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Kids, back in 2009,

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your Aunt Robin was the host

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of a morning show
for local New York cable.

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And it was on early.
How early?

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Mike? wakey, wakey.

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But then, everything changed.

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Hey.
Hey.

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See my show?

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Oh, I meant
to watch it.

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I just got so busy

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with the whole
"being sound asleep" thing.

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It took all night,
eight hours down the drain.

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Oh, it's fine.
But get this:

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After the broadcast...

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Hi. Are you Robin?

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Yeah.

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I'm Don, your new co-host.

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Don was Don Frank,

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seasoned veteran of no fewer

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than 39 local
morning news teams

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from all over the country.

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The guy was an industry legend.

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Oh.

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Wow! You are
so going to hit that.

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No, I just think we're going

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to be great together
on the air.

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And on the sofa and on the bed
and on the coffee table.

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All right,
all right.

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I'm gonna go up on the
roof and stand there

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by myself for five minutes.

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Have fun.

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And that's exactly
what she did.

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She just stood there.

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All right, kids,
I'm gonna level with you.

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That's not what she did.

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Here's what she did.

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All right,
all right.

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I'm going to go
have a cigarette.

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What?

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I promised her
I'd never tell you this,

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but once upon a time,
your Aunt Robin

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did enjoy
the occasional cigarette,

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and occasionally
that occasional cigarette...

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was more than just occasional.

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I just left something
like this in my apartment.

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Robin, come on,
take it to the roof.

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We said no smoking
in the apartment

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after you torched
the throw rug doing push-ups.

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All right, all right, all right.

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Geez.

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Yeah, Robin,
I mean, God,

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not only is that a
filthy habit, but also,

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can I bum one?
Sure.

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What?

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"How I Met Your Mother"

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- Sync By YesCool -

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WwW.addic7ed.com

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Kids, your Uncle Marshall
definitely doesn't want you

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to know this,
but he also smoked off and on.

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It all started when he was 13,
on a camping trip in Minnesota.

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Come on, Marshall,
let's celebrate.

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It's summer vacation.

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Okay, but just one.

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This is my first
and last cigarette ever.

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And that was the first of many,
many "last cigarettes ever."

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That's it.

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I am done, I am out.

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Last...

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Cigarette...

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ev-arrh!

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So, by that point,
I'd heard it all before.

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Last cigarette ever.

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What are you doing?
You haven't smoked
in six months.

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Is this about the McRib?

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It's gone, dude, let it go.

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I'm worried
about work, okay?

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They just hired a new head
of the legal department,

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and he's going
to be letting people go.

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So that's
why you're worried?

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The new head of the legal
department is Arthur Hobbes.

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As in "Artillery Arthur"?

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As in your former boss?

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Arthur Hobbes was
the meanest boss

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Marshall or anyone else
had ever had.

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The last time Marshall worked
for him, it ended like this.

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I quit!

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Yikes.

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So does he hold it
against you?

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Worse.

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I'm sorry,
who are you?

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I'm, I'm Marshall Eriksen.

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Hmm.

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Um, we had a fairly intense
screaming match.

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No.

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Wherein I suggested
that you take your head

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and store it within yourself

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in a fashion that,

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while, while space-saving,

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might limit its exposure
to, to sunshine.

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Well, that describes
95% of my employees

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and everyone in my family...
except for my dog.

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He's such a good boy.

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Well... I'll see you
later, uh...

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Randall Wilkerson.

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Marshall Eriksen.

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Gary Dinkersfield, right.

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Great, he doesn't remember you.

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Not great.

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Arthur Hobbes hating Marshall—
that's no big deal.

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He hates everyone.

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It's the people he doesn't know
that he cuts loose.

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He just fired
What's-His-Face.

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He fired What's-
His-Face, Ted,

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and What's-His-Face
was invaluable.

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Look, I can understand
you getting upset,

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but it's not worth
killing yourself over.

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Yeah, wait till you get
laid off, then kill yourself.

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Like What's-His-Face.

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Although I guess now
it's more like Where's-His-Face.

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Look, it was just
two cigarettes.

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Okay, I can handle two.

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As long as I don't have three
within 24 hours,

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then I'm not going
to get hooked again.

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What's Lily going

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to say when she finds out
you smoked?

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Lily's not going to find out.

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I have a system.

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Ah, yes, Marshall's system.

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Hey, Lil.

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You smoked.

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Damn it!

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The next morning,
your Aunt Robin was thrilled

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to be finally going on the air
with a real pro.

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In three, two, one...

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Hi, I'm Robin
Scherbatsky.

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And I... am Don Frank.

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Two teens were arrested
late last night

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for stealing
a police cart.

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No, I'm sorry, not a
police cart, a police car.

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Oh.

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Aw, screw it.

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Brain fart.

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Don't you hate those?

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Oh, look at that,

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the teleprompter's
still running.

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Something about a woman
giving birth on an uptown bus.

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Well, no point
in jumping in halfway.

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I'll just wait
till it's done.

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Uh... and she cut the cord
with a Metropass.

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We'll be right back.

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And we're clear.

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What the hell was that?
Don, you said "brain fart."

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Look, Robin, you seem

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like a nice kid, but this is
my 39th local news show, okay?

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And in that time,
I've learned three things:

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avoid the all-you-can-eat
sushi buffet in Bismarck,

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do not go to the bathroom
with your lapel mic still on,

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and three, at this hour,

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your entire
viewing audience is

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one half-drunk slob sitting
in his underwear, so...

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Back in five, four...

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Well, let's do a great show
for that half-drunk slob.

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Well, that half-drunk slob
appreciates it.

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The next day, Marshall found
himself craving a cigarette.

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It was driving him crazy, so he
decided to get some fresh air.

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Oh, no.

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You're not up here to jump,
are you?

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No, no, no, no.

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I fired a lot of people today.

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I don't need another jumper
in my file.

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Oh, uh, cigarette?

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No, no, thank you.

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That's too bad.

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You know what I miss, Jeffrey?

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Getting to know
somebody over a smoke.

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People are
so interchangeable now,

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but you share a butt with
somebody, you got a real bond.

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You know what?

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I will, I will take one.

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Okay.

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Thank you.

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I'm Marshall, by the way,

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it's Marshall,
Marshall Eriksen.

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Yeah. Tell me something
Marshall Eriksen.

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How would you
like to see

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a picture of the cutest dog
in the world?

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Hey.
- You smoked.

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Yes, I smoked,
and it was my third of the day.

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You know what
that means?

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I'm a smoker now.
It's all over.

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I even bought a pack
on the way home and a lighter

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and a Vikings lamp, which has
nothing to do with anything,

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but I saw it in the window
and I liked it.

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Damn it, Marshall.

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We already have four
Viking lamps and smoking kills.

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It was a way to bond
with my boss, okay?

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You should have seen me
up there.

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That is a cute dog.

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Yeah.
Are those your kids?

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Yeah, yeah, whatever.

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Hey, oh, look what I got
at the mall.

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Aw.
There he is.

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00:07:34,675 --> 00:07:36,240
There he is.

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00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:37,705
Go ahead, you can pet him now.

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No.

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00:07:38,671 --> 00:07:40,969
Yeah, yeah,
come on, he likes it.

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00:07:42,102 --> 00:07:43,766
Scratch him under the chin.

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00:07:46,530 --> 00:07:48,295
I don't care
what your reasons are.

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00:07:48,295 --> 00:07:50,293
You know how I feel
about smoking.

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00:07:50,293 --> 00:07:52,291
Now, give me
the cigarettes.

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00:07:55,488 --> 00:07:57,752
And the lighter.

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00:08:07,875 --> 00:08:10,373
Ah, that's the stuff.

213
00:08:10,373 --> 00:08:11,771
What?
What?
Oh, yeah,

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00:08:11,771 --> 00:08:13,403
add your Aunt Lily to the list.

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00:08:13,403 --> 00:08:15,468
Whenever Uncle Marshall fell
off the wagon,

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00:08:15,468 --> 00:08:18,498
your Aunt Lily got dragged
right down with him.

217
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,463
What you doing?

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00:08:20,463 --> 00:08:22,095
If you must know,
I am reaching out

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00:08:22,095 --> 00:08:25,059
to City Hall to try to get
the mayor on our show.

220
00:08:25,059 --> 00:08:26,323
Oh, my goodness, you are

221
00:08:26,323 --> 00:08:27,989
adorable,

222
00:08:27,989 --> 00:08:30,087
but the mayor's not coming
on a show nobody watches.

223
00:08:30,087 --> 00:08:32,984
My colonoscopy had
more viewers than this show.

224
00:08:32,984 --> 00:08:35,214
At least that had
some twists and turns.

225
00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:36,613
You know, I don't,
I don't know

226
00:08:36,613 --> 00:08:37,879
why you're acting
like this.

227
00:08:37,879 --> 00:08:39,477
Maybe you're just bitter
because you never had

228
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:40,676
a shot at a network job,

229
00:08:40,676 --> 00:08:43,141
but I think I still do,
so I really need to focus.

230
00:08:43,141 --> 00:08:44,406
I've been
on a network.

231
00:08:46,270 --> 00:08:48,136
You were on a network?

232
00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:51,898
It was the best Labor Day
weekend of my life.

233
00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:54,396
When you do the news, you're
in these ergonomic chairs.

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00:08:54,396 --> 00:08:56,293
It feels like you're sitting
on a cloud.

235
00:08:56,293 --> 00:08:59,357
Which was nice 'cause it was
right after my colonoscopy.

236
00:08:59,357 --> 00:09:01,921
And the dressing rooms?
Oh.

237
00:09:01,921 --> 00:09:03,153
There's dressing rooms?
Oh, you bet

238
00:09:03,153 --> 00:09:05,418
your sweet headset
there's dressing rooms, Mike.

239
00:09:05,418 --> 00:09:08,281
No changing in the KFC
bathroom across the street.

240
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,747
No, sir.

241
00:09:10,413 --> 00:09:12,311
It was heaven.

242
00:09:12,311 --> 00:09:14,942
But the second you get used
to it, they go find someone

243
00:09:14,942 --> 00:09:17,107
who isn't "going through
a bitter divorce"

244
00:09:17,107 --> 00:09:19,504
and doesn't "reek of gin,"

245
00:09:19,504 --> 00:09:20,602
and before you know it,
you're stuck

246
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,267
in a dead-end gig,

247
00:09:22,267 --> 00:09:23,966
surrounded by people
going nowhere,

248
00:09:23,966 --> 00:09:26,830
doing the news
in your tighty whities.

249
00:09:26,830 --> 00:09:30,460
Okay, the underwear thing
was your choice,

250
00:09:30,460 --> 00:09:31,525
and I don't like

251
00:09:31,525 --> 00:09:32,524
that it's catching on.

252
00:09:32,524 --> 00:09:35,254
Ah, looking good,
fellas.

253
00:09:35,254 --> 00:09:36,420
Feels good, right?

254
00:09:36,420 --> 00:09:37,852
God, I want
to kill him.

255
00:09:37,852 --> 00:09:39,217
Of course people
watch the show.

256
00:09:39,217 --> 00:09:41,482
You guys watch the show,
that's, like, two right there.

257
00:09:43,913 --> 00:09:45,079
Oh, my God.

258
00:09:45,079 --> 00:09:47,209
You guys still
haven't seen my show.

259
00:09:47,209 --> 00:09:50,074
What? We never miss it.
We've seen it!

260
00:09:50,074 --> 00:09:52,171
Really? What color is the set?

261
00:09:52,171 --> 00:09:54,935
Uh...

262
00:09:54,935 --> 00:09:56,400
Yeah, uh...
It's black.

263
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,231
Right. Yeah.
With, like, silver

264
00:09:58,231 --> 00:09:59,597
Uh-huh. Yeah.
around the edges.

265
00:09:59,597 --> 00:10:01,561
Not your TV set, my show set.

266
00:10:01,561 --> 00:10:03,093
Ah...
Oh...

267
00:10:03,093 --> 00:10:05,091
God, if I can't even get
my best friends to watch,

268
00:10:05,091 --> 00:10:06,424
who's going to watch?

269
00:10:06,424 --> 00:10:07,522
Lots of people.

270
00:10:07,522 --> 00:10:10,219
Uh, you got bedridden
insomniacs.
Hmm.

271
00:10:10,219 --> 00:10:13,283
Bums camping outside
a department store.

272
00:10:13,283 --> 00:10:14,449
People waiting

273
00:10:14,449 --> 00:10:17,379
in the ER, where
the TV is in a cage,

274
00:10:17,379 --> 00:10:19,444
so you can't change
the channel.

275
00:10:20,209 --> 00:10:21,841
Ooh, do you have any stalkers?

276
00:10:21,841 --> 00:10:24,939
Yeah, but even Leonard
won't watch my show.

277
00:10:26,103 --> 00:10:28,036
I can't believe those guys
are smoking out there.

278
00:10:28,036 --> 00:10:29,267
It's freezing out.

279
00:10:29,267 --> 00:10:31,865
Remember when you used to be
able to smoke in bars?

280
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,696
Oh, hey, dude.
I think that

281
00:10:33,696 --> 00:10:35,527
hot girl over there's
smiling at me.

282
00:10:35,527 --> 00:10:37,592
Uh, that's a chair.

283
00:10:37,592 --> 00:10:39,357
But yeah, dude, hit that.

284
00:10:40,123 --> 00:10:41,688
Guys?

285
00:10:41,688 --> 00:10:43,053
Marco!

286
00:10:43,053 --> 00:10:45,218
Polo!
Polo!

287
00:10:45,218 --> 00:10:48,648
Well, it's dividing our group
into smokers and non-smokers.

288
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:49,947
And that's not healthy.

289
00:10:49,947 --> 00:10:51,745
You're right.

290
00:10:52,644 --> 00:10:54,242
Let's go have a smoke.

291
00:10:54,242 --> 00:10:55,308
What?
What?

292
00:10:55,308 --> 00:10:56,973
Yeah, I'm not proud of it.

293
00:10:56,973 --> 00:10:58,438
Look at you two.

294
00:10:58,438 --> 00:10:59,770
Smokers.

295
00:10:59,770 --> 00:11:01,369
Just like the rest of us.

296
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:04,999
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

297
00:11:04,999 --> 00:11:07,129
I am not a smoker.

298
00:11:07,129 --> 00:11:08,095
I only smoke

299
00:11:08,095 --> 00:11:09,860
in certain situations.

300
00:11:09,860 --> 00:11:12,924
Postcoital,
when I'm with Germans—

301
00:11:12,924 --> 00:11:15,154
sometimes those two overlap—

302
00:11:15,154 --> 00:11:17,552
coital, birthdays,

303
00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,184
to annoy my mom,

304
00:11:19,184 --> 00:11:20,482
precoital,

305
00:11:20,482 --> 00:11:23,046
on a sailboat, the day the Mets

306
00:11:23,046 --> 00:11:24,945
are mathematically eliminated
every year,

307
00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:26,010
and, of course—

308
00:11:26,010 --> 00:11:28,308
wait for it,
'cause Lord knows I have—

309
00:11:28,308 --> 00:11:30,639
pregnancy scares.

310
00:11:30,639 --> 00:11:31,905
Why are you smoking
right now?

311
00:11:31,905 --> 00:11:34,935
I'm always precoital, Ted.

312
00:11:34,935 --> 00:11:36,733
You know, maybe
smoking's not so bad.

313
00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:39,930
I mean, at least it gets us
out in the fresh air.

314
00:11:39,930 --> 00:11:42,261
Yeah, and all the coughing
really works my abs.

315
00:11:42,261 --> 00:11:46,090
I... am... ripped!

316
00:11:46,090 --> 00:11:47,889
But, as glamorous as it was,

317
00:11:47,889 --> 00:11:50,253
within a week,
we all hit our breaking point.

318
00:11:52,884 --> 00:11:54,382
You okay, sweetie?

319
00:11:54,382 --> 00:11:57,812
Actually, baby,
my throat's a bit sore.

320
00:12:16,294 --> 00:12:17,958
So, I'm whapping
him across the nose

321
00:12:17,958 --> 00:12:19,224
with the
newspaper, right?
Yeah.

322
00:12:19,224 --> 00:12:20,456
And my wife says,

323
00:12:20,456 --> 00:12:22,787
"Come on, you can't
treat your son like that."

324
00:12:22,787 --> 00:12:24,485
I don't know.

325
00:12:27,016 --> 00:12:28,915
Michael, call 911.

326
00:12:29,747 --> 00:12:30,879
Oh... oh, my God.

327
00:12:30,879 --> 00:12:32,477
Okay, yes, yeah, right away.

328
00:12:32,477 --> 00:12:34,578
It's Marshall, by the way.

329
00:12:40,996 --> 00:12:42,062
Oh, my God.

330
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,659
I hope Arthur's okay.

331
00:12:43,659 --> 00:12:45,292
Dibs on his office if he's not.

332
00:12:45,292 --> 00:12:47,024
We have to quit smoking.

333
00:12:47,024 --> 00:12:49,421
Honey, you said a mouthful.

334
00:12:49,421 --> 00:12:50,819
I wish I had never started.

335
00:12:50,819 --> 00:12:53,616
I mean, I think back
to myself at 13 years old.

336
00:12:53,616 --> 00:12:56,947
If I could only go back
to that moment...

337
00:13:03,673 --> 00:13:05,604
I hate that little bastard.

338
00:13:05,604 --> 00:13:07,470
Me, too.

339
00:13:07,470 --> 00:13:08,668
Okay, that's it.

340
00:13:08,668 --> 00:13:10,532
Let's quit.

341
00:13:10,532 --> 00:13:12,431
Let's... Let's do it.

342
00:13:12,431 --> 00:13:14,263
Well, I am proud of you guys.

343
00:13:14,263 --> 00:13:17,393
I have heard how difficult it is
for smokers

344
00:13:17,393 --> 00:13:18,624
like yourself
to quit,

345
00:13:18,624 --> 00:13:20,024
so, on behalf of nonsmokers,

346
00:13:20,024 --> 00:13:22,687
I salute you,
and I am here to help.

347
00:13:22,687 --> 00:13:23,920
So, hand in your cigarettes,

348
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,317
and I will get rid of them
one at a time.

349
00:13:26,317 --> 00:13:28,049
You're quitting, dollface.

350
00:13:28,049 --> 00:13:30,546
I know I don't normally
call you dollface,

351
00:13:30,546 --> 00:13:32,577
but it kind of works
in this voice.

352
00:13:32,577 --> 00:13:34,110
Dollface.

353
00:13:34,110 --> 00:13:35,242
Hey, guys.
Hey.

354
00:13:35,242 --> 00:13:37,406
Uh, I was just wondering, um,

355
00:13:37,406 --> 00:13:39,770
is anyone else
interviewing the mayor

356
00:13:39,770 --> 00:13:42,500
tomorrow on TV,
or is it just me?

357
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:43,700
Hey, that's great.
Whoa!

358
00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:44,832
Hey!

359
00:13:44,832 --> 00:13:46,964
Yeah, Don can suck it
while I suck this.

360
00:13:46,964 --> 00:13:48,196
Light me, Marshall.

361
00:13:48,196 --> 00:13:49,794
Actually, um, we've decided

362
00:13:49,794 --> 00:13:51,992
that we're all
quitting smoking.

363
00:13:51,992 --> 00:13:53,290
That's fantastic.

364
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,688
I'm sick of you guys
bumming my cigarettes.

365
00:13:55,688 --> 00:13:57,320
No, come on, Robin.
We-we can't do it

366
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,518
unless we all do it together.

367
00:13:58,518 --> 00:13:59,850
No.

368
00:13:59,850 --> 00:14:01,448
You can sleep with Marshall.

369
00:14:01,448 --> 00:14:02,881
Oh, God, Lily, no.

370
00:14:02,881 --> 00:14:05,246
Sorry, baby, you got to take one
for the team.

371
00:14:05,246 --> 00:14:07,542
I-I don't want
to sleep with Marshall.

372
00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:09,874
I've seen the looks.
Right.

373
00:14:09,874 --> 00:14:11,106
I can't quit right now.

374
00:14:11,106 --> 00:14:13,204
Not before the biggest interview
of my life.

375
00:14:13,204 --> 00:14:14,435
It's-it's too stressful.

376
00:14:14,435 --> 00:14:15,734
It's too stressful!

377
00:14:15,734 --> 00:14:16,900
Let's just have one more.
Give me a cigarette!

378
00:14:16,900 --> 00:14:18,765
No, wait! Robin, Robin,
think about this

379
00:14:18,765 --> 00:14:19,764
for a second.

380
00:14:19,764 --> 00:14:21,396
Bloomberg
is the antismoking mayor.

381
00:14:21,396 --> 00:14:22,961
Do you really want to show up

382
00:14:22,961 --> 00:14:24,458
to that interview
smelling like smoke?

383
00:14:24,458 --> 00:14:26,423
It'd be like interviewing
a vegetarian

384
00:14:26,423 --> 00:14:27,923
smelling like a McRib.

385
00:14:27,923 --> 00:14:30,221
Really? Like I'm not going
through enough right now?

386
00:14:30,221 --> 00:14:31,485
Look,

387
00:14:31,485 --> 00:14:32,484
you're quitting.

388
00:14:32,484 --> 00:14:34,916
We're all quitting.

389
00:14:36,048 --> 00:14:37,679
Fine. I'll quit.

390
00:14:37,679 --> 00:14:38,878
Great. Great.

391
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,010
We just have to get
through the first 24 hours.

392
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,607
After that, it's a cakewalk.

393
00:14:43,673 --> 00:14:46,470
Barney, do you have
to bite your nails so loud?

394
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:47,702
I'm not biting
my nails.

395
00:14:47,702 --> 00:14:49,467
I'm trying to suck
the leftover nicotine

396
00:14:49,467 --> 00:14:50,866
out of my fingertips.

397
00:14:50,866 --> 00:14:52,631
Marshall, can you
pass the onion rings?

398
00:14:52,631 --> 00:14:54,263
What, you got dinosaur arms?
They're right there.

399
00:14:54,263 --> 00:14:56,860
What do you think cigarettes
are doing right now?

400
00:14:56,860 --> 00:14:59,192
You think they're
thinking about us?

401
00:14:59,192 --> 00:15:01,388
Dude, if you don't stop
tapping your foot,

402
00:15:01,388 --> 00:15:02,654
it's coming off.

403
00:15:02,654 --> 00:15:04,253
Oh, my God, Ted,
I'm so sorry.

404
00:15:04,253 --> 00:15:06,950
Maybe I should move it a
little bit closer to your ass!

405
00:15:06,950 --> 00:15:08,183
All right.

406
00:15:08,183 --> 00:15:10,247
I am ready to do this right now!

407
00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:13,610
None of us knew
what we were fighting about.

408
00:15:13,610 --> 00:15:15,176
We just knew
we wanted to smoke.

409
00:15:15,176 --> 00:15:18,305
More than anything
in the world.

410
00:15:23,068 --> 00:15:25,598
It wasn't going very well
for Robin, either.

411
00:15:25,598 --> 00:15:27,030
Sorry I'm late.

412
00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:29,927
Someone used the microwave,
and the elevator stopped.

413
00:15:29,927 --> 00:15:31,292
What are you doing?

414
00:15:31,292 --> 00:15:33,923
Okay, Don, Don,
seriously, not tonight.

415
00:15:33,923 --> 00:15:36,453
Okay, I'm a little bit on edge
because I quit smoking

416
00:15:36,453 --> 00:15:38,153
for my interview with
the mayor, so just...

417
00:15:39,284 --> 00:15:43,148
Oh, you precious little
porcelain unicorn, you.

418
00:15:43,148 --> 00:15:44,712
Why would you do that?

419
00:15:44,712 --> 00:15:46,410
Why?

420
00:15:46,410 --> 00:15:49,075
Because I care, Don.

421
00:15:49,075 --> 00:15:52,271
I-I care about the show,
I-I care about my career.

422
00:15:52,271 --> 00:15:54,569
Unlike you,
you unprofessional jerk!

423
00:15:54,569 --> 00:15:56,834
You're-You're
sloppy, you're rude,

424
00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:59,231
and I wish you
worked half as hard

425
00:15:59,231 --> 00:16:01,728
as the elastic on those
stretched-out underpants.

426
00:16:02,928 --> 00:16:04,926
I'm starting to feel
like this is getting
a little personal.

427
00:16:04,926 --> 00:16:06,757
No, Don, it would be
getting personal

428
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,621
if I would say
that the reason you bounce

429
00:16:08,621 --> 00:16:11,318
from market to market
is because you're a loser—

430
00:16:11,318 --> 00:16:12,484
a lazy,

431
00:16:12,484 --> 00:16:14,749
obnoxious, loser.

432
00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:19,310
The mayor canceled.

433
00:16:19,310 --> 00:16:21,809
In five, four,

434
00:16:21,809 --> 00:16:24,107
three, two...

435
00:16:27,104 --> 00:16:29,201
Hi, I'm Robin Scherbatsky.

436
00:16:29,201 --> 00:16:30,566
You think I'm a loser?

437
00:16:30,566 --> 00:16:32,297
You're' right. I'm a loser.

438
00:16:32,297 --> 00:16:33,997
But at least
I've accepted it.

439
00:16:33,997 --> 00:16:36,360
A plucky raccoon has been
cheering up patients

440
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:38,192
at a local senior center.

441
00:16:38,192 --> 00:16:39,690
I used to be just like that.

442
00:16:39,690 --> 00:16:41,955
Always wanting more
and never getting it.

443
00:16:41,955 --> 00:16:44,087
It's a dead end, Robin.

444
00:16:45,252 --> 00:16:46,784
You're never going to be
a network anchor.

445
00:16:46,784 --> 00:16:49,680
Just like you're never
going to quit smoking.

446
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,879
What are you doing?

447
00:16:51,879 --> 00:16:54,243
I'm enjoying a cigarette.

448
00:16:54,243 --> 00:16:56,107
Oh, that'll get you there.

449
00:16:57,074 --> 00:16:58,571
Oh, that's good.

450
00:16:58,571 --> 00:16:59,904
You want a drag?

451
00:16:59,904 --> 00:17:01,368
Can we be professionals?

452
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:03,733
Please?
Yeah. Yeah, professionals?

453
00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:05,531
You know who's working
the camera right now?

454
00:17:05,531 --> 00:17:06,697
A chair.

455
00:17:06,697 --> 00:17:08,063
We're on a show

456
00:17:08,063 --> 00:17:10,127
where we can't even get
the cameraman to watch.

457
00:17:10,127 --> 00:17:11,658
That's why the mayor
canceled, Robin.

458
00:17:11,658 --> 00:17:13,790
And that's why Mike
is on a fried chicken run.

459
00:17:13,790 --> 00:17:15,888
And that's why you
and I can enjoy a cigarette

460
00:17:15,888 --> 00:17:17,419
right here on the air.

461
00:17:19,118 --> 00:17:20,316
No, thank you.

462
00:17:20,316 --> 00:17:22,081
Why?

463
00:17:22,081 --> 00:17:24,746
Because of our
millions and millions
of impressionable viewers?

464
00:17:24,746 --> 00:17:27,809
Okay... If any
impressionable viewers

465
00:17:27,809 --> 00:17:29,774
have a problem with this,
please give us a call.

466
00:17:29,774 --> 00:17:31,605
The number's on the screen.

467
00:17:33,870 --> 00:17:36,134
Chirp, chirp?
Chirp, chirp?

468
00:17:36,134 --> 00:17:38,264
Come on, Robin...

469
00:17:38,264 --> 00:17:39,797
live a little.

470
00:17:51,285 --> 00:17:52,818
Oh, that must be Mike.

471
00:17:52,818 --> 00:17:54,282
He always forgets—
extra crispy.

472
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:55,381
Hello?

473
00:17:55,381 --> 00:17:56,680
Robin, don't smoke
that cigarette!

474
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:57,646
Marshall?

475
00:17:57,646 --> 00:17:58,845
We're all watching

476
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,743
and we're all very
impressionable.

477
00:18:00,743 --> 00:18:02,175
And I swear to God,
if you smoke

478
00:18:02,175 --> 00:18:04,539
that cigarette,
we're all going to smoke.

479
00:18:05,838 --> 00:18:07,335
You...

480
00:18:07,335 --> 00:18:09,233
You guys are watching?

481
00:18:09,233 --> 00:18:12,464
We sure are, sweetheart,
and you look fabulous.

482
00:18:12,464 --> 00:18:14,228
Oh, you guys.

483
00:18:14,228 --> 00:18:16,293
You don't have
to do this, Robin.
You don't have to smoke.

484
00:18:16,293 --> 00:18:18,525
Resist it, honey.

485
00:18:18,525 --> 00:18:21,122
Thanks for the call, guys.

486
00:18:23,553 --> 00:18:25,351
Oh, she did it!

487
00:18:25,351 --> 00:18:26,517
Good for her.

488
00:18:26,517 --> 00:18:27,849
We're not going to smoke.

489
00:18:29,814 --> 00:18:32,978
I have a pack stashed
up on the roof.

490
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:37,773
Uh-oh.

491
00:18:39,270 --> 00:18:42,200
I'm awake.
And I'm smoking!

492
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,965
Robin, you know how dangerous
it is to wake a sleep smoker?

493
00:18:45,965 --> 00:18:47,663
It's fine.

494
00:18:47,663 --> 00:18:49,594
I bought a pack on my way home.

495
00:18:50,393 --> 00:18:51,792
Hey, great show, Robin.

496
00:18:51,792 --> 00:18:53,090
Yeah, but that

497
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,589
Don guy, what a tool.

498
00:18:54,589 --> 00:18:57,185
Well, no, he actually
apologized to me.

499
00:18:57,185 --> 00:18:58,852
No, I mean when
he stood up.

500
00:18:58,852 --> 00:19:00,850
Those briefs were
pretty revealing.

501
00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:02,347
You should date that guy.

502
00:19:02,347 --> 00:19:04,178
Yeah.
Not in this lifetime.

503
00:19:04,178 --> 00:19:06,310
They were dating
within two months.

504
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:07,676
But more on that later.

505
00:19:07,676 --> 00:19:10,506
Hey, guys, look,
the sun's coming up.

506
00:19:13,670 --> 00:19:16,067
You know what right now
is a perfect time for?

507
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:18,465
A last cigarette ever.

508
00:19:18,465 --> 00:19:19,430
No, I mean,

509
00:19:19,430 --> 00:19:22,594
a real last cigarette ever.

510
00:19:24,826 --> 00:19:26,256
Damn it, let's do it.

511
00:19:26,256 --> 00:19:28,188
Okay.

512
00:19:29,621 --> 00:19:31,151
All right.

513
00:19:31,151 --> 00:19:32,751
Last cigarette ever

514
00:19:32,751 --> 00:19:34,415
on, uh, on the count of three.

515
00:19:34,415 --> 00:19:37,080
One...
Two...

516
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,345
Three.

517
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,744
I wish I could tell you

518
00:19:39,744 --> 00:19:42,974
this was anyone's last
cigarette, but it wasn't.

519
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:46,170
But we did eventually
all quit smoking for real.

520
00:19:46,170 --> 00:19:50,067
Robin's last cigarette
was in June 2013.

521
00:19:50,067 --> 00:19:54,362
Barney's last cigarette
was in March 2017.

522
00:19:54,362 --> 00:19:56,027
Lily's last cigarette
was the day

523
00:19:56,027 --> 00:19:58,358
she started trying
to get pregnant.

524
00:19:58,358 --> 00:19:59,824
And Marshall's last cigarette

525
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:02,654
was the day
his son was born.

526
00:20:02,654 --> 00:20:04,218
And my last cigarette?

527
00:20:04,218 --> 00:20:07,249
Two weeks into dating
your mother.

528
00:20:07,250 --> 00:20:08,882
And I'm almost back.

529
00:20:21,047 --> 00:20:22,679
I'm sorry I hit you, buddy.

530
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:23,646
I wanted to make it

531
00:20:23,646 --> 00:20:26,075
up to you,
by giving you this.

532
00:20:27,674 --> 00:20:29,339
Wow, she's hot!

533
00:20:29,339 --> 00:20:33,269
Yeah. Well... some day,
you're going to marry her.

534
00:20:33,269 --> 00:20:34,535
No way.

535
00:20:34,535 --> 00:20:36,798
We're pretty lucky.

536
00:20:36,798 --> 00:20:39,029
Totally.

537
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:40,395
I'll be in my tent.

538
00:20:42,958 --> 00:20:44,857
Oh, no. Wait, hey!

539
00:20:44,857 --> 00:20:46,523
No, don't, don't do that.

540
00:20:49,885 --> 00:20:51,717
Well...

541
00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:53,884
have fun for me.

542
00:20:53,885 --> 00:21:03,875
YesCool
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