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Kids, the secret to

2
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dating is very simple.

3
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Be confident,

4
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be comfortable

5
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in your skin,

6
00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:11,696
be assured of who you are.

7
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Uncle Barney

8
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was really good

9
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at that last one,

10
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even though

11
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a lot of the time, who

12
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he was was someone else.

13
00:00:19,579 --> 00:00:22,624
Hi. You see that guy

14
00:00:19,579 --> 00:00:22,624
over there in the scuba suit?

15
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:25,918
You thinking of

16
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:25,918
going and talking to him?

17
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,920
No.

18
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Good. He's seriously

19
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the biggest jerk on

20
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the face of the Earth.

21
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:34,051
How do you know him?

22
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He's one of my best friends.

23
00:00:34,093 --> 00:00:35,928
So, what's with

24
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the scuba suit?

25
00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:37,930
Well, it's a long story.

26
00:00:37,972 --> 00:00:40,141
See, he just went

27
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through a breakup.

28
00:00:40,182 --> 00:00:41,684
There's two

29
00:00:40,182 --> 00:00:41,684
basic philosophies of

30
00:00:41,726 --> 00:00:43,770
how to

31
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handle yourself

32
00:00:41,726 --> 00:00:43,770
after a breakup.

33
00:00:43,812 --> 00:00:45,313
Some people throw

34
00:00:43,812 --> 00:00:45,313
themselves into...

35
00:00:45,354 --> 00:00:48,065
My career.

36
00:00:45,354 --> 00:00:48,065
That's my number

37
00:00:45,354 --> 00:00:48,065
one focus right now.

38
00:00:48,107 --> 00:00:51,486
From now on,

39
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no more dating.

40
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It's all about work.

41
00:00:51,527 --> 00:00:53,028
While others

42
00:00:51,527 --> 00:00:53,028
throw themselves into...

43
00:00:53,070 --> 00:00:55,948
Every woman in New York City.

44
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That's right,

45
00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:58,785
Barney Stinson is

46
00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:58,785
back on the market.

47
00:00:58,827 --> 00:01:00,286
Mothers, lock up

48
00:00:58,827 --> 00:01:00,286
your daughters.

49
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:03,038
Daughters, lock up

50
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:03,038
your Milswancas.

51
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,792
"Milswancas"?

52
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,792
Wait, I can get this.

53
00:01:05,834 --> 00:01:08,252
"Mothers I'd

54
00:01:05,834 --> 00:01:08,252
Like to Sleep With

55
00:01:05,834 --> 00:01:08,252
and Never Call Again."

56
00:01:08,294 --> 00:01:10,379
Correct. Circle

57
00:01:08,294 --> 00:01:10,379
gets the square.

58
00:01:10,421 --> 00:01:13,382
Don't you think you're

59
00:01:10,421 --> 00:01:13,382
kind of rushing back

60
00:01:10,421 --> 00:01:13,382
into this?

61
00:01:13,424 --> 00:01:16,969
Lily, since

62
00:01:13,424 --> 00:01:16,969
I started dating Robin,

63
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there's a certain thing

64
00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:18,971
I haven't used as

65
00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:18,971
much as I would like to.

66
00:01:19,013 --> 00:01:21,265
It's kind of big,

67
00:01:21,307 --> 00:01:23,518
surprisingly heavy,

68
00:01:23,559 --> 00:01:24,977
kind of leathery,

69
00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:27,522
and it's black.

70
00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:27,522
Huh?

71
00:01:27,563 --> 00:01:31,901
This, my friends,

72
00:01:27,563 --> 00:01:31,901
is The Playbook.

73
00:01:47,124 --> 00:01:53,464
The Playbook contains

74
00:01:47,124 --> 00:01:53,464
every scam, con, hustle,

75
00:01:47,124 --> 00:01:53,464
hoodwink, gambit, flimflam,

76
00:01:53,506 --> 00:01:57,009
stratagem and bamboozle I've

77
00:01:53,506 --> 00:01:57,009
ever used, or ever hoped

78
00:01:53,506 --> 00:01:57,009
to use,

79
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to pick up chicks

80
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and give them the

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business.

82
00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:03,558
Wow. You wrote

83
00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:03,558
another book? It's...

84
00:02:03,599 --> 00:02:05,976
We got a Stephen King

85
00:02:03,599 --> 00:02:05,976
over here.

86
00:02:08,312 --> 00:02:10,231
It's all in here.

87
00:02:10,272 --> 00:02:13,568
Everything from

88
00:02:10,272 --> 00:02:13,568
basic moves, like

89
00:02:10,272 --> 00:02:13,568
"The Don't Drink That."

90
00:02:16,153 --> 00:02:18,948
Whoa, whoa! Don't drink that!

91
00:02:16,153 --> 00:02:18,948
I saw some guys slip

92
00:02:16,153 --> 00:02:18,948
something in there.

93
00:02:18,989 --> 00:02:20,950
What? Who?

94
00:02:20,991 --> 00:02:22,785
Uh... That guy.

95
00:02:26,789 --> 00:02:28,082
Thank you.

96
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,546
To more

97
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,546
advanced maneuvers,

98
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,546
like "The Mrs. Stinsfire."

99
00:02:35,924 --> 00:02:38,467
Now, Kappas, after

100
00:02:35,924 --> 00:02:38,467
our disciplinary hearing

101
00:02:38,509 --> 00:02:40,887
for lewd behavior

102
00:02:38,509 --> 00:02:40,887
last semester,

103
00:02:40,929 --> 00:02:43,055
we have

104
00:02:40,929 --> 00:02:43,055
been assigned

105
00:02:40,929 --> 00:02:43,055
a new house mom.

106
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:46,058
I'd like you to

107
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meet Mrs. Stinsfire.

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00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:48,018
Hello, girls!

109
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Wow! I can't

110
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picture a way

111
00:02:52,106 --> 00:02:55,025
that wouldn't work.

112
00:02:56,151 --> 00:02:58,988
What's "The Lorenzo

113
00:02:56,151 --> 00:02:58,988
Von Matterhorn"?

114
00:02:59,029 --> 00:03:01,073
I'm glad you asked.

115
00:03:01,115 --> 00:03:04,452
"The Lorenzo

116
00:03:01,115 --> 00:03:04,452
Von Matterhorn" will be

117
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my grand return to the stage.

118
00:03:04,493 --> 00:03:06,412
Or, you know, the bed.

119
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Actually, my bed

120
00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:08,539
is kind of on a stage.

121
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I put a platform underneath,

122
00:03:10,124 --> 00:03:11,417
I got

123
00:03:10,124 --> 00:03:11,417
some lights going.

124
00:03:10,124 --> 00:03:11,417
It's a real production.

125
00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:12,167
Barney exits!

126
00:03:14,378 --> 00:03:16,088
So how about you, Robin?

127
00:03:14,378 --> 00:03:16,088
You getting back out there?

128
00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:18,633
Where's your Playbook?

129
00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:18,633
My Playbook?

130
00:03:18,674 --> 00:03:22,094
Bro, two-volume set,

131
00:03:18,674 --> 00:03:22,094
right here.

132
00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:23,846
It's a great read, actually.

133
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Yeah, I'm reading it

134
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right now.

135
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Anyway, I told you already.

136
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I'm taking a break from

137
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all that.

138
00:03:27,934 --> 00:03:30,102
Mmm-hmm. Marshall,

139
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it's totally gonna happen.

140
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It's so gonna happen.

141
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What's gonna happen?

142
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You're gonna fall in love.

143
00:03:33,188 --> 00:03:35,441
So soon.

144
00:03:33,188 --> 00:03:35,441
Not likely.

145
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:37,860
I'm focusing on my career.

146
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:37,860
I'm done with dating.

147
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Oh, oh! Okay,

148
00:03:37,902 --> 00:03:40,195
we're playing

149
00:03:37,902 --> 00:03:40,195
the Pyramid, okay.

150
00:03:40,237 --> 00:03:42,406
Things people say right

151
00:03:40,237 --> 00:03:42,406
before they meet the

152
00:03:40,237 --> 00:03:42,406
love of their life.

153
00:03:42,448 --> 00:03:46,452
Oh! Kelly Harris, girl

154
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I went to law school

155
00:03:42,448 --> 00:03:46,452
with, said,

156
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:49,538
"Hey, law school's so hard.

157
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:49,538
I just wanna focus on

158
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:49,538
my studies."

159
00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:51,081
Six months later...

160
00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:54,961
Well, that's all

161
00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:54,961
well and good

162
00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:54,961
for Kelly.

163
00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:56,128
Travis Frenchroy,

164
00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:56,128
backup bartender,

165
00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:56,128
tells me...

166
00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:58,130
I'm so over

167
00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:58,130
the whole dating game.

168
00:03:58,172 --> 00:04:00,758
I just wanna focus

169
00:03:58,172 --> 00:04:00,758
on my Star Trek

170
00:03:58,172 --> 00:04:00,758
fan fiction.

171
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,217
Six months later...

172
00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:06,138
May I respond?

173
00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:06,138
Mmm-hmm.

174
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:07,640
Well, that's all

175
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:07,640
well and good for them.

176
00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:11,143
Matthew Blitz, accountant

177
00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:11,143
in my office, says...

178
00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:13,437
Oh, I'm gonna die single

179
00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:13,437
and alone.

180
00:04:13,479 --> 00:04:15,898
I might

181
00:04:13,479 --> 00:04:15,898
as well just focus

182
00:04:13,479 --> 00:04:15,898
on this year's taxes.

183
00:04:15,940 --> 00:04:17,066
Six months later...

184
00:04:22,488 --> 00:04:24,699
Protest all you want,

185
00:04:22,488 --> 00:04:24,699
but it's gonna happen.

186
00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:27,743
It's a law of nature.

187
00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:27,743
Lawyered, of nature.

188
00:04:27,785 --> 00:04:30,079
Believe me, I'd love to have

189
00:04:27,785 --> 00:04:30,079
no interest in a relationship.

190
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,832
There's no way

191
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,832
I'd be single right now

192
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,832
if I wanted to be single.

193
00:04:32,874 --> 00:04:34,625
Okay. Now you're ready.

194
00:04:34,667 --> 00:04:36,168
Ready for what?

195
00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:38,629
Three years ago, this girl,

196
00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:38,629
Shelly, started teaching

197
00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:38,629
at my school.

198
00:04:38,671 --> 00:04:42,257
The moment

199
00:04:38,671 --> 00:04:42,257
I saw her, I was like,

200
00:04:38,671 --> 00:04:42,257
"This is the girl for Ted."

201
00:04:42,299 --> 00:04:43,634
Why am I just

202
00:04:42,299 --> 00:04:43,634
hearing about her now?

203
00:04:43,676 --> 00:04:45,636
Ah.

204
00:04:45,678 --> 00:04:49,181
You know, I usually hate being

205
00:04:45,678 --> 00:04:49,181
set up, but this Ted just

206
00:04:45,678 --> 00:04:49,181
sounds so great.

207
00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:52,810
Oh, he is.

208
00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:52,810
He's so sweet and

209
00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:52,810
thoughtful and intelligent.

210
00:04:52,852 --> 00:04:54,062
Come on, buddy!

211
00:04:54,103 --> 00:04:55,938
One more

212
00:04:54,103 --> 00:04:55,938
chicken finger and

213
00:04:54,103 --> 00:04:55,938
the crown is yours!

214
00:04:58,066 --> 00:04:59,859
Mmm. I don't

215
00:04:58,066 --> 00:04:59,859
see him anywhere.

216
00:04:59,901 --> 00:05:01,819
He must be out

217
00:04:59,901 --> 00:05:01,819
doing charity work.

218
00:05:01,861 --> 00:05:03,278
So, different bar?

219
00:05:08,450 --> 00:05:10,160
Oh, yeah.

220
00:05:08,450 --> 00:05:10,160
She was cute.

221
00:05:10,202 --> 00:05:12,538
Yeah. Still is.

222
00:05:10,202 --> 00:05:12,538
And now you're ready.

223
00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:14,206
Yeah, bro.

224
00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:14,206
Now you can fit, like,

225
00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:15,750
three times as many

226
00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:15,750
chicken fingers in

227
00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:15,750
your mouth.

228
00:05:15,791 --> 00:05:17,626
You know it.

229
00:05:15,791 --> 00:05:17,626
Okay. I will set it up.

230
00:05:17,668 --> 00:05:20,212
But promise me you

231
00:05:17,668 --> 00:05:20,212
won't do anything stupid.

232
00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:23,674
I promise, I won't

233
00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:23,674
do anything stupid.

234
00:05:23,716 --> 00:05:27,219
And I kept that

235
00:05:23,716 --> 00:05:27,219
promise, but only because

236
00:05:27,261 --> 00:05:29,179
she never showed up.

237
00:05:31,473 --> 00:05:33,517
I know, I'm sorry.

238
00:05:33,559 --> 00:05:35,227
I feel terrible.

239
00:05:33,559 --> 00:05:35,227
You should feel terrible.

240
00:05:35,269 --> 00:05:36,896
I do feel terrible.

241
00:05:35,269 --> 00:05:36,896
You should.

242
00:05:36,938 --> 00:05:37,939
I do.

243
00:05:36,938 --> 00:05:37,939
You should!

244
00:05:37,980 --> 00:05:39,941
I do. I do.

245
00:05:37,980 --> 00:05:39,941
You should.

246
00:05:40,357 --> 00:05:41,943
I don't.

247
00:05:41,984 --> 00:05:44,112
Look, I was really

248
00:05:41,984 --> 00:05:44,112
looking forward to

249
00:05:41,984 --> 00:05:44,112
meeting Ted,

250
00:05:44,153 --> 00:05:48,240
but I got to

251
00:05:44,153 --> 00:05:48,240
the bar an hour early,

252
00:05:44,153 --> 00:05:48,240
and I met this amazing guy,

253
00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:50,242
like, seriously amazing.

254
00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:52,161
And you met him at MacLaren's?

255
00:05:52,202 --> 00:05:53,370
Yeah, right at the bar.

256
00:05:53,412 --> 00:05:54,622
What's his name?

257
00:05:55,873 --> 00:05:58,250
I shouldn't say.

258
00:05:58,292 --> 00:06:01,503
What the heck?

259
00:05:58,292 --> 00:06:01,503
It's Lorenzo Von Matterhorn!

260
00:06:03,297 --> 00:06:05,299
You son of a bitch!

261
00:06:13,849 --> 00:06:16,518
So he hooked up with Shelly?

262
00:06:13,849 --> 00:06:16,518
You must have been pissed.

263
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:18,270
Damn straight!

264
00:06:18,312 --> 00:06:21,857
Barney, I've had Shelly set

265
00:06:18,312 --> 00:06:21,857
aside for Ted for three years.

266
00:06:21,899 --> 00:06:24,152
Dude, Ted was

267
00:06:21,899 --> 00:06:24,152
not missing out.

268
00:06:24,193 --> 00:06:28,280
She's brainy and annoying,

269
00:06:24,193 --> 00:06:28,280
kind of boring in the sack.

270
00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:31,075
I guess she would

271
00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:31,075
have been perfect

272
00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:31,075
for Ted. Oops.

273
00:06:32,618 --> 00:06:35,287
Okay, had I known that

274
00:06:32,618 --> 00:06:35,287
she was there to meet Ted,

275
00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:37,331
of course I

276
00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:37,331
wouldn't have done it.

277
00:06:37,372 --> 00:06:40,417
But given the circumstances,

278
00:06:37,372 --> 00:06:40,417
I think Ted will be proud

279
00:06:37,372 --> 00:06:40,417
of me.

280
00:06:40,459 --> 00:06:44,088
I pulled off "The

281
00:06:40,459 --> 00:06:44,088
Lorenzo Von Matterhorn!"

282
00:06:44,130 --> 00:06:46,298
Okay, what's "The Lorenzo

283
00:06:44,130 --> 00:06:46,298
Von Matterhorn"?

284
00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:48,300
My question exactly.

285
00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:50,845
Okay, what's

286
00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:50,845
"The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn"?

287
00:06:50,886 --> 00:06:52,262
Glad you asked.

288
00:06:54,182 --> 00:06:56,308
"To perform

289
00:06:54,182 --> 00:06:56,308
'The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn,'

290
00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:58,310
"here's what you'll need.

291
00:06:58,352 --> 00:07:01,355
"Basic knowledge

292
00:06:58,352 --> 00:07:01,355
of Web site design,

293
00:06:58,352 --> 00:07:01,355
and a very unique fake name.

294
00:07:01,396 --> 00:07:03,941
"So, think of your

295
00:07:01,396 --> 00:07:03,941
fake name right now.

296
00:07:05,442 --> 00:07:07,486
"Have you got it? Good.

297
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,780
"Now, select your target,

298
00:07:09,822 --> 00:07:13,159
"preferably a girl

299
00:07:09,822 --> 00:07:13,159
with a real nice phone."

300
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,167
Yeah, it's me.

301
00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:23,169
Do I know you?

302
00:07:26,047 --> 00:07:28,049
I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn.

303
00:07:30,384 --> 00:07:32,386
Are you, like,

304
00:07:30,384 --> 00:07:32,386
famous or something?

305
00:07:32,427 --> 00:07:34,972
Yes. What are you... I'm...

306
00:07:37,307 --> 00:07:39,894
You really don't know

307
00:07:37,307 --> 00:07:39,894
who I am, do you?

308
00:07:39,935 --> 00:07:41,687
What a refreshing

309
00:07:39,935 --> 00:07:41,687
change of pace.

310
00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:45,233
Nice to meet you... Shelly.

311
00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:45,233
Shelly.

312
00:07:45,274 --> 00:07:47,902
Once again,

313
00:07:45,274 --> 00:07:47,902
I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn.

314
00:07:47,943 --> 00:07:52,322
Spelled like

315
00:07:47,943 --> 00:07:52,322
it sounds, two "T's".

316
00:07:47,943 --> 00:07:52,322
Lorenzo Von Matterhorn.

317
00:07:55,534 --> 00:07:58,079
"Then,

318
00:07:55,534 --> 00:07:58,079
as soon as you're gone,

319
00:07:55,534 --> 00:07:58,079
she gets out her phone

320
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:02,250
"and does an Internet search

321
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:02,250
for 'Lorenzo Von Matterhorn.'

322
00:08:02,291 --> 00:08:06,254
"And that's

323
00:08:02,291 --> 00:08:06,254
when she discovers

324
00:08:02,291 --> 00:08:06,254
a series of fake Web sites,

325
00:08:06,295 --> 00:08:09,631
"all devoted to

326
00:08:06,295 --> 00:08:09,631
the incredible life

327
00:08:06,295 --> 00:08:09,631
of Lorenzo Von Matterhorn.

328
00:08:09,673 --> 00:08:12,051
"There's the fake

329
00:08:09,673 --> 00:08:12,051
business article

330
00:08:09,673 --> 00:08:12,051
about Lorenzo,

331
00:08:12,093 --> 00:08:14,011
"the reclusive billionaire.

332
00:08:14,053 --> 00:08:15,846
"The fake

333
00:08:14,053 --> 00:08:15,846
explorers' club newsletter

334
00:08:14,053 --> 00:08:15,846
describing his balloon trek

335
00:08:15,888 --> 00:08:18,390
"to the North Pole as

336
00:08:15,888 --> 00:08:18,390
a feat of pure daring

337
00:08:15,888 --> 00:08:18,390
and imagination.

338
00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:20,976
"The fake

339
00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:20,976
medical journal featuring

340
00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:20,976
the heartbreaking story of

341
00:08:21,018 --> 00:08:23,687
"doctors telling him penis

342
00:08:21,018 --> 00:08:23,687
reduction surgery isn't

343
00:08:21,018 --> 00:08:23,687
an option.

344
00:08:23,729 --> 00:08:25,397
"And by the time

345
00:08:23,729 --> 00:08:25,397
you get back..."

346
00:08:25,439 --> 00:08:27,691
Hi. Shelly,

347
00:08:25,439 --> 00:08:27,691
I hate to be forward,

348
00:08:27,733 --> 00:08:29,401
but can I

349
00:08:27,733 --> 00:08:29,401
buy you a cup of coffee?

350
00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:31,237
Yes, please.

351
00:08:32,738 --> 00:08:34,656
What does coffee go

352
00:08:32,738 --> 00:08:34,656
for these days, $50?

353
00:08:34,698 --> 00:08:35,866
Oh! Lorenzo.

354
00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:39,369
"And it is on."

355
00:08:42,331 --> 00:08:44,041
That's awful!

356
00:08:44,083 --> 00:08:46,252
You realize you broke

357
00:08:44,083 --> 00:08:46,252
her heart, right?

358
00:08:46,294 --> 00:08:47,419
She's inconsolable.

359
00:08:47,461 --> 00:08:50,089
Why would she

360
00:08:47,461 --> 00:08:50,089
be inconsolable?

361
00:08:50,131 --> 00:08:53,634
Lorenzo's balloon

362
00:08:50,131 --> 00:08:53,634
won't disappear over

363
00:08:50,131 --> 00:08:53,634
the Arctic for another week.

364
00:08:53,675 --> 00:08:55,427
The only way

365
00:08:53,675 --> 00:08:55,427
she would be upset

366
00:08:55,469 --> 00:08:58,222
is if someone told her

367
00:08:55,469 --> 00:08:58,222
it was all a bunch of lies.

368
00:08:58,264 --> 00:09:00,182
It was all just

369
00:08:58,264 --> 00:09:00,182
a bunch of lies?

370
00:09:00,224 --> 00:09:02,226
It was all just

371
00:09:00,224 --> 00:09:02,226
a bunch of lies.

372
00:09:02,268 --> 00:09:04,436
The balloon expedition?

373
00:09:02,268 --> 00:09:04,436
Lies!

374
00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:06,396
The man-made island

375
00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:06,396
shaped like his face,

376
00:09:06,438 --> 00:09:08,774
off the coast of Dubai?

377
00:09:06,438 --> 00:09:08,774
Lies!

378
00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:11,026
Finishing third in the

379
00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:11,026
laser tag competition?

380
00:09:11,068 --> 00:09:13,821
Oh! Actually, that

381
00:09:11,068 --> 00:09:13,821
one's true. I went to that.

382
00:09:13,862 --> 00:09:16,073
You went to the Vatican?

383
00:09:13,862 --> 00:09:16,073
Lies!

384
00:09:17,574 --> 00:09:22,830
Oh, my God!

385
00:09:17,574 --> 00:09:22,830
Well, I hope you're

386
00:09:17,574 --> 00:09:22,830
happy with yourself!

387
00:09:22,871 --> 00:09:25,666
What?

388
00:09:22,871 --> 00:09:25,666
You broke that girl's heart.

389
00:09:25,707 --> 00:09:28,210
Me?

390
00:09:25,707 --> 00:09:28,210
You!

391
00:09:28,252 --> 00:09:30,462
She'll probably

392
00:09:28,252 --> 00:09:30,462
never trust a guy again.

393
00:09:30,504 --> 00:09:32,381
You ruined her for Ted,

394
00:09:32,422 --> 00:09:36,426
not to mention

395
00:09:32,422 --> 00:09:36,426
Julio Von Matterhorn,

396
00:09:32,422 --> 00:09:36,426
Lorenzo's twin brother.

397
00:09:38,304 --> 00:09:41,223
Can you believe that?

398
00:09:38,304 --> 00:09:41,223
He blames me!

399
00:09:41,265 --> 00:09:43,475
And by the way, Ted,

400
00:09:41,265 --> 00:09:43,475
I bet she'd still

401
00:09:41,265 --> 00:09:43,475
go out with you.

402
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:47,271
Hmm. Let me think,

403
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:47,271
do I wanna go out with

404
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:47,271
a girl Barney hooked up with?

405
00:09:47,313 --> 00:09:48,981
Guys, help me out

406
00:09:47,313 --> 00:09:48,981
with the harmonies.

407
00:09:47,313 --> 00:09:48,981
Sure.

408
00:09:55,821 --> 00:09:57,656
Well, you must be

409
00:09:55,821 --> 00:09:57,656
a little bothered

410
00:09:55,821 --> 00:09:57,656
by this?

411
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:58,991
Well, it's his life.

412
00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:00,826
Look, if these

413
00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:00,826
girls are dumb enough

414
00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:02,452
to fall

415
00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:02,452
for this crap,

416
00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:02,452
they have it coming.

417
00:10:02,494 --> 00:10:05,664
Agreed. Have you seen the one

418
00:10:02,494 --> 00:10:05,664
in there labeled "The SNASA"?

419
00:10:07,916 --> 00:10:10,252
Wow, you're an astronaut?

420
00:10:10,294 --> 00:10:15,507
I'm

421
00:10:10,294 --> 00:10:15,507
actually in a top-secret

422
00:10:10,294 --> 00:10:15,507
government space program

423
00:10:15,549 --> 00:10:19,970
called "Secret NASA"

424
00:10:15,549 --> 00:10:19,970
or "SNASA."

425
00:10:20,012 --> 00:10:22,514
Wow. "SNASA."

426
00:10:20,012 --> 00:10:22,514
Mmm-hmm.

427
00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:24,392
Do you go to

428
00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:24,392
the moon and stuff?

429
00:10:24,433 --> 00:10:26,018
Well, not the moon

430
00:10:24,433 --> 00:10:26,018
you're familiar with.

431
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:28,478
Though, I have

432
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:28,478
been to the "smoon."

433
00:10:29,771 --> 00:10:32,066
Wow. The "smoon."

434
00:10:36,237 --> 00:10:38,280
If you fall for that one,

435
00:10:36,237 --> 00:10:38,280
my heart breaks for you,

436
00:10:38,322 --> 00:10:40,449
but I'm sorry,

437
00:10:38,322 --> 00:10:40,449
you're a "smoron."

438
00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:42,826
So, what happens next?

439
00:10:42,868 --> 00:10:44,036
Well...

440
00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:47,456
Come on, Barney. You just...

441
00:10:47,539 --> 00:10:50,834
You just got out of

442
00:10:47,539 --> 00:10:50,834
an honest-to-God relationship.

443
00:10:50,876 --> 00:10:55,089
You're a real boy now.

444
00:10:50,876 --> 00:10:55,089
You can't go back to

445
00:10:50,876 --> 00:10:55,089
these cheap tricks.

446
00:10:55,130 --> 00:10:58,550
Cheap tricks?

447
00:10:55,130 --> 00:10:58,550
Not one of these

448
00:10:55,130 --> 00:10:58,550
is a cheap trick.

449
00:10:58,592 --> 00:11:00,177
Except for

450
00:10:58,592 --> 00:11:00,177
"The Cheap Trick."

451
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:03,513
I'm the

452
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:03,513
bass player

453
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:03,513
for Cheap Trick.

454
00:11:06,683 --> 00:11:09,937
And even that one involves

455
00:11:06,683 --> 00:11:09,937
expensive hair extensions.

456
00:11:09,978 --> 00:11:11,605
Now, if you don't mind,

457
00:11:11,646 --> 00:11:13,565
I am off to prepare

458
00:11:11,646 --> 00:11:13,565
for tonight's main event.

459
00:11:13,607 --> 00:11:17,152
I will be performing

460
00:11:13,607 --> 00:11:17,152
"The He's Not Coming."

461
00:11:17,194 --> 00:11:18,528
Glad you asked.

462
00:11:21,323 --> 00:11:23,784
"To perform

463
00:11:21,323 --> 00:11:23,784
'The He's Not Coming,'

464
00:11:21,323 --> 00:11:23,784
here's what you'll need.

465
00:11:23,825 --> 00:11:25,869
"The observation deck

466
00:11:23,825 --> 00:11:25,869
of the Empire State Building.

467
00:11:25,911 --> 00:11:28,830
"Are you up there? Good.

468
00:11:28,872 --> 00:11:31,541
"For generations,

469
00:11:28,872 --> 00:11:31,541
this has been the spot

470
00:11:28,872 --> 00:11:31,541
New Yorkers have chosen

471
00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:34,544
"for their romantic reunions

472
00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:34,544
with long-estranged lovers.

473
00:11:34,586 --> 00:11:37,172
"So, all you have to do is

474
00:11:34,586 --> 00:11:37,172
walk up to every girl you

475
00:11:34,586 --> 00:11:37,172
see, and say..."

476
00:11:37,214 --> 00:11:38,966
He's not coming.

477
00:11:39,007 --> 00:11:40,550
What are you talking about?

478
00:11:40,592 --> 00:11:41,802
Never mind.

479
00:11:41,843 --> 00:11:43,262
He's not coming.

480
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,557
He's not coming.

481
00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:51,520
She's not coming? Sorry.

482
00:11:53,188 --> 00:11:54,606
"Until

483
00:11:53,188 --> 00:11:54,606
sooner or later..."

484
00:11:56,650 --> 00:11:58,777
He's not coming.

485
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:03,365
He's not?

486
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:03,365
But we agreed.

487
00:12:03,407 --> 00:12:06,618
We always said

488
00:12:03,407 --> 00:12:06,618
we'd meet here,

489
00:12:03,407 --> 00:12:06,618
on this night.

490
00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:10,622
I'm such a fool.

491
00:12:17,045 --> 00:12:18,630
All right,

492
00:12:17,045 --> 00:12:18,630
I'm gonna go

493
00:12:17,045 --> 00:12:18,630
get the paper.

494
00:12:18,672 --> 00:12:20,632
More like go get a husband.

495
00:12:18,672 --> 00:12:20,632
Yeah, totally.

496
00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:22,968
Okay, you guys,

497
00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:22,968
just stop that,

498
00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:22,968
seriously.

499
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:25,471
The last thing

500
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:25,471
I'm looking for

501
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:25,471
right now is a relationship.

502
00:12:25,513 --> 00:12:26,763
Uh-huh. When you

503
00:12:25,513 --> 00:12:26,763
pick up that newspaper,

504
00:12:26,805 --> 00:12:28,640
be sure to check

505
00:12:26,805 --> 00:12:28,640
the wedding announcements

506
00:12:28,682 --> 00:12:30,351
for yours.

507
00:12:30,392 --> 00:12:31,643
Robin, it's like this.

508
00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:33,812
Do you have any idea

509
00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:33,812
how many times in my life

510
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:36,565
I've gone to the freezer

511
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:36,565
looking for frozen waffles

512
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:36,565
and not found them?

513
00:12:36,606 --> 00:12:38,567
Thousands?

514
00:12:36,606 --> 00:12:38,567
Millions.

515
00:12:38,608 --> 00:12:42,363
But when I go to the freezer

516
00:12:38,608 --> 00:12:42,363
looking for a Popsicle or

517
00:12:38,608 --> 00:12:42,363
the remote control,

518
00:12:42,404 --> 00:12:44,448
because Lily

519
00:12:42,404 --> 00:12:44,448
and I are having a fight

520
00:12:42,404 --> 00:12:44,448
and she's hidden it there,

521
00:12:44,490 --> 00:12:45,991
you know what I find?

522
00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:48,327
Frozen waffles.

523
00:12:48,369 --> 00:12:50,371
That's how it works.

524
00:12:48,369 --> 00:12:50,371
If you go out there,

525
00:12:48,369 --> 00:12:50,371
looking for a paper,

526
00:12:50,412 --> 00:12:51,788
you're coming back

527
00:12:50,412 --> 00:12:51,788
with frozen waffles,

528
00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:54,666
and in this case,

529
00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:54,666
frozen waffles

530
00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:54,666
is a guy.

531
00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:59,004
Also, could you pick up

532
00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:59,004
some frozen waffles?

533
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:03,675
In that case,

534
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:03,675
frozen waffles

535
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:03,675
are frozen waffles.

536
00:13:05,260 --> 00:13:08,180
Guys, code red,

537
00:13:05,260 --> 00:13:08,180
emergency, lockdown!

538
00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:10,349
Nobody's leaving!

539
00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:10,349
What happened?

540
00:13:10,391 --> 00:13:14,019
I tried

541
00:13:10,391 --> 00:13:14,019
the "He's Not Coming,"

542
00:13:10,391 --> 00:13:14,019
and it worked, gangbusters.

543
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:15,687
You should have seen

544
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:15,687
this girl.

545
00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:20,317
Okay, I'm leaving.

546
00:13:20,359 --> 00:13:23,778
So, we get up to my place,

547
00:13:20,359 --> 00:13:23,778
and I go into my room to

548
00:13:20,359 --> 00:13:23,778
set up the camera...

549
00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:26,574
To light the candles.

550
00:13:26,615 --> 00:13:31,786
And when I

551
00:13:26,615 --> 00:13:31,786
come out, she's gone,

552
00:13:26,615 --> 00:13:31,786
and so is The Playbook.

553
00:13:31,828 --> 00:13:34,748
I think we all know

554
00:13:31,828 --> 00:13:34,748
who is responsible

555
00:13:31,828 --> 00:13:34,748
for this.

556
00:13:34,789 --> 00:13:36,041
Yeah, we do.

557
00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:38,168
Yeah. Al-Qaeda.

558
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:42,256
No, you idiot! It was me.

559
00:13:44,508 --> 00:13:46,385
You son of a bitch!

560
00:13:54,684 --> 00:13:56,978
Wow, you stole The Playbook?

561
00:13:57,020 --> 00:13:59,022
So the girl on the

562
00:13:57,020 --> 00:13:59,022
Empire State Building?

563
00:13:59,064 --> 00:14:00,732
A friend of mine,

564
00:13:59,064 --> 00:14:00,732
an actress.

565
00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:03,735
An actress, of course!

566
00:14:03,777 --> 00:14:06,988
That explains her

567
00:14:03,777 --> 00:14:06,988
impeccable diction

568
00:14:03,777 --> 00:14:06,988
and her sluttiness.

569
00:14:07,030 --> 00:14:09,741
Barney, I've

570
00:14:07,030 --> 00:14:09,741
got half a mind to

571
00:14:07,030 --> 00:14:09,741
take that Playbook

572
00:14:09,783 --> 00:14:12,119
and put it

573
00:14:09,783 --> 00:14:12,119
up on the Internet for

574
00:14:09,783 --> 00:14:12,119
the whole world to see.

575
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,745
You wouldn't!

576
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,745
I won't,

577
00:14:13,787 --> 00:14:16,540
as long

578
00:14:13,787 --> 00:14:16,540
as you agree

579
00:14:13,787 --> 00:14:16,540
to no more scams,

580
00:14:16,582 --> 00:14:18,375
no more cons,

581
00:14:16,582 --> 00:14:18,375
no more hustles,

582
00:14:18,417 --> 00:14:20,168
no more hoodwinks,

583
00:14:18,417 --> 00:14:20,168
no more gambits,

584
00:14:20,210 --> 00:14:22,212
no more stratagems

585
00:14:20,210 --> 00:14:22,212
and no more bamboozles.

586
00:14:24,047 --> 00:14:25,215
I noticed you

587
00:14:24,047 --> 00:14:25,215
left out flimflams.

588
00:14:25,257 --> 00:14:26,634
No more flimflams!

589
00:14:26,675 --> 00:14:28,343
Damn it!

590
00:14:28,385 --> 00:14:31,054
Oh, my God. I'm sorry to

591
00:14:28,385 --> 00:14:31,054
interrupt, but look at this.

592
00:14:34,057 --> 00:14:35,058
No!

593
00:14:37,478 --> 00:14:39,146
I got left

594
00:14:37,478 --> 00:14:39,146
at the altar.

595
00:14:43,651 --> 00:14:45,986
Oh, my God,

596
00:14:43,651 --> 00:14:45,986
that's horrible!

597
00:14:46,027 --> 00:14:47,779
Wonder if that would work.

598
00:14:47,821 --> 00:14:49,615
That's not even

599
00:14:47,821 --> 00:14:49,615
the worst one in there.

600
00:14:49,657 --> 00:14:52,075
Have you guys seen

601
00:14:49,657 --> 00:14:52,075
"The My Penis Grants Wishes"?

602
00:14:54,828 --> 00:14:56,871
Really? A genie

603
00:14:54,828 --> 00:14:56,871
comes out of it?

604
00:14:56,913 --> 00:14:58,748
Only if you

605
00:14:56,913 --> 00:14:58,748
rub it hard enough.

606
00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:03,003
So, then what happened?

607
00:15:03,044 --> 00:15:05,297
It says here,

608
00:15:03,044 --> 00:15:05,297
"He breaks into song,

609
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:06,881
"and then

610
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:06,881
the furniture comes to

611
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:06,881
life and dances with him."

612
00:15:06,923 --> 00:15:09,801
It's not

613
00:15:06,923 --> 00:15:09,801
very well thought out.

614
00:15:06,923 --> 00:15:09,801
It's no Mrs. Stinsfire.

615
00:15:09,843 --> 00:15:11,803
No, what happened in

616
00:15:09,843 --> 00:15:11,803
real life?

617
00:15:11,845 --> 00:15:13,597
Well, a few hours later...

618
00:15:21,771 --> 00:15:23,815
You know,

619
00:15:21,771 --> 00:15:23,815
I heard it was gonna rain.

620
00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:26,610
If anyone's interested,

621
00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:26,610
I will be at MacLaren's Pub

622
00:15:26,652 --> 00:15:30,572
performing a play

623
00:15:26,652 --> 00:15:30,572
out of The Playbook

624
00:15:26,652 --> 00:15:30,572
entitled, "The Scuba Diver."

625
00:15:30,614 --> 00:15:32,032
That is all.

626
00:15:34,451 --> 00:15:35,827
Okay, that's it.

627
00:15:35,869 --> 00:15:39,373
I'm putting

628
00:15:35,869 --> 00:15:39,373
The Playbook up

629
00:15:35,869 --> 00:15:39,373
on the Internet.

630
00:15:39,414 --> 00:15:41,333
Baby, can you

631
00:15:39,414 --> 00:15:41,333
put The Playbook

632
00:15:39,414 --> 00:15:41,333
up on the Internet?

633
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:44,002
Yeah, of course, baby.

634
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:44,002
But here's the weird thing,

635
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:46,838
I've literally

636
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:46,838
been through this

637
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:46,838
book cover to cover.

638
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,590
There's no play in here

639
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,590
called "The Scuba Diver."

640
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:55,764
Oh! So, now

641
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:55,764
you guys wanna know

642
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:55,764
what "The Scuba Diver" is?

643
00:15:55,805 --> 00:16:00,101
Well, it was on the

644
00:15:55,805 --> 00:16:00,101
last page of The Playbook,

645
00:16:00,143 --> 00:16:03,313
but I ripped it out,

646
00:16:00,143 --> 00:16:03,313
just in case.

647
00:16:03,355 --> 00:16:05,940
Don't worry, though.

648
00:16:03,355 --> 00:16:05,940
You're about to see

649
00:16:03,355 --> 00:16:05,940
it in action.

650
00:16:05,982 --> 00:16:08,318
See the blonde

651
00:16:05,982 --> 00:16:08,318
over there by the bar?

652
00:16:09,778 --> 00:16:12,280
Tizzarget aquizired.

653
00:16:12,322 --> 00:16:13,865
Barney, don't do this.

654
00:16:13,907 --> 00:16:16,159
God, give it a rest, pest.

655
00:16:16,201 --> 00:16:18,286
If anyone should be mad,

656
00:16:16,201 --> 00:16:18,286
it should be Robin.

657
00:16:18,328 --> 00:16:21,749
She loves The Playbook.

658
00:16:18,328 --> 00:16:21,749
I don't love The Playbook.

659
00:16:21,790 --> 00:16:24,793
What are you...

660
00:16:21,790 --> 00:16:24,793
The Playbook, it's gold.

661
00:16:24,834 --> 00:16:26,378
You gotta admit,

662
00:16:24,834 --> 00:16:26,378
it's pretty spectac.

663
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:29,089
Look, Barney,

664
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:29,089
we just broke up.

665
00:16:29,130 --> 00:16:33,385
I mean, yes,

666
00:16:29,130 --> 00:16:33,385
the costumes are cute,

667
00:16:29,130 --> 00:16:33,385
but we just broke up.

668
00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:40,726
Well, I didn't know

669
00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:40,726
you felt that way.

670
00:16:40,768 --> 00:16:42,811
I guess I've

671
00:16:40,768 --> 00:16:42,811
been so wrapped up

672
00:16:40,768 --> 00:16:42,811
in my own stuff that I...

673
00:16:42,852 --> 00:16:45,397
Oh, crap,

674
00:16:42,852 --> 00:16:45,397
she's looking over here.

675
00:16:42,852 --> 00:16:45,397
Quick, everyone, scatter.

676
00:16:48,024 --> 00:16:49,901
That's it.

677
00:16:51,528 --> 00:16:55,156
Hi. You see that guy

678
00:16:51,528 --> 00:16:55,156
over there in the

679
00:16:51,528 --> 00:16:55,156
scuba suit?

680
00:16:55,198 --> 00:16:56,908
And that brings

681
00:16:55,198 --> 00:16:56,908
us to right now.

682
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:58,910
Wow.

683
00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:02,623
But wait. So, why is

684
00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:02,623
he wearing scuba gear?

685
00:17:02,664 --> 00:17:05,584
We don't know and

686
00:17:02,664 --> 00:17:05,584
it's killing us, Claire.

687
00:17:05,626 --> 00:17:06,918
It's killing us.

688
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,878
Well, let's go ask him.

689
00:17:11,423 --> 00:17:14,968
So what's "The Scuba Diver"?

690
00:17:11,423 --> 00:17:14,968
And this is Claire,

691
00:17:11,423 --> 00:17:14,968
by the way.

692
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:19,347
Hello, Claire. My name

693
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:19,347
is Lieutenant Frank Lyman.

694
00:17:19,389 --> 00:17:22,142
I train

695
00:17:19,389 --> 00:17:22,142
bomb-sniffing

696
00:17:19,389 --> 00:17:22,142
dolphins for the...

697
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,937
You know what?

698
00:17:25,979 --> 00:17:29,107
I can't do this.

699
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:32,944
Robin, I am so sorry.

700
00:17:32,986 --> 00:17:37,532
I guess this breakup's been

701
00:17:32,986 --> 00:17:37,532
tougher on me than I thought.

702
00:17:37,574 --> 00:17:39,868
I think this Playbook was

703
00:17:37,574 --> 00:17:39,868
just a way to take my

704
00:17:37,574 --> 00:17:39,868
mind off of things.

705
00:17:41,369 --> 00:17:43,955
It's okay.

706
00:17:41,369 --> 00:17:43,955
It's been tough on me, too.

707
00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:45,957
I mean, look at me.

708
00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:45,957
I've sworn off relationships.

709
00:17:45,999 --> 00:17:47,083
She's so about

710
00:17:45,999 --> 00:17:47,083
to get married.

711
00:17:47,125 --> 00:17:48,168
I gotta work on my toast.

712
00:17:48,209 --> 00:17:49,919
I gotta make

713
00:17:48,209 --> 00:17:49,919
sure my tux fits.

714
00:17:49,961 --> 00:17:53,381
I will bang your heads

715
00:17:49,961 --> 00:17:53,381
together like coconuts.

716
00:17:53,423 --> 00:17:55,967
Barney, I'm so glad

717
00:17:53,423 --> 00:17:55,967
you're stopping this.

718
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:59,513
And, frankly, the real

719
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:59,513
Barney is way cooler than

720
00:17:59,554 --> 00:18:01,931
any of

721
00:17:59,554 --> 00:18:01,931
the fake Barneys

722
00:17:59,554 --> 00:18:01,931
in this Playbook.

723
00:18:01,973 --> 00:18:04,142
Is that right?

724
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,311
Claire, you've probably heard

725
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,311
a lot about the real Barney

726
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,311
tonight.

727
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:07,771
Wanna grab

728
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:07,771
a cup of coffee?

729
00:18:07,813 --> 00:18:09,981
Okay, Claire,

730
00:18:07,813 --> 00:18:09,981
before you turn him down,

731
00:18:10,023 --> 00:18:13,694
I think you should know

732
00:18:10,023 --> 00:18:13,694
that under this

733
00:18:10,023 --> 00:18:13,694
neoprene suit,

734
00:18:13,735 --> 00:18:16,988
with what appears

735
00:18:13,735 --> 00:18:16,988
to be a tube sock

736
00:18:13,735 --> 00:18:16,988
stuffed in the crotch...

737
00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:18,866
Can of Pringles, but go on.

738
00:18:18,907 --> 00:18:21,075
is an amazing guy.

739
00:18:21,117 --> 00:18:26,080
He's fun and

740
00:18:21,117 --> 00:18:26,080
one of my best friends

741
00:18:21,117 --> 00:18:26,080
and he landed this hottie.

742
00:18:27,582 --> 00:18:28,958
He's a good guy.

743
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:32,337
Come on, Claire,

744
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:32,337
go out with him.

745
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:34,005
It's just

746
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:34,005
a cup of coffee, right?

747
00:18:34,047 --> 00:18:35,590
Yeah, come on.

748
00:18:34,047 --> 00:18:35,590
Yeah, it can't hurt.

749
00:18:35,632 --> 00:18:38,552
All right, all right.

750
00:18:35,632 --> 00:18:38,552
Let's get some coffee.

751
00:18:40,970 --> 00:18:43,557
And by

752
00:18:40,970 --> 00:18:43,557
the end of the night...

753
00:18:43,598 --> 00:18:45,392
I'm proud of that guy.

754
00:18:45,433 --> 00:18:47,602
To be that vulnerable

755
00:18:45,433 --> 00:18:47,602
takes a lot of Pringles.

756
00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:52,357
Whoo! I got

757
00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:52,357
a text from Barney.

758
00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:52,357
"Look under the table."

759
00:18:58,112 --> 00:18:59,698
It's a page

760
00:18:58,112 --> 00:18:59,698
from The Playbook.

761
00:18:59,740 --> 00:19:01,032
What's it say?

762
00:19:01,074 --> 00:19:02,992
It's "The Scuba Diver."

763
00:19:06,371 --> 00:19:08,582
"Step one,

764
00:19:06,371 --> 00:19:08,582
tell a meddlesome female

765
00:19:06,371 --> 00:19:08,582
friend about The Playbook.

766
00:19:08,623 --> 00:19:10,667
"Step two, run a play

767
00:19:08,623 --> 00:19:10,667
on one of her co-workers

768
00:19:10,709 --> 00:19:12,377
"making her so angry

769
00:19:10,709 --> 00:19:12,377
she steals The Playbook.

770
00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:13,795
"Step three,

771
00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:13,795
put on the scuba suit,

772
00:19:13,837 --> 00:19:15,714
"and tell her you're

773
00:19:13,837 --> 00:19:15,714
going to do one more scam,

774
00:19:15,756 --> 00:19:18,049
"called 'The Scuba Diver,'

775
00:19:15,756 --> 00:19:18,049
on the hot girl standing

776
00:19:15,756 --> 00:19:18,049
by the bar.

777
00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:20,051
"Your friend,

778
00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:20,051
let's call her Lily,

779
00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:20,051
goes and talks to the girl

780
00:19:20,093 --> 00:19:21,261
"and tells her everything

781
00:19:20,093 --> 00:19:21,261
about The Playbook.

782
00:19:21,302 --> 00:19:23,054
"Now, here's

783
00:19:21,302 --> 00:19:23,054
where it gets tricky.

784
00:19:23,096 --> 00:19:25,056
"When Lily

785
00:19:23,096 --> 00:19:25,056
and the girl ask

786
00:19:23,096 --> 00:19:25,056
what 'The Scuba Diver' is,

787
00:19:25,098 --> 00:19:28,059
"take off your mask,

788
00:19:25,098 --> 00:19:28,059
give them some spiel about

789
00:19:25,098 --> 00:19:28,059
your deep-seated insecurities,

790
00:19:28,101 --> 00:19:30,144
"which don't really exist

791
00:19:28,101 --> 00:19:30,144
because, let's face it,

792
00:19:28,101 --> 00:19:30,144
you're awesome.

793
00:19:30,186 --> 00:19:32,063
"Feeling bad for you,

794
00:19:30,186 --> 00:19:32,063
Lily talks you up to

795
00:19:30,186 --> 00:19:32,063
the girl,

796
00:19:32,105 --> 00:19:33,690
"who then agrees to

797
00:19:32,105 --> 00:19:33,690
go get coffee with you.

798
00:19:33,732 --> 00:19:38,027
"And it is on."

799
00:19:43,909 --> 00:19:47,036
You son of a bitch!

800
00:19:52,208 --> 00:19:54,711
I'll give you a call.

801
00:19:52,208 --> 00:19:54,711
All right, bye-bye.

802
00:19:56,546 --> 00:20:00,091
For those

803
00:19:56,546 --> 00:20:00,091
of you keeping score,

804
00:19:56,546 --> 00:20:00,091
"The Ted Mosby" works.

805
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:01,927
Shh.

806
00:20:01,969 --> 00:20:04,471
Robin, here we go.

807
00:20:04,512 --> 00:20:06,347
You say you don't

808
00:20:04,512 --> 00:20:06,347
want a relationship.

809
00:20:06,389 --> 00:20:09,726
Well, the love of your life

810
00:20:06,389 --> 00:20:09,726
is about to walk through

811
00:20:06,389 --> 00:20:09,726
the door, and it's

812
00:20:11,603 --> 00:20:12,813
that guy.

813
00:20:14,272 --> 00:20:15,983
Yeah, I'm not falling

814
00:20:14,272 --> 00:20:15,983
in love with that guy.

815
00:20:16,024 --> 00:20:19,569
Right, right, right.

816
00:20:16,024 --> 00:20:19,569
'Cause it's gonna

817
00:20:16,024 --> 00:20:19,569
be that guy.

818
00:20:22,155 --> 00:20:25,074
I don't know, the blue blazer

819
00:20:22,155 --> 00:20:25,074
is just, like, not doing it

820
00:20:22,155 --> 00:20:25,074
for me, so...

821
00:20:25,116 --> 00:20:26,576
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

822
00:20:25,116 --> 00:20:26,576
you're right 'cause

823
00:20:25,116 --> 00:20:26,576
here he comes.

824
00:20:26,618 --> 00:20:27,577
It's that guy.

825
00:20:30,246 --> 00:20:33,249
Robin, you should at least

826
00:20:30,246 --> 00:20:33,249
give her a chance.

827
00:20:33,291 --> 00:20:34,751
You know, make out

828
00:20:33,291 --> 00:20:34,751
with her a little.

829
00:20:34,793 --> 00:20:36,544
See if there's

830
00:20:34,793 --> 00:20:36,544
something there.

831
00:20:36,586 --> 00:20:38,129
Okay, I'm going to work.

832
00:20:36,586 --> 00:20:38,129
Yeah, you are.

833
00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:39,422
No, I'm actually

834
00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:39,422
going to work.

835
00:20:39,464 --> 00:20:40,757
Uh-huh.

836
00:20:39,464 --> 00:20:40,757
Mmm-hmm.

837
00:20:40,799 --> 00:20:42,216
Go to work...

838
00:20:40,799 --> 00:20:42,216
Work...

839
00:20:42,258 --> 00:20:43,677
And the ironic part was...

840
00:20:43,718 --> 00:20:46,220
Hi. Are you Robin?

841
00:20:43,718 --> 00:20:46,220
Yeah.

842
00:20:46,262 --> 00:20:48,097
I'm Don,

843
00:20:46,262 --> 00:20:48,097
your new co-host.

844
00:20:48,139 --> 00:20:51,309
that

845
00:20:48,139 --> 00:20:51,309
was the day she met Don.

846
00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:53,102
Damn it, Marshall.

847
00:21:19,212 --> 00:21:20,129
ENGLISH - US - LINE 21