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Kids,

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we all have different ways

3
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of dealing with nerves.

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It'll just be

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a few more minutes,

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Mr. Stinson.

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Some people

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chew their nails.

9
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Some people

10
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tap their feet.

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And some people imagine

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they're being interviewed

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by renowned sportscaster,

14
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Jim Nantz.

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Hello, friends.

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Every sport has had an icon

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who transcends the game.

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Boxing had Ali,

19
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basketball had Jordan,

20
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and the sport of sleeping

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with random hotties

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has my next guest,

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Mr. Barney Stinson.

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Barney, welcome.

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Thanks, Jim.

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Great to be back

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on the show.

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Good to have you with us.

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And, you know, the stats,

30
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they really speak

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for themselves.

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Over 200 women,

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spanning six continents,

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17 nationalities,

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74 sexual positions,

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and not a single fatty.

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It's impressive.

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And with all these

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accomplishments though,

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there's one laurel

41
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that's always eluded you,

42
00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:52,263
which brings us to last week.

43
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What was the story there?

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Buckle up, Jimbo.

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This one's a doozy.

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It all started

47
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when I decided to set

48
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myself a little challenge.

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Oh, my God.

50
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Whoa!

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He's calling his shot.

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Whatever girl I'm

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pointing to right now,

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that's who I'm going

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home with tonight.

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And,

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play ball!

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Hey.

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Hey.

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Hey. How'd the date

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with Dale go?

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You know, sometimes that guy,

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with the horn-rimmed glasses

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and a Smurfs T-shirt,

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is just being ironic.

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Sometimes he is a dork

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with a lazy eye

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and a love-hate

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relationship

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with Gargamel.

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Robin, just because a guy

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talks a lot about a fictional

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character on a first date,

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doesn't mean he's not

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husband material.

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Sasquatch isn't fictional.

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That was quick.

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So, night one

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was pretty routine.

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Jim, there's nothing routine

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about the way I get down.

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Respect.

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Take us to night two.

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See that hotty over there

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nursing a Black Russian?

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She's about to chase that

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with a white American.

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Up top!

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You know,

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if you're not careful,

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you're gonna lose me.

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Hey, guys, what should

93
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I say when Dale calls

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for a second date?

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How do you know

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he's gonna call?

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You're cute, Marshall,

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but I think Mama knows

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when a dude's digging

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the show.

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I mean, he couldn't keep

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his good eye off of me.

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Well, let him down easy.

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People are fragile.

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Sometimes without

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even meaning to,

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you might rip someone's

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beating heart out

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and stomp on it

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in a roomful of 26 people

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and a teacher's assistant.

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How did school

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go today, Ted?

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Something bad happened.

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It was the first class

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of the new semester.

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Jamie Adamic? Hi.

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Brian Glowatz,

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Glowatz? Hi.

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Well done.

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Adding a fake name

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to the sign-up sheet.

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That's real original, guys.

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You know, I'd expect

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inspired minds such as yours

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to be a little more mature

127
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and, frankly,

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more creative.

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I mean, seriously,

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what kind of

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a fake name

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is Cook Pu?

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Here.

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Come on, guys.

135
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It's gotta at least

136
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sound real. Cook Pu?

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Here.

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Whatever happened

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to classics, right.

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You know, Seymour Butts?

141
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Hugh Gerection?

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Those were fake names.

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But Cook Pu?

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Here.

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Cook Pu!

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She's back here, bro.

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All right, come on.

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Let me have it.

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Bring on all

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the Cook Pu jokes.

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Oh, we're not gonna

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make jokes, Ted.

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That girl must be

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really down

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in the dumps.

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You really smeared

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the Pu name.

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You guys finished?

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Are you asking us

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if all the Pu is

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out of our system?

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Wow, back-to-back nights.

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Barney is on fire.

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That girl's lucky.

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Barney was the best sex

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I ever had.

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And he's the best friend

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I've ever had.

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He's everything

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I want Marshall to be.

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He's everything

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I wish I could be.

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I'm just assuming

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that's what they say

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when I'm not around.

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I buy it.

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You're awesome.

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Now, night three.

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Paint us a word picture.

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Jim, I could tell

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I was on a roll,

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so I decided to mix

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things up a little bit.

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I think I'm gonna go

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small boobs tonight.

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You're disgusting.

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Lily, they're people, too.

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Here's your burgers.

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Thank you.

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Thanks.

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You're welcome.

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What, you're not sharing?

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You two always

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share a burger.

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No, we don't.

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We're not, like, weirdoes

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who share everything.

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Yeah, you are.

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That's exactly

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what you are.

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We're perfectly normal!

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Guys, what's going on?

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You know how Lily and I

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have been looking

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for new couple friends

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ever since we lost

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Robin and Barney,

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and Ted and Stella,

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and Ted and Robin,

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and Ted and Victoria?

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Geez, Ted,

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when are you gonna

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get your life together?

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How'd we end up here?

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We went on a great

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double date last night.

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We were cool.

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We were casual.

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We didn't spaz out.

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And then one tiny

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little detail came out

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and the whole night

223
00:04:57,592 --> 00:05:00,220
was ruined.

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Ruined!

225
00:05:00,262 --> 00:05:03,056
And Joanna's toothbrush

226
00:05:00,262 --> 00:05:03,056
flips off the side

227
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of the sink,

228
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hits the ceiling

229
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and falls right

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into the toilet.

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Come on.

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00:05:05,141 --> 00:05:07,852
That's crazy.

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00:05:07,894 --> 00:05:10,021
Last week,

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00:05:07,894 --> 00:05:10,021
the same thing happened

235
00:05:07,894 --> 00:05:10,021
to our toothbrush.

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00:05:11,273 --> 00:05:12,648
"Our" toothbrush?

237
00:05:12,690 --> 00:05:14,567
"Our" toothbrush?

238
00:05:14,609 --> 00:05:16,445
"Our" toothbrush?

239
00:05:16,903 --> 00:05:18,363
Yeah.

240
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:19,572
Like, one toothbrush?

241
00:05:19,614 --> 00:05:22,242
That you both use?

242
00:05:22,284 --> 00:05:23,826
Every day?

243
00:05:23,868 --> 00:05:25,578
Is that weird?

244
00:05:25,620 --> 00:05:28,664
Super weird.

245
00:05:28,706 --> 00:05:31,418
Marshall, four out of

246
00:05:28,706 --> 00:05:31,418
five dentists just threw up

247
00:05:28,706 --> 00:05:31,418
in their mouths.

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Hey, check it out.

249
00:05:33,128 --> 00:05:36,047
Barney's leaving

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00:05:33,128 --> 00:05:36,047
with another girl.

251
00:05:36,089 --> 00:05:38,758
Wow, three girls

252
00:05:36,089 --> 00:05:38,758
in three nights?

253
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,676
That's gross

254
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,676
even for Barney.

255
00:05:40,718 --> 00:05:42,887
Gross? Are you kidding?

256
00:05:40,718 --> 00:05:42,887
He's on his way

257
00:05:40,718 --> 00:05:42,887
to a Perfect...

258
00:05:42,929 --> 00:05:46,599
Oh!

259
00:05:42,929 --> 00:05:46,599
Don't say it!

260
00:05:42,929 --> 00:05:46,599
You'll jinx it.

261
00:05:46,641 --> 00:05:47,850
Jinx what?

262
00:05:47,892 --> 00:05:49,560
I was on my way toward

263
00:05:50,645 --> 00:05:51,980
a Perfect Week!

264
00:06:06,661 --> 00:06:08,788
The Perfect Week.

265
00:06:08,830 --> 00:06:11,958
Seven nights,

266
00:06:08,830 --> 00:06:11,958
seven girls,

267
00:06:08,830 --> 00:06:11,958
zero rejections.

268
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,628
Incredible. I mean,

269
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,628
it's really like

270
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,628
the sexual equivalent

271
00:06:15,670 --> 00:06:18,006
of baseball's perfect game.

272
00:06:15,670 --> 00:06:18,006
But even rarer.

273
00:06:18,047 --> 00:06:21,759
Yeah. The only player

274
00:06:18,047 --> 00:06:21,759
in history to have

275
00:06:18,047 --> 00:06:21,759
ever achieved both

276
00:06:21,801 --> 00:06:24,429
was Mustache Pete Drexel,

277
00:06:21,801 --> 00:06:24,429
back in 1896.

278
00:06:28,683 --> 00:06:31,769
Now this wasn't

279
00:06:28,683 --> 00:06:31,769
the first time you'd come

280
00:06:28,683 --> 00:06:31,769
close to a Perfect Week.

281
00:06:31,811 --> 00:06:33,646
You learn the hard way,

282
00:06:31,811 --> 00:06:33,646
though.

283
00:06:33,688 --> 00:06:36,732
One mistake,

284
00:06:33,688 --> 00:06:36,732
and it's all over.

285
00:06:36,774 --> 00:06:41,237
Sometimes,

286
00:06:36,774 --> 00:06:41,237
a teammate makes

287
00:06:36,774 --> 00:06:41,237
an error.

288
00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:43,656
Sometimes,

289
00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:43,656
one wild pitch...

290
00:06:43,698 --> 00:06:47,202
You, me,

291
00:06:43,698 --> 00:06:47,202
the canned-food aisle

292
00:06:43,698 --> 00:06:47,202
in the bodega next door.

293
00:06:47,243 --> 00:06:49,871
leads to a walk.

294
00:06:49,912 --> 00:06:53,416
And sometimes,

295
00:06:49,912 --> 00:06:53,416
you just lose focus,

296
00:06:53,458 --> 00:06:55,918
and it almost always

297
00:06:53,458 --> 00:06:55,918
leads to a hit.

298
00:06:57,670 --> 00:06:59,797
But this week,

299
00:06:57,670 --> 00:06:59,797
you were three-for-three,

300
00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:01,716
with no sign

301
00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:01,716
of slowing down.

302
00:07:01,757 --> 00:07:04,386
I could do no wrong.

303
00:07:04,427 --> 00:07:06,679
Wish I could say the same

304
00:07:04,427 --> 00:07:06,679
for my friends.

305
00:07:06,721 --> 00:07:09,682
Cook didn't show up

306
00:07:06,721 --> 00:07:09,682
for class today.

307
00:07:09,724 --> 00:07:12,685
I'm sorry, Cook?

308
00:07:12,727 --> 00:07:15,813
Yeah, Ted, we know, like,

309
00:07:12,727 --> 00:07:15,813
a ton of people named Cook.

310
00:07:15,855 --> 00:07:17,232
Yeah.

311
00:07:18,733 --> 00:07:20,235
Cook Pu.

312
00:07:22,737 --> 00:07:25,532
Uh-oh. Here we go.

313
00:07:22,737 --> 00:07:25,532
The dreaded Dale call.

314
00:07:26,741 --> 00:07:28,701
Oh! It's my mom.

315
00:07:28,743 --> 00:07:32,205
She's going through

316
00:07:28,743 --> 00:07:32,205
some pretty major

317
00:07:28,743 --> 00:07:32,205
league health stuff.

318
00:07:32,247 --> 00:07:34,374
God, why won't

319
00:07:32,247 --> 00:07:34,374
that guy call?

320
00:07:34,416 --> 00:07:36,709
Wait a minute,

321
00:07:34,416 --> 00:07:36,709
you want him to call?

322
00:07:36,751 --> 00:07:39,337
No. Shut up.

323
00:07:39,379 --> 00:07:42,215
Don't you guys have, like,

324
00:07:39,379 --> 00:07:42,215
a toothbrush to share,

325
00:07:39,379 --> 00:07:42,215
or something?

326
00:07:42,257 --> 00:07:44,717
Yeah. When did

327
00:07:42,257 --> 00:07:44,717
you guys even start

328
00:07:42,257 --> 00:07:44,717
doing that anyway?

329
00:07:44,759 --> 00:07:47,720
Like, years ago.

330
00:07:44,759 --> 00:07:47,720
You should know.

331
00:07:44,759 --> 00:07:47,720
We lived with you.

332
00:07:47,762 --> 00:07:49,847
Yeah, but you always

333
00:07:47,762 --> 00:07:49,847
kept your toothbrush

334
00:07:47,762 --> 00:07:49,847
in the bedroom.

335
00:07:49,889 --> 00:07:52,016
Also weird,

336
00:07:49,889 --> 00:07:52,016
by the way.

337
00:07:52,058 --> 00:07:54,060
No, we kept it

338
00:07:52,058 --> 00:07:54,060
in the bathroom.

339
00:07:54,102 --> 00:07:57,688
No. There was only one

340
00:07:54,102 --> 00:07:57,688
toothbrush in the bathroom,

341
00:07:54,102 --> 00:07:57,688
and it was mine.

342
00:08:01,192 --> 00:08:06,739
Wait. Are you saying

343
00:08:01,192 --> 00:08:06,739
that for eight years,

344
00:08:06,781 --> 00:08:09,451
all three of you

345
00:08:06,781 --> 00:08:09,451
shared one toothbrush?

346
00:08:09,492 --> 00:08:10,619
Oh, my God.

347
00:08:09,492 --> 00:08:10,619
Kill me!

348
00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:12,454
I love this so much!

349
00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:12,454
Kill me!

350
00:08:18,293 --> 00:08:20,836
So, you're through

351
00:08:18,293 --> 00:08:20,836
four nights.

352
00:08:18,293 --> 00:08:20,836
You're over the hump.

353
00:08:20,878 --> 00:08:22,589
Nice, Jim.

354
00:08:22,631 --> 00:08:25,675
Hey, I try.

355
00:08:22,631 --> 00:08:25,675
I'm no you.

356
00:08:25,716 --> 00:08:28,719
But then came night five,

357
00:08:25,716 --> 00:08:28,719
and with it, trouble.

358
00:08:30,972 --> 00:08:32,056
Beer here!

359
00:08:36,645 --> 00:08:38,605
Thanks.

360
00:08:38,647 --> 00:08:41,232
Hey, how's Barney

361
00:08:38,647 --> 00:08:41,232
doing tonight?

362
00:08:41,274 --> 00:08:43,318
Cool as a cucumber,

363
00:08:41,274 --> 00:08:43,318
just like he's been

364
00:08:41,274 --> 00:08:43,318
all week.

365
00:08:43,359 --> 00:08:44,777
Yeah? That's hard

366
00:08:43,359 --> 00:08:44,777
to believe.

367
00:08:44,819 --> 00:08:46,112
Why?

368
00:08:46,154 --> 00:08:48,615
Apparently, this big merger

369
00:08:46,154 --> 00:08:48,615
fell through last week,

370
00:08:48,657 --> 00:08:50,241
and Barney's being

371
00:08:48,657 --> 00:08:50,241
blamed for it.

372
00:08:50,283 --> 00:08:52,577
That's weird.

373
00:08:50,283 --> 00:08:52,577
He hasn't said anything.

374
00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:55,037
Look, I work with the guy.

375
00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:55,037
I didn't find out until

376
00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:55,037
this afternoon,

377
00:08:55,079 --> 00:08:56,831
when I walked by

378
00:08:55,079 --> 00:08:56,831
his boss's office.

379
00:08:56,872 --> 00:08:59,208
You cost this company,

380
00:08:56,872 --> 00:08:59,208
Stinson!

381
00:08:59,250 --> 00:09:01,794
I've never seen

382
00:08:59,250 --> 00:09:01,794
Barney look that scared.

383
00:09:01,836 --> 00:09:03,754
I think he's

384
00:09:01,836 --> 00:09:03,754
gonna get fired.

385
00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:13,515
I can't believe

386
00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:13,515
Barney might get fired.

387
00:09:13,556 --> 00:09:15,141
Yeah, they're having

388
00:09:13,556 --> 00:09:15,141
a meeting on Friday

389
00:09:15,183 --> 00:09:17,352
to determine

390
00:09:15,183 --> 00:09:17,352
whether or not

391
00:09:15,183 --> 00:09:17,352
he keeps his job.

392
00:09:17,393 --> 00:09:19,729
Poor guy.

393
00:09:17,393 --> 00:09:19,729
He must be freaking out.

394
00:09:19,770 --> 00:09:21,648
I'm gonna go

395
00:09:19,770 --> 00:09:21,648
talk to him.

396
00:09:19,770 --> 00:09:21,648
Wait, no!

397
00:09:21,690 --> 00:09:24,817
You can't distract

398
00:09:21,690 --> 00:09:24,817
the man in the middle

399
00:09:21,690 --> 00:09:24,817
of you know what!

400
00:09:24,859 --> 00:09:26,944
Oh, come on!

401
00:09:24,859 --> 00:09:26,944
This is his career!

402
00:09:26,986 --> 00:09:29,155
This is much more important

403
00:09:26,986 --> 00:09:29,155
than some stupid Perfect...

404
00:09:30,657 --> 00:09:32,825
Okay.

405
00:09:32,867 --> 00:09:34,536
You can lick my hand

406
00:09:32,867 --> 00:09:34,536
as long as you want.

407
00:09:34,577 --> 00:09:36,621
I'm not gonna

408
00:09:34,577 --> 00:09:36,621
let you ruin his...

409
00:09:37,706 --> 00:09:39,123
Guys, we need

410
00:09:37,706 --> 00:09:39,123
to talk to him.

411
00:09:39,165 --> 00:09:41,792
I'll go.

412
00:09:39,165 --> 00:09:41,792
He needs a bro.

413
00:09:44,337 --> 00:09:45,714
Hey, buddy.

414
00:09:44,337 --> 00:09:45,714
Hey.

415
00:09:45,755 --> 00:09:46,839
Everything all right?

416
00:09:46,881 --> 00:09:49,842
Absolutely. Sure.

417
00:09:46,881 --> 00:09:49,842
Top of the world.

418
00:09:49,884 --> 00:09:53,846
Who am I kidding?

419
00:09:49,884 --> 00:09:53,846
I need your help.

420
00:09:53,888 --> 00:09:55,890
Anything, buddy.

421
00:09:53,888 --> 00:09:55,890
What is it?

422
00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:02,772
Which one of these girls

423
00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:02,772
looks the dumbest?

424
00:10:02,813 --> 00:10:05,816
All right, kid.

425
00:10:02,813 --> 00:10:05,816
Let's check the

426
00:10:02,813 --> 00:10:05,816
scouting report.

427
00:10:07,777 --> 00:10:09,404
What about the heater?

428
00:10:15,451 --> 00:10:16,827
High and outside?

429
00:10:22,208 --> 00:10:24,753
All right.

430
00:10:22,208 --> 00:10:24,753
I'd go with the slider.

431
00:10:28,172 --> 00:10:29,840
Thanks, Skip.

432
00:10:28,172 --> 00:10:29,840
Yo.

433
00:10:32,968 --> 00:10:34,512
So, what'd he say?

434
00:10:34,554 --> 00:10:36,138
Hmm? Oh!

435
00:10:36,180 --> 00:10:39,601
Yeah, he's gonna

436
00:10:36,180 --> 00:10:39,601
take a swat at that

437
00:10:36,180 --> 00:10:39,601
hamburglar over there.

438
00:10:39,642 --> 00:10:42,729
You were supposed

439
00:10:39,642 --> 00:10:42,729
to talk to him

440
00:10:39,642 --> 00:10:42,729
about losing his job.

441
00:10:42,771 --> 00:10:44,855
Lily, how is forcing him

442
00:10:42,771 --> 00:10:44,855
to dwell on a problem

443
00:10:42,771 --> 00:10:44,855
he can do nothing about

444
00:10:44,897 --> 00:10:46,023
gonna help him?

445
00:10:46,065 --> 00:10:48,109
How is ignoring it

446
00:10:46,065 --> 00:10:48,109
gonna solve anything?

447
00:10:48,150 --> 00:10:50,903
Well, you ignored good

448
00:10:48,150 --> 00:10:50,903
dental hygiene for the

449
00:10:48,150 --> 00:10:50,903
better part of a decade

450
00:10:50,945 --> 00:10:51,946
and you seem...

451
00:10:50,945 --> 00:10:51,946
Cook Pu!

452
00:10:51,987 --> 00:10:53,197
Cook Pu.

453
00:10:53,239 --> 00:10:54,783
Dale call yet?

454
00:10:54,824 --> 00:10:56,659
No. Why are you...

455
00:10:54,824 --> 00:10:56,659
Guys, guys, guys, look!

456
00:11:00,162 --> 00:11:01,623
Barney, we gotta

457
00:11:00,162 --> 00:11:01,623
stop you for a second.

458
00:11:01,664 --> 00:11:04,083
There's something

459
00:11:01,664 --> 00:11:04,083
I have to ask.

460
00:11:04,125 --> 00:11:06,836
Have you ever used

461
00:11:04,125 --> 00:11:06,836
performance-enhancing drugs?

462
00:11:06,877 --> 00:11:11,340
No, sir. I respect

463
00:11:06,877 --> 00:11:11,340
the game too much.

464
00:11:11,382 --> 00:11:13,926
Although, I can't say

465
00:11:11,382 --> 00:11:13,926
I haven't been offered.

466
00:11:17,597 --> 00:11:19,348
Dude, it was

467
00:11:17,597 --> 00:11:19,348
pretty awesome.

468
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:23,519
You should try it.

469
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:23,519
I have some more.

470
00:11:23,561 --> 00:11:24,895
No, thanks.

471
00:11:23,561 --> 00:11:24,895
You sure?

472
00:11:26,105 --> 00:11:27,898
All right.

473
00:11:26,105 --> 00:11:27,898
Suit yourself.

474
00:11:29,984 --> 00:11:30,943
What time is it?

475
00:11:30,985 --> 00:11:32,111
It's 8:00.

476
00:11:32,153 --> 00:11:33,237
8:00?

477
00:11:41,203 --> 00:11:42,538
I need to go

478
00:11:41,203 --> 00:11:42,538
to the hospital.

479
00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:47,084
I've never

480
00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:47,084
touched the stuff.

481
00:11:47,126 --> 00:11:49,211
You can test me

482
00:11:47,126 --> 00:11:49,211
if you want to, Nantz.

483
00:11:49,253 --> 00:11:52,965
Barney, I trust you.

484
00:11:49,253 --> 00:11:52,965
I regret I even asked you

485
00:11:49,253 --> 00:11:52,965
the question, okay.

486
00:11:53,007 --> 00:11:56,969
Let's go to night six.

487
00:11:53,007 --> 00:11:56,969
Two girls away

488
00:11:53,007 --> 00:11:56,969
from perfection.

489
00:11:57,011 --> 00:11:57,970
Honest to God.

490
00:11:58,012 --> 00:12:00,348
Hey. Hey.

491
00:12:00,389 --> 00:12:01,974
Dude, what are you

492
00:12:00,389 --> 00:12:01,974
doing here?

493
00:12:00,389 --> 00:12:01,974
Get down to the bar.

494
00:12:02,016 --> 00:12:04,977
Ted, relax.

495
00:12:02,016 --> 00:12:04,977
I'm already six-for-six.

496
00:12:05,019 --> 00:12:06,771
Really?

497
00:12:05,019 --> 00:12:06,771
Yeah.

498
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:08,898
I was lunching at Tavern

499
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:08,898
on the Green.

500
00:12:08,939 --> 00:12:10,983
I started chatting up

501
00:12:08,939 --> 00:12:10,983
this Swedish supermodel.

502
00:12:11,025 --> 00:12:12,819
Next thing you know,

503
00:12:11,025 --> 00:12:12,819
I'm playing a day game

504
00:12:12,861 --> 00:12:14,987
in the back of

505
00:12:12,861 --> 00:12:14,987
a horse-drawn carriage.

506
00:12:15,029 --> 00:12:17,573
Giddy-what-up.

507
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,163
Awesome.

508
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,163
What really happened?

509
00:12:24,205 --> 00:12:26,957
I had lunch at

510
00:12:24,205 --> 00:12:26,957
a Staten Island Chili's and

511
00:12:24,205 --> 00:12:26,957
banged a drunk hairdresser.

512
00:12:26,999 --> 00:12:28,710
Are you happy,

513
00:12:26,999 --> 00:12:28,710
Truthy McGee?

514
00:12:34,089 --> 00:12:36,342
Barney, we know

515
00:12:34,089 --> 00:12:36,342
you might get fired.

516
00:12:36,384 --> 00:12:39,011
Wait. You have to

517
00:12:36,384 --> 00:12:39,011
talk about this.

518
00:12:39,053 --> 00:12:42,306
You are just

519
00:12:39,053 --> 00:12:42,306
using meaningless sex

520
00:12:39,053 --> 00:12:42,306
to distract yourself

521
00:12:42,348 --> 00:12:43,892
from a really

522
00:12:42,348 --> 00:12:43,892
serious issue.

523
00:12:43,933 --> 00:12:46,018
It is not

524
00:12:43,933 --> 00:12:46,018
meaningless, okay?

525
00:12:46,060 --> 00:12:48,730
Number five and I

526
00:12:46,060 --> 00:12:48,730
really connected.

527
00:12:48,771 --> 00:12:52,400
She's going back to school,

528
00:12:48,771 --> 00:12:52,400
or has a kid in school,

529
00:12:52,441 --> 00:12:56,028
something about school!

530
00:12:56,070 --> 00:12:59,240
So, today,

531
00:12:56,070 --> 00:12:59,240
one of my students told me

532
00:12:56,070 --> 00:12:59,240
Cook is dropping my class.

533
00:12:59,281 --> 00:13:02,952
Oh, my God.

534
00:12:59,281 --> 00:13:02,952
Pu dropped out?

535
00:13:02,993 --> 00:13:05,996
She is flushing

536
00:13:02,993 --> 00:13:05,996
her education

537
00:13:02,993 --> 00:13:05,996
down the toilet.

538
00:13:06,038 --> 00:13:07,665
Any word from Dale?

539
00:13:07,707 --> 00:13:09,709
It's only been five days.

540
00:13:07,707 --> 00:13:09,709
He's gonna call.

541
00:13:09,751 --> 00:13:12,044
Why do you care anyway?

542
00:13:09,751 --> 00:13:12,044
You said he was a total dork.

543
00:13:12,086 --> 00:13:14,380
Do not talk about Dale

544
00:13:12,086 --> 00:13:14,380
that way, okay!

545
00:13:14,422 --> 00:13:17,466
He is twice the man

546
00:13:14,422 --> 00:13:17,466
you will ever be!

547
00:13:17,508 --> 00:13:20,720
And God forbid, if you

548
00:13:17,508 --> 00:13:20,720
can't find another job,

549
00:13:17,508 --> 00:13:20,720
sell your place.

550
00:13:20,762 --> 00:13:22,263
Marshall and I

551
00:13:20,762 --> 00:13:22,263
have an extra room.

552
00:13:22,304 --> 00:13:24,056
You can stay there

553
00:13:22,304 --> 00:13:24,056
as long as you need.

554
00:13:24,098 --> 00:13:26,058
Make sure you bring

555
00:13:24,098 --> 00:13:26,058
your own toothbrush.

556
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:28,310
Lily, what are you doing?

557
00:13:28,352 --> 00:13:30,521
Talking to my friend

558
00:13:28,352 --> 00:13:30,521
who's going through

559
00:13:28,352 --> 00:13:30,521
a really tough time.

560
00:13:30,563 --> 00:13:32,481
He's doing fine.

561
00:13:32,523 --> 00:13:35,067
Trying to sleep

562
00:13:32,523 --> 00:13:35,067
with seven women

563
00:13:32,523 --> 00:13:35,067
in seven nights

564
00:13:35,109 --> 00:13:36,694
is not doing fine.

565
00:13:36,736 --> 00:13:38,529
It's a cry for help.

566
00:13:38,571 --> 00:13:40,322
Barney's whole life

567
00:13:38,571 --> 00:13:40,322
is a cry for help.

568
00:13:40,364 --> 00:13:43,367
But you don't mess

569
00:13:40,364 --> 00:13:43,367
with a man when he's

570
00:13:40,364 --> 00:13:43,367
in the middle of a...

571
00:13:43,409 --> 00:13:45,077
What? Perfect Week?

572
00:13:46,287 --> 00:13:49,540
Perfect Week! Perfect Week!

573
00:13:46,287 --> 00:13:49,540
Perfect Week! Grow up!

574
00:13:53,294 --> 00:13:56,714
Unbelievable. You know,

575
00:13:53,294 --> 00:13:56,714
there's two things

576
00:13:53,294 --> 00:13:56,714
you don't do.

577
00:13:56,756 --> 00:14:00,468
One, you don't open

578
00:13:56,756 --> 00:14:00,468
an e-mail from Phil Simms

579
00:13:56,756 --> 00:14:00,468
in front of your kids.

580
00:14:00,509 --> 00:14:03,178
And two, you don't

581
00:14:00,509 --> 00:14:03,178
jinx a man going for

582
00:14:00,509 --> 00:14:03,178
a Perfect Week.

583
00:14:03,220 --> 00:14:04,513
I don't know

584
00:14:03,220 --> 00:14:04,513
what to tell you.

585
00:14:04,555 --> 00:14:05,932
Lily's always

586
00:14:04,555 --> 00:14:05,932
messing with me.

587
00:14:05,974 --> 00:14:09,143
I think she has a thing

588
00:14:05,974 --> 00:14:09,143
for the Barnacle.

589
00:14:09,184 --> 00:14:12,062
You're a keen observer

590
00:14:09,184 --> 00:14:12,062
of the human condition,

591
00:14:09,184 --> 00:14:12,062
Jim Nantz.

592
00:14:13,815 --> 00:14:15,065
I can't believe

593
00:14:13,815 --> 00:14:15,065
you jinxed him.

594
00:14:15,107 --> 00:14:16,859
He doesn't stand

595
00:14:15,107 --> 00:14:16,859
a chance out there.

596
00:14:16,901 --> 00:14:19,528
Okay, question.

597
00:14:16,901 --> 00:14:19,528
If I ruined everything,

598
00:14:19,570 --> 00:14:21,739
why is Barney

599
00:14:19,570 --> 00:14:21,739
totally hitting it off

600
00:14:21,781 --> 00:14:23,491
with third-martini-girl

601
00:14:21,781 --> 00:14:23,491
over there?

602
00:14:25,493 --> 00:14:27,286
Oh, my God!

603
00:14:25,493 --> 00:14:27,286
He's gonna do it.

604
00:14:27,328 --> 00:14:29,956
Yeah. See,

605
00:14:27,328 --> 00:14:29,956
there is no such

606
00:14:27,328 --> 00:14:29,956
thing as a jinx.

607
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,168
Tell me she didn't say,

608
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,168
"There's no such

609
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,168
thing as a jinx."

610
00:14:34,209 --> 00:14:35,878
Wish I could.

611
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,130
You were about to achieve

612
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,130
something so beautiful.

613
00:14:38,172 --> 00:14:40,049
Well, thanks to her,

614
00:14:40,090 --> 00:14:42,927
the only thing

615
00:14:40,090 --> 00:14:42,927
that could ruin

616
00:14:40,090 --> 00:14:42,927
a surefire hook-up

617
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:44,136
was about to walk

618
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:44,136
through that door.

619
00:14:48,182 --> 00:14:54,104
A member of

620
00:14:48,182 --> 00:14:54,104
the 2009 World Champion

621
00:14:48,182 --> 00:14:54,104
New York Yankees.

622
00:15:02,196 --> 00:15:04,365
Lily, I'm getting

623
00:15:02,196 --> 00:15:04,365
my own toothbrush.

624
00:15:10,496 --> 00:15:14,124
Well, I guess that's it.

625
00:15:10,496 --> 00:15:14,124
Barney's streak ends at six.

626
00:15:14,166 --> 00:15:17,252
What? Why? Because that

627
00:15:14,166 --> 00:15:17,252
guy with the weird hair

628
00:15:14,166 --> 00:15:17,252
just walked in?

629
00:15:17,294 --> 00:15:22,132
That's Nick Swisher.

630
00:15:17,294 --> 00:15:22,132
He's a New York Yankee.

631
00:15:22,174 --> 00:15:25,427
No normal guy

632
00:15:22,174 --> 00:15:25,427
in New York City can

633
00:15:22,174 --> 00:15:25,427
compete with a Yankee.

634
00:15:25,469 --> 00:15:27,972
And it doesn't even have

635
00:15:25,469 --> 00:15:27,972
to be a current Yankee.

636
00:15:25,469 --> 00:15:27,972
When I first moved here,

637
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,849
I was on a fourth date

638
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,849
with a girl I really liked,

639
00:15:29,891 --> 00:15:32,184
until I got rack-jacked

640
00:15:29,891 --> 00:15:32,184
by Phil Rizzuto.

641
00:15:32,226 --> 00:15:34,937
I was there. Holy cow,

642
00:15:32,226 --> 00:15:34,937
that guy had game.

643
00:15:32,226 --> 00:15:34,937
Mmm-hmm.

644
00:15:34,979 --> 00:15:36,564
No, I'm not seeing it.

645
00:15:36,605 --> 00:15:40,109
Okay, let me try

646
00:15:36,605 --> 00:15:40,109
to Canada this up

647
00:15:36,605 --> 00:15:40,109
for you, eh?

648
00:15:40,150 --> 00:15:42,778
How would you react if

649
00:15:40,150 --> 00:15:42,778
one of those Cachuck guys

650
00:15:42,820 --> 00:15:46,198
with the skates

651
00:15:42,820 --> 00:15:46,198
and the sticks

652
00:15:42,820 --> 00:15:46,198
walked in here?

653
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:50,202
Lily, if one of

654
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:50,202
the Vancouver Canucks

655
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:50,202
walked in here,

656
00:15:50,244 --> 00:15:52,329
my panties would drop

657
00:15:50,244 --> 00:15:52,329
so hard there would be

658
00:15:50,244 --> 00:15:52,329
a hole in the floor

659
00:15:52,371 --> 00:15:53,748
halfway to China.

660
00:15:53,789 --> 00:15:55,207
That's what it's like

661
00:15:53,789 --> 00:15:55,207
with the Yankees.

662
00:15:55,249 --> 00:15:56,542
Barney's screwed.

663
00:15:56,584 --> 00:15:59,169
It's happening. Look.

664
00:15:59,211 --> 00:16:02,339
Hey, wanna come over

665
00:15:59,211 --> 00:16:02,339
and look at my

666
00:15:59,211 --> 00:16:02,339
snow globe collection?

667
00:16:02,381 --> 00:16:04,174
Snow globe collection?

668
00:16:04,216 --> 00:16:05,300
He's throwing

669
00:16:04,216 --> 00:16:05,300
junk out there!

670
00:16:07,887 --> 00:16:09,972
That is Nick Swisher.

671
00:16:11,181 --> 00:16:12,683
Good effort.

672
00:16:11,181 --> 00:16:12,683
Good game. Good game.

673
00:16:12,725 --> 00:16:14,226
Good game.

674
00:16:12,725 --> 00:16:14,226
Good game.

675
00:16:14,268 --> 00:16:15,978
Not good enough.

676
00:16:16,020 --> 00:16:18,188
This whole week

677
00:16:16,020 --> 00:16:18,188
was a waste.

678
00:16:19,774 --> 00:16:22,359
And tomorrow,

679
00:16:19,774 --> 00:16:22,359
I'm gonna get fired.

680
00:16:25,571 --> 00:16:27,698
I'm really sorry, dude.

681
00:16:27,740 --> 00:16:30,701
But for what it's worth,

682
00:16:27,740 --> 00:16:30,701
this week wasn't a waste.

683
00:16:30,743 --> 00:16:33,871
We were all having

684
00:16:30,743 --> 00:16:33,871
a really horrible week

685
00:16:33,913 --> 00:16:35,247
and you took

686
00:16:33,913 --> 00:16:35,247
our minds off it.

687
00:16:35,289 --> 00:16:38,250
Yeah. I had my first

688
00:16:35,289 --> 00:16:38,250
student drop my class.

689
00:16:35,289 --> 00:16:38,250
It sucked.

690
00:16:38,292 --> 00:16:40,836
I met my soul mate

691
00:16:38,292 --> 00:16:40,836
and he never

692
00:16:38,292 --> 00:16:40,836
called me back.

693
00:16:40,878 --> 00:16:45,049
I mean, yet.

694
00:16:40,878 --> 00:16:45,049
He will. He will.

695
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:48,761
We scared off a really

696
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:48,761
great couple just because

697
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:48,761
we share a toothbrush.

698
00:16:48,803 --> 00:16:51,097
You share

699
00:16:48,803 --> 00:16:51,097
a toothbrush!

700
00:16:51,139 --> 00:16:52,264
Well, them and Ted.

701
00:16:52,306 --> 00:16:53,265
What?

702
00:16:53,307 --> 00:16:55,309
Wait a second.

703
00:16:55,350 --> 00:16:58,270
When we were dating

704
00:16:55,350 --> 00:16:58,270
you borrowed that

705
00:16:55,350 --> 00:16:58,270
toothbrush all the time.

706
00:16:58,312 --> 00:17:01,273
Oh, my God.

707
00:17:01,315 --> 00:17:03,692
And that's when

708
00:17:01,315 --> 00:17:03,692
Aunt Lily realized what's

709
00:17:01,315 --> 00:17:03,692
great about sports.

710
00:17:03,734 --> 00:17:06,695
They take your mind

711
00:17:03,734 --> 00:17:06,695
off your troubles,

712
00:17:03,734 --> 00:17:06,695
if only for a moment.

713
00:17:06,737 --> 00:17:09,490
And deep down,

714
00:17:06,737 --> 00:17:09,490
we all needed

715
00:17:06,737 --> 00:17:09,490
that Perfect Week.

716
00:17:12,451 --> 00:17:14,495
The second

717
00:17:12,451 --> 00:17:14,495
she sits down next to

718
00:17:12,451 --> 00:17:14,495
Swisher it's all over.

719
00:17:18,332 --> 00:17:21,169
Wait a minute!

720
00:17:18,332 --> 00:17:21,169
Aldrin's got

721
00:17:18,332 --> 00:17:21,169
a bead on her!

722
00:17:25,881 --> 00:17:30,678
She's running out of room.

723
00:17:25,881 --> 00:17:30,678
She dives, and...

724
00:17:30,719 --> 00:17:32,429
And I have no idea

725
00:17:30,719 --> 00:17:32,429
where she's going

726
00:17:30,719 --> 00:17:32,429
with this.

727
00:17:32,471 --> 00:17:33,889
Oh, my God!

728
00:17:32,471 --> 00:17:33,889
Are you okay?

729
00:17:33,931 --> 00:17:36,684
Yeah. Sorry,

730
00:17:33,931 --> 00:17:36,684
I'm such a klutz.

731
00:17:36,725 --> 00:17:40,312
Oh! Thanks.

732
00:17:36,725 --> 00:17:40,312
I think

733
00:17:36,725 --> 00:17:40,312
I twisted my ankle.

734
00:17:40,354 --> 00:17:41,647
Can you get me some ice?

735
00:17:41,689 --> 00:17:43,315
Of course.

736
00:17:43,357 --> 00:17:47,277
Oh, my God. She did it!

737
00:17:43,357 --> 00:17:47,277
I guess there is no

738
00:17:43,357 --> 00:17:47,277
such thing as a jinx!

739
00:17:52,950 --> 00:17:55,661
Oh, I'll get you

740
00:17:52,950 --> 00:17:55,661
some ice, Lily.

741
00:17:55,703 --> 00:17:58,122
Damn it!

742
00:17:55,703 --> 00:17:58,122
Swisher's back in play.

743
00:17:58,164 --> 00:17:58,998
Swisher's back in play!

744
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,000
Follow me.

745
00:18:01,042 --> 00:18:03,502
Hey, Nick Swisher,

746
00:18:01,042 --> 00:18:03,502
this guy and his wife

747
00:18:01,042 --> 00:18:03,502
share a toothbrush!

748
00:18:05,046 --> 00:18:09,299
So?

749
00:18:05,046 --> 00:18:09,299
So, that's weird, right?

750
00:18:09,341 --> 00:18:11,343
Actually, I think

751
00:18:09,341 --> 00:18:11,343
it's kind of sweet.

752
00:18:11,385 --> 00:18:14,722
In a way, aren't we all

753
00:18:11,385 --> 00:18:14,722
trying to find that

754
00:18:11,385 --> 00:18:14,722
special someone

755
00:18:14,763 --> 00:18:16,724
to share

756
00:18:14,763 --> 00:18:16,724
a toothbrush with?

757
00:18:16,765 --> 00:18:19,643
Excuse me.

758
00:18:16,765 --> 00:18:19,643
Lily, Nick Swisher

759
00:18:16,765 --> 00:18:19,643
thinks we're sweet.

760
00:18:21,103 --> 00:18:24,356
Martini?

761
00:18:24,398 --> 00:18:27,484
We're having a beer

762
00:18:24,398 --> 00:18:27,484
with a New York Yankee.

763
00:18:24,398 --> 00:18:27,484
How cool is that!

764
00:18:27,526 --> 00:18:30,362
Oh! It's amazing.

765
00:18:27,526 --> 00:18:30,362
I totally follow

766
00:18:27,526 --> 00:18:30,362
baseball.

767
00:18:30,404 --> 00:18:32,990
Mookie Wilson,

768
00:18:30,404 --> 00:18:32,990
is that a thing?

769
00:18:33,032 --> 00:18:35,034
Yeah, baseball,

770
00:18:33,032 --> 00:18:35,034
it's amazing.

771
00:18:35,076 --> 00:18:36,911
But I tell you one thing,

772
00:18:35,076 --> 00:18:36,911
it's no hockey.

773
00:18:37,953 --> 00:18:42,374
I live right upstairs.

774
00:18:42,416 --> 00:18:45,377
What do you say

775
00:18:42,416 --> 00:18:45,377
we go back

776
00:18:42,416 --> 00:18:45,377
to my place?

777
00:18:45,419 --> 00:18:49,381
Wow, to be honest,

778
00:18:45,419 --> 00:18:49,381
I don't normally do that,

779
00:18:49,423 --> 00:18:53,427
but I feel a real

780
00:18:49,423 --> 00:18:53,427
connection here,

781
00:18:49,423 --> 00:18:53,427
Seven. Christy.

782
00:18:57,514 --> 00:18:58,515
Please.

783
00:19:02,061 --> 00:19:03,896
I did it!

784
00:19:05,439 --> 00:19:06,941
I did it!

785
00:19:11,445 --> 00:19:15,199
Amazing!

786
00:19:11,445 --> 00:19:15,199
Congratulations on

787
00:19:11,445 --> 00:19:15,199
your Perfect Week.

788
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:17,576
Thanks, Jim.

789
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:17,576
I couldn't have done it

790
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:17,576
without my teammates.

791
00:19:17,618 --> 00:19:19,578
Hey, on to a new topic.

792
00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:21,830
Do you really think

793
00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:21,830
you might get fired today?

794
00:19:24,959 --> 00:19:27,669
Jim, I... I told you

795
00:19:24,959 --> 00:19:27,669
I don't want to talk

796
00:19:24,959 --> 00:19:27,669
about that.

797
00:19:27,711 --> 00:19:30,672
Barney, I'm a figment

798
00:19:27,711 --> 00:19:30,672
of your imagination,

799
00:19:30,714 --> 00:19:33,383
so, apparently, you do.

800
00:19:30,714 --> 00:19:33,383
Think about that.

801
00:19:35,344 --> 00:19:36,887
What a jerk!

802
00:19:36,929 --> 00:19:37,763
You're a jerk.

803
00:19:41,225 --> 00:19:42,392
Mr. Donovan

804
00:19:41,225 --> 00:19:42,392
will see you now.

805
00:19:44,228 --> 00:19:46,855
Stinson, we've

806
00:19:44,228 --> 00:19:46,855
reached a decision.

807
00:19:50,318 --> 00:19:51,401
We're keeping you on.

808
00:19:53,612 --> 00:19:56,448
I know this past week

809
00:19:53,612 --> 00:19:56,448
must've been tough on you.

810
00:19:56,490 --> 00:20:00,452
I barely slept.

811
00:20:00,494 --> 00:20:05,249
Here you go, guys,

812
00:20:00,494 --> 00:20:05,249
the official hat of

813
00:20:00,494 --> 00:20:05,249
Barney's Perfect Week.

814
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:07,793
I was gonna do shirts,

815
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:07,793
but then you have to

816
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:07,793
guess sizes,

817
00:20:07,835 --> 00:20:10,338
and feelings get hurt.

818
00:20:07,835 --> 00:20:10,338
It's a mess.

819
00:20:10,379 --> 00:20:14,675
In commemoration

820
00:20:10,379 --> 00:20:14,675
of Barney's induction

821
00:20:10,379 --> 00:20:14,675
into the Hall of Game,

822
00:20:14,716 --> 00:20:18,304
this tie worn on

823
00:20:14,716 --> 00:20:18,304
the seventh night

824
00:20:14,716 --> 00:20:18,304
of his Perfect Week

825
00:20:18,346 --> 00:20:20,014
is hereby retired.

826
00:20:20,055 --> 00:20:23,392
May Barney's heroic feat

827
00:20:20,055 --> 00:20:23,392
be remembered and spoken of

828
00:20:23,433 --> 00:20:26,478
for generations to come.

829
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,106
I'm totally gonna

830
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,106
sit my kids down

831
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,106
one day,

832
00:20:29,148 --> 00:20:31,984
and tell them about the

833
00:20:29,148 --> 00:20:31,984
time Uncle Barney nailed

834
00:20:29,148 --> 00:20:31,984
seven chicks in a row.

835
00:20:34,362 --> 00:20:36,322
Am I a bad dad?

836
00:20:40,909 --> 00:20:42,786
Take-out order

837
00:20:40,909 --> 00:20:42,786
for Cook Pu.

838
00:20:42,828 --> 00:20:46,290
We have a number two

839
00:20:42,828 --> 00:20:46,290
over here for Cook Pu.

840
00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:48,209
You guys got Wendy

841
00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:48,209
saying it now?

842
00:20:48,250 --> 00:20:51,795
Come on, okay, I get it.

843
00:20:48,250 --> 00:20:51,795
Cook Pu is a stupid name,

844
00:20:51,837 --> 00:20:54,173
and it gets

845
00:20:51,837 --> 00:20:54,173
stupider and stupider

846
00:20:51,837 --> 00:20:54,173
the more you say it.

847
00:20:54,215 --> 00:20:56,008
Cook Pu. Cook Pu. Cook Pu.

848
00:20:56,717 --> 00:20:57,592
Here.

849
00:21:33,587 --> 00:21:34,504
ENGLISH - US - LINE 21