In November, 2009,
Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily
hosted the first Thanksgiving
at their very own apartment.
And Marshall had
found the perfect turkey.
Oh, baby, it is beautiful.
It's 22 pounds.
It's organic.
You remember my
bald Uncle Heinrek?
It looks
exactly like his head.
Oh, my God.
My turkey. My turkey!
So, when we
showed up for the big day,
Marshall was
pretty bummed out.
Well, we got the turkey.
No. You didn't.
You got
the pathetic
replacement turkey.
Damn it, you know,
why didn't I just listen
to the prerecorded voice
of former Mayor Ed Koch
reminding me to take
my belongings?
No, Marshall,
you don't understand.
Robin and I went to
the Port Authority
Lost and Found,
and there,
sitting in their fridge...
Marshall Eriksen,
is this your turkey?
Yes! That's my turkey!
Come here,
you handsome
little bastard!
Okay, I'm going to
go put this in the oven.
Okay.
Oh, my God! You guys
are the best friends ever!
It was totally
a team effort.
I'm so...
Guys, I don't know
what to say.
I mean, it's Thanksgiving,
but "thanks" just doesn't
seem like enough.
Come on, buddy,
you would've done
the same thing for us.
Yeah, I would,
and you know why?
Because I love you guys.
And I'm gonna
show you just how much.
Ted Mosby,
Robin Scherbatsky,
I bequeath unto you
the fourth slap.
Wait, what?
Kids,
you remember Barney
and Marshall's Slap Bet.
When Barney lost, Marshall
won the right to slap Barney
five times as
hard as he could.
So far,
he'd used three
of those five slaps.
With
the third being doled out
exactly two years earlier
on Thanksgiving Day, 2007.
A day that history came
to know as "Slapsgiving."
Are you saying...
What we think you're saying?
Probably not.
Unless you think I'm saying,
"Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of
the Slap,"
in which case, yes,
that's exactly what
I'm saying!
No way! Uh-uh.
Slaps aren't transferable.
Lily is the Slap
Bet Commissioner. Lil?
You...
Slaps are transferable.
No!
Transferable!
Wait, Marshall, you realize
you'll only have one left
after this.
Are you sure you want
to spend this slap today?
Life is short.
I figured, "Slap-e diem."
Okay, rule number one,
the slap must occur
before sundown,
so as
not to interfere
with Lily's meal.
Damn straight.
Two, you guys have to decide
amongst yourselves who
gets to do it.
Three, we're going to
tie Barney to this chair,
which shall
henceforth be referred
to as the slapping throne.
Sound fair?
Totally.
Amazing.
Absolutely not!
It was
all set to be the best
Thanksgiving ever, until...
Are we expecting
somebody else?
It was someone
Lily hadn't seen or
spoken to in three years.
Dad.
Now, Lily and her
dad, Mickey, had always had
a tough relationship.
Mickey's dream
was to invent the next
great American board game,
but his ideas were
always a little off.
Daddy?
Yeah?
You missed
my ballet recital.
Yes, sweetie, but, look!
I just put
the finishing touches
on my new, hit board game.
Tijuana Slumlord.
Daddy?
Uh-huh.
You missed my
gymnastics meet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But this is the one!
Car Battery.
"How Long
Can You Hold On?"
Ah, here, princess.
Grab these.
Daddy?
Hmm?
I had a nightmare.
Oh, sweetie.
Here. Come play
Daddy's new game.
There's a Clown Demon
Under the Bed!
Her whole life,
Mickey disappointed Lily,
and she always
put up with it,
until one day in 2006,
when Lily went to
visit her grandparents.
So, Rita, are you excited
about the big move to Florida?
Actually, dear,
slight change of plans.
We're staying here
for the time being.
We had a slight
financial hiccup.
Ma!
The straw to my
juice box broke!
Ma, chop-chop!
Oh, hey, guys.
What a pleasant surprise.
Dad, what happened
to your apartment?
Oh, well, I had a little
falling-out with my roommate.
What happened?
Uh, he wanted me to pay rent.
Got kind of ugly.
Dad! You should be
paying rent,
not living in
your parents' basement.
Hey, it's not
my first choice.
Having the
old farts right upstairs
is crimping my style a bit.
Clearly, they're
not getting the whole
sock-on-the-doorknob thing.
Oh, they caught you
with a girl?
In a way.
Bye, sweetheart.
I'm off to work.
Work? You're retired.
Now that I have
an extra mouth to feed,
I had to go back
to the steel mill.
Rita? Where's my truss?
So, not only
did you stop them
from moving to Florida,
but now
you forced Grandpa
to go back to work?
Just until
I get Aldrin Games
Unlimited off the ground,
with my new sensation,
Dog Fight Promoter.
And then
Lily gave her dad
a look
that Marshall
had only seen
a few times before,
a look
we all prayed never to
be on the receiving end of.
Her you're-dead-to-me look.
Which brings us back
to Thanksgiving of 2009.
Hey, princess.
I brought Diseases!
My God! What is
my father doing here?
I don't know, but maybe
we should let him in
and find out.
No, I don't want to see him!
Get rid of him!
Hey, Mickey.
Just hang tight, okay?
We'll work this out.
Take your time, amigo.
I'm okay, as long as
I have "Diseases!"
The fun's infectious.
God, I hope Lily's okay.
Me, too.
She doesn't
talk about it much,
but this
thing with her dad
causes her a lot of pain.
Just tell me which one
of you is gonna slap me!
What?
I'm dying over here!
Ted reaches for a chip,
I flinch!
Robin fixes her hair,
I flinch!
I'm doing
so much flinching.
It's bad for my skin.
I'm getting crow's feet.
Crow's feet!
Lily, come on.
It's been three years, okay?
That's long enough.
Having him in
my life causes me
nothing but stress.
It's just easier for
him to be dead to me.
Okay, Lily, look.
I supported
you when our neighbor,
Mr. Ossias, was dead to you.
Hey! That's our newspaper.
You'll get it back
in 15 minutes.
Make it 20.
I had a steak last night.
And I was fine
when your bridesmaid,
Whitney, was dead to you.
Lily! You look so amazing!
That dress is gorgeous!
Thanks, guys.
Hmm.
I... I'm just not
a fan of strapless.
I even understood when
Mr. Park from the bodega
downstairs was dead to you.
One coffee, please.
But only if you
have decaf.
I don't want to
be up all night.
$1.50.
Coffee, regular.
$1.50.
Excuse me.
Are you sure
mine was decaf?
You just used the same pot.
I lie to him. Okay?
Okay.
You son of a bitch.
That was not decaf!
I supported you with
all of those random people,
but this is your father.
Okay, can't
we at least just
give him some turkey?
No.
Come on, Lily.
Please, I can't ask the guy
to leave on Thanksgiving.
Oh, you don't have to ask.
Just tell him that it's
really important that
he be here.
And before you know it,
he'll be
at a board game
convention in Toledo,
giving your braces money to
some guy claiming to be
Milton Bradley.
He was just out trying
to provide for the family.
No. No, that's
what my mom did
by working two jobs.
Marshall, that man broke
my heart every single
day for 20 years.
Well, then we'll just
give him some dark meat.
No, seriously, Robin,
you should get the slap.
I mean,
you're a great slapper.
In fact, I want to study
slapping under your tutelage.
I want to be
your slap-prentice.
Don't sell
yourself short there, Teddy.
You're a slapping rock star.
Your name should
be Eric Slap-ton.
Okay, okay, guys,
this is torture.
Just put me in the chair...
Slapping throne.
and get it over with!
Okay, he's all yours.
No, no, no, no.
It's you, I insist.
Okay, I'll do it.
Great.
Wait, what?
I'm just saying,
I'll slap him.
What, so that's just, like,
the end of the discussion?
Well, you said
I could slap him.
Uh...
I was just being nice.
If anyone's gonna slap him,
it's gonna be me.
No, it's not.
This is interesting.
Lily, he's family, okay?
And I'm sorry, but you
just don't cut off family.
Well,
that's easy for you to say
when you come from the most
ridiculously close
family in the world.
We are not
ridiculously close.
Really?
Yeah.
What about the Eriksen
family dinner every
single Sunday?
Everything looks delicious,
Mother Eriksen.
Thank you, Papa Bear.
Marshall, would you like
to say grace?
Well, I would be
happy to, Mother.
Everyone, please join hands.
Dear Lord...
I'm sorry,
but that's weird.
A family should be that close.
And I want our future family
to be that close,
and that includes your dad.
I can't believe
you're taking his side.
Lily...
Let me be clear on this.
That man will never cross
the threshold into this
home, ever!
It's just gonna be,
like, five more minutes.
Hopefully soon, amigo.
I'm fighting
a losing battle
with hemorrhoids here.
That's one
of the diseases?
No.
Ted, there is an hour
before the sun sets,
at which point,
neither one of us
gets to slap Barney.
So, just let me have it.
I'm the one who had the idea
to call the Port Authority
Lost and Found.
That's a good point.
Rebuttal?
I'm the one who
slipped the guy
a 20!
Philosophical conundrum.
Idea versus execution.
Please discuss at length.
I carried
that huge turkey
all the way up here.
I paid for cab fare.
Well, you slept with
one of my best friends!
What? You said you
were okay with that.
Well, I'm not!
Well, why didn't you
say something at the time?
Because I'm still
in love with you!
Do you really want
to slap Barney so bad
that you
would lie about
being in love with me?
I really want
to slap him, okay?
Yes, your dad has made some
mistakes in the past, but
he's a different person now.
He's moved out of
your grandparents' house.
He's got a job.
He's paying off
his IRS debts.
Wait, how do
you know all that?
Like, body language.
Okay, well, yeah,
we met for a drink last week.
I miss her a ton.
Little princess.
She ever talk about me?
Yeah. Yeah, like,
all the time. Um...
She tells this one
really sweet story about...
So never, huh?
No, not a word.
But it doesn't
have to be that way.
We can fix this, right?
You know, I always thought
it'd get fixed at the wedding.
I even wrote a toast.
But then, no invite.
Hell, I haven't even
seen a wedding photo.
And then,
right before my eyes,
your father broke down crying.
That's it! You're
coming to Thanksgiving!
You invited him?
The guy
was, like, blubbering.
What was I going to do?
And then,
some jerk at the next
table called him a sissy,
which I thought was
totally uncalled for.
I can't believe you.
Marshall, what gives you
the right to do that?
You and I are married.
And that means he's
my family, too.
Mickey, come on in.
Ted, you better roll quickly.
Your gallbladder's about
to burst.
You know,
Mickey, it's been,
like, half an hour.
I think we should
go look for Lily.
Nah.
She just needs some
time to cool down.
Let's finish the game.
Yeah, play another round.
Best of seven!
Damn it, Robin!
I've known Barney
the longest.
I get to slap him.
That slap is mine, Mosby.
I've never slapped Barney
above the waist.
Look,
I've wanted to slap Barney
since the moment I met him!
You don't think
that I want to slap Barney?
I've waited so...
Wait, wait a minute.
Wait a minute!
This slap was supposed to
be a wonderful thing, a gift,
and look, it's turned
us against each other.
My God, you're right.
This once
pure fruit has turned
into a poisoned slap-ple.
You know what?
Seriously, you take it.
Are you sure?
Slap-solutely.
I really think that we
should go look for Lily.
Ted? Gallbladder about to pop.
Okay, it's decided.
Barney, come on.
Get in the throne.
Are you...
Yep. Come on.
Well, you...
Well, I guess that is
the best decision, Robin.
I mean, men are
stronger than women.
Don't listen to him.
Okay? It's been decided.
Okay.
I mean, that's what
you've always wanted,
isn't it, Robin?
A strong man to
take care of you?
I mean,
sure, growing up,
you were a scrapper,
playing hockey with the boys,
skinning your knees on
the ice.
But what
you couldn't
tell your teammates,
what you couldn't
even tell yourself,
was that
all you really wanted
was that pretty, white dress
in that pretty, white chapel.
And at the end of
that center aisle,
strewn with
pretty, white flowers,
a man, to do all of
your slapping for you.
Let me at him!
Robin! Come on!
Hold on!
Whoa!
Oh, my God.
What just happened?
Sorry, Ted.
Gallbladder burst.
You move back three spaces.
You come in here,
and you watch your
daughter leave and
you don't even care.
And now
you've destroyed
Thanksgiving dinner!
Lily worked
all day on this!
Relax. It's not real bile.
It's just
lead-based
paint from China.
And horse bile.
And at that moment,
Marshall gave Mickey a look
none of us had ever
seen him give anyone.
What's this?
What's he doing?
Did you swallow
some of that paint?
This is my
you're-dead-to-me look.
Oh.
Okay.
Yeah, you know,
Lily's is so much better...
Get out of my house!
Hey.
Mr. Park's, huh?
This is the last place
I expected to find you.
Marshall...
Lily, I'm sorry.
But just hear me out.
I used to think
that family was a right.
But it's not.
It's a privilege,
and it has to be earned.
I kicked your dad out.
And I promise, baby, I will
never make you see him again.
Now what? Baby,
what, what, what happened?
Marshall, I came in here
because it was cold
and this was the only place
that was open.
I wasn't even gonna
look Mr. Park in the eye.
And then I found out
Mr. Park died.
Oh, my God.
He really is dead to me.
And if I feel this bad
about never making up
with Mr. Park,
a guy who meant
literally nothing to me,
we gotta go get my dad.
Okay. Here.
So that's how
on Thanksgiving, 2009,
your Aunt Lily
performed a miracle.
She brought a man
back from the dead.
Everyone.
Before we get started,
Barney, we're going
to need you on the
slapping throne.
Slap Bet Commissioner,
surely tying me to
a chair is a breach...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Less yapping, more slapping.
Ted, Robin. It's two
minutes until sundown.
Have you
guys decided
which one of you is
going to get to slap
Barney right in his face?
It's gonna be Ted.
What? Why me?
Last year, you got left at
the altar. You lost your job.
But you've come
such a long way since then.
I'm so proud of you, Ted.
You deserve to slap someone
in his face as hard
as you can.
Thanks.
Oh, this is the worst.
Mama!
No, Robin.
Look. You just went
through your own breakup,
and while I
know you and Barney
left it on good terms,
isn't there some
part of you, deep down,
that wants to slap him
right in his face?
There is.
I know there is.
This is
basically
hell on Earth.
All right.
Don't.
You got this.
It hurts!
No. I can't do it.
I can't take
this from you, Ted.
Nor I, you.
Thank God.
So, I'd like to
make a gesture.
Mickey?
Oh, no way!
I'm glad you and Lily
are trying to work
things out.
So, to welcome you
to our little family,
I'd like to
offer you this slap.
Really?
Well, I feel
a little weird.
I just met Barney and I don't
have anything against the guy.
But how often do you get
a chance to slap someone
right in his face?
Soft!
I'm sorry.
I can't do it.
Thank God.
Lily,
I know I haven't been
much of a father to you.
You are kidding me.
So, for all the ballet
recitals that I missed,
for all the art shows
that I should've been at,
for the wedding
gift that I never got
a chance to give to you,
princess, I give
this slap to you.
Oh, Daddy!
No. No, no, no, no.
She is the Slap
Bet Commissioner.
She's supposed
to remain impartial!
Slap Bet Commissioner
says it's okay.
This is not good.
Okay.
Please, please, please.
Let me, let me, let...
Shh.
Just close your eyes.
It'll be over soon.
Running through a meadow.
I can't do it.
Why can't I do it?
Because this slap has done
exactly what I hoped.
It's brought us
all closer together.
And it's caused us to
recognize both the frailty
and the greatness in
ourselves and each other.
Oh, give me a break.
And that is why
there will be no slap today.
Oh, my God!
This is the best
Thanksgiving...
That's four!
So, turkey?
New from
Aldrin Games Unlimited,
it's Slap Bet,
the slap-happy game
that's a real hit.
my friend
For kids of all ages.
just happened
laughed and clapped
I win!
Slap yourself silly
with Slap Bet,
the happy hitting game
from Aldrin.
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