1
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Kids, as you know,

2
00:00:02,307 --> 00:00:04,267
Aunt Robin grew up in Canada.

3
00:00:04,309 --> 00:00:06,853
That meant sometimes

4
00:00:04,309 --> 00:00:06,853
she dressed

5
00:00:04,309 --> 00:00:06,853
a little differently.

6
00:00:06,895 --> 00:00:10,273
Okay, let's do this!

7
00:00:10,315 --> 00:00:12,192
Sometimes she talked

8
00:00:10,315 --> 00:00:12,192
a little differently.

9
00:00:12,233 --> 00:00:15,695
Ted,

10
00:00:12,233 --> 00:00:15,695
this hydro bill is bigger

11
00:00:12,233 --> 00:00:15,695
than Louis Cyr's biceps.

12
00:00:15,737 --> 00:00:17,530
What, you leave

13
00:00:15,737 --> 00:00:17,530
the garburator

14
00:00:15,737 --> 00:00:17,530
on all night, eh?

15
00:00:19,741 --> 00:00:22,035
She hung out at

16
00:00:19,741 --> 00:00:22,035
different bars

17
00:00:22,077 --> 00:00:23,912
and enjoyed leisure time

18
00:00:22,077 --> 00:00:23,912
a little differently.

19
00:00:23,954 --> 00:00:27,874
You want to go?

20
00:00:23,954 --> 00:00:27,874
You want to go?

21
00:00:23,954 --> 00:00:27,874
Come on!

22
00:00:27,916 --> 00:00:29,835
Make fun of

23
00:00:27,916 --> 00:00:29,835
the Great White North

24
00:00:27,916 --> 00:00:29,835
all you want,

25
00:00:29,876 --> 00:00:31,086
it's the best country

26
00:00:29,876 --> 00:00:31,086
in the world.

27
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Mmm-hmm.

28
00:00:33,130 --> 00:00:35,048
Social experiment.

29
00:00:35,090 --> 00:00:37,968
U-S-A, U-S-A,

30
00:00:35,090 --> 00:00:37,968
U-S-A, U-S-A.

31
00:00:41,180 --> 00:00:43,932
Okay, okay.

32
00:00:41,180 --> 00:00:43,932
You know, what does

33
00:00:41,180 --> 00:00:43,932
that even prove, okay?

34
00:00:43,974 --> 00:00:45,350
You chant anything,

35
00:00:43,974 --> 00:00:45,350
people will join in.

36
00:00:46,559 --> 00:00:50,856
Canada, Canada...

37
00:00:50,897 --> 00:00:53,316
Okay, they won't

38
00:00:50,897 --> 00:00:53,316
chant anything.

39
00:00:53,358 --> 00:00:58,947
Shrimp fried rice,

40
00:00:53,358 --> 00:00:58,947
shrimp fried rice,

41
00:00:53,358 --> 00:00:58,947
shrimp fried rice.

42
00:00:58,989 --> 00:01:01,867
Shrimp fried rice,

43
00:00:58,989 --> 00:01:01,867
shrimp fried rice...

44
00:01:01,908 --> 00:01:03,035
Shrimp fried rice,

45
00:01:01,908 --> 00:01:03,035
totally.

46
00:01:05,328 --> 00:01:07,497
Anyway, speaking of food,

47
00:01:05,328 --> 00:01:07,497
Marshall, I've got

48
00:01:05,328 --> 00:01:07,497
some bad news.

49
00:01:07,539 --> 00:01:10,042
Just read online,

50
00:01:07,539 --> 00:01:10,042
Gazzola's is closing.

51
00:01:10,083 --> 00:01:12,252
No!

52
00:01:10,083 --> 00:01:12,252
What's Gazzola's?

53
00:01:12,293 --> 00:01:15,296
A filthy mecca

54
00:01:12,293 --> 00:01:15,296
of spectacular

55
00:01:12,293 --> 00:01:15,296
if undercooked pizza

56
00:01:15,338 --> 00:01:18,341
located at

57
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316 Kinzie Street,

58
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Chicago, Illinois.

59
00:01:18,383 --> 00:01:20,927
Back in college,

60
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Ted and I used to take

61
00:01:18,383 --> 00:01:20,927
these crazy road trips

62
00:01:20,969 --> 00:01:23,722
from Connecticut

63
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all the way to Chicago

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just for a Gazzola's pizza.

65
00:01:23,763 --> 00:01:27,600
Twenty-two hours. No map.

66
00:01:23,763 --> 00:01:27,600
We'd just jump in

67
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the Fiero and drive.

68
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We were like

69
00:01:27,642 --> 00:01:29,477
Lewis and Clark,

70
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if Lewis and Clark peed

71
00:01:29,519 --> 00:01:31,521
in empty soda bottles

72
00:01:31,563 --> 00:01:34,149
and had a bong

73
00:01:31,563 --> 00:01:34,149
made out of

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a cantaloupe.

75
00:01:34,191 --> 00:01:38,528
Man, those Gazzola's trips,

76
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that's when we really

77
00:01:34,191 --> 00:01:38,528
became bros.

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00:01:38,570 --> 00:01:40,363
We ate nothing

79
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but jerky.

80
00:01:40,405 --> 00:01:42,282
Drank nothing

81
00:01:40,405 --> 00:01:42,282
but Tantrum.

82
00:01:42,323 --> 00:01:44,117
Ah, Tantrum.

83
00:01:44,159 --> 00:01:47,079
Tantrum was a soft drink with

84
00:01:44,159 --> 00:01:47,079
the highest caffeine content

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00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:49,372
legally available

86
00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:49,372
over the counter.

87
00:01:49,414 --> 00:01:52,751
It was eventually discontinued

88
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after an extensive study

89
00:01:49,414 --> 00:01:52,751
by the FDA.

90
00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:00,008
Oh, man, we went

91
00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:00,008
through a whole case

92
00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:00,008
of Tantrum one trip.

93
00:02:00,050 --> 00:02:02,468
I was color-blind for

94
00:02:00,050 --> 00:02:02,468
two weeks after that.

95
00:02:02,510 --> 00:02:06,014
I think that's the reason

96
00:02:02,510 --> 00:02:06,014
that I pass out

97
00:02:02,510 --> 00:02:06,014
when I hear church bells.

98
00:02:06,056 --> 00:02:08,391
It's probably a good thing

99
00:02:06,056 --> 00:02:08,391
they're closing Gazzola's.

100
00:02:08,433 --> 00:02:10,269
Those trips were

101
00:02:08,433 --> 00:02:10,269
brutal, right?

102
00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:13,688
The long hours in the car,

103
00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:13,688
the motion sickness,

104
00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:13,688
the smell...

105
00:02:13,730 --> 00:02:15,232
So, what time are we leaving

106
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for Gazzola's tomorrow?

107
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I was thinking

108
00:02:15,274 --> 00:02:16,482
9:00, 9:30.

109
00:02:15,274 --> 00:02:16,482
Hmm.

110
00:02:30,455 --> 00:02:33,041
I am ready

111
00:02:30,455 --> 00:02:33,041
to hit the road.

112
00:02:30,455 --> 00:02:33,041
I got baby wipes.

113
00:02:33,083 --> 00:02:36,795
I got a variety of jerky.

114
00:02:33,083 --> 00:02:36,795
I got six cans of Tantrum.

115
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Well, four. One burned

116
00:02:36,836 --> 00:02:39,422
through the can, the other

117
00:02:36,836 --> 00:02:39,422
one I drank already.

118
00:02:39,464 --> 00:02:42,425
Tantrum!

119
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I am so psyched!

120
00:02:42,467 --> 00:02:44,886
Marshall and I haven't

121
00:02:42,467 --> 00:02:44,886
done something

122
00:02:44,928 --> 00:02:46,805
just the two of us

123
00:02:44,928 --> 00:02:46,805
for so long.

124
00:02:46,846 --> 00:02:49,933
Ever since he got married,

125
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he's turned from an

126
00:02:46,846 --> 00:02:49,933
"I" to a "we."

127
00:02:49,975 --> 00:02:52,227
What do you mean?

128
00:02:49,975 --> 00:02:52,227
Think about it.

129
00:02:52,269 --> 00:02:54,354
Hey, haven't

130
00:02:52,269 --> 00:02:54,354
seen you all week.

131
00:02:52,269 --> 00:02:54,354
How you doing?

132
00:02:54,395 --> 00:02:56,481
We're doing great.

133
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Did you watch

134
00:02:56,522 --> 00:02:57,899
the Jets game?

135
00:02:57,941 --> 00:02:59,400
We most certainly did.

136
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How'd things go

137
00:03:00,860 --> 00:03:02,445
at the doctor?

138
00:03:02,487 --> 00:03:05,031
We no longer have

139
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a hemorrhoid problem.

140
00:03:08,076 --> 00:03:09,202
Hmm.

141
00:03:09,244 --> 00:03:10,453
You guys will not

142
00:03:09,244 --> 00:03:10,453
believe this.

143
00:03:10,495 --> 00:03:12,831
I've been talking to

144
00:03:10,495 --> 00:03:12,831
my lawyer all morning.

145
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You know that guy I had

146
00:03:12,872 --> 00:03:14,874
a slight disagreement with

147
00:03:12,872 --> 00:03:14,874
at the Hoser Hut?

148
00:03:14,916 --> 00:03:16,459
He's filing assault charges.

149
00:03:16,501 --> 00:03:17,669
Come on!

150
00:03:17,710 --> 00:03:20,421
I broke his nose

151
00:03:17,710 --> 00:03:20,421
with a chair.

152
00:03:20,463 --> 00:03:22,465
And now, apparently,

153
00:03:20,463 --> 00:03:22,465
I might end up

154
00:03:20,463 --> 00:03:22,465
getting deported.

155
00:03:22,507 --> 00:03:24,425
Oh, my God, that sucks!

156
00:03:22,507 --> 00:03:24,425
Yeah.

157
00:03:24,467 --> 00:03:26,303
I'm gonna go do push-ups

158
00:03:24,467 --> 00:03:26,303
in the kitchen.

159
00:03:26,345 --> 00:03:28,054
Tantrum!

160
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Well, there's only

161
00:03:28,096 --> 00:03:31,141
one possible way to

162
00:03:28,096 --> 00:03:31,141
avoid getting deported.

163
00:03:31,183 --> 00:03:33,518
My lawyer said

164
00:03:31,183 --> 00:03:33,518
I can become

165
00:03:31,183 --> 00:03:33,518
an American citizen.

166
00:03:33,559 --> 00:03:35,854
Perfect. Problem solved.

167
00:03:33,559 --> 00:03:35,854
Welcome aboard.

168
00:03:35,895 --> 00:03:39,482
Well, it's not that simple.

169
00:03:35,895 --> 00:03:39,482
I'm a Canadian.

170
00:03:35,895 --> 00:03:39,482
I was born there.

171
00:03:39,524 --> 00:03:42,194
My family's there.

172
00:03:39,524 --> 00:03:42,194
It's who I am.

173
00:03:42,235 --> 00:03:44,863
I know,

174
00:03:42,235 --> 00:03:44,863
and it's provided us

175
00:03:42,235 --> 00:03:44,863
with a lot of laughs.

176
00:03:44,904 --> 00:03:47,866
But, Robin, if you want to

177
00:03:44,904 --> 00:03:47,866
live here, work here,

178
00:03:47,907 --> 00:03:51,244
and throw chairs

179
00:03:47,907 --> 00:03:51,244
at people here,

180
00:03:47,907 --> 00:03:51,244
you have to do this.

181
00:03:51,286 --> 00:03:53,579
Well, there's a citizenship

182
00:03:51,286 --> 00:03:53,579
test tomorrow.

183
00:03:53,621 --> 00:03:55,498
I'll think about it.

184
00:03:55,540 --> 00:03:58,001
No, no,

185
00:03:55,540 --> 00:03:58,001
you have to do it.

186
00:03:55,540 --> 00:03:58,001
I'll help you study.

187
00:03:58,043 --> 00:03:59,669
We're gonna stay up

188
00:03:58,043 --> 00:03:59,669
all night long.

189
00:03:59,711 --> 00:04:02,630
I'm gonna drill you,

190
00:03:59,711 --> 00:04:02,630
and then we're gonna study.

191
00:04:02,672 --> 00:04:04,590
No, seriously.

192
00:04:02,672 --> 00:04:04,590
We're gonna do

193
00:04:02,672 --> 00:04:04,590
some cramming

194
00:04:04,632 --> 00:04:06,009
and then we're

195
00:04:04,632 --> 00:04:06,009
gonna study.

196
00:04:06,051 --> 00:04:08,178
No, seriously.

197
00:04:06,051 --> 00:04:08,178
We're gonna bone up on...

198
00:04:08,220 --> 00:04:09,512
Okay, Barney.

199
00:04:08,220 --> 00:04:09,512
Sorry.

200
00:04:09,554 --> 00:04:11,306
It's a rich area.

201
00:04:09,554 --> 00:04:11,306
It is.

202
00:04:11,348 --> 00:04:13,558
But, you know,

203
00:04:11,348 --> 00:04:13,558
it's not going to

204
00:04:11,348 --> 00:04:13,558
be easy, this test.

205
00:04:13,599 --> 00:04:15,601
It's not like the Canadian

206
00:04:13,599 --> 00:04:15,601
citizenship test.

207
00:04:15,643 --> 00:04:18,230
How do you know

208
00:04:15,643 --> 00:04:18,230
the Canadian test is easy?

209
00:04:18,271 --> 00:04:20,023
It's Canada.

210
00:04:20,065 --> 00:04:21,900
Question one.

211
00:04:20,065 --> 00:04:21,900
Do you want to

212
00:04:20,065 --> 00:04:21,900
be Canadian?

213
00:04:21,941 --> 00:04:23,818
Question two. Really?

214
00:04:25,153 --> 00:04:27,655
Ted! Ted!

215
00:04:25,153 --> 00:04:27,655
Check it out!

216
00:04:27,697 --> 00:04:30,450
I got black coffee

217
00:04:27,697 --> 00:04:30,450
on the left,

218
00:04:27,697 --> 00:04:30,450
I got Tantrum on the right!

219
00:04:30,491 --> 00:04:31,326
Do you have a phone book?

220
00:04:31,368 --> 00:04:32,785
Yes, I do!

221
00:04:32,827 --> 00:04:34,413
I don't know why they make

222
00:04:32,827 --> 00:04:34,413
phone books anymore.

223
00:04:34,454 --> 00:04:35,538
Everything's online,

224
00:04:34,454 --> 00:04:35,538
right?

225
00:04:37,249 --> 00:04:38,458
Tantrum!

226
00:04:37,249 --> 00:04:38,458
Tantrum!

227
00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:41,878
All right,

228
00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:41,878
let's hit the road.

229
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,380
You invited Lily?

230
00:04:43,422 --> 00:04:44,505
We most certainly did!

231
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,552
I don't know

232
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,552
if you caught that,

233
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,552
but he did the "we" thing.

234
00:04:49,594 --> 00:04:50,511
Yeah, I heard him.

235
00:04:49,594 --> 00:04:50,511
Okay.

236
00:04:54,599 --> 00:04:56,268
Road trip!

237
00:04:56,309 --> 00:04:58,270
So, you guys want to

238
00:04:56,309 --> 00:04:58,270
talk about bitches?

239
00:04:58,311 --> 00:04:59,520
I'm kidding.

240
00:04:58,311 --> 00:04:59,520
They're called women.

241
00:05:02,065 --> 00:05:04,443
All right,

242
00:05:02,065 --> 00:05:04,443
next stop, Chicago.

243
00:05:05,651 --> 00:05:07,195
I have to pee.

244
00:05:07,237 --> 00:05:09,030
What...

245
00:05:07,237 --> 00:05:09,030
Couldn't you have gone

246
00:05:07,237 --> 00:05:09,030
before we left?

247
00:05:09,072 --> 00:05:11,366
I did.

248
00:05:09,072 --> 00:05:11,366
I just pee a lot.

249
00:05:09,072 --> 00:05:11,366
You'll see.

250
00:05:19,207 --> 00:05:22,168
Don't worry,

251
00:05:19,207 --> 00:05:22,168
we'll get out on the road,

252
00:05:19,207 --> 00:05:22,168
it'll be just like old times.

253
00:05:22,210 --> 00:05:24,045
It wasn't.

254
00:05:31,636 --> 00:05:33,596
Sugar snap pea?

255
00:05:33,638 --> 00:05:35,556
Pea, that reminds me.

256
00:05:33,638 --> 00:05:35,556
I have to pee.

257
00:05:37,725 --> 00:05:39,602
Okay, straight,

258
00:05:37,725 --> 00:05:39,602
straight, straight.

259
00:05:39,644 --> 00:05:41,604
Now, wait,

260
00:05:39,644 --> 00:05:41,604
a little to the left.

261
00:05:41,646 --> 00:05:43,564
We'll pass

262
00:05:41,646 --> 00:05:43,564
a state trooper!

263
00:05:45,442 --> 00:05:46,609
Punch buggy yellow!

264
00:05:47,986 --> 00:05:49,529
Yellow, that reminds me.

265
00:05:47,986 --> 00:05:49,529
I have to pee.

266
00:05:53,408 --> 00:05:54,784
Thank you!

267
00:05:58,204 --> 00:05:59,622
Great.

268
00:05:59,664 --> 00:06:01,416
Hey, Ted...

269
00:05:59,664 --> 00:06:01,416
You can't have

270
00:05:59,664 --> 00:06:01,416
to go again.

271
00:06:01,458 --> 00:06:03,626
It's not

272
00:06:01,458 --> 00:06:03,626
humanly possible.

273
00:06:03,668 --> 00:06:06,212
No, I was just going to say

274
00:06:03,668 --> 00:06:06,212
maybe we should listen

275
00:06:03,668 --> 00:06:06,212
to something.

276
00:06:06,254 --> 00:06:08,548
That's a great idea.

277
00:06:06,254 --> 00:06:08,548
I think I have

278
00:06:06,254 --> 00:06:08,548
some Jerky Boys.

279
00:06:09,007 --> 00:06:10,591
Goodbye, Sparky.

280
00:06:10,633 --> 00:06:13,178
It's an audio book

281
00:06:10,633 --> 00:06:13,178
about a boy and his dog.

282
00:06:13,219 --> 00:06:14,846
It made

283
00:06:13,219 --> 00:06:14,846
Elisabeth Hasselbeck cry.

284
00:06:16,556 --> 00:06:18,850
Goodbye Sparky,

285
00:06:16,556 --> 00:06:18,850
by Nick Leotti.

286
00:06:18,891 --> 00:06:20,643
Read to you by Kenny Rogers.

287
00:06:20,685 --> 00:06:21,811
Oh.

288
00:06:21,853 --> 00:06:24,605
Chapter One.

289
00:06:21,853 --> 00:06:24,605
When I first saw Sparky,

290
00:06:24,647 --> 00:06:27,025
he reminded me

291
00:06:24,647 --> 00:06:27,025
of my favorite comb.

292
00:06:27,066 --> 00:06:30,487
He was missing a lot of teeth,

293
00:06:27,066 --> 00:06:30,487
but I loved him anyway.

294
00:06:30,529 --> 00:06:32,238
Mother was fit to be tied

295
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:35,200
every time he used

296
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:35,200
her prized rhododendron

297
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:35,200
to do his business.

298
00:06:36,742 --> 00:06:38,661
That reminds me,

299
00:06:36,742 --> 00:06:38,661
I have to pee.

300
00:06:40,455 --> 00:06:42,165
"How many stars

301
00:06:40,455 --> 00:06:42,165
are on the flag?"

302
00:06:42,207 --> 00:06:44,209
Fifty. One for each state.

303
00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:46,294
"What are the first

304
00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:46,294
10 amendments to

305
00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:46,294
the Constitution called?"

306
00:06:46,336 --> 00:06:50,089
The Bill of Rights.

307
00:06:46,336 --> 00:06:50,089
Look, Barney,

308
00:06:46,336 --> 00:06:50,089
I know all this. I'm ready.

309
00:06:50,131 --> 00:06:52,675
Ready for the test maybe,

310
00:06:50,131 --> 00:06:52,675
but ready to be an American?

311
00:06:52,717 --> 00:06:54,927
Not on your sweet life.

312
00:06:54,969 --> 00:06:57,847
For you to be an American,

313
00:06:54,969 --> 00:06:57,847
we got to get

314
00:06:54,969 --> 00:06:57,847
the Canadian out of you.

315
00:06:57,889 --> 00:07:03,686
That's why

316
00:06:57,889 --> 00:07:03,686
I've created these questions.

317
00:06:57,889 --> 00:07:03,686
Question one. Who is this?

318
00:07:03,728 --> 00:07:04,770
Queen Elizabeth II.

319
00:07:04,812 --> 00:07:08,149
No, the answer

320
00:07:04,812 --> 00:07:08,149
is Elton John.

321
00:07:08,191 --> 00:07:11,236
Question two.

322
00:07:08,191 --> 00:07:11,236
What the hell is this?

323
00:07:11,277 --> 00:07:12,695
Oh, Curling.

324
00:07:11,277 --> 00:07:12,695
It's a sport played...

325
00:07:12,737 --> 00:07:14,989
Wrong.

326
00:07:15,031 --> 00:07:17,742
The answer

327
00:07:15,031 --> 00:07:17,742
we were looking for was,

328
00:07:15,031 --> 00:07:17,742
"I don't care, it's dumb.

329
00:07:17,783 --> 00:07:19,660
"Let's go buy something

330
00:07:17,783 --> 00:07:19,660
that's bad for us

331
00:07:19,702 --> 00:07:20,703
"and then sue the people

332
00:07:19,702 --> 00:07:20,703
who made it."

333
00:07:20,745 --> 00:07:21,913
That's American, Robin.

334
00:07:23,748 --> 00:07:25,584
because Sparky

335
00:07:23,748 --> 00:07:25,584
loved chasing a ball,

336
00:07:25,625 --> 00:07:27,710
and it didn't much

337
00:07:25,625 --> 00:07:27,710
matter what kind.

338
00:07:27,752 --> 00:07:30,713
Tennis ball, baseball,

339
00:07:27,752 --> 00:07:30,713
wiffle ball,

340
00:07:30,755 --> 00:07:34,384
golf ball,

341
00:07:30,755 --> 00:07:34,384
basketball, beach ball,

342
00:07:34,426 --> 00:07:37,554
gum ball, a grapefruit,

343
00:07:34,426 --> 00:07:37,554
which isn't actually a ball,

344
00:07:37,596 --> 00:07:39,013
but it's round like a ball,

345
00:07:39,055 --> 00:07:40,973
a football,

346
00:07:39,055 --> 00:07:40,973
which isn't round,

347
00:07:41,015 --> 00:07:42,934
but it's still

348
00:07:41,015 --> 00:07:42,934
technically a ball,

349
00:07:42,975 --> 00:07:45,270
Indian rubber ball...

350
00:07:45,311 --> 00:07:49,399
This ends disc seven.

351
00:07:45,311 --> 00:07:49,399
The audio book continues

352
00:07:45,311 --> 00:07:49,399
on disc eight.

353
00:07:52,818 --> 00:07:54,362
Disc eight.

354
00:07:54,404 --> 00:07:55,821
Lacrosse ball, volleyball...

355
00:07:55,863 --> 00:07:57,949
Oh, my God, Lily,

356
00:07:55,863 --> 00:07:57,949
please tell me

357
00:07:55,863 --> 00:07:57,949
you have to go pee!

358
00:07:57,990 --> 00:08:00,743
Yeah, I do.

359
00:08:00,785 --> 00:08:04,205
It was the worst trip ever,

360
00:08:00,785 --> 00:08:04,205
but then it got worse.

361
00:08:04,247 --> 00:08:06,999
Well, don't worry,

362
00:08:04,247 --> 00:08:06,999
the next exit's the hotel.

363
00:08:04,247 --> 00:08:06,999
We can go there.

364
00:08:07,041 --> 00:08:09,461
Hotel?

365
00:08:09,502 --> 00:08:13,632
Crumpet Manor is listed in

366
00:08:09,502 --> 00:08:13,632
the American registry of

367
00:08:09,502 --> 00:08:13,632
historic bed and breakfasts.

368
00:08:13,673 --> 00:08:17,760
Our doors opened on

369
00:08:13,673 --> 00:08:17,760
Christmas day, 1881.

370
00:08:17,802 --> 00:08:21,764
And we have catered

371
00:08:17,802 --> 00:08:21,764
to couples ever since.

372
00:08:21,806 --> 00:08:24,016
Well, I mean,

373
00:08:21,806 --> 00:08:24,016
single people can have

374
00:08:21,806 --> 00:08:24,016
fun here, too, right?

375
00:08:24,058 --> 00:08:27,145
Oh, I suppose I could arrange

376
00:08:24,058 --> 00:08:27,145
a little recreation.

377
00:08:27,186 --> 00:08:28,647
Do you enjoy

378
00:08:27,186 --> 00:08:28,647
sitting on a bench?

379
00:08:30,898 --> 00:08:32,400
And by the end of the night,

380
00:08:32,442 --> 00:08:34,986
Barney had turned Robin

381
00:08:32,442 --> 00:08:34,986
into a real American.

382
00:08:35,027 --> 00:08:37,780
I want to say...

383
00:08:35,027 --> 00:08:37,780
Jefferson?

384
00:08:37,822 --> 00:08:39,324
Correct.

385
00:08:39,365 --> 00:08:41,826
Archie Bunker's neighbor

386
00:08:39,365 --> 00:08:41,826
was George Jefferson.

387
00:08:41,867 --> 00:08:43,911
I am nailing this.

388
00:08:43,953 --> 00:08:45,788
God, I'm buzzing on

389
00:08:43,953 --> 00:08:45,788
America right now!

390
00:08:45,830 --> 00:08:47,540
All right,

391
00:08:45,830 --> 00:08:47,540
hold your horses.

392
00:08:47,582 --> 00:08:50,460
Now to prove that

393
00:08:47,582 --> 00:08:50,460
you are as American

394
00:08:47,582 --> 00:08:50,460
as apple pie,

395
00:08:50,502 --> 00:08:54,422
and the childhood obesity

396
00:08:50,502 --> 00:08:54,422
it leads to, who is this?

397
00:08:56,090 --> 00:08:57,592
That, Barney,

398
00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:02,681
is the American actor,

399
00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:02,681
beloved by millions,

400
00:09:02,722 --> 00:09:06,601
the "Hey, Vern" guy from

401
00:09:02,722 --> 00:09:06,601
the popular series

402
00:09:02,722 --> 00:09:06,601
of Ernest films.

403
00:09:06,643 --> 00:09:11,648
And his name,

404
00:09:06,643 --> 00:09:11,648
Jeff Foxworthy.

405
00:09:06,643 --> 00:09:11,648
Thank you.

406
00:09:11,690 --> 00:09:14,817
Jeff...

407
00:09:11,690 --> 00:09:14,817
No, it's Jim Varney.

408
00:09:14,859 --> 00:09:16,902
You're kidding me.

409
00:09:14,859 --> 00:09:16,902
You don't know that?

410
00:09:16,944 --> 00:09:18,821
That's Jeff Foxworthy,

411
00:09:16,944 --> 00:09:18,821
dumb-ass.

412
00:09:18,863 --> 00:09:20,490
End of story.

413
00:09:18,863 --> 00:09:20,490
Now, shut your stupid face.

414
00:09:21,616 --> 00:09:23,993
Not only are you wrong,

415
00:09:24,035 --> 00:09:26,746
but you are belligerently

416
00:09:24,035 --> 00:09:26,746
sticking to your guns,

417
00:09:26,787 --> 00:09:27,955
and insulting me

418
00:09:26,787 --> 00:09:27,955
in the process.

419
00:09:29,165 --> 00:09:30,625
Robin Scherbatsky,

420
00:09:31,876 --> 00:09:33,712
you are an American.

421
00:09:36,839 --> 00:09:38,591
Look who's back

422
00:09:36,839 --> 00:09:38,591
from the wishing well.

423
00:09:40,468 --> 00:09:42,845
It didn't work,

424
00:09:40,468 --> 00:09:42,845
I'm still here.

425
00:09:42,887 --> 00:09:45,848
Marshall, what are we doing?

426
00:09:42,887 --> 00:09:45,848
We should be on the road.

427
00:09:45,890 --> 00:09:47,517
Look, Ted,

428
00:09:45,890 --> 00:09:47,517
we're not in college

429
00:09:45,890 --> 00:09:47,517
anymore, okay?

430
00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:49,227
We don't have to

431
00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:49,227
drive all night.

432
00:09:49,268 --> 00:09:50,729
Yeah, and besides,

433
00:09:49,268 --> 00:09:50,729
they have a spa.

434
00:09:50,770 --> 00:09:52,938
What kind of treatments

435
00:09:50,770 --> 00:09:52,938
do you offer?

436
00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:56,025
All of our spa treatments

437
00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:56,025
are designed for couples.

438
00:09:56,067 --> 00:10:01,447
Would you be interested

439
00:09:56,067 --> 00:10:01,447
in the two-person,

440
00:09:56,067 --> 00:10:01,447
cornmeal body scrub?

441
00:10:01,489 --> 00:10:03,575
And then finally

442
00:10:01,489 --> 00:10:03,575
it happened.

443
00:10:03,616 --> 00:10:06,619
Marshall and Lily globbed

444
00:10:03,616 --> 00:10:06,619
into one big married glob.

445
00:10:06,661 --> 00:10:09,581
We'd love

446
00:10:06,661 --> 00:10:09,581
a cornmeal body scrub!

447
00:10:10,915 --> 00:10:12,875
Whoa!

448
00:10:12,917 --> 00:10:16,837
I got to dial back

449
00:10:12,917 --> 00:10:16,837
on the Tantrum.

450
00:10:16,879 --> 00:10:19,465
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna

451
00:10:16,879 --> 00:10:19,465
be an American, y'all.

452
00:10:21,551 --> 00:10:24,596
Maybe I'll rob a liquor store.

453
00:10:21,551 --> 00:10:24,596
Maybe I won't. My choice.

454
00:10:24,929 --> 00:10:26,472
Learn English!

455
00:10:29,809 --> 00:10:30,643
The Hoser Hut.

456
00:10:32,395 --> 00:10:33,896
I can duck in for a drink.

457
00:10:33,938 --> 00:10:37,442
No, no,

458
00:10:33,938 --> 00:10:37,442
that life's behind me.

459
00:10:33,938 --> 00:10:37,442
Forget it.

460
00:10:37,483 --> 00:10:41,153
Well, I could go in

461
00:10:37,483 --> 00:10:41,153
for just one beer.

462
00:10:37,483 --> 00:10:41,153
What's the harm in that?

463
00:10:41,195 --> 00:10:42,405
It's a free country.

464
00:10:49,954 --> 00:10:51,080
Oh, God,

465
00:10:49,954 --> 00:10:51,080
I miss it.

466
00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:04,218
Hey, man. Sorry about

467
00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:04,218
what I said before.

468
00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:06,387
You want to go to the store

469
00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:06,387
and get some beer?

470
00:11:08,222 --> 00:11:10,224
Lily is asleep.

471
00:11:10,266 --> 00:11:12,935
I suppose I could

472
00:11:10,266 --> 00:11:12,935
reschedule my pedicure.

473
00:11:12,977 --> 00:11:14,937
What the hell?

474
00:11:12,977 --> 00:11:14,937
But only light beer

475
00:11:14,979 --> 00:11:16,188
because we have

476
00:11:14,979 --> 00:11:16,188
a couples' hike

477
00:11:14,979 --> 00:11:16,188
in the morning.

478
00:11:21,319 --> 00:11:22,445
Dude, why are we pulling

479
00:11:21,319 --> 00:11:22,445
onto the highway?

480
00:11:25,406 --> 00:11:27,784
Ted, where exactly

481
00:11:25,406 --> 00:11:27,784
are we going to

482
00:11:25,406 --> 00:11:27,784
get this beer?

483
00:11:28,827 --> 00:11:30,161
Chicago.

484
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,002
What are you doing?

485
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,002
We can't just leave Lily.

486
00:11:38,043 --> 00:11:39,920
When she wakes up,

487
00:11:38,043 --> 00:11:39,920
she's going to freak!

488
00:11:39,962 --> 00:11:41,714
She'll have a back rub

489
00:11:39,962 --> 00:11:41,714
and a crumpet.

490
00:11:41,756 --> 00:11:44,967
She'll be fine.

491
00:11:41,756 --> 00:11:44,967
Relax. Have some fun.

492
00:11:45,009 --> 00:11:48,971
I just abandoned my wife.

493
00:11:45,009 --> 00:11:48,971
How am I supposed to have fun?

494
00:11:55,645 --> 00:11:56,896
Hey, you really think

495
00:11:55,645 --> 00:11:56,896
Lily's pissed?

496
00:11:56,937 --> 00:11:58,564
If she's pissed,

497
00:11:56,937 --> 00:11:58,564
she's pissed.

498
00:12:01,359 --> 00:12:03,486
When Barney finally

499
00:12:01,359 --> 00:12:03,486
tracked down your Aunt Robin,

500
00:12:03,528 --> 00:12:05,112
it wasn't a pretty sight.

501
00:12:05,154 --> 00:12:06,447
Good morning.

502
00:12:09,033 --> 00:12:10,993
Barney?

503
00:12:11,035 --> 00:12:13,913
Oh, my God.

504
00:12:11,035 --> 00:12:13,913
What happened last night?

505
00:12:13,954 --> 00:12:15,874
You went Canadian.

506
00:12:17,375 --> 00:12:18,668
How Canadian?

507
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:21,170
This Canadian.

508
00:12:23,964 --> 00:12:27,051
Oh, that was supposed

509
00:12:23,964 --> 00:12:27,051
to be a dramatic view

510
00:12:23,964 --> 00:12:27,051
of the Toronto...

511
00:12:27,092 --> 00:12:28,135
You're in Toronto.

512
00:12:29,970 --> 00:12:31,764
Oh, God.

513
00:12:31,806 --> 00:12:34,809
Okay. It's coming back to me.

514
00:12:34,851 --> 00:12:38,771
I went into the Hoser Hut

515
00:12:38,813 --> 00:12:41,399
and I met this

516
00:12:38,813 --> 00:12:41,399
women's curling team.

517
00:12:42,233 --> 00:12:43,984
We started drinking.

518
00:12:44,026 --> 00:12:45,611
And the next thing I know,

519
00:12:44,026 --> 00:12:45,611
they're inviting me

520
00:12:45,653 --> 00:12:47,988
to a Bryan Adams/Rich Little

521
00:12:45,653 --> 00:12:47,988
double bill in Toronto.

522
00:12:49,365 --> 00:12:51,158
But how did you

523
00:12:49,365 --> 00:12:51,158
find me, anyway?

524
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:54,036
You called me,

525
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:54,036
said you were

526
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:54,036
never coming back.

527
00:12:54,078 --> 00:12:56,622
So, I jumped on a plane,

528
00:12:54,078 --> 00:12:56,622
flew across the Atlantic...

529
00:12:56,664 --> 00:12:58,332
Canada isn't across

530
00:12:56,664 --> 00:12:58,332
the Atlantic.

531
00:12:58,374 --> 00:13:00,501
You're talking nonsense.

532
00:13:00,543 --> 00:13:03,796
Now, listen.

533
00:13:00,543 --> 00:13:03,796
You slipped up.

534
00:13:00,543 --> 00:13:03,796
It's fine.

535
00:13:03,838 --> 00:13:05,047
The test is in

536
00:13:03,838 --> 00:13:05,047
a few hours...

537
00:13:05,089 --> 00:13:07,091
Barney, I'm not

538
00:13:05,089 --> 00:13:07,091
taking the test.

539
00:13:07,132 --> 00:13:08,885
God, you're still drunk.

540
00:13:11,011 --> 00:13:13,723
Look,

541
00:13:11,011 --> 00:13:13,723
I appreciate your help,

542
00:13:11,011 --> 00:13:13,723
but who am I kidding?

543
00:13:13,765 --> 00:13:16,809
I'm Canadian.

544
00:13:13,765 --> 00:13:16,809
I always will be.

545
00:13:16,851 --> 00:13:19,311
Now, that's ridiculous.

546
00:13:19,353 --> 00:13:22,523
We're gonna get some coffee

547
00:13:19,353 --> 00:13:22,523
in you, we'll sober you up,

548
00:13:22,565 --> 00:13:25,025
and get you

549
00:13:22,565 --> 00:13:25,025
back to New York

550
00:13:22,565 --> 00:13:25,025
for that test.

551
00:13:25,067 --> 00:13:28,738
But, before any of that,

552
00:13:25,067 --> 00:13:28,738
we're gonna do it on this bed

553
00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:30,030
'cause, hotel room.

554
00:13:32,116 --> 00:13:34,076
Okay, let's get

555
00:13:32,116 --> 00:13:34,076
some coffee.

556
00:13:35,494 --> 00:13:38,080
A little rubbery.

557
00:13:35,494 --> 00:13:38,080
Room temperature.

558
00:13:38,122 --> 00:13:40,082
Kind of gross.

559
00:13:38,122 --> 00:13:40,082
Making me wonder

560
00:13:38,122 --> 00:13:40,082
if this pizza

561
00:13:40,124 --> 00:13:42,251
is worth the 22-hour drive.

562
00:13:42,293 --> 00:13:43,878
Just like old times!

563
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:47,131
I feel so young again

564
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:47,131
except for the chest pains.

565
00:13:47,172 --> 00:13:50,134
But this crust is so good.

566
00:13:47,172 --> 00:13:50,134
What is the secret

567
00:13:47,172 --> 00:13:50,134
to this crust?

568
00:13:50,175 --> 00:13:52,344
It's no big secret.

569
00:13:50,175 --> 00:13:52,344
It's made of cornmeal.

570
00:13:54,054 --> 00:13:55,514
Cornmeal.

571
00:13:55,556 --> 00:13:58,434
We'd love

572
00:13:55,556 --> 00:13:58,434
a cornmeal body scrub!

573
00:14:00,519 --> 00:14:02,271
I can't believe

574
00:14:00,519 --> 00:14:02,271
you guys are closing.

575
00:14:02,313 --> 00:14:05,065
I can't believe

576
00:14:02,313 --> 00:14:05,065
we're still open.

577
00:14:02,313 --> 00:14:05,065
Gotcha!

578
00:14:06,692 --> 00:14:07,944
These are getting bigger.

579
00:14:11,155 --> 00:14:14,116
It's like

580
00:14:11,155 --> 00:14:14,116
an entire country

581
00:14:11,155 --> 00:14:14,116
without a tailor.

582
00:14:14,158 --> 00:14:15,367
Yeah, give me

583
00:14:14,158 --> 00:14:15,367
two coffees.

584
00:14:15,409 --> 00:14:17,119
$3.50, please.

585
00:14:17,161 --> 00:14:19,121
Hey, what did you think

586
00:14:17,161 --> 00:14:19,121
of the game last night?

587
00:14:19,163 --> 00:14:20,122
What game?

588
00:14:20,164 --> 00:14:22,000
The Leafs beat Edmonton.

589
00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:24,669
Beauchemin went

590
00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:24,669
five-hole in OT.

591
00:14:24,710 --> 00:14:26,128
I guess I missed it.

592
00:14:26,170 --> 00:14:27,463
Oh, sorry.

593
00:14:26,170 --> 00:14:27,463
You're American.

594
00:14:27,505 --> 00:14:28,547
Here's your change.

595
00:14:28,589 --> 00:14:30,174
I'm not American.

596
00:14:30,215 --> 00:14:32,593
American money?

597
00:14:30,215 --> 00:14:32,593
Didn't watch

598
00:14:30,215 --> 00:14:32,593
the Leafs game?

599
00:14:32,635 --> 00:14:34,762
No "please" or "thank you"

600
00:14:32,635 --> 00:14:34,762
for the coffee?

601
00:14:34,804 --> 00:14:36,388
You sure don't seem

602
00:14:34,804 --> 00:14:36,388
like a Canadian.

603
00:14:39,976 --> 00:14:41,853
What's wrong?

604
00:14:41,894 --> 00:14:46,148
Other than the fact

605
00:14:41,894 --> 00:14:46,148
that this five-dollar bill

606
00:14:41,894 --> 00:14:46,148
they gave you is blue.

607
00:14:46,190 --> 00:14:49,777
I'm not American,

608
00:14:46,190 --> 00:14:49,777
and, apparently,

609
00:14:46,190 --> 00:14:49,777
I'm not Canadian, either.

610
00:14:49,819 --> 00:14:53,113
And there's kids

611
00:14:49,819 --> 00:14:53,113
playing hockey

612
00:14:49,819 --> 00:14:53,113
on the back.

613
00:14:53,155 --> 00:14:55,533
It's like you want us

614
00:14:53,155 --> 00:14:55,533
to make fun of you.

615
00:14:59,578 --> 00:15:01,246
I don't want this anymore.

616
00:15:01,288 --> 00:15:03,374
Dude, don't look at it.

617
00:15:01,288 --> 00:15:03,374
That's a rookie mistake.

618
00:15:03,415 --> 00:15:05,167
We shouldn't have left Lily.

619
00:15:05,209 --> 00:15:07,086
Well, if you're so worried,

620
00:15:05,209 --> 00:15:07,086
why don't you

621
00:15:05,209 --> 00:15:07,086
give her a call?

622
00:15:07,127 --> 00:15:09,171
I have. I left her,

623
00:15:07,127 --> 00:15:09,171
like, 20 messages.

624
00:15:09,213 --> 00:15:13,300
I said, "I'm sorry.

625
00:15:09,213 --> 00:15:13,300
Please forgive me.

626
00:15:09,213 --> 00:15:13,300
It's all Ted's fault!"

627
00:15:13,342 --> 00:15:15,177
What exactly is

628
00:15:13,342 --> 00:15:15,177
"Ted's fault"?

629
00:15:15,219 --> 00:15:17,262
This! This whole thing!

630
00:15:15,219 --> 00:15:17,262
We were having

631
00:15:15,219 --> 00:15:17,262
a perfectly nice trip,

632
00:15:17,304 --> 00:15:20,099
and then you kidnapped me.

633
00:15:17,304 --> 00:15:20,099
You didn't even let me

634
00:15:17,304 --> 00:15:20,099
put on underwear!

635
00:15:20,140 --> 00:15:21,726
We never used to

636
00:15:20,140 --> 00:15:21,726
put on underwear!

637
00:15:25,229 --> 00:15:27,314
That was the fun

638
00:15:25,229 --> 00:15:27,314
of a bros' trip

639
00:15:25,229 --> 00:15:27,314
to Gazzola's!

640
00:15:27,356 --> 00:15:31,736
We left everything

641
00:15:27,356 --> 00:15:31,736
and everyone behind.

642
00:15:27,356 --> 00:15:31,736
It was just you and me!

643
00:15:31,777 --> 00:15:34,196
But now it's like

644
00:15:31,777 --> 00:15:34,196
you've disappeared

645
00:15:31,777 --> 00:15:34,196
into Lily.

646
00:15:34,238 --> 00:15:36,115
That is not true.

647
00:15:34,238 --> 00:15:36,115
It is true.

648
00:15:36,156 --> 00:15:38,200
You're not upset because

649
00:15:36,156 --> 00:15:38,200
you're worried she's mad.

650
00:15:38,242 --> 00:15:39,994
You're upset

651
00:15:38,242 --> 00:15:39,994
because you'd rather be

652
00:15:38,242 --> 00:15:39,994
with her, eating muffins

653
00:15:40,036 --> 00:15:42,788
than here with me,

654
00:15:40,036 --> 00:15:42,788
eating this delicious...

655
00:15:42,830 --> 00:15:43,956
I think one of my mushrooms

656
00:15:42,830 --> 00:15:43,956
just crawled away.

657
00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:49,169
You know what?

658
00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:49,169
That mushroom's not the

659
00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:49,169
only thing that's leaving.

660
00:15:52,256 --> 00:15:53,173
Car keys, please.

661
00:16:08,106 --> 00:16:09,774
Look at this money!

662
00:16:09,815 --> 00:16:12,443
This one has a moose,

663
00:16:09,815 --> 00:16:12,443
this one has a beaver,

664
00:16:12,484 --> 00:16:13,485
and they all have

665
00:16:12,484 --> 00:16:13,485
Elton John on the back.

666
00:16:15,780 --> 00:16:17,239
When I moved

667
00:16:15,780 --> 00:16:17,239
to the States,

668
00:16:17,281 --> 00:16:19,951
I swore to myself,

669
00:16:17,281 --> 00:16:19,951
I wasn't going to change.

670
00:16:19,992 --> 00:16:23,245
And yet, here I am,

671
00:16:19,992 --> 00:16:23,245
in the most Canadian place

672
00:16:19,992 --> 00:16:23,245
in the universe,

673
00:16:23,287 --> 00:16:26,749
Tim Hortons,

674
00:16:23,287 --> 00:16:26,749
around the corner from

675
00:16:23,287 --> 00:16:26,749
the Hockey Hall of Fame,

676
00:16:26,791 --> 00:16:28,918
and I don't belong.

677
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,335
It's like I don't

678
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,335
have a country.

679
00:16:31,963 --> 00:16:32,964
Okay, that's it.

680
00:16:35,299 --> 00:16:36,467
Attention, Canada!

681
00:16:37,551 --> 00:16:40,262
I am Barney from America.

682
00:16:40,304 --> 00:16:42,723
And I'm here to fix

683
00:16:40,304 --> 00:16:42,723
your backward-ass country.

684
00:16:42,765 --> 00:16:45,350
Number one.

685
00:16:42,765 --> 00:16:45,350
Get real money.

686
00:16:45,392 --> 00:16:49,271
Don't know what board game

687
00:16:45,392 --> 00:16:49,271
this came from,

688
00:16:45,392 --> 00:16:49,271
but it's a joke.

689
00:16:49,313 --> 00:16:52,150
Number two,

690
00:16:49,313 --> 00:16:52,150
and this is the biggie,

691
00:16:52,191 --> 00:16:55,903
quit letting awesome chicks

692
00:16:52,191 --> 00:16:55,903
like Robin Scherbatsky

693
00:16:52,191 --> 00:16:55,903
get away

694
00:16:55,945 --> 00:16:57,529
because, guess what?

695
00:16:55,945 --> 00:16:57,529
You don't want her?

696
00:16:57,571 --> 00:16:59,615
I'm planting my flag in her,

697
00:16:59,657 --> 00:17:01,700
if you know what I mean,

698
00:16:59,657 --> 00:17:01,700
which you probably don't,

699
00:17:01,742 --> 00:17:04,620
and getting her

700
00:17:01,742 --> 00:17:04,620
the hell out of here.

701
00:17:04,662 --> 00:17:06,497
You may now return

702
00:17:04,662 --> 00:17:06,497
to being pointless.

703
00:17:13,545 --> 00:17:15,255
Oh, this coffee

704
00:17:13,545 --> 00:17:15,255
is excellent.

705
00:17:18,217 --> 00:17:19,593
Oh, hey, fellas.

706
00:17:21,595 --> 00:17:23,263
It's called a tie.

707
00:17:34,441 --> 00:17:36,610
Sparky was my best friend,

708
00:17:36,652 --> 00:17:38,696
but after I married Helen,

709
00:17:38,737 --> 00:17:42,449
old Spark started to

710
00:17:38,737 --> 00:17:42,449
feel a little left out.

711
00:17:42,491 --> 00:17:45,161
For so long,

712
00:17:42,491 --> 00:17:45,161
it had been just me and him,

713
00:17:45,203 --> 00:17:49,331
but now he suddenly felt like

714
00:17:45,203 --> 00:17:49,331
Helen had taken his place.

715
00:17:49,373 --> 00:17:52,626
What Sparky

716
00:17:49,373 --> 00:17:52,626
didn't realize was,

717
00:17:49,373 --> 00:17:52,626
even though I loved Helen,

718
00:17:52,668 --> 00:17:55,046
I still loved him, too.

719
00:17:55,087 --> 00:17:58,090
I had room in my heart

720
00:17:55,087 --> 00:17:58,090
for both of them.

721
00:17:58,132 --> 00:17:59,633
But maybe I should

722
00:17:58,132 --> 00:17:59,633
have put aside

723
00:17:59,675 --> 00:18:02,678
some special ball-tossing time

724
00:17:59,675 --> 00:18:02,678
just for the two of us

725
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,430
to make sure Sparky knew

726
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,430
that he was a good boy.

727
00:18:06,515 --> 00:18:08,350
I wish now I had,

728
00:18:08,392 --> 00:18:11,395
'cause old Sparky ran out

729
00:18:08,392 --> 00:18:11,395
in front of a Cadillac

730
00:18:11,436 --> 00:18:13,355
and got splattered

731
00:18:11,436 --> 00:18:13,355
like a watermelon

732
00:18:13,397 --> 00:18:15,649
in one of them

733
00:18:13,397 --> 00:18:15,649
Gallagher shows.

734
00:18:15,691 --> 00:18:17,526
I'm sorry, Ted!

735
00:18:15,691 --> 00:18:17,526
I'm sorry! No, I'm sorry.

736
00:18:17,568 --> 00:18:19,361
I never should have

737
00:18:17,568 --> 00:18:19,361
been mad at you!

738
00:18:19,403 --> 00:18:21,155
No, I never should

739
00:18:19,403 --> 00:18:21,155
have brought Lily.

740
00:18:19,403 --> 00:18:21,155
She pees all the time,

741
00:18:21,197 --> 00:18:22,322
even at the apartment.

742
00:18:24,283 --> 00:18:25,117
Still bros?

743
00:18:26,202 --> 00:18:26,911
Best bros.

744
00:18:29,663 --> 00:18:31,331
Hey, you want to

745
00:18:29,663 --> 00:18:31,331
crank some Van Halen

746
00:18:29,663 --> 00:18:31,331
just like old times?

747
00:18:31,373 --> 00:18:32,332
Hells, yeah!

748
00:18:33,751 --> 00:18:34,919
Or listen to

749
00:18:33,751 --> 00:18:34,919
the Sparky book again?

750
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,336
Listen to

751
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,336
the Sparky book again.

752
00:18:36,378 --> 00:18:37,296
Okay.

753
00:18:36,378 --> 00:18:37,296
Let's listen to it again.

754
00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:42,051
Man, those Canadian doctors

755
00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:42,051
bandaged me up,

756
00:18:42,093 --> 00:18:45,304
reset my jaw,

757
00:18:42,093 --> 00:18:45,304
put my shoulder

758
00:18:42,093 --> 00:18:45,304
back in its socket,

759
00:18:45,345 --> 00:18:47,347
and they didn't even

760
00:18:45,345 --> 00:18:47,347
bill me. Idiots.

761
00:18:49,641 --> 00:18:51,852
All right, I guess

762
00:18:49,641 --> 00:18:51,852
they're not idiots.

763
00:18:51,894 --> 00:18:52,895
The coffee

764
00:18:51,894 --> 00:18:52,895
was extraordinary.

765
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:58,692
I guess Canada's

766
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:58,692
not so bad.

767
00:18:58,734 --> 00:19:02,404
They play their cards right,

768
00:18:58,734 --> 00:19:02,404
maybe they can even

769
00:18:58,734 --> 00:19:02,404
become a state someday.

770
00:19:02,446 --> 00:19:05,407
Barney,

771
00:19:02,446 --> 00:19:05,407
I've thought about this.

772
00:19:05,449 --> 00:19:08,244
When you stood up

773
00:19:05,449 --> 00:19:08,244
and told off those

774
00:19:05,449 --> 00:19:08,244
people, I thought,

775
00:19:08,286 --> 00:19:09,661
"Yeah, America's cool."

776
00:19:09,703 --> 00:19:12,206
Hmm.

777
00:19:12,248 --> 00:19:13,624
And then when those guys

778
00:19:12,248 --> 00:19:13,624
pounded the stuffing

779
00:19:12,248 --> 00:19:13,624
out of you,

780
00:19:13,665 --> 00:19:17,419
I thought, "Yeah,

781
00:19:13,665 --> 00:19:17,419
Canada's pretty cool, too."

782
00:19:17,461 --> 00:19:19,130
In fact,

783
00:19:17,461 --> 00:19:19,130
after you passed out,

784
00:19:19,171 --> 00:19:20,881
I may have taken

785
00:19:19,171 --> 00:19:20,881
a few pokes myself.

786
00:19:22,466 --> 00:19:25,136
So, I've decided,

787
00:19:22,466 --> 00:19:25,136
dual citizenship.

788
00:19:25,177 --> 00:19:27,429
I'm going to be

789
00:19:25,177 --> 00:19:27,429
American and Canadian.

790
00:19:27,471 --> 00:19:28,847
Wait, you can do that?

791
00:19:28,889 --> 00:19:30,432
Yeah, dummy.

792
00:19:30,474 --> 00:19:32,601
Instead of being

793
00:19:30,474 --> 00:19:32,601
a woman with no country,

794
00:19:32,643 --> 00:19:34,519
I'm going to be

795
00:19:32,643 --> 00:19:34,519
a woman with two.

796
00:19:34,561 --> 00:19:36,147
I see.

797
00:19:36,188 --> 00:19:37,898
You understand?

798
00:19:37,940 --> 00:19:40,400
No, I can see out

799
00:19:37,940 --> 00:19:40,400
of my left eye again.

800
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,578
Hey, baby? Baby?

801
00:19:51,620 --> 00:19:53,455
Mmm-hmm? Yeah?

802
00:19:53,497 --> 00:19:55,249
I'm so sorry

803
00:19:53,497 --> 00:19:55,249
that we left you.

804
00:19:57,709 --> 00:19:59,295
Did you go somewhere,

805
00:19:57,709 --> 00:19:59,295
sweetie?

806
00:20:02,923 --> 00:20:04,508
Yes, kids, it turns out

807
00:20:04,549 --> 00:20:06,302
Crumpet Manor

808
00:20:04,549 --> 00:20:06,302
had pampered Lily

809
00:20:06,344 --> 00:20:08,929
into a nearly comatose state

810
00:20:06,344 --> 00:20:08,929
of relaxation.

811
00:20:08,971 --> 00:20:11,015
She didn't even notice

812
00:20:08,971 --> 00:20:11,015
we were gone.

813
00:20:16,895 --> 00:20:18,438
Oh!

814
00:20:21,108 --> 00:20:22,818
Oh, yeah...

815
00:20:24,028 --> 00:20:26,071
So, I had

816
00:20:24,028 --> 00:20:26,071
a great time, too.

817
00:20:26,113 --> 00:20:29,074
That's good.

818
00:20:26,113 --> 00:20:29,074
And I'm so sorry you

819
00:20:26,113 --> 00:20:29,074
didn't get any pizza.

820
00:20:29,116 --> 00:20:30,701
That's okay.

821
00:20:30,742 --> 00:20:32,328
And if she

822
00:20:30,742 --> 00:20:32,328
didn't mean it then,

823
00:20:32,370 --> 00:20:34,288
she certainly meant it

824
00:20:32,370 --> 00:20:34,288
19 minutes later.

825
00:20:34,330 --> 00:20:36,332
God, my stomach!

826
00:20:36,374 --> 00:20:38,500
Damn you, Gazzola's!

827
00:20:38,542 --> 00:20:40,460
It's like a hot ball

828
00:20:38,542 --> 00:20:40,460
of lead!

829
00:20:41,753 --> 00:20:42,838
Baby, cut it out of me.

830
00:20:43,797 --> 00:20:44,882
Cut it out!

831
00:20:50,221 --> 00:20:51,763
That was a wild trip,

832
00:20:50,221 --> 00:20:51,763
huh, Ted?

833
00:20:51,805 --> 00:20:53,473
I know.

834
00:20:51,805 --> 00:20:53,473
It was kind of crazy.

835
00:20:53,515 --> 00:20:55,517
But how great is it

836
00:20:53,515 --> 00:20:55,517
to drink some

837
00:20:53,515 --> 00:20:55,517
Tantrum again?

838
00:20:55,559 --> 00:20:57,519
You know who

839
00:20:55,559 --> 00:20:57,519
had fun, was Lily.

840
00:20:57,561 --> 00:21:00,480
Lily drank like,

841
00:20:57,561 --> 00:21:00,480
four cans of the stuff.

842
00:20:57,561 --> 00:21:00,480
Right, Lil?

843
00:21:01,481 --> 00:21:02,524
Where's Lily?

844
00:21:02,566 --> 00:21:05,485
Tantrum! I have to pee.

845
00:21:32,596 --> 00:21:33,513
Line 21