15:25,902 --> 00:15:29,565 I need you to push that trade through, so I can set up my new lineup. 282 00:15:29,838 --> 00:15:32,899 Wow, you really carry it in your shoulders, don't you? 283 00:15:33,143 --> 00:15:35,304 Seriously, it's over. 284 00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:37,311 Do you want me to stop? 285 00:15:38,582 --> 00:15:39,640 No. 286 00:15:40,951 --> 00:15:43,044 With Robin and PJ broken up, I was free to make 287 00:15:43,153 --> 00:15:45,451 some staffing changes in the office. 288 00:15:46,957 --> 00:15:48,424 Hi, welcome to Mosbius Designs. 289 00:15:48,525 --> 00:15:51,688 You got to be kidding me. 290 00:15:51,795 --> 00:15:54,059 And now that PJ was back at work... 291 00:15:55,498 --> 00:15:57,728 You got to be kidding me. 292 00:15:58,502 --> 00:16:01,869 So, apparently Robin and PJ are an item again. 293 00:16:01,973 --> 00:16:03,837 You got to be kidding me! 294 00:16:07,344 --> 00:16:08,312 Are you all right? 295 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,815 Okay, since Lily's not talking to me, there's something that I have to tell you. 296 00:16:12,918 --> 00:16:15,477 And this isn't easy to say, all right? 297 00:16:16,454 --> 00:16:18,820 I'm... Wait for it. 298 00:16:19,357 --> 00:16:21,723 in... Wait for it. 299 00:16:22,059 --> 00:16:24,459 love... Wait for it. 300 00:16:25,061 --> 00:16:27,155 with... Wait for it. 301 00:16:32,069 --> 00:16:34,094 a... Wait for it. 302 00:16:35,006 --> 00:16:35,973 certain... Wait for it. 303 00:16:36,073 --> 00:16:38,565 - I know that you're in love with Robin! - What? 304 00:16:38,677 --> 00:16:41,339 - Lily told me. - She told you? 305 00:16:41,446 --> 00:16:42,606 Great. 306 00:16:43,881 --> 00:16:48,113 I bet you guys have been laughing at me behind my back the whole time. 307 00:16:48,420 --> 00:16:53,050 Actually, in a weird way, we both think you're kind of perfect for each other. 308 00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:55,751 - You do? - Yeah. Matter of fact, 309 00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:57,518 we even try to sit on the same side of the booth 310 00:16:57,628 --> 00:16:59,119 so you two will have to sit together. 311 00:16:59,231 --> 00:17:01,222 Really? That's so sweet. 312 00:17:01,466 --> 00:17:06,563 But let's be clear. I don't love her. Okay? 313 00:17:06,772 --> 00:17:09,570 I just miss her when she's not around. 314 00:17:09,675 --> 00:17:11,507 I think about her all the time, and I imagine us one day 315 00:17:11,611 --> 00:17:13,077 running towards each other in slow motion, 316 00:17:13,178 --> 00:17:15,612 and I'm wearing a brown suede vest. 317 00:17:15,946 --> 00:17:17,312 Are you ever going to tell her how you feel? 318 00:17:17,616 --> 00:17:20,710 No. Maybe. Never. I don't know. Look... 319 00:17:21,954 --> 00:17:25,445 I just need to get that PJ idiot away from her. 320 00:17:25,557 --> 00:17:28,891 If Lily were here, she'd know exactly how to get rid of him. 321 00:17:29,062 --> 00:17:30,120 Maybe I can help. 322 00:17:30,229 --> 00:17:32,356 Marshall, you're no Lily. 323 00:17:32,465 --> 00:17:34,524 Lily is a diabolical puppet master, 324 00:17:34,634 --> 00:17:38,399 subtly manipulating every situation to get exactly what she wants. 325 00:17:38,503 --> 00:17:40,938 She's pure evil, Marshall. 326 00:17:41,207 --> 00:17:44,371 You got a good one there. Hang on to her. 327 00:17:44,578 --> 00:17:48,138 Meanwhile, my bizarre tug of war with Robin over PJ continued. 328 00:17:48,381 --> 00:17:52,284 Hey, PJ. I was about to go on my wisdom walk. 329 00:17:52,585 --> 00:17:55,520 - Want to join me? Hey, PJ. 330 00:17:55,688 --> 00:17:58,282 I took the bathroom key without asking. 331 00:17:58,458 --> 00:17:59,789 What are you going to do about it? 332 00:18:01,060 --> 00:18:03,256 Look, you guys are both great, 333 00:18:03,396 --> 00:18:06,263 but the truth is I'm taking another job. 334 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,266 These are for you. 335 00:18:08,367 --> 00:18:10,961 Robin, I hope this letter offers some closure. 336 00:18:11,070 --> 00:18:13,972 Ted, I'm really going to miss you. 337 00:18:16,677 --> 00:18:18,803 You can't trade Manny Ramirez for two middle relievers! 338 00:18:18,911 --> 00:18:20,641 If you veto that trade, I am out of the league! 339 00:18:20,748 --> 00:18:23,376 Okay! Okay! I'll figure it out. 340 00:18:26,486 --> 00:18:28,954 Hire the kid to be a paralegal. 341 00:18:29,055 --> 00:18:32,185 He gets to do all the work, and you still get to be Sports Guy. 342 00:18:32,327 --> 00:18:35,592 Pure evil, Eriksen. Pure evil. 343 00:18:37,931 --> 00:18:39,729 Hey, thanks. 344 00:18:44,071 --> 00:18:46,232 Hey. You okay? 345 00:18:49,176 --> 00:18:53,011 - What if I don't think of the books? - Excuse me? 346 00:18:53,181 --> 00:18:54,614 There's this famous architecture story 347 00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:57,583 about an architect who designed this library. 348 00:18:57,819 --> 00:18:59,308 It was perfect. 349 00:18:59,587 --> 00:19:04,422 But every year, the whole thing would sink a couple of inches into the ground. 350 00:19:05,027 --> 00:19:07,551 Eventually, the building was condemned. 351 00:19:08,463 --> 00:19:12,423 He forgot to account for the weight of the books. 352 00:19:13,001 --> 00:19:16,165 This company, it's just me. 353 00:19:17,305 --> 00:19:19,672 What if I don't think of the books? 354 00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:24,710 Okay, first of all, nobody goes to libraries anymore, so who cares about that guy? 355 00:19:24,847 --> 00:19:29,112 Secondly, you need to get on the phone and start calling clients. 356 00:19:29,317 --> 00:19:31,115 The longer I put off starting my own firm, 357 00:19:31,219 --> 00:19:35,850 the longer it can remain a dream and not something I screwed up at. 358 00:19:36,624 --> 00:19:39,684 I mean, it's like I'm giving up before I even started. 359 00:19:39,828 --> 00:19:41,660 You want to talk about giving up? 360 00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:47,498 I used to describe my ideal guy as funny, smart, passionate, challenging. 361 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:51,767 And now, apparently, I will settle for "in my apartment. " 362 00:19:52,909 --> 00:19:55,377 I mean, didn't you think you'd have it all more figured out by now? 363 00:19:55,478 --> 00:19:58,844 Are you kidding? By 30, I was going to be annoyingly successful, 364 00:19:59,048 --> 00:20:01,915 married to the perfect woman, maybe a kid on the way. 365 00:20:02,017 --> 00:20:05,043 Instead, I'm just some guy sitting in his apartment 366 00:20:05,155 --> 00:20:08,180 having a staring contest with his phone. 367 00:20:08,858 --> 00:20:10,417 And losing. 368 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:14,362 Hey. You can take that thing. 369 00:20:31,748 --> 00:20:34,239 Hi, this is Ted Mosby of Mosbius Designs. 370 00:20:34,351 --> 00:20:36,445 I'm calling to inquire about any design needs you may have 371 00:20:36,587 --> 00:20:37,609 now or in the future. 372 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:38,745 That sounds great, buddy. 373 00:20:38,855 --> 00:20:40,083 - Really? I sound confident? - Yup. 374 00:20:40,190 --> 00:20:42,522 - Now call an actual client. - Great. 375 00:20:47,431 --> 00:20:48,727 Hey, Food Guy! 376 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,168 Hey, Toy Guy! 377 00:20:57,241 --> 00:20:58,538 Who's that guy? 378 00:21:00,043 --> 00:21:01,568 He doesn't work here. 379 00:21:01,879 --> 00:21:04,279 - I think we should leave the building. - Really? 380 00:21:04,382 --> 00:21:06,509 This has happened before. 381 00:21:07,315 --> 00:21:17,315 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/4w7q Help other users to choose the best subtitles